Kevin Nealon 2.0

Hi, it's Rick Glassman from this podcast. We'll get right to the show, but first I wanted to let you know that I'm on my standup comedy tour, Ricky's on the loose and I'm in Dallas this weekend. And if you're in Washington, DC, Montreal, Quebec, Edinburgh or London in the UK, Portland or Eugene in Oregon, Philadelphia, PA or Houston, Texas. My tickets are for sale now at Rick Glassman.com. And if you want to be the first to be notified when I'm coming to your city because I'm adding dates as we speak, go to Rick Glassman.com/tour, sign it from an email list, and I'll let you know. Hey, girls, get started without me. I'll be right there. Hurry up, Rick, seriously. What are you doing? Please, I'll be right there. Now enjoy the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show. I kind of see Kevin as a royal. A royal? Yeah. Purple? Yeah, you know that purple's royalty, royalty? No, back in the day at least purple was royalty and they were where these big purple things and it looked like it was rye bread seeds in their jackets. So, I guess. Royalty. All right. Well, it's 1230. You were scheduled to be here at 1230. I'm confident enough of that generation. Yep, there he is that I was about to walk out anyway. Wow. Kevin, I'm going to walk out and meet you. Hey, boss, I parked out front. Is that okay? Just put on the windshield. I'm Kevin Neelan and you could park on the fucking roof. Well, actually, he plays closer now. Okay. Oh, um, when so, so a lot of times he doesn't put his microphone by him because he's doing business so just make sure you get his sound if the mic isn't over there. Brilliant. So, John Michael, are you doing play it? Hi, welcome. Hi, Kevin. Let's see you again. Good to see you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you very much. You're doing impressions about this now? I've always found the pressure to balance. I didn't know you had rats in this place. Okay. Is there a cushion I could sit on? You got one for your back, one for your butt. Love it, man. I'm gonna take one more for the butt, but the uh, we're done. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna get you one for more stairs. Okay, here we go with that. And so it begins. I don't remember this first name, Rick. Rick, I said, good guy, but I don't think he knows whether it's to be goofy or serious, you know. Well, I feel for him. I feel for him. And obviously he needs approval. Otherwise, I have a podcast with some of the people fishing for compliments. Anyway, and I'll play one with him. See that? Once we've gotten rid of this one, one moment. What do you need? Uh, just one second. He's so frazzled. So frazzled. I think I need to get a dog. If that is a dog, um, uh, could you put your foot? Uh, yes. This episode is sponsored by Underdog Fantasy, Brent. Roof. Download the app today and use promo code Tyso to score $50 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code Tyso. Underdog make picks win money. Oh, money. I'm going to make some picks right now. Screwing record. I want people to see what you're doing. We'll show you later. This episode is sponsored by proton VPN. Do you use VPNs ever? Honestly, I want to hear about this one because I downloaded one a while ago that isn't this and I had problems with it. I use it all the time. I'm also somebody. I'm also somebody that treads my mail. I'm a little paranoid with stuff. I don't go on public Wi-Fi. I'll talk to you about it in a little bit. But let me tell you this. Right now proton VPN is offering our listeners 70% off a two year plan. When you go to proton VPN dot com slash Tyso, that's proton VPN dot com slash Tyso. This episode is sponsored by Function Health. Timber. Yeah. If you are interested in analytics like I am, you're going to want to get your blood taken and you're going to want to look at a lot of different biomarkers. And it could be confusing to know what to get checked. That's why I like function health. It's actually why I reached out to Function Health to see if they'd be willing to sponsor the podcast. Check your health the way I do. Function provides 160 plus lab tests for $1 a day and member pricing on MRI and CT scans. Join at FunctionHealth.com/Tyso and use gift code Tyso25 for a $25 credit toward your membership. This episode is an only sponsor, but my new merch boy or my arms tired. Nice. But also I want to tell you guys that Ricky is on the loose. I'm getting ready to film my special. I'm going all over the place. I'm going to tell you an order starting in June, Washington, D.C. July, I'll be in Columbus, Ohio, as well as Montreal for the Just for Last Comedy Festival August. I'm making my EU UK tour Edinburgh five shows tickets now online followed by Amsterdam, Dublin, and then six shows in London. September, I'll be in Portland, Oregon, Eugene, Oregon and Philadelphia, a PA October, Houston, Texas to come to Washington and November. Salt Lake City, baby. If you want to come, go to Ricklasmin.com and if you want to come hard, go to Ricklasmin.com and send me a message. But also I'm adding more cities. If you want to find out when I'm coming within 50 miles of your city, sign up for my email list. I don't spam you. In fact, I don't actually probably be emailing more, but I'll let you know when I have new shows coming up. And if I'm coming to your city that's Ricklasmin.com/Tor link is in the description. I'll see you on the road, baby. Nice. Are you putting a blanket over that so that I don't sit on my butt? Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah, man. I don't come into your house and expect to dick out of your mouth. You have before. Oh, this is more like it. Yeah, I don't want. I just don't want to be sacked. Well, um, see only you can see the accent of the actors. Thanks for me. Here we go. Get back to me. I like your shirt. Very cool. Thank you. It is royal. Purple is a royal color. The code didn't know that. You didn't. Huh? Well, that's true. Hey, Rick, would you remind me to bring my glasses with me? So I don't leave. You say we're right. You take the glass. Yeah, and also my car keys. I don't want to go home without the car keys. How would you even get the car going? How much you want for this dog right now? There isn't a number. No, seriously, 500. Let's start a five. I'll go to seven. But let's start a five. That's the worst negotiator in the world. Let's start a five. I'll only go to seven. All right. Five. Are these cameras always set up in your house? Only when I'm podcasting or if I have a beautiful woman over. Oh nice. It's a podcast with all I see. What you're doing, man. You're not fooling me. Rick, how excited are you about today? Real excited, dude. I got my new hat. You got royalty hat. Yeah. Do you want something to drink? I would like a water. Yeah. $800 for the dog. What did you buy him for? He's my best friend. A lot of people ask me if he rescued me or I rescued him. But the truth is I rescued him. Interesting power play. How do you see it? I feel like I'm looking up at you. I have been ever since Hans and Franz. Do you know that the talk shows are like that. The chair is always higher for the host and the guest sits down lower. In fact, Andy Kaufman, you might because you're an Andy Kaufman fan. Do you remember that show we had where he sat on a really high desk at Judges Pulpit and the guest was down below? The only thing I know from his taxi. I thought you were an Andy Kaufman fan. No. People just compare me. I actually found out about who he was because people said I was kind of like him. Not that I was talented or as wonderful. I'm not comparing. I'm just saying people like, oh, you're like Andy Kaufman. No, it's just poor judgment. That's all. Because his was really poor judgment at times. It's also how I found out about Dane Cook. A lot of people in college, they said to me when I was visiting college when I was eight. They said to me, you sound like Dane Cook. So I'm like, who is this Dane Cook guy? Don't we get you bigger shirt? I think I'm good for now. Maybe you'll need a bigger shirt when you get full off of all the bullshit I'm probably going to be feeding you. Thanks for coming over again. I'm glad that you'd have me come back. After I left last time, I thought, well, I'll never have me back again. I said, I'm never coming back again. Oh, that's what a fleet opposite. Yeah, I've told you, I want you to be a co-host on this. Just sitting right there. Well, obviously not there, but like behind the curtain. It would be nice just on a drum kit that you never use on the balcony. That'd be awesome. Yeah. For you. Do you think that we became really close when you came on my podcast or before or after? And I look at us as really close. So based on my definition. In your eyes, I see a lot of respect for me. I do. And I appreciate that. I also see someone reckless. I see someone who enjoys life, actually. But it's walking on a really fragile fence between total mental breakdown and a good life. And that's up to you, which we're talking about. you're gonna fall. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, I'm on the fence, a fragile one. Very fragile fence. And I'm gonna fall off the fence. And on one side of the fence is a mental breakdown capacity. And the other side of the fence is a good life. Now, a question for you, that being the case, in this analogy, the fence being fragile is important. Why? The fence being fragile? Yeah. Because that's life for you. But you're walking, I would say you're walking on eggshells, but that's been used already. So I like a fragile fence. But the life exists on both sides of that fence. So if the fence breaks, that that would actually allow me to be able to go in and out, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because then you could learn and evolve. No, once the fence breaks, your world breaks, because then the manic and the mental illness swings into the real life. But isn't that what life is? I'm done with you. Just something. Just a mishmash soup of, tell me about yourself. Well, I, I was born a poor black, it was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. No, no, no, no. Do you remember I left in the thing on the hike? Or I couldn't say be in between two hammocks? I was editing it out. I was swiping to people who were too young to know the reference said that'll cut it. Oh, you were? Yeah, I thought you'd cut it. No. What do you think? Is it Macon or Macon? Macon, I think it is. If he speaks, then we have to pay him more. You're in SAG, even though you hate it. I just don't want to be sagged. Well, it's the only use you guys for actors. That's what you do. Do you think I'm one of the most promising up-and-comer comics? Like a young comic that's like, wow, this guy, there's something special. I don't want them. And there's thousands of them. No, I think you're very good. I told you that. I enjoy, I don't enjoy watching a lot of comics, but I enjoy watching you because I do think you're not a train wreck, but you're like one of those, you know, those little trains with the, you had a pump them to get going. Yeah. And there's two guys I'm usually. I was just talking about this. I was talking about it with you. No. On the train track, I think when we did the Patreon episode with all of us, that's the train wreck I'm talking about. So you're not going that fast, but I do like watching you because you are unpredictable in certain ways. And then other ways, I know it's coming and it's fun to anticipate and watch it. Do you know what I mean? If you wanted to get tickets to my show, where would you go? Probably a convenience store. You go to Ricklasmin.com. And if you want to find out when I'm coming near your city, go to Ricklasmin.com/tore and sign up for my email list. I'll let you know by the way, if you want to come to see me, you can just check me out there or you go on YouTube and you can watch my hiking show that Rick's been on before. I have a special out called Loosen the Crush. That's on YouTube, 800 pound gorilla. And I'm an Oscar nominated executive producer. Go ahead. Oh, the documentary. Yeah. Congratulations again. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Did you get a certificate? Yes, but not for that. High school. Do you want another pillow? How do you feel? I could use one of my back. No, this is okay. This is fine. But I may go to sleep. Why? Because I'm tilted back a little bit. This is like your another pillow. This is like when you think you're upright and the flat attendant comes down the aisle and she goes sort of puts your chair up for the landing. You'll notice a lot of my references. They're about airlines because they fly. Yeah. As do a lot of comedians. Yeah. And boy are our laughs tired because we would like a new topic. Excuse me. When will we arrive? I don't know Los Angeles. Oh, we're here already. Do you ever when they tell you to put the seat up? Are you ever in order to go? What's the point? It's not good to do anything to play. What's the point? Do you ever hear people that do that? Here's why I don't hear I fly private. Do you? And they still make you do that? Yeah. I don't they don't make you do that on private. That's my parents. So they're really picky. Oh, your parent you fly private with your parents and they make you do that. They just go with you to all your shows. I don't know why I laugh at you so much and it is at you. I don't know what it is. It's just you're so lost, I think. But it's a I think that's why you girls are attracted to you and you get the pretty actions just come in here because that again, I think that's why you get the pretty girls coming in here because they feel like they need to take care of you. Is that true? Oh, McCone's a little bit. Yeah. Are you all right? Let me get a pretty actress to come in and help you for a space. I'm on fire today. I can tell you always are, dude. I had a good night's sleep last night. Where do you sleep? You sleep in the dog bed? Well, yeah, technically when you travel my dog sleeps, when you travel like when you do a gig, I'm serious now. Let's say your flight's at seven o'clock. It won't be. I just so I make it like easy for the for the math. All right, let's say it's at 12 o'clock noon. Great. What time will you head to the airport from here? And the flight isn't noon. I want to arrive at the airport at 11. Okay. So I'll check it takes about 35 minutes from here. 40. At 10.30, it'll take about, at 10.20, it'll take about 40 minutes, 30 minutes. So you leave at 10.20? I'll leave at 10.20. See, I leave at two hours before boarding. So I get there, I could relax. What time will you get to the, do you want to get to the airport at noon? I want to get there maybe an hour before boarding so I can go to the lounge. So you want to get there at 10.30, a half hour before me. If it's a new flight. Yeah. Yeah, that's a big, that's a lot of time there. I know you're hanging out in the lounge. I don't need to, I'd rather be home. I'm not saying you're wrong, but that I oftentimes will show up to the airport, go through security, let my dog go to the bathroom again. I'll pick up a couple of bottles of water, maybe some dried mango, maybe some grass-fed beef jerky, and I will walk up to my gate and it'll start boarding within five, ten minutes usually. And if I'm late-- Do you belong to the lounges? I have an MX, so it gives me access to some delta, but I don't really go in them. The food, I don't eat the food. I'm telling you, it's the best thing. I'm trying to make my life more comfortable traveling because I travel a lot. So I will do, you know, the black ubers, I will do a lounge. I'll do first class. I will do a five-star hotel. I will end up with no money, but at least the traveling is comfortable. Dude, we're the same, except for I don't mind a white driver. Oh my god. I don't. But other than that, I talk about this on the podcast. I travel as if I'm a more successful comedian. I don't break even, but I really don't make much money on the road because I spend it all on feeling comfortable traveling. Is your goal to make enough money this year to make your celebrity net worth accurate? I don't think I could do that. That's too much. I'd have to throw a lot of money away because they're under-guessing. Do you worry about money? It's still in me because I've done it. I've done it enough, but I feel confident in my, like, I've been saving. So do I worry about it? Maybe. It's always on your mind, though, isn't it? No, it's not. You know what? No. I will say this, and I've talked about this on the podcast. In the past couple of years, it's the first time that I've been motivated in my career. I've always wanted to make money, but I was never motivated by it. In the past couple of years, I'm like, I want to start making money before it's too late. Maybe. Also, the dog, the fact that I want to just let him outside, and every time I go outside, I have to basically pack and then bring him outside and come in and clean his feet and blah, blah, blah, blah. I want to have a yard and to have a yard. I want to have a nice house. I'm like, okay, I'm almost 30. I would like to make real money. Yeah, but I've always been driven by play. I'm being serious. I love. That's why I love you so much. That's a good time. Yeah. Are you really falling asleep right now? No. Do I look like it? Just for a second, you did a thing. Well, no, I do that because I'm getting those sags on my eyes. The eyelids start falling down. Screen actors killed. Yeah. So now, see now they're open. Yes. Whenever I come out, on a stage before stage, some people have it all warm. I do this. I just want to come out. Does that really do something because it holds for like maybe eight seconds and then it starts going back down again. But and I had both my eyes replaced. Will you go like this? So the microphone isn't blocking your face as much as I was thinking about it and now there's a pause. You had both eyes replaced. How old were you when you had them down? 17. Jesus. Well, when I wanted 17. Now when I say replaced, I mean, repaired. And not the eye. I mean, the chin. The whole chin area. But why what do you mean both? Both chins? Because I had a I had a dimple here. So a clef. I'm sorry. The clef is it for the mouth. I think this is a clef. This is a clef chin. Yeah, clef. So obviously I'm a musician. I have a musician actually. You play the guitar. I see you have the guitar here. I know how to play the car a little bit. I'm more of a penis. - You're penis? - I'm a penis. - Classical? - No. - For traditional. - Just a big fat fucking penis. I like to play Disney songs in movie scores. - On the penis? - Yeah. - Is it a ham, no, is it a Steinway? - Do you do, you think you could be a child prodigy of anything and not know it? You know, like, you can never have a piano and you could have been a child prodigy. If you just play-- - I think there were things that I was a child prodigy at. And now I'm just a regular prodigy and I knew it. And there might have been more. - You're like an adult prodigy? Is that possible? - It's harder to be an adult prodigy because the bar is low when you're kid. Like, you see an eight year old playing the drums. It's like, holy shit. Like, that dude will never be in Smash Mouth. But then you get older and it's like, there's a lot of, you know, or like, there's a line that I say from a movie that is part of the world that you're from, where the guy goes to a musical concert and he's got a, and he doesn't have his badge and he goes, let me hear my girlfriends in there. And he goes, a lot of people's girlfriends are in there. You might have even been in that movie. I don't even remember it, but do you know the movie? - Is it, don't tell me. Is it the Cameron Crowe one? I don't think so. - Almost famous. - Almost famous? - No, Wayne's world. Have I seen that yet? (laughing) - Is that, they were shooting at the same time and the same way where I was shooting a movie called All I Want For Christmas. I don't know if I've seen that yet. - Yeah, it's been a long time for it yet. - You're a joke, my friend. - Well, that's what you said about Wayne's world. - You just said that. - I don't listen to what I say. - Yeah. - To you today. - But, were you in Wayne's? Do you ever in a Wayne's world? - No, never. - Never. - That sucks. Did you and Mike Myers ever overlap? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I overlapped with a lot of those guys. Chris Farley. - Yeah, well Chris Farley was the guy who said a lot to people, school friends are in there. - Yeah. - They were spayed. - Yeah, Chris Farley, Chris Rock. - Norman. - It was on the main two, Tom Cruise. - Oh, Tom Cruise was on it. A lot of people don't know this, Tom. Did you know this? Tom Cruise was a cast member in SNL for two episodes. You knew that? - Yeah. - For Mission Possible. - I only got like one short film on and then he kind of didn't feel like there's a lot of growth for him. So he left. - Is that true? I saw him once, when he was married to Nicole Kidman, he was out by the receptionist desk with an L.A. baseball cap on or something. He's really nice, really friendly. - You know, Nicole Kidman's legacy is now the AMC check. - My son knows that one by heart. They reduced it a little bit though. It's not so long. Yeah, it gets a syndication. You gotta get more commercials there, right? - Isn't there, it was a new law being passed and no Tom Cruise was never in SNL? Isn't there a new law being passed or in California at least that movie times have to tell you the time like maybe not the movie starts, but they have to tell you the time the trailers start because they can't tell you the times 'cause there's like 15 minutes of commercials now. - At least trailers. There's like 20 minutes, 25 minutes of trailers and there's a couple of commercials. - I love that. - And then there's Nicole Kidman comes out. - Yeah. - So here's an interesting fact about me. I love movie trailers. - And then let's talk about me a little bit after we finish talking about you. - Sure. - I love movie trailers and when I go to the movies, I wanna watch the trailers. - Me too. - However, when I'm at home or if I'm not at the movies, I try not to watch a trailer. If I've already decided I wanna see that movie. - Oh, oh, beforehand. - Yeah. - They give away a lot in those. They give away a lot. I saw a couple of really good movies recently. I go with my son. - Technical spoiler alert. I saw Audity. Did you see that? - The Audity. - Audity. It's a scary movie. It's, you know, a thriller. And then I saw just recently, I saw obsession. That was really good. You'd like that. - I get scared. That's Donald's way. Maybe by the time this airs, it will have already to be the fourth movie ever to have a budget of under a million dollars and to gross 100 million dollars in a box office. - Do you like hearing that? - That's awesome. What do you mean? - I mean, some people go, well, you know, some people will say, that's, I don't like hearing that 'cause they got so lucky and they made a lot of money just from that little millennia. And basically, I'm the one that gets upset about that. - Got you. No, I think as independent creators and original content is concerned, the more they succeed, the more us in the industry does. - It's motivating, you know? It's inspiring. - That's why I asked you to come on the podcast. I'm like, I could probably do something out of nothing. - Oh my God. I don't know if it doesn't feel good, does it? I feel a connection. - I don't know if you're joking, but I do. - No, I love you. - I'm between you and McConnell, I'm talking about. - Oh. - You're a camera guy. - Yeah. - Oh, I didn't want to show you what you were talking about. - No, no, I'm talking about you. - How old are you? - 29. - So you could be my son easily. - Oh, I can't. - Too late. - I can't just reverse engineer someone being your father unless the adoption. - Do you think there's anybody that might be your child that you don't know about? I've never come inside a woman. I'm not talking about a woman. Oh. Also, I nobody believes that. They used to call me Rick Cums Inside Women Glassman before I even have said sex, so I don't know why. - I bet you are really, you're not OCD, aren't you? Yes. Oh, for a lot of different things. Well. - Are you putting a blanket over that so that I don't suit my body? - Yeah. But what about food? What about food? It's funny that you bring that up because I have been having food getting stuck in my teeth a lot more over the past couple months. And I did have a cavity filled. That can't be it because the cavity was filled here and the stuff that gets stuck in my teeth is everywhere. I noticed teeth a lot of people in your teeth are amazing. They have character, they're not all perfectly straight, but they're white and they're healthy looking. Let me see your gums. So in other words, you wouldn't let them drive you to the airport. Okay, you have a lower teeth. You have like incisors on the bottom instead of on the top. And it's almost like a werewolf. They're not as good as I thought they were originally. Werewolves? No, the teeth. Oh. My top row is really straight. I never had orthodonture. My top row, which is a word I learned from Jason Alexander recently. I heard him say orthodonture, which I believe is probably just the British way of saying orthodonture. Do you go on his podcast or do you come here? I went on his podcast and they're coming on. They're going to come on mine now. I'm very excited. I tell you about that. I met them and I got to tell you something. I think that we hit it off. And I think they're coming on take your shoes off. Yeah. Have you been on theirs? Yeah. Oh yes, I knew that. I watched a little of yours and I watched the Weird Al one. I watched more of the Weird Al one. Weird Al. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Al. Al. What's his name? Who? Weird Al. He didn't have a podcast. No, he was a guest on Jason Alexander's. Oh, oh, yeah. Really? Weird Al Yankovic. Yeah. But isn't there another name? Weird Al Yankovic. Yeah. But his real name. I thought it was Al. But then I thought I heard somebody calling something different. You calling the cops? What is Weird Al Yankovic's real name? Alfred. That's what I thought. Yeah, nobody just has Al as a name like Albert Brooks. Yeah. He likes to be called Albert. Your friends with Albert, so Albert Brooks. You guys buddies? Yeah. Yeah. Funny to do. It's funny. Being friends probably, right? I didn't. No. I liked the show. Okay. So you knew what Jason Alexander was? Of course. Okay. So you liked the show? And you're, did you ever imagine that he would be in your house and you doing a podcast with him? Yeah. Did you ever imagine that you would be in a fist fight with him in your house? No. Well, let's see what happens. It's like with Albert Brooks. I love, you know, I listen to him and watching him and loving, he's influenced me a lot. And then here I am. You know, we're good buddies. If Jason Alexander and I get in a fist fight in here, I want to use this as the cold open to that episode. Albert Brooks is, I love this fellow. I know. When I watch his documentary, I, and I'm sure a lot of people see this, this isn't about me being talented. I'm just telling you my own personal thing. I connected a lot to the way his mind worked. And I saw a lot of myself in him without, without him being an heroine for me. More than that. Just the way he would change stuff up all the time and he would, he would, he would rather perform something that he was unprepared, like I had practiced because being in the, being present was more important to him than being what other people would refer to as prepared because you are prepared to be that. And there was just lots of choices. He made even the stuff of as a kid. And because I feel you and I are in such a similar frequency and I felt that way before you even knew who I was. I think I told you this last time, but we met in the main room, green room and we were doing bits. And I remember thinking to myself in, like, feeling confident about myself, like Kevin has no idea. He's going to love me. I really thought you're going to like me. You don't even know. I don't even remember that. I remember you were pushing it a little bit too hard. You don't remember it. I know you don't remember. I talked to you about it. I do remember because you were standing there and I knew you were tall. I said, this guy, I don't know who he is, but he's tall. I was sitting the whole time they weren't. Would you come in at a wheelchair? - No, I was in there. I came in and I sat down and then you left. - Exactly. - This episode is sponsored by Function Health. I had health insurance through the Screen Actors Guild, as I'm sure you did or maybe do now because of your work with Bad Monkey. Congratulations on the Vince function. - Coming out to be determined, TBD, go ahead. - So this isn't just for people without insurance, I actually have insurance now and I'm using this, but I am somebody that, when I go to the doctor, I ask a lot of questions. I ask if they'll check certain stuff, depending on your doctor. They'll be like, we don't need to check that. We don't need to check that. And I'm very curious with, you're already taking my blood, check these levels. For example, almost everybody has low vitamin D, but a lot of people don't know that because they don't get that checked. Get your blood checked, get a physical, get your STD checks. There are so many things that Function Health does. I actually asked them to advertise in the podcast. I wanted to give them a try. And once I signed up for it, I saw there's some add-ons that you could do to check for lots of different things. What is the last time you had a physical? - Been a while. - I'd like to get you on Function Health. Would you be open to it? - Sure. - I really, really like this place. Function provides 160 plus lab tests for $1 a day and member pricing and MRI and CT scans. Join at functionhealth.com/tyso and use gift code Tyso25, for a $25 credit toward your membership. I'd like for you to do it. - Okay. - This episode is sponsored by ProtonVPN. I am a big user, love a VPN. I use a VPN for a fair amount of reasons. I use a VPN whenever I'm not in the house and sometimes in the house, when definitely if I'm ever on a public Wi-Fi. - 'Cause you don't want people to get into your stuff? - Yeah. I've never noticed how the second you Google something suddenly every ad you see is about it. - Wait a minute. If I use a VPN, I could stop getting all those way too coincidental ads. - I'm not sure everything is tracked and used, but I understand using a VPN helps with lots of things. That one is actually news to me, to be honest with you. - Interesting. - ProtonVPN, it's easy to change your virtual location so you could access sites and content you need. Whether that's something from Netflix from another country. - Netflix from another country. - Or if you're on the road and you want to masturbate and you're someplace where maybe masturbating is frowned upon. - Yeah. - Texas. - Unlike most VPNs, Proton is backed by strong European privacy laws and years of expertise, creating a safer, faster, and more open internet for everybody. It's easy to get started right now. ProtonVPN is offering our listeners 70% off a two-year plan when you go to protonvpn.com/tyso. That's P-R-O-T-O-N-V-P-N.com/T-Y-S-O for 70% off your two-year plan. That's protonvpn.com/tyso. This episode is sponsored by Underdog Fantasy. Brent, are you trying to make picks and win money? - That's right, buddy. I'm looking at the Stanley Cup, game six, hurricanes, golden nights. So usually numbers and things like this would make me panicky. - Why? 'Cause it's 48 teams, 104 games, 39 days, one nation, underdog. - They make it really easy for people like me, the visual learners of society. So if you scroll down, they got popular picks with the faces of the people. This is how I place a lot of my picks, honestly. I scroll through, like right here, Jay Stahl. You can tell that he gets hit in the head a lot. Hermit draws are usually a little lighter in the brain area, but bronzeier and the muscle area. So I assume that-- - Download the app today and use promo code "tyso" to score $50 in bonus entries when you play your first $5, that's promo code "tyso." - So I'm gonna click higher on that. Higher than one and a half shots on gold because I have a feeling this guy is an aggro man. Now next to him, the goalie, Chris Hart, you take a look at that face. I mean, we're talking CW in the '90s teen drama face. - Underdog. - And he's supposed to save goals. - Make picks, win money. - Must be 18 plus 19 plus an L band, Nebraska 19 plus and Colorado for some games, going on plus an Arizona, Massachusetts, and Virginia. And present and state for underdog fancy operates, terms of play, concerned with your play, call 100 My Reset or 100 Gambler. Or visit ncpgambling.org, Arizona 800 next step. 639-8783, or text next step, 533-4-2. New York call the 20 for 7, hope line, 1-877-8, hope, and why. Or text, hope, and why, 4-6-7, 3-6-9. - All right, now we're scrolling down. There's a B-Bose, or B-Bussy. The problem is his jersey doesn't even fit in a photo. It's like a Disney kid. So I'm gonna go with higher on the saves. Oh, and then right here, just the end of Matt Stone, receded hairline, definitely betting on him. All right, putting it in. (laughing) So there you go. This episode is sponsored by Revolve Man. You've probably heard of Revolve Women if you're a woman probably, because it's a hot shopping network. - Yeah, it's hot. - I know, I mean, before Revolve Men even came to me, I didn't know that they did Men's Clothes. I knew of this app. I know people that use it. - Oh yeah, wow, they do do Men's Clothes. - Yeah, and I've been buying stuff on it. So when I first found out about it, I used it just to like, to better understand how it works. But now like, it's kind of a thing I go to. I like clothes that got into clothes a couple years ago. There's certain brands I like. Revolve gets new stuff all the time. You could say it's constantly changing like and adding to their inventory. Free two day shipping. I've been ordering stuff from them where like, oh, I like this, I don't like this. Where the idea is almost like trying it on. So like, I don't feel bad if I'm ordering stuff just to try on. Hey, John Michael, who is the Revolve Man? Think of it as a place, guys who care about how they look go to shop. It's pretty simple. So if you're looking for something to wear for a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, believe me, Revolve Man has it. - Go to Revolve.com/tiso to shop and use code Tiso for 15% off your order. - Free two day shipping, which is awesome. Easier returns, awesome. You just try stuff on. It just makes everything easier. That's Revolve.com/tiso and use code Tiso for 15% off your entire order. Offer and soon do not sleep on it, whatever dude. Do you feel, because I feel a similar frequency to our Brooks that I didn't even realize to him as an actor, but as a live performer I do. And I feel a connection, frequency with you, do you two have that? Do you feel that way with him? - Oh, yeah. Can you explain it? He's one of my idols. And he really influenced me a lot. And he called me Steve Martin, but my influence is. But, yeah. - Could you give any specifics of things that you remember that you noticed, either noticing yourself that you're like, maybe that's from this person? - Well, there's a lot that are not specific, but overall influence. - Over the attitude. - Explain the attitude, 'cause I feel like I could. I want to hear you do it. I'm serious, 'cause you have an attitude, but it's a friendly bully. - Oh, no, it's not a bully. I think it's a friendly, my comedy sneaks up on you. I've been told. Do you ever chat GBT or what your standup is about? Chat GBT doesn't like what I do, so I try not to, well, mine is a little misdirection. I like misdirection. I like storytelling. I like, like I said, a lot of people say my material sneaks up on them. 'Cause they don't laugh until, maybe, they probably laughed after later and you just didn't see. - Yeah, but not me, if somebody else. Yeah, so that's pretty much, you know what? And I like they're unique and they try, they take risks, like Steve Martin, Albert Brooks. I love it, Tim Albert Brooks, one of the tonight's show with Johnny Carson. And he had a, I think he was in his box of shorts. And he goes, Johnny got all this stack of clothes. These are all my clothes. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna throw them all up in the air and they're all in land, I mean, in the right place and I'll be fully clothed. And he goes, now it doesn't always work. (laughing) He doesn't know that. (laughing) So it needs to do it a few times. One time they went all over the place. I go, okay. Like I said, it doesn't always work. Uh-huh. Wow, you worked with the, and you grew up around a lot of really funny people. I was really lucky. I was there at the time. It was a different time. I mean, everybody's lucky to be in this business, but there's some people now that are in it. Like you, when there's social media and there's a lot of better ways to get yourself out there. When I was starting, it was just talk shows, tonight shows specifically, only one. And so you work out in the clubs. And if you did the tonight show, everybody, like at the improv, they'd all be in the bar watching the TV first set. And it'd be quiet, it'd be silent. And at the end, they'd all applaud or whatever, you know. So to be in that world, where there's always comics hanging out and then there's people going on stage, like Rob Williams and Andy Kaufman and Richard Lewis, Jay Leno, all these like huge, huge comics. It was just, I was really lucky. I got to talk to them and watch them. I would watch their acts. I knew exactly when they would take a breath or when they do a fake, you know, little gas, you know, burp before they sent the punch line. They got a little, was that a thing? Oh, you sang for the pause, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I had ever noticed people taking like a burp or something, but I know the pause you're talking about. Yeah, the pause was big for like 20 years. A lot of Ellen's early standard, I remember. I first noticed that people did that when I saw Ellen. She would go, I don't remember like what it was. Yeah, so Kevin, you have a blah, blah, I don't remember. Those were always a pause. Well, yeah, there's got to be a pause. I mean, everybody has their own little, and he'll sync with C's. You know, I'll look at a comic who was acted over and over and he always laughs in a certain role or she laughs as if she's thought of that for the first time. I find it very distracting, but it works because it's an act. It's not real, but there is a, and the act is important. It's important to have an act. I think there's a fine line between having an act and that act, cannibalizing authenticity. And when you're fake laughing, what else are you faking? I understand it's a performance, but when somebody fake laughs, and I'm like, now I'm questioning whenever they laugh, like, what, why are you selling me? That's just my own thing, but I feel like they're selling. And that is what we're doing. We're selling a performance, selling a performance. But there are some things that I think are okay to sell, my own judgments, and some things I'm like, if you didn't laugh, are you laughing because you want the audience to think that you think it's funny, or are you laughing because you want the audience to think it's funny? And if it's the latter, no, I'm just, I'm visualizing what that is. If it's the latter, that it's, that's part of the act. You want them to laugh. It's like a laugh track for them. Yeah, and that to me is not, isn't that part of selling the joke though? It's a way of selling the joke if the joke didn't sell itself. And so when there's a TV show, a sitcom, different, and so it was different. It's different. But they're acting, it's still an act. But when, what you're selling, two different kinds of comedians, or there's many kinds, but there's the one that is riffs right off, riffs, and all the laughs are genuine. And then there's the comics that have the act, which is most of them, and they'll do their little movements, or they'll do. But I'll talk, I was talking to Brian Regan, and Brian Regan, he told me he goes, "Anything you see me do on stage, it's planned." I believe that. There's nothing that's spontaneous. If I spill a glass of water off the thing, that was planned. - Yeah, everything. I don't see him laughing at himself. It's specific to that. Spilling the water, doing the thing, you're blocking. But laughing is, to me, you're lying to them. You don't really think it's funny. Unless there's an intention. If there's an intention from laughing because you're trying to make them think you think something's funny when it is in or for something for later. But if you're just doing it to make people think, "I'm having a good time, I don't care if you guys aren't." I don't know, I just, I'm a little judgmental toward it. If you ever say something to somebody or, you know, you want it to be funny and maybe you offended them. So you give it a laugh at the end, like to let them know you're, it's like an emoji. You put it a laugh emoji after it. - Yes, that's intentional. I respect that. But that isn't, I'm not concerned. - Let me in a sense, you respect emojis. Yeah, I see the utility with them. I do. But like laughing, like what you did just then was a laugh, was a, was, did you, did you think what was just said was funny? - No, no. - Right. You were just letting me know that you weren't people. - No, I did, I thought it was funny. And I'm showing you that I thought it was funny 'cause I have good taste. And it wasn't like anything pretentious. It was just, I get it. Right there. And I know, and I, when I see a comic do that for the first time, it sells me. And I go, I used to have a good time up there. So can you smile? - You could laugh. I thought you said, it's not, it's. - Well, one thing I do wanna work on is not, not, not demanding that my perspective is the right one. So I don't, so I wanna acknowledge that. And just to, to, to clarify, laughing isn't an issue. It's laughing, making people think that you think something's funny by laughing. Even when you're not really laughing honestly, just to manipulate them into thinking it's funny. For example, hey, Kevin, have you noticed Alvin is sitting there pooping on the couch? I was fucking around. - That is like, that's a real, that is a genuine work connecting. Isn't that funny how that happened? But it wasn't really laughing. I was only laughing to make you think that I thought it was funny. - But this, I mean, if we go on forever with this, I mean, talk about manipulating people with a laugh. You're manipulating people with your material. - You know it's fake. You're doing it anyway. - I don't think it's fake. - I see you for fun. - Buddy, I've talked about this in non-joking conversation. I really believe that the first rule of this is honesty. And it doesn't mean everything you say has to be true in the world, but it has to be a truth in your mind. Something you actually visualized, thought, think. There has to be honesty to it. - And do you do a different act every time you get to say it? - For the first 15 years, I would almost do a different act every single time and it got in my way. Really, I would almost always. But it was basic material. You're doing the same basic material. - I would have different premises. That's why I connected a lot with Albert Brook stuff, where I would do stuff where I was like falling asleep throughout the act. - Sorry. And I wouldn't even have jokes about it. I would just like, it would happen. - You would manipulate the audience to make them think that you were asleep. - Because in my head, I truly believe that's a funny thing to make people believe. If I want to play a character, I could play it. But I don't believe people who laugh at their jokes when they don't think it's funny, is them playing a character. I judgmentally think there's a bit of an insecurity that if they don't do that, the audience won't think it's funny or won't trust them. - Well, can they change the material? - Can they act out things with their hands? Or would that be more like, you know, I don't-- - We can move on. I don't think you either don't get it or you're fucking with me. Which one is it? There's layers, man. But when I look at somebody laughing at the same spot, I see people when I, and I could, I feel like I know. But like, you see people saying some stuff like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Sorry. And it's like, oh, they can't contain themselves. - Bruh! - I do things where it makes it look like I thought of it at that moment. - I'm okay with that. - You are? - There's a little laugh at the end. - I have to see it. What else you got? What else, what else? - I think I told you this, but that's something I feel like you would do. I oftentimes open up my set with what else. That same joke, really. I've also opened this set with, I'll leave you guys with this. You see that one? - Yeah. - I've done everything, man. (laughing) - Let me leave you guys with this. - I like long goodbyes. - Yeah. - Yeah, there's a, dude, I'm sure there's a lot of stuff that I do that you have done something like that. - I see people in people that way. - There was a point where I was doing standup after a couple of years and I saw somebody do something. I was doing, I got, oh my, he took my material, he took it. He stole it. Now I realize that people come up with the same stuff. They come up, and I'll see somebody do a whole bit that I did on a special, like a year ago. And I'll go, good for him, I hope that works, as well as it did for me. Mine's already done on a special, I'd stop doing it. But my thing is, I'm still looking for it. I'm still, I'm always evolving as a standup, as you are, but I'm looking for that special something that's just not, where you'd find somebody else doing maybe that same kind of a hunk, you know, like my act. No, I've seen a lot of people do your, no, no, dude. We are still, it's more of the attitude, but the material can be the same. Look at me, look at me, I'm trying to help you. Oh, you think that as a seasoned comic, as someone who's old enough to be your father, I'm trying to help you. I don't want you to end up on the street. So what do you advise I do? Bring the microphone a little closer to you, would you? So you know what? I wanted to monitor, I'm going to check the focus. I think you lean back. I love how much she loves this. I know he wears on you, but I'm only here for a little bit. It's like visiting a grandchild, you know, I don't have to stay with him. I am taking this dog with me. Is that a chance? Oh, there is a chance. There isn't. Even as a joke, I will not subscribe to that. He is truly my best friend. No, I'm not joking. I'm serious. No. How old is this dog? Alvin, is it Alvin? Alvin, yeah, how old is this Alvin? He'll be three this year, what day? I'll be three this year. I got to a point where I thought, enough with the birthdays already. Why do I need numbers? I'm done with the numbers. So an age is only a number, but you know what? Eventually, your number will be up. Write that down. It's like I got a hum, some con. I value a real laugh. Why water it down with the fake ones? You know the difference between the real one and I think the audience does too. At least subconsciously. And I think it discredits their truth. This person doesn't really think that's funny. What else are they lying about? I'm the emoji guy. If I'm with my family and I say something, I think it's funny. I'll give it a little laugh after a while. I won't even just let them know that I meant that to be funny unless they laugh out loud. I can see the laughter in your eyes a lot of times. I'm a little smirk, more of the snide smirk. You know how much I love you though. So you don't mean that. I don't mean it. I think I feel for you. I really do. I'm okay with it. I do feel for you. I see how much you love this business. I see how much this business. You love for joking. Interacting with people and getting a little kick from people by your silliness. And I approve that. I enjoy it. I don't like how you take the big bottle of the best water for yourself. And like I heard you bring in my own for the bed in the car for like three weeks. Hot and cold hot and cold, which is naming your next special. Oh, that's a good idea. Thank you. I continuously will hear lines and I think that's a good name for a special or a song. And then one time I sat down I thought, does it get named for a song? I'm sitting down and write it. Turns out it was just a title that was good. What was the title? Could have been anything. That's it. It could have been anything. Yeah. This is one of these bits. One of these bits. There it is. Hi. I just want to order Starbucks. Yeah. This is a good title. That is actually a good title. A book on caricatures. I exaggerate my brushes with fame. That is probably the best title. I brush with fame. Now, you know what you're thinking. When you say brushes with fame, what do you mean? He's literally brushing fame with a paintbrush. And that's famous. And I exaggerate. Those of you that care not do not know this. He's legitimately an unbelievable artist. Look at this, dude. A Kramer from Seinfeld. This is incredible, dude. Let me see. Yes, he's good. That's a frog. It's Christopher Walken. Come on, dude. Lord Michael's who you probably know personally. That's not the finished one, though. That's that's leading up to it. Yeah, it looks like it's showing a whole bunch of leading up to it. You have to turn the next page. There he is. Lord Michael's. And even that. Yeah, that's that's a better one Michael. Have you painted anybody? I know you've given them to them or at least shown them. Who is the person? Have you shown this to Steve Martin? Yeah, he's seen it. Are you friends with him? Or is he? Friends? Wow. That was waiting for me on the car right now. Is there anybody that you showed it to? Given it to, et cetera. And their reaction, like, made you feel something so positive? Like, wow, I can't believe that. I've had people that have seen the book, they may not have been in it. But I had a doctor once coming from home as from his office. I have someone in my office now who is crazy about your book. They are crazy about HIPAA. She is a, well, she even permission. Okay. She is an Oscar winner. She is blah, blah, blah. And then she got on the phone. And she loved the book. She loved the book. And I have other people that didn't like it. Well, who was the woman at the Oscar winner? I can't tell you HIPAA, HIPAA laws got it. You know, she can call me, talking to me, but I can't tell you. Okay. But she was in the apartment. Do you know who it is? I've had a lot of people that really, they discovered, it's only like, and nobody knew that I could do this. And I never thought that much about it, because you know, I've been doing it all my life. Not like that, but just quick, simple, you know, caricatures and doodles. And then all of a sudden, I'm at a point now where I think more people appreciate me for the art than they do for comedy. For my extent of comedy. Yeah. So you laugh too much. Yeah, I laugh at my jokes. Here's the thing that you could fall into. The problem with stand-up is trying to make your audience happy. Go to them. Trying to go to them, instead of letting them come to you. Does that make sense? Couldn't agree more. Something like that way in life as well. Maybe as Mel Brooks had said it, because do you understand, let it ripple out to them as long as it takes, you know, let it your comedy. And that makes sense, because a lot of times I looked at some early tapes of myself or audio tapes, and I was much more relaxed. You know, I wasn't pushing it so hard to sell it to the audience. And you are now. And now I'm like, I got to have some energy, man. I got to get to them, you know. And I see someone like Tig Nataro, who does so well. And I think that's how that's what you should stay with, you know. Did you know that Tig is the only word that gets Bell's backwards? Git. It's Kevin Neeland. He was going to maybe come over at the end and do a stand-up set for us. Oh, I love Kevin Neeland. I always love Kevin Neeland. And I love his stand-up. But my favorite stand-up to Kevin Neeland is in a living room. I've never even seen it. Oh, it's great. What have you seen him do? Oh, I've seen a bunch of his, you haven't seen any of his living room stuff? I've seen him in a living room. Yeah. But not performing like a set. No, his stand-up and the living room stuff is great. It's like Tig level classic. Tig is the girl whose name is the only word that Git spells backwards, right? Yes. Get it? How about we just switch to the exit? And then we switch to my car. It's a Steve Martin the car with you. What a fun tag that would be. Could you ask if we could film that just as a quick pick up? He's in the car now. I tell you that. Have you ever done a bit that was relatively elaborate but very small stakes example? Could we really quick film get Steve Martin to do in the car? You know, like you had to ask somebody to do something that would only take a second of their time. But it's like, have you ever had to do that? Like call in a favor for something that's. Yeah. Can you give me an exact-- I just called in a favor to Conan. What was that? And Conan never says no. So I'm really selected with the things I ask him. Well, I'm doing a spot at the comedy store tomorrow night, an hour. And I need somebody-- Are you working your hour? Yeah. So I need some-- It's not my hour. Somebody else's. But no, I'm just doing-- I'm doing stand-up for an hour just to wear at what's room? The main room. And so I would need somebody that can draw. I mean, draw an audience. Got it. And Conan was a guy. I thought, well, he'd be a good draw. But he said, I asked him. He said, wait a minute. I literally thought you meant you were going to draw somebody in the audience. You meant to bring people in what you track people. Got it. Yeah. If I didn't need anybody to track people, you would be on the bill. Thank you. So you're saying superficial analytics aside, you want to have me there? I would have you there. I don't say I would want you there. Then why would you have me on the bill? Somebody's got to take up some time. Cool. So Conan-- And you need the experience. Hey, man. Hey, man. So what's happening? You know, I see your posters and flyers about being on the road and stuff that you put up at the clubs. You look like you're 15 because you're clean, shaven. Your hair is all done. You're not wearing glasses. Am I not wearing glasses? There's a picture that I use that was from when I did my show. When I was doing interviews and stuff because it's holding a microphone. When I did my as this as we see it, it was on prime. And I don't know if I have I think I have glasses. I'm pretty sure I have glasses in it. Maybe you do. Yeah. I don't like linger on a picture. Yeah. I'm a little worried about the soft focus right now. I'm just going to put on automatic. I need monitors. You soft focus every day. How's that? Is that-- I mean, it's just the filter I mean. You don't need to get up. That's fine. But bring this here. I could see from here. It's good. But bring this closer to you. I know. You like control. I told you that. I told you that. We went on a hike and you were directing the whole hike. Okay. Was you agree with that? I understand. But you would agree. You understand. I agree that there were certain bits that I was directing. Yes. And those bits didn't come out. Like you wanted them to because you edited them and I you told them to make them work because your direction was not going through the gate. I believe that's your experience and I appreciate you. When you watch that, did you go, wow, Neelan really took something that was nothing and made it into something. No. No, there were things I thought were missed or things I thought were done wrong. That's my highest rated hikes. I must have done something right. I don't think it was. Take a look at it. So it's coming and coming to the show tomorrow and how is that a draw in Morocco? What was that? He's going to Morocco. But you asked we can't come. But what'd you ask going to do? How would you ask me that I have asked everybody to do something? But what would you be asking me to do? Come on stage with you. Do like 10 minutes up front. Then introduce me and so that I could, you know, promote it that he's going to be on the list and then people would come. Can I pitch you if you were to do that again? How do you get going to do it and can I pitch a way to stage that? Yeah. Great. Instead of it being your show, pitch it as Conan is working earlier on his Oscar's monologue and he is going to go and he does whatever. He wears a talks. He does eight minutes up top and then he brings out the first presenter. It's Kevin Neelan and you present an award for an hour. Before I get into this, there's a couple of things I want to say. You know, you put the envelope down on the podium and then you do your hour and then your closer is reading the nominees. It's not bad. Thanks. Do you ever watch the Oscars and when people are presenting because they're always horrible dialogue for presenters, right? I think a lot of yeah, I think a lot of times somebody wrote it for the presenters, the presenters, unlike me who love control because they're very happy with just other people creating stuff for them, not in their voice. They just say, yeah, I'll just read it. Do you feel like you don't have to tweak anything, no matter what they gave you? I can't order a sandwich without making modifications. What did I come from? I am aware what makes me happy, and I'm aware of my vision. And I have to say that my vision is better than yours, but if I don't trust the other person, then I do have a hard time relinquishing a vision that I have. - When you get a girlfriend, I won't have a girlfriend who I don't trust. - You can trust her. But will you be able to compromise, which is very important in relationship with this girlfriend? - Yes. - Are you sure? - Positive. - Look at me right in the eyes and tell me you could compromise. - Positive. I feel like similar to having a dog. - You won't be happy. - Incorrect. When I have somebody that I'm in a relationship with, and there are certain OCD things that they will respect. And then there are some that they're like, "Hey, it's too much or I don't want to." And it's almost like, "Thank you." If that's fine, then that should be fine. And it's somebody guiding me. It really helps. Having somebody or people in my life that challenge me have made me a better person. - I'm not making fun of you or trying to be funny, but can you get therapy? - Yeah. - Don't you think this kind of helps a lot? What is this? - Like a therapy kind of a session, as you get to talk about whether you can compromise or not or, you know, so forth and so on. - It's really easy to compromise with somebody who I feel considers my best interests. - Not prioritizes them, but considers them. - For somebody you can trust. - Yes. - And you regret that at all, Evan? - What do you mean? How does it make you feel? - Which part? (laughs) - You're so proud of yourself right now. 'Cause you got me, that was a fake laugh, but still you're proud of yourself. - I'm grateful, my feeling is grateful right now. I've Kevin Neelan in my living room, bombing on the couch. (laughs) It's awesome. I'm just amazing. I've never seen a TV as big as this, the screen. I'd say this all the time, but really, or is that your laptop? That's what I say. All the time. Why aren't you wearing any pants? Where are your legs? Oh, it's camouflage. That's just a pants. I thought I had a bunch of leaves in a big fat cock in my couch. Hey, come on. That's not the right guy now. I swear to you, this is like the best. I can see where you travel with Alvin. And does he ever pee on the plane? Only if I'm trying to impress a girl. How about you? Do you ever pee on the plane? Buddy, come on. What was the last time you peed in a car? Is your car spikin' span, too? It's a little racer, I can see your car. It is clean. Yeah, my car is clean. Here's your dynamic. You like to take a word that is not-- Oh, you're feeling defensive. No, no, no, I'm just-- You're feeling defensive. I'm just, I've noticed that that's a big thing with you. Like I said, spikin' span, you'll say. And that's supposed to say span racists. But, and that's good, that's funny. People like that kind of wordplay stuff. You like wordplay. I used to do that a lot. And then I kind of got more evolved word and, you know, into what? Into what you're supposed to do. And you're supposed to get a meaning callin' into sell a crowd. Hey, when you go to a club, what do you think the club has to order more of? Because when I go, the guy goes, you know, you have a sophisticated crowd. We have to order more red wine. And, and, you know, red wine, basically, and white wine. Then when the Urban Axe go, there's Quavacea and chicken wings. The guy told me, when the blue collar people go, it's beer and chicken wings. Me, it's red wine. What about you, Rick? Hand sanitizer. Hand sanitizer. Take a break. We'll be right back. 30 seconds, we're coming in through, how's everything feeling? Do you need anything to drink? I'm having a great, this is a great show. This is one of my, I'm telling you about it. First of all, I'm sort of the band didn't show up. That's the only negative thing. Yeah. But other than that, there's an intimacy down to it. We're coming back in a second question for you. Is there anything that you want us to promote in particular? Yeah, well, I have a special, that's what I'm here is my special, it's a call. Loosen the crotch. Loosen the crotch. And then I have the book, yeah. And then I have the hiking show, which you did hiking with Kevin on YouTube. And we're back ladies and gentlemen. I mean, I guessed, uh, I'm the guest at, uh, at, uh, uh, uh, Rick last night. It's a Richard or Rick or Dick. You know, at some of the camp once, uh, made a joke that my last name was. And he said, camp was Lisman. Oh, Lisman. So they'd call me Dick Lisman. So that's funny. Where was the camp? West Virginia. Pretty. I didn't know you couldn't sing to the place. I belong West Virginia, mountain, mountain, mountain, take me home. Country road. Are you opening your eyelids again? What is that? And you, when you do harmony, what are you doing in your eyes? Are you close the eyes so that you're not being fooled by the lips? I went down on a woman once he used to do that. Why do you have to resort to that? You're smarter than that, man. You're smarter than that. You got more than that. Um, it's just comfortable being with you. I think it's, you genuinely feel like you're enjoying a conversation. You're not looking off to the camera ever. You know, it's just like focused. When you go out with a woman, can you take your phone out of the table and check messages? What do you mean, could I? Because when I go out, my guy friends, you could take your phone at any time. No one's going to tell you to put it away. If I try not to, everybody else takes theirs out too. It's like smoking. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's good idea. So I don't like to keep my phone in my pocket. Why is that? Signal? You're my crotch, just, I just, just in case I've always felt that way. And now there's some studies that are saying that is an issue. I don't know if that's the case, but peace of mind, um, what about the, uh, I've never, I've never used them. I've always used wires, wire, wired headphones. Now, because you're saying now that those wire, you could accidentally, strictly yourself. Listen, man, can't catch your dog without catching a little bit of droves, but it does not run around. You've been a dog farting. You've been in the, um, by you, uh, you're trying to think it's something funny with that word, right? No, I already know a joke for, for that word. I have a joke for that word. But your first thing was by you. How can I make that into a sentence? Well, I'll be able to buy you a gift. Have you ever been a Disneyland? Sure. Was there a couple of weeks ago? Well, still, I feel like that joke is still blue by you. The restaurant at the Pirates of the Caribbean is called blue by you. That would be a good joke, but there were clothes where they're, fuck. So I keep my phone on, I often keep my phone on the table, but I keep it face down. And I try never to look at it. How much time would you spend on the phone a day, you think? I've had days, uh, where I've had weeks where it averaged close to eight hours. And then I have, uh, I tried like words in the three hours, but like in the three hours is the lower end. But you could, you could set a timer on your phone as you know, probably because I, I know you're on a lot because I could text you whenever I text you, it could be three in the morning, one in the afternoon. You got right back to me. Yeah. Because I have you in my favorites. Are the favorites come up all the time? Yeah. Everybody just comes up at the same time. I don't really have you as my favorites. Um, you know, before my son left the college, I thought, what, what has it, how about I taught him that he should know? I thought, I've been here to know how to use a can opener. So I showed him how to use a can opener. Did he get it? No. I said, I gave him the can opener and I said, I'm going to come back in 10 minutes now. Just, I want to see it open now. So I came back and he's on the, um, he's got the laptop open YouTube tutorial showing him how to open up the canister seriously. Yeah. And then he goes, I'll get this down. But by the way, before you go in your next gig, let me show you how to tap your credit card when you pay for something and how to turn your flashlight off yourself. Two shades. Yeah, people of an older generation often have their flashlights on. It's like a blinker in the car because they can't hear the, yeah, yeah. Do you ever turn on your blinker and listen to the sound and try to have it match up with somebody else's, uh, break lights and almost never happens? The, all cars, it's a little bit different timing. You can't get it to match up. You know what I do is I, I, I hear the blinker. And I will, um, I think of a song that has that same beat to it, you know, I also do that sometimes with songs to try to have it match. But could you think of a song? Could you like, can I tell you a song and you'll tell me the BPM? Oh, yeah, I know all the BPMs, uh, Aerosmith, that Aerosmith song that Elisa Silverstone is in the music video. 67 BPMs. No, it's true. What's the name of the song I'm talking about? You, you're talking about a walk this way or something? Walk this way. I'll say to forget you, you don't talk about, I do know. - That's the song. - 67, maybe. - That's pretty long. - That'll be 72. I was thinking, walk this way. - You think walk this way is BPM is less than that at least is the song? - Yeah, that's because it's known for us. The right is a quad pole. Yeah. (laughing) - So you said something that I, that 'cause you joke a lot, you lie a lot. You said that like-- - I don't think lie is the right word for it. 'Cause that's evil intention and you joke and you mislead. - I'm not mislead. 'Cause I know where I'm going. You, this is what you do. (laughing) It's very argumentative. 'Cause there's always another way of looking at things. - Absolutely. - And I think you kind of found that. Would you rather die when everybody knows you and loves you, like at my place in life? Or would you rather live a long life and nobody at your memorial? Maybe some, you know, old. - I went to a memorial for an old vaudeville guy and he's staying out of the improv and he was on a series back in the '50s. His name is Joe Ross, Joey Ross. Car 54, where are you? Great guy, we would do stand up together. Like just as a fake, like we're a comedy team, you know? He smoked a cigar and he unfortunately passed away on stage at a little housing community. What was it called over by Warner Brothers? Everybody would stay there when they first came out to LA. - Yeah, you know, it was just referenced in, and I would, I told you this, but Larry Sanders showed us one of their shows. I was just showing a friend of mine and they referenced it. - Oakwood apartment. - Oakwood. - Anyway, I think he died on stage there. He was doing a little stand up comedy. But anyway, out of his memorial, it was at Forest Lawn and that little church or temple, whatever it is. And the, you know, his rabbi was up there and there's rows of, you know, people that he knew. Maybe, I don't know, maybe 12 rows in the whole place. And in the very back row, we're all platinum, blonde, former strippers. They were like probably in their 80s now. Because coming up, you know, those comics back then were working strip joints. There was no comedy clubs. So they all knew him from there. I guess I, I guess I think I can get what you're saying. I don't need you to get it 'cause I presented it to you. I gave it to you. But it's a lesson, there's a lesson there. No, it's just an observation. I think it's just like, you know, we're talking about outliving the people that love you. And there was nobody left that loved him because he lived passing. - No, they, they, there was. - Other than the strippers. - Because he died a little bit too early. If you let yourself go too long in life, something bad is gonna happen to you. Like if you lived too long, like vampire and Brooklyn, 'cause any more fees character lived a really long time and then something bad happened. Well, that was more, that was more supernatural. But this is, I'm talking about a regular life. You know, like let's say I don't want to use you as an example, but let's say that some, like Chris Farley, for example, he passed away. People were really affected by it. A lot of people had his memorial service. But if he had lived to be like incredible, like 97, and had been kind of cold for a while, you know what I mean? Like, he wasn't doing well. - To the public if people that didn't really know him, that's kind of not really the point of life. - So nobody would come to his memorial, even as big as he was. - So grandma's 95. - She is? - Yeah, my grandma's 95 and she's talked about how just like, you know, people, most of her friends, maybe all of her friends, one of her closest past, not too long ago. And I'm so glad she's, you know, able to still, you know, she has her family. And not as many people like know of her, her work, you know, you know, the fans. But I'm seeing interest, losing interest. She's still very lost. She's very loved. - Yeah, I get it. You know, she's loved by her family. - Yeah, that's hard to believe. - Are you performing to make strangers laugh? So you feel valuable enough to be worthy of your family? - No. - I mean, I don't know, but that's not the goal to me. - I've been doing this a long time. - Yeah. - I like laughter that I've caused. Isn't it funny how you could be, create, you could control an entire room of 300 people or whatever it is, I'll make them have that emotion where they make the noise and they all look at each other. You, you did that. You got that out of them. And how many people do you think are passing gas at the same time? How have you created that? I don't know. I'm sorry, our time's up. But Rick, can I schedule in for next week at 9 o'clock? And Tuesday same as always. I'll do this with you all the time. It's the best, doesn't it? I love making people laugh. I also love laughing. And if I am in a situation where I'm laughing a lot and that feeling happens and I'm not the one causing the laughs, it's, it's one, it's still wonderful. So like, I do sometimes feel like if we're in a situation where people aren't laughing and maybe they don't need to be, that's where like self-awareness comes in. But like, there's a lot of times where it's like, hey, listen, nobody has money, I guess? I'll buy dinner. But they're like, we're not hungry. And I'm just ordering food. Like, I will try and get laughs because there aren't enough right now. So like, when I'm on stage, I'm the one who's supposed to be in charge making people laugh. So I do take that as my responsibility. But when I'm in the group of friends, when I'm just with you and like, if you're in a pocket and you're going and I get to just laugh, there is a very similar feeling to, is if I'm the one getting the laugh. I still feel like, even if I'm not, I still feel part of it. Nothing makes me more fulfilled. I won't say nothing, but I really enjoy somebody laughing out and controllably and they just can't get together. Not on a TV show, but just in real life. You know, when something just tickle them, and they just cannot stop laughing. It's just so happy to see somebody just, 'cause that's a euphoria right there. When you're laughing that hard, it's just like, it's better than any drug. - Sure, I understand that. It's an or, you're giving someone an orgasm. It's a, it's a funny bone orgasm, I guess. - You've done this, you're tapped in for Conan, which is really cool, because he's like, one of one of the kings to me. - Really? - And the way you make him laugh is like, I'm like, wow, that's gotta feel good. (laughs) You know, at least if the roles were reversed, I don't know if you look at him that way 'cause he's a peer of yours. - Right here. - But man. - When you go out to dinner with somebody, how do you fake go for your credit card? 'Cause I know you don't really, you don't pick up the tag. - I pay for the first three. And if they don't offer, if they don't offer to pay for the third one, I just clock it. And on the fourth one, before we go, I said, I'd like you to buy me dinner this time. - Really? Yes. And then, and then she breaks up with you. - Baby, it's not about money. It could be us going to get, we're going to get teas. But if I go for four times, and it's a arbitrary number, but like until I feel it, around four, where every single time I'm pulling out my credit card and I'm paying, and they don't even offer, I get turned off. - The first couple of times you feel good, because you like to pay, and it makes you feel more comfortable not waiting to see who's going to pay. You want to do it before there's any of that uncomfortable and it just seeps in. What I would do, if I really wanted to pay, and there's no awkwardness at the table, or you're fighting-- - You've got a card of the waiter. You can't have a card as soon as you come in. - And trust that that waiter isn't going to write down the numbers. - Sort of 35% tip on there, and then enjoy your dinner. - Great. I hope you learned something from me today. Yeah, because this is really invaluable stuff, because I've lived a long time. - Now, invaluable instead of valuable, because I really don't understand the difference. - Valiable. - You said it's invaluable, which is also a word. What does that mean? - It means there's no value to it. It's priceless. Those two things are mutually exclusive. - Yet synonymous, isn't that interesting? This has no value. Oh, throw it away. No, no, no, it's priceless. - You see what I'm saying? - Yeah, that's a good point. I hope you've learned something today. - How do people contribute to a auction, something that's priceless? - I mean, priceless doesn't mean it has no value. It means there is no price defined. That's, I think, a easier way of looking at it. Because in the collectibles market, a lot of times a BGS 9.5 quad alpha black Lotus, what is that worth? Well, the best way to figure that out is, what was the last price this card legitimately sold at? And it's just, that's it. So I'd say, I'd say that's got to be close to a million dollars. But somebody who doesn't know anything about magic cards will be like, "Oh, it's a piece of cardboard." It says, "Who gives a shit?" And that's not rhetorical. Who gives a shit has been part of -- Who gives a shit? Who? Do you know how the finger thing came about? Yes. Give me the finger? Yes. People in the olden days used to cut off people's fingers when the archers and they were saying they could still pluck you. Pluck you. No, it's all right except for the pluck thing. Well. It's the French were at war with England. And the French said that they were going to cut off all the English people's middle fingers so they cannot shoot the arrows anymore. And the war -- England won the war. And France had to renegade that. So they were showing them, "I still have my finger." Oh, I still thought pluck, pluck you. It was because more of a banjo thing. See, right? No, that was West Virginia when they went to war. They had banjos, Appalachia, and they said that we could still pluck. Why did John Denver, who had never been to West Virginia, write that song? Well, you know, the Eagles -- I've been to Phoenix, Arizona all the way to the -- Wait, did they know that? They know about a Phoenix, Arizona. Is that true? Yeah, it's just a song. The same with -- what's that song? Oh, say, "Can you see?" The dawns are realites. The dawns are realites. That's the name of the song. I'll just show you the dawns are realites. Do you ever think that if you -- what do you -- come on, use the flags. Oh, and the rockets, like, red glare. One of the funniest scenes in a movie to me that I'll watch whenever I see it or even put it on is Leslie Nielsen in "Airplane" -- I'm sorry -- "In Naked Gun" when he is pretending to be what's his name, the opera singer, and the umpire of the baseball game, and he has to sing that song. Yeah. Oralucci, some of that. If you had to sing -- is it the national anthem? Yeah. I would love to. Before the game. I would love to. Do you think you could do that? And do you think -- what percentage of a chance do you think there is that you would forget the lyric if I had to sing it now without researching? Yeah. 100 percent. You would forget something. I already don't know it all. Do you know the first line? Oh, say, "Can you see?" Yeah, but you got to stretch that a little bit. Oh, say, "Can you see, by the dawn, that my harmonizing leaf lights." I can harmonize like anybody with any song, even with talking, let's just say this. I want you to say, Kevin, you're a good guy, and I'm going to harmonize with you. You ready? One, two, three. Kevin, you're a good guy. What's up? I can do it with laughing too. Close your eyes. Good cough. Just cough. The problem is, I speak to suburban kids who otherwise -- honestly, I truly believe would never know these words exist. They wouldn't even give two squirts of piss until I created so much mother-fucking turbulence. When I'm paying for somebody, it's because I want to treat them. Once it gets to the fourth date, it now feels a bit like an observation with a girl. Was that with the same girl the fourth date? You want her to pay? Oh, yeah. I do. Do you have a girlfriend now? No. And let me tell you something. When I'm in a relationship or even if I'm dating somebody for a bit, I will pay for almost all of it. It's not about the money. It's about me feeling like they're expecting me to take care of them before that's an agreed upon dynamic, right? So like, we go to dinner, I'm paying. We'll go on a trip, I'm paying. And then it's like, hey, get me dessert, do something. I feel that way in any relationship, by the way. I think that relationships, they're not supposed to be transactional, but we'd be lying to ourselves any other person if we didn't acknowledge that there needs to be a mutual exchange and value, right? And you say it's four dinners, as though it could be five because I know somebody who will say, they'll have dinner and they'll say, okay, so you had that, you had that. You could then know me if you would like, I mean, I would never go out on another date with that guy. I appreciate that. And also, I think there's something to acknowledge here that everybody is in a different financial situation, right? So if there's somebody who is struggling more with money, but wants to take somebody out, I would say take somebody out to someplace that isn't very expensive and pay for the whole thing, right? And if you're making a lot more money than your friend, you'll probably treat more often. But at a certain point, you might be like, hey, buddy, like, you could get the coffees. Otherwise, I'm like, you're dad. I like to go to dinner with a very wealthy person and I pick up the check. But you're at a certain level that even if they're a multi-billionaire, you're still wealthy enough to that. I am so wealthy. I went by $10 on the sidewalk the other day and I thought, I don't need it. Where would I put it? I have no place to put it. Is that because you're so wealthy or is that because you're back hurts? A little bit above, a little bit above. But what's he going to say? That's a good comfort when you're in a room full of psychics and you forget something. What was he going to say? I remember Sarah Silverman told me something. She said, when you go out to eat with somebody and there's a fight for the pick up the check and you really want to pick it up, you just shut it all down by saying, let me pay. I'm rich. It takes the pressure off the other people. You got them, okay, if you want me to do it, okay, help you spend your money. Do you ever go out with somebody and you're paying all the time and then you end up developing a little bit of resentment that they don't even know about because you never even said anything to them? Yeah. That's all I'm talking about is that truth. Whether you think that's tacky or not, I want, I out of respect to the other person, I do not want to create a story without their input. Let me acknowledge the feeling I have. They could then say, oh, I didn't think about that way or they could say, hey, I'm struggling for cash. They could say, hey, you're right, that makes sense. Maybe I could and they could do something that doesn't involve money. Maybe they, like, hey, can I help you with, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I don't know. But just to take, take, take, I'm a little more passive aggressive when it comes to bill coming. I will, when I know they're about to bring the bill, I'll excuse myself to go to the bathroom and see what happens when you get back. Wait, like maybe 10 minutes and then I come back and should be taken care of by the way. I don't believe you. I do that sometimes. Well, that's what I'm talking about then. That's what I do. Can I tell you a story about a date that I went on with a girl where I kept paying, I kept paying. We took a trip someplace, I paid, didn't ask anything. Did you invite her? Yes. Okay. Then that's your responsibility. Absolutely. It's my pleasure. Before the trip, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying on the trip, didn't think anything of it, paying, paying. And did you like her a lot? I was enjoying her company, we were getting to know each other. So yes. Okay. Yes. So you paid for her? She was kind of like a hooker. No. No. Okay. No. No. We actually hadn't had sex. How much money would you want to spend, actually have sex, how many trips? So I noticed on the last few things that I did, she never said thank you and it bothered me. Also she is Italian, okay? Like Italian, not just her parents are Italian. She lives in Italy. She did. She spoke Italian. First language. Oh, I pay anything for that. So I honestly looked up, I don't know how to say much in Italian, but I know how to say thank you in Italian. So I know the word exists, but I googled is it not customary in Italian for when people are being a meal? And they said no, it is customary that they say it. And I, we got a meal and the check came and I left it there for little, kept eating, didn't do anything, see if she'd do anything. And then when I was like, okay, we have to pay, I said to her, it was a little passive aggressive and playful. I said, would you like me to get it? And she's laughed. And she goes, yeah, I go, my pleasure. And I got it. She didn't say thank you. And now we went from being playful to now I'm really feeling resentful. And right away, we're walking, right away, I said to her, I got to tell you something, I looked up if it's not customary for people in Italy to say thank you after a meal is bought. And she laughed. She goes, no, you didn't. I said, yes. And they do. And she goes, I'm supposed to say thank you after everything you get. I said, I don't know what you're supposed to do, but you haven't said thank you. And I would like if you were to say thank you and she said, okay, thank you. And I said, I'll tell you something else. - Oh boy. - I'm not gonna sleep with you until you pay for something. - Oh, that'll fix her wagon. She bought some treats. We went to a place with that coffee, I didn't have a coffee, she bought, I didn't know anything. She wanted cookies, I don't know what she made for later. She bought me a cookie. - Why aren't you guys still together? - She looked into the lake. - She's a doctor, too. - She is? - What kind of doctor, dermatologist? - You could use that. Did my act. - I said to dermatologist once, I said, when you go to a party or something, and you see something on somebody's face that looks suspicious, do you ever say anything? They said, yeah, I'll mention it, if it looks really, you know, suspicious. - Have you, do you go to a dermatologist consistently? - Yeah. - Because based on your energy, have they ever given you a diagnosis? - I do, I know every single thing's skin. - I had a dermatologist once that, I don't know if he was nuts or what, but he would burn off a lot of stuff on me over the years. And then it came to a point where he would look at stuff and go, let's do a biopsy on that, because if it's not now, it could be one day, and they'd take a big chunk of meat out of it, and then stitch it up, and then it would come back, like, you know, point two or whatever, he goes, yeah, we got that one, you know, 'cause that would have developed into. - So he's lying, like, saying your car is broken, when it's out. - I don't know. I don't know, but after like two or three of those, I changed terms. - And does your, does the new derm, do they ever biopsy and burn stuff off? - Oh, they burn stuff off all the time, or laser? - Yeah, but I've never had any. I didn't have a biopsy once. Yeah, it was just a little thing. In fact, it's grown back. It's like a little, I'll take a look at it later. - I was at the derm yesterday. - What derm? - Atyologist? - Like, say, atyologist. What are the dermatologists yesterday? - And I recommend that everybody go just to get checked once a year, and I asked him, I said, I have a lot of friends that aren't insured, and they don't go, it can't be that expensive. Maybe this is expensive to you. I'm sure there's different prices, but your first visit is 175, and then every visit after is 100. Once a year, that's little, but what about if they do stuff? - Yeah, I'm sure if they do stuff, but the point is, why would I go if I don't need anything done? Well, if you don't need anything done, that's great piece of mind. If they do need something done, then you could make that decision then, but you'll want to have something done. So just to check up, are you insured? - No. - Do you go to a dermatologist? - No, I'm not insured. May I recommend that you go to the dermatologist once a year? And I'll tell you what, I can't get you healthcare, I don't make that kind of money, but I will pay for your dermatologist appointment. - Okay, thank you. - We'll make an appointment. - How about any other? - Your fair skin man. - I am. - Well, that appointment, do you like to have? (laughs) - Probably all of them. - If you're a good at colonoscopy, they're used to young for that. - Um, you know, this is a great time to mention function health, by the way. 365 dollars a year, you just get all the, get a lot of blood, 160 panels of blood, blood panels. - When I go to the doctor and I go to the doctor, I get my, I get, you get checked. A lot of times they're like, all right, we'll check for this, this, we don't check this, we don't check this, check it. You're taking my blood, I don't get that. What do you think? - I agree, man, if you're going, if you're going to be there, having checked it all, you know, I had a physical last month or so, I feel like I'm in pretty good shape for my age, you know? And I'm laying on the, - You look fantastic, are you 72? - Yeah, so laying on the table, and the doctor's doing something with a clipboard in it. I go, seriously, doc, compared to other 72-year-olds, how do I, how do I stand? You know, because I always feel like, pretty good. And there's a long pause. I go, oh, it looks like he left the room. It seemed like he left the room. - He was right there. - He said that a lot of you thought it. - Yeah, no, I thought it. But there was a long pause. And I did think he left the room, but he was still there kind of like trying to figure out how to say to me that, you know, I had a lot like joint replacements and stuff and an ablation. - What is an ablation, is that a, somebody who loves fire who had sex with like a Chinese person? - No, no, that's racist right there. - Ablation. - Blaze, Jin, Asian. - Eurasian? - You know what they say? - Ablation is also a real term. - Ablation? - It is, yeah. - Black and Asian. - That's Blasian. I'm saying Blaze, Jin. - So anyway, if you want to get back to the real story, it's when you have a fib when your heart is out of sync. It's, and it's irregular heart beats. And it could speed up first. It speeds up like really fast. And then, you know, it's, by itself, it's not fatal, but if you let it go, you can get a stroke. So what do you do, is what's the opposite of letting it go? - Let's get it back in the regular sinus they call it. - And how do you do that? - Either through meds, medication. And blood thinners, you know, you stand blood thinners for a while and all this stuff. Or you can get an ablation. And when I had it first, as a Mexico, I was with my new girlfriend, who's my wife now. And I got it. And I was like, trying to show her how, you know, I acted if I was and, you know, in good shape. I'm, you know, throwing in the pool, I'm golfing. Take a short nap. And I jumped in the pool one day. And my heart just started going a million miles an hour. It's like an electrical current. So anyway, long story short, I went to my doctor back in the way. And he told me what it was. And he goes, you know what? Put you on these meds and keep track of it. And, you know, it's going to start happening more and more over a period of time. And a lot of people listening today, they have it. Some of them don't even know they have it. Because it's very faint. But if you feel your pulse, and it's your regular, you got to go have that checked out because you can get a stroke. So anyway, yeah, after a while, it just was getting it a lot. I'd always be feeling my pulse, you know, and it was really distracting and really worried me. So I went in and got an ablation where they go up into your, through your thigh, that artery, through here. And they burn it. Yeah, it's like a soldering glaze. They corral it, they corral it like in that area, that electrical current area. They build dots like in a circle. So it scars, so it can't get out of there. What is it not getting out of there? The electrical current. Wild. You see cardiologists every year? No. Six months. Are you six months? I see a lot of people every six months. I think I've seen you every six months so far. More than. But I really enjoyed our talk today. I did too. I meant it. When I'm around you, I could get emotional telling you. When I'm around you, it feels special. I'm being 100% sincere, it feels special. I don't know if you see me. I feel seen around you, even when you're saying mean things. Like, like the fact that you're even saying, I just, I just think you're so funny. And there's, and also seeing somebody who's on my frequency, who I think is so funny and such a pleasure to be around, makes me feel good about myself. Because I'm like, oh, that's maybe other people might see me the way I see you. So I would love to have you on. I told you this before, I'm being very genuine that like, when I've other people on, I want you to be like here too. I want to do episodes with you. I just know that like, you've got a lot of short naps to take. I don't know how often you want to come over here. Let me ask you this, would you be okay if I was the co-host? And I was getting some laughs. Buddy. It makes the product better. It does. Of course. And I'm glad you know that. Would you be okay if I got all the laughs? You getting all the laughs has nothing to do with you. Because if you're getting all the laughs, that means I'm not creating an environment for laughs. So you're picking up, now your back's really gonna hurt, because you're carrying it. So I don't see that as carrying it because that's work. I don't consider it work. I'm saying for me, it's like, oh, I'm unable to lift this. So your back is killing you. No, no, what I'm saying is, well, that's great. I then pick up a $10 bill. But what I'm saying is when I've said this recently, I love acting, not just because of acting, but because when you're acting, it's a team. You know, you're working with a production of people. And I love working with other people. And it really feels like a team sport. And when you score, art score goes up. I don't, I mean, I have an ego. I have things that I've insecurities. But like when it comes to like comparing myself to other people or other people's successes or people getting laughs, I've never, that's, I want that. I want that. So if you got laughs, it only makes this product better. - But let's do it. - Do you wanna be my co-host for, could we find a way where you do it for a full month of episodes? Whether we record four in a week or four in a month, but like, hey, these four, you gotta come and be my co-host. So you can have like a Tyso residency? - I think that's a lot. - Okay. Then what if we did four and we just did the first of every month for the next or three? This summer, every month, June, July and August, we have a special co-host, Kevin Nealon. - Let me think about that. - That sounds like it might be over three months. - That might be a lot too, but let me think about that. - By a lot, do you mean for the audience or for you to commit to? - I think for me, if I can be honest with you, no. I would love to do that with you. I just don't know what the repercussions would be. Seriously, I don't know if people say, why are you letting him strap himself onto your back? - To you or to me? - To you. So you'd be working. - No, no, to me. - So you'd be worried that people are thinking that you're just using me. - No, no, you're using me. - Then I'm using you. Well, let me pay for something. Thank you for speaking up and not getting resentful. - Finally, you're gonna pay for something. - Yeah. - Okay. - Thank you. Gratzi. - Gratziya. - Gratziya. - Gratziya. - Gratziya's female. - Gratziya's guy. - Gratziya's guy. Kevin, before you go, can I ask you to sketch me? - It's gotta be quick though. - And it's not gonna be like in the book, 'cause I don't have time or the colors or the paint. - Okay, yeah. - Move my phone, please. - Thank you. - So would you want to wear it? - Mm-hmm. - Tell me when you're on your smile. (gentle music) - Here we go. You ready? It's gonna be a quick one. (gentle music) Your face is going up like how, like when I'm doing it when I'm swimming and I'm trying to swim like a swimmer. (gentle music) (gentle music) - Be sure to the camera first. (laughing) - There's a lot of options. (laughing) There's so many possibilities of what this could be. Michael, I think it might be best to stay on him the entire time except for switching to McCone's camera, but you don't really need my. (laughing) (gentle music) (laughing) - Monkey. (gentle music) - I want to remind you that you said you wanted to be someplace in the next 22 minutes. - I do have to get out of here. That's why I'm rushing through this. - I'm not leaving you with this. - It's not gonna look that good. I'm not gonna show it to you because it's really not. - Doing a lot of there, man. I don't want to spoil it but I have an idea of what it's gonna be. I don't know. (gentle music) - This is not good, it's gonna show this to you. - Sometimes when you scratch an itch, it feels so good that you're almost grateful for the itch. Sorry. I don't know how to do this, but you know what? It's my work of art, so. - That's great. - That's awesome. - Will you sign it? - I did. - All right guys, I gotta get out of here. - Okay, I gotta get out of here. - I'll run you. - Oh. - The music. ♪ Scoot, do ♪ ♪ Blabberty blue ♪ ♪ Scoot, do ♪ ♪ Oh yeah ♪ (laughing)