KILL TONY #790

[MUSIC] Hey, this is Brandon coming along to the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas. For a brand new episode of Killed Donny, get out right down here, let's go! [MUSIC] Guys, who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives? >> [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC] >> [APPLAUSE] >> The Killed Donny band, ladies and gentlemen, make some fucking noise for the great Fernando Castillo, Rao Vallejo, Carlos Sosa. >> [APPLAUSE] >> Tres leches, screw-blind horns, the great Michael Gonzalez on the drums, ladies and gentlemen. >> [APPLAUSE] Matt, the mummy muleing is here, everybody, he's been mummified as of late. The great John B's, the leader of the band on the keys. >> [APPLAUSE] >> And that, believe it or not, live in the flesh is the one and only de-madness. >> [APPLAUSE] >> Rocking those new de-madness sunglasses is available at killmerch.com. And you know what else, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present to you, this is indeed. You may have heard the rumors of the arrival of the famous Heidi's fart in a jar. >> [APPLAUSE] >> They're lovely Heidi. >> [APPLAUSE] >> Oh, it's so good, you want some? >> It's unbelievable. >> [APPLAUSE] >> Give me another one of these, I need another fresh fart in a jar. >> [APPLAUSE] >> I'm gonna need that later. >> So much fun stuff lined up for tonight's episode, before we get started, he was a little bit more. From the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. >> Hello there, as you get older, there are certain things you put off until you realize, you probably shouldn't. For a lot of people, life insurance is one of them. Whether you've got a family, a mortgage, or people who depend on you, it's one of those things that's worth taking seriously. That's why I like what ethos is doing. They're making getting life insurance, simple, and convenient. Everything is done online. You can get a quote in seconds, applying minutes, and potentially get same-day coverage. There's no medical exam required. You just answer a few simple health questions online. I've done this for quite a few of the crew members. Redban, the photographer Jill White, and a lot of the fat golden ticket winners. Redban, you can get up to $3 million in coverage in some policies as low as $30 per month. If life insurance has been sitting on your to-do list, take a few minutes and check it out. >> That's right, take 10 minutes to get covered today with life insurance through ethos. Get your free quoted ethos.com/killtony. That's ethos.com/killtony. Application times may vary, rates may vary. Protect your family with life insurance from ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at www.ethos.com/killtony. Trust by the rating as of 8126. All right, before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something. We just launched Killtony Plus. Here's the deal. You sign up. You get every new episode ad-free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand new angle of the show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content. Q&A episodes behind the scene stuff. Extra bits you're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store too. It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to killtony.supercast.com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you diehard fans and super haters. Go to killtonysupercast.com. All right, back to the show. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? I'm excited about this one. When I book this thing, I always try to match it up. When I have the chance of getting one of my favorite artists on, I always match them up with a true comedian monster. And this is one of those perfectly matched episodes. Where I am bringing on one of my favorite musicians, one of my favorite rappers in the world. And who also happens to be fucking hilarious and cool as hell. And I'm putting them on with one of the legendary guests of the show. And absolutely one of the funniest human beings in the world. You know him from workaholics. His new movie bohemeth with Pedro Pascal comes up to December 4th. Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. I present you your two guests tonight. Two of my favorite humans on Planet Earth. Make some noise for young gravy and air grip in everybody. Air grip it. More fucking young gravy. Hell yeah. My man. Welcome, welcome. Oh, yeah. Oh, my goodness. I got my nervousness just for you. Oh, you're recording. You're recording the show. Let's have one more. That's actually smart. Hit that record because that'll be it. Maybe I'll get to begin now. Oh, it's a photo. Oh, in video. We get the video right now. Okay, there it is. We'll switch to this camera angle. We'll get the file from Eric. It'll give the people an inside perspective of what it's like to do panel. We get some gravy right now. Hey everybody. Young gravy. The great young gravy. He's on the Joy Rider tour right now. Go check it out. He's everywhere. Florida, Atlanta, Nashville. The Carolina is New York, Chicago everywhere. And the great Eric Griffin is back. It's been a while. Griffin with Griffin. He's in Bohemus with Pedro Pascal. Or Griffin.com. Young gravy.com. Young spelled. Why you NG? For all you fucking. Look at the Asian nerd in the glass. He's like, what? Why you NG? I know what you're thinking. That's your middle name. But. That's young gravy.com. You're gravy young. That's young gravy. Young gravy is first time on panel. So I'm going to tell you a young. There are about 300 human beings that signed up for a chance to get one minute on this stage tonight. That happens. The cat meows. They're the sound of a kitten. They have to wrap it up then. Or else you bring out the anger West Hollywood bear. And then that interrupts them if they go over their time. I conduct an interview with them. Anything can happen. Sometimes we find the newest comedic talent of the world. And sometimes it's a crazy person that just wanted to try to get attention for a couple minutes. And anything can happen. The whole thing is improvised. I've been doing this shit for 13 and a half years. And I think this one's going to be an extra fun one. I'm going to let the guy who's put on a ball cap after I said he had a misshapen head during the commercial break. Pick the first name out of the bucket. Now what are you going to do? Now, no, no shit there it is. Oh my god. Look at that fucking thing. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. I look, I mean that is an odd shape. It's almost a tiny head at the top and a big head in the middle. And then you have the top of the head of a tiny man. No, no, no, no, no. You don't have that. Your head stays fat the whole way. His gets skinny at the top. That's amazing, sir. How did you do that? Did you wear like tight ball caps when you were young or something? Okey dokey. Oh I'm going to go, oh a helmet. That makes sense, damn you just got roasted by your hot Asian girl friend there. Did we pick a name? Did we do it? All right, great. Ladies and gentlemen. It's loose here. It's fun. Ladies and gentlemen, to get tonight's show started. I have a golden tick a winner who's been waiting to get back up here for months. Make some noise for the long awaited return of Mason Bird, everybody. I had a dream when I was a little kid. I really wanted to be an astronaut. And they don't let fat people be astronauts. I think that's fucked up. Because who would appreciate being weightless more than a guy like me, dude? Just touching rim for once. Just once. But I'm not the, I'm not the fatdest you could be. Like there's levels to fat. I think the fatdest a man can be is a man who wears suspenders. Imagine needing the same technology as a bridge to hold your pet, jump off the fucking bridge. He can't. Is it kind of funny for a fat guy to kill himself? Yes, put a gun in his mouth. Oh man, this is silly. Um, what do you call a mildly attractive woman who's like very intelligent? A Cornell 7? Us? Mason Bird? Absolutely awesome. Doing jokes. Topical. Evergreen. You got it all in there mixed all together. I love it. Started with I had a dream. Thank you. Yeah. Hell yeah. Welcome, welcome. Everything very funny. I love the everything first of all. But especially this a spender's joke. There was a guy on last week, G-PAL, that's it. - He inspired the joke. - Really? It's the first thing I thought of because I was watching him last week and fucking, they were holding up his pants. I was watching the suspender part just fucking. I mean, fighting for its life. It was incredible. And I realized by the shape of him, you know, you get a certain type of fat that a belt just doesn't do anything anymore. - Yeah, I'm close, but we're still on belt. - We're still on belt. - Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. - Yeah. - I'm on belt too, baby. (laughing) - You guys are still belted up. You are just a few big meals away from suspenders, perhaps. Has it been going mason bird? - Oh, I got my car stolen recently. - Oh shit. - Yeah, Chevrolet and Paula, not surprising, I guess. It's the one to say like, uh. (laughing) - Wow. So where did it get stolen from? - My own apartment complex. - Damn. - Yeah. - You don't have an Apple tracker or anything in there? - No, I'm poor. No, yeah, no, it was, I didn't think you would happen. It was in a gated community. It's like apartments with like gates. I thought they'd never get in there, but they hopped the gate with a surprise. - Wow. - Wow. - Yeah. - Middle of the night? - Middle of the night, I went to work the next morning and my car was just gone, dude. I was like. - Holy shit. What did the police tell you? - Oh, it's probably already in San Antonio. (laughing) They were like, yeah, it's probably already gone. (laughing) It's never coming back. - That's San Antonio the Compton of this, is it? - Yeah, it's an hour away and it thinks it's a major city. It's not a great, we love San Antonio. How many of you from San Antonio out there? You see how they all look like criminals kind of? (laughing) Keep an eye on a Chevy Impolo when you get back there. - It's great. - I love it. I love it. - I'm sure you're a fan of all types of gravy. We have a great rapper, young gravy here. - I love your work with potatoes. (laughing) That's just, I just wanted to say that you have a satisfying build for a fat guy. - Thank you. - Just like, sometimes there's too much down here, too much up here, you got a perfect balance. - Good fat builds. - I've been saying that. - Absolutely proportionate. - I see what he's saying. You are proportionate all the way around. You are the opposite of this guy's head right here. Ball caps back on and it's backwards and out. And it's off again, ladies and gentlemen. - Damn, that's a fucked up head. (laughing) Put it back on, man. It's okay, put your ball cap back on, sir. You're scaring some of the children. (laughing) - A lot. - Well Mason, we wish you the best of luck. What's the, how do we, what colors, the impala, what year is it? Maybe we can actually, maybe we can make something amazing happen here. And amongst the Kill Tony fans all around San Antonio and the tri-state area, perhaps we can find your car. - 2015 Chevrolet Impala, it's great. It's low to the ground. Especially when you get in. - Yeah. (laughing) - Mason Bird, you're amazing. What a way to get tonight's show started. A golden tick of winner. - Flexing. - Oh yeah. - Flexing on us tonight, the great Mason Bird. And now we go to the bucket, everybody. You know how this part goes. I mean, could be the next international superstar. Might be on SNL in a year after waiting, you know, signing up, God only knows how many times. Could be a crazy person. Anything can happen. Make some noise for Gerald Mattis, everybody. Going first out of the bucket tonight. (upbeat music) - This is incredible, unbelievable. The Pittsburgh Steelers lost to the Cleveland Browns. Anyway, guys, I want to talk to you about the perfect way to die. Has anyone ever considered how they might want to die? My grandfather just recently passed in his sleep, right? I thought that's pretty good. I had really considered the perfect way to die. I gave it a lot of thought. And I just recently changed my mind. But before I thought, you know, the perfect way to die would be, you know, the rapture happens. (audience laughing) The rapture. You know, I feel like I'm dying right now, actually. But, you know, the rapture happens, right? And all my loved ones are lifted away. And I can walk through this world. Still carrying my faith. And, you know, I used to want to be dragged up to a big stump with a guy with a big, big head. And he would put me down on the stump. - Jesus Christ, Gerald Mattis. - Yes, was there something you were getting to there? Was there like a finish? - There was, yeah. - What is it? - Now I would just rather drown. - Oh, okay. - All right. - Yeah. - Gerald, what's going on here? I have a feeling there's some fucking, that there's some kids that have visitation rights out in the car right now. What's going on here right now, David? Are you trying to fucking chase your dreams where in the double camo, two different types of camo? Where are you hiding, exactly? What is going on? What do you want the run from right now? - I've never felt so seen. - Wait a second, do you happen to have, did you drive a 2015 Gray Chevy Impala here? (audience cheering) This guy is on the run from something. - I don't have a car, Tony. - I believe you, Gerald. When's it like, what's going on? This is your first time trying stand up or something? - This is my second time trying so. - Second time, where was the first time? - It was last night in Los Angeles at the Wilt turn theater. - What did you do at the Wilt turn theater? - I did stand up. - On the stage or outside? - Yeah, in a stage. - How? - You can't just do the Wilt turn theater. - Who were you opening up for? - The Sun's a Legion. - What? - Is that a Kings of Leon cover band or something? What is going on here? - I love the Sun's a Legion. If they're watching, I love them. - Okay, but stick with me. Did you really perform last night at the Wilt turn in Los Angeles? - I did, I played, I played, I played, I, yeah. - What did you play? - I played the drums, Mike Gonzales. - Okay, well, Gerald, you got to do this Mike, because you're not, you're not doing it. Don't worry. - All right, good. - Don't worry. You have to do comedy before you come and try to take the drummer's job. Yeah, we were asking about comedy. You said it was your second time going to do it. - Well, we had G-Pow and we had a-- - Are you just dropping people's names right now? - Yeah, these are my friends. I just met them back in your, your, your bar. - Okay. - G-Pow. - Got it. - Gerald. - Gerald. - So this is your first time trying stand-up comedy? - No. - It's my second. - But you said you played drums last night. - I did. - And they laughed at me. - Gerald, what the fuck's going on, buddy? - What should we do, Tony? Tony, tell me, brother. - Really, I mean, I'm really good at this. - Oh. - Kind of rough, Gerald. You seem like an absolute, I warn everybody. - Do you laugh? - Yeah, I know. - But I read it, I watch all your shows. I love you, Tony. You're such a, you're such a-- - Oh god, Gerald, you are unbearable, dude. - This is infuriating right now. - Yeah. See, you're good. - But we got a beautiful crowd here tonight. - Gerald, Gerald, that's not how it works. No one wants you to think they're beautiful. Gerald, go. Go, Gerald, go. Go that way, go that way. We're gonna send you off with nothing. No, don't know, thank yous. No, just go, Gerald, go. Go that way. Don't touch anything. - Deep madness just said, oh shit, there she is. A sight for weary eyes. That is indeed the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. - Hey, can you fill me up? - We need a little refresher. Heidi's farts in a jar are on sale. Now, I have a freshie. I'm saving it. I'm saving it for later. I'm still a little fucking busy from my first hit of Heidi's fart in a jar. - You see the back of that guy's head? - No, what happened? - The back of his head, he just had a few strands coming up. - It was airs rough, it's not worth talking about it. - From front to back, that guy's sucked. (audience laughs) I mean, there's just nothing worse than the type of guy that just comes on here, does nothing. Waste everybody's time. And then, especially, can you imagine? I mean, he's like, I don't wanna do this, Tony, but I wanna try to take your drummer's job after doing nothing. - Like, that's how it works. - Yeah, like, he's gonna have some magical night. You know, it's just a shame. Out of all the comedians, great comedians that kill themselves, you would think the bad ones would try every once in a while as well. Why is it only the great comedians that kill themselves? Like, I mean, it's never the bad, the people that come out and just go, oh, I mean, I don't even have a car. - So many open mics that just should be massacred, and then this fucking guy. - Nope, there he is, there he's gone, everybody. All right, on to the next one. Mm-mm, kill Tony is proudly sponsored by Bluetooth. America's number one brand for better sex. Red Band, we've watched a lot of comics bomb up here, haven't we? They get in their head and just can't perform. Well, we can't help them on stage. But Bluetooth Gold can make sure they get a standing o in the bedroom. Red Band, tell us about it. - Got four powerful ingredients packed in one tablet for the best sex of your life. Two of those ingredients, boost blood flowing. Two, boost arousal in the brain. So you can get, you can get out of the big head and focus on the slate. slightly less big head, Blue Choo Gold is three times stronger, five times faster, and eight times longer lasting than the other options. There's no doubt about it. There's a reason why Blue Choo is the number one brand for better sex experience at yourself of BlueChoo.com. And we've got a special order, special deal for our listeners that order now. Right now, when you buy two months of Blue Choo Gold, you get the third free with promo coat Tony. That's promo coat Tony. You will also receive an additional 10% up plus free overnight shipping on your first order, visit BlueChoo.com for more details and important safety information. We thank BlueChoo for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. Do it right now. Get hard. Whether you have a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or you just like Jerkin off, absolutely have more fun. Go to BlueChoo right now. Here's another out of the bucket of comedian, anything can happen. Make some noise for your, this sounds promising, danger up Russ, everybody. We're really doing it, Red Van. Let's go. Do I look horny? Anyone? All right. All right. But you're ugly motherfuckers. All right. Uh, so you heard that they arrested Donald Duck. Calm down and quack. Making his friends all goofy, slipping them Mickey's, got almost got away in Minnie's van. As far as Pluto, that's where they caught up with him, he's in the clink. I just moved to Austin. The Jews are taking over. They got half that of our favorite grocery store, H-E-B, eventually going to call it Hebrews. Come on. Get rimshot. Come on. This guys will have them back here. All right. I just moved in with my friend, his name's Travis. But I might have to move out because he's having problems with his girl. She come down to the closet. Anyway, bitch can keep a secret though. She's a sex doll. Don't speak. Her name was, her name was her name Lexi. Anyway. Is there an end to this? Are you getting to it? I feel like it's coming. No, bitch can keep a secret. Okay. Her lips are sealed. Got it. The blow up doll can keep a secret. Everybody. Dangerous. Believe it or not, you're a thousand times better than the last bucket rule. That's the good news. The bad news is you're pretty fucking terrible, buddy. No, this is fantastic though. I like you going for it. Dangerous. Where did you come from? How long have you lived in Austin? Oh, I've lived in Austin for probably about a year. Okay. Where'd you live before that? Talk? Yeah. Nice. What do you do for work? I'm a CDL driver. Okay. Big trucks. Big trucks. What kind of load have you been carrying lately? Oh, man. The weight of the world on your shoulders? I'm just, I'm just a hunky. I love it. So when did you start stand up? Well, my, my first stand of experience is, this is actually my second time. Well, I was at the wheel turn last night. I opened up for the dogs of biscuits. I don't, I don't know if you know the comedy Lou Nell. Yes. Very well. We love Lou Nell. I had just gotten out of jail. And I go to, I go to Vegas to get on the show. And I'm sitting with the, wait, you just got out of jail. So you go to Vegas to see Lou Nell's show. That's correct. Okay. Keep going. Jell's a great story. Yeah. Go ahead. So they give you a corn dog, but no stick. They're afraid that you'll shave it down, make a shift. So I get out of jail. My friend goes, hey, I haven't heard from you. I said, yeah, I've been in jail. He said, were you doing now? I said, I'm going down to Las Vegas. I'm going to get on stage. He goes, yes, you are. And that's all I need. It was a little belief. So I'm sitting at a table with some fine black ladies and I'm like, man, you got to get up there. I'm telling them the Donald Duck joke. And you got to get up there. I'm like, oh, these black ladies are cracking up. Oh, my God. So is Lunele already on stage paint this picture for me? There's an opener before Lunele? No. So that hasn't even happened yet, Tony. We're watching YouTube and listen. What are you doing with black ladies watching YouTube? YouTube. No shots. The comic. The comic doesn't take the stage until all the tickets are sold. And so they go get up there, danger rest and so. So it's empty. The stage is empty. Stages empty. There's a microphone. There? You hopped. You hopped up on the empty stage without any intro. Uninvited. Okay. Keep going from shippellers. Sons. I can't take this shit. No, ma. The microphone was on. It was on. Holy shit. I tell a couple of things. What comedy club is this? This is Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club. Wow. There you go. That's the type of operation. Jimmy Kimmel is running. Two. Oh, I love to hear it. I love it. I'll give you something to cry about, buddy. Look over here. Jimmy, you're running a shit hole in Vegas. On top of everything else, that unwatchable-- Trump. Trump. No, no, no, no. Relax, relax. Oh, god. You are, dude. Relax. Yeah, danger rest. So you guys-- So you guys-- OK, Russ. What do you think this is? Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club, settle down over there. OK, so you totally-- I mean, you are just doing the-- it's basically the equivalent to streaking at an NFL game. You get up on the stage at in Vegas. And you do those jokes, the wacky run of Disney jokes you did there? No, I also told the giraffe one. How long did they let you on stage before security guard tackled your ass? That's the funny thing. OK. Three security guards come from all directions. And they say, hey, if you don't get off the stage, we're going to kick you out. I'm like, you're going to kick me out. So I stayed after the show, Matt Lunel, and she's great. So wait, did they kick you out? No, as long as I agree to be quiet. They are so desperate. They're so desperate to get a two-drink minimum. But they will let that guy. They went on stage. How long-- if you had to guess how long, how much material you did, would you guess-- oh, that must have been two minutes. No, no, it was like maybe 45 seconds. OK. All right, perfect. Was the crowd laughing? I think it was. Perfect. No, we got it. We figured that out. I thought you were going to be a Rodney Dangerfield impression. Oh, so no respect. Yeah, there it is. No, no, no. He does have those energies. OK, here's the million-dollar question. Because you did all that after you got out of jail. That's correct. How did you get into jail? Well, I call my ex-wife a-- what was it? It was a fucking winch. OK, what did you do to get sent to jail? Well, this happened in Utah. I used to be the Mormon bishop. You were a bishop? I was. You were a bishop? Yes, sir. [LAUGHTER] We're all open with that. OK. [APPLAUSE] Like, your life is so much more interesting than that. I like to hear my testimony. I know this church is true. You're a Mormon bishop. You like black women, clearly. I know you like black women. That is what's next. That is what's next. We are getting to the black women. I cannot wait. Oh, you a bishop, yay! Come on over here, see with us, baby. You know what? You so funny. You get your ways up on that stage, Rust. You're being a jail! Oh, you a bishop, oh, show. Bishop, you about to have a night if you know what I'm saying. How long did you go to jail for? Three days. OK, so-- Fuck, it wasn't in jail? Was it illegal in Utah to call an ex-wife a wench? I'm confused. No, but she was the treasurer of Tokerville. And she's got a tight relationship with law enforcement. So they showed up in my house and-- What did they say they were arresting you for? Aggravated assault. But what did you do? Even the words, verbal aggravated assault? Only in Utah. I'm Mormon than you. What? You're what? It's more Mormon than you. More Mormon. God, it must be like a local Tokerville joke or something. No, the local joke. My wife had always asked me, you're from Utah. Would you want 10 wives? And I'm like, honey, 10 of you? Absolutely. The wife jokes, that's kind of a word divorce. All right. How long were you married for? 23 years. 23 years, did you have kids? Hunter, Ethan, and Aaron. Shout out. Wow, they are hiding under their tables right now wherever they are. I'm like, dad, no, you said our names. But they live in Utah, though? Are they in Utah? They're all in Utah. Yeah, they don't let Kyoto. Yeah, they don't. They don't. They don't listen in Utah. You want to embarrass your kids? You drop them off at school with crocks and socks? OK, let's talk more about the black women. What is this connection with black women? How did you meet them? How did you get sat with them? Tell us about your night in Vegas with black women, because you were what appears to be a black woman kryptonite, I would imagine. But maybe there's another side to rust. You know, it was a little danger room. Now is the godmother of comedy. And so you could imagine the crowd that she draws. Got it. So you were just randomly sat with black women at a Luneau show. The whole crowd was basically black. Yes. Now, you seem like one of the whiter guys that have ever existed on planet Earth. Not from the waist down. Whoa. Whoa. - Ross. - You were a hit in jail for those three days, huh? - Yeah. Yeah, he's the one serving up the corn dog, I guess. - No stick. - That's right, no stick. - All right, Danger Russ. Well, anything else crazy we should know about you before letting you go? - I love Golden Tickets, so like, be a joke. - Well, I like great sets and unbelievable interviews, but we are not getting anything out of each other tonight. There he goes, Danger Russ, on to the next one. I like the buckets so far, a little old, a little crazy. - Well, that first guy set the bar, huh? - Let's see, let's see what happens next. Mixed with my story next bucket bullets, Michael Hogman, Michael Hogman, Heckman, perhaps, Nege, Michael, everybody. We got him from Michael, everyone. (audience applauds) - Something kind of embarrassing happened to me. I tripped and fell on my face. Luckily, nobody saw. I'm just kidding, everybody saw. Everybody saw, in the whole pack theater, because I was on this show. And I fell on this stage. And nobody laughed, which is good. Normally, if you fall, you're like, I don't know, nobody laughs. It was fucked up because the next week, I saw somebody fall right off their e-bike, and everybody laughed. Everybody thought I was hilarious. So, anyways. But it wasn't my fault. Everybody asked where you shit faced. I was like, yes, I was shit faced. But it was Heidi's fault. I was in the back, I was waiting to do my show, and then she just walked right past me. - Michael, over here, Michael. How are we doing, buddy? Michael, am I getting this correct? The last time you were on this show, you fell? - No, it's just a story, I was making it up. Never happened, didn't happen at all. - But you're just going with, that is your identity tonight. - I'm telling you, it never happened, it wasn't aired. Remember, I begged you not to put it on the show, and then you didn't put it on the show because it never happened. - So, I don't know what the fuck's happening, Michael. I don't know, if you're telling the truth or not, it's not that big of a deal to me either way. Did it happen, where did it happen at? - I was really shit face, I'm not sure, but I didn't hit the drums, I did land around here somewhere. I didn't fall into the stage, though. Yeah. - Well, I don't think this ever happened, Michael. - I think he's planning to still fall tonight. Is that the-- - You're a good-looking guy. - Michael, Michael. - Not in that one. - I can't imagine anything really worse than what you just did. If you're telling the truth, that's-- - I gotta talk, yeah. - If you're lying, that's just fucking cool. - It's crazy to do. I was gonna call and stick to see your show this Saturday. - Okay, Michael. - I mean, somehow, now I start, I'm starting to believe that you fell and that I kicked you off and that we-- - And it was hidey's fault, swear to godly. - Michael, you're not making any sense. Get the fuck out of here, Michael. - I'm sorry. - You're absolutely nuts. Jesus Christ, you're out of your mind. Two out of three bucket pulls just out of their minds tonight. How's that even possible? - Are we checking, are we asking these people if they do comedy? Where are you finding these people cold? The gas station? - I'm gonna mix this up way more. - I'm gonna bring out a golden tikka winner. Hey, what a gear heads comedy nerds and true crime obsessed wine moms all have been common. Hearing a hell of a lot of zipper cruder ads. Honestly, zipper crudery is everywhere. Why? Because great candidates for different roles are everywhere. Just like you, these people listen to business shows, sports shows, and yes, even this show, the number one live podcast in the world. And when these candidates hear all these ads, it increases the chances of them going to zipper cruder and responding to a job pose. So ultimately, a business meets them sooner. Of course, those connections cannot happen without going to zippercuders.com/killtony to try it for a furry. - Zip recruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Once a job is posted, matching technology finds top talent quickly. Plus, a new feature highlights the most interesting qualified candidate's fast. So you meet them faster. - Oh, hey, no wonder four out of five employers who posted on zipper cruder go to quality, can't it within the first day? Wow. You've got to go to zippercruder.com/killtony to post your job for free. Again, that's zippercruder.com/killtony. Oh, and if you forgot where to go, don't worry. You'll hear another zipper cruder ad real soon. - If you need to hire fast, post your job on zipper cruder in minutes. And we'll quickly find the best people for your job. We'll even show you the most interested candidates first so you can start talking to the right people faster. - Yeah, this is a bullshit. - I'm bringing out a golden ticker winner to cleanse our palettes a little bit. I don't even know if he's actually a golden ticker winner. I don't think he is. He's just a special creature that started on this show four years ago and we've got to watch his real life development over the four years. He checks in every couple of few months. This is a brand new minute long set from Uncle Lazer, everybody here he is. (upbeat rock music) - Hi, oh yeah, mother ship, listen. I'm in Daytona's fuckin' witch. Huh, hi. It's not the funny parts, earth, this way. Fuckin' witch, retard, okay. A matter of the ring fair, you can get him a dime a dozen out there. She's got tattooed above her eyebrows, says venomous. I'm like, what's that? She's like, it's a warning. For pink guy, what is that? She's like, now it's a phase, I'll grow out of it. I go, uh-uh, I said, phase is listening pop roads. (audience laughing) And look, she's not like a regular witch, like spooky season, like, you know, decorate her house with Halloween shit, now. She like sings to her plants, you know? Like, she screams every nests since that time at seven in the morning. And look, he's fuckin' up the night, you know? And she like, Lord of the Dark Arts, you know? She's like, what fuckin' she like, you ever been possessed? I said, I've had my car repossessed. (audience laughing) She goes, she goes, me and my girlfriend, we wanna do a little blood-sex magic ritual with you. I said, you had me at magic. I said, I like sex too, and with the blood, I'll bring a towel, you know? My name's Uncle Lesha, I've been great, thank you. My name's Uncle Lesha, God damn it, you come home. Get me out of here. Come on, I'm Uncle Lesha. Happy Halloween, everybody, you know? (audience cheering) I know this thing was detachable. - Well, don't try, Lesha. - I didn't know what was it. - What is, is there an electrical current going through the microphone tonight where everybody gets retarded in the interview portion? - I was trying to break your shit here. Don't even know how many of this works. Come on, sleep on him three times. Come on. I want my best goddamn arosmith mid-drift shirt for this. And you're gonna sit there, roast me like this. Come on, Tony, come on, I got this. A step, a step mom left this in my studio apartment last night and I decided to wear it. I'm gonna lose the lemon to do my thing. I got a blood pressure receptor on my right forearm right now. Doctor said I had to keep it on for a week. Test if I'm doing drugs and whatnot. My heart rate's out of control. I'm gonna get, I'm just filled up on gas station, boner pills and stickless corn dogs right now. Come on, let me talk, Tony. Give me a second here. I got a lot to say. I've been waiting two and a half months for this. You can finally let me on again. Everybody knows I'm the biggest goddamn son of those ever seen. Just, let me get a goddamn warning. What do I got to do? Play my harmonica, get a fucking warning over here. I got four harmonicas in ABC and a D. Let me feel around to you. That's my D, 'cause that's my ass. Shit. That's for having me. [MUSIC PLAYING] Uncle laser, how are we doing? Or is that column younger gravy? Yeah, you're taller in person. You younger than me? You younger than me? Am I going younger than me? No. No, shut up. No, well howdy. 30? [GRUNTS] Yeah, man, you're younger than me. Hey, man. Mr. Clean. Yeah, double. Hell yeah. He performed on my show one time. And I thought the show was asked until right now. Yeah, yeah, what? It was. It was. You are correct. Uncle laser, I use them as a-- you know shit's bad when you use Uncle laser as a fucking upper in a show. Well, come on now. Come on. What is that thing wrapped around? your arm. I got the tennis elbow. Oh. See, which is fun and retarded, because I hate tennis, you do. But yeah, I don't know how much scooping of cocaine do you have to do before you get tennis elbow in your right arm? Exactly. What happens there, Uncle Laser? How did you get tennis elbow? Yeah. 10 bucks. 10 bucks. What? Oh, you're letting a-- 10 bucks. You're letting a random audience-- Well, where are you off to? I fuck somehow. Oh, boy. I made fun. You know? Uh, no, I do that. Honestly, I don't know if I slept on a rock. I got this Killtony tattoo. It's infected. So there's that. Is that really? Yeah. Look how bad this shit is. Ew. What's that? I just didn't take care of it. Where did you get it done at? I want to farm. Wow. The witch did it? Yeah. What petting zoo exactly are you getting your tattoos at? You know. Laser, what are you even up to? Tell us about it. Man, I quit drinking. Okay, wait. Bullshit. Yeah. You literally say this. I saw you drink alone. I had a beer in the neighborhood. No, I'm training for that fight. I'm going to be on skankfest. Training for the fight. Skankfest coming up. And, uh, old boys. You mean for that? I'm training. Well, I'm training. Gonna. Train. Plural. Plural. Uh, no, but like I've seen him. He works for Story Wars. And he's one of the producers. And like, off the couch, I should beat the fuck out this boy here. I mean, I was off the couch. But he started training. He didn't lost like 70 pounds. He looks great. And I'm like, fuck, I need a train. So I went with some of Rogan security guards to a little gym the other day. And look, I boxed. You know, I'm not really bad-ass. I don't knock everybody out. But I know how to like knock it knocked out. But let me tell you something. We did some sparring. And, you know, the first minute into the first round. The Joe security guard. He could have raped me if he wanted to. Um, when you gas, I mean, at one point took off one of the gloves. Start fucking tickling me. And I was like, ah! So I'm fucking if I don't get right with the Lord. I think so. Hi. Can I? You know what? You reminded me of this. But your first time on here, I was-- The guest. I was the guest and looking at you in there. Four years ago, yeah. The antenna itself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's got it all. It's toward all around the country. Yeah. It went from being an opener to a middler to a headliner. And now he's just all growing up, living the dream out there doing-- Shout out Tony Hitchcliff. You know what I'm saying? Oh, man. God damn. He'd give if any tech hit the way. But he's a con, God. [LAUGHTER] I thought you'd be fucking taller, but God damn will you, birdie. I know. All right, laser. Well, fun times. A way to get off on a weird note. Uncle laser. Oh, yeah. All right, the pallets have been cleansed. The bar has been risen. Uncle laser has blust us with the performance. And there indeed is the lovely Heidi. Oh, my goodness. She's something else. How about a hand for Heidi, huh? It's unbelievable. It's a real deal. All right, back to the bucket we go. This is a new name. Let's see what happens here. Make some noise for Greta Frankert. Everybody here comes Greta. [MUSIC PLAYING] [APPLAUSE] Hey, my name's Greta. I'm from Germany, and I came here like two years ago. Because you guys are so much fun, right? You are so positive. Like you have the American dream. And well, now in Germany, we had one dream, one time, and nobody really liked it. [LAUGHTER] Thanks. Now my grandparents were actually part of the dream. They fought in the German army. And they never really got over it. So they opened a bakery, in fact. [LAUGHTER] It's crazy because now you would think that Germans are so liberal, right? Well, now he is the truth. My grandparents were Nazis, and they are still getting a military discount. [LAUGHTER] I think that also explains why Germans are not religious anymore. Like we used to believe in heaven, but now we just really hope hell isn't real. [LAUGHTER] Thank you. Greta Frankert. Everybody. [APPLAUSE] A real German. [APPLAUSE] Extremely authentic German. You look German. Your name's German. Your whole set was German. I love it. How do you speak such great English? I don't know. I guess we're just good at it. OK. Yeah. How long have you been-- I know German. We're going to learn that early, right? How long have you been in America? Well, two years. Two years. Wow. And listen to that. Just no accent whatsoever. Makes you wonder. The hell's wrong with people. [LAUGHTER] Can we just teach Mexicans how to learn the language? That-- is it really that easy? It's like, well, I've been here two years, Tony. [LAUGHTER] Perfect. Fucking English. Here we go. Amazing. Yeah. That's what it is. [LAUGHTER] Wow, Greta. Amazing. So you came-- what made you come to America? I went to UT. Nice. Hell yes. You've been in Austin for two years. Yeah. Awesome. Are you still going to UT? I'm planning on doing my PhD next year. How old are you? Huh? How old are you? Oh, I'm 26. Oh, OK. Yeah, you're doing great. Um, what's your PhD in? I want to do it in psychology. Oh, shit. What are you going to do with that? You're going to help these weak-minded Americans? I'm going to help the immigrants learn English. [LAUGHTER] Amazing. Absolutely perfect. Greta, what do you do for fun? I go fishing. Wow. Look at that. Absolutely perfect. I sound so Republican, but I'm not. Oh, it's great. Fishing is fun. Where do you fish at? Well, Ladybird, right? I mean, I don't know. You tell me. It could be anywhere. Ladybird. And what do you think is the most German thing about you, Greta? You've only been here two years. There must be something about you that really stands out. I feel like if you look at me, it kind of makes you wonder. I kind of look like the Nazis actually won. Yeah. That is true. That is what Hitler wanted. It's people that look like you all over Germany. And I mean, in a way, he kind of got it. I'm the only one that Hitler wouldn't like up here. [LAUGHTER] Oh, no, the whole band would be fucked, yeah. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. Yeah. And you can't have a blind-- Simper. Yeah, Hitler would have killed the blind guy right away. The band must go as immediately. [LAUGHTER] Hell, yeah. Greta, do you have a job? I work at a Mexican restaurant. Oh, wow. I'm an immigrant after all. I love it. Absolutely incredible. They have you with the host stand or something? Yeah, I'm a server. Oh, OK. Oh, amazing. Absolutely. What do you do for fun, Greta? Fish in again. That's it. That's just it. You go out. You're on UT's campus. You're just going fishing. No, go on. Do you eat the fish that you catch or something? Doing it for sustenance? That's all I do. I go fish and eat fish. OK, I ask what the most German thing is about you. Boyfriend? What's going on? No. Oh. I ask what the most German thing is about you, right? Uh-huh. What is the blackest thing about you? I know they don't have black people in Germany. So I'm excited to hear what you think of out of everything that you've seen out of their culture. What do you think it is? We have like three black people left in Germany. Yeah, I know. You're keeping an eye on them. You know exactly where they are right now. There's one over there. I love their food. OK, tell us what you think black people's food is. I'm feeling very exciting. You have to name at least three black foods. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a brand new segment called "Name those black foods." I feel like you're setting me up. Hey, we want to know. And here we go. Black food number one from Greta is. Gumbo. Gumbo, all right. We're going to let you get by with that one. We're going to count it. It is a New Orleans Louisiana type of. Oh, yes, the call is in for no reason. That's red band on the sound board. You're a black person. Yeah. Hey, yeah. I was at the table at Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club. And I was sitting with Dangerous. And I just wanted to say, "Gumbo ain't even a black person." That's all Louisiana food. I'm sitting over some gumbo, please. What else? You got two more this year. And the black food number two from Greta is. Fried chicken. Wow! You know what? She wanted to open it. You know that, right, girl? All right, go ahead. Where are you saying that? I know you wanted to open with the fried chicken, but you want to see that German. Well, I got new food. You know what? You know what? All right, go ahead. I know you wanted to open with the fried chicken, but I got news for you because there's a third one. Ladies and gentlemen, black food number three from Greta that she likes and thinks it's black about her. is Watermelon. (audience cheering) Baby girl, come in my place right now. Come stay over here with mama. (audience laughing) Turn me off with that third phone call. It's a little apologetic about it. Watermelon. (audience laughing) I'll choose Mexican food next time. - What's that? - I'll choose Mexican food next time. - Okay. - Have you ever been with a black guy? - Whoa, good question, Eric Griffin. - That's personal. - Oh, you have. - That's a yes. (audience laughing) Are you going back? (audience cheering) - Why can't you begin your own man? Why are you gonna come? - All right. Greta, so much fun. Anything else crazy we should know about you before letting you go? You're very, very funny. You're the best set out of the bucket tonight. - Oh, thank you. - It's true. How long have you been doing stand-up? (audience cheering) How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? - Last year. - What made you start? - My friend opened his own little comedy club down south and he forced me to go out, actually. - I love it. It worked out for you. You're very funny. That's super cool. They don't have anything like this in Germany, do they? - No, Germans are not funny. - Very serious people. - They really are and it's rough. - Yeah, show business there's tough because we know who runs it. - You know what I'm saying, huh? - Ootsie! - We really fucked up on that one. - You are fantastic, Greta. Here's a big Killtony jokebook, Bingbong. You got it. Greta, the German assassin. Frankers making her Killtony debut. - How exciting. - Hey, tonight's sponsors, "Mare Weather Farms and Natural Beef Sticks." - I love beef sticks. - Of course you do, Red Band. You look like your blood type is gas station, Terry Hawking. - Hey, these aren't gas station beef sticks. They're made with real American beef raised without antibiotics or added hormones. - That's right. Just like our beef, it is natural. Real American beef. Not some imported mystery beef that comes from across the border. If you know what I mean. - Oh, they're savory impact with nine grams of protein and it's easy to take anywhere. - That's right, we love beef and our mouth. - Work the gym, your truck, or Brian's bedroom, where every snack becomes a cry for help. - Aw, they taste incredible, Tony. - And unlike most things Brian puts in his mouth, you can proudly tell your family about these. - So, go to marryweatherfarms.com right now and use Code Word Killtony to get 20% off your first order of beef sticks. - Yes, M-E-R-I-W-E-T-H-E-R farms.com. - Marryweatherfarms and natural beef sticks. Real American beef, bold flavor, and enough protein to help you survive another open mic. - Or one conversation with Red Man. - Why you, Tony, I'm ready to order some right now. - I bet you are, you sloppy pig. - Maybe all that chewing will finally keep you quiet. - That's marryweatherfarms.com. Code Killtony for 20% off your first order. - Back to the fuck at We Go. Excuse me for your next fucking poll. Doing a minute, it's Trapper Lewis. Everybody comes to Trapper. - Hey, how are we doing today? Anybody here from out of town? Welcome, welcome to Austin. We got a lot of homeless people in Austin. Not sure if you noticed. Or, I mean, the unhoused, right? I don't get that one unhoused. We're just moving a suffix to a prefix. It would be like if instead of saying retarded, we said Tarded again. (audience laughing) Woo, that boy, he's Tarded again. I don't know. So much is happening, it's hard to keep up. You gotta get your news wherever you can get it. Like I was driving down the highway the other day. And I saw a billboard that said, "Hey Texans, Democrats now support communism. Republicans don't." Which would be crazy if that actually changed anybody's mind, right? Like, "Oh, hey, you don't say." (audience laughing) But actually, I think it'd be great to find out things this way. Like it would have really helped me out if I was driving down the highway. And I saw a big sign that said, "Hey Trevor, Patrick's fucking your girlfriend." (audience laughing) That would have helped me out. - Hallelujah. - Trapper Lewis. Good stuff, my friend. - Thank you. - Good dismount. - Yes, great dismount. The look back, he just looks back at you. That's how you know he's done. You've been on this show before, correct? - Yes I have. And before we get started, I was on with Jim Brewer, Sam Talent. I was watching the tape back. And I snubbed Jim Brewer trying to give me a handshake. And that was not my intention. - Wow. - Because I know that you don't like it when the comics linger. I was just trying to get off stage. So I just wanna, you know, set that for the record. - I don't think Jim Brewer had a problem with it at all. I don't think anybody in the world knows what you're talking about. (laughter) - Almost like every day. - Almost like if you fell on your face on the show and came out and talked only about that. And then, so welcome back Trapper. Welcome, welcome. - Thank you. - Remind us all how long you've been on standup comedy. - I'm coming up on two years now. - Two years and you're from here? - No, I'm from the DC area, Northern Virginia. - Okay, the DC area. And what do you do for work? What does a guy like you seem like? - I work in the service industry. I was a waiter for a long time, which is fun. You hear a lot of the same jokes a lot. Like if I'm asking a table, "Hey, do you have any food allergies "or dietary restrictions?" And inevitably some dad will be like, "Oh, we'll find out." (laughter) Yeah, when I slip some anthrax into your potato salad, then we'll find out. How about that, buddy? - Oh shit, you're-- - This guy sneaking in joke. - Yeah, he is. - I like it. - You piece of shit. - No, I like it, Trevor. - I love it. - I love it. Keep doing it. What else has been going on, Trevor? Anything else bugging you lately? (laughter) - You're bireanalytal. - Yeah, I like it. I like it. - I'm a little bit flustered today because when I got off of my shift yesterday, a really weird thing happened. I took my car home and I was looking back at it. And there was this thing written in the back of my car, a window because I never washed my car. And it said, "Hey, dick, I'm how to park." And it was already after I got home, so I couldn't remember, was I the bad guy here, you know? Like, but-- - All right, but I've been-- - Trevor, did a guy named Patrick really fuck your girlfriend? - No. - That'd be great if there was an actual Patrick out there. It's like, "Ah, fuck in the end, he got me." But there wasn't. - No. - Okay. You ever been cheated on? - No, I've had nothing but great relationships. - Oh, wow, he's a rape of everybody. How exciting. (laughter) What a creepy thing to say. (laughter) - I love it. I love it. One day you're gonna call or a winch and go to jail for three days. (laughter) - Trevor, tell us something crazy about your life because you seem really well put together. You seem like you're just a good old boy. You take a cyber cab from destination to destination. You don't do anything naughty. You drink a plastic bottle water throughout the day. Water bottle, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You just seem absolutely perfect. What do you think is the naughtiest thing about you, Trevor? When Trevor really lets loose and lets it rip, what does he get into? - Oh, I mean, I played rugby in college. I used to drink a lot. You know, it's kind of like a hard drinking culture, if you will. - It tells the good stuff, man. What the fuck is that? - Yeah, we don't want to know about your college days. - Do you eat ass, do you know what I mean? - Do you eat ass? Do you eat ass? Trevor, that's a great question. - It hasn't come up yet. (laughter) - Do you eat it? - Come up here. (laughter) - What do you think exactly? You think they present themselves like a kitty cat or something? (laughter) - I mean, at least I'm not gonna do it unprompted, like. - Really? - You're gonna, what are you gonna, you wanna, you wanna night dinner area or something like that? You want them to write it out? 15 minutes of vaginal eating and then anal. (laughter) - Does he eat pussy though? - Do you eat pussy? - Yeah. - Well, when you can, right? Do you have any special techniques or anything that you do? - Well, yeah, in college. - In college again, this fucking guy. We got an American pie over here. Keep going. - Well, all of my friends, we got together and we took this class by this lady called the Reba the Deba. She taught us everything there is to know. - Tell us. - Yeah, tell us. (laughter) - Great point, teach us. What did she teach you? - I don't know, it was something about like a toilet, like washing motion or something like that. - You know what it is, huh? - Yeah, it's not. - You know all of it. - I mean, these are trade secrets. You can't just be giving them out here. - You're trying to just keep them for yourself, dude. - You're not even eating ass out there. Talking about toilet motions and you don't even eat ass. - What can I say? I don't even eat ass it. - Let's get the fucking nerd. (laughter) - You really? - Well, back in my college days, I was not. I'll tell you right now, me and the old rugby team, we'd get up to some wild shenanigans. I need you to present the ass to me before I go into the air. I like it. One time for my friends bar mitzvah we had a whole six-pack of beer. Trevor, truly, what's the wildest thing you've ever done in your life? I mean, give us something, dude. All right, well, I had not had-- well, I made a choice to quit drinking because one night got a little bit too crazy with the Mad Dog 2020s and-- What'd you end up doing? I can't wait to hear this. You took-- Okay, so-- You drove your bicycle all the way home. Yeah. You bought a lot of rescratcher. So-- I was the real Mad Dog that night, Tony. And let's just say I was not seeing 2020. So I was with these guys who I had just met, by the way. The Rock B-T. No, this was this was the sales team. And-- Oh, nothing better than barding with the sales team. They have like a whole evening and then they leave the bar and see that I have my head in my hands and they're like, all right, let's call this guy an Uber. A Waymo shows up, which is just what you want to take home like, you know, a guy in that state, right, is a Waymo. And then for some reason, I got out of the Waymo. And the only thing that I can remember is that there were these, there was this couple and they sounded like the voices of angels to me. And they were like, they were like, where do you live? And I was like, take me to Murray Hill, which is in New York City. And where were you? Here in Austin. Oh, great. And then they were like, they were like, you're not in New York City, you're in Austin. I was like, please tell me I'm in Austin right now because I'm really freaking out. And then I threw up in the guy's car and then it goes, oh, Jesus. But then I woke up at home. So they like, after all that, they went through the, you know, I thought it was a Waymo. Why was there a guy in your Waymo? There's no-- No, these were-- I was on the street. Oh, I stopped paying attention to the Waymo. Wait, this is the craziest thing you've ever done. He was so drunk that the Waymo driver got mad at him, throwing up at his car. He realized, I'll fucked up you up to me to throw up. And then a guy turns around like, why are you throwing up in my Waymo? You know what? You're a good dude. You really are. That's what it is. He's a good dude, you know? Every pussy in here is dry as hell right now. You know what? You did it, man. Good for you. I like your style, Trevor. It was a good set. Trevor Lewis, ladies and gentlemen. All right, let's have some fun here. I'm about to bring up a, uh, an absolute legend of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, the whole place is about to go absolutely fucking ballistic as I present to you a guy that I mean just absolutely is a freak of nature in the show's history. Balls to the wall. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the great and powerful Timmy No Brace everyone. How the fuck are we doing? Hey, gay gay nice to see you. Are you a battery? Cause those are some double A small pits. I mean come on. What? From row? What are you doing, bitch? All right. I'm, uh, we're back, bitch. Um, I'm going to do a couple of impressions for you guys. This first one because we have a Japanese guy right here is going to be a Xi Jinping emperor of China. Same with shop, all right. Check this out. Um, hero. Guys, that's a workshop. I am workshop. Guys, relax. Okay. Come on. All right. Let's do another one. Let's do this guy. Andrew dice clay. Check this out. All right. This last one is going to be guys. This one is going to be a, let's do an impression of a giant pushy. Okay. Check this out. Uh, what's up? My name is Tim Steifler. I'm from San Diego and this leather jacket is my prison. I fucking, I fucking, I know you guys don't understand. I've been doing this for a year. I have to do this shit forever. I'm so fucked. I am so fucked. You have no idea. And by the way, like I'm the opposite of Timmy no breaks. I really like a girl slid into my DMs with a video of her fingering herself and my response was thank you. I fucking thank her for it. I don't, I don't know. She unsent the video. I don't know what I'm fucking do. I shouldn't be calling anybody gay. I have a, but, but they I fucking I don't even poop sometimes. They just sit there and let water into my fucking ass like I'm Japanese. I just made eye contact with a Japanese guy that's not even Japanese. I'm sorry. And that was crazy. I'm so sorry for talking about your tits like that, you know. I'm really sorry. Yeah. And they're not the biggest tits. You can't see it, but that's fine. That's cool. I love that's your journey, you know. Like I support it. That's great. I'm not even a tits guy. Okay. I'm not an ass guy. I'm a gay guy. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Long time coming. I, I have a vision board and, um, totally fine, totally fine gay guy. And, uh, I have a vision board and I, uh, I have the word girlfriend on there with red letters and hearts over the eyes. I'm just being real and, um, and it works. It works. Um, most of you guys don't know. You guys know I have a girlfriend and, um, she's in the back. Don't look at her and, uh, and I don't know if I just destroyed my career. If I'm ever going to be on this show again, I really don't know. So I, tonight is a special night. I don't want to take advantage of it. It's my, uh, girlfriend and eyes three year anniversary. And thank you. And, um, you know, just to get serious for a second, like, this has all been amazing. You guys are totally fucking awesome, but it's been super overwhelming. Like, you know, for some of us, we haven't been doing stand up that long. This happens. Our dreams come true. And then we have to figure out how to headline. We're like, I don't fucking know what I'm doing. And she has come to every single show in every city. And I wouldn't be able to do this without her. So this is going to be kind of weird little gay. Um, but can I see her a sauna rotor? I'm like, really bad at saying, okay, all right, John, John D's. Okay. I'm really, I'm genuinely, really nervous right now. So I love you too. Even when you're here, I miss you. Even when you're gone, you are totally here. Even when you're mad, you're not that mad. Even when you're glad, you're not overly glad as well. Even when you sing, you sing. Even when you bring, you bring, whatever you brought. Even when I'm sad inside my brain, you make me feel better when you make that pussy go. Let's start a family. Even when I'm here, I miss you. Even when I miss you, you are totally here. Even when you're fat, you're skinny. Even when you aren't down to make love, even when you don't even when you, you even, when you don't even know you, inside my brain, you make me feel better when you make that pussy go. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I was really embarrassing and I tried to make it funny for you guys, but in all seriousness, you make me the happiest man in the world and it would mean the world to me if you would be my wife. I don't know who that is, um, God, guys, guys, you got to manifest, finish your board stuff, you got to aim for what you want. You got to play for the game you want to have. It's going to happen. I'm single, relax. God damn it. Timmy, no brakes, ladies and gentlemen. Okay. Thank you guys. I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Look at that. What an appearance. Yeah. Timmy throwing down the jacket and the sunglasses and showing his true self. What's the character? What's not? I really, I don't even know. It's a fine line. How you doing, young gravy? You know, I'm good. That was freaky. I freaked me out. I can't even talk. You freaked out? Yeah. You have a girlfriend? No! That was the whole joke. No, that's cool, man. I'll do it again for you later, if you want. I'll just freak people the whole thing. Run away, run away. This guy's so tall. I was like, up there, I was like, holy shit, you're so tall. Enhancing. I'm not gay, but like you got to admit, this is a hot guy. Let's move on. Okay, yeah. I don't know what I'm doing. I've never done this before. I don't fucking. Without the jacket and the sunglasses, you're a whole different person. It's incredible. You scared Jew. Yeah. How about that? Did you meet the German girl? I ran right away from her. I could smell, just like they could smell us and I fucking ran away. Yeah. You would have blended in great back in the day with that bleach blonde hair. That would have been a hell of a. I totally forgot I did that until this moment. I don't think they had that back then in Germany during World War II, but that would have been a hell of a move. Wasn't this what Germans were like? They were blonde? Yeah. Oh, is that your point? I'm saying that if the Jews go about bleaching their hair. After the show, we'll go over everything they've been doing with young gravy. Just redo everything. We'll do a whole, we'll take it from the top. Timmy, I mean, I fucking loved it. You just gave it. Thanks, man. Everyone, man, show, a fucking. That was incredible. Thanks, guys. No, still in there. Fuck was it? It almost seems like Timmy no breaks as you and you are Timmy no breaks, whether there's a jacket or glasses or not. I don't know. I think you're overthinking it. Is it the only difference is your last name. One is no breaks, and one is stifler. I never thought about it like that. Yeah, no, sometimes I look in the mirror and I just see a Jersey guy call me gay and sometimes I look in the mirror and it's a Jewish guy call me gay. So, it just depends. What hurts more? The Jew. Because they've done so much stuff, you know, like the Jew making fun of you is one of the worst feelings in the world. Having no comeback, you know, particularly once you. I don't even know where we are right now. You're doing just fine, buddy. Hey, everything's straight. Thanks, you too. So, it's good that this is my first time ever interviewing. Well, it's not. It's not. That Volk and I interviewed Tim Stifler a long time ago. It wasn't even Volk and it was. Anyways, pull up the clip. It's okay. I came out and you measured me, I think, immediately. Oh, we don't have to talk about it. I mean, what? It was okay. You idiot. He's so scared. He's such a scared little boy. When you don't have the glasses and jacket on, you literally are different. You're a scared little boy. Yeah. So, I measured you and then what did I do? Then you shook my dick. Okay, wow. That's what Timmy No Briggs would say. He would never suck Stifler's dick, right? Yeah. He just hikes Stifler, Tim Stifler. Wait, is it Stifler? It's Defler. Oh, that's his porno name. It's Tim Stifler. Stifler. Yeah. Man, that was mean. Nope, kidding. That was great. I said that you're so scared. Oh, no. But. So, why is it? Why do you think that that jacket and those glasses, you're totally. You just do a funny voice. That's the key to success. You just see, just watch comedians and be like, "I'm gonna do that one." And then you just do that and you'll be super successful. So, that's what I did. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You have to do that after everything you say. You have to go, "I'm kidding." That was good. That was bad. Yeah, I don't know. You're just like, "I'm still freaking out." Every time I come up, I am freaking out, for sure. But it just hides it more. You know, I could just be like, "Sir, you look like a dumb ass Santa Claus. You're not even looking at me right now. You don't even know that I'm saying that to you. You fucking moron." Look at this idiot. You can't see it. He's staring. This. What are you doing? You fucking idiot. Good to see you, sir. And then. So, that's. It's like. Kind of like that. That was totally fine. But I would never be like, "You idiot. Fuck you. You shut up." You know, like that would be mean. Wow. Give it up for my dad. My dad came to school. [ Laughter ] Why do you look like you're having no fun right now? It's a fun time. That's chief. Chief has a specific taste. He has specific. He likes the bucket pulls. He thinks regulars and golden tickles are trash. He doesn't like to see people get more than one opportunity, more than one shot. He would have taken those first three insane bucket pulls over an actual comedy veteran any day. Yeah. He comes to this show to watch people that are out of their minds. Yeah. He's the only audience member that I would possibly know. You seem like a great guy. He really hates you, though. I mean, I've never seen him hate anybody as much as he hates you, right? Is he like a normie or like a guy that comes to motion? He's the guy that he has been coming to every show since Antones. He's the only person, despite many conspiracy theories, that gets a presil code. And he always brings three hot chicks with him this week. This week it appears to be. Yeah, we get that one really hot chick. It looks like a. It's a struggle. It's like no breaks with cancer, right? Yeah, it's a rough week this week, but it's a rarity. Is he gagging? Yeah, we do. I love it. And you came out, guns ablaze, and what's amazing, I got to tell you, I was walking through to go to the Sunset Strip Comedy Club Green Room on Thursday night to hang out with the comedians that were on the secret show. As I do on Thursdays, and I saw you working out some material to me no breaks. I saw them, and I saw you do the AA battery tits joke, and it was hilarious. I absolutely loved it. And then I saw you come out tonight, and you did it to a lady in the front row. And now that I look, it is amazing. What are the odds? Those tits are so small. It is incredible. Like, he was going to do that. You were going to do that no matter what the chick's tits look like. You know that there's no camera from over there that's going to get the tits. There's no reverse shot. They could have been anybody. You were going to say that, but it's amazing. Those are actually RAs, right? They're B's. What? B's? Yeah, that's a lie. B's tell you, you fucking idiot. Sorry, I'm so sorry. Just for the show, I'll do this. Take him out. B's tell. Yeah. I got to tell you. They B's pretty fucking small, if you ask me. Are you Japanese? Yeah, I didn't think so. Hi. Yeah. I called that right. I called that Ron. What are you? I'm doing crowd work right now. Let's just, you know, go. Perfectly. You were that close to the Asian you've been looking for the whole time, by the way. To see. Hi. And this is the guy that keeps taking off and putting on his head. Yep. Weird head. Put it on. Oh my god. Oh fuck. Timmy, no breaks. You are an absolute legend. We love you so much. What a performance. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Even when you're seafloor, you are funny. I like it. I like it. I like it. He's cute without the jacket. I like it. He's a wild boy. Timmy's a legend. All right. Back to the bucket we go. This is where we found Timmy. This is where we found Uncle Laser. Anything can happen. Make some noise for Justin Tamayo, everybody. So I'm a single dad. Do you have any single dads here? Probably not. All right. Figure that. My son's 18 and I'm 36. So I started pretty young. Yeah. One thing I found out pretty young is that you're not supposed to cream pie and have a curfew. Can't do that. I came home from school and my mom was like, are you ready to have a baby? I was like, can I put my backpack down? No, it's. I'm very lucky. My son's a great kid. But raising a young man, there's a lot of like male competitive energy. Right? Like every time I go to his room, I make sure I'm knocking on that door super hard. Because God forbid I walk in on him jacking off. And I find out he's got a bigger dick than me. You got to move out, bro. You got to move the fuck out. I don't know. I'm real lucky. And it's like, I can see him now, right? Getting out of the shower? Hey, dad, you want low-ditch washer? What the fuck? Okay, all right. Justin Tamayo. Justin Tamayo, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the show, Justin. How long have you been on stand-up? Three years. Three years. What part of San Antonio have you been doing it? This is Austin. Austin. This is where you live? - Oh, run, run. - Okay, sweet. You work in heating or cooling. (audience laughs) - I'm a pool guy. - A pool guy, God, I was so close. Okay, how long you been a pool guy for? - I think seven years. - All right, interesting. And you do it all. You know what you're doing. You're checking the pH levels, chlorine. - Yep. - Little bit of this, little bit of that. - Little bit of that. - Yep. - Okay. What's the craziest thing you've ever seen as a pool guy? A lot of, a lot of single moms out there? - No, no. I mean, I do, I do a lot of the rich neighborhoods. So it's just like housewives that are just bored. - Dematins hate swimming pools so much. I mean, for a lot of reasons. You can't even imagine. - There is, he is the Kryptonite of swimming pools. - I mean, Redbam, are you out of your mind this week? For no reason, a chicken noise? - It's, do I know, do I, all right, back to it, Jesus Christ. - I pulled out a dildo one time from the pool. - Yeah. - Oh my God. - I had a suction cup. So I just stuck it to the glass door and I left. - Really? - Yeah. - Wow. Who lived in the house? - I mean, it was like, it was renters. And I think it was like, I mean, I'm one to guess college kids maybe. I hope not old people are rolling around with the suction cup dildo out there, but. - Got it. - So Justin, let's talk about it. What made you want to start stand up three years ago? - Um, I mean, how real do you want to get? - Like, Jesus. (laughs) - What the fuck is that? - I mean, I mean, it's, I was just in a dark place and comedy found me when I was at the edge. - You were in the deep end of the pool. - Yeah, definitely. - Got it. - Well done. - What was going on exactly? I like it, let's go dark. What was happening? - I just, I had, I was engaged to get married and just the rug got pulled out from underneath me. - Oh shit. And all, like tell us about that, what happened there? How long were you dating this girl? - I was, I was dating her for, total relationship was about 11 months. - Okay. - And you, typical Latino. You proposed at what, eight months? - Six months. - Six months, holy shit. - Yeah. - Hey, you're the one forever, dude. - She was already 13 months pregnant. - Yeah. - Yo. Look babe, the mat doesn't have to make sense. - Let's do it, dude. Let's start it off shallow. Now it's gotten deep. I want to put chlorine in you. - Oh shit. - All right, go ahead. - No, she wanted me to sign over custody of my other son. - To who? - Like she wanted, like, okay, so I have two children. I have a 18 year old and a 13 year old. And my 13 year old I had with my ex wife, she lives in North Carolina. She's an outstanding mother. - Yes. - And she didn't like the idea of me having another kid. She thought it was messy. So she wanted me to sign my rights away and not be, she wanted you to give your 13 year old to the mom at the Carolina full time. - Yeah. - Well, he's already there. She wanted me to have parental rights. Wow, like, oh, you got out of this, easy, buddy. - This is a good thing. - No, no, did you consider it? - No, no, I just, all I did was just please say no for the love of God. One day this 13 year old's gonna tune into this show. He's gonna, you gotta be fucking shit. Ma-ba, man, my dad almost gave me away for some fucking hooker after six months. - Yeah. - Where'd you meet this girl at? - Well, here's, I went to high school with her. She was two grades lower. So like, we've all, our friends were friends. So I've known her for years. - Wow. - And the thing is, she's a single mom too. So I was like, how old's her kid? - The same age as my oldest son. - 18. - Well, back then he was 15. - Okay, well yeah, doesn't really matter, but yeah. - Okay, but got it. - Okay, so she told you that and then would you tell her? - I just was like, how could you ask your mother? How could you ask that? - Would she say that? - I don't care Justin, it's messy, it's white trash. I don't wanna, white trash. - Yeah, and it just, she was Latina, right? - No. - What was she? - She was a redhead. - Oh no. - Oh, there it is. (audience laughs) - I don't trust redheads or twins. - That's the devil's work. (audience laughs) - Goddamn right. - Wow, L.D. Oblok, good on that. (audience laughs) - Oh my goodness, gracious. - So you never wavered in this. The whole time you're like, there's no way I'm signing over my right. - No, absolutely not, I just, there was in a moment where you're like, "I could get this pussy one more time." - I'll think about it, baby. - She was so hot, I just kept trying to like, I was like, you're joking or whatever. And then like, Christmas would come and she would be a bitch 'cause my other mom would call and it would piss her off. And I'm like, you know, I'm just caught in the middle. And while you found stand-up comedy, so then when you start bombing it open, mics all around, and you loved it, it gave you excitement. - Well, it just, it was, I had so much rumination of the fucking thing playing it over that the pain of bombing was a nice pain other than that. - Right. - Whatever I could fucking stop that. - Yeah. - Oh, that makes sense. - And like, you can just change the obsession. - Yeah. - It is true bombing onstage does not hurt his bad, is being bullied by a red-headed single mother. - Yeah. - It wants you to abandon your kid. - Yeah. You were like, I'm gonna write some terrible joke. - And fuck, get about this. - I'm gonna go on stage and feel that pain. - Absolutely. - You aren't doing it right. You're writing authentic to you and your story. I'll say that, like, you know, the cream pie and curfew thing, yeah, there's something there. Your premises are correct. Like, you're doing, you're doing a good job at identifying what is funny about you unlike the Mormon bishop from earlier, where we find that out in the interview part. You're during your set, you're at least acknowledging the things that are interesting about your life. I mean, you had a kid at 18 and your kid is 18, right? - Yeah. - Is he out fucking? Is he following in dad's footsteps? - Okay, so I found out he wasn't a virgin one day. I came home and I realized that the screen to his window was off. - Oh. - And I'm like, motherfucker, dude. I'm like, Kaden, what are you doing? He's like, she came over, I snunker in, I'm sorry. And like, my thing is, I have really thin walls in my apartment 'cause I'm poor. And I have sleep apnea. So I'm in the other room, and he's like, shh, still fucking, like, how do you, I wish I could have that focus still, it's gone. But you know what I mean, as you get older, it's just the connection is gone. But to hear your dad choking in the other room, and being like, shh, shh, shh, shh. - You talk about that during your set? - No, let's see, that's set. This is more authentic stuff. - Well, I'm working on it, yeah, thank you. - Get it all in the mix, let all goes together. Let all goes together, I'm 36. He's 18, da, da, da, da, da. You got that, it's all right. - I can't even be mad at him if he has a kid, because-- - Yeah, no, man. No, I'm high five on him every day. I'm like, still no one pregnant. That's what's up. He's like, no, I'm not gonna be like you, dude. - Yeah, I mean, look, let's face it, it's only a matter of time. If he's popping his screen off, that means he's definitely not wearing a condom. - No, he doesn't want to wake you up, you know? - Yeah, I ain't waking up, dude. I ain't waking up, I'm dying in the other room. - Do you have a machine and everything? - No, I don't, I just-- - You're just raw dog gonna have to-- - No, I dated a woman that was a sleep technician, so when she spent the night, I woke up, and she was there with like a notebook and a flashlight. She's like, you stop breathing 33 times. I'm like, what are you doing? - Right, and she's just like, I'm like, you're at my house, you're not at work right now, so you don't have to do that. - The red head was a sleep tech-- - No, this is before that. - Wow, you get quite a story. - Yeah, you're in the crazy white bitches, aren't you? - Is that your type? - Who is it, man? - A lot of people. Is that the worst of the stories? What's one more crazy white girl story from your past? - Oh, wow, like, who could-- - Oh, the white girl story. - Yeah. He came out like, somebody's like, "White girl story?" - It's the craziest thing a crazy white girl's ever done or that you've seen or-- - She stabbed me with a screwdriver. - There it is. - There it is. - Wow. - Wow, and that's when you-- And that's when you had your son. (laughing) - I was in the army and she was like-- - She's like, "Fuck you!" And stabbed me and I was like, "Oh!" And I went through here. I went back to playing Call of Duty 'cause I was still on lunch. Then I went to the emergency room. - Wow. - Army or Call of Duty? Or both. - No, I was playing Call of Duty on my lunch break. - In the army. - In the army. - Wow, that's crazy. That's amazing that a guy in the army still plays Call of Duty. On his lunch break. That's not a real break at all. - Yeah. - I thought you were to say-- - You're doing the fake thing that you do for real. That's fucking crazy. (laughing) - There you go. - Justin Tamayo, you're very green even though you've been doing this three years. But very authentic. I like your style, man. Here's a big joke, but congratulations. There you go. - Thank you, guys. - We keep it moving along here. Your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of what appears to be hope. There's Heidi again, everyone. Mix some noise for your next bucket pool. It is Sophia Renee Bacchus, ladies and gentlemen. Sophia Renee Bacchus. (upbeat music) Redhead. - Yes, the red-headed Antichrist is here. (audience laughing) So I recently had to spend [BLANK_AUDIO] $30 to find out I had a miscarriage. I mean, really, I could've just spent that on a grief cake, but okay. Sweet's never heard anybody except Diabetics. Sorry, Red Band. No, but I recently moved to the domain area here in Austin. People said it's great. Yeah, the cockroaches in my apartment love it. No, great. So here's the ADD, making me completely lose my memory. No, I don't, I believe in equality. So when I see someone in a wheelchair at a crosswalk and I'm out dashing, I don't stop for them. (audience laughing) Yeah, no, here's your equality. You wanted this. You get to wait on the rain just like everybody else, okay? It's your karma anyway. Sophia Renee, back is welcome to the show. Here, you are funny, Sophia. Oh, thank you. What did you forget? Do you remember now? Was that it? Was it the equality thing? Or was that one you just remembered that you didn't want to do 'cause you couldn't think of anything else? I'm curious. I don't know about the written material. You had momentum going through there. Yeah, no, this is just my first time ever performing on stage, my written material, so. Really? Yeah. That is incredible. Thank you. Wow, that's fucking amazing. That really is amazing. For you to acknowledge the red-headed thing off the top and at least get through some of your jokes from the beginning, it's very hard to do. That blanking out thing that happens famously happens to a lot of people whose first time means a lot to them, including myself, that happened to me at the comedy store on the first-ever open mic that I ever did, even though I had prepared months and months every day for that three-minute-long set. So I find it very interesting. We see that a lot around here, but that just means that it means a lot to you. So I'm interested to find out what made you want to start stand-up here today? Well, I've signed up quite a few times. I mean, at least it doesn't. So that's not too many, but I was always an outcast, and I'm an only child. I have a need to express myself and get my energy out. Hell yeah. Yeah. I love it, because you seem like you would be protesting us. That's what you look like. You look like the type of person that would make a video. That Tony Hinch clip is a piece of shit. And instead, here you are using common sense and using the format for what it's meant for, which is a great, great story. You are the ultimate underdog. And here you are venting yourself as perfectly as you can. So you've been signing up for, you said 12 times about, so that's a few months. Then you chose here to start, and not a different open mic. I'm curious as to what the thought process, it worked out great, but I'm curious as to what your thought process was on that. Well, I'm from Missouri, so-- Oh, well, that answers it all, now it makes sense. You probably didn't really want to get picked, right? Tonight? Yeah, I'm just saying, you keep doing it. You're like, when you don't get picked, when you're like, can I be honest? Yes. I did a card reading today. I'm a terror reader, and it predicted my pregnancy, my miscarriage, and it said I was going to be picked tonight. Wow, all in once? That really, the miscarriage happened recently? No, yeah, it happened today. Like, I'll get-- That was real. I wrote that joke as soon as it happened basically. Wow. Are you trying to have a baby? He's going to make us wait a year or so. Hey, don't say it like that. You're going to get her pregnant with her. Yeah, yeah, the way young gravy said that was what-- maybe I'll take care of this right now. Yeah, god damn. Shit, I got a little bit like this. Yeah, I'm excited. Oh, no, don't nut inside of me, young gravy. My fault, that was forward. That's awesome. Sophia Renee, so you have a full-time boyfriend? Is that what it was? Or was it like a one-time stand? Well, OK, so we had bet in June, June 2nd, and by June 19th, I came back down to Austin, and we tried to get pregnant. Wow, you met June 2nd, and you wanted him to impregnate you on June 19th. Am I getting this correct? Actually, I was June 2nd. It was June 2nd. Yes. [APPLAUSE] Yeah. Yeah, man. This is all making sense. We're looking at what's happening here. And he was celebrating. It's a big holiday for him. Am I correct? He's half Jamaican. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, he was like, bump a clop with the big pussy. The big red head pussy will give it to ya. I will take my way to the red pubes to the promise to let me friend first thing I do put baby inside of you. The rest, we will converse about later. Do I let him fool ya? Oh, no. Wow. So where did you meet this half-jump? What's the other half? He's half Jamaican. What's the sill in? Oh, my god. Oh, my god. This guy, holy shit, Sophia. Sophia. When we met first, he had just gotten out of jail. Oh, my god. Do interviews don't get me to see the lights. I see the reflection of the lights going crazy behind me. This show is awesome sometimes. I mean, I just love it. This is what it's all about. So did you know he was-- you probably had the tarot cards and you were like, you got the black dick. No, no, no. The lawn of lawns. Oh, the jail cell. And the foodoo chicken. What does that mean? What is the foodoo chicken mean? That would be the proper time for chickens. [LAUGHTER] Oh, my god. Unbelievable. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. So so many questions. Yeah. Let's go back to what was he in jail for exactly? Pemping. Oh, my god. The sweetest little girl is up here talking about how this is real. This is kill-toting. [MUSIC PLAYING] I love it. You get it. You get it. You get it. Last few full episodes, some people during the interview part, some just like, come on. You know what the show is? Like, what the what else? And they fucking, I don't know. And then there's you. In angel. In angel sent to us from the land of-- Apparently, Pemping ain't easy, huh, girl? Oh, my god. So how did he explain to you how he got in trouble for pimping? Explain to us how your man that you fell in love with so fast, so much that in two weeks, you're like, fill me up. I want babies with you, half Jamaican, half Sicilian. Explain to us what he said, listen, baby, pimping is pimping. How did he explain it to you? How did he get in trouble this time? Yeah, oh, this time. Oh, my god. Oh, I feel like you like that about him. Oh, you do. You're an only child. You have just been the quiet little you like reading books. You went through the entire Harry Potter series. Am I correct? Yeah. Yeah. You've been to the Harry Potter land? No, not yet. Oh, shit. Well, he ain't taking you there. That's her goddamn shirt. [LAUGHTER] He might give you some Hogwarts though. I'll tell you that. Come on. Let's go. Kill Tony. Let's go. I bet he's a serious black. That's the Harry Potter jokes. Harry Potter jokes. It's a character named serious black. Come on. You don't watch Harry Potter? I love Harry Potter. Well, she's got a little harmony going on right here. Yeah. She's got it. You're almost in that dick game, you know what I mean? She is. She is. This is like a serious black and fucked a weaselie sister or something like that. Yeah. Not a big Harry Potter crime. OK, let's get back. Yeah, we want to know. Let's get back to it. OK. So this time, basically, she was older than him, and she'd been pimping for ages. And-- Wait, who's she? This lady who turned on him. Oh, she ratted him out. OK, go ahead. So he said she was addicted to meth. And-- She was what? Addicted to meth. And she just went-- Unlike you, who's addicted to meth, am I right? I don't see how you fit into this puzzle, but I love love. I love love. I love love. And if this is what you love, then this is amazing. OK, so she ratted him out. And when you say this time, how many times do you think he's been arrested for pimping? Oh, I have no idea. But you know it's more than once. I'm sure he's 54, so he's a lot older than me. Oh, oh, mine. Yeah. Oh, my God. How old are you? I'm 32. 32? OK, that's OK. That's OK. Yeah. -Once your 30, it doesn't matter. -Oh, Heidi's farting a jar for anyone ever you need to. -Okay, he's 54 and this guy. Okay, so where exactly did you meet him? -So, okay, I was working at the Firehouse Hostel. I was a workstay. I was living there for three months. I left. -A workstay, so you're, what does that mean? You're like working in the host stand or something? -I was working in living at the Hostel. -Okay. -It's a Hostel. How much is rent there in night, ballpark? -Between 30 to 60. -Okay, good to know. You're painted the picture now. Here we are. How long have you been working there at the time? About four June 2nd. Just give us a ballpark. -I'm there from December 30th to April Fool's Day. -Oh, April Fool's Day. -Did you really leave on April Fool's Day? Are you tricking us? No, okay, go ahead. -So, he had just gotten out of jail like. Not even a week after I left, but I had made a best friend and just shut out Jackie. And she introduced us. And she regretted it, I guess. -Of course. -She was trying to get it. -She was not. -Right, but you can't believe her. Everyone wants the 54-year-old pimp that's fresh out of jail. Okay, so explain us. When you met him, where were you? Still didn't get there yet. -Oh, I was at home. We were video chatting. I was video chatting with my best friend. She was like, "Oh, you got to meet Nick. He's the chef of the hostel and everything." -So, she showed you, she turned the camera. -Yeah. -And there he is. Were they in bed together? What were they doing? -Yeah. -They're at work. -He was in the kitchen. -He's wearing a chef's hat? -No. -Like, he was the unofficial cook. -Unofficial cook, right? -Okay. -And making sandwiches and whatnot. Like a pimp does. -Yes. -Good? -Well, yeah. So, he was like, "Oh, Sophia, you know, what Sophia means in the Nakamadi?" And I'm into new age stuff, so. -What's a non-kamadi? We don't know. -The Nakamadi is. -We don't speak chef pimp. -It's a. It's a gnostic thing, so it's like the new age Christianity thing. -Okay. -He said to the Anunnaki and stuff. -Whoa. I think I just felt it come over me. Okay. Okay. So, what was it, the Anunnaki? -Anunnaki. -Oh, he's trying to Anunnaki you up. That's what's happening here. Okay. So, then there's the facetime, so we get it. How soon after that do you physically meet him in the flesh? -Oh, it was a few months. It was like. -Okay, so tell us about that exact moment. Where were you? -At the hostel. -Okay. So, there you are at the hostel. What happens? -Uh-huh. -What position? -Yeah. -Honestly? -Doggy style. -I was somewhat regretting it. I thought he was a little bit tacky. -Oh, please tell us. -He has a ponytail and it's like. -He has a 54-year-old half-chemic and half-sacillian ponytail pimp chef. Are you fucking serious, dude? What is this? Is this Killtony bingo or something? This is unbelievable. It's so you win. -Oh, you don't mind me pony-tap me up. Because if you do, you will sleep with the fishes. Don't forget that half-sacillian. Okay. -So, when you say, "Okay, take us there. What are you talking about? What was tacky?" -He doesn't know how to dress, right? Like, he's smaller. -Smaller. He's a skinny black. -Oh, they love. This is the fucking. I don't know if you guys. I don't know if you guys have ever been outside before, but skinny black men have a type and that type is type two. [ Laughter ] -I mean, look at this. Look at this. Look at that. I have a question. So before you met it, you guys were like, "There was a lot of sexting going on before that day." -Can I be real? -Yeah, you can. -Be real! -You are the realest. You are the realest we've had in a long time. Keep being real. -Be real! -I have some religious delusions at times. -Oh, I love this. You're about to be a regular. You keep it. You keep being this nutty. I'm about to make you a star. Go ahead. -So, like, yeah, once I got fired because I fell in love with a coworker and, like, this is just kind of normal for me. If you know me, I get kind of swept up with, like, destiny and fate. -Wow. I love this. -Yeah. -It's like, there's like six guys watching this right now, furious. -Yeah. -Timmy Nobreak's as hard as a rock behind that curtain. -Just thinking his vision board has come true right now. Okay. So keep going. You met this guy. Did you hook up that first night? -Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. Absolutely. -And did he finish inside of you? -He came to me, like, over 12 times, and I was only there for a week. -12 times? -Yeah. -Oh, my God. -Well, we were trying for a baby. -Who's idea was the fucking baby? Who's idea was a baby? Who's idea was this fucking baby? You got to be kidding me. -Your idea. You're, like, I want to have a kid. -I want to. -And you want him to be the father. -A pimche? -A chef pim. But a hostel. And multiple time arrested, chef pim. I mean, by the way, Nick, if you're watching, big fan. But anyway, seriously. I mean, holy shit. You literally-- how bad do you want to be a single mother? Like, how bad do you want it? -Well, he's going to make us wait, so it might not even happen. We might break up. -Who is he? -Nick. -Who's going to make you wait? -Nick. -Nick said, "Me loves." I think we need to give this time. The guy that nutted in you 12 times in a week is saying we need to give this some time. That night? You said that night or that week? -Oh, that week. -Okay. Thank God. -Come on. -Thank God. -I was, you know, my balls started hurting. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -I thought I wasn't doing enough. I'm 54. [ Laughter ] -All right. -You have to have a tarot card on it, my friend. It'll give you magical nut busting. 12-diamond night to meet love. Holy. -He was a little weird at first on the first one, but you still let him do it? -Wait, what? -On the first night. The first night you said he was a little bit handsy or too much. -Oh, no. He wasn't like that. -No. She wanted a fuck. She wanted a fuckum, and he let it rip. Okay, so you're doing this all the time now. You're with him all the time. -Yeah, we live together. -You live together. -Oh. -What's your living situation exactly? What size is the prison solid? [ Laughter ] -It's a one-bedroom up in the domain. -And you're paying for it, right? -No. -You guys going havesies? -We're supposed to. We owe our rent. It's past two. -You owe your rent. It's past two. What day of the month is it? -Oh, it's the 12th. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Did your tarot cards say anything about this? What did it say? -Eviction. -Eviction. Oh, my God. How much money do you owe? -Like a grant, a little. -Oh, my God. Well, there's a lot of people in the audience. I'm pretty sure. [ Laughter ] Wow. Has he ever bring any tricks home to you? -Oh. -It's actually a good question. Has he ever brought his -- he does have hose? -No. No. He doesn't pimpe anymore because he's on probation. But -- [ Laughter ] -So that's the reason. -Oh, you know, if I lose weight, you know -- -You what? -If I lose weight, it might be an option for me. -Her -- she's saying her -- -To get pimped out. -Oh, you -- Okay. -Now I got -- -It got weird -- -You're making a joke. -That was a joke. -No, it's good to see her real. -You would be willing to prostitute yourself? -Well. - Has he talked about -- has he talked with us about you? -Yeah, he doesn't like the idea. He'd rather me just do gang things, but I'm not really into that. [ Laughter ] -Yeah. -We have to get her to court now, right now. [ Laughter ] -This is so amazing, by the way. This is the longest interview of the night times, too. And I have no desire to get you off the stage. [ Laughter ] -Everybody else go! [ Laughter ] Tell the bucket to show his own -- -What is bucket? -Oh, okay. Hold on a second. When he says that he wants you to do gang bangs, that means, like, for money, I don't understand how you could profit off of -- -That's his kink. -His kink is gang bangs. Has Ab you done one with him? -No, but the first night I was there, I -- Or actually, it was the second night. I did sleep with another guy, and I told him about it. -You slept with another guy before you slept with him? -No, after I slept with him. -Wow, what made you do that? Didn't you get your fill? -Yeah. -Now, did that guy also -- -No. -Oh, you had a standard there, guy. [ Laughter ] Because he said that the -- You said that the main half to make and half Sicilian guy came inside of you that night. So you had sex with another man after that. Did he know that there was -- Come in your pussy. -I don't think so. He wore a condom. -Oh, what a little [bleep] -That point, you know what I mean? -Yeah. -Don't be gay, dude. Just fucking -- fuck the come, bro. [ Laughter ] Fuck the come, dude. Don't be gay. All right. Now, what did he say when you told him about the next guy? about the next guy. He was just teasing me about it. He wasn't mad. Somehow you make all of this ruckus sound so adorable. He was just teasing me about the coming my pussy. You know, he's like, "Babe, I was getting fucked by a basketball team." You know, he's like, "Past it over here!" He's like, "That's not my journal card." I have to move on, unfortunately. I know. I know. I know. You guys want more "Safia." All right, well, we'll do a couple more questions here, Sofia. You might literally be one of the top five most interesting bucket polls in the history of the show. Oh, yeah. This is absolutely incredible. So Sofia, where are things at now? So you guys are struggling for rent. Is he doing any hustling at all to try to scrape up this thousand bucks? You're 12 days late on rent. He's trying to, like, do construction work and stuff, but. What? He has an interview tomorrow. Okay, with the probation officer. Great interview, right? Oh, yeah. My name is Nick. And I'll fill you up. Wow. What would your parents say if they. I mean, because you seem where are you from originally? Missouri. And your parents are just out there in the middle of nowhere, correct? Suburbs. Right, exactly. This Missouri is a land of suburbs. Yeah. She's a Missouri 8. Yeah. That is true. No, no one from Missouri has ever wanted to sleep with me or date me. That's one reason why I moved to Austin. Well, there you go. Here in Austin. You will get fucked. Check those standards out, huh? Austin? Yeah. I gotta go to Austin. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, man, you. you know what? Keep doing this. Yeah. All right. Keep doing this. Yeah. You're gonna be all right. This is incredible. Nick, Nick, we're a condom. Okay. Yeah. What made Nick want to take his time? I'm interested in that because you said that he wants to wait a year now, so what's his thinking? If you guys wanted a baby before, but now you're hitting pause, was the miscarriage traumatic or something? Yeah, he didn't like the miscarriage and we don't really have the money and. That's correct. You definitely don't have the money. Okay. You don't need extra responsibilities. Now the miscarriage that you brought up, just in case anyone's joining the show right now, why would Tony bring up a miscarriage that you brought it up? What exactly happened there? Like, did they give you a reason? Was it when you paid the $40? What did they say happened? They were terrible and I hope they died. Okay. They were rude to me because I didn't want to get a pap smear while having my first pregnancy and she treated me like I was a dumb retarded kind. And I really. Did you tell your pimp chef boyfriend about this? Oh, I did. Yeah. He was like "Bombacala go down." Oh, fuck! I slap the shit out of this nose. Yeah. You don't pups me and me, Pipi Lung, stuck here. This is Pipi wide stockings here. Ah, I love it. You're a pre-spirit, I love it, you know, there's no bra under here, guys. You are fantastic. You are an instant legend on this show. You are so damn likable, so damn vulnerable, you're just putting it all out there, so fucking interesting. Keep working on your stand-up. Keep writing new minutes. Keep it authentic to you. That's his hat around for her rent money, guys. Here's a big uh, here's just how you like it, a big black joke book for you. Boom. Ladies and gentlemen, the killed dope Tony debut of Sophia Renee Backus, holding it down for 24 minutes and 27 seconds. God bless America. Amazing. Oh my god. Amazing. A bucket pool has to follow that, make some noise for every act in this everybody, every act. The streets called me Nick. I got into arguing with my friend the other day, try to tell me where cracker was his offensive is an inward, I said that's preposterous, they use an advertising. You go to crack or barrel right now. Play low pay again, we've never won. My box of crack or jacks, we all enjoy those, fun low pride and pride inside. I've never seen a box of niggas puffs on a show. I feel like, I feel like the end word is marijuana and black people are the government and everyone else like just legalize it, you know we use it. Can't do that. It's like all right, we're still going to keep using it, you guys do cocaine, not me. For me cocaine is on the same list, is gay sex and voting Republican. I'm scared to try because I might like it, those guys seem like they're having a good time. Avery Atkins, ladies and gentlemen, you got more? I got one more. Okay, go ahead. I didn't notice a lot of people like Donald Trump for president because he wasn't a politician. But since one is not being the thing, make you qualified to be the thing, right? It's like if the alternator on your car broke and your boy is like, don't even sweat that dude, I know great DJ. You're a, you're radiators fuck to I'm done. Avery Atkins. Hold the shit, Jesus fucking Christ. Well done. Where the hell did you come from? San Antonio, Texas. San Antonio, Texas. There's a team tonight. Hell yeah. And you drove your 2015 Chevy Impala here tonight. You don't really have a Chevy Impala. I drive a Corolla. Okay. Nice. You are fucking hilarious. How long you been on standup? I started. This is not a joke. I started on January 6th. Wow. Oh my god. And you just stormed the comedy club on January 6th and took it over. I'm doing my best. I love it. And you went to LOL? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Actually, a great comedy club. He's saying that. Yeah, I just feel open. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. Hell yeah. And you did an open mic there. And it started there. Yeah. Yeah, I did. Yes. How did you know that? Yes. Well, I just, I tend to, I'm kind of, I kind of know industry a little bit. Yeah, it was my first open mic was LOL, I'm like, yeah. Hell yeah. Okay. So what do you do for work, Avery? I am an engineer. I work at an architectural consulting firm. Holy shit. Yeah. Wow. Shit. Look at you. My goodness. I mean, you-- My girls just went. Oh. Yeah. It is amazing. So unlike Sophia and Nick, your rent is paid. You're all good. My rent is paid. Hell yeah. Yes, sir. Absolutely. Incredible. Right behind this curtain. I'm waiting. Yeah. Yes. My tarot card said that neither would be a new happening in my life this week of engineering, something cracker, something. My goodness. I miss her. I miss her already. We love Sophia and Nick. Wow. So Avery Atkins, this is incredible, fantastic set. What else is going on in life? Tell us more about the amazing life of Avery Atkins. How do you end up like this? I mean, just from the culture, you know, just hanging out. But man, I just work a lot. Do comedy a lot. Try to hoop, you know. Try to stay tapped in. with current events. I'm pimping, I guess, you know. (audience laughing) Switch, I wanted me to say, right, I'd be pimping his nose then. Yeah. (audience laughing) Yep. I'll play the hits, yeah. (audience laughing) You also know Lou Nell, she was there. Yeah. Amazing, Avery. How old are you? I am 33. 33, you got no girlfriend right now? Not right now. You're just out there in San Antonio walk in the river. Yeah, somebody's got to do it. Yep. Is there a specific type of girl that you like? I like black women. Whoa, tell us more about this 'cause this is very interesting. A lot of black men come up here and they look at it as their opportunity to bag a white lady and you are staying loyal to the soil. The darker the better. Absolutely. What is it about the black woman that you love so much? I just think dark skin is beautiful, truly, you know, just, it looks nice. Yes. Yes. I'm attracted to that. Absolutely. Look at all these white guys right now, just. Yeah. (audience laughing) You better not be glistening on my yard, I'll tell ya. (audience laughing) See, a lot of these fucking cowboys out here. Look at serious, look how serious chief is again. That's so quiet. Look at that fucking get off my lawn. (audience laughing) (audience laughing) Where? Not with you, bro. It's just hard. Yeah. I'm with you. My guy. Yep. There it is. I love it. Anytime there's fucking involved, this guy jumps in. Yeah. Do you need me to get somebody pregnant for you? (audience laughing) You need some gravy, girl? Yeah, that's all I got, baby. So, Avery, give us one more fun fact about your life before I get you out of here. What would surprise us about Avery Icons? It is Acons, but not probably not surprising. I used to make music, used to produce and rap a little bit. Nice. Well, yeah, yeah. I love that, what kind of rap? I mean, just standard rap, you know, with a words rhyme at the end of the sentence, specifically. Nothing, nothing up to good point. (audience laughing) It's a good point, that is a good point. And now you get to do it, everybody. And now you get to do it. One, two, one, two, three, four. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. (audience laughing) Uh-oh. Y'all. Hey. Look. (laughing) I wiped the blood off my ass. She knuckles better. Call your daddy, uncle, brother. 'Cause I'm telling what is coming. Hope they're home or something. Know the facts. Boy, I get it. Jumpin' like your host of facts. Yard's sick, whips bitch. Tell him that the rule is back. A giant in a skinny body. Pins him in a shot. Yago's totally told a skinny body. Catch 'em, anybody's y'all. I'm in your city, brolly. Movin' like a copra, wavy, insor-arty ghost. And when this nigga get the flowin' I this summer, since when I pants, I'll get to rollin' I can't see me know what point it wants to nigga get to zoning. A lot of dudes, y'appin' they ain't have it's real. Just let me smell my daffodils before I move my nigga. Trying to fall like 40 lakers. 40 ounces, 40 acres in the countin' for my paper. They ain't never did me favors, nah. They gave me no advantages. I just played the averages. If you did the calculus, you didn't know. Not a mouth to this. [MUSIC] [MUSIC] Wow. Okay. [LAUGH] Fuck you. All right, drop the mic. Shit. Damn. That was way better than I could do. [LAUGH] Fucking sick. I would love to have you at the Secret Show Thursday. Secret Show Thursday. [MUSIC] Keep signing up, Avery. At Keynes? Akeens? Akeens. Avery Akeens, ladies and gentlemen. What a debut for Avery Akeens. [APPLAUSE] Fuck. Keep coming back, Avery. What the God? Avery. Man, a way the show started to where we are now. Ain't that fucking crazy. [APPLAUSE] This is Tiltoni, anything gonna happen now. We have a very special, very special return here before we get to our final comedy act of the night. This young lady was pulled out of the bucket. Six months ago. Six months ago. And she said that she needed a reason. She wanted a reason to help her lose weight. And we said that if she loses 25 pounds, she can come back and do another set. She has lost 25 pounds. We made a deal. Six months ago. So here she is. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the return. One minute set for Candace August. Everybody Candace August. [APPLAUSE] I just had a baby. And one thing that I didn't know about pregnancy is it makes your boobs bigger. During my pregnancy, my boobs may be doubled in size. And that's fine for other people, but I already had big boobs. So now they just out of hand. Don't nobody want these big ass high school lunch lady titties. Look at this bullshit. I do not want these big ass bus driver titties. Look on the side. Like I'm smuggling cantaloupes. I had to get all new bras. Look at these big industrial straps. Ugh. I guarantee you can use this attire your Christmas tree to the roof of your car. Ugh. Gross. This is not Victoria's secret. This is Home Depot bitch. I hate it. I used to have spaghetti straps. Now I got lasagna. It's the worst. Used to have sexy color bras. Midnight black, cherry red. What is this casket line in beige? What is this ugly ass color? My name is Candace August. That's my time. Candace August. She's back. Holy shit. Welcome Candace. Hello. Funnier than ever. Holy shit. Welcome, welcome. And the titties are nice. Thank you. Yeah. You look fucking amazing. Thank you so much. You look amazing. Thank you. Thank you, Reverend. Now remind everybody what the deal was here. Yes. Because it sounds crazy coming from me. Because it makes it sound like I'm making women forcibly lose weight. I brought it up Tony. He's not the villain here. I brought it up because on Reddit they were saying I was fat. So I was like let's fucking do a weight loss challenge so I can show these bastards. But anyway, the prize was so there's two more appearances at stake. Uh huh. So 25 pounds down. I get another time without signing up. Uh huh. Under 200 I also get to do you guys Moody Center on New Year's Eve. Wow. Wow. Why don't you help me lose weight? You can't weigh more than 200. We'll find out in just a moment. Oh, um, Red Band, my trainer, he lives like in your area. He really loves the show and he wants to work with you. Yeah. Yeah. He does. Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell and shot fire in place. Oh my gosh. He said he can get you off that sandwich regimen and into something good. Red Band is on the sandwich diet for those of you that don't know. He's gained all the weight that she's lost. Uh huh. Max Bertot, Bertot Health and Fit. He's amazing. He does a great job and he wants to work with you, Red Band. So, uh, take advantage. I only do a female trainers. Oh, okay. He also doesn't do female trainers. He's really good. Okay. So the deal is, is, wait, what? So you have one more, you have one more chance to get under 200? No, no, no, no. It, right now, if I weigh in, um, if I'm 25 pounds less than what I was before, then that gives me another time on the show without having to sign up. Great. Additionally, if I'm under 200, I get to do Moody Centauri. So, amazing. How much, how much did you weigh when you first came on the show? 249 pounds. 239 pounds. I had just had a baby. I get it. I get it. Eric, you have no excuse. I just had a baby. Sofia Renee just had a miscarriage. Meanwhile, oh, come on. Shut up. Oh, you guys. Yeah, she said it, not me. Toy that babies don't count. Red band, you are. You are. You are to cut that out. You are a naughty, you are a naughty boy tonight, red band. It's like having an actual 12-year-old next to me. For the editor, one, two. All right. So, let's see what you're at now. You were at 239 your last time on the show. Shoes are coming off. Oh, shit. This is like the UFC way. And Heidi, you got a scale back there? Bring out the lovely Heidi. Oh, la, la. There she is. How are you on there? You guys, I want you guys to know. Heidi is so nice. You know when people are super hot, they're usually conty. She's so nice. She's the nice, sweetest. Oh, she's so sweet. She is the exception. Here we go. Here we go. What do you got over there? You got eyes on that? She's wrong. Oh shit, this is very wrong Heidi get my scale please and wait you brought your own scale. Yeah, get the fuck out Here's what do you remember last time I was on the show and Red Band said that their scale push it Yeah, yeah, he said it was I think he said it was like eight pounds over Well, we need it we need to get a new normal scale. Oh, we have an extra big one because I said said it too Okay, here we go. All right. Here we go. What do we got over there? 198.4 wow That's fucking 41 pounds according to my shitty math. That's right. That's unbelievable. Well ration Thank you. I took it very seriously. I got a personal trainer and I stuck to 1800 calories a day and 10,000 steps a day I was fucking yeah She squeezed every drop of milk out of those titties Trying to cut weight for today. That baby's got a fridge full of milk right now Well Candace August congratulations. You are indeed doing the arena on New Year's Eve And here's another big joke Candace August ladies and gentlemen Story what an episode there's only one way to end an episode like this ladies and gentlemen Our final comedian of the night is an absolute fucking anomaly every single week He debuts one of the funniest minutes that you can possibly see anywhere in the world There's nothing like him. He's an absolute fucking monster. I present to you the anomaly the real deal this is Pat O Neil ladies and gentlemen Folks Knock knock Jaquavius oh you're going to learn today, okay Reset For this next one I want you to all picture. It's the year 2075 and Somehow homeless guys are still wearing Vietnam jackets Fuck things are built to last god damn It's not nearly as many homeless women out there all at my place Recently with the gals she tells me size doesn't matter I was like I know if it did I wouldn't be talking to you fucking big fatty. Okay. That's enough. Thank you Exactly one minute from the real deal Pat O Neil. He does it every week never misses a show always fucking hilarious I immediately regret the knock knock trip It was great. I just didn't I think a lot of people I didn't hear but my I didn't get it Yeah, it was dumb It makes I literally didn't hear it. So if I didn't hear there's probably some people that just misheard it or didn't hear it It was funny when Eric when I said what do you say and he goes you're gonna find out today. I laughed then So I think just an audio issue They're so fun Pat Vietnam Jackets homeless women size just I love that one by the way. Thank you, right? Yeah, Pat how's it been everything good not bad. Yeah, I'm fucking that a crown fall out 10 minutes ago Oh backstage while that fat lady was talking about getting chiseled in 37 times so Sort of a weird night Were you grinding your teeth thinking about it? He was like, oh, I want a big red pussy. I got it. It's chirping off so hard It was tough. I we didn't even acknowledge by the way that Candace August was up here telling him about how big our titties are now After Sofia Renee back us was up here with those things hanging to her hips. I mean Jesus Christ They were in her, you know, she was using their Dress as a can you make breast milk if you have a miscarriage is that we're like almond milk comes from or something? What exactly happened? We got Pat giggling over there. That's very good Evaporated milk perhaps you know, you know guys to make breast milk Thank you red man, you're on fire tonight You are the fucking man. We love you so much. You are worshiped amongst the kiltony universe the great Pat O'Neill everybody We love them make sure you check out his podcast great guitars and Everything else Happening Pat O'Neill style guys. What a fucking show. How loud can this place get for the great young gravy? And Eric Griffin the joy writer and tour going everywhere rippin with Griffin is everywhere Fucking amazing young gravy. Will you play us out with a little song to get us out of here off of the Brand new album joy writer available everywhere Ketchum on tour. He's in Florida Atlanta Nashville the Carolinas and New York all coming up Eric Griffin's in the movie Bohemans The Pedro Pascal December 4th ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the great and powerful young gravy ladies and gentlemen Those really goodness out of here. If you want to grab that mic up there, you got it I'll tell you are There he is the massive young gravy everybody tickets available young gravy dot com one of my favorite rappers enjoy the styles of young gravy everybody Oh, yeah, that's all Kino spotlight. Oh, yeah, that's Timmy no breaks John D's is the musical director the leader of the band. It's John D's and the Killtony band ladies and gentlemen Here he is I sent you like a like a wave file. I think that'd be so funny if young gravy covered Timmy no breaks the love song with the dub step right now. I lost the script it was down here Here we go Somebody put your hands up somebody Every time I got side no you'll pay watching hit the covers with your mother. I became awesome Chubby head game stupid, but a brain right white boy in that load. It's like a walking cock. It's all night You can't swim this best we bring on my mom or baby They call me prince of men and tongue. We hit in lake to land both your holes. You know we brought a bag Every time I got side no you'll pay The covers with your mother. I be Kate Moss. It's shoddy head game stupid, but a brain right white boy in that load. It's like a wild dog ♪ And if it wasn't to fight for chance ♪ ♪ Let's go on and never escape ♪ ♪ Let me take you where I live to the beach ♪ ♪ I throw the crib, I be gone and lives in booty ♪ ♪ I might have to say no fish, fish, trope ♪ ♪ When I swim some burning on my limbs ♪ ♪ Hit the ampedance with some fire ♪ ♪ Rub the lotion on my skin ♪ ♪ Hey where I go, play Travis in the South Pole ♪ ♪ Grab you out here on Aspetro ♪ ♪ Like a girl in your life, I can save you so ♪ ♪ I'm classy, infinity full, can't laugh me ♪ ♪ I'm running in slow motion on the beach with 50 patties, baby ♪ ♪ Anytime I go outside, I know you'll pay, watch it ♪ ♪ Hit the cubs with your mother, I be cave, mossy ♪ ♪ Shiny egg games, stupid butter brain, right? ♪ ♪ White boy, in that lotus, like a wild goddess ♪ ♪ The great young gravy, ladies and gentlemen, gravy ♪ ♪ Thank you ♪ ♪ Check us out in Vegas, in the middle of November ♪ ♪ And here in Austin, on New Year's Eve ♪ ♪ Red band, we love you guys ♪ ♪ We love you guys, thank you good night everybody ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ (upbeat music)