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Speaker 4Hello and welcome to The How. Not to screw up your kids' podcast. So, pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation. Today's episode, Lazy or Bored, I want to talk around recent data from the World Health Organization, which has ranked children in England and Wales near the very bottom of the World League tables in physical activity. So I'm going to share some data, so bear with me, because I think it's really. It's helpful to kind of understand the context behind this. Now, by the age of 15, just 11% of girls and 16% of boys in England do at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity, which can include things like walking, cycling, rollerblading, etc. OK? Our children, so children in the UK, do less exercise than children in countries such as Romania, Poland, Slovakia, Spain, Sweden, Norway, and Croatia. Another study found that UK children spend on average 9.4 hours per week in front of a TV or a computer game console, and that the average child will spend the equivalent of half a year, that's six months, six whole months, watching television or playing computer games between the age of seven and 16. OK? So what the data is showing is it's pretty damning in terms of the level of sedentariness that our children have got. And we know that societally we have generally become more sedentary. Was it the film WALL-E? You know, that sort of science fiction animation which had human beings being moved around on these floating beds rather than walking. Now, I'm not suggesting that that's likely to actually happen, but the data does say, and does show, that we're just not moving as much as we ought to. Now, I think that this isn't necessarily all to do with laziness, hence the title Lazy or Bored. I think boredom and losing a sense of curiosity is probably what's fuelling a lot of this, certainly I feel, in the UK. And so I believe we can make positive changes. And so here are my five top tips. Now, what I will speak to in terms of some of the data is that what we do see is that obviously children, when they're young, really young, are generally active because they're doing a lot of playing. And a lot of that playing is about, is curiosity and it's that physical space and moving around and learning how to use their bodies. And we know that as children then move into school that that continues. But what we are seeing in a lot of schools is that that activity space within the curriculum is being squeezed out. Because there's more and more pressure around attaining certain levels within the academic syllabus. And what is then happening is our children move up higher into their school years, so around the GCSE and the A-level examination period, is that a lot of the physical activity then becomes much more optional. And what our children tend to do is opt out of those. And what we know is that that physical space, that physical movement and activity can have a profound impact. Not only on our physical wellbeing, but also our mental health and our mental wellbeing as well. And so the framing of this, and certainly the guidelines that are sort of out there in terms of 60 minutes of vigorous exercise, is really a minimum. Now this is not, and when I start sharing these five areas, this is not about fundamentally getting children off the couch and outside and running and doing physical things. For me, this is much more around our examination of how our children are doing, how they're spending their time, just generally. It's about encouraging them to have a balance. Of course, it's really important that they're physically active, but it's also really important that they expand their mind in terms of curiosity. So for me, it's about really making sure that our children are not spending lots of time in one particular activity, whether that's sedentary, on the couch, on the sofa, in their bedrooms, but much more around and much more expanding their time. So let me share my five top tips. The first one is really about reflecting on the home environment. You know, what has become the default within your family? What's important as I talk through these five things, I should say, is that this is about doing what's right within your family. Please don't compare to other families. I really don't think that that's helpful at all. The dynamics within each of our families are uniquely different. Of course, there'll be some families that seem to be forever hiking and doing all of these other things. That's not, I don't want us to get into this comparison bit. For me, this is around the family environment in terms of how enriching is that and how much have we found ourselves falling into a bit of a default pattern, particularly during the week when we're all supremely busy. It's very easy. It's very easy to fall into this sort of default trap of, you know, decompressing. We eat and then we decompress in some ways. And the decompressing can often be chilling out or vegging out in front of some sort of screen, whether that's television. And maybe you do that all together as a family. Maybe you're sort of dispersed around the house. But in lots of ways, it's really just considering what have we just got into a bit of a default of doing. Now, of course, if that's balanced. On the basis that actually we have a very short amount of time. And at the weekends, we do lots of activities together. We do lots of things together as a family. And we're just not in that sedentary space. It just happens to be that on Monday to Friday or even Monday to Thursday, because of the way that your children's days are, how their days are and how your days are, that that default is there. And that works for your family? Then keep doing that. My question. My question is much more around, have we found ourselves in a bit of a default funk where actually we're not really in a situation where we're expanding our children's capabilities around making different choices? And we've just fallen into a bit of a trap and that that's what's happening day in, day out. Now, for me, judging by the data, it would suggest that for most of us, there's definitely some. Some room for a bit of tweaking. So that's the first thing is reflecting on the environment and also what might be the contributing factors might be. Now, at the time of recording this particular episode, it's spring in the UK. I am in my studio looking out at the most glorious sunshine. Now, of course, when the weather is like that, it's so much easier for us to be opening up our homes in a space that we're. where we're out a little bit more and that sunshine just lifts mood and creates opportunity outside when i'm talking specifically around this laziness or boredom i'm going to speak much more to not just the being outside but exploring opportunities and curiosity and projects that go beyond simply being outside of course i understand it's so much easier the outside bit being something that we do when the weather is different and it's not so dark in the evenings and the rest of that but i think this is a 365 days of the year project and consideration so when you reflect on that home environment it's taking all of those things into account so we have to do that first bit of course we want to do a bit of an audit a bit of reflection and then that then will trigger a conversation initially between you and whoever you co-parent with if you're co-parenting together in the same home if you're a single parent then it's a it's sitting in that that piece personally and considering and reflecting and pondering around what the situation currently is and where you might be able to make some some changes before we then communicate that with our children with a lot of these things that i talk about on the podcast i find it's so easy as a parent to be listening to a to an episode of this podcast and be thinking oh right yeah you're absolutely right mary we need to make some changes whatever episode you're listening to and we can kind of go quite gung-ho and and that is i have to be honest my default is that you know i jump in with both feet but sometimes it's really really helpful just to sit with it for a little bit and just to consider okay i'm doing i've done a little bit of an audit i've done a bit of reflection and i think we're in this particular situation because of x and sit with that for a little bit because the danger can be and this is the second you know one of the ones that i'm going to look at is this this point number two is you want to start from where you're currently at so you could you could kind of reflect on it and think goodness me we've got into a bit of a default we all eat together and then we just all plonk ourselves in front of some sort of screen and i know that that isn't what we should be doing we should be more active we should be doing this we should be doing that and then we try and do too many things at the same time and then we find ourselves falling back into the default which is why i think it's helpful to kind of sit with it for a little bit and then number two is you it's about starting from where you're currently at and looking to make small changes rather than jumping to where you think you ought to be you know if there's zero activity at home and we've got into this default and that default continues into the weekend you know we've got into that narrative of we're all having busy weeks and we just want to chill out and do nothing because we're being pulled in terms of demands on us during the week if we go too far it's just unsustainable and we don't bring the whole family with us we're constantly in that battleground and so we then find ourselves falling back because we feel that we've got no traction with anyone else so it's really about what can we do as small changes and we'll look at how some what some of those might well be so you've got to do that reflective piece you then have to be honest around taking those small changes and then i think it's important to address the bottom line and i think it's important to address the bottom line and i think it's important to address the bottom line and i think it's important to address the bottom line piece head on you know it's very easy to have a go-to option whether that's tech whether that screens because our children may no longer play you know when we've got younger children if you're listening to this with younger children generally they don't we don't have those challenges in the same ways because our children have things that they play with whether it's physical things whether it's their imagination whether it's crafting things they generally default to learning about their environment through play as our children get older and they've kind of accrued a certain amount of knowledge and unless they've got a real passion for something a real interest in something that they tend to default to then it's very easy for us to find other things that just simply pacify our time and so i do believe it's really important to address the the boredom piece head on that is it may well be that actually we've stopped exploring interests and if you're listening to this and you're thinking marianne but my children don't have an interest they're not into anything in particular then i will tackle that directly when we start talking about projects i think instead of focusing in on there's so much narrative around this idea about find your passion and really get hooked into your hobby well some just don't have that you know as adults you know i don't remember as a child particularly having a passion for something and i think it's really important to address that and i think it's really I mean, I loved gymnastics and I would often practice handstands and other things like that. But there wasn't like this real thing that I was then supremely passionate about. But instead, we can replace these with these notions of projects. So we're reflecting on the home environment. We're starting where we're at. We're addressing the boredom piece direct. And quite often that's about getting your family on board and just say, look, I get that nothing seems to be particularly interesting and this is much easier just to do this default. But we're going to try, have an attempt as a family to really expand our curiosity and our interests so that we don't always go to that default. The default of screens, whether that's watching things on television, it's not that it doesn't have, it has its place. But what we want to avoid is that that just becomes the only thing.
Speaker 1Therapy's biggest impact? It doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough. Sessions average $21 with insurance and some pay, as little as $0 depending on their plan. See if you could pay as little as $0, $0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST.
Speaker 4So the fourth thing is we then want to start looking at reducing some of the sedentary time, some of the default time, and replace it. Because the last thing you want to do is reduce some of the sedentary time, and the last thing you want to do is say, right, that's it. Between these hours, you can't be on the default tech that we've got so used to doing if you haven't had a discussion around projects. What could they replace it with? And it's about taking something that your child might have a curiosity around. Yeah, it doesn't have to be a passion, but just something they might have a curiosity around and exploring that a little bit more. So they may explore it and not find it interesting. Fine. Then let's have it. Have a look at something else that they might be interested in. So I'm talking broader things, whether that's model making in some ways, whether that's sewing, but not sewing as such, but making things with fabric, potentially, whether that's building, whether that's fishing, whether that's something related to an interest around a particular aspect within nature, whether that's around animals, whatever that might be, we're taking something. That they've got a remote interest in and looking at ways that that can be explored more as part of some form of project. This isn't a project they're going to complete and then hand in, but just something that they might be able to immerse themselves in a little bit more, whether that means going to a local library. I mean, libraries are amazing in terms of what the resources that are there that they can find information about, or whether it's actually about physical things, whether it's, it's about recycling things, maybe decluttering certain aspects of their old clothes that they might then be able to recircle and do something with. Maybe they've got some sort of entrepreneurial interest around selling things or creating something or pulling together some sort of business. Maybe they're interested in food and how they can kind of create new recipes. It's those sorts of interests or flavours, maybe even, that they can do. So it's really expanding and looking at some of those. Now, obviously some of those are going to be easier to do at a weekend, probably when you've got a bit more time and space, but there will be some where they can do a bit of that kind of research or beginning to think about how they might pull together that project when they've got a bit more time over the weekend. But I do think the first bit is about trying to substitute some of that time that has become deep, and that's the default around screens and instead replacing it with some sort of project. And I know that some of you will be listening to this and thinking, yeah, it's all well and good you saying that, Mary-Han, but have you been in my family, if I suggest this to my kids, going to be kind of a mutiny. But I do think, you know, when I talk so often about this reverse engineering, our role as parents is to help scaffold the building that our children are going to inhabit. This is not about academic skills, but it's actually about, as the adults, when they engage in the world, what are they going to do with their spare time? How are they going to be curious and acquire a whole host of broad skills and interests that are for them, that are part of making them a more fulfilled, a more rounded individual. And it comes from these projects. It comes from these things that have got nothing to do with specific skills at school that they've got to hand something in and be marked at, but actually something about exploring who they are and how they interact with their world. And what interests them about the environment in which they're being raised. So I do think it's, it's worth persevering with this because we're equipping them for life rather than this sort of default go to. And I think there's a huge amount of fun that can be in that, you know, as a parent, you probably have your own interests, things that you're interested in that your children may or may not be interested in, but it brings that. It brings that togetherness and it brings that emphasis on always being a lifelong learner and always being inquiring and seeking to engage in the world in other ways. So that's number four. And then number five is about creating a family activity time. So of course, what we're trying to do is move away from the default in terms of what each individual does with their own time and their own interests and their. Own projects. But I think it's also really helpful that we look at how can we as a family create some form of activity time. Now, whether that's walking, fishing, swimming, foraging, cycling, hitting or kicking a ball around, whatever that might be, is how can we integrate some form of family activity time in the same way that we might have, when my children were younger, they loved more than anything. Anything else, they loved our family movie night on a Friday night. They loved that. And it was a really great way to connect. We did popcorn and it was lovely. You could get cuddles and we could just all engage in watching a film together. And that was a really, really special time. But we also had family activity time, which often came with a lot of whinging and complaining. We had membership to the National Trust and we would then go. Go to a National Trust property and have a walk there. And oh my goodness me, the number of whinging and whining complaints that we used to have around these walks. But actually, once we got started, once we did it, and particularly when they had a very clearly defined, we're going at this time and then we'll be leaving at this time. It was just great because we had conversations. And as older adults now at 25 and 21, they have found themselves going to these National Trusts voluntarily. And I think that's really, really important. And I think that's really important. But also, there's so many happy, fond memories about discussions that we had and things that we saw along the way. So I think having something, and we did lots of cycling and other things, but it's working out what works for your family. And if you don't have bicycles and that's an expense, you don't have to do that. It's really thinking about how can we connect in that space. And for those of you who find that you have young children, who, or even teens, who are uncommunicative, who you can't get them to open up and have conversations. When we are outdoors, when we are having a walk, when we're having a cycle, probably difficult to have a conversation while you're cycling, but that expanse of being side by side in an open space, where they're not feeling scrutinized by our eyes boring into their eyes to ask them, how was their day? Who did they spend time with? What did they eat? What did they enjoy? Then we're much more likely to be able to have all sorts of conversations that then open up a whole avenue of reflection, whether that's around emotions, around friendships, around philosophical debates, whatever that might be. It can be super helpful and it creates that real connection as a family. So those are my top tips. I think that, yes, of course we can chastise ourselves about the data and we can say that, young people are inherently lazy. I think that young people are just bored because we've lost that village of being outside and just exploring things in that way. And so I'm hoping that if you are listening to this podcast episode on a sunny and dry day, that that makes it much easier. But even if it's a wet and windy and dark day, that we can still find a lot of rest and enjoyment out of being active. So my give this week is going to be those five tips, which you can grab in the free resource library. You head over to drmaryhand.com forward slash library, where you'll find the link to download the resource. If you are not already subscribed to the library, you'll be asked to pop in your email address and then you'll get instant access, not only to this week's resource, but all the other resources across the podcast episodes. The library does have a searchable function. So it's super helpful. You just simply like a little magnifying glass and you just simply type in and what you can do is whatever you might be having a challenge with, I can guarantee you that we have a resource of some sort, if not multiple resources on that basis. And they are all free. As you can imagine, the podcast has been going for over three, nearly four years now. And so there's a lot of resources in there. So do head over there and you can download those. And as ever, if you enjoy listening to the podcast, by reviewing the podcast, by rating the podcast, what you do is you let other parents know about the How Not to Screw Up Your Kids podcast so that we can share the love. So until next time. Thank you.
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