Larry Miller + Ryan Bingham (Carolla Classics)

Welcome to Growl Classic, I'm your host Superfan, Gio Boni, this is the Pond Piaz, we play the best moments highlights and fans electing clips from all 17 years of the Adam Corolla show. Maybe I can gain access to the ad free archives of the Adam Corolla show, as well as the Adam Doctor Drew show, and the newer podcast Feed It Out. Make sure to check out Adam Corolla's sub-stack, AdamCorolla.substack.com. Sign up, subscribe, and listen ad free. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us at [email protected]. Alright, let's get to the clips. On our first day, we have Adam Corolla show episode 6, featuring Larry Miller, this is from March of 2009, the first episode of March. Larry and Adam reminiscing about all departments and the type of dirtball characters who would be in the departments with you. Ah, my kids, I'm going to, I am going to ruin them because I had such a miserable childhood, and their childhood is so incredibly bountiful and Daddy's just going to ruin them with all his horrible stories. But I remember just as a kid going to another kid's house and seeing the football helmet lamp on his, on his end table and going, what the fuck, what is your dad, is he a 49er? No, no, how did the lamp, there's a lamp, there's a lamp coming out of a 49er helmet. Jesus Christ, what do you do, mortgage to house, no, it's got that, remember once in a while you just see something, there's a, there's a bad shape like a race car, holy shit, who's here, your dad, Howard Hughes, and then every once in a while be one of these things where it's like, again, it was never, the Corolla's had nothing, but once I go to someone's house and it's like, you'd see that crappy old timey looking like popcorn maker, like the one with the big wire wheels on it that was red that look kind of corny, but it was a popcorn thing and the dad would wheel, Jesus Christ, you got it, I need a bag to breathe into, you don't have to go to the theater, you got an old timey pop, you know, the gumball machine or, God forbid, there would always be that one guy's dad had the slot machine that was parked in his denim, holy shit, holy shit, I remember just like, now my kid, my kid's gonna be driving a golf cart on the way to his giant, he should be driving a golf cart that's gonna have the, you know, Ram's helmet put on it, right? I mean, inside of his giant castle inflatable castle, like, this stuff didn't exist at home when we were kids, right? You could go to amusement park and see a gumball machine or popcorn machine, there's no such thing as any of this crap at home. What's that done? You know, we had the Mickey Mouse telephone department that freaked Mike out. You have that as adults though. We had, yeah, Donnie. Well, I brought it from him. Donnie, quick, quick digression. When Donnie and I used to live in our first department in North Hollywood, it was on an alley and I used to work on my car out of the garage in the alley and an alley is essentially a funnel for misfits. There's a gravitational pull to alleys, right? I do think like cops ought to just set up in the alley because it's really, it's like the drug addicts, the drifters, the drifters, the, you know, the second story guys, the guys are breaking into cars and stuff. They'll just end up being sort of sucked toward the alley. I don't know, even if they're not doing anything wrong, they would prefer to walk through the alley as opposed to just the well lit Laurel Canyon Boulevard where the apartment was on. They just sit back there and work on my car and there'd always be some guide come in and inevitably strike a conversation up with me. And I was naive and nice and I had no self-esteem and I was 20, 19. Look, guys, they're talking to me. And if he said to me, like, "Hey, man, I just got to blow out my old lady and I need a place to crash." You think I could come up and crash on the, that's a, yeah, come on up, crash on the sofa. It was a one bedroom. So there was a cement finisher named Mike, who had no front teeth, who was one of these guys. I don't know if he had a wildly, I don't know if he had a wicked, sensey humor, but he'd be like, he'd be one of these guys. He'd be looking in a straight face. He'd be like, he'd show up one day and we'd show up with like a black eye. Jesus, Mike, what happened? Jesus, I don't know. Some guy punched me for no reason. What happened? I was just in a bar. I told him, "It's my pussy stunk." The next thing I know, he's coming at me. But he's saying a matter of fact kind of way. And there's like, I didn't know if he was serious or not. So he drove a Ranchero, which is the poor man's El Camino. It's the Ford Ranchero. The driver's side door was caved in so that he had to climb out of the passenger side, to crawl across the transmission hump and get out one time. By the way, first of all, naturally it was caved in because like his mouth, he had to have a car that someone just hit for no reason. And then this happened. This guy literally, his brother lived in an apartment down the other alley. Remember that? I'm sure he's doing great today. He was a typewriter repairman. So his business, he's going gangbusters. That's for session proof, by the way. And so I remember one time, this is how out of it, this guy. Mike was, we pulled out in front of the golden chopstick, which is a cheap Chinese food place. Those down low canyon after finishing finishing. I don't know where the story's end, but we finished my grandmother's slab at her house when I was adding a kitchen on. We went over the golden chopstick. This guy lived it almost, he subsisted exclusively on on a pork fried rice. That was all he had. We, so we're out front of the place. He's got the Ranchero with the door carved in. It's three shades of primer. He's crawling out of the passenger side door. He's covered up to his, up to his waist in concrete. You know, he's been finishing concrete. They're shit all over him. I'm covered with shit. The world's best looking woman for some reason, like out, out of a survivor video just goes walking down the sidewalk, just in a mini skirt, like an 80s video just goes walking right past this right. And he says to me, he points at her from, you know, as we're crawling out of the Rancher. He says, there's it. Oh, Jesus, look at that piece of ass. We ought to talk to her. This is Mike, you know, I'm thinking, I didn't say anything, but it's like you're covered with, you have no front teeth. You're covered with cement. You're crawling out of a Denon Ranchero. I said, Mike, let's just grab the food and get back to grandma's house. And then he stopped and he looked at me very seriously. He goes, it's a matter. Don't you want me pussy? I'm thinking serious. I thought I was gay at the time, but you know what though? In a way, consciously or unconsciously, he was right. And that's also a story about life, meaning why not? Right. You, as you was saying, well, you're 19. You had no self esteem. That kind of proves it. Here's a guy. No teeth, yours cave didn't. He's caved and he's covered with crap. And he's still willing to say, so what are you in school? Right. So you go to school around here? Yeah. Are you an actress? He's willing to give it a shot. He, well, somebody wins the lottery. He did a few things at our place. I said, Donnie, here's my buddy, Mike. He's going to crash on the sofa. Donnie had a great, I didn't even know. I just, oh, a couple of the guy was there. Oh, you just came home. Yeah. This guy did a few things. It was, it was, it was a couple of good moments. One is he was on the sofa. He wanted to use the phone. Donnie had a Mickey mouse phone. Literally, it was Mickey Mouse. He put the phone on his arm. And it was one of these things where old meets new because we're like, Mike, go ahead and use the phone. He's like, where, where's the phone? And Donnie's pointing at Mickey Mouse and he's saying, it was a lamp phone. And he remember just going, what the fuck is this? He's like, you're talking to Mickey's mouth or whatever it is. But at a certain point, this was like out of a movie. Like he's, he's drunk and passed out on the sofa, sawing logs, like snoring like it's only a concrete contractor with a, you know, missing front teeth and drunk. And he's, he's passed out. And Donnie and I are having one of those little spats in the hall. He's like, you know, donnie. And then wake up in the morning and there's this crusty looking guy. He's wearing his pants covered with concrete. So Donnie's giving him, get him out of here. And I'm doing it. He's good people. He's good people. And that's, I don't want this guy in my, and he's guy. In the middle of the argument, he pops up, does, does that hoxalugi and fall passes out again. And it was like, I was like, I don't move it right. Right? I'm saying, he's a good guy. He's not going to cause any trouble. It's right when he gets up, blows the snott rocket out of his nose and passes right back out again. Well, Adam, you didn't tell me it was carry grand. I mean, now that I know that I see what kind of quality people he is. Well, we'll use this ASCOT ticket to Lugie off the window later on. But yeah, that was one of the many, that was one of the many guys I still run into in this alley. Don't hang out now, at least kids. Well, unless you're a contractor without teeth and you need a place to live. But by the way, we all have bathrooms. We're all people and we're all human. But when I think of someone like that, and I've known plenty, but we gave someone like that also a place to live when in the first apartment I had went with the same idiot friends. You're there with good old, easy-ed the electrician. And he turned down. It was just, he was interesting enough, but when you're that age, the age you describe, we think this makes us poets and young men of the world to say, oh, we're really living with people, really casting our net wide. We'll see who, all humanity is interesting. But it turns out the guy was just, he was a, he was a big drinker and he was a big drug taker. He would take, he would take everything apart and we thought, and he's an electrician. This is so cool. He can fix anything. And you know what though? He never put anything back together. We were about six, seven things over a month or so. I know. He would just take him apart and then pass out and then we just had a lot of stuff on the floor. And finally, we said, you know what? You got to go. And he was fine. He got a place for a month. This is New York, so it was cold, you know, and right. And he got, he got another place. These are the stories by the way that should end with one of those. And today, that man, yeah, except for this guy is the governor of Illinois. This guy was either beaten to death in prison or claimed by hepatitis. I mean, there's no way Mike can still be around. And by the way, there's a couple of funny things. You've been around long enough to have this realization when you realize, wait a minute, I'm older than that guy was then. Like Donnie, you and I know we're older than Mike was then. Even though he seemed like a grizzled, salty, merchant marine, he, he, what we are now older than he was then. We have our teeth, but he could have been 35 and just seem, he was. Hello, and welcome to Pluto fall. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV. We're all your blockbuster favorites or landing all summer long. Catch anchor man, the legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. Welcome to the real world. Mean girls. Side up. Tight an air. I'm the key in the world. And so much more. For showtime. Press. Nothing. They're free. 24/7. That is so fast. Hey, stream now. Hey, never. All right. There's Adam Kool-A-Six, Larry and Adam talking about dirt bag roommates, and free loaders. We have apartments. We're young. Coming next. We have Adam Kool-A-Six. 944. This episode's never been played before in Kurola Classics. Ryan Bingham. Alson Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2012. 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The professional parts people, the Riley Auto parts, are your one stop shop for all things, auto do it yourself, and you can find what you need either in store or online. It's a Riley, right Dawson? Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today, or visit them at oReillyauto.com/atom, that's oReillyauto.com/atom. Hello, and welcome to Pluto Fo. We're all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. Mean girls. All right. Time in. And so much more for showtime. Express nothing. They're free. 24/7. That is so fast. On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. Good day, Alson Rosa. Hello, Adam Krola. I spilled soda all over myself and my underwear right now is sopping wet and I'm super fucking uncomfortable but high. Let me ring it out with my mouth. Deal. Good day, ball brine. Get your tits out of my face. I want to go to bed. Um, boy, sad news, my buddy Alan Kirshenbaum took his own life yesterday and it's so horrifically sad because he was so gregarious and such a great just ball of energy and it was like out of a movie I emailed Phil Rosenthal yesterday who is one of Alan's best friends. And I said, I'll see you tomorrow night at your house for the pizza and all and he wrote back very cryptically. Did you hear about Alan and I wrote back there's Alan Kirshenbaum. I would say go to our website but we don't have a website. I would also say don't bother going to Adam Krola.com anymore because that nothing shows up when you go there either but you go to our Facebook page. You can go to our Facebook page if you want to see the late great Alan Kirshenbaum. Now, Alan Kirshenbaum's dad is Freddie Roman, a famous comedian and Alan, I'll just put it to you this way. Me and Kevin Hinch were locked in a bungalow with Alan for four months and when we left that place, after learning to hate almost every human being, we'd come in contact with or at least have zero respect somewhere actually to be fair to everyone we worked with. It's not just that we hated you, it's that we had zero respect for your ability and we hated you. That is fair. It wasn't just hate, you know, you have zero ability. We never want to work with you again and we dislike you as human beings. But other than that, let's get together. And Alan, Kevin and I decided to go out and have lunch with at the Lakeside Country Club once or twice a month after that period. And by the way, this is our sitcom that did not work. This was our failed sitcom. This was the pilot that did not get picked up. So despite the stench of failure about him, you still loved him. We thought so much of Alan. And like I said, I'm a tough nut and Kevin's a tougher nut. And like I said, one of the things we agreed on is that Alan Kirshenbaum was a great guy. What did he do? He was, he's what you call a showrunner and writer, showrunner, develop shows, head writer, showrunner, debaba, blah, but sitcoms and for many years in the business. And when you do a show when you're a couple of green horns like Kevin and I were, they hook you up with an experienced showrunner and they do a lot of like, you know, you do a lot of like, what did they mean by that and what do they want from us and what are they looking for? And he, it's the, he sort of shepherds you through this horrible, unfunny, shit-filled maze known as doing a four camera sitcom. So we loved Alan and I had no idea he was gregarious. He was never moody. He was always, he was, he was philosophical. Like, you know, there's a lot of setbacks in this business. There's a lot of, hey, we did a kick-ass pilot and it didn't get picked up, you know, what where do you go from there? And you know, Alan's take was to the next project. And so when I heard, now I was getting ready to go do a show in Redondo Beach with Dennis Prager, so I got the cryptic thing back from Phil Rosenthal that said, did you hear about Alan? And I wrote him back and said no, but did, you know, don't tell me, we'll talk. I'm going out the door. I don't want him to write back something horrible happened and then I not get back to him because I'm gone for the next five hours. So then when I was driving out to Redondo, I talked to Mike Lynch and Mike Lynch was also friendly with Alan and knew I had heard and done the math that he had passed away. I thought he had a stroke or a heart attack or something. I had no idea that he took his own life and that was not in the lexicon of possibilities for this individual if you knew Alan Kirshenbaum. And there's the, well, yeah, but the tears of a clown. No, no, no, we were locked in a bungalow with this guy for 12 hours a day. You ate together, you talked together, you told, you know, talked about your family, you talked about everything. He did not have a, like, oh, I'm just keeping my game face on and, you know, and I'm going to be on in front of these guys. He was just a genuine guy and you just, you never would have, I just got off the phone with Kevin Hans. And, you know, out of 1,000 people, he would have been 999 on your, your list of taking their own lives. And, um, you know, we started talking about it. First, I had to do what I always do, which is why do the ones I like that have something to contribute go? There's so many fucking people that I don't need on that, that this planet doesn't need, you know what I mean? But Steve Jobs, Kirshenbaum, they're gone. Your guys. Your guys, Jobs and Kirshenbaum. Oh my gosh. - Yes, my boys, yeah, they're gone. Yeah, and there's so many people just had so much to contribute and just had such a great force. He had a great life force, Brian I don't know if you ever I don't know if you ever met him because you didn't get on to that that job I didn't ever meet him, but he I got you know email thrown from Twitter once Alan Kersher mom is not following you and I remember the name You talking about that's kind of cool and I looked at his sweet funny guy and yeah, I had a family very intact family very loving family man Just you know Mike, I you know, I don't know what what you can add to this, but you knew him fairly well as well No, he after the pilot, you know, he tried to help me out with some some stuff I was writing we went and had lunch and coffee a couple times and he was a he was a mentor you and I completely agree withhenge the as far as the one the last he was jolly. He was literally jolly right yes Such a shock. Yes, so um, you know, and I said I Was talking to Phil Rosenthal this morning about it and I said, you know, it's a it's a it's a it's it can be a perfect storm You know some financial stuff going wrong some family stuff going wrong I'm talking to feel about some of the stuff that may have been in his life at the time mixed with what I call an impulse buy which is it I don't know what percentage of suicides Are an impulse buy meaning I'm having a bad month and There's a gun or there's some pills like I'm I can you meaning I don't know if I would do this two weeks from now I don't know what percentage of people I got to believe that he if he was around today He wouldn't try it again tomorrow. I think some of this stuff is literally just an impulse Anyway, just is as satan news is is and in a in a business You know just chalk a block filled with people I wish would kill themselves The the one guy. I mean there's a handful of guys and in it and again You know, we I was talking to Phil and he said well, we'd used to go out to breakfast You know every Sunday with a bunch of other writers and showrunners and comedians and guys like that and he said Maybe we'll do it at this place this dally I'm probably holds to 300 people and he said a probably like to do an event for him and he said I don't think it's gonna be big enough and You know, that's when I realized that's his legacy Everyone loved him and in a business where it's really hard to have people love you because of the circumstances and Everything falls apart and every you know, and it's one of these things that it's a business. We're no one agrees on anyone where you go Hey, I love this you know, I Love I love a Marty fiddlestein fuck that guy. Right. He took two point took two points off of me when we're doing three and a half gays and Right, yeah, great show. So But I like him, but no you hate him because you worked with him on three and a half days and he fucked you out of some points I mean, that's the business. That's the business Alan Kirshenbaum Everyone agreed on his name would come up. I'm working with Kirshenbaum. Great. Love him. Love that guy. So his Whatever event we plan To commemorate his life. It will be very well attended by a bunch of people who who are somewhere between heartbroken and confused But on happier news you went on your cancer jog. Yeah, buddy the five K the big LA brain tumor walk can handle 10 I know I wanted to bail out after doing it Because there's an option to loop around again like one arrow pointing one way and the other arrow saying head back to home And I'm like, it's getting kind of high and one pointing down for those who aren't great shape This is where you hang your head if you want to go back. Right. So straight down So how many so did you do did you make it? It was good man. It was really good We you know as the first ever one. So I think the goal was a thousand people to walk we ended up with 1600 and I think we want to raise about 100,000 you guys went over I know Well, next year work it out plan it a little better. You can hit that target really hit that target of a thousand people Geez, you're off by a lot. I know it was more 50 percent Do you lose all the money because you went over? Well, yeah, it's like prices right? Yeah, penalty sucks You'd think it'd be good. Yeah, but it's crowded. So anyway besides that now we end up Raising over two hundred fifty thousand dollars. Wow big big day There are actually some listeners out there to sign up for my team and walked with me and had a great time talking to them and Yeah, man, these are a good day. There was okay. So a weird thing happens There was a I won't call them a mutual friend, but a famous person who you're friends with And I want to say his name because it was a weird interaction where I saw him He showed up with his wife and his kid and I was like, hey, Brian fiancroll show. He's like, hey, man Bill Kirkenbauer. It's like, hey, man. He's like, yeah, it's just you know, we're out here and is like, okay, well catch you later Hmm, okay, there would there may have been some who was me. Yeah, I got to say who he was. Yeah, I feel shitty Dave Keckner Not a white guy gag not there said his wife Shit, I'm a lot of it a lot. Yeah, I just say yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's our cine on his great to see him out there supporting a brain cancer research and fund raising All that but I was like, hey, man, you know, because we used to work at the station together night super time time So he knew who I was I think I was like he does not like you though I don't think he does because he was like, all right, man. Catch you later. Well, yeah, but what what was well It was an hour before the walk. I got to say a couple things and in our Cineo's defense I had this I saw Chris Hardwick the other day and he was wearing a cap He was wearing a cap. Yeah, and we're friends and we go back, you know, 15 years and He gave me the hey man. How you doing? And I gave me hey man. How you doing? Because a lot of people just go hey man How you doing and then I sort of sat back down and and it started to bike I thought what do I know that guy or doing how well do I know and he was wearing a hat was a little bit dark and Then later on it, but he would have walked if I didn't catch him He would have walked out of there going. What the fuck was that? You know what I mean? So Celebrity our Cineo I've been on the street with our Cineo. I mean Back when he was turning gay tricks after the show before celebrity friends. I've been on the street Our Cineo and he walks down the street. Hey, our Cineo. Hey, hey, hey dog man And he just kind of walks down the street doing the hey man. Hey man. Hey man. Hey man. Hey man. He didn't quite hear who you are There is there's the there's a mode that you get into of the hey man Hey, it's a politician mode. Hey. Yes. Of course. Yes. Looking good. How's your wife, you know, and They do so much of that. Hey, remember we were yes. Of course sure we did. Yes. Of course sure Yes, say hi to your wife and they have to ask one of their aids with the name of the wife is or whatever But that's they celebrities get into that mode. So I think that may have been what had he was there And the fact he was there means he was supporting and helped you know, donate and whatever and thanks to everyone who did donate my team Ended up being the sixth ranked team of like, you know, 50 or 60 teams of fundraising. So Well, who was possibly ranked higher? There were some people who had a lot of corporate, you know, matching donations and stuff Ball brana Ball brice ball brad. Yeah, if you want to donate to the team, brinebitch.gov.com We can still fundraise and thanks you guys for making it a great event. It was fantastic. I Speaking of great events at a nice event, even though I had a sort of heavy heart I had to explain to my wife that Oh, no, I'm an animal like she was like I really you finding out about the death of your Good friend Alan Kirshenbaum on the way to the theater driving alone to the theater like I wasn't I didn't find out That afternoon. I found out as I was pulling into the theater that my my good friend had died And she's like I didn't want you to have to perform. I was like, that's funnier than I ever was and she's like how the fuck do you do that? And I go you don't understand there's something wrong with me. I Mean, I guess you do understand. I think you do understand There's something wrong with me and that I can learn about the tragic death of a dear friend 25 minutes before I walk out on stage and then tell jokes for two hours and then go back and be sad about it But it's a scary switch that can be thrown. I don't know if other people are that Way it's part of my, you know, non non-human quality. So I think it's but it's also not not to make the case that you're human Because we know you're not but better watch it girl. It's something. Excuse me. You dance and close to the edge There's something that's a nice escape about performing. I mean you can feel horrible the minute you get off But it's it's I think it's nice to be able to have that whatever hour and a half two hour break to just Emerson something out. It's weird is I don't even break it down that far. It's just I'm here To do this. I'm gonna get in the moment and I'm gonna react and I'm gonna listen and I'm gonna try to be funny Or poignant or interesting or all they above and these other events that took place before Have nothing to do with this right now and It I'm not affected in one way and now I will be soon as I walk off stage right now. It's just did it pop into your head on stage No, it was funny. I felt like an NFL player had lost his dad or his brother and I was doing an out pattern and the ball was in the air I was just looking at the ball trying to catch the ball. I wasn't thinking about my deceased brother or dad at the time. But, yeah, and I didn't know he'd taken his own life when I was on stage 'cause that probably would've factored in a little bit more. But just-- - You know that? - The funnier? - Yeah, I would've kicked it up a notch. No, I've done it. I've had it happen a million times where I've been sleep deprived or upset or had a bad day and that's my, I've had my best love line episodes when I was strung out pissed off and whatever, because I try to overcompensate. Anyway, great event, yes. - Well, I was gonna say the thing about suicide 'cause I've a few times lost people to suicide, is that I've always, I always had this feeling afterwards in addition to the morning and the missing person, but just like, God, I just feel like something wrong happened. Like this was not supposed to happen. Like the whole universe made an error, which is obviously you can make the argument that that's not really the case at all. - Sure. - But that's always been my feeling. - Yeah. - It's just this is, it's like things turned inside out. Like this wasn't supposed to happen. How did this happen? - The, you know, and it just happened and I don't even know any of the details and I'm really not even interested in finding out the details other than this is as big a surprise if you knew this individual as you could ever imagine and you know, it really, not to sound corny or like Oprah when she does the, if this could happen in this town, it could happen anywhere, but more of the story, keep a close watch on those you love, those you tolerate and yourself because truly if Alan Kirshenbaum could take his own life, everybody's a candidate. There's nobody who's not on that list. He absolutely was on my list of impossible, impossible. As a matter of fact, when I heard he passed, it was, I had it down to disease, heart attack or car accident. There was no, there was no box for take your own, I can't even say suicide. I have to keep saying take your own life. It just, it doesn't even, I can't even equate him with suicide. On a more happier note, Mike August was in rare form. He was, he was tending the bar and serving the Mangria and he is now hooked on Mangria. I'm happy to say one of one of the nicest, you know, that I was talking about it last night on stage. I think we were talking about it before in the podcast that compliment or people are confused. Like was I talking about a show to this guy, my Fox pilot and he was like, he wasn't complimenting me. He was complimenting me by saying, what's wrong with Fox? And I said, I don't know, they passed. Why? What's wrong with them? And he wasn't saying you're funny or it's good. He was like, they're idiots. They must have something to do with. They want to use this for something else. I said, no, they passed. What would they do that for? Like it was like the greatest non-compliment compliment in the world. My Mangria, Mike August is not a drinker. He now walks around with a glass of Mangria backstage, which could only, he's like Dean Martin. He's turning into Dean Martin. He's got the gold diggers backstage. Actually, he's the gold diggers. He has the toilet paper, swipers backstage, a bunch of chicks wrapped in toilet paper, you know, over the nipples in the vagina area. So very tasteful. So he's walking around with a glass of Mangria. Then he comes-- first off, you got to love Mike. And I have to love me, too, because let's say just who we are. And why Mike never gets sick, and why I never get sick. I'm backstage, and Mike has a Styrofoam cooler that's sitting in the sink. And it's filled with water and melted ice. And little pieces of ice just sort of melted in there with beers. Melted ice has water. Oh, yeah, you're right. It's a good point. Ice cubes that aren't what they used to be. Yes, shells of themselves. And they're floating around in this chest, this Styrofoam ice cooler, which has beers floating around in it and a bottle of Mangria with a cork shoved into it. And I'm getting ready to go out on stage. And I go, well, I like my Mangria, and I like it over ice. But we don't have ice. So I reach my hand into the filthy water that is in the Styrofoam ice cooler. And I reach out a handful, and I throw it in a plastic cup, and I dump the Mangria on top of it. And I'm sure it wasn't rinsed down. I'm sure enough people had their hands in the water, and there were grabbing beers and the beer labels, and the beer bottles were probably dusting. It was floating around. You're an alcoholic. And I had no problems with it. So you are an alcoholic. Mike, then two stories with Mike. And I don't know what percentage of people would have reached into the fairly filthy cooler. Grab the ice out with their hand, throwing it in a cup and filled it up. Walked on stage. Low, okay. Mike would have done it. Because Mike, later on, comes from the front of the house, and he goes, I had one of those bitter mans. I'm the Mangria cocktail, and he goes, Jesus Christ, it's fucking fantastic. And I said, yeah, that's fucking good, right? And he said, yeah. And then during the break, we had an intermission. We walked backstage, and there's the bitter man cocktail sitting in the room, in the back of the break room, like in the green room, back there. It's just sitting there. No Mangria dumped over the top of it. Just the Ryan, the orange or lemon juice. And it's just sitting there. And I said, Mike, you didn't get your Mangria on there. And he said, that's not mine. I said, well, who's is that? He said, I don't know. I said, well, Dennis Prager doesn't drink. And his buddy is producer Allen doesn't drink. And there's no one else back. There's no one back here. Who's is that? I don't know. Why doesn't have Mangria dumped over it? I don't know. I said, are they doing it at the bar that way? They got to dump the Mangria over the top. No, no, they're dumping it. I got one at the bar. I said, but who's is this? He says, I have no idea. I said, well, why is there no Mangria? He says, I don't know. But I dumped the Mangria over it in five minutes later. He's walking around drinking it. And then later on, he's like, I don't like it over ice. I just like it straight up. I like it strong. I said, fine. He's been drinking the cup. He literally has 5/8 of an inch of swill that's gone back and forth from his mouth and its room temperature at the bottom of a clear glass. And it's the end of the night. And we're signing autographs and a couple of attractive 30-year-old girls come up. And they're like, well, what is this? The Mangria bottles on the table. And they're like, what is that? Well, it's wine. It's kind of-- and it's got some punch to it. Like takes his clear glass with his warm spittle of Mangria at the bottom of it. And he goes, you want a hit? Taste it. It's delicious. You take a hit. And they're like, no, we're good. No, no. You'll love it. And they're looking at the strange man with the-- you know when the drink gets down to the 5/8 mark at the bottom. You'll love it. The sweat on the forehead is like, no, have a hit, man. It's serious. I got more back. Go ahead. And they're like, no. And I realized, when you think like you think, do you think other people think like you think? Like he would have definitely had it. He would drink it out of someone else's mouth, it sounds like. Oh, he's this close to butt chugging. There's like a chef offering you a butt of, like, Premier Lay off the dessert cart. That's the not all night. Oh, you love this. Oh, this is less than a lateral move from eating off of the room service tray that's on the floor outside in the hallway. Which I've done, too. But-- Wait, are you talking about packaged crackers, though, or actually grabbing someone's half front sandwich? Whole straw, very-- Oh, wait a minute. Did my-- did August just walk-- did I just see August just walk past this thing? I think there's girls that hit off it. Yeah, it's down to seven in here, just because I'm going to get a fucking laugh out of this. Then, the uptight dad of my first girlfriend, Stephanie, shows up, oh, I haven't seen in 25 years. Mike. Yes. Why are you here to steal more, Mangria? I'm actually dropping off his left of the beer we didn't sell last night. Oh, OK. Tour of Falls, you gave two horrified 30-year-old women a chance at a hit off of your Mangria, where there was a quarter inch left at the bottom of your filthy glass. Yes, I did. And they passed on it last night. That's awesome. And you were confused. Rude. And whose cocktail-- whose bitter man was that backstage? I don't-- you know, and I think there was, you know, a lot of preggers, like family or extended families, kept drifting back and forth in the front in the back. So probably if somebody grabbed one and just-- they didn't have it-- it hadn't had the Mangria put on it yet, so it just got left. And you have-- you like me. And you and I are the only two people on the planet that have no problem picking up a half-spent cocktail and making it our own almost immediately. Who else-- what else could have been done to it? Come on, it was three seconds old. Well, that's the whole thing. What the hell would kill anything? I think it's like, you think someone's shot a snot rocket or stirred it with their cock? It's their fucking cocktail. Exactly. You just get over your own shit. Oh, probably took a drink of it. They didn't like it, so they left it. Yeah, so you dumped the little Mangria on it and hit the road. It was the long way of the bar from the back of the-- [LAUGHTER] I was going to say, so my greatest point of pride is like when people say, "Look, I like you." You're filling the blank and I'm not a sports fan or I'm not a whatever fan, but I really enjoyed that whatever Mike August does not drink and my wife does not drink and they've both become alcoholics Came up with that past week Delicious, we poured 38 bottles of man Grille last night Jesus Christ old another seven I mean we moved almost four cases at one show and you only consume nine bottles of only nine Fucking believable. All right. Well the nice When the Corolla dynasty empire story is told I feel like a pivotal moment will be when all the employees got strung out on But they were so it's really just those it's just it's Lynette and Mike so far I've been on the road with Mike for three years I've not seen him with more than a light beer backstage over the court and by the way There's nothing for him to do but drink at these places that have nothing but booze Senos and whatnot doesn't to maybe a Corona in an airport rare occasion now cannot be found without his boat a bag filled with Mangria, broken seal All right, all right, well all Me and you and Lynette will take a nice drive down to Palm Springs in a few months I'll get this whole thing sorted out. Dr. Drew with his powdery look on his face. All right. Thanks Mike Mike were you there? So were you there when Gordon? The dad of my first girlfriend showed up. This is the soil. Yeah from you. I see gram wellington showed up It was weird like the world's whitest guy showed up Yeah, I was I was working the book table and he came up and he gave me kind of a cryptic Oh, I knew Adam back then and you know, I didn't know who it was until it was it was too late I you told me afterwards, but it was what I got in the picture. It was scary. It scared me. I was like 22 again like I was the loser Your girl just graduates from USC and she's dating a guy who drives a pickup truck Where the cranks are broken off on the windows so he has to use by scripts to roll up There's a picture of me and Stephanie that no one can ever see because of the website And not talk about material. Oh, it's seen and not talk about material. Yeah, so he wanted to get the book And then I started thinking wait a minute. I think I called him like the whitest scariest man alive or something in the book But people are pretty good sense of humor about Shit anyway, L.A. We're all adults now and listen if I brought home a 22-year-old me I Would be pissed you understand. Yeah, I mean, I hope you guys Yeah, I hope you guys understand that part of life where you can understand that a 22-year-old version of you Dating I mean I was fucking digging ditches on a construction site and she graduated USC He had he wasn't I think an attorney seems he has no hard feelings. Are you bringing home a 20-year-old version of you to you? Because the world is gonna fold in. Oh, yeah, it's a snake just ate its tail. All right, so you called him the whitest man alive Okay, well, I you saw him last night was I lying? Nope, no, okay now picture him with a nugget gold watch and a lot of attitude and some 80s hair I don't like checks and how much is he gonna take? Oh That's my whole thing because I had I would have been like 4529 dollars and 86 sets like that's exactly what it's gonna take to get me and do a used Ford Ranger And and yet I would say that Gordon is kind of a black man's name according to Sesame Street at least well white Black names and white names are either the blackest name or the whitest names are those They they always they always will run that like a Winston or something like that will run super white or super black What men black man? Yeah, I'm doing a game right Reginald. Right, Washington, right? so I went and saw Judd Aptow's movie on Friday. This is 40 which was excellent and we're gonna have Judd Aptow on the show And so thus I went and saw a early screening of his movie a couple things to say which is I was freaking out no one else gave a shit, but Judd Aptow's latest movies very good and Leslie Mann who I believe his wife in real life I think may get an Oscar nod for her performance in this film that good and it had I mean just great comedic role But with just tons and tons of layers and and just so much to it Paul Rudd was great and Albert Brooks Melissa McCarthy was in it Megan Foxx was great in it. Yeah, she was Jason Seagull was in this thing. I mean everybody was in this thing, and it was really well done and so Now you have to keep in mind that this is Friday afternoon Thursday night. I have Grand Parker in studio and I'm a huge fan of Grand Parker and I had this thing where David Wilde For the last like month and a half is saying something that hey Grand Parker's in this where in this movie coming up Judd Aptow blah blah blah, but I'm think Judd Judd Aptow is this Judd Aptow produced some documentary on Has been 80's rockers and you do a little sit-down or like what's going on? You know and it's like I've had it's happened so many times or so and so's in the movie and it's like the either Got cut out on movie and I said to Graham Parker at a certain point you saw the movies again Did you make the cut because I've been cut out of movies or if you're not cut out you're cut down to almost nothing and like You know he was catching up still in it. I made I made it through you know and that kind of thing The movie was about Graham Parker that definitely did not come through in the interview that we had with him That it's insane like I was going insane. It's the movie so I did it get cut out The movie is first off. It's it's coming out in December. It's gonna be huge gonna be I predict a big a big Christmas blockbuster comedy and as everyone in it. There's gonna be some Oscar buzz for Leslie man. I'm I'm sure of it It was the story of Paul Rudd and Leslie man's character from knocked up At five years later whatever it is now he has quit his job as a record rep for Sony went and opened his own independent label and a signed Graham Parker and He's having these conversations with people where I he's like channeling me where I'm like Enough with the fucking lady Gaga. We have real musicians with real music and soul What's wrong with you people? Why aren't you listening to this stuff? Graham Parker's in ten scenes he's playing the party he there's two Graham Parker concerts It's all about it's just a crazy thing where the fucking movies about Graham Parker and I mean there's a million other scenes and that there's a B story in a C story and all kinds of but the thrust of it is this guy goes and starts his own label Signs his idol Graham Parker and can't sell any records and it's going broke and I had no idea that this first I had no idea it was a huge Judd Appetitow, you know 40-year-old virgin knocked up super bad I didn't know was that size movie and then I didn't know Graham Parker was in In that much or was that pivotal and now I realized Judd Appetitow is a nutty Graham Parker fan because there's no Possible way you would make this decision. It's way too bizarre a decision. What are you guys gonna talk about when you have an interview? Well, we'll talk talking has girls and then it's right on HBO's girls and my Lena Dunham was in this movie as well. All right, so great movie great time and Holy shit. I can't believe I was staring at Graham Parker for two hours and 20 minutes when he was just sitting in here and By the way, could he have been more modest about the whole fucking thing? No, he could not have been more modest He was like I made it. I think that's an English thing. I got yeah. I got the sense to get a cameo in it not that it was about him I don't want to overstate it over sell it. He was in Eight to ten scenes and if he wasn't in a scene it was it was Paul Rudd talking about Graham Parker I mean he wasn't he wasn't the movie, but with a you could important part of the plot You could not cut him out of it because it would he was the plot of the movie so very interesting story very well done and We'll look forward to us speaking to what Judd very soon. All right Let's see. Shall we take a call? Should we do a little business? I got on my PC. All right Why don't we do a news story and then we'll bring in Ryan Bingham the news with Allison Rosen She reads some news from her iPad some times. It's good. Sometimes it's bad. It's Allison And when it's time to wrap it up she'll sign it off with zip it cut. It's Allison The East Coast is preparing for a hurricane Sandy which the damage from Hurricane Sandy could be catastrophic It's only a category with Sandy. What do you prefer Sandra? Something like Dutch or Turk? You know, someone's got some something Sandy. I picture John Travolta singing singing it up to the road curious us Jillian accent and no explanation why yeah, hurricane Hannibal Yeah, yeah, I know Elephants trampoline. Well also when people got to the heart of this ultimately if somebody loses their life to hurricane sandy It's like having your ass kicked by a guy named Leonard or something. It's just it doesn't just feel right. Yeah Also, that's the cross section the photo of the impact of sandy which will be on our Facebook page Very similar to the cross section of a woman's private parts that would be in a tampon brochure. Oh, yeah It's gonna hit the cervix. Seeing the charts on the wall. Yeah, I know he's like, oh, that's far down Green on the outside That's right. Oh, you've seen one. I was thinking yeah, I think A Jimmy is Jimmy's in Brooklyn or in New York all all this week. I think I'd get slammed by that Yes, I wonder how it's going to be affecting him because New York is Is gonna be fairly fucked up. It even if it's not the damage from the hurricane Just the preparations like over 3000 flights have been canceled. The subways are shutting down at 7 p.m. on Sunday It's expected to make landfall Monday night or Tuesday morning Broadway is shut down. Mm-hmm. Jimmy can be fucked by that He does love the great white way. Yeah Both Obama and Romney have canceled campaign stops or campaign activity because of hurricane sandy people I mean if like looking at my Twitter feed of all the people on the east coast People are just hunkering down or trying to get out although I don't think you can get out at this point Just figuring out what they're gonna do and for how long um school's been canceled like over a million students Lucky fucking sons of bitches But I keep seeing as people tweeting photos of what their kitchen looks like because they're preparing to be stuck Oh really, mm-hmm. They're hoarding. They're hoarding. I love hoarders. Might be a run on ships. They're bunkering It's awesome. Mm-hmm. They're hunkering, bunkering, and hoarding I love that show. Do you have an emergency kit? Uh, yeah, but only because they give me like first date. I mean like you know for a record some shit What do you mean? Like a first aid kit's a first aid kit's got right? Right. Right. You mean like water and salt Water and food and shit for Molly. Yeah We have a discussion about having a discussion about having an emergency plan twice a month so we're covered If that's what you're asking you're very thorough Yeah Yeah, um, I have uh, I'll tell you what I get I I do have water and I do have a food that's just you know can whatever and then I do have the kits that somebody's figured out it's actually kind of nice You know when you do these shows they usually give you a bathrobe or coffee mug Some of them that can't remember if it was Jimmy's show or the tonight show or whatever Started giving you like little things to keep in the trunk of your car with jumper cables and flares and stuff You break down and I I have like the the backpack with the gauze and the wind up radio in it and then all that In case your emergency you'll remember Alan DeGeneres That's right. That's right That's right. Do you have one Brian? Yeah Label the brother p-touch and everything uh, some canned food like a little pack of dog food I've like a few cases of water in the garage Yeah, just in case your power goes out or gas goes out or you know, I gave a yeah We had the conversation where I said uh, not only do we need the earthquake thing But there's a bunch of plates and vases and things that are like up high that are gonna come down on people's heads that We need to get some of that sticky sticky gum on there and get it down there and uh When it gave me a mm-hmm And so that meant to me it was done. Yeah, I don't know about that cross that one off the list Did you guys do stuff in preparation for Y2K? No No, I I'm not in any of that stuff I hear here's my my whole thing is it's it's basically that my it's the approach I take to going to the airport Which is this um I cut it within you know five ten minutes every time I go the airport I cut it close every single time Because as I've said before you can play it safe and get there an hour before you need to be there I'm not saying an hour before the flight. I'm saying an hour before you need to be there Um, you do that six times. That is one flight to New York or flight back Five maybe flight there from and if you miss your flight You can catch another flight most of the time I've found and I'd like to know what the average is you miss a flight the average inconvenience It's probably about somewhere between an hour and 45 minutes to three hours But if you show up early And more than you have to ten flights that's ten hours. So my whole feeling is The time you spend in prep and in discussion and whatever usually Is bigger than the actual inconvenience or whatever the event is like all the time everyone talked about Y2K Nothing ever happened. There's a lot of earth. I've lived through earthquakes here Rattles around a couple of dishes break power goes out and then it comes back on and You could dig a tunnel have a bunker have a 55 gallon drum of garbanzo beans in there And a lot of codes and a lot of dry runs work out I need hummus if there's a disaster but yeah It's never never really happens. And that's why people don't really don't really take it seriously Plus I used to do earthquake rehab anyway I know exactly how buildings are built and I know which ones are gonna fall down and which ones aren't gonna fall down And it's all masonry unreinforced masonry. That's it. It's never stucco It's never plywood. It's never two by fours. It's never anything and as I was screaming When I was screaming about Joel MacKale and his pool and earthquake country go to Pasadena Go look at the craftsman homes that were built in 1907 and tell me what country they're in Marboral country earthquake country or bullshit politician country Speaking of Joel MacKale hmm I went to see Argo last night and guess who was in the theater. It wasn't Joel MacKale. It was Chevy Chase Really? Chev as his wife refers to him because I heard her call his name. Yeah, I don't want to throw Joel under the bus of course not but um Arsenio Hall dissed me when I was talking to Joel MacKale. No such a good voice. Oh Chevy Chase's long had a reputation for being difficult and When I talked to Joel in the early stages of Community he just said I said how's it going and he just gave the great except for There's one person that's a little bit difficult and I don't think things have gotten any better and then he told me About a story that had made the news about Joel Yes, I'm not Joel but Chevy with some uh little racial stuff. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Apparently he used a word. Mm-hmm. That people are not supposed to use Uh, yes Uh, oh by the way somebody somebody tweeted me and uh We we can find Mike you can try and see if you can find this um, remember when glory all red was on the On the radio show and I had this sort of famous line With her at least I liked it No one else seemed to care about it, but uh She we're talk they were suing Michael Richards for dropping a bunch and bombs on stage right and she was representing those people and She said look who knows maybe this is gonna help his career And I said uh, I don't think this is gonna help his career Gloria and she said you don't know that I love when people do that First off, it's fucking insulting to say that to intelligent people you don't know that I said I do know that She said you don't know that I said I can guarantee you This is not gonna push Michael career Mike His career along in a positive direction. I'm gonna get his own sitcom Family time. Whoo. Yeah for lookout ABC Friday night right after step by step. There's a new sheriff in town So there's Michael Richards. I said uh No, this is not going and then she said That's where the famous line came out. She said you know, you don't know. I don't know you don't have a crystal ball I said I don't I have a crystal brain And I understand this is not going to help Michael Richards career She's like well, you don't know that well listen bitch as somebody emailed me. It's been what five years Who was right face You were yeah, I was and I always fucking knew I was and she knew I was I'm guessing she knew I was now I don't know when she did now we get to um Somebody, huh, well you can read it if you like says Adam are you going to apologize to Gloria all red now that Michael Richards career is on fire thanks to the publicity from the end word Right, so here's my point. I always want to start a category called stupid or liar Either Gloria all red is insane Because she thinks this might help his career Or as I assume she's just a liar It's stupid or liar. It's why it cannot there's no third box to check. There's no other category you either think this is gonna help a guy's career which means you're fucking insane or you're lying your ass off it's stupid or liar so which is it Gloria stupid or liar anyway I will take my apology in the form of an edible arrangeable all right oh we have the clip well done what year what year is this is this from I think it's been oh six no really these had to be the end of oh six if it was oh six Danny was there maybe we'll be in oh six oh six eleven twenty nine oh six here's glory all right explaining what the future so this is six years ago now I felt like Danny was already there the future of Michael Richards career question of whether they would prefer it happened the question is will enhance his career no we don't know the answer yes we do the answers now because you've got a crystal ball but I don't have now I have a crystal brain that thinks logically well you know you don't really don't know that these things so the point is really I do know I do know this hasn't helped them just like O.J. Case wasn't helped by what he did many samples of it you know Michael Richards of killing anyone now I'm saying look what he did was wrong and he deserves to be punished he is being punished he's being humiliated well you think that I think he's been out there looking for sympathy from the public and but we're looking and he looked at my he's been concerned rightfully so about the damage to his career now we're concerned about the damage to our clients and to the victims now you don't think that people who are African American who called the N word over and over and over again all victims and I understand that's your point of no I didn't I didn't say they weren't victims I don't I don't know how to decide who's a victim and who isn't by words that are said to them because that's up to them but he has no it's not easy it's not easy for you because you want money but here's the deal if somebody calls me a cracker and I'm very hurt by that then maybe I'm a victim if someone calls me a cracker and it doesn't bother me then I'm not a victim so I can't tell you who's a victim I can tell you who's a victim of arson I can tell you who's had a bone broken I can't tell you who's been victimized by words well that's up to that and I would suggest with all due respect you do you know maybe you need to review a little bit about civil rights and how African Americans have been haunted and hurt by the end word which is why we don't use the full word anymore because we know that it is I'm gonna do some history you know she did that right I don't know about that yeah we don't know about these things by the way no about is anyone ever upset that a guy was put on academic probation at a fucking junior college can out argue any lawyer content on the planet and as I say to my wife all the time when your cons are where she goes Lynette says me all the time why do you win every argument I go because I'm right I wouldn't my batting average would go way the fuck down if I was wrong her you don't know you don't we don't have a crystal ball you don't know and by the way when people are doing whether it's these new shows or political shows this is what people need to do when they go you don't know if this is gonna help his career you go you don't go well you're entitled to your opinion you go no I do now and they go well you don't have it now you're wrong you want money you're wrong I mean Jesus fucking Christ that's that's where you're the most right is that no one the reason they always seems so smart and the lawyer can't seem like they always been every thing to turn no no challenges no one ever says like that's absurd yes play the beginning okay play the beginning again because I didn't let I did not let her go into this premise of nobody knows you don't know this could help yet what was she trying what was the argument she was trying to make he's might benefit from this so there's where there's money I said look here's what I said I said Michael Richards will be punished by not making any money for the rest of his career and he'll be ostracized and he'll be on it he'll be pardon the pun black listed so yes so he will that's that will be his punishment and she said you don't know this could help his career this place years to be a scandal of situation I'm sure you agree with it well yeah it's possible but I think if you asked Michael Richards whether he prefer or Michael Richards representation is publicist or agents whether they prefer the sensitive happen or not they would of course say no well that's not the question of whether they would prefer it happened the question is will it enhance his career no we don't know the answer yes we do the answers now because you've got a crystal ball but I don't have no I have a crystal brain that thinks logically all right that's good see that's all point that's how all these shows need to go but instead they just sit back let nut job number three spout out whatever they do and then they go okay well now you're entitled to your opinion no that's it just to say just to fucking do what normal human beings do and shut the bitch is down or douchebags either one yes all right so it's been six years who was right there the one with the law to grey tristle out his Michael Richards done a thing in six years more of a pariah than he you know what I mean like he's get extended absence yes you think you're gonna come back at some point so I'd love to get glory all right on the show and find out stupid or liar either way you should hunt down everyone who was wrong and just make them a liar she because you have to just admit you're a liar otherwise you're saying I have no ability to judge human beings their interactions are the world we live it right that's the fucking problem with line morons excuse me I don't know what truck I just came off of is that they'll never admit it right but how about when there's only one alternative which is stupid because if you really think this is gonna but the point is is I did not give her a breath in between saying you don't know if I said no it's not and I and I stayed with it and then I gave her the old crystal brain all right let's take ourselves a little break Ryan Bingham he won an Oscar and a Golden Globe for writing the theme from a crazy heart and we're going to oh by the way all right we'll take a quick break we'll be in with Ryan next I'm laughing good Ryan Bingham is here this is right I'm laughing because Dawson said we're gonna come back with Ryan Bingham's version from crazy heart but it was all just acoustic guitar so we wouldn't it wouldn't know if it was Jeff Bridges or not good see it Ryan Bingham thanks for bringing your guitar and so tomorrow I'm name of the new album I tell you can get it at Amazon and I'm here to tell you you can get an Amazon we don't have a website so don't bother clicking through our fucking piece of shit website but you can still go to Amazon and get it support Ryan and you can check out his website Bingham music dot com so I ran into Jeff Bridges at the Playboy Mansion how about that how about that many years ago and good 12 years ago and he was like yeah I got some music I'm doing and I'd love to come on your show and play my music and I thought you do music and evidently he does do music but how did you guys get hooked up I'm met him through the director that Scott Cooper that directed the film crazy heart I just entered or met him through him that's but kind of my introduction to the whole things through Scott and did did you guys work together a lot or did you just give the songs and I mean how much tutelage went down with you and he if you want to call it that it was kind of interesting yeah I met Scott I guess he had got a hold of a couple of my previous records before and just called me up one day to go have lunch with him and said he was looking for some music for the film that he's doing and he gave me a copy of the script and then I went on the road for about a month and ended up kind of coming up with this song the weary kind and I was back at home one day and I hadn't heard anything from Scott so I gave him a call and just told him I had this song and I was wanted to send it to him in the mail and he said we'll just come on over we're all over here at T-bone's house in Los Angeles right now and he goes can you bring it over and I said yeah so I drove over there and just thought I would kind of drop it off and leave and ended up T-bone answered the door and he said well come on in here and wait who's T-bone T-bone Bernette that T-bone Bernette that T-bone yeah that's not T-bone Silverstein well that was his family name I thought that's who you're talking about but then there's I'm singing a T-bone pickings yeah right but yeah T-bone Bernette yeah sure and he's one of those T-bone Bernette like if you ever get in a trouble like someone's like who you into like what do you got what do you listen to you just go right Kudor and T-bone Bernette and they go yeah and then they go I'm into him too and then you go yeah yeah and then you make that tacit agreement but don't ask me what song he's done because I can't answer but I know if I say The Rai Kooter and T-Bone Burnett, everyone will back off. - And please the music snubs. - Yeah, well, no, and I got some radio head in there too. - Yeah, T-Radio Kooter, let's see what I'd listen to. - Head. - Head, Kooter Head. I listened to Kooter Head. So T-Bone says, come on, bye. - Yeah, and he answered the door and he's like seven foot tall and he's kind of a big intimidating guy. And he just said, well, come in here and I walked inside and he saw that I had a CD in my hand and he said, well, it's this play it right now and Jeff Bridges was there and Steven Bruton and all the music supervisors, just a whole room for the people that were working on music for the film. And he played it in front of all the people sitting there and he said, well, I think that might work. He goes, can you play it for us with a guitar on the couch? And I said, yeah, I played it for him again. And then he's like, I think that'll work. And he sat down and kind of worked on the song that afternoon and then I met Jeff there and we just kind of started hanging out from then on. And originally I was just, you know, just had the song and that was it. And later on they asked me if I'd play a part in the film as well. And when they did that, and Jeff was pretty cool about, you know, hey, I'll help you out with lines and things like that would practice with me 'cause I'd never done anything like that. - Well, most people think of Jeff Bridges as, you know, gay, pre-Madonna, but you probably know a different side to him. Is he just a laid-back guy? - Yeah, he's very laid-back. I mean, you know, nothing pretentious, no bullshit, he's just very straight up, very cool, a lot of fun to hang out with. You know, that was the first time I'd ever really experienced anything with a film or in kind of the Hollywood world, you know, in that business. So it was, it was pretty cool. He was pretty laid-back and just very easy going and-- - So leading in next, you know, you get a Golden Globe and an Oscar, which I'm sure-- - It's a handful of family members have in your immediate family, but you certainly didn't have one. - What's that like and where were you a year before that or two years before that? - Should I was living out of my suburban before then, you know, pretty much. You know, it was very, very surreal, very, you know, I was telling some of the other day, whenever I found out me and my wife just kind of laughed hysterically for hours just 'cause we couldn't really believe that it would happen to somebody like me, you know, so it was very, I don't, you know, I don't know. It was kind of strange and weird and, you know, I mean, it was obviously cool and a lot of fun to meet all those folks and be a part of that, but it was definitely something I wasn't used to. - Where did you grow up? - Kind of all over the place. I was born in New Mexico and a little town called Hobbs and then my family moved around a lot growing up. I don't think I lived in the same town for more than a couple of years ever growing up. We moved out to Bakersville, California when I was young. My family was in the working in the oil fields and we moved back to Texas and all around, kind of Texas in New Mexico. - Don't get Dwight Yoke him going on Bakersville. Talk your goddamn ear off. - I don't remember much about that. I was real young when I lived there. And then at a certain point, it's time to finish high school and hit the road? - Well, I've been called at that. I dropped out when I was a freshman and then kind of bounced around. My family split up. My kind of went out on my own and kind of just rambled around for a little ways and got into music and playing. And somehow kinda taught myself into going back to school and finishing and high school anyways. And then from then on, I was just like, fuck it, I'm gonna play the guitar and get the hell out of town and just kind of took off on my own. - Where do you live now? - I live here in Los Angeles. - And you go out, you tour, you make records or I should say CDs or whatever we call them. Downloads, tracks, tracks. Tomorrowland, name of the new CD track, album, thingy that has the music stuff on it. You wanna play song for us? - Yeah, I'll play one for you. - What do you got? It's called "Too Deep to Feel" and it's something kind of what do you get to be inspired in? (soft guitar music) ♪ Low babe or sweet baby ♪ ♪ You kiss these poor lips of mine ♪ ♪ Please tell me that you love me ♪ ♪ And your heart is forever mine ♪ ♪ I got a whole deep down inside me ♪ ♪ And I fear that it's too deep to feel ♪ ♪ I've grown this poor heart in misery ♪ ♪ For so long that it's too far gone to hear ♪ ♪ Well, I'ma go in now to the country ♪ ♪ And I'ma go in to see if I can find ♪ ♪ That lost someplace where I once was lost ♪ ♪ But I hope to be on home for so long ♪ ♪ And I'm going up on the mountain ♪ ♪ I'ma go in to see if I can find that well ♪ ♪ That cold mountain river no longer makes me shiver ♪ ♪ And I hope to be on home for so long ♪ ♪ And I'ma go in now to the desert ♪ ♪ I'ma go in to see if I can find that well ♪ ♪ People on the land are still posing in the same ♪ ♪ I hope to be on home for so long ♪ ♪ And I'ma go in now to the forest ♪ ♪ I'ma go in to see if I can find that well ♪ ♪ People all around are still cutting it all down ♪ ♪ I hope to be on home for so long ♪ ♪ And I'ma go in now to the ocean ♪ ♪ I'ma go in to see if I can find that well ♪ ♪ No one wants to bother me clean enough the water ♪ ♪ But I hope to be on home for so long ♪ ♪ And I'ma go in to New York City ♪ ♪ I'ma go in to see if I can find that well ♪ ♪ Then boys on Wall Street stole the shoes out of our feet ♪ ♪ And left us without food for so long ♪ ♪ And I'ma go in now to join the protest ♪ ♪ And I'ma go in to stand up and sing ♪ ♪ Or there's a time once again to stand up and demand ♪ ♪ That this land was made for you and me ♪ ♪ Oh babe, oh sweet baby ♪ ♪ You kiss these poor lips of mine ♪ ♪ Please tell me that you love me ♪ ♪ And your heart is forever mine ♪ ♪ I got a whole deep down inside man ♪ ♪ And I fear that it's too deep to feel ♪ ♪ I've drawn my poor heart in misery ♪ ♪ For so long that it's too far gone to year ♪ Wow, it sounded great. I closed my eyes for the last half of it and just started. I was in a movie. I felt like I was, I felt like I got your. Pippi Longstocking. You got to get your cans running, worked out there. It's got, it's popped up on your right side there. Well, it sounded great. And yeah, just, I don't know when you hear music and you go, I could see that in a really good movie. Yeah, it's so cinematic. Two deep to fill, name of the song tomorrow, land, name of the album. And so touring, Alms, and I'm guessing movie scoring as well or making music for movies. I don't know if they call it scoring. Yeah. I've just been writing songs and touring and traveling on the road and it's gotten back to doing that right now. I haven't had too much come up with films yet, but definitely down to. How do you get the rattle in your throat when you sing? Is that something we could do if we messed our voices up or did it be born with it? I think it'd be mess your voice up. A lot of people asked me about that. I think it's when I was starting out playing. I played in really shit-hold-divy bars, you know, with a lot of smoke and lots of drinking going on and bad sound systems and just not really knowing how to sing, you know, blowing my voice out every night, you know, pretty rowdy. Kind of, you know, the places I played and were places where people went to go get drunk and fight. They didn't go to listen to music. So the double-duse comes with the tear sheet. I've seen the movie. Right, you want to hang out with us? We'll do a little news and crack-wise, if you will. And, you know what, let me give a little love. Why don't you play some happy finger-pop in music while I talk about Vista Print? You know, something a little upbeat. I like these guys. These are great sponsors. Vistaprint.com, you can choose from thousands of designs for your business cards or you can upload your own artwork. You got to feel good about that. 250 top-quality cards for just $10. Wow, give a kind of a move. You know, he didn't know that one. Yeah, just 10, let's try it again. 250 top quality cards for just $10. Yeah, now we're talking. - Is this for the price? - His hand just slipped. That's right, Cape Blue right off. By the way, you'd like to get on this. There's a way to do it. You go to vistaprint.com. You type in Ace in the upper right hand corner and you get 250 premium business card for just $10. And free shipping. Vista print, everybody. All right, thank you, Ron. Need you for the rest of the week. Go ahead, let's do some news, man. - Now, the rest of the news. - We were talking about earthquakes earlier. And I was dying because I had more earthquake stories. I had a couple earthquake stories. I'm like, I'm gonna wait till we really do it. A 7.7-quake strike off the Canadian coast, the west coast of Canada. And the National Weather Service issued a tsunami warning for the coastal areas of British Columbia, southern Alaska and Hawaii. But later canceled it for the first two and downgraded it to an advisory for Hawaii. But if you check Twitter in the middle of the night, this was all happening. - Okay, we're worried about tsunamis. - Yeah, I mean, earthquakes are sort of, here's how earthquakes work. They're the, they're the sort of natural-- - It's gonna be short. - The natural disaster equivalent to a breakup. It's whatever shape you're in when somebody dumps you is how devastated your little town is going to be. George Clooney can get dumped, but he's never devastated 'cause he's always in fucking rich and he's good-looking and he's off to fuck his next cocktail waitress, but when things are bad and you're dumped, you're devastated, like you're ruined. - Like a reaperoman style? - Yeah, so when a seven-- - Exactly. - Exactly what I'm saying. When a 7.3 on the Richter scale hits Los Angeles, there's a little damage, but when it hits Mexico, it's fucking leveled and when it hits Haiti, it's a natural disaster. It's how prepared, how much un, how much un-reinforced concrete do you have? How many building inspectors have been bribed or do you have building inspectors at all? So the difference between a 7.2 in Germany and a 7.2 in Haiti is the difference between two old people dead because of heart attacks and a couple of dishes broken and complete and utter disaster. No drinkable water for the next six months and sewage running through the streets in a place on fire. It's not really the earthquake. The earthquake still the 7.2 and the 7.2. It's the exact same with the breakup. What kind of shape you in? Are you Haiti? Are you Germany? - We should all ask ourselves that. - Important. - Or are you serious? - There was a 3.9 magnitude earthquake in LA that was at 8.24 a.m. Sunday and people felt it in downtown LA and West Hollywood. - I like to follow up when people go, you feel the earthquake last night and you go, now you didn't feel it? - Yeah, I'm fucking lying. That's what I do. But you broke me. You water-borted me and I admit it, I felt the non-earth quake. - I knew I'd find you. - Yes, sure. - Yeah, yeah. I got a really exciting story about it too. I was sleeping and then I was kind of sleeping not as well and then I was back to asleep again. It was big. The ones that are under five, you don't really feel anyway. They got to get up past six otherwise. Those are tremors. - I grew up with earthquake drills in school. Did you have those? - We just had-- - Did you have those too, Ryan? - Yeah, all 75 preschools you want to. And there's 128 middle schools. They all had, we just had one at my kids' school. That's all, it's wildly imaginative and creative. When I count to three, everyone climb under their desk. They're ready? Good, finished. There's nothing to do but get under something. - Right, right. And yet in real life, all I ever do is go under a doorway 'cause I don't feel like crouching. - Yeah, and by the way, what are the chances you're at a desk and a chair's attached to it? Yeah, you get under a desk or they tell you to get in a doorway but a doorway and a commercial building doesn't have a header over it. And I know 'cause these doors were like, "We have work." So it's like doorway and a commercial building, really not gonna do you any good. - What is it? What is a header and what does it have instead of one? - Well, a doorway in like a residential style building is king stud, king stud, and then trimmer, trimmer. And header over the top, which would be a piece of four-by material and then little cripple stud up to the double top plate. And theoretically, that doorway would have a nice chunk of four by four or four by six or something above you that actually did something. But it's really like, it's just giving you something to do 'cause if they said, "Just stay where you are," then everyone would freak out. It's sort of like, it's kind of like when I think, I think the hernia checks when the doctor says, "Turn your head and cough." I don't think you need to turn your head. I just don't think he wants his bald head coughed on. (laughing) I figure that out eventually. I thought turning your head meant something, but I know he's realized, "Turn your head and cough." Just means, otherwise you'd just be looking down and coughing on his head, he just went flam head. So, what who does? What I do think, kind of giving you something to do in an earthquake comes people down versus sit here and just fucking kiss your ass goodbye or hope a plane doesn't land on you. Yeah, so there's really nothing to do. And there's nothing that's ever going to happen to anybody that's not in a masonry. It's all masonry related. Everything is masonry related. It's all chimneys falling down. Once in a while, you see the apartment building collapse, but that's because the concrete parking structure and the concrete pier that held it up collapsed and then the thing pancake on top. But it's always masonry and unreinforced, masonry. That's why Mexico's a disaster. That's why Haiti's a disaster. When you see these places like Mexico, then don't build with a bunch of glue lamb beams and plywood and two by fours. They build with cinder blocks and cinder blocks, not happy in an earthquake. I have a story here and the headline is, pumpkin is the new bacon. And apparently the pumpkin flavor is all over the place. What's going on, Brian? We just had a pumpkin dinner with some friends on Friday. - Really? - We're all pumpkin themed. - Really? - Yeah, that's right. I can dig-- - I figured you wouldn't like this. - I dig-- - I don't like it. - I like it. - It's delicious. - I dig the pumpkin dessert. I'm down with that and muffins and pies, bread, things like that. - Those pumpkin flavored Hershey kisses. - I'll go with the pumpkin, anything in the dessert department, I can sign off on. And I can even get high and go with the pumpkin ravioli. - We have pumpkin sausage pasta with goddamn delicious. - Mm, so-- - Well, it had sausage, yeah. - Yeah, the sausage is a little bit of pumpkin seasoning or something. - Yeah, it's like, if it's as long as that sausage and pies. But, yeah, I'm going nuts. I'm going nuts running with all the fucking flavors, like with all the passion fruit and all the cranberries popping up everywhere. And, especially, the lemonade. It started with the pink lemonade, which is really just a lemonade that's a different color. - Was anyone upset with the yellow lemonade? - This is-- - This is my life's point, which is, did anybody ever order lemonade and go, "Huh?" (laughs) This just tastes like lemonade. Yeah, yeah, you ordered lemonade. Yeah, it's yellow like lemonade and it tastes like lemonade. Right, that's what you ordered. Nobody ever said, "Why isn't this some weird "of feminine hue?" They just went, "I ordered lemonade. "I got lemonade." Then, someone came out with pink lemonade and we all kind of went, "Eh, all right." And, next thing, you know, it's raspberry and it's, yes, yes, all right. - But, I actually think that if pumpkin is everywhere, I can tolerate that more than bacon being everywhere. I wanted to sign off on the bacon thing, but then I had a bite of a cupcake that had bacon on it and I thought, "This tastes like a cupcake with bacon on it." There's no magic, anything happening here. - All right. - It's a mini cupcake. - Here's the thing. There is, there's mini cupcakes. - This sounds wrong. - Yeah, it was, it tasted wrong. - There's dessert and there's dinner and taking dinner and bleeding it into dessert and taking dessert and bleeding it into dinner defeats the purpose of dessert and dinner. There's dinner, that's where you have the salty, protein-y, smoky, you know, your meats and savory stuff. And then, when you're done with that, you're done eating all your brisket and your potatoes and all that, then you have a hankering for some apple pie, all a mode. But, if they have apple pie, all a mode, the tastes like cow lung. Now, you're fucking taking the protein and the same, now you're throwing everything into one big fucking cuisine art. I like the difference. I like the, let's do this. - Oh yeah, I gotta have my cow lung pure. - Yeah, let's do this, which is dinner, salty and savory and then let's do the sweet and delectable dessert. But then everyone's trying to get the, oh, this fucking jerky pudding is awesome, man. And it's like, no, we had that. And here's, can I say this? Are we out of dessert options? Like, has there ever been a situation where someone went, we want some pie? No, not even apple pie with ice cream? No. How about the 300 variety of ice cream, sherbet, and sorbet? No. How about the 10,000 pudding flavors? How about all the fucking rolls and all the pastries and all that stuff? Is there ever been a point where you're out of desserts? We're like, "There are no more desserts for me. Someone must invent a new dessert that involves bacon bits in order for me to be satisfied. Stop jacking off in the kitchen." What'd you have at your pumpkin party for dessert? Pumpkin bread pudding with creme anglaise? Did you consider pumpkin pie and decide it was just to put that strand, of course. Right. Okay. The point is pumpkin bread pudding. We are not out of dessert. I don't even, how many, how many different types of donuts are there? There's a hundred different donuts, there's a hundred, hundred different pies, there's a hundred different puddings. Just fucking enjoy one of them. What do you have? Did you send out invites on pumpkin shaped paper? Come on, Allison, don't be ridiculous. Pumpkin e-vite? There are pumpkin post-its. Yes. Ryan, pumpkin dessert, or bacon dessert, or pumpkin food. Thoughts? No, I'm not into it. Come on down. My point is this, is anyone ever said, "Give me a tea-bone steak, and a potato, and an iced tea, or a lemonade, or a slice of apple pine one?" I'm so burnt out on this. I need other, way less interesting horrific options. Anne Coulter has been in the news because she called Obama a retard. Wow. She tweeted something. She said that she's a fucking animal that one, man. She's relentless. She's relentless. We have her on Pears Morgan discussing that. I swear to God, I think she's two years away from doing two shows simultaneously. I could see her on Pears Morgan, and on the O'Reilly factor, at the same time. She's going to split off and create another being. Like turning her head of the camera for one show and the other for the other? Or getting a new face on one side of her head. Completely unexplainable, put just more freeing off and starting another human being. She is completely, she's just fucking relentless. She's like, she's like, termites. I bet she doesn't sleep. She's like rust. It never sleeps. That's right. That's right. But I don't even just mean that she gets so much done. I mean literally, like she just stands in a locker at night. Yeah. And thinks of things to say to piss people off. All right. Yeah, exactly. Why? Why? Because I do not. President of the United States in retard. Because it's a synonym for loser. And we were spending ten seconds on this or it's going to be another two years before I come on. Because I agree. At the word police, I need an encyclopedia Britannica to see what ones are. And which ones aren't. Okay, explain to me why we need to art as inappropriate. Because I heard you this morning say, look, what if I'd said, imbecile idiot Cretan or moron? That was two nights ago. Right, whatever. Any of those four words, as you know, has not become in the last decade or so a word that is synonymously offensive to people with disability and is used in a offensive way about them by people. That is a difference. Do you call people with mental disabilities retards? Because I don't. And I think that's a nasty thing to do. A lot of people do to be offensive. It just goes on. I want to see both of them in their mid 80s. Because I think he's going to be. He's going to be great when he's in his 80s and so she. Like, I don't know why. I just had that glimpse of him. Do you think those be more like they are now? Yeah, but he's going to say like sensual and things like that. Well, like, hold the whole Cretan. Cretan. Oh, I even know what that was. He was saying Cretan. Yeah, I had an English girlfriend that said Cretan. Cretan. Yeah. Well, so then when she would give the whole list, she kept accidentally saying like Cretan or Cretan or Cretan or and then she correct herself. That word got the most play in this whole thing. Wow. Very close to Cretan. All right. So then at a certain point, he said, you know, would you use the N word? And she said, no, that's, you know, that's crazy. That's a curse word. She wouldn't use that. I don't know. What do you think of this whole thing? See, I personally have, I feel like I'm laughing. I'm laughing. All right. You got to find stupa faction by Grand Parker because I was, my kids, when I, you know, I sit in my den and I fucking, this guys are so stupid. What are they so stupid? And my kids are like, oh, you said the S word. You said the S word. I didn't say the S word. Yes, you did. I said, I know. I didn't say shit. No, you said the S word. Like there's another S word. Yeah, it's stupid. So I've gotten into this with my kids where I'm like, oh, oh, you're saying stupid is on a no fly zone list for, for daddy. Kids are going to be sorely disappointed. I said, first off, daddy uses stupid a lot and that's when he's in a good mood. That's when he's in front of you. And secondly, they're plenty of stupid people. We're surrounded by stupid people. You need to know. Don't block it out and go nobody stupid. Understand almost everyone's stupid. Otherwise, you're going to be wildly, you'll be devastated as an adult by just how stupid other adults are. And they're like, did, did, did, but, and so I've been getting in into it with them about being stupid. As I said the other day, my son said he was bullied because he was talking to a guy and the kid plugged his ears, not my son's ears, his own ears. My son labeled that as bullying. So we've gone to a point where everything is crossing the line or off limits. I don't like look. Retard is like, it's got a good sound. It's got teeth and pop to it. And if you called anybody with a disability a retard, then you have a serious issue. If you're calling one of your stupid buddies a retard, you're calling one of your stupid buddies a retard. I'm all right with that. I'm not, look, it's like, it's, I don't think you should call anyone who's fat, fat. That's what I'm saying. But we shouldn't outlaw the word fat. It's not a friendly word to a fat person, but it's not a bad word in and of itself. And I just, I think it's a little bit of a slippery slope because everything is sort of getting on that list. But I think for a lot of people, the word retard has been on the list for a while and they just accept that it's not a used word anymore. And then I feel like a Cretan when I use it. I, I like it. I would like to continue calling my retarded friends or the ones who act retarded. Yeah. It's always funny that when people have to explain it. You have, you got some stupid, oh, you play. Yeah, we'll get to the, we'll get to the end part. So that's not the end. You can, you can go the halfway point. So I'm, I'm on my grand parker kit because I just saw this Judd Apital movie with him in it. He was just in the studio and stuff. So I'm driving over to Kevin Hentch's house with the kids in the back. And I'm playing me some grand parker. And this song, "Stupid Faction" comes on. And my, and now my kids are in the back seat. They're plugging, they're plugging their ears. You know, and I'm going to plug in your ears. I crank the fuck 18, 18 speakers. That's bullying, grand parker. Yeah, I crank the shit up. And then my wife's like yelling at him. He's saying, "Stupid Faction." That's saying, "Stupid." He's saying, "Stupid Faction." And I said, all right, we'll give it a minute. Give it a minute. So now we're driving and they're in the back seat. And I'm convincing them they can take their fingers out of their ears because he's not saying, "Stupid." He's saying, "Stupid Faction." And then I reach to the volume and I crank it up. And I'm singing, "Hey, hey, hey, hey." And the kids got their fingers stuffed in their ears and I'm going, "Drink it up, baby!" And we're going for round two. So that's what I'm doing in my kids. And they're like their hand. And then when it's over, they're like, "Is it over? Can we take our fingers out of our ears?" So stupid is next. My grandparents had a rule that you couldn't say, "Yucky." They thought what my parents, we were allowed to say everything, like even bad words, but we were taught that, you know, best not to say those in public. But the "Yucky" thing, I remember I had a cousin who evidently said "Yucky" too many times or something. I don't understand that. Once in a while, you run into a weirdo adult when you're a kid. I'd like to find all of them and kick them in the nuts right now. They're still alive. That weirdo adult that goes all fucking apes shit on one thing for no reason, but then it's enough to fuck you up. I call the kid when I was like, "Tan, I called another kid, hey, don't be a schmuck." And I got the super serious, "Hey, hey, you do not use schmuck. It's a very powerful word." And I remember being "Tan" being like, "No, it's not. It's schmuck." Like it's no big deal. To this one guy, it was like a major fucking faux pas. And then I got all freaked out by it. Like, why is he freaked out? And then maybe I shouldn't be using this and then what? No, it turns out he's just a fucking nutty adult. I'd like to round them all up and throw them in the fucking schmuck ocean. They're the same guys that sort of insist that everyone knows that everything means. They're like, "Oh, I told you I got a chip back there." And like, "Do you know what chip that is? The gypsies? We got rounds it up." And the Holocaust was like, "What does? I thought it just means you got ripped off." Right. But like, the guy who assumes that you know where everything came from and the road is ostensibly insulting. Yeah. Right. I do that with scumbag though. You know what a scumbag is right. I'm not free. People do that. I'm talking hate it would people do that because you're not using it that way. And neither in the nine year old doesn't know the root of the fucking word that you're yelling chip or scumbag or schmuck or whatever it is, but they have to fucking enlighten you. Who are those fucking parents by the way? I mean, I got to say, you know, I get the thing where I did the pumpkin carving with, uh, my son, uh, what's his nose? Sonny. Sonny, uh, cause it really screwed me up because I got my son and then I have to come up with sonny like almost immediately after. And we went down and did the pumpkin carving and that was Thursday night, you know, so I, all I do, you know, what I do with all those things is me and another group of dads break off and have a discussion. And here's how, here's how the discussion goes. The kids are like working on their pumpkins and we do the, there's no fucking way my dad would have done this about you. No fucking way. No way. No. What you're dead. No. Are you kidding? He was fucking drunk and fucking a secretary. There's no way would have pulled out of a secretary to come carve a pumpkin with me at a church on a Thursday night. There's no fucking way. And then, uh, so that's, and then I get home and then I always get the, uh, was daddy tuned out. And then my son always, oh, he drops the dime. Yes, daddy was tuned out. I don't even know what that means. I mean, he knows that it means from watching. My kids have been poisoned into knowing what daddy being tuned out means. And again, do you want me completely, emotionally invested in this gourd? Because I'm gonna have difficulty making money doing other things. Yes. How tied up? I had this, I had the weird, I had this weird moment where they took all the pumpkins 29. And they put them on the stage. We're in a gymnasium at a church. And the stage is up, you know, four feet off the ground and we're all down on the gym floor. It's like the church gymnasium, you know, wreck thing at the church. And the dads, I don't think thought this one out. And it was like the Cubscaught thing. And they put all the, they put 29 pumpkins right up again. And they covered, they took the whole stage up from left to right, like 40 feet of pumpkins. And at a certain point, one of the guys there named Mike, small business owner, Republican guy comes up to me and we're just standing alone complaining about, there's no way our dads would have done this. And he just leans over to me and he goes, you think we can win this one? And I said, I wouldn't get my hopes up, Mike, 29 other pumpkins. Your kids, I mean, you know, no offense, but I've seen better pump. And he's like, I'm talking about the presidential race. And I'm like, Oh, I was in pumpkin mode. You're very present. I would argue that I'm fucking present. I was in fucking full, with this pumpkin competition mode. I felt like an asshole because I was like, I know why should he give a shit about these fucking pumpkins. So then the dad, the dad, I realized I'm very concrete in my thinking that way. I was in pumpkin mode. And that's what I was talking about. I like, he was very discreet of I think we're going to win this one. And I think we got a chance. And it's very serious. Do not get your hopes up. There's a lot of pumpkin competition. Then, then, you want to talk about the worst plan in the world. One of the Cubscaught leader guys, unfortunately, I said, dress like a giant Cubscaught. It's sort of like what a manager is to baseball, but at least he's dealing with adults. He's got to wear the Cubscaught uniform. That's exactly or the cover of the Oingo Boeing cloud. He has to do this thing that, you know, these things he realized, oh, this is ill-fated from the second pumpkin. And he's like, all right, all right, everybody settle. They do the two finger cup thing raise. Everyone settle, settle, silence. And we're going to do this by applause. He went and put his hand over every pumpkin. Like it was a talent competition, but there was 29 pumpkins. And he threw his back out by the fourth pumpkin, like it was leaning over. And it was the same eight people like who just thought they're supposed to clap it every pumpkin, you know, those like pumpkins. 45 minutes later, he gets to the end. It's clear that nothing has figured out. Yeah, you can't measure claps 29 times. Right. So now he's like, Oh, I think we have a winner. And everyone's like, we do. It's because of ask. Nobody knows. Yeah, nobody knows. Everyone was completely out of it. He picked three pumpkin winners. I brought mine home, you know, more just approved to my wife. I was present. What kind of pumpkin expression did they carve? Did they go out of the pumpkin? Oh, you? Oh, yeah. What kind did you carve? I got the sharpie. I went with the old school, you know, a patch of pew buys from 70s porn. Some people call it a triangle. Yeah, maybe I should just start calling it that. Yeah, because some of the other dads, you're right. You know what? I'll just call it the triangle. It'd be easier. Yeah. Sonny gets the geometry class. Yeah. What's that? So at least what? That's a fucking past the 70s patch of pubs. Come on. Everyone knows that. So I did, I did those, I did the triangle eyes. And then I did just the horrible orthodontious thing and the big smile. They give you the little thing and, you know, the little knife. I bet you a hundred, a hundred people are fucking stabbed trying to do that insane thing. And, and, and I was like, Dolan, you saw with it. You can't cut you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they do, they do all this shit where all this stuff comes from China now. And it's like, you cut out a hole and you put in the flashing eyes and then you stick them out there. But eventually like, once you just get one of the guys to come over from China to do your pumpkin up. Like at a certain point, what a pumpkin carver? Yeah, a professional pumpkin car. I mean, like, there's no candles. They have little strobe lights and there's no eye holes. I just bought a fake pumpkin from Costco and I just bring that out every year. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, not really bad. No. I know. All right. Where are we? Let's bring it home. That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zippet pumpkins. That was the news with Allison Rosen. And, you know, anytime the was daddy tuned out, anytime that question is asked, it's always, oh yeah. Oh yeah. It's like, I said something that's fair. I mean, how are you supposed to prove you're not tuned out? I don't know. What'd you say? Exactly. Yeah. Ryan Bingham, everybody. The name of the album, it's such bullshit. And like, listen, I wish my dad went to a handful of things and just sat there and was tuned out. The fuck. It's like, it's, it's, it's really, it's like, it's like, it's like running a marathon and not burning any calories. Are you getting no credit for it? Yeah. Like, I wasted a Thursday night. We did the podcast early. I hustled over the other end of the valley. I get no credit because I was tuned out. It's bullshit. Yeah. By the way, my time, my tuned out is everyone else is 110% of tuned in. That's really tuned in. I am. Yeah. What a claim. That's what I want to say. Okay. At least, at least some of the dumber dads. I can do. I can do. I can. I can multitask. Thank you. I know what you're saying. Tomorrowland, the name of the album, Ryan Bringer, is his name. You can tweet him at Ryan Bingham. You can check out his website at Binghammusic.com. Mangria go to buy. Mangria.com. And let's keep this party going, everybody. And Alison Rosen. Alison Rosen. She's a new best friend, everybody on iTunes. And you can try our app as well. This week's guest, Jesse Thorn. And for more information, you can go to AlisonRosen.com. So, until next time, it's Adam Crowell for Ryan Bingham, Alison Rosen, and Bob Ryan, say it. Mahalo. My underwear right now is sopping wet, and I'm super fucking uncomfortable, but high. All right. Does Adam Crowell show 944? Can it next be of Adam Crowell show 736 with a great Michael Naran in studio, along with Larry Miller and Pete Holmes, this is from 2012. And now, a rich man who was once a poor man. Adam Crowell. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandate. Get hit on. You can see me in Durham, North Carolina coming up this Thursday, January 19th. Coming up soon. Good day, ball, Brian. Take a little time to be quiet. And Michael Naran. Good to see you, buddy. Very necessary. And your older brother, Larry Miller, in studio, all I can say is watch the bald stuff tonight. Oh, yeah. Oh, outnumbered for a change. It's bald versus jufros. That's right. Because Alison is going to stay on the side on this, but you might wind up in the galley rowing tonight. Well, she can fend you off with a hot comb. I got nothing. I'm natural, baby. Just a little moose in your eye and then I make my escape. I think I speak for them all and I say, what's moose? Yeah. All right. One of your fraternity brothers. Moose. Let's see. Michael Naran is here. Michael's, he's an American success story. And the reason Michael's successful, well, what are you doing now, Michael? What did you do? Well, maybe didn't work today. Oh, no. Yeah, we had. We worked today and parking was even at the clearest even at the Cleveland show. I'm not sure I didn't check interesting It's a different section of the who you're working for Michael there and the family guy. What's that like over there? It's still it's a kitchen full of yummy shit in a ping pong table seven kitchens seven kitchen There's a lot of honkies and and not only that there's the great deal about the creative process as you can say Well, what are you doing stabbing that hooker? Hey, that's my process and your boss will just walk past you You can play ping pong all you want out there in front everybody and it's just part of your process man You know, I mean like hey, this is how I think I can't do it all locked up in my in my cubicle man And all fairness that's the writers that is the right. We're strapped to a thing called a sin teak Which is a big virtual drawing tablet pro because of your ass. It knows every time you move You called in the office. You used the bathroom four times last week, Michael. What was that about? Did you have a note from your doctor? Oh holy back, we'll wait a minute. So he I don't think this is a great story. Yes. So he so I know used to I know now I remember now Yeah, and naren starts off writing doing bits for love line and sending us in just pro bono right was never and there's Hundreds hundreds of hours involved with one of these four or five minute cartoons you would send along to us over at love line Yes, probably if that means weeks and weeks yes weeks and weeks and weeks of you working for free. Yeah, see This is the message. I'm trying to push across to everyone Every guy went to high school with as a fucking loser. I mean every guy went to everyone every one of my friends There were a couple of friends that I didn't know that well that lived up in the hills He grew nice who we don't we're not as tight anymore, but my friends My friends one of them is over here, you know helping me put my roof on and the other I'm paying first rehab as we as we speak because his insurance won't He doesn't have the blah blah Why because no one would ever do a fucking thing for free for five minutes. They just wouldn't it was that was that was for suckers And what is college college is not only for free you pay with a payday down the road But you can't explain that to these guys. There's no such thing is you know the whole time I was you know taking groundling classes They were like what how much do they pay you to do that like they don't pay me I pay them and they're like they pay you You pay them to make shit up are you nuts? That's nuts and they'd all laugh and walk away and now they're all every guy I know who would not Do one second what it didn't have to be an internship just the notion of showing up somewhere and going Let me prove to you why I should get paid down the road. Let me work for free. Naren had a good 10 years of this with me And how long until Naren got a response is what I'm wondering like oh we're just sending stuff in it was immediate like I really I actually That was so good. I was trying because you were writing for the chemical show at the same time right and my first two bits were One and a prototype animation tried to go and come alive and then She thunderbear as sort of a level letter to you to try to get you to show Jimmy the stuff because I was huge fan of you But Jimmy had a gram well. Yes. So now we had a show. So yeah, you want to get to him right so yeah at that point He's been a while. So you do all this work for free start showing it to me me and Drew start showing it playing it on there the David Alan Greer One is it's just it's so good. I mean you take you take the audio we would never plan it out in advance He just take bits and pieces from the show and he put it together. He'd edit it together I don't know how much editing that David Alan Greer audio version has. I can't remember what the actual conversations Worst I can't remember how much of that is put together. I don't know. I want to see the David Alan Greer one because This is and by the way, this is why David Alan Greer is one of the best improvisational comedians and this is Completely spontaneous and this is him rolling and this is what happens when you do yes and and not only that but And you'll see dad rolling along on this one, but Michael Naren got hold of it found it. You know, it's funny because my wife was showing my kids this filthy thing the other day And they're laughing just like because they're five five and they can't understand it yet Mommy. What's a prolapse? Right prolapse anus, but I said I said, you know, if Michael Naren never drew this up I would have no recollection of it. I would never there's never like, you know, I mean you were at love lines I like producer Anne was like, hey, that's gold. Let's get that on a desk It was it was nothing like that. We just not have been there. We just to be fair to her. She may not be there We just sort of moved on. I mean when this thing showed up, you know Nine months later. It was like when was that? I don't remember that conversation then I started laughing at it because to me it was all new because we just Steam rolled forward. We never really stopped went back and sort of collected our dead If we have it you can you can show it to us anyway one of my ulterior motives for doing the chief thunderbear piece in the very beginning apart from all the stuff Was to get you to lock on to thunder bear because it started becoming running bear and thunder cloud and just meaning you thought up Because thunder didn't stick and I was like if I animate it yeah, it has to call it thunder. I would always forget I forget about the bit so naryn Then at a certain point came out here for a few days and as I spoke about on the air and had been doing this pro bono stuff for all this time And he came out and he was doing good work and and soon as I and I showed the stuff to Seth McFarland Which is you deserve you know, I'm not doing you a favor. It says all this like thank you. Thank you. Thank you I'll like you know you drew all night in between you know violent masturbation sessions all I did All I did was make a couple of phone calls to hands to hands all I did was make a couple of phone calls What do you rub against that and I Mama's earned and And I and I said I just called him up and I said I don't want to talk to Seth Give me the animation department and then I got now who's your boss over there? Well, there's a whole hierarchy right now I'm working for a director named Pete Michaels. Who's the chick I spoke to over there and Smith Shannon Smith and I just said to Shannon this Adam Karolov. I got a guy's a good guy does good work Don't take my word for it go to Michael naryn.com and look at the stuff he's done And let me just send him in there and you know, it's it's I won't pout if you don't hire him It's just I think he's better or as good as the people that are currently working for you wait a minute Wasn't this also he was in town for another hour or something and you just said wait, why don't you go over his rental car was on fire We're so improbable. I said more or less just poked it through yeah, I just he sold his pencils to stay here The reason it came down to the last second field goal is because I've been playing grab ass for the week He was in town He called me the day like he was leaving or the day before and said hey, I remember you said you were gonna call Family guy and get me in and I went oh, yeah, let me do that stop buying your way the airport or something And I just kind of shoehorned in yes, absolutely. So how to work you one in there. Yeah, it was is a Delife a little interview. I just said you called and said wonderful thing that's like oh well good And I said that listen I made him call so imagine how much he likes me and did you show them? Did you bring your portfolio? I brought um, I only got brought paper. I brought a little tablet. It's a it's an Android tablet He has all my cartoons on it And we just talked about stuff and they knew a little bit about the New York animation and I said They said well, we're gonna give you the store boarding test to go and take that and I said oh by the way I have a cartoon that you can't see on my website Would you like to see? I had gay eye with me gay eye and I set that on the desk and we all watched it like Shannon and Brent Crowe were sitting there. Yeah, we both watched gay. I was well. That's great. Okay, nail the test and you know a lot of creativity there and Now we start working on a project called rich man poor man Out today that is a Tuesday You can take a look at the one one of my favorite Michael there in shorts with David Allen Greer And you can yes you can go to you can go to mcroll.com and find this. Yeah, let's check it out You Drew when the suitors start coming around wanting to date your daughter. Oh, I got some I got what a nightmare You know, you know, you know, it would be really funny is if I got hold of the kid first I put an ifb in his ear. We just put little speaker thing in his ear and true. He'd be coming. He'd be He'd be coming in and he'd be like hey dr. Jerry and he'd be like what's your GPA? Then you got your business point Dexter Are you being the kid? Are you doing dr. Drew? Are you doing mr. Drew? Uh, I would like to pro lapse the end of your daughter What are you doing man? What did I say? They're Drew you ask him and I'll be here David. What are you studying now? What are you going to do to high school or college? Studying how to kick the white man's ass. I'm studying how to kick the white man's ass Oh, that's right man. Yeah, what religious persuasion are you? Oh, why don't you quit pushing hockey? Well, you quit pushing hockey. I see. Did you finish high school? You're going to give your daughter an eating disorder. You want to give me one too? What? I'm going to break down on that. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to give your daughter something to eat her. Oh, quit. What did you say? Come on. Yeah, Michael Narin, everybody, Michael Narin with a nice assist from DAG who rolls, you see that's rolling that is pure fucking improv. Drawing the daughter as Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm is so neat. It's just so right. It's scary because it looks like Dr. Drew's daughter, Paulina. Yeah. I'm going to give you something to eat all the great David Onger. So anyway, Michael Narin and the reason he's in. So now you moved out to Southern California and you go to work at one of the coolest jobs. I mean, for an animator on the planet, right? Because most of the time you have to do this thing where they go, "Oh, you're doing animation. What are you working for?" You know, jack hole and stinky. And they're like, "No." And they're like, "It's an animated show. It's meant for kids with a learning disorder. It's deep cable. It's it's nick tunes. It's on it for am. You don't, yeah, you're single. Yeah, you know, but you go the family guy and they go, "Oh, well, there's that chair." I actually watch and like that show. Very funny show. So there you are. You go to work every day over there off a wheelchair at the family guy. Yeah. Have you met Seth yet? I've he he walked past me twice. You don't, you know, I'm so like, oh my god. Yeah, I'm not going to lie. I'm Adam's guy. Is he driving the Delorean Mobile? Or should he just take the awesome Martin into work? I have no idea. I don't follow him down that garage. Yeah, no, no. So it's been good. Oh, it's magical. Free snacks to pay is good. It's delightful. And the best part is I have access to the servers. So I'm watching animatics of episodes only for a year. Yeah. And they change. Like they go through five different iterations. Like there's a script. Then there's a first animatic. Then there's a second revised animatic. Then there's a color pass. And at any point there they can start changing jokes. So I was just telling people it's like, I watched an episode last night or like on Sunday night. And it's different. It's different than I remember watching the animatic. So it's freaky to me. It's like a change to your nerd hog habit. I've said to people, it's like living inside the DVD extras. Wow. That's going to get you laid for sure. It's like living inside like, well, you know, like netron. I'm not the first trying. 1981. But no, nothing 79 or the fuck. Not the crappy rebate. Yeah. That is a great story, though. It's very cool. And every comic knows that you've done thousands and thousands of free shows. It's just part of the world. But you're right when you say that. So many people just don't know. Do free things. Just keep doing it till you get good and keep trying to get better at it. And if you love it, that's the only thing that matters. It's just the only thing. I know everyone is like, hey, man, where's the boss? Because I got to convince him so I can start getting rich tomorrow. And it's like, no, no, just show up early and often, bust your ass, work for free. And you know, if there's a rate, if you want to get into radio, go to the radio station, hang out and do shit for free and make everyone like you. We don't have enough of that. And every successful, every person who's now doing something that they wanted to do that was a long shot, whether it be stand up a writer or animation, whatever it is. At some point, you'll get, you'll go all the way back to the point where Jimmy Kimmel tell you the story about him calling into the radio station and then showing up with it. It's all free. And it's not free for six months with a guarantee. It's free for a number of years, oftentimes. I mean, Michael had a lot, a lot of freebies. So now we're getting paid. Rich Man, poor man, it is available today. And it's an ebook. And people ask me how that works. And I go, what the fuck do I know? I'm just a funny guy here. So you can go on your tablet or your iBook and you can get the app and do something. And it's cool. And Michael did all the illustrations for it. And what we did is Michael, and I just sent him the description for everything. And he just drew it all up. And then he'd send it and we'd send him a couple of notes. And he'd make his tweaks. And we did it all. And it came out fan tabulous. It's only 599. Did you get paid yet? Not yet. Not yet. It's coming. It's coming. Love that crown. They're so awesome. Really haven't paid you yet. There was a snafu somewhere with the contract. All right. But it's coming. It's coming. Yeah. I'm confident. Yes. I just gave the advance to Michael. I was like, whatever the advance is, give it to Michael. And we'll take care of Mike and I. Other Mike. Everyone's fucking name Mike around here. Link and I will figure out a way to whack up whatever's left. All right. Those Adam Cole show 736 with a great Michael there. 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