Laura Peek Returns

This is a head gum podcast. Everybody, can I get your attention, please? These shots are on me tonight. For no other reason, then we're celebrating friendship and being alive. What a gift it is to be on this earth at the same time. Oh my God. Raise your glasses. And then every, the whole restaurant does a shot, I'm gonna cry. The whole restaurant does a shot together and then they just turn the music back up and everyone keeps eating. And your alive is actually really special. You're getting on in years. To be doing basement rooms in New York. I'm not having fun in there. Yeah. And they weren't having fun with me. What happened? Well, I wrote a joke. I have like a closer. I don't think I was doing it on the road, but I have a, I have a closer that features very heavily. Oh my God. I play Captain Kirk. What's his name? Jesus Christ. William Shatner. William Shatner. It was on the way. The story I told at your, at your live pod about seeing him on a plane. Oh, yes. And he hit that woman and almost killed her. Yes. And so I turned it. She really almost died. And. And so I have like a new joke about it. And I've been closing on it. It's a really fun story. I'm midway through that joke and I go, these people don't know who William Shatner is. No. But like hot faces like these 22 year olds, the biggest eyelashes you've ever seen are out to see right now trying to understand. Yeah. And you try to place them. You're like Captain Kirk. I mean, I don't know any sort of reference that would have been effective for them. No, but that warm is my heart that they don't know who he is. It's really cute. It's really cute. It's also like good. So let's get some of these people out of the consciousness. Yes. That's true. Well, the thing I didn't say when we were hanging out because it's too sad is that he like he there was a woman wearing a giant cast and he reached up and gets his overhead luggage. And he just like there was like plenty of time for me to be like someone's going to give this old man a hand. Right. Like someone's going to like help him get it down. And he just lets this sucker rip like from the front just pulls it like this. But first of all, very old looking luggage. Like how much like tags and shit on it where you're building a standard. Yeah. Also, why are you on this delta flight with me, whatever. But he just lets it rip. And it falls like right on this woman. She had one of these big ass things on it like connected. You know what I mean? One of those joints, like like she is she got her not the car to him cast literally literally not even doing like that. You got an anvil dropped up. Like a wily coyote and it hit her on the shoulder and there was like a sound like literally like I heard like a crack and her eyes were so full of tears. And it was really devastating. And she like turned to me like pleading like and I went, oh my God, I'm so sorry, are you okay? I was like, how can I help? And he does the right thing. Initially, he goes like, he goes, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like, okay, good. Normal thing to do. And then she didn't immediately hit him with a like, uh, hey, no worries because she was like, yes, he just reshattered her arm. Yeah. And he goes, that painful, huh? And I went, yeah, I think so. I love that. I love that. That painful, huh? I can't even give me a hand. Dan bitch. Dan bitch. Dan bitch. I didn't know you were built so soft. Awesome. Pussies on the dials. Get a load of this fucking pansy, she was so good, and everybody, I felt everybody on the plane at the same time be like, oh, this guy said, Jake, like everybody was so shocked. Oh, my God. It was crazy. That is so funny. But I can't say that on stage because people get really sad. Yeah, it's sad. They're like, I don't want to think of him like that. It wasn't mean either, but yeah, there's a, there's a, um, I recently had one of my, I do, I would say like once a week, I get on to TikTok and do a scroll and like actually watch the videos. And I feel better than most people alive because I only do it once a week. I do. You are better enlightened in a way that's like bordering on narcissistic, like I feel when people tell me how often they're on TikTok, I literally like, you know, I feel so good. That painful, huh? But when I'm on there, it manages to serve me some of the most devastating content I've ever seen in my life. And one of the things that's hurt me right now is this trend, I can't remember what song it's to. Oh, no, but it's, but it's people being like, how fast 50 years went and it's a picture. Oh, I'm going to throw up. It's a picture of them when they're like 22, 23 and then a picture of them now and they look beautiful. It's a beautiful thing that's happening life has happened. But just the idea of it, I am at one moment staring at a picture of them like that. And then the next that a picture of them like this. And they're in there. And oftentimes the captions are even more devastating like the captions are like, I have no idea where the time went. Oh God. What the fuck? I get a lot of these women in their like 60s being like, I'm 34 and I'm like, it's them going, I didn't figure it out until 45 and I feel the same way, I'm like, shut the fuck up. Tell me it's going to happen tomorrow. Fuck you shut up. Fuck you shut up. I get, I get, I've gotten served recently a couple of different like, like the video is somewhat compelling in the comment sections or one of those ones where everyone has an example. And it was nurses being like, it was a nurse being like, you have no idea how many old women in marriages to men are on are sick are sicker than they realize and when they realize they say, he was supposed to die before me. I had plans. They're like, they're like, I can't believe I didn't like leave this man or do the things I wanted to do. And there's nurses in the comments being like, I had the same thing, had the same thing. Oh my God. Like she thought that she would live longer and she was finally going to travel. I was going to go to Copenhagen. Yo. What the fuck? That's so devastating. Old people, we really need to start monitoring the kind of shit they say. I need to, I need to approve. I don't prove what goes on. I don't care if it's homophobic, sexist, fat phobic, say whatever you want in those regards, but when it comes to like harrowing tales of the passage of time of life having been not much to it's going to go ahead and shut it up for me. Cheryl, I don't need to hear about that. I hate to say. I hate to say that. I hate to say that. I hate to say that. Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips. Don't be talking to me about the passage of time on my internet and regrets held close. There was one that I saw just just like yesterday and you're right. You are better than, because I'll get on, I mean, days of my fucking life spent just maybe the next one will be good, you know, just horrific, but there was one that I saw and it was like a young man, young hot British guy asking like older women what their regrets were. And it was the first one just like I wouldn't have gotten married so young and I'm like for sure. Yeah, you need the time to figure out your life. By the fifth one saying that exact thing, I was like, okay, move. That is so fucking funny. It's wild. Oh, my God. Have you seen what's what's blowing my mind? I was thinking about this yesterday on TikTok is like people that are like my age like mid or early mid 30s early please early, please early, if you're early, if you're nasty. But it's them doing the like aged filter and then being like, what people thought I'd look like at 35 and then they do that to horrible sound and then they take the filter off and they look like, you know, definitely more you know, yeah, 30, 30, yeah, but not 50. Exactly. And it's people being it's it's every single confidence people being like, you're supposed to take the filter off queen like being so mean and I'm like, it's always like young women doing it. I'm like, hey, girl, he's like, we got to caucus about this. Yeah. This is so cruel. This is not working now. I feel bad because that has happened to me for so long now just by being a person on the internet. Yeah. I get it. Like I got it when I first started posting videos on the internet, not even doing like, I wasn't doing like, bet you didn't think I looked this good. Like I wasn't doing like age reveal challenges. I was doing like Joe's. Yes. I was being a comedian. So I feel bad for these like pedestrians that are like, oh, I'm about to like, I'm about to serve with this one and then they get ripped to God and shreds and I'm like, you haven't trained. Oh, you got it. You got to exercise. You're on it. You're sure but just like you have no clues. The storm that's coming for you. It's really scary. He froze. He froze. And now what? And now what? What are you going to do? You're not making it out of here. Do they find people up there? People have gone out of there. There's a lot of talk about this recently. Really? branded on and being like, "I paid." 'Cause I forget that you pay a lot of money to do that. - Yeah, because it's foolish. - Because it's so stupid and you don't belong up there and no one does. - Yeah. - But it's people being like, I'm about to freeze to death and I paid $70,000 to do this right. - And you've played the fool. - And you're wearing a little dunce. - Where you're dunce. - But you're a little dunce. - Monterey. - You're a dunce, Monterey. (laughing) - God. - Not for nothing, but they hire these locals to go on suicide missions for them for their vacation. - 1,000%. - Like, oh yeah, this old Nepalese man is gonna risk his life for this 270th time to take me up there. - For Jennie. - Yeah, it's like, you didn't need to go up there. - For Jennie who's having a little bit of a midlife crisis. - What cracked me up is there's so many places on earth we're just so clearly not supposed to go. And the evidence is in how hard it is to get there. - Deep ocean, highest peaks. - Sky. - Sky, big sky, stupid. - Anyone, anyone who gets on a plane, if something happens to us. - Wait, I'm sorry, I wasn't gonna go to that. - We asked for it, we're not supposed to be up there. - Why is he gonna go just flying? - Flying is crazy. - War, we're not supposed to be up there. - I can't, I was like, you never see what this is. - I am no sympathy for anyone who's ever died in a plane crash. - On a certain level, like, we keep going places we're not supposed to go. - I know, it does hurt me. - Why'd you go down there? - Oh, I mean, and okay, the unity that our country had for 20 seconds after that happened was really beautiful. - You're truly meeting God and doing one of these in his face? - You're jacking off in God's vision. - You get, truly, you get what you deserve down there. - Do you feel, do you feel unnatural every time you're in the sky? You're, 'cause you're a sky boy. - I don't think about it anymore. - Yeah. - But the first 100 times I flew, of course. - Yeah. - I'm grabbing the seat like this. - Yeah. - I'm getting arthritic knuckles. I'm grabbing that shit for your life. - I'm telling people, next to me that I love them. - Yeah, I'm saying so, I'm confessing my sins. - And I was, I was flying as like a fat teenager with no money. So I was flying most basic economy, middle seat. - Right. - And just business, business people, rolling their eyes and sighing. When I sidled up terrified. - Hey, if they're so business, get into business class, bitch. - I'm saying get a better job. - Sorry. - Sorry, 'cause I'm fat, I'm young and I'm scared. - And I'm in the middle. (laughing) - I'm taking a both arm rest and I might puke. - I'm falling asleep. I'm gonna drool. - Do you have a fucking question? - Do you have something you wanted to say to me? - I'm young fat and I'm gonna fall asleep. - Did you have something to sleep? - Did you have something you wanted to say to me? - Wake up. - I can feel your energy, man. - Say something to me. - Wake up and say something. - Wake up and say something to me. ♪ Say something I'm giving up on you ♪ - Oh God, yeah. - I don't, I, something happened. And maybe it's just frequency of flying, but something happened to me where I've been experiencing like real turbulence lately in my life. No, in this guy. And I will go, I just, it doesn't. Nothing happens to me. - Hora, Hora, am I suicidal? - No, well, okay, we'll talk about that, but the passive suicidal ideation is real, we'll talk. But I have to tell you, I was just telling these guys earlier. I did find a TikTok on my week old scroll the other day. - Yes. - That has like, I've decided it's gonna fundamentally inform the way I live my life. - Okay. - And I love when I find one of these, it's this guy walking down the street and he goes, I really can't something about it. He goes, man, the other I get, the more I realize, I'm joining whatever church is like, I love that. - 'Cause I love that, pastor. - Hello. - She really is like that. That is, I'm literally every day I'm getting closer and I feel like that's actually Nirvana. - That's so true. It's like you don't, I keep waiting for like wisdom to come to me and I don't think it's that. I think you fucking care less. - Yeah. - I think you just start to care a little bit. - You literally have to go. - Well, what am I gonna do? - Who knows? - I'm gonna worry. - Shit. - It's the same, every religion has some maxim for this. I'm choosing Pish. - You can't slow it down like I'm just Pish. - I'm just Pish. - I'm choosing that. But in Christianity, it's like God's ways are higher. - Yeah. - Everyone has some statement that's like, fuck it. - Yes. - Give it up to God. - Can't be worthy of that. - Lay it at God's feet. - I'm sure other religions have one too, but I'm not worried about that or knowing that. - So I'm just gonna stick with Christianity and the TikTok. - And Pish. - Yeah. - And Pish. - Pish. (laughs) - Tell me it's not real. - The church of Pish. - I mean, yeah, I think that's it. I'm learning that so much too. - Yeah. - Fuck it, literally fuck it. - Literally fuck it. - I know, it's very liberating. - How are you doing? - Not good. (laughs) - Are you not? - No, I'm fine. I am, I am, I was thinking about this this morning. I was trying to write it down. But I'm like, I'm waiting, okay, here's what I was thinking today. I'm waiting for some sort of wisdom to come to me, like I said. - Yeah. - I am realizing that my image of myself, my perception of myself, is based on the last thing I heard about myself. - Okay. - At 34. - Yeah. - It's based on like, you're a fat bitch. You're like, "Mom, I'm a fat bitch." (laughs) And it lasts for like hours until one of my friends is like, "You're a good friend." I'm like, "I'm a great friend." (laughs) I just beat the fat bitch all gations. I've moved into "Greyfriend." - You know what I'm saying? - Yep. And in that moment, I shed the weight. - Yeah, I shed the weight. - You know what I was talking to a friend about the other day? - It's so much more insane to say the, when it comes to weight loss. - The weight. - She lost the weight. - The weight. - Like the weight is so like, what? - It's the, that's like, that's boomer mom. - That's so funny. - That's so. - She lost all the weight. - She lost 100 pounds is different than she lost that weight. - She lost some weight. - You're gonna keep off the weight though? - It's the weight we all know about. It's the only weight I've ever thought of. - Capital W. - Capital W. Yeah, we've all carried it for you in many ways. - Capital T. - The weight is so funny. - It's just so hard. - We've all carried it for you by the way. I've been soldiering the weight of yours. - And it's, that transfers to other things as well. Like, if you're like, oh, she's, you know, she's, she's, she's out there fighting with her husband. - She's out there fighting with the husband. - Ooh, the, this is the. - The really changes things. - It does. This is, this is reading very Southern to me. - You know what I mean? - Yeah, she's out there with her husband. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she's, she's been, she's been having some of the drink. - The drink. Yes. The drink. - She's been smoking the pot. - She's been, she's on that stuff. - The stuff. - The stuff. The really transformed stuff. - It does because it may, like. - Makes it like a proper noun. - Yeah, it's like, it's making it singular. - Yeah. - In that you've never thought about it in any other context than this first. - There's no other way, there's no other husband. - I, I don't have a corporeal form. - No. - You have the, you have the problem. (laughing) - You just have diabetes. - She's got the diabetes. - Okay, the diabetes hits. - Yeah. - That's a courageous, that's a beatie. - She's got the beaties. - The Warren Beaties. - God, dude. I'm sorry, you were saying, you're waiting for wisdom now. - Oh yeah, I'm waiting for wisdom. It's not coming. I'm just generally, I'm, I'm going to have to either get much more medicated than I am. - Yeah. - Or just passively accept that it's, it's not good. (laughing) - You seem so good. - No, I know, well that's the thing is that I'm, I, I do feel like most people who are ill able to present and the only thing that brings me joy is this. - Yeah. - So it's like, I have no inner life. - It's okay. (laughing) - Sorry, everyone. - I have nothing, there's nothing going on up here. It's hellish up here. - Yeah. - But people are my favorite thing in the world. - Yeah. - I really do love other people. - Yeah. - And so what brings me any amount of joy is bringing joy to others and having joy brought to me by happens. - Yeah, just being in joy. - Yes, but in, but I go home and I'm like, (laughing) - Turn on. - Turn on. - Yes, 100%. I'm trying to figure it out. I was, I've been thinking a lot about how I would like to, you know how people are like, you know, I'm fine on the outside, but on the inside, I'm losing it. - Yeah. - I'm a shit that someone, like someone you went to high school with post on Facebook at 3am. - Yes. - Yeah, exactly. - They'll post it. - It's like a black and blue, huge print of like a werewolf tearing through a- - A bit, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm like a moon and it's like you have no idea what's inside of me. - It's, it's a little duck and it's like, you know, it's feet are working really hard. (laughing) I'm calm up top, but at the bottom of me just- - Is that you or you, the duck? - I'm the little duck whose feet are working too hard in the feet of my brain. And I feed her brain. But I've been thinking so much about how much I'd like to reverse that. - Yeah. - Like I would love to be totally at peace on the inside, but losing my fucking mind. - That's Lisa Trigger. (laughing) - You just described Lisa Trigger. - She has so much inner peace. - She's spouting off at truly, what did she tell me? She goes, I was catching up with her the other day. She go into my house and she goes, she goes, yeah, I'm sorry, I'm a little crazy. I went off on a man at the Delta Lounge. - She'd just like come from the airport the other day. - Well, less impression by the way, that's exactly- I'm sorry, I just went off on a man. - Looking in every direction. - I went off on a man at the Delta Lounge. And I go, what do you do? She goes, well, he did nothing wrong, but in the moment. (laughing) - I live for her. She, you're absolutely right though, she has such, I remember posting, I was like having problems with drinking a little. And my problems with drinking, of course. - I have to have my famous problem. - Well, you know, she's got that drinking habit. - She loves the drink. - She's in for the drink. She's in for a banyan, for a pound on the drink. - Baby. - But I posted something to my close friends, and it was like just after I'd gotten kind of close with these, I just added her to the list. And I'd spent time with her. And I like posted something about being like, really in my feelings, obviously, being like, how is everyone dealing with it? as how is everyone dealing with addiction in my life that I love, because I know we're all kind of struggling. She sent the most thoughtful, like two paragraph response being like, you have to stop beating yourself up about it. That's the first thing you have to do. It stopped experiencing so much shame about it, and then you see her online and she's like, "Wow, I punched a man!" (all laughing) - She was going off on a comedy club the other day online. - But in the blue room, screwed her. - And they did, and when she was doing it, she was like, "I'm the worst person to try and do this too." And I'm like the self-awareness of, "You are." - I'm gonna yap. - Yeah. - I'm gonna yap about it. - God, I love her. - You have a, I'm sorry, little meta to talk about your pod inside your pod. But what did she say? You were like, "What do you know about yourself?" And she was like, "I'm conspiratorial." (all laughing) - Oh, it's one of my favorite moments of the podcast that I just completely unprompted. I was like, "Lisa, what do you think your red flags are?" Without missing a beat, she goes, "Uh, I'm conspiratorial. I fly off the handle. I'm confrontational." Like, she really just listen. And every one of them, I was like, "Yeah, yeah." And I would love you to death. - She's one of, she's one of probably four close friends that genuinely listens to every episode of this show. - It's so sweet. - And this will bring her so much joy. - Oh my God, we love you, leave that. This is my favorite people on the planet. - Her, Katie Crutchfield, Doyle, I think our friend Doyle. And one or two other people that I'm sure I'm forgetting that text me like weekly being like, "Oh my God, this week's episode when they said this." Like they're really listening. - You've got, you have cultivated. - You've got friends. - I have, I have stolen, I have stolen from the universe and kept too many riches when it comes to friends. (laughs) - He's sitting on a big table. - I've gotten so lucky. I've gotten so lucky with people. This is like the biggest gift of my life, yeah. - No, you cultivated, it's not luck. It's like you care about people. - Not really. - I'm bad to these people. - You should see the way I am to chance behind the scenes. - I have a feeling that you're really cruel. Is that right? (laughs) - I'm, I'm contractually obligated by a legitimate business empire LLC to say nothing. - Yeah. - You can't see it, he's off Mike. His hands are tied behind his back. (laughs) - Well, he works better that way. He focuses up. - If you have, if you can't use your faculties like that. - Yeah. - Your brain's working at extra time. - It strengthens your brain. - That's right. - That's like when you're blind and you can smell real. - Sometimes I blindfold him. Sometimes I put a big cartoon clip on his nose. I take away other senses so that he can. - It's really lock it. - Podcast produce. We call it play time. - Oh my God, your enrichment, enrichment in your closure. - Don't give him too much attention. - Oh, I'm sorry, he loves it too much. He's filing a lot. - He starts to crush out. - My sweet fully offline husband the other day. - Yeah. - We're moving. I will say this, one thing keeping me in LA a little bit. We just found a truly glorious apartment in Los Angeles. - Oh, I love that. - What's the address? - So good. I love asking people for their address. - Oh, I really, I was trying to go with the bit. I said it. (laughing) - Obviously, Chance is making a note of that, we'll be. - Chance, entire hands are making a note of that. - No, but it's so beautiful. But he's terminally offline. Like his never, I remember we were in college. He had a girlfriend that made him a Facebook profile in like 2009. And the moment they broke up, he was like, I'm gonna delete it, I don't care. But it just cares not at all to be on it. - You can. - And you know what? He was a photo about it and I brag about it, he's never set a fucking word. He goes, yeah. - Yeah. - Roll, roll, roll, hate you. - I need him. - He's the love of my family. - I need him, man, who's never seen a screen. - He doesn't even know. - Yeah. - He's never seen a television show. - Yeah. - He's, I don't let him watch movies. - Yeah. - I love that. - But he the other day, he had been like traveling from one place to the other, finishing packing, whatever. And he's like, yeah, I got really tired and I just, I went home and I just crashed out. And I was like, that's not what that means. (laughing) I was like, he pitched a fit, like you had like a meltdown and he was like, no, I went to sleep. - Oh, I love him. - I was so cute. I didn't even tell him. I didn't even tell him he's gonna hear this for the first time. (laughing) I just went home and crashed. I pictured him being like, fuck this! - Fuck. - Throwing tables and shit. - I hate moving. - God, I love him. He's so real. - He's the realest man I know. - I went home and just totally crashed out. - He just honks you, me, me, me, me. - He's got a little candle on a plate. - That's a little, little hat. (laughing) - I did a really long night gown. Are you happy internally? - Yeah, no. - Yeah, I am. - I feel your peace. - I am, but I've talked about this a little bit on here recently. The struggle, I think, is trying to disabuse ourselves. I think a lot of us have this idea that there are happy people and then there are unhappy people. - That's so, yes. - That happy is a type of person. - It's not a binary thing. - That is not real. Happy is not a type of person. Happy is a feeling that you can experience. And if you set your life up, if you're lucky, and you set your life up in a good way and you really pursue it, you can experience the feeling of happiness more often. - Yes. - And if the ratio is good, you will think of yourself as a happy person and that's great. But that happy people are not real. I am a person and I try to experience happiness as much as I can. And I do experience a lot of happiness, but I also experience frustration, burnout. - Depression, love. - Exhaustion, depression, anxiety. I experience the full range of human emotions, thank God. - Which is great. - Which is great. - The point of being alive. - Yeah. And I think part of experiencing happiness at the most that you can is knowing how to deal with when you're frustrated, when you're tired, when you're exhausted, when you're depressed, and just going, yeah, that's okay. Today I'm depressed, or today I'm being moody, or today I'm not the most fun to be around, or today I'm quiet. And you just go, okay, I'll let that go on for an hour, we're all let that go on for a day, and tomorrow will be better. - Also sleeping. - Yes. - Yeah, you have to treat the bad stuff just like the good stuff. It won't be here forever, and that's okay. - Can you come talk me to sleep? - Yes. - Yes, I will. And it's going to be so bad for you. - It's going to be terrible. - It's going to be bad for you. - I was going to say one thing, do you spend a lot of time alone? - I really like to be alone. And I cultivate alone time a lot. - What are you doing in this alone time? - I'm pretending to write. - Yeah. - Most of it. And then I'm just crashing out. - Yeah. - No, it's not so bad. I cultivate a lot of experiences by myself. I go to movies by myself. I go to dinner by myself. I go on extremely long walks every day of my life. - Yeah. - And I'm trying my best to adopt that mentality of just being like every motion you have is fleeting. I feel like I'm grasping that. But when I do experience true happiness and joy, it's impossible for me to think about it as anything other than like momentary in that I don't deserve it. I have a deep amount of shame. - Yes. - Not joy. - Okay. - I have Catholic, I don't know. - Do you think? - Really, why, why, why? - I don't know. I was thinking about it the other day. I have living parents who are in love together and love me very much. There is no reason for me to have the amount of just like in, like truly inherent guilt and shame that I have. But it is the the thrum of my entire existence is a low sense of really intense self-hatred. Sorry. - Don't be sorry. This is very interesting. Did you grow up Catholic? - Yeah. - I mean, that's not what I have to be. - Yeah. - I mean, it literally has to be. It literally has to be. - Yeah. - But it wasn't, I'll say it wasn't like, it definitely in the home that was not imparted on me. This was not like an insanely religious household in which everything, in which, you know, everything was a sin and everything you do is wrong. - Yeah. - School, I was barely paying attention to that. I wasn't even really taking that in. So I do wonder where it got really deep in there. But like I will harp on and just, I will harp on any mistake longer than I have any right to and really lash myself over it for a really long time. - And the feeling when you're happy is that you don't deserve it. - Yeah, immediately. - 'Cause I don't have that. But I'm trying to understand that as you're saying it, I have, when I'm happy that I can't hold on to it. - See. - And that makes me sad. - Yes. - And so there are often many times where I'm quite happy where I have to fight this creeping emotion of like, oh, this is gonna tomorrow's not gonna be like this. You have to wake up tomorrow and do things you don't wanna do. - Yes. - You're gonna be sad again next week. Like there's this voice when I'm happy that's like, you can't hold on to this, isn't that sad? You may as well ruin this as well. - Yes. - And I just push, I fight that and go, no, you're not real, you're fake at the fuck out of here. - Yes. - But I'm not deserving in this so interesting. - Well, I think so much of my like, I have tied a lot of my, this is like career, weird career stuff too. But I have tied a lot of my happiness to what I consider to be success. And so I'm like, which is very toxic and I'm unlearning that. I'm talking about it a lot in therapy these days. - Yeah. - But like, like big opportunities, things that I've really wanted. I go, yeah, it's a fluke. Like you do not deserve that. Like truly we'll talk myself out of being excited about it at every stage of the process. And then as it's happening and as I'm meeting the moment and doing what I came there to do and doing a good job, I'm like, there you go, but that's seven minutes long. It is, it's very, the place, and this is lame, but the place that I experienced the most true and lasting joys in my relationship, and he is the least neurotic person alive and gives me a real sense of like, you deserve to be okay. - Yeah. - But outside of that, honey? - I, that, yeah, that's-- - We don't want it tied to the man. - That's really good for you, though. - You could have a heart attack, you know what I mean? - He could, he could, but you have it now. (laughing) You have it now, and that's really nice. - It is, it is. - Thank God for that. - I know, but you're right that it's like, I have to understand it as pleading, but also very beautiful and important. That's all I need to do. now. That's a very important and also like with the career stuff, like, I don't know. Yeah, how are you out with that? I just don't, I don't think of it in terms of deserving. I don't think of it in terms of, I don't know, I just think like, I don't deserve the life I have. I feel very lucky for it. But I don't, I don't think, because deserve, to me, in my own estimation, deserving a very good life would imply that people deserve bad lives. Yes. Wow. Yes. The opposite has to be true. And I don't think that people deserve bad lives. Very good point. I think that some people, I would like to see some people that have done bad things, get some, unfortunately, there's a part of me that wants to see them punish, which is not productive. Oh, totally. If Pete Hex, I've got hit by a train today, I'd be like, okay. I look, I would say, what are we having for lunch? Like, I would move on pretty quickly from that news. But I think, yeah, I think just not trying not to think of it as deserving. And also like, I think I think about a lot that brings me great peace that used to bring me a lot of not peace is no, nobody, after enough time, nobody is going to remember what any of us does. Isn't that fabulous? Not about liberating. The most famous person on earth right now, and the least famous person on earth right now, and, and all the other descriptors, most rich, least rich, like everything you can think of about us with enough passage of time, this solar system is going to crash into another solar system and create an amount of energy that will destroy every living thing. And, and none of the only thing that will have mattered is that whether or not we had a nice time and were nice to each other and even kind of frankly not that, but I hold on to that one for fun. I don't get it. I'm hanging on my threads. I'm going to make me cry. It's time for the episode being, I tell my mentally ill friend that nothing matters. A reaction life. I don't know. Do you find it comforting or is that so? No, I love that. I love that. I mean, no, that really does bring me comfort. And the idea, I mean, okay, make your mark. It's huge. We're having a ton of fun. I do. I am able in the in the very moment to totally believe and understand that. Yes. I just, I know that brings me a ton of comfort. I just have to, I have to quiet my own mind and it in it, I suffer a lot from like racing thoughts. I suffer a lot from from whatever this like shame built in thing is, but you're right. You're so right. Like it won't, young people don't know who William Shatner is. And he's the most famous person you've ever lived. Yes. I thought you'd rather say he's president. He's president. No, but you know what I do think of? It brings me peace sometimes too in career to think of like, okay, so we're in a culture. We're in a subculture of comics and famous people and actors and whatever. We're a part of that scene. Yeah. And sometimes when I think about like, the kings of little fiefdoms near where I grew up, like the guy who's like, he's like chair of the school board in every restaurant he walks into. Big dick swing everywhere. And I laugh because I'm like, this doesn't matter. And every person buying into this is so fucking silly. And then I look at myself and go, same to you, my friends. You are not better than that. You're walking into the Apple bees with your hog out. You are acting. You are acting like the school board president in Lynn County, Missouri. And anyone who's allowing you to act like that is just as foolish. It's not different. It's so true. We get the fajita platter and everybody knows it. Yeah. It's like the like status and the like pursuit. And I try so hard not to be in pursuit of influencer status. But like, I think a good thing to think about is like, if you can look at another group of people who are so tied up in their own little power structure and then look at whatever yours is, whether it's your office job or your group of friends or your theater group or whatever, and just go, I'm as silly as them. Knock it off. 100%. I'm as much a goose as any part. One of my friends said to me one time, my friend Katie was like, there is nothing, there is nothing more dangerous than like perceived power in like a small environment. You know, like it really will drive you absolutely bonkers. And I think about the different stages of my life and who I ascribed that to, like you're saying, the school board great. It's like who I who I gave that status to. All of them hilarious. All absolutely all of them hilarious. The dude that I wanted to like me, the people at my school that I thought were more important or more popular. Like every step of your life, you have someone who is remarkably dumb and silly that you're like, that's it. And you look back and go, why did I give them any power at all? Yeah. I participated in their legitimacy. Why? I sucked him off. Yeah, I sucked that guy off. I sucked off William Shatner. And how the kids don't know who he is. That's title, which which member of the Hollywood elite did I suck? There you go. There's the episode title. And we'll include the stammering. You have to I lost it. I lost the thread. Which here's a title. And the number of times on podcasts that I hit my brain goes, you've got something. And then I open my mouth to say it and I just end up going, oh, and another thing. Or I'll be in the middle of the sentence and go, you don't have an ending. You don't have an ending to what you're saying. Wrap it up. This is my end. Getting light. I'm doing it the time while gliding myself. Wrap it up. He thought, yeah, I thought I was about to eat for dinner. I thought I was about to eat for dinner. You're supposed to serve me dinner. I'm hungry. I'm about to eat for dinner. Dude. And one more thing. Yeah. Yeah, give it to me. Dude, I have to tell you something horrible. What happened? I've been trying to eat better breakfast. Oh, what's going on with your breakfast? I'm a breakfast gal. I either skip it or I eat something horrendous. I either skip it or I'm like, I'm like, well, you've got the whole day to like for your body to work through this. So I'll eat like just something crazy, like something. So I'll have like a donut and like snack and bacon from Duncan. That sounds really good. It's really good because they like sprinkle sugar and crack cocaine on it. Yeah, 100%. You wake up ready to go. Who needs a cup of coffee? And the other day, I tried this protein cereal. I was like, okay, so what you're going after is like, you'd like to be filled up. Yeah, you want to whatever that means? I don't know either. You want to be full. And so why don't you eat this protein cereal? And I got the, it looked like it was a cute branding. And it was like, oh, there's like, you know, however many grams, 40 grams of protein in a cup or something crazy like that. And I was like, oh my gosh, awesome. And it says, oh, it's cinnamon toast crunch flavor. And I was like, I love cinnamon toast crunch. I want to say they made it out of rap poison dog shit. It tasted so bad. Oh, no. And I can tell you, it was filling. I took, I took a, yeah, I'm full of dog shit. It was so hard to chew. That was like, this there, it's a battle of attrition. I'm just tired. They're wearing me down. Yeah. I don't need anything for months. I'm exhausted. I've had enough of this cereal end of being alive. I've just had enough. 40 grams of kill yours. Really? I was like, this is so bad. That's horrific. I know. And I really, when I bought, it was one of those moments when I bought it that I was like, you son of a bitch, you cracked the coat. Look at you. Look at you. Cinnamon toast crunch protein flavored cereal. What was on that box? Can I ask what it looks like? Because I get fooled by that shit a lot. It was like, it was the cereal, but they made the cereal look so appetizing and good. And it was, yeah, it was really cute. And it was like a matte box, like with a nice finish. Oh, they're doing such beautiful things with branding, of course. That's right. Yeah, 12 dollar boxes cereal. It wouldn't be expensive if it wasn't good. That's right. You know, I'm just so it's so funny that still at this point in my life, I can be in situations and think this time you figured it out. You nailed it. You found the thing that's going to fix everything. I was putting so much on the cereal. I was like, my days are about to like be I'm going to I'm going to write three hours a day every day because of the cereal. Well, it's it's important to be excited as we've discussed. Yeah, delusional delusional delusional thinking. Breakfast is hard though. Breakfast is always hard. I hate it. I went out yesterday. I'm staying in a friends place in Prospect Park. And I was like, I'm about to have me in New York City day. And I was like, I'm gonna go I'm gonna get up. I'm gonna go for a walk. I'm gonna sit in the park and write. I brought all my little things. My backpack weighed a thousand pounds. I was really moving and grooving. I can't write outside. It's such a lie that I don't myself hilarious. I didn't write a word. I haven't written in five years. But but I get up. And I'm like, I'm going to hit this little breakfast spot. And I see it's very cute. It was very reviews were so adorable. It's like a soul food cafe. I was like amazing. They have so many great things on the menu. Like really healthy ways to start your day. Soul food cafe by Prospect Park. Glorious. Was it glorious or glit? Glorious. Okay. That's not what I think of. There's just soul food restaurant over there that I love that I will not say the name of on here. Okay. Okay. Because it's doing quite well and I'd like to get keep it. Got it. I want to know. Maybe I got the name wrong. It might be the same one. But I sit down and I'm like, look at all this. I'm like. Oh my god. That place is amazing. Make sure you can't hear that in the recording. Oh, but glorious. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, was it Timmy's Tutantown? I'm like, that was it. That's my favorite soul food restaurant. It was so delicious. Yes. And they're so lovely in there. They're so nice. Yeah. Well, I was sitting. I was really moved. I was sitting across from a woman who's maybe in her early 60s. And she's she had one of those things. She didn't have reading glasses, but she had one of those little magnifying glasses that you put over a thing to read it. And I just saw her and she is just beaming just ear to ear, looking around, smiling. The waiter comes up to her kind of could have could have taken her reliever, like, you know, not particularly interested in what this woman is going on. And she goes, all of my friends have been telling me to come here and I'm just so excited. And I like, I was fucked up over that. I was fucked up and she kept making eye contact with me and I would just go. I think we're just smiling. - I love her. - She was a doll. She was precious, and then she got her food, and she's just, hmm, hmm, I think it's so bad. - Dude, it makes you feel bad, right? - I felt like an asshole. - It makes you feel bad. There's a viral video that I think I saw on Instagram or something, this girl is like recording, I think her, her mom or aunt, and they're in like a hotel room in Cleveland, and she's like on the phone with her, the mom or aunt or maybe grandma. This older woman is on the phone with her friend, and she's like, she's looking out the window, and she's like, girl, we're in downtown. And they got restaurants down here, and it's so beautiful. I love it here. I bet you wish you'd come now. Like, she's so excited to be in Cleveland. - Cleveland. - And I'm like. - DT Cleveland. - And I'm like, I deserve nothing. - Nothing, I'm a fool. - I deserve nothing if I can't be like that. - I'm a bitch of a woman. (laughing) - I get make myself happy doing objectively some of the coolest things on Earth. - Fuck you. - It's crazy to behold. - It is, it's wild. - It's really crazy. - But she was just so, so happy, and I kept looking at her, and I was looking at all these things on the menu, and I was like, I'm going whole hog big breakfast. - Yes, dude. - There was a lovely looking salad. There were plenty of lovely options, and I ate like four massive sausages. - Oh my God. - And then I went home and I went to sleep. - You know what? I'm gonna tell you a story about this place. - Okay. - And I'm gonna say the name of the place, it's Cheryl's Global Soul. Don't cut it. I'm not gonna keep it. - It's so, oh, look at you. - Who knows, maybe I need the business. I don't, I think they're doing quite well, but I love that place so much. I had one of the most magical nights here. This was in maybe December, or it was winter in New York last year. And I had gone with some people, I had gone with a guy I was dating at the time, and his sister, and we had met up with his sister at first Fridays at the Brooklyn Museum. The Brooklyn Museum loves, I talk about first Fridays. - Oh, love that. - Last time I talked about the Brooklyn Museum on here, they clipped the moment from the podcast themselves and put it on the Instagram. - That's really fucking sweet. - Shout out to the Brooklyn Museum. I love them. - I was next to it yesterday and I almost went in, but I went to the Botanical Garden instead. I need to hit the, on a, on a weather day, I need to go there. - You must go. I love the Brooklyn Museum, it's so fabulous. But first Fridays there are first Saturdays. It's not first Fridays. I always mix this up. Chance tell me, 'cause I wanna get it right. I don't care, whatever. It's fun. - It's better phonetically first Fridays. - They don't, I think it's first Saturdays at the Brooklyn Museum. I go whenever it's on and they're off season anyway. They're not doing it until next year. - Not the American. - But I went, it's so many hot, cool people and they've got some of the exhibits open in DJs and live music and food vendors and it's so fun. And then we walked to Cheryl's Global Soul. We sat down and we started ordering food. It's like really cold out and it's like, they've got heaters on in there. It's so warm and cozy and cute. And it's like full, it's full. And it's, everyone in there is having a good time and they're playing like great music. And then the playlist was crazy. - The playlist is crazy. It's so good. And the food is coming and it's amazing and we're having so much fun. We keep ordering stuff, drinks and stuff. And then what I believe is the owner. I haven't gotten to have a long conversation with her yet. We've like exchanged a couple of halo harmonios. And she stands up, she's there at the restaurant. She stands up and the staff starts bringing shots around to everyone in the restaurant. And she holds up a shot class and she goes, everybody, can I get your attention please? - Oh my god. - Raise your glasses. And then every, the whole restaurant does a shot. I'm gonna cry. And the live is actually really special. (laughing) - As it turns out. - Wait. - Being alive is one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me. - It's a gift. - Yeah, and I won't be taking it for granted ever. - And I'm gonna be present in the present 'cause it's my birthday. - Until later today. (laughing) - When somebody might early in the convenience of me. - What a guy bumps into me on the tree. - Yeah. - Until then, it's a joy to be here. - God, life is beautiful. - Oh my god, what a fucking darling woman that is. The playlist was going crazy. I walk in like a fool, like a person who's just inside my own head with my headphones and then I'm like, no, I want it. - Get out of there. - Get out of there. - The food was so good. - Get out of there. - Get out of there. - Get in to you. - Get into this. - Yeah. - Take a shot with the staff. - Oh my god. - I had this beautiful waiter I've ever seen and we made a lot of eye contact too. He would like set things down and be like. Scorches. - Oh my god. - I know, I don't know what's going on. - I need that to happen to me soon. (laughing) - Well, let's go there. - Oh really, I was at the MJ Linderman concert last night. - I don't know who that is. - As I, you don't know. Oh my god, MJ Linderman incredible. - So old. - Put out one of my favorite albums of last year. If not, maybe my favorite. - Oh my god, I need to see it. - It's really, really good. He's great and any him and any DeRusso played at Kings River last night. - Oh, big Annie fan, of course. - Come on, man. - Oh, I mean, I should have come. - I'm not designed for me. I know if I should have thought of it. - Okay. - But I went and I really hot guy came out. I came up to introduce himself as a fan, clearly straight. And I was so, he was like looking at me in a way. You know, sometimes when someone's a fan of you, they look at you in a way that's like, you're looking at me in a way that's like, I just so you know, I wanna fuck you. (laughing) - Yes. - You're looking at me like you listen to things I've said. - You wanna eat my heart. (laughing) - Like this just like sweet, earnest, straight guy. Looking in my eyes, being like, brother, you're so funny. - Bro. - I'm like, you know, I'm like, do you should we kiss? - Let's kiss, let's kiss, please. - And I was like, God, I need to be looked at like that a lot. - It is, it's, that's romantic love. - That's romantic love. - I'm like, I've heard your thoughts. - Yeah. - And I've seen you. - That's what it is. - And I really respect you. That's romantic love. - And it's a different, sometimes those interactions are not like that at all. They're like, you're the famous guy from the internet. - I'm very sorry. - I'm like, very gross, yeah, fuck off. - But being like, being, but you can tell. - What do you say? - He's in the eyes. He was like, he was like, I love your stuff. You're so funny. Your special was incredible. Thank you for putting it out. And like, the stuff about your dad. And I was like, I'm horny. - I'm horny. - Straight up. I have a semi. - I'm bricked. - I am semi bricked. - I'm bricked into a balloon. - And he's old Navy jeans. - I'm bricked in my old Navy jeans. Thank you for saving me. - I have a semi in my O and J's. (both laughing) - And we need to do something. - Let's go. - Let's get out of here. I don't even like this band. - Dude. - Let's go. - A guy messaged me on Grindr last night. Cute guy and he was like, he was like, what's up? And I was like, I just got home from the concert. And I was like, watching Gilmore Girls, Laura and Roy are in another fucking situation. As always, what's up with you? He didn't respond. I'm like, you know, what do you know? - Kind of the funniest thing anyone's ever said and you're not giving me. - He hadn't seen the show. Roy and Laura are always in a situation. - They're at each other's, well, they're either at each other's threats or moms acting. - Well, and sometimes you can't even tell who the damn parent is and who's the kid. - Oh, she, I was watching him with Carson recently. He was like, I fucking hate Laura. - What? - He was like, she is so irresponsible. - He's an interesting boy. (both laughing) - Okay, not making you hate him now. - No. - He was like, no, he was like, he was just, I can't remember what the scenario was. It reminds me so much of my favorite thing he's ever said in my life was we were watching, a million three watch of Sex and the City. And I left to go to the bathroom and I was like, keep it going, you're enjoying this episode. I know it very well. - Yeah. - And I heard him from the other room go, oh, and I was like, what happened? And he goes, carry's making it all about her again. (both laughing) - Really part of the chorus. - I mean, does she is, does she is? - And she does. - And she makes it all about her. - She does, she can hardly, hardly help herself. - I mean, well, I just, I rewatched the episode recently where she was, did Charlotte get pregnant or something massive happened to Charlotte. No, she got engaged, she got engaged to Harry. And she had just gotten broken up with my burger on a post-it. - Yeah. - And they're at brunch and she gives her two seconds of air time before she goes post-it. I mean, she doesn't let her have her own engagement at all. I'm like, this picture would be out of my life in two seconds. - Yeah. - She's crazy. Or what is so true to you? - Okay. This is a big one for me. Just thinking about it in the car. I was 15 minutes late to the record. - I was 12 minutes late. (both laughing) - I'm working. Killa goes, well, well, well. And he goes, I just got here two minutes ago. - Yeah, I do fully just walked in. - Okay, so true to me right now, is that if they are coming, if our government is coming for free speech. - Yes. - And it seems that they are. Just totally hypothetical. - America as a country does not make any fucking sense without free speech. - Yeah. - Like, it's too weird a place to not be able. It's like if you had a friend and they were like, "Hey, I'm gonna take you to the circus." And we're gonna go to the freak show. And you're gonna see the guy that swallows fire and knives. And you're gonna see a lady with seven tits and you're gonna see. - And you have to watch that and you can't go. - Whoa. - I can't say anything about it exactly. - Exactly. - Like, say, no, for sure, he's like just one thing. You can't like comment on it. - But don't react. - You can't comment on it. - Or you'll go to jail. - And he'll be like, "Hey, you just can't say shit about it." - Yeah. - But that's the point of the freak. I have to talk about the frees. - No. - That's what you think. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm gonna die with mounds of medical debt and I can't say a peep fuck on it. - You're really right about this. You're really, really right about this. Thank you. It doesn't make any's at least in North Korea people are behaving. Yeah, we're too weird How are you supposed to square like rural Louisiana with Chicago and no one's allowed to talk about What's going on those two places existing in space and time and I have to shut my little gawd about it? People are also not people are not reacting big enough to me to like we're taking so much we're granted right now in terms of like Caroline Levitt that dumb bitch show is such a loser is going on the news and she literally on was on the news like last night or this morning being like The Democrats main constituents are Hamas terrorists and it's like what is that is a fucking crazy thing to say about most of the country? Oh my god, cuz they act like they're most of the country They're not they're not the majority the mega is not most of the country people who don't agree with them are most of the people in the country And the election is not the election is not indicative of that most of the country doesn't vote Most of the country is not like you and to say most of the country is Hamas terrorists is fucking bananas batshit insane and we're just going Oh, well, that's politics. She said another crazy fucking thing. It's not that's not politics Well, and at this moment it's so it at this exact time It's so hard to grab hold of the latest like fucking insane thing that someone said. Yeah, but it's like we should be talking about that to the ends of the earth We should be commenting on that for this like you're so fucking wrong. Yeah, yeah a lot of people The vast majority of people do not agree with you and it is like remarkably not true and we just let it go It just becomes the next thing that they've said. I will be worried about something tomorrow It really is driving me insane. I feel crazy. I feel really insane. I feel crazy every day and the thing is most of us do I know But what can we do because we have this stupid and they're they're fucking redistricting everything they're about to get the voting rights act I know he's god forbid fucking people who aren't white Anything any kind of say in the government. They are gutting the voting rights act and they are going to have like mega control forever They think I'm really hopeful what what are you thinking about that? What would be awesome is if they didn't get the voting rights act You know what we say? We'll be sick because if they left that But we'll be really awesome as if they did and then a bunch of fucking people voted against them Yeah, yeah Do I know that do I think that'll happen? I don't know But I know that the way they're trying to run this government is not going to work for working people exactly because Trump is doing fucking crypto schemes He's manipulating the economy to drive up crypto prices and when it doesn't work for working people no matter what their majority is They're going to either have to do legitimate Insurrection act martial law and overthrow all of the people yeah, or they're going to lose crazy style Yeah, they are going to lose crazy stuff I have I have a little bit of hope in the latter. I really I really have a lot of fear in the form I Have a lot of fear that if it starts to seem like a fucking Joe plumber in They're like oh, then fuck elections. I'll shoot him in the head. Yeah We're gonna go to his house. Yeah, well that looks like Antifa boys Pepper spray that Joe Smith is a homoster Yeah, and so is his wife. Yeah, you're right wing uncle. Who's an electrician in Texas? Really bad news guys. He's al-Qaeda. He's a We just found out Caroline Levitt just found out he's al-Qaeda. Oh my god and Cheryl's ice is so shit So we're sending a horse ending some shlubby 32-year-old dimwits who couldn't find a fucking respectable job in ice uniforms to disappear him They are cracking me up and I know they are so Inept and it is it is scary in every way But you throw a little Benny Hill soundtrack onto these fuckers trying to chase one guy on a bike On the left and order that they're so fucking ugly. It's awesome You almost have to be jealous of these ice agents because something really cool happened for them here are Unfuckable unemployable unintelligent ugly ass losers right and now they get a job that pays them well for nothing Mm-hmm they get to be assholes the people that are cooler than them and they get to wear a mask Oh my god, they get to cover their ugly face to go viral in a mask crazy Crazy work like they literally found a dream scenario. It's true. It is. It's the life I mean it did with it fucking useless pieces of shit. I was 75% less smart, you know Oh my god. Yeah, if I swear to God if you put half these ice agents in front of the children's game Where you try to put the square in the square hole? They'd be fucking rambling it at the triangle These guys he pissed his pants you all can see if their face is their eyes and it's just giving Lenny You just see You just see a couple of Lenny peepers Staring back at you vacantly It's crazy nothing in there. There's nothing in there. We're gonna get that plotter land brother It's crazy There's just not a light in the house on with these fucking guys And they're showing up in unmarked fucking Toyota Sienna. Oh, yeah stepping off a dirt bike Coming into your oh and we're saying it's supposed to be like respect our law enforcement. I don't have that's a guy Hey, that's some dude. That's just some guy. That's some dude. He got $70,000 to put that mask on He's some fucking guy you actually have to let him kidnap the Guatemalan line cook who lives next door and bothers nobody It is the nicest man you've ever met. There was oh my god I saw a video yesterday of this woman going the fuck off it was in New York on this man And you're like there's a million things you can say to this people they deserve every every type of lashing out You could possibly imagine she goes your fucking wife is stepping out on you you little fucking bitch It wasn't like Europe, you know, you're abusing my right. It's you're not respecting the Constitution It was your wife's cheating on you and you're gonna take a small you fuck it was so sad as I live Absolutely, there's been videos of protesters clowning the Like outfits of the ice agents, and you can just see that it's really getting to these guys Oh, they're they're they really are starting to feel it. I love it. They're starting to see themselves reflected in these people a little bit I mean it they have to I really obviously don't want them to come to New York in the way they're talking about doing next year Of course, I've just been thinking so much about the number of problems we have in this country that are so legitimate and need Actual answers and solutions and that all of course Being upset about undocumented immigrants right now is like if you were sitting on the street and a man Pulled up in like a gold rolls Royce and got out in like a two million dollars suit Mm-hmm, it came over and said open up. I'm gonna take a shit in your mouth Mm-hmm, and then while he was shitting in your mouth. There was a guy playing harmonica a little loudly Like 10 feet over and you were like we got to kill the harmonica guy. The harmonica guy is driving me fucking insane You're there's shit in your mouth. The harmonica guy is the reason that I taste so much shit. Yeah, meanwhile everyone's loving the harmonica Yeah, everyone's having a good round enjoying it to play it. Yeah, he's a great community member We're having fun. He's like a beloved member of the community good dad All the birthday parties. Yes. He's a He doesn't ask for anything in return. Yeah, and I but there's poop in my mouth But there's poop in my mouth and I want to kill that harmonic a guy. We're I have a segment for you You know what's about to happen. What oh? Yeah, oh I forgot I've I've historically performed well on these and I'm nervous now that I'm gonna I'm gonna read you 15 statements. Okay, you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true false Okay, you get ten or more correct. We're gonna give you 50 us dollars. You ready? Yes a sneeze can travel up to speeds of a hundred miles per hour sure Yes No, no Yeah, yeah person I do a guy and a person of a guy who's deciding that the answer is yes while he's saying it he goes Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, yes. You think true or false True it's true Dracon Josh had more episodes than Kenan and Kel hmm true false fuck yawning is contagious True true wicked debuted on Broadway on 2003 on 2003 that's how it's written okay True true the Tennessee volunteers football team played their first season in 1910 True false fuck 1891 the smallest bone in the human body is in the nose False false, it's the ear Johnny Apple seat is a fictional character false false. He was a real man Dollywood's official slogan is love every moment true true. Welcome to the jungle was written by motley crew True false guns and roses shit bats aren't actually blind false true Ryan Rhymes has really 17 studio albums true true the great wall of China is visible from space true false Albert Einstein failed his fourth grade math class true false father Ryan high school's yearbook is called the Clover All false it's Irish pride a Blue Wells tongue can weigh as much as an adult elephant true true. How'd she do another nine what We've had a run-of-nines Get it this and I have $25 you you since you came on last is it said what do we pay you last time you came on? You know, I did it and you didn't pay me. Wow. We pay people now regardless. Oh really. Yeah, I get that 50 you get more than that Are you getting me? You know, we made some changes. This is the best day of my life. We took a look at the books Things are going well. We took a look at the books and we said hey, we've been actually accidently doing some crimes We owe people some money I did a grand larceny. - We did grand larceny on accident for legal reasons, kidding. - That's really fabulous. - Yeah. - It changed my whole week. - Really? - Yeah, it is, yeah. - That was kind of sad to hear. (laughing) - Yo girl, that's a little bit sad. - I hated that. - I hated that. I hated that. - Worried about you. (laughing) - Oh, sweetie, no. - Oh, that's a big bummer. - Oh, fuck, getting rid of you. - Whoa, no, we love you so much, Laura. Thank you so much for doing this. - I love you, thank you for having me. - Please tell people where they can find you. - Oh, find me on Instagram at Laura Peak Live, P-E-E-K-L-A-U-R-A, did it backwards. And then Laurapeacomity.com, I got a bunch of dates coming up. I'm gonna be all over the country. - Oh yeah, you said, you said find me at Laura Peak Live, P-E-L-A-U-X-U-R-N-L-I-V-E at the end. The most complicated. - That's me. (laughing) - Go see where we're on to, one of the best. - I love to laugh. - One of the best to do it. Simply one of our greatest living standards. - I love you, thank you very much. - Thanks for doing it. - Thank you so much. - That was a HitGum podcast.