LDS Loudmouth Ep. 2 - Coming Out Stories

Olen Shannon Maldonado, käsintehtyjä artesaanitua teitä myyvän jauji-lahjakaupan perustaja. Valit sinu Shopify, koska alustoja testa testa-tessani totesin sen ehdottomasti yhdeksi helpokäyttöisimmistä alustoista. Minulla oli tärkeää pohtia kehittymistämme tulevaisuudessa. Kaikki myyntiin tarvittavat työkaluut, kuten varaston suunnittelu ovat kätävästi dashboardissä. Aloita ilmainen kokeilu Shopify-piste komsi-vustolla. Aloi ja kiitoksi, Elias Loudmouth. On Kim. On Jane. Ja tämä on, että on lähtiä, että on minkä ava ongelmaa. Ja on saavaa. Mä oon päästä jälkeen. Ja se on ollut meitä. Kuten miettiin, miettiin, että olisivat sinun, ja se on pari jälkeen. Kuten miettiin! Onko tärkeää, että onko tärkeää, ja se on pari jälkeen. Ja se on pari jälkeen. Clark said that kissing his friend did not result in similar feelings to my mom's involved experiment. Clark said that he was disgusted by the kiss and instantly knew that he was straight. With that frame of reference looking back on my mom's experiment makes me realize that she was likely by, like me, but stepped down all the signs as everyone's experience and never pursued women because dating men was the more acceptable thing to do. And she never was attracted to another girl enough to crush on or make that connection. Or it could also be that Dr. Lisa Diamond was right that for certain people there is always a sexual outlier like her friend. But since bisexuality is genetic, I'm gonna go with first. Sounds right. Yeah. When I was 20 before my mission I worked at a pizza place and one of my female friends encouraged me to kiss her in order to impress male co-workers she liked. And I thought it sounded fun and agreed. I was surprised to realize that when I kissed her I felt something and figured there must be something to this. As Katy Perry once said, I kissed a girl when I liked it. This is when the pieces started kind of falling into place for me and I slowly came out to myself. After my mission I came home to the whole prop 8 debacle in California singles word. Hearing so much anti-game marriage rhetoric over the pulpit was disgusting. I had friends outside the church that were queer. What gave us the right to impose our arrogant ideals onto their personal lives? The one time my now husband ever came to church with me was for a fifth Sunday where the entire third hour was about the evils of gay marriage and how we should vote yes on prop 8. I contemplated leaving but didn't in hopes it would get better. It did not get better. My boyfriend now husband lost all personal interest in the church after that. I'm not surprised. For a long time I've known I was attracted to both sexes but didn't identify with the label by sexuality because it seemed to only be a small part of who I was as a person as a whole. I didn't really tell anyone else except for a couple of select friends and my now husband when we first started dating about 16 years ago. I was more than my sexuality and it wasn't anyone else's damn business as far as I was concerned. After I got married and started having children it felt weird and disingenuous to come out as buy to anyone else outside my husband and close his friends. But if it walks and quacks like a duck it's probably duck. Was the thought I always had when I felt icky to say the words I'm buy out loud. It was undeniable if you really looked at it. Over the last five years I slowly came out to more people. My best friend Jane. She who is that? In my ward in New Jersey who had two very queer non-binary kids. My mom a few months before COVID took her. It was a passing thing. Quote, "By the way mom and by" I said to her. Oh really? Okay. Was her response. I didn't want to make a big deal of it and it was the best response I could have gotten. Exactly. Okay. How was coming out to your other family members and other friends that you weren't maybe as close to? And then of course how was it coming out to your ward family? Yeah. I came out to you my two younger brothers Clark and Alan while we were cleaning out my mom's house after her passing. I had been playing a choose your own adventure romance app on my phone where the main character was by and my brothers asked me what I was playing. I told them what I was what it was and one of them asked, "You're just buying the game right?" I smiled to myself and said, "No." As I watched their jaws drop. I found the top surprised shocked reactions entertaining to say the least, especially my brother Clark, who is the middle child with his over the top, "Playing expressions and gestures of surprise and shock." He is very animated. I explained my previous experiences to them and my youngest brother, Alan, said it explained a lot. I think it's a big thing, dude. Like, no, like genuinely though. My middle brother asked me idiotic questions involving women about inviting women into my bedroom suggesting that since I was by, I must have an insatiable sexual desire for both sexes and obviously cannot be filled by my husband. It had never even crossed my mind that someone would make such an assumption about bisexual people. But through talking with others, I found out that this is sadly common with less informed people. I informed my brother that I am happy with my monogamous marriage and wasn't about to ruin it by adding someone else to our bedroom. Being attracted to all the things did not equate with wanting all the things all the time. it once. My mental brother was really over the fact I quote, "My sister likes boobs!" Which he said would take him a while to get used to or process. I don't understand what was so hard to process. I was still the same person. Now he just knew more about me. The first three family members I told were a bit of happenstance. My dad and final family member didn't come too much later after I had decided to go public on Facebook with my bisexuality. On my journey? I listened to podcasts such as Beyond the Block and questions from the closet and watched David Archilett is coming out video on YouTube reshaping my opinions on the ideas of queer people within the church. They struck a chord with me and I identified with them on different levels. My decision to come out publicly on Facebook happened in reaction to Elder Oaks's Antiquir Talk in the April 2022 conference and all the Antiquir rhetoric that popped up on my Facebook feed from friends. After having a Facebook argument with a friend who posted an anti-trans meme that was last straw on my personal silence on my sexuality. She was dead set on not using someone's preferred pronouns and preferred name because it made her feel upset and uncomfortable even though me and another friend of hers tried to tell her it was just being prettiest to the other person and cost for nothing to do so aside from her discomfort. If the cost of my silence was this type of behavior from other church members I felt my duty to come out publicly. I could no longer hide behind my straight presenting marriage. My sexuality was no longer just about me and my business. It was bigger than me. I felt like I was hiding by just being an ally. These people were mine and I could do much more needed good by including myself in the queer rainbow than sitting outside it. If people knew I was by they would think twice about their words and actions if I was in the room. I made a concerted effort to come out to two other close friends who lived physically far from me and to come out to my dad before making my coming out post on Facebook. Coming out to my dad was awkward since I knew from growing up around him. He was slightly homophobic. When the family proclamation came out when I was 14 his first comment was "that'll teach them gays" at the time. I had no idea what the family proclamation had to do with being gay. In more recent years my dad would make negative comments on gay or trans people when sharing his opinions with me and I would uncomfortably try to switch out the subject. When I called him up to tell him I tried to build it up but ended up blurting it out after begging him not to hang up the phone once my dad had reached his usual 15 minute phone call threshold. I'm pretty sure my dad was taken aback by it. He couldn't stop saying it's your choice and I don't think he knew what else to say. I made sure to let him know that coming out was my choice but being by was not. I don't even remember how the conversation ended just that I allowed him to get off the phone soon after. I had said what I had set out to say. Knowing my dad it wasn't good or bad but it was about how I had expected it to happen. Once I told my dad I came out publicly on Facebook August 1st in a three-part post which seemed to be received pretty well. My next battle was much more uncomfortable. Jane was going to be out of town for the release of society lesson on August 8th and had warned me that the release of society president has scheduled the famed Oaks talk months in advance for this week. She asked me to go in and represent not only for myself but for her and her non-binary queer kids. Did I? You did! Oh I don't remember doing that. I said I would. It was nerve-wracking going into the release society room that day. Not only was my bestie missing but all of my Facebook friends who had seen my post were missing. It was a small class that day and I wasn't sure if many of the people missing were just out of town or opting out because they knew the lesson that day would be an uncomfortable one. I couldn't blame them for either reason. I was utterly alone that day and it was scary. The release of society president was teaching because she was passionate in her orthodoxy about the subject and would not hand this one over to anyone else to skim over the less savory subject she felt were of most importance. I could tell she was trying to rush through everything so that she wouldn't have to take comments that could possibly defy or derail the whole point of her lesson. I wasn't about to let that happen. I openly opposed what the release society president was saying and came out to the entire release society. I spoke out against what was being said which to no surprise wasn't a super popular opinion and I made lots of people uncomfortable. I made many points. The science of psychology and how gender and attraction isn't a choice. How the church has changed the practice of polygamy and allowing blacks to get the priesthood and also attend a temple. How God wants to give us more but the prophet refuses to ask the question and the people aren't ready so I fear we would be wandering in a spiritual desert until the older generation dies off and we are ready to receive it. I am so proud of you. So what happened next? Yeah so like what I got from behind the pulpit was not great. She said being gay is just a sexual sin. My response was being gay isn't about sex. It's about attraction and relationship and pursuing a happy life that is genuine to your feelings of who you are as a person. To deny a person that and tell them they need to be alone forever unlike their straight counterparts or else they can't achieve the highest glory in heaven where God lives is cruel. In our religion even if you're gay and live a life of celibacy you can live in the same vicinity of God but because you are not allowed to marry who you choose you still can't be exalted or live next to God and Christ forever like your heterosexual counterparts. That doesn't sound like a forgiving God to me that whom I've been trying to get to know. Blacks being refused the priesthood until late in the 70s isn't the same as not allowing gay marriage inside and at times outside the church was one of her responses. Yes it is was my response. These men were refused the priesthood due to the color of their skin. A thing that couldn't be changed. Gay, lesbian and trans folks are being refused marriage and families because of their sexual attraction which psychology claims is part of who they are and can't be changed. This policy is of God and will never change is what she said. My response was who are you to tell God what he can and can't change. Our whole religion is based on revelation and God choosing to give us more or changing things when the people need it or are ready to receive it. Look at the book of Mormon that our Christian counterparts think is false because the Bible is enough on its own. Plus I think we are just making stuff up. Look at the introduction of polygamy and eventual stop of it. Look at black men and the priesthood ban and also the temple ban. Look at the precious temple ordinances that we value so much as the church and people and how many times it has changed over the last few decades let alone since its first introduction. God doesn't change but people do and God changes his church to me the needs of his people. Amen. Others in the room spoke up but most of them seemed neutral in their position. Many just like the policy personally when it came to queer family or friends but also felt there was nothing to be done until God in the prophets decided otherwise. Stay faithful and wait it out and God will work it out in the next life was the general consensus. I was sad to hear this general message and overall opinion. Most didn't seem to understand that this message to a gay or trans person in and outside the church is the most toxic of all. I try to convey that to the two people that talked me after the lesson who are trying to be supportive but still remain neutral. Our church is supposed to be one of hope and happiness in this life not just the next. This type of messaging is not encouraging for people to stay in this life. They feel unseen unheard unvalued and generally silenced. That's a very sad story. I wish I could have been there with you. There would have been one person agreeing at the very least. So what has it been like since you came out? What going on two and a half years ago? Oh yeah that's right. That is a good question. So it's been hard times but as a bisexual person in a straight presenting marriage it's easy to have doubts about why I'm outing myself and feeling like I'm fighting so hard. I'm internally faced with questions. I heard posed to other by folks growing up as well as what my younger self thought about by folks. If you can just choose to date men or already married to one what's the issue? Why come out? In both scenarios you're good in God's eyes. What does it matter to you? You're just doing this to get attention because it's popular to do right now. You're not really by. Yeah sorry. That's another thing that comes out too. These questions I've heard my entire life make me doubt. I would have loved to have given my younger self permission to explore that part of myself even if I am happily married to someone of the opposite sex. I know it is very likely what of my kids could fall into the queer spectrum like their mom and I want them to feel free to explore that part of themselves with no regrets. I feel that everyone should be able to do that inside and outside of the church. As far as me doing the by thing for attention I have checked that too. I'm married but still human and my head still does turn on a girl or guy I consider really attractive. Yep very much by and not for attention. I've been out for almost a couple years now and claiming the label is still intimidating at times. I'm still a baby queer getting a little more confident and we'll be attending hopefully my second pride coming up. I missed pride last year and I was a little sad about that but I did attend my first pride a couple years ago with my family. Yeah with with you and your youngest kid oh my youngest kid that's right. Yeah so watching David Archie let us coming out video on YouTube made me realize something. It didn't matter if I didn't identify with the label. I can no longer stay silent in church when someone spews anti LGBTQ+ rhetoric nor will I let anti LGBTQ+ rhetoric remarks slide by when my family or friends are around and I might think twice before scrolling past and rolling my eyes on the anti LGBTQ+ post on Facebook. The queer community is bigger than any of us thought and many sit next to you in silence. I was one of them. My story I hope will help you to help others think before you speak and act. If you don't know someone in the LGBTQ+ community before you do now. I hope that might change from negative views on the queer community now because you know someone who is a part of it. Thank you Kim for sharing your story with us. Usually we have suggestions at the end of our episodes as to what people can do to make their communities and their people around live in a better place. But I think you've covered most of it. I think as we hear more people coming out in church meetings or spewing negative anti queer stuff we can speak up. We can say how we feel about the subject. We can work on how we feel about it either because we are or we know somebody and we can work on our feelings toward that that are based on what the church used to teach. Hopefully no one else will have to sit through another coming out less than all by themselves. Thanks for listening to the end. If you enjoyed our show and would like to hear more please follow us on Spotify, Apple podcasts or wherever you're listening to this program. So you can be notified whenever the next episode drops. Hey if you have any comments or suggestions for future topics please send them to us at LDS Loudmouth podcast at gmail.com one really long word no spaces. Thanks to Lynn for editing. See you next time!