Leadership 03: Correction

I want to start again, I want to take you back to Dr. N. Covenant section 12 early on in the restoration. The Lord gives this beautiful thought, and I want to come back to it several times, but this is kind of how we've begun. Dr. N. Covenant section 12, the Lord powerfully says in verse 8, "No one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love." It is absolutely essential, no matter what position you hold, whether you're a door holder, a missionary, a leader of some kind or president of the church. No one can assist in this work unless they are humble. Now we've talked about that. We talked on our first class that great and least go hand in hand. In the Lord's system, greatness and leastness are the same thing, go at the same time, and that's the contrary we have to understand. Those who think they're great usually are the least effective. And those who consider themselves the least are the greatest. And if you want an example, can you name who thought himself the least and servant of all? And he was the greatest. So we've talked about humility. Now we moved over to being full of love. Last week I wanted to redefine love. One of the things our society kind of gets wrong is that love is often presented as a feeling. Love is an emotion. Love is something we feel. And how do we symbolize love with a heart? And what do we usually identify with our heart? Love is not something you feel. And there's a danger in that, right? If love is an emotion, then play that out. Tell me what happens. No emotion can last forever. Emotions will come and go. You cannot hold on to an emotion, but can you hold on to love? Let me give you an example. Do you think Heavenly Father is ever angry at us? Do you think we create negative emotions in Heavenly Father once in a while? Does he in those negative moments, in those negative emotion moments, love us? Therefore if love is an emotion, what happens when the emotion turns negative? And again, that's what society often has wrong. Because you look at the divorce rate. You look at marriages quite often people interpret, well, I've lost. I don't love her anymore. Well that's on you because love is not an emotion. Love is a choice. We choose to love. It's an action. It's not an emotion. And I want to portray that first before we get into what we're going to talk about today because it is my testimony that Heavenly Father doesn't always think really nice things about what you're doing, but He loves you. He's committed to you. He doesn't walk away. And the challenge of love in leadership is quite, you've all seen it, right? And then it gets a call to a position and the newness and excitement of the position causes me to feel this thrill and love for the people involved. The excitement, if it's interpreted as love, well, I'm gung-ho. And then as time goes on, what happens? It gets harder. The thrill of the calling is gone. And now the question is, do you love them even now that the thrill of the calling is gone? So last week I wanted to change your definition of love and see that love is, "I am committed to you. I am committed to you." Now today is one of those hard days because if I love you, what does it truly mean to love you? One of my favorite definitions came from a very young elder I ring. He said, "Love is what you do when you care deeply about someone's eternal salvation." Is it an act of love to withhold needed correction when correction would bless their lives? Now why is it that we, what do we say to ourselves? Why is it that we withhold correction? We say to ourselves, "I don't want to hurt their feelings." But that's not really true, is it? I hate to admit it, but what you're really saying is, "I don't love them enough to correct them." And so let's see if we can change the idea that if you love someone, you would never do anything that might make them feel uncomfortable. Does Heavenly Father ever make you uncomfortable? Does Heavenly Father ever let you know you've done something wrong? Because He loves you. He does not want you to, He wants you to be happy and effective. So let me start with Joseph Smith. Now the astounding thing is it's 17-year-old Joseph Smith, but luckily it's not 17-year-old Joseph Smith that's writing this. It's 33-year-old Joseph Smith looking back at year 17. And so you've got to see beyond the 17-year-old here, you've got to see the 33-year-old that's writing this history. So Joseph Smith at age 33 looking back on his youth made a very fascinating observation. He basically said, "I hung out with the wrong kind of friends." And if I can put words in his mouth, "I hung out with the kind of friends that didn't love me." And let me see if I can clarify. I'm going to open up to the Proof Great Price if you want to join me. Joseph Smith history, let's jump to verse 28. This is the time period after the first vision and before Morone comes. And I want to point out what Joseph Smith says in verse 28. During the space of time, which intervened between the time I had the vision and the year 1823. 23 is when Morone comes. 20 is the first vision. So between 18, 20 and 1823, he's 14 to 17-year-old. He's 17-year-old. And I love what does he call it? He's 17 years old and what does he say? Now would any 17-year-old say that? No, a 33-year-old would say that looking back on his life. How many 17-year-olds would say they're up 10-year-olds? No, none of them would. Right? Have you ever heard the joke? How many Mormons does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if it's the elder's quorum, forget it, no one will ever show up. It's the relief society. It takes four. One to bring the doily, one to bring refreshments, one to print out the invitation, and one to screw in the light bulb. If it's the bishop Rick, they'll hold an executive council and assign someone else. If it's the high priest, one to push the wheelchairs and one to screw in the light bulb. If it's the eronic priesthood, it only takes one. He holds the light bulb in the socket and the whole world revolves around him. No 17-year-old would say he was of tender years, but it isn't it fascinating that a 33-year-old looking back on his life says, "I was a kid." And I didn't have the right friends. I didn't understand what friendship was. I didn't understand what love was when I was 17. And I think he's trying to say, "I understand what it is now." Because he didn't have the right kind of friends, he was persecuted by those who ought to have been his friends and who should have treated him kindly. Now ready, this is the best definition of leadership love I've ever found. And if they supposed me to be deluded, if I wasn't doing my job right, if I was making mistakes, they would have endeavored in a proper and affectionate manner to reclaim me. You can tell who loves you by that definition. The people who love you will find an appropriate time in appropriate place and do it appropriately, but they won't let you do something stupid. They love you too much to let you do something stupid. If they think you're wrong or deluded or making a mistake or headed in the wrong direction, they will in a proper and affectionate manner reclaim you. That's what love is. I love you too much to not correct you so that you can be more productive, happier and more successful. So I love you and therefore I'm gonna say something to you. But notice, it's not absent the proper and affectionate manner. If you love someone, you'll do it the right way, at the right time, but it is not love. You do not love someone if correction is needed and you withhold that correction. And I just think we need to pause and talk about leadership love. I care too much about you to not say something. Now, the way I wanna talk now about, have I made my point any comment you'd like to make? If you love them, you will help them be better. You will help them correct their errors. You will say something to them. I'm not gonna let you keep messing up. I'm not gonna let you fail. I don't want you to fail. I love you and I'm gonna say something. There's the act of love. Is I am going to tell you what needs to be said to correct you. I love you. So let me correct you. Let me give you some counsel or some correction, whatever you wanna talk, whatever you wanna call it. So I wanna talk about how you do that. Proper and affectionate manner. So I wanna come at this from a couple different angles, from a couple different scriptures. And I want you to, I wanna help you see one of the roles that you play as their supervisor. I truly believe and I wonder if you believe. How many of you truly believe this doctrinal declaration? I'm gonna let you remember what the Lord said. I have planted in each one of you weakness. I box this word because what is your weakness? What is your weakness? It is a gift. That is a hard doctrine. When you are a leader in any capacity, every one you lead has been given a gift of a weakness. The gift of weakness allows them by being humble to partner with God and strengthen that weakness. He deliberately gives us weakness that they may be humble. If you didn't have a weakness, you wouldn't have that opportunity. But he gives every one of us an opportunity to be humble and to turn to him because my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, and partner with me and call upon me and use my strength to help them in their weakness. Then we can make things. A weakness is an opportunity for growth. It's an opportunity to partner with the Savior. It's an opportunity to connect with God. Now, as their supervisor, I want you to look at kind of, if this is someone that you supervise, the people below them can certainly give them feedback. The people beside them can certainly give them feedback. And the people above them can certainly give them feedback. Now, this one, this one right here, is usually up to them. This one can be assigned, but is usually up to them. The role you play as a leader is, I get to see you from the perspective of looking at your work from leadership position. And so when we say, "If men come into me, I will show unto them their weakness." How does he do that? How does Heavenly Father show us our weakness? Now, I am positive some of you have heard the whisperings of the Spirit point out a weakness, but if I'm not mistaken, that's not very common. How many of you in this room could honestly say that I've received a revelation and the Lord pointed out my weakness? It's not very common, isn't it? How does He usually point out our weakness? How does He usually bless us? How does Heavenly Father do the work for us? The whole way He set up His church is to say, I am gonna invite other people to solve the challenges in your life. Usually the challenges that you face are solved when He sends the right person to you. Allow me to testify that one of the most common ways Heavenly Father shows us our weakness is when we're humble enough to listen to the people below us. Humble enough to seek out someone at my side, some equivalent, some colleague, someone else that's doing the same job and say, can you help me get better? And then they show me what I'm doing wrong. And then there's one more and this is painful because I'm not initiating it. They're coming to me out of an act of love to say, can I help you see a weakness? If I were to guess, it's far more common that someone who loves you pointed out a weakness to you, like mom or dad or a supervisor or a bishop or a loving church leader who loved you enough to say, can I give you some advice? I keep noticing that you do this and it's hurting you. Can I help you see if we believe this scripture, if we truly believe this scripture, then we are obligated to partner with God, not only as the one who has the weakness, but as the supervisor of the one who has the weakness. To say, part of my assignment as your supervisor, especially in a church-centered relationship, part of my responsibility as your supervisor is to help Heavenly Father show you your weakness. So that you now have an opportunity to partner with Christ and strengthen it. His grace is sufficient if you respond, but what's the trigger to responding with humility? None of these words would come unless what? Someone shows you the weakness. Therefore, as a leader to withhold that opportunity is outside of the Lord's system. One of the reasons you have been assigned as their supervisor, one of the reasons your children were sent into your family. The one of the reasons you were called as that leader is to help Heavenly Father show unto them that they have a weakness, which is a gift from Him, so that they can partner with a loving savior to make that weakness a strong thing. You see the role you play when you become the super, when you're the leader. Now total side note, if you want to be a good leader, you've got to be the one that recognizes that you have a weakness and you're the one that ought to seek these people out. You're the one that ought to say, "Hey, for my benefit, Heavenly Father has given me a weakness. It is a gift from God. I totally acknowledge that He loves me enough to give me a weakness. Can you help me discover what my weakness is and over-comment? Let me just for your sake. Let me, on a tangent, help you have the better attitude that says, "Look, I recognize I have a weakness. Can you help me see it?" And one of the best ways to do it as a supervisor is to ask this person, to ask the person below you, "Can you please help me identify the weakness that is Heavenly Father's gift to me to have?" Let me just give a couple of examples. This is Boykay Packer. I love how he said it because it resonates with me so much. Let me share with you something I learned from S. Norman Lee. Once our state president, then our patriarch in Brigham City. Shortly after we were married, I was invited to speak in a sacrament meeting. The patriarchally was seated on the stand. As the meeting closed, he said to me, "That was a fine talk, Brother Packer, but may I point out that the correct pronunciation of this one word is, as follows, to which I replied, with some impudence." Oh, is that right? Later I felt very ashamed of myself and called patriarchally and apologized. I thanked him for the correction and invited his continued interest. Only thereafter I was called to the state high council and on a fairly frequent occasion, spoke in meetings where patriarchally was in attendance. Always he would compliment me and then add a correction or a suggestion. Always I tried to respond with sufficient appreciation to encourage him to continue his interest. A desire to learn is one thing, an expressed willingness to be taught and to be corrected is quite another. I have found and we have taught our children that there is always a patriarchally type. Someone older, usually someone older, an experience to know as much about the challenges you face. Whether they be spiritual or temporal. It is worth inviting them to help you. While there is great value in seeking a personal interview to receive counsel, what I'm talking about is something else. It is an unstructured process with counsel and suggestions offered in bits and pieces. And you responding with thanks. That process survives only where there is a genuine desire to learn and an invitation to those who can teach and correct you. That invitation is not always in words but more in attitude. Once when I returned from a mission tour totally exhausted, my wife said to me, "I've never seen you so tired. What does the matter? Did you find a mission president who wouldn't listen? No I replied it was just the opposite. I found who I found one who wanted to learn." Many will say they want to learn but feel threatened if there is the slightest element of correction in what they are given. He wanted to learn. That president now sits in the counsel of the Twelve Apostles. I have learned that few respond when that kind of teaching or correction is offered and few are still invited. Now, I know I'm on a tangent but my invitation to you is the best kind of leader. Who gives correction takes correction and seeks correction. Acknowledges that we have a weakness. I have been given a weakness as a gift from God. Can you help me see it? And is always looking at this group. Now I'm a teacher. I have colleagues who can correct me. I have bosses who can correct me. But do you know who gives me the best feedback on my teaching? The one's in my classroom. If I am humble enough to watch you for feedback on how I'm teaching, you give me the best feedback. Not my supervisor. If you want to give correction, lovingly give correction. You need to be able to take correction. You need to seek correction. Now while we're on the side, don't let me do one more. This is one of my absolute favorites. To me this is a testimony of how incredibly brilliant the prophet Joseph Smith was because no one thinks like this but he did. The prophet Joseph Smith said the following. This is someone else going with a woman to see the prophet. I went one day to the prophet with a sister. She had a charge to make against one of the brethren for scandal. When her complaint had been heard, the prophet asked if she was quite sure that what the brother had said of her was utterly untrue. She was quite sure that it was. I want you to remember that. So someone has said something untrue about me. There's been a rumor. There's been a scandal. I need you to correct it. Well, is it true? And she says no, it's not true. So he then says, he then told her to think no more about it. For it could not harm her. If untrue, it could not live. But the truth will survive. Still she felt she should have some redress. When he offered her his method of dealing with such cases for himself, when an enemy had told a scandalous story about Joseph Smith, which happened all the time, before he rendered judgment, he paused and let his mind run back to the time and place and setting of the story. To see if he had not by some unguarded word or act laid the block upon which the story was built. It's astounding. If he had found that he had done so, he said that in his heart, he then forgave his enemy and felt thankful that he had received a warning of a weakness that he had not known he possessed. And he said to the sister that he would have her do the same. Search her memory. Search her memory thoroughly and see if she had not herself unconsciously laid the foundation for the scandal that annoyed her. The sister thought deeply for a few moments and then confessed that she believed what. Okay, is it true? No. Is it partly true? Did you do something that did contribute to the rumor? Yes. I did. Then the prophet told her that in her heart she should forgive that brother who had risked his own good name and her friendship to give her this clearer view of herself. The sister thanked her advisor and went away in peace. That's astounding. To be good at correcting others, you need to be good at being corrected. People are always giving me correction. The guy that hunks at me when I'm driving is giving me some correction. Now I can sit here and say what a jerk or I can say, did I do anything that might actually have caused that reaction? Yes, I did. Okay, thank you for giving me the counsel. I recognize I have a weakness. But back to my point. Everyone that you supervise has been given a weakness, and part of loving them means helping them see it. Part of being in a leadership position means I understand that I am one of those that Heavenly Father will call upon to help them see their weakness. Now, going back to time and place and setting in which I correct them, they will find a proper and affectionate manner to reclaim me. The Lord addresses that, "Turn with me to doctrine and covenant section 121. Any time you are called upon to correct, to counsel, to admonish every time as a leader." You need to help them see that they have a weakness. Here's the formula. The Lord says, "Reproving the times with sharpness, clarity directed. I'm not going to hold back. I need to tell you something." Here's a weakness that you possess, and then what do you do? I can't just maintain the same relationship. Here's the secret. When you give correction, what follows correction? Not only do you need to love them enough to point out their shortcoming. You need to love them enough to correct them, but what do you do after you've approved with sharpness when the Holy Ghost moved upon you? Then show forth afterwards an increase of love towards them. Last he esteemed thee to be his enemy. Now you've all seen, I guarantee every one of you have had that experience where they didn't do that, right? They corrected you and then made no effort to show an increase of love. Tell me what you're left thinking in those circumstances. And all of a sudden the correction they gave is not taken. To make sure that they take the correction the right way. You have to do something to increase, to show an increase of love. You've got to go out of your way to make sure they can sense an increase of love from you. Now let me show you the end result. And I am totally intimidated by what I'm about to show you. I have had all sorts of supervisors. I have been corrected by others. I've tried to. I have rarely seen this. But as long as I'm spelling out the standard of correcting others, I feel like I have to point out how Jesus did it. And I'm going to testify in advance that this is the goal. Loving them enough to show them a weakness. Finding the right time and place to do it. And then showing forth an increase of love. And then let me throw one more out there. Let's take. Let's go with a woman at her absolute worst moment. The worst moment in her life. Let's go with her right into the Savior's presence. Let's take a woman in the worst moment of her life, rip her out of that circumstance and set her right in front of Jesus. Let's see how that plays out. A woman at her worst moment standing in front of the Savior. Now, relax your eyes a little bit. And this is someone you supervise. In their worst moment, coming to face you. Now, tell me what others have done to you in your worst moment. Shame. Disgust. Watch Jesus handle a woman in her worst moment. You know where we're going? John chapter 8, turn with me to John chapter 8, the woman taken in adultery. Can you imagine committing adultery and then facing the Savior? Can you imagine making a mistake and then facing your supervisor? You just made the biggest mistake of your life and now you're in your boss's office. This woman has committed a very serious sin and now is standing in front of the Savior. Can you imagine. Let me see. This is how they portrayed it. Let me see if I can pull it up. This is how they portrayed it in the Bible video. She is being forced to face the Savior. So tell me what she does. What does she do? She hides in shame, right? She hides in shame. Now, he first needs to dismiss everyone else. So tell me what he says to everyone else. Tell me what he says to them. He that has no sin can go ahead and cast a stone. Now, did someone there qualify? Think before you answer. Did someone there qualify? He that is without sin can throw a stone at this woman. Did someone qualify? Yes. Did that person throw a stone? Would everyone else have thrown a stone? Here's the interesting thing. The one person who qualified to throw a stone did not. And everyone else wanted to. It is human nature to want to pick up the stone. Imagine the employee that just stole from you. Sitting in your office. What's our instinct? Pick up a stone and throw it. Here is a woman that committed adultery standing in front of Jesus. And the first thing he says is anyone who doesn't have a sin can go ahead and throw a stone. But the one person who qualified did not pick up a stone. Everyone else who didn't qualify leaves. And now there is this tender little scene with your employee, your someone you supervise, your abyship and here's a youth who has just committed a horrible sin. Whatever the circumstance is, this is you as parent and your child got drunk last night. Or whatever the circumstance. Now they're facing mom and dad who know exactly what happened last night. Do you see the scene here? So Jesus waits until everyone else is gone. When Jesus had lifted himself up and saw none but the woman. He said unto her, "Woman, where are the stone throwers? Is there anyone here that's going to throw a stone at you? Woman, where are those dynacusers? Have no man condemned thee?" Her answer was, "No, no one." And then tell me what Jesus says. "Neither do I condemn thee." Now let me be very careful. Does he judge her? Hold on, don't think. Don't answer until you've thought about it. Does he judge her? Look at the rest of the statement. Go and sin no more. Did he judge her? Yes. Is she guilty of wrongdoing? Does she need to change her behavior? And yet what did he not do? Condemn her. The art of loving them enough to fix their behavior, to help them overcome. The art of loving them enough to correct them. is to be able to judge without condemnation. And yet I want you to think about being in that moment and what were you faced with almost every time? Condemnation, a stone. What were you thinking? You idiot. You fool. You get a stone. This woman got judgment without condemnation. Neither do I condemn the go and sin no more. Now there is one of the most incredible footnotes here, JST footnotes, where Joseph changes it. And you've got to pick this up. Go and sin no more. And tell me what was the result. Tell me what happened when the employee who stole money from the company is sitting in the boss's office and didn't get condemnation but correction. Judgment without condemnation. What does she do? Remember this is a woman who just committed adultery. This is a woman at her worst moment who faces the savior without condemnation but clear judgment. And how does she walk away? How does the adulterous woman walk away from her exchange with Jesus? Glorifying God. Do you see the goal? Do you see Christ-centered leadership when you love them enough to correct them? Because you know that they have been given a gift from God of an imperfection, a weakness. And you're going to help Heavenly Father by letting them know what it is. And yet you increase your love for them so they know you're not an enemy. Has anyone ever been corrected and walked away glorifying God? That's the goal. That's parenting. Now does she know she needs to change? Is it very clear to her that she needs to change? Yes. Now is she more or less motivated to change this way than had he pounded her with condemnation? Now rethink the way you've given correction. Shame doesn't work. Anger doesn't work. What works is clear-headed. Let's talk about what you did. And how to fix it? And yet I'm going to make sure afterwards you know I love you. I'm going to increase my love for you so that you know I'm not an enemy. And you walk away glorifying God. Do you see what leadership, Christ-centered leadership demands of you? Let me show it to you. Can I do a fiction and then real? I love C.S. Lewis. I love the chronicles of Narnia. Aslan was able to give correction in such a beautiful way. Once there was this girl named Jill who did something she shouldn't have. And then she faces Aslan. She faces Christ. And I want you to hear the little moment- I'm guaranteed where- I know where C.S. Lewis got this little moment from. He got it from the woman taken in adultery. But listen to what he says. "Human child said the lion wears the boy. He fell over the cliff." "He fell over the cliff," said Jill and added, "Sir, she didn't know what else to call him and it sounded cheek to call him nothing." "How did he come to do that?" "Human child." "He was trying to stop me from falling." "Sir, why were you so near the edge?" "Human child?" "I was showing off, sir." "That is a very good answer." "Human child." "That is a very good answer, human child." "Do so no more." Now, do you see what he just did? "Correction without condemnation." "How did he- I loved this. How did he come to do that?" He was trying to stop me. "Why were you so near the edge?" "I was showing off." "That is a very good answer." "Do so no more." "Do you see that?" "Let's do a real one." "How would you feel if you were the prophet and your son got called on a mission and hired a prostitute?" "You're the prophet, your son goes on a mission and hires a prostitute and everyone knows it." "Is this Alma?" "This is Alma and Coriantan." Now, watch what Alma does. I just think this is beautiful parenting. So, Alma, chapter 39, he has to correct his son. His son who has done something horrible and it really is going to harm the progress of the church. So, notice what he does. Verses 2, 3, 4, he basically says, "This is what you did wrong. This is where you went wrong." No condemnation here, no shame, no belittling, just, "Okay, here's where you went wrong, son." And then the next few verses, here's why that's wrong. So, this is the boss saying, "This is what you did." Let me tell you why we don't do that here. Here's what you did. Here's why it's wrong. And then the next few verses are, "Here's what you need to do to fix it." He lays it out. Here's what you need to do to fix it. And then how does he end it? Tell me how he ends this whole thing. There's hope. You can fix this. Now, do you sense when you read Alma chapter 39, shame and beating him up and he's so mad at his son? Or do you sense this man loves his son? Anyone know the rest of the story? Anyone know what happens to Coriantin? Do you repent? Does he change? Yeah, he goes on a mission. He ends his life faithful. And I have to wonder if the way Alma handled it had something to do with that. Just like the woman taken an adultery. She knew exactly that what she had done was wrong. I need to fix this. But it was done in a loving way with no condemnation, no shame, no belittling, no tearing down, just simply, "Here's what you did that's wrong. This is what you need to do to fix it. And how can I help? Because I love you." And an increase of love to let them know that you genuinely do. That is how Christ leads. And that's how his leaders need to respond. That's good parenting. I want my children when they make a mistake to not be scared of me. I know that's natural. I want my children to know that I'm going to love them and I'm not going to condemn them. But I'm not going to just look the other way when they make a mistake. I love them too much to not correct them. But I will correct them and then increase my, that's the kind of father I want to. be. That's the kind of bishop I would love to be. That's the kind of leader in the church, or boss, or whatever the circumstance. Christ-like leadership demands that we love them enough to point out that they have a weakness and to encourage them to correct that weakness. In such a way that they walk away glorifying God. I would commend you to get better at this. I think we would all admit we don't see it very often, do we? But if you've ever seen it, it is life-changing. Be that leader. Love them enough to correct them. Love them enough to show them that they have a weakness. Help them strengthen their ability, increase your love for them so that they walk away from that exchange glorifying God. There's the standard. Now let's go do it. And I say that in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.