103: Labubus are NOT REAL

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Today, I'm going to be holding my Dune popcorn bucket, sandworm, dickworm popcorn bucket, Benson Boone moonbeam crumble cookie ice cream in my. Okay. Guys, welcome back seriously to the podcast. I just filmed for close to 11 minutes. Fully, like, the cameras weren't going. The mic was not plugged in. I was just. I looked down and I was like, why is the little mic thing not going that it's recording my voice? Oh, because it wasn't. And the bit that I was doing, by the way, the bit that I was doing, German soldier interrogating Benson Boone. That was the fucking bit that I was like, are we getting this? Looked down, wasn't recording. So, anyway, I won't be recreating it because it wasn't funny. Mr. Boone, you said you were jerking off at the movies. Why? Mr. Boone, I have a lot of questions here. When you made your crumble cookie, why were you jerking off at the movies? Benson Boone, Dubai chocolate. Here's the thing, okay? Here's the thing. This is a point that I really, I feel called to make. Unfortunately for Mr. Boone, found out, by the way, Benson James Boone is his full name, B.J. Boone. If B.J. Boone would have happened during the 2019-2020 shift on TikTok, you bitches would have been eating him up. If he would have been around, strawberry cow, or can't wait to meet you. If he would have been around for that shit, I would have been addicted to him, okay? Unfortunately, sometimes you are a victim of time and circumstance. Right now, I don't know what the climate is calling for, but unfortunately, it's not the Harry Styles nachos, and I'm not saying that he's reheating Harry's nachos. I'm saying that the time for a Benson Boone type was 2020, and I don't really know. It's not his fault, okay? The music isn't horrific. It's not his fault. It's not his fault. It's not his fault. It's literally just like, why has he been grouped into this Dubai chocolate, labubu, Benson Boone crumble cookie? I don't know. I don't know. And I look at it for what it is, and I'm like, he's an attractive white guy. He's doing the flipping and the sequins and the whatever. All of the ingredients are there. What's missing is it's not 2020. It's not 2019 TikTok. If he would have been. We need him and that fucker who used to cosplay Willy Wonka. We need them to get together. We needed them in a room together. We needed them doing body crazy, curvy, wavy, big titties, body yada yada, doing the dance, or fuck a Lamborghini, fuck a cop car. We needed him dancing to Roddy Ricch. We need Benson Boone to collaborate with Roddy Ricch and. Willy Wonka, the guy who used to do sex thirst traps as Willy Wonka. I see a content strategy for Benson Boone, and no one's listening to me. No one cares what I have to think. I'm a veteran, okay? I feel like those old fucking vets that they stick in the old folks home, and they're like, I used to do. Shut up, grandpa, all right? You caused the fucking recession. That's how I feel about when people talk about Benson Boone. I'm like, he could have been a star. People are like, shut up, grandma. We're listening to Young Lean. And by the way, what's going on there? I had never heard of Young Lean before the Charlie album. I'll be honest. I'll be honest. I'm not doing underground SoundCloud music the way I used to, the way I used to. And you know what I used to use SoundCloud for? Listening to Just Rain covers. It's no secret that I am a Just Rain lover. I'm a Just Rain enthusiast. I'm a Just Rain fan. I used to watch all of his content when I was in late high school, early college. Like, oh my God, that is how Punjabi families are. What? I am the whitest woman ever. And I would watch his shit and be like, this is so funny. This is so funny. He's so good. Now, do I belong to a Punjabi family? No, but I was eating that shit up. I loved him. I loved Bapu. I loved Fateto. I loved all of them, okay? I don't know what else I was really listening to. Actually, that's a lot of stuff. I don't know what else I was listening to. I don't see. That's a lot. I do know. I was listening to, they had a rap group. Do y'all know who I'm talking about? Just Rain, the Canadian YouTuber. He used to have, well, not him. It was his friends. They used to have a rap group called Zoo Babies. That shit went fucking crazy. That shit went crazy. They had this like, I don't even know if it was a freestyle. It was just each member of the group went off on their own verse. And it was this song called Supreme Duffel Bag. Pause this and go back by Zoo Babies. I've memorized every word. I don't know why. Look at me. Am I their target demographic? No. I ate that shit up. Anyway, I was listening to Just Rain, Drake remix. It's on SoundCloud in 2015. I was listening to a lot of Mudgee Jordan. I was listening to early Post Malone, like 40 got me funky. I popped a molly. I was doing that. I was doing a lot of different shit. On SoundCloud that I'm not really, I'm not at the mercy to say. 40 got me funky. I popped a molly. Anyway, all that to say, I think Benson Boone could have been, we need to have a cultural reset so that Benson Boone can thrive. Okay. I think he's had enough. Free him from the Dubai Chocolate Club. I'm starting to feel bad for him. Shit. Okay. You want to know something honestly in the vein of like, I have the only 24 carat labubu. Shut up. First it was a sunny angel. So now it's a fucking labubu. Oh my God. I saw this meme that was like, it was that picture of shriveled up Patrick and SpongeBob dying. At the end of the SpongeBob SquarePants movie, like under that drying lamp and they've got smiles on their faces. And it said Funko Pops and labubus next to each other in the landfill as the sun explodes. Like, come on. It's true. What is all this fucking, we don't need a $45 toy. We are in our thirties y'all. We're in our thirties. We don't need a labubu. What? You need to labubu. For a job. You need to Luke for a job. Oh my God. I see this shit, dude. And I'm like, there was a time when I fell victim for that shit. You know what my kryptonite was stuffed animals. Okay. I would go to the shops. I'd go to whatever Disney, even if you will. And what I always want is a stuffed animal. Now I'm 28 years old. Okay. And when I was doing this probably 24, 25, you don't need it. You don't need it. You don't. And honestly, can I fucking rant for a second? Can I rant for a second? Progressive offers options. So you can be sure you have the right coverage for you and your loved ones. Don't wait, get your quote today at progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company affiliates and other insurers not available in all States. No data, no AI. It's just that simple until now. The data your AI depends on has been trapped behind ever increasing cloud fees. Wasabi created hot cloud storage. 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This is another one of my woo-woo, you know, get in touch with yourself because this isn't real rants, okay? So just, if you need this today, honestly, here's what I need you to do. If you need this today, honestly, here's what I need you to do. I need you to sit down, turn the lights off, or put on a sleep mask or sunglasses or whatever. Take a second. And I want you to sit with this like it's a meditation, okay? But I'm going to be yelling. So you guys need to stay calm because I'm going to get really fucking worked up and honestly, under my boobs is sweating right now and my back's a little wet from sweating. So I need you guys to stay calm. Sit, crisscross applesauce, close your eyes, turn the volume all the way up, okay? Here's what I have to say. Nothing you see online is real. Nothing you see online should make you alter the course of your life in a negative way. Nothing you see online should influence you to a degree that is financially concerning. Nothing you see online should alter your self-worth. Nothing you see online should ever stick with you in a way that would cause you to doubt who and what you are. Can we just get that through our thick fucking skulls? By the way, I'm talking to myself too. I'm included in this rant. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and say, get the fuck up. Get up. Stand up. And that's when you need to look in the mirror and bash your head into the mirror in a way that will leave shards embedded in your forehead. Everyone get up right now and go bash your head into a mirror. That's honestly, like imaginatively and not literally, but figuratively, that's what I'm calling you to do. The internet is not reality. It is an artificial manufactured reality that advertisers want you, and I'm fully aware that this podcast is sponsored because I have to eat too. This is the world we live in, okay? You take it as what it is. It's a capitalist consumerist, fuck the little people world. That's just where we live. It's what it is. But here's the thing. Micro decisions that you make every day can build a wall around yourself. You can shield yourself from it as best as we can, okay? You don't need the labubu. You need to hug. You need to hug someone that you care about. There is room for small pleasures in this world, okay? But here's my rant. Here's my rant at large, is that- To ever think that we've stared at a screen, by the way, I'm logging upwards of 16 hours a day on my iPhone. Thank you. Thank you. 16 hours, I am holding this nasty, fecal-ridden device. I shit with my phone in my hand. Fecal-ridden device, and I am just basing my whole life off of it. What the phone is saying, what the phone's telling me to do, what the phone's saying I should look like, what the phone's telling me to do, what the phone's telling me to do, what the phone's saying I should eat. The phone is saying I need to take a supplement and put it up my asshole. I don't know, but I guess I'll do it because the phone had told me. And when the phone says it, I listen. The phone says jump, I say, yes, sir. The phone says jump, I say, my leash. I shall fall on my sword for my leash. Me to my fucking iPhone. The iPhone says, boy body is back. The iPhone says, we're body checking again. And I say, my leash. Yes, my leash. What are we genuinely talking about? Okay. I'd like to segue that into, okay, that's my first point. Nothing you see on the iPhone is real. Nothing you see on the phone is real. Are you hearing me when I say that? Everything is beefed up. Everything is exaggerated. Everything should be taken with a grain of salt. And to watch something or read something and say, that is 100% right. I'm going to base my whole life around this now is absurd. I'm guilty of it. All of us are guilty of it. All of us are hypocrites. All of us are always learning and growing and changing. Okay. I have reached a wall. And honestly, this book kind of changed my fucking life. I brought it with me in here today because I need to read a passage. And the passages are about fascism because it's all tied to fascism and the rise of fascism in this fucking country. I have so much to specifically bodies online. I don't really talk about, you know, my body is a neutral thing. And I don't give a fuck about body positivity, body neutrality, body this, body that. I see my body, especially in the wake of all the gallbladder shit as a living miracle. My body keeps me alive. It heals me. It is truly a living miracle. And don't even get me started on being a woman and the capacity to create. I don't even get me started on being a woman and the capacity to create and sustain life within you. We are life givers. And that's not magical to you. And you're going to look at your body. You're going to look at the body that can bring life into this world. The closest thing we have to magic. Amen. The closest thing we have to magic in this world. You're going to look at that and say, my hip dips. You're going to look at that and say, oh my, I need to wear a What gets to a point where I just feel utter sorrow. Like I really feel sorrowful at how all of this is engineered to make you feel out of your body. All of this from Gillette razors, you know, telling you to, to shave the hair off your body. That's there naturally for genetic and for anatomical reasons, for, for evolutionary reasons, things that tell us to lose weight or gain weight, things that tell us to wax and rip hair, curl your lashes, dye this dye. I mean, it doesn't stop. Okay. I am truly at a point where words fail me to really express the sorrow of how specifically we pick at ourselves. I've developed such bad anxiety around everything that I have that, whatever it's called, where you pick at your skin really bad. I have it really bad. And this is actually like, I'm being so for real. I pick at my legs that like it leaves scars behind. And I think it started from a place of, I don't want to have blemishes. I don't want to have like ingrown hairs on my legs. And so I need to pick at my legs. And I think it started from a place of, I don't want to pick at them until they go away. And that, it just makes it worse, right? My skin's already super sensitive. I do that shit. And it, it doesn't, it's a short-term version of like control. In that moment, my anxiety is, is laser focused on this one task and I need to do it. And I do it until my skin is raw. And like, it's actually not good. And that is like a, you know, I don't know how to, how to fix that, but all of it comes back to this need for a perfect body. What is the perfect body? Even a fully healthy body. Health has nothing to do with it of what this idea of perfect is, you know? And like, I truly, books like this, dude, let me just, let me dive in. I have, my brain's going a hundred million different directions. Basically what I'm trying to say is this is so cliche and it's so much harder to implement than it is to listen to and agree with, but you have got to log out of Instagram. You have got to log out of TikTok.gov for three days. See how you do. You're going to have withdrawals for a second. If you're as addicted to your fucking phone as I am, the things that you think about yourself and your body, see if you can start to pinpoint, why do I think that? Why do I think I need to wear makeup when I leave the house? Why do I think I need to, you know, when it comes to body hair, when it comes to how you act, when it comes to this, that, the other, what is making me think that? And is it tied back to advertising and capitalism? Yes, it always is. Is it tied back to male validation and the need for male attention? Yes, it is. Okay. All of these things. And I'm not the one to speak on this, but I think it's worth mentioning that toxic masculinity even permeates the lesbian community. Like it truly is this thing that will forever be present in our minds and how we see the world because it's how we were taught to see the world. My body, my body, is a medical miracle. I treat this sack of of bones and meat, rotting sack of meat, carcass, roadkill body. I treat it so horribly. I'm being better now. And you know, that makes me emotional, right? Like being kind to yourself and being nice to your body is an emotional process because it's so foreign. Why does this feel so foreign? Because it's radical. It feels foreign. All of these things tie into, of course, it all ties back to capitalism and colonialism and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. All these things are fiercely tied. I watched this video recently of basically there was some drama within the fitness community on TikTok. Okay. Let me kind of get into this for a second. I watched this video about this girl was selling workout classes, basically glute exercises to get a big ass. Okay. Not unheard of. Tiny waist, big bubble butt. She's selling these classes during COVID well into like right now, come to find out the bitch had a BBL the whole time. And she's selling these classes saying, you can get results like mine. You will never be able to achieve results like hers because she didn't even achieve that result. Okay. She said something about regretting it and doing all this, still continued to sell the classes, by the way. This woman, a commentator on TikTok, I can't remember her name, basically was talking about how she is not, this woman was not the first to do this and won't be the last. And this severe lack of transparency within not only the fitness community, but within just the beauty community in general is costing lives. I think the BBL craze is over, but that's not to say that it's the end of these life-threatening procedures and people flying all over the world. And paying way too much money to be botched and to be put at a medical risk for the rest of their life in the pursuit of beauty and the pursuit of fleeting beauty standards that never last for more than five years that are set by celebrities that cannot even live up to those standards they have created. When you really look at that, I'm not the first person to say that, but if I'm the first person to say it to you, fuck girl, get up. Nothing. And when you really take that into account, when you realize how frequently you let what you see online influence your daily life, what you think you need, what you think you need to buy, what you think needs to be in your home, how you think your relationship needs to be, how you think your friendships need to be, and you don't owe anyone anything, this, that, and the other, all of these are such damaging mentalities. And they strip our humanity. Like, truly, there's something about losing a sense of community and turning into this automaton of just bye, bye, bye, so, so, so, talk, talk, talk, welcome back to me now, to do the viral cottage cheese. I hope that on the horizon is a freedom from this bubble that we all seem to live in right now. It is a consumerist bubble, and I'm not really being articulate with this, but I know y'all know what I'm talking about, that it's just every time. What's that crazy statistic of, like, how many ads are we exposed to daily? Okay, I don't know how accurate this is, again, because nothing online is real. The number of advertisements, and again, this is a whole other thing, okay? These AI overviews, like, I don't, the AI overview is pulling me back. I don't know from the top five sponsored websites that come up when you go to Google. I don't, the number of advertisements individuals are exposed to daily varies widely, but estimates generally range from 4,000 to 10,000. 4,000 ads. This range encompasses the exposure to advertisements on various platforms, television, radio, the internet, print media, and more. When you think about how many advertisements you pass while you're driving, on billboards, on the internet, on the internet, on sides of buses, on bus stops, on trash cans, on anything, any space is advertizable space. When I'm, when I open a news article to read a news article, I can't even read the fucking words on the article because a video pops up of a Kia. The greatest fucking Subaru. Get out! Exit, exit, exit. I click on it. It goes to a different tab. The sound's full volume. I will, I'm going to kill everyone here. It's just me. Like it's everywhere. It's everywhere. It's everywhere. How does that not start to, like, I think I'm, I'm, I'm becoming truly sentient. I've ignored it for so long. I love Pinterest. It's my favorite app. Every three tiles is an ad. And not only is it an ad, it's an Amazon ad. Like it gets to a point where I'm just, and what's the solution? You have to pay to remove the ads. This content should be free. And the reason that there's ads on it is because the content is free. And so to keep the machine going, to have this become a business and something that specifically for this podcast, that I can deliver to you week after week, is that there's advertising space on it, you know? And there's a balance there. And it's hard to strike that balance and to see both as creator and consumer. And maybe I've fucked it up in the past. I'm trying to be better in the future. It's all these things of like, how do you fit within this fucking cycle? Because I'm not going to reinvent the wheel. I can sit here and complain about it at the end of the day. I need money to do this, you know, to build a set, to have the light, have the cameras, pay an editor and all these things. It costs money. And so to have free content, I understand that. But when you pay for something like a streaming service, Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, you're paying for the service baseline. And by the way, the whole appeal of these streaming platforms was that it's not cable. You don't have to sit through ads. But now you have to pay an extra premium to have these streaming services ad free. I thought that was the whole point. And now it gets to a point where there are so many ad breaks, it's unwatchable. It is unwatchable. I think I just became hyper aware of it late last night. And I'm, I'm just, I'm just livid. I'm livid and I'm angry. And it's not new. I'm like, I've always been aware. Of course, ads are annoying, but it's to a level now that's like, it's infuriating. And I don't know what the solution is. Okay. Anyway, off of the ad tangent back to nothing on the internet is real. I, this is me personally. When I post on Instagram, I don't edit my pictures. I don't even smooth my skin. Like I might, change the contrast or something. If the image is, you know, too blown out or if it's too, whatever, like I'll do the basic on actually in the Instagram app where you can change the contrast, change the color of the picture. But like I had my era in 2016, 2017, where I was editing my pictures down, down. And I mean, down, sucking in the waste, the whole, the background was warped, whitening my teeth, whitening my eyes, sucking in this, like, darkening under my jawline, all that. I would move my hair to make it bigger. It was to a level that I truly had to sit back and be like, what am I doing? Because I was doing that for dating apps too. Like I've lived a hundred lives before I did this job. You know what I mean? I would do that shit, put it on dating apps and then go on a date. And I would remember getting pissed off when a man's pictures were out of date. And like, he didn't look like his pictures. And then I'm thinking, at what point am I a pawn in this chess game? Right? Like I am a part of this problem too, because of the insecurity that's been bred inside of me. I have nothing to be insecure about, truly. Like I have nothing to be insecure about. No one does. And it's those cruel, you know, school age insults and bullies that really stick with you for the rest of your life, which is fine. You know, bullies bring character development. Why do you think I'm funny? Right? Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's for good. Sometimes it's like, oh, I didn't know having a big forehead was the thing I needed to be insecure about until somebody told me. Until I realized, oh, no one's forehead is as big as mine. Who gives a fuck? Who cares? Can I be so serious? Who cares? We're all going to die. We're all going to die one day. My forehead's bigger than yours. Okay. Okay. So my hairline starts at the top of my fucking head. Okay. Am I any less lovable? Does that make me any less of a woman? Less, less desirable? Am I less deserving of love because my, my seven head extends to the top of my scalp? No. No. So what's the point, right? Like when you really, you have to talk yourself out of these spirals like that. Make it sound absurd because plot twist, it is. It is. Oh, you're insecure about your belly fat? You're insecure about your belly fat? Who gives a fuck about how your belly looks? I'm so for real, dude. Who cares? don't give a fuck. Would someone, again, back to this point, someone you really care about and who really cares about you, are they going to give a fuck if your belly fat's poking out? If you've got a fupa? If you could see your fupa from the back? No! No! So who are we performing for? Can we have a curtain call? Let's have a curtain call. We're going to do our final thank you for coming and then we're shutting the fucking curtains. The performance is over! Cut the lights! Who are you performing for? Please answer that question. Because no one who really loves you would ever make you perform. Okay. You can open your eyes now from that meditation. Thank you so much for joining me. And one deep breath in. And out. Thank you. Okay. Let's move on. Oh, I was going to read one of my passages from this book. Okay. So this is why I write by George Orwell. I've been talking about this book for a month at this point. This book is 120 pages. Changed my life. This book was written before World War II was over. I think this was published in like 43, 44. World War II ended in 1945. George Orwell, also known as Eric Blair, was English. Okay. I've talked about him so many times on this fucking podcast. He was English, but born in Burma. I believe he served in Burma as an MP. And that really deeply affected his worldview. He went back to England, lived in severe poverty, and really started to understand that the class system that exists in England, okay, in the UK, how the crown treats people, how the crown rewards things that have done nothing to earn that reward or praise, how that deeply unsettles him. Okay. And how that's not how a functioning idealistic society should be structured. Okay. Fucking duh, of course. Now, what I found interesting about this book is, and I'm going to try to explain this as best as I can. And if I fuck up, hey, shocker, I'm not a historian. I'm not a fucking English major. I'm not a literature enthusiast. Well, I am actually, but I'm by no means qualified to teach you what's in here. I really recommend you read it. And then like, let's discuss parasocially. Okay. Key details in this book that England, is very particular in its patriotism. At the time, not unlike today, there were two distinct sides. The right saying that, you know, very pro-military, pro-country, pro-the crown, trust in the government, all these things. And on the left, these kind of pseudo-intellectuals that are pacifists only because of like an inherent laziness of just whatever's going to happen is going to happen. And on the left, these kind of pseudo-intellectuals that are pacifists only because of what's going to happen. What am I going to have to do with it? You know, like, what do I have to do with it? These pseudo-intellectuals that look down on people who are patriotic, who look down on people who have brute strength, who think that military service is, you know, less than them, whatever. There's something to be said. He makes a great point in here about how both sides hold the nation back, period. Both sides are so different from each other that they hold the nation back as a whole. And neither side is correct. And neither side is inherently incorrect because it's their opinion about the country in which they live in. You know, of course, the caveat in there is your opinion is only wrong if it takes away the freedoms and the rights of others. Okay. This book is so T because it really said, Orwell makes this point of no true revolution will happen. Unless something like a war continues. And even the war was hard to spur people. It wasn't almost enough of an incentive, a catalyst to spur people to change. And a lot of concessions had to happen during the war for English people. I mean, war rations were a real thing with the Blitzkrieg, with the Germans flying overhead. A lot of people had to cut back on maybe the daily luxuries because more money. They needed to go to military production, to arms production. And all of these were sacrifices that you make for your country, right? And Orwell makes the point that patriotism, you've never seen like an international patriot. Like it truly is. I love this country and I want it to change because I love it. It's a cycle. Like it's not, I'm not anti my own country because I'm calling for change because I see a severe issue with it, with the happiness of people in this country, the quality of life, where the tax money is going. Like all of these things I have a real issue with because I'm patriotic. And he makes that point and how, you know, calling someone anti-American or anti-English because they're calling out issues that are prevalent and apparent in that, that society does not make you an enemy of the state. It doesn't make it right. Like all these things, when you boil it down, it's like, no, I'm not. No, that doesn't make, how did you put together those two points and like come up with that conclusion? And how did that conclusion become adopted as like, if you speak out, which is what we're living through right now, if you speak out against Trump, you, you will be silenced or you will be, there will, an attempt will be made to silence you. All the stepping stones of fascism, by the way, I'd like to read this. This is from page 114 of Why I Write by George Orwell. In our time, political speech and writing are largely the defense of the indefensible. Things like the continuance of British rule in India, this is before Indian independence, the Russian purges and deportations, the dropping of the atom bombs on Japan can indeed be defended, but arguments which are too brutal for most people to face and which do not square with the professed aims of political parties. Thus, political language has to consist largely of euphemism, question begging, and sheer cloudy vagueness. Defenseless villages are bombarded from the air, the inhabitants driven out into the countryside and cattle machine gunned. The hut set on fire with incendiary bullets. This is called pacification. Millions of peasants are robbed of their property, their homes, their homes, their homes, their homes, their homes, and sent trudging along the roads with no more than they can carry. This is called transfer of population or rectification of frontiers. People are imprisoned for years without trial or shot in the back of the neck or sent to die of scurvy in Arctic lumber camps. This is called elimination of unreliable elements. Such phraseology is needed if one needs to name things without calling up mental pictures of them. Consider, for instance, some comfortable English professor defending Russian totalitarianism. He cannot say outright, I believe in killing off your opponents when you can get good results by doing so. Probably, therefore, he will say something like this. While freely conceding that the Soviet regime exhibits certain features which the humanitarian may be inclined to deplore, we must, I think, agree that a certain curtailment of the right to political opposition is an unavoidable concomitant of transitional periods, and that the rigors which the Russian people have called upon to undergo have been amply justified in the sphere of concrete achievement. The inflated style is itself a kind of euphemism. A mass of Latin words falls upon the facts like soft snow, blurring the outlines and covering up all the details. The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns, as it were, instinctively to long-term, long words and exhausted idioms. All issues are political issues, and politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred, and schizophrenia. Holy fuck. Published in 1943, by the way. Here's where I teeter, okay? I see what's happening in the news. I want to bury my head in the sand. I rip my head out of the sand. I bury my head in the sand. I rip it out. It's like this cycle of, I cannot bear to look at this, but I have to. I have to. Then it's the cycle, the parallel cycle at the same time of, there has to be something I can do. I'm just one person who, I'm not going to change anything. There has to be something I can do. If no one ever heard from me ever again, the world would not change. The world would keep turning. I have to do something. It's this cycle of like, I cannot land and I find it so hard to, first of all, process the atrocities that I witness every day, nonetheless find a voice or a velocity to action change. And honestly, reading books like this are very validating and it's very, you know, you're not crazy. And it's this compartmentalization that happens from spending so much time on the fucking internet. Like, I don't want to be that way. It stripped me of my empathy. It stripped me of my emotional capacity. And while there is benefit and honestly a necessity in unplugging and taking private moments for yourself, sitting outside, having a nice cup of coffee, like really taking a moment of peace and not having the world on your shoulders. Like so many of us take on that burden, you know, and we cannot, fix it on our own. It's a lot of, it's a lot of self flagellation that, that happens. And it's too much. It's just too much sometimes. And so reading books like this, it's restoring my hope because it's almost like diagnosing the issue in your own mind. Obviously we know what the issue is in real life. It's the rise of fascism and we're watching a genocide happen on, in multiple different parts of the world. And it feels hopeless and powerless, but it's not. And stuff like this is, it arms you with the language to explain away what you're feeling and, and maybe what's been taken from you. What I'm reading next is, um, how fascism works. Of course it's the politics of us versus them. I think, I believe the author's last name is Stanley and, uh, I'm about to start, I also just started East of Eden and I also just finished Shield of Sparrows. What the fuck? We'll get to that in a second. But all these books, you know, I, I need a balance because like I'm saying, I'm one person. We're all just one person trying to process what's happening and there are things to be done and it's hard to feel it again. It's just so delicate, right? Like there are things, you can be doing and there are things that I do, but it'll, it'll always feel like not enough. But at the same time, something's better than nothing. Anyway, thanks for listening. That was a, that was a 30 minute rant that went from, I'm tired of seeing fake bodies on Instagram. By the way, the dead internet theory that's been floating around for a while. It's not a theory anymore. It's happening. How like 50% of the activity online is automated and it's, and it's, you know, this content of like AI babies of like Ted Cruz and Tucker Carlson, like all this shit is, who's making that? Who's making the AI ASMR? I'm liking it. I'm sharing it with my friends, right? Like, are we part of the problem or is it just that good? Cause it knows that side of my crow brain that I like shiny shit that sounds good. I'm like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. How about more of that? Yeah. Rhythm. How about 17 more of those videos? How about you go live? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sending gifts. I'm sending sunglasses and Tik TOK ball caps to the fucking AI fruit cutting lady. Anyway. Oh, it's just fuckered. Isn't it? It's a crazy fucking world. We live in a shit's fucked up, man. Hug your loved ones. Tell them you love them. Shit's fucked up through it all though. I choose to have hope because that's what makes you human because hope is a human quality and I refuse to give it up. No one can take my hope from me. Okay. Next up on the docket. Who the fuck is Jimmy John? Who is Jersey Mike? Who created subway? Who created firehouse hubs? Firehouse hubs? Firehouse hos. Where the hos at? Firehouse hos. Yeah. Me and the boys are going to firehouse hos. Jimmy John's origin. Actually, who, who the hell is Jimmy John? Jimmy John is Jimmy John Lou Todd. Lou Todd. He founded the company in 1983 after initially planning to start a hot dog business. Jimmy John's was supposed to be weenies. You robbed us of weenies, Jimmy. Lou Todd built Jimmy John's into a large successful chain with over 2,700 locations before selling it to inspire brands. Oh, here we go. Okay. This is from AI overview. Jimmy John's began with a $25,000 loan from Jimmy John's father in 1983. Initially, he was going to open a hot dog stand but switched to sandwiches due to cost concerns after scouting potential locations. The first time Jimmy John was able to get into a hot dog stand was at Eastern Illinois University in a small garage space. Jimmy John's father offered him that money to start the business, but there was a catch. If it failed within the first year, he'd have to join the military. What? The first day saw no customers. So Lou Todd went door to door, giving out sandwich samples and delivering to nearby dorms to attract business. Gorilla marketing. He was on dog delivery. He was doing weenies on wheels. That's what you should have called it, Jimmy. Jimmy, if you're watching, why didn't you call it weenies on wheels? Okay. Is anyone else doing door to door hot dog deliveries? Look, now let me tell you something. If ice cream trucks were actually hot dog trucks, that would be an issue in my neighborhood. I'd be chasing that bitch down. And if there was a sexy man who worked on the hot dog truck, trust, he wouldn't be coming by my neighborhood anymore. I'd be standing out there in my robe, nothing underneath, smoking a cigarette, my Elton John glasses on. Hey, morning. How are you? I dropped my cigarettes. Oh, one second. I leaned down. Robe comes undone. Him. The usual today, ma'am. Yeah, let me get a Jimmy John. Extra Jimmy. Hold the John. I'm just kidding, man. No, extra relish. Add some onions. What are you doing later? You want to come inside? Hey, man, do they feed you in there? How about you take your lunch break? Come inside my house. I got some Diet Coke on ice. All right. Just put on a cup of coffee, a pot of coffee. Come on in. What's your name? Hey, man, what's your name? How old are you? Ma'am, is that all? We need to keep driving. All right. Hey, don't say I never invited you in. All right. Now, you be good. I'll see you around here tomorrow. He never comes back. Whatever happened? Hell. I, honest to God, if weenies on wheels was a thing, I would have a gold rewards member card. I would be the equivalent to what's that Amex that Harry Styles has? That gold, black Amex, gold Amex where the limit's like a million dollars or whatever. I would have that equivalent for, weenies on wheels. Okay. So Jimmy John is a draft dodger. Okay. Jimmy John's is a, he was a draft dodging weenie gorilla. He was a draft dodging gorilla weenie salesman who has no respect for the American military and said, fuck you to his dad. Also a nepo baby, might I add $25,000 loan. But Jimmy, if you want to send me a card for free Sammies for life, let me know. Jimmy, I would also urge you to revisit the weenie idea. Uh, weenies on wheels. DM me. We'll talk. Now, alternatively, and we might be heading into forbidden territory here. Jersey Mike's origin story. Jersey Mike's subs, originally named Mike's subs, began in Point Pleasant, New Jersey in 1956. It's older. The founder Mike aimed to offer unique and delicious submarine sandwiches to vacationers and locals. In 1975, a 17 year old employee, Peter Kankrow, bought the store with a loan from his football coach slash banker. What? Kankrow later expanded the business, eventually franchising and rebranding it as Jersey Mike's. You let a 17 year old buy your business, King? It was originally named Mike's Giant Submarine Shop. It was originally named Mike's Big Fat Hard Giant Submarine Weenie Shop. What the fuck? Mike's Big Fat Hard Throbbing Giant Submarine Shop. Okay. After its original owner, Michael Ingravalo, who with his wife, Marie, opened several locations in Jersey and Florida. Marie's father, Jimmy Lepore, why does that sound familiar? Immigrated from Caserta, Italy in 1922 and opened his first submarine shop in the Bronx. After his family moved to New Jersey, they expanded the business, eventually opening and leasing 13 sub shops up and down the New Jersey coast. Oh my God, there is Jersey Mike's in Australia. These were all closed by late 2020. Fuck. In 2021, the company opened an outlet in Guadalajara, Mexico. In January 2024, the company announced a Canadian expansion with a planned target goal of 300 outlets in the next decade. Who has a fiending for Jersey Mike's like that? It was announced on November 18th, 2024, that Cancro had sold a majority interest in the business to Blackstone Inc. for $8 billion. April 28th, 2025, Cancro was succeeded as CEO by Charlie Morrison. Holy shit. Okay. Ordering a sandwich Mike's way. All right. Here is the great secret revealed. This is the Krabby Patty secret formula. Ordering a sandwich Mike's way tops it with sliced onions, shredded lettuce, tomatoes, red wine vinegar, and olive oil and vegetable oil blend, oregano and salt. There's also a signature chopped pepper relish, also called CPR. Chopped pepper relish. I get it. But this isn't included in Mike's way. So don't ever fucking get that twisted. What's that TikTok trend? And tell Mike to have his way with it. And tell Mike to give it some sloppy toppy. Eight billion dollars they sold Jersey Mike's for. There's no fucking way. What is the most successful sandwich shop? Probably Subway, right? Yeah. The most successful sandwich shop based on the number of locations and global reach is Subway, which arguably is the shittiest one. Now I'm not opposed to a Subway sandwich. Okay. Especially when I'm in a foreign country. Y'all, I got Subway in Paris one time. It was about the nastiest shit I've ever put in my fucking American mouth. And I've had some horrendous meals. All right. Subway, Parisian Subway. Everything was wet. The meat tasted like the meat. There's a real aversion to salt on the European continent. They don't like salt. Maybe I'm used to the American like, I mean, so-de-um. So-de-um. I need it to taste like salt. I need the sensation in my body to be like, oh, too much salt. Because then you just chug water afterward. Okay. I love salt. I love salty things. I love salty food. I am a savory woman. Everything in Europe, I put in my mouth. I need salt. They never have salt and pepper on the table because it's perfect the way the chef bring it to you on the table. Why you need salt and pepper? It's perfect. It's a perfect family recipe. Yeah, your family fucking sacks. Bring me the salt and pepper. I'm going to start traveling with salt and pepper shakers. I usually keep garlic salt on me. I'll keep either garlic salt or Tabasco on me because that shit is fucking nasty sometimes. The last time I was at the salt. They pulled it out of my bag, ma'am. What is this? That's no mine. That's no mine. Puss in boots from Shrek 2. Okay. Thank you. By the way, what's this horse shit about there being a Shrek far, far away theme park and it's not in the United States of America? Where the fuck is it? Far, far away theme park. Oh my God. It's in Universal Studios Singapore. It's fucking far, far away, bro. What the fuck? I have to go to Singapore. Puss in boots. Giant's journey. Y'all far, far away. And how to train your dragon. Fuck. Are you serious? I want to see more pictures of it. How fryer's good food goldilocks fairy godmother's potion shop you can go in oh my god welcome to fryer's fat boy how can i get started for you that fucking oh god shrek 2 is the best movie ever made okay wow subway really is it huh they were 37 000 restaurants worldwide actually i'm not done looking at far far away far far away far far away theme park pictures oh my god i have to go here so bad why don't they beef up y'all can i say something the hollywood universal studios is not impressive once you've been to the real deal in florida it just pales in comparison i mean it's just not it's not up to par at least they have the harry potter ride but even then that bitch breaks down they don't even have the hagrid ride girl the hagrid roller coaster let me okay the three best roller coasters that probably exist on planet earth and keep in mind this is uh from my lived experience so not much the hagrid ride at universal studios florida is one of the most fun roller coasters you'll ever go on number two is the velocicoaster that's number one no the velocicoaster is the best roller coaster i've ever seen in florida it's the best roller coaster i've ever been on in my life that bitch goes so fast it's genuinely terrifying ride front row on the velocicoaster and tell me there's not a turd in your diaper at the end of it i look oh my god i have to go to universal studios the third one and this might be outdated information because i haven't been here in a while but i remember it leaving a profound effect on impact on me a profound impression on me the griffin at bush gardens virginia 90 degree drop horrifying now the last time i was there i was about 12 maybe younger it scared the living daylights out of me it scared the hebus gibus out of me i'd like to go back as an adult by the way bush gardens beautiful the most stunning theme park like every garden topiaries um organized and and trimmed and cut gardens everywhere the food is fantastic they do an october fest some of the 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Okay, here are my songs of the week, you freakos. It's been ages by kneecap. Fuck me, it's been ages since we made the front pages. And that wasn't that bad. For a Belfast accent, they're from Belfast, right? Wasn't that bad. Back to basics. He goes, what's in the beginning of the recap? Doesn't he say, need to go back to therapy? I love them. I love kneecap. But can I say something mean? Their merch is not. It's not giving. I wanted to buy some kneecap merch so bad. Maybe like two of the shirts are cute. Some of the stuff on Etsy goes harder. Etsy is always going to have the best merch. Unfortunately, I don't know why. It's because it's fan made, probably. I wish kneecap had more merch options, because then I'd buy a bunch. Second song of the week, Death Kink by Fontaine's DC. I feel like this has been on my list before, but God, it's just always stuck in my head. I caved in and came and climbed amazing stars from the dirt. I gave a promise and now I love them. I was dead. I love them so much. I will not be getting to see them this year. And I don't know if they're going to be on tour next year. And I'm honestly fucking devastated. I'm going to a they're not performing. They'll be in fucking Belfast when I'm where I am. So I have to see them soon. I have to see Grian Chattin in real life just to make sure he's real. Y'all, that's one. And I'm not fucking joking in the slightest when I say this. I'm not kidding. Grian Chattin, that is someone that I can never, I can never meet him. I'm like, I can never meet him. I can never meet him. He's, he is like, and I know this isn't healthy. I don't give a fuck. He's like a God to me. His level of lyricism, his view of the world, his art, words really fail me. Like how, how I feel both seen by him, but also I'm perplexed by him. I'm very inspired by him. I think he's very real. I appreciate how private he is, but he's one of those artists where he won't reveal much in terms of an interview. I mean, he'll let you in on the creative or artistic process. I listened to one, he did a podcast episode with some guy who interviews artists about their writing process, like how, how they write, because the interviewer is an author and he writes books, but he doesn't write songs. And he almost exclusively interviews. Because there are some similarities with the process there, but of course, different style, different, um, approach. And he did an episode with Green, which I was gagged to listen to, by the way, I feel like I'm, I was watching Michelangelo paint. He gave so many thoughtful responses and honestly, like really beautiful insight into his creative process, which is very inspiring for me. But there are also parts of him that it's unfortunate when a cliche is true, I don't know why it's unfortunate, but it just feels like, ah, of course, of course that was right. You know, everyone, you can write a song about love. You can write a song about politics. You can write a song about a breakup. And while yes, there are plenty of grounds for those songs to sound very similar, very tired, very overdone. The edge that you as an artist have on that topic, on your approach to, you know, using that as subject matter is that no one's written it the way that you could write it. No one has your perspective. No one has your artistic presence, the, the filter through which that subject matter will go to completely change how it comes out on the outside. So yes, write a song about a breakup, write a song about love, write a song about, you know, what any of these cliche fucking top five topics that songs are about. But what makes it incredible is that it's through his filter. And I'm just, I am in awe. Of his art and his lyrics. And, um, you know, what a strange, if you're not familiar with him, he's the front man of Fontaine's DC and his process is very, uh, I mean, all creative processes are kind of navel gazing, but he's got this philosophy of like, he'll throw shit out, even if it's good. Uh, because that's when it could be better. And, and he talks about it in a way that's really, it sounds pompous, but I know what he means because it's, it's a complex thing. You know, when you're, it's like throwing the baby out with the bath water because you're drawing a new bath. It's like that sort of thing. And there's a brand new baby that's better than the last baby. It's kind of that thing. And I think that's why he strikes this balance so fucking well of the lyrics are just the way he structures them. And it's not just him. I mean, it's him and other members of the band, but it's mainly him. And I'm, I'm very intrigued by some of the references that he has and, of course that just comes from being from Dublin and the complex relationship that he has with Ireland and how that in whatever way will always be a part of his art, whether he's talking about it or not, it influences everything. And the decision not to talk about it is also a active, creative decision. So there are so many things at play when you're listening to a Fontaine's DC record. That's like, God. And we know that he loves James Joy. And all this shit where it's like, there is to me, and I'm just talking out of my ass at this point. To me, there is kind of a barrier to entry on, uh, authors like James Joyce, because you got to really love literature to seek out that type of literature. And of course, Green is such an intellectual and it's, you know, very evident and he's very thoughtful of what he writes about and, and what's, what makes it onto the albums and in what order and whatever. I mean, what artist isn't, but when it comes to Fontaine's DC, I think, and I'm not the only one, so many millions of people agree, something magic happens when, when they get together and, and, you know, when they're writing these albums and it's like very, very, very, very inspiring to me. So he's someone that I can't, my respect for him is bone deep. I cannot talk to him. I don't want to let him be, let him do his thing. I'm not going to bother him. I do not want to bother Green Chattin. I love him so fucking much. And I don't know how I talked to Hosier to be totally honest. Hosier is very, he is just the kindest man alive. So that definitely helps. You know, I, of course I was shitting my pants and there was a big turd in my underwear after I talked to him, but like, he was so kind. And I know that Green feels a bit more like, right. What's all this then? Like, is this some fuckery? Is this some tomfoolery? I'm not interested. He's not really he, he, ha ha. The way that Hosier is kind of he, he, ha ha giggle. I'm not giggling and gaggling with, with, uh, Green Chattin. All right. Those are my two songs of the week. If you want merch, go to broski.shop. If you want to watch my show called Royal Court, where I interview celebrities, you can go on there. Green Chattin will not actually be. It's there. We just had on, uh, David Cornswet. Yes. Yes. Yes. Go watch that. I love you guys to death and I'll see you next week. You spend your whole life moisturizing your face. And then one day your neck just enters the chat. Nobody warns you about that part. Turns out skin there is thinner with way less support. so it shows the years first. Murad solved it. Murad's Retinol Resculpt Neck and Decollete Lifting Serum is clinically shown to visibly lift, firm, and smooth the look of your neck and decollete in as little as two weeks. Consider it Murad's answer to the neck nobody warned you about. 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