L-S2E017 Multicultural Curiosity: The Power of Silent Observation

What up people and welcome to LanePort, City of Lane's 10-15 minutes weekly podcast focused on NBA admission and experienced motivated Africans. Whether an NBA enthusiast, an applicant, an admit, a student, an alum, this is the show for you. I'm Samuel Yoost, and I'm excited about today's episode. But in case you haven't noticed, last week we started to pivot to topics that apply to all stages of the NBA journey. In that last episode, we zoomed in on how to navigate any delays you may experience along the way. So whether that or an admission or an NBA program turns you down that you really want to go to or you didn't even get admitted at all, or that you tried to apply for internship or a full time job and you were disappointed and all of your plans were built on them saying yes to you. That episode is very applicable to you, it's one of the many series of podcasts that will transcend wherever it is you are in your NBA journey. In today's episode, we'll continue that trend of discussing topics that is applicable irrespective of where you are in your NBA journey. And what are we talking about today? Today's topic is multicultural curiosity. The power of silent observation. It sounds fancy, doesn't it? Yeah. Think about that for a moment. Okay, so maybe we started by laying off the situation a little bit. We're truly talented, but on the privileged African, we'll be interacting with a deeply multicultural community for the first time during the NBA. You walked all your life in Africa, maybe there's some interaction online with colleagues from other parts of the world or some are visiting, but they're still doing it within the context of your own culture. Your culture remains the dominant portion of your work life. At the end of the day, your NBA program would be the very first time where you were taken out of context and put in a new environment. In such situations where everyone is new to one another and everything else, the tendency to want to belong often drives some optimal behaviors such as being overexcited and like, "Okay, what's this bush person that's just arrived from Nigeria?" Or "Logoria," which is the excessive and often incoherent talkativeness or wordiness. You're over-sharing, you're over-trusting, you're saying things out of context, you're sounding stupid to say the best. That's all of all that are suboptimal behaviors that do degrade the service in shaping other people's perception about you. The problem is that more often than not, just because of all this action, you become prisoners to your own words. You create impressions about you that is really not the truth, but because that's what you projected people start to see you that way. You begin to be boxed into a corner that you don't want to be. The question then arises, how do you avoid falling into the pitfall and how do you even recover from it? That's what we're going to cover in this episode. The four broad things that you need to do and sometimes it needs to be done in this other. 1. Be present to the world around you 2. Actively leave the comfort of familiarity 3. Offer questions not opinions and 4. Reflect and adapt and we'll break it down one after the other. Now let's start with being present to the world around you. This is by far the most important step. Because it involves prioritizing yourself less and your environment more. It requires you to fully immerse yourself, your mind and curiosity in the environment. Not by making statements, but by paying attention to the details, the people, the environment, interactions, the gestures, the facial expressions and all of all that. It is seeing and listening, not speaking and hearing. The reason why this is important is you cannot interpret what you haven't first assimilated. What hasn't even come to your consciousness, you can begin to digest. And the old point is to be present is that to take things into your consciousness that may be somewhat absent in your environment or sometimes in the background in your environment. Some call this self-awareness but I think it's much more than that. Self-awareness involves you paying attention to how you interact with the environment. This is not paying attention to yourself because yourself is in the background. You're not doing anything except for observing. Yes, there's an element of watching how you observe. You don't look at people up until the point where they become uncomfortable but you do it in such a way that you're in the background. I prefer saying being present because it takes the focus of spotlight off you and places it outward in the environment that you belong to. The key things, you may ask the question, what are the key things to spotlight as I try to be present in the environment around you, what culture or norms, how do locals interact, how do they greet each other, what's the conversation style, what phrases do they use, what's the sitting arrangement, best known space preference on spoken rules and power dynamics that may be going on within locals. Again, remember I said locals, also pay attention to the new guys as well. They're going to exhibit properties and attributes that you would have exhibited if you had not listened to the sport cars. It allows you to perceive how you would have been perceived if all you wanted to do as soon as you got to that new MBA program or that new job or that new location and all you want to do is show yourself and let everyone know that you've arrived. No, that's not the way to go. So that's one, we've talked about cultural norms, two non-verbal cues, eye contact, hand and body movement, facial expressions, gestures, posture, and how they change from person to person or from locals to non-locals or groups to groups. All of all that social network, intricate network and interdependency needs to be observed. You have to think like, not in archaeologists, there's a study of people, forget the word, but the point I'm making is there's a field of study that involves studying the social context that you're going to leave in and current society and community and you observe them. It starts with an A, it's related to archaeology, but somehow I cannot remember the name. But anyways, the third one is verbal communication. Watch out for expressions, the tone, the pace, the volume of conversation, as well as names. People don't pay attention to other people's names and you'll be shocked at how much people would love their names to remember. So that's one, they present to the world around you, two, avoid the comfort of familiarity and do so actively. It's only natural to want to mingle only with the people that look like you, actively work against this natural extent, as it will prevent you from mentally leaving your cultural society. There's a way to leave Nigeria but still be in Nigeria. You know what I mean, when you go into the grocery store and you're trying to convert your currency from the US dollar to Nigerian Naira and you're trying, this is too expensive, they've only costed me 1,000 Naira in Nigeria and now it's costing me about 10,000 Naira. Yes, you mentally not left Nigeria. The ability to actively leave your own country back in your own country effectively enables you to be present in the new world. If you don't, it inhibits you from immersing yourself in the new world. You often see folks who have left Nigeria or Botswana, but Botswana never let them, right? They've not integrated or blended with their new environment and after 20 years, you take them back to Nigeria and bring them back, you're never going to be able to tell that they've lived in Canada for 20 years or in the US for 20 or wherever it is that you're going, right? You do not want to be like them. They stand out as sort of, they have a target place that they're back and they effectively alienate themselves. You do not want to do that. Avoid flocking. Don't make enemies out of your black folks or the people you came from the same country with. Instead, invest in first understanding your environment and making sure that that comes first and foremost. You don't have to alienate anyone. The smart ways to do go about it, you invite it to certain events constantly and constantly when you could be in a group of multicultural, diverse communities, humbly and just nicely declined. Number three, offer questions not opinions and there are layers to this. One is interpreting what you're seeing and the other is communicating your opinion. So let's break down. Let's start with the first one. You may not be able to fully interpret what you're observing for what they are. It's not enough to know what or how, but also why. Like you observe a behavior. You don't want to draw your own conclusions because the mistake must make and this often leaves the display of foolishness. It's the past judgment on what they have not fully understood. And this is where questions are important. Ask a local, but show curiosity. You can start off first, admit you are. You may be asking the wrong question or the right one the wrong way. Ask them to help you rephrase it within social context. An example of this is that look, this is what I'm observing and I'm sure I may not be asking the right question or I may be asking the right question the wrong way, but please pardon me, I come from a different society and I'm only just trying to understand what's going on here. So feel free to interject and let me know how to think about it or how to ask a question. That way you're unbelievably just bringing them and say, look, I may say something stupid, but forgive me because I come from a different environment and most people, most people are never going to judge you for the questions that you ask. Observation is useless without the right interpretation or multitude of interpretation. So one, admit you may be asking the wrong question or the right one on the wrong way. Take it a step forward and ask about nuances and this process of doing this often helps you make a new connection with the people you're asking questions from. So you know, like taking a step forward and asking for nuances and say, okay, no, this is what, this is what I just think, thank you for explaining that to me. Are there any other related questions that I could be asking or any related issues that you could shed more light on or nuances that I may not be aware of? Again, you're not just staying within that one pointed question. You're asking them to help you think about all the surrounding issues around that one issue that you've identified and essentially broadening your horizon. The second layer is, you know, when you have to communicate your opinion. I cannot be prescriptive as to, you know, when to speak and when to be silent. This will differ, but when you have to speak because you're prompted to or you strongly believe you have value to add, frame your point of view as a question. And here's how you do it. Four steps. One, acknowledge that your thought may differ and it's shaped by the environment that you grew up in and that you're well aware that there are equally other views out there. Once you state that upfront, state it, don't assume people know, don't assume because your black people know you're coming from a different environment. Well, state your opinion then and then close by drawing others back into the conversation by asking them for their thoughts or throw back the same question. Yeah, I mean, this is what I think about it. What do you think, you know, or, you know, what, what, what, what are some of the things that this is raising in your mind involve them, draw them back into the conversation. Let them know you're not trying to take, oh, this is all I have to say and then you have to take it. I'll leave it. No. You're drawing them in. You continue to pay attention to what is going on within you and around you. You start to see that you are assimilating a lot of them. This takes us to step four, which is reflect and adapt. Have to observing and asking questions. Take the time to reflect on what you have noticed and what you've heard and how it is shaping within and what's going on within you. It's very important in growing and adapting to a new environment that you also put the spotlight back in words and ask yourself, how is this shaping my thinking? For instance, you could observe that people would rather shake hands than org or instead in context, they'll rather wave than do that, either shake hands or org. Reflection allows you to analyze this and then mirror it back. You may come from a society where everyone is again. You don't just come into it and then try that. That's personal space that you're, someone else's personal space you're violating. And there are number of ways to reflect. One you can speak out aloud to yourself, "Hey Sam, this is what I'm observing. You're talking to yourself. You're so loquizing. You can journal. You can exchange notes with other people from your parallel or regional environment who may have been here longer or who are equally paying attention to the environment and see how they're interpreting things around you." So as I wrap up, remember, be present in the new world around you to actively leave the comfort of familiarity, three, offer questions, not opinion, four, reflect and adapt. Leverage the power of silent observation. And the whole point of silent observation is to use it to adapt your behavior in a way that is respectful and appropriate in that new environment you now belong to. It is not to judge a stereotype. It's about gaining a deeper appreciation for the diversity around you. Thank you for listening to today's episode and if you'd like to ask a question or learn more about Lane, links and descriptions are in the show notes. You can just Google or look for us wherever it is you get in using. You'll find City of Lane there. See you in the next episode. Bye for now.