Let No Bannister Go Un-Cobwebbed with Trixie and Katya

Hi Divas, we are going to be doing our final live bald shows of the year. November 9th will be in Tucson, Arizona. That's right, we only go to the desert in the winter. And on November 13th, we'll be in Honolulu. Oh, baby. Get your tickets now at Trixie and Katya.com. I really want to rewatch American Horror Story coming. Mary, we would tear that shit up. We would put our dicks up in there and root around. Not, that is the, that's the overture. I would get in there like Dr. Michael Bonden from Odd Topsy, the HBO series. And I would fucking. Alien O' Topsy. That Garchist would be cleaned, cleaned, cleaned, out. You and I would be standing over it like bultures. Oh, every, Mary, let me tell you about that fucking bag of shows. I hope maybe I know it's too late for Halloween now. Maybe next year we could do a double feature. We could do "Covid Into Apocalypse" because it's both witchy, you know? Yes, but I'm telling you right now, yeah, I have. I'm telling you right now, I don't know that I have the bandwidth, emotionally, physically, spiritually, to handle the Tom Foulery, the bad shittery of that franchise. Oh, I do. Because it is so. You think, I think, like sometimes I think I'm a tweaker, and then I think of the. Sometimes? No, listen, sometimes I think I'm a tweaker. Then I go to the writing of that show and I'm like, oh, no, I have nothing on that motherfucker or that writing room because they are truly twisted up on that poofy tita. Please don't talk about the TV show that I was in. Oh, hey, listen, I'm not talking about the actors. You hate my success, it must eat you up. It does eat me up, I'm twisted up. I'm not talking about the actors, most of whom, many of whom, pretty much all of whom are fantastic. If you want to know what kind of actor I am, I only get cast on things to play myself. Yeah, so you're truly Roberts. So you're truly Roberts. Totally Roberts. Juliana Roberts. She's always herself. Did you watch The Normal Heart? But I'm not talking with Kevin, because so halfway through the season, everybody just can come back from the dead. Yeah, well, it's witch stuff. But there's no key. There's no. The magical framework is established and then dismantled willy nilly. So it kind of like eliminates any tension from a kind of a supernatural series, don't you think? No, because people can just die left and right too. But one day the supreme just kills Emma Roberts. But then she comes back. But then they kill Jamie Brewer and she don't come back. You know what it is. It gives soap opera that they write it in the morning and they shoot it at night. That's what it gives to me. I love it. I love that show. I mean, it's super entertaining. I gotta say, the writing one is one of the worst stinkers ever. Because it starts off so strong, Mary. It starts off so strong. It starts off so country, especially that season. And then it goes like, Stevie Nicks comes and sings a song. I guess, but. Don't you think me? It's like when I'm in the mood for a spicy McChicken, I want a spicy McChicken. And that shows a gorgeous spicy McChicken. But with the supreme enough, it bespoke Cornish hen. You don't even mean. I know exactly where you're talking. I know the analogy you're trying to make. But it doesn't mean that prestige TV is hard to swallow or that it's hard to appear. This show, the writing sucks. It's really bad. See, it's hard to say that. But I love all the actresses and I love all the imagery. The photography is great. It's like the vibes are cool. But story-wise, narrative or narratively, it's like, what the fuck are they smoking up in there? Maybe I have low standards. Well, it's entertaining as fuck. I guess I'm just problematic. Because I guess I celebrate something for what it's good at. No, I love this shit. You know, not so negative. Shut up. You know, I have two high expectations. I have definitely had too high of expectations of COVID. We're way too high because it started off so strong. I mean, I'll admit that it starts off stronger than it maybe ends, but. Every one of those series. And it starts off. Like, most of the series that I've watched, I think I've watched like 80% of them, they're riveting. They're absolutely riveting. And then by the end, I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. It's just so puzzling to me. That's my opinion, though. I like when Miss Thing gets burned up and then they cover in the swamp mud and she comes back to life. Immortal? Oh, yeah. I love when Emma Roberts flips the. Although, I was like, you gotta do more than flipped up. Open the vehicle's horny. Yeah, but you gotta do a little bit more than that. 'Cause that's not a, you know, revenge, that's not an equal kind of corresponding revenge when you just get it. I like when the supreme spits in the glass of water and makes them drink it and then scrambles their minds. I love that, sure. I forgot about that. But see, I love when a strong little woman working together. When Marie Levo and what's her face are in the board room with the ax guy and they just kill everybody, you know? Working together. However, when Kathy Bates is to to capitated head is sitting on the table watching Roots? Sure. It's like, woo. I like. Like who is the pook-tap? I need that pook in a recipe. They're spooky and then there's pookie. And it's two different things. But I like pookie. It's very pookie. I like pookie. Well, yeah, I would take pookie. Brother, this pookie is pookie, which is boring. Like, how about, Marie, this is the opposite. I'll give you this. Prestige HBO drama, The Outsider. Diometrically opposed. This is like tonight on The Outsider. A 20-minute zoom shot of a puddle. Like, it is so boring. It is so the first episode. You are a gratt. You are clutched. But eagle talons on your testes. You are so invested. Jason Bateman coming out of the woods, bloody. All covered in blood in his mouth. It just devoured a child. And then eight episodes later, the action starts to ratchet up. It's just diabolical how slow and boring that fucking series is. So, I would never watch that. You shouldn't. And I would say, if anything, it should have been a movie, not a series. They cancel a thousand pound best friends. So, I feel kind of lost in this world. I thought for sure, we're coming back for a season three. Because it got really good. I think that the longevity of those ladies' lives perhaps is a bit called into question. No, no, no, they started to get good because when people got the surgeries, they started to be mad because at each other, like, you don't celebrate me. Because when one of them gets thin, the other ones get surly. Very jealous. It gets fierce. Also, they add in a man last season. So, it was like a group of women kind of doing Real Housewives style drama with a guy. And he's just sitting there. So, is this issue with his mom? And he's not gay. But he was really fun and cool. I think his name's Scott. His issue was, he was trying to lose weight, but he would like go to the doctor with his mom still. Which, I don't know. I think we need to separate from the mom unit at some point in life. Adult, adult. Which is, just say, for example. Guest of me. Maybe 30. Okay, 30 at the doctor with the mom is low weird. You know, but maybe when it's an extreme health crisis, you do need the parent support. Right. And so, he's like, I'm in really good at my diet. And his mom is sitting there. And his mom is basically like, no, I found two dozen string cheese wrappers in your room yesterday. Work. And he's like, mom. Like it's mom cheese mom. I went to go to sleep over at Brad's house tonight. By the way, shout out to string cheese. I'm sitting at home being like, hell yeah. Oh my god. Hell yeah, string cheese. No, man. What about the Oreo cake stir wrappers? I found all littered around the bed of the person. Those aren't even that good. So I don't even know how you have so many of those. I don't either. I don't either. Also, I don't know. I have a hundred feet. I was a loose change in the floor. Well, what is your, what is your Oreo cake stir? What is your? Let me you carpet this room with wrappers. Maybe baby, baby, baby, baby, let me tell you. Where's your touch fee like that? When I touch fee like this. Red mind. What is it? And the greatest love of all is out shine bars. Out shine bars bitch. You motherfucker. Fag bitch. You big. Yeah. Balls. Baggy bitch. The no sugar. I didn't want to get it. No sugar. No, no, no, no, no, no, a full fat sugar. Mary Tangerine. Grape. Pomegranate. Cherry lime. I like the woman. You want a soft coconut? Oh lime lemon delicious refreshing gorgeous show like showstopping unstoppable show versatility. It's just I mean, outshine could do bomb pops, but bomb pops could never do outshine. You see, I've never even heard of that brand because outshine shines. So much of those. Blue, white and red dog dick looking things. Oh, the rocket ones. Yeah. From the. The truck. They're fine, but outshine out shines them clearly. Right. Um, you don't realize they're delicious. I eat. I have eaten four boxes in a row in one day. Oh, in one sitting fear. Bitch. Mama, when I found out about Miss Pomegranate, I almost nutted right and then then Miss grape followed along and I was like, are you kidding me? It was like, this can't be that. This can't be real. I must be dreaming. I must this. I have full body chose the whole day. Right. And I brought some over to fenas. And when I, like, was putting something together and I looked in the freezer and they weren't there, I must start crying. You can always get more. Well, of course I can, but I got to go. Gelsen's has them. I got to go to Ralph's. I go to Ralph's and I literally just take every single one they have. Is Gelsen's high dollar? Yes. Jennifer coaches. Gelsen is ridiculous. Jennifer coaches recently said to me like, oh, Gelsen's a little rich for my blood and I was like, Gelsen's? Mary, let me tell you about Gelsen's. What could it be? Ten dollars. Yeah, exactly. Is it in pack up? It's like clean? is fuck, it's all the apples are shining in order or whatever. And there's not too many things, kind of like Trader Joe's, but it's like, these are the Tater Tots. There's not 40 brands, this is it. So when you're quick shopping, I do believe there's less options. I'm maybe I disagree a little bit, but it's just like, hey, do you want a $15 muffin? Go to Gelsons. Well, you know what I went to Costco that one time? I bought two dozen onions and spent the whole summer googling how to use them. Work. Why did you buy it? Oh, just 'cause you tried. Just 'cause I was like, you know what? We definitely need you to 24 onions. Tell you what, last time I really killed it. I got, you know that. Wait, I'm not, wait, I just want to say one less thing about Oshayin. Just say it all. I'm sorry, sorry. Oshayin, sponsor. I sponsor maybe your sponsor or not, I will be gobbling up your delicious treats. Yeah, I guess we just told them they don't need a sponsor 'cause we're going to keep on talking about them. And maybe that, you know, they're probably responsible for the assassination of JFK. Who knows, they're probably, every company is problematic. I, I, it has curbed or curtailed or it eclipsed my desire or hunger for dairy ice cream. I don't see her anymore. I know I'll see her in the future, but we're on in a little break. We're in a, what do you call the trial separation? No, I completely get that. I love like a full fat dairy ice cream item. Absolutely. I was not a walk in Milwaukee last week. Walkie and him walkie walk, I'm, I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm ice cream, but it was no sugar, no fat. And I thought that was huge for me. - That is huge for me. That didn't sit there and take one of those 10 gallon buckets of ice cream and fuck myself with it. Do you realize that? - I do. I do fully realize that. I respect it and I applaud it. However, I do, I am suspicious of the nature or the quality of why sugar free and fat free ice cream. - It's a car reduction. - But what is it though? It's a cool exchange. Do you know what I mean? - It's a cool exchange. It's like, I'm gonna do it anyway. - But what is it? - So can we do it more at less hazardous? - Totally, but what is it? - Well, Zanthan gum? - No. - That's a commercial grade stabilizer. I know about ice cream. - She doesn't know about ice cream. - I mean, it's like milk and sugar, it's all it is. - Yeah, I mean, I do love ice cream. It's just-- - What's your favorite ice cream if you could eat it and it never gained a pound? - Girl, yeah, to choose three for the rest of you. - How much time do we have? I love any kind of strawberry cheesecake scenario with the graham cracker salty crust chunks with the strawberry and like the cheesecake flavored ice cream. Do you want the texture? You want the items? You want the crunching? - I love the crunching. - Yeah. Cherry Garcia from Ben and Jerry's. - Now what's in that? - It's cherry ice cream with dark chocolate chunks. - Oh, yeah. - And when they're cold like that, the dark chocolate pieces are thin and they really crackle in your mouth. - Yeah, they'll break them teeth. They'll break the animal energy. - They're the confectory. - And then, I'm gonna say chunky monkey for Ben and Jerry. - Which is? - It's a banana flavored ice cream with chunks of like, I think chocolate and peanut in it. - Okay. - Banana flavored ice cream is a base is really fun. I love banana. - You love a mixed chunk. - I love a mixed chunk. I love a fruity versus a crunchy something. - Oh, you love a conflict in the mouth. - Yes. How about you? - I would have to say black raspberry. - Is the raspberry, is the ice cream? - So this is like a, the black raspberry is kind of like a, is like a not very accurate because it's the purple kind. - I know what you're talking about. It is purple. - It's, but it's not. - Round is very. - It's, well, different places call it different things. - You know what, when you see it, like pornography. (laughs) - I like, oh fuck, see, I would just go chocolate, chocolate, chocolate chip, and then fucking butter pecan. Literally, that's, it's just like straight up. - 395 years old. - 116. And then I have golden, a worth of original chuees in my desk drawer. - When I used to work at the, - Stocked. - When I used to work at the ice cream place, we would see people coming and we would profile them 'cause people you can tell what they're gonna get. It would be like, old people would be like, oh, here comes butter pecan and maple nut. - Damn. - Love it. - What about its salt and straw? Here comes Thanksgiving turkey. Here comes Dracula blood. - Well, love that. But usually they're not serving ice cream in the fall up north where I worked. - Oh, they're not. - Summer programs, summer shows, summer things. - Oh, right, yeah. - But then people will come, every kid's and you'd be like, oh, that's gonna be blue moon. - Do you fuck with a mint chocolate chip? - Of course, of course. - How about a honey lavender? - Mint chocolate chip is like toothpaste, like fuck ass cousin, polyamorous cousin, just getting blown out. - I don't do cookie dough ice cream. - I don't much care for it either. - I don't do peanut butter ice cream. - Yeah, I wouldn't say I would ever choose that either. And then sometimes you would pick like, you see people coming and you'd be like, oh, brownie, anything with a brownie? - Oh, yeah, like a brownie. - Chalk the French brownie. - Love. - Love. - Caramel. - Well, this isn't really helping my diet press to sit here and talk about these things for you. - Thank you. - But we can just get it out so you get inside of your system. (upbeat music) Let's talk about, oh, I, so I wanna give you a, I wanna give you a pull-up bar. This is riveting conversation for the people at home in the car or whatever. I wanna give you a pull-up bar that, I just wanna make sure you have a door jam. - A frame. - In my antique home, you want me to tear it up? - No, not in the studio. - In the studio. Do you have one of those things that's like a molding? - Do you think I'm gonna go to my drag studio to use the pull-up bar? - Yeah. - Not your drag studio, your guest house, I'm sorry. - Oh, the guest house, yeah, yeah. - Maybe in the guest house. - Yeah. - 'Cause that's like newer than the home. - It's gotta have one of those that'll, - Yeah, frame, right? That you could just, - Yeah. - That's where I keep all my workouts up anyway. - Perfect. - I'm gonna install that today. Whether you like it or not. - Do you believe in Halloween decorations? - I absolutely believe they exist. I mean, this is the year that I go the fuck off on my house with these Halloween decorations. - Okay, now what exactly is that gonna mean? Because I'm a little concerned. - Well, you know, I go the fuck off for Christmas. - Yeah, but that's like, that's much, okay. - Yes. - So my house is very old and spooky and dark. - What about cobwebs? Those cotton cobwebs, I wish. - Of course. - I think I'm gonna do them on the banisters and the stairs. - How I've never in my life seen them look artful. - But that's not gonna stop me. - It looks like cotton candy. - Like cotton candy. - Your limited scope of what's possible isn't gonna cap my possibility of my joy. - I have a very broad scope of what's possible. I'm a great Halloween haunted house enjoyer. - But you don't even have spider, I know spiders. My best friends are spiders, I know about webs. - I just, oh, wait, don't tell me, we gotta talk about things on the floor. - Is that the thing? - I'm not gonna bite off spider culture without probably going to a spider-owned business. Like, you know what I mean? - Yeah, talk to Spider-Man. - Go straight to the Spider-Man. My dermatologist, Lauren Spider-Man. - Spider-Man, Spider-Man. - I've been really into Spider-Man as the last name. - Is it great. What about Spachemmon? Dr. Spachemmon, Dr. Spachemmon. - Spachemmon. (laughing) - Spachemmon. - It's good. - I've been really thinking about this year, my house, it just needs a little push to be, not just a little witching, but you need the 80s foot skeleton in the front yard. - The balcony. What about the balcony? - Oh, baby. It's a whole scene up there. It's a whole monster-mash kind of scenario. - What do you think about the guest bathroom downstairs? What about you walk in skeleton in the shower with towel on the head and towel wrapped around. - Screaming. - Screaming. - And then you try to flush the toilet blood comes up, like shooting up into the ceiling. - That could be messy. - It's Halloween. - My house is just old and spooky. It just, I think you have to go, you have to go witchy. You can't do. - It's all about, it's jackaliners and lighting. - It's jackaliners and lighting. You can't do like, my house is not gonna be, you know what I really hate? The flattened witch that looks like it hit a wall with the arms and legs straight out. - Oh, I don't know her. - I don't think I wanna know her. - Oh, it's a fucking dumbest thing girl. - Unless you have one good for you at home, but which is not a crash of my house. - I think that Halloween tacky is a lot worse than Christmas tacky for some reason, 'cause it's like, also, when you put up the Halloween, you gotta take it down after November. - November first. - November first. - Yeah, November first has gotta come down. - But that's why I believe that you have to start the decorations early too. - Before October? I was gonna start this month. - Yeah, why not? It's fall. Do you have to do, wait 'til the fall, the terminal equinox? - I gotta wait for the leaves to start to turn in Los Angeles. - I was gonna say, I was gonna say wait for the leaves to turn, but I realize we live in California. - Oh, it's a horrible time to live in LA. Let me tell you what, Marianne, it's a horrible time to live in LA, the fall. - It's always a hard time to live in LA. - Yeah, but, oh, come on, please. The winter, I have a hair in my mouth. The fall, even in Boston, New York, magic, magic, damn. - Don't you think? - Yeah. - I don't think it's ever magical to live in Los Angeles. I don't wanna be a hater. - You don't think the winter, mama, you don't think around February 12th. It's not delightful to walk out of the city as people, you know, hitting pause on the weather for three months. - Right. - You know, the reason I decided to set up shop in this shit ass bucket fuckhole of a town is for its weather. - Oh, I don't prefer winter. I'm not going in Milwaukee. I say goodbye to everyone about Halloween, and I say, I'll say goodbye to everyone. to see you new year maybe for like a day, but I'm not doing no. No, girl, when I got caught in that, that the gridlock moment, the gridlock crisis of Boston, year, whatever the fuck it was, when we were all in traffic. That's the gridlock crisis. It was the gridlock crisis during a snow storm, a major snow storm took me eight hours to drive two miles. Boo, had to get gas, had to get gas. I'm not kidding, we were, the city and the schools and the businesses all released at the exact same time. It was like, everybody in Boston will know about it. I think it was on 2016, '15, whenever I, before I moved. It was the winter running out of gas in the street. Yeah, I had to go, I had to go, like, some people were pushing their cars in the gas station. That's like the people trying to get into Coachella and running out of gas and shitting on this out of the road. Well, that's different. If you're shitting this snow, nobody can see that. But I think at Burning Man, once they're, and they start shitting on the road, trying to get into it, they're like, we were gonna do this anyway. They're like, oh my God, someone passed out shitting. Party started early. Do you think that those people get truly pebble and cold dust up their pussy? You should ask Miss Thing over here, 'cause she didn't attend. When you go to, Nick, Nick was just there. When you go to suck cock on day eight of that, do you just know that it's gonna be a slim gym? It's gonna be gravely. You're gonna pull back the, you're gonna pull back the foreskin. It's gonna be sheathed in Margarine. And you're just gonna say, sure. Margarine, unless you're blowing out the back too. A lester? (laughing) You know why I'm in spooky mode? I started watching horror movies like a month ago. Okay, look at what? Just the Criterion Collection per me. You have the Criterion Collection? No, per me. Oh, okay. My own Criterion Collection. Can I make a suggestion that's on the Criterion Collection? Yeah, sure. The Devils by Ken Russell. Oh, what's it about? Baby. What year's that? 71 maybe? I'm not sure. What's it about? I'm gonna send you the trailer and you will gag. But you won't tell me now. No, it's about, it's during the plague, I believe, the church. I think a nun gets some rotor rooted with a motorized dildo. What? Baby, the imagery is off the chain. Ken Russell, I did like a little feature, I watched a feature read on him. He did the Tommy, the rock musical, the rock opera with Ann Margaret and the Beans. One of my favorite movies. Yeah, it was groundbreaking too, because there'd never been a rock opera like that before. Yeah, Ken Russell. Incredibly? Oh yeah, Mary, hey, fucking too. The way that I want to recreate that bean scene with black sludge for black diarrhea. Oh my, I never talked about this. I love that fucking movie. Yeah, you're gonna love, I'll send you a list. There, he's on, it's on the criterion collection, criterion channel, or whatever it is now. And I can't wait to watch it, the Devils. That Tina Turner asset queen number is the best shit I've ever seen. The Tina Turner asset queen number. I will jump, say asset queen. It's crazy. It's amazing. I mean, it's like being commercials crazy. The being commercial is nuts. What's the white carpet? Girl. It's shooting, just, and then she has, and then she's on the bed where there's like the long pillow and she's like, gradually, she's rolling slowly. It's fierce. When she's going. Oh, with the hair, yeah. I was like, why is that me? Why is that me? It's full of you. Ann Margaret is so close. Oh, John and the big stack shoes. The giant. Ken Russell, this motherfucker's got a vision like nobody else. Also, the church where they all worship Maryland. They're getting in the masks. It's so kind, right? It's fucking great. It's incredible. It's, I highly recommend it. But the Devils with Vanessa Redgrave, that's on my list, watch next. I want to talk to you about something that is also diabolical speaking of Devils. Tripping on stuff that I put in the floor. Have you ever, have you ever, I've never tripped. (laughing) You know, when a RuPaul, she constantly talks about self-sabotage in your inner saboteur. She talking about kettlebells and shit on the floor. She's talking to Mary, she's talking about everything on the floor that I put there. I, so just, for example, a water bottle, a shoe, a weight, a piece of paper, anything. Anything that I pick up from one place and for whatever reason I put in the floor, I am guaranteed to step on it or kick it. The next time I enter that room, and I never fucking learn. And it's driving me up. What if I get you some pylons for the home? What is that? Orange cones. But I, they'd have to be so high though. They'd have to be so high because I don't look down. I got my, I got my eyes on the road. I'm looking up, I'm looking forward. That's about it. Got it. What if we hire some young men, maybe hot, to be in the home and kind of the stop and slow, kind of signs like threat like. Or I stop being like a fucking moron and just don't put stuff on the floor. Do you realize how many bottles of lube I have kicked over and then imagine? Well, I'm surprised there's any left. It's crazy. Well, here's what you need to do. You need to adapt my posture and you'll always be looking at the floor and you will never step your tongue anything. Yeah, the problem is I'm always like super erect like this. Yeah. Love that. Yeah, the films I watched. Okay, wait, the last thing. The little miniature car. Oh, very home alone. You just set up movie traps in your own home. And I do, though, for myself inadvertently. It's so pathetic. Listen, some days you're a Kevin, some days you're a Marv. Okay. I didn't mean to talk about Halloween, but they got this Halloween candy. Oh, also talking pumpkin is a must. A must. Gotta have a talking pumpkin. It's magic. Do you think it's in Spanish? I want to try to do witchy, but not doing cringe, Millennial, Hocus Pocus Harry Potter core. Does that make sense? I'm trying to explain more crystal, crystal, well, go back with that. You have your house decorated for crystal all year. All you need is some pipes. And I keep tripping on things like glass pipes, hot glass pipes. I have so many torches. I know they're good. It's terrible, terrible. It's terrible. Yeah. You haven't mentioned how lovely my hair looks today, but I'll find it's fine. I'm getting into it after the pod. This is one of my second time seeing it. We're going to do it after the pod. I'm a little like a beautiful commanding. Thank you. It's commanding of the space. It's she's, she doesn't, she's not, she doesn't shrink under scrutiny. No, actually, she asserts herself. You being this tan to your eyes look super blue. I, yeah, I guess I'm color blind, because I think they look either green, but I guess I'll trust everybody else's judgment. You look like the front woman for a lesbian band. I know. I look like I am co-producer of The Little Fair, for sure. Yeah. Or maybe just a, a PA, yeah. Two years in a row, though. Yeah. So. Oh, so movies. I've been trying to watch the classics. So I watched one of my personal classics, I guess. So I watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Did you like that movie? I do like it. I just, it kind of is a slow burn. So much of the first half of it is just the, the group and nothing's really happened yet, the sibling relationship. But when it kicks off, when the other face tears open that door, grabs that fucking guy and closes the wall back up, you're like, oh shit, this is lifting off. Yeah. I mean, it's certainly, that is a fucking scary, as a scary house and a scary man to, to be pursued by. And the performance, the Maryland I believe her name is, the main girl who like makes it on the back of the truck at the end. - It's turned. - Is it really? - Historically screaming. Watch Halloween. - So, okay. - So original with Janie Lee Kerman. - So that's funny. So it's just interesting because I don't care for that franchise whatsoever. And I'm curious, like, and I'm not trying to be a hater, I swear to God, I'm really not. 'Cause I like some things that are so fucking wack. But like, like, what do you like about it? Also, no, who stabs like this? - Me. - No, but like, I was like, a car, like a director, wouldn't they'd realize that you don't move like that? - Yeah, that's true. - Like, it's a very strange detail that didn't catch until the most recent time I've viewed it. And it's a very weird error by a director who's pretty brilliant, you know? But yeah, I like the, like, - There's like a lingering, someone's watching. - The bushings? - Yes. - Mama, that bushing is. Part where she sees him in the backyard with the sheets. - Oh, it's, yeah. It's like-- - I like how long it takes for her to even see him. - The daytime stuff is terrifying. - Yeah, I like how long it takes for it to even see him. - And then that, of course, that incredible app controlled loved that. - Wild. - Love the doctor, just talking about how evil he is. - Yeah. - He has a lot of build up. I don't ever love in those old movies the moment where the final girl walks into a room and everyone who's dead is in one room. I don't ever love that. - Wait, what is that? - It happens in, like, Friday the 13th. It happens in this where she, like, all of a sudden at the end while she's running from the killer, I ran into my dead friend's body. Oh, I stepped over her dead body. - Oh, wait. - Her realizing everyone's dead. - I guess it's a good way to level up the, oh my god, everyone's dead. - Yeah. - But watch that. Watch every scream in a row. - Oh wow, how many are there? - One, two, three, four, five, I think six. Rose McGowan deserved better. Sorry. That garage door thing was such a boogie. Like, it's such a myth. - It's so iconic. - It's iconic. - But it's gory, scared the shit out of me. - I thought it was from a scary movie the first time I saw it. - No, I think it's, you don't think that's scary? - No, I don't think it's, I don't think it's scary at all and I don't think it's very, well, I don't think it's like, gory enough either. - Well, you're never gonna die that way, honey, 'cause that garage door can't pick your big ass out. (laughs) - Okay. - I wouldn't be able to fit my huge head through that thing with his wig like. - No, but I mean, like, I wanted her to be - That's how Jimbo would die in like her boobs. - Her big boobs. - But like, I wanted a world where she, where somehow he like undid the whole mechanism and then the thing went and sliced her in half. You know what I mean? Something like that. A guillotine type of moment. - There's a part in scream, or drilder eyes out with, he's in the garage, you know? Grab something. What's a part in scream for with this girl is trying to crawl out of the garage door and he closes it on her. - But does she get, but back breaking. Come on, you just need to go to the chiropractor. What about, um, does she get like, actually physically bifurcated? - No. - There's like a crunch noise. - Yeah. - When you hear that crunch. - But you get that crunch. - What else did I want? - What's your favorite kill if you had to, or top three favorite kills in those movies? - In those filums? - I like it when the cold opened with Anna Pac-win and what's her name and then it's kind of meta. - Oh yeah, that's fun. - That's fun. Love any name like Marnie, that type of shit. There's a girl in that name, Marnie. - Marnie, Marnie. - You know what I mean? - With love of what would that mean? - Is that a kill it, with just the name Marnie. - For like a young girl. It's like, okay, you know? I wish that in horror movies, everyone had more interesting names 'cause it is scary when you're like, "Cindy, this isn't funny." - But I wish it was like, everybody had funky wild names. But I guess now, like in the future, it would be like, "Mick Braylon." - Yeah. - Would I leave Thia? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Actual names. Stop at Leviticus, this isn't funny. - I'm sorry, but Leviticus is a country, country name. Also, all the Latin, the classical Latin names for the seven deadly sins, they eat gula. Love that, Miss Gula. This is my daughter Gula. - Gula. - My sister Acadia. This is, what's it called? Luxuria, love her. - Luxuria. - Luxuria. - I don't know what you're talking about. - So I'm talking about the seven deadly sins in their Latin names, like lust is Luxuria or greed is Averitia, or Averitia. It's like, they're all sound like really funky fun names. Gula? - Gula's kind of wild. Gula, what is the other one? Superbia? - Love that. - Superbia. Actually, they sound like car names. Do the Honda Superbia or the Subaru Gula? - The Subaru Gula. Something very Texas chainsaw happened to me when I got to Milwaukee. I have something crazy that happened to me. Someone kind of tried to cut your face off? - No, I got to Milwaukee. And I was like, that's weird. The lights, if I part my condor off. Oh, that's weird. The thermostat is off. Oh no, the electricity's off. Mind you, I haven't been there since December 30th and there was frozen pizzas and link cuisines in the freezer. So I was like a movie where I realized if X and Y, then Z. So like I creep to the fridge, I open it. The refrigerator's kind of gross 'cause it's just stagnant air. The freezer, larva, pupa, dripping from the, like aliens, flies coming out. Little like a bluish yellow, like bugs in the freezer. I step away. Thank God for Airbnb. I go on the Airbnb app. I have an Airbnb down the street in 20 minutes. It was 5.30, I was in an Airbnb by six. Thank God, that was fucking hell. So then I plan my attacks. The next day I go back, I call we energies in Milwaukee. Shout out to we energies and I'm gonna let you know what these bitches tried to do to me. So I call the building, the electricians like, oh, it's gotta be just your unit because all the energy in the building is working. Your neighbors, everyone else, the hallway. Call we energies. So I call we energies. I go, hi, it's me and they go, yeah. When did you buy the unit? I said 2020 and they said, oh, well, and I said I thought it was included in the building 'cause my, you've never paid an electric bill on the whole condo since 2020. No. So my fears, so my feet, my air conditioning and my water are all included. So I thought all things were included, right? All inclusive, like Jamaica sandals. Right, I thought I was on like a sandals Jamaica, all inclusive, fluid and reasonable. It's very reasonable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So condos are like cruises. Right, so I go, well, whatever. And she goes, well, this is a secure line, but this is a recorded line and you said that you bought it in 2020. So we are gonna have to back charge you. And I said, wait a minute. I said, I'm glad this is a recorded line 'cause I need you to hear this. So you will know, and you're told to me some day now. My primary residence is blank blank blank. And I was like, I don't know, papers. She was like, well, looks like those electricity used. And I said, by who? There were no sparks from when I threw my baton into the air. Yeah, I was just like, I was like, I'm not paying that. Also, where was my contract that I pay you that? What are you talking about? Where was the bill there? So I guess I did get five years of free energy, so shout out to that. But where's the bill? Well, now I'm proud. At the end of the call, they go, and would you say that your experience with the energy is a satisfactory? I said, well, this is my first day being a customer. So I guess we'll see TBD bitch. I go, okay, now that the energy's on, I'm going to turn up the fridge in the freezer overnight. And when I come back, all those bugs will be dead. So instead of fighting live flies and bugs, I came back and they were all dead. So it was a lot better to clean up. And after I deep scrubbed and cleaned it and bleached it and deodorized it, it's like brand new. You can make sure you spread it out of those bugs. What? You can make high protein banana bread out of them. I won't be doing that. So then, so then, now this has been happening for a while. Like two years ago, my stove went out at that apartment, but I haven't been there. And to get it on plants delivered, you need to be there for like a week, 'cause you know, with windows, we're going to be there from between 12 a.m. and 12 p.m. That's a good shit. From Tuesday to Tuesday, yeah. So I also need a washer and dryer, 'cause the dryer went out recently. So I was like, this is the trip where I'm going to get this all taken care of. Okay. And I have so much best by rewards coming to me to make your head fuckin' spin, right? So I buy, go down to Best Buy. I take pictures of all the appliances, and this guy helps me. And I always love to go to Best Buy. Love Best Buy. I love the possibility. He will catch me buying things. He will catch you walking through the fake kitchens, just turning knobs. I love it. - Bring in my, bring in frozen pizza that I've put it in the oven. - Yes, I love the fake kitchens. Same as seeing them in Best Buy. - Well, don't get me started on Home Depot, baby. - Love it. I walk into those of fridges and then just chill for a second. Hell yeah. So I'm like, I go to Best Buy. I get to say, they're delivery, delivery by the way for them to bring your appliances and take the old ones is only $39, which I think is a pretty good deal. In fact, that they're going to take away the old ones. - Where's the scam? - Well, I'm going to let you know. - Because that sounds too good to be true, baby. - So the people come to hook up the appliances and I'm sitting there eating my subway, right? - Yeah, with your wedding wearing, satin shameys, hard nipples, but I don't think so. - I think it's more like a truly a Bugs Bunny T-shirt. - Bugs Bunny T-shirt, no pants, no pants. And I'm drinking a Celsius. And the moving guy goes, do you have another one of those? And I said, no. - Oh yeah, I just got a fridge working for a beverage and you didn't offer them one. - That's such interesting. - So they bring the stove and they go, we can't take it because the hookup behind your stove is a hookup for a washer and dryer. And the hookup behind your washer and dryer is for a stove. And that's why both appliances shorted out. - They've got all sorts of witcheroo freaky Friday. - So then I had to call on a electrician to come swap out both things. - Damn. - And then now they just got a Texan Best by yesterday saying, we need you to schedule your pickup now that you fixed it. 'Cause they're gonna come get it. - But couldn't you, I mean, couldn't you have just, like, made a deal with, put your clothes on the oven and put your food in the washer. - Right, I'd be like, I guess, I was not pissed off but I was like kind of annoyed. 'Cause I made, I was there more walking for a week. So I was like, this is my trip to get this all squared away. And then instead of getting fixed, they were like, Best Buy is like, we need another week to discover to do another delivery and I was like, oh God. - Mama. - Hostage. - Hostage. - There's another horror movie. Give me another horror movie. Well, I watched-- - You can't on the Friday the 13th. - I love Friday the 13th. - You too. - I do the first second of Friday love. - Why? - I like it. I like the campground shit. - I like the campground shit. I also watched, I know what you did last summer. - Oh, the new new? - No, the old one. - Okay. - And I would Jennifer love huge tickets. - I didn't like it as much as I remember liking it. - Yeah. - Did you know it was a mystery novel? - I mean, it certainly begs the question, a question. So it is mysterious. - I thought I was gonna go see the new one. So I was prepping by watching the old one. And then I just, seeing the old one with fresh eyes, I was like, it doesn't eat the way I remember it eating for me personally. - Yeah. - The second one has Brandy and Jack Blacks. Maybe that's the superior one. - I don't know. It just seems like it kind of like a toothless, like nothing kind of a movie. - We watched the barbarian. - Yeah, and then fucking weapons, man. - Yeah, watch weapons. - God, I love Gladys. I just can't get enough of her. - But I just feel like-- - We just see a bring her back. - What? - Did you see a bring her back? - Yes. - Bring her back was country. We talked about this. - I know, I'm sorry. - Lizard brain. - I just worry, and I love everyone. I always worry about a certain costume of the year. - The Ku Kluxk. - And the shit out of me. - Oh, the minute I saw-- The minute she was introduced, I'm not joking. I'm not joking. The minute she was introduced and she performed the first spell, I was like, well. - It's over. - Here it is. Gladys is the Halloween diva. And it's already started. I just mean, if we're gonna do it, let's do it with some dignity. - And you better have 25 kids. It's tracing you all around the neighborhood. - Thank you, great group costume. - Glass broken in every household within a five mile radius. - That's what I wanna see. And I'll be the bitch in the night gown with the two little braids. That'll be that kind of gladus. - I just always want people to bring it. - Yeah, no, I know. And nobody ever does so. - It's gonna be a lot of group costumes of that, I think. - Well, what about that fucking year where everybody was the lost or the stuck Chilean miners? That wasn't such poor taste. - What? - Yes! Remember that? - Remember all the Chilean miners that were stuck for so long and everybody like dressed up as them? It was like so crazy. - Were we in some kind of show where I had a joke, Chilean miners? Trixing cut your life. Turns out they were all over 18. - Yes. - That's, that, that's what it was. - Times changed people, James. - Wasn't a good joke then. Wasn't a good joke now. Willing to risk it all for a shitty joke. That's comedy. - While I was in Milwaukee, I also, I was driving by, it was like a movie. It was August 31st, I think, 29th. And I was driving by a billboard that said, Joan Jett and the Black Hearts and Billy Idol at the American Family Amphitheater on Sunday. And I was like, holy shit. - You could go. - Of course I went. I called up Gucci and Val. I say, get a sitter for the kids. You're coming out. 'Cause Gucci loves Joan Jett and the Black Hearts. And so do I. - Who does that? - And my first pride, I ever went to. Gucci took me when I was 15 to see Joan Jett. Gucci. And I was, and that was 20 years ago now. 35 to 15. And so I said, oh my God, Gucci. We're going to see Joan Jett and the Black Hearts. I'm a gay man, you're a gay woman. And you took me to see Joan Jett. And we're gonna see her again in Milwaukee 20 years later. Oh, I just love you so much. I'm so happy. And Gucci goes, yeah, I've seen her a bunch of times. Love. - Love. - She took your big ball of enthusiasm and just. - Me and my family have this relationship. A little time will go by and I'll go, you know what? Family, love, meaning, and I'll put my hand out and they'll go, and then I go, oh, fuck. I should have known that a little time will go by. And I'll go, Christmas is magical. What do you mean you should all go to, you know, and then it's cyclical. - You're like, you're hanging from the, you're hanging from the cliff and then you put that other arm up and they've just like walked away, yeah. But they did come and my mom, you know, my mom is ADA. And so I was like, do you want the ADA seating? So you can sit the whole time, but it's further to the back. - Sorry, what does that stand for? I'm so stupid. - American Disability Act. - Oh, gotcha, okay. So I was like, would you like the ADA seating, but it's a little further back, but it's a little higher so people who have to sit the whole time, 'cause rock concerts, people stand. - They do. - Or would you rather sit and like, I was like, they got these fierce tickets, fourth row tickets, only a hundred and ten dollars. - Are you fucking kidding me? - I was like, where are they playing? - American Family Amphitheater in Milwaukee. - Oh, in Milwaukee? - Yes. - And if it was in LA, they'd probably be able to eat 50. - Oh my God. To sit in the nosebleeds at Katy Perry, they just drain your bank account. - Oh my God, don't get me started. - So we get there and Val's, she's ready, right? She took her good pain pill, she's on her edible, she's getting the tequila, she's going off, right? - She's three, she's to the winner. - She's not gonna feel that knee pain today. She said, oh, she's doing the duggy and the stinky leg. - Oh yeah, we went to play pool. I haven't played pool with my mom in so long. - Whoopped my ass. - Oh that makes me so happy. - She just threw the cue ball ready to go face. - I just, I think her arthritis has been doing better 'cause she was very active and I was like, good for her. - I forgot that you really eat at this. And Guch goes, yeah, she hasn't played a wall either. - Oh, I was like, damn. - That rusty bitch smoked you. - Right, so we're at the concert and it's, you know, us sitting there and it was perfect. Park, sit down, soon as it sit down, show starts. - Oh, baby, I'm on a bone, a bone, a bone, a pre-com in my boner. - No waiting, no waiting. - Oh that's shit. - Val is really high on her gummy. So she's like, I have a dry mouth. Do you have anything? So I have some Swedish fish and I give them to her. And then she sees two other edible like marijuana gummies in the bottom of the Swedish fish 'cause you know, I'm always packing. And she goes, are those edible? Somebody says, I said, no. Did you want something to drink? And she goes, I'll have a tequila soda and Guch go. - Ms. Val goes, she goes all the way up. - But you know what? She's in the prime of her life. She's in her golden years. And she's had a glock concert. - So the prime of her life in her golden years are two very different stages. - Why? - The golden. - The golden match point. - The golden prime of her life. - Right, she's in the golden prime of her life. And Guch loves Joan Jett and so do I. So we're losing it. Guch is, I'm screaming the word. - Oh yeah. - I love Joan Jett. - What's the demographic around you? Old. And I actually hope that everyone was gonna be so old that they would sit. And Guch is like, no, no. Everyone's gonna stay put. But what I saw B-52 is a lot of my favorite concerts are a lot older people. These old people tear up. Their body gets reanimated. - Yeah. - You know the music is life. - Music is life. - Yeah. Joan Jett was incredible. She was so awesome. And I've seen her twice now. It's like, damn, 20 years ago I love the shit. Today I love the shit. You eat. And you know her political affiliation. She's very blue and very loud. And lesbian and queer and fierce. And I just love her. And also her and Billy Idol, even though it's like old white people in the audience, they are rock music and freedom. And they represent, you know, stick it to the man shit. It's also a nice environment to be surrounded by old white people and actually not feel. - Like you're at an A-pack function? - Yes. I was like, these people can hang. And also I like seeing some of these older gals in the audience who put on like the leather mini skirts and of course it's and stuff. And look great. - The bangers sisters. - Not even like a funny way. Like look great. - Yeah. - Destroyed. - Especially in, uh, you're in Milwaukee, but it's gonna say especially in LA, I love that shit. - Biker chicks. - Love. Gorgeous like a heavy makeup with like, like not curtain bangs like new trend. Curtain bangs they've had for 40 years. - Like the ones that go boop and boop. - Yes. - I love that shit. - It was so good. It was so good. The music is so good that I'm listening to her. I'm like, she's in her 60s. I'm like, she sounds perfect. She gets tar playing in her 60s, that's all. - She's, but she was awesome. - Well, the runaways, she was 15 I believe. - Wow. - In the runaways, the band that Joan Jat and Shuri Curry were in, they were like 15, 14. - Traveling the world, their parents, MIA. Well, they're all just doing drugs, traveling. - Latch key kids, just stroking it. And did you, can you check to see if she had, if I love rock and roll was a number one during 1982, I believe it was. - I think I've told this before, 27 record labels passed on a love rock and roll. They all said it's not a hit. - Well, there could be 27 record labels in the game. - Right. - You know, I love, I mean, listen, rock and roll. I was born to love it, fierce. And also get physical by living in Johnny. I think it was the longest number one, I don't know. - She, but you loved it, she eats, she slapped. - She was so good. - She's doing it. - I mean, it's like, cherry bomb, bad reputation. Do you want to touch me? - Cherry bomb is an encover. - Oh, you did it on Drag Race. - Such a good song. - It's, I was so good. - Such a good, that's a banger. - The only thing is there was one part where she was like, talked a little bit about America. And she's like, I have something I want to read. And she pulled out, sorry, Bible. - Something from Abraham Lincoln, I think. And it was very, the people are for the people by the people, whatever that is. - She pulled out the fucking thing. - But, I also was like, I was waiting for her to tell all these old white people, like, I'm queer. And if you're here and you're not like, liberal a little bit, you don't get to come here and vault your on my talent. You fucking pimply fucks, you know? But it was very bipartisan. And so she said something very like, for the people by the people, and the guy next to me yelled, amen. And I was like, I don't think she's saying what you think she's saying. But I know why if you have probably a lot of older fans, you probably have to take the dolly partner out where you say things like, I believe all people should be treated. - All lives matter. - Yes. And the big superstars, the Beyoncé's and stuff, they do take that sort of, trying to bring the kids together. - Yes. - And I'm okay with that. I don't need everything to be a spit in the face. - No, but I think it also depends on the particular artist. I think Beyoncé is less, she's, she's definitely gets way more political in her imagery and stuff, but dolly partner. - For sure. - There's always been about love. - For sure. - Dolly partner is always, she's like, she's like the real RuPaul, like everybody say love. That's like dolly partner's thing. And she's never straight from it. - People have been critical of Joan Jett in the past about like, I was reading this on her work of media, people had said that she like, groups would be like, if you really were looking out for the gay community, you would be more vocal about being a lesbian. And she was like, how am I not projecting that I'm a lesbian? - Yeah. - What part of this? - Is there any ambiguity about the silhouettes on the mud flaps of my truck? - She's like, I'm in my leather pants, sitting about my love for girls. I don't know what you want. - At the front of the Dyke March, I pride, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - And then Bailey Idol came out. And I love Bailey Idol. And I was, go ahead, sorry. - I didn't know what I would think of the live program. 'Cause you know, these artists are getting up there. - Well, I saw Iggy Popped in live and I was like, woof. - Yeah. These are actually getting up there. And I'm very, by the way, if you're an older artist, I do not expect you to perform like you were 20. I'm open and willing and able, right? I'm a safe space. Bailey Idol did not come out there, no walker or nothing. This fucker came out there, shirt open, body, it appeared in what he takes the shirt off and throws it in the audience. I mean, singing hot in the city, rebel y'all all that. He was so good. The visuals were so good. He worked me out so fiercely. And I love him because, you know, he got some of his punk rock start in like gay clubs and stuff. He was so conty. He was so hot. - How long does it take? - I've never thought he was hot. I was jerking it. - Oh, 69. - 69. - He was amazing. He was amazing. He was so sexy. He was singing with like his fists like this. And like the guitar player Steven Stevens would play all these crazy guitar legs. And Billy, I don't stand there and do this. (laughing) - I mean, that white wedding song, maybe. - Did you play that one? Of course you did. - Yes, it was, I mean, he was so incredible. Do you know he's never married? Good for him. - I think if you have a song called White Wedding, you're like, we can't. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I appreciate it. Katie Perry would do it. - There's my upper day song. - Maybe she'll also do a divorce song. - That's right. (laughing) - Anyway, well, it was great. Shout out to Billy, I don't angel jet. It was amazing. - Shout out to performers who are in their AARP and beyond years still turning and booking and giving the children everything they want on stage. - It was incredible. - Yeah. - Talent is talent. - Wait, one last thing, quick thought. It was, oh. - I almost, I would like spent five minutes while I was in the waiting room with Fiona to compose a tweet that was so unnecessary and not called for, it was about yoga. I just want to share this very briefly. For the people at home and for the yoga teachers, we're talking about detoxification through sweat. - Is it fake? - Yes, mama. The only thing that happens in 110 degree heated room where you're vigorously stretching is dehydration. When you sweat to regulate body temperature, that's it, point blank period. And what's in your sweat is 99% water. There's some minerals like calcium, there's salt, they're very, the amount of heavy metals or toxic material is so minuscule, is so minuscule as to make absolutely no difference for your overall health. So what you're doing in those big from yoga classes or whatever, those hot power yoga classes, you're just stretching in a super fucking hot room for no reason. - Can I ask you because I have two points of view, which is Brandon, who loves hot yoga, tells me how much he loves it. I mean, I used to love it too. - And Jason Wimberly told me when I was running and I was seeing Jason Wimberly and running, he was like, you know, if anything, run on the cold because your body burns, calories try to stay warm. And if you're, yeah, also if you go into a room temp room or someone that's just like regular, like you don't feel the temperature, if you're doing a strong yoga, it's going to look like you're in a hot yoga class because you will be sweating to the oldies. - So you think it's kind of just pageantry? - It's gimmick, it's pageantry, and it's also very dangerous, and it's ineffective because I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard yoga teachers say, especially during twisting poses that you're going to like squeeze out the toxins. I was like, Mary, like it's-- - I'm not a sponge. - The kidney and the liver. That's who detoxifies your body. That's it. It's crazy. It just makes me so, it boils my blood. So everybody out there who thinks you're detoxifying through sweating at your yoga class, you're not. But hey, that's all. Take that, take that, you fucking bitch. Bye. - Bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)