La La Anthony: Life After Professional Athletes (FBF)

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy lala welcome to more daddy first of all can we address the glasses okay okay let's talk about so i came in here with glasses on and i was oh you're wearing my stylist hoodie local love club yeah that's my stylist i was like yes i love her i love her so much i honestly like woke up this morning i was like it's raining it's a monday i need to feel cozy and then you just walked in and you were like let's level that shit up can i keep my sunnies on and i i love you no no i didn't no no i said when i walked in i was like if i wear my sunglasses are people going to be like where the fuck does this bitch think she's going and then you were like well i'll wear some too and i was like fine so we're just gonna both wear sunglasses the whole interview and now we're just we're vibing on a different frequency now everything feels a little bit better the lights are better no but it was crazy when we walked in you said it was so bright it was crazy okay so we're on a different frequency so now we're here okay so now i need to introduce you because there's so many things to say about you i'll try to keep it short but you can't you got your start in radio obviously look how much of a natural you're like let me just let me do the show today alex you can leave i'll just talk you're an actress producer a new york times best-selling author a social justice advocate best friend to some of the most famous women in the world and a mother yes let's i kind of want to go back to the beginning a little bit because i'm not a social justice advocate i'm not a i think it's helpful for people to feel extremely connected to your story right you start working at 15 years old your first internship how the fuck did you get the internship how did you get your foot in the door please tell us the story okay so i i always love music that's my thing i love love music back in the day day day we're not going to talk about it too much i thought i was going to be a rapper but that was like back in the day so i was like a little something oh my god no you'll die you'll be like get me out of here now so i thought i was going to be a rapper and so i just love music and i remember going to the opening of this music store and i saw these people like putting up posters remember back in the day it was different when albums came out like there would be posters everywhere and stuff everywhere so i was like who are these people doing that and i came up to them i was like who do you guys work for like what are you doing because i thought it looked like so cool especially as a teenager like 15 years old so they're like oh we work at this radio station and we're interns but they were like to be in an internship program you had to be i don't remember it was like 15 years old i think it was 17 years old so i was like oh yeah i'm 17 and i just got a fake id because why not i live in the hood and i know how to get a fake id so i got a fake id and then i got the job as an intern lying saying i was older than than i really was but that's the only time kids where a lie can work in your favor um and then i just started working at the radio station and from there interning i got on the radio and then i moved to la to be on the radio and then from there i got started hosting trl which everyone knows started doing that i also love how so casually i think there's so many young women that listen to this show that are like may currently be an intern and you just like slid that in like so i went from being an intern then all of a sudden i'm a radio personality hold on hold on you just skipped a huge step how the fuck did you go from intern putting posters on the wall right so then being a radio personality so just working really hard like i just worked really really hard at it and i was like whatever i do i don't care if i'm just putting this water here i'm gonna be the best at putting the water here like i'm just gonna be great i just made myself available i worked really hard and i had a personality so they were like we like your personality like there's two guys on the radio at that time it was ludicrous but his name back then was chris love a lover so they were like two guys him and poondaddy they were like they need a girl on their show like nobody wants to hear just two guys going back and forth all day i was like i can do it so at first and we laughed about all the time they didn't really want me there shit like who the fuck are you but i was like i'm coming to bring some energy in here and some girly vibes no i wasn't intimidated i was like i'm here to do this and then that's how i got on the radio so shout out to luda who i've known for since yeah since i was like at that time what 16 maybe okay we all need to have that energy because i'm like oh my god it'd be so intimidating you're like what the fuck i deserve to be there no i had the personality for it even if i was intimidated nobody else was gonna know you're gonna fake it yeah you gotta fake it till you make it even if i felt like that which i'm sure at different times i did i was like this is my way out it was bigger than it was bigger than a job for me it was about survival it was about like having money in my pocket to live like it was deeper than like oh i just want this cool job it was like i need this job so i can afford my apartment so i can get food for myself so i can take care of myself and ultimately take care of my family like it was bigger to me totally like when the purpose is bigger your your drive is different yeah you like you just see straight like you can't you don't even look back you're like i gotta go forward exactly so you're still a teenager you go to you leave atlanta you go to la i love how you're like 17 at the time had you ever been to la no i never been to la before i didn't have money to like travel and do stuff like that i would hear about la but i had never been there the thing about it is like when i when i lived in new york i was born and raised in brooklyn but during this radio time i was in atlanta my mom had moved us to atlanta but like you would hear about la but it just felt like this distant land somewhere that like yeah i know like famous people live there but it's not a place that you ever thought like you would go to or anything like that so when i got the job in la because i had sent my radio tape to different places when i got the job in la when i got off the plane that was my first i was moving to la getting off the plane that was my first time being in la did you know anyone no were you who the hell would i know in la i didn't i didn't talk to me i was like my circle was new york and atlanta damn so what when do you remember personally being like this is my big break like i just made it i felt like that with la because atlanta as big of a market it is radio wise it was a smaller market than la new york is one la is two when it comes to radio so i was like i'm about to be in the number two market like this is crazy and when they call me to give me the job they were like well how much money are you making and i remember at that time i was making like no luck and i was like i'm not gonna make it i'm not gonna make it i was making like eighteen thousand dollars a year and i was like um um i i make like thirty thousand a year like i just said something and they were like oh well this job is offering like ninety thousand a year and i was like i really was making eighteen thousand i went from making eighteen thousand to ninety thousand i was like you're like you know what i think i'll take it i was like i'm out but i had to play it cool i didn't want that because remember i was already damn it's a lot of lying in my story we're like la la this is literally the whole episode is like la la lie through and through i keep lying i lied about my age i lied about how much i was making all good lies all good all good to get you through the door yes exactly a little white lie with that yeah i can't hurt anybody yeah so then i got on the radio in la and then i was on the radio doing really good out there and then one day now this day i remember clear i walked into the radio station and the receptionist says to me somebody from mtv called for you i was like call for me for what they're like i don't know they want to talk to you and it was like the little post-it with like the number so i called i was like hey um this is la la like somebody said you guys are looking for me they were like yeah we want to um meet with you we just heard a lot about you from the radio we've heard you on the radio we thought you're really cool we wanted to see like what you look like and like you know just catch a vibe and they were like you seem like a really cool person i was like thanks like what's happening here so then they were like could you interview somebody for us so we could see like how you would interview on camera but the catch was i had to find the person to interview i'm like they're like you'll have to bring the person to interview because they also wanted to see maybe like i don't know maybe my connection i don't know but i was like all right cool so i actually remember i called tyrese because at that time tyrese was also doing stuff on mtv too so i was like if i call somebody that's like one of their own maybe that'll help so i seemed to love it and then they called me and was like would you be open and moving to new york to be on mtv dude it's so crazy because i was talking to kate earlier okay i want to see your like hello we're like okay now we're like less i know okay slide to my face 10 times already we're like let's just do it okay we're done we're done the shtick is over we're moving forward so we can see each other hello bright lights okay kate and i were talking about trl yes and to the gen zears listening just shut the fuck up for a minute because you need to be humbled and listen to what trl was because i remember i have an older sister and i would she'd be like running home from school like come on alex we gotta go we gotta watch and it was like the biggest thing to watch when you're looking at breakout artists or like christina aguilera coming on and you're just like holy fucking shit this was the thing it was huge for all artists and then like it was in new york it to Times Square to stand out there to see who's going to be the infamous like window where you would wave from and you had everybody like you said Beyonce and then actors Will Smith would come Tom Cruise I mean at that time NSYNC and it was like Justin Timberlake and no it was crazy that's so cool I I think like hearing about your career is always incredible to hear especially from a woman just like battling to get to the top and like what's the setback that you remember facing early in your career obviously it wasn't all roses and like get on the flight move to LA get the job happiness and like how did you overcome it well I think a lot of my struggles came coming out of MTV because MTV was so big that you were always told like that's it that's your peak this is it like it doesn't get any bigger than this and you would kind of see MTV VJs come and go and then it would be like whatever happened to so-and-so or they would have these specials like going back down memory lane and you'll be like what happened to and I was like oh no like after this job is not gonna just be over for me like that's just not gonna be the only thing that I'm known for so that's when I started pivoting into acting and stuff and when you're coming off of being a host it's hard for people to see you as an actor because I was so well known as an MTV host first of all there's not a lot of MTV hosts secondly there's definitely not a lot of black MTV hosts so it was like I was known as you know a black girl on MTV so it was like the acting side didn't really want to give me that shot I think that's a very relatable concept of like people wanting to put things in boxes and you're trying to pivot because you want to pivot and you want to do something different and it's like no no you have to stay in that lane I was gonna ask though like as a woman of color in the industry especially when you were just starting out and you didn't have this status did you face discrimination well it was different but it was it was interesting for me because I was at MTV but all of my friends and people in the business were at BET and I was like it was like 106 and Park and then there was like TRL and I used to feel like I kind of want to be over there like that's more my music that's my culture that's who I am but then I was like maybe I have a responsibility here to bring my culture more into the world and I was like I don't want to be over there or my music diversity to MTV and put them on to like these are the songs we're listening to these are the artists that we love let's give them you know a little bit more shine so then I became like empowered to want to do that that's really cool because I feel like a big theme so far already what you're saying is like every time you've walked indoors like you're like no I I'm gonna even if I don't feel it immediately I'm gonna pretend I deserve to be here exactly and it's like a mentality thing even if you don't feel it all the time which I think is important no matter what you're doing no matter what you're doing just pretend you fucking deserve it and it's even if like on bad days we're all entitled to them we all have them but it's like certain jobs and I hate to say it but certain jobs they don't care about a bad day so it's like fake it fake it fake it then go home talk to your friends your family your therapist whatever you need to do but in that moment like act like you're okay sometimes even when you're not and then deal with it in the moments that you give yourself a chance to do it and then you're like okay I'm gonna do it okay I'm gonna do it and then you're like okay I'm gonna do it and then you're like okay I'm gonna do it to deal with it this is a stressful industry to be in and you've got to be on and you've got to be ready have you ever experienced burnout always I'm always burnout I'm always tired and I'm not good at the balance which that's not a great thing I mean you have to be able to have balance I always feel guilty when I'm like not working or having fun or even on vacation like I just feel like I got more work to do what am I doing why am I hanging out then I'm on Instagram and it seems like everybody's on vacation all the time like how the hell do you guys go on this many trips like I don't go anywhere I'm like I need to go on more trips I feel like either one I feel like I'm always behind when I'm looking at Instagram I'm like wait like why do these people know about this thing or I'm like why is everyone relaxing on the beach always because when I go I feel like so stressed but are they actually relaxing on the beach because then when you're relaxing on the beach you're not actually relaxed on the beach like what the fuck is true what's not it's all a facade it's all an illusion it is a just get on a phone call with you just quickly say hi and I was like it's like eight o'clock at night and they were like hey everybody uh Lala's not available because she's at Rikers and I was like holy fuck no I was like that seems way more important than me just being like hey girl like see you tomorrow like it's just like yeah I was like go fuck myself I'll see you in the studio I really appreciate what you're doing can you explain how you got into it like what are you doing well it's only because you can't for those of you who've never been inside a prison or a jail before you can't do it because you can't do it because you can't do it because you can't do it you cannot have your cell phone I need to clarify I was not mad at you I was like otherwise I would be like what's up you can't have your cell phone which by the way you don't realize how hard it is to go eight nine ten hours without your phone like it's good for me because we're so attached and I'm like I realize that this attachment is not healthy but um so yeah Rikers um I work a lot in the RNDC building which is uh generally 18 to 21 so the younger population and um there was a pastor that was running an initiative called fatherless no more his name is pastor Tim Johnson who I love and I sat in on a lot of his sessions with his group of young men and from there I just continue to work with him and you know starting to mentor and do my own thing as well I'm just so passionate about I have a 15 year old so when I see these young men who are incarcerated I see my son's face I see how one bad decision can change your whole life and sometimes it's just peer pressure following friends being in the wrong place at the wrong time a lot of these kids are amazing beautiful I call them kids but young men that shouldn't be in there but just environment upbringing everything that I feel like I can relate to so I'm all about second chances and also giving them the tools they need so when they do re-enter into the community they can be assets instead of you know a hindrance to their community so we work really hard it's me Brittany my assistant Brian we work really hard and I'm just so passionate about it and I'm just so passionate about it and I'm really really hard with them and I don't know I found like I've been passionate about a lot of things I give back in a lot of ways but this I really feel like is you know you feel like this is my calling this is my passion there's something about it that it keeps moving me to come back more and more and want to do more it's really incredible what you're doing it seems like you're such a good mother you're a great person and you're a great friend and I talk about a lot of my podcasts of I have a lot of young women that write in which I'm like I totally feel you on this like friendship it it ebbs and flows it's the some of the most beautiful relationships you can have because you aren't sleeping with this person hopefully you never know but like it's a genuine two-way street and at times it's not always going to be 50 50 maybe you're giving more to your friend they're giving more to you at a time whatever it is but I always like to talk about friendship because I think it's an underrated conversation that fulfills a lot of what you need in your life and it doesn't always have to be romantic romantic and it doesn't have to be family right what qualities do you think about your personality make you a good friend um I think if you were going to ask my friends they would say like I'm very caring loving I'm a cancer like we're super loving we're super emotional we're when we love we love hard but I'm also honest like my thing even going back to the young man at Rikers like I always say you know no judgment like I'm not here to judge you I'm going to give you real advice but I'm not here to judge you and if I say something you might not agree with or don't like it's not because I'm judging you I'm just giving you the real so I think it's the same with my friends like when they ask me advice they know I'm gonna give them the real advice and I'm not here to judge you I'm not here to judge you I'm real advice coming from love not like judgment I don't care what you say you did what I've heard it all I've seen it all nothing surprised me anymore but I'm just like yo you gotta now you can't do that you know whatever and just honest and they know it's gonna be out of love and I think that's it also you know keep everyone's information life secrets safe like you've never heard of me being involved in anything with like any messiness or whatever when people trust you with things you know you're not gonna be able to take that seriously and I definitely do I really respect that because I think some people can't take the honesty and I feel like a lot of times I'm similar in friendships where I'm like I know this is gonna upset you but do you want me to lie to you right exactly sweetie it's gonna you're totally in the right you're fine like that's not me being a good friend and I feel like it's good sometimes to have people around like you being like you can cry and I'll hold you while you cry but it's gonna be from the information I'm about to tell you but it's just me being honest and I don't see why I don't know I think it's like look inward if you don't want people to tell you the truth because it's like work on yourself it's not your friend it's actually you not being able to take the heat and I'm also not like I'm competitive like but not meaning I don't want what you have I know what's for me is for me that's also the issue with a lot of friendships and stuff it's like competition or jealousy like I think there's enough for everyone like what I'm doing is not going to be the same as what you're doing or if we do the same thing how you do it how I do it is going to be different like I don't get involved in that I want all of my friends and anyone I care about to win I want to see everybody do good I'm like cheerleading from the sidelines for everybody and I know you know what's for me will come and what's great about my friendships is everyone kind of empowers each other I have friends that are like oh you're working on this I actually know someone that did that let me call them and tell them you're doing it or let me call them and tell them to look out for you whatever and that's how it is it's not like oh I'm not gonna give her the number or the secret like I don't want her to know like that's not how my friendships are everyone's gonna have their successful moments and everyone's gonna have the lulls where they're down on themselves and it's like why hold any of your friends back if anything it's great to surround yourself with people that are thriving and succeeding rather than feeling like jealous right I love that how do you know when it's time to end a friendship I think that you'll know when it's you know I think it's time to end a friendship when it's no longer making you feel good I think it's the same thing with a relationship a friendship is a relationship like when it's no longer making you feel good and it's causing you stress and agony and sadness then it's time to let it go like the world right now is stressful enough day-to-day life in this world is stressful enough so your friendships your relationships anyone in your life should be adding positivity not saying again that they're not going to tell you what you want to hear like it shouldn't just be like you're great you're great you're great you're great and not being honest with you but when you feel like you know when the phone rings and you look and you're just like oh what now or this is going to drain me or what's going to happen here that's when you got to start reevaluating I agree and I think there's moments where every friendship if it's a good friendship you will have hardships like that's weird if you've never had a tip like oh you're best friends well then is it a real relationship because like we're humans we're going to go through shit but I appreciate when there's times to work through shit and then there's time to be like this is not healthy and to find that especially when you start seeing a pattern if there's a pattern then you're like okay this is this is who this person is I might need to exit stage left when your friends come to you for advice I'm thinking like I feel like everyone has that person in a friend group like what are people like I'm going to Lala for this like what is your go-to they're looking for guidance they go to you for probably relationships and I don't know why I'm not even in a relationship my marriage is my marriage did not succeed I don't know how I'm the relationship expert I always tell I told a friend of mine the other day I go I don't know why everybody wants to ask me about relationships I need to be asking them about I'm not even in a relationship maybe they're like I don't know our shit fucked up so bad we want to make sure that doesn't happen to us they're like so give us the guideline of what not to do Lala no but I think don't be with an athlete no it's a joke just kidding guys just kidding guys no love you all no I love you all too no I've talked so much like healthy I think shit on the athletes I've dated no no no we don't want to talk bad about athletes no no and I think it's actually more which I would like to clarify in the past if I think it's too easy almost as a joke because it's like they're giving it to us at times do you know what I mean yeah and I think that it's one there's times where it could be maybe um a stigma that's not fair like I'm sure accountants are cheating you know what I mean like I know our dentists are getting after it just don't hear about it as much yes yes exactly so I did want to ask you there is a New York Times article about you from 2011 and you were described as the first lady of the NBA I'm in the presence of a goddess okay the king herself you were the original NBA couple well we see how that turned out while I was like hold on they probably won't they probably won't even let me in games anymore so there goes your first lady goodbye you were the original are we back are we back for the athlete section we're like hold on let us just tighten up you were the original NBA power couple yeah was it hard to have eyes on you during the beginning of your ex-husband's career like all these people interested in your life etc yeah that was hard for us that was hard for us I feel like when we moved to New York because we came from Denver at the time we moved to New York I was from New York so being back in New York is nothing new but when we lived here under all of that that's when things became complicated I think that was kind of the start now that I look back that was kind of the start of the demise of the marriage I dated a New York athlete and I do remember don't I need to google you later don't do that um but I do think that there's something people always say like if you can make it in New York as an athlete you can make it anywhere but I think there's also a different connotation of like yeah because it's the hardest to deal with and it comes with a lot scrutiny and the media and the press and just everything it is it is really really hard that's not the only reason things didn't work out but things got tough with New York and like you were saying just constantly being under the spotlight people watching every little thing and then you know being in New York I don't know like Denver was so like laid back New York it's like I got to get on my grind then I started really like going to overdrive with my career and wanting things to go that way so it's like he's doing his thing I'm doing mine and just how old were you guys when you met out so me so it's so funny there was a DJ named DJ Clue that um yeah shout out Clue who was like I got this guy who really wants to meet you he's seen you on MTV before um and he's 19 years old I was like okay 19 at that time I was what 22 yeah I was just like that's kind of young I mean when you're when you're you know okay what happens is here's how it goes because this is what I'm finding I don't understand this this is how it goes okay when you're younger you want to date older guys and I'm not saying when you get older you want to date younger guys but when you get older only younger guys want to date you it's the wildest thing literally guys will DM me or want to take me out and I'll google them I'll be like you're 22 years old like what how like how does this work but like so confident so like I want to take you out I think you're amazing and I'm just like when's what's the cutoff like I don't know the cutoff I'm just saying what is the cutoff it's a real thing but okay but we got to go back we'll get to that yeah because we do but I don't get what this thing is like no it's a real thing the older you get the younger the guys get and it's wild but okay so he was 19 and I was like cool and I was like I don't want to be with an athlete back then even back then I was like I'll never be I'd never never never never never should have listened to myself back then what was your type of time street guys just guys that I probably shouldn't be with either but that was more my flow I love a street guy back then not anymore guys so I was like I just don't want to but we became friends and that's the thing we were friends for a while and then the friendship turned into more and we had some great times I mean we have a beautiful son Kyan who's amazing like it wasn't all bad like we had great great times it ended bad but we're still you know friends and we co-parent great so it wasn't all bad and I think that you know life is just about lessons and going through different phases and that was like a phase in my life a chapter in my life and now that chapter is over but it's never really over when you have a kid with somebody what was your biggest misconception about dating an athlete because I was I always like to write my questions and then think well what would the fuck my answer be back to back to back to okay no misconceptions because everything I thought like you want to be like oh they're not all like this or all like that like they are and I'm like well yeah check check my thought when I was writing I was like okay my misconception was in the like not committed dating phase I found that I was stressed always like if I don't fly in like who's going to be with whatever and then once I was his girlfriend and it was committed I thought I was like I'm going to sleep better at night I'm going to be like oh no no I never slept I never slept you're like don't get it twisted I may look amazing but I did not sleep and I didn't I almost got more stressed once we committed because I felt like oh my god now everyone's coming for me like people it was just more it was I guess it was my misconception I thought oh lock it down and I'm going to be I'm sleeping beauty it never ends it never ends and then what you'll find is like it's so funny I used to think like certain cities I would be like oh those are the problem cities like Miami I'll be like oh I'm definitely not sleeping tonight or I'm going to figure out a way to get there but here's what I found out dear be careful with these other cities that you think don't have as much going on because those are the ones guys where the shit is going down it's worse I'm like nothing is happening in Kentucky that's how I would feel and those are the nights I would sleep a little and all of a sudden you're like oh no there's a whole ass girlfriend there Miami it's just like let's club let's go hang out there is like a whole ass fucking girlfriend I'm like have you been here before have you been here before you get it so yeah it is a wild I love the the sleep concept is a good way to describe it yes it will be sleepless nights and ladies we don't need that and I'm not going to I can't generalize everyone I'm just talking about what I went through and people I know but I'm sure you know they're great relationships I mean my best friend is married to an athlete and they have Sierra and Russell an incredible bond something I've never seen before I'm so happy to even witness it because it makes me feel like oh wow that type of love does exist because I didn't think it did for a long time I'm like no way so it's not across the board but I can only also speak to my yeah totally was the culture of the wives and the girlfriends because I remember my experience and since I was a girlfriend people were like well you're not shit and I was like I know like sorry and I thought like at first because there were a couple like head women that were like married that one was so nice to me because she was like I don't give a fuck about you like you're just here and whatever maybe you won't be the next week or another woman that you don't even know is sitting over there and he's all she's also with him I'm like but then there were some that were like aggressive to let me know like bitch you don't have a ring on your finger you're not shit like what was your experience with well I was a girlfriend for a long time I didn't become a wife till way later so I didn't really experience that like you just have the people you gravitate to like you said with you and the people that your cordial would and that's it so I just found like my crew whatever whoever that was on respective teams are like she's really cool I want to hang out with her but I tried to be cool you know with everybody but there's levels to being cool like there's the distant like hey then there's the call me later then there's the I fucking hate him I'm coming to spend a night at your house there's different like levels of cool so I just try to be you know cordial and then I just had my kind of groups no I appreciate you saying that because I eventually found my group day one I was like hello I was like I'm gonna go sit with the fans like they'll be nicer and then I think by the I would say like yeah a couple months in I found like my crew of like oh this is my drinking buddy and then I had the woman that was like found out he's like be shady what do I do and so I'm interested to know like do you think there was a culture of like turning a blind eye to cheating within the NBA or even just in sports in general not for me because when I saw it or found out about it I have to worry about my own relationship then I dealt with it like yeah I can't my shit was falling apart I can't worry about what everybody else has going on like I gotta work I gotta save myself like my relationship you know we're two parents to my son I gotta make sure we're good so that's where my focus was but I never turned a blind eye to it I I adjusted and ultimately that that was part of the reason I could no longer be in the relationship yeah how would you handle because I would get like messages this is like therapeutic for me sorry I'm like so how would you deal with this because there's women that would message and it's like sometimes it's not true right and sometimes it's true right and like if you would have women reach out like how did you handle that I think that yes sometimes it's not true sometimes it's true but there's always something inside us that knows like I would see stuff and be like he's not an angel but no way but then there will be things that you're just like a little too much information or a little something that you're just like I don't know like you've kind of feel it and maybe I wasn't always right but you just kind of can know yeah your gut and you gotta gotta follow that yeah I think a lot of times my advice to anyone when you get those messages because social media just I guess I was gonna say fucks all of us I guess it helps us right well it's both it's like let's not publicly let my life be over but like slide in the dms and let me know like right obviously there's been situations where people don't need to take it public but I do appreciate the message like I'm never gonna be mad at a woman but everyone doesn't though yeah some people like what do they say um ignorance is bliss like some people like I'm happy how I am like as long as it's not directly affecting me or I don't feel directly disrespected then I'm cool I don't judge anybody everybody has their way but some people don't like if you're having the most incredible day and your relationship feels great like who wants to go on their dm and just see people that are miserable and want to see these relationships fail be like oh you know I saw your guy the other night doing whatever like some people don't don't want to want to deal with that and I think that's right and I think we're getting to the point now where it's too much access like everyone has something to say about everything everyone feels like they can be anywhere they can see anything like I don't need to know everything that's my point like I don't need to know everything I'm not dumb I'm not naive I don't need to know everything like what I'm supposed to know I'll find out but I'm just gonna keep living my days enjoying my life not like okay so on edge or what today I don't like feeling on edge like I don't like the feeling of like oh my god okay who's what are they saying I can't I can't deal with that that shit will I'll be a nervous wreck like I don't want to live like do you feel now that you're kind of out of it and again like every relationship has such goods and such bad but even us joking in the beginning of like the sleep I lost right right I do think there's something and I had an insight of like wow like I didn't need to I don't need to feel that way I don't need to constantly like be calculating like this day they're going here this day they're right like you almost aren't able to come back and be like I don't need to feel that way I don't need to constantly like live your life right if you're constantly trying to track them down and imagine how little they think right of you doing it they're not stressed they're they're they are sleeping really well they don't even need melatonin they're like good night I'm in Miami like so I think there's something of like if you have that feeling ever it shouldn't be ignored I know it's hard but it's just people listening like I think sometimes when you have that like shitty feeling in your stomach and it's constant it's something I look back and I'm like I guess I know yeah you get you know and then like there is a piece in like listen it's pros and cons everything being single single now yes do I sleep better and I don't have to worry about somebody cheating we do whatever but then I'm lonely sometimes like I want to be laid up with somebody or I want to worry about if somebody's cheating on me or not I want to have somebody to be like so it's like it's it's pros and cons like when you're in a relationship you're like oh if I was single it would be so it's it's pros and cons to both my mom always says and I'm sure she's heard it from a lot of people but like single people want to be married and married people want to be single like you're never fully happy in anything that you're doing so you just got to figure out your happiness whether you're in a relationship or out and realize that the happiness shouldn't revolve only around the relationship because if you're like constantly looking for happiness because of your relationship or because of another person I feel like that's when you'll always be disappointed in what ways were you intentional about creating and maintaining your own identity a separate from always always I was always like that I mean I had a career before I met him I was on MTV when I met him so always I always wanted to have my own career or something like even if for people listening even it's not a career a hobby something you're passionate about charity whatever it is just something that kind of gives you your purpose even just whether it's being a parent whatever it is that you're like this is what I'm going to give my all to and this is what I'm going to do just because it's always good to have you know your own thing kind of going on I think it empowers you in a way I I also was just thinking back to something you said about like not stressing about what like you couldn't worry because like you're worried about your relationship and people like I think something we should all take I like personally have realized this is like I talk into a microphone every week and there's some shit that I've said in my past and I'm like fuck like I wish I didn't say that about that person because I feel like recently it's really come to be obvious that like people's relationships fail succeed and and then we watch this influx of people on the internet making these videos right like this is my opinion on it right and what I think we all know if you look inside of your relationships no one fucking knows no one knows what's inside and going on everyone will tell you excuse me everyone will say what they'll do until they're in the situation that's why it's all bullshit when you're at it when you're not in the situation you can hyper analyze you can this you can that oh if I was her I would do this until you're there then it's a whole different ball game so I don't feed into any of that and I don't ever want to be that person for someone else's relationship I always say whatever you decide I will support you this is my advice and opinion on it as someone who's been there but whatever you want to do I support you and I just leave it at that and I'll see you next time. Someone needs to come to a conclusion on their own and if anything they're going to resent you as a friend if you told them to leave they're going to resent anyone but themselves and it's like let them do their thing because timing for people is so different right and so I don't know I just think everyone listening like I hold myself accountable of like saying dumb shit about like celebrities in the past like what like as if I knew like just shut the fuck up and because if someone did that about my relationship like you guys have no idea so I think it's just a good wake-up call. To give our opinion on stuff write it in your group chat exactly write it in the goddamn group and a lot of times people give an opinion because it makes them feel better about their situation absolutely like oh they're just like me or she's not all that or whatever it is like no they get like happiness out of seeing someone else being miserable and that's just that's definitely not the kind of person I am. I would love to hear just your opinion on how you know when it like you're ready to end something because I think ending a relationship is so important. It's so fucking hard you ended your marriage like how did you know it was time? Time um same thing kind of what I said about the friendship when I was no longer feeling great about it sad every day crying like just feeling somewhat lost not feeling loved the right way I'm like this I don't want this to be for the rest of my life and I don't want my son I have to be an example to my son seeing me you know sad or whatever like I didn't want that and I was like this is just not feeling good anymore and. There was a lot of things that have been done and I was just like I got to move on from this. Do you think that if you weren't in the public eye would you have handled the situation? at all differently um i would have still made the same decision but it would have been less maybe pressure or less eyes on me like what's she gonna do people are saying this and is this true or whatever it is i think it would have been less pressure maybe but i do think i still would have came to the same conclusion because some boundaries were crossed that i just couldn't what's something that you've learned about yourself since the divorce i learned how strong i am like you said when you hear friends going through stuff it's like i'm never gonna make it through i'm never gonna survive and then all of a sudden you wake up and you're like wait i'm actually surviving like and i'm not saying it's not hard like i say it all the time that they're still very difficult moments it's not one of those things where it's just ever just like super easy because again there's a child involved you know my son so but you just find yourself getting stronger and stronger and it's like what do they say like you don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option like what do they say like you don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option like what is gonna do die like i had to keep pushing on and then every day like a little bit stronger a little bit stronger a little bit stronger until you're finally like wow i can do this well i really respect that too because i think listen when you're betrayed or burned like it's so fucking hard not to be petty and it is like oh motherfucker you don't even know who you're messing with and i think that i'm sure like i really respect that you have that outlook of like i have a son right and it's like that holds you almost probably accountable to be like yeah and then i don't want to do something and look back like you said and be like why did i do that or it wasn't even worth it it made me feel good in that moment like the people who need to don't know and that's it that's it for me like i don't have to like put people on blast or like make people feel like shit like obviously what happened was bad enough i don't need to add anything else has your view of love changed yes it has and i and i hate to say that i hate that that's what happened but it has and i'll have my friends like you can't say that like i don't i'm just like what do you say like i just don't know if it's in the cards for me and they're like why would you say that you can't i've said it before like you can't say that but it's like i don't know that's how you feel you just feel like i don't even want to do this shit again or like let's just be friends forever like once you start going to a different place it gets so complicated but i do think there's power in words and you have to manifest what you want so me being negative about it is not good so i'm working on saying like you know what's meant for me will be and someone's gonna buy me one day and love me the right way can we agree that i actually fucking hate when i go through a breakup and my friends are like you're now gonna get to find the love of your life oh yeah no no i don't like that no no i'm depressed i'm sad i'm mourning and you should be and you should you should be okay with that like i'm like that too because i was like and i was like that's just not what i want to hear right now maybe eventually but right now i just want you to be like yeah fuck everybody i hate everyone like just be in this moment right now tomorrow we can talk about something different but right now let's just have this moment i don't need the hype up like put on the sad music let's sob i wanted to be depressed i want to have a pity party i think everyone should have like a day or two of that like you deserve that but then it's like all right snap out of it but i do think there's a good thing of like it would be unrealistic for you to immediately be like oh i'm great i am because that means you're really don't really feel that exactly so it's helpful i think to keep it realistic like you said you are honest with your friends maybe you're being a little too honest with yourself you're like love doesn't exist everybody fuck love we're all alone in this world even if you think they love you they don't but i'm like but i'm so happy for you you found the one i do appreciate i appreciate your realness with it because it's like i hate when it's just the upside and the positive but i realize everyone's take on that is going to be based on an experience so if you had a great experience and you're in a relationship when i'm in a relationship you can't tell me anything i'm like what what do you mean relationships are the best like what are you talking about and then when it's done like fuck everybody so it's like it just depends on where that person you're talking to is at in their life now or not and i respect everyone in different phases of of their life i have friends that are happily married um you know whether it's sierra kelly like very happily married and i look at that and i'm like wow i i want that i would love to have that then i have friends that are single like myself and and live in life or friends that just got out of relationships like everybody's at different phases i'm gonna have you on in like two years and you're like i've literally never been more in love like life is so good and you're gonna be like hearts in the eyes and like relationships are for everyone and you guys can definitely find it's like you're right it changes it changes right now we're like right now i'm just like no fuck that are you dating not really to be honest like people think like i'm just like out here like i know you can have anyone you want and you're doing this and that like not really because the guys are trying to talk to me are 21 and 22 years old let's talk about that because shout out to my spray tan woman you're the most amazing woman britney god bless you and she was telling me how everyone younger is coming after her she's like do i have a sign on my head like but what she thought was interesting was she was like i have these guys that are my age that like aren't really fucking doing it for me and putting in the work and this 22 year old is like let me fly you out let me buy you dinner she's like can you afford to fly me out like what the fuck is going on but she was like it's crazy they're just coming after me yeah yeah but maybe it's a good feeling for a second no it's a good feeling i mean look i it's i i honestly i don't know i'm gonna be i'm telling you i don't know anything about relationships anymore i am done giving relationship advice even to myself i don't know what i do know is i'm going with the flow like i'm not dating anyone currently i'm not anything serious currently but if someone wants to take me out and i'm like all right cool i'm not just gonna say before i would be like no like what's the angle what's this i'm trying to be like more open about it and whatever happens happens how do you deal with like a date like would you go to a pub like you can't go to a public joint well it depends like if you want to be seen with them i mean yeah that then it just kind of depends like i don't know at first i wouldn't want to be like out too public because you want to fill it out first and make sure it's even but friendships are friendships like i'm allowed to be friends with people like and girls and guys can go out and it could be platonic or you could just be getting to know somebody like everything is not so heavy and like if you don't go to public place then where do you go come to my house come to the hotel room that to me that's even more heavy like no no that's that that is it right so it's like for the first date like meet me at the hotel room so no one sees us it's kind of like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know like this is sketch yeah like what tone are you setting yeah yeah i don't know i told you i don't know i'm just going but i appreciate it and everybody's different like you can meet somebody and be like all right i'm cool going out to whatever restaurant with this person and you might not even know why it's just a feeling you have then you can meet somebody else and be like oh no i don't want nobody to see us out like i don't know it's just a feeling it's not like a what i'm saying is not a one size fits all would you ever date an athlete again would i date an athlete again i don't know um i don't probably not a basketball player probably not a basketball okay football let's go here we go that that is fun not basketball probably not i mean i don't know but probably not basketball and football is i look at me like already wait i'm like do you have somebody because you're so you got so excited i'm like what's going on like the schedule is so much more than just like a one-on-one like i'm like i'm like i'm like better less less sleepless night is that a world that you're no no but i i'm just thinking for you like i want you to find love i don't have anyone for you but if i do i'll fucking text you and be like i got this i got this but i do think there's something about um yeah we're done with the nba but you know other sports could we could entertain exactly are you on dating apps no i'm not on dating apps although i have a lot of friends on raya and this and that and they love it and judgment is working for a lot of people i know as a matter of fact my dad married the woman he met on a dating app so i've seen where it can work like my dad married her from plenty of fish.com which i was told was the app specifically for something else i think sex but they hit it off and they got married so i know it can work i just haven't ventured there yet okay that's fair would you let your friend set you up with someone a hundred percent that's the best time yes that's the best way because i feel like my friend knows me knows what i like that's the best way i think getting hooked up with somebody like that is the best way like friends being like hey i'm bringing so-and-so or you gotta meet la like you would love her or whatever like that's the best way what friend do you think would know your type the most and like you're like okay i dressed you um all of them but i think all of them but kim would be really good at that all of them but she would be good at that also because she's single now too so it's like it's different like you know we can talk a little bit more about like what do we like what do we not like like what are we looking for what are we not looking for like it's different i think it's good to have a friend like that so knows you because i also feel like kim's the type of person that like she's like let me do the work for you then you just show up at the date i'm gonna do a whole background check just sit down sweetie and you can count on me that they will be the right person for you you're like thanks kim um what is something after like everything you've been through what is like a non-negotiable that you've learned about yourself that you're like i have to have this in a relationship and like i can't also deal with that in a relationship for your next child. I think I definitely have to have, like. family element meaning someone that's into family loves like hanging out with fam that's like important to me someone that laughs like i want to have fun i want to like laugh like the world is so serious like i just want to laugh and have a good time that's important to me and then like something i won't tolerate um i won't tolerate lying like liars i'm just like no matter what it is i'll respect you more if you're just honest and tell me i could deal with that but the lying shit like i can't i just can't take it as we wrap up i think that like you've been through so much relationships career your life what is something that you like wish you could tell your younger self like if you had a second to be like oh my god wait i've gone through all these experiences i lived life what would you tell your younger self that no matter what you do everyone's not gonna like you like i'm such a people pleaser i'm a cancer i keep saying that so like we love people we want to be loved by everybody and it's like why don't you not like me you don't even know me like i stopped i stopped caring about that like no matter what i do people are gonna have something to say about it all the good i do something's gonna be said whatever i wear something's gonna be said it doesn't matter it's just like what it is and you have to realize that no matter what you do you can't please everybody you have to like find your own happiness and please yourself and it sounds like so cheesy but it's just so true because like especially with instagram and all the social media it's like you look at what people are saying and you're like well why are they saying that they don't even know me or why don't they just ask me instead of just trying to put some shit on blast on the internet but you just realize that it doesn't matter it's always going to happen so you have to find your own happiness amen and scene you're amazing and it was really cool to like get to feel your personality so good so the daddy gang is gonna love you thank you thank you thank you i can't wait to talk to you yeah and find me a man goodbye so the nfl player i was talking about the nfl player i was talking about the nfl player i was talking about the nfl player i was talking about