Lessons I Learned the Hard Way in My 20s

Welcome back to another episode of the Self Work Podcast. We are officially in episode four guys. Come a long way and if you haven't streamed the first three episodes, make sure you tap in. Today I want to talk about how to navigate your 20s. I think it's very frustrating understanding that a lot of people have given up in their 20s, not understanding that your 20s are meant to be confusing. For me, when I think about my 20s, there's nothing short of an identity to crisis there. In all honesty, I've had many phases in my life. If you ask my friends or my family, they would literally tell you I'm always doing something random. I've had phases in my life where I wore silver tooth dressed like a low class citizen. It's pretty cringe when I think about it now, but it had to be done. There was a phase in my life where I really wanted to be a programmer. I was actually very good at front end development, but it just didn't work out. There was a phase in my life where I was taking boxing training very serious and I wanted to become an amateur boxer. There was also a phase in my life where I took a course and I wanted to become a personal trainer so I can become a fitness influencer. And then there was a point in my life where I wanted to really train and become a psychologist, slash therapist. But when I look back at all of this, they all had to happen in order for me to become who I am because there's this common misconception that people have in their 20s and it really frustrates me where people think that your 20s are meant to be rigid and structured. It's meant to be perfect. You got people thinking that, oh, when I graduate from university, I'm going to get a job. I'm going to finance a car. I'm going to mortgage a house. I'm going to find a nice woman, have babies and they live happily ever after. No one's life works out that way and ultimately it is God's plan anyways. But your 20s aren't meant to be rigid. There's perfection in imperfection. Aku your 20s, the mad scientists here is anyways, the years where you're meant to experiment. The way I see it is, the less responsibilities you have, the more risks you should take, the more experiments you should partake in, test things, fail, switch lanes, get excited about a new path. As long as you're genuinely putting effort in and I'm going to emphasize this, right? If you put genuine effort into everything that you do, you will eventually look back with stories that shape to you are. Here I am sat, sharing stories and lessons from what I learned in my 20s and a lot of these lessons are valuable and I'm going to share it from a different angle. Even if you're in your late 20s and you're almost dirty, I just want you to zoom out because what you do from here and out is what you're going to cash in later. If you're in your early 20s or mid 20s, make sure you make the most out of your 20s and I'm talking just being a mad scientist, right? Just trying a whole bunch of things out, even if it means travel to another country, work there, do what you need to do. I remember, finally enough, this is how you know people are stuck in comfort. I had a kid that DM me three months ago and he said he has a job offered in Dubai to work commission only though and he was worried. He said, oh, should I go out there? Should I reject the job? You know, I want to go to Dubai, but it's commission only. When I said to him, what's the worst that could happen? You know, you go there, you run out of money, you don't make any sales, you don't get any commission and then you come straight back to your mom's house. But that's what you should be doing in your 20s, taking a lot more risks being that crazy scientist, experimenting and see what happens. So ultimately what you're doing in your 20s, you cash in on your 30s. So with that being said, I want to kind of get straight into this podcast episode. The first thing I want to talk about is you're not lost. You're just awake for the first time. I think it bothers me really bad when people sit there and they complain about how they're confused and they don't know what they're good at. Bear in mind, I'm a social media person and if you watch my content, you know, I'll give a lot of good advice out. But when I look through my DMs, it's just a bunch of 20 year olds asking me, what do I do with my life? I've never once known what I'm doing with my life. Even till this day, I don't actually know what's going on in my life. But guess what? What's in motion stays in motion. I'm always going to keep moving forward and putting my best foot forward whilst trusting God. But the first time I really started to wake up and realize what this feeling was like was when I dropped out of university and obviously this was during lockdown. When I dropped out of university, it was as if my world came crashing down. I've mentioned this story before. However, it was the first time in my life where everything became unstructured and that really hit me hard because when things become unstructured, the positive, depending on the way you look at it, is it's an infinite upside. But the negative is, you know, you look at your friends and everyone's just in university, everyone seems to be having fun. They content with the fact that, you know, I'm in university, I'm going to graduate. And also because of lockdown, where we were all isolated, I had no social life. There was nothing much going on in my life. It really forced me to look within. So when it comes to the unstructured phase of your twenties, there's two types of people ultimately, right? There's one person that says, I'm lost. I don't know what I'm doing. This is so scary. I hate this feeling. And then they succumb and they live a life of being mediocre. And they're the kind of people that you see working a dead end job and they're always complaining about the pay and, you know, there's nothing much positive going on in their life. But then there's also another person and I definitely relate to this a lot more. I was that kind of person that said, yo, this is the first time in my life. I get to write my own story. And that used to give me a bit of excitement, but obviously the nervousness would come from reality and people projecting. But when I really sat down with myself and I was in bed, it's scary not knowing what can happen, but it's also exciting knowing that anything could happen. And that's what happened to me, right? I realized life didn't come with a map. But then at the same time, that meant I could design my own. And it's only when things fall apart for most people that I'm when the structure's gone ultimately that you really start thinking because you're no longer an autopilot. And I feel like people should experience that at least once in their life, get rid of all the comforts that you have and force yourself to think because comfort debilitates you and his studies have proven this many times over where, you know, unfortunately, there's situations where I've seen people take master degrees, you know, go for masters, post grads, just to stay in education so they don't want to actually go out there and experience real life. So if you only listen to this right now and you're uncertain, you're confused and you're seeing it from a negative perspective, just be the person that says, this is the first time in my life. And maybe that's a sign that you're finally awake because the whole world is asleep. The next thing that I want to touch on to move to actually supplement this is, if you want a better life, you're going to have to risk looking stupid first. And I think a lot of people annoy me when they talk about their ambitions and I see them having an ego at the same time, right? Because this part of your life, this chapter of your life is going to hurt your ego because you're not going to get to where you want in life without looking stupid in the beginning. You're going to look cringe. You're going to be misunderstood. You'll probably be the butt of people's jokes. But guess what? That's the tax you pay for transformation. I remember when I started making content, right? And I put myself out there and this is a very interesting point I want to make. When I put myself out there, I call this concept social credit, social value. So I want you guys to follow follow me, right? Every one of you guys has a social ranking, social credit amongst your friends, amongst your family, not amongst strangers, because they don't know you. So now when you try to do something new, let's say, let's put numbers to this. Let's say your market value right now is five million. Know that cool guy, silver to Dino, you know, low-class citizen wearing tracksuits all the time. You're that cool guy, the non-shelon guy. If the non-shelon guy now says, you know what? I need to actually put myself out there. Let's say I start creating content, trying to influence people or let's say I start a business and I start posting content. In the beginning, your market value of five million is probably going to go to one million. Reason being is people are going to perceive you in a different way. They're going to see you talking a different way. So one thing that people used to say to me was, when I used to be around certain friends, as I said, I called switch a lot, but because they got used to that code switch and I can talk in a lot of slang, I say a lot of jokes. As soon as I started talking with a more articulate tone and I'm talking about real life things that are very deep, people started to think of it as cringe. And guess what? In their eyes, my social value dropped, but my ego wasn't attached to it because I knew that's the tax you pay for transformation. But a lot of people in society look across the West, by the way. A lot of people don't want to do what they actually want because they're caring about or they're scared of the way people are going to view them. They don't want to be embarrassed. I've had so many friends where I'll talk to them about doing special things with their life or interesting things until I can't be bothered, man. I'll give you another example, right? I've publicly vocalized this many times and I said, if I lose everything, I'm going to go work in a normal job. But how many people would actually be able to do that? I don't have an ego. I realize life is just a journey. Sometimes you have it. You think you know everything. God will test you. Everything goes. And the test, whether you pass it or not, only matters what you do and all the only thing that matters I should say is what you do in that situation when you don't have anything. Are you somebody that's going to cry and complain or are you going to pick yourself back up and keep moving forward? Because when I look back, all of those moments are looked stupid where the very moments that separated me from the average. Because you can't evolve if you're clinging to how you're perceived. It's such a nasty feeling, right? Now always tell my friends and I tell people that I come into contact with, are you willing to be misunderstood for a while to be undeniable later? Power is there. Right there in what I said, I'm even going to repeat it. Are you willing to be misunderstood for a while to be undeniable later? I believe in the undeniable ability of life. As long as you put your best foot forward and you trust God and you kind of weather the storm of being an embarrassment, being cringe or whatever it may be, you would actually end up becoming undeniable because guess what? People's hate and people's perspectives and perceptions cannot stop you. And that's why I'm going to remind you guys, if you want a better life in your twenties, you want to be that guy that's in shape, you want to be that guy that has a good career and I call whatever you guys like, you're going to have to risk looking stupid first. The next thing that I want to touch on, which is more sort of a continuation is, is is a bit of a hard one to swallow in my opinion. Don't expect support build anyways. Now I'm voting in reality is and this is something that I learned and it actually used to bother me for a very big part of my life right or a big part of my twenties. Most people won't support you until you don't need to support anymore. And the way thing is when you start your journey and you put yourself out there for me I always keep repeating content because content creation is the most vulnerable you would ever feel. I don't ever think of anything else out there that makes you feel more vulnerable because now you're exposed to the whole world. Think of a like this if you start a business in private and you scale that business nobody really knows the ins and outs of it which is why there's some people walking around that are more time millionaires and nobody knows them right but when you put yourself out there in the world and you publicize your opinions or your mission it's a very scary feeling because there's so many eyes on me. I call it monitoring spirits where people won't really interact with your content. They will just watch what you do and they will probably you know write down every step that you take probably trying to calculate your downfall. But I'll tell you an interesting thing. When you first start I used to think people support you when you first start and they were clapped for you but I noticed one interesting especially about me I don't know if a lot of you guys can relate to this but when I first put myself out there I think people clapped and supported what I did because of the juxtapositioning of what I'm about to explain. So I was somebody that never had a social media account I always used to have burn accounts I've never posted my face online never used to post pictures my Instagram had no picture on it I only used to have a profile picture. So now one day people woke up and they saw oh Dean was posted a video on TikTok that's so random and then they started watching it and they couldn't help but clapped or support simply because of the juxtapositioning they saw a guy that was never on the internet who was a cool non-shelon guy you know or a or a farmer as they say and now he's a guy that essentially is posting himself on the internet talking about a fitness journey and that's the reason why they clapped and the reason why people clapped when you become undeniable is because of the herd mentality when they see strangers clapping for you and they see strangers talking about how well you've done and amazing things that you've essentially gotten up to they're just going to clapped because while they want to look like a hater but the middle is the most loneliest part ever I feel like right now if I were to categorize where I am I would say I'm in the middle probably a lot further away from the beginning but definitely a bit far away from the ending because I've got strangers that remind people how great I am like for example with my with my family they always have people coming up to them you know telling them oh I see your son online she's doing amazing things my friends you know when they're probably outside they're probably bumping to people I say oh yeah I see you with Dino man Dino's a really good guy he posts amazing content so they can't help but at the same time it's that weird phenomenon where when you first start doing things and you put yourself out there you think that everyone's going to clapped for you everyone's going to be your biggest supporter but I'll tell you one thing that I learned right the enthusiasm you share the things that you really care about no one on this planet earth would ever share that same level of enthusiasm right whether it's your parents your friends or strangers online most of them won't understand the vision until the results show up and even then some will still doubt you because they have that feeling within them and I believe humans are just a collection of internal projections people will always just project the way they feel onto you but the thing I want you guys to understand is in your 20s whilst you're being a mad scientist experimenting I don't want you guys to expect support I want you guys to start deriving validation from yourself and how can you do that on a smaller level just make make sure that you fulfill your promises if you promise yourself that you're going to turn up today and do work fulfill it if you promise yourself that you're going to go to the gym today and get a workout in fulfill it because I think this problem is once you start breaking your own promises you end up losing trust within yourself and your confidence level directly correlates to the amount of promises you keep so harsh reality and it is a harsh pill to swallow don't expect support build anyways and I think a lot of people kind of get caught up in this whole valley of you know or why are my friends supporting me why are my family supporting me nobody wants to support me who cares keep moving forward right the next thing I want to touch on is it's something that I learned in my 20s but is a very hard I learned in a very hard way let's just say stop waiting for everyone to get it some people just won't and this isn't about friends it's about the urge to always explain yourself to everyone and the pain of being or the pain of not being understood or the pain of being misunderstood I should say because in your 20s your confidence isn't built yet you're still collecting evidence so when you start a project or you try something new what do you do you try to explain it to people you think they're good they're going to get it you think they're going to to cheer you on but they don't they question you they look confused they might even mock you and that's what you used to get to me because I thought everyone could just see life the way that I did but then I learned this and I learned this two and a half years ago and it transformed my life people only see things from their own level of perception you can actually logically break things down to people you can be excited you can mean well but if they're not on your wavelength they won't get it and then you end up wasting your energy trying to prove something to someone who's not even meant to get it so here's a new approach if you're somebody that always finds just some explaining things to people say what you're doing set the boundary but don't explain it if you know they won't understand and I'll give you guys a little bit of a real life example right if I speak to someone about something and I notice that they just don't see it the way that I do and they can't logically process it I won't actually share anything with that person again if they're very close to me I'll probably share things with them but guess what their response doesn't matter to me you save so much mental energy when you do this in your 20s because that's when you need to use that energy for building because one thing that I used to do was as I said my whole life's just been a collection of crazy experiments dropped out of uni you know done random gigs started new things get get into fitness wants to be a power lifter done bit of personal training moved out of the country trying to explain all of these things to people they won't understand it even when I was creating content what did people used to say to me oh now why are you recording content I don't get it like what you're trying to be a tiktoker or like what do you just want to get paid like do you want to be influenced if you want to get brand deals again you don't need to explain your vision to people because as again as I said earlier people only see things from their own levels of perception and that's why I always advise people in their 20s just make sure that you don't expect people support as I said earlier but you keep building and don't try to explain everything in your life to everyone because some people just won't understand it even if you are the most articulate clear speaker some people just won't get it and the last thing I'm going to mention before we move on is I think one of the saddest things you realize in life is as I mentioned earlier you know the way you view your projects your goals your missions you know the liking that you have for it the excitement that you have when you wake up every single morning and you're going to work on it even your parents won't have that much excitement with you or for you right let alone your friends because end of the day nobody understands what you're trying to do in the beginning you're just a mad scientist and then all of a sudden you become a revolutionary you become a genius when it works out so don't get too caught up in the emotions I think one one one thing you guys are probably starting to notice is in this episode and when you guys to start taking emotions out of a lot of things that you do because if you put emotions aside and you just see it as a trial and error phase of your life I could promise you you will get very far the next thing I want to talk about oh I love this one your friends aren't meant to be everything and this is something I've been discussing openly to a lot of people right and the reason why I'm actually mentioning this in mentioning this is your 20s are what they call the great separation so you end up noticing that a lot of your friends end up doing random things in life so I'm probably that friend that people look at say oh he's in another country's making content he's doing random things some of my friends that are same ages me have kids some of my friends that are same ages me are working dead and job some of my friends that are same ages me are learning to become Islamic scholars right so in your 20s everyone scatters and what ends up happening is a lot of people become isolated they feel a type of way but overall what people don't understand is and I'm going to repeat the title again your friends aren't meant to be everything because if you're somebody that's leveling up I don't believe in this whole obsession of cutting friends off and you know isolating yourself because I even had a situation where I met a guy in the back not too long ago from Denmark and I was talking to him and he said to me how when he made his millions or however much he made that he actually cut him off all of his day one friends he doesn't have contact with them and there's something that he regrets simply because they weren't bad people right they were good people they just went on the same ambition level as him which is what I'm trying to tell you guys this because the thing that hit me the most was when I started to change my habits and this happened post lockdown I started eating clean going to the gym started working on my business stuff and other things that I wanted to do and I would get frustrated when my close friends were on the same thing I think to myself why why aren't they trying to do what I'm doing why don't they care about growth and leveling up like I do but over time I realized something right people or your friends aren't meant to or they're not supposed to fill every part of you your gym friend might not be your spiritual brother your spiritual brother might not be your business partner and your business partner might not be your banter or the guy you have a lot with and that's okay because end of the day when you cut people off for no absolute reason what you're signaling to the world is that I don't have any other friends and I think it's an expectation thing when you have only one friendship group you burdened that friendship group with everything I want them to be my fitness guys I want them to be my religious guys I want them to be my in intellectual guys, I want them to be my entrepreneurial guys. But here's what I learned in your 20s, you should actually go out and make new friends. How do you make new friends where people have forgotten that you can actually go out, go to public spaces, a cafe, go to the gym, go to MMA club, go to a tech event, career event, go to all of these events and just go meet people. The things that you're looking for, go to the places where those people hang out. Like, for example, if you're someone that's in shape or you're somebody that takes your fitness serious, go hang out at gyms, go make gym friends. So now I know if I want to work out, I'm going to go message my gym friend and say, yo, let's go to the gym to say a workout. If you want to meet people that are interested in tech or some sort of development or you're interested in careers, go to these career events and meet people. But your day one friends have a special place in your life. A lot of people think that, oh, if my day one friends on ambitious, let me cut them off. And this is something that I had to change the way that I see. Now, I look at my day one friends as people that just live life, you know, they do what they need to do. But now when I go around them, I can be myself. I don't have to pretend. I don't have to act like the social media famous guy. They're not going to come up to me and start talking to me about random things because people don't understand that when you're on the internet, a lot of people you meet from then onwards or from that point onwards, it's, it's 90, 10 split in terms of 90% of people is going to be transactional relationships. 10% of people are probably going to be genuine. But your day one friends know you for who you are. I think sometimes I do talk about the fact that your reference points or the reference points that they have of you, maybe a negative one. But at the same time, I like that because you know, I don't have any expectations of them. I go to hang out with them just to have a laugh. I then go to my entrepreneurial or maybe my ambitious friends and I go talk to them about certain things. Some of these circles may overlap, by the way, but the point I'm making is when you're in your 20s, because of the great separation of people doing all of these random things with their life and you burdening your only friendship group to be everything for you, you're setting yourself up to fail. Your expectations are was unrealistic, not the fact that your friends have something wrong with them. Like now when I go back to London and I'm talking to some of my friends, some of my friends work regular jobs, but I'm not going to sit here and say, bro, why don't you be ambitious? You know, if the conversation comes up, we will talk about it. But I'm not going to sit here and maybe gaslight them into thinking that they're not doing enough. As I said, people only see things from their level of perception. Why do I need to force something out of someone? Right? And that's how you end up lonely because you know, the path to the top is lonely as it is. But when you get to the top, I can almost promise you you would want to spend it with your day ones. Why do you think athletes and people that make a lot of money, even some entrepreneurs, whenever you see their circle and they talk about them, it's always people they need from their childhood. Because I think social media has painted this picture that, you know, all of your day ones are evil. They're bad. They want you to fail. No. As I said earlier, like people just don't know how to support, but I do believe that if you reach the top, there's definitely a few people that you would love to spend time with on what's life without experience. If you're the one that has the most money, why don't you spend money to be around your friends? Why don't you fly them out? Let them be with you. Let them experience life with you. Because as I said, money means nothing. If you're not able to share experiences with people. So this whole obsession to recap, right? With, you know, my friends on everything should I cut my friends off. You just need to change your expectations. Your friends aren't meant to fill every single part of your life. Go out there and find like-minded people and let your day one friends be as they are. If they are inspired by your journey, they're going to follow suit. Anyways. And if not, let them be like, for example, some of my friends, as I mentioned, they have families and have kids. I don't have kids. So clearly they're doing something better than me. So now if I am to have a kid, I'm going to go to them. I'm going to speak to them and ask them for advice. So again, not everyone's useless. And I think when you think of it from a very individualistic way and you start thinking of life as, you know, it's either he has value or he doesn't, you end up treating people like numbers and you just use people. So I want you to understand that your friends aren't meant to be everything. Just change your expectations, find a new friendship group. And that will really help in your 20s. The next thing I want to talk about is the fact that your parents are human too. I think if you look at the timeline of how parents develop in a, in a child's life, from like zero to 10, maybe you see them as superheroes, from like 11 to maybe 18, 19, 20, you see them as part, part superheroes, but then they become a villain, especially towards your late teens. And I think when you end up in your 20s, you see your parents as humans, man. And I want to talk to you guys about this, probably spend a bit of time where, you know, parents end of the day, they came from where they came from. They traveled across the world to raise you in a country that they're not familiar with. And because of that, sometimes parents don't know how to communicate how they actually feel. If there was a way that you could decipher your parents messages to know what they actually meant, I can almost promise you most of you guys would probably cry, you know, your dad or your mom shouting at you all the time, it's probably because they're frustrated. They have to work all the time. They have to do so many things for you. You know, they have to make sure that there's food on the table, whereas you're complaining about, oh, I didn't get five pounds this week. Right? And I'm going to share a personal story with you guys. As to where I learned this because in my late teens, me and my dad used to butt heads a lot. In my late teens, I used to be very into myself. Used to isolate myself. I didn't used to like talking to people. And I remember during my gap year in 2019, um, and bear in mind for those of you that don't know, I took a gap here from 2019 to 2020. And then I came back for one month and then I dropped out. So during my gap year in 2019, I used to leave the house every day, right? Not to study, but to cope. Um, I'd go to the campus, even though I wasn't enrolled, just so I didn't feel like I can lose at home. My parents didn't get it. They would always ask me, you know, why are you out? You're not even at uni. Uh, eventually I stopped replying to their text messages because they used to try to tell me you need to come home at this time. You know, well, what you're doing outside, you're not even at university. Um, and I still remember one day, I think my dad reached the boiling point of, um, me not texting him back. And I was at university. I stayed there the whole day and I used to work in my shift. As I mentioned in a co-op store, so it was a gas station. And I came home, I literally changed my clothes and I went straight back out. And interestingly enough, my dad was following me in his car and we ended like some mini car chase where he then ended up pulling up right in front of me when I was outside my work. And he literally got out of the car and he said to me, why are you ignoring me? And looking back, I still remember his voice cracked and he looked hurt. But in that moment, because of my naivety, and as I said, when you're a hormonal teenager, you only see your parents as villains. I'm only seeing red in that situation. I'm probably thinking, I'll, even as stupid as it sounds, I was probably thinking, oh, if this guy touched me, I'm probably going to punch him up as stupid as it sounds. And in my head, all I couldn't think about is, you know, all I could think about is why doesn't he understand me? And there's this misconception that we have when we're younger that we don't have to explain ourselves to our parents. They just have to understand. And that misconception that we have is what leads to most problems in household. But I was essentially my problem, right? And then I remember we had a argument and essentially I was listening to him. I said, cool, whoever. I said, why are you chasing me for what? Why are you here? Anyways, why are you wasting your time? And then he just said what he needed to say, he got in his car and then he left. Again, all our soul was red. So even during that whole shift, I just felt negative energy. I was like, these people are knowing I don't want to be in this house. No more. I'm probably going to move out. And as I said earlier, man, it's just because we have this expectation of our parents to read our minds to always be right to support everything instantly. But they're humans, right? They care. And they just don't always know how to show it. And that's the moment after well, to be fair, looking back after a few months later, I literally started to realize that I need to change how I respond. And as you grow old, as as I said in your 20s, you start seeing your parents as humans. And now it's more sort of a thing where I see them as flawed humans. I see them as people that have their own shortcomings, people that have their own limited views on the world. And once you humanize your parents, you actually treat them a lot better. So now I actually explain myself to them. I don't expect them to understand most times, but I don't get offended at the fact that they don't understand, right? Because it's easier to over communicate with them, just let them know what you're doing and let them react the same way. Like for example, every time I go back to London, I have the same interaction with my mom, you know, I tell her, Oh, I'm going to go travel to this country. Bear in mind, I've only been there for a week. I've only been back in London for a week and I'm packing my bags and I'm going somewhere else. Mom would say the same thing. Why are you going? Why are you traveling there for a week doing? But the thing is, I respect my parents enough to explain what it is that I'm doing. By the same time they know deep down, he's probably going to do it anyways. But that communication I started to build with my parents really taught me that they're just human. So to recap the point I'm making is in your twenties, you would really want your parents to be on your side. I will make some exceptions here. Some parents are not like that. But most parents are like that. I can almost promise you that if you sat down with your parents and you communicated everything you wanted, don't expect them to be on your side, though. Just tell them what you want and see it through. If your parents see that you're somebody that says something and does it, you become reliable in their eyes. But most of you guys probably listen to this. What are you? You just sit in your room dirty. Your mom cleans your room. Your mom makes you food. Your mom does everything for you under the sun and you wonder why they don't listen to you. So understanding your parents are human is a very powerful thing in your twenties. Because now it's like you end up cherishing them a lot more. You end up realizing that you know what? We're all in this together. Think of it like this. We're all living for the first time. Every single one of you listen to this. We've only lived one life and life is just full of ups and downs. And the worst reality I've always thought about in my mind is, you know, if you're not on the good terms with your parents and then they just end up dying, I've always found that very unsettling. Let's just say so. Overall, the point I want to make in this part of this episode is, you know, if you're somebody that is constantly butting heads with your parents, I would say you changed the way you view things. Just don't take everything your parents say personal. My parents have said some really nasty things to me at some points. but they don't mean it. They just said it out for straight. for the love that they have for you and because they don't feel like you're reciprocating or on the same pages them It just comes out as pain that that's that's literally pain personified. So the next thing I want to talk about is Mosul relationships in your 20s right? I call it you're not meant to find the one you're meant to build yourself first Let's talk about love for a second right. I'm not a relationship guru. I'm not love doctor But everybody seems to be looking for the one But most people are looking whilst they're broken and this is something I've never understood because if you're insecure You'll date someone just because they validate your insecurity if you're out of shape You'll settle for anyone that makes you feel desirable if you're broke you'll stay in toxic love because you fear being alone and being broke But once you level up I can almost promise you everything shifts because you're no longer someone that Needs another person to complete you you want someone who adds to what you've already built right? Let me recap that you're no longer someone who needs someone to complete Yours you want someone who adds to what you've already built and I think that's what changed your life I've noticed that a lot of men especially men in this day and age They're very incomplete and they look for a woman to feel that part of them that's voided right up that part of them That is empty and I think that's you actually being very selfish in that situation because if you're somebody that's very insecure If you're somebody that has bad habits if you're somebody that isn't financially in a good space I don't think you should seek someone if you're not in a good position and let me actually clarify this by the way Because I know some people have already formed their opinions But what I literally mean by this is if you're someone that is growing your building something If you do happen to find someone whilst you're building in my opinion I don't think that's a bad thing I think that's a beautiful thing because the chances of you finding someone that you have synergy with whilst your building is a beautiful thing But I'm just against this whole idea of seeking people or seeking to find that person when you're incomplete I just think it's a massive this is it's a literal disadvantage you put on yourself And it's also very selfish when you find someone because now you are basing your whole entire validation and your Self-approval system on that person So until then in my opinion man build spiritually so you're not a slave to lust very powerful by the way I'm a very Big advocate for being a spiritual man I do believe if people start to become very spiritual They would not think with their peace and they would actually start thinking about what would actually happen in this situation You know if I talked to someone now. I don't want to end up doing anything bad or anything wrong So in that case there because I'm a spiritual person if this person wants to pursue something Real so be it if not I'm gonna part ways and Again another thing that I'm very big on is building your physical body build your physical body So you carry yourself with confidence The way I see people in shape walk versus the way I see people that are not in shape walk night and day difference By the way people that take care of their health walk with a different swagger It is as if the world is on their own timing, you know, they can chill sit there They stroll but people that are very insecure Have you ever noticed especially in London or in a very big metropolitan city, right? Have you noticed that the insecure people are the people that are always walking the fastest? They're always walking fast pacing It's because they are constantly in a fight of flight mode They haven't really built any confidence within themselves that you could look at them They're gonna look down straight away and just pace through life And I want you guys to also stop building yourself mentally so your standards if or because what people don't understand is also think of this from a logical perspective, right? The more you level yourself up your standards naturally increase and now you have boundaries So if you're a man now let's say you're in your 20s your early 20s your out of shape You don't have much money and also your your spiritually bankrupt If you now start building things I'm very well I'm not saying to seek perfection because that doesn't exist I'm saying get to a decent level get to a decent physique get to a decent level of spirituality get to a decent level of financial income, right? When you actually end up in this situation your outlook on life changed because now you want better for yourself Whereas before in your insecure state you would have taken anything you have settled for anything Which is why a lot of men end up settling because they feel like they have this idea that oh if I find the woman It means that I'm desirable women same thing by the way, right women do this a lot as well Where they would end up being with a man just to feel like they've been taken I genuinely believe the scariest people to insecure people are people that are secure in themselves because guess what? What a lot of people also don't understand is when you are someone that's securing yourself you actually scare away insecure people because you have boundaries Women are the ones that have vocalized this a lot more, but it's the same for men, right? If I've got boundaries now and I'm very secure myself I take care of my physical health spiritually I'm good financially I'm good and let's say a woman comes up to me or a woman messages me on social media And you know doesn't fit my type doesn't fit my you know requirements. I can easily reject her But if you're somebody that's insecure the mental battle that you go through is you probably don't really like the way she is because maybe she might be very outgoing Maybe she's always parting or whatever maybe But in your head you're like I may not find another girl that's interested in me that scarcity mindset is what throws you off So overall the point I want you guys to understand is in your 20s if you really focus on leveling yourself up physically Spiritual and financially your standards increase and you're naturally going to find the person you've probably always wanted anyways But lastly in case you guys forgot if you do find someone whilst you are growing and whilst you are building and they are genuinely good to you Don't let them go and the last thing that I want to touch on before we wrap up the Self-worked podcast is the best version of you is boring to build and I think the reason why I'm discussing this last is a lot of people Can't accept the fact that growth is boring Posting content every day is boring going to the gym when you're tired is boring It's clean when no one's watching is boring, but the result is always beautiful Right most people know what I realize on social media especially with like the ashton who'll type content is a lot of people addicted to the aesthetics of productivity They want they grind to look good right there would want to post angles what bookie reading you posting your story But you probably closed the book after you posted that story Real growth isn't cute right and one thing I learned is when I look back the last year I always think of it from this perspective where today what I'm doing right now absolutely boring But if I do only the boring work that needs to be done when I look back a year later I'm gonna have a beautiful transformation are you guys following what I'm saying right because a lot of people as I said They think that growth is meant to look fantastic Amazing beautiful because of social media social media has made everything look aesthetic We're now even waking up in the morning has to be aesthetic I see people look like they've put moisturising cream on and women put makeup on before they've worked on up in the morning And then they'll go to the mirror watch their face, but their face already looks normal when I wake up in the morning I might have drew somewhere on my face. I may have like eye bogies One of my eyes may be bigger than the other. I may have a lazy eye all of a sudden But as I said nobody accepts the fact that the real growth is boring But guess what the transformation is always beautiful and when I look back let me even talk about it from a from a social media perspective right Let's say for example on average every week I post about 10 videos which is maybe like just one or two videos every other day Or every day I should say Over a year that's 500 plus videos Over a year I would see beautiful transformation But posting a video a day most times doesn't actually give me any satisfaction because I'm thinking you know what I posted a video today Doesn't really mean anything. Cool post post post same thing as the gym you go to the gym today you go hit a workout right You're gonna look in the mirror doesn't mean anything today. You go to the gym. You eat clean Diet's on point. You don't see anything. You don't see any results is boring. It's so repetitive But guess what three six months goes down the line you end up seeing some progress And as soon as you start seeing some progress for example making your first dollar online seeing your first ab or maybe seeing a bit of muscle in your body Or maybe seeing your first thousand followers on social media. That's what keeps you there, right Consistency outshines intensity always and the reason why I ended this here is I want you guys to understand that what you do in your 20s to really get you ahead of most people Is going to be absolutely boring But because we live in a world where everything's loud everything is colorful everything looks amazing Again, don't fall for the hype for me every single day when people ask me what do you do as they say more boring work Because I've accepted mentally. I need to do the boring work in order to get ahead But when I come back let's say after like six months and I visit the UK and you know my friends I'm a family saying yo you look bigger by the way you look more defined I was doing the boring things every day when I tell people I chicken a rice 10 boiled eggs every single day That's boring. How do you do that every day? That's what separates me from you, right? I'm able to do the boring things every single day consistently because I know it keeps me on track And that's what I wanted to discuss with you guys to wrap this episode up I do want to mention that the self-work club has officially launched. We are starting a communication four week master class And I'll highly recommend a lot of you guys join if you're somebody that wants to smash interviews wants to be able to be or wants to be better at selling You want to have more confidence when you speak to people maybe you've got public speaking gain coming up Or maybe you just want to get out of your show and speak to people in public We've got a four week master class that's starting this week Depending on when you're watching it is starting on the 25th of june So if you are to catch a week later there's no problem Otherwise that is episode four how to navigate your 20s