KT: Behind the Tape (Ep: 787 Harland Williams + Jeremiah Watkins)

Joe White this is Jeremiah Watkins, Joe's a man, it's been our photographer since we went to Balkan gas company. How old are you now Joe? 185, 185 years old, how crazy is that? What kind of cigarettes do you smoke? Marble Red, how many hookers if you had this month? Z, oh he held that up, but guess what? Three, 30. That's right. How are you bro? Can I see your shirt? Man I'm doing good especially now that I'm here. I had my daughter bring me. Really? Yeah, where's your problem? Best you good? Damn, what is your client? Yesterday to San Antonio and now we're here with my niece in Austin. And is this your first time seeing the show? Yes, sir. Wow. Yeah, well I've seen it on video before, yeah. There he is, the man the myth. I get so many reports about how hard you're killing on the road now. It's crazy and you know what I tell people? I tell them all the same goddamn thing. I go look at what he's been doing. There's no going so good. Yeah, people are like no, you don't understand he's getting standing ovation's every set. I'm like he's the only one out of all you guys that works fucking Tuesday through Sunday. Yeah, he's going to get standing ovation. Everyone else is like I do three, 15 minutes sets a week. I don't get any standing ovation's. Well, yeah, there you go. You got to do the work. Yeah, which is crazy because I work twice as hard with half it. But we know you have a fat cock, Aaron. That's all it matters. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you know, it's not. Now, ah, that's what big dick people say. I know. I tell people all the time. Well, I got a little dick. Oh, I got not that. It's fun. Little dick guys never say I got a little dick like I don't like that. That's how I know you're working with a fucking you got a second cane under there. That's what you got. You think you want to compare? Flass it or hard. Yeah, let's do it. I'm getting one second. Are you? Are you? Are you? That's amazing. It's a Canadian luxury. Most Canadians avoid the long lines of your free health care. All right, before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something. We just launched Killtony Plus. Here's the deal. You sign up. You get every new episode ad free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand new angle of the show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content. Q&A episodes behind the scene stuff. Extra bits. You're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store too. It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to Killtony dot supercast dot com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you diehard fans and super haters. Go to Killtony supercast dot com. All right, back to the show. Yeah, that's what I would. 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My daughter had it made one of her friends. Wow. That's a incredible. From Decompti Michigan. I got your daughter right there. Yes, there. Wow, that's pretty good. You want to come in? Yes, yes. Hi. So excited. Yep, yeah, yeah look at the bag of the shirts. Oh wow. And what did you get the shirts? I made it. Oh, you made it. Yeah, because there was nothing like this on the merch, you know, I looked on the merch. I'm gonna get some more merch, but I thought this was awesome. Yeah, Tony likes it. That's a great idea. Honestly. Long time, long time fan from the beginning. From when? 13 years ago. From the beginning. I love the show. How are you, buddy? Yes, sir. How are you? I'm good man. Really good. I love it. This is Jeremiah Watkins. Hey, Joe. What's up? We made a, uh, Jeff Ross in New Orleans. Oh, no way. You can see it. We can see it. Yeah. Yeah. You hungry or anything? We got food, drinks, the usual sushi by scratch. Make yourself at home, Zach. Zach is all over the news. We're at Chile's 40 times today. He was in Chile's. Yeah. That was, that was, that was like news. I saw it on my, I saw it on my feet. Zach was on 45th of the Lamar. It's like, it's like a meat, chilies, like everyone, it's in a funny place and then everyone decided they're just going to kind of make it famous and it's become a, it's become a fan. It's like a, it's an inside jail. Cool. Yeah. People were probably saying we're starting at 45th in the morning. I'm sketching. You could put it like that at some areas. Here, last time I saw you, man. I remember I was in shock. I didn't even know what was going on in the back of that alley. Bro, that was like seeing someone's life change in that moment. I, I quit my job the next day, you know. Well, I got that hotel, uh, Gary Owen put us up in a marry-up. Me and my wife. It was awesome. Um, but then I moved, went back, quit my job the next day. Uh, some fans helped me raise money for rent. I live here now. So I just got the place today. Sign the lease and, uh, yeah. I'm here now and that's my brother. He drove me here. Ryan. Yeah. And I got a big plans on this next episode. I'm going to be on. Dude, huge historic way to you see. I'm not, I'm exploding out of my skin to do it, dude. Yeah. I'm telling you, swear, bet on it. Oh, it'll be this month. You know, I put my availability's for the end of this month. Make sure I get down here. So I'm waiting on word for sure. I can't wait for you to cash in. It was good seeing you, man, dude. You were there for me after. I was right there, man. People love like, I remember in the comments before I was talking about your second. Oh, that's, uh, yeah. Dude, they've been, everybody's been so sweet. Dude, I was crying, uh, reading some of the stuff that people sent me. Yeah, like a baby. So sweet. I couldn't believe it. I was never, you know, anyways. But yeah. That's awesome. And what are you here for today? Uh, to sign up for the open mic, um, at the mothership haven't done that before. Um, so trying not to sweat too bad, but, uh, yeah, do the open mic. And now I'm here. I'm going to start hitting, uh, mics all the time every day, all day. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And now, uh, since I quit my job, all I get eight hours of writing, you know, that's, I just set it clock. And And you know, walk away, eat, stuff like that. But, you know, eight hours, I'm around a no-pad or computer. So, hell yeah. Yeah, moving, trying to move fast, 'cause you only get one shot, as we all know. Yeah. - Hey there, let's talk to all the small business owners listening right now, you know, running a business stuff. But you know what's actually painful? Trying to get a loan from a traditional dinosaur bank. They treat you like you're asking for a personal favor. Drown you an endless paperwork. And make you wait weeks just to say no. It's absolutely ridiculous, Red Band. - That's where Cardiff comes in to save the day. 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Barrow better. - I've got time to repeat that. - Very fun. - And I'm just trying to stack it right now. - But I still like to kill you. - Oh, David? - I'm ready to do it, I'm going to roast it. - Yeah. - Sure. - I don't know. - I don't know. - Do you want me dead? - Very good. - We don't have it. - Go ahead. - I want to see you guys drop stuff from, you know, the last two to three years. - Yes. - Like my liars. - And, uh, oh my God. There he is. - Oh. - Oh, the very best. - Ladies and gentlemen, one half of the, one of the reigning and defending guests of the year, the great Harlan Williams, ladies and gentlemen. (audience applauding) Future Killtony Hall of Famers. - God damn right. - Hi guys. All right, what do we got? - Joey Smith, that's all comic. - All right. - Yeah, hi yo. I come here, this is my 17th week in a row to come. Come to Killtony. They missed one week a few, a month or so ago that I came here, I didn't know 'cause they weren't doing Killtony. So, but it's been 17 weeks in a row. I'm coming, trying to get on. Trying to make it happen. They're gonna see me, they're gonna see me eventually. - How confident are you with your set? - Oh, very confident. Man, I've been getting on, I actually feel blessed that I haven't been called yet because I've gotten a lot of states time. Because when I, 17 weeks ago, I was not ready. I thought I was, but now I'm ready. Now I'm an interview part, the minute I'm ready to go. I'm excited about it. - This whole thing right here, that's it. It's my two guests, whatever they are plugging and then a loose structure. Aaron Belial, that's him. Golden ticket winner, dead runner. Zac Efron, Aaron Belial. He doesn't talk, he speaks through a Bluetooth speaker. - Oh, I see you. - Or the fling on the back. - See that? - Yeah, that's great. - Dedric Fling goes up in the middle, something special in silly that you'll see. - Polk, polk, polk, polk. - Yeah, those are all Poles. And then of course the great Pat O'Neil. - Yeah. - He's an army out there. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I would say, if you were in 25 years, I mean, I'd take this away. - Huge impact. - I'd do it literally the best ever. - I'd do it. - Yeah, his silliness and my like, my straight man, his stupidness. - I have my back really good. - Yeah, it's hard so it's good. - Hmm. - Yeah, it's a good one. - Jeremiah here used to be in the band full-time for the show. - For the show. So every Monday he was our funny saxophone player. So like, every, he's been on, he's one of the few people that have been on hundreds of episodes. And this is his first time on in a really long time. - Oh, baby. - Yeah. - And him and Harland have a chemistry and are very silly and funny together in their own things. - So can you just like, one again, then they will straighten them? - Yeah. - You kind of got to hit the shit. - Yeah. - And stick them a lot of the shows. - So, you know, they all said it. - Yeah, and they're in a, you know, I'm learning the art of the football coaches and how they operate and like. - So it's like, you know, out of the same thing. - They, after a win, is like, it backs out. - I mean, I don't know what to compare to. Probably, you, you know, you after winning in Academy Awards, you know, it is just, every win is the biggest win. - That's right. - That's what it is. - Yeah, they have to be there. To be there, it's one to most of it is going all over the world. - Such extreme highs, and I'll tell you this. It's such a serious art, like you think, you know, we maybe enjoy our process, right? I'm in the comedy, right? I'm sure you're shooting a drama, maybe it's different, right? - Yeah. - But. - Can I enter here? They're on top of the world. - Hey, Jack, what do you do? - Oh. - I saw my boy, Mark Stoops, the defensive advisor at halftime. - Hi. - Hi. - How are you? - How are you? - Good to see you. - Good to see you. - Good to see you. - Good to see you. - Good to see you. - I'm excited to play some of you. - I saw Mark Stoops at halftime of the Texas Ohio state game, and I'm looking at this guy, he's right in front of me, and I'm like, how do I know this guy? Because he literally looked different. He's down my 20th year, at home, to the buttons, and he looked, his face looked different. And we kind of looked at each other and like that. There was no smile from him. There was for me, I'm like, "Oh, Mark!" And he shook hands, and I mean, like, a different fucking person. - Yeah, but that's what I would break out of it all the time. - It was a whole different life. - I was even telling him that this Saturday night, I'm like, you know, a week ago, I saw you at halftime, and he shook hands. - The first of all, so he was locked up. - Oh, he was locked up. - He locked up. - It's actually locked up. - It really is. It's as crazy as it gets. - That's what it comes to me. - Was it locked up to my heart? - I want a fucking deal. - No, this is my life, you locked it up to my heart. - Because he made me come up here with mine. - Why did she make me come up here? - As she said, I'm not in a system. - Okay, so you've all been just a lot in a long time. - Okay. - That's how you would take me, like, on a magic food bus ride. - No. - That's okay. - It's all good. - I think my stuff on Jeremy's. - That's much of it. - Well, he just doesn't know me here. I know he goes for the last picture, but we're all the same type, we cannot lie. - Have you been using your. - My lighter? - You better? - Yes, my lighter. - You probably got a lot of requests. But you're like, this is one of one. - This is one of one. - One of one. - All right. - All right, my love. - Good luck. - Thank you, my love. - You want to have my little patina? - I would love it. - Rrrrr. - Ow. - Get a shirt from me, man. - It's not too much. - Yeah, it's a shape one, right? - Oh, I don't like one. - That's too much. - I don't want to have one. I don't think I've ever seen you in all the time. - Yeah. - Oh, it's just this long for a second. - Oh, yeah, there's my guy. There's my guy. Okay. They had the same, you know, how they cooked them steamed them, but they also had the same fries. I think it's a little square one. - Yep, they're all so good. - Guys, see? - I got one more note. Can we reign in, Michael? - Bro, what are we talking about, bro? - I'll take my shirt off right now. - What is going on? - You show me this. - It's got to be that over here. - Oh, you think? You think only you were the band member that got notes? - No, that's what I'm saying, that's what I'm saying, that's what I'm saying, that's what I'm saying. - Yeah, he's got this. - Well, well, well, there he is. My boy, my boy. - For a year. - It goes all the way up to my. - There it is. - There it is. - What's the portrait of? - Me. - Where? - I'm like looking into a world ball. - When did you get this? - I've had it for seven years. - Where is it? - My whole side of my phone. - No. - Yes. - A few guys never noticed it. - Hey, shut off that camera, just kidding. I would never, we'll be right back after these minutes. - I hit every spot I can. I actually got my first paid gig coming up just by doing open mics. They saw me, they liked me. So I got a gig in Corpus Christi, October 2nd, Stephen Duncan. Come and see me. - For Brad's, bro, that's how it's been here. - Yeah, thank you. - Where did you get these grills in your mouth? - No, I got them in Corpus Christi, paid $2,500 for it. - Yeah. - Now I look as cool as I feel. (laughs) - Yeah. - Yeah. - And why did you get them? - I just feel like I should have always. I should feel like I should have been born with it. - Chris, is that the canvas tonight? - That's crazy, John beige made that costume. - Cool shit, and you're gonna do the art on it? Are you all oxygening it off or something? - I'm not sure if I'm gonna oxygen or sell it. - You have to get a special mouth for it. (laughs) - I made that mouth every day. - Go on the easel. - Yep. I'm just gonna paint the necklace next to you. No, this is just a place to hold it. When I give this back to him, he's gonna be responsible for everything. He's finishing touches to make him look pretty good. See what we can do in two hours. Hell yeah! Nice and nice way, everybody. And I'll think about that again. Hello again Nathan. Before, for whatever reason, a few years ago when I bought my place, Google Fight for some reason you couldn't do Google Fiber there, and now you can, and holy shit! You can just feel it. I go and I twitch sometimes now, but it's good. It's fucking great. Perfect timing Aaron. There he is. The old roaster, Aaron Bolile. That always goes well. Him and dead joker, two guys that think they're roasters. You already, real last, after I compliment them, I'll be like, what you're doing is magical. A good one to asshole, like what? What? He's ready to roast. Always on the defense over here. What are you talking about? I'm a great roaster. Alright. More like a toaster. The way you move. Very stable. Go hype? Yes, super. Nice. That's awesome. You're right here. Come on, do your first call. Die. Feeling good? Which we get? Yeah, I can't have a word. Oh yeah. We fit in my heartbeat. I do. Separate. I do. Separate. I do a split here. It's not AI. My friend video taped this. There it is. This isn't AI. It's not AI. It's not AI. It's not AI. That's going to have to kill Tony Ray. Kill his traffic underneath. Oh, you swan. [MUSIC] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [MUSIC] This looks totally rude. Except for-- [MUSIC] Death looks crazy, right? Death looks crazy, right? Every week we do it a little different. [MUSIC] Here's the cool thing. If you go in the chat, you'll be too-- I know you're punching. You take old photos, any old photo. If you just go with the chat, you can just go unblurred. It is the most amazing-- You're talking to one of the most handsome men in the world. No. Telling him that it goes to Chad G.B.T. He could put in old pictures of himself and punch it up. You're statistically-- [MUSIC] I love it. I love it. It just so happened to be the exact fucking F-ron you were staring this way. [MUSIC] You could have said it to anybody else. You're looking directly at literally perhaps, statistically, the best-looking man in the world. Hey, you know you could take old pictures of yourself. Put it through Chad G.B.T. And you won't be disgusting anymore. If the world were using like cell phone cameras, you know it's cameras. Sex is eating chicken. Yeah, okay. You fucking pig. You fucking pig. That's what he's thinking. I know it. He's the least guy, but I know he's thinking you're a pig. All right. His photo I was taking on his cell phone 15 years ago. And does that look like a 4K photo right now? Yeah. Wow. That's a thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This old photo, like old cell phone photos. I don't know. You know one of those people. It's called Dana White. Who's the other guy? That's you. Yeah. Here is another famous guy. I might know from the movie, Oh. Yeah. Yeah. The same year all week. Babies. Me and Adam Ega put in. Very strong. I think it was 500 bucks when they were at just the absolute bottom of the odds to win the Super Bowl this year. And I mean the bottom of the odds. If they win the Super Bowl, me and Adam Ega, I think we win like something like $35,000. The New York Giants. We've got this coach now. Yeah. That's when we put it in. They got Harbaugh and we're like, what is it? What's going on? And now look at him. What is that just now? It's dark now. It's dark now. Oh, really? Oh, shit. Well, there goes 500 bucks. I think I'm going to go Harlan next to me in Jeremiah at the end. Now this part's interesting because you guys are two silly guys, right? But the important thing is that that end person doesn't get disengaged from the panel. Sometimes the last seat kind of like scoots that way and is just kind of watching this way the whole time. Whereas you want to stay square with the table and turn your head that way. Does that make sense? Because we all want to stay connected and synergistic because if you look at me with the microphone up to your mouth, I'm going to tee you up clean for whatever. You can also go at any period you want as long as someone else isn't talking at the time as you guys know. You know Jeremiah was in the band for hundreds of episodes. I've heard that but I don't think I believe it. Yeah. Pretty wild. It's wild. So you've been on more episodes than really any panelist ever. Yeah. And you're one of the reigning defending guests of the year. But you're both extra silly. This is a silly episode. Naturally. Oh, okay. You're going to be surprised tonight. Paulie's going to be popping in to start the show. Aaron, I bumped you down to quarter of the way down. So you'll be up like three, four, five, maybe four or five. Paulie, then three, four, five are you. Just be down there. What do you think of it? I don't even get to say no. They're gobbies. Yeah, callbacks don't really work unless it's like. They love you, Paulie. They love you. They love you. They love you. They have no idea what you're talking about. What happened again? They just got, they're gonna stop, stop, start over again. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, it's hilarious. Hey, you could, if that feels organic, we could do it again. Like I started doing my stand and I fucked up. I'm like, do it again, do it again. It's great. You need to call me back out again with that fucking crowd. Yeah. Hey, if you feel it, I'll do it. Yeah. I know. I missed you today. Okay, I had it all timed out. I took my nap early so that we could sauna and cold plunge. I was out there all by myself. Paulie and I sauna and cold plunge together for those of you that don't know. That's right. That's a thing gay guys do, Red Band. It's not for health reasons at all. It's so that we don't have to photoshop ourselves ten years from now. Whoa. Wow. Wow. Tell Chad G.P.T. to get rid of those dark circles around your eyes. Look at this. Still doesn't take the roasting so well. The big sense of baby's mat muleing at heart. Oh my god. So he said he was a troll that's got me kind of like. Yeah, but that's Joe. Well, that's old. He old trolls me. Yeah, gay. Like the old term of trolling. It's being gay. Red Band, nobody knows. No, trolling back in the day used to be 10. I would say save the episode. Please don't. That's what it used to mean though. Yeah, trolling used to be like going out and finding gay guys. Yeah, trolling like. This is Bob Schaefer. The day of the letter. I think they have Johnny Carson. I think well, I think they read me a lot back in the day. I used to see them, you know, like then they stand in the dark. You know? Yeah. That's great. I don't know what it is, but it was awesome. - The madness on the vocals. - How you doing? (audience cheering) Just ride by the beach for a second. - It's gonna be fun. (laughs) - Whoa! (upbeat guitar music) ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Let's be kind of blind ♪ ♪ That's what make it I read ♪ ♪ And let's be kind of blind ♪ ♪ That's the way I should be ♪ ♪ Let's be kind of blind ♪ ♪ That's what make it I read ♪ ♪ Let's be kind of blind ♪ ♪ That's the way I should be ♪ ♪ Let's be kind of blind ♪ ♪ And all we need is you, the team ♪ ♪ Black man, white man, red man, women, too ♪ ♪ Yellow man and brown man ♪ ♪ Kind of blind ♪ ♪ And life for pretty much easier, yeah ♪ ♪ Kind of blind ♪ ♪ In this world where I read ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ Boy, oh, oh, oh ♪ (upbeat guitar music) ♪ And life would be much easier ♪ ♪ Yeah, kind of blind ♪ ♪ Skin color doesn't matter ♪ ♪ Mm-hmm, cool ♪ ♪ Yeah, you won't find it free ♪ ♪ Let's have an open mind ♪ ♪ And you'll be kind of blind ♪ ♪ Big kind of blind ♪ ♪ That won't make it iry ♪ ♪ Let's pick color blind ♪ ♪ That's the way you should be ♪ ♪ Let's pick color blind ♪ ♪ Mm-hmm, that won't make it iry ♪ ♪ Let's pick color blind ♪ ♪ Here we go ♪ ♪ You'll be alone ♪ Don't look at me like that. ♪ You'll be kind of blind ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ How are you, buddy? You good? You have a fun birthday weekend? It's so good, too. Yeah, so much fun. You deserve it. Thank you so much. Do you have to pee? Do you have to pee? This is the final pee warning. If you have to a little bit, you're really going to have to in two hours, yeah. I'll go first, just so you guys feel comfortable about the pee. (laughter) ♪ You'll be alone ♪ (laughter) ♪ You'll be alone ♪ Yeah, you sure you don't look tone on the eyes. Don't look tone in the eyes, right? (laughter) ♪ You'll be alone ♪ Only look at her hips. Never look her in the eyes. (laughter) You'll turn the stone. You'll turn the stone. I do stuff. I do stuff. I do stuff hiding. Are you first? Dad, Jack, come on. Keep moving. Keep moving. I know. Everybody's got. Everybody's got all curled up. (laughter) ♪ You'll be alone ♪ ♪ You'll be alone ♪ ♪ You'll be alone ♪ ♪ You'll be alone ♪ ♪ You'll be alone ♪ Next time, I kind of came within a coat punch with me. Mixing it all in normal. ♪ You'll be alone ♪ Really, my bod part, like every, like I'm like. I'm a different person now. ♪ You'll be alone ♪ I rest like, most of the week now, like I rely on you. I'm not just out fucking draining myself. (laughter) (laughter) You hold still in one room, the neighbors. You hold still in the other. Batman, little boy, Batman, little boy. You believe it? And how are you living the dream? Let's go, the king and the prince. You guys know Fuzzy? Fuzzy's literally one of the funniest human beings I'm planning. He's gonna literally be one of the biggest comedians in the world one day, yeah. (laughter) See, he laughs. That's how you know that it's serious. Yeah, yeah. You getting this? You getting this for the guy in the scenes? I'm not pursuing that. Fuzzy's literally the man. (laughter) Who's in there? Carol Channing. Polly? Dude, I just got to pee. Hold up everything for me real quick. Dude, Plop goes to Whistle, bro. Dude, just hold up, thought everything for me real quick. I just got to, I was talking to Zach, I had to pee. (music) Thank you. (music) Come on Harlan, we gotta get one last little group picture before we start. (music) Right next to Jeremiah. And then you just keep your head kinda like the tween us sneakily like that. (music) That's perfect because then you're like in the background, my kid. I'm gonna bring you guys up at the same time in about three minutes. Okay, good. Remember, have fun. Enjoy the process. Fuzzy is fun in a sentence. Wow. Thunderbird. Lawrence. Thunderbird once played basketball at the Ohio State University. Got it. Oh, y'all need my got it. Have fun. Thank you. Remember, Mike, if you have something that you want me to get to you on, Mike, and look at me, you gotta clean. You can go at any time, but no double talk, please. (music) Hey! (music) (music) (music) That always sounds like it. (music) Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? (music) Yay! (music) That's it, because we don't want you guys yelling anything out during the show. It's a great time. That's cool. That's how it is now. You can't show spots. Exactly. You can't show anything. You can't even show what you want to show. Next week, everything's gonna be fine. Next week, you can tell the whole internet. Yeah, from here on out. We're so, so, so much fun. We don't know what to say as to this. All people, what's that? We like to be close to the best here. You look good too. We don't mind it. How's it going? How's it going? How's it going? How's it going? How's it going? Functions. How's it going? Succeed. Succeed. Succeed. Succeed. Succeed. Succeed. Just cut that from Atlanta. Yeah, it's from Atlanta here. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Huh? I'm thinking that it was a different tone. I don't know if it's a different tone. I'm gonna look it up real quick. My point here is tone people. Oh, it was Dunkin' and Metster. Yeah. Very serious. Yet hilarious. It's a serious episode. Are you mad? Yeah. The Russian connection. Gario and Brian Simpson. So what some people would call an urban episode. Well, let me warn you right now. If you're not into silly shit, you can get the fuck out. Because this episode should be pretty silly. One of the guests has been on more episodes of Kill Tummy than anyone I think ever. For he was once the leader of the band on Kill Tummy. Isn't that crazy? I'm gonna give you a bit of a chance of this show for what you consider a very long time. Because I have to change my name. You guys tonight? What will they bring you all to the other guest? Is the 2025 Kill Tummy guest of the year. One of the greatest guests in the show's history is back. Tonight, I present to you the combination of two of the best comedians working today. The great Harlan Williams and Jill. Are you gonna be a Dallas? Yes. - Yeah, are you? - Oh yeah, I think so. - Oh really? - I don't know, maybe. - With your schedule, like when you know you were going on to feel Tony, when you're not. - I never know. - I never know. - I sometimes don't even know if I know. (laughing) Sometimes I know, and I don't know. - No, no, no, no, no. - Wow, when's the last time you were on? - I'm showing us my white shirt. - I have no idea. - He's like, "Oh, he's great." - Dude, are you trying to do a shot? - Oh, who should, can I get on camera? (laughing) - It's funny, it is just for the shot. - Yeah. - You can do a shot for the shot. - Yeah, yeah. - Okay. (upbeat music) - Oh, what's up? Listen, I just want to say it's great to be here in Austin, Texas. You know, my family used to pay Tony $7 an hour to pick up phones. Now he treats me like shit. (laughing) Thanks for having me on your show, Massa Hinchcliff. (cheering) - We tape the microphone every week now? - Yes, sir. (laughing) - You're just the first person to know what I'm doing. (laughing) - It was hard to get it off, dude. - It happens. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's good now. - We'll see if other people have problems with it. We're gonna keep that. - You know, Heidi in the back of me, we get some looped. - She's just got looped. And she's like, Heidi, can you come out for a sec? Just for some loop. Right here, get it up for Heidi. She's got some looped. (cheering) - Can you just kind of loop it up? - Ooh, little fit. Look at that. You gotta love it. - Dude. (upbeat music) - All right, one more time, set the grid. Put a little bit more of these and get the steering wheel on. - I think I spit on it. (laughing) (laughing) - Ladies and gentlemen, next to the next loop here, there are even a lot of short. - It's so weird. - Good job, Tom. - Thank you. - Great job, Paul. - We've got little Jacob McDaniel's for work. Jacob McDaniel. (laughing) - We're gonna go back? - Yeah. - We'll go back. - All the living area. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - We'll share the, we'll share the one, we'll share the one. (upbeat music) - See the good life and the good life. - See the good life and the good life. - Flasians. - Flasians. - Oh, yeah, he's eight years old. - I'm happy. - To the real age. (laughing) - To intelligence today. - For thought. - Part of that. - A little bit of the air, huh? - To planning ahead. - To the stops, he's wearing Trump's socks. - Oh, fuck. This was 2016, by the way. - That was good. - How was it? - Oh, that was great. - Oh, it was so good. (laughing) - Yeah, it was great. It tasted great. Now we're fucked up. (upbeat music) - I know the fuck it's here before you. - Good job, Ariane. - Okay. - No, it's alright. - We're gonna keep it a little longer. - Alright. - Good job, okay. - I'm sure it's all right. - Come on, I'm sure it's all right. - It's okay. - Okay, I'm sure it's all right. - One, one, one, one, one, two, three. - I can't do that short. - I don't have. - I don't have the frowns. - I just need to get in there. - That's not a standout. - You're just gonna have to do this guy. - I can't do this guy. - That's what I'm waiting for. - With my daughter. - You want your daughter to spread her legs? - It's a joke. - It's a joke. - Wow. - So how long have you been a freestyler? (laughter) - What, okay. - Because I didn't know last much. - Sure. - Your friend Twilight. - It was cool this fall. (laughter) - That means. (laughter) - A lot of what? - I lost my voice halfway through my third tolls of show. - Oh wow. On Friday. So this is my flu game if it goes well. And if not, that's my excuse. - How did that show go? - Still good overall. But like, fucking. Yeah. I had to cut it short. - Damn. - About like 10 minutes, yeah. - When did you start to deal it? Like, you're like, oh shit. Like, how? - Has that ever happened? - No. I got a really fucked up dental thing. But I have chronic pain from. But I think it's from Mitsy's last week yelling all the smoke. And then like, I headlined Tuesday. And like, I did comedy every day. So I did my headline five times last week. So, yeah. But we'll see. But yeah, I don't. I'm gonna try to like not talk after this, because I like literally haven't for two days. So, like. By this ain't it's bitch. The show's going on. It's crushing. You can't fucking battle Neil over there. You know what the fuck he gonna do. You know what the fuck I'm about to have for a bad get up. So, hey man, y'all lucky y'all get to see my hair hair. 'Cause y'all really shouldn't get to see where the fuck they get the cooking net. Well, you know. Gotta show y'all the kitchen. Oh, this is real one. You want something? It's weird to think about that. You want it in? Yes! Alright. It's like a crazy episode. This one is off the rail. $100 bill's flying. Make a quick street next to Bucketbullet's hair. It's a pretty charter. Oh, let's go. So now. Oh, wow! Look at my friend! Nice to see you. Your food, dude. Well, you're filming this, so now I feel like I have to do something. You did a lot for last week, man. Well, they turned the fuck off. No, I'm kidding. You can just swing on it. Everything is a bit. God, you know. That sucks, man. What a diva. Oh, okay. Oh, bathroom? Yeah, I'm gonna use the right. No, no, I'm gonna take a quick restroom break. Oh, I did say. yeah, I did have a guy on my roster for rough stuff when I wrote that. Was he black? He wasn't actually. No, shocking. It was my first Asian of my entire life. Whoa, an Asian client? That mountain? That didn't work out. Oh, my goodness. What happened with the Asian guy? I don't know, fizzled out. He didn't love you for a long time. He did not. Wow, where'd you meet the Asian guy at? I'm talking about Taylor. I don't know. Yeah, I'm talking about Taylor. No, okay I'm getting called from Oh, it's not Christina No, it's not It's not a Bolly kill Not a Bolly kill, but I don't think he's giving out a piece of it No, no Oh, what happened? Something dropped And now it's gonna stop And you're giving me shit That's crazy Yeah, you turn the TV off Yeah, and I turn the red back on I think someone is for AI Harlin Williams Whoa Whoa AI Harlin was a kill so many debut of AI Harlin Williams How you doing, my guy? You make your outfits? Is that what you're saying? Wait, that's insane I make them for the arena shows So I have four new outfits coming for the rest of the year and probably into next year Oh my god How long does that take you to make them? Four hours now, I'm not a down path I made the pattern to make them The side, the little apparatus thing to shove it Now it's super easy for me to make them I just make different colors and patterns and all that Thanks Wow, what did you want to make these in no? The all-missed women Really? Oh, she was bad Oh, yes Go, man How did AI Harlin Williams, we've seen a lot of different things There's only one way, and I'm still like this way This guy's an absolute freaking danger He's sitting with all his actions Even now, an episode like this It's like we have all together You have enough hiding things just to come to Or in there Oh, AI Harlin Williams That'll stop there That really is AI Harlin Williams The man I'm about to bring on the stage Perhaps could be considered one of the most powerful regulars in the show's history You write to perform so great Because it never single week And it never ceases to remain So I present to you the anomaly Ladies and gentlemen, this is the real deal Paso deal Both Harlin Williams, you guys got to see the great pattern Yeah, he does this every week He's fantastic That was terrible, don't say it was good And the history of the show, god damn it Yes, that's a little better in front of him Oh, thank you No, you are correct, Paso Neal on everything You are the fucking man And we absolutely love you Thank you, seriously He was under the weather And did brave coming out for you people And we appreciate the hell out of that Thank you, folks We love you so much Great powerful Pat O'Neal ladies and gentlemen, did it again And that's tonight's episode I hate to falcon to do that You know, you're gonna fuck about me at all I think I'm gonna choose another team this year because they're very good It's dog shit Yeah, they catch much of the games There's nothing to catch, there's just a 35, 40 fucking point beat down I saw you on Killed Hammer What, who was that? Was this trivia night? No, two years ago That was two years ago I watched it like a month ago Yeah He's getting big Yeah, he is, right? He's like the number two podcasts Now, I miss That's crazy He came here and told me this is Hey, when did he come? It's a year ago Yeah, what a night I can't believe that there's so many gay people on the show tonight They're Asians Yeah, how did you guys meet? The fuck is what I'll put that? The fuck is up with that? So many people So many Asians in the world They're all young, but they're young Only none of us is dead Yeah, none of us is dead Why? Does he want to break into China or not? Yeah Just a market Just pick one Chinese What's with us? Really? Yeah, really nice Yeah, come down big Yeah, he's the star I know He's so funny He's so funny Yeah, is he He's in LA? Have you met him? No, I haven't met him Only most of him on YouTube This is my room I'm just making a sound though Where are you taking this? Yeah I respect I respect What are you? Have you guys met like Ronnie Chang or Jimmy Ouyang? I met Jimmy Ouyang at the Rolls-Battle Really? Yeah, and I was judging And then I bumped really high Tony was there to Jeff Ross too Jeff Ross too And I bumped really high You look good at insulting people Oh, you're nice guys No, I'm not nice I want to, if I can, I don't have this I'll be right back How'd you feel about it? Oh, I had a riot, man I'm kidding, hilarious Especially when I came out And I mean, AI Came out Two of me is always better than one Great job How'd you feel about it today? You're pretty good You're just saying his name You're fucking doing all of this I know he's not getting it Just do what you guys are fucking amazing Oh, I'm gonna do it How'd it feel? Yeah, nice drink Fuck Here we are Yeah, thank you, buddy Thank you, man I'll see you guys at Bitsies, right? Okay, yeah Oh, yeah I think Jay might go downstairs Yes, that was the shit That was my first kill Tony at the mothership experience A friend with this motherfucker right here And That was a good shit, man Thanks, man It was long, buddy It was long, man That's a shit Yeah, it's very good Jay's in the back You know it's great I did a lot of jokes I did a lot of jokes He's gonna challenge you I don't want to go against you Just say some like I don't know what you're saying I don't know what you're saying You need to be like 20 minutes short It was long I think that's the most important thing with that show It has to stay A certain amount of time That's great There was a lot of derailments There was a lot of derailments Where was that? There didn't even slap on the intro Oh, man, let me go check What are these things? They bought tickets like six months ago No, that's That's the whole The time thing's really important All right We're in crowd No, I used to have to do your job all the time with the Rogan and shit Yeah But it was like I would do it a whole weekend I would come back back in the mini DV tapes I think it was like 45 minutes of tape I would come back with 20 And I just had to make a 10-minute story out And you had to transfer all the tapes You know what I mean It's tape, you had to just sit there in real time While it transferred It wasn't like throwing you know Files over at your computer And your computer Like just to edit something It wasn't real time you would have to edit And wait for it to render go, how's that look And they let go, nope I shoot myself You're so spoiled Yeah, no digital age Yeah I just go through my clips real fast I look for when I look the hottest and then I just flip it And then I go Okay, now I look hot and then I don't care what's said And then that's the part that I use Oh the rest throw it away. Yeah yeah. I don't care though. No yeah. It's hard to find a bad looking image though. Oh my chalky then. Really? Well maybe it's because I'm real picky and I know like, do you really sell farts? No dude. I had a great idea that I should um they're really selling them. Kill merch is really selling farts in a jar. I thought of selling bath water and my um somebody had a good idea about selling my used cigarettes because I only smoke like I'll take like two more drags and then I'll put it right there. So all my used cigarettes are there with my left stick on it. Oh wow. That's actually kind of weird. I know you're telling me. But now I used to get so many DMs about you know nice things and or people asking about Tony, people asked me about the show and now it's like 600 every week of people asking me if I'm really farting in a jar. Oh my god. We go back. Oh my god. Holy shit. So bad. Do your DMs not be insane? Do they want to buy it? There's people who want to buy it. Yeah. We already had like 28 sales already like the last time I checked which was like two weeks ago. Oh my god. So it's probably been way more now. Yeah. I gotta ask Monica about it. That's fucking retarded. How much is a jar? 25 dollars. Yeah. How did you feel about your set today? It was one of my best. Crowd was hard though. Dude, this crowd was weird. Yeah. I think it was one of my best and I wrote all of it on the weekend so I feel good. Dude, all in one week. Wow dude. Holy shit dude. You've been on a roll bro. That's what I've heard. Tony's been saying like you've been just crushing on the road. Yeah. It's been really good man. I'm doing my best. When did you want to be a stand-up comedian? I never did. I just heckled at an open mic and they asked me to come back next week. Wow. And look at you now bro. That's so crazy dude. It was really cathartic to start because nobody ever fucking listened to what I had to say you know. It's hard to be in conversions but on stage they just have to listen. Dude, that's so true bro. They have to. Yeah. I didn't even have a phone until I was what like 14 and it didn't talk so like I never really got to be heard but I did comedy and everyone has to listen and that felt so good. Yeah man, it was just finally being heard. I never wanted to do it but I'm finally like oh I can communicate my thoughts on stage and I fell in love. I'm gonna go home and sleep. I have been on tour for two months. I'm home for six days and I'm like I have no time to do kill Tony so I had to do that. I never sleep. I had to ride all weekend. Hey, care bro. Get some rest man. You earned it. He crushed bro. He's got crushed. Thanks dad. This year on a dance, she's my friends. I'm just saying, press win, thank you. If you ask me, because I would say I would. What's cool to my nigga? What's snowing my killer? What's close my deal? What's that tacky marshmallow? I can say I'm the illest. I'm so nervous. The merch man. No one knows what it needs. You're mad. I'm mad. You're mad. You're mad. You're mad. Get some merch man. Hey, I just want to let you know. Good job. Oh thanks man. You did a good job. You did a, well you helped me a lot last week bro. I don't know if you saw it but you're all in it. Did watch it. It's good man. Thanks bro. You're good this is it. Thanks dude. This guy, it's one guy, it's one guy. Thanks bro and everything. I got to be everywhere. Give me a kiss. All right, come here. Open mouth or close? What do you want? No no no. Open open open.