KT: Behind the Tape (Ep: 786 Donnell Rawlings + Sam Tallent)

That's all right another kill Tony Monday, man. Everybody's great. One thing's gonna fucking great This is the place to be if y'all missing out. I feel sorry for your sucky ass life My guess one guess one my check my check guess one cool My check guess - my check guess - cool Hi, buddy Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives? Who who is ready for the best night of their long? Awesome. Thank you Who's ready for the most regular night Yeah , okay? Basically what's happening is we have to get the panelists for tonight and his Like got delayed like really bad. The show starts at like 8 30 We're looking at we're gonna be coming at pretty close so we're gonna go pick him up at the airport bringing back here Oh Come Joe get over here. Come on a red band tell them about it You can get up to three million dollars in coverage and some policies are as low as 30 dollars a month Three million dollars in coverage and as little as 10 minutes at ethos.com/gilltony application times may vary Rates may vary trust pilot rating as of 8 1 20 26 look at Joe white here I mean, I'm gonna get rich so fast. This is incredible Joe. How old are you 184 Tony 184 years old makes some money. Go to ethos today 184 Some fun without a doubt that's card of the dot CEO slash kill Tony today 189 Joe you're perfect Here Joe stay close Stay behind that curtain let wait till I call you out, okay? Perfect All right before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something we just launched kill Tony plus Here's the deal. You sign up. You get every new episode ad free and Uncensored we're giving members a brand new angle of the show that's never been seen before this is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience You also get bonus content Q&A episodes behind the scene stuff extra bits. You're not getting anywhere else And there's perks on the merch store too. It's five bucks a month That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things Links in the description or go straight to killtony dot supercast dot com to join This is a very very exciting opportunity for all you die hard fans and super haters go to killtony supercast dot com All right back to the show Hey, let's talk to the small business owners out there listening right now, you know running a business is tough But you know what's actually painful trying to get a loan from a traditional dinosaur bank They treat you like you're asking for a personal favor drown you in endless paperwork and make you wait weeks Just to say no, it's absolutely ridiculous. I know how the banks have worked forever. 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Let me tell you how bad banks used to be Joe Joe at what year did you ask for your first loan See what I'm talking about people and Joe knows. That's why he signed up a cardiff without a doubt. That's cardiff dot CO slash killtony today Why? Because you got on the same ready. It's like the area for pathetic white things to thrive So they don't have to do anything and accomplish anything in their lives So when they see an accomplisher it fucking grinds their gears Especially accomplisher that has had more limitations than they have you feel what I'm saying and they're mad because I'm confident To them the only way they would be confidence is arrogance because my confidence is confidence I can deliver on everything. I say it though Can now one of them see me in pull-ups. Can now one of them see me get money and kind of not one of them see me in front of me Regardless they can't that's that's exactly why because you can go down my history and see he fly He used to be fat He get money He funny and he knew he was funny before he got to take any sedation Fuck you mean how could you not hate me? I did it and I said it how could you not? All right, it's either you're inspired or you hate me. What are we doing right now? We are picking up Sam talent. The show starts in a little an hour and four minutes So this is actually pretty scary because we're really cutting it close actually So yeah, let's see is Sarah good at banter Can Sarah banter with sand talent? We'll see I'm gonna try my best Nathan. I'm really gonna try now. You got this you got this For the most part, I feel like I'm pretty good at just like talking to people you know It was crazy whenever I was in Miami. I was in the airport lounge and I was um I was like going all over the place like up down bathroom And I thought I was being pretty annoying and then this guy was like are you Sarah Sloan from Kiltoni? I said to him. I'm like, oh wow. I'm not used to being recognized outside of Austin And he was a good looking guy and yeah, we were talking about tech Because yeah, we're talking about the Apple Watch. We're having a great conversation And then he's like, oh, I'm going to Austin. I live in Austin. I moved there in January And yeah, it's one of the things where it's like He's a nice guy good looking guy, but it's just like what he's supposed to do Wow Dang, Sarah. Yeah, and so then I was kind of like thinking oh, what if we sat together, you know what I mean? but then and we might up who knows But then seconds before I get on the flight they upgraded me To first class and I was like, okay, well skirt, skirt and so then but then I made sure because you know whenever you're like you're walking past first class And they kind of look at you like you're like a poor girl Well, or a poor boy like you Yeah, but like so then he was walking past and I made sure to like look up and smile at him like hey I'm just like you even though this first class Yeah, but then I was like I it's what I think where it's like I'll probably never see him again, right like Should I have done something should I have like You know then like hey, what's your insta or something? I probably should have but yeah, at least insta I should have done that. I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what I was thinking Wow, you might see this though Yeah, right And you know what there are some people that do like you People that work hard, how can you hate some of that works hard? How can you hate a blinder? Don't you recently had a dog school bitch bitch me. You're a bitch with no puppies. You are fake bitch. You're the worst kind of bitch. That's why you came. Because you ain't going to be mean so bad. There's a half finished zero sugar in w rupee. Yeah. That's why it's yours. Yeah. I thought she drove a foster kid to soccer practice. I won't sleep tonight if I finished the whole zero sugar. Do you feel like a lot of stand-ups are getting away from drinking and all that? You know what dude like I'm so far removed from stand-up like I do the road on my weekends and then you know when I got something to promote my friend shows I'm part of the greater community but like I don't know about I don't hang out with comics a lot you know so I really don't know like what they're up to much. I know that after a while it's really hard to be really good at stand-up and like drink every night just because like you're hungover and you're not 100% but some guys build it into their act you know like I don't know it seems tough and then there's a lot of pressure with stand-up like Shane would drink beers and people are like oh he drinks a lot of beers it's like yeah I mean there's hundreds of millions of dollars depending on him being funny all the time like maybe let the guy have a couple bloodlights just the crown is very heavy yeah I've heard he can drink like unlimited amounts yeah I could drink beer like Shane I think that's why he likes me I'm one of like three people he thinks is funny and also I could drink beer a lot of it so I think that's why we got along yeah but like I mean dude 30 beers easy not easy but multiple times 30 minutes for sure melee light not in hyzer bush I haven't forgotten what the Nazis did that Nazi beer I mean the bush family don't look too deep into that hey hey hey he just got off the jet open it for fluffy we stay busy stay busy that they're making my cousin my father my best friend my what they're nigga don't do man what they're nigga don't do bro you have some vodka so I can hit it hey that nigga really nigga don't exist and they really he really too but whenever it comes you can't you can't you can't you can't we family you better you better you better you better you do the same shit I'm guaranteed I wish redden was a real place to become sure [ Laughter ] You can't get that shit on Mapquests or nothing, but we're gonna blow y'all diggers out. [ Laughter ] Come over there in Atlanta, come talk to that shit. Man, say Mapquests. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Mapquests, man. Okay, Mapquests, YouTube. Niggas got Niggas, ain't. I can talk all day, but come to the block. We're gonna see you, boy. He's working all the time. They fly for free, too. [ Laughter ] You know. [ Laughter ] Nah, I'm making me take pictures with me. They just wanna meet me, right? See, they know why I give a fuck about a goddamn dupe crying online. That's gay. I'm not here to make men happy. That's gay. I had a father, my nigga. I don't need you. I'm here for the bitches. I'm here for the people that give bitches. You don't give bitches. That's why you mad. I don't make you talk to me. You know what I'm talking about? Hey! [ Laughter ] Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, everybody, who the bitches love me? My best friend is the strippers. You can't call a girl right now. [ Laughter ] Today's sponsor is Maryweather Farms Natural Beef Sticks. I love beef sticks. Of course you do, Red Band. You look like your blood type is Gast station Terry Ockie. What? [ Laughter ] You did. These aren't gas station beef sticks, though, Tony. They're made with real American beef raised without antibiotics or added hormones. That's right. Real American beef. You know who that reminds me of? Where's Joe Whiteat? Hey, Joe, come on out. This is real American beef with no antibiotics. Not some imported mystery to made from retired circus animals in the floor of a bus station, right, Red Band? And just like him, they're savory packed with 9 grams of protein and easy to take anywhere. He is easy to take everywhere. Whether it's work, the gym, or Brian's bedroom, or every snack comes a cry for help. Tony tells me they also taste delicious, just like him. That's right. And unlike most things Brian puts in his mouth, you can probably tell your family about these. So get your beef sticks today. Go to MaryweatherFarms.com right now and use code word Killtony to get 20 percent off your first order of beef sticks. That's M-E-R-I-W-E-T-H-E-R Farms.com. MaryweatherFarms natural beef sticks. Like Joe, it's real American beef. Like Heidi, it's bold flavor. And enough protein to help you survive another open mic, or one conversation with Red Banner. I'm ordering some right now. Great. Maybe chewing will finally keep you quiet. That's MaryweatherFarms and code Killtony for 20 percent off your first order. You have an excellent drink. Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, no. I know he was scared. He was like, drive safe. You heard him, right? Nathan, yeah, he's like drive safe. Drive slow. Oh, yeah. Don't let people know Tony's a nice guy. He cares about his friends. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to kiss his butt, but yes, he's very, very care. Yeah, I don't want to kiss his butt, but yes, he's very, very care. He's very, very care. He's like, isn't Tony Inchlepure Evil? And it's like, if he was a bad guy, would I do his show? Like, I don't need to sell out Milwaukee bad enough. So, like, you know, hemorrhage my soul hanging out with ghouls. Literally all these relationships he's built over the years because he's so evil. He's like, yeah, he's like a wicked awful man. He's backbiting. He sucks blood. Yeah. He's not a homosexual. Like all these lies. It's crazy. Yeah. He loves women, okay? He does. I was with him on his fucking birthday. I saw that guy be horny in public. When we were in London, it was like three days of just being horny after dark. Oh my gosh, you did the London episode. I forgot about that. Well, that was purposeful. My one will ever see it until we're all dead. I told him, dude, we should do a 30 for 30, where it's like, we're very self-effacing. We admit all the reasons it went wrong. And you just satirized like, what an awful show it was. Because it truly was a bunch of elements that made it impossible to succeed in there. Yeah, I guess. And like, if you would just like do it, like, you know, like a Netflix doc, it'd be very, very funny. And also, you know, kind of humanizing for a figure like Tony, who carries himself like he's infallible, you know. But you got to protect the business. This is K-Fade, brother. I would love to see that episode. I never got to see it. Oh god, it was awful. It was the worst thing I've ever been involved in in show business. For sure. And like, we all tried our best. It was like, they would scream. They just all got drunk for six hours and never, they just would yell. You'd be like, like, one of the bucket pulls would be like, so I rode the train from Bristol and a bunch of people would be like, "Fuck Bristol!" Like, 6,000 people, like, "Bristall, socks, go home!" And then like me and Tony would like look at each other. And be like, "Okay, it was really difficult." I heard one of the complaints was that they wanted the panelists to be British. Oh, I mean, for sure. We thought it was going to be pierced by Morgan. But it was his mom's birthday last minute. So, yeah. And I had all these great jokes about pierced bras and then I was going to call them 007 all night. Oh my gosh. Yeah, but so yeah, it should have been someone British for sure, but they tried. And also, I think people wanted a bigger name because it was across the pond and that totally makes sense. There's bigger jewels in the crown of the show. I'm kind of like, I'm kind of like Chris Benoit. Like, I'm really respected. Without, you know, like, I work hard. Like, I've been all over. All the pros like me. They respect what I do. You could be in dropped off at the front or do you want to go on the back? What are the best for you? I think we're going to blow the surprise though if I get in front. So, probably out back is what I'm going to do on historically. Sushi, look at this. Sushi. My country. My country. My country. Let me know. With the hand. Make sure with the hand. I'll just stir it up. Thank you very much. You prove as good as I could see from Japan. This is good. This is really good. I know what it's coming from. Look at the boxing. It's good. Good at Japan. A little bit different. Done. Done. I'm going to get four. Here we go. I don't have energy. Go to their point. There he is. That's the boy. Big bro in town. Makes the show exciting. That's the boy in the show. That makes the show exciting. The band is fucking sick. They're so good when we were when we were in in London we didn't have the band I think we have the band dude the show is like totally usable because they're such probes But it was a cost of a million dollars to fly this guy's over Hi Sam, good. What's up? Hi buddy. How are you? So glad you made it. Good to see you. Good to see you. Fuck glad to be here. We're gonna come here. So much fun. Yeah. You and Don now I mean absolute chaos meets fucking oh sure Perfection. It's gonna be great. I'm excited. I'm gonna run. Don now. I'm gonna run. Yeah man. I'm gonna shine. Yeah. What are you doing? I'm doing it too, bro. Let's fucking jam, all right? It's gonna be glorious union. I know a perfectly bookshill when I make one now. It's been 13 years of this chaos This is a double juggernaut fucking it's like a vanilla chocolate perfect shake with it when it's swirled like that Chaos he's what it'll do I'm not gonna have to do it yourself. I think your bids. Are they chocovas? You can save 10% by using the promo code code so you have to do a sign-in for emails and text messages Now you can have it go through all your email and it will go no need to Sorry Definitely he doesn't he uses more than he drinks Where wasn't wasn't here wasn't here so we're Oh Oh G2 well then you're that's why you're so strong It's not sugar. It's high fructose corn syrup You live here now coincide? Yeah. Wow. I love it. I think we do everything. Yeah. Thank you. When did you move here? That's right. And then once we introduce you to Peter teal you'll be you'll be on the payroll and And then you'll you'll just have to follow the CIA mission that we're all on We're all being paid by someone that's trying to ruin the world What's the name of the ramen place again? Thunder You go go there. Toronto. Clinton Street. Karachan. Clinton. Please Say hi. Measure my name. You get 10% off Cut it. Yeah, we got about 10 minutes But, you know, it's part of the freedom of expression. They don't like what's going on at Austin He's totally fool to make a video a lot of people waiting here don't really know what's going on That goes making a lot of points to do. It's kind of a sort of a constraint But he's pretty. That's a very nice, compelling way. They're very beautiful He's just like, like how he uh, oh good. Yeah, film this Film me saying I love these those videos. That's beautiful I played the fit No, I don't think that those videos would do so well if they weren't like so artistically done Because they're just podcasts fringe videos But people get to think they're really smart because they're like into those instead of like too lazy to try you know All that shit is so gay As we used to say Comedy being taken seriously is gay comedy gossip is gay I have to see all those videos in a minute And I told them like the comedy bubble is going to burst when those videos disappear So that the new one came I was like, okay, we're good. That's the scenario of the point Well, of course, I watched them thinking well, I hope we don't show up in here and then I watch it and I say why wasn't I in there? Oh, no What the hell? I turned on the one second and I wasn't one of the opening shots and I know And actually you work to disprove their thesis of racism and you know, oh, yeah Inconvenient truth. I know. Well, it's uh, what's the problem? The irony being that if you look at the lineups here, they're super diverse all the way The irony being if you look at your mustache, there's a bunch of coleslaw in it , yeah, sir What do we got here anything good? I think we got it today. My hair looks crazy, but that's good For a brand new episode of Kill Tony That's me Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives? Yiii I think they're going to fly from the flat. That is demanders on the base You guys turn it around, fucking fun or what? Before we get started, it is a little bit more than the amazing spot. I'm in the honest studio Some of them are better than others. Oh, how many of you have been playing this show for you and consider it great? I'm interested, you're like all sitting here. I know it's crazy. It's the all-time great guest One of them known for absolute a-offs. No one for absolute we were running out of time. No one for leaving the show randomly. We're the person who walked out a couple of times No one for his accidental love of Trent's face The other guy, how do you consider one of the greatest guests in the show's history? We love both of them. They are indeed two of the best stand-up comedians in a group Let's go One of the greatest mixtures I've ever listened to my entire life Play some fucking events in the great stand talent There's a all-time, it's been a while since you've been on the show He just moved to Austin, Texas, this week! Originally, he used to live last week. He lived in Toronto And he is the newest president of Austin, Texas. This is the long-awaited return A homestay is true! Hello! What were you feeling like before the curtain and the emotions that I'm going on stage? How are you? How are you feeling? I was like, I got a, I got a dude to do this and I was like, he's like, there's no one back so he and I just like, just do it. Ah, but I fucked up this. The first slide. You're cool, dude. You make, um, because I'm half Chinese and so, us Chinese people were taught to hate you, you're kind. But, but you're cool, bro. I appreciate you. I appreciate you, bro. Sorry about the war crime. I'm a little kind. See you now. See you later. It's okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. I got a, I got a status quo on the viral where I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, you heard my feelings. You're not the proudest. Wow. Like, legitimate, the focus skipped over every draft thing that's fucking full of delphi, a picked up and it won't be a super bowl. They watched them, they watched them play UGA. You're figuring out your figure. In the stadium, in the stadium. And still go, I don't know. What about this dude from fucking nowhere, dog-ass shit. This is me, the real dog. Sorry. No, I don't happen to know. No, I don't have any of the fucking, I don't have any. What's hard with you? It's hard when you don't have a franchise quarterback. Things gets tough. Crazy. I heard something. It's not that he was a white dude trying to against the story. Right. That's it. That's it. That's it. We took a new cord, we soon shot the picture. Yeah, yeah. We parked those marks on the fucking Esquire Rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is it? Top dog long. Have you been here, dog? I mean, you been there. You didn't say that, dog. Let me back. Let me back. No, no, no, no, no, no. He called me a white in. You know what that means? It's tough. Ah! Yeah. He called me a black neighbor. Oh, my goodness. He did. I mean, I'm looking back at that story. And he says that I'm pulling into this. It's next to a textbook. Like, there's so much unnecessary information. You remember when he said, "Texico?" Of course. It's all I remember. Never came back to anything. There was no reason. He told us everything except for the actual. You should tell him, like, hey, pretend you're on the biggest podcast in the world. And you're trying to entertain millions. It's crazy. Chad Ross appeared on my phone. Tell us something. Oh, there's a lot of crazy stuff. That's an actual quote from Chad Ross. Well, there's a lot of crazy stuff. People have said the nitrogen. Follow me around with the camera. Like, well, there's cameras on you now. What do you got? It's crazy. I'm going to say it. Maybe every second, but I'm not. But I'm not going to. This is my one opportunity to, like, go back to Frisco. Population. By the sounds of things. 15,000 people. Well, anything can happen. Who knows? This next bucket will be a fucking superstar. Make some noise for young. Spent. Spent. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? I've been doing stand-up. I've been writing jokes since high school. So I say, oh, five out by 15. I didn't start 10,000 people. Who knows? Spent. Spent. Spent. I didn't start telling onstage like this shit. So I got our prison. So for my probation. So when was that? 2017. So let's say about nine years. Yeah. It's like so nearly nine years right now. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've been doing comedy for a long time. Yeah. You should be. You should feel it up. You're like, oh, fuck. I shouldn't say nine years right now. Yeah. I literally lie. Yeah. Oh, dude. This is like my third time. I've never done this before. They were my entire history. I've come up and bottomed up. I've done even no idea of you. Yeah. That's a boy. The next time I get the next time I go up and I bomb, I'll do that. It's about first time. It's crazy. It'll be funny if someone-- Why am I going to wear an angry face? I can't read that. I'm going to have to pick this. Oh, this guy is nuts. He's got crazy eyes. What's the worst? You have to be a part of it. This guy is a menace. When you've had a tell, you can't understand a word that they're saying. He's like overly excited. He's a menace. I feel like this is Don now's monomer. I don't know what they're saying. What's wrong with that guy? Fint my whole life. Is she crying? I mean the fuck out of here this shit. So I'm good. That's why I'm that's why I've been to make it. You sound like your mouth stride. Let's get you a can of water real quick. Can we bring him a can of water real quick? There we are. Here we go. That's such a funny thing to do. To her there's D Madness ladies and gentlemen. Yeah the whole time the last guy was out here. D Madness was roasting his ass in the back. It's time. Incredible. He's brutal. In my word said whatever he just said I would shoot myself in that. I got left. I got left. I got left so it's like I see you next month. So we're talking the same thing. That's all right. So he's like just sitting next to my song. He's like, oh, you went in and went in the last time I see. Yeah. Wow. This feels like the first pretty person that calls top dog walk. And then he was like, they got to go to. I was like, yeah. You had a gun. And he was like, what are you looking at 30 years, buddy? I see you next month. What are you looking at 30 years? I'm like, what the fuck? No, you're not going to give me 30 years. Fuck that. I see it. That's what I would. What's sitting there? Like, wait, 30 years. Alright, yeah, it's spent. I gotta start it. Because you're skipping on the CD right now. 30 years. 30 years. I think 30 years. Fuck that. 30 years. 30 years. Okay. So when you've spoken to your lawyer, you've been home in Houston. You're supposed to be in Houston right now. Yeah. And you're not supposed to drink. Uh, I'm good. How much do you want the preparation behind? You can go. I'll say, I'll say, I'll wait. Okay. Yeah, I'll be on the basis. 30 years. 20 years. 20 years. Maybe I'll just call your name right now. I'll still. You said, you feel me? No. I don't know what the fuck is that? I know we decorated it like it's the mother shit. We're in young Spencer's backyard. You know, you know, I'll see the secret room. Yeah, I've been the secret room all the time. Okay, all right. Young Spencer. I gotta, I gotta keep it moving. This is the longest interview. Perhaps it should get them black right out of here. It was a big joke. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's my brother, man, that's my daughter. That's actually a lot. I like that. I like that. To her is the, we have a regular on this show that has the unbelievable beauty of having the right performance in every single video. I used to do like an open mic in New Bedford every once in a while. Yeah, it was like probably not when you were there. Yeah, what'd you go for? It was like the best major. It was like one of the best majors there. Yeah. It definitely maximizes it a good. What was your major? It's funny because I was just saying off the concept. There's like business management like generally, which is like funny because I had a couple buddies that went for sports management and I give them shit. Yeah, you just fucking like sports still. But generally, like, I was like, yeah, so I'm going to make it. Okay, so take us through that process of realizing that eating pussy is not free. -Where are you? What, what, what, what did you notice? -You didn't push it until I was like 28 years old. -Well, that's fucked up. -Yeah, yeah. -Dad, so you don't eat pork or pussy your life is fucked? -No, I'll eat pork. -Wow, you'll eat pork but not pussy. -Yeah, what the fuck is going on right now? [ Laughter ] -Okay, what, was the pussy that you ate when you were 15 a little off or something like that? -It was fine. I was just doing it. I was like, you know, this is kind of gay. It's the opposite of gay. Take it from me. Take it from me. It is the opposite of gay. -Okay, yeah, I'll take it from you. -Have you tried dipping a cucumber in it or something? -It had to have this a pickle. [ Laughter ] -I've never heard anybody say eat pussy was gay. -But I heard. The dick is gay. -You're confusing the shit. -I don't do either. -I mean, try eating out a dick yet. -Like, you might have liked it. -That man, some boards right there, my friend. So, let me ask you this. You watch porn every once in a great while, right? -Yeah, once in a great while. -And you skip past all pussy eating things, right? -Immediately. -Exactly. -Do you skip past blow jobs? -No, I check how it's going. -And you'll watch insertion. You'll watch insertion, right? -That is not gay. -Hold up. -Over here. You'll watch blow jobs and you'll watch actual sex, right? -Now, I don't watch bulls. -That is the best delivery system, right? -Yeah. I mean, what you're talking about more about McDonald's, where do you have a computer or a computer? -Dagin's, yeah. -What are you talking about? -Jets Pizza is the best pizza on the earth. Just saying. -Oh, yeah. I get the four corner, the turbo crust, Jets 10, pizza, and I eat the whole thing. And that's how I got so ripped. -Yeah, because someone ate it, got the 8L award for it. -Because prior to it, it was all just getting the same with it, and we had the first 2 left. -What about that? -What about that? First time anybody's ever answered 2 left. -When did you get your hair cut? -Fuck like 2 weeks ago. I think it was cut before the last episode. -Oh, okay. Thank you. -Oh, it's fidget spinnin'. -Yeah. -I did it in the front, and I cut it too short in the front. -Oh, man. -Damn. -What the fuck? -Fuck! -Fuck! -Fuck! -Fuck! -Fuck! -Fuck! -Fuck! -Fuck! -Fuck! -Fuck! -Yeah. -Fuck! -It's not. -Look, jumpsuit original. -One of the last theatre shows I did there was like a stairs like this with metal bars, and there was like 5 of them. There's 5 stairs, like a triangle, 2 floors, there's like 5 stairs like this. Martin Phillips goes, "Wow, watch me jump down all of those. Me and Hans are like, "No." -They literally like swung his way down 4 steps. -Oh shit, dude. -Okay. -And you didn't break anything? -No! -He landed like fucking perfectly. They did it way better than I ever would have. -Oh shit, bro. -We stopped and got Hans on the behind the scenes. -Yeah. -Oh god. -Yeah. -Not only the re-incredibly interestinger. -Absolutely. -Nothing. -Yeah. -What part of Indiana? -The part we don't want to be in. -In the airy? -Indian. -No. -That's a part nobody wants to be in. -No. -What's the name of it? -Drain. -Drain. -They do. -How old have you been with your wife? -Oh, long time. -Dude. -It's 26 or 12. -What? -Shit, I'm 44. -Is that the only one that you've ever been with? -I don't know. -I don't know what it's like to get my kids. -This is far bigger. -It's like I'm going to sleep right now. -Oh my god. -Oh my god. -This got there. -Speak it over to them. -It's got a period. -You're getting it over to them. -Oh my god. -If you do something you won't feel it. -He rattles it. -He rattles it. -Sign up against the tire. -This is so fun. -This is so fun. -But I gotta go on. -It's your first tilt on the appearance. But don't pass. Four weeks than in his career. Not to be honest with you. I'm gonna be honest with you guys. I had this one. Satisfied for me. This name. Satisfied for me. Your entire episode. Did you miss it? -Oh no. -I'm so excited to break up this meeting. And face the noise from the lawn and waiting to return. Of what you want. [ Cheers and applause ] -Yo, yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo. Now you fucking set me outside. [ Cheers and applause ] Yo, you set me outside. Yo, you set me outside. [ Cheers and applause ] Ladies and gentlemen. -Hey, bulls! -Wait for the interview. 60 seconds uninterrupted. One more time for Juanita, everybody. [ Cheers and applause ] -I am the transgender woman. [ Cheers and applause ] I am brave. Buying $13 dresses at Ross is brave. How many of you in here have a vagina makes noise? [ Cheers and applause ] Wokey! [ Laughter and applause ] Dude, I want one so bad. I want a pussy so bad. There's women getting, like, a surgery called vagoplastia. They're trimming their lips off. And I'm over here, like, "You're gonna finish that?" [ Laughter and applause ] I'm trying to get a little tico box. [ Cheers and applause ] Donnell, box is a euphemism for vagina. [ Cheers and applause ] Juanita, ladies and gentlemen. [ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you. -You just showed up. You would nobody want to show up. -It was only when you mom got married. [ Laughter ] -And the -- how you pay me back? You don't all these assholes and assholes and assholes. Listen up on this level. I'm into one more thing. We are his biggest fans. You are the biggest fans, I mean. [ Cheers and applause ] -Is that your mother, man? [ Laughter ] -We're gonna do a cooking there. -Oh, yeah. -Fishing was all about you, like -- [ Laughter and applause ] Are these guys coming up? [ Cheers and applause ] -You are on me now. [ Cheers and applause ] -Oh, I love you. -I'm fucking amazing. I didn't say shit in my interview. [ Cheers and applause ] -It worked out. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] -I want to come back up regularly. -Wow. -That's crazy. -Wow. -That's amazing. -Wow. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] -Okay, now they slow those weeks. I think I blew a blood vessel in my brain for laughing. And I saw the showing over my shoulder. -That one too? -That one. -That one. -That one. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] -What? -Whoo! -What? -Came to like an important corner, Rob. -That shit was -- -That shit was -- -That shit was fire! -Fire. -Fire! -Fire! -We will, we will, fuck you! -Wow. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] -Oh, man. [ Cheers and applause ] -Wow. [ Cheers and applause ] -So awesome. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] -I love you so much. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] If you went down the whole map, I'm just gonna get dirty. I know my old fucking dreams. I can be a job man, I could be stupid. Oh, it's the best. That's when I'm all of them, ever. Even when you're giving somebody above the rough. You gotta put them over. It doesn't make you a job man. No, I know. It's going to be the same as wrestling, maybe. I wasn't an elegant man. You're bad at everything, it's higher. Yeah. No, I'm not saying that when there's a louder guy, I know what happened a lot. Any time you never would. If you don't, I'd do the best. Great job. Thank you, buddy. I gotta see. So I pulled this is based off one of my pictures of Joe. Shut the fuck up! That motherfucker said, "Ella, you said no." No, sense this guy. Yo. Oh! That's how you close the weekend out. Woo! Did it get? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Fuck you! Let's go, dude. One, two. Great job. Oh, yeah. I didn't see you there. Oh, take it again. Take it again. Take it again. Oh, he's got it here. Oh, I saw you there. What's your fucking name? Hey, what up, gay guy? Hey, look at this fucking thing. Oh, okay. Did you get that? Did you get that? Literally, this guy's gay. So, say no. Yo, he didn't mean that. He did not mean it. Oh, what's up, dude? Anyways, shut out. 9.96. About people in the 9.96. I got a ton of nice and liquor, though. Nice, yeah. That was kidding. I didn't really. Okay, okay. I've never poured the drink for the record. I'm gonna be on it. I'm gonna say this real talk. Last year, the dopest episode was me and Rob Schneider. And I'm not taking the person, whatever. That was a great episode. Rob Schneider got guests of the year. If this don't become. episode of the year and I'm putting out there and if I don't be considered as the best guest in the words of Donald Trump is rigged. We want to recount. We want to recount. We want to recount. We want the balance. We want to mail in balance. Man the balance of everything and the fact is I'm going to tell you the kill Tony fans. I wanted to give up on you. I wanted to say fuck you out. I wanted to say fuck kill Tony fans but I realized he created a platform where people come for something. I was like I kept asking myself how can I get not to these people like me to get understanding and what you're going to understand about me is that pounds of pound funny is funny. Oh yeah that was that was a classic episode. And Pat O'Neill, the funniest he is and I like his complicated everything the show was over after me and one of you. It was over. I'm sorry. Yo it was so beautiful and I'm telling you because remember last time we was here I asked for a wine either and they didn't the last time I was like and it was like no did we saw a wine need on the street and one of you was like we can't get in there. Yes she was trying to get in. I was like I don't know how to tell you I don't know maybe you got to tell your dick and it's like me get in here whatever but it was great it was great. It was great. We connected with someone that's as passionate about companies. Let's go get fucked up. We don't get fucked up. I don't have to drive. That's true. And I don't have to fly a plane. Oh man this is you know how I feel. This feels like that night the Rob Schneider joint when I left Adrian at the bar I was like there is nothing like we was up here so high I was like there's nothing that's going to be bigger than what we just did. I'm going home to go to sleep but I'm going to stay a little drink just drinking.