Andrew Santino shares a lively and reflective podcast episode that blends personal stories, career milestones, and cultural insight. He details his upcoming tour schedule, from San Francisco to Las Vegas, emphasizing strong fan interest and live performance energy. A key narrative centers on his early days working at Barstow, where he protected online models from harassment, showcasing his empathy and integrity. The show’s name, "Mascots," is revealed as a spontaneous, audience-friendly choice made during a conversation with a guest. He recounts an immersive visit to the Churchill War Rooms in London, where the intensity of wartime leadership and the reality of global conflict deeply impacted him, contrasting with the American tendency to downplay such experiences. He also discusses the box office underperformance of the film *PTA*, attributing it to strategic international distribution and market dynamics, while highlighting its critical acclaim. Personal anecdotes include his family’s habits—like his father’s discovery of hydration—and his lifelong preference for water over soda, rooted in both health and tradition. Throughout, Santino emphasizes the authenticity of live comedy, valuing raw, unfiltered moments over polished performances. He reflects on how audience reactions, even unexpected ones, shape his creative confidence, ultimately celebrating vulnerability, connection, and the joy of live storytelling. The episode concludes with a warm message about community, humor, and the enduring power of human connection across cultures and experiences.
What up with Siege and your fans. Welcome back to the show. It's your first time joining the show. Welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. And I am on tour. I am on the road hitting the road again. I'm going to be the punchline in San Francisco, Halloween weekend. I think it's all sold out, but there is a waiting list. Then I'm down in Brea. Improv Brea, come out and see your boy. Tempe Improv, my return to Arizona State University, two shows. I think I already sold out. Grab those tickets. Then I go to Hammond, Indiana, down at the horseshoe during the week before Turkey day. I'm in Windsor, Ontario, Canada in the new year Bethlehem PA God bless. Hanover, Maryland, the Bogota in Atlantic City, New Jersey is selling fast. I love you. Thank you Atlantic City. Then Harris in Valley Center, which is by San Diego. That's my little homage to Bobby Canyonville, Oregon for lovers day for for February 14th V day. And then I'm at the win casino in Las Vegas. The win. I'm excited to come back out to Las Vegas. Go get your tickets to Andrew Santino dot com. Andrew Santino dot com. In here we pour with with the creature in the ginger beer. Sturdy. Ginger. The ginger gene is good. Ginger is a beautiful. You only five dollars for the whiskey 75 dollars. Ginger's our hell now. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like ginger. Let me jump. Welcome back to whiskey. Ginger. I guess today were some of my favorite people are other say that for all my guests. But I mean once again today, it's Fidelberg and Tommy smokes here for. Lemme skull. Lemme skull or just mascots. Whatever you want to call it. Whatever we want to call it. But we were just talking. We've had Rob McLean on the show before. And he was talking about how he names his shows. Really long names and people shorten them themselves. Yeah. He was on the show voting mythic West, which season one was called mythic West. A Ravens banquet or something like that. Sounds right. And he was like, yeah, I just named dumb names and then people shorten it themselves. They go sunny. They go mythic West. Yeah, that's true. And I was kind of like, I like that. Yeah, let them figure it out. Yeah, whatever you get this nickname, Tommy smokes. Do you smoke? No, well, there's a couple longs. Well, I could I could abbreviate. Yeah, yeah. So I got hired to be a social media intern at Barstow and I was in college. And my first job was running the barstowl smoke shows in Instagram account, which is just a bunch of hot girls guys girls girls. I mean, you know, why wasn't there a guy's one on barstowl for some reason? Yeah, that's a great question. Is there not a hot guy barstowl thing? Is it just you? That's the hot guy. So I just posted as like a 20 year old horny college kid. My job was to go through a bunch of Instagram models sending themselves in and tough gig. It was to listen. I ran I ran the shield with integrity and honesty. There are a lot of guys that would have got they would have fired in that spot. Not me. You didn't break the code. Never broke. You didn't you didn't side DM anybody and and and use your power and produce. Go ahead. Let's go get coffee. No, because I knew like Dave is just too scary where I would have got fired for sure. I became like a therapist to these women because they would be like like they're all the I swear to God all the all the comment. I actually going to find you guys text right now. All the comments would be like this girl's father fucking hates or her left boo was bigger than a right boob and they would like text me and be like you got to take this down to be like honey. You're beautiful. Like don't listen to these guys. Just walking them through a barrage of internet trolls and sells insulting them. I got to find when I I put up a big blue garrick type retirement post. I remember this one girl sending me fuck. I don't know if I could find it. This long message that was like. Oh here. Thank you for all that you did to make each and every one of us feel so beautiful. I'll always remember your kindness. It's great to see your career with bar. So I was blossomed into something iconic. It was six years ago. That's how nice it was. I still remember it to bring up on podcast. That's really cool. Take that to the bank. You're a solid dude. Yeah. Like you got out of there. You did. You you protected. What did you say? I you protected the shield. It's also like were they all talking to each other about you. Legular house. Yeah. I never had a girl before. But they're girls that like they don't they're not from a friend group. They're just from random girl. It doesn't matter. He hasn't started to fuck you either. Yeah. It was all and then they all were like no, he's gay. He's a sweet little gay guy. He's not interested in us. Good job on that dude. That's got to be tough. Dave, by the way, I will say we don't really know each other. But we did we've run into each other a few times. And the one line he said a very Dave line that I thought this is why you're good at you is I said he said, Oh, you're you skinny on the skin. I said I've lost a little bit of weight. I go. I mean, you're looking pretty good. You look at him. He's tan dude. He goes, you can't tone it. Tan it. And I was like that's such a great on a second. You're giving Dave - The important way of the credit for that one. - Well, who said it? - Oh, I don't know. That's what that one's out there. - See, I've never heard that before. - You haven't heard it. - That's 'cause of this. That's 'cause of the skin tone. - No, I'm not a lot. - Yeah, no, no, no, no. - That was a don't tell Santino the secret. - But also, you're not, you're not Mr. Tan. - No, no, no. I've just been around people who say it. - If you can't tone, if you can't tone it, Tanit. - If you can't tone it, Tanit. - I've never heard this. Have you heard this phrase before? - I don't know the phrase, if you can't tone it, Tanit. - Yeah. - Who said that? Huh? - Yes. - My mom, I don't know. - Okay, never mind. - Okay, never mind. - Your mom, either Dave Bordeaux invented that one. - Well, he said it to me and I'd never heard someone say it. It's almost like a street joke that you're like, "Well, I haven't heard that one before." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So you gotta give the last person a credit that said it. - That's fair. - I've had enough of you. All right. I already thanked you in the credits for my special. She named my special. - Did you? - She did. She actually did. On the west side, when I was warming it up. - What noise? - Yeah, and we were deliberating the names. We just couldn't break it down over what was gonna be the, 'cause the special naming is such, look, we'll get into this with you too. Naming anything is a nightmare because you're like, how do people interpret this and what does this mean to them? And are they looking for a story for it to tie to? And eventually, I think the original name, what was it, do you remember the first name that we put out? What was the first name that we had? - Originally it was Whiskey Ginger and then it was you Betcha. - Oh, you Betcha, right. You Betcha was another iteration because it was in Minnesota. - Yeah. - I was like, oh, that's really nice for them, the hometown. You know what I mean, it's not my hometown, but it's like for them, it was a cool moment. At the beginning of the show, we made them yell you Betcha. It was really fun. - Was Whiskey Ginger, just kind of like a brand recommendation? - Just a parlay on the brand, yeah, just to be like, it's me anyway and people do know, no. A lot of times people will say Ginger Whiskey and I'm like, either way, that's fine with me. But we couldn't figure out the name. I didn't like either of them. I put them in as temps and I was like, I don't really know. And then she came and saw me on the west side. We went out to dinner and she was kind of giving me notes over like the flow of everything and how it was. And then she said, I don't know, you just do white noise 'cause there's a joke in there about white noise. And I was like, God, it's so good, it's annoying. Like it was just like right in front of your face, one of those things. - I should have had her name, my mask, that's what. - Yeah. - Well, the mask, that's what, and you have a little bit of beef with us. You just call it mascots anyway? - No, we don't know, no beef whatsoever. It's just, it's easier to call it mascots. Like in the filming and like we kind of just would refer to it as mascots rather than lay mascots. - Sure. - But it kind of like, as far as the show goes, it works with it's laymiserab, like laymascots make sense. - Good play. - Your favorite play, isn't it? - I actually have a play I've never seen. - You've never seen laymests? - I've never seen it. - You've never seen it. - Have you seen it? - No. - I've seen a lot of plays. - Oh wait, speaking a lot of plays, did you go to that one in Broadway in London? - What, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - You know what's so funny. I'll go see a play once a decade. It's gotta be the one that I'm like, book a Mormon or it's gotta be something that's like, everyone's like, you really should. - Can I tell you something? - Yeah. - The one I told you about, everyone will be talking about it in a year. - You think so. - I'll call that. - You think so? - He's the biggest Broadway guy I know. - You're a big Broadway girl. - Yeah, a huge Broadway girl. - Well, tell, where did I run into you? Say it, do you tell everyone the story? - We ran into each other. We were at the Churchill war rooms in London. - God bless Churchill, one of the greatest. - What? - Just went there. I didn't know that's where you got to. - Yeah, we were out front waiting to get into like our time, the slot or whatever, and we just ran into it. I was like, what are you doing here? - I was so random. - I saw you and I was like, geez, I'm gonna recognize you. - Yes, what are you talking about here? - I was so nice to see you. - But then so we started talking. You were waiting for your time to go in and I wanna hear about whether you liked their knocks. I loved it. - Oh, I loved it. There was only one hiccup. Too many people. - Too many, definitely too many people. - Yeah, I get anxious when there's too many people in crowded spaces. So I get a little claustrophobic and in its low ceilings underground. So there was a moment where I was like, we gotta go and my wife was like, chill out. I was like, how about can we just go backwards? So what we did was we waited for everyone to move through and then 'cause they're on tours, we didn't do a tour. Did you do a tour? - We did that, but you didn't go with a group. - No, no, no, we just grabbed our own hands. - People were with groups and I was like, no, no, I'm not doing that fucking thing. So I went all the way to the beginning to wait for them to clear and then we did it on our own. That gives me less anxiety than trying to catch up with groups of people and like, I just, that-- - Well, go on my own speed. - I have to go on my own speed. But it was incredible. You a Churchill fan? - I am now. - You are now. - I wasn't, I mean, I just didn't really think much about it beforehand. - What? You didn't think about it every day in my life. I think about Churchill. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. - Dude, when they were like, in the war rooms, the one room, that first one to the right, where like they did all the war debating. - Everything, yeah. - And they were like, they're like, and the desks were this close. Whereas like, Churchill and his war secretary, and they're like, the rooms would be full of cigar smoke and they'd be screaming at each other. That was fucking amazing. - It's also really cool when they had like his secret service guy and his only complaint with Churchill was he wouldn't stop going outside during the bombings. - I think I've told him to stop. - But he wanted to go outside. - He wanted to go outside. The guy was an outsider. - He would not have made it through COVID. - Outdoor cat. - Outdoor cat. - I have to step outside this guy. - They've watched the blitz.
and fucking drinking whiskey on roofs and they would just sit there and watch one another. - But what do you do that if you knew the world was a quote unquote coming to an end as you know it? You're gonna go out there. - Sneak a pee, right? You're not a hunger boy, you're out there, dude. - I'm out there for sure. - Yeah, I just figured, why not? If it's over, it's over. - Was it the bombings that he was calling or they were getting bombed? - It was no, they were getting bombed. - They were getting bombed. - Okay, that I'd be a little less. (laughing) - Yeah, but I thought it was like he was bombed. And I'm near you, you're going out. - Oh, take a victory. - London was getting bombed. - Which I also had never, as another interesting thing, I thought like going through the war rooms is that I had never like processed World War II from a country that was under attack. Like I only ever thought of World War II. - We only want to be on the winning team. - We went over there and we knocked that shit out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know what I mean? - That's what she went for. - She said it was never coming to America. Like it wasn't something we were scared of. It was just we told them to knock it off and they knocked it off. And then I remember talking to British people like over there and I was like, "Oh yeah, you guys were really in the shit." - Different story. - Different story. - Well, Americans have lived a different story in everything, not forever. We're always kind of exempt from being like, "Oh, we didn't even know that happens." You're like, "Yeah, no, it's happening right now." It's going on literally right now. And we're like, "What happened?" - I got to get my coffee. - Have you seen one battle after another or not? - We just, dude, we just talked about it. - Did you? - One of the best movies I've seen in a year, have you seen one battle? - Not yet. - Brother, go. It's honestly one of the best films front to back and also from a comedy perspective, 'cause we're comedy fans. It's the one of the funniest things I've ever seen. - Well, I've seen it twice now. I can't wait to see. - See, I'm going again, when my cousin hasn't seen it, he was like, "Would you go twice?" I was like, "Dude, I wouldn't even skip a beat." - I'm gonna go 10 times. - It's so good. - I'm now afraid to go. - It won't, like, the hype that it's got, I'm afraid to hold it. - Promise you will. Only because if you're a PTA fan at all, like if you like his stuff, this is, we spoke pretty heavily earlier. It's kind of a return to his best shit. Almost like it's like when a band makes a bunch of albums and they're pretty good, but then they pop out something and you're like, "See, that sounds like the band." - Yeah, yeah. - That I know, like, something reconvened with him that felt like the old PTA, not that any of his other stuff was bad, but it felt like I wanted it to feel again. Where the characters were so dynamic and funny and cool and unique and very individual. They all had their own kind of like goals, but they bond together. It's badass. - It's, man. - I love you when watching you talk about it. - If it doesn't win, if it doesn't win something, whatever that means in the business world, I'd be very disappointed because it's tremendously well done. It's also tanking in the box office. This is the thing about the world we live in now. Thank God, mascots isn't in the box office running. 'Cause dude, the movie cost what? There's a couple hundred million. - 150, I think, 130 to 150. - Yeah, but then you go up for marketing and budgeting. So I think they had to make three to return. - Really? - Tell her, Swift knocked them out. - Brother, she knocked it out in the first like hour. - They're worldwide. They're over a hundred million. - 100 is good worldwide, but that's not gonna cut the cake. - Yeah, domestic, they're still 42. - And I guess you have more knowledge of this than I do. Like movies like that, when someone gives PTA 150 million dollars. - Shouldn't have been that expensive. - Are they expecting to get that back? - There's a lot of different worlds of thought, right? Like a lot of times in the film world, what they do is, international sales, which is something I learned as a PA. When I first PAed for a studio out here, the first thing I learned was a lot of movies target international distribution as like kind of their mainstay to get their money back on a film that may not do that great here. So you usually will use a lot of foreign actors or slot them in cleverly to go, hey, we could post this in China or because China's a big money maker, you know what I mean? And so if you can do that and you've got international stardom, it helps distribution sales. Because over here, unless it's minions eight, you're not really making a lot of, you're not, you're really not or a superhero movie. So they do deliberately make sure that the international market has some appeal. So they can sell that outside of the states as big or bigger than they do here. So with that movie, I imagine they thought internationally it would start to, it would start a role. And especially after the DVD market collapses. Yeah, that was a big way that movies in the 90s and early 2000s were able to make money. Yeah, but is there ever a thought where they're like, you know, like we're going to take a loss. The argument, what you're saying is no. So like they're not like we're cool, losing 25 million if it gets to us. No, no, the point is to always make the money back. He is probably an award darling, but you always want to make a profit. Yeah, those guys that's their goal. I mean, they're basically banks. This is Bank of America Wells Fargo going, hey, we'll bankroll you. We do need to get that money back. And then some, you have to find the most clever ways you can't sell it to Delta. So it's showing on every plane, sell it to, you know, these tertiary markets or they call them like, what do they call them now? It's almost like these paralleled markets where you can sell it on different platforms as they go through, you know, Roku and whatever. You know what I mean, they need to put out as many markets as possible. But something like, what was Leo's last one with fucking killers of the flower moon? Like that was like 200 million from Apple. And then it only stayed in theaters like two weeks or whatever. Yeah, Apple, they, they know they, no, I know. But like, but they're not, so there are movies. But they're okay with the money as well. Yeah, they make phones. They're okay, Louis. They make phones and headphones and, and, uh, and wore missiles soon, I hope. And the same thing they just did. The new Apple missile. They just did it with highest to lowest, too. Like it's a Denzel Spike Lee movie. It was in theaters for a week. Like obviously you're not going to get your fucking probably not, but you, they'll find a way in perpetuity to sell that and makes, it will do, it will in, in time, will make money over, but it takes much, much longer. It's a longer gamble. But so you, but that, I guess that's my final question. So I'm doing a lot of lottery ticket. Find a house where it's a lottery ticket. It's a long play. Yeah, it's a long play. You're hoping that the market goes up and you continue to sell it and things improve and then, then you're good. And no one knows. It's a great, those will never make their money back though. No, no, they don't, in, in, in an idyllic world, they will a long time down the road in some variation. But no, quite frankly, but it's also like how Coca-Cola still advertises. You don't, they don't need to. It's a brand new thing. Yeah, it's brand new. Apple doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, Apple is going to make rockets soon. I do hope, imagine Tim Poole on stage promoting the new rocket and this rocket will pause break. We'll track the enemy for five days straight. It was crazy. I saw a guy who had the new AirPods in and their live translation, you know, have you seen this? I haven't seen him, but I know them. It's pretty cool to see it work in real time. I thought that was pretty fascinating. It does, it does work. There's a lag, but it does work enough. So this is just the window into the future where we're going to travel. Like what, when we saw each other in London, right? You're going to go take a trip and you're going to go to Spain or something, throw these in and then go, hey, I don't even, I know. What you're saying like the other person talks and you hear a train. The train lights, yeah. And then this should be the biggest piece of news ever. Well, I'm saying this should be a way bigger. You don't know about this. I've not heard. This is not how I'm across my desert. Well, you're busy, you're busy talking girls off of a ledge. I'm being verbally assaulted by peace. You like what I hear about this? You're next to be the trip. Yeah. Just as much as you need it, you need it. Make these girls feel good about going to the Philippines. No, but they did live transit, then if you want to speak in their native tongue, you talk to the app and it, you show them and it live translates your words for their language. Interesting. Unless you both got the headphones in and then it's home for you. It's home for you. At UN. Yeah. Right. Then your church shows war room. Communicating. No, the thing. Wait, but the about that. Yeah. Wait, no, you go from. No, no, no, no. Say it. So by the war room thing from earlier is we talked outside for a while and we talked outside. I think you were waiting on your time to get in. And it wasn't a quick like five minute talk. We talked for like 30 minutes. It was half an hour. I clocked it because I was getting annoyed. He didn't say he was like, I talked to him for way too long. I kept trying to get away. I was like, I'm keeping since he no one is wife. No, no, no, no. I loved it. But the so like a half hour into the conversation. Les mascots was coming out in like a week. And I was like 30 minutes in. I was like, I guess I'll bring it up. Like, I don't know. I didn't want to bring it up immediately. But sure. It was like 30 minutes later. And then right when I was about to bring it up, you go. You know who I just saw, Wimbledon. And I was like, no. And you go, you name somebody, you know, first thing he did was pitch a show to me. And you go, I thought he was a lot cooler than that. You go, just go. I was like, no. I was like, no. There's no way for me to segue into this. No. I'm working on nothing, by the way. In case you're a ronder. Yeah. Just sitting around the house. No, it was. I know you're referencing. Yes. Somebody did do like a whole, hey, can I throw you something? Like, dude, I'm here with my wife to watch tennis. Yeah, yeah. And also, I didn't belong there at all. Wimbledon was such a fluke. We got offered through. I'm not a big tennis freak, but I just love live shit. I will go to any live sport. I don't know if you're a sports freak. Dude, I don't care what it is. I will go. Like if someone's like, hey, there's a highlight match downtown. I'd be like, let's go. I want to see Ohio State Minnesota Saturday night. Were you? How was that? It was fucking awesome. It was great. You have no allegiance to either. None whatsoever. I was in Columbus for a hockey game. I played a hockey game yesterday. Flu Southwest here last night. Give it up. See what he's doing? Humble. Southwest brother, this kid flew sun country this morning. Oh, this morning? Fairly in airline. Yeah, but did you play hockey yesterday? No, he went to a wedding. No, I went to a wedding. All right. You're like, I'm traveling like a WNBA player over here. Do you know about sun country? I actually genuinely know what that is. Some of the planes don't make it. That's kind of their story. It is a Minnesota airline that they fly in and out of the minute. Sun country? Sun country. And they're also for Minnesota. Yeah, they're also in the Pacific Northwest, right? You can do sun countries to like Portland and Washington. They go up there. Yeah, but they're based out of MSP. Yeah. Tough, tough, tough airline. Worst airline I ever took was what? Called Taka. You know that one? Brother. Do you know what? Do you need some money? Is this what this is about? This whole thing was leading up to. The only reason we made this stuff. No, this is, I was in high school at the time. And I was. Taka? Yeah. I went to a show.
to school with a lot of international students. And I was going to miss-- - What's your college bracket? - College, no. - No, what do you mean school? Oh, you mean high school. - High school, yeah. - And there's a girl from El Salvador who I was going to see back home in her home country. And I just flew Taka and I flew home. And my uncle, who's a pilot, was like, "Oh, how'd you get down there?" And I said, "I flew Taka." And he's never gotten to start with me, never gotten angry with me. And he's like, "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" (laughing) - Don't ever do that again. - I was like, "What do you mean?" - He goes, "Do you know what we call that?" We call it, "Tuck another airline." 'Cause that's fucking dangerous. (laughing) - That's a great little nickname. - Are they still operating? - No chance. - I believe it was TAK, if I had to remember. - TACA emerged with Avianca in 2013, and now operates as Avianca El Salvador. - Avianca El Salvador. - I found that note. - I found that note. - I found that note. - They're gonna get you down there, dude. - No, I got that note. I went to El Salvador this year. I swear, I know it sounds like a joke. What people say. - What were you going for? - Just a weekend through to El Salvador. - Just a solo weekend? - No, no, no. My friend's girlfriend was going on a big girls trip for like Memorial Day weekend, and I don't know why they picked El Salvador, and they were like, "Do you two want to just come with us?" And then all of her friends dropped out, 'cause they're all from Ireland, said like, "Visa issues." Just me, my friend, his girlfriend, and one of her friends staying at like this really nice Airbnb in El Salvador. I'll tell you what. I guess if you're a criminal down there, bad, if you're an American, lovely time. (laughing) - Isn't that the lesson in life? (laughing) - If you're an American, that's all good. It is funny, that's how privileged we are. You forget about Visa's, 'cause when we travel, you're like, "Oh right, you guys just can't go everywhere." We can go fucking anywhere, unless you're on a worker's permit, but for commuter visa, you don't really need, you used to years ago for certain countries, but now most of the time they're like, "American is like, I'm gonna go high." - You know what I heard, and I don't know if this is true or not, that international airports had to put foreigners and United States citizens for the passport lines, because no United States citizen thinks of themselves as a foreigner, even when they're in a different country. (laughing) - So the lines, this is my country. - The lines would get all confusing, right? - This isn't unless the changes put foreigners in there. - You think I'm a foreigner, dude? (laughing) I'm a based country, and I'm foreign about that. That is the American ego that it's trying to. I mean, it sounds like a Trump law. (laughing) - And we need our own lines. It sounds like, you know what I mean? We need to be seen as an individual. (laughing) Al Salvador did do anything for you in the terms of like, you'd go back or no? - I was honestly thinking about investing down there. I almost wanted to watch, like not in the stock market. - Layman, watch how it's doing that. (laughing) I was like, I almost want to buy a house down here. I feel like it's on the up and up. - Is it? - It was very, we stayed in El Tumco, it's like a surfer town, so it was like very safe. Everything was dirt cheap. I mean, listen, they put everyone in jail. If you did even something a little bit wrong, you went in jail. - Yeah. - Which you could say would it let it work for making a fun trip for an American for a weekend? - All right, good. - Would you a surfer? - No. - No, no, no. (laughing) You say that, but I don't, we don't know. We talk the other day about people that have surprised me that surf that live out here. There's a group of guys I know that surf in the morning, like there's comics and people we know. I bet half of them you'd go, you're a surfer. - Really? - Yeah, because I think surfer's just a commitment thing too. Right, you have to have the level of athleticism has to exist, but it's commitment. You have to do it all the fucking time. - Yeah. - It's just if you go enough and you've learned enough, you may not be a great surfer, but you're better than the guy who's never done it. If you've never done it, it's fucking impossible. - It's more about like the insanity dedication to it, rather than the athleticism. - You have to do it, once you learn it and you can do it, it's almost like you ski at all, like you ski your snowboard, no, none of that. - So I'm an only child from Long Island who peace 20 times a day. Anything you think about me is true. - Yeah. - Do you do the peanut allergy? That's the one surprising fact that always gets everyone. - Pretty to call your mom at some point during the show to make sure everything's okay. - No, I don't call it on that much. We'll text. - We'll text. - In the middle of the podcast. - I'm doing okay. - Still potting, I love you, mommy. - My dad's actually already called me during this podcast and I have my phone on Do Not Disturb right now, but my dad, he found out that if you call twice, it takes off to do it on the store. - Smart. - And he talks about it, like he found this key. Like he'll tell people, like it's the headphone technology. - He'll be like John Henry. - He's like, John Henry's got his phone on silent a lot, but if you just call it twice, it gets through. I'm like, dude, that's not the point. The point is, I found a hack. - I'm doing something right now. - How old is your father? - Not that old, like 65 maybe? - Let him have it. Let him have this moment be like, you know what my dad, in front of him and other people, just go, you know what my dad discovered? (laughing) Let him have that, 'cause that's a beautiful thing for that age. - By a brilliant tech savvy dad. - When their phone's on Do Not Disturb, if you keep calling it, it just goes through. 'Cause my dad still has like the TV, so he refuses to get a new cable box, 'cause he doesn't want to deal with Comcast or whatever, and it's been on the Fritz. So like he'll be watching football and it'll just like skip or pause or something will go wrong with it. And the TV's new, I'm like, it's not the TV. It's the box, like it's obviously the box. And he goes, no, but if you unplug it, plug it back in, it's fine again. I'm like, right, you know what, you're right. You know what, you're right. I let him just have it, 'cause why fight with him about it, it's, you gotta let our parents have it. My parents are on their 70s. Let them have the glory days. Let them just, this is, you know what I mean? The little nuggets they find and they go, you know what I find out? Just go, is that right? - Dude, let me tell you about my dad's. - My dad's, this is from a few years ago. My dad discovered water. - Sorry. - And he would call me all the time. And he'd be like, I think you're supposed to be drinking a lot of water. This is a new discovery for everybody. He was painting the house, and he didn't drink water all day, and he ended up in a hospital. - Right. - Because he was the hydrated painter. - It's the thing you need to live, yeah. - And he called me from the hospital, and he's like, "John Henry, I hope you're drinking water." And I was like, "Dad, I drink it all day, every day." - All day, that's the thing I like. - And now, like, once a week, I'll get a call. Is that you've been drinking water? - Did he, yeah, man? - Did he ever get stones? - No, he was fine. 'Cause stones happen when you don't drink enough water. And I know young men get it. 'Cause they're like, what, water's in everything? - Our office is insane. Our office gets kidney stones all the time. - You would think they're like contagious. - In the way we get them, right? - Well, 'cause they're probably drinking coffee and energy drinks and not water. - They'll always try and blame it on something healthy new that they've been doing. - No. - I think it's like the, "Match it, I've been drinking." - No, that's not it, dude. - Dude, it's not. It's the way we live our lives. - Well, you're talking about young, the office has got to be filled with young kids, young men who are addicted to energy drinks now, because that's the new shit. Are you on this? - No, I'm not. - You're on this, you pass that, right? - Yeah. - I've never enjoyed them. I had 'em like, when Red Bull became a thing, 'cause Bobby drinks some, I don't know, what do we give him three a day for a day? So I'm like, on the show. - Yeah. - What do we give him when he's the bottle? - Yeah, yeah. We do, we have to feed him. Brother, if we don't remind him to eat food, he will forget. They'll sometimes we'll do the show, it'll be 9 p.m. And he's like, "I haven't eaten all day." I'm like, "Do we need to call you to tell you to fucking eat food?" He does. - Sneak food into his energy drink. - You do, don't. - You need to like, shimmy it towards him to go, "Do you should have some?" But he drinks those like, "Crazy, I keep telling 'em, you're gonna get, you're gonna get stones or something, or something is gonna upset." And you're stomach because it's, you're not, there's no water, it's just all acidic bullshit. But the caffeine, I've never been able to do caffeine. - What, no coffee? - No, I don't do coffee, I don't do soda, I don't do-- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - No soda? - No soda, no. - You go to the movie theory and popcorn, you know what I'm saying? - Nope, what do you have with popcorn? - Water. - Water? - Your dad would be proud. - Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess he didn't notice, it's how my mom raised us. - Oh, whatever drink was water. - Water. - No soda ever. - It's not even like, with the soda, it's not the caffeine. Water, I'm sorry, with coffee, I can't drink the caffeine. I get jittery and all that shit. Soda, I just don't like the feeling of liquid sugar on my teeth. - Right, well, it's disgusting, but it's so good. - It's the main reason to go to the movies. - A hundred percent, I couldn't remember, I couldn't remember. - Popcorn and soda and snacks are the thing I look forward to almost as much as the film. - Yeah, it's almost, it makes me go to the movies less. Because if I'm going to go to the movies, I'm going to get a huge popcorn soda and D. - Yes, yes, yes. - And it's like, what I'm going to sit there and fucking watch the movie, like some schmuck. - I'm there to take out. And it's like, I can't go to three movies a week, otherwise I'm going to get fucking fat. - Yeah, it's dangerous, dude. But a water with popcorn, I got to be honest with you. I lost it just a little bit of respect for you just now. - Yeah, just because that seemed diabolical. That's diabolical. What about with pizza? - But I'm also-- - Pizza, you don't have a coke with pizza? - No. - Brother, brother, brother. - But I'm standing right now, I feel bad, I feel like I'm not doing it right, but I can't. - Brother, brother, brother, brother. - Yeah, we're really pissed off, we're not happy with this. But I look forward to, like, if I'm going to get a good slice of pizza, I look forward to the Mexican coke, coke and a bottle, as much as the pizza itself. - Really? - The pairing is literally perfect. It's as if they engineered it specifically for pizza popcorn burger coke is like held on high. - This makes a lot of sense. - You don't eat fast food? - I don't not eat fast food, I don't really eat it so much anymore, but I eat fast food. - If you're going to rip a McDonald's order, what is the fast food you will eat? - I'll eat any fast food. I don't eat it very often, but I'll-- - You don't have a favorite? - Wendy's probably like a Wendy's place. - Most food we talk about is McDonald's. - McDonald's, if you do, you got to get a coke. - Yeah, yeah. - McDonald's are peppered all the D.P. - So we're missing out. - Where do you set on diet coke? - You know, I'll have Diet Coke if I'm out at the bar and I'm not drinking. I've been supplementing it by just having a diet coke instead of having beers or drinks with people. I do that only because I don't want all the sugar and regular coke, but I know you can only have one because after that it's like, what are we talking about? - Yeah. - It kind of cancels-- Well, there's no sugar, it's like, but you had five diet coke. - I made it my New Year's resolution this year to start liking diet coke because I was getting sick and tired of everyone talking about how much they liked it and being like, my little sip of happiness, so I drank it every day until I liked it, it took 27 days for me to become full of it. - Dude. - To die.
- So now you're in. - Now I crave it like every day. (laughing) - A ditch and work, dude. - Yeah. - It's like if you want to know how long it takes the chemicals to overtake your body, it's about 27 days. - So what about Coke Zero? Are you into this? - I didn't, I didn't try it. - So the Europeans prefer Coke Zero over Diet Coke. So when you ask for a Diet Coke, 'cause we went to Europe three times on tour this year. And when you ask for a fucking Diet Coke, they're like Coke Zero. And you're like, well, do you have Diet Coke? They're like, yeah, but you don't want Coke Zero. I'm like, no, we like Diet Coke. They like Coke Zero. - Really? - Coke Zero tastes more like fake Coca-Cola. Diet Coke has its own. - It's a TIC. - She's her own girl. - Yeah, yeah. - She's independent, dude. Coke Zero is trying to be a hot girl, and she's just not it. Diet Coke is like, she's got tattoos. (laughing) She'll go out and not be alone. - She's gonna make her need for that one. - She does whatever she wants, and you can't tell her. She's a boss bitch. (laughing) - Coke Zero is a fucking phony. - No, I need to quit it. I need to quit because soda is probably my worst vice, but it's something I don't think I can ever let go. - Honestly, until this conversation, I don't know if you guys have seen the commercial about Pepsi and a pizza or whatever. There's a commercial that goes around of like. - Nice try, Pepsi. - It's like dominoes people delivering, and then Pepsi pulls up right after. And I was always like, no one needs drinks. Pepsi with pizza. - So does this is a disappointing part of the series? - Yeah, you're a Pepsi guy? - No, no, no. Are you saying specifically Pepsi or soda in general? - I didn't know like soda with pizza was the thing. - I mean, that's. - You guys should switch chairs. - I can't. - I don't wanna be as close to you, dude. (laughing) - So do what you're a kid and you go to a pizza party. - Correct. - Literally just little pizza slices and so. - Little eating pizza and being in a play pen isn't a thing either. I just thought that was for a little bit. (laughing) - We're not okay with this? - Yeah. - We gotta stop going to that McDonald's play place. (laughing) - We're having a good time. - We're having a lot of fun in the balls. - No, dude, when you were a kid at a pizza party, you drank but you had pizza and coke. - For sure. - And that didn't carry over an adulto. Good for you. - Yeah, no, I'm, I guess I'm proud of myself. - I don't think pizzaery is even sell water. (laughing) - You think I'm just sell water for your hands to water? - Usually I just ask for it and I ask for water to spit in my mouth when I have to do it. - That's the action. All right, I wanna give you one quote real fast. You just reminded me of when I did take a couple of photos. I tried to enjoy the moment, not do the photograph thing, but in the Churchill museum, the one photo I did take that I loved was he had a couple of, there was a couple of great quotes on the wall. - Oh, I thought so. - Well, this one was, well, hold on, hold on. That was an Oscar wild quote that he had written, oh, this is a wonderful quote. And I want, dude, I wanted to put this on something. I almost texted this to you because this is like one of those art nerd film things to write before the movie, start or the television show begins, you know, like words to quote. And it said Churchill, we are all worms, but I do believe that I am a glow worm. And I was like, "You fucking bad motherfucker." (laughing) "You bad motherfucker." That's a great quote. - We're all worms, but I do believe that I am a glow worm. Very ambitious being a member of Parma is not enough for him, and so his whole thing was like, he was one of the fastest to ascend, you know, in Parma. And I think the way he did it was also, he kind of was so cocky that he kind of changed the rules. I mean, you learned a lot about him. He drank, he drank every lunch, every lunch he would drink and then take a nap, and then wake up and then get right back to work. And it was kind of criticized at the time that it was like, I don't know if we should have you drinking that right now, but let's drink at night. And he's like, "No, I'm going to drink at night, "but I'm going to drink at lunch." And I think he did it so, he was a functioning alcoholic. He did it so well, people were like, maybe this is what we should all do. (laughing) 'Cause he was a genius about it. And he smoked cigars, but he never smoked. Do you know this? Most of the time he never lit cigars. And if he did light them, he never really inhaled any of the smoke. - Really? - Yeah, he was a chewer. He was one of these guys that kind of like had it in his mouth often, and enjoyed the idea of an almost burnt out cigar. You didn't read any of this stuff? - No, I didn't get you to read it. - I didn't get you to answer that one. - Yeah, I was passing it because I thought the cigars, he died, Google this, but I think he died at like 90, like he died in unbelievably long for that era. And I thought, how could you drink every day in smoke and then die so late in life? And then there was a whole thing, 90. - Yeah, 90. - 90 years old. And there was a whole thing about him never really inhale, or even inhaling it in his mouth. 'Cause most obviously you don't inhale in your lungs, but he wouldn't even let the smoke on his mouth. He loved the idea of cigars and the taste of the flavor and the smell more than he liked this, this consummate. - He's not a big man. - He was just a man. (laughing) He was just a man, a man who looked to be 90 in an era where nobody did. I will die much earlier than that. And I don't smoke. 80's kind of my, I think 80. I can smell it. - 80, yeah. - I think 80's kind of not right around. Yeah, if I make it to 81, I'll be bombed. - I've always had 93 in my mind for myself. - Yeah, well that's 'cause you're sheltered. (laughing) - Right, my mom tells me I'm the rest of 93. - You live forever, my love. - I've never pictured myself older than like what I am right now. - Oh, you didn't even think you'd make it here? - I've heard you two-pock. - I've pictured myself older like in my 30s, but I've never been like older than that. - How old do you think you are right now? - Ah, great question. - I was just talking about stopping with this recently. - Yeah. - I used to think I was 24, and I like until like a couple of years ago, and now I think I'm like 60. - Oh, you do? - Yeah. - I kind of came out of being a 24-year-old, and now I'm just like, I'm a grandfather. - I'm perpetually 30. - Really? - 30 for some reason was a magic number for me. It was like one of the greatest birthdays of my life. Like the time of my life was there. So in my mind, I'm like, I'm 30. I've always been 30. Even though I'm 42, I'm like, no, no, I'm 30 years old. (laughing) - 30's are kind of the perfect age to be friends with. - It was, 'cause you're just enough out of your 20s where you are making some money, and life isn't as crazy as it was when I was 24, and I was, you know, eating fucking spaghetti at the laundromat every night. Like, that's gone, but then you, I wasn't successful in my career where it was like, I was home free, you still had to work. - Yeah. - So it's kind of this like perfect balance of both worlds. Also, my birthday party was- - You guys are making me looking forward to turning 30. - Yeah, it's gonna be huge, dude. - 30, like 30's the best. 'Cause you're a great number. - You're mature, you're young enough, but you're mature enough to not be totally stupid anymore. - Yeah, I think 30 could be an age for it. - You're edging into adulthood, but if someone was like, an open older person is like, "Oh, dude," and you're like 30, like, "You kids." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - It's great. Once you get into your 40s, people are like, "Nah, yeah, yeah." You got a 401, okay? You got life insurance policy? You're like, "I do." And it's sad that I have one of those fucking things. When's your 30th? - April 29th. - What are we- - What are we- - What are we doing? - Oh, you just had your golden birthday. What am I fucking astrology? (laughing) You just had the golden birthday. It's a big deal. - Yeah. - Did you do something for it or no? - No, I actually went to go see a play. It was like the fifth play I've ever seen. I saw the, what is it? The billboard, one billboard. - Oh, Glenn Gary Glenn wrong. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Did you like it? - It was pretty good. - No. - It was to know. - No, it was to know. - No, I like- - He's not here. Bill! (laughing) Bill, get in here. - I just thought it was gonna be like longer or something. - I don't know what I was expecting. 'Cause it's like two sets the whole time. I was like, oh, surely more is gonna happen. But I do like, you're sort of saying like, before about you like watching live sports. For me, this is maybe sick. But one thing I like about Broadway shows is that they could mess up. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like, oh, you go see a movie, you watch TV show, you know, it's a clean product. Like seeing a live play to me is like, maybe someone's gonna miss their line. That is cool. Well, that is like all, that's just like sports too. Who is gonna fuck up and who's gonna become a hero? - Yeah. - Oh my god, that's weird, right? - Yeah, that's actually very interesting. The element of fuck up. It's kind of why I do stand up is like stand up live is better than anything taped ever forever. Film specials are great, taped stand up is good. But it'll never feel the same. Sodor once said that. He's like, yeah, 'cause you're getting it live out of the tap. You're getting it right from the tap. When it's unfiltered, it's like podcasts. You're getting it from the tap versus like, packaged performance, there's so much surrounding it that it kind of takes the, it's less raw. - Yeah, it's just not as, oh, what the fuck was that? You're never gonna get any of that. - When you do your special, when you film it, white noise, like, was that, when you're filming a special, are you sick of that material? - Like, is that when you're done with it? - I don't know how other people feel about it. Yeah, you hate it. You're like, you're almost, and sometimes when you tell it, you're like, fuck you. (laughing) As you say the joke, you're like, shut up. - Start heckling yourself. - Like after you say it, you wanna be like, boo, hack, yeah, comedy is such a fickle thing anyway. When you first find a joke, it's like the most beautiful feeling in the world. And then, as you do it and perfect it, quote unquote, or get through it, you do start to like, it's yeah. You know what I require it to is like, when you first meet a girl that you're like super into, and you start to see a different side of her, and then you're like, I don't really like that she does that at all, that really bothers me. And then by the end, you're like, we should break it. That's shooting a special. You should be like seeing people in the crowd laughing like, hard, I didn't want you to laugh like that. - Yeah, yeah. Well, the funny thing that happens when you do anything, and even like your show, there's things that you think they're gonna like as much as you like it, and it turns out they like the other thing more. And you're like, why did you like that? (laughing) You didn't like the thing that I thought was fucking awesome? Yeah, that's the hardest part is letting go of an all creative stuff, letting go of the idea that they're gonna like it the way you like it. And once you get over that hump mentally, it starts to be more freeing for creating shit, because you go fuck it, they might like this, they might not, or they might like this as much as it's the other thing, but I can't care. I used to care so much, and then you just don't care anymore, 'cause you're like, whatever, do you know what I'm just gonna keep making shit, and hopefully you'll like it, and if not, I'll make more shit. - Do you care that, like real? That's gonna stick with you. (laughing) Well, 'cause your 20s in creating for me, was like young car.
comedy, it's a fucking nightmare. It's a weird emotional grind, and then you put yourself against yourself all the time, and then you grow old enough to go, all right, dude, I don't fucking, I know I'm good at it. I've lasted this long. I can't dictate what you're gonna like. I'll just tell you what I think is good. And then, you know, Louie talked heavily about that about like bombing, andcessantly when you're with new shit, but he's like, I know, that doesn't, I don't care. I'm figuring out if I like it. - Right. - You're gonna take your own path, but I'm figuring out if I like it. And then if we both like it, then it's perfect. - Then we, yeah. - But, you know, there's shit that we were, Bob tested out a couple of new jokes to Louie, and we were trying to do, you know, like just like random thoughts of like what might work. And it is funny what clicks, then your mind versus what clicks to other people, unless it's just a perfect joke. - Yeah. - Unless it's like anything norms ever said. (laughing) Like, oh, that's just like the perfect fucking joke. But that's, I think the lesson in all this shit is like, we'll figure, we'll see. That's why it's great to see a live shit 'cause you're like, what is gonna come out of this fucking nonsense? - In here, we pour whistle. - Hey, false seems like a big reset 'cause it is here. Back to school, back to school, busier routines, the kids got all sorts of stuff going on. You're getting busier, I'm getting busier. How do you get the meals that you need easily without having to run to the grocery store all the time? That's why factor is here to help you support your wellness goals. Factor meals are amazing. GLP-1 friendly meals and new Mediterranean diet options. You like what they do with fish and beans? They got it, baby. You can save her all those global flavors. 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And that's kind of the biggest thing. Usually they just do one of the two. Mando starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid, sticky deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and the deodorant wipes, which I love the wipes after a long workout day. And free shipping, as a special offer for our listeners, new customers are gonna get 20, 20% off site wide with our exclusive code, use that code whiskey at shopmando.com for 20% off site wide and free shipping that's SHOP, M-A-N-D-O.com. Please support our show, tell 'em that we sent you Mando's got you covered with deodorant plus sweat control. Say goodbye to sweat stains and say hello to long lasting freshness. Ginger. I like ginger. (buzzer) When you're doing like a show, like with Dave or something like that. Yeah. Are you, if I don't know if you'll like it, are you happy or are you like, no, that was the good joke. No, I don't care about that anymore. I just want it to be, I just want the total package to be nice. I want the whole thing to go like, oh, that was a good, by the way, I got a compliment the other day from BlackDude's are the best fans of anything. But this BlackDude was just like, man, that shit was so motherfucking funny, man. I was like, thank you so much. And then all these other whites were watching me get praised by this man in line. And it just does something to you. (laughing) You see that, whites? (laughing) You see how he handled that? He was so nice and cool about it. You know that? It can be done, people. It can be done. No, yeah, I don't care about that anymore about like what it, you just want the whole thing to feel good, like I don't have the ego of like, why didn't I get more lines or was? I don't fucking give a shit about that. If the whole thing is good, how that happened? Like I don't understand how people like, I want more lines. What's going on? What's going on? It's not how the show goes. Why would you have more lines? Ego's hard, you know, like, how long have you guys been working together? I mean, a long time, but like, oh, like, mostly like a year. Yeah, it's coming. (laughing) Right, dude, it's coming this whole fucking like, oh, what do you like to? Maybe we should do it another day. Now here's the thing, both me and Josh, like, we're terrified of other people being mad at us. You're scared of that, right? Yeah, yeah. So we'll avoid a confrontation. People please, there's at the highest level. At the highest level. Oh, I care about that. It's good, but it's also very toxic. Yeah, that's cool. We were in the Uber over here and I said, I think he's going to get mad at me. No way! (laughing) I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm going to get canceled, because he's just going to get really mad at me over so. You're a sweetheart. I mean, Tommy is going to get canceled for being boring, I'm like, no chance. If you're a long Island sweetheart. America's sweetheart is something I dubbed myself for. Your America's sweetheart? I did a reality show at Barstool and I started calling myself America's sweetheart and it caught on a little bit. It didn't backfire at all. Didn't backfire, actually, no. Made a t-shirt. Made a t-shirt myself. And how are those selling? I didn't even attempt to sell it. I just wore it off Amazon. That's so funny. He's so scared of adoration and hate that he's like, we won't even sell the merch. I was building merch for yourself. That's really exactly pretty fucking brilliant. This one's just for me. That's actually one of a smart idea. Just to make merch for us and not sell it, we should do that. And never make them want it even bad. But then never give it to him. Never. That unrequited merch love that we all have. Yeah, the world of not making anybody upset or hoping that people like what you are putting out, it all goes away once you fucking. It's just you stop caring. Oh, I fully stop caring. You don't care. I don't give a single fuck. It's really hard. You still give a fuck. But I care like, I get out of an Uber and I'm like, I hope that driver likes me. I just don't like you who just drove you guys. No, I don't think he did that. I don't think Uber drivers ever like when people are talking in the back seat. You know, like you don't want to hear. But are you guys chatty with the Uber driver? What kind of Uber passenger are you? Are you a chatty guy? No, usually no. I've had like, I do feel like maybe once a year, you get like a heart to heart with an Uber driver. And do you remember that? But for the most part, especially if I'm alone, I'm just my headphones are in. We're not talking. I've had a couple of really good Uber drivers. I do, I let them dictate it. If they want to start being talkative, I'll talk. I don't start it. But I very much enjoy talking to Uber drivers. It is fun when you get put in a position where you get to play a character. I oftentimes will make up just an entire world view. You know, like, what do you do? It's like, oh, I'm in tech. Oh, you go full, full made up. Yeah, why not? That's a time to be, I get to be, that's my little play in the back of the car. I get to just become something that I'm not. I do, I used to do it on airplanes a lot because I didn't want to tell people that I'm a comedian because of like sheer self hatred and embarrassment. You know, and so now I'm a little bit more known. So a lot of time people will know already maybe. But that used to be a fun game when someone, the best part about a Uber is they can't really see you. Yeah. And my name is not my name on my profile. Oh, yeah. And it's not my photo either. So I get, they don't really see you get in. They see you get in and then they don't think much of it. So most of the time I still get to play that fun little game. Do you get that feeling acting? Because I, that's like, I think why I like acting. Sometimes. I feel exactly what you're talking about. Acting is so, is so coordinated and laborious. I mean, either the fucking take up to take up to take up to take up to take up to take up to take. So that kind of wanes sometimes of the, of the like, the fantasy of it all. But this is great because it's live. It's one shot. You know what I mean? You could mess up. You could mess up. And you do. Yeah. I thought you said you were in tech. Yeah. Uh. Roll, roll. Open the door. I, but I do, I do get to play characters a lot in the car. I do love that. Yeah. Fuck. But none of it's harmful. It's always like fun. Like, I get to pretend to be somebody else because that's more interesting in my mind than saying I'm a comedian. For sure. Ironically, I'm sure they would like to know the stories of a comedian. Right. But I'm like, no, it's cooler to be. It's cooler to be Jim from fucking, you know, West Lake Village and my wife just left me and my kid, you know, my kid got a full ride scholarship for water polo. It's fun to be that guy. That's way more fun. That Uber driver is much more happy to be talking to Jim. I'm just saying, you know, some loser comedian, but the, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, that's his pseudonym. I met Jim. He was a tech guy from West Lake Village. I think you get, and then you give them something to have fun with because then I also play and I will be very agreeable and play into their reality. So if they say something out of pocket, you have to go along with it. You can't disagree with them. You're in their car. So if they're like, yeah, do we got to get all these fucking immigrants out? And you're like, right, I'm brother. Let's fucking round him up. Like, open the trunk. Let's run him. Like, you have to go with their madness because you're like, I'm in this guy's car. Yeah. I can't. This guy could kill us. The idea that we're in a stranger's car and if he snapped could just, what was the movie? What happened?
Diane or whatever remember was she was driving with her her she look of that movie whatever happened to aunt something she was driving with her niece and nephew and in a moment of sheer whatever is him fucking Crash the car and they she was sober. What is it? There's something wrong with aunt Diane wrong with Aunt Diane and they tested her blood They did they did she had no psychoanalysis that would prove that she had mental Issues that they were like this is a anomaly that she literally just snapped one day out of the blue really it's fucking crazy It's it's a sociological experiment Louise joke about girls go crazy girl was it girls gone girls gone wild and they can't be women gone wild because when women go wild They just drown kids in the tub Girls gone wild shout out girls gone wild University of Colorado go buffs one of my favorite times of my life Was meeting a girl at a bar who was on girls gone wild and she took me home Pretty great did while it was a but was a bummer It's actually a bummer. She was she was not really fun. She was better Girls gone wild, you know, it's amateur smoke show shit Well for someone of your stats right the way that you get the judge. Yeah, they were mere peas out right we're Where did you go to college for them and the Bronx and the Bronx here? Where'd you go? I went a little bit everywhere I didn't graduate. I love this story How many schools did you go to it depends what you counting and what you don't community college? No community college. I went to probably seven probably seven colleges. Seven. Yeah, but they're in it out Seven's a lot seven's a lot, but like that's counting like I studied abroad in high school So I technically had went to university Rhode Island, but I was in high school at the time. Where'd you go study abroad in high school? University Universidad de Salamanca. God. I don't even know. That's a real thing. Where's Salamanca like a two hours west of Madrid I believe it's in Spain. It was the fucking I like how you thought that I wouldn't know where Madrid is. That was very no I knew sharp attack on all you in London. I think you just come from Madrid We were in well no we flew out of a drip, but yeah, we were in Valderama. Oh, okay. We were in the boss country. We were down here. We were down in Malaga Malaga Malaga, but the day I took off they had a terrible earthquake And so we landed in London and people were like ooh was everything okay? And I was like it's great flight And I'm like do you not know they just had an earthquake on the coast. I was like, oh fuck didn't get up to the 30,000 feet did by the means Didn't feel a fucking thing This is a big issue with my wife by the way We're about to fly somewhere and she's looking at the weather a week and a half in advance to find out how the winds are and I'm like babe This and if we work if we go we go if we go we go. We go. I are you like I don't look up whether I don't look up I couldn't fucking care less. It's whatever it is. It's gonna happen. What's gonna happen gonna happen? I like to be there for it. It's yeah, it's um Yeah, I don't I just don't I don't know I think I got a piece of of like a Piece of me let that go when I first started touring because I got I had enough shitty flights of terrible weather Where once you go through a few that are just atrocious you're like that's fine Yeah, like I had the the most famous one I told this dumb story, but I was in Indianapolis airport and I was flying back to I was either going to New York. I was it was a short short flight not a long flight But like an hour and a half an hour and the weather was a Trocious and it was fucking. I mean like the wind you can see when the rain changes directions You're like that's fuck it. I went that way then I went that way I could seem like a problem dude and you could see out the window and I'm waiting there I'm everyone's a little bit panic you tell they kept delaying the flight tell like we're gonna delay for the weather We're gonna hold it's gonna get easier and it didn't get any easier Then finally they were like we do have to take off if we're gonna go the flight the plane will go tonight So they finally bought us on this little thing. It's a little puddle jump or you know like a one-seat two-seat and I was really fucked up dude. It was bad. The takeoff was this way, you know It was one of those where I'm like woo fuck, you know And we get up there and it's real wobbling and everyone's kind of white knuckling like everyone you could tell You can feel there's no noise, but you can feel people's like yeah You can feel that and I look over my right hand shoulder and Bobby Knight Is sitting there reading a newspaper Cross-legged as if it's Sunday morning Yes, Bobby Knight not on this to this not bothering not bothering him It doesn't even he it's like as if he's at a boat it's you know, I mean like yeah a couple of waves And I thought God's not gonna take Bobby Knight I was like we're fucking we're going to New York And by the way it did give me a weird piece of mind to Bobby Knight It just made me think he already is old enough to go what what are you gonna do? You're gonna get up there and fucking to just let it go. They'll fly it. They'll be fine I'll do that. I'll I up. I actually don't really get nervous to fly But when I used to I would I up the plane and be like does this look like you know front new like people that Is this a plane that crashes Like playing crash people or not see what I do is I go to the window like a child You know the kid is always a kid at the window staring out at the plane. I'm that guy I'm looking at the ground crew I'm like how how much are their jobs are they doing I guess that if you see them go under and do one of these things I'm okay because if they're looking you sometimes you see guys get under they throw the base at the wheel and then they go Yeah, check it though Grab the wheel and shake it. I want to just check it a little because I had two touch touch and ghosts Have you ever had those? No, they couldn't do land. I've had like nothing but great. Touch and goes are really scary Touch and goes we we got all the way down and then they hit and then they got to go back up again Because it's just not stable enough. Yeah, and that one I was texting my wife going I'm just letting you know I'm not scared of crashing but we might come home because it was Vegas and I was like they might go back to LA Because it was we couldn't the wind was fucking insane Sometimes the heat in the desert's so bad if it gets over like 103 104 these heat winds They're these jump big pocket jumps that you go through and I was like we might end up back at Burbank The heat winds. That's when you like feel the plane drop. Oh, well because they they they the The he can look it up. It gets so hot and when the wind is heavy and these desert windstorms that they have when it's so fucking hot I think it just changes the lift pattern of it So you get these massive pocket drops and you'll have like really unstable moments because of the it's the heat and the wind Combined and they were telling us it's gonna be bad on the way in but this was like Holy fuck that makes out. I've only ever had like one of those big drops in Florida. So like that makes out of it It's got to be something to do with the humidity and the I mean look. I don't I don't understand lift as much as I should All you need to know is lift. That's all anyone knows They're fucking lifting you got to go out to go up to go down somewhere about it Forget people up saying the Jell-O analogy - right? It's terribly. Oh, it's just like you're being stuck in Jell-O Yeah, the fuck does that make me feel you should if you shook the Jell-O hard enough it would fly You can take it right out of the bowl. Yeah, it eventually would at some point But no, no that that I've gotten over that the hiccup of that in my life. I mean, I think it's It's an afterthought if it's gonna happen. It's gonna. I'm you're too young to die though You should still have a little bit of caution. I see I think you're right around oh don't say no But like I think 30 despite like why was that earlier where it is the perfect age to kind of be forever Yeah, I think 30 like once you hit 30 you're free to die. I got it this I got it You I feel like a lot of people say that where they're like I'm not afraid like whatever. I'm not afraid I'm gonna put me on record. I'm afraid to die. I do not want to die It's literally the worst thing that can happen. It is the worst thing that can happen. It's it. That's it Like people are like whatever if it fucking takes me like no, I'm not like like there was a time my life I was eager for it. I'm not eager for it, but I'm not like you're not scared I'm not like what's gonna what am I gonna do to stop it dude? We just talked earlier about dying in a vulnerable way though. We I was we wanted to do a sketch where I had these Do you know Norma tech? Do you know what those are no? They're they're like the legs sleeves that you put on They fill up with air right and I got these as a gift for when I had my when I was injured and I was I was like oh the pressure relief in your legs feels great. They fill up with air. They're big puffy. It's stupid Athletes seem like Lebronwear. Yeah, they love them, but I do them at the house at night and I was I was Talking to my wife about how funny it would be if somebody broken and robbed me with like these Airpuff like and we were thinking about all the vulnerable ways to die where you're like this I understand the ideas like I'm not okay to die I just know if it happens it happens, but I just don't want it. There's certain ways where I'm like don't do it now You know, I mean like stepping out of the shower. You're like come on. I got one. Don't be a prick Just kill me regular. Yeah, well one of my schools was Florida State University. Love to hear one of my schools And I went to school. I went to town asking I went down there I didn't know anybody down there, and I do one person, but he already had a roommate So he hooked me up with like a friend of a friend and we had this dog shit apartment complex called Villa Cortez apartments Shout out Villa Cortez on Jackson Bluff Road. Go look up. I imagine it is go look up the reviews of this place It's not good and it was just look up the reviews. I like to read a couple of them horrible apartment complex And I got I moved in I bought myself a brand new TV Through the TV case box outside Whatever two days later. I'm taking a ship. Mm-hmm. This is 2008 So I'm on my blackberry. I'm playing brick breaker And I just hear my front door get kicked in. Oh, yeah, and I was like huh Adam doesn't usually open the door that loud So I get up from the brick breaker and I have my pants on my ankle still and I waddle to the door And I peek it open and there were three men in masks in my living room. Oh come on in We're on the wrong house. I just locked the door put it back down sat down and just like just sat there. I think probably kept playing
brick breaker. And I was just like, I don't know what these, what these guys are going to do, but I just hope they don't open this fucking door. And I was, but I was picturing myself getting like, either beating up on a bowl of my own shit or shot or stab. Because let me flash before you shoot me. Yeah, you guys can go take whatever the fuck you want. Just don't leave me dead. They got the TV didn't they got a TV in the laptops. Here's a deal. They just left you like they didn't go. Yeah, they don't worry about him. But rookie, rookie, rookie move, not cutting up that box and putting it up and somebody else is what the cops said when they came. The cops were like, they were like, I didn't even think about it. I was like, they told my new TV and they go, do you leave the box outside? And I was like, yeah, I did. And then they were asking me, it was actually straight out of super bad, too, where they were like, it was a black cop and a white cop. And they were like, we'll call it. You get a look at the guys. And I was like, yeah. And they're like, what a, and I was like, 18 right, filled with white guilt. And I was like, ah, so Obama here, too. And then the black cops goes, kid, did he look like me? He looked like him. And I was like, well, they looked like you, sir. You did so funny. One of my buddies in Chicago got robbed in his apartment and they tied him up with his, with his computer cable. Oh, yeah. Really? Soda, you ever heard of Soda? No. Soda when he was at University, Arizona right now. Yeah, he went to U.A. He's one of Luzer ASU guy over here. You're an ASU guy? He went over to the west, dude. ASU has my favorite story ever of Dustin Padroya. When Dustin Padroya was still at ASU. And Barry Barnes came for alumni game. Barry Barnes had no idea who he was. He goes, who are you? He goes, I'm Dustin Padroya. He points up to the fucking records. He goes, I'm the guy I broke all your records. That's a pretty bounce, whole move, whole move, Padroya. Hey, Dustin, how many splash at home runs? Can you hit and fucking San Francisco? He was such a cocky little fuck. That is pretty bad. He had the same thing in the '07 World Series after he went deep in game two in Boston, trying to get into Koresfield for game three. He couldn't get any, he didn't have his press pass or whatever. His credentials. And they went, where are your credentials? He was like, my credentials still bounce him down Mass Ave, get the fuck out of my way. Padroya. He's the best. I kind of like him now. I'm sure I still hate him. Well, he's like Boston. Yeah, I was just going to say, you have, and I'm so sorry about what's been going on with you right now. Listen, we got a few games left. Did you get your shit pushed in the other night? Two days, two days. 12 to, it was, it was a 10-1-13 to 7. The 13-7 was a blowout. That was a fake. It was 12-0 thing and they scored off nobody. Yeah, got it. It's okay. It's okay. You Cubs Cubs fan. I am a Cubs fan and we, we play in a couple hours and you know, look, we don't think you gave up six runs on the first thing. I'm sure did. I'm sure did. Milwaukee's a phenomenal baseball team. So it's Toronto. Toronto's pretty good, although the NL has it this year. I'd be willing to put my name on that. There's so much strength in the NL between Philly. Whether, if it's not Philly, if it's not the Dodgers, it won't be the Cubs. I'm saying that as a self, like die hard Cubs fan, we just don't have the depth, but Milwaukee is dangerous, but Philly and the Dodgers are fucking unreal. They're both unreal. I mean, the Dodgers are a magician team. That's like a, that's like what a kid makes up. You know, when the interview, like little league kids are like, who are all your favorite players? They're all on the Dodgers. I've never had an MLB the show team as good as the current Dodgers are. It's, it's actually pretty fucking amazing. They're kind of like what the NBA has started to do when they create super teams. Yeah. But the Dodgers did it pretty organically in the way where they got guys who may have kind of come off of like an okay run somewhere else and they rebirth them again. I mean, Milwaukee bets is probably the best requirement the Dodgers have had and I don't even know how long. It's just, there's certain times when you go, wow, how do these teams, how, beyond the money, how are they able to really finagle some of these fucking deals to happen? It's, I kind of think that sometimes with like streamers, like with Netflix, like when they got you, and I'm like, that was already on another channel and no one cared about that. Yeah. And then you just did a great job of rehabbing it or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, you just, you just got to throw a cutter more. Yeah. Well, yeah, that for that foreseam, dude, that's something to behold. Well, no, the Yankees are, the Yankees are still going to be, you're going to still be okay. But I think even if you go through, man, you're going to have a tough time with those fucking Dodgers. But everybody wants to see Yankees Dodgers. I like to see that. We all want to, I'd like revenge for last. We all want to see that because that's, that's, it's the greatest tale in sports is East Coast West Coast. It's, it's almost like sports wants that as bad as it is happening. It's like, this is what we want to see. They don't want Brewers Mariners. Yeah, really don't do that. Now they really don't. It is funny when we do get a Super Bowl or a World Series or something of two teams that you go. There's always the thing of like, well, we're bringing new fans and new markets will care. No, no, let the coasts play each other. Everyone else shut the fuck off. I think that's super bowl. Everyone watched the Super Bowl, but like baseball, I opted out of the Ranger's Diamond Box. Yeah, not a real fun for me. Yeah, not a real thing. But when it does happen in Super Bowl, you will still watch, but your interest is different. For some reason, when it's a team, two teams in Super Bowl, you're like, I don't think anybody likes any of these guys. When football in particular, if you're not invested in the sport and invested in the teams, I find it to be a pretty like, not boring sport, but there's a lot of times when I'm like, I watch like a bangles Browns game. I'm like, what the fuck? Well, let's see. I could watch a random NFL game more than I could watch a random game of any other sport. I agree. Interesting. So like, well, so I put the TV television, live or TV. Oh, TV. I would you have to pay me to go to a football game. I hate going to football. Yeah. I love a good life football game. I love a live event of any kind. I'm exactly like baseball. I want to go to baseball. And I will watch two teams. I literally hate, but I love baseball that much that I do not fucking care. I just love live baseball. Yeah. But I'm talking about baseball. I can see myself doing that. By the way, have you seen Eiffus? Ah, the movie Eiffus. No, I recommend it. Eiffus. Yeah. F U S. It's like E F. Yeah. E E. No, E E P H U S. It's a baseball movie that I think just perfectly captures the spirit of baseball. The whole thing takes place in one day. It's a men's league team playing. Anybody I know that's in it. There's anybody. There would be people. It's it's it's it's made. It was a big enough movie. Okay. Probably you. Yes. One of the gangster guys from uncut gems. Uncat jam. We'll watch it. Bill Space Manly has a cameo in it. Oh, really? Yeah. He's like an old man sitting on the bench watching the game. Do you know who that is? You don't know who that is. Yeah. That's funny. Recommendate. This brings me to this is a phenomenal question because me and my cousin got an argument. Nah, discussion about it last night. Side note, watch battered bastards of baseball. It's the best sports documentary I've ever seen in my battered basketball. Better best of the baseball is by far the best sports. What's that about? Being Russell Kurt Russell's father own day independent league baseball team. This is all a real story. And you know Kurt Russell could have been a pro baseball player. I did not know that way to see this movie. His father own day. His father was a famous actor on Bonanza. He died like 120 times on TV. He was a plumber actor as a were you just kind of working to work to work and never got rich, but never was poor. And ended up buying an independent league baseball team back when the major leagues were trying to kind of squash out independent leagues. It's maybe the most powerful thing I've ever seen. Really? It's fucking amazing. And the way brothers did it. What's it? Their band is called Chapman Way. The way brothers now do like 30 for 30s. And they do the untolds and all that stuff. That's those guys. Yeah. You'll notice it because the music is very similar in all these. It's brilliantly composed. Anyway, battered bastards of baseball. My next point because we got into talk about this last night because you made me my cousin goes we had an argument back at Chicago him and his buddies best sports movie of all time. And I go sports across the board. And I said this is hard because you're talking a movie that like centers around the game, you know what I mean? Like like a Hoosiers, for example, where they all have a message, but a game is a lot of it or something where the game is tertiary, but it's still a part of the film. So I actually and I've processed you before. I for whatever reason, I love sports. I love movies. I don't like sports movies. Holy shit. Something about it. It's like, you two shouldn't me. It's like, I want to watch sports. I want to watch a movie. I don't want to see. You hated the blind side. I kind of did like the blind side. I like the blind side. I like a miracle. If you got like Mike, remember the Titans. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen like coach like Coach Carter. Coach Carter. Rudy. Rudy. I hate it as a kid. That's because you don't like Notre Dame. Yeah, I guess. That was that was the problem growing up in Chicago. You either love Notre Dame or you hate Notre Dame. There is no in between. Really? Yeah, 100%. Because Chicagoans are either bred to love Notre Dame because it's right there. Or you are just thoroughly against it because of all of the love that they get. All your dumb friends who like them. Yeah, it's because everyone in every one in the Midwest has to have that we're we all just want to fight the thing. So we're like, if you like that, I fucking hate it. Why do you hate it? Just because we just so many of my friends that don't like it. It's because they fucking hate Notre Dame. I mean, I watched it when I was like eight and I think I was just bored. I don't really watch it. I don't know. Maybe I'll rewatch. But now I don't really like Notre Dame. So no sports movies for you at all? Well, I said like Mike is. First time I ever did Whippets. I was watching like Mike. Really? Yeah, I mean, my friend we were probably in like fifth grade. Whippets during like Mike. Yeah. We were doing a double. We went back to the back who went Lizzie McGuire movie then like Mike. And then the like Mike he's like, you want to go upstairs and do some Whippets. And I had no idea what they were. And then we did some. I didn't care for him. I want to be friends with you when you were a kid. That's a cool guy. With so to watch. Yeah, back when you were normal. Drinking pop like a human. So what do you think sports movie? What do you have? What's my favorite? I got your I'm I'm interested in that theory. I've never heard that before. I'd like you to watch like movie and I just I don't know to me. It's just like two different. Like I think what I like about sports is sort of like we said the unpredictability like who's going to win. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Like sports movies.
Pretty much know how it's how it's gonna go more or less sports docs on the other hand that those I get into see That's why you'll like better bastards baseball. It's a doc. It's a it's a true story doc, and there's no frill It's just the story that's why I love it. I think maybe she's like you can't write a fake sports story That's as good as the real sports. Well, that's interesting But what if the story is based on a real story like I like miracle, right? But like that's just you know Remember the title my number one was a bullet for sure I think a lot of sports movies do end up being pretty cheesy So I think that's why I'm probably you saying field of dreams was cheesy If you do build it They will right there all like I was watching. You know what I was watching recently? Hurricane which I don't think I would really count as a sports movie, but has sports themes to it Yeah, and even the lights film more than anything. Yeah, but I like in that I was like I might have been just because like young Denzel was making me think of remember the Titans But like they was part of it where I was like yeah, this is a little kind of like Disney movie it is rather than it hurricane Well, I voice my opinion as the greatest sports movie of all time as he got game is unequivocally the best Me neither Ray Allen Denzel washing it's like Lee right brother. How have you never seen he got game Ray Allen? Jesus shuttles worth it. You know I guess like you weren't really Jesus shuttles worth it was his name in the movie, but it's it is probably one of the great he got game is so fucking good It is it is about as close to a real story as it feels like when I was a kid The big movie was Oh, man. I'm done. Oh, dude. I'm having a brain annuers. What's the the basketball movie for the kids from Chicago hoop dreams dreams and That felt like the most real version of hoop dreams in a In a fictional tale because it does really embody this This is what these kids go through when they go to get recruited and how they're kind of manipulated by people around them and it's so good I also blew blew chip Nick Nalti Shaq not you haven't seen this no What about Raging Bull God guys Raging Bull. No We've skipped over rocky and that's I have seen yeah, I hope so we skipped over rock the color of money color money Yeah, money money ball money ball was another my cousin said that was one of his top money For sure one of my top, but I have the issue with money ball that everyone has and it's very fair hold on What you hate Jonah Hill? No, the the story of money ball doesn't make sense like what do you mean the movie doesn't Bring up the fact that like there it doesn't it didn't have anything to do with all that stuff like yes, that all matter incredible starting rotation It was Miguel Tejada who's name isn't mentioned in the fucking movie right? It's fucking Barry Zito Tim Hudson Mark Mulder Like their names aren't mentioned in that movie. Yeah, it's interesting They do make they talk about Scott Hattaburgle fucking movie. Well, they wanted to make the movie about about Billy more than it was about him Right, but it's more of like a piece on him than it wasn't anything and I completely understand it And I get that Billy Bean did flip baseball and I think ruin American culture in the process I like you again I'm back dude, but the It's just I think you have to at least mention that those guys are on the team sure you have to mention that a fucking MVP candidate Was on the team you have to mention that three Sai Young candidates were on the team. Yeah, it's got come up at some point Yeah, you're leaving out a little bit well What they're doing is creating more lore. I mean lore is what sports are about you You want to make that even when in those stories aren't true About some of these athletes you do still want to go along. I don't care sometimes if they're not true But like you hear these kind of like tall tales of athletes before us the stuff that they would do I don't care that you know, like wilt slept with a hundred women or whatever whatever. No Thousand women. Yeah, ten thousand And you're like I don't care that that sounds absurd. It's it's a story of lore You being Ruth beer and hot dogs. We're not also probably not true Do you know what I mean? Like all these things are probably not true like and I don't care You I still enjoy the fact that they're and it build the lore. I have an argument the fish was this big dude Well, I haven't argument that I've been working on that. I think you're gonna like It is that every sports should only have three stats every sports should have three stats Because we have too many stats now and it's ruining the lore sure Like everything is like it used to be like oh, we hit a ball 700 feet and all that stuff and and now I think sports I've gotten too much like video games or like just math in general where there's so many fucking statistics for everything I'm like I just need his batting average his home run and his RBI's and I'll figure it out and match well It is crazy when they do like awards voting based on like the saber metrics like they'll be like well Like he actually should be the MVP or the Saiyung because like his metrics say he should have been this good It's like no, we have the stats. Yeah, they work. I get using that to build a team where it's like I want to go find value in a guy in a trade or free agency or something But when you're like looking at it as like in evaluation like we've got those steps. Yeah, like I get I get this But I also do think then you leave out things like show haste 50 50 see like you leave out things that you go It's impressive because it's not it's it. I know what you mean that but I know what you mean It layers it layers on to something where you go write it. I do not like it when they throw in Stuff that quite frankly. I'm not interested in I mean But they do that because everyone wants everyone's recognition. Yeah, someone wants a number for everything It's the only way that they'll feel seen right because a lot of these guys are like well, I'm done in three years Yeah, but my fucking war up there. Yeah, my line drive It is true. It is kind of like you do want that Something to hold on to because athletes when it's over You do kind of see how they still really pine for the thing. Oh, yeah, and they're like, you know I used to be able to and you're like, I know, but you're fat and you're 50 now Like it's fucking weird to watch Guys that used to like admire you're like kind of like a fetal guy And so if they don't have those numbers, it just feels like they weren't there. How does how does that work with comedy like the institutionalization of like sports like when Guys get out and they're like, I don't even know what to do with my life. Do you see that with like comedy? Comedy a lot of comics want to be like comics a lot of guys want to be like cemented and remembered forever Like a lot of guys want you know, there's specials to be like their You know, they're they're their catalog or whatever I I tend to be a little bit more self-hating in the idea that like I'm here for now And if you like me great and I'm fun and I just want to have fun be funny make stuff until you tell me to go away And you don't care about you. You want to be forgot. Yeah Well, you will be you're you're a grain of sand. You don't matter. Legacy. I think it's kind of bullshit. I complete I just don't give a fuck about that. It lasts for like a generation. Yeah maybe generation. You're legacy. And by the way most people who are Legas who do do have a legacy It that is grand they Usually at some point we're all we turn out. You're like that guy kind of was a piece of shit. Yeah It kind of doesn't matter. I mean, I think legacies of false. It's a false narrative like that someone is perfect or good or We're all up and down flawed. So just enjoy the moment while they're here and then then fuck in a hundred years This all this this dude this you think this is no okay. I don't remember this I think I remember com reading Conan I think he's only whatever. He's on like the New York Times or something like that. He was talking about just How his career went. Yeah, and he was talking about after the Leno stuff where he just kind of had to have this moment of realization Where he's like dude, you know what all graves go unvisited. Yeah, so just move on and but I'm getting cremated So it's even more fun. I can't disappear me into the sky. Who was that guy? Fine, dude, who gives a friend always thought like you got to start we got to start like emptying out some least cementaries, right? Yeah We got to dump them. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah, especially after a while. There's nobody left to visit. Yeah Well, especially out by you guys to these coasts. There's nothing but something This is so got to go to every time I go from the airport to the city. You're like Jesus Christ So fucking cemetery the way to La Guarde is unbelievable It's like six miles long. You're like get rid of this dude. It was like a pretty weekly activity I thought that was like a normal thing as a kid like maybe once or twice a month and go, you know, visit your a grandpa in the cemetery It's like that. That was awesome. Yeah One of the worst things in the world cemetery. No sense get rid of rock on the stone. So I hate that. I hate that We had my mom's weird and we had a Christmas not tradition But one year she tried to start a new tradition where we went to the cemetery. I mean, we were drinking at the time And we we just drank and sang Christmas carols to our deceased family members graves One of the most fun Christmas is ever It was fucking awesome. Check this out. You could have just done that at the house And just thought about them. No, we had to be you got to be in a field of dead people really get the feeling of it This is some old school like you got a sheet of dead dead No, they're underneath you and you black out you have to sing we're just in there like 20 family members just pass around a bottle of whiskey Oh, it was unbelievable. I mean, truly it was one of my favorite Christmas memories. Imagine if you're the the family member that was I know it was like guys Shut up like I'm here. I'm trying to rest You guys pissed me off the whole time I was alive. You gotta do it again. I say I say I say cremate it my in the words of my my grandfather my hero who died. He goes land is for the living Oh, I like that. You don't need this is this is not for you. I'm very much a cremate land is for the living This is not for you. That's insane. I haven't thought about it yet too afraid to get there. You look on that flight home
By the way boys, I want to say thank you this we flew by this, but it was very fucking fun And I thank you guys for coming plug once again just so people people can watch Lemesco Lemesco's on YouTube everything's out for YouTube everything's out eight episode seven episodes They're all out if you're listening to this. It's it's gone It was honestly it was really fun to make it was really cool process for us and it's gotten really good reviews People really like it. So you do it again and again and again. I hope so. Yeah, definitely hope to we'll put the link in the description down below Please watch it. I think as long as we keep making stuff like this for the fans I hope that's how the disciple could continue because we're not looking to make a hundred fifty million dollar budget All right. This is this is a shoestring budget. This was this was a shoestring budget Yeah, they're just trying to make something for the peeps It you know I was talking to pals as a director of this and he was saying that we maybe didn't market it correctly early Where he was like because it looks really great. He's incredibly talented. Yeah, the director and cinematographer and all that and he was like He's like tell people the only four of us made this he's like he's like everyone's been like oh it looks beautiful He's like just tell it's four guys five guys running around New York who made this Um, and we had honestly got a time my life making it. So um, well watch it. I hope you watch it For adult men want made it For adults for guys for guys watch a lot of help from other people but mostly well watch the link is description below We end the show the same way you look at that camera Uh, and you can do it at the same time or separately you do one word or one phrase to end the episode One word or a phrase to end the episode. It's going to be cemented in history forever This will go into Smithsonian at some point. I've said that and it will okay. I have what I can't think of anything else So I'm just gonna say it what anal I was gonna say um To the people in 31 20 who are watching this is the only thing that's made it This isn't even a phrase, but it's the only thing that's made it is this podcast from 2025 So I'm glad you're watching it thousand years ago. I guess yeah, that's good. I don't know why anal came in my head I think it's your fault to be honest and I gotta be honest with you that's gonna come back to bite you Why you'll see oh no [BLANK_AUDIO]
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
Andrew Santino shares his tour schedule, highlighting upcoming performances in San Francisco, Brea, Hammond, Windsor, Bethlehem, and Las Vegas with strong fan demand.
He reflects on his early career at Barstow, where he protected Instagram models from online harassment, becoming a trusted figure through empathy and integrity.
The name "Mascots" for his show emerged organically from a conversation with a guest, who suggested it as a playful, relatable term that resonated with both the audience and the team.
Santino recounts a memorable visit to the Churchill War Rooms in London, where he was struck by the intensity of wartime leadership and the human experience of resilience amid crisis.
He discusses the cultural and emotional contrast between American and global perspectives on conflict, noting how Americans often overlook real-world dangers due to a sense of historical exemption.
The success and financial performance of the film *PTA* are analyzed, emphasizing its strong critical reception despite poor box office returns due to strategic international distribution.
Santino shares personal anecdotes about family, health, and lifestyle—including his preference for water over soda and a humorous story about his father’s discovery of hydration.
He emphasizes the value of live performances and raw, unfiltered comedy, valuing authenticity over perfection and embracing audience reactions as part of the creative journey.
Summary:
Andrew Santino shares a lively and reflective podcast episode that blends personal stories, career milestones, and cultural insight. He details his upcoming tour schedule, from San Francisco to Las Vegas, emphasizing strong fan interest and live performance energy. A key narrative centers on his early days working at Barstow, where he protected online models from harassment, showcasing his empathy and integrity.
The show’s name, "Mascots," is revealed as a spontaneous, audience-friendly choice made during a conversation with a guest. He recounts an immersive visit to the Churchill War Rooms in London, where the intensity of wartime leadership and the reality of global conflict deeply impacted him, contrasting with the American tendency to downplay such experiences. He also discusses the box office underperformance of the film *PTA*, attributing it to strategic international distribution and market dynamics, while highlighting its critical acclaim.
Personal anecdotes include his family’s habits—like his father’s discovery of hydration—and his lifelong preference for water over soda, rooted in both health and tradition. Throughout, Santino emphasizes the authenticity of live comedy, valuing raw, unfiltered moments over polished performances. He reflects on how audience reactions, even unexpected ones, shape his creative confidence, ultimately celebrating vulnerability, connection, and the joy of live storytelling.
The episode concludes with a warm message about community, humor, and the enduring power of human connection across cultures and experiences.
FAQs
Andrew Santino's show is called 'Mascots'. The original name was 'Whiskey Ginger', which was later shortened to 'You Betcha' for a Minnesota tour. The final name, 'Mascots', was suggested by a guest who noted a joke about 'white noise' and the term felt more natural and inclusive.
Andrew Santino is touring in several locations including San Francisco (Halloween weekend), Brea, Tempe, Hammond, Indiana (week before Thanksgiving), Windsor, Ontario, Bethlehem, PA, Hanover, Maryland, and Atlantic City, New Jersey. All dates are in the upcoming months.
While working as a social media intern at Barstow, Andrew ran Instagram accounts featuring models and became a trusted confidant for women dealing with online harassment. He protected their dignity by defusing harmful comments, which helped him develop empathy and a strong ethical foundation in communication.
Andrew Santino believes 'PTA' is a return to form for the creators, praising its comedy and character dynamics. He notes it's underperforming at the box office, which he attributes to the film industry’s reliance on international distribution and the shift away from traditional theatrical returns.
Andrew recommends Mando deodorant for its clinical strength, 72-hour sweat and odor control, and premium ingredients. He emphasizes its effectiveness in reducing sweat by 92% and notes it works well in all areas of the body, making it ideal for active lifestyles.
Andrew values live performances more than filmed content, believing they offer raw, unfiltered energy and spontaneity. He notes that live stand-up is more authentic and emotionally resonant, as audiences react in real time, creating a unique and dynamic experience.
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