Lecture #3 - Columbus to Roanoke

This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human. I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Clayton Nekkerd in 2022. I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor. But here's the thing. Bachelor fans hated him. If I could press a button and rewind it all I would. That's when his life took a disturbing turn. A one night stand would end in a courtroom. The media is here. This case has gone viral. The dating contract. Agree to date me, but I'm also suing you. This is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I'm Stephanie Young. Listen to Love Trap on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Joe Interstein, host of the Spirit Daughter Podcast. Where we talk about astrology, natal charts and how to step into your most vibrant life. And today I'm talking with my dear friend, Christa Williams. It can change you in the best way possible. Dance with the change. Dance with the breakdowns. The embodiment of Pisces Intuition with Capricorn Power Moves. You're so I'm like delusionally proud of my chart. Listen to the Spirit Daughter Podcast starting on February 24th on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Next Monday, our 2026 I Heart Podcast Awards are happening live in South by Southwest. This is the biggest night in podcasting. We'll honor the very best in podcasting from the past year and celebrate the most innovative talent and creators in the industry. And the winner is. Creativity, knowledge and passion will all be on full display. Thank you so much, I Heart Radio. Thank you to all the other nominees. You guys are awesome. Watch live next Monday at 8pm Eastern 5pm Pacific free at Veeeps.com or the Veeeps app. [Music] Hey guys, welcome back to I Do Part 2. It's your celebrity mentor, Cheryl Burke. And today I'm sitting down with an amazing woman who I actually recently met when we were all up in my hometown of San Francisco for a fun girls night out event. She's the co-host of the podcast and unlikely affair with her ex-husband's ex-fiance. Let me say that again with her ex-husband's ex-fiance. So yeah, we're gonna talk all about it. And you also know her of course from her roles in Ray Donovan and the Netflix show You. She's in her chapter 2 just like the rest of us. It's Amber Childers. Hi, how are you? Good, how are you? Good, you look so pretty. Thank you. Okay, so I have been on a binge listening to your podcast with Lala and unlikely affair. And it's just captivating. It is relatable. It's emotional. It's honest. And I appreciate your, your candor really with everything and it's so helpful. And I'm sure everyone can relate to a little bit of your guys' story. Do you want to tell my audience what it is and how it came about your podcast? Yeah, I mean, I'll make it as short as possible because it's a very long story. I was married, two kids figured out that there was an affair going on. Kind of didn't say anything. This is not like my first rodeo with this kind of situation. I'm sure because you know, I was just, you get smart. And I think any, for anyone out there that has been through this, you have this instinct, especially when you become a mother, it gets a little bit stronger. And so I just set back and it, it, it all happened and it all came out and it was all being played on Vanderpump rules. And at the time, I didn't watch Vanderpump. Well, I still don't watch Vanderpump. So I actually have no idea. I had just seen like little clips. And then next thing, you know, my marriage, you know, imploded and they were together and Lollin, I obviously did not get along. I was devastated and heartbroken and very confused and, you know, probably in a lot of self pity, like, how come he didn't love me? And, you know, you try to be the perfect wife, you try to be the perfect mother, you, you know, you have how can someone blow up such a beautiful life? Our kids were healthy or you know, like, it was very, I was very confused. And it was really lost and I had hit rock bottom. I think for me, that was like a one of, I think we have a few rock bottoms in life. And that was probably my first big one where I'll never forget I literally could not eat. And I don't understand how I love food. And I'm like, how can anyone not eat? Like, they're so sick they can eat. And that was the first time where I had my sister and my ex mother-in-law actually out in LA at the time. And they were making me drink and sure because I had lost like any catastrophic thing in life. You drop, wait, obviously very quickly. And next thing, you know, I, you know, just doing the best I can to move on. I get in another relationship very quickly because I don't know up from down and I'm just like running into another man's arms going. Anything looks better than what I had. Trying to co-parent was a disaster, dealing with Lala at the time was a disaster. And we were told a very different story to one another. And then somewhere along the way I really try to make an effort like, okay, now they're engaged. They're going to get married. I need just to find a way to forgive and move past. Or if I'm not going to forgive, if I choose not to forgive, then I just need to move forward, right? We don't need to get stuck. And I just kept hearing like, you're drinking poison, expecting the other person to die and it's not happening. So I kind of surrendered to that. And Lala and I had attempted a few times to become friends. We definitely weren't in the place to actually like make that happen. I appreciate us really, you know, trying. And then ultimately that relationship ended very quickly. And I'll never forget, I always told them, I said, you got away with me. Like, meaning I let you go in a very quiet, like fine kind of way. If you cheat on her, if you mess with her, if you, she will comfort the jugular. And that's exactly what she did. And it's a, it is what it is. And so over time, I got a phone call randomly one day when I was at home. And she had called to make amends. And I think it was a moment that I had, I had been waiting for for a long time from her. I never really expected that I was going to get one. So I was a little shocked when she did call. And then from there, we just decided to start repairing the relationship. I had my two girls. She had ocean. And we knew we were going to be in each other's lives. And it's like, well, let's just start fresh. And I'm so grateful that she had the courage and the strength to make that call because I wasn't making it, right? I had attempted so many times to be friendly with her, to be cordial with her. You know, we had birthdays. It's just like the classic, like, you know, everyone's trying to get along for the kids. And sometimes personalities, they just clashed at the, at the time. Right. And what did that repair, I guess, look like? Because first of all, you guys were not friends prior to this love triangle, right? No. At all. So you guys, you had no idea of each other. And then, well, I just want to take it back just really quick. How did you find out? So mainly through social media. Wow. Okay. You know, I'm a little investigator. I should have been in the FBI. I hear this. Same girl. Me and you both. I mean, it is my dream to go undercover. And if I can't do it in my personal life, then I'm going to find that role where I could go uncover and like really just dig my teeth into a good juicy role. I'm with you. You just know again, like back to your instincts. I just had this feeling I would, you know, he was going on a work trip. I would see who was kind of like in Miami at the time. And I just, I just caught on quickly. I knew he had mentioned her before, right? He was friends with her. She was interested in doing film and television. You know, it's a classic like Hollywood bullshit story of the producer and the actress and the, you know, it's like it's like such a classic tale. Yeah. And, and so I just sat with it because I didn't know exactly how I wanted to approach it. I needed to get some. and it was really hard because I had two young kids, but he was also gone a lot. He was always filming a movie and somewhere, you know. - Bartos, he says. - Right, right, right. He was just like always working. And you know what, I was just like okay, like I was busy trying to manage two very small kids, a house, trying to figure out how am I gonna work and have a career as an actor. And so I didn't really, I didn't bother me that he was gone so much. You know, the house was very peaceful. - Right, oh right, I'm sure. When you found out, did that, were you just, that was it, or did you wanna work on the marriage? Like were you willing to give him another chance or the marriage and other chance? - You know, I had given him a lot of chances. - So this wasn't the first time. It wasn't the first. - No, okay, got it, got it. - I don't come from a divorced family. So for me, divorce was not in my vocabulary at that time. I didn't know how to operate. And there was a lot of things that I wasn't sharing with my family. There was a lot of shame, there was a lot of guilt. I didn't wanna have a failed marriage and I didn't want to, I didn't wanna break my family up, you know? And I get emotional when I think about it 'cause I think about my kids. And you stay for the kids, right? And I think a lot of people in this position can probably relate. You know, you try to fight 'cause you wanna, you wanna make your family work, you wanna make the marriage work. You want someone to love you so bad. But sometimes love is not enough, right? You can't make someone stop cheating on you. You can't make someone choose you. And so I decided to choose myself. I decided that I needed to leave to, you know, try to co-parent with this person in two separate homes. And that's exactly what I told my kids is that, you know, sometimes two homes are better than one. And that is the truth. Some people get together and it's, you know, I know that I was meant to be with my ex-husband to have my two daughters. And that's it. And I really have to trust that the universe has my back. I don't regret anything. I don't regret marrying him. I don't regret any decision that we're experienced that we had together because it's shaped me into the woman that I am today. - So thank you for sharing your story. It's so relatable. Even though I don't have kids, I can relate to parts of your story for sure. And man, it's hard. And then the dating life now, it must be, I don't know what it is like for you, but for me it's just non-existent. I find it a lot more peaceful this way for now. - My goodness, dating is tough. We live it is tough. I literally just posted something in the trash. - I haven't even tried. - I can't even try. It's so overwhelming. Like I just, I don't know. - When you're ready, you'll go out there and you'll do it. - And you have to leave my house. - And I'll give you some tips. - And yes, you have to leave your house. - I can't meet somebody here in my closet. Like I would be so much easier. - No, Prince Charming is not knocking at your door. Let me tell you that. - Sure. - Well, King Disney sold us a lot of shit. And we believed it as little girls. And guess what? That's not the world that we're living in. - Mine was the notebook. That was such bullshit. Like everything is not real love people. - I tell Nick Casabetti's who directed that movie. Huge fan of him. I said, you really f---ed up a lot of women. Or young girls that are now women, right? - Oh yeah, my therapist told me she, 'cause we were like analyzing it. And she's like, if you think about that movie, the Ryan Gosling is stalking whatever, I forgot her name, Rachel the Gatton. - And I'm like, yeah, you're right actually, but we find that like I found that so sexy. I don't know, it was just, but it wasn't healthy. Like that's not normal, right? The guy's like stalking her quite literally in the beginning or towards the middle of the movie. - Yeah, women like the chase. You know, I think we have this animalistic thing as we want, there's some days where I'm like, yes, I want to be hunted as a woman. - Roamie across the room. - Yeah, I do not want to do the hunting, okay? - Yeah. - Like I just want to stay here and I will, you know, yeah, but it's a different landscape for sure. And I actually try to explain that to my parents all the time and I remember last year at some point, I was at home in Nebraska visiting my parents and I was like, mom, let me show you what it's like because my mom and dad met in high school. - Whoa. - My mom was, I think barely in ninth grade. My dad was a junior, there were like four years apart and they've been together since. - What? - Yeah, I believe. - It's like, I think so. I mean, definitely listen, all my characters have their thing, but they're still together and I think they're, you know, they have a beautiful relationship and I think that's very rare that that happens. - Yeah. - But I said to my mom, I said, "Let me show you." So I laid in bed with my little sister on one side and my mom and the other and we were swiping on one of the dating apps and my mom's like, "Oh, I said see, like now you know." - I've never done a dating app, I have a fuse. I don't even know what it's like. - Yeah. - It's interesting. (upbeat music) - You know Roald Dahl. The writer who thought up Willy Wonka, Matilda and the BFG. But did you know he was also a spy? - Was this the four he wrote his stories? I must have been. - Our new podcast series, The Secret World of Roald Dahl, is a wild journey through the hidden chapters of his extraordinary controversial life. - His job was literally to seduce the wives of powerful Americans and he was really good at it. - You probably won't believe it either. - Okay, I don't think that's true. - I'm telling you, because I was a spy. - Did you know Dahl got cozy with the Roosevelt's? Play poker with Harry Truman and had a long affair with a congresswoman. And then he took his talents to Hollywood where he worked alongside Walt Disney and Alfred Hitchcock before writing a hit James Bond film. How did this secret agent wind up as the most successful children's author ever? And what darkness from his covert past seeped into the stories we read as kids? The true story is stranger than anything he ever wrote. Listen to The Secret World of Roald Dahl on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. - Hi, this is Joe Wintersdene, host of the Spirit Dollar podcast, where we talk about astrology, natal charts, and how to step into your most vibrant life. And I just sat down with a mini driver. - The Irish traveler said when I was 16, "You're gonna have a terrible time with men." (laughing) - Actor, storyteller, and unapologetic, aquarium visionary. Aquarius is all about freedom loving and different perspectives. And I find a lot of people with strong placements and Aquarius are misunderstood. A son and Venus and Aquarius in her seventh house spark her unconventional approach to partnership. - He really has taught me to embrace people sleeping in different rooms and different houses and different places, but just an embracing of the isness of it all. - If you're navigating your own transformation or just want a chart side view into how a leading artist integrates astrology, creativity, and real life, this episode is a must listen. Listen to the Spirit Dollar podcast, starting on February 24th, on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your podcast. - Next Monday, our 2026 iHeart Podcast Awards are happening live in South by Southwest. - This is the biggest night in podcasting. - We'll honor the very best in podcasting from the past year and celebrate the most innovative talent and creators in the industry. - And the winner is. - Creativity, knowledge, and passion. - We will all be on full display. - Thank you so much, iHeart Radio. Thank you to all the other nominees who guys are awesome. - Watch live next Monday at 8 PM Eastern, 5 PM Pacific Free at Veebs.com or The Veebs App. - I'm Clayton Nackered, and in 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor. - Unfortunately, it didn't go according to plan. He became the first Bachelor to ever have his final rose rejected. The internet turned on him. - If I could press a button and rewind it all I would. But what happened to Clayton after the show made even bigger headlines. It began as a one night stand and ended in a courtroom with Clayton at the center of a very strange paternity scandal. - The media is here, this case has gone viral. - The dating contract. - Agreed to date me, but I'm also suing you. - Please search for it. - This is unlike anything I've ever seen before. - I'm Stephanie Young, this is Love Trap. This season, an epic battle of he said she said and the search for accountability in a sea of lies. - I have done nothing to get hurted by the (beep) bachelor. - Listen to Love Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Back to you, okay, so. - We're talking about co-parenting. - What has that been like and what advice do you have for people who are going through it at the moment? - Oh boy. Co-parenting can be challenging. Listen, it doesn't matter if you have a really strong relationship with your ex-husband or ex-wife, it's hard. It sucks. It's not easy. Because I feel like kids, you know, marriage is hard enough and then you throw kids into the mix and it makes it 10 times more. I'm tired or because these are things that I feel like people don't really discuss prior to getting married. How do you want to raise the kids? What are your rules? What I think Randy and I only said, he was like my kids are gonna be Jewish and I was like, okay, fine, it is what it is. I'm happy with that. And it can be extremely challenging at times, but I think you can finally, after some rough patches, we have gotten to a place where he really just differs to me. I know what I'm doing most of the time. And some days I don't know what I'm doing. It depends on the day. And there's new, and here's the thing with parenting, is like new things come up all the time. Like right when you think you have everything in your house, like going smoothly and the kids are behaving, and it's like, oh, now this one is starting her period. Okay, now this one's really into this boy, and she's looping. Okay, now this one is like looking at herself in the mirror, grabbing her fat and like, it's like with girls, 'cause this is the house full of women at this point. So back to co-parenting, it's hard. It's challenging and I really appreciate that. Randy really differs to me. And I think he now knows after many years of being together that we try to meet in the middle, but I always win. I try to win, of course. But, you know, without rubbing it in his face, but yeah. Yeah, let's see, I go without rubbing in his face. But you know, my little one is obsessed with her dad right now. Obsessed. Like he is like the Disneyland dad. She loves him so much, and I always say, I love that you have that relationship with your dad, 'cause I really, truly believe it's like, it changes. It comes in seasons and chapters. Like one minute she's into me, one minute the other one's not. And it just is an ebb and flow and parenting is hard, and we don't have all the answers, but we do the best we can, right? That says a lot about you, because clearly there was no bad mal thing of your ex. And if, you know what I mean? Like I think I've seen this. I come from a divorced family. My mom never badmouthed my father at all, although she could have big time. But I think it makes a difference, you know, when the parent really, I mean, I don't know, I'm just assuming that that didn't happen, but I think that must be difficult, you know? It's hard, and that's what the gym is for. And that's what's going, you know, for a friend or four. Yeah, that's what your friends are for. And that's what your friends are for. And the life coach and the therapist and your sisters, and you know, your journal, oh my God, my journal. If you could only see what's in my journal. No, we don't want anyone to see what's in your journal. That's for you and your eyes only. I literally, like today, I journaled when one of my kids was getting ready for school. And after I was done with my page, I just ripped it up. And I was like, okay, done. And that's why something, because like really, how often do you go back and read? I know I don't, and I don't necessarily want to know. I just feel like I have a lot of thoughts that I need to get on. It's fascinating. I mean, I did it like with manifesting, right? Like I'll put it away for like a year, then I'll look at it just to see if anything has, it's actually eye opening, but it's not, I'm really shitty at journaling. Like I, my, I know the thing is handwriting for me sucks. And that's probably because I don't do it often, obviously. The more you journal, the better your handwriting's going to get. That's true. Well, then I should start. But with you and Lala, you guys are like, for sure bound to each other now, forever. What was that? I mean, I guess how do the kids, do they get along? Because I know there's a big age gap, right? Between Lala's and yours. What was all of that like initially when it first happened? Well, I love babies. So I don't care if this is like my ex-husband and the mistress has soon to be wife's baby. I'm not even paying attention to you. I'm looking at this sweet, innocent baby that is just, so I just have this thing for babies. I'm just, I can't, I just love them so much. So when Ocean was born, I was like, can I hold your baby? Like, I just wanted to feel that. And that's London and Riley's sister. And there's nothing more powerful than having sisters, right? Good sisters, sisters that support you and love you through it all. And I have, I'm the middle child, obviously. I have a younger sister and older sister. And it's the best thing in the world. And so I really encouraged London and Riley to be a good example, to set the example. And it naturally happened. I mean, there's a massive age gap between London, who's 16 and Ocean. Now, Riley is in that age where she's really into, first of all, they get a kick out of Ocean. Ocean is hysterical. I mean, the old is Ocean. Ocean will be five, her birthday is this month. And so they London, or sorry, Riley and Ocean have developed this beautiful relationship where it's just pure love. And it is so beautiful. And I love it. And I want them to have each other forever, right? And I think it's our job as parents. To really, especially when they're younger, to nurture those relationships. And I want London and Riley to see my love for Ocean. And so so too, because everyone's in the mix now. So this is a part of the crew. And so it's a really beautiful thing to see Riley just adore Ocean. I love that, because then she gets a younger sister. Like that's beautiful. I come from a divorced family, and I had a older sister who recently passed away. But then my little half sister. So it's a mixed family. And it is really important, you're right, to have sisters and to have, and to really connect and not take that relationship for granted, because you just never know. Going back to you in Lola, did you guys get along? Like when you made the decision, OK, we're going to try and work this out. Or was it like right away, was it instant friendship? Or was it like I have to get to know you? I don't trust you type thing. Was it like small steps? I'll just speak for me. I don't know how long it goes about this. But I, you know, I think trust was something-- I will say this. I think trust was something hard for both of us initially. And slowly, and it was hard. It was a process. And it took time. And when I was ready, she wasn't ready. When she was ready, I wasn't ready. And-- but we just kept the door open, right? And I would call her. And I would check on her. And maybe it was one of the girls' birthdays or the holidays or whatever it was. And then I think because of my sobriety, I would say really going through this process of healing and really getting to know who Lola is, right? Not Lola on Vanderpump, because frankly, I don't know-- I see a little bit of that badass bitch. But I got to know a really beautiful softer side of Lola that is so beautiful. And I really do love her. Like we've bonded in a way. We have a shared bond. Sorry, I'm getting so emotional. No, it's fine. You're getting me emotional. I love it. We have a bond that I really appreciate. And I don't take it for granted. And I know how hard both of us has worked to get to this place. It was really difficult. It's not easy. And I want people to know that when they're in this position-- or if they're in this position now, and they're dealing with a spouse or an ex, it's hard. But don't close the door because you never know, right? And it just takes someone waking up going, you know what, today, I'm going to pick up the phone, or I'm going to invite that person for coffee, or I'm going to call and just send a text and say, hey, I know we don't have the best relationship. I just want to let you know I'm thinking about you. Let me know if you're open for a conversation. It's a lot harder to hate, I think, than to create peace, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't feel good. You know, it doesn't. And ultimately, it's you that feels like that no matter what, right? It's never-- you can't really control the person that you're feeling this with. But that is just-- it takes up so much energy inside of you when there's those resentment, those feelings of resentment, and just hate. It's just a nasty feeling. It is. And I don't like it. And it's not. And you know, we're evolving as women and human and children change us and life changes us in our experience. So it's just kind of always being open. And I'm a very spiritual person. And I would pray. And I never knew what my higher power had in store for me. But I was always open. And like I said, always kept that door open. So eventually, Lalla and I got to the point. So we were like, oh, I like you. Oh, I like you too. Wait a second. Wait, whoa, we were ever fighting about her. What was that? And it's like, now we have this beautiful relationship. We go to San Francisco, we sleep in the same bed. And she's like, no, you're not sleeping in another hotel room. You're sleeping right next to me. Are you cool with that? Actually, forget it. And then it's like, of course I'm cool with that. Like, this is amazing. I would rather be sleeping next to you than some random dude. Right. And so now we have this like great, you know, I wake up and I sometimes like text her, I'm like, I love you. And she's like, I love you. And then it was cute when I was there in LA a couple of weeks ago. We were driving back from doing our podcast together and we were stuck on the 405 freeway. And she looks over at me and she goes, I love you. And it made me at first I was like, God, that feels so uncomfortable. Like having that really intimate moment when you're stuck on the freeway. And then I was like, no, actually, that's amazing. And she's like, why did you make that face? I was like, I got uncomfortable for a second. But then I realized like, I fucking love you too. You know? And it was just such a beautiful moment. So we have these funny moments together. So beautiful. Yeah. I love that. What qualities I guess do you admire about Lala? Because I think for some people who watch Vanderpompel as they must have this judgment on like what she's like. And I don't know what it is. I mean, I like you. I've never really seen it before. So I don't know her well. But I always thought I would always get along with someone like her, you know, just because she seems really cool and down to earth. But you tell me. You know, the thought that just came through my mind when you were saying that was, if I was in high school, she would be the girl that I would go kick it with. I would be like, that was cool. Yeah. She doesn't care what people think most of the time, right? I don't want to say she never cares what people thinks about. But she's just her. And she's unapologetically her. And that is freaking awesome. Yeah. Super inspiring. It's inspiring. And she's not afraid to call people out. And I also think that that's a gift. She's really fun. But yet, I know this vulnerable side to her that I think that through the podcast, a lot of people are getting to see the other side. Isn't she involved, right? When you grow up on television like she did, you see all different types of versions. We look at, I don't know, Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears. Like the girls that we grew up with, it's like you see or Christina Aguilara. Like you see them go through an array of different personalities and transform and take a photo. That's normal. That's all of us, by the way. You don't just have to be a celebrity to go through that. My next or neighbor goes through that. Like the person across the street goes through that. And so unfortunately for them, it's just, it's really just displayed out there. And there's a lot of judgment. Well, it's just a lot of fun. Yeah. She seems, I mean, she's smart obviously too. She's a very intelligent. Super smart. Super smart girl. Business wise, she has a lot on her plate. She takes care of her entire family. They live under one roof and she's doing it. She is, like you said, super inspiring. She would definitely, like in back in high school, middle school, she'd have your back. That's for sure. And she kicks in and asks. If they-- 100%. 100%. I'd be like, let's go. Loyal. Loyal. After school, we're going to go get them. You know Roldahl, the writer who thought up Willy Wonka, Matilda, and the BFJ. Was this before he wrote his stories? I must have been. Our new podcast series, The Secret World of Roldahl, is a wild journey through the hidden chapters of his extraordinary controversial life. His job was literally to seduce the wives of powerful Americans. What? And he was really good at it. You probably won't believe it either. OK, I don't think that's true. I'm telling you, because I was a spy. Did you know Dawg got cozy with the Roosevelt's? Play poker with Harry Truman, and had a long affair with a congresswoman. And then he took a sound to Hollywood, where he worked alongside Walt Disney and Alfred Hitchcock before writing a hit James Bond film. Listen to The Secret World of Roldahl on the I Heart Radio about Apple podcasts forever you get your podcasts. Hi, this is Joe Winterstein, host of the Spirit.org podcast, where we talk about astrology, natal charts, and how to step into your most vibrant life. The Irish traveler said when I was 16, you're going to have a terrible time with men. Actor, storyteller, and unapologetic Aquarian Visionary. Aquarius is all about freedom-loving and different perspectives. He really has taught me to embrace people sleeping in different rooms on different houses and different places, but just an embracing of the isness of it all. If you're navigating your own transformation or just want a chart side view into how a leading artist integrates astrology, creativity, and real life, this episode is a must listen. Listen to the Spirit.org podcast, starting on February 24th on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your podcast. It's the biggest night in podcasting. And the winner is. Creativity, knowledge, and passion. We'll all be on full display. Watch live next Monday at 8 PM Eastern, 5 PM Pacific free at Veepe's.com or The Veepe's App. I'm Clayton Nackered, and in 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor. Unfortunately, it didn't go according to plan. The media is here, this case has gone viral. The dating contract. Agreed to date me, but I'm also suing you. Please search for it. I'm Stephanie Young, this is Love Trap. This season, an epic battle of he said she said. And the search for accountability in a sea of lies. I have done nothing to get hurted by the (beep) bachelor. Listen to Love Trap on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. - What do you think Lala has learned from you? - In this, since you guys have developed such a bond and friendship. - Oh my God, sure. I don't know. - I'm sure so much. - I feel like that is such a question for her. I don't want to speak for her. - Yeah, of course. No, I get it. I understand. But do you think you brought maybe some peace into, like meditation? Is she into meditation now? Have you influenced her? I guess is a better question. In certain practices that you believe in. - I mean, I think something that I think both of us struggle with this thing when something happens, whether it's co-parenting or career or a boy situation, a friendship situation, we go straight and we're like, we want to just like deal with the head on. Like right now, like we can't, we just like, we want to either fix it or we want to like, you know, crush this person or we're going to go get the attorney because clearly our voice isn't being heard and it's escalating to a level that's not okay. One of the things that I think we both do for each other is we're like, okay, let's just pause for a second. Like we bring each other down from maybe when we call each other a rat a 10. We go from 10 to like a four. And I think that's something that I call a rat away. I'm crying. She could tell right away when I'm like, she needs to like, you know, this is important or when she calls me and I'm like, okay, do you know what? We're going to pause. And it's going to, it's going to suck and we're going to sit here and fill our feelings. And then tomorrow morning, if you wake up, so I have a 24 hour rule. 24 hour rule. If I want to send that email, if I want to send that text, if I want to make a big decision and I need to do it today, I say guess what, we're going to give it 24 hours. If you wake up tomorrow and you still feel the same way that this issue or not issue, whatever it is, is still that important to you. And you feel still, you feel still the same way where you're like, I'm going to send that email or I'm going to send that text, then that's your answer, then you could do it. But I think it's just learning to pause and let our emotions like think more with the rational brain. It's like don't react. It's more responding. is where I think is I'm like you guys by the way I am like right away I It's so hard to not yeah, we're women or hormonal we're like we're gonna like I'm also an addict so like I'm just like you know I just get I'm almost addicted to that like no I need to get I need to do it now or else I never gonna do it but no one needs to do anything now no it's not now it's not now and it's not never but it's somewhere there's a gray area who knew who knew that you could live life in the gray area I hate the gray area I always found it born but it's quite peaceful it is it is so peaceful and my sponsor tells me that all the time she's like it's okay you don't have to know today and I'm like but no I want it does he love me I know I know because I mean that adrenaline is also a big dick right yeah the same with my career am I gonna get that job and I mean look I've been acting since I was eight years old you would think that I could just pause and wait and it's like you just it's just something that is practice it takes practice to it's also beautiful to have that drive in that like determination because there's also people who don't you know that may just dilly dally a little but I'm switching gears what's your dating life like today I am dating someone I just I'm one so since they're Cisco or were you already dating someone and so and so is it no it's the same guy I mean we're talking when we were in San Francisco great great guy great okay guy from Cincinnati Ohio all of all places I joke with him all the time I'm like I'm not moving to Cincinnati Ohio just so you know is he moving to Montana then he's like heavy been there and I was like no but actually it's I one of my partners the Lichet brothers they're from Cincinnati they're great guys so great yeah I think by the way I think any I think they breed a lot of amazing men yeah right yeah I just tease with him listen I I'm I'm it's a very playful thing that we have between each other but you know I don't know we'll see we'll see where it goes one day at a time that's the program that I'm a part of and he's wonderful and he's very supportive of me and being a mom and oh yeah so far so is it very it's very new ish yeah yeah okay okay and so was this through dating up no it wasn't it wasn't actually through a mutual friend see see there is help people there's help yeah isn't that the best way to meet people though is through a friend because your friend knows you for the most part yeah I think so I think there's a lot of really interesting ways to meet people that we've kind of forgotten about or that we've gotten away from I know a lot of people that have met their guys on dating apps and they're married and they're happy and it's wonderful yeah I think I I don't know if it works for everybody but I like the idea of you know meeting someone when you walk into the grocery store or I don't know people go people are like oh go to home home deep bow and I'm like I love home deep bow you see this is my problem I literally don't leave my home that's probably why I'm not doing I mean I do I do if it's work related right right well they also say to I I've been reading a lot of articles that like women and men we both have our earphones and all the time when we go to the gym when we go to the grocery store and that makes someone not approachable bro I mean I do it because I have a French bulldog who snores so loud that like I just I'm so used to these in my ears constantly but you're right I have them on even when I'm not home with my friendship yeah yeah so I think and I'm also okay with being a woman and and going up to guys and wow and saying hi to I know it's not that's not for for everyone but you know you go out to dinner you go to a bar you you know I there's just there's there's ways you need to get out of the house that's what I'm trying to say problem I know I know I know you in my therapist I know are both telling me this and but I just need someone to physically take me because I just can't do I just I don't know maybe I don't want to go out alone what is it I don't know yes of course I mean yeah for sure I love going out alone I will go set the bar at any restaurant oh wow and take myself out I think that's like really fun like dating yourself yeah yeah but but if you don't want to yeah grab some girlfriends and go go set at a bar with a girlfriend you'll by the way you'll meet some really cool people what here in Bozeman I go to this Italian restaurant I set at the bar and I met this really cool chick and now I'm like we're in a book club together nice I love that you're just never know you're right okay I'll think about it what are your thoughts on marriage again would you ever do it again yeah I think so I say that I'm like I want to I I would like to get married again okay if it happens great I'm not one of those people that want like the big wedding and at least today I don't want that did you have it already like did you have a big wedding I know we alope actually okay so we we were down on the beach and we alope so I've never been in a white long dress over a rate of yeah I'm like can I just wear like I don't know workout outfit or something like my aloe gear can I wear my aloe gear but if it's really important to my partner I think that's something that would be a decision that we would make together and if it was it would be intimate if I had to pick up someone's like okay you have to get married where would it be I would say in the mountains like in the world where there's nobody and it's just nature yeah where I am and in bozin I'm actually scoping out the area right now for my for my future wedding yeah yeah I want it to be just small and intimate but again like you plan God laughs so right right right do you talk to your kids about your dating life I mean my kids know like they see me go on dates that's stupid like they see it yeah yeah and and I personally think it's really important to show the girls what dating looks like as a single woman like I think it's gonna be very hard for these kids and I want them to know what a man should do like this guy better not be honking his horn when he pulls up to take me out now in the first like the for the first few months obviously I go out and I meet them there's no one showing at my door but of course he's knocking on the door he's opening just like you yeah just old school right it's not old school it's not old school I know I say that but it's not it's just it's just values that I think a lot of people gone away from or a lot of young men haven't haven't learned I think there definitely are I mean the guy that I'm dating now is amazing and he goes above and beyond and I'm just like could you knock it any more amazing you know we we go if I'm driving my car he'll open my car door first and then put himself on you know that's absolutely that is amazing so yes my kids know that I'm dating and obviously I want their opinion I really do I want them to know like mom because I think kids have great instincts like that guy is not not dig I'm not having it or you know you just watch kids um sometimes after dating someone for a while interact with someone and you can tell right away I want to know that someone's good with my kids I'm not looking for another dad I just want someone that if they're gonna be a part of my family that I've created that they're getting along with everybody does he have kids no never been married doesn't have kids wow okay and obviously you know so you haven't met no one has met the lucky man mm-hmm what is law I think um she hasn't met him yet she's excited you know yeah I don't know I think we're both kind of like I think she's a little bit nervous for me yeah she knows that my my picker was not very great right now a lot better I've done a lot of work on myself so I trust myself now and when something's not right I'm a board mission very quickly red flag red flag yeah are you do you still love acting and you still are pursuing your career mm-hmm I do I have a movie coming out I'm going to a film festival was the next week it will be in theaters and streaming in the fall congrats I have a project with Lala and I'm just always creating acting is my passion storytelling is my passion I've done it since I was seven eight years old that's my love I love doing it but I'm also completely open to any sort of different artistic outlets and creativity and projects and stuff like that um would you do dancing with the stars oh my gosh of course I would that would be amazing oh wow I would I I love dancing most people don't know this my kids are obviously so embarrassed because I'm the mom and I'm not you know it's like not going cool to see your mom like playing biggy smalls or like even like I love dancing and I would 100% do dancing with the stars. Who would you want your partner to be? Julian. Good answer. She's a girlfriend of mine. Okay. I don't know. I mean, I think like any, I think each of the dancers on there are so beautiful and so unique and so different and there's something to learn from every single one of them. So, um, you wouldn't law law should do dancing with the stars. That would be so fun to watch. I would do it in a heartbeat. And I know she would too. It'd be so fun. I would, it would be, I know it's a lot of work. I heard it's a lot of work. Yes. Like you, I mean, probably not possible, but your kid. I mean, everyone would just have to move there because like there's no such thing you can't, but when you do get the call, give me a call and I'll walk you through it. Okay. Great. I can't wait. So as we wrap up here, um, what do you have? Do you have any advice for anybody who's struggling right now and that's going through a divorce? Hmm. It gets better. And it doesn't feel like it. It doesn't feel like it feels like you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I promise you. I promise you it gets better. But at the same time, I think one of the biggest mistakes that I made is I was so desperate for my peace. And just to get it done and quick as possible, that I really hurt myself in a, in a lot of ways. Um, that I definitely won't get into details here, but um, be smart. You have to be smart. You could be emotional, but you also have to be smart. Doesn't mean you have to like go for the jugular and be, you know, a horrible person, right? Cause I don't, but I don't believe in that. But I think it's really important to not get caught up in the nitty gritty of things and look at the big picture and just know that you're going to get through this. There's two shall pass for sure. 100%. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks so much to Amber for this candid conversation. If you guys need any advice on how to navigate your own relationship with your ex's new partner, well, just call us or email us. All the info is in the show notes as always and follow us on socials. Make sure to rate, review the podcast. I do part two and I heart radio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. You know, role, doll. He thought of Willy Wonka in the BFG, but did you know he was a spy? In the new podcast, the secret world of role, doll. I'll tell you that story and much, much more. What? Was this before you wrote his stories? I must have been. Okay, I don't think that's true. I'm telling you because I was a spy. Listen to the secret world of role, doll on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Clayton Nackered in 2022. I was the lead of ABC's, the bachelor. If I could press a button and rewind it, all I would. The media is here. The dating contract agreed to date me, but I'm also suing you. I'm Stephanie Young. Listen to Love Trap on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Joe Interstein, host of the Spirit Jotter podcast, where we talk about astrology, natal charts, and how to step into your most vibrant life. Dance with the change, dance with the breakdowns, the embodiment of Pisces in tuition with Capricorn power moves. There's so I'm like delusionally proud of my chart. Listen to the Spirit Jotter podcast starting on February 24th on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. And the winner is creativity, knowledge, and passion will all be on full display. Thank you so much. I heart radio. Watch live next Monday at 8 PM Eastern 5 PM Pacific free at Veepes.com or the Veepes app. This is an I Heart podcast guaranteed human.