Leanne Morgan

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman and Sharon Beasley. Today we have an incredibly funny and wonderful woman, Leanne Morgan. She is a comedian, an actor, and an author, and she has the most funny show on Netflix called Leanne, appropriately. And also you're cordially invited in Leanne Morgan, I'm Every Woman. These are stand-up specials. She's a hilarious stand-up and a hysterical actor now on a sitcom. I love her. Enjoy Leanne Morgan. We get support from Quince. You know what I think about a lot? The stuff in my closet, I actually wear. Like, not the trendy pieces, the sweater that goes with everything, or the pants that fit perfectly, the tee you kind of just throw on without even thinking. That's what Quince does. They make those pieces. That's right. They have 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters starting at $60. Organic cotton, merino wool, quality you'd expect from a luxury brand. Luxury without the luxury price tag. 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They've also got hotel quality bedding and bath, kitchen essentials, even furniture. So if you're doing any kind of refresh at home too, same quality, same prices across the board. Quince just gets it. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash DAX. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash DAX. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Honestly, if I could just flip a switch overnight and be better at one thing, I'd want to be better at handling stress. In a healthier way. Like not letting the small stuff snowball into this whole thing where I'm tense for the rest of the day over something that didn't even matter. It came to mind immediately because I know I do it. Someone cuts me off in traffic and somehow I'm still thinking about it at dinner. Two seconds, that's all it was. So yeah, that's what I'm working on. And that's where BetterHelp comes in. You know how I feel about therapy. It's just necessary. In fact, sometimes I know I'm not supposed to say this. I judge you if you've never tried it. Better is a feeling. Defined by you. And for BetterHelp, it's a BetterHelp therapist who really gets you. It's a focus on global, emotional well-being with thousands of therapists and millions of members in over a hundred countries. It's progress. And it's getting better at letting the small stuff stay small. That's my better. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash DAX. That's BetterHelp.com slash DAX. BetterHelp.com. I can't believe I'm here. I didn't email him my notes. I'll be right back. Okay, my darling. Get all the drinks and stuff. I need to work out. No. I got that. It's too hard. It's just too hard to do. But we have to. Bone density. Bone density. It's all the rage. And I saw Mary Claire on with y'all. Yes. I did a thing with Mary Claire with Oprah. Of course you did. On ABC about menopause. And what were the big takeaways? I had a podcast years ago that would be huge. Now. Yeah. But I stopped because I got to touring so heavy. Yeah. But it was called Sweaty and Pissed, Menopause and More. And it was a brilliant nurse practitioner with me who helped me with my hormones. But we made it funny. Yeah. And they asked us to go on tour. And I just got too busy. Yeah. And I think now if we'd kept that. Definitely. It's all the rage. Everybody's now talking about menopause. No one cared about menopause until recently. I have got to lay up. And I enjoy it. I really do enjoy it. But then I get to a hotel room on tour and I just think, I've got to go stare at the wall so I can be funny. I know. How many days are you on tour a year? I'm all the time right now. You look like one of those Iron Man men that are running and doing that Iron Man that are swimming and biking and doing in Arizona. No, thank you. In Tempe. How about these like ultra marathon guys that are running and women that are running through death? I'm like, wow, I really can't conceptualize that. I know. And I know a couple of people who do that. My orthodontist is tiny and fit and looks cute in his pants. And he'll say, I'll give myself a little treat once a week. And I go, what is it? And he goes, I'll drink one of those little dentist cups of Diet Pepsi. And I'm like, oh, my God. Well, he hates himself. That is not a fun line. No, he's angry at himself or something. Oh, no, but I'm sitting here eating pork sausage. Yum. Wait, you have an orthodontist? I have an Invisalign. When I was 40 something, all of a sudden I started looking like Joan Rivers. I love her. God rest her soul. Yes. But I had a side bite and all three of my children were in braces and me at the same time. And I said to that little orthodontist, because we have a chemistry, I said, what am I buying you? Like a pool or a fountain? What is this? Literally. Because we were all and it was money going out and I would go with things. And I would go to the gym and get mine tightened while they got theirs tightened. And then I kind of let them go. I didn't wear my retainer. So then I had to do Invisalign again. Well, your teeth look beautiful. Thank you. Well, who knew I was going to blow up and be a movie star? Who knew? I'm kidding. But I had to have good teeth and not have a sound bite. That's true. Did you have orthodontia as a child? No. And my mama begged my little dentist. But back then, you know, they didn't let everybody have it or maybe in the country, but they were okay back then. And they didn't let everybody have it. I didn't get twisted up until I was in my forties. I had them from probably starting at like seven years old until 11th grade. It was a full, all hands on deck operation to get my teeth to look like this. And you don't wear a retainer. I should have. One went rogue when my wisdom teeth came in. This one was like, not enough room. I'm going to hang back here. And now I have that. And currently our oldest daughter has the same matching fucked up tooth and I really love it. And of course she's going to fix it, but I kind of want her to keep it so we have something in common. When you have something different, I think that's cute. I don't think when everybody gets the teeth, the Hollywood teeth and they're pretty, but I think there's something about your own personality and I think it's pretty. I think there's something to it. My orthodontist said, we don't want land to you to just be odd looking and everything be almost purple. They're so white. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. When you were not in here, we were talking about menopause and teeth move around in perimenopause and menopause. Like everything gets loose. They say. So I'm waiting on this. What's the evolutionary benefit for women's teeth getting loose? I don't think it's just like staying at home. Ready to, exactly. Ready to die. Ready for them to die at home. To just stop and tend to grandbabies. That's right. You don't need teeth for that. No talking. What do you need teeth for? You're sitting at home with the grandbabies. Exactly. Do you remember meaning? Honey, at the Emmys, when I walked behind you and little Kristen and her little fanny and lower back was so beautiful in that dress. And we were right, I was right behind you when we did that, where you get in front of a camera and it goes around you and all that. Make sure it gets every terrible. Because you're like, for me, before I go to those things, I'm looking and I'm like, okay, there's a two degree angle where I look fine. Just right here. I have not anticipated 360 up and down. How could you? What the heck? You're cute. But Leanne, we met before that. We met before that at the Opry. Opry Land. Yes. That's what means the most to me. Because. You meet 1 million people at the Emmys, but we did get to see you at the Opry Land. At the Opry. And I got to see your babies. They were there. Yeah. And that was our first time ever going to the Opry. What a. Special. What a joy. Isn't it special? It's truly special. I did probably an hour on it on this show over time, but there's so many things that are wonderful about it. It's just like the most comforting, wholesome, pleasant experience. And when you think about who's been in that circle. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, that's a big one. Patsy Cline. Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel it when you're up there? Yeah. You do. Yeah. It's very special. And the first time, I mean, very intimidating. And I'm thinking, what am I even doing here? Was that your first? That wasn't your first time. That was not my first time performing there. But I grew up going and seeing the Opry because my little mom and daddy had a meat processing plant. And we would do the meat for country music stars and the people that ran the Opry, the president of the Opry. So we got free tickets every year. Oh. So I saw Dolly Parton. Oh, wow. Porter Wax. - Wow. Roy Acuff, Minnie Pearl, when I was a child growing up. But I also saw them out at the grocery store and stuff, too. Yeah. Because I was raised right outside of Nashville. Yeah, Adams, right? 624, current pop. I always say 500, but there's 624 people now. And those 124 you've left out probably feel a little bit offended. And they're wondering, who have you edited out to get to 500? Oh, no. So, first question I have for you, and I want to know a lot about the meat processing. That literally is one of my questions, and you already brought it up. But are you sick of telling your story at this point? No. Can I first say, though, Brad Pitt was sitting here where I'm sitting. He sure was. He sure was. Yeah. Do you feel, again, as like the Opry, do you feel his energy? Yeah. Yeah. Legends of the fall. I said to Monica when he left, I would encourage you, and I would not tell anyone if you wanted to smell the seat. Okay. Yeah. You know he let us drink out of his cup. With his straw, right? I think we shared a straw. We all shared a straw. Was he beautiful and perfect? Of course. Of course. Oh, he's so beautiful. And you're like, I just can't decide. Is he cuter now, or was he cuter in Legends of the Fall, or was he cuter in- Does he have a sweet spirit? Yes. Yes. Incredibly. Well, you'd like him, because he's a Missouri boy. Like, he's a bit country, more than you might think. Oh, Lord. Yeah. Cute. He's so nice. Oh. I know. I know. Cute. Good sense of humor. He didn't have us edit anything out. That's really good for someone of his staff. Yeah. Very competent motorcyclist. We've gone to the track together, and he's very, very talented on a motorcycle. So, he can really do it all. Oh, Lord. Yeah. He's got style. It's a lot. He is cute. Okay. Okay, great. So, you're not- Because I'm wondering, you know, you have such a unique story, and then you're kind of obligated to tell us the story nonstop. And I was just wondering, as you're coming in here, like, is she sick of telling the story? No, y'all. I'd love to talk about all that, because I do think this is so crazy that this happened to me. Uh-huh. Yeah. Every day. Yeah. Every day. Every day. I'm just like, what in the world? That's amazing. Yeah. Especially from where I came from. Yeah. The first curiosity I had is, it's very exciting for us, but literally, Monica, close your eyes and imagine next year, Nirmala has a show on Netflix. That's my mom. I can't. It's impossible, right? Like, can you even- Listen, I love my mom, but what's the show going to be about? Debriefs on her YouTube. Oh, she could have a show on that. No, she could have a show about all the trials. She could have a show about all the trials that are going on, and she could report on that. She loves a trial. She does. She loved that Amber Heard. There's a big trial right now. There's a big trial going on. Which one's going on right now? Really sad one about- Okay, let's- No, we're not talking about it. Oh, you're going to hear it. The woman who murdered her children. Oh, okay. I'm vaguely aware of that. And her little mom was following all night. Oh, to a T. She's watching the trial real time. Riveted. She's riveted. Yeah. She really loved the Johnny Depp Amber Heard trial. She didn't miss a word. I told her, I was like, that's unethical. you're not allowed to like that and then she was like oh and then she just had like one earbud in she was just like always listening to it just one earbud pretending like she wasn't i was like i see you does she love nancy grace too i wouldn't i'll ask yeah because nancy grace you know she's on it yeah she is on it she got the bone in her teeth she's like the dog i think my mom might think she's a little crazy okay oh yeah but i'm gonna check but for real can you imagine i mean anyone listening imagining next year your mother's incredibly famous it's so abstract you had a mother imagine at one point she got wildly famous at 60. i know y'all i know even though my mama could have really lucille uh she's very funny she's 83 now i mean she always cheered me on and was like yeah you're going to hollywood but always been very funny has got friends that are 20 years old all the way up to 80 yeah everybody loves her how are your kids computing that i do think they finally caught up with what's going on i had somebody say to me that's another comedian doing really well that his therapist saying your family's the last one to catch up with what's happening yeah because they're not out there seeing it and see chuck morgan like i would say i mean this is a pretty big chuck and he'd be like you can stop tomorrow you don't know like let's maybe child is my makeup artist like went to school for makeup for television and film and is in the union which is a godsend because she's with me helping me all the time so she saw it and would see fans and would see the crowds at a theater or whatever so she got it but my other kids and my husband it took them and my parents and my sister like it's taken everybody a while to figure out oh this is big and i told them i go if this is too much and y'all don't want this tell me now i'm going to go to the hospital and i'm going to go to the hospital and i'm going to go to because i can stop this train but once it starts going i can't stop and everybody's like and then nobody knew how big this would get yeah you would think on the outside people would be like oh they must be so proud but i would argue knowing my children like maybe embarrassed like some bit of embarrassment like oh my god my mom's everywhere you know what i'm saying i mean your kids are old enough now they're over now okay 30 33 and 28 so they're like this is crazy mom i mean tickled i mean they love it but i've been a stand-up for 27 years so when they were little bitty i was on nick at night's funniest mom in america and their school wanted me to they wanted to show it at pe and that kind of stuff so they've seen but my career wasn't going i mean it was fine i was just grinding and they didn't understand i mean they were like oh she's a comedian i might as well have been working at target i'm not kidding like you know because there wasn't that much big stuff going on the big night thing was pretty fun they came and filmed us at our house they were that is so yeah okay and now how about chuck though because i would imagine again you'd be so proud so happy but also i would be a little bit like do i have a role in this life this is now a big chunk of your life i know he traveled non-stop for work or maybe still does but that could be scary as a partner have you guys been married what 30 years 34 years 34 years and he's been the provider and a very overachiever executive for a company's worked for the same company and his pride i mean that's been his role and that's been very important for him his identity when this started blowing up he said you don't need me anymore and i go yeah i do because i came from a mom and dad and had a business together we're a team he came from a family where the dad took care of everything and do we have life insurance or something goes i can take care of it don't worry about it that's what he came from so that's been a little yeah yeah but then now he's still working yeah people ask all the time is he going to retire i mean he's running a division of a company you probably don't want to retire he doesn't want to yeah yeah yeah and he you know needs purpose he doesn't need to be out here fooling around you know with this sitting on a director's chair on the side of a set getting bored out of his mind going what happened to our life yeah yeah i just think it'd be scary not to say that it won't all be great but it's just a real shake-up for something that was humming along pretty consistently for 30 plus years like it's just a big event i know y'all and i was for 20 years of it i was making the same amount of money which was pitiful for a corporate gig or you know breast cancer fundraiser i was working some clubs chamber of commerce lunch chambers commerce luncheon at dubuque iowa yeah couldn't book the dinner slot no they didn't want me for the nighttime thing but all that happened for years so yeah there was no imbalance or anything it was like i was like i was like i was like i was like i was like well land's making the money to get uniforms haircuts that's what i did i got two headshots made in 20 something years which was stupid i didn't even think to invest in myself my friend did my website but i was having television deals hollywood was coming after me that whole time i had like five deals for sitcoms over the years from the time they were little until now and one made it okay so yeah now let's go through it chronologically because i do want to hear all the little stuff of the deals and stuff and i'm sure the excitement the disappointment it's like oh my god this ride but yeah back in adams tennessee which i guess is almost to the border kentucky is it it's on the kentucky tennessee border it is but only 35 minutes 35 minutes north of nashville okay and as we said 600 folks the school this is very new to me i didn't even know they had the your school was straight k through 12 k through 12 650 students so i ate lunch with the kindergartners oh doesn't that seem wild to have like 18 year olds and five-year-olds i mean it sounds fun but also crazy yeah it does i know it was really sweet i went to church with all my teachers like everybody knew everybody it's a big farming community all farming really so my high school was future farmers of america and home ec i took home ec not a lot of college prep but people went on to college but a lot of people got out and farmed with their families and what was your favorite thing about your school? your role in this school were you class clowny? i was class clowny and pretty cute yeah that reads i got miss joe burns and best looking the superlative i got was best looking really i think i really think i peaked in high school really but yeah but i was always telling jokes and then the teachers would say can you do the announcements for this can you emcee this event and i was like yeah yes and then we had speech and drama and i loved and we did improv in it my heart almost burst but i had a boy in my class out of 42 people he went to julie Julliard. Oh, wow. And his daddy was a Methodist minister and a dairy farmer. And he's been in movies and television and on Broadway. And then there were four boys and he was included in that that had started a little country music band that I think maybe got some kind of record deal, cut an album. But then they all decided to stop and they all went to college and, you know, became engineers and attorneys or whatever. But I had a lot of talented people. Yeah. Kind of overachievers for this. You know, kind of fun people. My choir director, they were all darling. What about dating? That's a very tiny pool of folks. You date a couple people, you're halfway through all the options. I always had some cooking. She was Miss Jo Burns. I don't doubt she was able to get boys attention, but there's just so few. There's so few. And you go to church with them and you go to school with them and all that. And they end up kind of like your brothers, really. Right. I've stayed close to all of them. But yeah, I flirted. I messed with a lot of people's heads. I thought I was like Erica Cain in this little town. You were too big for that little town. I felt like that. Yeah. Would you go to the mall in another town to like keep boys? Yes, Dax. We would all drive to Springfield and ride around the McDonald's and then park in the Kroger parking lot and flirt and do. And that's where I met my high school boyfriend that I think in the country, a lot of people like you just latch on to somebody and you think, well, I'm going to marry them. And I'm going to raise tobacco and I'm going to can my own food. And I thought that with my high school boyfriend. And then he was two years older than me. And I followed him to the University of Tennessee, who then quickly broke up with me because I was a big nag because he was drinking and singing Super Freak at a fraternity house. You know, Rick James and I was coming off of Methodist Youth Fellowship. So I really ruined his time at the University of Tennessee. So then he broke up with me. But, you know, chased me after. Okay, sure. As they do. As they do. And you met a boy at 21 or probably before, but you met a boy and got married when you were 21. I got married at 21, y'all. And I think, honest to goodness, you could have been a therapist. I think I could have been too. We could maybe therapize each other. Some people have that thing. And I can tell you've got that thing. And you probably do too, baby. Thank you. I was at the University of Tennessee, that high school boyfriend, he was kind of my like, I don't know if I'm even going to graduate. I'm probably going to marry him. I don't need all this. Yes. But always in the back of my mind thinking, I'm going to Hollywood. Yeah. But isn't that crazy? I didn't know how. It didn't even dawn on me, stand up. I love stand up. But anyway, I think that I was flailing so bad at the University of Tennessee. And away from home. I was away from home. Knoxville's a minute from there, yeah? Yeah. It was like, you know, three and a half hours. And I shouldn't have gone to a big university like that. I just chased my high school boyfriend. I should have gone somewhere smaller. But anyway, I went to that. I was flailing. And, you know, I was like, I'm going to go to Yeah, this guy who was 27, beautiful, smart, charismatic, built like a wide receiver in the NFL. Is he single now? Well, he is. I don't think you want him. Okay. He is no longer with us. Oh, okay. But it was not a good relationship. It was abusive. And he was mentally ill. You know, in back then, nobody talked about it. Yes. And you didn't know, you just thought it was mean. But he had a lot of problems and he couldn't help it. Now I look back and I think. Yeah. Yeah, he swept me off my feet. Love bomb. Uh-huh. And then would say terrible things to me. Here's my guess. He's older, you're younger. He's now living in this crazy fear that you're going to be too shiny. So he's got a shit on you so you don't feel confident enough to leave him. Was like, that's the cycle. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I got to reduce you so you don't get any funny ideas about trying to do better than me. Yeah. It's a common pattern. And he would say things like, and I believed everything he said, except this one thing. He said, Your accent, people think you're stupid and you need diction lessons because everybody's making fun of you. And I remember thinking, no, they're not. I mean, this is who I am. And I'm so thankful that I held on to that part of my self because I believed everything else he said. Well, he's six years older. Do you have a good job and stuff? Yeah. And he ended up, after we divorced, very, very successful and a beautiful family and beautiful children and all that. It seemed like he had it all figured out. Yeah. It's clearly when you're 21, I'm sure. And I was a ding-dong, you know. Yeah, yeah. I was a ding-dong. And I was just young. Yeah. When they're telling you all these beautiful things about you, especially if you were a big fish and then you go into this big university and you probably feel small. And then he's like, no, you're the best. Of course, you're going to be like, oh, yeah, I feel special. I love it. And then. The day you're married, you're like, so anyways, actually, you're a piece of shit. And you should never think about looking at another guy because they won't like you. Control. It isolated me from my friends and family, that kind of thing. How did you muster the courage to get out of it? Because I imagine there's a lot of embarrassment over having to get divorced, especially where you're from and being religious. I had so much shame. But, y'all, I was walking on eggshells every day. I wanted babies. He would say, there's no way. I mean, if you get pregnant, I'll do, you know. Oh, my God. I mean, yeah. So all these things happened. And then I was sitting in a restaurant. It was Christmas, and he was just angry for no reason. It made no sense whatsoever. And we had ordered a Diet Coke or tea or something. And then he got mad at me and left me there. And this was before people had cell phones. On Christmas Eve, did you say? It was right before Christmas. He was probably mad about Christmas, I guess. I don't even know. Sure. How could he not be? That's understandable. Christmas is very maddening. Everyone's pissed off at Christmas. And I promise y'all, God sent this waitress. I'm not kidding. It was a moment, a defining moment for me. He left me. I had no money, nothing. I guess I could have called somebody from the restaurant. I guess that's what I did. I can't remember that part. And I said, I don't have any money. And he's gone. And she said something like, I understand, honey. Don't worry about it. And in her face, I could tell she's been through this. She knows exactly. She looked like she'd had a hard life. And I swear, I feel like God sent her to say, it's enough. This is enough. You don't have to do this anymore. And I feel like God shut that door. And I was out. I left in the middle of the night when he was gone. And I went to an address at a friend's house where he wouldn't find me, even though I look back now and I don't think he would have come and done anything to me. I was just scared at the time because he was volatile. And then I never looked back. I mean, I never looked back. Did he try to win you back over? Because my imagination is he, you know, this guy got a control. That has to be infuriating. Yeah, he cried and begged me to come back and all that. And oh, y'all, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I felt horrible for him and all that. But I thought this isn't my burden to carry. I can't. I got to get out of this because I wanted children and I wanted a good life. I mean, I couldn't live in that, even though, you know, I was raised in a Christian home and all that. You don't want to get divorced. I just didn't. Yeah. And my parents were behind me. Nobody made me feel bad. They probably were a little nervous about the wedding to begin with. Oh, they were. And I've often thought with my children, if I ever felt like they're making a mistake, I'm going to say something because I think my little mom and daddy, that generation, you know, I was riding bicycles for 20 miles. Nobody knew where I was. You know, they just didn't helicopter. And I think they thought that's her decision. But anybody around me, if they had said, you don't have to do that. Maybe you were still in your hometown with your close knit group of friends. Some of those girlfriends were like, oh, but you probably I don't know how many people you knew at University of Tennessee. I knew a lot of people. But once I was with him and living with him, we were isolated. Yeah. So you find your way back to university, though. Yeah. I decided to go back to school because, y'all, I was working behind a behind the clinic counter in the department store and thought of myself as a makeup artist. I'm sure. And they said, we want you to run a camera counter. My heart was beating out of my body. She was giving me the note where my salary was going to be plus commission. And it was so low that I thought, this is poverty level. And I thought, I need to go back to school. And I called my precious daddy, who's 86 now. And I said, Daddy, if I go back to school, I'll be, now this is how young and stupid I was. I go, I'll be 26 when I graduate. He said, you're going to be 26 anyway. You're You might as well get an education. So my parents helped me and I paid for my apartment. And I mean, I had nothing. I walked out of that with nothing. And we were young, didn't have anything. What did you major in there? I ended up going back and majoring in child and family studies, crisis intervention, counseling. Oh, really? Because I wanted to be a therapist if I didn't make it in Hollywood. But at that point, I wanted to get that degree. And Hollywood was in the back of my mind. You know, I wasn't even thinking about that. I was just trying to survive then. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. We get support from YouTube Premium. OK, I got to tell you something. I just got YouTube Premium this year, and it's completely enhanced how I use YouTube. I already liked YouTube for obvious reasons. I'm watching all my car stuff on there. Everything. Everything's on there. And thought, how could YouTube get any better? Well, Premium has awesome features like offline downloads. Just favorite automotive shows and videos to watch when I'm on the go. 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Cancel anytime. This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the everything app for smarter money. Award-winning banking, investing, borrowing, and more all in one app. No more juggling five apps or losing track of your money because money that's just sitting there isn't getting you anywhere. Start with SoFi checking and savings, earn a competitive APY, pay no account and get a direct deposit bonus. Terms apply. SoFi Bank, NA, member FDIC. When you're ready to invest or finally deal with debt, it's all right there. SoFi members can talk to actual SoFi Wealth's world-class financial planners, which is useful when you have no idea what the next move is. One app, every dollar working. Get started today. SoFi.com slash armchair. SoFi, get your money right. This is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice. And you were working at Gladys? Grady's. Grady's, Grady's. What, as a waitress? Uh-huh. And then this is where you met your husband? That's where Chuck Morgan came in. Okay, so tell me about that day. Was he a regular or was he blowing through? He had come back to go to school to get an MBA. So I was a little bit older than him finishing that undergraduate. You know, it took me like nine years on and off to get that thing. Yeah. Anyway, he came through. He came through to work, to train, and he was in the training group at Grady's. And Grady's was kind of the snotty place to work. Like, everybody wanted to work there because you can make a lot of money. On ballgame Saturdays, University of Tennessee, they stayed on the wait all day. You made a lot of money. Yeah, yeah. So everybody wanted to work there, and he was in a training group. He's six foot four. I just looked at him and I said, boy, you're tall as a tree. And he said, sorry. And I thought, who's that butthole coming to work at Grady's? But honest to goodness, I didn't want to date. I'd gone through that. I was in therapy. I was messed up from all that. I cut my hair off. You were not a ding-dong. Therapy at that time, that's like big. Thank you. I've always loved therapy. The best. So Chuck Morgan, I think, fell in love with me that minute that he was, you know, oh, sorry. I think he fell in love with me. I didn't know it. He doesn't talk. So then. How would you? For weeks, I mean, he'd just be lurking around staring at me. So then he started wooing, me. And I was like, thank you. But I've gone through a divorce. I was the only one there, you know, 23 years old, divorced. I'm sure people whispered behind my back, she's a divorce. You know, divorcee, she's 23. All the boys tried to date me because I think they thought, she's divorced. You know, and I was like. She knows it all. And I was bitter and angry. But I loved everybody I worked with. It was a great place to work. It was like his own fraternity and sorority. Like everywhere I go now when I'm touring, people go, I worked at Grady's. I'm like, what? Everybody came through there. Do you ever eat at Grady's? Is it still around? No, they got bought by a big chain and then it kind of got ruined because it was fabulous before that. It was a fern kind of restaurant bar kind of thing, but really good food, really good customer service. And I feel like a wonderful training ground to even do what I'm doing now, to be with people is waiting tables. No, you have a new set every time someone sits down. Well, and my managers would be going because you're supposed to put a tee down, get their order, go and put their drink order down within 45 seconds. And see, I'd be sitting there going, I'm from Adams, 500 people, home of the Bell Witch. You ever heard of the Bell Witch? Andrew Jackson went as part of Tennessee history, you know, and they'd be going, but I made good tips, less tables. Chuck Morgan waited on more tables, made less tips because he would say, my name is Chuck. It's salmon, black bean soup. I would go, where are y'all from? Oh, you are so pretty. Why did Chuck. I think the customer service industry was the right fit for him. He just knew the tips were there. Yeah, he wanted to make money. But y'all, he would get waiter of the year every time. Oh, because he did all the side work and everything. He did the side walk, the roll-ups. Yeah, what a kiss-ass. A lot of toilets, he did anything. Chuck Morgan's the kind of person, everywhere he goes, he gets promoted because they're like, oh, he takes care of stuff. Chuck Morgan takes care of stuff. Now, we love that. That's his slogan. He might not talk, but he does take care of stuff. He's a civil solver and a worker, and he's going to take care of things. Okay, so how long did it take him to woo you? I mean, you have the best joke in your first Netflix stand-up special, which is like, he bought you flowers, he did every. What's all the things he did? Tell me. Oh, Lord, y'all. He did all my side work. Oh, that's enough. He would clean my ketchup bottles and tops. He would clean the women's bathroom, which you know, looks like Vietnam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he would. He would go and clean up before I ever said a word, like I didn't ask him to. And there was many a time where I would say, you're so sweet, and this is so sweet, but I'm damaged, and I gotta heal. I'm not ready for something. And he just, honey, he's a mobile home salesman. He doesn't take no for an answer. Yeah. And he just wouldn't take no for an answer. He would come to my apartment, knock on the door, bring me stuff. Were you a little nervous, though? Because this sounds a tiny, tiny bit love-bomb-y as well. I just. Well, it's not. It's not, but it could. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you had just gotten out of a relationship where it started like that, I could imagine being like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You would think. But that first one was more of like words of affirmation, which is my love language. Bullshit. Car salesman. But not like doing for me. Yeah. Acts of service. Acts of service. That's right. It's not love-bombing to me because he doesn't have the toolkit to be a love-bomber. He's not like wildly charismatic. Uh-uh. He can't fuck you up with his charm. It's not love-bombing. He was steady eating. Yeah. He wooed me, but it's not a, you know. Yeah. Chuck is more of like, I'll take care of you, and you can have as many babies as you want to, and nobody's ever going to hurt you, and all that kind of thing. Oh, safety. And see, I didn't have that. And I changed your oil. You didn't know, but it was 3,000 miles, and I changed it. Yes. And your gas tank's full, and I rotated your tires. This is a dream. Yeah. If you're big enough to accept that, because I got to say, a lot of people need something flashier in their whole life. They can't figure out why they don't have a good, you know. I think it takes your own kind of resolve, too, to be like. Okay, yeah, I'm not going flashy. I'm going substantive, like real, especially when you're young. Yeah, especially when somebody told you you couldn't have children, and all that. That's all I ever wanted, besides Hollywood. I mean, Hollywood was always this up here, but I wanted to be a mom, more than anything. But your joke in the special is what, now after 30 years? He would not pull me out of a burning thing. Yeah, this is what happens. I'm watching your special, and I'm like, wow, man, yeah, I'm at an age, and I've been with someone for almost 20 years. This stuff makes so much sense to me, you know? If I were young, I'd just imagine my 21-year-old self watching me, like, I don't relate to it. And I'm watching, I'm like, oh, I'm so in this demo. This is all the truth. This is all so funny. Oh, well, thank you for saying that, my darling. But why it's so good is there's, like, so much truth baked into it that is kind of universal shit. Like, if you're with somebody for decades, there's just some very predictable stuff we're all experiencing. Yes, and Chuck Morgan's MO is. Come home, he's talked all day at work, doesn't want to talk. I have no idea what's happened. And I like to know. Yeah. And then I'll say, what do you want to drink with your supper? And he doesn't even answer me. Then I'm, you know, and then we get in the bed, and then he grabs my brands. And then I'm like, I'm sorry, who are you? I don't know you. You have not spoken to me. So, yeah, that's our MO is that Chuck, it's hard for him to open up and to know that I need to be spoken to. Spoken to. Acknowledged. Which is great material. Yeah. Because when I say this on stage, like I say, Chuck loves me and wants to be with me. He just doesn't want to speak to me. Men lose their mind. Yeah. Because they all, I guess that's what, you know, men get older and don't want to talk. Yeah. And so you get your girlfriends and you talk to your friends. Well, I'll tell you why. I mean, I can answer this riddle. It's like you learn more and more. Every time you speak, there's issues. And you go, oh, I got the solution. I'm just going to shut the fuck up for the rest of my life. Especially like I live in a house with three women, you know, and I'll just say something innocuous. And then like, I don't know who's on their period and who's not. And then all of a sudden there's a thing going. And then I just go like, you know, it'd be better. I'll just answer when spoken to. I don't think what you're saying is a knock. You think it's innocuous. The thing I'm saying. Wait, wait, back up. I mean, I don't understand. You said you say something innocuous. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It sparks. Oh, no. Yeah. It's not innocuous to say, like, does anyone want to go up to Cafe 101? And then now one's like, we always eat there. No, she gets her way. And blah, blah, blah. Then it's a fucking tornado. And I go, great. Tomorrow, I'm not going to suggest going to Cafe 101. I'll wait till everyone tells me where they want to go. I'll drive everyone there. You know, you kind of slowly learn it's a path of least resistance. My oldest child is a boy who's from heaven. And I've got two girls who are also from heaven. Yeah. But when everybody started fighting. Sure. And there was a lot of fighting and everybody's starfishing somebody in the back. You know, all that. He would just slowly walk out the door and go get a BB gun and shoot at a tree or something. Or do woodworking or start whittling. Your son, right? Yeah, because he doesn't like conflict. Yeah. And he said, these girls, you know, when Chuck Morgan said something, they were at their daddy. And he'd go, let it go. Let it roll off your back. But he would just take out the door. He's a hunter and a fisherman, outdoorsman. So he'd just go outside and just avoid the whole thing. Once Chuck woos you, you get married, you have your degree, you kind of settle into a domestic life. Yes. I'm breastfeeding. You're breastfeeding. Thank you. Precious and sweet. My girls wean themselves and my boy would have still been nursing. Sure, sure. Until he met his wife. Yeah. And Chuck Morgan was working. After he graduated from MBA school, bought a used mobile home business that refurbished mobile homes. Never walked in a mobile home in his life. We bought that because this was the first George, the big Bush, not George, but the first Iraq thing. So like jobs when he was 91. Yeah. You know, there weren't great jobs out there. So he bought this business, moved us to the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in Bean Station, Tennessee. Okay. And then I got pregnant with Maggie close at, you know, they're like two years apart, all of them. But I wanted a little money. My mom has always had a business. I feel like I'm an entrepreneur. I'm an entrepreneurial person. I wanted to be home with those babies and nurse, but I also want to get my hair highlighted, buy the baby an outfit, do have my own thing. I started selling jewelry at home parties. I don't even care about jewelry. But one of my friends said, I'm doing this and you can work at night, have a good time, eat some dip and a brownie, shoot the, you know, crap and then make a little money. So I started doing that. Yeah, door-to-door jewelry sales. Yeah. So I might have a party. And I would go and lay out all this jewelry, but I was doing stand-up. You were figuring that out. I was figuring that out. Some of my first material. It's another set, right? You walk into this house. They're all strangers. You got to win them over. It's just like doing 15 somewhere, right? Yes. I'd never been to a comedy club until Chuck Morgan took me to go see my sister. She was living out in Huntington Beach. She was working for an office furniture company and young in her 20s. And so we came out here and I said, I would like to go to a comedy club. I said, I would like to go to a comedy club. I said, I would like to go on the hearse tour where you ride in a hearse and see who's been murdered in Hollywood, shot and loved. I like old Hollywood. I like old Hollywood facts. Well, like Fatty Arbuncle. Do you know how close we are to the Black Dahlia house? Do you know where like 15 houses down? Yeah. Yeah. It's right there. The Hodel house. Oh, my Lord. Yeah. And it delivers. Frank Lloyd Wright's son made it. So it's like this crazy looking Mayan pressed concrete construction house. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love all of that kind of stuff. We'll knock on the door. Can we take a peek at those bodies? And you got any of them around still? I mean, that's a fascinating one. It's the darkest story I've ever consumed in my life. I don't know if you listen to that podcast about it. No. The Black Dahlia murder was the least of that man's activities. Hodel. Do you know the story of him? No. He was a doctor and he was basically the only doctor that was doing venereal disease work in, I guess, the 20s or 30s here in Alabama. And because of that position, he knew everyone in power. Like anyone that had a hush-hush venereal situation came to Hodel. And he was hanging out with Alistair Crawley and all those weirdos in that scene. And he was super into surrealists. And he was obsessed with surrealist artists. And he wanted to be a surrealist, but he wasn't. In the Black Dahlia murder, he repositioned this woman he killed. And it's right out of a painting of a surrealist he was obsessed with. He was trying to. Impress the other surrealists. But he was hosting orgies at his house. And the other part, I don't even want to get into, but it involves his children. And there's like generations of people that are fucked up from that guy. I'm just a monster. All happening 14 doors down here 80 years ago. And surrealists, you mean like Salvador Dali? Well, I've got to know all about this, y'all. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's a really horrific podcast. It's the darkest we've ever listened to. But it is phenomenal. It's really good. Yeah, yeah. I'll find the name of it. I'll find the name of it and give it to you. Boy, that was a tangent. Oh, so you come to Huntington Beach to take the. So I come to that and I go, I want to go on the Hearst tour. And of course, Chuck said, this is twisted. And then he took me. I said, I want to go to the Comedy Store. Yes. And I went to the Comedy Store. And that's the first time I saw Stand Up Live. And it set me on fire. My heart beat out of my body. And I thought, I can do it. I know I can do this. Then we got married. Then go to Bean Station. We go in the middle of nowhere at Bean Station, Tennessee. Then I start selling jewelry. But the whole time thing. And by then, I had the idea, I can do Stand Up. I don't know when. I don't know how. I don't know where. But I'm going to do it. Can I guess the trip to the Comedy Store, the moment was, up till then, you had only seen polished performance. You had seen probably Richard Pryor live on Sunset. Richard Lewis, all these people on Johnny Cash. One hour, complete, well-refined, fully finished products. But you go there and you're like, oh, you see a guy with a piece of paper. He's trying out a new joke. You go, oh, I don't have to start at one. At Richard Pryor level, there's intermediate steps between that thing I've seen and this. Dom Herrera. There was all these unbelievable people I got to see that night. And I did. I thought, okay, that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I know I can do it. So once you get back in, you're selling the jewelry and you're kind of working out some bits and you're maybe going to have some material. When's the first time you go on a stage and do like an open mic night, I guess? No, because I'm in Morristown, Tennessee. We then moved to Morristown where Chuck was raised. It was right up near Bean Station. Bean Station. Bean Station is very rural. And then Morristown has got hospitals and a country club. Oh, right. So we are in church. We've got this really nice Sunday school class. It's all of our friends and everybody's social. It's got their little babies together. Everybody goes to everybody's birthday parties. Well, a guy in that Sunday school class said, I'm in the Kiwanis club. We need somebody to emcee the Kiwanis capers land, like a local thing. So I did that. Thought, this is my debut. And you were probably the best thing they'd ever seen. Did you kill that? I bet you crushed it. Felt pretty good. Then there was a man in the audience who came up to me and said, I own a sandwich shop. It has a stage. I have bands. Would you want to do stand-up? Wow. And I went, yeah. And he goes, okay, here's an hour. An hour? The first time I ever did it, I did an hour. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I did. And it was crazy. And I got so scared that I went to an ENT that day thinking that I had a tumor. Yeah. I could not move my neck. I was like, I'm not kidding. I said, something's wrong with me. And he goes, I don't see anything wrong with you. And I go, well, I'm doing this tonight. And he goes, I think you're just scared. So then I had a, to prepare for it, I had, you know, when your baby goes to kindergarten. Did you memorize this? No. I had a kindergarten tablet where my boy, you know, was in preschool and, you know, would do his letters. So I got that pad and wrote down points, like just words of stories I knew I could tell that I had a tumor. I had been telling, you know, with girlfriends for exercise or whatever. And so what I knew I thought would work. And then I had a, it was like a sheet music thing on this stage. And Chuck had the babies. By then there were three babies, all under the age of five, probably. And he was in our minivan and people said they could see him because it was a big glass thing behind me driving back and forth with these babies to make sure I was okay. And there was about 50 people and it sold out. just because there's nothing else to do there. A man did film it that night, and I wake up at 3 a.m. o'clock in the morning thinking where's that film yeah because i'm sure it sucked it's no telling what i said y'all it's no telling what i say you had an hour to fill for people who don't know like people work on an hour-long act for six months they're trying out new jokes right and lord back then 10 years took you to get 45 minutes exactly then do anything but yeah so then he said well this has worked out great you want to do this every month or every two weeks or whatever so i started doing that at this little sandwich shop always an hour yeah wow wow and throwing stuff in throwing it out i don't even know what i said y'all people around town would say can you do a program at the rotary we'll pay you 50 i drop the baby off at preschool and go do that so i did all those kind of things anybody would let me do then chuck morgan sold that business and went to work for a large mobile home company berkshire hathaway company warren buffett and then moved us to san antonio and that's where i had a close-knit business and then i started doing that at this little sandwich shop always an hour for the first time i did open my one time thought i was gonna vomit isn't that funny because you'd already been doing this hour-long show and i was like oh no because to me comedy club was the real deal it's the power of framing in your head it's like that thing's that so i don't care this thing is terrifying now i care and you're doing the exact same thing at both places but i always forget this when the baby was 18 months old i did call zany's in nashville a cold call and said can i come and do i didn't even know what an opener was before san antonio i called zany's and i said can i just come and he goes yeah and it's brian dortman who's now my concert promoter who's my dear friend and i didn't even know you do drink specials and stuff i did whatever they told me billy gardell was the headliner for mike and molly oh and was precious and then brian dortman got me in the office and said i think you've got something land i really do but he said you've got three babies there's no way you can do this you can't do comedy clubs and raise those children he said roseanne would have them in a station wagon in the parking lot you know he said yeah it's just too hard yeah and then to build the career you gotta be out on the road yeah i was mad that he said it but he was right but anyway he encouraged me then i go to san antonio and that's where i've got austin i drive to austin they've got one of the best comedy clubs cap city comedy club rich miller owns it who's dennis miller's brother and jimmy miller's brother then i felt like i was in the game i was in the game but i never was coming through there in montreal aspen i never got anything they never wanted me but i was a young mom talking about somebody doodooing on the t-ball field on the kitten hill it's all young people everybody was edgy yeah you know sarah silverman was big they didn't want me yeah yeah what it turned out okay yeah so the pilot deals when did those come along what ages were you when like networks charlie was my boy was in sixth grade when i got the job i was in sixth grade the first one that was with abc and warner brothers tom warner tom warner love him loved him yeah what a sweetheart and i thought oh this is it he done rosanne he did third rock all that i mean crazy and i loved everybody on the whole thing my writer everything writer strike hit now i don't know if it would have made it i always act like oh i think it would have made it if but you know how those things are but i got money for that deal i never had that before the deals after that i never got another dime but i thought this is my big thing and then the writer strike hit it was over in a second and then reality television you know was big but i remember being so depressed like i really went through i think a clinical depression over it because it was so big and then it was over in seconds but i was always doing those dubuque iowa things and all these little corporate things and clubs so many clubs like five clubs would book me two times a year if i can be super nosy like what are you cobbling together at the end of the year from all these gigs what do you think you're making over these years oh lord y'all nothing like 30 grand a year yeah maybe maybe 30 to 50 or something yeah for 20 years i would get 2,500 plus travel sometimes pay your travel out of it but i was your 2,500 dollar girl and i would think if i could just get to 5,000 this would change my and i got it a couple of times and all my friends around me and comics around me were getting you know 7,000 7,500 10,000 and they were working a lot of clubs yeah but i work clubs for like 1,500 for the week take your travel out of it but they would provide a hotel but anyway then i did a dry bar comedy special and at the time the manager i had at the time said i don't know what this is land but you might as well do it you don't have anything else going on basically it was like a clean the premise of dry comedy on the internet i was like dry bar the hair thing i do love a dry parlor but no this was the comedy and they were very successful and did all these little like 30 minute specials i think mine was 45 and i had not worked enough i was not on my game i didn't feel like i did a bunch of old material because i didn't know i just didn't even know they filmed it we didn't think anybody's ever gonna see it there's one clip that got 55 million views wow but i could not sell tickets i was getting gigs but they weren't good gigs i was getting gigs but they weren't good gigs they weren't what i wanted and i was working like a mule and it was like 2500 we won't pay your travel out of it you're staying on a motel on the side of the road where you could be raped and murdered and then your uber driver's home marijuana you know it was all like yeah and i thought i'm 50 51 i cannot be doing this neil brand told me all those rooms were painted kill yourself brown somehow all the hotels on the road tour were all painted kill yourself brown uh-huh i love my neil brennan okay and then that's when i went to dinner with chuck morgan i started crying and that's the first time in 20 something years i thought i don't think anything's gonna happen because i had had so much hope even when i was raising these precious children in knoxville tennessee i never felt like one of the cool kids or i was in the game comedy central didn't want me all that but i'd get a television deal again i get with tv land nick at night and then sony and keep going yeah but i just thought nothing is happening this is bad when i'd be right to guess you're running out of people to look to like i was just talking to someone about this the other day for so many years the thing you are told is like well ray crock didn't invent mcdonald's until he was 52 and then you know maybe this actor didn't pop rodney danger there's a handful that didn't pop but then when you start getting to be that age or beyond it and you're like well i no longer have an example of someone older than me that's still hit i just thought i don't know i don't want to be in my 50s in some pitiful hotel yeah feeling like i'm not safe looking like a loser i thought i just can't keep doing this and i knew that charlie got married right out of college they waited five years to have my first grandbaby but i thought i know i'm going to be a grandmama yeah and i'm from the country grandmamas tend to their grandbabies and all that i thought maybe that's what god's wanting me to do and then i said to chuck nothing's happening maybe i should open up always thought it would be nice to have a hardware store because i thought i can sell canning goods and talk to customers yeah i can dazzle or pop popcorn at the nascar track or at ace hardware and he said that's crazy lenny i know and then this is one thing that i'll pat myself on the back for because i never invested in myself and i really wasn't a good business person when it came to this whole comedy business i mean i could build relationships i'm easy to be around i don't suck the life out of a room i know that kind of stuff but two headshots i wouldn't do it like i should have so then i thought what's jim gavigan doing nate barghese was just starting to pop and i thought what is he doing because i'm about a year and a half behind him and i thought he's selling out clubs he's starting to go into small theaters and i want to be in small theaters and i thought they've got social media people that's the difference and i knew that television nobody's watching local news i knew nobody was looking at a newspaper everybody's quitting yeah and i thought how does anybody know how to find anybody if i don't have a copy of the book and i don't have comedy central half hour if i don't have all that and so i thought i'm gonna hire social media people and i think that i was one of the first they had social media people but i think i got on that train early early enough before social media really took off and before covid and i hired these young guys it was a fluke that we found them and they knew my voice they got a mom that's just like me where were they out of knoxville plano texas plano texas wow i didn't have an agent i had a manager but this person said these guys kind of know what they're doing yeah they'd had one comedian they were doing marketing for like local mom and pop stores and so i was the second comedian they took they put out one video i think it's one video it might have been the second one i wish i journaled all you're talking about def leppard taking chuck morgan to def leppard to def leppard and journey and everybody looks sick and had plantar fasciitis oh and nobody could stand up and everybody looks sick in the band and people must have resonated yes because you know you go to these concerts now you see fog hat i don't even want to say his name because he's a beloved legend especially in the south but my best friend aaron who's in town he just the other night went and saw a concert in detroit and he said he says on a chair and he was asleep for a good chunk of the show and many times i was like oh my lord are we seeing the passing of said legend it can get a little sad you know it - Yeah, and y'all, I was on a plane with a darling guy that was sound asleep, wadded up in his seat, tatted up with long hair, looked like a rocker. We were landing, and the attendant said something to me. He woke up and goes, are you that comedian that talks about Def Leppard and Journey? And I went, yeah. And he had little legs and rocker. And he goes, oh my gosh, that is so funny. And that's so accurate. He goes, get a load of what I do. He travels with ACDC, Aerosmith. Oh, who all did it? Rolling Stones. And he looks like he can play every instrument. His job is to fill it. Nobody knows who he is, but he fills in all the gaps for all that. And he said, I was just with ACDC last night. I thought somebody was having a stroke. He said he looked blank and then started playing again. And he goes, it scared me to death. But he goes, that is so true. But look at them out there doing that at their age. God love them. But anyway, that resonated with people. And people started then saying, well, what else does she have? I saw that and liked that. And it was like somebody turned a light on in a dark room. I'm not kidding. I could not sell tickets. Nobody cared. And within weeks, selling out all over the United States. That's incredible. We are supported by Arm & Hammer Toothpaste, Monica. Yeah, we are. Oh, I know we are. Okay, real talk. When did toothpaste get so complicated? Every time I'm in that aisle, there's a new formula, a new promise, some ingredient I can't pronounce. Seriously. Luckily, Arm & Hammer Baking Soda Toothpaste keeps it simple, powered by baking soda, a time-tested ingredient you already know and trust. And it actually works differently than what you're probably used to. You can feel the baking soda break down plaque and stains for a whiter smile. Yeah, people think baking soda is too intense for your teeth, but myth busted because Arm & Hammer is actually a less abrasive toothpaste that protects enamel. It's gentler than a lot of what's on the shelf. You've been a longtime devotee of Arm & Hammer. We've talked on here. It's your religion. It is. I have never stood so firmly by a product in perhaps my entire life. Well, look, if it's removing stains while keeping enamel intact, let's go. They also have different kinds. They have the advanced white. They have peroxy care, which is my personal favorite. They have complete care. And they have TheraBreath. So you'll find the one that's right for you. It's also the number one dentist-recommended baking soda toothpaste. So it's not just us saying this. Try Arm & Hammer Toothpaste to taste the difference, feel the difference. Arm & Hammer Baking Soda Toothpaste. Simple, powerful, clean. This episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. Look, I have my dream job. I get to talk to folks I admire like crazy and ask them, virtually any question that I want to. I can't imagine a better way to spend my time. But even dream jobs have some not-so-dreamy parts, the stuff that gets in the way of the actual work. Now, that's where ServiceNow's AI specialists come in. They don't just tell you what you should do about your busy work. They actually do it, start to finish. Cases closed, requests handled, no extra work for you. So you and your team can focus on what matters most, which for me is, are they obsessed with mail? on the same level as I am. They never are. To learn how to put AI to work for people, visit servicenow.com. We get support from Scottsdale, Arizona. Monica, with summer ending, we're heading into fall. I've been researching a nice quick getaway location and I keep coming back to Scottsdale, Arizona. Ooh, Scottsdale's good. What's drawing you to it? Well, first of all, I have this wonderful memory of going there as a kid when I would go see my stepdad when he's working out there. The weather is perfect in fall. Warm, sunny, no humidity. And you can really do whatever you want with your time there. I want to do a sunrise hike through the Sonoran Desert, be surrounded by Saguaro, and then at the same afternoon, just completely melt into a spa treatment at one of their luxury resorts. Oh, that sounds amazing. I want to do that. Also, I was there visiting my brother once and I loved Old Town Scottsdale. It's so walkable. They have galleries and cute little restaurants and shops. The food scene alone is amazing. What I keep reading is that it's luxurious, but not stuffy. There's no pressure to do it a certain way. You can explore public art, check out the architecture, go off-roading in the desert, or just sit and watch a sunset. It really is the perfect fall reset. Learn more about all Scottsdale has to offer at unwindinscottsdale.com. This episode is supported by Helix. Okay, so summer's officially over, sad, and I'm trying to get back into a real routine. And honestly, the first thing I do when I'm in Scottsdale is I'm like, oh, I'm going to go sleep. And the first thing I fix is my sleep because everything else falls apart when that's off. It's so true. And what I love about Helix is they have over 20 models. So you're not just guessing and hoping for the best. You take a quick quiz, they match you to the right mattress for how you actually sleep. I have the cooling one and it is a game changer. Sleeping hot has become an odd starter. If I'm not on the Helix, like we were at hotels, I can only sleep with the sheet on. That's how hot I run. And Kristen just the other day was like, are you only sleeping with the sheet on? And I'm like, yeah. And it's off me half the night because I'm so hot. I have to have the Helix cooling. I agree. And if you spent all summer sleeping on random mattresses like Dax that weren't yours and you're ready to actually feel rested again in your own bed, this is it. Go to helixsleep.com slash armchair for 27% off sitewide, which is exclusive for armcharies right now. That's helixsleep.com slash armchair for 27% off sitewide. Helixsleep.com slash armchair. I'm sorry. I'm still giggling thinking about these musicians simply because in rest in peace, I loved him. I got to be around him a bit through sobriety, Ozzy Osbourne, right? And he was playing this benefit to raise money for this treatment center. It's great, great cause. And I was the one hosting him. And then I kind of hung on the stage and there was a monitor in front of the He didn't know some of them, but you know, it was Ironman. And I noticed he was dialed at the Ironman part. Yeah. Age will get all of us, you know, if we're lucky. Well, and you know how the many things he consumed in a day. Well, that's the other thing. We did have someone on recently who, um, you just, I know I'm going to be careful, but it was just like, Whoa. Yeah. You lived a very hard life. The bill comes due. And yeah, that's true. It shows it eventually. It shows. Well, and I've eaten a lot of white flour, y'all. I've eaten a lot of white flour and sugar cause I wasn't out in this Hollywood thing, which is also freeing because like little Kristen's body, when I saw her at, then I thought, no wonder she's a star. Look at her little fanny. And then, you know, but I made it later where I can still eat pork sausage. Yeah. I don't have that. I feel like in my mind, I'm 19 and I'm like an it girl. No, I'm not. You are. So that's okay. But you know, you are. It's all perspective though, right? You could feel completely liberated. Like how rad that the angle I came in at, does it require me to do all that shit? And I can still eat pork sausage. That's lucky. If I'd have made it when I thought I was going to make it, y'all, one, I think it's no telling what would have happened to me. You wouldn't have had Egg McMuffin in decades. I wouldn't have had a muffin. I wonder because now that I've been out here and the pressure you feel like when you're on a television set, which I've got a wonderful crew, but I feel like sometimes they're looking at me like, you're a star. And then the next minute looking at like, you suck. And I think, if I'd have been 20 and I'd felt that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's a tough place to be. It's the ultimate make yourself conscious career. And city. I mean, this city is just full of people trying to do the same thing. So it's a constant comparison. It's tough out here. Yeah. And I'm kind of in a lane by myself. And so I can still eat. Yeah, yeah. As you should. Pork sausage and a biscuit. You should. Exactly right. But then I think, am I going to get dementia because I'm eating too much white flour? Well, that's, you know. But I'm trying to take fish oil. Okay. I know you love your supplements. Omega. Yeah, you love your magnesium. I do love a magnesium. Thanks. You know a lot about me. I try to. How precious you are. I try to. You angel. And I'm loving your hairline. Oh. Aren't you thankful? Because all these boys out here have to go to Turkey. By the way, I have said many times, I think I'm going to book one of those flights to just observe it. Have you seen the flights? Yes. Where 70% of the guys have tons of bandages on their head. They're all bleeding. They're taking their meds. Yeah. I know. When I see somebody with a head of hair, I think, you need to thank the Lord for that. I'm fucking drops three times a day. It fucks up my hair. It's great. Like I am adding so many drops to my hair to keep it. To keep it, to keep it. Yeah, because we were on vacation like three summers ago. My daughters took a picture of me and we're looking at it and they go, dad, what's happened to your hair? And all of a sudden I saw it for the first time. I was like, oh my goodness. I think I've lost like 40% of it in the last four months. Chuck took Propecia for a while and I was like, you didn't even tell me that. I could have touched that. What if I got pregnant? Because I get so pregnant so easy. Not now because I'm 60, but I could have back then. I could look at him and get pregnant. But I'm like, you didn't tell me that was Propecia. Because it would be on the table and I'd be like, I could have touched that, Chuck. He doesn't tell me anything. Yeah, well, we've established he doesn't know how to talk. He does not tell me anything. But he grew one little thing. thing of hair in my first Netflix special. talk about we went snorkeling in Maui and that one thing of hair was in that video I need to find that VHS tape and then I think he just finally said his hair just cut just cut and then he had the whole Justin Bieber thing I mean yeah Justin Bieber Justin Timberlake that okay and now he doesn't care okay so in rapid succession you have a Netflix special that's enormous that's in the top 10 of all their comedy specials and then is the movie with Will Ferrell and Reese Witherspoon next I think that was next did you have any fear about acting scared out of my mind yeah and little Reese Witherspoon had done that for me I met her in Nashville right after my mom had had a stroke and we were at a after CMA's party which nobody knew who I was the video had come out but nobody knew and somebody snuck me in and I was like staring at Reese with a tongue and she said to me who are you and she was darling but she was like who are you and I go nobody and so little Reese Witherspoon I just looked at her and I go my mom had a stroke and she held my hand anyway she had started following me I'd gotten my first tour COVID hit ruined I mean didn't ruin that tour but moved it I thought I'm finally gonna make it and then now this but it all turned out okay went on that tour I was selling out so I got that Netflix special she's like hey guys I know you're in Nashville I have these tickets I can't go do you want to go and that's how we went oh my darling yeah yeah that angel and she really does want to see people do well I mean she really does but she got me that part and they said you've got a table read and I was on tour and y'all I didn't even know what a table read was I called my little friend that his daddy was the dairy farmer and Methodist preacher that went to Juilliard and I go what's up with you there was a lot of language in that movie and they had a lot of language in the script and I spell cussed it because I'm from the south and I just couldn't I'm a mama and a grandmama and it got laughs in the room and then Nick Stoller said to me you do what you did because I said a little mama in the south with four kids standing with her because my character had four kids at a wedding would not say this Nick and he goes you know better than I do Leanne do you so I did that and I think you know it all turned out to be a good thing and I'm like I'm gonna do it turned out good and they were all darling to me and but I was scared to death we interviewed Nate yeah and he was saying that he'd have to go in and switch out swear words for things he thought were comparable he was racist like I was probably more strict than I was I was raised kind of Methodist kumbaya but yeah I got this language thing y'all it was my great-grandmother yeah you still have it you still don't swear I still have it yeah do you ever swear like with your girlfriend you do with your girlfriends no you don't swear period maybe under my breath when I'm alone s-h-i-t okay so you do that movie it's fun though is it fun so fun I wish I could go back and do it again because I was so scared yeah and now that I look at it and they kept saying to me the whole time you'll never have it this good again everybody's so fun so sweet and I go what are they doing to y'all in Hollywood are people screaming at y'all they go yeah also Will's such a beautiful benevolent man Reese is taking care of you like that is the ideal scenario it looks like I'm going to have to take care of you and I'm going to take care of you and I'm going to take care of you and I'm going to take care of you and I'm going to take care of you and I'm going to yeah he's incredible precious and then Rory Scovel played my brother Celia Weston played my mother who I love more than anything she was on this show bless this mess I did and I got to tell her how much I loved her in Floridian with Disaster I found her to be the most lovely I wanted to bring her up when I was watching your show I love her what a blessing she is what a blessing she is brilliant and funny from an interesting background too uh-huh who do people yeah what's that real will to do old money old money debutante her mother didn't want her to work because you don't do that yeah but honey she had a dream and she was like I'm doing it and everybody was like okay but precious and I love her on my yeah lover she plays your mom she plays my mom and I'm so thankful she loves to work and wants to still do it and Blake Clark plays my dad yes yes so funny everyone's my manager sent him my special and said just look at her and see what you think and he said I want to do a sitcom with her and flew to Knoxville Warner Brothers flew him because he said I don't want her to come out here to Hollywood and think that I'm blowing smoke up her butt because I'd had those five deals that didn't make it yeah you know and I was pretty wary after that so he came and we had lunch for him and he sat and held my grandbaby and said Leanne I can tell you put in ten thousand hours I can tell you're the real deal will you do a television show with me p.s. I'm the most successful comedic showrunner of all time would you like to do a show with me and Chuck Morgan watches Big Bang Theory every day and has always got that running behind everything yeah that must be I've been a moment for him one of the moments of like oh she really doesn't need me Chuck Laurie's here asking her new Chuck and Chuck Morgan was very starstruck about him yeah and Chuck's an intimidating man because he's quiet you're not getting a comedian with Chuck he's kind of reserved and serious but brilliantly funny and he and Chuck Morgan connected because Chuck Morgan's quite intimidating and so he loves Chuck my Chuck and always ask about him and honey when he says we're gonna do a television show there's no red tape there's no pilot there's a show everything just boom and we went y'all and I didn't know the lingo I didn't know anything but I had to learn it quick y'all I thought I had some kind of gastrointestinal disease for six weeks and I told my baby because my baby child was living with me where we rent a house here and I said pick up your stuff and let's go this is too much and I don't need this I can do stand-up I don't I mean I was so intimidated and freaked out and I don't know it was my age or if it's you know I just have never it was a big learning curve for me but it felt right to me yeah I was freaked out scared to death but I thought it feels right to me it's your voice they got your voice luckily they did it they did the job they knew how to encapsulate you yes so you know Hollywood's been back here this whole time and now it's here how do you feel I know that people say to me lean you can't just go into every interview and go and I don't know how this happened oh shucks but I feel sometimes all shucks is one and I'm like oh my god I'm not warranted yeah my book is called what in the world because every day I just go what in the world so many wonderful things happen but I felt this as a child I feel like this was in my imagination I knew this was going to happen I only had one in my 50s where I got scared and thought it's not gonna happen thank god for chuck morgan thank god for chuck morgan saying no that's crazy lean you can do it but I never knew it was gonna be this big yeah and this wonderful can you feel it yes okay good and then doing a tour yeah what when I could not get arrested for 20 years and that I'm in there and when they give me the numbers from Netflix and I don't see them often but I think I'm in there with Dave Chappelle and I know Dave Chappelle I've met him now a couple of times if I hope he remembered me but I bet all those guys that I'm in there with are like who is that who is that woman you know Jerry Seinfeld I'm close to him he gives me wonderful advice all the time I've gotten to meet David Letterman David Letterman said to me how do you feel about this I'm in there with Dave Chappelle how did you do this lean it's hard enough to get where you are but with three babies how did you do that and that means a lot to me yes yes so I hadn't seen the show full honesty and then I started watching this show yesterday before I started all my research right so I don't even know anything about the show I just have it in my screeners box and I start watching with my childhood best friend who's in town right now we're laughing up a storm my 13 year old's watching she's laughing up a storm Kristen passes through she's like I gotta go to bed and she sits down and then now she's hooked and she's like oh my god this is so good I swear to god I said out loud I go it's like Chuck Lorre good I'm like every single joke the one one of the jokes in the new seasons so the first episode of the second season your father's gone missing he's stuck at a dollar story can't figure out uh self-checkout which I couldn't agree with him more I'll stand in a line with a hundred people at Kroger in Mount Juliet before I'll go to that fucking self-checkout I'm like I'm paying money give me a human anyways your mom says maybe he was kidnapped you're all looking for him and then your sister goes for what paint cans and I'm like that's such a specific old man joke like every old man accumulates several thousand why why are they we can't get rid of we might need to do a touch-up we might need to do a touch-up but we can never figure out what color goes to what can because there's so many cans and then they get rusty I mean everything is like it's the fourth version of the joke right it's not the first joke and it's like so fleshed out and each one is fucking a silver bullet oh we love it that means the world to me my ultimate compliment would be like it feels like a Chuck Lorre show and then lo and behold I look and it is a Chuck Lorre show and you're phenomenal on it the people you're with have just done hundreds and hundreds of hours of sitcoms and we don't know that you an alien okay alien watch this show who's new to this no fucking way they can point you out well that's a relief to hear from you I feel like the second season I was you know more confident that first season through the middle I thought okay baby I can do this yeah but I had daily. I mean, when you've got people like Christian Johnston in there, it really helps somebody that doesn't know what they're doing. I mean, it really did help me, but I do think that's why standups are good at sitcoms. Yeah. Well, you're the audience and you learn real quick. They tell you how to do it really quick. Now that we've learned all this about you, how are you policing yourself? Because if I'm, I've waited 60 years to get here and then I come to you and I go, okay, so we can do 25 arena shows. And let me show you what the walkout of those shows is. Okay. And then you can do this sitcom. And that's, let me show you the walkout of that. How are you policing yourself to not just do everything? Cause it's such a windfall. Like, is that something you struggle with or have tension around? A little bit, my darling. Now, because this is probably 150 shows I just started about a month and a half ago, and that'll go through 2027 and I'll owe Netflix another special. Wow. And you wrote a book. And I wrote a book. That was a couple of years ago. And then I've got a few little movie things that people have offered me. I mean, I did a Judd Apatow movie with Glenn Powell. I had a small part in. Oh, I auditioned for that. What part? The Dean in the college. Oh yeah. I'm the old Dean that flirts. I think I'm getting typecast to now and be the flirty old woman. But I like it. I'm a flirt. I do love men. I've loved them all my life. And Glenn Powell was darling. And yummy and precious. And like being with your best friend you went to high school with. And then Judd Apatow was like Nick Stoller. Like Glenn, he goes, don't memorize that script. Let's have fun. And it's so fun. And then he's got the voice of God and we're all laughing and having a ball. It was a ball. I hope I get to do more things like that. For all the not good luck you had, you got it all now. I mean, the fact that you're working, the people you're working with is preposterous kind of. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I go, what in the world, y'all? And you have to raise your children. You really did get to do both things, which is almost impossible. I did. And Reese Witherspoon said that to me every day, Lynn, you got to raise your own children. And I just look back, y'all, and how if I'd have had that television deal at 40, would they be the children they are today? I don't think so. You'd have to move them all out here. And then Chuck Morgan, what's he going to do now? He has a career he's been working his ass off for. And so what's he supposed to do? Come visit you guys? Right. And Matt Williams. Matt Williams had my second deal that created Roseanne and Home Improvement. And he said, Lynn, don't let your family move out here. Don't let Chuck quit his job because it'll get canceled. It's not going to even make it probably, which we didn't even shoot a pilot for that one. But I thought, can you imagine if I had to move away from my children so they could stay in their school? And I know Ray Romano did that for a while, but I was the mama, you know, I couldn't have done that. Okay. So I have had the pleasure of spending the last two summers. You know, we built the house in Nashville. He is. And we've been on the lake the last two summers. And I have loved it for numerous reasons. And I've talked about them on here a lot, but culturally it's much, much different. I would say like, I'm from Detroit. I lived in LA for 30 years. And then now I've been in Nashville for a couple summers and tons of time throughout the year. And certainly like I'd put Detroit in the middle of that spectrum, right? Like I'd put Nashville on, you know, let's say the far right, that's convenient. And then California way the fuck out here. And then I'd put Nashville on, you know, in Detroit, somewhere in the middle. So I'm enjoying a lot of the things I remember about growing up in Michigan. Like for instance, when I meet, I probably met a hundred people since I lived there. I'm friends with my neighbors. When I meet people, I've never been told what someone does for a living. I hear about how many kids they have, whether they're in college or not, where they took them for spring break, took my kids out, you know, one's a golfer, all this stuff. It's just kids, kids, kids. And that's our life. So I love that part. Go to the Opry, go like, oh man, I get this. It's so different. And yet I completely get it. I see the value of this. And you've now spent a chunk of time in LA between doing the shows and stuff. What is it, do you think that people don't understand about the South? I don't think people understand that we are educated people. I've had people say to me, do people wear shoes? And I'm like, you know, they think that we're close-minded and that we're down on our luck. And I mean, people are down on their luck everywhere, sadly, but I don't think they realize how really, truly hip and fun and eccentric that Southern people are. And we're storytellers. And I mean, we have Elvis, you know, we have all these unbelievable artists. I mean, it's just an eclectic place that is fascinating. I think people are fascinated by us, but we get a lot of stereotyping, but I think we're fascinating. I do. And we are very family oriented. Yes. And do you think that people think the, the women are oppressed? Yes. People from here have said things to me that are bizarre. And I think you can't help it, but you don't know. That's not what we are. Yeah. What I observed a lot was like, Chris and I both, we were like, we come to it with, we've been given these same stereotypes. They're on TV, they're on everything else. And I go, you know, you can say whatever anyone wants to say, but people are pretty fucking happy here. And the women are fucking pretty happy here. So the judgment or whatever, the thing is like, what I'm observing is hard to make peace with, with this other thing I'm hearing. Like they're happy as fuck. Yeah. I'm from Georgia, so I get it. But I also just don't think that's, it's not like they're happy. They're people. There are people who are happy and sad and working. Like women are working there. I think maybe that's a stereotype, maybe that none of the women work, which isn't true at all. All of my friends work who are there. Right. All the women. So is that what you mean, maybe? No, I think there is a sect, I'm not putting you in this thing, but I think there's a sect of liberals that think, oh, they're stay at home. The husband still goes to work. They raise the kids. They think they're oppressed by a traditional, like the 50s. Yes. The traditional American structure is still very much alive there. And I think a lot of liberals think that that's oppression. And I'm there and I'm saying, well, this is the face of oppression. Then sign me up for oppression. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's what I've observed. We're getting to do everything. I mean, we're doing everything and we're tickled and we put on a sundress to do it. I feel like I've never been oppressed. The other thing I love is there's this great, and it's all through your standup. And I'm like, oh yeah, this isn't unique to you. This is South. So two of our best friends live there, Huey and Hayes. And we get together with them and all they do is make fun of each other and bitch about each other. And like, well, he wouldn't fucking know anything about these kids because he's out and blah, blah, blah. And she's like, yeah, well, it's a routine. And it's like the culture. And it's so amusing and funny to me. I love it. And they're all the couples are doing that. And I don't know, that's, that's one unique thing I've observed. And I'm like, oh, this is so funny. And it's true. And your standup is really reflective of that thing that I observe all the time when I'm down there. And that's true. I've made fun of Chuck Morgan and I raised these children by myself, but he was making a living, but I wanted it that way. I was doing standup. I mean, I've had a good life. These children got to go to a nice school. You know, I took some tennis lessons. I mean, you know, they were choices. You made choices. And I do find out here, a lot of women to go, we don't need men. I'm like, I need a man. I love men. I love men. And I've got a son and I've got grandsons and you know, I just couldn't make a blanket statement that men are bad. I love men. A lot of my friends are men. I've had a ball with men. I get that out here a lot. Like we don't need men. And, and a lot of men on my crew, I've never married. And they go, I wanted to get married and they're cute. And I go move to Tennessee. They're going to line up. You'll be married in six months. You'll be married with a bunch of kids before you know it. I noticed this, that I have a neighbor who was precious that had a hernia surgery. So we made him a meal and took it over to him and he had tears in his eyes. He said, nobody's ever made me a meal here. So I know that everybody's precious here in California, but maybe you don't know your neighbors in the South. We know our neighbors and we do for each other. By the way, I snapped right in. I was like, my neighbor, I bet he must have borrowed 25 things from me in six weeks. I was like, I need your trailer again. I'm sorry. Mine's still stuck. Great. It's like, I need to mow the grass of the house. I'm selling my mowers. Yeah, come grab it. And then he's like, Hey, you want me to go down to the dock? The dude's going to be here. I know you're going to be, it's like, Oh fuck. I love this. This is so awesome. And I'm built for that. I've enjoyed it so much. Oh my darling. Yeah. Yeah. I really, really do. I'm so glad. Nifty. And a lot of LA people have moved there in New York. So you've got that, the Nordstrom. I remember when the Nordstrom had like orthopedic shoes and then all of a sudden it was like Gucci and I thought, what's going on here? All the Californians moved out there. Well, we had, it's almost fun. We had to prove immediately we weren't those Californians. Cause there's also any time a big influx of any people move into any place, you name it, people are like, Oh, what's going on? And things are changing. And so we're like, don't worry. We're not, we're not that I'll be out mowing my grass. Like we're not those folks. And they now get that. And yeah, it's dreamy. Well, I got to tell you, I love the state of Michigan, honey. I think Michigan's one of the prettiest states. Oh, hard to beat. You go up in the lakes up North. It's like, are you kidding me? It looks like the Caribbean, the water. And it's crazy. Traverse city. Yeah. Traverse city. I did the national cherry festival. I won this cherry seed spitting contest when I was 12 years old at that festival. Oh my darling. I - Three picnic tables. big claim to fame i had a ball at that cherry fest one i put my suitcase enough cherry jam to kill a horse that sounds yummy i thought and it is it's so pretty and now there's a la flight because people figured out about traverse city and the lakes and all up in there oh yeah lelanau peninsula and then mackinac island and all that but i'm gonna be in detroit at the fox theater that's a beautiful theater we did a show there we did did this show there and i'll say it's the only live show that i was like terrified to do because you know we maybe would know you wouldn't know like you kind of adopt this because you're riddled with fear i create some kind of persona that and that persona is who can go on a stage in front of 3 000 people not be afraid but i left my hometown and created that persona and i'm very confident on stage and we went there i was like oh no there's so many people that know me before i had the persona and are they going to be like what the fuck is this it was kind of terrifying yeah it was still fun as hell but i this is the only show i was like quite scared to do well i'm doing thompson bowling arena where i went to the university of tennessee and the bridgestone in nashville and that will freak me out yeah right okay you can relate yeah because i'm like the bridgestone can i do theater when a kid you go once in christmas to see a thing i was like the big event of the year to get to go to the fox theater right it's so beautiful when i did the first time anytime i did the ramen that's another one that's like the grand ole opry there you feel isn't that where it originally was yeah and everybody wants to play the ramen and backstage are pictures of elvis and patsy cline and all that it's crazy yet to bring up whalen you've said a lot of people i love whalen honey and my boy my son is an old soul and loved americana johnny cash he had the highwayman album up on his thing yeah charlie loved all that and we would be in the minivan listening to johnny cash or selena the soundtrack from selena because we were in san antonio and maggie loved the hispanic culture and jennifer lopez dreaming of you is an incredible song she said i may have to have that played at my wedding and i love you you're so fantastic i'm so happy for you season two of leanne when does it come out on netflix thursday honey august the 27th y'all can come stay at my house go to the university of tennessee and go to the university of tennessee ball game you're talking about crazy honey okay be careful monica's very strict about who i can like okay honey come to a ball game when we play georgia i actually i was at the tennessee game at georgia last a couple years ago it was so fun i was in a box that was one of those moments that i had that i was like i'm here in a box i've gotten to be in a box one time it's so exciting that's so exciting it really is but if i go you need to understand i'm going to be in a box i'm going to be in red and that's okay my darling okay i like to talk about the scc i'm a big fan of the scc football so i like to talk about on that stage wherever i am and we all have a common thing about lane kiffin but um he's cute yeah sure all right come back come back this is so great and i hope i bump into you in tennessee i hope so too thanks all right all right you don't thank you all right i sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode but we'll find out when my mom mrs monica comes in and tells us what was wrong glam today you are from what doing something very cool is it top secret no well maybe but i'll spill the beans oh wow um with resi i'm going to different neighborhoods in la and going to some of my favorite restaurants it's my dream oh my god i know and like talking to the owners and having my foodie and it's really fun do they feed you at these yeah on these trips yep okay sorry misophonia oh same we're about to trigger some misophonia misophonia is part of life we got a game plan for tomorrow's mom's car and you're gonna eat we're gonna eat the shit out of some stuff okay that's fine you know listen once in a while the misophonia people are a guy i guess just have to miss one yeah we're just like if they have the right expectation uh-huh going in then um it should be fine something bad did happen though does this involve your phone oh well that's separate okay i'm like i feel like i'm gonna get a lot of a lot of stories out of you yeah yeah um you are something bad just happened oh my god like 10 minutes ago oh my gosh okay so i'm at these restaurants i also did have wine at 9 a.m yeah oh wow okay great another benefit to this yeah exactly um not a lot but you know enough um okay um and so okay so we're at these restaurants super fun we're in a really cool neighborhood in la i won't spoil it uh and then i'm walking back to my car and there's two people sitting outside eating and i see one of them and i know him okay but i don't exactly know how one of those question marks where you're like you can't place it yeah but i know i know him but i know i like but then it's one of those or are they on tv yeah you never know in la yeah and then but then he makes eye contact with me and he smiles and so i'm like we do know each we know each other but what and so i was like hi but i'm why i'm still walking and and he was like hi oh no oh boy and then are you just gonna try to keep it moving and just okay yeah just like hey and yep yeah yeah exactly um you look great yeah hey he's been disfigured since you last saw him but he you don't know that new eye patch it looks great oh i love your new patch um yeah no so then so he i can tell is like kind of trying to say hi a little but like also probably understands it's the me and schwarzenegger situation yes exactly and but then this gets way worse okay so we're having this little interaction it's happened i'm running fast but i'm like moving moving moving and then the person he's with turns around and it's aziz oh wow okay and so then i said hey aziz oh so now you have time now you got all the time in the world sit right down and then i was like and then he was like this is kind of a um david chang situation again that i find myself in okay where i'm like does anyone know each other here are we supposed to we're kind of like aziz and i have met okay where and when i auditioned for him in person one-on-one with master of none no for a movie after that okay so within the last eight years yeah okay um and i think he knows who i am sure prominent indian woman yeah i do think that buys me a little something but mainly it's the it's the interaction we had we had a real one-on-one interaction yes at the audition yeah but it was a really good interaction and i think it was a really good interaction and i think it was a really good interaction because it was just me and him and he was like going through it with me i didn't book it um so uh so then he's like hey oh gee so now he's you with the other guys now we got a three-way no one will do anyone but now are you getting around the rosy of people who don't know each other but is it enough context clues where you're like okay so i kind of know the one guy who do i know that would know aziz this must be a ucb connection yes all this was happening but it's not okay so i kind of know the one guy who do i know that would know aziz this must be a ucb connection yeah because the maybe the wine i don't know i was like because he said hey and i was like and then i just walked oh you just bounced yeah i just went to my car oh my gosh this was not resolved well it did get resolved because then i'm in my car and i'm like what the what was all that and then i realized who the original person is okay uh shout out lee eisenberg okay lee is a very very prominent um comedy writer and i'm like what the fuck is this and then i realized who the writer okay great he's incredible yeah um he created jury duty oh wonderful it wrote on the office and like yeah yeah how did you know him exactly he is married to one of my new friends okay yes all right who lives in this neighborhood this is what you played mahjong with yes i have new friends and they live in the neighborhood oh that's this is very rough i know but let me let me get this straight okay so you played mahjong with lee eisenberg you played mahjong with lee eisenberg you played mahjong with lee eisenberg you played mahjong with lee eisenberg no no no only emily his beautiful lovely wife i played mahjong with but of course like we've all been trying to hang out it's a whole thing we're all on a text oh boy okay and and i know what he looks like because i follow emily on instagram so i see pictures and stuff yeah so i that's what happened and then that's not bad it could be worse you've never met him in person i know but then i'm like hi aziz you're clean as a cucumber i think aziz part really ruined it though because i bet lee was like what she's gonna say hi to aziz yeah that part she doesn't know him not ideal but i i have met aziz more times than i've met lee yeah 100 more times and then i mean well now actually 50 percent more right yeah now i and then i text uh voice memoed emily in a real furious state you know and i was like this is what i did to you when i had met the husband of one of your friends at a park oh right Like a little damage control. Yeah. I had a little panic. Exactly. You're Sally's husband. Correct. This is every day of my life. It's bad. It's so bad. And I was like, I'm so sorry this happened. Please relay to Lee that I'm. Humiliated. I didn't know who he was because out of context. Never met him. And I've never actually met him one-on-one, which is bad. And I look crazy. I'm all made up. Well, I don't know about that part. You're drinking. Yeah, with my wine. No, thank God. I had already put that down. No, you don't look absurdly made up. Okay. But just like, it's like a regular day. I wouldn't have thought. No, no. Okay. You look normal. I'm in full glam. Okay. Okay. What time did that start? Seven? Yeah. Fuck. I know. I'm tired. I bet. A little tipsy? No, I wish I could have had more. You know, this is what started. It's like I had a little and then at the next place I had a little more and now I'm like, oh, I want, now I like really want more. Do we still have vodka in this studio? What did we have? It's not my spirit. We did. We had a, we had a vodka for a guest that didn't drink it. Misfire. Yeah. We thought, we thought Jen Aniston might want to pounce some nice cocktails. And she's like, what are you talking about? Why would I want to drink in this interview? I'm like, I don't know. Cause I would want to if I drank. I want everyone to drink in these interviews. And we like learned what her favorite drink was and got it. Got the stuff. The fixings. I think it came across as more offensive. You know, I can get through an interview without drinking my favorite cocktail, right? God, being a person's hard as, as we know. As we find out hourly. Okay. Now, now what happened to your phone? Oh, I got a new phone. So I, I gotta tell you something. So I spent a good chunk of my Sunday editing. Great. So I'm like editing and out of the corner of my eye catches a little mouse and a bright yellow, maybe shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Walking down the. Street. Not, yeah, I don't, you know, you're walking down the street and I'm like, I go, oh my God, just a glimpse. And I'm like, oh, she's probably walking a car. Uh-huh. And then I see Aaron later and he's like, oh yeah, I saw Monica and I'm like, oh, he was arriving from the airport. Right? Yes. And I'm like, oh, wow. It timed out perfectly where you were pulling up to the gate. Monica was exiting the gate. He's like, no, she was in the property. Both are true. Okay. So, so this was very, this was very SIM timing, all of it. Yeah. So. So I got a new phone two days ago. Um, I didn't want to get a new phone. I want to make that clear, but my phone was dying a lot. Like you weren't getting the battery life you like. Okay. So that's what happens with these phones. I'm not gonna call out what type of phone it is, but it's obvious. Um, these phones start dying like on purpose. Do you ever do these hacks? I read these Instagram posts. It's like, here's what's eating your battery. And I do, I go do those. I turn off all that stuff. I don't think my phone works very well anymore, but the battery allows. See, exactly. I turn off Bluetooth cause I do know that eats it. Okay. All right. But anyway, um, I've had it for two years. It's two phones old or not two years, but it's two phones. Well, can I have it? The old one? Yeah. And I'll put it, I'll get it. I think you can put a new battery in them. You can, I think so. Are you sure? You can take it to like an iPhone fix place and they'll do that. I even think maybe the genius or yeah, yeah. Or Apple, I don't have Apple care and I don't either, but they'll still do it for maybe a few hundred dollars. Okay. But anyway, sure. You can have it. Um, so get it out of here. Everything must go. So I then got the new one. That was a whole thing. Cause you had to order it and then we had to wait in line. Well, I got to say that. So simultaneous to me seeing you out the window, you seen Aaron somewhere. I'm also getting a text from, uh, from Wabi Wab saying, cause I've now sent a text to everyone. Hey, can we do fact check tomorrow? That hasn't happened yet in the time. It hasn't. So this is what happened. But it happened between when I saw Aaron. Okay. Okay. So I am not there yet. I'm a few steps. Okay. Okay. So I got my phone. I have to do the, the transfer. I start doing it. It says eight hours. Okay. And I was like, Ooh, it's probably just saying eight hours. I doubt it's really going to be eight hours. It does try to give you an estimate that it can over deliver. It tries to under promise and over deliver. It does. And it, but then three hours later it said, it said seven hours. And I was like, Oh boy. And then I was trying to move. I move it locations in the house. I didn't know if that had anything. You don't have proper internet. I don't have good wifi. It's bad. You don't have wifi. You've got the interlock, whatever the fucking satellite thing is. Oh, a net gear or whatever. What's going on? No, Starlink. Yeah, Starlink. What the hell is going on over here? She doesn't have full power. She doesn't have internet. No electricity, no internet. I know. So anyway, that's happening and saying seven hours. And I was like, Oh, okay, whatever. I guess I'll leave it here. And in the, but in the meantime, I saw a text. It's come through and it was on the group work group chain, you, Rob and Emma. And so then I was like, Oh fuck, I can't look at it. Oh, right. I wasn't able to look at it. I just saw that it came through. So I was like, Oh no. And this might be a timely thing. I don't know. So I left both phones to do their thing. And I went to your house. I went into your, like in the side gate. Okay. I look around. I don't see anyone. Right. I'm shouting, Dex, Kristen, no one's there. Okay. I knock on the front door. Oh jeez. Kristen's car isn't there. So like, Oh, they must just be out. Yeah. I was in, I was upstairs in the yard. You didn't see me even roaming around your yard. No. Cause I, the window I have while editing is to my right. Just looking at our shared street. It doesn't, I can't see our yard. Okay. Yeah. So then, and I was going to your house to tell you, Hey, I don't have a phone. I need to know what was on that text in case it's timely, but you weren't there. Okay. So then I go back and I thought about going out the front gate, but I was like, no, I don't think they like when I go out the front gate opening and closing and exposing it if it doesn't have to be open and closed. So I went back out. That's not a thing. If it, if there's anything, the gate was breaking nonstop. Right. It breaks a lot. And I did get, um, during that little phase, it was in my mind when it was opening and closing a lot, I'm like, it's just one more, it's just gonna break. But now we're, it's just functioning again. Okay. Well, I went out the side gate. I turned left to go to the white gates to leave, to go to Cara. Yeah. So what I definitely saw you is when you walked and you went in the side gate, because I lose sight of you before you would have turned left. And I presumed you were going, well, correctly, I presumed you're going to go to Cara, but you had a pit stop, which was the house. Yes. Okay. So then I am going out the gates of the neighborhood and I see that there's a car parked outside your gate. And I was like, who's that? And then I see the back of a person and I was like, yeah, it was a cute person, but I didn't know who it was. Yeah. And then when the gate opened, it was Aaron. Yeah. Look at that timing. And I wasn't, and I was putting in the wrong code as many times as I put it in. I'm trying the Nashville, you know, I'm just, but he, he actually did. So that worked out. He just pressed star. Pressing the star. Yeah. It's very cool. It's very confusing. The many trials of being too. I know. So I saw Aaron, I gave him a squeeze. I helped him get in the house. I said, I'm going to Cara. I don't have a phone. You guys should come. I don't know if I don't think anyone's home though. And then I went on my way to Cara. You guys did not come, but bring it up. Thank you. But then we had something else going on. Yeah. Um, you really missed out. There was a really, really kind arm cherry there who is a day one listener. She said, um, it was a SIM moment because she wasn't into podcasts and her friend or somebody was like, you should get into podcasts. And it was February 14th, 2018. Holy smoke. And she saw it and she was like, well, I might like this. And she's been a listener ever since. Oh, wow. And guess what? She was wearing. Uh. Cookie boy shirt. No, it's specific to you guys. A Ted Seeger shirt. Yeah. And I said, I said, oh, I told Aaron, I said, Aaron's in town and I told them to come here. Yeah. And so she's mad at you guys. And I just told Monica that, oh, I just sent Cara a bunch of, uh, Ted Seegers recently. I thought it would be so exciting for her to meet you two together. She's wearing a Ted Seeger shirt. Can we redo it? We blew it. We were having our own experience over at our favorite hard shell taco restaurant. Oh, sure. Because we're at the counter waiting and, uh, look over at this table and there are six young women, um, mid to late twenties, I think we're so old. We don't know. Okay. So that feels right. Okay. Mid twenties. Sure. Yeah. Mid twenties. Especially what, what they were doing. They were dressed up in the craziest outfits. One was a cow was a clown cowboy. Like a rodeo clown. Oh, okay. And she had a cowboy hat on. Okay. Another one looked like Stevie Nicks. Another one had like a piratey outfit. I mean, they had all these crazy outfits on. They're practicing for Halloween. Well, of course I need to know what's going on. Of course. Yes. And I say, uh, I say, uh, uh, Gail's, uh, what's, what's, uh, happening with all the outfits? Uh, did you just do a performance? And they said, oh no, we're, do you know, Bob McNerney's marionette museum? Oh, I, I want to go there. Everyone knows. Everyone knows. Yes. It's a real thing. Kristen knew about it. I don't, we're getting the last name of Bob wrong, but Bob Barker. - Bob Barker. - Yes, Bob Barker. - It's Bob Barker? - Yes, yes it is. - It's a different Bob Barker. - I didn't even hear that come out of her mouth. - I don't even remember Bob Barker. - Bob Baker. - Bob Baker, that's much more believable. - Oh I do think it was Bob Barker this whole time. - The price is right on these marionettes. - Bob Baker. - Bob Barker's price is right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay. - Yeah. - Skinny microphone. - Falcons Crest. - Yeah. - But this is a whole thing here. - Bob Baker's marionette theater. - Yeah, apparently. - Yeah. - And so I was presumed that they were performers. - Right. - But they weren't. There was some kind of festival and everyone got all, so it was so fun. - Cute. - And we're chatting with them. And then, you know, the clown, Trinity, who I thought she, I heard Trigger, which would be the greatest name for a cowboy clown, right? Like Trigger, the horse of Lone Ranger, I think. - Okay. - I said, what's your name? She said, Trigger. - But it was Trinity. - But it wasn't, okay. - And so. - We both heard Trigger. - Oh. - That was nice. And then now, and she says, I didn't get your name. And I go, oh, I'm Dax. And she said, okay. And then one of the gals says, my brother met you once at Zancou Chicken. And I go, I guarantee that's true. 'Cause I love Zancou Chicken. - Yeah, we used to get it a lot. - And I said, did he say I was, how did the interaction go? And she said, oh, he said you were really nice. And he was telling you about some movies he liked. And he said, you were real down to earth and talked to him for a while. And I go, that's great, that's great. And she said, now I don't know if this part's true, but he claims you that, he told you my sister loves you. And you said, is she hot? - Of course that's true. - And I go, oh, for sure, I definitely said that. And I said, because there's nothing a brother wants to talk about less than if his sister's hot or not. - Oh my God. - So anyways, that was fun. - I can't think of a more you interaction. - Yeah, that was all like, oh, thank you for sure, was your sister hot? I was like, oh, this has definitely happened. - Wow, that's fun. - In the court of law. - Yeah. - Yeah, and we got 26 tacos and then got on our way. - Wow, wowie, wow. - Okay, so there was, I was expecting perhaps a whole story related to the new phone that would have involved an underwater debacle, a theft as it happened in the past in England. - Yes. - But it was just a battery issue. - It was just, I was-- - I had been waiting, though. I'd been holding out for the new phone for a while because I was like, hell no. Am I gonna get the 17 just as this is about to come out? - But can I ask you, does this stuff matter to you? 'Cause to me, it doesn't, right? - No. - I can't relate to the people who are like, the 19's coming, it's like, I haven't noticed a new feature from the last three iterations. - Yeah. - Like, they take pictures and I send texts. I don't know. - It doesn't matter to me, but practicality, to me, it doesn't make sense. To get a phone that's gonna be updated in two months. - Absolutely, yeah, you get, yeah. - I've been holding out. - I relate to that in cars. - When's this? - This is '18. - '18. Okay, how long more do we have on that one? - This just, oh, this just happened two days ago. - Two days ago? - Yeah, that's why I'm-- - And that's a pretty blue you've got. - Thank you, I got a new case. - Oh. - And I do have a weird thing with phones. I really resent, Jess was asking me this. He was like, you have a weird thing. He was like, you hate paying for them. And I do. I really don't like paying for laptops or phones or tech for some reason. - That is so strange to me. - Yeah, it's strange to everyone, apparently. - Because it's like, if anything, in my opinion, deserves its price tag. There's so much tech and shit inside. - I think because I'm like-- - Versus there'd be a candle holder that you'd be like, oh yeah, that's definitely worth twice as much as an iPhone. - It is. - And I'm like, what does it do? - Because all of it's practical. It's like utility, it's not cute. - It doesn't move you emotionally, that's why. - Exactly, and it's there to do work and I just want it to do work. I don't need it to do anything special. And so I'd rather not replace them ever. - Okay, all right. - But I have to. - Yeah. - Stay tuned for more "Armchair Expert" if you dare. - We get support from-- - Skims. Monica's been in her Skims era and I don't think she's coming out of it. - Never, I'm never coming out of it. The Skims lightweight cotton collection has been my go-to all summer. And even now that we're transitioning into the new season, I'm still reaching for it every single day. The cotton is so lightweight, it's breathable, it holds its shape wash after wash. Nothing has stretched out or faded. I don't know how they're doing this, but it still fits perfectly. - That's pretty impressive for cotton, honestly. - I know, it is. And the cotton jersey t-shirt has basically become my uniform at this point. It's so flattering. It simplifies everything. I just grab it, I'm out the door, and I feel good. I do love Skims so much. And I just shipped a ton of Skims to my parents' house. - So you always have it there. - So I always have it, because I'm trying to not pack all of this stuff. And I decided, I was like, Skims is the brand. - They're your essentials. - They really are. I sent my parents a ton of bras and they all fit so incredibly. And I sent a bunch of the lightweight cotton thong. - Oh. - Lots of colors. I just shipped a ton over there, so I'm always gonna be happy. - Yeah, you're sitting pretty over there in Atlanta. - Shop Skims cotton and all of my favorite pieces at Skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select armchair expert in the dropdown menu that follows. - How was your weekend? - Good. I can't remember. Who knows? - No, I think it was really nice. It was low. - I think I enjoyed it. I'm not sure. - I think it was a great weekend. - If I had to guess, I'd say I enjoyed it. It was a nice weekend. - I don't, nothing stands out. - I've had better. - So what about you guys? - Well, I don't really know how to mount some of this stuff. I'm increasingly thinking I'm gonna have to tell less and less stories about- - Your family. - My family life, because my kids are getting older. - Yeah. - And so this would be one where I'm really nice. I'm really not sure. I'm kind of on the fence. I'll just say that we went to the Dodgers game, which I was very excited about. And I got us some really ideal seats. You know, you get to do the buffet beforehand. - The four of you went. - Well, that's the dream is you eat. Well, you can have a buffet there and then you go sit in the seats. - Yeah, no, I'm saying the four of you, your family. - My wife and my two children. - Okay, great. - And of course we can't leave. You know, I got it mapped out. We'll be able to eat. We'll finish eating. Then the game will start. That of course is off the table. But we, there's, yeah, I can't tell you. What I would just want to hit you with the punchline is we basically, we were able to watch the game from the second ending to the sixth ending. - Okay, okay. - And that's, you know what? That's four more innings of baseball than I was gonna see otherwise. - Right. And did you get to eat your food and stuff? - We did eat our food, yes. We had a delicious. - That's good. - I love a buffet more than anything. I know that's not your thing. - It used to be, but germs got in the way. - Oh, it's germ driven? - Now, yeah. - You think you're gonna get a parasite or something? - Well, I got one. It wasn't from a buffet. - So then why, why are you? - I don't know. Now just the idea, the idea of it got in my head, but I like a buffet in theory. - They're so fun. - Yeah, they are. - And this one had some ice cream. I had like a soft serve ice cream with squirtable toppings. - That sounds yummy, yeah. - And I tried to always, my, my commitment is to eat between four and six Dodger dogs. That's always what I minimally want to eat. If I go with Nate, Nate and I always like, that's kind of our commitment, but I had had so much pot roast. - Right. - And so much. - Pot roast? - Yeah, you wouldn't believe how much pot roast I had. - Oh man, I do believe it. - Like how often, you never see a pot roast. - It's fucking great. - It's rare. - It's so good. Pot roast, I used to put ketchup all over it. - Oh. - And there's potatoes. It's almost like a, yeah, it was fucking amazing. Is that funny? You guys are both almost cute, but if you put ketchup on a hamburger. - I've just never heard of ketchup on a pot roast. My mom used to make pot roast a lot. - She did. - Yeah, maybe she could make it for you. - Savannah and her. - Yeah. - Would she be upset if I put ketchup on it? - I think. - What's that? Well, ask her. - I'll ask her. - I made a delicious pot roast last week. - You did? - Yeah. - What a coincidence. - Wow. - I think I should make one while we're here. - Yes, I have a slow cooker. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - How do you make it? - Well, I've been, I've been doing, I've been finding Instagram recipes. - Nice. - So, everything, I haven't struck out yet. I mean, I'm doing like chicken pot pies. - Yum! These are, Aaron, these are like big recipes. - That's so good. - That's so good. - You are? - Yeah. - Wow. - I got a little crazy as I tend to do, like I do this and I, and okay, we're all together. The other, some friends and Ruthie brings up that, oh yeah, Aaron loves the cook. And I don't know what came over me. And I go, yeah, I don't. - Oh, but you were lying? - Well. - I don't know. I was like being difficult. - You felt like you didn't like- - I'm so difficult sometimes. - Interesting. - And I was like, yeah, that's not true. - Yeah, why are you guys lying? - We already know what it is. - Okay, say. - You didn't like that, Ruthie. - It's if it's your idea. - Yeah. - It's if it's someone else's idea. - I know. - It's normally a good idea. - Yeah. - I know. - I know. That's why we got along so well. - It doesn't tell me to- - 'Cause neither of you are putting ideas in each other. - Well, we're so careful about the way we interact with each other that we don't- never trigger that thing that we know we're so that's so strange isn't that so stupid we know it's ridiculous i know but i'm just saying like if you said to me you like shopping and i was like no yeah it would be insane it'd be insane yeah which is what it is when okay but i also think there's a second thing happening deeper tell me oh go ahead well it's still it's still no you say your thing sorry i did end up it turned into a whole thing oh yeah of course because she was probably like what do you mean yeah well i was like it turned into she's like now we're at home and she's like i guess i'll order something and i do cook often and you like it yeah oh my god it's your favorite thing to do so now all we do is order out you apologize and i said i don't even know what i was talking about and i don't know why you weren't allowed to say that to your friends i'm not sure yeah it's so insane well it's interesting because sometimes sometimes we love to be known like that's a version right it's like someone knows me so well they say they know i like shopping or cooking or whatever they're explaining it to other people and i think that's i often like that i'm like that person knows me yeah that's something neutral like yeah cooking sure um but did you think what was coming next is like she was basically offering your services to cook for everyone because i think that's maybe what's yeah because to me i think he has a bit of my haircut thing oh which is he really would love to make a meal for you and blow your mind but then the second he feels like he has to make you meals then now he's out is that yeah it is like you want to be in control of it but you know what i did and here's where it especially doesn't make sense is like two weeks before that conversation ruthie has been having a mahjong night girls over yeah and i made okay now ruthie did ask like can something simple like can you make smash burgers would you mind and i started to resent it oh and um and because she asked and um and then i had to put that aside and i said you know what i'm gonna even fucking do you one better and i'm gonna make this crazy meal yeah so contrary action we like that so i made it for all the girls and and i invited a friend over and um anyway that sounds lovely and um yeah then two weeks later i yeah got to enjoy it maybe you felt like oh no now this is a pattern right well i did i have this disgusting quality as well which is like i love to give people stuff and i hate to be asked for you like you like to give people on your terms that's right and and even then sometimes you have some resistance i think sometimes sometimes i i think it can happen oh i don't identify with that i don't identify with resenting people i've given things to okay in fact i've given a lot of things to people especially recently where it's gone completely sideways and it doesn't bother me at all yeah i'm like it probably depends on the situation in person yeah yeah i wish i could get specific but yeah there's things i could really complain about and i really don't now i give and i don't care what happens afterwards yes that's a good quality but if if you ask me for stuff i have a real hard time with it now i i am getting better someone asked me for money the other day um not the not in my circle and then i was just like i'm gonna give them the max tax-free that's nice it's very nice yeah so i went oh like that was contrary action i just yeah i but aaron and i had this i think you wouldn't be uncomfortable would you no no no no like we had to have this moment where i was like i help aaron i help him um very predictably yeah and then one time he wanted he needed money for something yes and i said this is gonna ruin our friendship if you ask us for money because i now when i pick up the phone and i see your name i don't want to have anxiety about it like i'd way rather just be able to say like here's how i'm gonna help you yes and then beyond that i don't really i don't want to have anxiety when i pick up the phone yeah that's fine that's fair and i was like oh my god that's what he feels right yeah so i was like that makes perfect so you're probably happy he told you that yeah and a lot of it's just my dad's fault right because by you know the last six years of our relationship i don't know 60 of the calls were were kind of they were fake calls they were like we do some baloney talk but it was really just and then every time i'd be talking i'm just like what's coming at the end of this i hate this feeling yeah and i was like just tell me right away what you want maybe if you still want to chat with me socially i'd like to do that but i feel this doesn't feel clean well yeah you don't want to feel like that's the reason they're talking to you or reaching out like yeah it gets complicated and i know what position they're in because sometimes i gotta ask people or stuff and i feel like well i shouldn't you know do a few nice things before so i know it's very complicated well it also depends it's very specific to the person like there is someone in my life who has asked me for things and i'm like no then you're like oh is by me being generous fueling this thing where they feel like that's an open-ended question and then i don't like the way that feels i feel used like it's it is a true it is very tricky but my therapist taught me something oh what was that um because yeah sometimes i get in this exact situation where i've been like giving and giving and then i'm like that then i can feel a resentment go off and it's really unfair to everyone like it's unfair to the people i've given to because i've done that out of generosity really quickly can i just add this in case anyone's throwing up i know it sounds this happens without money this is also your time like i think a lot of people would relate to like yeah i helped this person move and then i helped them fix their lawnmower i showed up for them here yes and then it just feels like well i'm what am i your assistant yes this is about reciprocation in general but this applies to all of that this applies to your time as well ish um uh she said you have to give for fun and for free i agree and so i say that to myself all the time now if i'm making like those decisions it's like this isn't i'm not gonna get anything back for this yeah emotionally or financially or anything it's just for me to do that's right yeah um so it's good to remember that yeah but it's hard so so the dinner maybe you felt like i don't think it's justified my feelings at least you know that that's a big part of it for real for real but i now want you to make me dinner sure yeah i remember you saying that we talked about pot roast a long time ago and you were like can't fucking make like it doesn't turn out like it's supposed to and it should be so easy you put it in the slow cooker yeah yeah and you've fucking forget about it about it right that's how it should be yeah um yeah there's a couple things i picked up along the way and i was like see but now i'll fucking say it out loud and it's gonna be shit no it won't no it won't maybe yeah it does sound like anyway you guys have some things about like deliver like it needing to be perfect or something i don't know if you have that but that sounds like wait like you're like worried that it won't be as good as as people think i don't know if you have that but that sounds like wait like you're wanting to be or something yeah how stupid is that no like yeah but when you're on the other end and someone's has whipped you up some dinner everything's amazing you fucking don't care everything tastes so good it doesn't gotta be perfect no it's great exactly totally i'll take whatever and i hate when and i don't want to be the guy to go oh would have been better if i gave it or i just go on and on about how it should have been better i forgot to salt it i wish it would have been better if i had won the greatest laughs we ever had aaron and i was someone made us some steaks once oh my god and they fucking torched them like they really really torched them they were gone it was it was like a shoe sole and we of course and then the person's doing exactly what aaron's like oh maybe i should have pulled these off a couple minutes sooner and we're like no way these are fucking delicious right and then there's like a whole performance and this went on for a while and we did a good job we ate those steaks which was almost impossible like we finished our steaks and we had already eaten so much that day but on the ride home we really started laughing so hard we were we were saying that if we had been in that situation we looked at the grill and saw what we had done in the states we would have walked through the backyard and disappeared for three days and then said we were abducted and that's why i couldn't pull him off in time because i would have never served those things the amount of pride on the line for a man about cooking a steer that's crazy anytime a guy's like i'll cook the steaks he's like okay you're taking on a lot of risk right now yeah this is like seven years ago where meanwhile moms are making dinner every night in the kit like people are just like ew i don't like green beans you know it's we were so mean to my mom yeah we were she wanted to make a couple dishes she liked yeah you know a month fucking i tell you kid chicken cacciatore we'd be like oh man you're making fuck fucking hate you like she hated us we were like you hate us yeah no one wants to eat this my poor mom just wants one meal that tastes good for herself it's probably really good it was terrible that's how i felt about jambalaya i hate jambalaya she was trying to force feed me jambalaya to me it's jambalaya i think in the south it's jambalaya okay it sounds more fun in fact but it's not it is a beat down trying to eat that yeah her other one was fucking spanish rice stuffed peppers uh anything she tried to get some vegetables because that chicken cacciatore is like i feel like she started with seven or nine onions oh that sounds so good fuck so many onions very little chicken yeah what is that okay looking it up or laura italian dish prepared with meat onions so many onions herbs 17 onions usually tomatoes often peppers and sometimes wine oh wow peppers and onions when you're nine right now it sounds really good actually oh and some rice i think i had a neighbor in row lake that um my i was how i put this i guess i was um they were babysitting me and um it was two two girls one girl our age and a younger one and the mom she made liver i don't ever ever you ever even tried it i have tried it patty patty oh yeah so this was maybe this was the one i've never tried it again yeah and um liver so um is this the butcher give it away for free is it like we got on right some fucking organs some organs yeah so it stunk so bad is it an organ it's the one that filters your blood and i think she was i don't know if she made it out to be just no it stunk so bad so um dude was it chicken livers it was a beef liver like a big fucking uh humongous fucking organ size of a porterhouse oh so she was forcing me this was i was telling ruthie about this recently this came up um about kids not eat and all right and i was like i would fucking eat damn near anything um back then to just whatever i ate shit every day and um but this stunk so bad and um and she she said she plopped a big bottle of ketchup down and she was like it was her fucking job to make me eat it and i was like eat this liver oh my god and so now she put ketchup and i hated ketchup and i'm still it's good yeah and i was like oh no wonder the power and i'm like fucking ketchup and um on this and i was like um no and um she fucking drug me by the hair into the bathroom and shoved the bar of soap in my mouth oh my god oh man i had a similar my stepdad uh rick uh my second stepdad he made a big big batch of fish i swear in my mind everyone had a fish on their plate with like the fucking bones and shit and uh the rest of my family there was a lot of us at that point there was five kids and my mom him and so there's seven of us and six folks when i'm definitely not carly but but everyone ate this yeah i love fish and i was just like staring at it and smelled i was looking at those sharp bones and i was like i can't i can't eat the fish and he said you're not getting up from this table so you eat that fish yeah and i sat there for several hours yeah that's how i feel about the jambalaya and he just sat and stared at me yeah i was not to get up and then finally i'm like fuck you fuck i gotta get this fish down and i took one fork full and threw up violently all over the plate oh no and then i looked at him and he's like you can go to bed that was the end of that oh my god i just don't understand the obsession with making a kid no i don't really don't over i think so too yeah probably but that definitely was a time well they thought like you'd die if you didn't eat dinner or something there were these other elements going on there's like you're entitled right it's like this is a good piece of fish look at the bones right um people would kill to have yeah there's a kid yeah starving kids in other countries that was always a thing like you're an entitled brat if you don't like fish right or liver yeah to your point i would have eaten fucking cardboard box whatever i wasn't highfalutin you never learned to like fish yeah with those starters you know it's hard to overcome it is that really is true oh god were you ever forced to eat anything jambalaya to the point where you weren't allowed to leave the table okay my memory of that is that yes i wasn't allowed to leave the table i was allowed to leave the table i was allowed to leave the table until i had some of it or like ate like some bites was there shrimp and sausage i just remember the sausage um i love scallops i like mussels too i like all that stuff now i probably love jambalaya now but i i hate it fish bone broth stock do you like fish it's been a whole thing with fish too i'm afraid i would have talked him out of it yeah i really thought one day i was like it was to the point like where dex used to go like when we were younger too and he's like you would just eat a piece of fish from anywhere like you you don't even care where i would i would just you could be like i'll have the fish yeah like i'm talking we'd be at um the fucking country boy right which is like a step below denny's it was much cheaper than denny's yeah you could get a full breakfast and you could eat a whole breakfast and you could eat a whole breakfast and you could for like a dollar ninety and he'd have the lake trout so after i got sober i um i was sitting here thinking about it and i was like did i ever like it and i was i did it get to where i was just trying to prove a point that i would eat the fish everywhere and that became like a thing internally my thing yeah like but i've never enjoyed it and then i was like i don't know what to do with it i don't know what to do with it i don't even like it i don't like fish so i stopped eating fish like seven years ago almost yeah he's got seven years fish sobriety yeah of course it's great fish is great for you well well yeah ruth eats it all the time and i fucking i get pretty grossed out wow buy it on her plate like when we're out to eat i'm like yeah she probably gets a lot of salmon loves their fish extra stinky is the italians we just heard another story because i think you know the story when we were with the richardsons in italy we were with the richardsons in italy we were with the richardsons and molly got the brazino or whatever the you know no i and branzino but i think she got a cod which i also remember i made fish in my apartment and fucked it up i did yeah and it was cod yeah they tell you cod doesn't stink and then you do tell you that and then you get a stinky one yeah it was really this was so bad that like and i was seated next to uh molly because we were playing spades before dinner and i had to move i mean it was such a stinky putrid fish and the i couldn't get through it and then friends of theirs just went to italy as well and i've got a real stanker and they sent it back and they told no no no we this is how we like it the chef said this is ideal interesting so that's an interesting cultural thing yeah you could love a real here the better i wonder what it is it's making it have that smell i think rot isn't no no it's probably not isn't that the rock i don't think it's that more rotten the more expensive it is yeah a 78 you did with your wine yep oh wow what kind of well i had a tuna melt oh that's that's that's virtually hamburger meat it's still i could eat it it was so good um okay let's do a little yeah this is for leanne morgan you know that incredible comedian oh my god yeah she's so funny i actually i've talked about her a lot um to quite a few people i i mean i love telling ruthie that i go yeah i told her you were from uh albuquerque birmingham and um and she said yeah i'm pretty big down there yeah you were here when we interviewed her i was and i watched two episodes of the show with you and we pretty much laughed the entire time from beginning to end just joke after joke and i was fucking i bought into it like i loved it so funny yeah yeah okay so i looked up at what point in time did more people have braces than not have braces okay that's an interesting question i'm having a hard time because we talked do you think there was a point where more than 50 percent of the population had braces yeah like well i don't think i asked it right it was a little confused i'm just wondering at this point have most people had braces in their life oh okay what percentage of americans have had braces should i do that yeah okay what percentage of americans have had but it's hard because it's like at what age well just in their life i think right but if it's like okay it says an estimated 50 to 70 of american children are expected to wear braces or undergo orthodontic treatment before reaching adulthood but at what point i get my i was asking at what year did that start happening the orthodontia revolution yes yeah um i have a guess okay when i think it's 80 84 that's a great guess i would have guessed 86 uh what year did orthodontia get popular i guess it's just it's not as specific because i think when my mom my mom wanted them they were available to her as a kid in the 60s but they were like it was crazy expensive but then we were broke and i had to get them so i think okay yeah so i'm gonna read two things so it says um braces became dramatically more common over the second half of the 20th century for example americans born around 1942 only about 4.6 percent received orthodontic treatment before adulthood i can't believe they had it at all yeah among those born around 1972 it had risen to about 29.7 percent i'm in that class um okay this says even today the number of people currently in orthodontic treatment is nowhere close to 50 percent oh okay all three of my kids had braces all three all three yeah my kids have had invisalign which is different but still the same it said a nine yeah we count that and a 1988 to 91 national survey found that nearly 20 percent of adults 18 to 50 and 18 percent of children had already received orthodontic treatment so that was in the and late 80s 84 yeah sounds like 90s before it really took off i had them everyone i knew had them i mean you had them the reason i wanted to know this is because you had them and you didn't have a lot of money so i was wondering like wow i'm kind of surprised your mom was able to do that it was a huge priority to her because she had wanted them so bad it was like me and wanting my kids to have a dirt bike because i didn't have one if you don't have the money you don't have the money so it must have been at least i think she went into it and she was like i don't have the money i don't have the money to give us braces right yeah david and i both wow yeah and out pretty fucking well too yeah it was worth it yeah a lot of return on the investment well i wonder how much i wonder i wonder how much she spent if you would have seen my teeth there's no way i could have been in show business truly a non-starter with the size of my overbite and how fucking cranked each tooth was yeah very few are like flush you know they were all angled right right do you remember him like that or was that no i mean with braces he had braces when we met i had them forever i had braces for a decade and what remind me 11 how old were you guys 11 11 yeah okay okay well that does solve because you said you had it starting at seven and i was like well no but then that's so i had years of um retainers before i had braces because first we had to get the fucking overbite handle yeah so that was years of the bionator and spreading my jaw apart and then aaron will remember i had to have fucking four teeth removed in seventh grade um to accommodate all this shit that was going on i mean they they went to war on my mouth yeah i also had i had a crossbite oh fun yeah that's um wait a crossbite what do you call it limited ish it was limited they cross in the back like they're not and they're it's pretty much back to that like okay instead of even it crossed oh wow i thought across would be like this like your natural smile would be like this no crisscross um but yeah i had braces for three years that was pretty long back then what grades six through eighth okay nice when did you get yours off 11th grade yeah that's so late i know i got punched by that 24 year old dude when i still had braces and my brace went through my lip that's like the most i didn't have braces but that was what you had to watch out for i can't imagine having the braces and getting punched yeah but you but also when you fight every week you're like fuck i gotta fight him he's got braces you're gonna cut your hand yeah it was not it was bad for both parts yeah he's getting belt nobody wins fucking rough oh my god okay so i looked up why teeth move um around perimenopause and menopause um estrogen it says your teeth aren't actually fused to your jawbone each tooth is suspended in a tiny structure called the periodontal ligament surrounded by the bone of the jaw that bone is constantly being broken down and rebuilt estrogen helps regulate that bone remodeling as estrogen fluctuates and the bone is constantly being broken down and rebuilt during perimenopause and then drops substantially after menopause bone turnover changes including in the bone surrounding the teeth the jawbone can lose some density the periodontal tissues can become more susceptible to inflammation gums may recede okay i just being a woman is so it is god um it says if you're noticing that your teeth are suddenly shifting especially your bottom front teeth you're not imagining it great um does my mom like nancy grace uh not so much okay you asked her uh-huh she says i don't really watch her i never liked the way she treated her guests okay sure okay um who did who did grady's restaurant get bought by in tennessee the one she worked for him um brinker international bought the grady's restaurant and she said i don't like the way she treated her guests restaurant chain in 1989 it says i remember grady you do all right no why do i well why do i i thought i knew it but when she described it i'm like there's no way i could have gone there i guess i'm just thinking it's perkins or something right i know perkins gladys or gladys um great a brinker is behind chilis and magianos reputable very trustworthy very yeah very you know exactly what you're gonna get okay so the podcast about black dahlia is called root of evil oh for the listener i did take her after the episode i joined her and we took a car ride and we stood in front of it like two weirdos and just stared at it for a while scary stuff yeah scary odell odell george that's like a block right from here yeah yeah it's really close um beautiful house um she said dry bar like she performed at a dry bar and i thought she was talking about the hair place but she was talking about a dry bar no alcohol yeah i've never heard of that why isn't well you're from georgia where there's a ton of dry counties there are but then there aren't bars there well there's places you can play pool it was the place when you lived in white county yeah we would go play pool right and they didn't serve alcohol they did not but then wouldn't that just be called a pool hall or a dry bar okay is it well dry bars is it was this recent she performed at one no it was a while no so it was the southern thing for sure i was gonna say now they're popping up because of the na trend oh well that makes sense but i doubt that's what she was talking yeah no this was before that yeah yeah this dry bar in white county georgia was um uh full of uh right it was you could get into a fight there yes for people who still want to fight yeah but i think you also showed up with a good buzz you just couldn't get served there the guys were going on to their truck a lot yeah it was a bar why not just go to a bar the county was dry right that's right that's right okay but and you didn't want to drive 13 miles yeah that's probably wise so just go to the pool hall bring some alcohol in your truck yeah go and have a fight well i just thought that was a weird oxymoron it is for sure so then i looked up some common everyday oxymorons oh great okay we know the classic jumbo shrimp number one yeah number shrimp yeah uh deafening silence oh that's i like that i've experienced it too it's real yeah it's real bittersweet we know that one oh pretty ugly oh yeah i have not heard i haven't thought about that yeah he's he's pretty ugly yeah yeah okay act naturally oh yeah that's great it's a good one original copy okay okay small crowd oh i love these yeah they're playful open secret good one virtual reality okay sure and living dead okay that's it oh okay well i love leanne yeah me too yeah i love meeting her watch that show it's so funny i mean they don't need our help i noticed it was even recently it's like number three on netflix which is fantastic i saw that too yeah big exciting all right love you love you