Kylie & Kevin Hart on Their 5-Year Grudge, FAFO Parenting, Eagles Fan Jail & Kylie's Dad Cameo | Ep. 71

I wanted people to really quickly hear from my current dad. I hear another one. And I know that you recently just got roasted on a very big stage, so I don't want to pile on, but I'm gonna get it all off your chest. Yeah, I get it. Do your kids also know the expression, "Fuck the Cowboys"? My kids know the expression, "Fuck the Cowboys for life." Yeah, they're good kids. The head thumping phase is really important. It's like the phase where you let your child bump their goddamn head. I'm not gonna lie, as our Father's Day craft, I have held off on doing the handprints for six years now. But considering I have to cater to a range of six to one, I think this year might be the handprint year. I don't know. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Let's get this podcast started. Welcome to a special Father's Day edition of Not Gonna Lie, a Wave Original brought to you by seventh generation. I'm your host, Kylie Kelsey. I married my husband that I now have four kids with, so I get to wish him a Happy Father's Day. Happy Father's Day, Jay. Woo-woo! That would have been a good one. I think I'm gonna take you some time to find it. Mother. Start the Jeopardy music. (singing) (laughing) Thank you. Thank you. I'm also a daughter-in-law to the one and only Ed Kelsey. So Happy Father's Day to Ed, I'm gonna tell you what my dad always says. That's two Eds are better than one. And on that note, of course, to round out the trifecta here, I'm a proud daughter of Big Ed McDabbit, the best dad in the world. Happy Father's Day Skeeter! When we were growing up, I would typically get my dad a chunky, which is a candy bar, if you haven't seen it, it's a little square silver wrapper, or a cheesecake pie, because he's a sweet kind of guy. But what I will tell you is, is that that is the bare minimum for a dad that truly is the best dad in the world. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to have him as a dad, have him support me, have him understand supporting girls and lifting his daughters up and making sure that we felt like we could conquer the world, making sure that we felt like we could be independent, making sure that we felt empowered, all of the things that he made sure to support us in doing. He's the best. Shout out to Skeeter. Also, the real ones wanted to know, I think, for the Father's Day episode, we need a picture of Tilly and Big Ed. Absolutely, I will. Let's put that in right here. I'm going to find one more done recording, and I, for sure, will put Tilly and Big Ed in this. It's going to be ridiculous. It's going to be a spectacle, and I love it for us. Coming up on today's Father's Day special, it might be Father's Day, but it's also a potty training awareness month, so I figured I'd blend the two and talk about what it's like potty training kids with Jason. I'm also bringing back our Father's Day gift guide for the second annual Mother's Guide to Father's Day gifts for him that are actually for you. We've got some very good suggestions this year we're at once, so stay tuned for that. After, I'm going to be joined by someone I have no business speaking to. Yep. Absolutely none. Stand up comedy legend, birds fan, and fellow parent of four. Kevin Hart. Yep. We're doing it. I do. I think you should stay tuned because I get some clarity on something that has been weighing on my mind for quite some time at the top of this interview. So, I need you guys to lock in, and I want to get out in front of this and say that I don't know that I necessarily hold grudges, but I remember. Before we get into all that, a few NGL announcements. First up, this upcoming Wednesday is one of my favorite events of the whole year. That's why I'm wearing my shirt. Do you see my shirt? That's right. It's shorebirds. We have the Team 62 fundraiser benefiting Eagles Autism Foundation at the Ocean Drive NCI. It is a guest bartending event. Tickets are sold out, but we stay authentic to the Ocean Drive and what they do. So, if you show up to the Ocean Drive the day of the event, doors open at 4 p.m. for general admission. It is a $10 cover, which is the standard cover for the Ocean Drive throughout the summer. And you can get in. You just have to wait in line. So, come through. It is something that is sheer chaos, batshit crazy, an absolute dumpster fire, and it's one of the best days of the summer. So, last year we raised just over a million dollars for the Eagles Autism Foundation, I believe it was within 36 hours. So, this year, between the Ocean Drive event and Beer Bowl, which are back-to-back days, again, we are hoping to raise over that. And guess what, real ones? We're once again taping a very special episode at the shore. We need you to ask us some things. So, please send in all your questions about Bikini Wax's having a beard, wearing flip-flops, doing a podcast with your brother. When he's going to embrace cat life, you'll never guess who it is. Next announcement, the special episodes just keep coming because I also might be going on a girl's trip and it might be with one of your favorite former NGL guests ever. Maybe. Because we might have to. Alayah Perri. Voyager vacance with the girls. Podêtre? I don't know. I think that it is going to be magi avec une sourie. Yes. Do you understand? I'll give you even more hints next week, but prepare for the two judges. That's it for our announcements. Next up, if you're still thinking about what to get the father of your children, I've got you covered with our second annual Mother's Guide to Father's Day gifts for him that are actually for you. Some of the favorites from last year were planning a special just dad in the kids' outing. No moms allowed. Because what better day to truly embrace being a dad with just dad activities? Yeah. Or, clothes you would like him to start wearing and a couple's vacation. Again, you want to be careful with those because if you want him to wear a banana hammock, you better know that that's probably going to result in him father's day by fathering another child if he catch my drift. Those all still stand as great gifts, but here's this year's all new guide. Number one, starting out with a fan favorite. A couple's massage. Yeah, that's right. Has he been saying his back hurts? You know, now that I think of it, so does mine. Yeah. So does the rest of my body. From. birthing children. I know it's been a minute, but I'm going to use it. How about that? Because a couple's massage means everyone wins. So you just get some childcare. And then you guys go together. Number two, back yard sports equipment for dad. And the kids. Okay. A new socorner, a pitching machine. Maybe a golf net. Great choice. Because then he gets outside and gets to do activities with the kids. Now, the catch here is, is that the idea is that you would then stay in the house and maybe get some quiet time. Or again, some nobody needs me time. I would be the opposite. I would go outside and I would play with them. But this is a great choice for people who think that they could kick kids and dad out of the house to go do outside activities. Okay. Think about it. Next, number three, brand new cookware. This includes but is not limited to a brand new grill, a cast iron skillet, a pizza oven. Okay, creative with it, ladies. Have you been craving a fresh rack of ribs? Problem solved. Can't I'm a smoker? Yeah. That's right. You could also get an arrangement of barbecue spices. That could also encourage him to feel inspired. Yeah. Let him cook it up, ladies. I'm into that. Let's encourage even the smallest interesting cooking. Okay. Let's sit down and eat food that someone else makes. Number four, if you like a nice beverage, might I suggest an expensive bottle of wine that otherwise you would never buy for yourself? Yeah, this is a special occasion, toast to your man, being the father of your children. That's right, pour yourself a fat glass. Both of you, of course, but pour your glass a little fatter, just a thought. Yeah, I don't necessarily love wine, but I love it for you, and that's what counts. Guys, while you're at it, make sure you grab those new wine glasses, because when else are you going to get this timeless wine glasses and where else are you going to put the fancy wine? Am I right? And do it. And coming in at number five, literally any new piece of furniture you've been eyeing for the house. That's right. If it's been in your cart, complete it, because what's his is yours. And if it's a new sofa, you guys are definitely going to enjoy scooting your little heinies next to each other, sitting comfortably and watching anything but love island, right? I know, or a new patio set, so that when your kids go to bed and you need to decompress, you can go outside and sit under the stars all romantic, again, careful. Too much romance, you may end up with another one. That's it for Mother's Guide to Father's Day Gifts. Let me know what other gifts you get for the dads in your life that are actually for mom. Tag @NGL with Kylie will share some of our favorites. All right. Let's keep it moving with a new edition of Can I Be Honest brought to you by Pullups. In honor of June being National Potty Training Awareness Month, I'm going to get very honest about potty training in the Kelsey house. Yeah. We've had a couple accidents. We've had a lot of successes, and I think that you should focus on those, but not right now because why would we tell stories about the successes and not talk about the shit that happened in the kitchen floor? It literally was a turd on the kitchen floor. I started out potty training with one of the little mini potty's. The ones where when they're done, you have to dump the bowl into the toilet and flush it. It was not the way to go. That wasn't our potty training journey. We quickly figured out that what we needed was a potty seat for on top of our actual potty. Because I thought that the way we were going to get through it was to put the potty seat downstairs so that she didn't feel like she was away from everything and that she would do. There was one day I let her watch Ms. Rachel while she was sitting on the potty as if that was going to help her. It didn't. She was just naked sitting in the living room. The one day I tried to ask her to go potty on that potty. I was in the kitchen doing something and she didn't want to be left alone. We put the potty in the kitchen. She sat on it for a while and then she got up and walked around for a minute and then promptly squatted directly next to the potty and took a dump on the floor. That was the end of that. Then we ended up doing potty on the actual potty with a potty seat. Specifically one that we have loved is one that has like laddered steps up to the potty so that they can do it themselves. Jason and I, very much tag team this activity. It happens to end up being in a very joking manner. I will try to get my kids to call for dad. In other words, when they tell me I need to go potty, I'll say, "Great. You go up and get started and when you're all done, dad will come and wipe your honey." That is key because when they say, "Dad, dad, I'm all done pooping, dad." He can't help himself. He has to go. He really can't. I will tell you what. I feel like some people understand this. When your kids, I don't know about other people's kids, my kids have all gone through a very mom phase where it's mom this, mom that I'm not leaving mom. It's not dad. It's mom. It's not a very long phase but it's sometimes with certain kids, it was intense and it really helps me in this trying to trick the kids into calling for dad specifically. Sometimes they do it obviously, sometimes they do it on their own without being prompted, but Jason's a sucker for when they call for him because he's like, "Yeah, they called me not you." It works out to my benefit and also it's adorable that he's like, "They called my name. They called for me." And I'm like, "Yeah, they did. Go wipe that ass. Just go wipe the poop off their butt." Speaking of, I'm all done pooping. It's been a year since the Ellie moment on the other podcast so I figured I'd give a butt wiping update. We have two that are fully taking care of themselves and Benny takes care of herself but likes to check in when it's a number two, if you will, when she has to get a little more in depth. I did ask the real ones when they stopped wiping their kids butts and the consensus seemed to be kindergarten. I would say that this is the case for the most part but much like every other freaking situation when one kid starts doing it the next kid decides that maybe it's my turn to and then the next kid jumps in and they're like, "Hey, I can do it too." So it gets consecutively smoother, it seems. Prior to the being summoned to wipe a butt phase, we have been in the potty training trenches with three of our four and there's a few things that have consistently worked for us. Number one, timers. I have to set a timer. I'm busy doing other things, I'll forget, they'll forget and then it's too far gone and a lot of times you end up running and potentially having an accident directly in front of the potty, which is a ridiculous phenomenon. The second thing that we're doing is picking up on signals. They do a lot of pp dancing. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's when your knees go together and you're just sort of like, almost like cricketing your thighs, okay? That means they need to go to the bathroom. Now, if your kids are anything like my kids, some of them might swear deep, deep in their soul that they don't have to go. They're lying to your face. The thing that you should always push is that we'll try. That's it. We'll just try and in line with that, they can try for the next tip, which is the treat system. Little candy would be great, okay, where you can give one candy for trying and two candies for doing it, maybe four little candies for a number two or maybe maybe one candy for a number one and two candies for a number two. That lines up nicely. The other thing that I found invaluable are pull ups. I really love the fact that they are there for you to make sure that you're not going to end up in a messy situation because there's something not so great about when your child comes to you and they were wearing undies because you're potty training and they say, I peed and you say, where and they say, I don't know, because now you're looking for a puddle and worse, when it's not a puddle on a hardwood floor or a tile floor, then you're feeling around a carpet. I've been there a couple times. Pull ups avoid that. Pull ups now has a new learning layer. It's something that I wish I had when I was training the older girls. It really is a game changer. It's designed to help kids learn wet from dry so it will actually feel wet and then it will wick the moisture away from their skin so they don't have a problem with any type of skin irritation. I'm very excited to try the pull ups learning layer with Fint. For any of you who are going through potty training right now, good luck. I really think that's the only thing left there is to say, it sucks. I should say it stinks, pun intended. And that does it for can I be honest brought to you by pull ups, Kevin Hart is coming up. But first, let's get to this special Father's Day edition of Doom Scroll the Week brought to you by 7th generation. First up, there's a trend on TikTok right now where people are referring to their dads as their current dad and the reactions have been hilarious. I'm assuming that this is stemming from the TikTok trend. That was when people were setting up a video in a similar way and saying, "This is my current husband." Now, I see the humor and I think it's funny. Big Ed, I don't know that he would have a reaction to this. I'm assuming he would catch it. I think he would probably say, "What? Should we see what he does?" For you, Queen Emma. Fine. For me. Hi. Yeah. Are you at work right now? You're at home. Yes. I'm in Melbourne. Why? What's that? Why? We're really bad at going on. I'm recording the podcast right now, but I wanted people to really quickly hear from my current dad. He's proud of himself for that one out. That was good. You aren't your toes at that one. I like that. Don't have to call the doctor on that one. Okay, that's it. I love you. That's okay. Bye. Yep. There's dad. Oh, God. I love him so much. Okay. If I convince why or Ellie to say this, I don't know how Jason would feel that. I do think the girls are going to have a really good time when they're older, like teenagers messing with Jason. I think that Jason is going to be a really good sport about it. I think he's going to play along just enough until he's had enough. I'm so excited to watch it. Oh, God. Yep. That's going to be fun. The last scroll. This is a throwback to the first-ever TikTok I posted. This is clearly a Queen Emma attempt to get me to cry. Oh, I know what this clip is. Don't why you got to bring Winnie into this. Yep. I'm not looking. Look at Winnie and Baba. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You did that. Didn't you? You feel good about yourself? No. Mm-hmm. Interesting. I love these kind of moments. I have so many pictures of Jason on the beach with our girls outside with the girls where they are so far away that I'm sure they didn't know that I was sniping pictures of them. I love watching Jason be a dad. Our girls love him more than anything on this planet. And he is so caring. He's so gentle. He's so sweet. And then he's also like the perfect mix of he'll throw him onto the couch. He will rough house. He will do all the ridiculous things that mom won't. He also has my back. It is an absolute honor to get to parent with him. And the tiny humans that we've made are. I mean, I'm so biased when I say this. They're so cute. They're sweet most of the time. And it really is so much fun to watch him be a dad and he's so good at it. He's so good at it. He truly, I think he understands that if everything else went to shit, at the very least, he will always still be a dad. And he puts a lot of emphasis on that. So, how do you father say to him? Yeah. That's it for Doomschool. The Week brought to you by seventh generation coming up. I'm about to be joined by another father of four. Kevin Hart right after these messages. With four little girls, I know sometimes we can all be a little extra. When people have to pack up three stuffies just to leave the house, make sure their purse is packed with their rocks and their markers. God only knows where they're going to draw with those. Which is exactly how I know what does and doesn't need to be so extra. So many dish soaps are loaded with dyes and artificial fragrances that do more to put on a show than actually clean. That's the wrong kind of extra. And that's where seventh generation comes in. Seventh generation's bio based power cuts through grease. So I can clean my dishes and then get back to literally anything else. That's seventh generation. All of the cleaning power, none of the extras. And seventh generation sense are made from 100% essential oils and botanical ingredients, like the clementine zest and lemongrass dish liquid with no artificial fragrances. Plus seventh generation dish liquid is EPA safer choice certified, meaning they are designed to be safer for you, your family and the environment. It's just a powerful clean that gets the job done and leaves nothing behind. Make the switch to seventh generation. It's almost Amazon Prime Day. For the best deals of the year, go shop seventh generation at amazon.com. As a mom of four kids six and under, I've been deep in the potty training trenches. But luckily I have learned a thing or two, you know, a turd on your kitchen floor will really snap the end of reality. We did have the absolute joy of having why it lead the pack so that everybody else could follow suit and learn from what she was doing and want to be like their big sister. That was very helpful. I've also learned my secret weapon is pull ups training pants. I've been using pull ups the entire potty training experience. I love that they're there to make sure that this isn't a messier process than it needs to be. And now my secret weapon has its own secret weapon. Pull ups just introduce the new learning layer. And I'm all about this. It's designed to help kids learn the difference between feeling wet and dry. I'm so looking forward to using this with fin because I think it's going to make it even easier. Plus it's progress without the stress of the mess. It gives my tiny human big kid confidence while I get the peace of mind of up to 100% leak free protection. So hopefully we'll avoid any more problems on the kitchen floor. You can buy the new pull ups with learning layer now designed to help kids learn wet from dry. Pick up pull ups with the new learning layer now. The real ones know I love my aura ring and wear it every single day because being a type C mom and person I need help and that helps keep up with my biometrics so I don't have to keep track of it myself. I love that the ring tracks my sleep. I like knowing when I got up and how many times because sometimes I do it in autopilot. Yeah that's right a kid calls my name I pop up and then I don't know how long until I get back to my own bed or will tell me I also absolutely love that it tells me the days where I need to recover or considering sitting down and taking a break because I sometimes don't know how to do that. She'll tell me or a ring five is the world's smallest smart ring 40% smaller than the previous generation and more powerful than ever. Ultra thin and subtle it's designed to become a seamless extension of your personal style and your most capable health tool yet. Plus it has up to one week of battery life. Charge once a week and never miss a night of data. The thought of charging something only once a week sounds like it's type C certified and it's designed with aerospace grade titanium construction, meaning it's built to last through everything you do. Learn more about the world's smallest smart ring and discover how aura can help you better understand your health at auraring.com. He's the hilarious comedian you know from all of his stand-up specials, his hit movies like right along Jumanji think like a man and a big one in our house the secret life of pets. He just released his new audible original kids make me angry and most importantly he's a Philadelphia sports fan Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart welcome to Knock on a Lie and Go Birds. Yes, Go Birds. Always Go Birds. Thank you. They even have me. I can't wait to give you this batch of just authenticity and transparency, which is really what I'm good at. So you're in for a treat. I know that you recently just got roasted on a very big stage. So I don't want to pile on but I'm gonna. I'm gonna bring us back to November 21st 2021. I'm gonna set the stage here. It's Lincoln Financial Field. A place you know very well. And you were sporting a Saline jacket. Yeah. I'm going somewhere I promise. Okay. It was what I have now discovered was Navy blue with gold lettering with white piping. There's a point here. Do you know what team we were playing this day? I'm gonna say was it me that wasn't the 49ers that was the wasn't the Saints? It was the Saints, Kevin. Yeah, the Saints. Okay. Perfect. So I just want to know when you were getting dressed this day. Yeah. Was there not a moment that crossed your mind where you thought yourself, hmm, this is close to saints colors. Maybe, maybe saints colors are black and gold. I'm going to tell you from where I was sitting, I thought your jacket was not Navy. By the way, which is the problem with the without world today. Okay. This is the problem with our world today. So much assumption without factual proof. Okay. And with a little factual proof, you would have saw that I had on a softer version of a Navy jacket with a pallet, a pallet of cream, not gold cream. And my sneakers, my sneakers were Navy with a cream trim as well. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Fashion first. Almost worse. Have you worn a cowboy shirt, Kevin? I've worn a cowboy shirt. I think when I was a kid in Christmas, I got a cowboy's t-shirt. There's a picture of me and a cowboy's t-shirt with my mother. But it was a Christmas gift. And I didn't want to hurt my aunt's feelings. Okay, that's fair. You didn't know anything about football. That's the only reason why it's even there. You see that? I'm being honest. And you probably thought you had me stoned. No, no, I didn't. I could tell that you were very young. So I was going to let that one. I was going to, I wasn't going to accept any excuse. You got to let a slot. Yeah, I will. Especially if it's a gift. You're right. A gift. You have to put it on. You have to go with it. You cannot judge me from wearing something that came from someone else's kind gesture. Okay. It shows that in return, I'm meeting said gesture with kindness. Sure. By by giving you a visual, a visual sighting of me wearing the thing that you thought was very nice. That's what I'm doing here. Okay, that's fair. Here's what I will say. The other times that I've seen you at games, you have been fully decked out. I respect it. Eagles and like good, good eagle shit. So vintage, I saw some vintage jackets. Yeah, not like just, I'm not off the rack with my eagle stuff. I'm giving you some strong, some strong Eagles apparel that you may not even see. You may not even know where you going to apply. Who are you going to? I'm not giving up my secret. So let's just say that when it's time to plug to me step out. I'm going to step out. I make some heavy calls. Okay. I just, I, I'm not kidding. When I saw the Celine jacket, I had a moment of like huh. That's interesting. I had a, I'm not kidding. I had a moment of, I've held on to this for five years now. I've literally thought to myself, there's no way he knew who we were playing. And just made you go huh. I'm like, that's real, that's real frustration. Yeah. Look at that. Would you look at that? Yeah. So I just, I had to get that off my chest. I'm glad you did. By the way, that's what this is about. I wouldn't want you to do anything else. We're here to be honest with one another. So if it's something you feel or, or, or feeling that you think you have and that you're holding on to, it's not time to tell me, get it all off your chest. Yeah, I get it. But I'm glad that we cleared that up. It feels like I feel better now. As if you have any responsibility to answer to me, but I feel better now. Thank you for that. I appreciate it. I'm happy that you feel better. I think this is, this sets the record for a new opportunity. It does. For involvement between you and I, that when we see each other next, you're not coming in with this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it was a little, it was a little. Yeah. It's a filling in me. Okay. I can't help making his hand. Why? Well, he had only, you know, what the fuck he wore to the Saints Eagles game. He wore a Celine New Orleans Saints jacket. Yes. Are you sure they make those? I don't know. But, but, but I'm assuming that it was a gesture on their behalf. I don't fuck what I'm saying. That literally substance it up and you're just over there mind in your business. It's in stylish. We're in a completely different palette. God. Who the fuck am I? Right? To judge you wearing a completely different palette. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm so glad we got to the bottom of this. This is good. Now that I know that you did not do that really out of malice. We can speak about the Eagles truly and wholeheartedly. Filly fans know we can be a little misunderstood. Absolutely. What do you think the best part about us is? The best part is our reputation. The reputation of Philadelphia fans is the best part because, you know, whether we are or we aren't the fact that the idea is out there of how crazy Philadelphia Eagles fans are. Like, you know, there's a crazy stigma attached to us that makes other fans when they step into our stadium aware and a little, you know, just a little timid. Hey, don't wear, be careful for wearing other jerseys around Eagles fans or, hey, when you go like what we're not going to do, we're not going to over-celebrate because these fans get a little, they get rowdy, right? And you just don't want to put ourselves in a bad situation. You know, they got gel cell. They got a gel cell in the step, which is the only time. Now, granted, that's not there anymore. But it used to be. And how would you, do you know about that? If I recall, are you asking if I've been locked up? The other podcast, I do believe you mentioned spending a little, a little time in the, in the vet, jail cell. And as a person that has been in that jail cell, I'll tell you that it. I mean, look, I've never, I never went down there and had to stay, but there are the moments where my behavior warranted a timeout. Yeah, like just like, hey, we want you to come down here and talk to us. And then there was like several threats after. But I mean, look, that's in my younger years. That's when I was young and crazy, right? Every since, you know, because we're being honest, every since I became this well-manacured version of myself, I haven't been down here. I don't go down there. No more. No. No. No. I will say this. They almost threw me in jail. I think that as a Philadelphia Eagles fan, it's kind of a right-of-passage. It's pretty cool. I feel like that's a badge of honor that you should wear. Yeah, as long as they don't, as long as they don't put your face on the, on the wall, like in your band, it's cool, right? If you got to go down there to have a conversation, they got to explain some things to you, like, like they had to do with me a couple of times. That's fine. A good talking to you. A couple of times. A couple of times. A couple of times. What a good talking to. No. Hey, man, what are you doing up there? Now, come on. Were you in the 700 level? I mean, we're talking about a different time in my life, right? We're talking about a different time. All right, where seats receipts. You understand what I'm saying? And it wasn't really me. It was the company that I was with. I think that clears up a lot. Okay. Go by association. Yeah. Yeah. I'm never the guy doing stuff. You know, I'm with the guy. I'm with all guys. Now, one of my favorite sites to see in the entire world is a little kid in an Eagle's Jersey who does something like, I don't know, let's say flip off an opposing fan. Would you agree that that's raising your children right? I think it's the only way to raise your child. Yep. If you're not teaching your child proper fan fair or proper behavior while supporting his or her team, then you're not doing your job as a leader. My son is a diehard Eagles fan because he was taught that early on. There's nothing else that exists outside of that green. You know, the chant from the chant to the song to aggression. My son has it off and he loves it, right? He loves it. My son barks and people's face when Eagles games are on. He understands all the terms, move the change first down. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that is pick six. We need a ball, dad. Fun ball. Loose ball, dad. Yeah. We get active in this house. You get very active. It's funny. I grew up in a house with a man who I still remember. If someone fumbled, it was a an all out fumble. And then my dad would like fall over and tackle me. It was like one of the great joys of playing of watching Eagles football. That's right. That's right. Loose ball. Where's the ball? Ball. Exactly. Ball. Who's on it? Who's on it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone starts pointing pointing the other way. Yes. You need it. It's necessary. And I think that's it. That's great. It's a great household. It's great energy. Any household. It is necessary, right? It should be frowned upon. It should be supported. Do your kids also know the expression. Fuck the Cowboys. My kids know the expression. Fuck the Cowboys for life. Yeah. Yeah. They're good kids. Good kids. Great kids. Praise, right? Great. Seriously. I'm talking ground up. Yeah. One of our listeners recently asked me how I would feel if one of my daughters we have four. One of my daughters ended ended up dating a Dallas fan. and I said that I actually couldn't fathom that, that I think that I've raised them right. - That's tough. - And that when they start dating, that they would know better than to date a Dallas fan. - That's tough. I mean, I think, I think, by the way, whoever said that, like whoever even raised a question should be put in jail. - It's fucked up. - Yeah, that's the real problem. - Yup. - There were levels of thinking, 'cause that thinking shouldn't exist. I mean, I'll be honest with you. I think, I think you got to disown your kid. - All right. - I think you got to-- - You have no other choice. - No. - No, no, no, no, no. Like it's, it's love doesn't live here anymore. You know, you got to, you got to-- - There's a lot of things that I will love my kids through marrying a Dallas Cowboys fan. - That's-- - It's where I draw the line. - No, I don't like it. - Mm-hmm, I don't like it. - Can't have it. - No, no. - Yeah. - Now, since we're talking a little bit about our kids, I'm very excited to hear more about your new audible original kids make me angry. It's out now, so everyone can go and listen. First of all, love the title. - Yeah, kids make me angry. - I think it's-- - I think it's a big instant hood. - Well, we're here to be honest. - We are. - I'm not, I mean, wildlife. Kids do make me angry. - Yeah. - And I think, I think, voice in the frustration and mirroring that with humor while at the same time being very transparent about your, like, world of parenting and your growth within it, especially, and I mean, look, there's a stigma on black fathers and, you know, the lack thereof. And I think it's important to highlight the good fathers, right? So that stigma eventually gets erased and you motivate other good fathers to be better fathers than those that may not be will want to be, right? Because they'll hear more people voicing the amazing side of parenting and all things good attached to it. And to do that, you also have to be honest. And that's where the kids make me angry. That's where that component comes in. Because you're not gonna go through parenting and be happy the entire way. You will get to your tipping point. You will get frustrated. You will get overwhelmed. But what you do when those things present themselves, well, that's what makes the good parents good parents. How do you adjust? How do you maintain a level of communication, understanding, a friendship, good rapport, while at the same time, energizing the love, sort of the love grows between you and your kids and still balancing the world of respect. So the respect is never compromised. There's so much that goes into parenting, so, so much. And, you know, the information is key. You have people out there that are looking for it, they don't know where to find it. Books like this, they service that. And that's what I'm hoping I do. I'm hoping people listen to it, love it, but more importantly relate to it, laugh at it, and also apply it. That's what I'm looking for from this book. Wow, by the way, how good was that? - That was outstanding. - I mean, like you can say a lot of things, but saying it like, that's-- - You just nailed that. - Yeah, like I get it. I get it. - How do you not go listen now? - Yeah, after that. - After that? And I'm just being honest. - I'm just nailed out. - You nailed that hard. As most of you probably know by now, I recently adopted a puppy. And let me tell you, it's been a wild ride. Luckily though, Amazon has been a huge help in making sure I have everything I need for Freddie, food and treats, toys and apparel, health care products, grooming supplies, you name it. Plus, I've loved using the Amazon pet profile feature, which gives you personalized product picks based on your animal type, breed size and preference. Head to amazon.com/pets to shop the brands, your pets already love like Purina, Ims, and Blue Buffalo, and discover some new favorites too. And with Prime Day coming up later this month in June, that is a great time to stock up on all of your everyday pet essentials. Being a person is tough enough these days, let alone being a parent. That's why I use DoorDash because when life gets crazy, DoorDash helps bring some order to it. Like this past week, when I needed to prove a point, so I DoorDash, ice cream for everyone, but two of my children, I was trying to prove a point that there are consequences. And so when multiple people wanted ice cream, I ordered it for the ones who had their listening ears on. So DoorDash came in clutch with that one. Real life needs real relief. That's why DoorDash is there for whatever you need, whenever you need it. Life with kids is wildly unpredictable. No matter how much parents try to plan, there's always going to be chaos. Being able to offload a few to-dos and give a little more time to focus on yourself and your family is huge. We all know life gets crazy. DoorDash just helps bring a little order to it. Order now. Now, you have four kids, so you're speaking from experience here. How old are your four kids? 21, 18, eight and five. So you have a good range of ages. Yeah. Do you think that helps you appreciate the ages that they are currently in? Honestly, it's crazy because you don't realize how much you miss certain ages until they present themselves again. So being at my oldest two are grown now. I love the fact that I get to hang out with my kids. I love the fact that we get to do real things together. Me and my daughter can drink wine together and chill out and have great conversations. It's a vibe. It's dope. Me and my son drive old school cars and go have lunch and chill. It's dope. But then you see your younger kids and it's like, wow, man, I miss when my older two were this age. Oh my god, it's so much fun. They were fun. But looking at my youngest, it's like, oh, my daughter's the boss. She's at that age where she's discovering not just new words but definitions with the words and personality and there's a nice flair. And when you start to see your little people become people, there's nothing more rewarding. Nothing more rewarding than that. But I do think that my favorite ages, of course, are the younger ages. And you realize that they grow up so fast. So fast, you blink an eye and they're 18 and 21. And you're like, what the fuck happened? When did it happen? Now you talk about some of the different phases of parenting in kids make me angry. I very much related to what you call the head thumping phase. Yes, yes. Can you explain that a little bit? It's like the phase where you pretty much let your child bump their goddamn head, right? Like, this is a child. It's everybody wants to protect. Everybody wants to prevent. Stop, no, don't do that. Please don't do-- oh my god, they're getting next to it. Go get them, go get them. Oh, no, no, no, no. She's about to fall. Get her, get her, get her, don't let her get close. I don't believe in that. Let that baby fall. A little fuck around and find out parenting. Right, that's right. Let that baby touch that hot stove. You know what's going to happen next time? She getting next to the stove? She's going to freeze up because she don't want to get burnt again, OK? Sometimes, the lesson comes with the hard piece of pain. All right, I embrace it. The head thumping stage. Go ahead. You go right here. You want to keep on god damn standing up on that table? I hope you learn about. I told you. Well, I'll tell you. This has happened many times in our house. So much so that I've gotten to a point where sometimes I look at my older two who are six and five. And I say, that's a choice you're going to make, OK? And that's, that's, that's it. And then they make the choice. I have six, five, three and one. Oh no. Yes. All girls. No breaks. Oh my god, you didn't, OK? You're right in the wind. You're in the window of pop the baby out. OK, back to like having a good time. Summer's presenting itself. Oh my god, here we go again. Literally. Oh my god, we're back in it. OK, you know what? Let's go ahead. All right, I'm going to have the baby. You know what? Summer's coming around. I just want to break. I just want to chill out. Get back to my-- oh god, I'm back in it. And then do it one more time. Do it one more time. Oh my goodness. That's it. That's literally that's that's my stand up comedy schedule. That's how I stand. And to break, let's get pregnant. That's fucking do a tour. Don't miss special. I'm a chill out. Fuck it. I have to figure out material. Go and do material. Get another to a film especially. That's a crazy time period. Yeah. I mean, are they are they all extremely close? Or are they in pairs? They're in pairs, but the pairs switch up. OK. The pairs switch up. It switches up every couple months, really. And our youngest right now is just she wants to be involved. But this morning alone, she was trying to be involved with the big girls. And homegirl took one step back and went down two steps. Just like, boom, boom, boom. Luckily, she went ass first, not head first. And our older dudes, let me tell you. They're built different. Younger kids just-- younger kids are the worst. [LAUGHS] because they're nursing. You want to do shit that they can't do? - And they are rich. - Well, they're also pissed when you tell them they can't. - Yeah. - Furious. - Yeah. - She just figured out she can scream at people. - Well, you mean you want to pump the gas? You can't pump gas? - Get in the car. Put the goddamn nozzle down. Don't drink that. - Oh yeah? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, she's gonna be the toughest and she's also the tallest. So I'm pretty sure that her body has said the only way to survive this shit is to get bigger. - Oh god. - It got so bad in our house. Our three-year-old made a choice. I was like, "You're making that choice." And she was like, "Yup, I am." And then she ate shit. And right before she ate shit, she gave me a little attitude. And so our five-year-old looked right out there and goes, "That's karma." And I was like, "Oh, come on, stop." - Have I said that to you, right? - Yeah, they're mine. - Have I been like, "Hey, that's the universe punishing you "for being a jerk to your mother?" - You know what, way too, way too, they started to throw out your accidental cuss word because they don't know it's a cuss word. My youngest son on the tennis court, we was playing. And he was like, "He had a shot." And I said, "That's out, out of bounds." He goes, "Bullshit." - Really? - Amen. - But you gotta respect it. - But it was correct, he was used correctly. - We celebrated it, but then I had to explain to him why he couldn't say it. - Sure. - I can't say that. Like, by the way, good job. - But. - You nailed that. - But. - But also, don't fucking say that again. - Don't you say that? Okay, but if you were to say it, that's how you say it, that's how you say it. My oldest daughter, she's like now because she's 21, she tries the curse around me more comfortably. And I check her differently because I'm like, I was still dead. - No, I still won't say the F word in front of my father. I'm 34 years old. - No, I don't, I don't play, but she tries it. She tries it. My oldest daughter is like, "God damn, dead. Shit, I don't want to drive there." - You to, hey, stop trying, you, you're trying to softly pitch out your cuss words and see how far I'm gonna let you go. Stop doing that. - They're tester. She's floating them. - Yes. - It's not landing. - 1000%. - I'm telling you, I still apologize to my dad if I drop an F word in front of him. I'll say the F word to my mom all day. And then as soon as my dad goes, "Whoa, I go, okay, you're eavesdropping, that's for you." He's in the same room. Poor dad, oh God, poor dad. Now of your four kids, have your oldest seen any of your comedy specials? - Yes, yes. My older two. - Do they get any kind of veto power when it comes to telling stories? - Now, I mean, like, my oldest daughter has input. Like, my older two was like, dad, you can't talk about me anymore in any of your comedy. Like, you don't, you cannot do it anymore. Like, I don't want you talking about it. Like, she checked me. So, I have to, I had to like, respect that and listen to that. But in earlier, in my earlier times, like, when I was heavy in dad mode, all I knew was you guys. Like, there was nothing else for me to talk about. Like, you were my day to day. So, that's why dad was heavy with the kid jokes or the kid conversation, because that's all I had at that time. So, as a comedian, you only can like, make jokes about your daily experiences or your daily experiences. - Yeah, so at that point, it was all kids all the time. But now, now that I'm like, kind of back to the raw version of myself, they don't, they don't have a lot of input. It's more like, whoa, dad's cousin a lot. - Well, he's doing what we're not allowed to. - Yeah, dad's letting them fly a lot these days. It's like that. That's what it is now. - Now, I mentioned it earlier, but you just did the roast. And as someone who has relatively thick skin, I'm still surprised when anyone agrees to do that. Have you always been good at essentially not giving a fuck what people say? - Yes. - Yes. - Is that the Philly side of you or? - Absolutely. What do you mean? - Yeah. - The thickest skin comes in a marriage. You know how much shit you gotta ignore that your wife says on the day-to-day? - Yeah. - Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. - That's why we're here. - Yes, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. Absolutely. Absolutely. - Just eat it. - Just eat it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I practice on the daily. I'll say come to my Philadelphia, man, I was raised, I was raised with hard-hitting humor. Like, that's all me and my friends knew. And it wasn't, it wasn't soft. It was hard. Like, we went in, we went in. We went in about everything. Like, nothing was off limits, nobody was safe. So, that was my environment of funny. So, Rose, Rose has nothing, or is nothing compared to the head. Like, it's not even close. - So, your friends from growing up could still get you way better than that? - What? They didn't even graze a surface. - You're on the street, but I'll put you on a street corner, talk into me and my friends. When I was in high school, oh my God. - Are you still there? Anybody? (upbeat music) - Now, this, you might be sad that you sign back in for this, that we lost it for a minute, you came back for this, 'cause I do have to bring up. I always say that I'm a bug person. It's, this is random that I need to ask you about it, but I do have a vivid memory of watching on a late show when they brought in a snake. - I don't do, I don't do well with animals and sex, but I don't do well with none of it. - Do you have pets? - Yeah, my dogs. - That's it. - My dog. - Yeah. - That's cool. - Okay. - I don't fuck with other people's animals, pets, or whatever, 'cause you don't speak animal. So I don't, I don't know the temperament, I don't know the movie, but I do know that if they decide to have a bad day, you can easily be the product of that bad day. So I like to stay away. I don't, if I'm gonna go, like, let me, let it happen the way that God intended it. I'm not gonna help it. - No. - Like you're not gonna hear that an eagle got me, or a calf got choked out by a bull constrictor. - Right. - Rattle snake got him, like I'm never, you're never gonna be in an environment where that stuff can happen. - I will say, I'm unsure which late night host it was, but I do remember it is the most serious I've ever seen. - Yeah, I don't, I don't play that. - Because you looked right at him and you said, I'm not kidding. - Yeah, I'm not playing. - Nope, I'm serious and I'm out. And I'm pretty sure you left. - I was at a golf course the other day. Two foxes ran across the golf, I've never seen a fox in person. I left the course. It's not safe here. - What time is it? - It was like 9 a.m. Two foxes came shooting across the fairway. And I said, they're probably running from something. - Me too. - Yeah, it's so, if you don't think I'm gonna take that as a sign and I'm gonna get the fuck out of here. - I'm out. - They said, they said, Ron. And who am I to not listen? - It's clearly a mountain wind back there. I'm out here, I can have the golf course. I left. My friends are all those playing, I left. I'm sad, I don't do animals. - The thought of what could Fox be running from? - Yes. - The only logical explanation, mountain life. - It's a mountain land. It's gotta be. - Where am I? - Where am I? - I was in, I was at Sherwood. It's a country club in LA. Two foxes shot across the golf and the fairway. Oh, a mountain land's coming. Guys, put the clubs in the car. - We actually have to leave now. - Yeah, I'm gonna go. You guys can stay if you want. And I'll get some right letters to your families. If I don't hear from you guys in a couple hours, 'cause it clearly a mountain land's coming. - You're about to get malt. - Yeah, think about it. When have you seen foxes just randomly in a pair, not chasing each other, but just running? - That is weird. And what I will give you is that's still a little early in the morning. So there's a chance that it was okay. But the fact that it was in broad daylight is the part where I would draw the line. - No, no, no. - 'Cause I'm also not gonna get bit by a rabbit fox. - I'm outta here. - Yeah. No, I actually, I can don't that decision, not that you need my approval. But I think that that was, I don't know that the mountain lion was logical, but I do see how you got there. - Well, whatever it was. - You can stick around to find out. - It can scare me. - Same mindset in my opinion. - That's so fair. - Yeah, yes. - Now, which do you hate more bugs or snakes? - Both equally. - You don't discriminate. - No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. - Okay. - If it doesn't have a voice, if it doesn't have a voice where I can see - If it can't tell me if we're cool. - Yes, I'm out of there. - Okay, even other people's dogs. I'm out of there. I'm not saying you're not joking. So, so just, for instance, here, I have a very large dog. She's like a hundred pounds. She's real friendly though. Okay. That would be a no. Hey, Kev, we got a dog. You cool with dogs? No, with my dogs. Yeah, you guys want to put your dog up? Oh, it's friendly, man. All right. Well, maybe you guys can go back to being friends with it. But once I leave, or I don't have to come in. It's very fine. Yeah, that's fair. Okay. I cannot thank you enough for coming on, not going to lie today. You can check out Kevin's new audible original kids make me angry right now. Go to audible.com and we'll also put the link in the description. Kevin, thank you so much. And as always, go birds. Thank you. Go birds, kind of very funny. You're very, very funny, very, very funny. Good energy. I appreciate you for having me. No, thank you so much. All right. Don't remember if you see a fox running. I'm running too. It's a mountain line behind. I'm running too. I'll see you in the proper colors at the link. Or or you can just try different color palette. We are. We're a different palette. Or just get up close and maybe go, oh, that's not what I thought it was. That's not black. That's navy. Still kind of fucked. Okay. Thank you. And that's it for this episode of Knock on a Lie. You can find even more clips for my longer conversation with Kevin on my YouTube channel on more shit Monday. I'll be back with a very special episode next week from one of my favorite places with my absolute favorite person. Remember to send in your questions for us. Follow us on social media at NGO with Kylie for clips throughout the week. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Not gonna lie. Is a wave original brought to you by seventh generation. Thanks again to the real ones for tuning in. [MUSIC] Wave.