Ken & Triston Cradic: Postpartum Depression w/ 3 Under 3

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I wear them all the time when we go on the pool with the boys. I'm excited to see which he picks out from Quince for me next. Your nice khaki shorts are from Quince. With the khaki that I wear like literally every day. Yep. Those are from Quince. You don't even know where your clothes are from but if you had to guess they're probably from Quince because I love shopping their min section as well for Matt. You can wear them in many different ways for many different seasons. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to Quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know that unplanned sent you. It's the best way to support the show. I didn't want to be a mom anymore. I didn't want my husband. I didn't want my baby. I just wanted to make it all disappear. That's when I knew like okay. I'm really not okay because like this isn't me. Today on unplanned, we sat down with Ken and Tristan Cratic. Best known for their TikToks about raising three boys under the age of three. My hardest part didn't seem mentally was for sure my baby after lost. And it wasn't truly until he was put on my chest that I felt like I could breathe because yeah you do know what you lost. Behind the parenting vlogs, they've navigated the public eye and opened up about what it's like having their marriage picked apart online. I don't care what people think about me. So it's literally never once even heard your feelings now. My job's not to please some million people. Yeah. My job's to please my children and my wife. We talk about miscarried whether Tristan plans to retire given Ken success and how postpartum impression has impacted their relationship all on today's episode. You guys, Ken and Tristan welcome to unplanned. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys for being here. This is awesome. It's our fellow Arizonans. I know we are. So cool. We have a lot in common though. We don't just live in both are all of the Arizonans. We also both have three young boys which is crazy. When I found out you guys were having your third boy I was like oh my gosh like this is so exciting. Why is it that I know so many people that have three boy families. Yeah. Maybe we just have to stick together because it's a special type of wild. We're only one month in so we need to learn a lot from y'all. Oh I mean we're only six months in one month. It is. I mean when I look back to month one I'm like oh my gosh I could never go back there. Like getting to the cruise control. Yeah. Six months plus is like okay we're kind of cruising. Okay that's good to hear. Yeah. We don't have our we don't have our up from our down. Has this been the hardest transition so far. Do you think it's easier? Oh no this is for sure been the hardest. Well because our our metal child's 15 months. Yeah. So that changes things. The gaps. Yeah. Yeah. There's so many mixed reviews on it though. Yeah our metal child was just super hard. So it was hard to like he was still a baby. Yeah. We had a next baby. So like you just had essentially two infants and controlling. It's it's tough for sure but yeah. I wouldn't change it for the world. So you think two to three was a high transition. Oh one million percent. I know we came over from the hospital. He only took a week off of work which for all three he's taken a week off which is fine. I feel like you know when you our state home mom you're like okay well it's going to be the inevitable. So you know one week two weeks three weeks like I'm going to be on my own at some point but when we came home from the hospital our two toddlers were just like you know being toddlers throwing a tantrum and everything was crazy and we looked at each other and I'm like you can't go back to work. You can't leave me like there's no way and we also were like what did we do? Like it was just chaos which I'm sure you guys have had all three crying at some point or not. For us that was that was when we had the two back-to-back events apart. Yeah. Which what's the closest age gap with your kids? 15 months. But that's their second to their third. Yeah. So that might be the thing that determines the hardest thing. That has to be what it is because with us having a third right now our third you know is the only one in diapers. Yeah. There's a three-year age gap. Yeah. Yeah. No it's definitely yeah totally that age gap because like we have 18 month age gap or 19 month age gap and then we have a 15 month age gap. So it was three under three. That's tremendous. Yeah it was. Should we go all the way back to how you guys met because I feel like there's people here that haven't heard that story or maybe they have heard the story but they don't they there's probably bits and pieces that they haven't heard before. We met on the cheer team at ASU and I'll let Tristan tell you guys how he made it as a cheerleader in college. A man leader. A man leader. Yeah. Spirit leader is what it's called. So I'm from Yuma. Born and raised in Yuma. Wait no that's like the farming area. It's farming area. Yeah. You're not farming. Yeah. Let us capital of the world. Yeah. It came from Yuma graduated high school and I wanted to leave super bad. Supposed to go to like U of A my whole life and then ASU just presented better scholarship opportunities. Went to ASU for a year. None of my friends went to ASU so I decided to transfer back to Yuma. Anyway long story short somebody asked me to join the cheer team. ASU right before I was about to leave. Decided to try out for cheer team. I played football ran track. Did everything all throughout high school then asked me to the cheer team. I was like sure she came in my sophomore year. Met her. I was we'll go into that. I was dating somebody else on the team. What? Always happens. Yeah. I'm not getting into all that anyway. But then you threw her in the air. She was a dancer. She was a cheerleader. So like ASU has like an umbrella. It's like the spirit squad and the spirit squad has like the cheer team and then the dance team. Okay. I was on the dance team. He was on the cheer team. His previous relationship was on the cheer team but we all practiced like together in the same space. So that's like how we met was through that like you know we were on the same team but not directly like he wasn't throwing me in the air. I don't I don't go. Yeah. But no we met through there which is like I feel like we had different intentions in the beginning. I went into college like I will find my husband in college. Oh yeah I thought I was gonna find my husband high school. Didn't find my husband high school. I've just like always wanted to be like a wife and a mom so I was searching for that. And then he was just getting out of a relationship and you know he was just like a guy in college but I swore it was like love it first night which is so cheesy to say. But when we had our first conversation I was like oh my gosh I think I'm gonna marry this guy and he probably was not thinking that at all. I was just you know like the new girl on the team but yeah I mean we literally met my freshman year and then we got engaged the month after I graduated college. Holy cow. Yeah yeah. From the college of the two years. Yeah. Did you break up with this girl to then start dating her? Did she break up with you or how did I broke up with her? This summer before. Yeah this summer before I actually she even joined the team. We probably started dating like I don't know how much longer later. Like six months. Yeah six six months. Yeah. I didn't really I wasn't looking for a relationship. I just got out of one and I was like I was looking for a relationship. Anyway she like she was like I guess pushing the issue pretty hard and I was like I don't want to do this like I just got out of a relationship I just want a friend. Yeah. She stuck around we just we had like a little friend group and we just hung out literally. We were friends first which I think is really important to be friends before. For a solid six. Yeah. Six months. Yeah. Six days. Yeah. Six days of friendship. Yeah she finally like was like all right he doesn't want to date. Yeah. I just had to play hard to get for like a little bit. Yeah. You played hard to get. Yeah. Getting to notice you. Then she started going in the direction of elsewhere and I was like hold up here. Yeah. Then I then I started pursuing her. So it works. The hard to get method really does work. Apparently it does. Yeah. What did she tell you that that was the method she used to get your attention? I think you caught on too. Yeah I kind of feel like I caught on. I just didn't want to lose my chance. Yeah. He was never losing it. I was I was just like playing hard to get but I was I was definitely in it for I knew he was going to be my boyfriend and my husband. So yeah. It's pretty competitive to do dance at the college level. Like did you guys either one of you ever have like aspirations to take it beyond college like professionally? No. I my senior year was COVID like my senior year of college was COVID. Okay same. Oh really? When did you graduate high school? When did I graduate? Oh wait. Same. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Wait. So then how old are you guys? I'm 29. Yeah. And I'm 27. And I'm 28. Navi's 27. Oh, cute. Look at us. Crazy. We're all like the same age. We're the same life. Yeah. So yeah. My senior year of college was COVID and so it was kind of like an easy like transition from like being a cheerleader in college to like okay now I kind of need to figure out like what I'm going to do post college because that COVID year I think the football team still played and I think sports still went on but like just empty stadiums. Yeah. Yeah. There was no like we were kind of like you know the first to go which was fine honestly because it just gave me like time to be like okay what do I want to do with the rest of my life? Yeah. Because my identity in college was being a college cheerleader and so that very quickly I had to be like okay wait who am I? my outside of being a college cheerleader. But no, I never really wanted to pursue it outside of college. Like I said, I just wanted to be a wife and a mom. So I was like, I did my time. And you know, when you get to that level of being a collegiate cheerleader dancer, you had a lot of, you know, experience, prior to that, I danced my whole life. So I was ready to be done for sure. - End of retirement. - Yes, yeah. - Okay, does it, does that make you guys feel old that it's been like more? - My tiny, high school reunion is coming up. And I'm like, - Yeah, I already went to mine. - That's crazy. - I went to his last year. - That's crazy. - It was weird. - Yeah. - I don't know if my high school's having one, but I need to look it up if they are. - Yeah, how do you know if your high school's having a high school reunion? - I was in student council. So we're like part of like the planning process of it. That's kind of the only way I need it. - I think you just stay connected with people who were in high school with you and then maybe like were a get-towel. - You went also a lot smaller. - Yeah. - Nice. - I probably should reach out to someone from my high school. I like don't keep it. (laughing) - You guys were born and raised out here. - No. - Where are you guys from? - I'm from Missouri. - Oh gosh. Okay. So John, even from that. - Yeah, we're transplants. - We're the people that moved here. - We're the pro. - Yeah. - As long as you're not the slow drivers. - No, the drivers here are crazy. - I think the drivers here are crazy. - Yeah. - Because you guys are both native errors of us, right? - Yeah. - They're not like you're not. Yeah. - Born and raised. - She's part of the crazy drivers. - Yeah, I am part of the crazy drivers. But that's okay. - I did get yelled at today. - Do you drive really slow? - He drives really slow. - Can I hold that for a second? - No, he literally goes, blah, blah, blah. - Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see plus night. - Let me think about that tonight when we're up feeding the baby. - Also talk to me about like the party scene at ASU 'cause I've heard that's like a party school. - Yeah. - Where you guys the partyers? - Yeah, we definitely went through a phase. I mean, neither of us were in like fraternity sororities. So that's a totally different experience. That kind of partying. But so we like spent a lot of time with like athletics. Like, you know, different teams with real parties. - Like it's own sororities for sure. - Yeah, for sure. But we definitely, yeah, went through a phase of for sure partying. And then like I said, 2020 was COVID. So it kind of just like put a lot into perspective. Like, okay, we're not partying anymore. We got to figure out what we're gonna do for our big girl job. He was already graduated and like, you know, moving on with his life. So kind of took me down. But I turned 21 during COVID. So that was like a huge bummer. So I was like, looked forward my entire like college time to like getting to go out, go to the clubs. And like they just didn't exist when I turned 21. - So what did you do on your 21st? - They got to go alcohol drinks, didn't we? - We got what? Yeah, we did. - To go alcohol. - Yeah, Mil Avenue, which is like where Tempe and ASU is. They were serving like alcohol to go. But they would just like tape it on the side. So we went and did that. My friends threw me a little party, but it's really lame. It was like, you know, anti-climatic. But it's all right. Like I could care less now. - Are you guys pretty close with that college group? Or is everybody kind of moving on? - Yeah, we actually have a wedding to go to this weekend for one of my friends. - Fun. - Yeah, it was fun 'cause we like grew up, like we like, we're in the same friend group because we're on the team together. So like all of my friends became his friends and vice versa. I feel like you are less in touch with friends from college. - Yeah, I mean, it's just part of once you have kids, get married and other people don't have kids and get married. It's just like you have completely separate lives. You also have a lot less time in your life. - Yeah. - It's like when you have free time, you want to either spend it with your wife or your kids at somebody from college. Nothing against them. - Yeah. - But you want to spend your free time with your family. - Yeah. - Okay, I got to know, how did you propose? What's the story of how you propose a kid? - Kind of a crazy unraveling event. We propose-- - I propose a Kornado. - Kornado. - Yeah. - That's a Kornado. - That's a Kornado. - That's a Kornado. - That's a Kornado. - Kornado. - There's like a movie about hotel del-- - Yeah, the hotel del. - And what is it called? - Marilyn Monroe. - She's in that movie, right? - I think it has history knowledge. I don't even remember. - There's a lot of history in the little town. - Oh yeah. - It's a super cool town. - I bet he's right, honestly, but I'm like cool. - I think you're probably right. - Okay. - Sure. - There's a famous hotel. - Yeah, that's where it's like a super, I don't know, you never know. It's just a famous hotel. We've never been there. - That's where I propose, though, in front of it. Her grandma has a house in Kornado, so thankfully that helped. Anyway, I got an Airbnb for all me and her friends, 'cause she wanted her friends to be there, along with some of my friends. - Oh, so you knew it was happening? - No, I didn't. He just knew that if he were to propose, like this is like what I-- - Where she wanted that. - When we were dating, we were like, oh, like-- - Oh, fun. - Set engagement. How would you want that to look? And I'm like, well, I would want my family to be there and my friends to be there to celebrate with us afterwards. So he had known that that was something that I wanted, but-- - Yeah, so I set up the whole thing. We got an Airbnb in this apartment area. We got there. And I, you know how when you get an Airbnb, you have like the long terms and conditions. - Nobody reads them. - I didn't read it properly, I guess. - Nobody reads them. - Anyway, so I go to the front desk. I'm like, hey, I'm here to stay in my Airbnb. I don't know where to park. It says that I can park in the garage, but I can't get in the garage, it's the code. And the lady was like, you're here for an Airbnb. And I was like, yes. And she was like, what's the address or you ever know? I was like-- - Oh, no. A legal air. - Was it a legal one? - I was like, oh. So anyway, I'm like, this is where I'm staying. And the terms and conditions at the bottom literally says do not go to the front desk and that's where I went. That Airbnb got shut down. So that lady calls me and just starts cussing me out. - Oh, the owner? - The owner of the air just starts ripping me a new one. - Finally, I had to sign up for the lady. She was like, you know what I'm like, right? - Yeah, so I was like crap, like, this is proposal week. And I don't know what to do. So I had to call her dad and be like, hey dude, can I stay at Grandma Susan's house? So he like calls her, 'cause they were supposed to stay at Grandma Susan's house. Heading there to show up for proposal day. So they had to all get a hotel. And I'm like trying to coordinate all this without her knowing. - I'm just like, oh, that's like-- - Got it all coordinated. They came, we like walked down to the beach, did like a scavenger hunt, she got X things. And then once she put a blindfold on, then obviously like she knew what was happening. - Yeah. - Walked her down to the beach and proposed. And I was so nervous, I put the ring upside down. Yeah, he opened it upside down the box. - Proposing. - Yeah. - And the ring went missing. - Yeah. - Right? - In the sand. I feel like that happens. - That would be-- - Yeah, that would be horrible. I was in the cherry on top of the weekend. - Ken, how long did it take you to realize you were getting proposed to? - Well, I kind of like had a feeling a little bit. I really thought that he was surprising with the dog. So he like messaged me. He like texted me like a couple of months before and was like, hey, I'm planning this like trip to take all of your friends, 'cause I was graduating that next weekend. - Okay, this is like a graduation gift. - Yeah, it's like a graduation gift. And I was like, oh, he's gonna get me a friendship. I really wanted a friendship old dog. Like so bad, like all leading up to that. And so I thought for sure, like we were going to meet the breeder in Coronado and that's where the dog was gonna be. And obviously it was not a dog. But so like that was kind of what was going through my mind the whole time that we were getting a dog. And I was like, oh, the scavenger hunt is leading to the dog. And then once he put the blindfold on and I sat down the sand. And then this is a bit dramatic for a dog. And then like this song that we had loved and she was waiting at the end of the beach there. - The song that we loved sort of playing, I was like, oh, he's proposing to me. And then I was like, yeah. So it was great, it was perfect. - But had you guys talked about getting married? Or was it just like a dog conversation that had happened so far? - No, wait for sure, talked about. I think I probably rushed, did a little bit faster than maybe 'cause she wanted to like wait a little bit until out of college. But I had, she was in college while I was graduated. So like I was ready to settle down, start having kids, start getting to it. And I proposed, right of literally my Ashley graduate. - I said, I just need to be graduated from college in order for us to like be engaged literally the week later, yeah. - Why not like get married while you're in college? That's what the cool kids are doing. - Oh yeah, no, that honestly, we were the first to get married. And I think my friends now are starting to get married. But like we have three kids. And they're like, yeah. You guys, you know, do you know? - Dobin' head first? - Yeah, yeah. - I think we were married for three months before we got pregnant with our first baby. - Oh no. - So yeah. - Was that always the plan? Just start having babies right away? - No. - No. - We were like, let's wait like a year, year and a half before we start having babies. - And then I was in a job transition, like when we had first gotten married. So I was kind of like, again, it went back to like identity crisis thing. Like all in college, I was a cheerleader. And so that's what I knew. And then I was a wedding planner after college. And so I gave like that was like, everything consumed my life. - Yeah, I can see you being a great wedding planner. - Really? - Yeah. - I feel like when I think about, I think about people like Addy. - Yeah. - Organized on top of it. - Yeah. - We would be terrible wedding planners. - Horrible. (laughing) - Anyways, so that was like my whole identity. And then I started to travel a ton for weddings. And I was like going to Cabo, which like sounds really fun. And it was really fun. But when you're traveling every single weekend, he was working Monday through Saturday. I'm like, wait, but we just got married. Like our marriage is gonna like fail. If we never have time to spend with each other, we're just both so career focused. So I'm like, okay, I need to, I need to change for my career. And so I was in a career change. And I was kind of bored. And I was like, well, you know, maybe we could like try to have a baby. And we thought maybe it would take, you know, you have no idea how long it's gonna take to have a baby. You could try for a year. You could try for one month, one month. And. - Spend one month on your kid. - Yeah, and then we got pregnant with our first baby. That's so fun. - Wow, so that was fast. - Three months in. - Probably we're not expecting for that to happen quickly. - No, no. But I mean, it was great. I mean, obviously we're here now. Three later. - It's so funny as you like, you look back on your first kid and you think you're in like the thick of it. You think it's so hard. Then you have the perspective of having three kids and you're like, wow, I wish I would have the same mindset then that I have now. - Yeah, it is grow and grow. - Working as a wedding planner. Did you guys have a really cool wedding? - I mean, I think that. I think we had a cool wedding. We got married at night, actually. So our ceremony was at like 7.30 pm. - Oh wow. - And so it was like pitch black. - What? - So why did you do photos at night? It was like all flash photography. - No way, why at night? - I went to, I planned a wedding on Nears Eve. Like, so we got married in April and I planned a wedding on Nears Eve and it was at night because obviously like they needed to stay till 12 to like celebrate at night. - 'Cause this was COVID year. So you couldn't have everybody together. - It was, when did we get married? - 2022. - 2022. 2022. But because they were having a Nears Eve wedding, they like wanted to like celebrate at night. So like okay, the ceremony has to be way later in the day. 'Cause usually wedding ceremonies are at like four p.m. So like to keep guests, you know, rallied and hyped until 12 when it started at four. So I planned this wedding on Nears Eve. It was like pitch black during the ceremony and it was so like romantic and different. - It sound nice. - Yeah. And because I was a wedding planner, I had seen every wedding in the book, you know? And it was such a different feeling. So I texted him that night and I was like, oh my gosh, we need to get married in the evening. He was like, no way. Why would we do that? Like, what about our photos? What about our like grandparents who are old, you know, like that's, you know, we got to weigh a lot of options here. But I loved it and I was like, no, we were doing this. And so we did, we got married at night. And honestly, it was so fun. - That's so cool. - And because we were like kind of fresh out of college and we had similar friend groups in college, it was that we were the first to get married. It was just so much fun. 'Cause like it was most of our college friends' first weddings that they've ever been to. So we had like 13 bridesmaids and 13 groomsmen. - Wow. - It was a party. - It was a party. - That sounds like a blast. - Yeah, it was so fun. - That's cool. - Yeah. - So fireworks were part of the wedding? - No, I wish honestly. - Fireworks are really expensive. To do like a 30 second firework show, it's like thousands of things. - They're kidding me. 'Cause we spent like 300 bucks on fireworks and we had some epic fireworks that are wedding. - Well, it's because it was also the. - It was two days after the fourth. - Two days after the fourth of July. - Oh, okay, okay. - 'Cause we spent like 300 bucks on fireworks. And the place that we got married, they do firework. And also it was a small town there. - I think they could have charged a lot more for us. - Yeah, Abby's parents paid for it, but I think there was a good, we got a good value just 'cause it was a small town. - Everyone knows everybody. - Yeah. - No, we got married and my parents backyards like to do it legally, you know, you have to like. - Oh. - You know, all of that. 'Cause bad things can happen with fireworks. - Sparklers though? - Yeah. - Sparklers. - No, we didn't do a sparkler exist. - What? - We didn't have sparklers. - Everybody, I think people started leaving at like 3 a.m. You know, because the wedding started so late. So it was like, people just trickled out. - Yeah. - We slept at my parents house like we, yeah. - You slept at your parents house? - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - I was, nothing was happening. I had way too much fun that night. We just went to bed. We just went to bed. - We were like, we were like nine o'clock, we were headed out. - Yeah. - We were off the weird on our way. - Yeah. - That's awesome. Well, that sounds like a really fun wedding. - It was, it was. - So it sounds like starting a family was like, while it happened a little earlier, then you had maybe anticipated. It was always like a high priority for both of you guys. And I heard that you come from a big family. - Six kids, yeah. - Six kids. - Yeah. - All boys? - Boys, three and three. - Three and three. - But all year apart. - Three girls, three, all year apart. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm the youngest. So my oldest brother is. - Wait a minute. - 36. And then I'm 29. - Holy cow. - Yeah. - That's crazy. - Yeah. - She homeschooled too. - Yeah, we're homeschooled. I like look back at it. I'm like. - How? - How? - So as that started part of the motivation of also wanting to have kids really quickly and like closing things. - Yeah, I've always kind of had that mindset of wanting to get married and have kids super young. I even, I feel like expressed that to you early on. - Which is why I was like, oh my gosh, he's my husband. I want to be married and have kids too. So. - So that's how you don't meet that in college. - You don't really meet that at ASU. So I was like, hmm. - You got to get a guy from New York. - Yeah, found the one. - Yeah. - That's cool. - Six kids though, that's like not super common. But I feel, but I feel like it's more common in the LDS community, like were you raised LDS? Or you were? Okay. - I mean, I grew up with pretty much a lot of LDS kids. Her family's almost pretty much all LDS. We aren't, we aren't LDS though. Yeah, I was raised like, I was raised Baptist Christian. Okay, then kind of like transitioned into like non-denominational, but yeah. - Big family fun, all too close together. - Yes. - Because you have a lot of siblings? - No, I'm one of three girls. - Okay. - Yeah. - And now we have three boys. - That's crazy. - Yeah. - I'm one of three boys. - Okay. - So to me, it makes sense, but you're probably like, what the heck is that? - Yeah. - It's hard to have like issues. - Yeah. - I'm like, these are just how boys act. - Yeah. - I don't know how boys act. - Yeah, I'm like, you wouldn't want to know the stuff me and my brothers did when you were young. - Yeah. - Oh yeah, I do. - Oh my gosh. Like the rest, like, did you and your brothers ever try to kill each other? - Yeah, it's all the time. - They do like wrestling every night, and I'm like, oh my gosh, take this into the play for a while. - For a while, your sister's never did that. - No. - My other brother did, we met doing theater. I was doing ballet. My older brother was doing football. He wouldn't have to impress his girlfriend. So he, he was like, Matt wrestling. - So he wrestled in front of his girlfriend. He was, he was married to now. And he like, body slammed me like, full body weight into the ground. I couldn't breathe, like, I can't breathe. And then, I just didn't see her. - This isn't what I saw, no but, yeah, like, - He's trying to show off. - Bro, yeah, you said it with your brothers. You definitely fight and stuff. But it's all for, and then you love each other still. - That's what brothers are for, in my opinion, I guess. - No, I want them to be, you know, like, I want them to like wrestle and be whatever, but it stresses me out a little bit. - Well, I'm like our oldest son the other night. I was putting him down for bed. And I was like, all right, give each other hugs. And he like, gives him a hug and then he kisses him on the forehead. And then he backs up and then he just punches it. - That's how I keep you like with it. - Oh, it's like, why do we have to go to that? You're just like hugged and you're just deceptive. - Was that the middle child? - That was camp to key, the middle child. - Yeah, the oldest to the middle child. - The oldest to the middle child. Just dective in the house. I was like, whoa, we don't do that. - That's what happens all the time. Like, they start it by hugging and then it's just like, they don't like each other. - And then someone starts pulling through the ground and they're like, oh my God. - Bro, one time this happened in the middle of Disneyland. - The armpits were playing like wrestling, just being boys and we were gonna stop 'em 'cause they're just having so much fun. They were cracking up, like-- - They were on a shoulder high, like-- - But then our oldest tackles are middle child at the time as our youngest. And bro, just like, I could feel the vibration in the concrete when his head made contact with the concrete. - Oh my God. - I just immediately jumped up, picked him up, and went straight. - Mastered him running, he had no phone. - Well, I was, I did not have, having my phone for some reason. And I was just like-- - Look at those in the stroller. - And I had our other son. - I thought for sure, he was the cuss. And the lady at Disneyland at the first date. - Dude, you ran like half a mile because we ran cars and he went to the entrance. - Oh my God. - But he like left the place. - Yes, and then she just like looks at his eye for the light and she's like, oh he's good. And I'm like, well, I'm like, are you did not see what happened. He's not like, we need to call the ambulance. - I'm sure he has lots of moments for me. - That is so funny. And I was like, with the stroller, like, where did Matt go? - I'm like, I can't call him. - Yeah. - Like, I just went to the front. I was like, he sure he's at first date. - Yeah. - Thank you to Cash App for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Money can be really hard for kids to understand and conceptualize. - Oh yeah. - Not seeing the actual exchange of money and change can be really confusing for little kids. - Absolutely. - Which translates into adulthood. And that's why I'm really excited about what Cash App is doing to help kids understand money and grow with them. - Cash App now offers managed accounts for kids ages six to 12 that grow with them all the way to adulthood. All with no subscription fees because building money habits shouldn't cost extra. The account runs through you, so you're not just watching them from the sidelines, you're actually in it with them. And that's what makes it a real teaching tool. Every time money comes in or goes out, it's a chance to talk about it together. 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Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member FDIC. Cash App Visa debit flex cards issued by Sutton bank member FDIC and the bank court bank NA pursuant to a license from VISA, USA, Inc. Seat termed conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card and bank court debit flex card. Savings and offers provided by Cash App, a blocking brand. Parent and legal guardians can open a managed account for kids six to 12. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosure. - How do you feel like starting your family changed your marriage? - I feel like we don't even really know what it's like to be married without kids, which I feel like comes with its own challenges. - Yeah. - And I feel like when our kids, like, you know, graduate and they move out, then we'll have that time to like, you know, be on our own. But I think right now we're just like head down, you know, like this is our calling right now is to be mom and dad. But we've had to like figure out how to prioritize us while having kids. - My first child is probably the hardest marriage lies. - Yeah. - Just because it's your first time. - Yeah. - Yeah, you just, you have to have to have to. - Obviously the first kid is like, is this kid breathing, is he sleeping, is he gonna wake up? Like you're just stressed about the first kid the whole time. But that's when we kind of, I feel like struggle the most with our marriage realize that you have have to like really emphasize making time for each other 'cause we were just heads down in our career, trying to make it to where we wanted to make it and how to kid along the way. But then we realized like, we have to literally, you have to dedicate time, like now we dedicate, we wish we could probably even do more of it. We dedicate one day a week for just date night to like recapture, a week recapture where we're at in our marriage, talk about each other, don't have our phones. But yeah, focusing on marriage is probably just as important as parenting just 'cause if your marriage is in a good place, you're not gonna be a good parent. - Yeah, I agree with that. - Yeah, you can't really be a great parent if your marriage isn't in good standing just 'cause you have a lot of animosity, I would say, if you're not in a good place in your marriage. But yeah, it was hard for our first kid then we transitioned into two, got easier, transitioned into three. And I'd say it gets easier as we go. - Just realizing that we're on the same team. That was like really hard with our first baby. We were like headbutting a lot. Like, you know, as the mom, you feel like anger because you're doing so much and they don't understand your role and you don't understand their role. And so we just really weren't on the same team with our first baby. And then you get to a breaking point where you're like, "Oh my gosh, like we need to prioritize us." Because if, you know, like you said, if we're not on the same page, like we can't be, we can't parent together. I made a mistake of doing a competition first child too. - Yeah. - For like bodybuilding slash physique. - You did a bodybuilding competition. And it was just, that was a terrible idea. 'Cause I didn't peak. I had like, I had committed to it prior to us even being married, committed to it prior to having a kid. So I was already like so far into training that we agreed that I should finish it and not quit, little did we know that what it entailed. But-- - How much time commitment was that bodybuilding obviously? - Honestly, it took me almost a whole year, year and a half. - But you're working on what, like, 60s weeks? - I was working, it was legit. I'd wake up at 3.30 in the morning. I'd go to the gym, come home, I would eat, and I would go to the gym again. - Oh my god. - I'd get home at like 8.30. Get ready for work, I'd leave, I'd come home, and then we'd go to bed pretty much immediately. - Like when you got, when work was done, you just came home with the bed. - Not no, I would try to, I would help, I would help with the kids going to, or just the kid camp going to bed, but like, once you get to like your later phase of competing, I guess like the last two months, your brain is just shot, like you're on minimal calories, you're just slow. - Oh, dude. - You're not there. - It always lights on no one's home. - Yeah, you're legit and just like, almost like law, law, land, you can't think straight, you can't do anything physically, you're dizzy. And-- - And we had, like-- - But did you win the competition? - Two months. - I did win the competition. - I didn't win the competition, I didn't win the competition. - No, we have to go back a little bit though. - Okay, go that. - So he was training for this competition, so my entire pregnancy, we did not eat a meal together for almost a full year. - First kid, this is first kid. - This is first kid. - So like my entire pregnancy, we hadn't eaten a meal together for a full year 'cause he has a very, very strict diet. Obviously, when you're pregnant, you wanna like-- - All right, and Cheetos. - Eat whatever you want. - And then I'm a postpartum, and he's in the best physical shape of his entire life. - That I'll talk about a riff. - Yeah. - Matt's like trying to get in such good shape right now, I'm like, you're like, not now. - Yeah. - Yeah, so he's in the best physical shape of his life. He's like in front of the mirror like working on his poses. I'm like, you know, I just had a baby, my first baby, so I'm having such a crisis in my own brain about how I look, and then he'd like wake up, like he said, 3 a.m., and his first meal of the day was rice and tilapia. So I would wake up, I'm nursing our son, like at 3 a.m., I just smell tilapia and rice, and I'm like, that sounds like a fight. - Yeah, that's right. - And so, and like, you know, like, yeah. - That smells like-- - Yeah, exactly, exactly, so like, and like he said, he was really lights on no one's home, which is fine. I was so, it took a lot in me to be like, okay, I committed to supporting you in this. I do support you. I have to like put myself aside, and this was a dream of his. It was a bucket list. It was like, you know, something that he'd wanna do his whole life. Very, very bad timing. Like he said, we got pregnant after he committed to it. - So it was kind of one of those things where it's like, okay, you know, we got to kind of just see it through. But yeah, our baby was two months old at show day. So he was at like the peak of his diet and exercise. And I'm like, please, whatever you do, just don't say anything about having to like microwave tilapia while I'm like pushing it. Like, that might be like the end for me. But, but yeah, no, he won the show, and then he was hospitalized for 10 days afterwards with Rob Domau. - I'm a butcher, how you say it? - You said it, "Rabbed of my analysis." - Yeah, something like that, but yeah. - And what the heck is "Rabbed of my analysis"? - Sounds serious. - People were probably gonna listen to this and think I'd describe it horribly. But it's like essentially like a, I guess just like a pro, toxic protein that gets released into your body. And essentially just like starts eating away your muscles. - That's terrifying. - It's like, it's more common in like fire fighters stuff like that, but it literally just like attacked my whole body. We were in here, it was in Houston. Have you ever heard of alpha leaf? - Like Christian Guzzanam, so it's his show. So we were in Houston and I had like started getting cramps and I was like, okay, whoop to do. I'm probably just cramping from like the show. And then the cramps got worse. I was just trying to drink as much water. I was eating pickles. I was doing everything I could. And then we got home that night. And it was like 11 o'clock or midnight. And I was like, I think I need to go to the hospital. 'Cause I was like, it was like, I was wanting to cry. I was hurting so bad. Anyway, I went to the hospital. We like went into triage and the lady comes in and she was like, yeah, you have robbed of my allosis. And I was like, what is that? - Like, do I need a prescription? - Yeah, so like, what do I need to do? - I go to the elite and it like starts talking about like dialysis and like kidney failure. And I was like, okay, anyway, yeah, so we ended up being in the hospital for, they just plugged me into an IV. And we're giving me, they were checking my CK level. - It's a lot of terms we don't really know, but it was serious. - Yeah, yeah, I was in the hospital for 10 days. - Was that because of the bodybuilding? - It's because, yeah, they, so I just was on, if I were to do, I wanna do it again, not obviously in this, let's do it together. - Let's do it together. - Let's do it, do it. - It is so much fun, really. - It's like a place that like mentally you have to like, I like think about it now and I'm just trying to do like a regular routine, I'm like, how the heck did I do that? Can't even wake up at seven anymore, like if I, but yeah, I literally was in the hospital and we were like, what the heck is happening? But yeah, I like went into the hospital, weighing like 174 pounds from Show Day. I left the hospital weighing 230, because of IVs. They literally like-- - 10 days? - But that's how much you cut, like you cut that much body fat, that much whatever, and you were 230 because they were just trying to get nutrients to your muscles. - Basically, all they do is just plug you with IVs and just keep, you're just literally have IVs-- - Pumping you with IVs. - I haven't never heard of anything. - And my, I, I could, I wish I could show you the pictures but like you see me on Show Day, I'm cut for Show Day. And after the hospital, I'm like-- - A balloon. - A huge. - Yeah. - Like water-- - Yeah, one second. - No, like my face was like imploded. My legs were all swollen. I had like a gut, and it was nuts. - Yeah. - But yeah, it was like all that work, and I was like, all right, right back to school. (laughing) - That's your life. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, he won't. - Did you get any money for winning? Or was it like-- - No, you get like an invitation to go to like nationals and compete for your pro card. - Do anyone do that? - My wife was like-- - No shit. - Yeah, absolutely. - But yeah. - Did you stay in the hospital with the baby? - I did. Well, no, our son thankfully stayed with my parents. And he like came and visited twice maybe. - Yeah. - That was really hard. - Because I was really, his show itself was really hard for me until he being postpartum, and you know, all the things, and then to like, when it was like this high, like okay, it was all worth it, like we did it. He won, you know, and then it was like to go to the hospital afterwards, it was like, oh my gosh. Like, we thought this was over, like I was so excited to have our life back and like have him back. And then, yeah, but honestly, it was like a really, it really taught me like how grateful I am for our health because that time that we were in the hospital was so depressing. I'm like, I can't believe that people spend way more than 10 days in the hospital. So, yeah, it was definitely not the like result we wanted in the end, but it taught us a lot, you know, we know now what to do if he ever does it again. But, yeah, it was hard. Our baby, thankfully my parents just jumped up and took care of our baby for those 10 days. But, yeah, he, he can be visited a few times. - At that point, were you creating videos on TikTok? Were you posting on social media? Or was that not? - I had just signed with my management. Probably like, I want to say a month before that. So, it wasn't something where I, I mean, I was sharing what was going on on Instagram, but I wasn't really like working fully yet. - So. - You didn't just, I get to sign my management overnight. Like, I'm guessing you've been posting consistently. - Yeah, I had been posting consistently. I mean, honestly, I say all the time, like my management really took a chance on me. Like, they saw potential in me when I feel like I didn't see potential in myself at all. I honestly was really just posting online because I felt so alone in motherhood. Just like, I called my mom, one of the, like, when I was, I think, three weeks postpartum, I was like, I think I'm going to get a job at like, the local gym. I just need like an outlet outside of being a mom. I'm like feeling so lost in motherhood. He was working six days a week at the time. So, I was just feeling so lonely. And so I started posting, yeah, on social media, just as like an outlet to relate to other moms. And something to do with like my free time. You know, they're not being like three times a day. And like I said, he was working so much. So yeah. I just filled my time with that and then I guess by management like I said saw potential in me and we signed and then Here we are went from there. Is that the whole the whole like tilapia and rye set 3 a.m When you're resting the baby is that part of why you had some people online that did it like your husband or like I would say that was probably even prior to yeah Shared his bodybuilding okay, I wasn't really sharing at that time like our day today Like I do not like can't club club foot journey. Yeah, so our son was diagnosed with club feet at my 20th Anatomy scan and so I Started sharing that journey and I feel like that's it really kick started like my social media journey was got it Yeah, thank you to Noble for sponsoring this portion of today's episode when we go to an airport with our children our entire family What I wouldn't do for an extra set of hands But that's essentially what noble suitcase offers us because they have thought of everything when designing this first of all They built a flip-out cup holder right into the luggage if your phone is running out of battery There's a built-in charging port into the suitcase and there's a front laptop pocket that makes TSA a breeze I've gotten way more pat down That's a separate issue and they also have 360 degree wheels to a glide next to you instead of dragging behind you like an anchor and Unlike most bags Noble has no zipper at all it locked shut with a latch system that can't be pride open Noble is the number one top-rated luggage on trust pilot every suitcase comes with a hundred-day money back guarantee Free three-day express shipping to be mentioned. It has a lifetime warranty It's the last suitcase you'll ever need to buy upgrade to luggage that looks better last longer and travel smarter Head to noble travel dot com for up to 46% off your entire order. That's n-o-b-l Travel dot com for up to 46% off after you purchase They will ask you where you heard about them Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. I saw a clip like it popped up for me Uh-huh of you went on a podcast recently and we're talking about how yeah There's some people that just were you know not being very nice to your man Yeah, and I just I found it so interesting because like I mean I want to hear what you have to say about this Tristan because it's it's cool that you know This is your first podcast word yeah, I don't have you but I feel like there's not there's not a whole lot of social media Husbands that like people love no, yeah, and it's so true I really don't feel like men are loved online and He is not the center of my content. He doesn't want to be the center of my content And so you don't see him a lot in what I post in my day-to-day So what I was kind of describing on that podcast was about Mainly like because you're not seeing him I feel like people think that he's really like absentee as a dad Whereas like if you're seeing me clean the house it doesn't mean that he's just like sitting on his hands in the bedroom He's like putting our kids to bed and so I feel like a lot of times he is misunderstood online because I Share my struggles yeah in motherhood in life in general and it's always like well, where's your husband? And it's like it's not that he's not there for me. He's just not you know He's doing other things. He's that was unfortunate. Yeah leading our house in other ways. Yes, but People like to fill in gaps. Yeah, how is that like for you like with your wife like choosing a public career that also Like that obviously has implications for you as her husband. I don't know how I'm trying to put this in like a nice way I genuinely just don't like I don't care what people think about me. That's that yeah I just like that's those people don't matter to me It's there's a lot of people she could post something online whether it's a good thing or a bad thing People are still gonna have bad things to say about me. That's just the nature of social media. You have at her doing this like when she first started was just like a Little fun thing. She did it as like a hobby then she like got her first I remember she got her first paycheck from something and I was like oh cool like that's cool Then she turned it into a full-blown career. You're like keep doing this. Yeah, I was like cool like yeah keep doing this But as far as what people say like I genuinely just I don't care I'm not she's this is like her career. So maybe she's more censored in Certain areas, but like maybe that's why I'm not online. I'm not censored like I'll tell you how I feel I just that's not so it's literally never never once even like your feelings No, no, you could say whatever you want about me honestly online I just like I know I know she loves me and my family loves me. I know at the end of the day that I I mean, I think I'm a good husband. I'm a good father. I work. I don't work like they think I work They think I work seven days a week and I'm literally never home. I literally work four days a week Yeah, then I'm home three days of the week with the family But I do read them I read the stuff that people say and I do fire back sometimes Yeah, I get a lot of that sometimes We like my burner account I don't really have social media, but like when I do get on some I get I literally have tiktok to like watch her stuff Okay, because like if that's really sweet if I don't because her tiktok's are literally like Capture the day of when I was at work. So yeah, I get to go watch her video and I literally get to watch my whole kids day Yeah without like I guess talking about it, but like I get to see it all I get to see what they're doing That's why I have tiktok to watch her stuff But like obviously some people you doom scroll at night time all like go in the comments and read her comments And like I see the stuff people say With such good comebacks to people like I think they're good comebacks, and I I just like then I see that she'll delete my comments I'm like you sucker like screw that person Like wait, where'd my comment go and I'm like I don't know like I don't know where it went It must have just went to like the reviewed and filtered. I don't know where it went He's like you're deleting them. I'm like yeah, I'm deleting them like it's gonna cause me more stress Like just leave it alone, please But like he is so unfiltered, which was like not to say why I was like a little bit nervous for him to come to But like it is such a great quality of his like he will say it how it is and he will tell anybody how it is Where's I'm a little bit more reserved in that way and my job is not to please a million people. Yeah, my job is to please my children and my wife Yeah, so we yeah, so he will comment on people's things, but Yeah, I don't know, but the user name is not your name Sometimes it's your public user name and then I'm like oh my gosh, no delete it was so I used to like to have like a fitness account When I wanted to do yeah bodybuilding, so it's that account, but like that's the only one I have is it just you and like a like a little speed Yeah, literally, yeah, it's everything she ever dreamed of But yeah, no, I fire back for sure, but as far as what people say I'm sure you guys what are they saying? What are they saying? I'm curious but he's not like really present in our family All he cares about is working and I you know, I've talked a lot about postpartum depression on my page and so people Kind of want to like pin that on him like oh you like where's your husband and all of this? Where's like if you've ever gone through postpartum depression? You know, it's not something that he's gonna be able to fix overnight and it's not something that I can fix overnight either and Like I had said previously You're not seeing him be that like comfort source for me because I'm not sharing it But that's because I keep what we have very like safe Between us, and I don't share it. I think that's also to like please some of my preferences to yeah Because I like I mean, I like our some of our life to be private like I don't want certain stuff online Which you'd probably be more open to that but I we've had to navigate that a lot in the last three years We've shared a lot or I've shared a lot less just to again protect like that So yeah, which is really wise. Yeah, honestly, so that take that's like a totally a learning curve Totally. Yeah, done the same thing. Yeah, I think in the beginning you share everything because you're so excited It's so fun to share your life and then you realize as you grow and hate grows And then you kind of like pull back a little bit and it just you won't want to keep what you have outside of you know Social media a little bit more private and honestly like he has helped me so much with the hate and realizing that like if I Locked my phone none of this exists like 1,000 it all goes away Yeah, and all that really matters is how my kids feel how he feels and how I truly feel like inside and so again That has been growth too because I used to let that consume me and there's there's definitely days that it still does but Mm-hmm. I remember okay if I turn this off this doesn't exist You know what what really matters is what's in front of me? Mm-hmm like yeah tell me what's something that you used to would have shared about and then now you're like I don't share about that anymore. I think a lot of like personal details about our kids like he said I shared a lot about our son's club foot journey in the beginning and I was that was so Fun to share his journey because so many people online. I didn't know there was a whole community of people who were diagnosed The club fee who you know have recovered from having club fee and so I got to meet so many people online and Build this community of moms who are currently receiving their diagnosis or their child has gone through this Um, but now I don't really share a lot about that So just a lot of things about our kids and then just like again just like marital things and our are like families Both of our families these to share a lot about our our other you know like his parents my parents are siblings And I don't really share anybody anymore because I don't want to subject Anybody else to any kind of hey or criticism. I'm choosing to put my life online, you know, they're not so I kind of Have found that bound as well. That's good. Yeah, it's taking time though, you know, like it takes a few comments to be like, okay maybe we should pull back a little bit. I admire your like vulnerability and sharing about postpartum and I think you've shared that your experience postpartum has been pretty similar with all three. Kind of just give a little synopsis for people that don't know your journey about postpartum like what that looks like for you. Did you receive like a diagnosis or was it just like something that you kind of piece together? Like these are the symptoms I'm experiencing. This is probably what this is. Yeah, so with our first baby obviously as a first-time mom my mom had told me prior to having my first baby that she had experienced postpartum depression with me and so there was like a little bit of my brain that was like okay like this is something that could happen but you don't know what postpartum depression looks like until you are living it. I feel like even if you are somebody I cry on literally I'm okay with you it's okay. Even if you are somebody who is postpartum but you haven't experienced postpartum depression it's really hard to understand what that feels like or what that even looks like and so when we had our first baby I was really not okay mentally and I've never been somebody who struggled with any kind of mental health my entire life so I knew that something was definitely wrong and at the six-week visit you know you do that little like postpartum depression screening and I kind kind of seem silly to be like not doing well most of the time some of the time you know whatever it kind of just feels like this silly thing that you're just like checking through and whatever and so at the six-week postpartum visit I was doing totally fine and then it wasn't until around like four to five months that I had realized I really wasn't okay and it's like it feels embarrassing to say but like I want my old life back I didn't want to be a mom anymore I wanted to just like what my current life I wanted to run away from it I didn't want my husband I didn't want my baby I just wanted to like make it all disappear and so that's when I knew like okay I'm really not okay because like this isn't me with all three of them so with my second baby and my third baby it was something that I kind of just recognized I knew like you know what my triggers were and I knew what postpartum depression looked like so when I had started to feel those feelings again I was like okay this is what this is I've experienced this before I know I can come out of it I know there's a lie at the end of the tunnel so it made it way more manageable second and third time but I still experience those those feelings those dark thoughts you know just feeling really like not myself feel like a stranger in my own head every single day and just feeling like flight or flight I would wake up every day and I'm like okay am I fighting today or am I flying today and a lot of the times when you're in that thick of postpartum depression you are fighting every day just to like even make it through the day mentally and you're trying to like talk yourself off of this ledge while you also have three you know humans who are depending on you to like get them through the day so yeah postpartum depression has been something that you know I don't wish upon anybody but I know so many women experienced it so sharing it has really been helpful for my own journey to know that you know I'm not alone there's so many other women who experience this but yeah I feel like that's that was like kind of like short-term roundabout of postpartum depression but I think it's so cool about that is like first of all kudos to your mom for like saying to you like this is something before you have a baby like this is something to look out for and to know about and I experienced it too I think there's so much power in that like woman to woman but especially a mom to daughter like I remember my own mom even saying like she had like talking about having baby blues like and she was like even though it was everything I ever wanted like it was so weird and she even like said like a certain time of day would always hit more and like so then when I experienced like the similar feelings in baby lose I was like mom like yeah this is happening and so it's like she'd already opened that door for me she already had been like vulnerable so then I could also like share in like that vulnerability and so I think it's really cool that you were like an online motherly figure per se or people that maybe their moms didn't have that conversation with them or maybe they didn't experience and didn't know I think that's really really powerful and like good for you for sharing in that what would you say like your timeline looked like for like postpartum depression so I had stopped breastfeeding all three of our babies around that like four to five month mark like three to six months has always been like the tip for me postpartum like stopping breastfeeding yes yeah because you know your hormones go crazy after you stop breastfeeding and so that has always been like I remember with our third baby I was like okay I'm starting to like feel like I thought I was making it out like you know it's it's gonna be okay and then around that like three to six month range I was like okay these feelings feel very familiar but you know it is so common there is I feel like with my first baby I felt so much shame and how I felt and how I was thinking and like you said it is everything that you've ever wanted but sometimes you can't like shove down how you're feeling because it's something that's uncontrollable right being like mental health being depressed it's something that you can't control you just have to like live in it and work through it but with my first baby I did feel so much shame and embarrassment and feeling like oh my gosh just everything I've ever wanted I prayed for him I wanted to be a mom so bad and now I want it to all go away I want my old life back you know it sounds horrible to say but I didn't want him I didn't want my husband I wanted to just like go away like I wanted everything to go away I wanted to sleep for however long I could sleep and yeah I mean understanding that that was postpartum depression helped and you know I got on a side of TikTok that was like all these other moms were feeling that same way and so I'm like okay I'm not alone in this and then with two and three I knew okay we're in this this season he understood way more with baby two and three you know because he's trying to navigate to you know I'm like I'm not myself and so I'm sure as a husband it's hard to to navigate like okay how can I be there for my wife how can I show up for her in this season and like he said with our first baby it was our first time experiencing that was my first time his first time and so it was definitely a transition you know when you have the first baby your life flips upside down and so yeah I'm curious Tristan what was that postpartum phase like for you I'm sure it was not easy seeing your wife go go through all of that I guess I don't really know how to explain it as much it was definitely difficult for sure just to like watch somebody that obviously you love so much and care so much about and just to see if not in like an okay space obviously the husband like I'm just very logical and straightforward and my idea is to fix or come up with the resolution but like there's not really a resolution to it it's more so just leaning more on just like praying and communicating and talking and it is it's just it's hard overall for everybody I think what I did wrong initially on like our first child it's even harder in our second and third children but first child like I just was like okay like let's come up with a resolution like let's fix it like why aren't we fixing it why aren't we fixing this like why can't we come up with something but like it just was what I needed to do is just sit and like listen to her listen and being open ear and just get through it with her together obviously you just like you have good days you have bad days I'd come home from work maybe I had a bad day at work and she had a bad day mentally and it just it doesn't doesn't turn out great but I just think overall it's like husband you just have to really learn how to be patient and just be listening ear and just be more loving versus I feel like most men are here to want to try to like come up with a resolution to fix what's going on that's just how that's how my brain operates but that's it's not that's not how women's brain not all of them but in her eyes like it's just that's not how operate and I it took me a long time to learn that and it's hard it's just hard there's no way I guess there's no sugar coating it at all but you're so smiley I've like like even talking about this like your smile is coming out he's so positive he is like such a positive person like our world could be crashing down around us and he's like finding the good in it which is so helpful which has been so helpful for me and this season is seeing the positive through it all like you know telling me like we're gonna make it through we're gonna get through this like we've done it before but yeah no he is smiling because he is so positive and which obviously I need that especially in the season of being in postpartum you need you know your support system he goes through a lot I'm sure you know in his workday but he never brings anything home because he knows that when he steps through the door I need him to be like our rock and he is that for us and so thank you to Zach Dock for sponsoring this portion of today's episode you guys as somebody that got diagnosed with ADHD and adulthood I feel like Zach Dock was made for me I can take my doctor's appointments same day on my phone in the Zach Dock app I'll realize oh shoot I ran out of my medicine I need to refill make an appointment same day within a couple hours boom hop on the appointment and then right away I get my medicine filled it's that simple they've made a life saver you guys and as someone that books Matt's appointment Zach Dock is very easy to use they let you search and compare local in-network doctors and they have more More than 150,000 providers within 200-plus specialties across all 50 states. Plus, like Matt said, appointments happen fast, usually within 24-72 hours, and you can even score same-day appointments lots of times like we have. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Ready to be seen? Head to ZachDoc.com/Unplanned to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's zo-c-d-o-c.com/unplanned. Yeah, I want to talk about that dynamic a little bit of, like, you being gone, like, in the workplace, and then you being home with the kids. I feel like people talk a lot about, like, those initial moments of, like, being reunited after the day, like, where, sometime, I feel like in the past, like, our parents' generation, like, dads kick up their feet, like, and then the moms are like, um, I have been working all day too. Like, how does that hand-off work in your household? Like, I feel like he is way more involved than even, like, I feel like traditionally, like, even your dad will be like, oh my gosh, Tristan does, like, so much. And it's not because I expect that of him. He has always wanted to be a dad. And so the second that he comes home, he has, like, a fresh mind. And, you know, all he wants to do is he jumps right into dad mode. It's never like, I had a long day at work, and I've been working all day, because he knows that I've been working all day too. Not even social media site. He knows that I've been working as a mom. So we just, you know, when you have more than one child, you have to divide and conquer. You have to be a team. And so when he walks to the door, it is literally, like, go time to bed time, you know, like, we are working together to get to eight o'clock. Yeah, I'm so curious when your kids go to bed. Oh gosh. It's, I mean, well, our oldest son is, that kids all over the place, um, we, our other kids go to bed, like, right at eight o'clock, seven, 30 to eight o'clock, but our oldest one is, so he obviously wears like boots and bars, um, just for now. Well, they might not know that. For his club feet, he is in a device until he's four. So basically, they kind of describe it as, like, when you have braces and then you get a retainer, they don't want your teeth to go back. So same thing with his feet, they don't want his feet to go back. So he wears this, you know, device at night that he's been wearing since he was two months old. A little guy, yeah. Yeah. So it's all he's ever known, but now he's three, almost four, and he's like, wait, but I don't want to wear this anymore. It's like in the understanding phase of like, his brothers don't wear them, but he wears them. And it's uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. It's uncomfortable. It's a hard battle. Yeah. And you literally like, he finally learned how to take him off. Yeah. We cannot let him take him off, because if you like relapse, essentially like if you stop wearing your retainers, if he has to redo it all, he has to get surgery again. Which means he's going to be a cat for six weeks, three three year old who moves around a ton, and be bedridden. Yeah. So like, it's super serious. Anyways, it's, it's really sad, but like, you have to, we had to get locks to lock his boots. Yeah. It's really sad. You're like, smiley. It's really sad. It's like sad. But it's funny. It's horrible. It's what has happened. It's life. Yeah. It is what it is. But this little guy, he can't stop when he's four. Yeah. When he's four. But like, seven months? Yes. We're close. We're on the countdown. He doesn't know that he, you know, that there's a timeline, but obviously we know there's a timeline. We don't want to tell him there's a timeline, because you know, asking every day. Yeah. And kids have no concept of time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's no concept of time. And so he just knows that it's something that he wears every single night. But anyways, sorry. You can go on with the locks. He's like, well, I'm going to bed. He won't go to bed. He comes out. He crawls out and you hear his little boots clack and he's like, you got to keep him on, buddy. You take him in there, locks right back out. Anyway, the little locks we got, I just left him on like, 0, 0, 0, 0, because like, this kid's not going to learn how to take these locks off. I would spin him. He learned to put him to 0, 0, 0, take off his locks. Are you kidding? Yeah. And I was like, why did you, like, he watched me, he's been watching me, put him on 0, 0, 0, 0, to unlock them. And so yeah, he takes off his locks. So now I had to literally last night reset all the locks, so like random codes. So he can't know how to take them off. They're so smart. Yeah. It is really hard for us to see him not want to wear them and just see him uncomfortable and to see him sad over them. Why am I so emotional? I'm like about to cry. You're way more post-partum than I am. I'm about to cry. I think about his first night. Yes. Just sleep with no. Yes. If he's had nights where he doesn't, you're just like your heart breaks for you. Yeah. You have some nights where it's just like, you're taking these dang things off, like you can just come sleep with him. Because you just want to sleep with him. Yeah. But we know that we are doing what's in his best interest by putting them on, by keeping them on, by doing the locks, like it sounds really aggressive to like put locks on these boots, but it's like, you know, in the long run, we don't want his feet to relapse and have to do another surgery and do casting and do these boots all over again. So we have to do what we have to do now to, you know, make sure that his feet are correct and until four, we put, you know, we were four years in. We don't want to go backwards, so-- One thousand percent. One thousand percent. But yeah. All that to say-- He doesn't go ahead. Yeah, getting into bed is tough. Yeah. They know that like, you know, if they work and work and work enough, I'm sure your kids do it too, that you'll break. And there's been times where we've broke. I mean, for sure. Sometimes you're just tired and you're like, I just want you to go to bed. Maybe too, you're like-- Yeah. So-- But it's okay. We'll get through it. We have seven or more months. We've already, you know, we're three and a half years in, but-- Yeah. That's a long game. Yeah. It is. It is. Okay, so bed time's not really like-- Not set for that, you know? I kind of want to circle back just a little bit because out of curiosity, why did you choose to stop breastfeeding around that point that you did every time with your face? Honestly, it was literally-- and I think, you know, looking at it like now that I'm outside of it, I have a really hard time taking care of myself. So, like, when he went back to work, which obviously, you know, he went back to work one week in all three times, and then, like, people kind of start to check in less, and, you know, like, as time goes, and, like, I said, I'm just really not great at taking care of myself. So, I feel like my supply drops, you know, I'm the first to go. So, like, you know, all three kids have eaten, and now I'm like, I just want to go sleep. And, you know, when you're breastfeeding, you have to, like, really keep up on your water intake, on your food intake, and all those things. So, like, around that, like, three months is when I think that, like, my supply dropped significantly. Our third baby had a horrible latch from the very beginning, and there was a lot of issues there. But, yeah, that, like, three to six month mark is kind of weird, like, tapered off from me all three times. And honestly, too, mentally, I told myself, like, if this becomes harder than it is easy, like, I'm just gonna, like, not give up, but, like, we're gonna have to resort to formula because my kids deserve, you know, a happy mom before breast milk. Like, at that point, fed is best. And so, yeah, all, with my first baby, it was for sure, like, okay, I'm not doing okay mentally. I need help. And so, I need him to take a shift in the middle of the night. I was pumping, and I was exclusively pumping, and exclusively pumping is like, oh my gosh, like nightmare. Yeah, forget it. We didn't even have a bottle washer when we, when I was exclusively pumping. And so, we were, like, hand washing every single pump, and, you know, I was, like, not doing okay mentally. And I was like, okay, I need to just, I need to, like, find some bit of, like, ease or normal sea. And, you know, giving up breastfeeding was that. And so, yeah, with all three, it's been around that time. Yeah, the reason I asked is because I feel like breastfeeding is, like, such a mental game. And then I'm like, I didn't know if there was, like, a connection between them, too. Yeah. For sure. It's just, you're always on a timeline. Not to make things too dark, but I want to bring it up, because I know, like, last year when we went through the horrible, horrible, and imaginable, you know, miscarriage, late term, Abby mentioned to me that, like, you guys ran into each other, and you, you know. We did. We cried. I cried. I don't, I can't remember if you cried. I'm sorry. I know I did. We ran into each other. What was it? Pumped a patch. Yeah, the pumpkin patch. I just seen you guys as posed before then. And it was kind of one of those things where I was like, oh, do I, do I say hi? You know, maybe you're just trying, because I, you know, I know now, like, sometimes you just want to, like, be and you don't want to, you know, have to be on or feel like people are watching you or always feel like you have to, like, give someone a certain type of energy. So I was like, you know, maybe she'd just hear with her kids at the pumpkin patch and she just, you know, wants to do her thing. But something in me felt like, oh, I should, I should go say hi to her. So I did and we talked about your miscarriage and it was something that I was hesitant to bring up. But we had miscarried between our first and second baby, you know, not to 20 weeks. And so I was actually just telling Tristan because he's not on social media about your story. I think a few weeks ago, but yeah, we, I feel like as a mom who has walked through miscarriage, you, it's something that nobody can really understand unless you've walked through it. So that's why I was like, you know what, something was just pulling me towards, you know, I was like, I'm just going to go say hi, give her a hug. If she doesn't want to talk about it, you know, she doesn't have to talk about it. I just want to say, like, I'm praying for you and I'm thinking about you and your family. Yeah. That's so sweet. Yeah, I feel like, yeah, I think, I don't know if you feel the same way, but like navigating, there's such a complexity to the emotions you feel after you've had, like, healthy babies. And then you experience a loss like that, it's such like a, it's a uniquely devastating thing in a way because, you know, I say uniquely because it doesn't mean that I'm not pairing like other people's stories, 'cause I truly believe that everyone's like, you know, you're dealing with what you have uniquely. But I'll have to say, you know how special it is to see like, you know, to grow a baby, to full-term, to give birth, then to like raise a newborn, and then to like go through the other side of that. I don't know how you felt like during your miscarriage, but it was like almost like this hurts so much, knowing what could've been. - Yeah, I definitely, my hardest pregnancy was for sure, my hardest pregnancy mentally was for sure, our second baby, you know, I'm sure for you as well, your baby after loss, your rainbow baby. - One second. - Because, you know, those thoughts are constantly in your brain, but yeah, I, sorry, I can't even remember what your question was. - Well, it really wasn't a question, I guess. I kind of just like longed back over to you, but. - I guess you kind of answered my, like my thinking in this sense of like, so your pregnancy after loss was - My pregnancy. - So mental. - Yes, yeah, for sure. Until we got to, I think the anatomy scan, then I felt like we could be like, okay, we can breathe a little bit. And two, you know, our only experience before then, I didn't anatomy scan, was receiving his club foot diagnosis. So, to know, you know, to get to the anatomy scan, I was so anxious because of that, like is this baby gonna have club feet as well? And then also, you know, just like knowing that everything is going okay, you know? But yeah, no, the pregnancy after loss definitely is, just every single week is like, okay, you know, we're getting there and it wasn't truly until, he was put on my chest that I felt like I could breathe. And like just like let out a big sigh of relief because yeah, you do know what you lost. You understand now because you have another baby, but yeah, no, it is really difficult. And I definitely, like, sympathize with you so much and that's why I was like, I just have to give her a hug, even if-- - I appreciate that. - Even if she doesn't, you know, wanna, she doesn't wanna talk, just give her a hug and tell her I'm praying for you guys. - Kristen, was it hard to come up with the words to say to your wife at that time, just knowing, yeah, being guys, like it's like, we just wanna fix it and it's like, we can't. Like there's nothing you can do to fix a miscarriage. It was definitely tough. I mean, I don't wanna belittle the situation, but like it doesn't affect, doesn't affect a man. The same way it's affected her. So, like, I'm not as emotional or as, I guess, attached as you could say to the kid yet. 'Cause I feel like a lot of your attachment as a man comes to the kid when it's like, when they start kicking, when they start, you can start feeling the kid. - Something that really stuck out to me was, I mean, just understanding what Abby was going through when this happened to us a year ago, was like, she is like, every waking moment, she's aware of the baby in her belly. And it's like, we just don't feel that. We don't have that same experience. And so there's no way for us to understand. Which, you know, it's just, and it's awful. And so it's just, you gotta be there and like, not, yeah, not try to fix it because you just can't, you know? - Yeah, I guess it's just the difference of a man and a woman. We all have our easier and harder things, but yeah, that was definitely just another learning curve in our life. I'd 100% have to, I'm probably not as soft as I should be sometimes, like I was saying, I'm just a lot more logical. But everything happens for a reason and we got to where we're at now. - And now we just imagine our rainbow baby. Like I cannot imagine our life without him. So, yeah, it is a true testament to his plan, but. - He really just was like the cherry on top of it. - Yeah, he was just like the little guy. - Yeah, he's perfect, but. - It was hard for sure. I remember when she told me, I just didn't even, yeah, I didn't know what words to say. I didn't know what to, I just tried to, I guess, hug her and make sure that I was there. - Yeah, I did feel for him because he didn't know how to feel. You guys don't feel the sadness because the second that you are pregnant, you have this attachment to this baby. No matter how many weeks pregnant you are, you are immediately, like this baby is a part of you. - Yeah. And so for us, it's, you know, could you feel it way more maybe than you guys do? And I feel that. - And it's not to say that you don't love, you don't love your baby that you lost. - Totally. - It's just harder for you to understand that emotional attachment right from the time that you see those two pink lines. You are, that baby's a part of you. And a part of your family for forever. And I think again, as a man, it's, I feel like for you, you didn't really feel attached to any of our children until they were born and you were physically holding them. - Yeah. - So yeah, like you said, like when you're pregnant, you're physically aware of that baby at all seconds of the day. So. - Maybe, I mean, I know it's mainly women that listen to our show, but this could be something that, I think, well, I have to share with their husbands. Like, I want to ask you ladies, like, what is it that men can do in that horrible, horrible situation of miscarriage? Like, what is the best thing like Tristan did or I did or what is something that we could have done better to support at that time? Like, what is it that you need? - Oh, that's like an impossible. - Yeah. - I think it is too. Like, it's just an impossible. I don't know. Do you have any great advice? - No, I honestly don't, I think just. - I don't think anybody-- - Yeah, it's not putting a timeline on it. I feel like, or like expect. 'Cause that's the thing about it is that like, you talk to a mom that's been through it and you're like, right back to the day it all happened, you know, it goes back up, like, and so it's like, even though we're X amount of days away, it still feels like it just happened. - Yeah, yeah. - You know. Yeah. My question for you being on having had two healthy pregnancies after loss, was it easier the second time or did you feel like it was just as hard? - Oh, with our third day. - Yes. - Oh, I felt like it was way easier. - Okay. - Good, good. - Yeah, yeah, way easier. His pregnancy was honestly so great up until the end. I mean, you know, you have two toddlers and you're massively pregnant and you were pregnant in the thick of the heat. - Yeah, criminal. - Yeah. - Never do that again. - Yeah, oh my gosh. - Something that like literally gave me just chills, I was like, I cannot imagine what that would be like. I, you know, again, heard you opening up about the craziness of the most recent birth. - Oh yeah. - And, correct me if I'm wrong, but like there was an episiotomy or something. - That was my second baby. - Yes. - Okay. - Yes. - What was going through your mind? - Great man, it's like best. - All right, here's the, we're getting out the scissors. Are you just like, what the, like, can we not do that? - He was actually so calm because I looked at him. I actually, like, you know, episiotomy isn't like the normal practice. It's only in the case of an emergent situation that they're doing an episiotomy. And when the doctor pulled up the scissors, I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on? And I looked at him and he said just like, like looked at me with like a face that was like just, it's gonna be okay. Like you need to like calm down because like he could tell that something was going wrong. I did not know that something was going wrong. So I'm like, wait, why are you resorting to an episiotomy right now? And he looked at me like very calmly and was like just, like, we gotta just keep pushing. We gotta keep going. So, but yeah, I don't know like what that experience is like, I mean, I just, watching that happen. - And my eyes like ignorance is bliss, like just let them do their jobs and trust him. And we love, we love, well, we didn't have him for our third baby, but we loved our doctor. He just was like, somebody you could trust and it was very straightforward and blunt, like he knew what he was doing and just had to trust him. Like you could tell, you picked up on the energy in the room, like everybody's calm. You're just having like a standard. You're having the baby. But then like the like things start beeping super fast and people started like more so running and like everybody just started to be in a little bit more panic mode. And she just like looked at me and I was just like holding her and that's all I could really do. I just hold her and I don't know. I just go into those things for some reason. I don't go into it thinking anything bad could ever happen. I just always think like we're just gonna come out of this like we always do. And we did. - I feel like every relationship has to have a warrior and a non-warrior. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I feel like we're sure. - Nothing bad can ever happen. Like the worst will probably do relate to that. - Yes, for sure. Yeah, no, he was definitely way calm in that situation. He could tell me immediately be like, wait, what's going on? And he was like, we're gonna get the baby out. Like we have to trust the doctor. And I was like, 'cause his heart rate was dropping. - Yeah, his heart was dropping like significantly. And they, yeah, it was the anatomy and the vacuum. - Oh wow. - Yeah, on his head. - I've never seen anything like that. - Yeah. - What does that look like? - It's like a literal plunger. - Yeah. - Like they literally like plunger baby out. - Just like put it on. - It was like, uh-huh. - Yeah. - Crazy. - But your third birth was. - The third birth was like. - It's too easy. - It was like weirdly easy. - It was like great. - It was so easy for you. - We were gonna get ready to push all of the babies here. - Yeah. - Oh, what? - Okay, we're getting ready to push. Then I was like, happy birthday. And we're like, wait, wait, I didn't even push yet. What do you mean happy birthday? - You didn't even push? - I pushed like. - You pushed once. - Yeah. - I don't even know if she, it was literally just, it was there. - Yeah, it was crazy. - Versus key was like literally, we were almost having birth in triage. - Yeah. - Yeah. - How many hours was the labor? - Oh, I don't even think it was. - There was no labor. - Yeah. - I think I was in like. - Yeah, I think I only labored with our first baby. with second and third, it was like, you know, just epidural, water break, pushing baby, like really quick births for those two. - How does that even happen? I'm like, wow, how did you figure that out? - Having a child is such a like unique thing. It's just like crazy, like how everything comes together for this kid to just like-- - Were you induced with your first? - I was induced with my first and my third. - Okay. - Yeah. - Just your second just happened. - Yeah, I got a membrane sweep. - Okay. - Yeah, I got a membrane sweep and then that night at like 3 a.m., I woke up and I was like, it's spicy ramen. - It's spicy ramen. - Yeah, and spicy ramen, I think did it. And then yeah, we woke up and I was like, I think I'm in labor, I was having back labor. I've never had, I've never labored in my back before. So, but yeah, we got to the hospital. I was like a seven and a half eight and then broke water, epidural, pushed a couple of times and he was here. - What a dream. - Do you feel like your boys follow the traditional birth order? Like as far as their personalities? - Yes, one to labor. I mean, our third baby, he's six months old, it's like we don't really know. - Yeah. - He's still a question mark. - Yeah, but like the first and second, for sure. Like our son camped the other, yesterday, he had an interwarrior class and his coach gives him a sucker at the end of class and he's like, well, he needs a sucker as well. Like, you know, very like aware of his brother and you know, our second child is just like a little brute. Like he's just like. - That's really funny 'cause our boy's did an ninja class as well. - Oh really? - Yeah, there are some of them. - They're also ninjas. - Yeah, they're trained. Black girls. - They're also trained ninjas. - Yeah, you don't want to get into fight with them. - Oh gosh, it's so funny, but. - As yours is an actual like, is it actually at a martial arts studio? - No, it's just like. - In your warrior like the obstacle course. - Yeah, that's an arch at two. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like if they do like the same techniques is like what the, you know, they swing from rope to rope and do the little like walk on the thing that rolls and things like that. - I think it's the same thing. - Okay, we might be going to the same place. - Yeah, okay. (laughing) - Something can that I really related to you on is not wanting to have wearables on your body to monitor your health at certain times. - Oh yeah. - You like mentioned to me about like, you're ordering messing with your brain. - Yes. - Like seeing your sleep score. - Yes. - Like, now look, I love my garment for when I go on runs. I wanna track my run, I wanna track my workout, track my steps during the day. But like, I've been purposely not wearing my watch at night because if I wake up and I see that I slept for three hours, then it just, it just thanks to my brain. - Yeah, yeah. No, I rather not know, I'm like ignorance is bliss. Like if I slept two hours, if I slept seven, like, I'm probably gonna feel the same at this point. So. - When did you start doing that? When did you realize you needed to take off the wearable technology? - The ordering was telling me that my stress levels were like way exceed what they should be for like a certain amount of time during the day. And I was like, this thing is stressing me out more than it is helping me. So then I was like, I gotta stop wearing this. Like this is not good for me mentally 'cause I was like being obsessed with it. Like, okay, how can I like, you know, make it happier with me that, you know, so the stats. So then I just was like, yeah, I can't wear this thing anymore. - Have you ever dressed and considered like, you know, retiring in a way? Like now that Ken's social media has exploded, or are you ever like, maybe I- - It's kind of a topic of conversation. - Do people ask you that a lot? - No, more so. - That's just like, I feel like it's kind of standard in the industry of like all these women that like do social media. They like retirement. - Red winner. - They retire, they husband's, the husband's to stay at home, dad. I just told her from the beginning, no matter how far you take this, that just will not be me. - I think it's good for our marriage, too, to be separate. I just, that, I don't work a whole lot. I work four days a week. I feel like that's a fair amount, but I like to also have like my own career, my own goals and whatnot, but the whole me working six days a week, while she was doing that, I was, that was when we hit a phase of like, what the heck are we doing? Like, why are you making money? I'm making money, then why are we still like miserable here? But then I transitioned to four days a week, and it's been honestly amazing since then. - Yes. - So you guys have found like a good balance, then? - I respect that a lot, nothing to anyone that decides to do something different, but I think that's really great. Like you both are like contributing and have your own things. And he doesn't like, if he were to retire, he doesn't want to even be on social media. So I thought it'd be different if he was like, okay, I'm gonna retire, and then like we'll do this together. That's not something that like he wants to do, and it's nice for us to have our own things. You know, like I have my own thing, and he has his own things, and he has his own career goals within his career, and I have mine within mine. And then, you know, we get those three full days, which is such a blessing, because you know, when we had our first baby, we only had one day a week together. - One day is not it. - Yeah, so it's tough. - Yeah, which I know a lot, that's a lot of people's experiences, that's just life. You know, somebody has to be the provider, but to be able to, you know, be in a career both of us, and then get that time together the same time has been, has like honestly changed our life, too. - Yeah, this was like recently too. - Yeah, within like the last six months. So, what would you say your career goals are? - Honestly, I said this to somebody the other day, I think like my only goal, and this is where we're at now, is to be able to like make it to every single, for the two of us, to be able to be at every soccer game, be at pickup and drop off, and you know, send our kids to school, if they want to go to school, and just be able to be as present as we can, while still be able to like financially provide for them, and that's kind of really my own goal. I'm not somebody who wants to like take this to the point of like walking red carpets, and going on these like crazy brand trips, like I really just want to like stay home with my kids, be able to be a stay at home mom, and still you know, have an identity that is me outside of motherhood. So I feel like we have like gained this perfect balance of that in this last like year, I would say, but yeah, I don't really know if I have like major career goals, but just, yeah, work life balance, I think was like my goal in January was to find that, and I think that I found that, 'cause I think that you guys could probably say it's hard to find balance when your like, your job is sharing your life. And so it's like, okay, what is social media, and what is real life? 'Cause sometimes those like lines can really blur, when you're-- - That's why we started this podcast. So we could talk to other people about their life. - Yeah. (laughing) - It is like a world of like, I couldn't comprehend when she first started this. Like it was obviously just like a little side gig thing, and then she turned it into what she did. I just was like, this is mind blowing. And I had no clue like what this could entail. But she, she or she is now, it's nuts. - Okay, well we have some agree to disagree questions. - These are actually really fun ones. - These are really fun ones to play a little game. Are we answering these out of your, is it just-- - No. - Okay, you guys are just going to agree-- - But are you guys, you guys can have some like, answer with us. - We can answer with that. - We'll participate. - Okay, the first one, agree to disagree. Couples should share household chores equally. - Agreed. - Three, two, one. - Oh shoot, sorry. We're both going to agree, were you going to-- - I was going to disagree with you. (laughing) - I don't know, I just feel like be a team, like if you have time, do something, if I have time, do something. - Oh I guess I wasn't interpreting the question correctly. - Oh that was high was interpreting. - Okay. - No, like. - We'll say the question again. - Agreed to disagree, couples should share household chores equally. - Oh, no. I mean, it's like whoever's home, if you're home, the dishes are like need to be unloaded then like unload the dishes. But yeah, no, okay, disagree. - Oh see, I was thinking that, but then I was going to have the answer be agree then. - I'm lost. (laughing) - I don't agree. - But I feel like you got to work as a team. - Yes, yeah. - And I'm not going to keep a tab though, like I took out the trash. You better clean the counters. - Yeah, that's what I'm not going to do though sometimes. Sometimes I'm like, well, my tally's are looking. - You're like, wait a second. - It is hard to not keep tabs, but I feel like you got to communicate. - Especially when you have a new baby. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - I feel like it also is maybe different if you're both home. You know what I mean? Because like when he comes home, I've obviously been doing the house chores when I'm home, but then like when he comes home, honestly I love doing the house chores when he's home because I'm like, I get a break from the kids and like I can do a mindless activity and just-- - And you can knock it out. - Yeah, so if you don't have the kids-- - That's what we do a lot. Like I'll hold the screaming baby and then she'll be the one picking up. - Yeah. - 'Cause she's like, she's also, you're way faster at picking up than me. - Yeah, I'm like, I can't sit here and hold the baby and watch you do this so slowly. - Yeah. - That is so surreal. - And partially wrong. - Yeah, yeah. - Ouch. - No, but that's the worst thing they tell you to do something. - I'm like, okay, I'll go do it then. She's like, oh, I'm like, let me just do it then. You gotta let me do it or you do it. - Someone gave me the advice. I was like, have they choose to do it? Or if they, like, if you want them to do it, let them fully own it, then I was like, so sometimes I'm just like, my eyes like twitching a little bit. I'm like, okay. - That's like the middle of the night with our first baby I remember. We were like trying to switch off like diaper changing. And I was like, okay, it's your turn to change diaper. And you know, obviously as the mom, you're laying there, but you're like still fully awake. I gotta be listening to everything that's going on. And like, he's like slowly, like, going to the diaper and like going to the changing station and like, walking back and going to the mom. So I'm like, just let me do it. He's just like, it's just like, I'm already awake. Like, let me just do it. But yeah, no, household chores, we definitely both pull our own weight. - You gotta get care of him. - He does the dishes way better than I do. I do the laundry how I like it to be done. We have our different things. - I like it. - Equally, agree to disagree. Holidays must be split equally between both families. - Oh, this is, this was really hard for us in the beginning. - This, can I give a backstory to this? - Agreed to disagree. Three, two, one. - Agreed. (laughing) - I don't know, agree, but that's not the case. the women they win, dude, there's nothing we can do. We gotta, we gotta just hold on. - No, no, no, no, no. - Justin is very, like I said, he's very fair. He sees it very logically. Everything is logical, it has to make sense. Like, your family got Christmas, so my family gets Christmas. - A lot of families, though, typically some families have the family they're closer with, the family they're not, but we're pretty equally. - Close with both families. - Close, but yeah, she literally, I remember when we were engaged, were we engaged or dating? - I don't know. - I think we were engaged. And I was like, what are we gonna do about all the days when we get married? And she was like, what do you mean? I was like, I was like, Christmas, you're gonna go to my families and we're gonna go to yours. And she was like, no, we're not. - That was being brought. - She's being a brat, yes, she's come a long way. But, literally was like, yeah, we're not gonna go to your family for Christmas. And I was like, that's a deal breaker, Kennedy. Like, we will go to your families and we will go to my family. - This is the full day. - Just now, learn that your name was Kennedy. - Oh, really? - That's so dumb, yeah. - Do you call her Kennedy? Only when it's serious. - That's adorable. Kennedy is, yeah, I feel like-- - It's really funny because growing up, only people who were really close to me called me Ken. And then when we got married, my handle, my maiden name's Brown's, my handle, when we were engaged, or previously was Kennedy Brown, and then we got married, Kennedy, Crotic was taken, so I just made it Ken Crotic. And now everybody calls me Ken because that's my handle, but yeah, my real name is Kennedy. - Yeah, but he calls me Kennedy all the time. - I don't really call you Ken, ever. - Yeah, no. - Okay, agreed to disagree. - So did it get, it got solved, or it's still-- - It's solved, yeah, we solved it. - We solved it. - We split a lot of days. - That probably should be a pre-marital counseling, it probably is a pre-marital counseling thing, how to do holidays. - It is hard to navigate. You know, it was the idea of like giving up what was my Christmas for 20 plus years to then like spend Christmas with somebody else, who has totally different traditions is like, it was a little bit of a like, come to reality for me, or I was like, okay, like-- - We're sharing this time. - Yeah, we're sharing, yeah, so. But now like, that you have kids, everything changes, 'cause you have, you know, a lot more pull. Like his family does Christmas at the very beginning of December and my family does Christmas the weekend before, and then we get to spend Christmas just us. - Wow, you guys really figure that out. - That's a lot of Christmas. - All Christmas. - All Christmas is in one month. - He says a lot of Christmas. - But it works, it works, 'cause we get to spend Christmas with just our kids, and we still get to do both of our families, and we don't have to like, be running all around Arizona on Christmas morning. - You guys really figure that out. - Yeah. - That's of all worlds. - Yeah. - Yes. - I like it. - I like it. - I like it. We still haven't figured it out. Every year, every year, we're like, what are we doing? - Yeah, sometimes we try to like, put our foot down, and then they never work. - Like, near each other? - We have a good chunk here in Arizona, but a lot are back in Missouri. - Oh, okay, a little tiny bit in Illinois now. - All days are hard, 'cause I feel like until we had kids, we were just trying to make everybody happy, and then when we had kids, they were like, okay, no, like, we need to be happy. What do we want to see our Christmas like every year? And we were like, with our kids, just us five now. And so, yeah, I think our last Christmas before doing that, our kids, we were at his parents' house, and our son ran out to his parents' Christmas tree, and there was a moment where we were like, okay, next year, we want our kids to be in our home and running out to our Christmas tree, and yeah, so. - We're kind of moving to doing Christmas here, like at our house, but then we-- - But then we got sad. - But then for new years, we'll go, or actually what we did two years ago-- - Oh, we got sad. - Two years ago-- - We were like, where is our family? - Yeah, we had to send it. We pretended like Christmas morning was actually the morning of Christmas Eve. And so then-- - I thought you were saying New Year's, I was like, wait for it. - Yes, so on the 24th, like-- - We could do that this year. - So they came to the 24th, and we were like, oh, it's Christmas. - They don't know. - And then we flew out later that night. That's what we did in two years ago. - I thought that was good, but-- - My eyes go back to that. - I don't know, we'll figure it out. - They're like 13, and we're like, no, it's the 24th. - Yeah. - Agreed to disagree, PDA with your spouse is weird. Agreed to disagree. - Agreed. - Yeah, we don't-- - What's the lead though? We definitely don't, we definitely don't. It's honestly, it's not even as much as like, I think it's weird. It's just like uncomfortable for us, maybe. - I'm definitely the most physically touched, like I like this-- - But like, what is PDA, like are we making out on public, or are we just holding hands and hugging? - I mean, you could, I don't know, I mean, I'm just kidding. - I feel like PDA, no, not holding hands, but like kissing in public, not making out. - I like to wrap my arms around Abby, and it's like, you know the awkward like prom pic? We're like, it's like, like I do that. And I'm like, oh, I love doing that. - I don't think that's weird. I'm thinking like, when you like, look over and you're in the Disneyland line, and someone's like, making out, it's like, okay, there's like a timer place and that's like, that really sucks flags type of stuff. - Yeah, that happens to me at Disney and I'm like, what's the family place? What's going on? Not that I'm like a prude or anything, but it's just like-- - That's exactly what happens all the time, you know what I'm doing. - Okay, next is, soulmates are real. Agree to disagree. - Agree. - Agree, yeah. - Oh, that's so sweet. - Would you not agree? - I actually-- - See, I would have said yes until I was like, no, and I was like, well, my answer's no too. - But I-- - Wait, what? That makes me feel-- - I'd always heard in my face. - She is my soulmate. - No, you're just, he's so logical, he's like, there's gotta be someone else you could be married to that. - Like, if you were born, if you were born. - If you guys never went to ASU and you were raised in London. - I could agree with, I could agree with that. I mean, just the way I was like raised and grew up, Kennedy is not the kind of girl that I thought that I would have married the way I grew up. - Yeah. - And a good way or bad way. - And I mean, in a good way, if she's just a different, like, I grew up like hunting, fishing, camping, not her. Like, he was-- - That was not, that's not Kennedy. - He was, you were more attracted to like the girls who like played sports, and like a tomboy and a tomboy. And like, I am not that. - She was, yeah, a complete opposite of that. - She's like, I will not camp. - Yeah. - I didn't, he just took our son and I did not go. - Have you taken her hunting? Have you shot a gun? - I took her camping and we literally made it back to Phoenix in time to watch the movies. - Yeah, like, we like fully, I was like gonna surrender to the camping and like when we were dating, you know, you're trying to impress. - Yeah. - And I was like, oh, I'll go camping with him. Like, this will impress him, you know? Like, he loves camping, he wants a girl that's gonna camp and yeah, we like literally got there, set up the full campsite and like we laid down in the tent to like, go to bed because I guess we have to like, go to bed like when the sun sets. - Yeah, so you can like wake up for the sunrise. I was like not even close to tired at all. And he's like, fully like snoring. And I'm hearing like, sticks move and like, there's no fire, it's pitch black. - Herdees in the background. - Yeah, and I was like, in my head like, oh my gosh, do I wake him up? Like this is gonna be so embarrassing. We were like, newly dating. And I was like, no, I have to wake him up. Like I'm terrified, I don't like this. And I was like, hey, um, like, I don't like this. Like I wanna go home with this. - We let him pack up the whole campsite at home. And he took me to the movies. And I was like, yep, done deal. Like you are my husband. Like he was dead asleep. - Yeah, he just packed the back. - Yeah, he packed the whole thing back up in my car. We had it unpacked for maybe an hour and we went back. (laughing) And I was like, okay, well, I guess I broke the ice. I'm not a camper at all, but yeah. - That was like me pretending to like superhero movies for Matt for a little bit there. - She acted like she liked Guardians of the Ocean. And she hates it. - I literally hate them. - When did you break the news? - Yeah. - When they kept showing up in Smith's sequels. (laughing) - When there was some snow. - You're like your sixth Marvel movie in, like, okay. - I was like, I was a teen about this. - Like 15 hours of showings. - I don't see an end of this, but it's funny. - I don't see an end of this, you're right. - Yeah. - I can't do this to me. - That's so funny. - Agree to disagree. - Mary couples should not have close friends of the opposite sex. - Agree. - Agree. - I love how to decide. - You guys, yeah, you guys are like unified in these. - I wanna know, do, okay, wait, what? I gotta go feed the baby. - What's the best one? - I really wanna know this one. - You say it. - Parents should take vacations without their kids. - Agree. - Agree. - For sure. - Ooh, why do you say that? I like it. I think you deserve time away from it. - Just like undivided attention for each other. I feel like even our little one-on-one date nights, like it's like a couple of hours. I don't feel like we really like get to connect the two of us in that, like. - What do you call the little vacations we go on before we have babies? - Oh, baby moons? - Baby moons, yeah. - Yeah, I feel so good. - Honestly, the best. We've moved for two days, maybe three days, with no kids, and it like just rekindles your marriage. - So good. - Yeah, what's the perfect amount of time though? - Three days, for sure. - I agree. - After three days, I'm like, all right. I don't see these little guys. - We're like, we want to see our kids and, you know, we love each other, but we're like, we're ready to just like. - Yeah, we went to London last year, and that was like four days too long. - Really? - I've just got-- - Yeah, and here's the problem is that it takes a day to get there. - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. - That really got there for two days. - Yeah. - Three. - It was like four and a half-ish. I don't know. - I did freak out, but. - Yeah. - Have you guys been on a trip since you had the third? - Oh, you haven't. - We haven't even been on a trip since we started having kids. We went-- - They said yes so quickly. - And just you guys, you haven't been on a trip just the two of you? - Yeah, we haven't, before teller. - What, where? - We literally went, oh, I mean, we didn't go on a trip, we were on a staycation. - But baby moons have been with the babies? - No. - No, but I'm saying we haven't gone anywhere like outside of Arizona, just us too, for longer than like a staycation, like a two-day situation. - Oh, see ya. - I'm saying like even, I'm counting the two days though. - I'm counting that. - Okay, yeah, then yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Where have you guys gone? - Wait, I want to know. - Literally. - Literally to Scottsdale. - Scottsdale, yeah. - Let's go, that's Scottsdale. - I kinda think I know how you're gonna answer this one, based off of our earlier conversation, but three kids is easier than two. - Okay, I feel like, but now it's starting to get way easier, but yeah, disagree, for sure. Like two was way easier because, you know, I have one baby, he has one baby, and now once you're outnumbered, it definitely changes things, for sure. And the two I feel like getting up on, they at least get up on me. Like, they like, inspire together against me. - Yeah, why the two oldest ones, for sure, bully who's lightly? - Yeah. - Who's the stricter parent? Oh, easily him, but he's not with them all the time. So it's like kind of like I have to let things go just to survive, you know? - Yeah. - Sometimes I just close one eye, close the other eye. (laughs) Or you just hear something, you're like no, that was fine. - No, our two kids the other day were sharpening our wall. - Oh nice. - I was changing the baby and I like come down the hallway and I hear our oldest camp being like hurry hurry, she's coming and I'm like what could possibly happen? I'm like what are we hurrying for? And my second child has both sharpies in his hand and he's like this and I'm like okay, yeah, for sure he gave you the other sharpie and you guys were sharpening the wall together. But now it looks like only he was sharpening, but yeah, no, they definitely, they get away with a lot more when I'm there because again, I'm just like trying to survive with three kids by myself. But when he's with us, you know, we're together so there can be more of that like parental role. But yeah, when it's just me, a lot, a lot goes out the window. - That's a problem. - Yeah. - Well thanks for coming on the pod, you guys. - I know, like I have no idea what time it is with that. - Yeah, I'm like I just can tell that it's been a while. - You're the let down and you're like, oh no, help. - Abby just had her milk come in, so I think-- - It's okay. - I think that's her signal. (laughing) - But where's the best place for you people to keep in touch with you guys? - Oh, just my TikTok and Instagram cancrotic. I'm like, Tristan is like is that building? - Yeah, yeah. - I'm gonna find your body over here. - It's a burner account. - Yeah, yeah. - I just leave in my comments a few times if I don't catch them before you pop some. - Yeah. - Just to leave them really quick, but yeah, no. - Well thank you guys so much, this was so fun. We have so much in common, so we can talk for hours after. - I know, I know, yeah. - Thanks guys, this was fun. - Thanks for having us. - We'll see you guys in the next episode. Peace.