Kylie on Shocking Fan Gifts, Karaoke Bangers & Helping A Couple Get Engaged w/ Caleb Hearon | Ep. 61

Not gonna lie, my arm is still burning from a week of vacation where I couldn't put down a child who crawls all over the floor. Like legitimately, it feels like I lifted an elephant. Let's get this podcast started. Welcome back to Not Gonna Lie, a WAVE original brought to you by Allstate. I'm your host, Kylie Kelsey, Philly fanatic fanatic till the end of time, because I'm instilling that love into my own children right now so that I have an excuse to keep it going like I need one. It's April, which means my favorite trees, Japanese maples, are officially in bloom. This one's fake, but you get it. We love them. And if you watched FAFO, you already know I'm the proud new dog mom to a German Shepherd puppy named not Bernadette. That's right, I said Jason might change. And he did. So her name is Matilda, we think. Guys, I really cannot emphasize enough. Jason named Patricia. That would not have been my first choice. Also, he's agreed to the name Matilda. We will call her Maddie so that we have Maddie and Patty, I think. It was a very tough decision. If you watched the FAFO, you saw how we were going, back and forth a little bit. And the other puppy that was being considered, she was lovely and sweet and laid back, but she was a little more aloof. She wanted to go and like have her business. And I was going to say, we already have that in Patty while she's whining outside of the door trying to get me to let her in. So if you can hear that. No, you can't. Uh, Patricia! Squirrel! Go chase it then! I will like to say Queen Emma was there. You know what? We're rolling with it. Queen Emma was there when we were having a full conversation in Italy about the potential dog names and Broomhilda was a serious contender. And I'm not saying that to be funny. Jason dead ass thought we were going to name a dog Broomhilda. I'm not saying that to be funny. I want people to remember that the next time they come at me about how we named our four children. Because do you see what I'm working with? Anyway, we're very excited. Elliot is thrilled. Benny is also excited. Wyatt couldn't care less. And Finney has no fucking clue what's happening. So there's that. She's won though. So maybe soon she'll know what's happening. Coming up on today's episode, I'm bringing back ask me some things to answer some of the real ones most burning questions for me. And shocker once again, several of you reminded me why we call this segment ask me some things because you're inappropriate. Some of those question guys, we for real. After that, I'm going to be joined by a friend of mine. He's one of the funniest comedians ever. The host of the so true podcast, my future piping hot tea NFL broadcast partner. He's back real ones. It's Caleb Heron. And as if it doesn't as if it needs to be said again. No business. I love that we do chat. But no business before we get to all that. Let's start off with. Can I be honest this week? Can I be honest about vacationing with four kids, six and under because I just got back from a trip to Hawaii. And I have a lot to say about it. It was. Let me start off with the positives. No. Should we end on a positive note? Let me be clear. My my negatives. Aren't really negatives. They're just stating facts. I think. I truly believe that vacationing with children anywhere you go is just parenting in a different zip code. What I will tell you is having a child who is newly walking. Is a true pain in my butt because she wants to get down and explore. And she's 50 50 on whether or not she chooses. To do that walking or she chooses to do that crawling and you know what I don't want her crawling on the floor in public places. One of the things that we I feel really fortunate about is that when you are vacationing aka parenting in a different zip code, especially when you're going to a place with multiple bodies of water. You got to bring in the troops and by that I mean we took family. We took family with us. We took four grandparents and one of my nieces because I'll be damned if we're not in man-to-man coverage at any given moment and also none of our parents all four grandparents none of them had ever been to the islands that we went to we were on Maui and we were on Lanai and the girls love it. They love getting to take the people they love most with us. And it's fun and we love that so my biggest tip for vacationing if you can is hands I love Hawaii I love it so much I love the culture I love the food I love the people everyone there that we interacted with was lovely I if it were closer I would go back on a very regular basis. I will say that we caught the very tail end of the storms that Hawaii was experiencing so I think maybe we could pop well we could find a link to help support the Hawaiian people and communities that were impacted by the storms because there was a significant amount of damage on certain islands and. I think that we can we can do good things around supporting them that's it for can I be honest next up you guys sent in so many questions I'm just going to get right into them with a brand new edition of ask me some things because ask me anything was far too open ended ask me some things is brought to you today by tax act I think this goes without saying but you can ask me some things just don't ask me about taxes that's for tax act everybody knows that and before I get into the questions. I will answer I just want to say to literally everybody I know it usually comes from a good place not always but quit asking me and my mother-in-law about upcoming nuptials nobody's fucking telling you anything I don't have any details I don't have any details I don't have any details I have no details. I have none look at that that's how many details I have none none stop fucking asking me stop fucking asking my mother-in-law TMZ fucking being creeps in the fucking airport. Ew here's the deal even if I did have any information I'm not fucking telling you that's private information if I had it private information. Between family. So I am be see your way out you see what I did there and while we're talking about a and b and c and letters TMZ SMA how about that for anyone who's confused about that suck my ass can we get a graphic suck my ass. How about that. Great perfect. I feel like we appropriately nailed that. And I would just like to say thank you so much for watching. I would just like to say I recently went on conversations with cam and cam did it appropriately because she brought it up as a joke. Because she's an intelligent woman who knows how ridiculous that question is. You got it. Silly cut it out. I mean you can keep at here's the deal. You know what keep fucking asking you know my answer is going to be I know nothing. Suck my ass. No actually my answer I'm done with the answer I know nothing my new answer suck my ass. I'm going to get a headband with L. E. D. Lights and it's going to say suck my ass and I'm just going to have a little button it's going to turn on the minute someone asked me about suck my ass okay now that that's been addressed I'm going to go through as many of these as I can rapid fire first up from real one Kate speaks how did the girls feel about the Easter budget. E. D. Lights and it's going to say suck my ass and I'm just going to have a little button it's going to turn on the minute someone asked me about suck my ass okay now that that's been addressed I'm going to go through as many of these as I can rapid fire first up from real one Kate speaks how did the girls feel about the Easter bunny scary no the Easter bunny is not scary because we do not go to do photos with the Easter bunny I know better than that we are not a mascot family except for the Philly fanatic swoop still is sometimes at a distance so I'm going to get a headband with L. E. D. Lights and it's going to say suck my ass. Sometimes we're into him, sometimes we're not. For those of you who don't know, is the Eagle's Eagle mascot. Um, we've seen him a million times at this point and we're still unsure. So I'm not taking my children to go do the crying experience at the Easter bunny, because quite honestly, I would cry if I had to smell that too. Sorry, Easter bunnies, you know, those suits don't smell good anyway. Um, they enjoy the Easter bunny because he leaves an Easter egg hunt. So, and Easter baskets more importantly. So that's it. They love him. I'm supposed to be doing these rapid fire. I'm a queen. I'm a did say that. And I, now I've slowed down. Number two, next question from shields dot with love, which of these would you do skydive bungee jump or paraglide? And why none, none. Literally none. I have children. None. Also none. I am not a thrill seeker. I don't go on roller coasters. I don't really care for rides. I could do without them. I would, I would do a zip line. I have done the tree top course thing before. I enjoy that. I'm not necessarily afraid of heights. I'm a million feet tall while I'm standing on the ground. If I were afraid of heights, that would be kind of sad. I'm good. Aggressively good. I will cheer you on from the ground. I'll hold your bag. Perfect. A great question here from real one, Tiffany, as a mom, what's your favorite mispronunciation in kids that you will never correct? Where do I start? Uh, speed lemon is outstanding. That means speed limit. Uh, Benny Lippick. She loves a good Lippick, uh, aminals. I'm pretty sure why it still says aminals. I'm not correcting her. She is six years old. I will not correct her. It is aminals until she decides to pronounce the word correctly. Um, uh, breakfast breakfast is a great one. Um, I just love their little voices. Ellie stopped saying, uh, for the longest time, giraffe was, was good draft fee. It needs no explanation. It was so good. It was so good. Oh, Benny says modern Wellen. That's watermelon, watermelon, modern Wellen, modern melon, maybe either way. It's the cutest thing I've ever heard. And I'm not correcting it. And last one from Jessica Nelson, 13 does be get agree with your use of the word. The F word when it's used as in fuck the Cowboys. No, he guys, he's never going to agree with me saying the F word. Uh, while we were in Hawaii, I did say the F word in front of him a couple of times. He was nice enough to pretend most of the times, like he didn't hear it. Although I still just by habit immediately turned to him and said, sorry, sorry, because he's my dad. And I respect him and I love him. And I'm sorry that I say the F word so much, but only to him, not to anyone else. That's it for, ask me some things brought to you by tax act. Let's get them over with. All right, moving on. Let's get to doom scroll the week brought to you by all state. First up, perhaps the most honest answer I've heard recently about why someone has not chosen to have kids. Queen, I'm in the clip, please. I couldn't have kids anytime in the near future because I do not want to play. I'm dead to you. First of all, we love a queen that can recognize whether or not she's prepared to have children. This is, this is a smart woman, but I'm going to tell you right now, she's doing it wrong. Anyone who doesn't like hide and seek, is doing it wrong. And here's why you grab a snack, grab a little drink and you grab your phone and then you hide. I'm not talking, sit on the couch and put a blanket over your head. I'm not talking behind the chair that they're going to walk past. And then they're going to turn their head and look at you. And you can have this funny little moment of like, oh my gosh, there I am. I'm talking about you go into the pantry, you move something, you sit behind a stool. You reposition furniture. You go and hide in a locked bathroom. You do what you need to do, but you make sure that you have your water. You make sure you have a snack and you make sure you have a phone and then you hide. First of all, that shows them that you're not just going to give up. They don't just get handed things. Okay. You're not, you're not taking it easy on them. Give them a challenge. Okay. That helps them grow. Everybody knows that. And then you're buying yourself time, time to sit. Realistically speaking, if it takes them three minutes to find you, that's like a solid halfway through a snack. If you get a sweet treat, maybe you're all the way through the sweet treat. I don't know about you guys, but I can inhale a donut and probably 30 seconds flat. And I'm proud of that because if I can inhale a donut and probably 30 seconds flat. And I'm proud of that because if I can inhale a donut before they see it, I don't have to share it. I will also say we should not be doing the hide and seek version that I am speaking about. If you have Benny playing. So if Benny's playing, she's three, I'm not leaving her to her own devices for three minutes. I need eyes on that child at all times. And I truly believe that with my whole heart. So I'm going to be honest. I love playing hide and seek. I specifically love playing hide and seek because when they ask for help and I hide them and then it's like a really good hiding spot that their other sisters wouldn't think about. And then their sisters walk past and then they giggle on purpose and give themselves up. It's adorable. And I love it. And last scroll, when we were in Milan for the Olympics, I learned our head of social James, or as we like to call him, Jim Bob, was planning to propose to his girlfriend. Now we knew that he was planning to propose to his girlfriend for quite some time. We had asked him about this months before, and he had mentioned at that time that they had plans to go and peruse rings. So by the time we were getting ready to leave for Milan and we had not heard of any plans, we questioned Jim Bob and he mentioned that he had gotten the ring. So I somehow ended up being part of it. Queen Emma was part of it. And since Jim Bob's fiance Haley, who also works with us, posted the clip on TikTok, she's been getting a lot of questions. So let's just start with the clip first. I wanted to be centered. Yeah, me too. Is this right? This is good. This is good. You want to take a look with me so you can see what it looks like? Yeah. Okay. You go do it. Okay. Okay. No, I feel like, oh, okay. I feel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause then you get the top of it. Okay. Here's the deal. We discussed with Jim Bob that there was a plan and to be clear, we did not force him. I would like to emphasize this. We did not force Jim Bob to propose to Haley. He had every plan to propose. He already had the ring. He just didn't have the timing that he was going to pull the trigger. So here's the deal. We said to him, he was planning to bring Haley to Italy and then they were going to go to Lake Como. And we were like, that's great if you're going to Lake Como, but she's going to know what's happening when you take her to Lake Como. And so we inserted ourselves. What's the easiest way to get her in front of a camera in a cool place and have her still be surprised, right? Queen Emma, would you agree? Yep. I'm getting nods on our way there. We're all in the van together and we went over a plan. Okay. It was myself, Queen Emma, James and Mel and Jason. Here we go. Jason, did not understand. To be fair, this man, not super romantic, so we can just. He was over here doing his thing, being Jason. And then we came up with a plan that we were going to go down to the Duomo, that we were going to frame it as we are filming the final outro on our Olympics content. And we're going to go down to the Duomo and we're going to frame it as we are filming the final outro. We're in the car and we said, I'm going to stand in front of the Duomo. And James, as our social person, is going to film me in front of the Duomo. So we're in the car and we said, I'm going to stand in front of the Duomo. And James, as our social He's going to start the camera and you are going to, we're going to, Emma's going to talk to you about framing, which you can hear in the clip of Emma saying, is that good? And I say, are you sure that's good? Because the conversation in the car was that James was supposed to be like, oh, I'm not sure. Maybe do you want to come and check it out? And James edited this video because it was a solid minute long of Queen Emma and I saying to James, are you sure? And he was going, yeah, framing looks good. And we kept going, are you sure? And you can almost hear at some point I go, the fuck? This is good. This is good. Because we, we needed James to get into frame so that I could look through the camera. Then I was behind the camera and then Haley could step in. Does James want to come in and speak for himself now? I do love the people in the comments of Haley's TikTok who are like, why the fuck is Kylie Kelsey? I just sent Emma the long version though, which is literally just spliced up you being like, how about now? Do you like it here? Are we sure here? We get closer or we want to see the whole thing, obviously. Yeah, you kind of like that. All right, this is good. Okay. Yeah. Is she in a good spot? She's in a good spot. What do you think? I think you should know. I think it needs to be a little more in the middle. Okay. Yeah. A little bit more. Oh my God. This is good. This is good. Thank you so much for acknowledging this because you know how sometimes you get in a stressful moment and you think to yourself, maybe my brain exaggerated. But thinking back when we left, Emma and I were like, was he serious? He looked like he was sweating and about to pee his pants. That's not true. And was just like, yeah, that's good. The framing looks good. Yeah, it looks good. It looks good. Yeah, the framing's good. And we're like, no, James, the framing is not good. Now you say it. Say it back. Say it back. I would also like to say that in the car, making the plan, I said I was going to forget my lines. He did say that. Now, tell me the truth, Haley. Were you surprised? Oh, completely. Yes. I thought it was going to happen. Over the weekend? Right. When your boyfriend says, hey, super last minute, what if I flew you to Milan? You kind of go, oh. I think I'm coming back a fiance. I guess. It was just a nice thing that I was doing. A belated Valentine's Day present was how it was pitched. But yeah, no, I fully bought the whole social bit. I was like, okay, cool. He was like, he laid the groundwork the night before. He was like, we still have that one more clip that we have to get. We have to be really specific about it, blah, blah, blah. So we went as far as planning. I was pitching different locations he could film you. I was like, oh, well, I just walked down this cute street. You could totally do it there. And he's like, for sure. Yeah. Send me the link. I'm so happy that you were surprised. You guys did it and you crushed it. And I highly recommend for everybody to get the NGL production team involved in any future romantic endeavors. 10 out of 10. Thank you so much. Great work. You're getting a lot of credit for your DP skills. You have a future in videography, Kylie. The angle, the ring shot at the end. The movement, Steadicam. Thank you. Have you guys done any wedding planning? We wanted to ask you if you wanted to be a central figure. You want me to officiate the wedding? Thank you so much for asking. I actually would love to officiate the wedding. There is nothing that would bring me joy like announcing Jim Bob Coochie and his new wife, Hailey. Mr. and Mrs. Coochie. Mr. and Mrs. Coochie. Congratulations, guys. This is very exciting. Thank you for letting us commandeer. Thank you for your engagement, James. Pleasure was ours. We are very, very excited and happy for you guys. I don't think that I need to tell anyone watching this, this information. I think they probably already sussed this out, as the kids would say. But James, you aggressively outkicked your coverage here. Yeah. Aggressively. I wanted to, for good measure, I wanted to make sure that that was clearly stated and understood. Right. Brad, let's keep that in. No, that's going nowhere. Oh, also, this is not Editor Brad. There was a comment that said, that must be Editor Brad. This is Jim Bob. That's Jim Bob Coochie. Yeah. Okay. Perfect. Thank you to Jim Bob and Hailey. Glad we could clear that up. And that does it for Doom Scroll of the Week, brought to you by Allstate. Coming up, I'm about to be joined by Caleb Herron right after these messages from me. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not smart. That would be not checking if I ordered more laundry detergent before promising my daughter she could wear her favorite princess dress. That was stained and waiting to be washed in the laundry room. And now she's wearing a stained dress. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. It's officially April, and you know what that means. It's time to finally get your taxed. Tax is over with. Luckily for all the other type C moms out there like me, the easiest way to get it done is with Tax Act. I genuinely couldn't do this alone because they're complicated and confusing. Tax Act makes filing easy with step-by-step guidance, and it gives you tax tips throughout the filing process to help you along the way. They even offer three different filing options, do-it-yourself, expert assist, and expert full service. With expert assist, you can talk to a credentialed tax expert located right here in the U.S. So you're never truly alone filing your taxes. Plus, with Tax Act, your maximum refund is guaranteed. You won't find a bigger refund with any other tax filing software. Tax Act is a solution that makes it simple and easy to tackle even the most complicated taxes. Tax Act, the simplest, easiest way to get your taxes done. Visit taxact.com today. I have control issues. That is so funny. Controlling yourself, like willpower. I don't ever want to be out of control. Like, I don't really drink alcohol very much. Yeah. And it's, it's more of just like, I can control not having to feel that way. Yeah. Yeah. I've never smoked anything in my whole life. No, I've never smoked a cigarette and I didn't start smoking weed until I was like 27 years old. So it's very new to me. That's appropriate. That is, your brain is fully developed. It's a good time. It's a good time. This is what I'm trying to tell the kids in my life as I'm like, please, no demonization, do it. Like get some tattoos. I didn't get tattoos or smoke weed until I was like 26, 27. And I'm so grateful for it. Just wait. A fully formed frontal lobe. We love that. You know what? My mom, my whole life, our mom was like, she was like, she found my, she found out my brother had been smoking weed and she like flew off the handle. She was so mad. She was like very anti-weed and then they legalized it in Missouri. And tell me why, like two years ago, we're just at dinner. Tell me she's getting toasted. Baby, we're at dinner. I'm in Kansas city visiting her. We're at dinner and I go, what are you going to do tonight after dinner? She goes, I'm going to go home. And have one of these weed suckers and just watch some law and order and go to bed. I was like, pardon? First of all, weed suckers, second of all, law and order before bed. Like, I'm just like, girl, what is going on with you? You've changed. What a cocktail. I know. I'm going to get a little stoned and watch something devastating hit the hay. Okay. Sounds good. What the fuck? Yeah. And it's SVU by the way. It's SVU. Of course it is. Yeah. It's because Vincent and Stable are really unavoidable, but yeah, no, I, um, yeah, I, I mean, there are so many ways to do it now. Like gummies. I have a friend who literally, she said like, I'll take a half a gummy and a bath and I'm having the time of my life. Getting the water. The water. How do you guys say it? The water. You got to get, you got to get in some warm water. Getting some warm water off half a gummy? Half a gummy. I can't do it. Half a, you got to take half a gummy and get in some warm water and then you'll be good as gold. Kylie, have you, God, I love, I love Philly. I wish it was real. Have you ever, have you watched the neighbors on HBO yet? No. There's this new documentary series about neighbors that are in conflict. And there's one in Philadelphia about a cat lady and her next door neighbor and they go on judge Judy and settle it. And it is so goddamn funny. It is so funny. The woman, the cat lady is like, I just know judge Judy's going to come down on my side. And then she goes, I don't know. She goes immediately. It cuts to them after judge Judy. And she's like, I do have to pay him $2,000, but she's so Philly. She's so Philly. I love it. That's awesome. You should watch it. Now I, speaking of Philadelphia and your clear affinity for Philadelphia and its people. Um, I heard a rumor that you're coming to Philadelphia. I'm, who told you this? I'm coming to Philadelphia for two nights to see a concert. We should get lunch or something. Wait, what? Oh, I thought you were going to. Wait, sorry. What are we doing? Is there something else going on too? I thought you were going to do a standup. Oh no, I'm not doing a show. God, I know. Philly's so mad at me. God, work, Kayla. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my whole life. People DMing me being like, oh my God, Barcelona. King, what are you doing in Barcelona? You must be doing a show. Meanwhile, I'm like eating a gummy and like riding a bike around town, smiling at strangers. Like I'm truly refused to work. I'm so bad at having a job. Totally squandering. I love Philadelphia so much. I'm really excited. What is that chicken spot I love in Philadelphia? Love and honey. Love and honey. I love that place. You watch your mouth. I love that place. Do you hate it? I love it so much. And they just put one in the suburbs. It is maybe 15 minutes from our house. And I shit you not, we order it once a week. Let's go. Let's go while I'm in town. Let's go get some chicken. I will absolutely meet you at Love and Honey. I love it there so much. I will comment on food Instagrams that I follow and be like, I miss you. Or like, I can't wait. And I truly, my brain thinks that it's like, it's a good idea. I do it. There's a bakery at the shore and I shit you not. They tease. Like, hey, we're opening back up April 3rd. And I'm like, I can't wait to see you. Miss you. People, people opening the comments and just seeing Kylie Kelsey. They're like, y'all. Hey, y'all. Can't wait to get that pastry again. What the fuck is she doing? I'm like, I can't wait for Pop-Tarts. Businesswoman, wife, mother, just truly forsaking everything to be in the comments of a pastry shop. That's my girl. Sliding into DMs being like, miss you. Dude, there was a big thing. Do you know what a pee whip is? Pineapple whip? What? Like, don't. Do you know what a dole whip is? Yeah. Who calls it that? Sorry. Fuck. Is this a Missouri thing? There is this place. There is this place. No, no, no. I'm not letting you get by with that. You want to call it pussy whipped? Pussy whipped. Oh, my God. I'm going to open a dole whip place called Pussy Whipped. That rocks. And it's all. It's all women. When you said pee whip at first, I was like, who's getting pussy whipped? I'm opening. I'm opening an all women dole whip shop called Pussy Whipped. If you do not make it. If you don't make those fucking cups shaped in a fucking vagina when it comes out of that dispenser, I swear to God. And they're mean to you. That's the whole thing. It's like, it's kind of like Ed DeBevix or like, it's like you come in and they're like, what do you want? All right. Get over here. Yeah. That kind of energy. Oh, like wiener circle. I can't go to those places because I'll be mean back. I really can't. It's not cute to me. Do you know Dick's Last Resort when they write mean stuff on your hat? Yes. Don't write something mean on mine. And I told them. I went in one time with some friends and they started doing the hats and I said, you're like, it's not me. It is not me. I'm not the one. Don't. And don't do a fat one either. Pick something else. Do a gay one or something else. Yeah. I was like, do something else. I'm not having it. And they did take it easy on me. I don't like it. I'm like, what's funny? Oh, you're being mean to me when I order my cheeseburger. I'm not laughing. I, now I want to go with you. Let's go. Let's go. We have so many places to go. God, we have to go to, we have to go to P. Oh, but, oh, what I was telling you was. P whip is a big thing in Springfield, Missouri, where I went to college and they opened for the season. Yes. Then Kylie people in the comments, in the comments, not going to liars, liars. I need you in the comments. Real ones. I need you to tell us whether or not people in we'll call it the Midwest. Are we going Midwest on this? Do you think it's, or you think it's just Springfield, Missouri? All I can tell you is in Springfield, Missouri, it's called P whip and every season when they open that little shop up in the parking lot of a thrift store. We would go bananas. We would go bananas. Yes. It was like the event of the season. You just had to be there. If you missed it, it was like, you were like, it was social suicide. No. P whip. Come on, Kylie. I'm going to get shirts that say P whip now. I'm going to send you one. I'm going to intro you now that we're halfway through this interview. He's the standup comedian, you know, from his hilarious HBO special model comedian. He's a chiefs fan. He's also starring in the brand new comedy pizza movie out tomorrow on Hulu. He's also of course in. Devil wears Prada two coming out May 1st, my piping hot NFL T broadcast partner, bingo co-host and good friend, Caleb Heron. Our first return guest apart from Jason Caleb. Welcome back. Oh, that means the world to me. This feels really special. Oh my gosh. I'm so happy to be here. I haven't seen you since San Francisco. I know that was fun. It was fun. Should we do it again? We should. You were busy. I was like, I was like, I almost started. I started pitching in on your hair and makeup. I was like, girls, what can I do? I'm like, hand me a brush. Did you see that? You were busy. That was crazy. Let me tell you, I still have marks on the back of my heels from running in the shoes that I had on to try and make it in the doors before NFL honors started. That is so funny. That is really intense. Meanwhile, I was like, I was like breezing it. I felt bad because you had so much going on that day. And I was like, what's going on y'all? My favorite was when you hit everybody in the audience with a, if everyone can stay seated. So Kylie can get out here like I was trying to make a fucking connecting flight. Well, well, let me say, let me say something about that. By the way, people are abusing that people are abusing that I was on a flight recently. We were delayed. We landed and they said, Hey, we've got, if you're connecting to here, here, here, please let those people off first. And I'm happy to do it. I stay seated. And then I start to see people rushing past me. I know damn well, you're not going to Birmingham. Don't play with me. I know damn well. This is your final. This is your final destination. You have arrived at home and, and I'm livid. Cause I'm like, I'm doing my part. I'm being in community with all the people trying to make it to Birmingham. God bless their souls. And I'm seeing non Birmingham travelers rush past me really, really upsetting stuff. I mean, people should act right. That, I mean, it's, it's the way of the world right now. And it, yeah, we need to, we need to, we're going to have a movie like summer and we're going to get back to treating people nicely. We're going to get back to behaving. In, in a way that if every single other person behaved the exact same way that the world would work out, that's how we're going to get back to behaving. No more cheating on the connecting flight business. But yeah, what were we actually talking about? Bingo. Bingo was so much fun. Now before, before the actual bingo show, I would like to say we met in the green room. I still can't get over. First of all, that that was our first time meeting that felt, it didn't feel like it was our first time meeting in person. The one note that I have. To ask you about, um, that I would just like to share with the world, the rotisserie chicken. I knew, I knew where this was going. Cause it fascinated me. Yeah. Say it. Well, go ahead. What's your question? Uh, what are the benefits of a rotisserie chicken? You did. I already asked this, but I would like you to share with the people. Yeah. So this is a funny thing. There, there are two rotisserie chickens on my writer. Okay. Usually this is because I'm arriving to a theater from an airport about to do a show need to put a little something on it. The rotisserie chicken, this is a trick that I, a lot of people do this. Actually I've learned it's a trick that I stole from Stavros that you, the rotisserie chicken is perfect because it's, it's filling it's protein. It doesn't upset your stomach and it's something to eat really quick before the show. And yes, you walked into our shared green room and I was, yeah, I was taking down half a rotisserie chicken, just go into town on half rotisserie, not delicate, no delicate way to do it. Now. Speaking of writers, we do a segment on here called coach me up. I do not have a writer whenever, whenever events request a writer for me, I always just say, if I could have some water, that'd be great. I, we do our whole team jokes around that one of these times they're going to put something on my writer and not tell me what it is. And then I'm going to show up and someone's going to be like, we got you these amazing, this potpourri that we shipped in from Italy and it was only available there. And I'm going to be like, the fuck is with the potpourri. One of these days they're going to surprise me, but I feel like if I were to put some random shit on there, I could use some advice on that. So if you were going to coach me up about what to put on my writer, besides two rotisserie chickens, what would you put on there? So anything packable, anything you can take with you, especially if you're traveling, cause this is good stuff to put in your bag for the flight. So like on my writer, it's like, fig bars, chomps. This is not packable, but I always have black bean corn salsa and hint of lime tortillas. It's not practical, but it's delicious. It's delicious. And actually I was in a green room yesterday and the guy came in, the guy came in and he was like, Oh, did the, did the chips not make it? We got you chips and salsa. And what's embarrassing is I had already asked my assistant to put them in her bag and take them back to my house. So we go, no, no, they made it. They made it. Don't, don't worry about that. No, no. We just, we've dropped them on the floor. Yeah. Don't worry about it. We got what we needed, but yeah, I think, okay. Anything packable, anything you can travel with, take to the airport, something fun that delights you. Like I will say, I don't drink Dr. Pepper so much these days. I used to really go crazy on this stuff, but I keep Dr. Pepper on the rider. Not every time they do it, but that every once in a while I'll walk into a green room and there will be the crispest, I'm going to cry, coldest Dr. Pepper you've ever seen in your life. And I'm like, I don't know why I'm doing this. Yeah. Sorry. I'm, um. Gets you a little emotional. Hits you right in the face. Yeah. It's just, um, after a long day when you're kind of having like a stressful week, to crack open a Dr. Pepper, especially like a tall boy. You ever seen the tall boys? Oh, I've seen them. Woo. It's special. That nice little, and you're like, is there something that does that for you? Is there something at all in the world that does that for you? I'm going to have to think about it. Honestly. I don't know. I, um, I just, I feel like I, I feel like I answer the call whenever I get the, that feeling in a way that like, I don't ever deprive myself of things. That's a beautiful way to live. Thanks. I like to do things in moderation. That way I can make the excuse of having a donut three mornings in a row because my, you know, the feeling struck me. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. Maybe it's a donut. I do love a donut. Maybe it's a donut. I love a butter pecan iced coffee, but I like my butter pecan iced coffee in the morning. Kylie, do you know what yours could be? Every town has a great legendary donut spot. You should start telling, your writer should be like three donuts from the best donut shop in town. Perfect. Done. That's incredible. Do you know what I should then add to the list? Tell me. Ziploc baggies. Yes, exactly. Now you're thinking. That's exactly. That's exactly correct. Just say I need Ziploc bags and three of the best donuts in town. Okay. Okay. All right. You don't have to eat the whole thing. You can just take a bite of the donut. Queen Emma, add it to the rider. Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad we got to the bottom of that. I cannot wait until the next time I hit a green room and there's a fucking rotisserie chicken and three donuts. Hello? This life is supposed to be fun. When you come to Philadelphia. Yeah. How do you feel about cake donuts? Yeah, I'm there. Okay, perfect. Thank you. My husband is vehemently against them. And then when I get federal donuts, he eats them anyway. It's the craziest phenomenon. I'm like, whatever. As long as you're eating them with me, I actually don't give a shit. What you said five minutes ago. Because by the way, is there any bigger betrayal in the world than when you go for a sweet treat and your partner won't do it with you? I need you to co-sign that decision so hard. I need you to co-sign it so that I'm not alone. There is no worse feeling than feeling alone. I firmly believe that. And that applies. Sorry. That about donuts. Donuts is killing me. And also, I agree. There's no worse feeling in the world than feeling alone. Than feeling alone. Eat this donut with me. Eat the fucking donut. The federal donut has like fancy flavors. And we get a half a dozen, which is all the fancy flavors. And you leave a butter knife in the box all day long so that you can do drive-bys. And you just try a new donut every time you walk by. By the end of the day, have you eaten probably three full donuts? Yeah. But that's. Today. That's yesterday's problem. That's like. That's not a problem for me. And can I also just remind everyone that tomorrow is not promised. That today is all we have. Sorry. Yeah. I had three donuts today. Whoa. That's crazy. But what if I don't get tomorrow? That's today's moderation. Exactly. Hello. Exactly. Okay. So I'm putting donuts on the rider and a rotisserie chicken. Because the rotisserie chicken was so fascinating to me. It wasn't even funny. Now, last time you were on, we talked a little bit about stand-up and Philadelphia crowds. You told the story of how your friend's dad encouraged you to get. Some ass after the show. Is that still your fondest Philly memory? Yeah. I haven't gotten in one since then yet. I guess my upcoming Philly trip will be my first time back in a minute. I did. I don't know if I told you this or not, but the, after my, it wasn't that show. It was a different time that I stopped in Philly. My friend Annie and I were on tour together. She is a musician and her band was doing half the show and I was doing half the show. We were kind of a small tour. We put together just to fuck around. We stopped in Philly. We played the Fillmore. After the show, we went to some dive bar and did karaoke into the wee hours of the morning with like a group of girls from a bachelorette party and like five male nurses and some random other people from Philly. It seemed like all like local people. Some of the girls were visiting, but most of them were from there. And I had the time of my life. And when I tell you one of my most fun karaoke memories is from that night in Philly because I, I look, I've got a couple of different karaoke songs that I'll pull out every once in a while. But I read the room that night and I said, what needs to happen in this room tonight is man. I feel like a woman by Shania Twain and Kylie, the girls, the bachelorette parties on stage with me were tearing it up. It's just like the rant, the most random crowd of my friends that I'm on tour with. And then this like, like little menagerie of like Philly locals tearing up, man. I feel like a woman ripping the roof off the place. It was magic. Of course it was. That's Philly. To me. See, that's when people get Philadelphia and they can look at that moment and be like, this is it. Those are the people I want in my life because you get it. Maybe it was in Fishtown. It was like, it was really fun. We had so much fun. I'll have to figure it. We'll have to get to the bottom of that. I'm going to have to ask my husband. He is more of a karaoke. He's frequented karaoke bars. I would say honestly, before we met, he used to, he used to karaoke bar, I think more than he would like to do. I would like to admit. Yeah. Well, it's where, it's where the wind took him. I do have one hot take about karaoke, which is that look, friends in low places. I love Garth. It's enough with friends in low places. Guys, no one loves the man in the song more than I do. I love Garth Brooks to death. There's a moment in the Garth Brooks documentary where he starts crying, thinking about the concept of shaking another man's hand. Okay. I would die for Garth Brooks. I'm, I'm true to it. Not new to it. It's enough with the friends in low places. That's fair. That's very fair. I'm trying to think of what my husband's is. I've actually never sung karaoke. Kylie, are you so serious? I'm nearly certain I'm not lying to you. Oh my gosh. What do you think your song would be? That's a great question. I have no fucking clue. My husband has a go-to. Queen Emma, can you text, uh, intern Brandon and find out what the song is? Clips of the heart. It's a killer choice. It is. Um, and he hits it with the every now and then I fall apart and it's like, and it's, he gets, he's so good at it. I can feel it. I mean, it brings the, it, it brings the vibes way up. He's going to have to hit that this summer to bring it. Dude. Yeah. Do you know what I, by the way, we need to bring back songs where people are pathetically in love. It's not really happening much anymore. It's not. Um, it's, I, I was just, I was re, uh, re exploring. I have nothing by Whitney Houston and it's, it's first of all, it's a girl stand up, but second of all, it's a beautiful song. We don't do that anymore. I will say if I were to go with a song that I go with in the car, like I really go hard on. Yeah. I do love a Keisha Cole. Wow. Wow. I don't, I don't know if it would be a crowd favorite. It doesn't matter. I would have to, I would have to feel the vibes. Yeah. But I just feel like it hits so hard. Sometimes at karaoke, it's about you. Oh, perfect. From time to time. If it's, there are times I've done songs that weren't karaoke. I'm trying to blend into the wall in the back. Like, no, no, I'm good. And sometimes you have to just look at the room and go regardless of like, I've been in karaoke rooms where what the room wanted was a musical theater number. Like, y'all are going to get this lucky by Britney Spears and enjoy it. That's what you're, that's what I can, that's what I can give to you tonight. Eat up. Hope you're hungry. Cause it's not going to be wicked from me. It's going to be lucky. Every parent knows that kids going to school means one thing germs. And when you have multiple kids, well, that means yeah, everyone's sick all the time. We just had a very stressful few weeks to say the least. Luckily the CBS health app is a single place. To handle all your healthcare needs. You can order things like tissues or Tylenol or hand sanitizer or hand soap or wipes to make sure you can clean off all the surfaces. Yeah. Or a piece of candy to reward yourself for getting through it. You know what I mean? 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Now, uh, can I ask you some standup questions I'm thinking about? Because I think about this a lot. Um, has a fan ever given you something after a show and what was the weirdest or most obscure thing? Fans have certainly given me things after show. I don't do, I don't do meet and greets. So I don't, um, meet as many of the fans and I can official like gift giving capacity, but people have definitely given me stuff after shows. I'm trying to think the coolest thing that anyone ever gives me after a show is a joint in a place where marijuana is not legal. That's like what I need. That's what's needed. Um, cause I can't go just go get one. Um, that's always helpful. Of course I'm scared to smoke it, but I always do. And what else has been given to me? Uh, someone baked me cookies, which was really sweet. I did not eat them cause I was a little scared. I was going to say, I, I can honestly say, and I've said enough that I'm not scared. I'm not scared. I'm not scared. I'm not a germaphobe that I think people will take that as a sufficient, uh, explanation, but I would not eat cookies that were baked for me. If I don't know you and I didn't ask for them, I'm not eating those cookies. Scary to me, a little scary to me. Perfect stranger. No, I'm sure they were perfectly. I don't think there was anything nefarious going on. I'm just like, I am not in your kitchen. I don't know what your house is like. I'm a little weird about eating food that other people, even not even just like in a fan situation. Just like if I go to like a potluck, I'm like, I want to know who made what and I want to know how I know them. Do you have cats? Are they on your counter? Exactly. That's my fear. That's my fear. I just want to know. That's my big fear. Um, have fans ever actually heckled you or do people have common decency these days? I feel like I know the answer to this question. I don't, I don't know that people have common decency. I've had a really charmed, I've had a really charmed experience. I was, I was nobody, nobody knew who I was. I was doing shows for like strangers. And so all the things that came with that. And then I had a big internet moment and then COVID. And then I came out and was playing much bigger rooms. And then I was like, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm all like lovely, dedicated fans who love my stuff. So I really missed that part that a lot of comics go through where they're like going to Muncie and playing for like mean drunk strangers or whatever. I'm sure the people in Muncie are lovely, but just going to these random places and like begging for laughs. Um, so heckled, I will say the craziest thing that came to mind when you asked that was I had a show at, uh, this venue in LA called the bourbon room like three or four tours ago. And I was running my hour and I want to say like, maybe I was bringing up the opener. I had two openers and I was bringing up the opener. And this woman came on stage, woman that I do not know, came on stage, I think drunk, but also on some other stuff as well. And she starts like, she, she goes, who are you? Who are you? And I was like, I'm Caleb. This is my show. You need to go sit down. And she was like, no, I want to know who you are. You seem so nice. And I was like, I am really nice. I really don't want you to get thrown out of the show. Will you please go sit down? Will you please go sit in your seat? And she goes, okay. Okay. Okay. So she walks over to a seat that is not hers near the stage and sits down. And so I'm like a little thrown off and I'm like, great. Didn't have to throw her out. I continue. And then she comes back up and starts wrestling the mic out of my hand. And I'm like, at this point, I'm like, where is the security? Like, I'm like, what are you guys doing? I'm like, cause I I'm like, you guys should be paying attention to this and doing something. So I'm like, I'm like, Hey guys, security, you got to get up here. This is like too much. I was like, ma'am, you got to go. I'm sorry. That's that's enough. You got to leave the show. And she starts screaming and she's like, they don't want to point to the audience. They don't want you to kick me out of here. And the audience all starts going. Yeah. Yes, we do. And she goes, they don't want me to leave. And they're like, yes, we do. So then as she's getting dragged out, she's like, yeah, she's being really funny. She's like, I just want to say everyone have an incredible night. Thank you for listening to me. I'm like, they did not have a choice. And there are, I will try to find them after the, after we get off here and send them to you guys. Maybe you can put one on screen and like blur her face. Cause I don't want to, I'm sure she was going through something, but, um, there are really funny pictures that the photographer took of like her one hand on the microphone and me like, like, it's really funny. And I'm, I'm, I feel, yeah, I feel bad. I'm sure I asked the staff, like they did make her leave the venue. And I asked them to like, go check on her. Cause I'm also like, she very clearly was like in a state of some kind. Right. So I hope she's okay. But holy shit, it was insane. Have you gotten fan gifts? No, no fan gifts. Uh, I, I get a lot of bracelets. Oh, of course. That's really cute. It's adorable. I don't know if I told that. I don't know if I said this on the last recording I was on here. So sorry if I did, but have I told you about the bracelet I got at the Kansas city eras tour? I tell you this. Wait, maybe there, there I got, I was exchanging bracelets with girls at the Kansas city eras tour girls of all ages. I was like, I love girls. And I'm like happy to exchange bracelets with them. I was so excited. Cause also my friend's band was opening in Kansas city, Muna. And I was so excited to see them and to see Taylor and do the whole thing. And I was exchanging bracelets. And this one girl, Kylie, I'm not kidding. It sounds like I made this up for a joke. This one girl, she was so cute. She was wearing like a tutu and she was like in very much like all purple. And it's very much like just so cute and excited. She must've been like eight. And she was like, do you want to trade bracelets with me? I had a bunch of them. And I was like, of course I do. And we trade bracelets with each other. And she gives me two bracelets. Okay. One said fat bitch. Not kidding. Don't know how she got it. She gave me a bracelet that said fat bitch. And then the other one said gay guy. Where did she get these? It was the funniest thing I have ever experienced in my life. She handed them to me and I went, Oh, thank you. I had to stop doing bracelets for a little bit. Cause I was like, what are you talking about? Nailed it. First of all, second of all, where did you get them? I couldn't believe it. I don't think she knew what she was giving. I don't know if she knew she did not seem like it. It was not like there was no like smirk on her face. Like she was being very cute and sweet. I think she just didn't know. And they were different. Like one was like red and black. So it was like that era. And then they didn't look like they came from the same collection. No. And I think they were things that she was trading. And I really, truly, I think about it every day of my life since then. It was awesome. It was awesome. I do love when people nail them. What was one of them said? I mean, I, I have gotten more than one that's either says fuck off or fuck you. Yeah. I support that wholeheartedly. Yeah. Um, yeah, I get a, I get a lot of profanity and I love that. I love the profanity ones. I completely adore them. Um, now I want to make sure that we get to these movies because that feels like very, important. I need to pick your brain about this. Um, I've been excited to talk to you about two new movies you have coming out. One comes out tomorrow. It is called pizza movie. It comes out April 3rd on Hulu. What should the real ones know about pizza movie? Pizza movie is so, so fun. It was written and directed by these guys, uh, Nick and Brian that I am friends with and a huge fan of. And I heard that they had a movie and I was like, I will, I would just love to come do anything in it. It's so silly. It's, uh, me and Gaten Matarazzo and Sean John, John Broney. Hello. And Jack Martin. Um, there's so many funny people in it. Sarah squirm is in it. Um, but yeah, it's really, it's a stoner movie. I think if you, if you are somebody who gets stoned, get a couple of your friends together, get stoned, watch it on the couch, order pizza. And if you're not watch it anyway, it's really like, it's like just silly, dumb fun. It's like the kind of comedy that I feel right now. And yeah, it's such a good time. I really, I really, really, uh, like the movie and I, we just, um, premiered it at South by and it was such a blast to watch with other people. So I would say, don't watch it alone, watch it with somebody and have fun. It's a, it's a blast. Now you play an RA in the college dorm. Is that right? Yeah. It's Kylie. This is so funny. I auditioned originally to be one of the college students, not because I think I look like I'm a college student. In fact, I have told my entire team that we have to stop sending this. I think we, we pushed the limits on the HBO movie I did a couple of years ago called Sweethearts. Um, but I auditioned and then the guys, they were so funny. They're like, Hey, we wrote something specifically for you. We wrote this role for you that we want you to like, um, send a tape in for or read with us for it. And I go, okay. And I read it. And the first thing, my character's first line is I am 31 years old. So I play like a, I play like a non-traditional student in this movie. Um, but my favorite thing about this character without giving too much away, that's all fine. But, uh, without giving too much away, I get to play a sweetheart in this movie. Like I get to play like a, like a dumb idiot who does not know what's going on. And I love it so much. And, uh, did you pull this character? Like, did you base it off of anything? Did you have RAs in college that you were like, that's it? No, I didn't base it off of any RAs in college. I based it off of a lot of what I was thinking about for this character when I was thinking about him was kind of like how I was in middle school. Like I was randomly a little sheltered. Like I didn't know, like, I just have a lot of memories of being in like seventh grade and the other guys would be talking about like stuff that I just had no, like talking about, like, the, the, the really funny thing is I look back and I'm like, I don't think they knew either. They were just like confident, but talking about like sex and drugs and stuff. And they were talking about things. And I, I was just like, oh my gosh, what the hell is going on? Like, I was like, I had no idea. And I would go home and ask my mom about it. And she'd be like, who told you that? And I'd be like, Josh. And she'd be like, don't talk to Josh. He's a bad influence. Like I, so I just kind of based off, I think I was a little naive and i think this character is too and so i based a lot of it off of that i i just love the idea of you being a like a sweetheart ra because i was an ra in college were you were you a nice one or i was the popo um i was for sure a nice one i i would like to think that i was um when the sophomores were dickheads i was not nice but that's because you brought it on yourself you asked for it one of the biggest movies of the year you are also in the devil wears product too yeah what can you tell me about your character and keep in mind i'm willing to keep uh whatever i can keep and bleep the rest that's so funny i there's really not much to say i i play i don't get to say much about it at all because of um because of well it's so funny i joked with seth meyers when i did his show that like it would be so funny if they chose me to reveal stuff about it like just like not letting meryl talk about it and then be like caleb go no that's um sorry meryl we're gonna leave this one for caleb uh it's so fun dude i really love it i'm so excited i um auditioned for it and the turned out that the audition the the audition that i did wasn't the character that i was like they it was kind of even that was secret so i auditioned for a role not really knowing fully what it was going to be and but it was like the same idea of the like energy of the guy that i play but it's so fun and then i got to read the before i started working on the movie of course i got to read the whole thing and we did a one of the most surreal things ever kylie oh my god we like maybe four or five weeks before i started filming i think we all in new york like pretty almost everybody stanley was not in town so he had to do zoom which was very funny but we had this huge table read for the movie and it was like oh my god like meryl streep and hathaway and emily blunt are like reading this script in front of me and then i got to read my parts and it was so fun and it was so and it was also fun because like i knew some i met a bunch of new people but i also knew some people from around like new york comedy and theater that were also playing like smaller roles in the film um like my role is very uh small in the film i'm big in everything um but it was so much fun that was a crazy surreal experience and i think people are gonna really like the movie now the last thing as you probably know i'm a couple clips that i honestly haven't stopped thinking about oh my god okay that's so funny so you uh had a conversation with taylor tomlinson yeah uh and you were talking about talking to yourself out loud yeah queen emma i talked to myself really gently now yeah you're like gentle parenting yourself these days it's embarrassing if you heard the way i talk out loud to myself alone in my apartment you're out loud talking to yourself oh my god it's humiliating taylor no that's good you're supposed to do that if anyone ever heard this my neighbor's might actually know how sick i am i will walk around my apartment and be like this place is a mess that's okay let me tell you i am going to implement the that's okay it's okay into everything i do for the next week i'm gonna see if it changes the tides because it feels like it might it feels like in the moments where i do talk to myself and i'm like hey let's have a little patience that's okay hey i've run out of patience that's okay it feels very positive and i like it yeah i truly i can't tell you the number of like stern speeches i have to give myself to get through a day like that might be the thing when people are like how you know sometimes my friends will be like how are you juggling everything right now and i go i am talking to myself they're stern but fair like if i'm laying in bed 20 minutes after my alarm knowing damn well i'm about to be late to something i out loud will have to go caleb it's enough get up good job to get in the shower i mean it's like hey we've had enough it's okay now we get in the shower thank you i'm not kidding i'm not kidding i'm implementing this for the next week and i'm gonna see if anything changes because typically i save it for the moments where i'm like you're fine you're fine you're fine and i feel like that's not enough i feel like i haven't gotten into enough detail with myself i used to i've told the story multiple times i used to get like mimicked by my own child because i would say you are the adult you are the adult you are the adult in stressful situations like she would she would try me and i'd be like you're the adult kylie you are the adult and she would be like you are the adult queen she's like start acting like it mom yeah you are the adult so stop fucking talking to yourself and act like it i literally i i feel like i've strayed too far from that because she used to throw it back in my face so i'm gonna get back to that this week and i'm gonna let you know how it goes i know you i'm sure you'll be personally invested in that she's i really am she's throwing it her throwing it back in your face is so funny like i'm completely obsessed multiple times multiple times you are the adult i'm like i'm not talking to you i'm actually not talking to you stay out of this for a second while i get my fucking about myself together seriously um so funny what would you say is like the craziest thing you say to yourself besides get out oh my gosh and that's just one example do you talk to yourself in the car totally i talked i talked to other people in the car at a quiet volume do you know what i started doing lately that's really cracking myself up my assistant michelle shout out michelle love you girl has uh had to hear me say this a lot recently get upset about something and start ranting about it. And like, it's kind of a mix between like, oh, I'm like, this is kind of funny, but also I'm upset. Like traffic is a good example where we'll be driving to something and I'll be like, I'll be like, yeah, sure. Fucking cut me off. Yeah. Put your car directly in front of mine and then slow down and slow us all down. That's awesome. That's exactly what I would do. And then I'll go through my whole rant. And then at the end of it, I'll go, now that's how I might behave if I was someone who was angry. I'll go, that's something I would say if I cared, but I don't. I'll do the whole thing. And then at the end of it, I'll realize I'm being insane and I'll go, that's how someone who isn't well might respond to traffic in this moment. I'm using that. I'm using that because up to this point, I have decided to go just on a quieter. So I'll be driving and I'll be like, yeah, no, I didn't even want to fucking drive there. Get in front of me. I know you're right. I didn't want to fucking it. No, no. It's okay. I wasn't going in the fucking turn in. Yep. Yeah. Well, yep. Fuck you too. And like, that's the kind of things I will say to myself, but I'll say it with like a smile on my face. So it's a little deranged. So, so then following it up with a, and that's what I would say if mom was losing her mind. I feel like that is a nice end cap for a slight meltdown. Oftentimes we'll get pushed to a, yep. You're welcome. Oh yeah. Yeah. You're welcome. Exactly. You're welcome. Sans sans. Thank you. Without thank you. It's a real, it's a special time, but I will tell you it has, there has to be a significant lead up. I'm talking, I was behind you in the checkout and you were a dickhead to the cashier. And then you were a dickhead to the person bagging your groceries. And then you were a dickhead to somebody else who you almost rammed with your cart. Then I'm going to be the person that's like, you're welcome. Yeah. Happy to do it. Oh, I will. Sometimes I get a little, you know, only in defense of other people. I think when I really get pissy, see one of my pissiest moments that I get so upset is when I'm being, I could be in the middle of a really tough day. I'm like dealing with a lot. I'm upset. I didn't get enough sleep. I'm not feeling well, whatever. I've got all my own human shit going on that we all do. And if I am being polite to someone, like for example, the other day I was like, I like walked into a coffee shop and I was like, Hey, how's it going? I'd been having kind of a bad morning, but I'm like time to interact with other people and be polite. I go, Hey, how's it going? And they go, what do you want? And I said, Hey, how's it going? Like, no, we're doing pleasantries now. That shit pisses me off. I'm sorry. I've had a million service jobs. I know how it is, but I'm just like, come on, man. Like that sucks. Yes. Um, I cannot thank you enough for coming on. Uh, I am so excited to watch, watch pizza movie. Uh, it's out on Hulu tomorrow, April 3rd. I can't wait for you to come to New York and come on. So true. We'll have to have you in the studio. Let's do it. And I can't wait for you to come to the Jersey shore and our next bingo night. We have a lot of things. We have a lot of things to get to work on. Let's do it. Thanks Kylie. Thank you. And that's a wrap on this episode of not going to lie. You can find even more clips for my longer conversation with Caleb on my YouTube channel on more shit Monday. I'll be back next Thursday with a brand new episode. Follow us on social media at NGL with Kylie for clips throughout the week, listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Not going to lie is a wave original brought to you by all state. Thanks to the real ones for tuning in. ♪ ♪