Kevin and Madison's Bachelorette Parties | "Jerry 2.0" (515)

this is a head gum podcast on today's episode of that was us we're diving into season 5 episode 15 jerry 2.0 during kevin and madison's bachelor and bachelorette weekends doubts and cold feet begin to surface kevin reflects on his history with sophie while the pearson family shares their own perspectives on romance second chances and whether love is written in the stars or built over time this episode is brought to you by netflix's new series east of eden a bold reimagining of john steinbeck's masterpiece following generations of the trask family through love betrayal and the choices that shape humanity starring mike feist and christopher abbott as the trask brothers and florence pew as kathy ames the complex anti-heroine determined to build the life she wants no matter the cost watch east of eden now only on netflix i hate mondays king's hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite taylor hansen sure i'll try one hey let's get back to work please but taylor hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly king's hawaiian cinnamon bites taylor hansen nice try one king's hawaiian cinnamon bites there's nothing like it hello hello hello hello hello how are we doing good this is so just full disclosure here manny and i have on the exact same clothes chris took it upon himself i was just kidding i was just kidding i was just kidding i was not i got hot you are you're bringing it back to like early podcast days remember we had all just like different outfits also you took your jacket off i did take my jacket off this is true i got warm we just had to let that out you got muscular um thank you i appreciate that i try 50 man maintaining the the sexy at 50 is different i told you what barb said what barb said oh you did yeah that was very sweet i'm giving i'm giving barb a shout out here so barb is barb does hair she's my she's barb's my girl i love her she's a dear friend she does hair the best hair in the land and she um saw sterling at an event and she came back and she was like mandy sterling's the most beautiful man i've ever seen before i was like i know that's he's also my son so it feels strange to say that but yes i do and she i she was like i i was gonna go up and say hi and tell them that i knew you but then i just felt weird i was like if anybody would give you a hug it would be sterling well and now we know there's no fist bumps yeah there's no picture it's all hugs barb i prefer to hug get a hug barb i really do get a hug have you guys seen this tangent is it barb and go to vista del mar yeah yeah yeah barb and star or barb and i've heard it's the best movie ever it's really good mandy it's so good you'll pee on yourself oh god i love especially after three kids like drenched wait and who it's wig and who it's wig and her writing partner what's her name she's so good barb annie mamalow annie mamalow is in rooster have you guys watched rooster i watched the pilot of rooster keep going keep going is it great it's great you love she is so funny annie mamalow she's his watch barb and star okay she's great in rooster she's really funny in rooster i love that show okay yeah i will watch rooster who else what people watching right now this is a this is a new podcast what are you watching what are you guys watching even amy bowler wins all the awards and and half of her questions are what makes you laugh these days what are you watching what are you watching she wins all the awards she wins all these she wins all the awards in my book i watch the pit i'm a big fan of the pit anybody in the pit no i have to watch something before i go to bed that gives me anxiety i'm not gonna do it i need to watch rooster i need to watch something that rooster is light and then i can go to bed understood how's it go and i can sleep have you you yeah i've seen the pip season one have you seen again in season two season and a half i've seen season and a half yeah they're about at a season and a half yeah i think the work that they're doing is pretty oh i don't doubt it i watched one episode and i was like yeah it's not for me i can't i can't it's too real yeah it's too real i've seen this there was an episode about a kid in a pool and i was like i will absolutely not watch that yeah it's like that don't you remember ever people saying the same thing to you about our show yeah yeah and you get it and it's like you know maybe one day i will be in the frame of mind where i can watch that stuff but it's like right now i'm like but by then there'll be new stuff to watch yeah i was telling you about stand up to uh nikki glazer's got a special on hulu um but also uh kevin hart's got this comedy show on netflix and it's called funny af and he's looking at like these upcoming comedians and they have like this whole thing because this was the week of uh netflix funny or dire whatnot they have a big comedy festival here yeah so this was building up to something i i again i think one of the reasons why i wanted the roast for the party is that i have such awe and reverence for the the medium of stand-up uh it's probably the thing that i watch more than anything else me too because i've always said to myself i'm gonna do five minutes one day i'm gonna do i could see that i'm gonna do it one day and it's gonna happen it's gonna be fun but i just feel like the to take things that are deeply personal from your life and to find the comedic spin on them that doesn't that elevates the energy of the room but doesn't make it may make them a little uncomfortable but then also give them this release yeah it's that's a gift man chris have you seen rory scoville oh yeah what's rory's going oh yeah i took taylor to see him at the at largo okay so we went and just saw him at largo like a couple weeks ago i have never laughed so hard he's insane like my abs hurt i was like oh this is a good workout i he has a special like on amazon or something he has a new special that he just taped that's coming out of what he's been performing yeah it what i was like this is unhinged how funny this is and how oh my god well thank you for that introduction what scoville scoville s-c-o-v-e-l okay i think he's maybe and he's on rooster that's what made me think of it yeah he has a bit part of well i it's just like it's a i listen steve carrell could get it okay yeah cock-a-doodle-doo yeah he is a silver fox he's a handsome guy oh yeah he's just like i mean he could be my dad but like i yeah he is so funny i don't follow up he could get it with he's like my dad don't mandy we can't click this no i'm 62 years old okay he's what 63 i mean technically he's gonna be a young dad yeah he can't get it hey steve i say that with affection and respect wanna come on the pod he's dan's neighbor you know he is dan's neighbor i like that so in watching the pilot the young lady who plays his daughter is incredible everyone on the show is great and there's something else i know there's a cop who kind of comes in oh shit he's a piece yes he's because his stuff is so small but everything he does but you could tell they were like yeah he's so good yeah we have to build his character more and sometimes like now we're taylor and i're watching the show and they're like they just like hanging around him because he's so funny and he's so good he's great it's like part sometimes you're like there's no reason that a cop would be there but it's like hilarious yeah it's so good what's the cop at the hockey game okay sure are you a bill lawrence person like are you a lasso i knew bill back in the day because of scrubs okay um and he's so lovely um and i did at that first season of ted lasso is how i felt about rooster where you're like this is what we need in the world right now like it's sweet and it's funny but it feels like this balm of like just goodness i got you like bill is really good at putting like goodness in the world you know what i mean shrinking and like they're all just like they make you feel good they're not complicated in a you know annoying way yeah if we could have bill lawrence and mike sure running everything dan vogelman yes yeah well it's a reason those three guys are powerhouses they're good people and they make good things that like inherently make you feel good sure is good place right yeah yeah and parks and rec yeah yeah yeah he's great okay anyway i guess we should talk about it about our show i do love watching though this is us this is great and that was us uh rewatch podcast talk about bringing good into the world it's the eyes closed it's the eyes it's the eyes closed and the mouth wide that that was a podcast okay okay it's a head gum podcast this is interesting because i was as i was looking at the title of the the cherry 2.0 i was like what does this mean what does this have anything to do with and they open up and they open up and they open up and they open up and they open up and jack and kev are at the movies yeah and they're watching this movie and we don't get a chance to see what the movie is yeah but they both like just turn and look at each other and just like best movie ever right and i still wasn't remembering yeah what the reference was what right what could it be all right who do you want to start with let's start with the the college big three okay everyone's back in pittsburgh yep yeah pilot season didn't work out for kev he's back home he's with sophie they're reunited yeah because they've been living long distance they've been living long distance and he is very nonchalant about it like we're back together it was great i'll probably end up back in california because that's just like well she says a couple times i'm glad that that's over yeah i'm glad we don't have to yeah let's we put a pin in that didn't you did it it didn't work and now you're back because clearly long distance is never great kevin yeah it's not great no yeah for anybody it's not ideal like the that was us podcast that is ideal beth got an internship offer but the internship is in boston that's right so she hasn't not ideal hasn't decided what she's gonna do yet because it would mean that her and randall would have to be long distance the whole group is also heading to the cabin yep the uh the college big three they're headed with mom kate is solo she's sort of making fun of herself about being what like the fifth wheel or something yeah yeah and and randall and beth are still talking about this potential long distance that's looming kevin keeps talking about how it's not a really big deal and sophie kind of finally admits like hey can you stop doing that because it was actually really hard for me yeah i don't i don't like that you keep saying that like yeah it was cute i guess at first but now it's like that like no that's that wasn't the reality that wasn't my reality at least right yep and he kind of insists that i'm sorry but like i am gonna my manager told me like if i want to make it i'm going to have to spend some more time in los angeles i'm sorry i am a walking red flag i'm yeah exactly get out while you can okay get out while you can and sophie sophie storms out they're they're at the cabin i should say at this point not really a huge jump but uh they start to watch jerry mcguire yeah right um and kevin comments how he's saw this movie with dad and how much he loved it uh at some point beth kind of like leaves i don't know if she's she's going to the kitchen maybe to get something from the fridge or something and sees rebecca in the um in the kitchen and she sort of stops her rebecca does and she was like oh by the way i haven't like been able to say but congratulations on this internship in boston like that's a really big deal and beth is appreciative she knows you know she's like i'm not i'm not worried about randall i'm rebecca's like i'm not worried about you guys either and and the long distance she's like i'm just worried that it's going to be um it's intense and if i'm not amazing at it i really can't endure any more failure like i just feel like i have failed with dance um and uh she kind of mentions that like i don't know if randall's told you but i used to dance and rebecca's like oh i can relate i don't know if randall told you but i used to sing yeah she's like ah touche essentially and so she gets it and that's kind of like the end of the conversation right yeah more or less like she just admits that's what's like preventing me from saying yes to this relationship it's not the distance that might be that might potentially come between randall and i it's that like this is this this firm for this urban planning like it's a really special thing to be a part of but if it doesn't work out and if i'm not as good as i want to be like i i don't know what i'm going to do with myself essentially right right kevin has this sort of back to him watching the movie of jerry mcguire the movie ends you know we'll remember that sophie has sort of stormed out so it's just him watching it with kate and and uh randall and beth yeah and he has this like epiphany the spiritual experience watching the movie and he's like hold on and he runs upstairs and you're like what is he doing right so he comes back downstairs having written a mission statement like jerry and sophie has come back at this point right and he kind of like declares everything their future what their future is going to be yeah and and he he can see it so clearly now right is that essentially he's going to be a successful actor we're going to get married and we're gonna have kids like i can see it all so clearly like it's all together like you're part of it right yes yeah like my life includes you yes we're going to accomplish all of these things that i i want but we're going to do it together essentially yeah and then this sort of uh kind of like dovetails with rebecca getting a call from miguel which kind of dovetails with them present day as well but miguel calls the cabin he's like i was just checking in on you guys like i think i called the house and i didn't hear from you and i wanted to make sure you're okay um and essentially um you know she's talking about how strange it is to be the cabin with all of these kids in this particular juncture of their lives right married randall and beth are paired up kate obviously is she's flying solo but it's just how it's made her sort of realize that maybe that part of her life isn't done either yeah maybe there's still some capacity of love of having love in a romantic sense that she hasn't really ever considered before but since jack passed away that she's open to and it's just interesting it's like she's just kind of like to this conclusion and just telling a good friend about it i mean obviously it's sweet foreshadowing of like oh we know what's gonna happen you know if you're uh if you're if you're um if you're open to something like that uh then i think uh love will find a way yeah like he was he says he says of course you're you're you're uh you're you're i love you i love you say it back say it back say it back i love when we make these guys laugh more that was us after this short break sleep sets the stage for the rest of your day it's the time when your body quietly goes to work to heal your mind and body steady your mood and generally restore your energy so you can show up at work home and throughout life rested and ready when sleep feels like a struggle it affects everything your energy your focus your patience productivity they all depend on getting high quality sleep boy do we know that as parents if you've noticed changes in your sleep patterns or experience symptoms like snoring or excessive daytime tiredness sleep doctor can help you find a way back to great sleep i need this you guys i need this in my life we can move past the guesswork to help you understand exactly what's happening while you are asleep so you can stop powering through the day and start living in it i'll tell you what sleep doctor offers you guys sleep doctor offers guidance and solutions for all your sleep problems not sure where to start a sleep consult with a licensed sleep expert or our clinical grade home sleep study provides the professional insight you need to uncover the root of your fatigue the test is a simple and affordable alternative to a sleep lab and can be completed in your own bed over one night and you can sleep well in your own bed and you can sleep well in your own bed and you can sleep well in your own bed and you can sleep well in your own bed and you can sleep well at night no more guessing just clear answers and a path back to the rest you deserve if you've been overlooking your sleep while optimizing everything else this may be the missing piece visit sleepdoctor.com to stop guessing about your sleep and take the first step to waking up rested and ready we just finished sort of assembling an outdoor kitchen situation complete with a grill so this is summer is here and this is going to be our first time grilling at our house outside i'm so excited i love that smell when people in the neighborhood start grilling and you're like oh right it's summer tis the season should i go say hi to my neighbors yeah wouldn't that be a good time yeah that little that little smell wafts and grabs you by the nostrils like a cartoon and pulls you over the fence into their yard you guys you guys know what i'm talking about my kids just had hot dogs for the first time for the first time the first time i'm a paranoid mom because they're choking hazard so i was a little scared i was a little scared even though you could cut them up yeah but my boys are obsessed with hot dogs now yeah so this is going to be the season where i master the outdoor grill and my husband too with the hot dog shipped to the rescue ship to the rescue with shipped it's never just delivery because you can get groceries more anything that you need same day shopped in the same way that you would listen with exceptional attention to detail shoppers with shipped ensure your items are shopped and delivered with the utmost care yeah and you can order from different stores sometimes you need food sometimes you were saying you need all kind so we can order from safeway albertsons michaels target pet smart as well as at local grocery stores in your particular area use code podcast to get a year of shipped for only 49 that's half off the regular 99 price at shipped.com slash offer that's s-h-i-p-t.com slash offer terms apply this episode is brought to you by netflix's new series east of eden a bold reimagining of john steinbeck's masterpiece following generations of the trask family through love betrayal and the choices that shape humanity starring mike feist and christopher abbott as the trask brothers and florence pew as kathy ames the complex anti-heroine determined to build the life she wants no matter the cost watch east of eden now only on netflix i hate mondays kinks hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite uh taylor hansen sure i'll try one hmm Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. Taylor Hansen? Nice. Try one. Mmm. King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it. This episode is brought to you by Palmolive. Family time isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners. Sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9% of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. Time table. How long has Jack been gone, do you think? Has it been over a year? It's got to be less than two years. It's less than two years. Less than two years. Over a year, less than two. Okay. That sounds right. 17 months. Sure. I like that ballpark. My wife, every once in a while, asks me this question. Like, would you remarry if something happened to me? Like, if she passed away or whatnot. I'm like, not for a few months. Out of respect. What is this? Ham? Hamlet? You know what I'm saying? Oh, man. What can I say, Ryan? Time marches on. What is your answer? It's something to that effect. But like, I. Of a few months? No. Not the same effect. But I was like, would you want me to live the rest of my life mourning your loss? She said yes. Yeah, she did. Yeah, she did. But that's not. I don't think. She says that now. But I actually believe. But she would be dead and wouldn't know the difference. There you go. I actually believe that she wouldn't want that. Yeah, I don't think she would. Like, I think she says that in the moment or whatnot. But like, when I think about, like, if something happened to me, and if love found its way into Ryan Michelle's life, nothing would make me happier. Same. Nothing would make me happier. Same, same, same. Yes, of course. And I feel like, you know, everybody has to go through a necessary grieving process. But then you also have to allow yourself. You also have to allow yourself the possibility of experiencing all that life has to offer while you are still alive. Do you know what I'm saying? Life is too short to deny yourself. That's right. That's it. Okay. That's right. So that's the past. So that's the past. Should we do. There's a lot of ways to go. Well, how about Randall? What about Randall? I mean, it's tough. Well, Randall just sort of ties into. I know. They all. This tricky show. You can do Cabin Cabin. You can do Present and Past. All right. Let's do Cabin Cabin. And the Present. Well, it does start off. The intro to it is Randall dressed in this fishing gear, which I was like, Holla, this is one of the best sight gags that I've ever seen in the show. Yeah. Because I cracked up instantly. And Beth was into it. She was so into it. Yeah. Beth is like, who is this man that has replaced my husband? I have a thing for fishermen now. She's like, evidently, I like fishermen, right? Yeah. Field and stream. We could. Field and stream. It's going to be me and Toby and Nikki in Cabin Cabin. It doesn't sound like it's going to be like a crazy time. He just wants to go fishing and hang out. He's like, you're going to put the ho and Poconos? And he's like, no, we're putting the A and Earl Grey. Earl Grey, right? It's going to be much more low-key. We've seen bachelor and bachelorette parties before, and those took place in Vegas. They didn't go much better. No, but they were like. Wilder. Your idea of like what a bachelor and bachelorette party is. Did anybody else find it so sad, though? I was like, oh, they really have no friends. They really have no friends. This is where TV writers. They really write themselves into a corner where it's like, well, I guess either we have a bunch of extras come in or this lady ain't got no friends. Or it has to be the. Like, you have to have such a large cast in order to honor all those people and to like give some good actors an opportunity to work where they don't get a chance to be there that often. It's hard to hold people. Yeah. You brought in four dudes to be Toby's friend. Toby's got all the friends. Toby's got friends. He's healthy. Nerd squad. Yeah. This family, it's just like, nope, it's only family. It's just family, right? Yeah. So before we take off, like, we start a little makeout session and he goes to take off his boots and she says, uh-uh. Keep them on. Keep them off. You can leave your boots on. It's Beth about to knock Randall's boots, which is probably incredibly delightful. Yeah, 100%. We depart on just old people, just old people bachelor and bachelorette parties. Yeah. Just real tame. We're at the cabin and I say to my brother when he gets. Oh, he gets there because they all come in on a private jet because they're fancy coming from LA or whatnot. Well, they're COVID too. Oh, there's COVID too. There's COVID too. Fancy and COVID. I got the football, which is my favorite prop, if you haven't noticed. Anytime Brown can hold a football, he will hold a football. And Dan didn't put me on the land. Anyway. Nobody loves football more than Sterling. Nobody. Yeah. Dan likes it a lot. I know. Well, look, there's more time. There's more time. Let's tell our audience real quick, though. Kevin might be a big actor, but he's not a big actor. He's not a big actor. He's not a PJ actor. Yeah. You know what? How do we find. He's definitely spending money to do the PJ, for sure. I bet you. Well, if Kevin's not, Justin probably is. No, I bet he's not. Oh, you know he is. No, I don't know. I'm just saying. After a couple of years of Tracker. Oh, sure. Yeah, he's probably. He's rocking the PJ. Good for him. My wife asked, she's like, can we take a private? I'm like, well, who are you? Who do you think we are? We could take Jet Sweet X. I love JSX. I love JSX. I've never done it. It's great. It's dope? Yeah. Okay. All right, I'll do it. It's a private thing with you. It's not. It's not. It's not private? No, no. No. It's just local. It doesn't go very far. Quick tangent. I was talking to some friends of mine like a week and a half ago before we were going to Stanford about how I was flying Southwest, right? And they were like, are you for real? I was like, it's a direct flight. You know, I'm going from here to San Francisco. Keep it simple. Keep it sweet. Da, da, da, da. And I said, every once in a while, people will look at you and be like, are you? And I'm like, yeah. Hey, how you doing? And then they started talking about like, well, what would keep you from doing Spirit? And I was like, you know what? I've never actually had a chance. But I hear like the hidden prices are the things that get you. Spirit is no longer. Yeah, it's gone. Yeah. Like within a week and a half. But dude, you fly JSX up north. I mean, it's, they're $300. It's not like a- Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. And there's no security. Anyway. They come in from the private plane and whatnot. And Randall sort of tells his brothers like, hey, man, you did it. Like, you really did it. You remember last Thanksgiving when you said, by the time I'm- By the time I'm 40, I want to be married with kids or whatnot. Like, it's happened. Like, it may have done it in the wrong order or something. But like, here we are. And you see Kev still, his brain is still reeling from that thing that Zoe said in the last episode, right? Like, okay. His wheels are spinning. They say it's supposed to rain, but I don't think that God's going to do that to you. And then as he says it, pretty much the rain comes down and the gents are confined to the cabin for the rest of this trip, right? Yeah. They decide to pop in Jerry Maguire. Same way that they're going to pop in. Same way that they did in the past, right? And everybody has, like, some interesting reactions to it. I say, like, oh, man, this movie still holds up. It's good. Like, what do you think, Kev? And he's like, yeah, it's pretty cool. It's like, dude, it's like you had a religious experience the first time we saw it. Now you seem much more muted by the whole thing, right? And then Nicky. I love Griffin Dunn so much. Go for it. I can see how you relate to this movie. It's practically your life. Just like a vaudeville star comes in. And Kevin's a little confused. Like, what? How is this my life? Yeah. I mean, and he just relates, like. Wait, I think I found, I wrote some of it down. This is funny. It's practically your life on film. Yeah, you're like Jerry Maguire 2.0. And let's, because Jerry has this thing, does this huge profession of his love at the end and sweeps her off her feet and blah, blah, blah, and they're going to live happily ever after. But there is like a certain era of movie that is post romantic, like, like post, I don't know when it is, but you look back now and it's just all like, this isn't healthy. Yeah. This isn't even, this is barely romantic. Yeah. This is like love bomb. Like some, some. That he fell in love with the kid and then kind of just stayed with the woman out of convenience essentially. And he's like, well, you fell in love with the idea. You fell in love with the idea of kids and now you got the kids and now you're just going to stay with Madison because it's convenient kind of. That's what he was alluding to. Yeah. And there's a certain amount of, of, of me like looking back on these movies. It's like, yeah, of course, romantic, these ideas sweeping each other off our feet. What are we doing? What are we even doing? This is crazy. Yeah. This is crazy. Is this crazy? Should we do this? Like that type of movie. Sure. It's just like, no, it's crazy. And you both need therapy and this isn't going to work out. So. I've been to these weddings. So here's the thing. The rom-com is sort of like, not come and gone completely, but they're not being made in the same volume that they were. You can't afford to anymore. Once upon a time. Yeah. Right. My, I used to get like, Rye used to read these romantic novels and I would see like how they would infect our lives in terms of like, how come you can't be like this and dah, dah, dah. I was like, well, that's, that's a book, right? Like that's a. Not reality. It's not reality per se. but now I'm scared. of like on the other side of it and not that you there should be some sort of post-mortem more than likely because things don't typically in like just happily ever after they they're happy and then they're not happy and then they're happy and then they're not happy but i do think that there's something beautiful about about sort of the aspirations of love being put out into the world sure so i'm just taking the opposite side because like as they've been gone i'd miss them i miss the rom-coms sure i do too i really do like there's a way that you felt after you left it like i'm gonna hold your hand and squeeze you and hold you tight and that like we don't get as much of anymore maybe maybe it is maybe there's too much reality now not enough romance that's i don't know i second that so okay so so nikki says this and it really gets under kevin's skin we go we go to commercial it comes back and cancer's like hey man still staring at him hey man what the is it yeah that was mean he says that was mean and rude yeah he's like i know you're not used to talking to people and also mean show up at somebody's bachelor party and just blow it up man he's like i'm with madison because i'm crazy about madison and you can you don't believe it coming out of his mouth because i'm crazy about her you feel the room collectively go like okay yeah like everyone shifts like oh is that what we're going with you're crazy about her you really sold that one i'm with her because i am crazy about her and that's what the script told me to say crazy about her i'm crazy about her okay so far toby i don't think has had a word in in this in this episode and he's just like before we popped in the movie like randall tried to ask you like hey tobias you've been quiet for a minute like what's going on with you before you could even get anything out yeah it got moved on that's gonna get steamrolled over right so so the vibe of the party is now off uh kev kev goes to the bedroom what have you and and randall comes in and checks on him and he says like how do you ever really know if you're like marrying the right person yeah which i think has a very sort of like interesting echo and i don't even know if it's a good thing or not i don't think it's a good thing i don't know if it's a good thing or not i don't even know if it's a good thing or not for for tobias for for kev right and and even for randall who i think is the person in the history of the show has been most concrete on his choices but even in season three they had their moments of like sort of just the answer is you don't know like i asked myself this question like we all entered into the the three of us have entered into this institution of matrimony right second time the second was obviously three of us oh three of us the three of us not together right and there is even though the statistics i think we're at 51 now say that they end right before death right because we chose to you still enter into it with like all right it's gonna be different for me or i'm gonna be on that 49 or whatever the the case may be and it takes a certain level of faith um belief whatever it is to even think that you should be in the minority right right yeah it's not there is no guarantee right and i think that's the thing that is most interesting about it for me this is just the tangent of life is like when i proposed to ryan michelle bathe and i bought this ring it was the happiest i had ever been to spend that there was the biggest expense i'd ever made in my life and i was like and it was the happiest i'd been with the expenditure because i was like she's gonna like this and it's important to me that she likes this as we start this next sort of journey into life right we've been married for 20 years now blessed right thank you very much and have gone through all the emotions throughout the course of marriage right yeah and and and moments of like ah we're gonna make it not 100 sure right we go to therapy we we take moments of just sort of self-reflection or whatnot and you make a decision together collectively because both people have to decide to stay on the train at the same time otherwise you know it doesn't work and then there are times in which we'll explore as we get into like tobias and and and kate where they mutually decide like you know what maybe it has run its course i've i've heard my cousin who's gotten divorced say like people act like divorce is a failure and she says well maybe i was just supposed to be married for that amount of time mm-hmm and i got from that amount of time exactly what i was supposed to get um i think that can be very very true because you were talking about in the last episode that we're just a generation removed from or generation and a half two generations from people who just stayed married and stayed angry and resentful and just hateful towards one another yeah openly yeah yeah nobody wants that yeah so so he asked the question he's like you know what man come on let's go outside everybody's sitting around the fire uh he said gentlemen we have been off our game today uh i've got a we got a brother over here with a case of cold feet like let's have some real talk essentially let's have some real talk about what's going on with everybody and how we can sort of pour into this dude and the first person who goes is you is it tobias yeah yeah what do you what do you share i loved this night of shooting by the way sitting around the fire yeah that must have been so fun i love a night like that where it's set up it's comfortable yeah it's something we'd probably be doing anyways like if we were hanging out sure you know there's no heavy lifting involved everybody has a nice something to say yeah um and yeah toby steps up and and and essentially gives his his rom-com superhero monologue yeah i'm i'm the king i'm the king of rom-coms and he he essentially takes the the negative view of jerry maguire yeah now it's like wait a minute they're not gonna make it yeah that's not how you build a relationship yeah like just going back to what you were saying earlier in this conversation because you sort of taken the same stance as toby rom-coms are meant i think for people who aren't necessarily married sure do you understand yeah because then once you get into it you're like that's not howard yeah it's not called reality tv yeah it's called a rom-com yeah should be called sci-fi uh nothing nothing annoys me more uh than the end of um what's the what's the the love british love movie that comes out at christmas time actually love actually nothing annoys me more than that movie first of all i put it it might be the worst movie i've ever seen i i listen wow that is real shots fired people keep a hot take for sure but homeboy with the cards at the end we we didn't know much to that in paradise i love that listen that's like one of dan's favorite movies it's fine but it's so creepy him at the door with with her this is just like with his best friend this is him and he's like like and this is great podcasting and mouthing words well you should be watching it on hulu yeah so these these types of tropes i don't know they make you mad they make me see it's funny because like i have this very sort of strong connection to what i call the triumvirate which is um about a boy love movie love actually and notting hill yeah great movies like i love them i feel like we're nothing without our hot takes that's right listen nothing without a hot take everybody loves that every i've never met another person who doesn't like that movie i understand that i'm on the outside come at us guys in the comments and an old girl when they're like in the uh on the adult entertainment set and they're like having a short this cat martin shows like martin short martin freeman i was like martin short it's not in that movie i don't think sterling likes this movie at all yeah i'm not saying there aren't funny moments in the movie but but just that sort of like idealized romanticism is something that you think needs to be checked and also like i just picture like if that had happened to me like or you know what i mean like if my best friend showed up at my house and was like sending secret messages i just need you to know that i love you no matter what and i had to go to i had to go to the fedex office to get these giant poster boards and i had to buy one of those oversized sharpies to write these letters out so you could see them from a distance because i don't want to say these things in front of you your guests but know this i am sexually attracted to you it doesn't matter if you're with my best friend anyways have a good christmas anyways merry christmas it's like what like this could turn into a horror film really quickly oh my god she gets abducted off the front steps what's interesting about this i love your take versus mine because there's this synchronicity of actor and character that's transpiring because when you finish saying everything you say brandel says to you you're going to be okay the both of you are going to be okay that's right oh wow and it's all parallel right it's all like parallel he can't he's the pressure that we heard about in the episode before is getting to him. Yeah. He's like, I really need a job. Like, I really, really, really, really need a job. This whole opinion was brought to you by, I need a job. Yeah. It's the first time that we heard mention of an offer from San Francisco, but you can't really take an offer when you got two kids at home. Clearly, I wouldn't consider that. Entertain that. I shouldn't, right, guys? Guys? I shouldn't consider that. That's not the end of my marriage, right? Right? If I did this? What do you guys think around this fire? Should I go and buy a house without consulting my wife up in San Francisco? When we get there? Oh, man. When we get there, I was like, come on, bro. What's going on? When we get there. Then Nicodemus. Nicodemus is next, right? Yeah. Nicodemus. Tobias and Nicodemus. We're going biblical right now. There's a spinoff. There should be. Uncle Nicky and Toby. I'd watch it. I'd totally watch it. And he says, like, he admits to acting out. He said, I had one chance at love 50 years ago. And I blew it. Wow. You whiffed it, yeah. I totally blew it. And so me sort of speaking out against you is sort of me sort of acting out against myself. And he apologized, which was cool to see, right? Then what does Kev say? Or what do I? He didn't say anything. I think then it's Miguel. Oh, Miguel. Then it's Miguel. Talks about things being written in the stars. Yeah. Some things are written in the stars, like Rebecca and your dad. Yeah. And when things started with me and Rebecca, I knew it wasn't like that for us. Yeah. Which is also fine. Yeah. Not every story's written in the stars. Other stories, love stories are written together. To go on poster board that you hold up as flashcards. Sure. For your best friend. Yeah, yeah. There's those stories, too. Do you guys, like, I feel like we all are blessed enough. Let me not put words into that. We probably would relate our current relationships to more of a Jack and Rebecca vibe. But, like, I can't imagine what that was. Like, the character of Miguel, just for a second. Like, the level of, like, ire that he inspired from the audience. But, like, what this dude has endured and continues to show up, right? Like, that's a special, that's a special person. I don't know if I'm necessarily equipped to forever be in the shadow of another dude. Yeah. And who he necessarily is, like, I can't feel too bad about it because he was my dude, too. Like, I love this guy. Like, I get why the shadow looms as large as it does, right? But maybe that's what makes it easier. Yeah? Yeah. Because he understands and respects the level of, like, love and admiration the world and his family had for him because he had it, too. And so it's like, it doesn't feel like a threat to him. Yeah. Maybe it's, like, back in the day when, like, brothers used to, like, die in the war and then the wife would marry the other brother. Yeah. Take care of Clarice for me. Yeah, and then. Like that. Yeah. Whatever you do, don't let Helen out of your sight. And brother says, buddy, I won't. Buddy, you better believe that. Helen, we're married now. He's dead. He's dead. So maybe it's like that. Yeah, it's like that. Probably just like that. With Miguel and Rebecca. So that is the end of the cabin, right? It's the end of the cabin. I will just say that. Just little wrap-ups. Little wrap-ups. Like, Miguel has been so worried this entire time about Rebecca. Yep. Rebecca's at Madison's bachelorette party. He's worried because he's not there. He's been with her, like, watching her like a hawk for the last, you know, year. Whenever she got her diagnosis. And she insists before they both part, like, my meds are working. I'm going to be with my family. Like, there's really nothing. You should go and enjoy, like, give me, like, a little bit of breathing room, essentially. And he's worried the whole time he's at the cabin because he can't get a hold of her. And there's, like, a cute. What was the line? Like, when you finally, like, connect with Kate or something, you're like, Rebecca's fine. They're just painting, like, naked. They're painting, like, a naked man right now. That's Miguel's line. Oh, Miguel's. Yeah, yeah. Oh, good news. Rebecca's fine. I mean, she's just painting a portrait of a naked man with the other wives. Yeah. That's good. Such a good line. That's good. Such a good line. But at the end of this sort of Rebecca and Miguel finally talk on the phone, she's just gotten home. He apologized for sort of, like, hovering, right? Yeah. And being in limbo. Yes. And they kind of look at the stars together. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they look at the sky together. What's the sky look like? Yeah. Yeah. It's very sweet. More That Was Us after these words from our sponsors. You guys, we've been talking about Article for a long time now. Our entire podcast is furnished by Article. Our live show when we did that, also furnished by Article. We love everything we've received. And we've ordered from all different kind of genres, and it all seems to go together. Yeah, it's like mid-century. It's Scandi-designed. It's coastal. It's just kind of like a little bit of everything, but somehow it's incredibly easy to mix and match and help create a space that feels like home. It feels cohesive and also very stylish. It pulls together. And we're talking about something that is quality, and we don't have to compromise. Article takes great care in curating its collection, focusing solely on high-quality, meaningful pieces that will stand the test of time. And Article also offers fast, affordable shipping across the U.S. and Canada with options for professional assembly if you prefer a hands-off experience. Yeah, but they have support when you need it, and they also have a 30-day satisfaction guarantee. I love it. Please, do not fret. Shop with confidence. Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit article.com slash TWU, and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com slash TWU for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. Gang, my family and I took a road trip recently. Yeah. And there's something about being in a car for an extended period of time that reminds me of this. It's us, right? It's everybody talking. Somebody's telling an old story. Somebody else remembers it completely differently. What's your favorite road trip memory? I love taking road trips right now with my kids. Like, they talk about it forever. They talk about stuff we did even two years ago. Really? Things that I can't believe they would remember. Places we stopped and restaurants and little toys that they got. I mean, it goes such a long way, I think, at these specific ages. Yeah. And truthfully, the Pearsons also spent half of their lives talking in cars. This is serious. Seriously. But that's what I love about road trips. You get these long stretches where you're not rushing anywhere. You're just experiencing the trip. And that's, you know what? That's getting harder to do these days. Exactly, sir. Which is why I had this moment halfway through the trip where I thought, my house is just sitting empty right now. And meanwhile, you're out creating memories somewhere else. And it got me thinking about listing my space on Airbnb while I'm away. The challenge isn't the idea. It's finding time to manage everything. Yes, yes. Especially when you're in a car. Especially with schedules as busy as ours. And that is why Airbnb's co-host network is such an interesting option. Game changer. You can hire a vetted local co-host to help handle all the logistics. Yeah. This is the kind of support that has been holding me back from doing this. It's like, I don't know if I have the time to be- Or the bandwidth. Or the bandwidth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The human bandwidth. Yeah, truly. To welcome a guest, make sure they have everything they need. Yes. Make sure the place is well taken care of, well stocked, all of these things. You need a co-host, bro. A co-host can help with guest communication, reservations, on-site support, all of that. Which means I can spend less time checking my phone and more time enjoying the trip that I am actually on. If you are interested in listing your space on Airbnb, find a co-host at airbnb.com slash host. This episode is brought to you by Netflix's new series, East of Eden. A bold reimagining of John Steinbeck's masterpiece following generations of the Trask family through love, betrayal. And the choices that shape humanity. Starring Mike Feist and Christopher Abbott as the Trask brothers. And Florence Pugh as Kathy Ames. The complex anti-heroine determined to build the life she wants. No matter the cost. Watch East of Eden now. Only on Netflix. Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite? Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm. Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor- Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. Taylor Hansen? Nice. Try one. Mmm. Bites. Jibba-dabba-doo. Don't you love them? Sweet swirling is all good. So when the plates are empty, you can have a good time. And when the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Miguel calls the cabinet strange. Rebecca, maybe there's some version of love right and then you can really see the stars cabin present nikki looking for sally we see nikki looking for sally on his phone toby is considering the san francisco job he calls them leaves a message like i want to be in the running leaves the message randall's texting texting beth right i was texting beth in bed as kev okay so earlier was this i'm confused timeline wise is this at the top of 515 or the bottom of 514 that sophie reaches out to kev i think this is in 515 it's all in 515 okay so we can just move because that's part of this one i know that sophie reaches out to kev at the top of this episode yeah okay and says that she saw him on the people magazine and saw that he was getting married with the kids and she just felt like it wouldn't be right for her to congratulate it was an unknown phone number she didn't expect him to pick up the phone she thought she was just going to be leaving a message but he is an inherently curious person and so like it could because we already did the past the echoes as we get into the bachelorette party are like sophie was a part of the past sophie was a part of the manifesto sophie is a person that called to check in and wish the congratulations and then time got away they had to like break it off but they would call each other back later and he winds up telling his brother that uh you know sophie reached out what have you and the last thing we see as randall is texting with beth and says refers to her as uh regina and she refers to him as cuba from jerry mcguire what have you we see kev deleting sophie's information from his phone right can i just give one little detail that i was like wait give it to me so when he she calls she was like oh i didn't think you would pick up it was an unknown number right and she's like i changed my number he's like why did you change your number and she's like oh it's like a story for another time so when they he hang up he hangs up with her and he's like i'll call you back i'm like how is he gonna call her back he doesn't have her number maybe he saved it was he erasing but it said unknown she goes i didn't think you would pick up it was an unknown number oh maybe because it i in my mind it said like unknown right no no it's just like a number that came up without a name okay okay that makes sense not a blocks number yeah or just like you know how sometimes it'll say like unknown number yeah yeah yeah totally potential spam it was a potential spam and she's like you i can't believe you picked up hello hello famous actor kevin pearson i'm feeling lonely who is this you need how much money wired to you directly you say i can do that that's how that okay that answers my question bachelorette party i was like wait a second yeah kate and madison and madison's bachelorette party oh yeah they have kevin masks which are really cute i remember those yeah very cute um and then the doorbell rings and kate's like oh who could that be and it's this like handsome guy who says vaxxed and waxed for your pleasure she takes her mask off by the way because it just made me think that was the shirt we got that year season five vaxxed and waxed vaxxed and waxed i like it or this is a shirt yeah yeah i don't think it was like our crew gift you didn't no it was covid and it said like vaxxed and waxed on like the front pocket it wasn't a hoodie no it was a t-shirt it was a t-shirt it was a t-shirt it was a t-shirt season five yeah i probably immediately donated it i was like you call milo i'm sure he'll figure out how to get you one he most certainly probably has like boxes yeah boxes yeah it's the top of this episode um okay vaxxed and waxed vaxxed and waxed for your pleasure and uh and and madison he he says like madison and she's like joe yeah and we're like oh these guys have a history they have a history right it's um he's handsome guy vaxxed and waxed and taken him back um but you know what she's actually totally unbothered about how awkward it could be she's like she's like by the way i won like this guy ghosted me but jokes on him because like i'm marrying people's like most beautiful and we have babies and like life life is good essentially do you guys like an awkward situation no explain what do you mean by like if i had been present at that when he walked in i would have been like popping popcorn and going i hear you oh not happening to you but witnessing something i don't even mind sometimes when i'm involved um uh but i especially i especially enjoy it when it's happening around me i love when you tell a story about how excited you get about watching something like that i do love it yeah i know no no it's like i can remember a couple specific examples of sally being like and then we went to this wedding and like tells the whole story i'm like oh wow i was thinking about that wedding today because it still holds such a place in my heart that's what i mean it's like i could see you just like more this is more which is oftentimes when people are like like i'll just say the intro to that to that story that wedding i won't get to it too into it in case somebody knows what wedding i'm talking about but rachel essentially goes hey an acquaintance co-worker of mine is getting married next weekend a couple hours from here and he invited me and i'm like we're going we'll make a weekend of it we'll spend a couple hours at this thing but the opportunity for awkwardness at a wedding is never higher and this one delivered this one delivered i don't think i ever want to go it was the best wedding and we're i i don't want the best worst wedding i've ever been to it was so uncomfortable and rachel visibly uncomfortable and me just like this is incredible this is good yeah we went ryan and i went to a wedding where a friend of hers was getting married and the officiant of the wedding yeah was a former boyfriend of hers oh and how was that it was awesome yeah it was awesome in the way that oh yeah i was i was eating a lot of popcorn it was incredible we have to go like i've never been to a to a like a high school reunion but i think someday i will go you should just because it'll be fun to reminisce but more than that like let's just get a look yeah you know let's just get a look let's get a look at each other like me no hair gray beard hey what have you been up to it's kind of awesome i've gone i go to like almost everyone of course it's so much fun that's why there's some fist bumping happening you don't need to be taking pictures with everybody i don't i don't but you know tangent of that my mentor from school her name was barbara bull at the time is now barbara kraus she is 91 years young she lives just outside of portland oregon and me and three of my former classmates who are advisees of her are going to go visit her in portland in september very excited very excited um okay bachelor party uh did anybody get the sense that while they were painting the nude and and madison's talking about here's to never dating again and madison starts to recount the things of her relationship with kev yeah it's not very romantic no it's like it's like everybody's like listening to it and they're trying to come up with their silver linings to spin but you're together now and you're like and everything is great and look how it worked out your babies and yeah rebecca trying to understand what ghosting is was really good yeah he was a ghost to you was he a ghost to you you tell me right now if kevin was it's the sincerity of the rebecca delivery that's always sort of like i just want to understand is that a terrible thing and then you do a ghost beth undercuts it at the very end she's like slight turn for me joe she's like she goes she goes oh yeah that's it yeah yeah oh but also rebecca did have one she's like uh i can do it in boxers so i can do fully nude or whatnot and rebecca's like the latter do you remember that yeah she's like i want to see some young flesh okay you're terrible joe did you yell to them yeah joe you did that to her you're terrible terrible that's just all of it if you told me that there was a gonna be a bachelorette party with a 65 year old woman that i'm like can i please come can i please come like i just want to see it all yeah let's get into this newlywed game all right they finished with what a trap uh beth excuses herself to go check on some opportunities for her for the traditional dance academy well she says she's got to go pee she says she gotta go she's like that sangria one right through me and rebecca's like something's off it's rebecca finding an opportunity both in past and present to pour into this woman who needs it you know what i'm saying um because beth is talking about how you know i've gotten these opportunities from these traditional dance academies but there's something about them that sort of took away the love of dance from me i don't know if that's necessarily something that i want to do we saw you know because it is interesting man like if you are a dancer and ballet in particular and you have curves those curves count against you in that particular and that's it yeah that's the end of the story it's almost yeah pretty much and and so she's like i don't want that to happen and rebecca's like well then change them you know i'm saying go inside of there figure out what it is that you need to do to make them better new bit of information last episode we learned i was a cheerleader yeah right in high school uh now you're going to learn that uh right after college i was in a ballet - Three or four? - Mm-hmm, three. year called the metropolis ballet theater come on man what are you talking about what do you mean what am i talking about you're a ballet dancer no but i was in a ballet company uh what does that look like when i when what it looks like is this when i was in college i started a in the dance department a movement for actors course yeah with one of their teachers essentially knowing that i needed movement but they're any of these i try to take all these dance classes and i'm like not for me yeah i just i'll try but i'm like interrupting everything like these girls have been dancing their whole lives and they're very serious about this and i am serious about it too but they don't need to watch me stumble through this i got you and so we made a whole thing for for actors and then one of the uh ladies in the dance company in the dance department who was a ballet because no matter what you do everyone does ballet right yeah little little girls sure growing up they take ballet and then they take other things and maybe they get better at modern or jazz or whatever the thing is but everyone does ballet but very soon however you develop if you are not the ballet type right ballet is no longer an option yeah it's off the table no matter how much you love it no matter how good you are at it and this particular person named sarah harkness yeah thought that that was wrong and said you know what there should be a place for us to do this and so she essentially started like a ballet company for misfits that was like punk rock and avant-garde and all of the girls who are very good ballet dancers who wouldn't be considered your classic ballet whatever bodies and they had us actors come in as part lifting partners you know we would move and we would do our best to do ballet or whatever but yeah that's so cool that's very cool so yeah just letting you guys know wow i love all this new information about sully used to be so they they get into the questions nikki is reading or holding the camera for kevin reading the questions while kate will pause and and give uh madison an opportunity to see what she thinks kev is going to say right first question is like what is an ideal sunday right before and madison is like well you know like to have breakfast in bed and sort of hang out with the kids would be really cool and kev's like you know she's into this thing about you know hanging out in bed so i think she'd want to sleep in bed and hang out with the kids right yeah it's like and it's funny too because as soon as this part started i was like this is going to go awful like it's not going to go i was prepared for it to just be question after question of just then just being wrong wrong wrong but it was better than that yeah because you get the first one right then the second question was about like what is your dreams for the future yeah right like once you're empty nesters once you're empty nesters right wow so far off yeah it's like whoa we have newborns 18 years from now okay let's see my 18-year plan but it was madison talks about how love of travel and going all over the place is it whatever i'm missing you let me know and kev's is really interesting because he sort of pauses and thinks and he goes like it's a trick question because she knows i never want to grow up so there you go right and there's this moment that hits you yeah like in like in the gut like he has not thought anything about an empty nest about tomorrow you know what i'm saying let alone 18 years i'm not even remotely close to that and so my sister clocks it as well and i think my sister also being the linchpin between the past and the present of i've heard my brother be passionate about something about the future about the future i've heard him assured about this thing yeah and now i'm bearing witness to something very very different and so at the end of the whole thing like kate just sort of like hey man to madison like talk to me for a second real quick like are you getting everything you need yeah are you getting everything that you need out of this right and it's the sort of not the beginning but sort of like us moving over these past couple episodes into the the last episode of the season of being like man this isn't it's we keep trying to force like a square peg into a rectangular hole like it looks like they should fit sorry i'm not trying to even go there dadgummit they look like they should fit yes but they don't but they don't yes right and this is the first instance that we're seeing of madison sort of considering that too yeah because at the end she re-watches um that clip and pauses it like on like his face just being like there's just a split second too where he like is thinking like what do i say here yeah a joke trick question yeah it's like he just pauses for a millisecond where she's like what is that too long too long yeah yeah it's women be catching those pauses you know what i mean i always be saying that and she but here's the here's the thing though when kate asks her that question madison says you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying madison says i love him kate yeah i really do like that brother of yours has shown up in ways that i i couldn't imagine so like there's real love on her part do you know what i'm saying and i think real love on his part too oh okay you see that pause yeah i caught even i do i think that he is in love and i think he probably articulate i can't remember it exactly i'm not saying in love are you making a strong distinction very big distinction he is a love addict yeah i think he loves madison he loves what she's brought into his life he loves the stability he loves the idea of what she represents yeah he's not in love with her right okay fair enough because i also think that what she represents is also motherhood and family mm-hmm yeah absent of that there wouldn't be it but as as as as evidenced by when they're talking about early in the relationship like yeah your your your son didn't really call me that much after i you know but like it was awkward and it was weird so i understood and they were all listening like he did he ghost you you know what i'm saying like it's i the idea of family i think is something that he has romanticized that she is now representative of and he's like well if that's what i need to do in order to have this family then i will accept what's in front of me as is and dive into that and our show just does a great great way of like it's not in a heavy-handed sense but as an audience we're left going this is something to consider are they a love they're they're not a love story written in the stars right like jack and rebecca but are they a love story written together like rebecca and miguel yeah right or are they something else entirely are they not a love story in their own way sure you know what i mean i do think that they're not a love story in their own way but i think they're not a love story in their own way because i can't remember at all but absent of madison having the conversation that she has with kevin in the finale of the episode he would have gotten married yes i agree and i think they would have had a decent marriage yeah i think i think so i think they would have gotten married they probably wouldn't have stayed together yeah but i think they would have gotten married there's this thing though and then we'll segue out of it because i think we're at the end of the episode but i think i think we're at the end of the episode but i think we're at the end of the episode but my lover to be my confident to be my my lover to be my confident to be my my lover to be my confident to be my inspiration to be my best friend to be inspiration to be my best friend to be the mother or slash father of my best friend to be the mother or slash father of my children the mother or slash father of my children sometimes business partner like sometimes business partner like it's a lot that we put on each other that it's a lot that we put on each other that maybe maybe we should a lot of that find a way to we should a lot of that find a way to have a little bit more grace yeah like i have a little bit more grace yeah like i think about that 80 20 thing think about that 80 20 thing like the bird is amazing like the bird is amazing like i love ryan michelle to my core like i love ryan michelle to my core right but there are certain things that right but there are certain things that like when i got like when i got like when i got no no no no no no no no no when i got the food poisonings i didn't when i got the food poisonings i didn't when i got the food poisonings i didn't tell her tell her tell her and i didn't tell her and i didn't tell her and i didn't tell her because her worry because her worry because her worry would have caused me more anxiety and i would have caused me more anxiety and i would have caused me more anxiety and i knew there was nothing she could do knew there was nothing she could do knew there was nothing she could do and so i just kept it to myself until i and so i just kept it to myself until i and so i just kept it to myself until i was on the other side of it i don't know was on the other side of it i don't know was on the other side of it i don't know if that's right or wrong but you know if that's right or wrong but you know if that's right or wrong but you know what's saying it's like you know your what's saying it's like you know your what's saying it's like you know your relationship but i did text relationship but i did text relationship but i did text the the marco polo thread yeah the the the the marco polo thread yeah the the the marco polo thread yeah the the guys who ratted me out and told you that guys who ratted me out and told you that guys who ratted me out and told you that like i didn't like my dog yeah i did like i didn't like my dog yeah i did like i didn't like my dog yeah i did text them yeah from the toilet pretty text them yeah from the toilet pretty text them yeah from the toilet pretty much much much to let them know like guys it's not to let them know like guys it's not to let them know like guys it's not going well going well going well what could they do what could they do what could they do they could empathize with me in a way they could empathize with me in a way they could empathize with me in a way that wasn't sort of alarming sometimes that wasn't sort of alarming sometimes that wasn't sort of alarming sometimes my wife's concern feels alarming my wife's concern feels alarming my wife's concern feels alarming you know what i mean yeah and there's you know what i mean yeah and there's you know what i mean yeah and there's just like oh you're gonna be all right just like oh you're gonna be all right - And that's in that moment. - Like, oh, that sucks, dude. I'm sorry, I feel better. - Yeah. - And that's all you needed. - That's all I needed. - You didn't need Ryan being like, I'm not there. Should I be there? What are we gonna do with the boys? - Correct. - I'll be right there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That sort of thing. - Got it. - It'll take me 90 minutes to get there. - Yeah. - It takes, it's like over two and a half hours, but. - Not for her. - Not for her. But it is one of those things that makes me wonder, or just makes me contemplate like what we ask of our partners in modern relationships. - For sure. - Especially us who've been married for, a while like i feel like there's a level of if i could tell 30 year old sterling about like what 50 year old sterling knows now you do have this sort of romanticized he may not but you do have this sort of romanticized version of what my marriage is going to be sure i was like well my marriage is not gonna be like that my marriage is gonna be this and it's gonna be all the good things yeah and my marriage is all the good things my marriage is all the things it's all the things all the things you know what i'm saying and it is like to this question is like could they have made it could they have not i don't know i think she deserved someone to be in love with her the same way that she is in love with him yeah and i feel like when you're unequally yoked that's a tough that's a tougher road that's a recipe for something not working out in the end yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah anything you guys want to say in closing i think we got a fan segment we do have some emails i believe from from some fans of the show let's come back with a little bit more on the fan segment and that was us one of the biggest themes in this episode is the idea that love doesn't always look the way we expect it and that sometimes the most meaningful relationships are the ones that arrive in a completely different way different form than we imagine yeah we received two beautiful emails from listeners that connected with episode 515 in different ways and we are so excited to read them so let's share our first email who wants to read first i'll start dearest that was us i watched this is us during the early days of my grief after losing my husband and it quietly helped me through that season it gave me language for love loss and the unexpected ways life can continue which is why this episode resonated so deeply with me i'm writing in response to your episode about how some relationships feel as though they were written in the stars and how others arrive in our lives in a completely different way season 5 episode 15 jerry 2.0 i lost my husband it's a sentence that still feels heavy no matter how much time passes loving him was not something i ever questioned it felt destined woven into who i was becoming when he died it felt as though the future i had imagined vanished with him for a long time i believed that kind of love could only happen once that lightning doesn't strike twice especially after loss grief has a way of convincing you that joy has a limit and that chapter you lived was the chapter you were meant to have and then something unexpected happened i fell in love again oh wow this relationship didn't arrive with the same certainty or symmetry as the first it wasn't written in the same stars it came quietly carefully shaped by grief maturity and a deep awareness of how fragile life truly is this love didn't replace what i lost it exists alongside it it honors it being remarried after losing my husband has taught me that love isn't one size fits all some loves are fiery and fated others are steady chosen and brave this love is different not lesser just different it's rooted in survival and the courage to open your heart again after it's been shattered i wanted to share this perspective because conversations about love often forget those of us who carry both grief and gratitude at the same time loving again after loss isn't a betrayal of the past it's a testament to the heart's resilience thank you for creating space for conversations that remind us love doesn't follow one script and that sometimes the most meaningful relationships are the ones we know and love doesn't follow one script and that sometimes the most meaningful relationships are the ones we never saw coming lots of love geneva w wow geneva that was so beautiful geneva with her late husband warren and then geneva with her husband jeff in europe oh wow incredible beautiful but it's very much like like rebecca like we were saying completely right like her her love with miguel thank you geneva for sharing that was awesome it's beautiful email from mary hi mandy sterling and chris i hope this email reaches you in time i'm writing with the hopes that it will land in your inbox at the right time to be a part of your fan segment i've re-watched this is us three times wow the third time being with all of you during the re-watch oh this particular episode touches me because of the small moments between rebecca and beth at the bridal shower as they walked out beth thanks rebecca for the pep talk and encouragement about their prospective jobs but i'm going to leave you with a little bit of a story about it's rebecca's response of thanking beth for making her feel normal that connects with me in march 2016 my mother-in-law died after a long battle with cancer but it was during her last few years before her passing that our relationship made all of the difference for both of us the cancer spread to her brain and formed a tumor that pushed the ocular part unfortunately after numerous surgeries to shrink the tumor to save her eye in the end her eye was removed she was so sad and heartbroken knowing that her health would only get worse i would make light of her no longer having an eye by telling to keep all the unattractive people on that side of her lol mostly i would call her to get advice about my kids fuss about her son my husband and overall just shoot the breeze these phone calls were a sense of normalcy for her i didn't fret about her health i would ask how she was in the regular way and if she shared i listened and if we talked about husbands kids or life in general that was fine too she had always thanked me for keeping the conversations light because everyone else was always worrying i always reminded her that i was there for her however she needed me it was beautiful to see how the show added this small touch between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in such a simple way thank you for always catching the moments of life that people never notice mary s thank you mary thank you so much mary oh there's a picture with her and her mother-in-law so sweet wow it's so it's just so nice to be reminded of how even these tiny little moments in the show like these storylines can resonate with people and touch them it's like wow just and it's actually a detail that we kind of glossed over as we were talking about this episode it is that was sweet that obviously the conversation that we that the two of them had in the room and sort of you know letting her in on the fact that she was a mother-in-law and she was a mother-in-law she was a mother-in-law and she was a mother-in-law and she was a mother-in-law and she was a mother-in-law that she had been talking to this recruiter and was trying to figure her way back into the sort of the world of dance potentially and um and on the way out rebecca was like by the way like thank you everyone is always just so focused on me and my health and where i am and my mind and it was just nice to be of service in such a normal way of just like just being able to have a conversation mother-in-law to daughter-in-law like i needed that i need to feel that too so i i yeah that's a i i appreciate mary's email because that was something that we totally forgot to talk about in the episode and it makes you realize that yeah those small moments those small gestures and storylines matter to people it reminds me every once in a while like my in-laws my father-in-law who's since passed away would come to visit or whatnot and when in-laws come to visit you just kind of want them to relax and have a good time you know see a grandkid bounce them in the lap etc etc but it reminds me each time they come i don't know how this is for you guys like there's this desire to like you know they'll wash the dishes or they'll vacuum or they'll make something and or like i saw something was out of joint here so i decided to everybody wants to feel a value the whole time they're here of course and we in western society sometimes don't do the best job as people get older allowing them to show their value right you know and it is like that simple moment of just being able to pour into someone yeah mean something yeah you know what i'm saying and i i remind myself of these moments as i get older and i look forward to my kids having family and it's like how am i show up and be of value in a way that doesn't also create chaos or you know what i'm saying like because that's the other side of it is like i don't need you yeah messing with this thing with jigger yeah but so yeah i think i hold both of those things in my mind at the same time another great fan segment another great fan segment another great episode always a joy such a joy always a joy and i think that's what i'm trying to do enjoy amanda you guys delight me in ways that i cannot can't even articulate likewise thank you for being a part of my life mandy i think it's your turn you gotta look into your camera tell them the name of the show that was us that was us is filmed at rabbit grin studios and produced by rabbit grin productions music by taylor goldsmith and griffin goldsmith that was us that was a hate gum podcast this episode is brought to you by netflix's new series east of eden a bold reimagining of john steinbeck's masterpiece following generations of the trask family through love betrayal and the choices that shape humanity starring mike feist and christopher abbott as the trask brothers and florence pew as kathy ames The complex anti-heroine determined to build the line No matter the cost. Watch East of Eden now, only on Netflix. Ugh, I hate Mondays. Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm. Taylor Hansen? Nice. Try one. Mmm. Bites. There's nothing like it.