894. LEP Live in Paris! ✨ Live Podcast Recording (Summer 2024)

Thank you for choosing Luke's English podcast. For more episodes with specific vocabulary and pronunciation teaching, plus add free listening, access to the premium community and to show your support for the podcast, sign up to LEP Premium at teachalluke.co.uk/premium You're listening to Luke's English podcast. For more information visit teachalluke.co.uk Hello, hello, hello, hello, actually I feel like I should start with a jingle again. It's not that every single time I speak that I start with my jingle, that's not the way it is. It's not like I arrive at work on Monday morning and start a conversation with someone, "Hi Luke, how are you doing today? How was your weekend? You're having a conversation with Luke from Luke's English podcast. For more information visit teachalluke.co.uk/premium Welcome to my life." So hello, now I'm recording an episode of Luke's English podcast right now. It's actually happening and I can't stop now. I can't stop and restart. This is it. It's actually happening. This is the recording and we're rolling so I have to just keep going and here comes some more people. So yeah, this is being recorded. So I have to say hello to everyone in podcast land. Hello to everyone in podcast land. I hope you're doing well out there in podcast land wherever you are, whatever it is you're doing, whatever time of day it is, whatever sort of body position you're in at this point, maybe you're sitting down comfortably in a nice armchair. If that is the case, good for you. So welcome to the podcast, all the people in podcast land. This is being recorded live. I mean, all episodes of recorded live is just in this case there's a bunch of people in the room staring at me, thinking they're all thinking, "Why, dear, did we make the right decision?" Because upstairs everyone had to make a decision because we did the stand-up show and then it was like, "Okay, what should we do?" And I think probably some people were conferring with their significant others like, "What should we do? Should we stay?" "Should we stay for the podcast?" Yeah, I'd quite like to stay for the podcast. "Okay, well fine, we'll stay for the fine. We'll stay for the fucking podcast. Well, it'd better be good. If it's not good, I will hold you personally responsible." And you will have to pay me back somehow by buying me a nice comfortable armchair with sides on the top. So hello everyone in the room. Hello. See that you hear that? Everyone in podcast land is real. So we've got people from. So where are you all from? Guys over here. Paris? Paris. Paris. China. China. Which. And you're living in Paris? Okay, what brought you to Paris? My husband's here. He brought you to Paris. I brought him. I studied here and I want to go back to Paris. You studied here, you found him and you're like, "I want to keep this man." You were pretty in China. So you met in China? Yeah. You know, I'm keeping him and I'm pretty. I'm. No, I studied here. I went back to China and then I want to go back to Paris and then he followed me. It's like this guy's my ticket back to Paris. He's Britain. It's Bridal. They don't like Paris. No. No, you're from Brittany. And so how come you live in Paris even though you're from Brittany? I have to work. Have to work. I know it's. It's terrible, isn't it? It really is. Hello, over there. I talked to you earlier on. You're very nice to meet you. You took a photo of me. That's fine. Yes, that's great. I do claim copyright over that photograph. Just to let you know, I have intellectual property rights to the photograph. I'll be giving you a letter from my lawyer later on. I know it's done. Jo Kinovkyol. Hello. A person in a hat. Man in a hat. Yes. On a hot day. Yeah. Okay. How you doing? Good. Good to go. Yeah. Okay. What's your story? Where are you from? I'm from Paris, but I live in Lille. So it's not France. You're Polish, but you live in Lille in the north of France. Okay. All right. Great. Okay. What are you doing in Lille? Lille. Hello. How are you? Oh yeah. Really? What English teacher? No. I wouldn't do that. English teacher? No. No. To be ridiculous, Lucas. What kind of teacher? It's a little scary. I feel as if you. Oh, philosophy teacher. Well, awesome. Hello. Are you a couple? Yes. Great. So who's the, who's the podcast listener and who's the other one? You're the, you drag tour along to this thing. Oh, we've got to go and see this guy that he keeps talking about. That he listens to all the time. Maybe a bit too much. Yeah. Are you French? Both of you? Okay. All right. Good. How's that going? Not so bad. You want to, you talk to the philosopher over here about that? A pizza has arrived. Yay. Random applause. Random applause with a pizza. I dropped my nose. No one clap for the pizza. What's the matter with you people? Come on. With a pizza arrives, you have to clap for it. That's it. Not substitute with the sound effect. That's all right. This is great. I've got a captive audience. This is nice. I like it. Do I want a piece of pizza? Well, you know, pod, that's very kind of you. What was your name again? Acer. Acer. That's very kind of you to offer me a piece of pizza. I love pizza, but I can't eat pizza and pod cars at the same time. Okay, so good thing I've got this on, isn't it? I can't eat pizza and pod cars at the same time. That's why we wear this. Sorry? How do we agree to do that? Yes. To eat pizza and pod cars at the same time. Maybe I need to get an operation so I can do that. So my mouth can only be for talking and then I just inject the pizza directly in a strange idea. Oh God, I've lost the. So this is on here to protect from. Who are the funneticians in the room? Yes. I knew there was one. So what's this for? The peak and it's. Yeah, it really comes close. Plosey of sounds. The most dramatic of the phonemes. The plosey of. That's why you have the soft cover on the microphone. I'd love to have some pizza, but I can't. Because I've had complaints. I've had complaints. Like I like Luke's English podcast. He's very useful when he actually teaches English and not just talks nonsense. He's very useful. But I don't like it when he eats pizza while podcasting, especially when he doesn't have a cover on the microphone and he says pizza and the microphone explodes. So I've got a captive audience for this episode, which is wonderful. A captive audience, which basically means like you can't leave. You have to stay. You have to stay, unlike on YouTube where people are just like, "I'm going to watch something else now. No, here." You could leave, but you would have to make an awkward walk of shame towards the stairs. So my next thing on my notes is it just keep talking. So it's literally the next thing on my notes there, which is like rule number one for Luke's English podcast. Just keep the words coming. Just keep the English flowing at all times. So this is a live rambling episode, ladies and gentlemen, a live rambling episode, which pretty much describes most of my social interactions, to be honest. Just another, oh God, he's doing it again. He's having another episode, a live rambling episode. Q&A from the audience, it says here. I mean, shall I write this? Q&A from the audience? Because I've got a feeling with this. In this heat, I'll blame the heat. In these conditions, at this time of night, no one's going to have everyone's going to like questions. I don't know. Does anyone have some water? That will be the question. Does anyone have any questions? I'll let you think about that, right? Meanwhile, while you're thinking about that, if there are any questions like maybe now is the time to ask Luke about modal conditional verb forms. I'm going to tell you about this hobby that I've come up with, right? My new hobby. Do you want to hear about my new hobby? Yes, Luke, great. Okay, so my new hobby is that I like to use chat GPT, to do something very specific, right? Some of you are like chat GPT. I don't think so. Some people don't like it. But I use. I've been using chat GPT to do something very specific. And I'm now confused because I've lost all my notes. They're all jumbled up in order. This is so much easier on a computer. Okay, okay, I think it's all right. So my new hobby is to use chat GPT in a very specific way to create dramatic Hollywood screenplays for situations in my life. You can do it too, folks. Okay, so yesterday I asked it to do this. So you know, I've been having quite a stressful week, everyone, teaching an intensive general English course at the British Council. Okay, yes, make sure that fly. What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? Nicholas is like, this is very interesting, but I have to make sure that this little fly does not land on this beer. No, don't mind, it's fine, it's fine. So I asked ChatGPT yet, so I've been teaching this intensive general English course, so he's a lot of work, a lot of teaching, a lot of admin as well. And it's a bit stressful. I've also been trying to think about this evening as well. So I yesterday, for fun, I asked ChatGPT to do this. I wrote to this, I wrote this, I said, can you write a dramatic Hollywood screenplay about Luke from Luke's English podcast for a live podcast recording in Paris? But he can't quite get ready because his boss, the British Council, keeps asking him to do student reports and other things like that. Make it very dramatic with perhaps some action elements. Right? Now, do you want to know what it wrote? Of course, great. So here's what it wrote. Now, I've added a few details myself. I've adapted it slightly, so I'll let you decide which details I added to the screenplay and which things are ChatGPT. OK, so here we go. If you mean while you're thinking of questions that you might want to ask me, we're like, Luke, why would we ask you questions when you tell us everything? So fade in. So no, title, the last lesson from Universal Pictures. OK, fade in. External London Skyline daytime. A bustling cityscape. The camera zooms in on a red double-decker bus weaving through traffic. Internal bus daytime. Luke Thompson, 40s, charismatic and determined. I swear to God, that was ChatGPT. OK? I swear to God. It's seated, listening to a podcast on his headphones. He checks his watch anxiously. Nareita. Luke Thompson, a man of many talents. This is going to be narrated by Liam Neeson. OK, Luke Thompson, a man of many talents, is caught in a struggle between his love for teaching at the British Council and his passion for podcasting. Internal British Council office daytime. Luke enters a modern office. It's not realistic. And if you've been to the British Council, ChatGPT's never been to the British Council. Luke enters a modern office greeted by a bustling environment of teachers and staff. He sits at his desk, opens his laptop, and begins typing furiously, which means typing fast. It's not like, fuck in hell. It doesn't mean typing furiously like that. It's just like typing quickly. Boss. Mr. Gray, 50s, Stern. Stern means like serious authority figure, strict. Mr. Gray says, Luke, I need those student reports on my desk by noon. The home office is breathing right down my neck on this one. Don't leave me out of dry Thompson. Mr. Gray speaks in idioms. He doesn't spend enough time in the classroom, so he's forgotten that he can't speak in those terms, because learners of English won't understand. Anyway. And I say, OK, yes, OK, Mr. Gray. But I have a live podcast in Paris tomorrow. I really need to prepare Mr. Gray. The podcast can wait, Luke. These reports can't get it done, or I'll have your badge and your gun. [LAUGHTER] Luke. [LAUGHTER] We're not cops. [LAUGHTER] This isn't the 1970s, OK? This is the British Council. But Mr. Gray has already walked away. Typical. Luke, damn it. He insults Mr. Gray a few times under his breath. It's fucking-- [INAUDIBLE] Mr. fucking. External London night time. Luke walks home through the crowded streets. Frustration etched on his face. He pulls out his phone and dials a number. [PLAYING] It's a pity that phones don't do that anymore, right? Do you remember the big ones like, [PLAYING] [GRUNTS] [PLAYING] Miss those days. The orange color of the lighted up numbers. Lovely satisfying rubbery feeling when [PLAYING] doesn't get much better than this. 1997, where-- where 1997? Anyway. He pulls out his phone and dials a number intercut with internal Paris Lucy's apartment night. Lucy, 30s, supportive, attractive, Luke's partner. [LAUGHTER] Most of it, I added a track-- I added attractive. I added attractive. But Lucy, 30s, supportive, Luke's is 30s. So she's like a decade younger than me. Thanks, Chad G.P.T. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, is that what I suppose so? It's like, how patriarchal though, I don't know. Lucy, hey, Luke, how's it going? Not great. Mr. Gray keeps piling work on me the son of a bitch. I don't know if I can make it to Paris. Lucy, don't stress it, babe. You'll find a way. You always do. Internal Luke's apartment night time. Luke enters, surrounded by podcast equipment and notes. He sits down and begins to record an intro to his award-winning podcast. Luke, welcome to Luke's English podcast. Today, I'm preparing for a live show in Paris. But damn it, life keeps getting in the way. Montage. You know, a montage. And of course, his French. Montage, the montage music, dramatic. [SINGING] Luke grading papers late into the night. Luke researching for his podcast. Luke sweating and googling something. Luke smoking and staring at the London skyline. [LAUGHTER] Luke eating some noodles out of a brown takeaway box while typing with one hand, you know, like in the movies, like Ghostbusters or something. Luke caught in meetings with Mr. Gray punching the table and pointing. Luke loosening his tie. And lighting another cigarette, I don't smoke. It just feels appropriate, like, you know, I never wear a tie either. Internal British Council-- OK, this is not going to go forever, I promise. He was like, when can I ask my question about conditions? Internal British Council office, daytime, Luke slams the reports on Mr. Gray's desk. Here are the reports, Mr. Gray, just like you asked. Mr. Gray, it's about time Thompson. Now, I need you to cover for Sarah this afternoon. She's out sick. Luke, no can do. I've got a train to catch, Chief. Mr. Gray, then you better run. External London streets daytime, tense music. Luke sprints out of the office dodging pedestrians and weaving through traffic. He races to his flat, grabs his suitcase and laptop, and dashes to the train station. Internal train station, daytime. Luke arrives out of breath, leaping over the platform gates as passers-by gasp and stare. Is that Luke from Luke's English podcast? [LAUGHTER] The train to Paris is boarding. Luke dives on just as the doors close. He straightens his tie and takes a seat. In reality, there's always a painful one hour wait at the Euro Star, as you may have noticed, with a big queue of full of stressed out French people and border officials who do not give a shit. Just a bit of reality there. Just internal train. Train? No. What's-- sorry? Train. No. Train. The train away. Internal train daytime. Luke collapses into his seat, pulls out his laptop, and continues preparing for the podcast. The train speeds through the countryside. Maybe the mission impossible music plays in the background. Yeah, not. Yeah. Yeah. Internal Paris train station nights. People shrug and smoke cigarettes. This is Paris. People shrug and smoke cigarettes while holding baguettes. [LAUGHTER] Establishing shots, right? Paris night time. People shrug and smoke cigarettes while holding baguettes, shaking their heads at one another. A cordial music can be heard in the background. And the Eiffel Tower is visible from every window. A dog defecates on the pavements. Someone says, "Oh, puto." [LAUGHTER] Luke arrives in Paris. He looks around trying to get his bearings. Where am I? 18,000-decent. He mutters under his breath. External. Paris-- it's just fucking goat's going, doesn't it? There's a sequel as well. Paris street-- I'm not sure I'll do the sequel. We'll see. Paris streets night time. Luke navigates the charming but confusing streets of Paris. Getting lost, he asks a local woman for directions to the 18th-Around Eastman. He speaks fluent C2-level French. [LAUGHTER] The local Parisian woman giggles and says something about his charming accent, but pretends not to understand. And then just replies in English, saying that Paris is like a snail spinning her finger in front of his face. And giggling. Luke finally arrives at the podcast venue, an elegant cafe with a small stage. Small stage, yeah. elegant cafe. How's that supposed? Internal cafe nighttime. Luke sets up his equipment as the audience pours into the venue. The atmosphere is electric. Just like this. There are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, fifteen. There are seventeen people there. In the cafe later, Luke takes a deep breath, steps onto the stage and faces the audience. Hello, Paris, welcome to Luke's English Podcast Live. The audience cheers, Luke beams his passion and dedication evident. The level of English in the room rises. External Paris nighttime. As Luke walks through the illuminated streets, his phone rings. It's Mr. Gray. Mr. Gray on the phone. Luke, I need you back here ASAP, ASAP, meaning as soon as possible. As you know, Luke, sorry Mr. Gray, it'll have to wait. I have a podcast to record. He hangs up, even though it's a mobile phone. He hangs up, a satisfied smile on his face. There's more. No, that's the end of the movie. [Applause] Coming soon to a cinema near you, the epic sequel to "What was the name of the film, the last session?" The last session, too, fast and fluent. There's a whole sequel to it. There's an action movie as well. OK, yeah you are. Maybe. You're up for it? Yeah, OK. You don't have any questions then. OK, let's have the sequel to the film there. This is it. The last lesson, too, fast and fluent. We've gone for an action vibe on this one. The illuminated Eiffel Tower stands tall against the night sky. The camera pans down to a bustling cafe alive with energy. Waters ignore customers and. Yeah, pigeons, shit everywhere. The smell of piss lingers in the air. Paris is lovely, it's a beautiful city. 40s, ruggedly handsome and determined. OK, I did ruggedly handsome, OK. Stand on stage, addressing a cheering audience, of course. Thank you, Paris. You've been amazing. The audience erupts into applause. [Applause] Luke Waves and steps off the stage. His partner, Lucy, 30s, supportive, glamorous. greets him with a hug. You did it, Luke. That was incredible. Thanks, Lucy. I couldn't have done it without you. They share an intense look. External cafe nighttime. Luke and Lucy exit the cafe. The streets of Paris are live with nightlife. They walk hand in hand, enjoying the moment. Internal hotel room. Nightlife. [Laughter] Luke, 2 am I am. NSF, not safe at work. Luke and Lucy enter the room, exhausted but happy. Brackets, sexy time. [Laughter] Luke's phone buzzes with a notification. Luke, hold on, babe. I need to check this. He opens his phone to see a message from an unknown number. The text reads this. You think it's over? Think again. Luke, it's Mr. Gray. Lucy, what does he want now? Luke, revenge. Lucy, can't it wait? She says, suggestively. Luke, sure. Internal hotel room. Night, don't worry. Internal hotel room. Four minutes later, Luke is packing quickly. You didn't get the joke. Come on. Four minutes later, Luke is packing his suitcase quickly. While Lucy reclines on the bed, smoking a cigarette, illegally inside the room of a hotel. But this is the 70s. Luke, we need to go now. External Paris night time. The mystery of black SUVs. Speeds through the streets like an Avengers film. Led by Mr. Gray, 50s stern and menacing, he glares ahead determined. Mr. Gray, voice over. You can run, Luke. But you can't hide. External Paris streets night time. Luke and Lucy race through the streets trying to stay ahead of Mr. Gray's goons. That means like bad guys, right? They jump into Luke's sleek sports car and drive off. Tires screeching. [Buzzer] Internal sports car night time. Luke drives with intense focus checking his mirrors constantly. Lucy, where are we going? Luke, anywhere but here. Gray's not going to stop until he gets what he wants. [Laughter] Oh, God. Like, never before has the contrast between this and my actual life been more evident to me. In reality, it's just my line manager going, " Luke, can any chance you can send those student reports on teams?" I'm like, "Oh, yes, sorry, I'll send them in a minute." You know, like, Gray's not going to stop until he gets what he wants. A high-speed chase ensues through the narrow winding streets of Paris like the born identity or something like that. Luke skillfully navigates, but the SUVs are relentless. Do you know what SUVs are? Sports utility vehicles. Yes. We learned something even in a ridiculous episode like this. [Laughter] Lucy fires a pump action shotgun from a passenger window. [Buzzer] Right? She blows out the tire of one of the SUVs, which swerves off the road, crashing into the Wall Street Institute, which explodes in a fireball. Sponsored by the British Council. [Laughter] For listeners at home, the Wall Street Institute is a competing language school. [Buzzer] I use the word school in the loosest possible sense. Oh, whoops, legal issues may arise. This is parody for the lawyers listening. I love the Wall Street Institute. They really help people with their English, and they're very competitively priced. [Laughter] Got away with it, didn't I? Okay. So, yes, SUV internal nighttime. Mr Gray speaks into a headset. Cut him off. Don't let him escape. External Paris streets night. SUVs spread out, trying to corner Luke. He makes a sharp turn into a narrow alleyway barely fitting. The sides of the SUV scrape the sports car, scrape against the sides of the buildings. One of the neighbours is like, "Oh, put on." [Laughter] Summer, fess, ye, lizonglick. He conduit très dramaticement. [Laughter] Don't let rude Paris. [Laughter] I don't know why, I'm like this. Because I'm Parisian. Parisian. Anyway. [Laughter] Sports car. Luke grits his teeth, pushing the car to its limits. Luke, hold on. The sports car bursts out of the alleyway into a wider street. Luke sees the Louvre up ahead. Luke, I've got an idea. External Louvre at nighttime. Luke races towards the iconic glass pyramid. The SUVs close in behind. He swerves around the pyramid, causing the SUVs to crash into the pyramid and the entire museum explodes in a huge fireball. Yes. [Laughter] Millions of people weep. Because the Mona Lisa goes up in flames. But it doesn't. In fact, he swerves around the pyramid, causing the SUVs to crash into each other. Everything's fine. The Louvre is fine. The precious artifacts will still be able to be seen at a very high prices. And most of them. SUV, Mr Gray, slams his fist on the dashboard. In rage. You can't escape. I'll get you Thompson. He shouts. Luke and Lucy speed away. Temporarily free of the SUVs. Lucy. Lucy. That was amazing. Luke. We're not out of this yet, kid. [Laughter] We need to find a safe place to lay low. Luke and Lucy arrive at a small, secluded safe house. They hurry inside, locking the door behind them. Internal safe house, nighttime. Luke sets up his laptop, starting a live stream. This is Luke from Luke's English podcast. I'm in a bit of a situation, but I won't let that stop me from teaching you, Frazel Verbs. [Laughter] External Paris streets, nighttime. Mr Gray and his remaining goons search the city, determined to find Luke. Luke continues his podcast, passionate in his voice. Luke. No matter what happens. always follow your passion. Don't let anyone hold you back. Actually, that's quite an interesting phrase or verb, isn't it, to hold someone back. That means to prevent or restrict the progress or development of someone or something. You can sign up to Luke's English podcast premium or to teach alook.co.uk/premiuminfo for more premium info. Thanks for listening. So external Safehouse Night, the great SUVs close in on the Safehouse. They surround it, blocking all the exits. Internal Safehouse. Luke hears the vehicles. He finishes his podcast. Stay tuned everyone. I'll be back. I've never said that at the end of an episode. Chat GPD does not listen to Luke's English podcast. Not until the end anyway. I'll be back. Until next time, it's all remains for me to say is, what? Bye, bye, bye, boorah, boorah, boorah, boorah. He turns to Lucy. We need to go now. Luke and Lucy slip out of a back window just as Mr Gray and his goons break in the front. Luke and Lucy run through the darkened streets. Where are we going? Luke, to the river. We can lose them there. Luke and Lucy reach the river, spotting a small boat. They jump in and start the engine, speeding away just as Mr Gray arrives. Exit, Sen River, night time. Mr Gray watches from the riverbank. His face twisted in rage as Luke and Lucy disappear into the night. Mr Gray, to his two goons. Don't just stand there, follow them. The goons dive into the water to swim to a nearby boat, but they both immediately die from e-coli bacterial poisoning. Because of the terribly bad water conditions. External riverbank, but a topical human there. External riverbank, night time. Mr Gray speaks into his headset. This is an over-luch, not by a long shot. Luke and Lucy sail into the night. The city lights fading behind them. Luke, we did it. Lucy, for now. That's the end of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. We're going to stop clapping now. Thank you for attending this live podcast recording. I'm assuming you don't have any questions. We need to stop now. Thanks for coming. It's been wonderful. I've really enjoyed this. Don't do this very often. Maybe I should do them more often. But otherwise, that's the end of the episode. Thank you so much for listening. I'll speak to you next time. But for now, it's just time to say goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Yeah. All right. Thanks guys. Thanks for listening to Luke's English podcast. For more information, visit teacherluch.co.uk. If you enjoyed this episode of Luke's English podcast, consider signing up for Luke's English podcast premium. You'll get regular premium episodes with stories, vocabulary, grammar and pronunciation teaching from me and the usual moments of humor and fun. Plus, with your subscription, you will be directly supporting my work and making this whole podcast project possible. For more information about Luke's English podcast premium, go to teacherluch.co.uk/premiuminfo.