"Laura Dern"

uh hey gang jason bateman here uh doing a cold open for smartless i'm all by myself i don't have the other two guys so this is the horrifying look into what this podcast would be without sean hayes and will arnett just me talking gaps no fun no humor nothing interesting welcome to smartless smart smart smart all right so listener we've got uh will beaming in from uh bozeman montana we've got uh sean p hayes there in uh downtown hollywood oh there it is scotty is applying chapstick onto sean's lips because that's the role they like to play wow that just happened yeah well jason threat jason threatened that he don't do it and i made him do it that was uh does does scotty ever call from the restroom i'm done sean no no no not in a while not really don't will don't you miss the days don't you miss the days of wiping the bums and changing the diaper and the whole like yeah shushing them and then what about doing that to your kids oh i do miss it and i just we just sort of uh especially now that uh my little guy is is five yeah he just seems like such a big boy now doing it a little bit yeah but he just seems like such a big boy now when is he six what's it when his birthday in may oh yeah yeah how about that yeah now sean you know we can cut this and this is getting too personal we can cut this in we can get this into the middle of another episode drop it in have you and scotty ever had a serious conversation about maybe adopting you know it's funny you said it i didn't uh yes but no like i it's unfortunate that now right now at this age is the time i'm like oh boy i i could really have a kid i think it'd be really fun to be a dad but unfortunately it's too it feels like it's too late because of the energy and that it requires and all that energy yes and so i feel like my brain that's what a staff is for sean it's so staffed up yeah couldn't you will like three night nurses four nannies yeah but then what but then i would feel bad about the kid because the kid wouldn't i i'd have to take it to disneyland i'd be too tired yeah but you'd be like uh like you know like the the old millionaire uh distant unavailable dad in the wheelchair barking orders yeah from the no but i mean you don't mean like my brain is there but like i i it's the my brain came too late i think you'd be great you know no matter what me too me too i know what would happen is it would happen and you would be absolutely upset sean in the best way yeah and 50 is the new 30 oh no what are you gonna do your headphones are plugged in you took your sweater off i know i can't unplug the fucking i took my sweater off over my headphones and this is the guy who tries to take his sweater off in the car when he's driving you know what jb i think it's better he didn't have a kid you know i just saw that i need a parent you imagine him trying to collapse a stroller oh my god by the way trying to get it nothing nothing tests your intellect more than trying to figure out how to collapse one of those or or by putting in a car seat and trying to try to strap in the the the the the seat belt thing behind it and into the and the the anchors i'm still in i'm still in the booster phase i'm out of the full car seat but i am still in the booster phase and it is i still do have sweaty moments i'm trying to find the thing the hook underneath and i'm like just one second one second and then i'm oh god you just know but they're but a lot of parents are really bad marketers at it because like the second the baby goes crazy and it's having a tantrum and it's in its arms they look over their shoulder and they mouth to you they go don't have kids right i know do you know what i mean and you're just like well now i don't want you because you just i just so witnessed that yeah but those are just the moments you know what was the line sean that used to always use you'd say like i'd have kids i'd rather regret not having them than have them and regret it later yeah it's a great line it's a great greeting card i mean it's just it's a great line it's just it's abstract but it's great warming yeah yeah i don't know wait listen you got ricky you know yeah by the way talk back he just barks every once in a while i saw jb la sean i haven't seen you in forever i know i haven't seen you in forever yeah i saw sweet willie last night oh where at this event some fancy dancy thing oh the governor's thing that's it and i said i didn't know that was last night that was last night and i said to um i actually said in my thing i said a few words at the start and i said um oh yeah i mentioned the podcast that i said and uh jason is actually here today and if you see him just go up and touch him hug him he loves strangers it's like a receiving line wait so did you know i was going to be there or were you just did you improvise that i just improvised that yeah just yeah just in the moment this guy's got skills he's not afraid of a microphone in the spotlight it was a crazy room and i wanted to make sure to be just kind of respectful and it was such a great night how was it was it long and and boring or kind of fun it was pretty short it was pretty good yeah so all right well there it is there it is tell you who's not short oh oh we got a tall guest and uh i will say that this she is an acclaimed actress producer and filmmaker known for versatility emotional intelligent performances across film and television born in la both her parents are acclaimed actors themselves she started acting at a young age she has been in some of my favorite movies of all time and i'm also love uh and and i've had the honor of being in a movie with her she we saw her in blue velvet wild at heart she rambled first academy war domination she wanted i was gonna say she's our friend laura turn oh my god i can't wait to drill you about just the torches of working with will arnett what is your least favorite part first of all first of all no no hang on before we get into her least favorite part because she has a lot of least favorite parts i will say laura i love i can see in the reflection of your window the fire the fire going i mean guys and it wasn't even planned this is gonna be the coziest episode ever it's so cozy but by the way has every single guest ever told you that the hardest acting job of their life is staying quiet while you're hysterical and all i want to talk about is sean and scotty as parents what that's my dream this is your time this is your turn go get him talk it into it laura give give give him a good pitch because you've got a great kid or two two great kids and she's such a great girl you guys know well tell sean how great he'd be and age is age is not a factor i don't know it's not a factor and i liked the citizen kane imagery i sort of like in the wheelchair of of sean rolling into parents as preschooler and they're yeah they're only going to be 10 years old before they have to wipe me i like the idea of you sean of you uh you scotty and your child eating at the at one end of a huge like 30 person table yeah right with a butler coming in finish your homework the three of you at dupars i'm just oh my god i'm so happy wait so for tracy who may not know i think she knows well will and laura star in the upcoming is this thing on sean hayes co-stars and show sean hayes and scotty and scott eisnogel as well that's correct we're both in it as well incredible in this movie he's great i will talk about sean and will as well but i have to start with scotty scotty yeah scotty has one of my favorite lines in the movie uh laura in that scene where all of us are in that scene and they say i want to raise a toast to uh you know somebody who's done a great thing and here's gotta go thank you all right exactly exactly oh my god where was that great apartment that was an awesome apartment oh my god that was dumbo right that was in dumbo that was yeah that was uh bradley and andrew day's apartment their characters yeah it was a great amazing it well they turned it into a great apartment yeah yeah um laura i just saw you in another great movie uh yesterday jay kelly jay kelly nice nice going oh i want to thank you i want to see this is what i'm she doesn't really waste her she doesn't waste her time in bad stuff guys no i know when's the last time you saw her in a bad project you can't you can't challenge you it doesn't exist okay if you want it to be a challenge so laura how do you pick projects is it is it script director is there an order or like what speaks to you as the as the role and you don't care about the other stuff or how do you pick i guess first i ask if any of you are in it sure and then if i'm lucky on the last one by the way three out of five you're in it you're in it you're in it you're in it you're in it three out of three because and it always interests me it's people that come up to me that know specific films that i'm in that they love have seen me over the years mention a few of the films they're grateful for and then also tell me how much they love me in ozark and i'm like is it because my name is laura you're confusing this is it just the laura connection but laura linney will also tell you this really you guys get stopped for each other yeah yeah really so i kind of so we've worked together as well the people make that brain fart and they're like i I loved you in Ozark with Justin Bateman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That covers all the bases. Yeah. Laura, you started, listen, we're going to get into choosing rules. Well, first of all, you can answer Sean's question. What is your criteria? Is there a process? I would say that I. You choose well. Thank you. I, one, have gotten very blessed to be chosen. So I don't know that, I think it's more about luck than the choosing. And if we are lucky and as our careers evolve, we maybe get to do some of the choosing. But when I was a kid and getting to watch my parents work with incredible filmmakers, I didn't know what was happening. I was just a six, seven-year-old kid on set. I fell in love with their relationship with filmmakers and what that felt like. And looked like to see people understand or have an instinct about my parent in a way that I felt I knew them intimately. Things that others didn't know about them. And I thought, man, this is such a crazy dynamic that there are these people that get them in a way they may not even have caught up to in themselves. So I sort of fell in love with that relationship before I even understood what acting was like. And so I always dreamt of getting to work with master filmmakers. Right. And, you know, I got lucky at a young age that extraordinary directors, you know, hired me. But did you, do you, do you remember filmmakers being around the house? Like filmmakers that we know, filmmakers, like do you remember them? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I remember when I was six, my summer vacation that became the year that I then went to my parents and said I wanted to start studying acting and became kind of obsessed with the idea of it. Which seems. It's not so absurd now, but I just knew, I guess, you know, there are things you know about that you loved. Yeah. But my mom was doing Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore with Martin Scorsese. And my dad was doing a film, Family Plot, with Alfred Hitchcock. And I went back and forth between those two sets. So for my sister who might not know, your dad is Bruce Dern and your mom is Diane Ladd, who I'm sorry, just recently passed. I'm so sorry about that. Yes. She was fantastic. Same. Thank you. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. It was an amazing thing. Just like watching these, you know, mind-blowing directors at work with them. And then, you know, yeah, as a kid, Hal Ashby was my dad's neighbor as well as a colleague and, you know, became such a hero director to me and a lot of directors. Did you do something in Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore? I was an extra. Yeah. I ate an ice cream cone. And, um. And I had to. I think they did, like, 16 takes or something. So I had to eat 16 ice cream cones. And Marty said to my mom. Sean, they're not still casting, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As Sean said, he's been paid for licking before. Oh, my God. I thought it was going to be a leader host. Sometimes for free. But he had sort of commented in front of me to my mom, like, Oh, my God, she just ate 16 ice cream cones and she didn't throw up. Like, that kid's going to be an actor. That's hilarious. Oh, someone commented to me. Do you have any recall at all about what kind of person Alfred Hitchcock was? Yeah. Guys, the craziest thing, I remember, you know, because there's all kinds of stories, you know, reputationally about him. But all I know is I was super little and a bit intimidated anyway whenever I went on set. I always thought I was in the way and kind of shy. And he had props. He would make a mini director's chair that he put next to him and let me sit there with him. No way. No way somebody took a picture of that. You know what? I have one photo with them on set, but not in the director's chair. Could you imagine? Which is crazy. Just sitting next to him. And I didn't know. All I knew was, you know, that it was this man who would, yeah, like, laugh hysterically at my dad. He thought my dad was so funny, and I just loved that because at the time, people would come up to me telling me what a bad guy my dad was because he'd killed John Wayne. And for your sister, my dad was, I think, the only person to successfully kill John Wayne in a movie. So he was not very well liked at the time, but loved for being a bad guy in Westerns. But also, as a kid, you're sort of intimidated by people talking about, like, oh, man, do I love to hate you? I was like, oh, okay. Enjoy your time at Disneyland. Sean Hayes is with his child. Right. The other one. Right. No, he was too tired to go. He has the man in the wheelchair. Yeah, exactly. Vroom, vroom. Did you ever feel any sort of, or did you start too early to feel any sort of intellectual pressure to work as consistently as your parents have? Like, those are real tall bars to try to match, jump over, live up to. I mean, you've made it. You've done it. This is such a question. This is such a question for you as well. And I will say one thing I so love every time I get to see Jason because of our shared friends is I find you and we find a corner and then we just go. Yeah, I love that. And we share growing up amidst family at young ages, working amidst other family members. Yeah, but I didn't have parents to work. Did you guys ever cross paths when you were young? Did you guys have Hollywood friends in common? I don't think so, no. No. No. Laura was, you know, the whole stratosphere. The whole stratosphere higher than I've ever reached. Don't you dare. Jason, don't you dare. No, the stratosphere to me was yours. But living up to what your parents were so immensely famous your entire life, were you even conscious that you were setting yourself up to like, how could I ever live up to that? Or that never got in your way, did it? No. I feel like I was so young that it was only later that any of that occurred to me or I probably never would. I would have done it. But before, for any kids out there that do struggle with that, like, thank God you didn't let it get in your way because it shouldn't. Because it is, you are a completely individual person, separate from your parents, you know, even though you may want to go into the same occupation as them, whether it's acting or not, like, it's completely natural that a kid would want to go down the same lane they've watched and admired because your parents are your first heroes. And so why wouldn't you want to go and do the same thing that they were doing? And it doesn't matter whether you end up doing the same accomplishments that they do. It's just, it's, I don't know. I just think, I think kids get a bad rap. In most professions we, yeah, in most professions we know only kind of revere legacy families or going into the family business, your butcher, a doctor you go to. By the way. By the way, knowing your kids, they're just hilarious, brilliant people. And I'm just, can't wait for them to write and direct and act if they choose it because it's innate in them. And Will and I had an amazing experience because working on our movie, which I will get into and divulge all these beautiful things about Will. Sorry, guys, I'm going to be super reverent about Will. It's going to be a bummer for you both. We like him too. But we also got to work with Peyton Manning. And when Peyton and I had a scene together and somehow this subject of, quote, nepo babies came up. And he's like, yeah, I'm a nepo baby. And I thought, oh, right. No one ever talks about, you know, legacy, like the great NFL family of all time. They say like Peyton Manning shouldn't have done it. Eli Manning should have done something else. It's so crazy. And here's the other thing. If people didn't want it. If they didn't want it, whatever, then they wouldn't have opportunity. That's just the way that it works. We know how it works. It all boils down to commerce anyway, right? In any business. If the guy goes, if he's like, my dad was a doctor and I decided to become a doctor and he was a shit doctor, he wouldn't have any patients. Like that's just the way it goes. And it's the same in our business. So I do. But it's an easy target, as you see, because it's so public. So it's just, you know. Yeah, but like you said, if you don't have the goods, if you're a nepo baby and you don't have the goods, it doesn't work. Sean, I just realized that's what you and Scottie should have. You should have a nepo baby. Yes. Adopt a nepo baby. Name the baby Nepo. That would be amazing. That's a great, a great idea. Nepo Hayes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I take him to the pediatrics and he's like, Nepo, Nepo baby. Nepo baby Hayes. This is our son, Nepo. Nepo, I snuggle. And get him in a show right away. Get him into a show. Get him in a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His own show. A reality show. Finding Nepo. Sure. We'll be right back. And now, back to the show. Laura, what was the first job where you. Well, first of all, I do want to say, talking about the parent stuff, JB, I don't know if you know this, when you and your mom were the first time ever mother-daughter, child-parent, were nominated, both got Academy Award nominations for Rambling Rose, a film that I adore. Listen, you're incredible in that movie, Laura. And I'm going to embarrass you because I just love you so much. Wait, I didn't know that. Both of you got nominated the same year? Same movie, yeah. In the same movie? Yeah, wow. In the same category? No, separate categories. One was supporting, one was lead? Wow, that's wild. Isn't that incredible? Yeah, that was amazing. And did you go? Did you carpool? We went together with my grandma. It was so sweet. No way. It was amazing. How rad is that? It was crazy. It was crazy. It was so beautiful. So, so crazy. What was, Laura, what was the first thing that you did where you felt like, like the first role that you had that you did and you were like, I got it. Like, not I got it, but you felt really good. Like, you feel really connected to it. Like, the first sort of meaty thing that you're like, okay, like, this is really what I want to do and it feels good. And did you have one of those? Yeah. Maybe this movie, Smooth Talk. It was probably my first lead. And so I had no time to not find devotion. You know, like, it was, we made it for under $2 million. I was in every scene. It was a really radical film with myself and Treat Williams. There's a very deeply troubling and very complicated to shoot, half hour long, kind of coaxing, of this young girl toward a sexual assault based on a Joyce Carol Oates story. And, you know, radical amounts of dialogue and, you know, playing a character, and I was 15 when we made it, who's sort of discovering her sexuality a bit before. I knew so many aspects of self. I didn't know myself in that way so completely. And I had, yeah, I had to be so emotionally vulnerable and still somehow learn how to take care of myself. And, yeah, that was the first time I think I had to be a grown-up. And after the film was done or after that particularly hard day when you did a particularly hard scene, when did you feel like, wow, I just kind of slayed that dragon and I'm on the other side of it? I just went straight to, like, cynical, like, jaded, divorcee, 47-year-old smoker. I just was like, I've done, you know, now I get to just be a dame. No, not really. But when did you, did you, but did you feel that you were on the other side of it at the end of the movie or at the end of that day or once it came out and it got received? You know what? I think the coolest thing was I remember actually calling home and calling my mom after just a day of crying all day and thinking, maybe this isn't the most fun job. Maybe this isn't, like, I didn't understand all these feelings and where to put them. And I was blessed to have parents I could talk to about that and get some distance from things and learn how to, even though it's emotional and you can kind of crack open all these spaces, you don't have to, like, live in it. It can be healing and a job toward healing and not something that kind of rips you apart in some weird way. But you felt that you'd pulled it off, yeah, the tears were believable and all that. Yeah, yeah, I felt, I think I felt a little scared by it because it wasn't intentional. I wasn't trying to be a method actor. I was a kid who just had a day of crying all day and my body was, like, shaking and unhappy, like when you've cried all day. And so I think just the getting to the place where at the end of that day I learned kind of what was me and what was this other place, this play space of discovery. And I think the deepest joy, which happened around that time and also on Blue Velvet, which were, like, a year and a half apart. Yeah, that was great. Those were a couple years in my life where I discovered empathy as this, like, badass superpower. Yeah. That being vulnerable and being empathetic and being part of a, you know, a team of people where you're just going to kind of reveal yourself to each other and it's going to somehow be, hopefully, something that you're going to be able to do. And it's going to be safe and generous. And move an audience. It was, like, so radical and hardcore and baller. You know, I felt, yeah, I felt like a kid who just found a sport. It is weird. It is just, like, it's the craziest thing in the world to sit there and be so full of shit that you can make yourself cry. And probably make the person watching cry. And, like, everybody's on board that we're playing make-believe. The people that are doing it are in make-believe. And I'm pretending that it's real so much so that it's making me cry while I'm watching it. Like, everyone signs on to this, like, bizarro moment that we all go in this dark room together and sit next to these strangers, cry next to one another, and then go leave, get in our car and drive home and have what's for dinner. I know. Like, it's just, like, the coolest, weirdest thing. Yeah. But it's so, on a certain level, I can't believe it. You just, hearing you say it that way, JB, you realize it is all just about we all just want to connect and we all just want to, like, connect with each other and have these shared experiences because something about that, it inspires us. It makes us, we can relate to it. Life's really interesting. Yeah. People, you know, like, let's see these little pieces. And you go, well, you go and you, you know, at its greatest, when you go and you see something that kind of moves you in that way, having that emotional connection to that or having that shared experience, not even just with the people in the theater, but the people when you're watching it, I guess, and it's just occurring to me for the first time, maybe I'm just a slow learner, it does, there's something about it that, like, it sort of, it stirs something in us and makes us feel like we're in a place that sort of gives us perspective on our own experience and it sort of answers questions about our own experience and all that kind of stuff. I think it's illuminating to the human spirit, if you will. As bullshitty as that sounds, I really actually believe that now, today. I cried at Force Awakens. Yeah, I'll bet you did. Well, yeah. I'll bet you did. Did the projector break or something? No. I cried about everything. Were you sitting behind somebody with a hat or something? Did you spill your Bomblons? With no caps. They ran out of milk? But it is crazy that, you know, you can't fake truth. Like, you could fake a lot of things, and you guys all know as incredible actors and also as directors that there's this other thing that happens that we all feel together when we get to the truth of a thing, and it can't be faked. But, like, at the same time, we're all pretending that it isn't fake. Like, we know that it's fake, and we're all just saying, okay, let's all agree to focus so hard that we can convince ourselves and our tear ducts and everything that this is real. Like, I love that everybody just kind of silently signs on to that, and no one knows each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in those moments, it is real. That's kind of the flip of it. Well, that's the magic of movies. Yeah. We'll be right back. Oh, God, sorry. Shit, Sean's mic is working. God damn it. Hey, I was watching JB, weirdly enough, on Instagram. Cross, David Cross posted a clip from Arrested Development, and I was watching you. Oh, no, I saw him doing stand-up. No, and you were doing a scene from early on. You were doing a scene with David and Portia, and there was something about you. I was watching you do this scene, and they're both acting like imbeciles. And so you're in the middle between them. And I was so on the ride with you. You were such a great. You took me on this thing. And I know it inside and out, and yet I was still really tempted with you doing. And it's not you, Jay, but you were doing this thing. And it made me laugh, and it made me feel good, and I had a connection to it on a deeper level as well, but it made me love you. And I was just like, fuck, look at this guy. He's so good at doing this. I love that. Why do people say all those nasty things? Because of him. Well, yeah, if we believe it, then the audience will believe it. Laura, do you. You had a. Oh, shit. Sorry, I mentioned Sean. Sean's got a spaghetti meatball that's on the stove, and so he's got to get to his questions quick. No, I. Scotty, come in and give him some of this, Paul. By the way, I just said Chinese with. What did I have to drink? A glass of milk, because it was too spicy. Hang on, it's 4.30. What do you mean? No, it's 7.30. He's in New York. Oh, you are in New York. By the way, JB, I had a FaceTime. That was before the three of us had a FaceTime before our session here, Laura. And then before that, Sean and I talked like an hour ago about something and Sean goes, I got to go, I got to eat before we do the show. And he goes, and I go, oh yeah, okay, I'll let you go. And he goes, I'm having Chinese. Every day dinner's an event in his life. I love that. It was such a funny. I haven't had Chinese in so long. Laura, do you like Chinese food? I love it. I love it. Not as much as Nepo. Nepo talks a lot about how much he loves Chinese. He can't get enough of it. I'd like Chinese tonight. Hey, I promise this is the only Jurassic Park question I'll ask. But when we were on the set of- Is it real? No, is this thing on? When we were on the set, you told me the greatest story. Can you just tell it really fast? Because it's so cool. Something about, do you remember what it was? It was about- Oh, was it about Steven with the megaphone the first day? Yes, yes. Yeah, that we were, I mean, this was the first CGI movie. So all we knew was we were going on this journey and there was this new idea called CGI and there was this company called ILM, Industrial Light and Magic. And, you know, Dennis Murin was this guy I met on set and they were talking about how they could paint an image on the computer and things might show up that aren't there. Right, right. Really? Really? And they would put an X on a piece of paper and put it in like an orange picker up into a tree and they stare at the X. And I kept thinking, oof, this may really not work because it just seemed nuts that it was even possible. And it was the first day, I think it was like second or third day on set and it was the first day we were all there as a group and we're looking into what was the raptor pen I guess and Sir Richard Attenborough is kind of giving us a tour of the park and for the first time we hear something that may be a roar in the distance. That's right. It's like your first hint of something. And we did the first take and we were all like looking in the wrong direction and not responding at the right time. So he said, Stephen, we need help. I mean, yeah, nothing's there, but we need to hear it at the same moment. He goes, Oh my God, of course, of course. And obviously we had to be scared to sell the things that aren't there. So Stephen was sitting at camera and they rolled camera. Action. We're looking, we turn our heads, the moment's about to come and Stephen takes a megaphone and goes, Roar! Roar! And we all lost it and I know in that moment, this group of actors looked at each other like, this is a disaster. That must have been like, wait, what are we doing? Like, what? So you're just going to go roar through the whole movie? He lost his privileges on the whole horn. It also occurs to me, Laura, you've become like sort of like the emblem, like the sort of the icon for, they always use that image of a person. Yes, for me. You're my icon, obviously. Yeah, you're my, but that thing of you, of the, of the big dinosaur coming up like right up against your face and you're totally freaked out. That is like such an iconic, you know, they always include that. It's like a huge, when you see that, do you remember the day you were shooting? Do you remember what you were going through? Do you remember like? Yeah, the reaction, yeah. Yeah, that was crazy. And I mean, it was amazing because the incredible Stan Winston had built animatronic puppets. So there was so much practical puppetry on set. That's a real head there, yeah. Oh, yeah. And it was, yeah, you cuss. I've heard it. Yeah, fuck, fuck, fuck. Like scary as fuck. Like nothing scary ever. Oh, shit, we don't use the pun. We don't say, sorry, not from the women. Not from the women. You told me that too and I just said it again. Fuck. And a third time. Not from the women. But it was so scary. Those dinosaurs were terrifying. Yeah, I mean, isn't it wild? There's no acting. I'm sorry if you get asked this all the time, but isn't it wild to be part of something that you had no idea what it was going to be? It was cutting edge technology and now it's spawned like, I don't know how many movies. It was part of like this massive movement in Hollywood that changed how they made movies. And you were the first person. You were part of it. It was, that's just so cool. I'd made Wild at Heart, I guess like the year before, two years before or something like that. And so I told Nick Cage that I had been offered this opportunity and I was like, you know, I haven't read it yet, but all I know is Stephen explained that I guess there's dinosaurs are going to come back to life. And there's a book, I'm going to read the book. And he goes, you don't have to know anything. Dinosaurs are going to come back to life. You have to do this movie. And I just remember Nick being the person who, yeah, made me know I had to say yes instantly before learning more. Wait, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. All right, so Sean opened the door and then you just mentioned Wild at Heart. So first of all, it should be noted, Laura, you made so many great movies with the incomparable David Lynch, who I know is a close friend of yours as well. And he was just, you know, one of the all-time greats. And the two of you had this great collaboration on all these great movies. First one being Blue Velvet. Just talk for a second about how that came to be. So good. Met him on an audition. Um, and. What part was he reading for? It was just during 17. And he was very good, to be honest. But crazily, I went in and we talked for, I feel like 45 minutes with the casting director and David about everything. And I never read for him. And the casting director had seen me in a couple of films and I guess recommended me, but he, I don't think, had seen my acting, but he just had an instinct. And he was so a believer in following instinct. And it seemed to go well. I mean, I just was, you know, so in love with his movies already. So it was such a huge thing to me. I'd seen Eraserhead. I'd seen Elephant Man. Right. So I was just blown away by him. And then he invited myself and Kyle MacLachlan to lunch at Bob's Big Boy. Ah. And I remember him doodling on a plate in ketchup, making like the most abstract and amazing drawings on his plate while the two of us were just talking and chatting it up and him watching the two of us. And I could see in his eyes him starting to see his movie. Yeah. And it was an amazing feeling as an actor. You know, it wasn't about us necessarily or us separately, but as a whole, there was something that he felt was right for the film. So that was a really cool experience. That is great. I mean, that must have been. Amazingly, I got cast. Did you, when you started making Blue Velvet, well, it sounds like you did at that moment, understand that you were doing something different, like that doing it with him was different? I didn't know what it was going to be or it was such an insane, brilliant and insane script and world, terrifying and beautiful, and all the things that, you know, and hilarious and all the things that Blue Velvet is. But I had just started college. I was on day two when I got offered the movie and was beside myself and was told that I couldn't leave school. They wouldn't let me have a leave of absence. So I went to the head of the program I was in to say, here's the script, here's everything. Can I have a tutor and I'll, you know, make a. Whatever it takes. You know, behind the scenes, like, I'll do whatever I can do. Please, please. And I remember saying to this professor, I just have this feeling this is my college education. And they told me that not only would I never be invited back to this university if I chose the movie, but that I was making, you know, the most radical mistake of my life. And so I remember entering that whole, the whole experience thinking, which I don't think I ever would have understood if I hadn't watched my parents with these directors and had this feeling with David, like, this is my, not only home, but this is my teacher. This is my college. This will be, I mean, in some unconscious way, I think I did know this is the greatest opportunity. You were literally at a crossroads. You were literally at a crossroads and you chose to go that way. And it seems that you made the right choice. We don't have to name that professor by name, but if you'd like to, take the opportunity to shame them, that'd be fine. Right, please. Well, if you, if you, if you, what, what, what was, what was running second place as far as a possible career path for you? Was there ever anything else on your radar? Or since then, like if somebody said, you can't do this anymore, got to do something else to. I'd be pretty fucked. Really? Yeah, I think. Now I would definitely be. At like 12, I had, At 12, I had to leave. I had an idea about being a child psychologist. That was really interesting to me. As Will knows, I loved being a swimmer. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, Laura. A psychologist for children, not a 12-year-old psychologist. Not a child psychologist. Right. Yes. We'll be right back. And back to the show. Where does the swimming come from? Yeah, she's a swimmer. When did that start? Love it. Since I was little and then became, you know, just in school, a competitive swimmer. Will knows way too much about it. And in the movie, is this thing on? You play an Olympic volleyball player. And I remember when we were starting and you're like, God, I really got to like figure this out. I got to find how, like, I got to do the work. And you played volleyball, right? Or something, or you took lessons or something like that. Really? And in the movie, in the shots and everything, I'm like, oh my God, I completely believe that you were a volleyball player for the Olympics. I mean, a hundred percent. Yeah, it's true. Thank you. I don't remember you. I've seen it twice. I don't remember. Was it just the one picture that has you? Yeah, there's a picture and there's one quick cutaway of me. Where she spikes. Yeah. Got it. Okay. Spiking. But I think it's mostly, well, two things. One, as Will and I both can talk about, you guys all know that Bradley is like such a, such a radical, disciplined beyond compare, perfectionist in his, like, drive of whatever it is. The truth, the Philly cheesesteak sandwich, the movie. You know, it's got to be the one. And so, you know, I feel like I pride myself sometimes on throwing myself into things. But in this case, I was like, oh yeah, even if it's not, even if it's not in the movie, I got to get up two hours before and train. Because, you know, the manner at which you hold yourself and the way you carry your body when it's embedded in you is, yeah, is different. And her manner is different. And Sean, Jason, Sean, maybe you know a little bit, but when we were talking about, like when Bradley said, I think that Laura's going to do, agree to do this, which totally elevated everything that we were talking about doing once she agreed. And it was, and he always describes it. He's like, this character needs to be an assassin. And Laura is a fucking assassin. And so when she started to really inhabit that idea of something. That really hurt my feelings. I know. No, because she's literally killed people. She's killed people. She's a sniper. You said we wouldn't get into that. She does, she has, she has silencers. She does piano wires. She's an assassin. No, but she, that she, that she, you know, this idea, and then she started to carry herself with, that thing, like she had this sort of like, that sort of competitive athlete edge to her. It was fucking rad. And we did some work beforehand. Yeah, so Will, so what was that like? When you started to go through just even just the, reading the script sort of rehearsal process, I'm assuming you guys did. Was there a moment where you're sitting across the table from Laura and you start seeing Laura do Laura stuff? And like, you start seeing that talent and you're like, oh, fuck. I better really kind of, yeah. A hundred percent, I mean, we had the luxury. I mean, JB, I will tell you, yes, first of all, a lot. And she's the most gracious and warmest and kindest person and really, you know, held my hand and we were such partners and she was just, and we, we started and we read a bunch, you know, early on and went through the script and she had so many great ideas for, you know, leading up to it. And then we went through this great rehearsal process together and did this workshop, which was super rad. And where we got to know each other and that's why we know way too much about each other's lives. Really everything. And then we ended up, you know, yeah, when you're just in this, you know, in the scene, of course it occurred to me that I'm like, oh, wait. And I said this to Laura, like early on, I said like, you know, it's for me, this is such a leap. I'm, I'm, again, Laura, you can plug your ears or whatever. I don't want to embarrass her. You know, she's Laura Dern Academy Award winning, you know, just super talent. And, and watching, watching her, it's like playing tennis with a, with a great. And, and it just, it does nothing but just, you know, it raises all boats, you know, high time. And, and, but I was nervous and I expressed it. I told her that. And I said, I, you know, I'm, I feel nervous. And she was really, really gentle with me. You know, it was, it was awesome. Well, let me just say, this is a great privilege on SmartList because being a radical fan of all three of you, not to mention your incredible friends, your incredible friendship and the way you can destroy or mock each other with so much love is an art, no one else and no other friendship knows. But let me be the person who gets to be on SmartList to pay homage to Will's bravery because Sean was there with us and I know Jason, you've seen it. Like it is incredible who he is, what he's willing to do. Willing to reveal his vulnerability, his willingness to, yes, take my hand and for us to explore everything with each other for these characters and this, you know, 25 year relationship. But, oh my God, the truth, the, the heartbreak that he exposes within himself and to me is like unparalleled. So it's me who has to say how blessed I was really like no bullshit to be staring in his eyes and be forced to be honest and see myself in ways sometimes was not comfortable and also beautiful and revelatory, what a fucking actor people are. Even just the bravery, how it just started even early by Will just like, just writing it, you know, with Chappie, like saying, yeah, I'm gonna try to write it. I'm gonna try to write a script and it's not gonna be like, you know, silly shit. This is gonna be like real stuff from the heart, like a drama, a raw drama. And then like expect it to be taken seriously and read by people that are like Academy Award winning and nominated people. And then, and then, and then they say, okay, we're doing it. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And it's like, oh. - And you're like, oh, just kidding, just kidding. - Yeah. - And now, and now I gotta like be a great actor. - Yeah. - In this thing. - You're right, right, right. - And then pulling that off too. Like it's just pretty fucking cool. - So cool, so beautiful. - Oh, thank you guys, thank you. - Yeah, can't wait. - It was scary. There were a couple of great moments and Laura will, I tell you, this is, we were making the movie and we were trying to get the scene and we had a crazy, trying to get this, trying to get the scene. We had a crazy day where we rehearsed all morning with the crew standing by. - Just the scene towards the end of the movie? - Yeah, and then we shot all afternoon. And, and it was tough and we just, you know, it's one of those days where you're just swimming. You're like, did we get it? Are we getting it? Are we close or are we super far away? And are we just swimming even further away from what we want and all this kind of stuff. And over the week, and it was a Friday. And so we wrapped late on the Friday night and over the weekend, Laura and Bradley and I ended up having a bunch of conversations over the weekend. And Laura and I had this, it was, I don't know how you felt, but for me, that was such a turning point and we had this really awesome, honest conversation about just all of it and being honest with each other about how we felt and it was like this crazy turning point for us in the movie. - Yeah. - And from that point on, we were such partners. - Yeah. - And I take, I love that people respond to our relationship in the movie, but I will say that like you were that, it was born out of real experience. - Yes, a million percent. - Yeah, you can tell the chemistry is real. - Yeah, I love it. - Yeah, yeah. And it's interesting that we didn't get there because the first sort of half of the shoot, we were in this antagonistic dynamic. And so it was like, when we had to truly face each other and be boundaryless about who we were, then, you know, and you really held my heart in it and, you know, I said, you know, that's what's incredible, right? In these intimate relationships, as you were talking about, Jason, like there we are in this familial story that we're trying to tell all together, but that we were truly the most honest I've ever been with someone. - Me too, ever. And I remember we showed up, we shot this scene that's not in the movie where we go to the hospital. It was the first thing on Monday. And we all, and we, so we had this great conversation, a couple of conversations and we showed up. And it was like, from that moment on, it was just unreal. Like that, that scene, it just didn't work in the movie. The scene is fucking great. - Yeah, yeah. - And it was like, oh, it just changed everything. It was really wild. - I love it. - And for me anyway, it was the first time I've experienced it. - Me too. - Can we enjoy that scene on DVD extras? - Yeah, I'm going to load it up on the internet pretty soon. - Okay, great. - Don't you miss DVD extras? - As soon as I think of it, I do miss DVD extras. - And Sean and Scottie. - Oh God. - I mean, what miraculous best friends. - I know, yeah. - I mean, Will, actually has them in his life. life, I just pretended and you were the best friends I'd ever had. We ended up on a group text. I felt so excited and proud. Yeah, it was really good. Yeah, yeah. I love that. The first day we showed up, Willie was so sweet. He said, I feel like my family just showed up on set. It was very kind. It was so fun. Sean does this scene, by the way, I don't know if you've told this. Sean does this scene, Laura knows it. So we're in the Oyster Bay house and he and Scotty have to go and it's a stretch. They had to go in and raid the fridge at night for all the terrible soup and ice cream, right? All right. And you're on the couch trying to sleep. And so they're supposed to be in bed. He's like, and he goes like, yeah, I think they're kind of high and whatever. Yeah. Sean eats a gummy. And so all day he's trying to time when he's going to eat the gummy on that scene. Wow. Yummy, Sean. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. He kept going to me like, do you think it's too early if I eat it right now? Because I want to eat it right when we shoot it. Right. Laura, I want to know like who other than the three of us, because I know that's what you would joke around and say, but truly, because you've been around it since you were a kid, who were you starstruck the most by growing up or recently or anything, or do you even get it? And I always ask Jason that too, because you guys obviously grew up in the business and I didn't. And so I'm always like, wow, I'm still like, wow, wow, wow. And I know you guys are too, but like, who is, is there a person recently, or even when you were younger, you were like, okay, I can't believe I'm working with this person or I'm meeting this person. I don't know about you, Jason. I feel like sometimes I feel like I'm the most starstruck and maybe because the equity for mastering something or loving something was all about movies and my family. So if I meet heroes, I lose my mind, but it's, it's movie actors and directors and musicians big time too. I mean, meeting music heroes is a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is that about musicians and athletes and actors? They all kind of want to be one another. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause it's a world you don't, you're not in. So it's like, wow. Yeah. I get that. It's a crazy, crazy thing. But I think for me, like meeting heroes of another time was always such a huge gift. Yeah. Like Alexander the Great? Alexander the Great. Alexander the Great was huge. Oh, well, I told you that story. Like I said, he knows all my stories. No, because I remember when Rashida Jones was on, I was like, she just grew up with like Michael Jackson coming over for dinner. I'm like, that's crazy. I'm like, what? I know. I've become friends. Can I say that? Which is insane. And so privileged with Carol Burnett because I produced this show and like working with her, knowing her. And even though she knew my mom and, you know, there are these crossroads. But when you have your own relationship with these legends that raised you on their talent, raised you on their shows, that's crazy. Actually, I did just find, and Jason will relate to this because it was of an era that we grew up around. My mom's Battle of the Network Stars award. No way. CBS won when she was on the team. Yes. No way. And it was such a. I became such a fan. I was like, oh my God, Battle of the Network Stars. This is like the greatest award. I can't believe I have her Battle of the Network Stars award. Because you realize it's the way things entered your living room. Like Lucy, there will never be a greater hero. Right. It was the greatest show, right? Why don't they bring that goddamn show back? I know. Didn't we talk about it for a minute? Didn't we talk? And we talked, we actually, we were at a dinner with Ted Sarandon. And Ted Sarandon was telling him they should make Battle of the Network Stars. Right. Battle of the Platform Stars, right? Yeah, the streaming stars. Netflix people against Amazon people, against Apple people, against HBO people. Killer. How great would that be? Netflix has Squid Game, guys. But then what would you put it on? What platform would get to air it? We know who's winning. Tubi. Tubi. I'll put it on Tubi. Jason, do you? I'm not sure. Do I have Tubi? That's such an old reference. I'm not Tubi. That's an old, smartless reference, which is a weird thing to say. An old raid. Yeah. Oh, man. Laura, Laura, Laura, I could just, I could just touch it all day. Look, save it for the sequel, you guys. Yeah. Oh, we've already discovered. Yeah, it's called, Is This Thing Still On? We've discovered, Is This Thing Still On? And then you came up with the title for the third or fourth film. Do you remember? What was it? Like, somebody turned this thing the fuck off or something. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Somebody, please turn this thing off. Please turn this thing off. That's hilarious. The final adventure. Say the date when the movie comes out again, so we know. December. 19th. December 19th. December 19th. December 19th is this thing on, starring the great Laura Dern. Will Arnett. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And Sean Hayes. And Sean Hayes and Scott Eisenogel, Andrew Day, Bradley Cooper, in a Bradley Cooper film, This Christmas. Take your heart on it. Can I do my own trailer? Please do. Please. Take your heart. Take your heart on a funny bone ride. A funny bone. What? Every once in a while, a film comes along that'll touch your heart. And then, I feel good. That's literally every trailer. I know. Like in the 80s, every trailer did that. Laura, we love you. Thank you. Laura, we love you. We love you. I love you guys. We love you for reals. I'm so honored to be on this brilliant, incredible ride that is called Smartless. And your guys' friendship makes me so happy. I'm so glad you're here. It's overdue. I know. I guess we had to time it to your release and everything. I know. It was long overdue. We had to wait. We had to wait. We've been talking about this since March. But, Laura, I will see you really soon. I love you. I love you, too. I love all of you. And I'm going to see you. Literally, I'm seeing you instantly. I think we're like taking it on the road. As soon as you're done on your adventure right now. Yeah, like we're going to—I'll see you in London. I'll see you in London. Lovely. And I'll see you guys very soon, I hope. Yeah, it's some sort of a holiday party or something. I'm sad we aren't making Ozark anymore, but I know we'll do other things in our near future. Please, God. You know what I got last night when we were waiting? We were at the Valet Hollywood moment. Yeah. And Ed Sheeran came over to Jason Bateman. Jason was complaining because the guy lost his ticket for his ride. It was great. Thank God. I almost threw my wig at him. I was like, don't make me snap this off. And I was making it worse because he's legit frustrated. I'm like, look at Bateman. He's gumming up the line and stuff. He was not happy. And then Ed Sheeran came over and said, oh, man, I love Ozark. And they gave him a hug, and they hugged. Oh, that's nice. Did you know that was Ed Sheeran? You don't know anything. I did. I figured it out. No, of course. And then you handed him your wig as a thank you. And I said, let me sign this for you. It was right there on the netting. A Sharpie will work on the netting. And the label. He's a label maker as well for his wigs. I love you guys. Love you, Laura Dern. I love you guys so much. And I'll see you so soon. We'll see you very soon, Laura. We love you. Love you. Thanks, guys, for having me. Bye. Bye. Bye, guys. That Laura Dern. How lucky. How lucky did you and Bradley get by getting her? I mean, it's just like so dependent on somebody that kind of comes out of the screen as like someone you just, you want to make an emotional investment in, right? You just, you can't help but love her. And also the pedigree. The pedigree. And she's just. And the talent and the history. She's got no choice in the talent. She's one of those people. It's just in her. I mean, before I knew her for years and years and years and years and years, we would go, how you Dern? Because of her. How you Dern? Yeah. Oh. Oh, you'd say that to your friends. Remember those times? Yeah. Remember that? How you Dern? Yeah. No. Huh. I'm going to take that. We weren't in Glen Ellyn, Illinois, man. So. Yeah. I have a nose hair. What humor. Stop smelling your. Are you smelling your fingers? It's what. Did you just pull out a fucking nose hair? Hey, why don't you just. By the way, every time I see you, you've got like these fucking antlers coming out of your nose. What is going on? The fucking. Get a nose hair. The MSG has gotten to you. Are you drunk on MSG from the Chinese food? What's happening? No, it's hanging out. I know, but you guys get. You have them too. Sure. But I attacked them. We're going to be out of here in a minute. Next time Scotty comes in to reapply your lip balm, have him whack a few hairs out of your nose. Okay. I put it on the list. Okay. Is it coming out of your ears too? No, I never get it out of my ears. Really? Yeah. She did though mention, Laura did mention the word lederhosen. I always want to say. What, you know, the same thing of lederhosen. Okay. Right? Like. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. It's kind of the same thing as saying, you know. Later, hosen. Well, I mean. Like, bye, hosen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, bye, hosen. Bye, hosen. That's what I'm saying. Or bye, hoser. That's what we say. Bye, hoser. Oh, giver. Bye, hoser. I'm a giver, eh? Bye. Yep. Smart. Yes. Smart. Bless. SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarv, and Bennett Barbico.