Kylie on Shocking Fan Gifts, Karaoke Bangers & Helping A Couple Get Engaged w/ Caleb Hearon | Ep. 61

This message is brought to you by Apple Pay. Pay with your card on iPhone using Apple Pay. It's accepted at millions of places, anywhere you can tap a physical card. And with privacy and security features built in, it's more secure than using a physical card. Now that I officially have three daughters going to school, back to school shopping, well, that's a handful. We're gonna have to get clothes because I guarantee you their pants aren't long enough. They're growing like weeds. So when chaos ensues and my hands are full, I use Apple Pay. I don't have to put down a kid to search through my entire bag for my wallet. I just whip out my phone and use Apple Pay because it's secure and reliable. Just add your debit or credit card to your Apple Wallet. And when you're ready to check out, double-click the side button, authenticate with Face ID, and tap the contactless symbol. It's that easy. Set up Apple Pay on your iPhone today. Terms apply. Hello, I'm comedian Caleb Herron, and I want you to check out my podcast, So True with Caleb Herron, which is now a wave series on YouTube. And everywhere you get your podcasts. Every week, I ask my guests what is so true to them. And we talk about all kinds of other stuff as well. Tune in if you want to know what kind of stuff that is. Some past guests include Trixie Mattel, Chris Fleming, Drew Ufwala, Brittany Broski, a bunch of other people that I love so much. And even my mom, who I have a complicated relationship with due to how evil she is. But she's been an incredible guest on the show twice now. New episodes drop every week on Thursdays. Ciao, Bella. Not gonna lie. My arm is still burning from a week of vacation where I couldn't put down a child who crawls all over the floor. Like, legitimately, it feels like I lifted an elephant. Let's get this podcast started. Welcome back to Not Gonna Lie, a wave original brought to you by Allstate. I'm your host, Kylie Kelsey. Philly fanatic, fanatic, till the end of time. Because I'm instilling that love into my own children right now so that I have an excuse to keep it going. Like I need one. It's April, which means my favorite trees, Japanese maples, are officially in bloom. This one's fake, but you get it. We love them. And if you watched FAFO, you already know I'm the proud new dog mom to a German Shepherd puppy named not Bernadette. That's right. I said Jason might change it, and he did. So. Her name is. Her name is Matilda, we think. Guys, I really cannot emphasize enough. Jason named Patricia. That would not have been my first choice. Also, he's agreed to the name Matilda. We will call her Maddie so that we have Maddie and Patty, I think. It was a very tough decision. If you watched the FAFO, you saw how we were going back and forth a little bit. And the other puppy that was being considered, she was lovely and sweet and laid back, but she was a little more aloof. She wanted to go and, like, have her business. And I was going to say, we already have that in Patty while she's whining outside of the door trying to get me to let her in. So, if you can hear that. No, you can't. Uh. Patricia! It's a squirrel! Go chase it, then! I will like to say, Queen Emma was there. You know what? We're rolling with it. Queen Emma was there when we were having a full conversation in Italy about the potential dog names. And Broomhilda was a serious contender. And I'm not saying that to be funny. Jason deadass thought we were going to name a dog Broomhilda. I want people to remember that the next time they come at me about how we named our four children. Because, do you see what I'm working with? Anyway, we're very excited. Elliot is thrilled. Benny is also excited. Wyatt couldn't care less. And Finny has no fucking clue what's happening. So, there's that. She's one, though, so. Maybe soon she'll know what's happening. Coming up on today's episode, I'm bringing back Ask Me Some Things. To answer some of The Real Ones' most burning questions for me. And shocker, once again, several of you reminded me why we call this segment Ask Me Some Things. Because, yeah, inappropriate. Some of those questions, guys. We for real? After that, I'm going to be joined by a friend of mine. He's one of the funniest comedians ever. The host of the So True podcast. My future piping hot tea NFL broadcast partner. He's back, Real Ones. It's Caleb Heron. And, as if it doesn't, as if it needs to be said again, no business. I love that we do chat, but no business. Before we get to all of that, let's start off with, can I be honest? This week, can I be honest about vacationing with four kids, six and under, because I just got back from a trip to Hawaii. And I have a lot to say about it. It was, let me start off with the positives. No. Hmm. Should we end on a positive note? Let me be clear. My negatives aren't really negatives. They're just stating facts. I think. I truly believe that vacationing with children, anywhere you go, is just parenting in a different zip code. What I will tell you is, having a child, having a child who is newly walking is a true pain in my butt because she wants to get down and explore. And she's 50-50 on whether or not she chooses to do that walking or she chooses to do that crawling. And you know what I don't want? Her crawling on the floor in public places. One of the things that I feel really fortunate about is that when you are vacationing, a.k.a. parenting in a different zip code, especially when you're going to a place with multiple bodies of water, you gotta bring in the troops. And by that I mean, we took family. We took family with us. We took four grandparents and one of my nieces because I'll be damned if we're not in man-to-man coverage at any given moment. And also, none of our parents all four grandparents, none of them had ever been to the islands that we went to. We were on Maui and we were on Lanai. And the girls love it. They love getting to take the people they love most with us. And it's fun. And we love that. So my biggest tip for vacationing, if you can, is hands. I love Hawaii. I love it so much. I love the culture. I love the food. I love the people. Everyone there that we interacted with was lovely. If it were closer, I would go back on a very regular basis. I will say that we caught the very tail end of the storms that Hawaii was experiencing. So I think maybe we could pop well, we could find a link to help support the whole thing. And I think that we can do good things around supporting them. That's it for Can I Be Honest? Next up, you guys sent in so many questions. I'm just going to get right into them with a brand new edition of Ask Me Some Things because Ask Me Anything was far too open-ended. Ask Me Some Things is brought to you today, by Tax Act. I think this goes without saying, but you can ask me some things. Just don't ask me about taxes. That's for Tax Act. Everybody knows that. And before I get into the questions, I will answer. I just want to say to literally everybody, I know it usually comes from a good place. Not always. But quit asking me and my mother-in-law about upcoming nuptials. Nobody's fucking telling you anything. I don't have any details. I have no details. I have none. Look at that. That's how many details I have. None. None. Stop fucking asking me. Stop fucking asking my mother-in-law. TMZ fucking being creeps in the fucking airport. Ew. Here's the deal. Even if I'm not going to ask you anything, even if I did have any information, I'm not fucking telling you. That's private information if I had it. Private information between family. So, A and B, see your way out. You see what I did there? And while we're talking about A and B and C and letters, TMZ, SMA. How about that? For anyone who's confused about that, suck my ass. Suck my ass. Suck my ass. Suck my ass. When we get a graphic, suck my ass. Yes. How about that? Great. Perfect. I feel like we appropriately nailed that. And I would just like to say, I recently went on conversations with Cam and Cam did it appropriately because she brought it up as a joke because she's an intelligent woman who knows how ridiculous that question is. You get it? Silly. Cut it out. I mean, you can keep at, here's the deal. You know what? Keep fucking asking. You know what my answer is going to be? I know nothing. Suck my ass. No, actually my answer, I'm done with the answer. I know nothing. My new answer, suck my ass. I'm going to get a headband with led lights and it's going to say, suck my ass. And I'm just going to have a little button. It's going to turn on the minute someone asks me about it. Suck my ass. Okay. Now that that's been addressed, I'm going to go through as many of these as I can. Rapid fire. First up from real one, Kate speaks. How did the girls feel about the Easter bunny? Scary? No, the Easter bunny is not scary because we do not go to do photos with the Easter bunny. I know better than that. We are not a mascot family except for the Philly fanatic. Uh, swoop. Will is sometimes at a distance. Sometimes we're into him. Sometimes we're not. For those of you who don't know, swoop is the Eagles, Eagle mascot. Um, we've seen him a million times at this point and we're still unsure. So I'm not taking my children to go do the crying experience at the Easter bunny because quite honestly, I would cry if I had to smell that too. Sorry, Easter bunnies. You know, those suits don't smell good. Anyway, um, they enjoy the Easter bunny because he leaves an Easter egg hunt. So an Easter baskets more importantly. So that's it. They love him. I'm supposed to be doing these rapid fire. I'm a queen. I'm a did say that. And I, now I've slowed down. Number two, next question from shields dot with love. Which of these would you do? Skydive, bungee jump, or paraglide? And why? None. Literally none. I have children. None. Also none. I am not a thrill seeker. I don't go on roller coasters. I don't really care for rides. I could do without them. I would, I would do a zip line. I have done the treetop course thing before. I enjoy that. I'm not necessarily afraid of heights. I'm a million feet tall while I'm standing on the ground. If I were afraid of heights, that would be kind of sad. I'm good. Aggressively good. I will cheer you on from the ground. I'll hold your bag. Perfect. A great question here from real one. Tiffany, as a mom, what's your favorite mispronunciation in kids that you will never correct? Where do I start? Uh, speed lemon is outstanding. That means speed limit. Uh, Benny Lippick. She loves a good Lippick. Uh, aminals. I'm pretty sure why it's L says aminals. I'm not correcting her. She is six years old. I will not correct her. It is aminals until she decides to pronounce the word correctly. Um, uh, breakfast breakfast is a great one. Um, I just love their little voices. Ellie stopped saying, uh, for the longest time giraffe was good. Drafty. It needs no explanation. It was so good. It was so good. Oh, Benny says materwellen. That's watermelon, watermelon, materwellen, modern melon. Maybe either way. It's the cutest thing I've ever heard. And I'm not correcting it. And last one from Jessica Nelson, 13 does be get agree with your use of the F word when it's used as in fuck the Cowboys. No, he guys, he's never going to agree with me saying the F word. Uh, while we were in Hawaii, I did say the F word in front of him a couple of times. He was nice enough to pretend most of the times. Like he didn't hear it. Although I still just by habit immediately turned to him and said, sorry, sorry, because he's my dad and I respect him and I love him. And I'm sorry that I say the F word so much. But only to him, not to anyone else. That's it for, ask me some things brought to you by tax act. Let's get them over with. All right, moving on. Let's get to doom scroll of the week brought to you by all state. First up, perhaps the most honest answer I've heard recently about why someone has not chosen to have kids. Queen Emma, the clip, please. That's why I don't, I couldn't have kids anytime in the near future because I do not want to play life to see. I'm dead serious. Grace, do you want to play life to see? Yeah, it doesn't bother me, Emma. First of all, we love a queen that can recognize whether or not she's prepared to have children. This is, this is a smart woman, but I'm going to tell you right now. She's doing it wrong. Anyone who doesn't like hide and seek is doing it wrong. And here's why. You grab a snack, grab a little drink and you grab your phone and then you hide. I'm not talking sit on the couch and put a blanket over your head. I'm not talking behind the chair that they're going to walk past and then they're going to turn their head and look at you and you can have this funny little moment of like, oh my gosh, there I am. I'm talking about you go into the pantry, you move something, you sit behind a stool, you, reposition furniture, you go and hide in a locked bathroom. You do what you need to do, but you make sure that you have your water. You make sure you have a snack and you make sure you have a phone and then you hide. First of all, that shows them that you're not just going to give up. They don't just get handed things. Okay. You're not, you're not taking it easy on them. Give them a challenge. Okay. That helps them grow. And then you're buying yourself time, time to sit. Realistically speaking, if it takes them three minutes to find you, that's like a solid halfway through a snack. If you get a sweet treat, maybe you're all the way through the sweet treat. I don't know about you guys, but I can inhale a donut and probably 30 seconds flat. And I'm proud of that because if I eat it before they see it, I don't have to share it. I will also say we should not be doing the hide and seek version that I am speaking about. If you have Benny playing. So if Benny's playing, she's three, I'm not leaving her to her own devices for three minutes. I need eyes on that child at all times. And I truly believe that with my whole heart. So I'm going to be honest. I love playing hide and seek. I specifically love playing hide and seek because when they ask for help, and I hide them. And then it's like a really good hiding spot that their other sisters wouldn't think about. And then their sisters walk past and then they giggle on purpose and give themselves up. It's adorable. And I love it. And last scroll, when we were in Milan for the Olympics, I learned our head of social James, or as we like to call him, Jim Bob, uh, was planning to propose to his girlfriend. Now we knew that he was planning to propose to his girlfriend for quite some time. We had asked him about this months before, and he had mentioned at that time that they had plans to go and peruse rings. So by the time we were getting ready to leave for Milan and we had not heard of any plans, we questioned Jim Bob and he mentioned that he had gotten the ring. I somehow ended up being part of it. Uh, Queen Emma was part of it. And since Jim Bob's fiance Haley, who also works with us, posted the clip on Tik TOK, she's been getting a lot of questions. So let's just start with the clip first. I wanted to be centered. Yeah, me too. Me too. Is this right? This is good. This is good. You want to take a look with me so you can see what it looks like? Yeah. Okay. You go do it. Okay. No, I feel like, Oh, okay. I feel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause then you get the top of it. Okay. Here's the deal. We discussed with Jim Bob that there was a plan and to be clear, we did not force him. I would like to emphasize this. We did not force Jim Bob to propose to Haley. He had every plan to propose to Haley. He already had the ring. He just didn't have the timing that he was going to get the ring. So we discussed with Jim Bob that there was a plan. And to be clear, we did not force him. We did not force him. I would like to emphasize that he was going to pull the trigger. So here's the deal. We said to him, he was planning to bring Haley to Italy and then they were going to go to Lake Como. And we were like, that's great if you're going to Lake Como, but she's going to know what's happening when you take her to Lake Como. And so we inserted ourselves in that situation because we thought, what's the easiest way to get her in front of a camera in a cool place and have her still be surprised? Right, Queen Emma? Would you agree? Yep. I'm getting nods. On our way there, we're all in the van together and we went over a plan. Okay. It was myself, Queen Emma, James, and Mel and Jason. Here we go. Jason did not understand. To be fair, this man, not super romantic, so we can just. He was over here doing his thing, being Jason. And then. Then we came up with a plan that we were going to go down to the Duomo, that we were going to frame it as we are filming the final outro on our Olympics content. And we're in the car and we said, I'm going to stand in front of the Duomo. And James, as our social person, is going to film me in front of the Duomo. He's going to start the camera. And you are going to. Emma's going to talk to you about framing, which you can hear in the clip of Emma saying, is that good? And I say, are you sure that's good? Because the conversation in the car was that James was supposed to be like, oh, I'm not sure. Maybe do you want to come and check it out? And James edited this video because it was a solid minute long of, Queen Emma and I saying to James, are you sure? And he was going, yeah, framing looks good. And we kept going, are you sure? And you can almost hear at some point, I go, the fuck? Because we needed James to get into frame so that I could look through the camera. Then I was behind the camera and then Haley could step in. Does James want to come in and speak for himself? I do love the people in the comments of Haley's TikTok who are like, why the fuck is Kylie Kelsey? I just sent Emma the long version though, which is literally just spliced of you being like, how about now? Do you like it here? Are we sure here? Can we get closer? Or we want to see the whole thing, obviously. Uh, yeah, you kind of want to. All right, this is good. Okay. Yeah. Is she in a good spot? She's in a good spot. What do you think? I think you should. No, I think it needs to be a little more. In the middle. Okay, yeah, a little bit more. Oh my God. This is great. This is good. This is good. Thank you so much for acknowledging this because you know how sometimes you get in a stressful moment and you think to yourself, maybe my brain exaggerated. But thinking back when we left, Emma and I were like, was he serious? Like, he looked like he was sweating and about to pee his pants. It's not true. And was just like, yeah, that's good. The framing looks good. Yeah, it looks good. It looks good. I, yeah, the framing's good. And we're like, no, James, the framing is not good. Now you say it. Say it back. Say it back. I'd also like to say that in the car, making the plan, I said I was going to forget my lines. He did say that. Now, tell me the truth, Haley. Were you surprised? Oh, completely. Yes. I thought it was going to happen. So over the weekend. Right. When your boyfriend says, hey, super last minute, what if I flew you to Milan? You kind of go, oh, I think I'm coming back a fiance. I guess it was just a nice thing that I was doing. Yeah. No, it's a belated Valentine's Day present. Sure. Was how it was pitched. But yeah, no, I fully bought the whole social bit. I was like, OK, cool. He was like, he laid the groundwork. The night before, he was like, we still have that one more clip that we have to get. You know, we have to be really specific about it, blah, blah, blah. So like we went as far as like planning. I was like pitching different locations he could film you. I was like, oh, well, I just walked down this cute street like you could totally do it there. And he's like, for sure. Yeah. Send me the link. I'm so happy that you were surprised you guys did it and you crushed it. And I highly recommend for everybody to get the NGL product. You're getting a lot of credit for your DP skills. You have a future in videography, Kylie. The angle, the ring shot at the end, like the movement, steady cam. Thank you. Have you guys done any wedding planning? We wanted to ask you if you wanted to be a central figure. You want me to officiate the wedding? Thank you so much for asking. I actually would love to officiate the wedding. Cool. Perfect. There is nothing that would bring me joy like announcing Jim Bob Coochie and his new wife, Haley. Mr. and Mrs. Coochie. Mr. and Mrs. Coochie. Congratulations, guys. This is very exciting. Thank you for letting us commandeer your engagement, James. And we are very, very excited and happy for you guys. I don't think that I need to tell anyone watching this, this information. I think they probably already. Sussed this out, as the kids would say. But James, you aggressively outkicked your coverage here. Aggressively. I wanted to, for good measure, I wanted to make sure that that was clearly stated and understood. Brad, let's keep that in. No, that's going nowhere. Oh, also, this is not editor Brad. There was a comment that said, that must be editor Brad. This is Jim Bob. That's Jim Bob. Coochie. Yeah, okay. Perfect. Thank you to Jim Bob and Haley. Glad we could clear that up. And that does it for Doom Scroll of the Week, brought to you by Allstate. Coming up, I'm about to be joined by Caleb Heron, right after these messages from me. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not smart. That would be not checking if I ordered more laundry detergent before promising my daughter she could wear her favorite princess dress. That was stained and waiting to be washed in the laundry room. And now she's wearing a stained dress. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. It's officially April, and you know what that means. It's time to finally get your taxes over with. Luckily, for all the other type C moms out there like me, the easiest way to get it done is with TaxAct. I genuinely couldn't do this alone because they're complicated and confusing. TaxAct makes filing easy. It's easy with step-by-step guidance, and it gives you tax tips throughout the filing process to help you along the way. They even offer three different filing options, do-it-yourself, expert assist, and expert full service. With expert assist, you can talk to a credentialed tax expert located right here in the U.S., so you're never truly alone filing your taxes. Plus, with TaxAct, your maximum refund is guaranteed. You won't find a bigger refund with any other tax filing software. TaxAct is a solution that makes it simple and easy to tackle even the most complicated taxes. TaxAct, the simplest, easiest way to get your taxes done. Visit TaxAct.com today. I have control issues. That is so funny. Controlling yourself, like willpower. I don't ever want to be out of control. Like, I don't really drink alcohol very much. Yeah. And it's more of just like I can control not having to feel that way. Yeah. Yeah, I've never smoked anything in my whole life. No, I've never smoked a cigarette, and I didn't start smoking weed until I was like 27 years old, so it's very new. But that's appropriate. That is, your brain is fully developed. It's a good time. It's a good time to smoke weed. This is what I'm trying to tell the kids in my life as I'm like, please, no demonization. Do it. Like, get some tattoos. I didn't get tattoos or smoke weed until I was like 26, 27, and I'm so grateful for it. Just wait. A fully formed frontal lobe. We love that. You know what? My mom, my whole life, our mom was like, she found out my brother had been smoking weed, and she like flew. She flew off the handle. She was so mad. She was like very anti-weed, and then they legalized it in Missouri, and tell me why. Like, two years ago, we're just at dinner. Tell me she's getting toasted. Baby. We're at dinner. I'm in Kansas City visiting her. We're at dinner, and I go, what are you going to do tonight after dinner? She goes, I'm going to go home and have one of these weed suckers and just watch some Law & Order and go to bed. I was like, pardon? First of all, weed suckers? Second of all, Law & Order before bed? Like, I'm just like, girl, what is going on with you? You've changed. What a cocktail. Huh? I know. I'm going to get a little stoned and watch something devastating hit the hay. Okay. Sounds good. What the fuck? Yeah. And it's SVU, by the way. It's SVU. Of course it is. Yeah. It's because, yeah, Benson and Stable are really unavoidable. But yeah, no, I, um, yeah, I, I mean, there are so many ways to do it now. Like gummies. I have a friend who literally, she said, like, I'll take a half a gummy and a bath, and I'm, I'm having the time of my life. life getting the water the water how do you guys say it the water the water you gotta get you gotta get in some warm water get some warm water off and half a gummy half a gummy i can't do it half you gotta take half a gummy and get in some warm water and then you'll be good as gold kylie have you god i love i love philly i wish it was real have you ever have you watched the neighbors on hbo yet no there's this new documentary series about neighbors that are in conflict and there's one in philadelphia about a cat lady and her next door neighbor and they go on judge judy and settle it and it is so goddamn funny it is so funny the woman the cat lady is like i just know judge judy's gonna come down on my side and then she goes immediately it cuts to them after judge judy and she's like i do have to pay him two thousand dollars but she's so philly she's so philly i love it that's awesome you should watch it now i speaking of philadelphia and tell me your clear affinity for philadelphia and its people um i heard a rumor that you're coming to philadelphia i'm who told you this i'm coming to philadelphia for two nights to see a concert we should get lunch or something what oh i thought you were wait sorry what are we doing is there something else going on too i thought you were gonna do stand-up oh no i'm not doing a show god i know philly's so mad at me kayla i know yeah yeah yeah this is my this is my whole life people people dming me being like oh my god barcelona king what are you doing in barcelona you must be doing a show meanwhile i'm like i'm like eating a gummy and like riding a bike around town smiling at strangers like i'm truly refused to work i'm so bad at having a job totally squandering i love philadelphia so much i'm really excited i what is that chicken spot i love in philadelphia honey oh well love and honey love and honey i love that place you watch your mouth i love that place do you hate it i love it so much oh thank god and they just they just put one in the suburbs it is maybe 15 minutes from our house and i shit you not we order it once a week let's go let's go while i'm in town let's go get some chicken absolutely meet you i love it there so much i will comment on food instagrams that i follow yeah and be like i miss you or like i can't wait and i truly my brain thinks that it's like it's a good idea i do it there's a bakery at the shore and i shit you not they tease like i'm not like hey we're opening back up april 3rd and i'm like i can't wait to see you miss you people people opening the comments and just seeing kylie kelsey literally y'all hey y'all can't wait to get what the fuck is she doing i'm like i can't wait for pop tarts businesswoman wife mother just truly forsaking everything to be in the comments of a pastry shop that's my girl sliding into dms being like miss you dude there was a big thing and do you know what uh pee whip is pineapple whip what like dole whip yeah who calls it that sorry fuck is this a missouri thing there is this place there's this place no no nope i'm not letting you get by with that you want to call it pussy whipped pussy whips oh my god i'm gonna open a dole whip place called pussy whipped that rocks and it's all when you said pee whip at first i was like who's getting pussy whipped i'm opening i'm opening an all-women dole whip shop called pussy whip and i'm like who's getting pussy whipped and i'm like who's getting pussy whipped if you do not make those fucking cups shaped in a fucking vagina when it comes out of that dispenser i swear to god and they're mean to you that's the whole thing is it's like it's kind of like ed debevics or like it's like you come in and they're like what do you want all right get over here yeah that kind of like wiener circle i can't go to those places because i'll be mean back i really can't it's not cute to me do you know dick's last resort when they write mean stuff on your hat yes don't write something mean on my and i told them i went i went in one time with some friends and i was like oh my god i'm going to go to that dispenser and they started doing the hats and i said you're like it's not me i'm not the one don't and don't do a fat one either pick something else do a gay one or something else yeah i was like do something else i'm not having it and they did take it easy on me i don't like it i'm like what's funny you're oh you're being mean to me when i order my cheeseburger i'm not laughing i now i want to go with you let's go let's go we have so many places to go god we have to go we have to go to a oh but oh what i was telling you was pwimp pwimp pwimp is a big thing in springfield missouri where i went to college and they opened for the season yes that kylie people in the comments in the comments not gonna liars liars i need you in the comments real ones i need you to tell us whether or not people in we'll call it the midwest are we going midwest on this you think it's or you think it's just springfield missouri all i can tell you is in springfield missouri it's called pwimp fair and every season when they open that little shop up in the parking lot of a thrift store we would go bananas we would go bananas yes it was like the event of the season you just had to be there if you missed it it was like you were like it was social suicide no pwimp on kylie i'm gonna get shirts that say pwimp now i'm gonna send you one um i'm gonna intro you now that we're halfway through this interview um he's the stand-up comedian you know from his hilarious hbo special model comedian he's a chiefs fan he's also starring in the brand new comedy pizza movie out tomorrow on hulu he's also of course in devil wears prada 2 coming out may 1st my piping hot nflt broadcast partner bingo co-host and good friend caleb heron our first return guest apart from jason caleb welcome back oh that means this feels really special oh my gosh i'm so happy to be here i haven't seen you since san francisco i know that was fun it was should we do it again we should you were busy i was like i was like i almost started pitching in on your hair and makeup i was like girls what can i do i'm like hand me a brush did you see that you were busy that was crazy let me tell you i still have marks on the back of my heels from running in the shoes that i had on to try and make it in the doors before nfl honors started that is so funny that is really intense meanwhile i was like dumb i was like breezing it i felt bad because you had so much going on that day and i was like what's going on my favorite was when you hit everybody in the audience with uh if everyone can stay seated so kylie can get out here like i was trying to make a fucking connecting flight well well let me say let me say something about that by the way people are abusing that people are abusing that i was on a flight recently we were delayed we landed and they said hey we've got if you're connecting to here here here please let those people off first and i'm happy to do it i stay seated and then i start to see people rushing past me i know damn well you're not going to birmingham i know damn well you're not going to birmingham don't play with me i know damn well this is your final destination this is your final destination you have arrived at home and and i'm livid because i'm like i'm doing my part i'm being in community with all the people trying to make it to birmingham god bless their souls and i'm seeing non-birmingham travelers rush past me really really upsetting stuff i mean that people should act right that i mean it's it's the way of the summer and we're going to get back to treating people nicely we're going to get back to behaving in in a way that if every single other person behaved the exact same way that the world would work out that's how we're going to get back to behaving no more cheating on the connecting flight business but yeah what were we actually talking about bingo bingo was so much fun now before before the actual bingo show i would like to say we met in the green room i still can't get over first of all that that was our first time meeting that felt it didn't feel like it was our first time meeting in person the one note that i have here to ask you about um that i would just like to share with the world the rotisserie chicken i knew i knew where this was going because it fascinated me yeah say go ahead what's your question uh what are the benefits of a rotisserie chicken you did i already asked this but i would like you to share with the people yeah so this is a funny thing there there are two rotisserie chickens on my writer okay usually this is because i'm arriving to a theater from an airport about to do a show need to put a little something in the tum the rotisserie chicken this is a trick that i a lot of people do this actually i've learned it's a trick that i stole from stavros that you the rotisserie chicken is perfect because it's it's filling it's protein it doesn't upset your stomach and it's something to eat really quick before the show and yes you walked into our shared green room and i was yeah i was taking down half a rotisserie chicken just going to task down on half rotisserie not delicate no delicate way to do it now speaking of riders yeah we do a segment on here called coach me up yeah i do not have a rider whenever whenever events request a rider from me i always just say if i could have some water that'd be great i we do our whole team jokes around that one of these times they're going to put something on my rider and not tell me what it is and then i'm going to show up and someone's going to be like we got you these amazing this potpourri that we shipped in from italy and it was only available there and i'm going to be like the fuck is with the potpourri why did you do that yeah one of these days they're going to surprise me but i feel like if i were to put some random shit on there i could use some advice on that so if you were going to coach me up about what to put on my rider besides two rotisserie chickens what would you put on there so anything packable anything you can take with you if you're traveling because this is good stuff to put in your bag for the flight so like on my rider it's like fig bars chomps this is not packable but i always have black bean corn salsa and hint of lime tortillas it's not practical but it's delicious it's delicious and actually i was in a green room yesterday and the guy came in the guy came in he was like oh did the did the chips not make it we got you chips and salsa and what's embarrassing is i had already asked my assistant to put them in her bag and take them back to my house so we go no no they made it they made it don't don't worry about that no no we just we've dropped them on the floor yeah don't worry about it we got what we needed but yeah i think okay anything packable anything you can travel with take to the airport something fun that delights you like i will say i don't drink dr pepper so much these days i used to really go crazy on this stuff but i keep dr pepper on the rider not every time they do it but that every once in a while i'll walk into a green room and there will be the crispest i'm gonna cry coldest dr pepper you've ever seen in your life you ,m sorry i'm um get you a little emotional hits you right sorry yeah it's just um after a long day when you're kind of having like a stressful week to crack open a dr pepper especially like a tall boy you ever seen the tall boys oh i've seen them whoo it's special that nice little is there something that does that for you is there something at all in the world that does that for you i'm gonna have to think about it honestly i um i just i feel like i i feel like i answer the call whenever i get the that feeling yeah in a way that like i don't ever deprive myself of things myself of things that's a beautiful way to live thanks i like to do things in moderation um that way i can make the excuse of having a donut three mornings in a row because my you know the feeling struck me yeah oh that's beautiful maybe it's a donut three mornings it i do love a donut maybe it's a donut i love a butter pecan iced coffee but i like my butter pecan iced coffee in the morning kylie do you know what yours could be every town has a great legendary donut spot you should start telling on your writer should be like three donuts from the best donut shop in town perfect done that's incredible do you know what i should then add to the list tell me ziploc baggies yes exactly now you're thinking that's exactly what i'm thinking exactly correct just say i need ziploc bags and three of the best donuts in town okay okay all right you have to eat the whole thing you can just take a bite of the donut add it to the ride yeah oh i'm so glad we got to the bottom of that i cannot wait until the next time i hit a green room and there's a fucking rotisserie chicken and three donuts hello this life is supposed to be fun when you come to philadelphia yeah do you how do you feel about cake donuts yeah i'm there okay perfect thank you my husband is vehemently against them and then when i get febrile donuts he eats them anyway it's the craziest phenomenon i'm like whatever as long as you're eating them with me i actually don't give a shit what you said five minutes ago because by the way is there any bigger betrayal in the world than when you go for a sweet treat and your partner won't do it with you i need you to co-sign that decision so hard i need you to co-sign it so that i'm not alone there is no worse feeling than feeling alone i firmly believe that and that applies sorry that about donuts donuts is killing me and also i agree there's no worse feeling in the world than feeling alone eat this donut with me eat the fucking donut the um their federal donuts has uh like fancy flavors and we get a half a dozen which is all the fancy flavors and you leave a butter knife in the box all day long so that you can do drive-bys and you just try a new donut every time you walk by by the end of the day have you eaten probably three full donuts yeah but that's today that's yesterday's problem that's like that's not a problem that's yesterday's problem and can i also just remind everyone that tomorrow is not promised that today is all we have sorry yeah i had three donuts today whoa that's crazy but what if i don't get tomorrow exactly hello exactly okay so i'm putting donuts on the rider and a rotisserie chicken because the rotisserie chicken was so fascinating to me it wasn't even funny uh now last time you were on we talked a little bit about stand-up and philadelphia crowds you told the story of how your friend's dad encouraged you to get some ass after the show is that still your fondest philly memory yeah i haven't gotten in one since then yet i guess my upcoming philly trip will be my first time back in a minute i did i don't know if i told you this or not but the after my it wasn't that show it was a different time that i stopped in philly my friend annie and i were on tour together she uh is a musician and her band was doing half the show and i was doing half the show we were kind of a small tour we put together just to fuck around we stopped in philly we played the um after the show we went to some dive bar and did karaoke into the wee hours of the morning with like a group of girls from a bachelorette party and like five male nurses and some random other people from philly it seemed like all like local people some of the girls were visiting but most of them were from there and i had the time of my life and when i tell you one of my most fun karaoke memories is from that night in philly because i i look i've got a couple different karaoke songs that i'll pull out every once in a while but i read the room that night and i said what needs to happen in this room tonight is man i feel like a woman by shania twain and kylie the girls the bachelorette party's on stage with me we're tearing it up it's just like the rant the most random crowd of my friends that i'm on tour with and then this like like little menagerie of like philly locals tearing up man i feel like a woman ripping the roof off the place it was magic of course it was that's philly to me see that's when people get philadelphia and they can look at that moment and be like this is it those those are the people i want my life because you get it maybe it was in fishtown it was like it was really fun we had so much fun i'll have to figure we'll have to get to the bottom of that i'm gonna have to ask my husband he is more of a karaoke he's frequented karaoke bars i would say honestly before we met he used to he used to karaoke bar i think more than he would like to admit yeah well it's where it's where the wind took him i do have one hot take about karaoke which is that look friends in low places i love garth it's enough with friends in low places guys no one loves the man in the song more than i do i love garth brooks to death there's a moment in the garth brooks documentary where he starts crying thinking about the concept of shaking another man's hand okay i would die for garth brooks i'm i'm true to it not new to it it's enough with the friends in low places that's fair that's very fair i'm trying to think of what my husband's is i've actually never sung karaoke kylie are you so serious i'm nearly certain i'm not lying to you oh my gosh what do you think your song would be that's a great question i have no fucking clue my husband has a go-to queen emma can you text uh intern brandon and find out what the song is total clips of the heart's a killer choice it is and he hits it with the every now and then i fall apart and it's like and it's he gets he's so good at it i can feel it i mean it brings the it it brings the vibes way up he's gonna have to hit that this summer to bring it movie dude yeah do you know what i by the way we need to bring back songs where people are pathetically in love it's not really happening much anymore it's not it's i i was just i was re uh re-exploring i have nothing by whitney houston and it's it's first of all it's like girl stand up but second of all it's a beautiful song we don't do that anymore i will say if i were to go with a song that i go with in the car like i really go hard on yeah i do love akisha cole wow wow i don't i don't know if it would be a crowd favorite doesn't matter i would have to i would have to feel the vibes yeah but i just feel like it hits so hard sometimes at karaoke it's about you oh perfect from time to time if it's there are times i've done no wonder i haven't karaoke i'm trying to blend into the wall in the back like no no i'm good sometimes at karaoke it's about you and sometimes you have to just look at the room and go regardless of like i've been in karaoke rooms where what the room wanted was a musical theater number y'all are gonna get this by britney spears and enjoy it that's what you're that's what i can that's what i can give to you tonight eat up hope you're hungry because it's not gonna be wicked from me it's gonna be lucky every parent knows that kids going to school means one thing germs and when you have multiple kids well that means yeah everyone's sick all the time we just had a very stressful few weeks to say the least luckily the cbs health app is a single place to handle all your health care needs you can order things like tissues or tylenol or hand sanitizer or hand soap or wipes to make sure you can clean off all the surfaces yeah or a piece of candy to reward yourself for getting through it you know what i mean the cbs health app makes the whole health care experience simpler and more convenient especially for parents and caregivers it helps me refill track and manage prescriptions at any time i can check my prescription status on the go and cbs will tell me the moment my prescription is ready so i don't have to waste any time. And if you can't pick it up in person, you can choose Same Day Delivery. Plus, you can quickly find care from qualified providers. All you have to do is schedule minute clinic appointments for vaccines, the flu, and more. Go to cbs.com backslash app to learn more and download the app today. If you're a real one, you know I was very hesitant to start minivan life, but it's been over a year now and I can confidently say that I've almost kind of fully embraced it. And that's thanks to our Toyota Sienna. From field hockey practices to road trips to the shore, we take our Sienna everywhere. The best part has been able to literally fit our entire six-person family in this car and all of the things that go along with it. Strollers, wagons, extra clothes, diapers, wipes, dogs, plural. Plus, I love hearing the ridiculous conversations my kids love to have in the car. When we know that we're going on a long trip, we get to flip the TV down and they can't see us. They get to watch a movie on the way to the beach. It's crazy though because the TV only works for long rides. Also, when they get to do things independently, like press the button to open and close the door, they feel like independent little women. And I love that for them. So if you're looking for not only a great car to get you from point A to point B, but with enough space that can literally fit everyone into it, I highly recommend the Toyota Sienna and going for a test drive at your local Toyota dealership. You can learn more at toyota.com backslash Sienna. And it's not the places we go, but the people we go with that matter. Being a person is tough enough these days, let alone being a parent. That's why I use DoorDash. Because when life gets crazy, DoorDash just helps bring some order to it. Like this past week, when yet again, we ran out of whole milk. And you know, Finn needs whole milk. Because? Well, she's a tank and she'll get mad at me. And she figured out how to yell now. So she'll let me have it. I'd rather just get the milk. And DoorDash helps me. Came in clutch. Real life needs real relief. That's why DoorDash is there for whatever you need, whenever you need it. Life with kids is wildly unpredictable. No matter how much parents try to plan, there's always going to be chaos. Being able to offload a few to-dos and give a little more time to focus on yourself and your family is huge. We all know life gets crazy. DoorDash just helps bring a little order to it. Order now. It's accepted at millions of places anywhere you go. You can tap a physical card. We're going to have to get clothes because I guarantee you their pants aren't long enough. It's that easy. Terms apply. Now, can I ask you some stand-up questions I'm thinking about? Because I think about this a lot. Has a fan ever given you something after a show? And what was the weirdest or most obscure thing? Fans have certainly given me things after a show. I don't do meet and greets. So I don't meet as many of the fans in an official gift-giving capacity. But people have definitely given me stuff after shows. I'm trying to think. The coolest thing that anyone ever gives me after a show is a joint in a place where marijuana is not legal. That's what I need. That's what's needed because I can't just go get one. That's always helpful. Of course, I'm scared to smoke it, but I always do. And what else has been given to me? Someone baked me cookies, which was really sweet. I did not eat them because I'm scared to smoke them. I was a little scared. I was going to say, I can honestly say, and I've said enough that I'm a germaphobe that I think people will take that as a sufficient explanation, but I would not eat cookies that were baked for me. If I don't know you and I didn't ask for them, I'm not eating those cookies. Scary to me, a little scary to me, perfect stranger. No, I'm sure they were perfect. I don't think there was anything nefarious going on. I'm just like, I'm not in your kitchen. I don't know what your house is like. I'm a little weird about eating food that other people, not even just in a fan situation. If I go to a potluck, I'm like, I want to know who made what and I want to know how I know them. Do you have cats? Are they on your counter? Exactly. That's my fear. That's my fear. I just want to know. That's my big fear. Have fans ever actually heckled you or do people have common decency these days? I feel like I know the answer to this question. I don't know that people have common decency. I've had a really charmed experience. Nobody knew who I was. I was doing Strangers and saw all the things that came with that. And then I had a big internet moment and then COVID and then I came out and was playing much bigger rooms and it was all like lovely, dedicated fans who love my stuff. So I really missed that part that a lot of comics go through where they're like going to Muncie and playing for like mean drunk strangers or whatever. I'm sure the people in Muncie are lovely, but just going to these random places and like begging for laughs. The craziest thing that came to mind when you asked that was I had a show at this venue in LA called the Bourbon Room like three or four tours ago and I was running my hour and I want to say like maybe I was bringing up the opener. I had two openers and I was bringing up the opener and this woman came on stage. Woman that I do not know came on stage. I think drunk, but also on some other stuff as well. And she starts like, she goes, who are you? Who are you? And I was like, I'm Caleb. This is my show. You need to go sit down. And she was like, no, I want to know who you are. You seem so nice. And I was like, I am really nice. I really don't want you to get thrown out of the show. Will you please go sit in your seat? And she goes, okay, okay, okay. So she walks over to a seat that is not hers near the stage and sits down. And so I'm like a little thrown off and I'm like, great. Didn't have to throw her out. I continue. And then she comes back up and starts wrestling the mic out of my hand. And I'm like, at this point, where is the security? I'm like, what are you guys doing? Because I'm like, you guys should be paying attention to this and doing something. So I'm like, I'm like, Hey guys, security, you got to get up here. This is like too much. I was like, ma'am, you got to go. I'm sorry. That's, that's enough. You got to leave the show. And she starts screaming and she's like, they don't want you to kick me out of here. And the audience all starts going. Yeah, yes, we do. And she goes, they don't want me to leave. And they're like, yes, we do. So then as she's getting dragged out, she's like, she's being really funny. She's like, I just want to say everyone have an incredible night. Thank you for listening to me. They did not have a choice. And there are, I will try to find them after the, after we get off here and send them to you guys. Maybe you can put one on screen and like blur her face. Cause I don't want to, I'm sure she was going through something, but, um, there are really funny pictures that the photographer took of like her one hand on the microphone and me, like, like, it's really funny. And I'm, I'm, I feel, yeah, I feel bad. I'm sure I asked the staff, like they did make her leave the venue. And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And I asked them to like, go check on her. Cause I'm also like, she very clearly was like in a state of some kind. So I hope she's okay. But Holy shit. It was insane. Have you gotten fan gifts? No, no fan gifts. Uh, I, I get a lot of bracelets. Of course. That's really cute. It's adorable. I don't know if I told that. I don't know if I said this on the last recording I was on here. So sorry if I did, but have I told you about the bracelet I got at the Kansas city wait, maybe they're there. I got, I was exchanging bracelets with girls at the Kansas city heiress tour girls of all ages. I love girls. And I'm like happy to exchange bracelets with them. I was so excited. Cause also my friend's band was opening in Kansas city, Muna. And I was so excited to see them and to see Taylor and do the whole thing. And I was exchanging bracelets. And this one girl, Kylie, I'm not kidding. It sounds like I made this up for a joke. This one girl, she was so cute. She was wearing like a tutu and she was like in very much like all purple. And it's very much like just so cute and excited. She must've been like eight. And she was like, do you want to trade bracelets with me? I had a bunch of them. And I was like, of course I do. And we trade bracelets. She gives me two bracelets. Okay. One said fat bitch. Not kidding. Don't know how she got it. She gave me a bracelet that said fat bitch. And then the other one said gay guy. Where did she get these? It was the funniest thing I have ever experienced in my life. She handed them to me and I went, Oh, thank you. I had to stop doing bracelets for a little bit. Cause I was like, what are you talking about? Nailed it. First of all, second of all, where did you get them? I couldn't believe it. I don't think she knew what she was giving. I don't know if she knew she did not seem like it. It was not like there was no like smirk on her face. Like she was being very cute and sweet. I think she just didn't know. And they were different. Like one was like red and black. So it was like that era. And then they didn't look like they came from the same collection. No. And I think they didn't look like they came from the same collection. No. And I think they came from the same collection. It was awesome. It was awesome. Someone I, I do love when people nail them. What was one of them said? I, I mean, I, I have gotten more than one that's either says fuck off or fuck you. Yeah. I support that wholeheartedly. Yeah. Um, yeah, I get a, I get a lot of profanity and I love that. I love the profanity ones. I completely adore them. Now, I want to make sure that we get to these movies because that feels. like very important. I need to pick your brain about this. I've been excited to talk to you about two new movies you have coming out. One comes out tomorrow. It is called pizza movie. It comes out April 3rd on Hulu. What should the real ones know about pizza movie? Pizza movie is so, so fun. It was written and directed by these guys, Nick and Brian that I am friends with and a huge fan of. And I heard that they had a movie and I was like, I will, I would just love to come do anything in it. It's so silly. It's me and Gaten Matarazzo and Sean, John, John Broney. Hello. And Jack Martin. There's so many funny people in it. Sarah squirm is in it. But yeah, it's really, it's a stoner movie. I think if you, if you are somebody who gets stoned, get a couple of your friends together, get stoned, watch it on the couch, order pizza. And if you're not watch it anyway, it's really like, it's like just silly, dumb fun. It's like the kind of comedy that, I feel like we're missing right now. And yeah, it's such a good time. I really, I really, really like the movie. And I, we just premiered it at South by, and it was such a blast to watch with other people. So I would say, don't watch it alone, watch it with somebody and have fun. It's a, it's a blast. Now you play an RA in the college dorm. Is that right? Yeah. It's Kylie. This is so funny. I auditioned originally to be one of the college students, not because I think I look like I'm a college student. In fact, I have told my entire team that we have to stop sending this to me. I think we, we pushed the limits on the HBO movie. I did a couple of years ago called sweethearts, but I auditioned. And then the guys, they were so funny. They're like, Hey, we wrote something specifically for you. We wrote this role for you that we want you to like, send a tape in for, or read with us for. And I go, okay. And I read it. And the first thing, my character's first line is I am 31 years old. So I play like a, I play like a non-traditional student in this movie. But my favorite thing about this character without giving too much away, that's all fine. But, without giving too much away, I get to play a sweetheart in this movie. Like I get to play like a, like a dumb idiot who does not know what's going on. And I love it so much. And did you pull this character? Like, did you base it off of anything? Did you have RAs in college that you were like, that's it? No, I didn't base off of any RAs in college. I based it off of a lot of what I was thinking about for this character. When I was thinking about him was kind of like how I was in middle school. Like, I was randomly a little sheltered. Like I didn't know, like I just have a lot of memories of being in like seventh grade and the other guys would be talking about like stuff that I just had no, like talking about like, and the really funny thing is I look back and I'm like, I don't think they knew either. They were just like confident, but talking about like sex and drugs and stuff. And they were talking about things. And I, I was just like, Oh my gosh, what the hell is going on? Like I was like, I had no idea. And I would go home and ask my mom about it. And she'd be like, who told you that? And I'd be like, Josh. And she'd be like, don't talk to Josh. He's a bad influence. Like I, so I just kind of based on he, I think I was a little naive and I think this character is too. And so I based a lot of it off of that. I, I just love the idea of you being a, like a sweetheart. All right. Because I wasn't already in college. Were you, were you a nice one? Or I was the popo. Um, I was for sure a nice one. I, I would like to think that I was, um, when the sophomores were dickheads, um, I was not nice, but that's cause you brought it on yourself. You asked for it. One of the biggest movies of the year. You are also in the devil wears Prada too. Yeah. What can you tell me about your character? And keep in mind, I'm willing to keep, uh, whatever I can keep and bleep the rest. That's so funny. I, there's really not much to say. I, I play, I don't get to say much about it at all because of, um, because of, well, it's, it's so funny. I joked with Seth Meyers when I did his show that like, it would be so funny if they chose me to reveal stuff about it. Like just like not letting Meryl talk about it and then be like, Caleb, go nuts. Um, sorry, Meryl, we're going to leave this one for Caleb. Uh, it's so fun, dude. I really love it. I'm so excited. I, um, auditioned for it. And the turned out that the audition, the, the audition that I did wasn't the character that I was like, they, it was kind of, even that was secret. So I auditioned for a role, not really knowing fully what it was going to be. And, but it was like the same idea of the like energy of the guy that I play. But it's so fun. And then I got to read the script, um, before I started working on the movie, of course I got to read the whole thing. And we did a, one of the most surreal things ever. Kylie. Oh my God. We like maybe four or five weeks before I started filming. I think we all in New York, like pretty, almost everybody, Stanley was not in town. So he had to do zoom, which was very funny, but we had this huge table read for the movie. And it was like, oh my God, like Meryl Streep and Hathaway and Emily Blunt. Are like reading the script in front of me. And then I got to read my parts and it was so fun. And it was so, and it was also fun. Cause like I knew some, I met a bunch of new people, but I also knew some people from around like New York comedy and theater that were also playing like smaller roles in the film. Um, like my role is very, uh, small in the film. I'm big in everything. Um, but it was so much fun. That was a crazy surreal experience. And I think people are going to really like the movie. Now, the last thing, as you probably know, I'm a big fan, I'm a big fan of your podcast. So true. So I wanted to very quickly play a couple of clips that I honestly haven't stopped thinking about. Oh my God. Okay. That's so funny. So you, uh, had a conversation with Taylor Tomlinson. Yeah. Uh, and you were talking about talking to yourself out loud. Yeah. Queen Emma. I talked to myself really gently now. Yeah. You're like gentle parenting yourself. These days. It's embarrassing. If you heard the way I talk out loud to myself alone in my apartment, you're out loud talking to yourself. Oh my God. It's humiliating Taylor. No, that's good. You're supposed to do that. If anyone ever heard this, my neighbors might actually know how sick I am. I will walk around my apartment and be like, this place is a mess. That's okay. Let me tell you, I am going to implement the that's okay. It's okay. Into everything I do for the next week. I'm going to see if it changes the tides because it feels like it might. It feels like in the moments where I do talk to myself, and I'm like, Hey, let's have a little patience. That's okay. Hey, I've run out of patience. That's okay. That's okay. It feels very positive and I like it. Yeah. I truly, I can't tell you the number of like stern speeches. I have to give myself to get through a day. Like that might be the thing when people are like, how are you? Sometimes my friends will be like, how are you juggling everything right now? And I go, I am talking to myself. They're stern, but fair. Like if I'm laying in bed, 20 minutes after my alarm, knowing damn well, I'm about to be late to something. I out loud. We'll have to go, Caleb. It's enough. Get up. Good job. To get in the shower. I mean, it's like, Hey, we've had enough. It's okay. Now we get in the shower. Thank you. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm implementing this for the next week. And I'm going to see if anything changes because typically I save it for the moments where I'm like, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. And I feel like that's not enough. I feel like I haven't gotten into enough detail with myself. I used to, I've told the story multiple times. I used to get like, uh, mimicked by my own child because I would say you are the adult. You are the adult. You are the adult in stressful situations. Like she would, she would try me and I'd be like, you're the adult, Kylie, you are the adult. And she would be like, you are the adult queen. She's like, start acting like it, mom. You are the adult. So stop fucking talking to yourself and act like it. I literally, I, I feel like I've strayed too far from that because she used to throw it back in my face. So I'm going to get back to that this week and I'm going to let you know how it goes. I know you, I'm sure you'll be personally invested in that. She's, I really am. She's throwing it. Her throwing it back in your face is so funny. Like I'm completely obsessed. Multiple times. Multiple times. You are the adult. I'm like, I'm not talking to you. I'm actually not talking to you. Stay out of this for a second while I get my fucking bout myself together. Seriously. Um, so funny. What would you say is like the craziest thing you say to yourself besides get out? Oh my gosh. And that's just one example. Do you talk to yourself in the car? Totally. I talked to other people in the car at a quiet volume. Do you know what I started doing lately? That's really cracking myself up. My assistant, Michelle, shout out, Michelle, love you girl, has, uh, had, to hear me say this a lot recently. I will get upset about something and start ranting about it. And like, it's kind of a mix between like, Oh, I'm like, this is kind of funny, but also I'm upset. Like traffic is a good example where we'll be driving to something and I'll be like, I'll be like, yeah, sure. Fucking cut me off. Yeah. Put your car directly in front of mine and then slow down and slow us all down. That's awesome. That's exactly what I would do. And then I'll go through my whole rant. And then at the end of it, I'll go now, that's how I might behave. If I was someone who was angry, that's something I would say if I cared, but I don't, I'll do the whole thing. And then at the end of it, I'll realize I'm being insane. And I'll go, so therapeutic. That's how someone who isn't well might respond to traffic in this moment. I'm using that. I'm using that because up to this point, I have decided to go just on a quieter. So I'll be driving and I'll be like, yeah, no, I didn't even want to fucking drive there. Get in front of me. I know you're right. I didn't want to fucking it. No, no, it's okay. I wasn't going in the fucking turn. Yep, hello, yep, fuck you too. And like, that's the kind of things I will say to myself, but I'll say it with like a smile on my face. So it's a little deranged. So, so then following it up with a, and that's what I would say if mom was losing her mind. I feel like that is a nice end cap for a slight meltdown. Oftentimes we'll get pushed to a, yep, you're welcome. Oh yeah. Yeah. They didn't say thank you. Exactly. You're welcome. Sans, sans thank you without thank you is a real, it's a special touch. But I will tell you, it has, there has to be a significant lead up. I'm talking, I was behind you in the checkout and you were a dickhead to the cashier. And then you were a dickhead to the person bagging your groceries. And then you were a dickhead to somebody else who you almost rammed with your cart. Then I'm going to be the person that's like, you're welcome. Yeah. Happy to do it. Oh, I will. Sometimes I get a little, you know, only in defense of other people. I think when I really get pissy. See, one of my pissiest moments that I get so upset is when I'm being, um, I could be in the middle of a really tough day. I'm like dealing with a lot. I'm upset. I didn't get enough sleep. I'm not feeling well, whatever. I've got all my own human shit going on that we all do. And if I am being polite to someone, like for example, the other day I was like, I like walked into a coffee shop and I was like, Hey, how's it going? I'd been having kind of a bad morning, but I'm like time to interact with other people and be polite. I go, Hey, how's it going? And they go, what do you want? And I said, Hey, how's it going? Like, no, you're going to talk to me like a person. No, we're doing pleasant. Now that shit pisses me off. I'm sorry. I've had a million service jobs. I know how it is, but I'm just like, come on, man. Like that sucks. Yes. Um, I cannot thank you enough for coming on. Uh, I am so excited to watch, watch pizza movie. Uh, it's out on Hulu tomorrow, April 3rd. I can't wait for you to come to New York and come on. So true. We'll have to have you in the studio. Let's do it. And I can't wait for you to come to the Jersey shore and our next bingo night. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to get to work on. Let's do it. Thanks Kylie. Thank you. Ciao. And that's a wrap on this episode of not going to lie. You can find even more clips for my longer conversation with Caleb on my YouTube channel on more shit Monday. I'll be back next Thursday with a brand new episode. Follow us on social media at NGL with Kylie for clips throughout the week. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcast. Not going to lie is a wave original brought to you by all state. Thanks to the real ones for tuning in. That's why I use DoorDash because when life gets crazy, DoorDash just helps bring some order to it. Like this past week when yet again, we ran out of whole milk and you know, Finn needs whole milk because well, she's a tank and she'll get mad at me and she figured out how to yell now. I'd rather just get the milk and DoorDash help with that. Came in clutch. Being able to offload a few to do's and give a little more time to focus on yourself and your family is huge. Order now.