Kevin Nealon - Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

[Music] Guys, I might be crying sometimes. It's just, you know. That's the perfect opening. This could be a dramatic episode of We Might Be Drunk. Yeah, let it go. We bear it all. Dude, good to see you. Did you ever have anybody at a. You go up to a bartender and say, "Dude, you all reserved me." Like the weakest kind of like excuse for being drunk and out of control. The bartender overserved me. Yeah, I never heard that. You can't do that to a waiter. You know, like, dude, you overserved me, man. I gained like two pounds. What do you mean two pounds? People complain when the drink is too stiff. Oh, yeah. That's like when the bartender is like, "I'm hooking you up." And the drink tastes like shit. That's me, man. When I bartend it, I use the bartender at the improv. Really? Yeah, for two years. 1980. Wow. Yeah, I see everybody come in the Robin Williams, Annie Kaufman. Wow. I didn't ever bartend it before. But I'd be friend of the regular bartender because he wouldn't work. And I said, "Yeah, but I never bartend it." So I got one of those Boston bartender guides. And I kept it under the bar. I thought the more alcohol you put in it, like the college mentality, people would love it. Right. But a lot of times they come back saying, "Can you give me another glass full of soda water?" This is a regular drink. They're mixing the drink. Yeah, yeah. Who was the biggest drunk back then? No. You know, it really wasn't obvious, but there were some people in there that come in. I mean, you know, so many people that come in, Timothy Leary would come in. Whoa. Yeah. And Roy Scheidner would come in with Bob Fawsey. What? Yeah. I mean, I saw everybody in there. Robin Williams would come from film and "Morck" and "Mindy" with his suspenders on. You made Roy Scheidner drink? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did he drink? Scotch and sodas. That's funny how bartenders remember exactly what people drink. Richard Lewis would come in, he would get a white wine, and he'd always leave me a $2 tip. Right. Back in the day, at the good tip. That was a good tip. Yeah. I was always embarrassed at how much the drinks cost. Like for beer, it was like $2.75. And when somebody ordered a beer, I'd give it to him, like, "I'm sorry, it's $2.75." I'd kill for a $2.75 beer. Richard Lewis would, he'd put him back, right? Oh my God, he was so great, man. He loved it. He won. He became sober after a while, but he would kill in that room, man. He was like the ex-pat New Yorker. At all the whole audience was ex-pat New Yorkers, and they just had this energy and this buzz. You know, Richard Lewis would get on and just crush it. Annie Kaufman, Jay Leno. I mean, that room, you could feel it pulsing. You know, it was just so crazy. And I would watch sometimes from the people upstairs from the office, but Freeman's office. I could see down there because it couldn't go in the room. It was too packed. Yeah. And it was just such a great experience for me because I got to like talk to comics that were, you know, established. One time Annie Kaufman was outside. And I knew he was into TM, right? So I was so scared to talk to him because, you know, such a fan of his. And I go, Hey, Andy, what can you tell you a little about TM? For half hour he talked about TM, rarely looking at me, just looking at the traffic on a Melrose going by. And I'm all I'm doing is looking at the moles on his face. He did have some crazy cheek moles. Yeah, he did. How about prior to you ever coming? Richard prior never came in that I remember at the comedy store. I mean, at the improv, but he would come up here at the comedy store and play a lot. I saw him here once. That was it. Oh, it was great, man. But he would start off with he wouldn't have anything. You know, he just. Yeah. And you come back like three weeks later and he's got this whole hunk, you know, whole act. Wow. He was doing. So yeah, that was the cool thing. That was I was so lucky to be in that part. And back then there was only like 50 comics. I know. Isn't that crazy? And then I go up to do SNL. I come back. I never stopped doing stand up. But all of a sudden, it's not just Italians, Jews, Irish guys, blacks. It's like Pakistanis, you know, it's every nationality you could think of. And everybody's funny, you know. That's crazy. It's not about that. Yeah. That's a stretch. But now that's 50 comics on the line up. It's crazy. It's crazy. But I knew everybody's act. You would know everybody's act because you knew every comic. That's also a bad thing. It is. Like these guys aren't writing enough, you know. I would see Jerry Seinfeld. Same thing, you know, like a lot of us over and over. And I knew exactly where people swallowed before they took the punchline. Right. Right. You know, indigestion, taking the gestion thing before the punchline. Yeah. I mean, you know, you know exactly what they're going to do. Yeah. He has all these things where he says, if I move my hand this way, I get a bigger laugh. Then if I move it that way, like he's so dialed in with that shit. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. So it was a great experience to be back then. It was a good ride. How long were you in New York for? Nine years. You were in SNL for nine years. Yeah. That's got to be one of the longest, right? It was at the time. But now, you know, you have guys there like Darryl Hamos there a long time. Yeah. I think what's his name? Tim Meadows, Keenan. Keenan. He's still there. He's been there for 40 years. He was there before the show started. He was hanging out at 30 Rock. Well, you had the, it was Dennis Miller, you normed. That's a great one. What a run. It was great. It was great. I was, we couldn't be up for three years. And, and it was an interesting job because before that I was just doing sketches and characters, which I had to learn to do because I was a stand-up. So I did those for five years and then Lauren put me out. We can update. And how did that happen? Just he wanted me up there. And Dennis left. I don't know why you left. I guess he just. But, you know, a lot of people would leave. And I, I kind of got pushed out of we can update. As I look back at them, I think, yeah, I get it. I get it. No, but it was, it was, there was a lot of politics going on. And Don Omar, Don Omar was like the head of NBC in that department. And so he would push thing. He got rid of Norm. Yeah. Yeah, because he said I was too much mouth. Wow. And then. Did you make jokes at his expense? No, no. I never did OJ jokes or anything. But. And I think Sandler and Farley got fired that same year that I did. Gee, this guy's a real stiff, huh? Yeah. Is he dead? Hopefully. Omar. He must be dead at this point. God willing. He's dead. Oh, good. Good. He's horrible tasting comedy this guy. Yeah, I remember hearing in that letterman norm interview. And. Oh, those are great. Those are classic. But, man, no, you were a great weekend update. I mean, and you vote. And you wrote your own stuff. Kind of write a lot of stuff. Nobody liked writing for weekend update. This is a glorifying, you know, position because nobody would stand around a money. Oh, man, do you hear that joke about Clinton or whoever it was at the time, Roosevelt? So, you know, so. I had to write a lot of my own stuff. And you couldn't write during the week because all the lane they talk show us were doing that stuff. They're covering that. So Saturday morning, I get up really early and get all the newspapers and. AP photos because there was no Google back then. Again, there's the 1900s. Yeah, yeah. And. And so. So then Lauren would put out a buffet on the 17th floor of the writers way. You try to entice writers to come and put newspapers out. So again, breakfast. And some of the new writers came up. They weren't that good. Al Franken would come because he was a political pundit. And. And Norm MacDonald would come just to have breakfast and read a paper. And. It's like a trap. A wrap. A wrap. They pull a string. So that, you know, so I work with a segment producer who was from the original years that Lauren knew. And he hired him and kept him on because he's very loyal. But he was kind of out of it, you know, and we'd go through the AP photos. And. So you wrote this in a day, basically? Yeah. That's insane. Wow. How many minutes of joke? I mean, you'd have a couple of pocket jokes that weren't like didn't deal with anything. There was about 20 jokes. That's crazy. That's insane. Yeah. I can't believe I'm even talking about this now. It's like it never happened. You know, it's like, what drugs were you on that were helping you with this? Advil? Come on. Nothing? No. No, I don't do drugs. I never did drugs. Tonic coffee? Speaking of which, I brought you aspirin. Oh, really? For the week. Yeah. Thank you. I know it's going to get crazy out here. What? You can't give other people. All right, Nark. Yeah. Nark Mormon over here. So you were just 20 in a day. That's crazy. That's crazy. It's the right a good, topical joke. Oh, no. And it's for national television. Yeah. How can you do that without being muchmouthed? I don't even know what muchmouth means. That's just crazy. You swallow your words a little bit so you can't understand it. I don't know how they say it. I can see it. So I was working with that segment producer who was older guy. And we would go to the photos and he'd do the joke. He'd do a joke. And I'd go, I don't know about that one. And he goes, have you seen the picture? That's when I knew it was his joke. Oh. You've seen the picture. So, and then, you know, I tell him which one's not to use. Like after the dress rehearsal, I said, let's get rid of that. How many people are in there when you're running the jokes? Just me and him. But so you're not even testing on real laughs. Oh, no, no. You're the rehearsal. The first show is rehearsal. You test the jokes then. And how many people I mean? That's a full audience. All right. Okay, that helps. You idiot. Yeah. We've written it on SNL. We don't know. Yeah. So, uh, I look at you like you're crazy. What? You fucking dumb. Jesus. So, uh. - Yeah, so then after they dress, I go back to meet with him again, and we go through the pack. And I'd say, let's get rid of that. Let's get rid of that one. He goes, "Really, I think this one is a good one." I've seen the picture. (laughs) So I go back down there. I've told them which ones I want to get rid of. So I do the weekend update, and I jump off and I start doing sketches and characters, you know. And the next morning, I'm laying in bed, and I'm thinking, wait a minute. I told him we get rid of that joke. He kept it in there, 'cause it was his probably. - Yeah. - And so I didn't really have a lot of control because I was doing so much stuff. I couldn't like focus on that, right? So, but it was fun, it was exciting. - No, the subliminal bit. Was that a stand-up bit first? - Yeah, I came from my stand-up, but that was a guy named Ed Peck, this character actor, you know, from like the 50s and 60s. I met him at the end probably. So many like character actors I met there. And he would do a thing called tagging. And he had a very deep voice like that. He would talk like that. Neil and Camille, let me show you what I'm gonna do. And we got a canner's telekitesum. And he would do a tagging thing. - Yeah, there he is. - He's Pecky. - That's Ed Peck, younger Ed Peck. He was a good guy. He did a lot of those shows back then. So we got a canner's and he go, this is what I'm gonna do here. And he'd order, and he go. - Hello, Mary, 'cause he knew the wages. - Mary, I think I'm gonna have a hamburger with some french fries, horror. And I also have a, so that kinda blossomed from that. He goes, go ahead and use that. - Oh, that's fun. That was a hit. - That was a hit. And then I kind of wrote it without Franken when we got there. Doing it to get things that you wanted. - Yeah. - I love to go see the meds, you know, or I love to go out dinner with you, your treat, you know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What was you going to date, anal? Now Franken, what do you think? We had a rough one with him. - It was a rough, it was a tough episode. - We talked to Franken, here we had him off. - Why was that tough? You both did the same thing. And why is anything tough? You just don't vibe really. - Yeah. - Didn't like the humor. - Didn't like our vibe, didn't really. It's considered the worst episode of all time. - Yeah. - What was this? - A few years. - He's changed a lot. (laughing) - He's more like Tom Davis. - Okay, okay. He was a nice guy with a piece of shit. (laughing) - But I do do the best bad episode. - Yeah. - No, there's so many different, you know, personalities on a show. Jim Downey was great. - Yeah, he's a legend. - Oh my God, I love sitting down with him. He remembers everything. You know, he'll remember every, you know, show and how it came about, the sketch. And what pencil he was using at the time, you know. - Whoa. - I was using the number two pencil, but the racer was a little down. But. - Sounds like autism, maybe. - But he's fun. He, I hope he's writing down everything about that show. - Is he still writing? - I don't know if he's still writing, but he's always kind of musing about things, and I'll sit down to lunch with him, and he'll just talk and talk and talk. And he was so busy in the show, 'cause he was the head writer. Everybody's knocking on his door. Hey Jim, can I run the spy, and he's on the phone with other people? - Wow. - And it was often like, he'd answer the door. He'd keep a door shut because everybody would be in there if he didn't. So he would knock on the door. He said, "Hey Jim, can you take a look at this?" He goes, "Yeah, walk with me, walk with me." And he's always walking with him, 'cause he had so many things he had to do. You know, you run the lines by him and you're walking. He goes, "Yeah, let me take a look at that later." You know. - I'm gonna get your father to do something, he's busy. - Right. - See who there's so long? There must've been, you've seen so many hosts. Who's the worst host ever? - Ooh. - Good one. - I would say Nancy Reagan. - Whoa. - She host the host. - She host the host. - Oh man. - Look, it's our drunk, man. - Yeah. - I bought it. - He drunk, he wasn't drunk. Apparently she was a lover. - You know, a lot of people say, "Yeah, Steve is a gal." - Oh, I heard he's a prick, you know. - Was he a prick as well? - I didn't really hang out with him that much, but I do remember him standing like this in the hallway like he was a bodyguard for nobody behind him. - Yeah. - And then there was one sketch where he was supposed to throw these stuntmen into the breakaway walls, you know, it was like a western bar. And during the dress rehearsal, he did that, but during the live show, he would throw them into the studded parts so it wouldn't break. And those guys, you know, they're really tough. They didn't make like, they're not hurt, but I know they were hurt and they'd get up and they'd walk off the set. And I don't know if you did that on purpose if it was just jacked up from the live show or what. - Right. But yeah, people claim that he was, in my period, that's what they claim. - I've heard he was a tough to work with. - His movies, it's incredible 'cause the action scenes are just not entertaining. It's like sound technique, I guess. - Yeah. - You just watch him do like this and you're like, yeah, that's not like good cinema. - He's talking like this, like he's some kind of a karate group. - Yeah. He apparently made up his own martial art, I think. I forgot. Give that a go. - Have you seen the new one where he's just fat? There's a new movie where he's fat and it's a clear stunt man. - Oh no. - But also, he's a CIA agent too. - What? - He claims. - Wow, he is pretty fat. - Jesus. - Jesus. - Jesus Christ. - I thought that was DJ Khaled. - It's the same. - It's a hell. - Wow. - Jesus. - But see if he made up his own art form or martial art. - Are you sure that's not like, why is he next to Charlize Theron in that picture? (laughing) - This is the weirdest pairing of all time. - The city calls her out. - Calls her out. - Uh oh. - Oh. Charlize Theron says, "Overweight Steven Segal can barely fight "and he's not very nice to women." - Man. Look at that. - Well whoever wrote this definitely likes her better than him 'cause look at those head shots right there. - And I think Stavros is gonna play him in the movie. (laughing) - Wow. - That is a fucking, he looks like a bloated fish in that one. (laughing) - Woo. - I watch "Under Siege" not too long ago. - Oh, it's kind of a fun piece of shit. - I loved it. - It's not great, but it's fun as hell. - Yeah. - While those movies that you would take seriously back then, it's just bad movies now that you like watching. - Like point break. - Point break. - Good movie. - I don't know about that. - It's fun as hell dude. Well my friend pointed out that he's a cop who is, he sounds like a surfer. He already sounds like a surfer, but he's from these coast. - He's from Ohio. - He's from Ohio. - And then they're like, - Guy who knows this movie too well. - Johnny Utah. No, it's a fun movie. - I love the movie. But. - Gary Buzzy could fuck back. - Can we get that movie on right now? - Yeah. - Can we watch that movie? - Look at these hunks. (laughing) - I asked Patrick Swayze once if he worked out. He was, "No, I never work out." (laughing) - No, he ain't those guys. - He must be dancing all the time. (laughing) - Was he a cool dude? - He was. - Yeah. - That was a classic sketch. - Yeah, Chippendale. - Oh, yeah, one of those. - Chippendale's just sketch. That was probably the hardest one I had from not laughing. - Yeah. - You know? - Now, I hate to bring it up, but we're big fans of Shanling. - Oh yeah, Shanling was great. - You guys were tight. - Shanling was my mentor. - Oh wow. - He was one of the first comics I met out here. - Wow. - And I learned how to craft jokes with him. And we'd be on the phone like, if I had a like a gig somewhere like a corporate gig, I'd call him, I'd say, "Gary, I'm doing this thing for Microsoft," or whatever, and the CEO is talking. I'm not sure what to say. And so he'd just, we'd be on the phone for like two hours. Like, come out and put Microsoft jokes, or, you know, something about the CEO. And I would just like, move on. You know, he had a good joke. You know, oh, that's great. Okay, now what about this year? He goes, "No, no, no, let's stick with this." Right? Let's come up with some more, you know? I like to hit and run, you know? - Yeah. - Yeah. And he says, "Yeah, your hunks, you could have like hunks out of your jokes. You just don't milk 'em enough." And whoa, that's good, 'cause the premise is the hard part. - Yeah. - Come up with. So if you got a premise, you got a- - And if you have one good joke, you're gonna have more. - Right. Yeah, he'd normally talk about, you know, enormous, such a great joke writer. And then he said, the shanling joke that broke his brain was, he had that old joke, you know, banging Miss Georgia. Well, former Miss Georgia. Well, it was George Foreman. (laughing) - That's a great joke, but the norm's like, how did you come up with that? Like, how did your brain figure that out? - That's a silly brain, man. It's like one of his other jokes I love that he did was, you know, sometimes, I'll shave one of my legs so it feels like I'm sleeping with a woman. (laughing) Or he goes, you know, I can't afford a private jet, but I can afford to pay everybody else to get off of my commercial jet. (laughing) - Yeah, he had the- - Yeah, he was great, man. - He was such a- - He was such a- - Yeah, he was a good guy, man. - You told me you were in a private jet with Trivuelto ones? - That was, yeah. - Oh, that was a sex. - I flown a lot of private jets with different people. - Yeah. - You know what I think, what am I doing here? And we flew with Sandler on that jet. - You had a kind of a fear of flying, didn't you? - No. - Oh, that was Joe- - That's it. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, yeah, I can see that. - You had a fear of other things though, right? - Intimacy. (laughing) - Commitment. (laughing) - Every other fear I have. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But you in Trivuelto, then he's the pilot, isn't he? - Yeah, yeah, he was. - Is that not crazy? - Yeah, it was pretty crazy. - Are you nervous at all? You're like, did this guy know how to fly? - Well, you know what, he's got such a flying record. He's probably got more experience than any airline, you know, commercial airline. - Wow. I didn't know that. - Really, it's his passion. Yeah, he's really good at it. - Harrison Ford too, I believe. - You, I was just thinking how would use was a big pilot. - Yeah. - He landed a plane on purpose at the Bellar Country Club. I'm one of the fairways. But Harrison Ford. Ford crashed into a small three-part golf course. - Right, I remember that. - Yeah, I didn't know that. - Oh yeah, that was big news. - Which is a little more talented if you could land on a three-part golf course. It's a small golf course. I can't even drive a car. - That's right, that's right. But yeah, so I don't mind flying. My wife is a fear of flying and she'll slide us to the amount of turbulence grabs my hand, hyperventilating. And like, you know, we fly a lot. So it's like the plane could be upside down and we'll still be reading, you know. - I know, same. - 'Cause you give up after a while. You say, I can't, I fly too much, but I can't be fighting it like this all the time. - No. - It's a surrender. - You just go numb. - Yeah. - And you're just like, yeah. - Just sleep. - And what's the worst that can happen? (laughing) - 9/11. - Sully. - Yeah, well that one, they worked out. - That worked out. - That worked out. - But you still be annoyed. If you were in the Sully flight, you still be annoyed to land in the water. - Of course, yeah. - You still be like, what do I take? - Let us know, let us know beforehand. - Yeah. (laughing) - Someone complained, you should have said something. - Yeah. - How many people call the heroines after that? - Hey, listen. I went on a flight, you know, Sully flight. Can I get like a little like a-- - Some miles. - How many miles do you think they got for that? - Oh, free flights for life. - No way. Look up how many miles those people got. - At least lounge action. - Have Sully flight. - Did you fly again after that? - Yeah, you gotta get home. (laughing) - A lot of them did, they got another flight. - Yeah, I would. - God. - How about that plane that crashed in India? The big, you know, Airbus, one guy survived. - Yeah. - How do you make a movie starring Bruce Willis? - Can we talk to that guy? I'd like to get a word out of him. - He claimed he jumped out at the last minute. - Wow. - How could he have jumped out? - Yeah, they're India guy. Like, he jumped out. - No, there was a hole in the plane and he walked out. He climbed out of there. Whatever seat he picked, he's picking that seat for the rest of his life. - Yes. - He's like, I'm 14 F forever. - Yeah, I'd like to get that 14 F. - I don't know. - I'm free B. - Free B is good. - Oh. - It's got the extra legroom, first class. - Yeah. (laughing) - Oh my god. - 200 lives. - That's horrible. - Look at this fire explosion. It's like an atom bomb. - And that guy survived it. - Ramash. - Do you wanna say more? - Good luck. - Visha Washikar. - Interesting that you're the only one that survived. - Yeah. - What's all of that? - The one cop. - All right. - You're just like, tell me this. - He was sitting near an emergency exit. - Oh. - Maybe he didn't jump out. - Yeah, he had the door. - Yeah. - You know, the best place we didn't hold the door. (laughing) The best place for himself. He lied about the oath. - Right. - That best place to sit is over the wings though. - Oh yeah. - He's turbulent and they get the emergency exits there. - Right. - Do you know what I've taken? I've been learning how to tie a knots rope knots. I don't know, for some reason I used to see my father like tie stuff down on the top of the hood on the car. You know, the slip knots and stuff. So I'm in a check on Instagram, I'm on YouTube, I got some books. And I got like a six foot piece of rope. And it's weird 'cause when you sit on a plane and you take that out of your backpack, six foot piece of rope, the person next to you is like, that was going on. (laughing) - Yeah, you're either a terrorist or depressed. - I start lassoing the flat tenant. (laughing) - I can't pull it up. - That's a dicey search history with some rope. - They only got five grand. - What? - And a refund. - Oh, Sully, you better get a refund. - Oh, 10 grand to agree to knot soothe the airline. - I'm not taking that 10 grand. - Whoa. - How many people soothe the airline? - Probably a lot. - And I bet all those people are like, I wish they fucking died. - Yeah. - Five grand's doing it. - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean-- - Oh, people soothe the Titanic. - Ooh, just the survivors, I guess. - Did I give them miles? - The women and children soothe. - None of the passengers on that Sully flight soon. - Whoa. - They're probably just grateful to not be dead. - Yeah. But it's like when you get there early, when they go, we're gonna land early. And then they sit on the tarmac for six hours. - Yeah. - Like, that's not landing early. It's the same with this. You're like, hey, we got there pretty quick, but we're in the water. - Alex, we'll make up for it. We got the wind behind us. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Do you ever see the movie Flight with Denzel? - Great movie. - He's such a good actor that he's a drunk pilot. I'm like pulling for him. (laughing) - Yeah. - I'm like, he could do, he could turn, he could change. - Right. - He's such a piece of shit in that movie. I mean, great flick. - Great movie. Plays upside down in the beginning. - You've watched these replays of like, Muhammad Ali fighting. - Yeah. - Where any kind of sporting event, where you know they lost back then, but you're still rooting for them the wind. - Yeah. - You know, like, come on, come on, man. - Yeah. - I watch sex tapes in myself like that. 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Then I sent the United lounge Cuz I belong to all the clubs cuz I'm rich I sent a lounge to be talked those people whoever hosts that show. It's like a lifelong membership friendship with them Oh cool, cuz it's like being in the foxholes. Right, but you know, you stick there's like a fraternity You know, it's the same with the cast members, but fighting with the host. They just it's like the highlight of their life You know a lot of them are just film actors. They've never done anything live before right, you know, is it true that his kids are all named George? Yeah, and the girls are Georgina. No way That's one kid named the grill Cuz he's got some teeth, but he got a transition. It's a big thing Damn, so for me. I remember some of those foreman I read that they that Hulk Hogan was offered the George Foreman grill before him and he turned it down What and that's like a that's like hundreds of million dollars easily that you got everybody had that thing That's before you sell that you make right top of it. Oh, yeah on the highway That that press was fucking money dude. I love that. Oh, yeah, it was so primitive too. It's so simple It had the the grease drip thing over that you put on the bottom. What about the Habachi? You ever use that? No, I never did the little grill. Yeah, I don't think I did. How do you set hot plate? How about a hot plate? How play? Yeah, I was in the pen dude. I fucking I use that Penn State Who else was it? Who was like a really cool host? Man, you know I worked with some real like Robert Mitchum was on Right you the two Bridgeport Connecticut. That's right. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I'll still Richard Belser's from Bridgeport PT Barnum Not proud it was Mitchum like He was he was everything you think he was. I think drunk. He might have been drinking. There he is He might have been drinking. I don't know. Wow. I don't know Read to do it because his granddaughter. I think this is what I heard his granddaughter had a film She wanted to air on there and they would air it if he hosted Wow, but yeah, I remember did he have a good sense of humor? He did and the dress show it was it was shaky Yeah, but in the live show he just came around and one of my favorite sketches I wrote with him in it It was based on the old Raymond Chandler films You know like film noir. Yeah, and you know where he would narrate it the voice over So I wrote a sketch where Me and Jan Hooks come in. I'm a gangster and you know, she's a mall and he's sitting behind the desk He's a private eye and we come in and he starts narrating it But he's he's not it's not in the film. He's hiding behind the plant. I don't know who these two were But I was about to find out. What are you talking to? Excuse me. I got to use the restroom and he leave the door to be part open I was hoping that they would leave but they wouldn't you know, and I say what's going on? That's the perfect person to get for that. Oh, yeah, he was the guy. He was the guy. He's so cool. Yeah, if I remember during the table read once There was a word hoodlum and in the middle of the sketch he stops it Which is weird, you know takes all the wind out of the cell and he started talking about the word hoodlum And he pronounced really pronounced hoodlum hoodlum and he had a whole riff. I don't you know where it came from I don't remember because I was drunk. Yeah How about a Phil Hartman? I mean it was great man one of the best of all times man I remember when we first got to New York We're doing the we're doing the filming for the cold opening and all that stuff and He wasn't there. He was somewhere else and people were talking about the old guy The old guy that's on the cast and he was 37 at the time. Jesus and we thought that his old man That's all Wow, but yeah, he was the best. He was the best funny and speak a lot, right? But he was like the glue guy. Yeah, he held the sketches and he was a good artist - a graphic artist. What he did that? He did crossbistills and that's well. I didn't know that Are you serious? Are you kidding me? Yeah. Oh my God Which is insane holy shit. I had no idea what are the Beatles the Beatles first time shut up Wow, yeah, Phil was Phil was really good. We had offices right next to each other and he was always into some kind of a new thing like you'd go to his office and need to have like a sailboat model on the thing And then you know, he's looking through navigational things and he got into sailing It's like a week later or whatever. There's like an airplane in there, you know And he's like taking flying lessons and it was like something different now. He's got watercolors. He's going. He's got that. He's loaded there But yeah, he was he was really He was something else man. He was so good. Where did he come from? I don't know his origin I think his brother managed America and Polko. What that's right. Yeah. Yeah John I think his name was How about that but he was from the groundlings. Oh, okay. I like guy Damn That's crazy. I've never seen that SNL audition tape and he does like a detective character. He does that mace guy Yeah, the mace. There was another sketch I wrote for him with that character where he's got me as a hostage And I keep I say I gave that's a mace. Let me go. I swear to God. I won't tell anybody Are you better not tell anybody because if you throw up at a bullet in your head, you know And I said, okay, I He goes you just did right there. I said, okay, I promise But can you just untie me so I can go to the bathroom or you better not make any moves and he entice me and I try to run And he grabs me. I told you not to make one. What are you doing? You know, so every time I promise I wouldn't try to escape and he kept believing me And I wrote lines like if you're smart, you'll be smart Yeah, so that was fun Yeah, and then the 90s you got norm. I mean, I'm sure you get asked about norm all the time, but I mean I mean, you did a bunch of gig with them too, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do I do gigs with norm And but when norm came on us and now he's a writer. It's just a writer and he was just kind of he was kind of unique because he wouldn't He would never know what he was thinking about, you know, he'd be kind of he got into a fight once I forget who it was with Somebody he was smoking and somebody said put the cigarette out. I forget who it was with but But yeah, he wouldn't and he would just write and and then all of a sudden he'd be in sketches and um, and we would do gigs together and I remember He would be very forgetful and I think it might have been when he was you know going through cancer because he had cancer for 10 years Didn't tell anybody yeah, and people I'd see people walk out of his show because they thought it was drunk I think it was from um, and I remember - he'd always wherever we went He would always get bitters and soda water. That was the drink and maybe it was the combat stomach down. Yeah But yeah, he was funny. He loved to gamble. He loved to gamble, man He was so unreliable and he left and not pay back loans Yeah, and I remember we were in somewhere in Canada some casino And he comes out, you know, we're both co-headlining comes off the stage. He goes Hey, can you can you loan me five hundred dollars the ATM won't give me a five hundred dollars until I won a clock Tell me I said yeah because they know you normally so I gave it to him in the next morning. I go hey Norm, did you win up to tables? You got to five hundred Yeah, I'll go back and get it. Not yeah, but I'll get it and that went on for like two or three days And then Sunday morning we didn't really I said Norm you got to pay back people when you borrow money from them That's disrespectful. He goes what are you complaining about? You only lost five hundred dollars. That was five thousand Yeah Dan was in yeah, man. Yeah, it was it was a trip man working with so many of these people and you know with Farley and um Sandler Mike Myers you you're a little older than them when they were New on the show did you kind of take them under your wing or what was the relationship like well? Well, who looks healthier there I couldn't he's too big to take under my wing right there You know you kind of uh, you know people say he's a competitive on that show it must be really competitive It is competitive, but it's a quiet competitiveness It's really slow like you're not going to do what he does now. Yeah, different animal. No, no one's going to write stuff for me that he does Um, but it is kind of jockeying. I always thought how can it not be competitive? How can you not get a fair shake when you got a stack of sketches however long it takes three hours to get through them all and Do you spend all night riding your sketch and then There comes a sketch that's funny do you laugh at it because it'll take away from yours getting oh jeez. I mean how could you you know if you laugh, it's a fake laugh. It's like You know, it's not, but I mean, you want the show to do well, so you want the best sketches on there. But it's a natural instinct. I think just not to, you know, because you want your sketch to do well. But, um, but yeah, when you came on the show, you're new. Everybody's scared, you know, they're not sure what to do and how to write a sketch. And I wrote a sketch in the beginning that had an ending. And we finished reading that and Lauren goes, ah, so that's the ending of the sketch, okay, or something like that. Yeah. That's what I learned, you know, write an ending. He just let it fade out, I guess. Ah, I think I like an ending. So yeah, there's, so there's, you know, there's that writing thing. And then there's just, you know, being on the, the guy's trying to get away. He's like, you got to stop getting away. And then the voice comes on. He's like, and then he did stuff. Right. Yeah. So you know, I remember right before I was going on it to do my first sketch was a subliminal sketch, you know, and it's live. And I said, now, like, I'm standing there on the stage and they're coming back from 10 seconds from the commercial. And Lauren Michaels created a show. He puts his hand on my shoulder and he goes, "Are you sure this is what you want?" Whoa. You know what I mean? Do you want this, do you want this fame and all that? Geez. And then boom. Got to go on. Is he trying to psych you out? No, no, because he wants, he wants to try to loosen you up. You know, like, that's a silly question. Yeah. All right. Now you did TV for so long. And now you see how the, the entertainment industry operates today with the internet and Instagram. Do you hate it more now? Was it more fun then? I know it's different. You know, it's different. You know, it's like I said, when I was doing the weekend update, there was no Google or, you know, I was, we had just newspapers and associated press photos that we went through. And you try to take a photo of somebody who's like, I try to make a joke out of it, you know? Right. So it was a lot more, I think, challenging back then. And no phones, cell phones really. Yeah. There was no computers. We were like, we write the sketch on a legal pad and then give it to the PAs. And they'd have electric typewriters. Whoa. They try to get it all done by the table back. And you're in your time coming up, you needed to have talent. You know, like, right? So there's so many followers of like people who are like, I'm going to, I'm going to take a bite of this new pop tart flavor and tell you if it's good or not. And that's like, that person is like five million followers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's like, but, you know, you're, you're laboring over these jokes, you're, you know, stressing over it. Was being on SNL that time and we can update in New York? Was that like, that must have been fun going out? I mean, you must have been totally crazy, man. It was like, you felt like the mayor of New York. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and, uh, yes, we do have to do almost anyone. I'm, I'm gonna get out of there. Get out of there. Anything else about some cool 80s parties? The thing about these, um, they have these after parties. And, you know, it's late at night. The show ended at one o'clock. And by the time you get out of there, it's like one 30 or whatever. Mm-hmm. And we each had our own limo. We bring our guests. Jesus. The hardest part of that show was getting your guests in. I don't know if you have that problem at like a comedy club. Sure. You know, you, you're not even able to think about your thing because, hey, we can't get in. We're having trouble down here. Oh, shit. And, you know, and then afterwards they want to go to the after party. Yeah. I never wanted to go to those things because it wasn't even a party. It was just a place for your friends to come and gawk at everybody. Yeah. At your own table and you had to pay for it, you know, your drinks. And then along we'd be at a back table talking to Neil Young or whoever, you know, and, um, and then you're up until you sing about this time or now. I was single. Oh boy. You're the first, the first like, um, the first three or four years. So there's no curiosity at these parties? Yeah, you're talk up with Jizz. You're on the weekend update. I mean, you could be swinging. Yeah. I mean, you know, I had a girlfriend, um, but, you know, your whole life is being in that building. Yeah. And you just totally focused on it. And we didn't get paid that much. You don't get paid much to be on that show. It's like, I can't even remember. Was it? It was at 4,000 to show or 8,000. And Lauren goes, you know, spend all your money in an apartment because you want to be comfortable. Damn. And, um, and I don't remember getting an apartment finally done in the West Village. This was tricked out. This was a federal style building. It was a walk up. There's only four floors. The top two was ours. High ceiling. It was like the friends apartment. Wow. Fireplaces in the dining room. Four fireplaces. The old wood floors. Yes. And, uh, big tall windows looking down on a cobblestone street, 4,000 bucks a month, which I'd seem like a lot back then. Sure. I mean, that is a lot in the 90s. That's a ton. Yeah. I wouldn't know. What were you making a week back then, you think? I think it was 8,000. 8,000. I might have been 4,000. I don't know. Oh, wow. That show is good. Yeah. Yeah. And it was opening up all this other stuff for you too. Oh, yeah. And movies movies. It's a crazy thing is, um, you know, we all get paid that minimal amount, but the writers we found out were getting paid more. And Lauren would say, you guys would be making tons of money when you do this show. They'll always be writers. And he's talking about Conan O'Brien. It was one of the writers. Wow. You know, Greg Daniels from the office. And those guys are going to struggle. Yeah. They've meant Dell who's a big producer, Seinfeld. And, uh, so, yeah. So, um, you know, and some people did make you know, it's Bob Odenkirk was a writer, right? Bob Odenkirk was a writer too. So the writing set was like Conan, Bob Odenkirk. That's wild. Yeah. It's Michael. Dan. Michael. The King. And I think David Tell wrote on us and all of her. Yeah. Yeah. He did for a year. And all the cast members wrote too. Most of us, you know, I wrote I was hired as a feature player and a writer in the first year. Uh-huh. And I was going to be guaranteed seven shows to be on, but I was on every show because I write for myself and get myself on there, you know. And, uh, so, you know, you had those great writers and then you had the cast that we're writing too. Mike Myers came in with a lot of this stuff. Dan and I came up with Hans and Franz and some other things like. Right. And, um, and Nora. And you almost made a movie about Hans and Franz. Yeah, we did. Yeah. With Schwarzenegger. With Schwarzenegger. Yeah. So here's the thing. You know, Schwarzenegger love those characters. And, um, and, um, we came up with an idea to do a movie where he was going to co-star in it and co-produce it. And I wrote it with Dana, Smigel and Conan. Holy shit. Wow. Where's this flick? Get that rebooted. It turned out to be a musical, which is really fun. You know, we, you know, we start out. Uh, we want to go to, um, the West Coast to find our cousin Arnold. You know, and so we live in Little Austria, which is in New York. You take the Roosevelt tramway up there. You know, it's all black and white. It's like next to Chinatown, but it's the way up high. Yeah. And everything's black and white. And it's like the whole fifth, you know, 1820s, they're using the, the stick broom. Yeah. You know, they're all like, so we just go off to, uh, the West Coast. We're on a bicycle bill for two. Yeah. Having all the way out there. We pick up pitchkikers along the way and they hook them up with the unicycle behind this. And, um, yeah. So we wrote this movie and he was going to be in it. And we're all excited about it. And it was going to be at Sony. And then he had just done last action hero. We're going to himself a little bit. So he decided to go another way, another movie. Ah. So, um, the problem was we relied too heavily on him. The part should have been just a smaller part. Right. And I think it would have, uh, it would have rolled. But recently he's, you know, he went on Conan's podcast and, uh, man, Dana Reddit, uh, with Conan. And then Schwarzenegger comes on, you know, a couple of weeks later, it's just love in the script. You know, there's the movie, the Hansen Franz movie, the good and the lemma. It was so funny. You know, you go to the bathroom. They go, here's the directions. You go down the hall. You make a right at the pectoral statue. And then you go into the bathroom and there'll be some buttocks, you know, with the, you know, it's all plaster stuff. And he loved it. And he was just laughing and just, you know, these guys, Dana, Kavie and Kavie Neeling, they just, this is so funny. Yeah, where were you 30 years ago? Yeah, right. Where was this attitude? Well, it's hard, man. We're trying to make a movie right now. And we're not going to happen. Yeah. It's a miracle. We know that Schwarzenegger. It's, I got a good feeling. He loved it. He loves it. Uh, no, but, you know, you attach a guy like Arnold, you feel like you're good to go. It's, yeah, yeah. I don't even know if you ever read it back then. I can't read. Let me ask you though, this, you're on us at L for a couple of years. When it's over, are you terrified? No, you just out there. I'm excited. I was, you know, I had done nine years on that show. That's a long time. That's a long time. That's the longest. And, um, and I was kind of bored. I mean, I would be going on to do a sketch with food in my mouth from the craft service table. Yeah. I'm going to pick a food out of my mouth as I'm doing a sketch. And my friends are in my dressing room. They're all crowded. It's a little room. They're crowded in there. They got a blender making margaritas and they're watching some other show. You know, I can't even get into the change. All right. So when I left, I was, I was fine. Plus, I had a sitcom to go to too. It was the first, uh, it was the first, um, dream works television show. And, um, a scene of Spielberg would be there and everything. It was called champs. Pull it up. And they had a lot of, I don't even know if you'd be able to pull it up. They had a lot of, you could take it out. You can't pull it up. They had a lot of, uh, you know, hands in the, you know, cooks in the kitchen. Yeah, cooks in the kitchen. Yeah. Not hands in the kitchen. And, uh, it would, uh, and it just got to be too crazy. And then it got canceled after like four or five episodes. Oh, did you like the show? Yeah, I kind of liked it. Oh, so 90s. Oh, that guy. He's a really regular guy, do you remember the next punch line before I play it? No, I Couldn't remember it then either Damn well, yeah, you want you got a sitcom in the 90s come with Richard Lewis. That was supposed to be great It's called Hillary and Diller And Diller in fact Pull it up. Yeah, he was I remember what he was like 50 at the time and he forget his lines Hey look at me and you go I'm 50. I'm 50 years old. I can't I can't remember that tell me what you're gonna say exactly don't improvise That Jan hooks. Yeah, she was the most underrated. She's very good sketch actress on SNL. Uh-oh This is revealing your age right? Yeah, it's the phone light on - wow Was that Sandler Sorry about that you're in great shape by the way. I am you kind of like he's kind of rough. Yeah, look at his arms Good veins look at that. Holy shit. That's crazy. We call him guns man. Where I come that is legit. Oh damn open Gary He could kick our ass, dude. Wow What uh, you know the thing about big guys is They're not that tough because they've never had a gun getting the fights Mm-hmm. It's the little guys you gotta look out for right. Look at you. Salah Q's Brad Williams I'll kill you. Yeah, Williams will take you down man. I looked up your purchasing power of your apartment was $4,000 in 1987 Yeah, that would be like having any $11,600 apartment today. That's in 2013 dollars though. Oops. No 2026. Oh, sorry. Okay. Yeah, you're right You were ballin, dude. That's a lot of money. That's what I'm paying for right now Did you um? Yeah, that's crazy, dude. Yeah, that was good seemed like so much money back then. Yeah That's a lot of was Even for a rich guy like me But then you were on weeds for a while, right? Yeah, I was on weeds for eight seasons That was a really lucky money. I stepped into these things, but the hunt the Hillary and Dylan thing with Richard Lewis was a really interesting Show and that was the same thing. It was highly touted commercial spots where they're paying a lot of money You know sponsors. Yeah, and yeah Eugene Levy was on the show too. Oh, yeah, great Yep, look at that height order. There we go, man. Wow Virtue Lewis was hilarious. Yeah, he's great on curb. Yeah, we've always wanted him on the pod We I'd be in with him a little bit and how long were you guys doing this spot? I don't like five years Yeah, I open for him once the comics in Manhattan and he was like, hey, all right kid. All right Need a briefcase. Hey, it was being nice and he goes keep it on my briefcase. Well, I go out there and I was like, okay And then he he was about to go out there and he looked at me and he looked at the briefcase and he took it on stage I guess he didn't trust me to watch it You know what he would do to me is when we were on this show he would call me at home It's a talk about this down the show and the the sketches and stuff or the characters and then If he said something where he got a big laugh from me, he would hang up It was like a mic drop I didn't know he did I go so rich it when you do that part. Hello. Hello You know it's crazy. He went to baseball camp upstate with Larry David when they were like eight and they hated each other They hated each other. Yeah, then they became friends in the comedy scene. I saw at his memorial They played a clip of him like on a candidate camera show when he was probably 13. Oh wow another guy. So you could see his all the mannerisms. You know, as you said It was so interesting to see that. I used to lie. Yeah, there is that's him. That's the one right there. Wow You're a DAT in your other records in school. What is this all right over the past three and a half weeks now? And I've come to be very definite and firm conclusion oh 65 When his friend comes in though Can you play when his friends comes in? Oh sure. I'll find it Wow. Have you scrolled it? No, look like it was that one. It should be this one. I think I'll come in on the right one I think he's gonna go to the next one. Oh, I see. Yeah I never mind. Oh Was he was his coke? What was his vice? Oh, I think I was a booze. Uh, who knows it was at least booze a couple things he would come in and I he wanted you know like a set of Class of white wine. Yeah It's such a weird drink to be a drunk on. I know classic. So he must have been doing all this stuff. I think it was the heroin in there Uh, he had a joke. I loved as a kid where he said uh, I was dating the girls. He was really loose. I called her up once. I got an ear infection When I was a kid my head exploded crazy. Who who influenced you guys? Who who did you emulate when you first started? Like Roddy Seinfeld Chris Rock Carlin I remember one time I did a gig at a place called the horn. It was like one of the last supper clubs, you know And they have to meet a singer comic singer And I finished my set. I'm really green at the time. I'm walking past the bar in the back. It's kind of dark And this guy with an old-fashioned meds hat turns me. It's really good kid. Stay with it. It was Carlin. Whoa And that you know that that kind of stuff makes you go for another year or so. Sure. Damn, you know He was so I mean shanling said he met him at some random comedy club and like tempi and he goes and jokes Yeah, he's like give me some some of yourself. Let me see some of your stuff And he came back the next day and he read it all put notes in it And he said there was something funny on each page really. Yeah, which is insane He did homework for for shanling. I love writing jokes for other comics like when I go see a comment You give me a tag once like many you I open to your carolines. I want to say like He must have been 15 years ago or something And you give me a tag and I was like oh my god. No, no one does that. That was kind of cool Oh, I love doing tags man as I think about them a lot So I was gonna give one to Whitney Cummings the other day. She didn't want to know about it She didn't want to have anything to do with it. No, I forget what it was but Yeah, I can't remember now. That's you know when you think of a joke. You got to write it down At least I do otherwise you won't remember it later and that's horrible isn't it? The worst media. Yeah, during sex you're like I got a common media lady It's like it's like losing a sneeze. Yeah, all right. Oh, yeah. No middle of the night Phone voice memo back to sleep. Yeah, for sure And then people always do that shit where they go. If it's funny, you'll remember it. No, that's not true I had a dream once I was undoing the tonight show and I come out and do my opening joke audience would not stop laughing they would not stop laughing and You know they had to end the show and there was still laughing And I thought I've discovered the perfect joke. I had the perfect joke. I was so excited. I woke myself up I wrote it down. I wrote it down. I went back to battling And I woke up later that morning and I'm going and I'm going way to the bathroom And I go wait a minute. I had that dream with the joke and I wrote it down So I couldn't wait to get back and I you know get the paper off of the night. I could barely read it I sort of got it. It goes take my wife, please So I came up with that joke That was a good joke. It was a good joke. So often though you write it down. You're like this was funny I know stop smoking weed. I was like I'd think something was funny. I was like this isn't funny I ran the letterman year or two ago and he goes I often quote your joke. It's the funniest joke ever It's a Lincoln joke. I go which one? There's the Lincoln joke. Like I should know around about what it's you go I said what I'm not sure because you know the Lincoln where you go I should tell me what it is he goes. Well, you know, you say you know Lincoln used to Walk to school every day in the snow, but what they don't tell you is he's always late I thought oh, okay, I don't really remember that one. He goes well. I've been giving you credit for it So I don't believe he is mine. So the next time I went to a club. I tried it Crickets nothing. So it must not have been my joke I could be yeah Lincoln snow. What's the punchline? Is that he's late? Ah, yeah, they ragged and he walked in the snow, but he's late. All right. Well, I get why it didn't work Yeah I mean my best audience is a dinner party. Uh-huh. Is any of you kind of rift with people do some crowd work Yeah, yeah, you know, and then that's where you could really find out That's where you need a notebook right under the or at least record it have a recording You know going on. I got quoted for a joke I didn't say once and I was like that's not bad It was I someone just tagged me and it was like I have you noticed that the Beatles are dying in the in the order of how cool they are Ah, it's pretty good. I wish I did write that. Yeah, that's true. I think Paul's the man Yeah, how much longer do you think these guys will go like Mick Jagger and he looks pretty good Don't see my heart problem, but I thought that's all about two years ago. They were cooking. They were moving They were rocking out. Mick was bopping and weaving. It is amazing that everyone's like all these health gurus are just dying and Keith Richards goes on It's wild. He's just cooking. Yeah, is he healthy now? Or is he just still like fuck it? He looks like a lizard I said hello to him at the 50th SNL reunion. Yeah And he shook my hand and it's just, you know, he hasn't. done any manual labor, it was like a baby's hand, it was so soft, it kind of like small, yeah, and his cheeks were so plump, I was feeling his cheeks and it was so greasy and I did see Paul McCarty there, I remember such small talk, I was given such small talk, he gets all the time probably, right, and I knew him from like, he was on the show when I was there and from the 40th, I knew him. And so he must get this all the time, I, hey, Paul, how's it going? He was like, I said, that was a great choice of songs, man, golden slumbers. He was really, you know, lawn wanted me to do that one. And he said, it doesn't matter, man, but I'm sure you had other songs you could fall back on, right? Yeah, I'm trying to choke around. He was, yeah, well, you know, the volume, oh, let me introduce you to my niece, my nephew, and he brings me over to these four tall guys. Black hair looked nothing like him, and he brought me in there, and he left, he left me with those things. Oh, no, I thought that's, that's how you do it, man. He's got all kinds of tricks, I bet. That's amazing. That's some Jedi shit. Yeah, come over here for a second. He's forever. Oh god. Dana Gould said he met Paul McCartney and he was like, all right, Paul McCartney, beetle, gotta be cool, gotta be cool. And he goes up to Paul and he just immediately falls out. He's like, oh my god, you're the king. I love it. Paul goes, take a minute and then come back. And Dana was like, man, he likes, he's, he's happened so much. He has like a regimen. He knows what to do. Yeah, he's got it all down there. He's doing it for you. And the way he walks from a car into the building. But you know, to do if you're having a bad day, right? Your friend dies. You walk in. But yeah, I remember looking at his mouth, just looking at his mouth because he had no moles on his candy coffin. And I thought those little lips were all those songs came out of. Yeah. I know. Hey, Jude, yes, all those get back. And the tongue sent them out. The tongue pushed them crazy. I sexually the whole thing, you know? And it was weird just being that close to them, saying somebody that famous. Yeah, who's the, who's someone that you, because you've seen so many people, who's someone that you feel star struck around? Because it can't be that often given how many people you've been around. Yeah. No, it's very rare. Jack Nicholson, maybe. Oh, what did you meet him? I did a movie with him with Sandler anger management. Oh, yeah. Well, I played a lawyer. Yeah. And I ended up throwing like a tennis ball. I think I hit him in the head or something with it. I'm not sure with it. And a year later, Sandler told me, says he runs in the Jack Nicholson. And he goes, "How's that lawyer friend of yours?" Like, he thought I was a real lawyer. Yeah, he remembered you. He did remember me. What's he? Why does he want to know? Oh, I am. What's going on? Wow. There's the interaction good with him right now. It wasn't much. Yeah. You know, I mean, he loves Sandler. All these guys love Sandler. Yeah. They're intimidated by him, I think. But I don't think he barely saw me, you know, registered. It's like, you know, we're touring with Sandler. It's crazy. That's crazy. Like nobody, we're not even in the room. You could be naked. Yeah. And run it around. Then I really wouldn't see me. No, he really, it's amazing. Now, remember, we're in some hotel and I think it was in Atlanta and there was a wedding party in spade just ran up behind the party and photo bombed them and they're like, "Oh, my God." And Sandler comes around and spade just runs over and goes, "Don't you dare let them know something better's around the corner?" Sandler has that effect. You just like, it's also hilarious just hooping with him because you just see like when guys take it too hard, he'll kind of let him know in his game. Yeah. And I love it. Like, you know, he'll do the head pop with the ball a little bit. Whoa. And I love it. Damn. Because I'm just like, "Oh, he's pissed." But he's not going to be a dick. But he's going to let him know. Nice tough guy too. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. No, it feels good when you're on this team and you win. It definitely. Yeah. You're like, "I better work for the extra rebounds." I know. He's slowing that a little bit. Well, you know, late fifties. Is he in the late fifties? Yeah. Right. Pull it up. I would say. Yeah. Pull it up. He's still playing. No, I mean, I know. It's impressive to still be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was, uh, I just kind of gradually stopped playing. Fifty nine. There you go. I just stopped playing because, you know, you just get so many injuries and, you know, your body starts hurting. You played in Shanley's game, right? Yeah. Yeah. We played there a lot. And those were amazing. Those games, it was almost like a, you know, it was like the host of a talk show. I said, "Who we got on? Who we got on this Sunday?" You know, we got the company coming in. Steven Seagal. Yes, it was. And then afterwards we'd have, uh, you know, just gathering his little TV room, you had a TV on with the game, sound down, and Adam McKay would be there at Judd Appetown. Wow. And, you know, can Judd who? I hate to size him up, but I was really that good at those games. Yeah. You know, it was all kind of mediocre. You know, who was good was, um, the company was good. Yeah. Um, George Clooney was, they both had the same kind of minimalist moves like from Princeton because the company played for Princeton and you're just good outside shot. You know, never really over, never worked up a sweat. Yeah. And I remember one day, um, Tom Petty came. Wow. And walking down the, the pathway. I thought, Tom Petty played basketball. He was fully, like, street clothes. No shorts or anything, anyway, try this out. He was just watching because he knows Gary from the Larry Sanders show because he was on that. And he sat on the bench by the court and he had his legs crossed. Oh my balls. And, uh, but it wasn't just once. It seemed like it was like a rope where he went around like a couple of times because he's so thin. Yeah. And he had a cigarette, his chain smoking, one hand, and he always had another cigarette ready to go. Whoa. And this one burned out. He was just bringing it into the mouth like that. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. So that was fun. And then afterwards, you have like, you know, you'd hang out in that little TV room in the game on and Adam McKay and they'd be asking them questions because he was like the mentored everybody and he'd be sitting in a chair like this and we'd be all sitting around, you know, sitting and recovering, you know, still red and sweating. And I was just talking about comedy and it was such a great hang. Yeah. You'd have catered food, you know, from some dollar by and I knew when it was covered, he had my favorite cookies as full of like package farm, double chocolate, Milano cookies lined up and everything was so neat in this house. You open it through fridge, right? There's no leftovers in there. It's all like, you know, parieres lined up. Right. Clean, you know, maybe a little something from the deli that night before, but still. Yeah. Yeah. You know, did you ever see his documentary, the one that appetite did? Yeah. I don't know, but I don't know if he saw it because this is a great part in the end where he his girl wants to get married. And he's kind of like, I don't know if I'm a marriage guy. And he goes, how about this? We'll get married when we finish building the house. So he just kept adding wings onto the house. Yeah. Because he didn't want it to end. So he'd have to get married. What's interesting, dude, because you're he's definitely a hero of yours. You had a kid late with whether ever points where you're like, asking him, what do I do? No, not for that because he was totally, totally blank and that kind of stuff. Yeah, he had trouble committing too. Yeah, you know, but but I remember seeing him like a couple of days before he died. We were at this restaurant in Malibu, a PCH outside. And I said, Gary, you see anybody these days? He said, well, I have a therapist that I've been going to and no, I said, no, I don't mean therapy. I mean, he was thinking, he goes, no, you know, I just got to get my health together first. Yeah, he's always something, something he's got to do. But he did tell me how he, this is funny. I said, Gary, how do you, when you invite somebody back to your room, how do you like make that move? He goes, when I do is, I sit on the side of the bed and she's standing over there and I'll check my answer machine. Beeper at the time, landline and I'll be checking it and listening and then I'll go like this to her. Yeah, you know, you know, kind of like this is not the, this is the city, you know, another city here. I'm going to be on the phone. So it's not like, and then, you know, and then it would start from there. Did he need Sharon Stone? Or am I crazy? I think he did. Wow. I think so. I mean, it was definitely in the show. I don't know if it was real. Pull that up. But pretty, he had quite a dating history. He actually did. He was, he was charming. He's very charming and light and guy. And he do a lot of jokes about his mother. How she wanted to marry him or something. And my favorite joke. I did it. The memorial, actually, was my, my biggest fear is that Gary Channing will spend the rest of eternity with his mother now. Wow. Sharon Stone and Linda Ducette and Silverman. Holy moly. He got the young. Well, sir, we'd always play basketball with us too. Oh, really? Yeah. Caitlin Clark. That's not bad. Michael Jackson, scrub back. Yeah. Michael Jackson down there. He's ranked five four one zero of all people who've ever dated. I don't know what that means. I don't know what he's either, but there's a ranking apparently. Yeah. All right. Do you ever go on AI? My son won an AI chat GBT and he typed in as Kevin Neil enhanced some. Oh, God. I don't know exactly, but it's something to the fact that, you know, So comedy is very appealing to one of those things. - That's amazing. - Let's see what it says. - Let's see what we get out here. JetGBT. Many people would say Kevin Hill's kind of understated, classic comedy, comedy handsome. Ooh, that's bad. - Comedy handsome, Sanson. - Yeah, yeah, that's true. - Come slide, demeanor. Agent of that silver hair dad whose golf aesthetic plays pretty well. Okay. - Never really marketed as a heartthrob. - That's what the actors are. - You don't wanna be a heartthrob as a comedian. - Effort, who'd want that rife's life? (laughing) You guys playin' arenas, bangin' and tell the women. What a horrible life that would be. Let's check and see Sans, Sanson, let's see. - Sam who? (laughing) - It's gonna nag me and call me again. - Ah. - Here we go. - He says no Sam Kinnison. (laughing) - A lot of people would say yes, especially within comedy. - Oh, okay. - Good ball structure. - Good ball structure, tired eyes. - Tall, just as cleanly as a deep voice. - Hey. - Well, that was it stuff. - Oh, I'm a little disappointed. (laughing) I thought it'd be really, really. He's not movie star polished. (laughing) - We could end it the first time. - Yeah, I would've felt very good about myself. I guess we're actually, actually, I'd take back everything I said. He doesn't smell well. Are we going normin' in there? - Ah, don't do me. I can't handle it. Oh, no. - Then put who's the funniest out of the three of us. (laughing) - I wish my mom wrote this. Every man had some, ah, that means mediocre. - It means just like every other guy. - Yeah, impressive eyes. Good hair. - Stressive eyes. - Oh, expressive. I don't know about that. - Yes, his earlobes deserve their own billing. (laughing) (laughing) - You know what, he got a rope fee sandwich. - We definitely know what to do. We're gonna get a roast beef sandwich at midnight in Queens. - No, you fucking don't. (laughing) - Oh my Kevin James. - This thing of the scam right here. You don't know where to get a fucking sandwich in Brooklyn, let alone Queens. - Ah. - Almost presidential. - Was it an exclusively discussed airline snacks and diarrhea? - What? - I don't discuss airline snacks. - I like how they asked about his looks and they're like, "And you only tell shitty jokes." (laughing) - And a roast beef. - A roast beef. - This thing's got a, it's got a ways to go. - Yeah, yeah, thank God. - I just don't think I've good bone stroke. Cut that out. I mean, those guys must be ranked pretty high in the dating list. - Yeah. - We're talking about LA in the '80s. - 'Cause Jack Nicholson's not really handsome by Stan. - No. - He's just so cool that he's handsome. - It's like Bob Dylan's not like a real good singer either. - Right, but it works. - It works so authentic. - Nicholson cool goes a long way. Think like, if Nicholson got like, everyone's fixing their hair now. What if Nicholson fixes his hair? He wouldn't be as cool. - It wouldn't be. - The balding was kinda cool. - I agree. - I'm just reading the shining now, the book. - Yeah. - Better than the movie. But I can't share him in it. That was such a good movie of his. - Oh, yeah. - By the way, ranked 181, Nicholson on the dating list. - I wouldn't know who's ranked one. - Yeah. - It's like a rock song. - It could be Chamberlain. - All right, dating history. Here we go. - Jeter's gonna be in. - What does that mean though? - Exactly. - Eight Moss. - Wow. - Heartflin boil. - Wow. - This is, oh, Sharon Stone's at every one of them. - Oh man. (laughing) - She got around. - She bumps you up a notch too. - Amber Smith. - I don't care. - Angie Everhard, huh? - She really much. - She's exactly Nicholson. - Yeah. - We haven't even gotten to the 70s yet. - Yeah. - That's right. - Oh man, Sharon Mayo. Sonia Morgan. - From housewives? - I don't know. - People are, but they all look good. - They look great. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - Look at the Amish woman there. (laughing) - Oh, Nassus. - Rachel Warrant. - Oh, Janet Dickinson. - Pretty Warrant. - That's just a name. - That's just a name, Janet. - Yeah. - Wow. - Apparently he had a huge hug. - Kelly LeBrock. - Wow, LeBrock. - I think it's pretty women or women. - We're science. - We're science. - We're science. - Angelica Houston, damn. - You know this guy did well when it took that long to get to Angelica. - Oh my God, damn. - Varuchka Von Laterhoff. - Is this all verified? - Yeah. - Don't go to Michael Jackson's page. Just gonna be really depressing. (laughing) - Let's do Jared Vogel next. (laughing) - Is there an end to this? - Oh. - Oh my, Madonna. - Heighty fly. - Whoa, she was a madam. - Really excited. - I know. - You're so vain. - You're so vain, eh? - And also this guy. He was also with this guy. - Whoa. - I bet Warren Bady's in the mix, too. - Ooh, pull it up. - We're talking all time Poonhounds. - Yeah, good one. - Yeah. - Warren Bady. - That's the worst spelling word at all. - They couldn't even find it. - Warren Bady. - B-E-A-T-T-Y. - There you go. - And then Warren, W-A-R-R. - Well, Warren comes first. (laughing) - I didn't know it had to be that specific. - Oh, jeez. Bady. - All right. - With an E. - Nothing. - E-A-A-T-Y. - E-A. - Start from B. - This is great podcasting right here. - Yeah. - B-E-A. - B-E-A. - T-T-Y. - Thank you. - Here we go. - There he is. - See the photo. - He's gotta be up there. - Oh, totally. - Two-fifth. - That's pretty damn good. - Nickles is tired of him. - Nickles and Bidham. - You know what? - Oh, I guess he got married. - Leo. - Right. - He's gonna have a run. - But he got married, that's why. 'Cause he tapped out after Bugsie. - Right, another Madonna. Oh, they were in a Dick Tracy. Oh, Darryl Hannah. Hello. - Damn. - How are you? - She had a rehearsal. - Whoa, married Tyler. - More. - Wow. - He did it in the comedy. I love it. - Janus again. - He won. - Diane Keedon's a big one. 'Cause he got personality there too. - Just look at this trifecta right here. This is crazy. - They are Keedon. - That was all the same night, those three. (laughing) - Wow. - Yeah, jeez. - Thank you, Jackson. - Michelle Phillips again. - Whoa, Barbara Minty. - We should keep score. - Baby Buel again. - Well, baby Buel again. - Yeah. - At least I'm an again. - Melody Griff. - They swung in the same circles. - Oh yeah, look at that mouth. - Oh my gosh. - Goldie. - Goldie. - I think the first part of this was an interview where now she's three horny guys. - Yeah. - Jane Fonda. - Barbara, it went to like good stories. Well, look at her mouth and her bone structure. Holy shit. - Bridget Parker, well we did ourselves too, just to keep it even. (laughing) - Lexie, no we're watching boobies. - Yeah. Speaking of which, you guys want to get a Roof B sandwich? I know it's fun. (laughing) - Damien, pull up our jeeter. - I found out who's number one, by the way. - Who? - Sabrina Carpenter. - What? - Number one. - How's that work? - What does that mean? - I don't know idea. - Oh my gosh. - It's the guy she did. - Bang the ball. - No, I can't be right. - I don't know. - She's doing like 20. - For guys, there's six guys. - Yeah, this is a rigged. - Yeah. - Yeah, what does that mean? - Nicholson and Bady had a life, holy shit. Do Leo. - Them right before they died, they're life flashing before their eyes. - Oh. - They're gonna come. (laughing) - It's gonna be so cool. - Yeah, that's true. - Do you think they ever lay in bed going, okay, let's start from the beginning. Who was that with? - Yes. - I do that. I'm not bloody. - I did ask you, like, who were you with? For them to, like, do you have like four weeks? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What's your body? - 16. - That's the age. - Oh, you've made me do it. - 16 is at the high ranking. - That's impressive. - Oh my gosh. - See, it's almost cooler when you've never heard of them 'cause that means they're like some Russian model. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - D's three, top three are all in 2023. - Geez. - 20, 20, 20. - D's also. - Ah. We're not out of 2023 at all. These women are all smoking. - And they're all young as shit. These are too young. - Ah, speak for yourself. (laughing) Alina, they're all legal. Oh my God, this looks like a forward modeling agency. Just flipping through it. - Rihanna. - In 2015, Rihanna too. - Damn. - Was that before or after Chris Brown? - They both hit that. - Oh my God. - Sorry. All right. - Oh, that's a good run here for Leo too. - All right, all right. - Hey, hey. - A P-Ditty rumor. You can't put rumors in. If that's true, I'm up to 12. - Wait, the rumors that he molested Leo? - Apparently. - Oh yeah. - Carman Electra, a pair of silt. - Oh, meaning what you have. - Is that, uh. - Yeah, by the way, that should knock you into the 200s at least. - Yeah. - It's just going to be in the top 16 after that. - I think Epstein's one. - Gizelle. - Where's P-Ditty right now? - Vanessa Trone. - Is it Pryzor? - Yeah. - Is he? Oh, he's with Luigi. Yeah, same Pryzor Luigi. - To me more. Hot tamale, Claire Danes. - Wow. - She's a little-- - Just a little. - Marlow. - Heather Graham. - Juliet Lewis. Christine Aguilu. - They saved the big name for the end. - Michelle Rodriguez. - Wow. - Oh, go up to Irina Shank. Holy, hot cheat, dick cheese. Yeah, that's Bradley Cooper's wife. - Uh-oh. - So I guess-- - A little bit, Mark and I literally, every week, we're like, we getting a lot of trouble with the women in our lives. From just podcast clips. - Yeah. - How should we close out this week's episode? Oh my God, look at her. Holy shit. - Well, here's Single, but he's married with kids. - That's true. Yeah, this part has definitely put the breaks on some relationships. - Yeah, yeah, we got to cool it. - We got to cool it, yeah. But no, I'm maybe in something now. So we'll see. - Ooh. - That's what we'll see. - The next game, Lady? - Yes. - Wow, that's, you put it out there in the world. That's public. - I'm excited though, it's just time right now. - Dude. - Effectuation time. - Trying to. - Oh, I think I'm at the next seat. (laughing) - I was like, "Close." - You might've thought when I'm like, "You're right, Jalen Brunson." (laughing) - That twinkling in his eyes. - Yeah. - No, no, dude, that's fun, and it's, she's very cool. So. - She's see at the club? Is that what she's saying? - No, I fucking hate this dude. - I'm just saying, yeah. - I'm just big. - I'm just, you go on the, I dude, I was on there for not long and she was hot. I swiped and I was like, boom, and has a kid in a, in a gay ex. - Oh, perfect. - A gay ex is ideal. - It's not a cool gay ex. - He's got like a fun gay ex. He's like a sad gay ex. - Ah. - Alright, that's fine. - But there's no competition. - No, that's nice. - Nope, not. - Oh boy. - Do you think if there was no, please don't. Number one. - Line relationship. - Oh, great. - Oh, I'm sorry there. (laughs) - That's the hell of a photo they got, huh? - Yeah, jeez, well, what the hell is happening in my life at that point? - Oh, you're right. - When did I get bangs? - This one's your pizza. - That will happen in my face. - Your P Diddy's cell mate right here. (laughs) - What was just Taylor and P Diddy? - Diddy. - Oh, with the numbers, how many you've been with? - No, that's relationships total. His ranking is, no ranking. (laughs) - Yeah. - Her photo's not great either. (laughs) - Got it. - Yeah, we got that. - You can keep it or give it a say. - Okay, well, pull up Neelan's history. No, I'm just kidding. - Well, yeah, Kevin, you wanna plug some dates you're coming up? - Yeah. (laughs) - Yeah, no, I got a, you know, a special it's on YouTube called The Loose in the Crotch. - Nice. - Yeah, it's great to see you. Give it a watch. There's my little schedule. The people can check out my schedule on KevinNeelan.com. - There we go. We got May 22nd in Houston. - Nice. - Yeah. - 23rd also in Houston, 24th. And then Potstown PA on the 24th. - Oh, we know Souljills. - Yeah, it looks awesome looking at this. - Nah. - And then in June, it's Solana Beach, California. Covina, Tulsa Oklahoma on the 11th. - Woo. - To the 13th, which is nice. Pittsburgh on the 19th. - Nice. - I don't know where Richfield, Washington is, but you'll be there on the-- - That's with Dana Carvey. - Oh, that's cool. - Oh, I can't miss that. - So the zoo below that, we're at a zoo. - What? - I/O? Cleveland, I/O? - Oh, the best. - Great room. - Wow, it's great. Boston in August. - Oh, Wilbur. - These are all, these are all the cities I've been with. (laughter) - You've been inside of them. - Yeah. Here's a funny, you know, even when you post, where you're gonna be, you never put, it's a club. You just put Cincinnati, Ohio. - Right. - Oh, it must be. What theater is that? - Oh, it's a comedy club. (laughter) - That is true. - Yeah, so I got that special that's out there right now. - I'll see the name one more time. - It's called Loosen the Crotch. It's on YouTube. That's part of the 800 pound gorilla platform. - And it's doing really well. - Over half a bill. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And it just came out. - And then I got a movie. The mermaid movie is out, May 26th. - Ooh. - And like the hiking show I do, hiking with Kevin on YouTube. - Nice. - And I've done like 170 hikes so far. - Cheese. - And you get a huge guest in there. - I say Tom Hanks and all the things. - Whoa! - That's crazy. - Yeah, Conan and Brian Cranston. - Wow. But and then you know, my wife and I were executive producers on a documentary that got nominated for an Oscar. Call it Come See Me in the Good Light. And we went to the Oscars this year. It was crazy. - Whoa. - Yeah. And we didn't win, but it's on Apple TV. You can check it out. Come see me in the good light. There you go. - Was that a Conan hosting? - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's cool. - Did you get to go to the after party? - Yeah, but not the good one. - Ah! - This one with the improv. (laughing) - That was the governor's ball. - Oh, nice. - I didn't think he was there or she was there. Whoever it is. - Do some. - So now we're down and it's it. Who's this? - It is me. Oh yeah, I'm in Verona, New York at the turning so casino. June 6th and then I'm going to, I'm off for a while, but I'll add some stuff. I got late August, Lisbon, then Athens, you got to go see all. - How does that happen? What does an Athens do in a venue there? - Is it like a big clumber? - It's pretty big, actually. It's so, yeah. - 800? - Yeah, I think so. And how did you get that? My agent just, I was like, I just want to go to Athens and I'll see if it does. Some of these are looking good and some are looking Budapest is looking really bad. So I'm just pumped to go to Budapest, but that's looking rough. Zagreb for some reasons, looking really good. So keep buying Zagreb. That was Zagreb. - Croatia. - Oh, God. - We got Vienna Warsaw. - Is this from YouTube? - I don't know. - Specials, Netflix, especially. - It's from everything. - It must be everything, I don't know. - Emulation. - Yeah. - Now when I say, how did you get these? I meant, are you that funny? (laughing) - No, that's not it. - No Kevin, but I have really good bone structure. - Bedroom. - Warsaw is supposed to be beautiful. - I heard. - That's what I hear. - That's right here, yeah. - And how long are you in each town? Like a couple of nights each? - One evening. - No, I made sure a couple nights each and then Helsinki's only one night. And then yes, then I got Stockholm and Copenhagen. And hopefully Mark and I are shooting a movie this summer. We'll see. - I'm so jealous, man. This is what I always wanted to do. I went to Paris last summer and did a gig there. And it's just a little room, like set, like 60 people. So fun though. - It's fun. And then they have these other little clubs. Literally like 20 people, they see, you know. It's almost theirs in some place. But I always wanted to do something like this. And it's not like a lot of money, is it? How much is it? (laughing) No, they don't pay a lot of money. So it's almost like-- - It's a free vacation. - I mean, with the planes and the hotels, right? - Yeah, it'll be fun. - It'll be great. - It will be fun. There's no doubt about it. I would die to do that. - I did that Athens room. It was good. The crowds are great. - It's so great. - It's so great for you to come, yeah. - Are they American? - Not really, but they speak English. - They speak English and they get to go. Yeah, they get to go. It's subdued to, I was in Milan last year and they were good. It's shocking how good they are. - And they know all our American stuff. You know, they know all about our politics and movie stars. - And do you go by train or how do you get to these places? - I just jumped around on a flight to flight. - Yeah, some places you can take it. I have to do a car for one of them, but then it's mostly short like hour flights. - Do they have ubers there? - Yeah. - And who books all the travel for you? Like your man? - Agent. - An agent? - Yeah. - Damn man. - With the internet, it's got a whole life, man. - International. - That's all right. - Where are you gonna be, Mark? - Oh, where am I gonna be? Spoke can come to club. - Back to the States. - We're back in the clubs. - Baby Helium Philly, come on out Milwaukee Improv. Irvine Improv, let's sell that puppy out. - That's why I spill my special Irvine Improv. - The great room. - Yeah, the great room. - Tempe Improv, Detroit area, Royal Oak. - Yep. - Please lend again. - And Emerald City. I've never been there, I'm trying that out. That's Seattle. And yeah, that'll little Tampa and Cubs in SF. And Houston Improv. - You know what's a great room? You guys, I bet you haven't worked. There's up in Eugene, Oregon. - It's called, I forget what it's called. - It's hell at the funniest line. On Eugene, or he goes to Eugene, Oregon, is like I'll let the town that make up for God. (laughing) - That's fun. Oh yeah, we got pushing Boulder about the 400K. That's the little documentary we mean Sally made about trying to work on material and tweak material before it's special. - Yeah, right there. - Roast Beef Sandwich. (laughing) And yeah. - Really good. Almost 400K views. - We're getting there, we're getting there. Oh, it's hung over. All right, I'm home over now. Hey, Netflix Fest, thanks for having us, Kevin. Thanks for popping in. So it's another show. - Thanks for having me, man. Yeah, Loosin the Crotch on YouTube. - Loosin the Crotch. - KevinHeel.com from my schedule. - Let's get to a million. - Let's give you a good light. Hiking with Kevin. - Hell yeah. - Watch Hiking with Kevin. Those are awesome. - Oh yeah. - They turned this off like five minutes ago. (laughing) That's what I got done. I got Cleveland coming up. I got-- (laughing) - That was all right. - Dude, that was awesome. ♪ Sunday's the day for my next spender ♪ ♪ A bit of fever, wrecking all the few tunes close ♪ ♪ I've had a little too much for Finn ♪ ♪ And Norman's talking shit about the fucking post ♪ ♪ And I get down in the same way ♪ ♪ Up on the roof like a cop's comin' ♪ ♪ And they can send you well as feeling dangerous ♪ ♪ I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans ♪ ♪ This woman doesn't look like I remember ♪ ♪ And I get down in the same way ♪ ♪ We might be true ♪