Josh, a 31-year-old guitar maker from New York, shares a deeply personal account of his childhood in a remote Indiana farmhouse marked by emotional and physical abuse. His mother, who harbored strong religious beliefs, claimed he was possessed by the devil, citing his resemblance to his father—a rational Christian—as a reason for her hostility. From age seven, Josh began seeing shadowy, moving figures with scribbles and dim eyes, which he describes as both terrifying and physically present—contradicting sleep paralysis. He recalls being locked out of the house, forced to sleep outside, and subjected to violent outbursts, often triggered by his mother's intense rage. Despite her claims of demonic possession, no religious intervention occurred, and the abuse persisted. His only source of stability was a close friendship with Colton. While Josh now questions whether the paranormal sightings were real or trauma-based, he remains certain that some encounters were not explainable by mental or physical conditions. The narrative reveals a complex interplay of familial conflict, religious fear, isolation, and the lasting psychological impact of childhood trauma.
Welcome to the other world Patreon, I'm your host, Jack Wagner. What you're hearing is a short preview of a full bonus episode. If you want to hear the entire thing, you could sign up at patreon.com/otherworld. My name is Josh, I'm 31. I am a guitar maker. I live in New York City, I'm originally from Indiana. I grew up in the middle of a cornfield, and I guess growing up, I don't know, I didn't really know what to believe, my family never really went to church when I was a kid. I mean, I guess the things that I've seen started when I was a kid, I go back as far as I can remember. So I grew up, like I said, in the middle of a cornfield, there was nothing really around. My family, at least my mom, was not active on the farm. We had a family farm, the land has been sold, and it's now just a house. My parents were divorced, and she hated my dad. And as I grew up, I loved my dad, my dad is a great person. He works with kids. He's an elementary school principal in Michigan, and my dad's a really rational guy. He's a Christian, he believes in God. I don't know that I do, I don't know what I believe anymore. And I'm always trying to psychoanalyze my mom, I guess, to figure out what happened and parse this all out, but she would just go into these fits of rage. Basically it was focused on me because I reminded her of my dad. Partially the reason I don't know where to begin is because the violence in my house kind of goes back as far as I can remember, too. And I think that's part of it. And growing up in the middle of nowhere, you don't really talk to people. And the friends you have are pretty rare outside of school. I really only had the one, and his name was Colton. He and his family brought a lot of peace to me. I remember I was at dairy queen with my mom, my stepdad, and two of my sisters. I remember a conversation that I had with my mom at the dairy queen where I was asking her about magic and if magic is real. She told me that yes, magic is real, and it's the work of the devil. I asked what the devil was. She told me that about this creature, Satan, an evil person who essentially uses magic to influence people and torment people, and that terrified me. I don't think I believe it's the same thing now with everything that's happened, but that really scared me. I don't know, there was this point that my mother always made when I was a kid. I don't know if it was an excuse for the abuse or what, but I was never baptized like the rest of my family. And so she thought that I was possessed by the devil sometimes. Whether she believed that, I don't know, she would say it. Personally, I think it was just an excuse for the violence. I don't know what her issue was. I don't know that I'll ever know that. There was a lot of like, oh, Josh was possessed by the devil or he's got a demon in him. We have to get him to a church, but nothing would happen. And so many times I would just be locked out of the house after a fight, and she would scream at me and hit me, and then I'd have to sleep outside. And when I was a kid, I would see things. I think seven is the earliest that I would remember seeing things at that house. It's a very old house that my grandfather built. Since I got a little older, it was every week, I would see something, and the forms would become less solid. It was like seeing dark shadows with scribbles at them. Sometimes they have dim white eyes. Sometimes no eyes at all. I could just feel the presence. They would come toward me like I could actively see them. Sometimes they would move closer, but it was a range of things. I mean, I would wake up sometimes and see them in a corner, and they wouldn't move at all. There was this weird feeling that I don't know, like they were trying to get in me, I guess. And I was just so afraid that they could. Not a lot of things happen with these things. I think some of them might have been sleep paralysis, or what I've learned, but some of them definitely were not. I was not paralyzed. I was running. My stepdad would pick me up in the whole way running, like that's not paralysis.
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
Josh grew up in a remote rural environment in Indiana, isolated from community and exposed to emotional and physical abuse within his household.
His mother believed he was possessed by the devil and often claimed he was under demonic influence, which she used as a justification for her violent behavior.
From a young age, Josh reported seeing shadowy, non-solid figures with dim or no eyes that moved toward him, creating a persistent sense of being watched and threatened.
These experiences began around age seven and intensified over time, with some occurrences involving active movement and a palpable presence, not explained by sleep paralysis.
Despite being raised in a household where religion was present, Josh's father is rational and Christian, while his mother's beliefs appear to have been rooted in fear and control.
The lack of baptism and the absence of religious community involvement may have contributed to the family’s perception of Josh as "possessed."
The only stable relationship in his childhood was with a friend named Colton, whose presence provided emotional peace amid an otherwise toxic environment.
Josh now questions whether the supernatural experiences were genuine or manifestations of trauma, but he remains convinced that some events were beyond normal explanation.
Summary:
Josh, a 31-year-old guitar maker from New York, shares a deeply personal account of his childhood in a remote Indiana farmhouse marked by emotional and physical abuse. His mother, who harbored strong religious beliefs, claimed he was possessed by the devil, citing his resemblance to his father—a rational Christian—as a reason for her hostility. From age seven, Josh began seeing shadowy, moving figures with scribbles and dim eyes, which he describes as both terrifying and physically present—contradicting sleep paralysis.
He recalls being locked out of the house, forced to sleep outside, and subjected to violent outbursts, often triggered by his mother's intense rage. Despite her claims of demonic possession, no religious intervention occurred, and the abuse persisted. His only source of stability was a close friendship with Colton.
While Josh now questions whether the paranormal sightings were real or trauma-based, he remains certain that some encounters were not explainable by mental or physical conditions. The narrative reveals a complex interplay of familial conflict, religious fear, isolation, and the lasting psychological impact of childhood trauma.
FAQs
The speaker's mother believed that magic was real and was the work of the devil, specifically Satan, an evil being who uses magic to torment people. She told the speaker this when he was young, which deeply frightened him.
No, the speaker was never baptized, unlike the rest of his family. His mother sometimes claimed he was possessed by the devil, which may have been an excuse for her abusive behavior.
As a child, he began seeing dark shadows with scribbles and sometimes dim white eyes, which would move toward him and create a strong sense of presence and fear.
No, he did not experience sleep paralysis. He would be awake and running when these entities appeared, and his stepdad would pick him up while he was running.
He described feeling a presence that seemed to try to get into him, with a sense of being watched or pursued, which caused him great fear.
He grew up in a remote area in the middle of a cornfield, in a family farm that later sold its land. His parents divorced, and his mother often acted violently, especially when he reminded her of his father.
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