Ken & Triston Cradic: Postpartum Depression w/ 3 Under 3

I didn't want to be a mom anymore, I didn't want my husband, I didn't want my baby, I just wanted to make it all disappear. That's when I knew, like, okay, I'm really not okay, 'cause like this isn't me. Today on Unplanned, we sat down with Ken and Tristan Kratty, best known for their TikToks about raising three boys under the age of three. My hardest part to see mentally was for sure my baby after lost, and it wasn't truly until he was put on my chest that I felt like I could breathe, because yeah, you do know what you lost. Behind the parenting vlogs, they've navigated the public eye, and opened up about what it's like having their marriage picked apart online. I don't care what people think about me. So it's literally never once even hurt your feelings now. My job's not to please some million people. Yeah. My job's to please my children and my wife. We talk about miscarriage, whether Tristan plans to retire, given Ken success, and how post-partum impression has impacted the relationship all on today's episode. You guys, Ken and Tristan, welcome to Unplanned. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys for being here. This is awesome. Our fellow Arizonans. I know. We are. It's so cool. And we have a lot in common, though. We don't just live in both are all of them in Arizona. We also both have three young boys, which is crazy. When I found out you guys were having your third boy, I was like, oh my gosh. Like, this is so exciting. Why is it that I know so many people that have three boys? Three boys families. Yeah. Maybe we just have to stick together, because it's a special type of wild. We're only one month in, so we need to learn a lot from y'all. Oh, I mean, we're only six months in. I mean, we don't have so much of a different goal from one month. It is. I mean, when I look back to month one, I'm like, oh my gosh. I could never go back there. We're like getting to the cruise control. Yeah, six months plus is like, okay, we're kind of cruising. Okay, that's good to hear. Yeah, we don't have our, we don't have our up from our down. Has this been the hardest transition so far? Do you think it's easier? Oh, no, this is for sure been the hardest. Oh, it's been the hardest. Yeah, okay. Well, because our our metal child's 15 months. Yeah. So that changes things. The gaps. Yeah, yeah. There's so many mixed reviews on it, though. Yeah, our metal child was just super hard. So it was hard to like, he was still a baby. Yeah. We had a next baby. So like you just had essentially two infants and controlling. It's, it's tough for sure, but I wouldn't change it for the world. So you think two to three was a hard transition? Oh, one million percent. I remember when we came home from the hospital. He only took a week off of work, which for all three, he's taken a week off, which is fine. I feel like, you know, when you are a state home mom, you're like, okay, well, it's going to be the inevitable. So, you know, one week, two weeks, three weeks. Like, I'm going to be on my own at some point. But when we came home from the hospital, our two toddlers were just like, you know, being toddlers. Had thrown a tantrum and everything was crazy. We looked at each other and I'm like, you can't go back to work. You can't leave me like, there's no way. And we also were like, what did we do? Like, it was just chaos, which I'm sure you guys have had. All three crying at some point. For us, that was when we had the two back-to-back events apart. Which, what's the closest age gap with your kids? 15 months, so far. But that's their second to their third. Yeah. So that might be the thing that determines though. That has to be what it is because with us having a third right now, our third, you know, is the only one in diapers. There's a three-year age gap. Yeah, yeah, no, it's definitely. It's definitely a little bit different. Yeah, it's definitely that age gap. Because like, we have 18-month age gap or 19-month age gap. And then we have a 15-month age gap. So it was three under three for a minute. That's amazing. Yeah, it was. Should we go all the way back to how you guys met? Because I feel like there's people here that haven't heard that story. Or maybe they have heard the story. But they don't-- there's probably bits and pieces that they haven't heard before. We met on the cheer team at ASU. And I'll let Tristan tell you guys how he made it as a cheerleader in college. A man-leader, yeah. A man-leader. A man-leader, yeah. Spirit leader is what it's called. So I'm from Yuma. Born and raised in Yuma. Wait, no, that's like the farming area. It's farming area, yeah. You're not farming. You're not farming. Yeah, let us capital of the world. Yeah, it came from Yuma, graduated high school. And I wanted to leave super bad. Supposed to go to like U of A my whole life. And then ASU just presented better scholarship opportunities. Went to ASU for a year. None of my friends went to ASU. So I decided to transfer back to U of A. Anyway, long story short, somebody asked me to join the cheer team. ASU right before I was about to leave. Decided to try out for a cheer team. I played football, ran track, did everything all throughout high school. Then asked me to do the cheer team. I was like, sure. She came in my sophomore year, met her. I was, we'll go into that. I was dating somebody else on the team. What? Always happens that way. Yeah, I know. I'm not getting into all that. Anyway, but then you threw her in the air. Someone else on the team. So she was a dancer. She wasn't a cheerleader. So like ASU has like an umbrella. So it's like the spirit squad. And the spirit squad has like the cheer team. And then the dance team. I was on the dance team. He was on the cheer team. His previous relationship was on the cheer team. But we all practiced like together in the same space. So that's like how we met was through that. Like, you know, we were on the same team, but not directly. Like he wasn't throwing me in the air. I don't, I don't go into the air. And I stay on the ground. Yeah. But no, we met through there, which is like, I feel like we had different intentions in the beginning. I went into college like I will find my husband in college. Oh, yeah, I thought I was going to find my husband in high school. Didn't find my husband in high school. I've just like always wanted to be like a wife and a mom. So I was searching for that. And then he was just getting out of a relationship. And you know, he was just like a guy in college. But I swore it was like love it first night, which is so cheesy to say. But when we had our first conversation, I was like, oh my gosh, I think I'm going to marry this guy. And he probably was not thinking that at all. I was just, you know, like the new girl on the team. But yeah, I mean, we literally met my freshman year. And then we got engaged the month after I graduated college. Holy cow, yeah, yeah. So I'm going to get on the two years, yeah. Did you break up with this girl to then start dating her? Did she break up with you? So I broke up with her this summer before? Yeah, this summer before I actually she even joined the team. We probably started dating like, I don't know, how much longer later? Like six months. Yeah, six this month. Yeah, I didn't really, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I just got out of one and I was like, but she was looking for a relationship. She's here. Hey, but I'm looking for this. Anyway, she was like, she was, I guess, pushing the issue pretty hard. And I was like, I don't want to do this. I just got out of a relationship. I just want a friend. Yeah. She stuck around. We just, we had like a little friend group and we just hung out. Oh, literally. We were friends first, which I think is really important to be friends before. For a solid six, six months. Six days, six days of friendship. Yeah, she finally was like, all right, he doesn't want to date. Yeah, I just had to play hard to get for like a little bit. Yeah, so he did. You put hard to get him to notice you. And then she started going in the direction of elsewhere and I was like, hold up here. Yeah. Then I then I started pursuing her. So it works. The hard to get method really does work. Apparently it does. Yeah, what did she tell you that that was the method she used to get your attention? Oh, I think you caught on too. Yeah, I kind of feel like I caught on. I just didn't want to lose my chance. Yeah. He was never losing it. I was just like playing hard to get. But I was definitely in it. First, first. I knew he was going to be my boyfriend and my husband. So that's awesome. Yeah. It's pretty competitive to do dance at the college level. Like, did you guys-- did either one of you ever have aspirations to take it beyond college professionally? No, my senior year was COVID. Like, my senior year of college was COVID. OK, same. Oh, really? When did you graduate high school? When did I graduate? Oh, wait, same. OK, yeah. Wait, so how old are you guys? I'm 29. Yeah, and I'm 27. And I'm 28, and Abby's 27. Oh, cute. Look at that. That's crazy. We're all like the same age as you. We're really the same age as you. Yeah. So yeah, my senior year of college was COVID. And so it was kind of like an easy transition from being a cheerleader in college to like, OK, now I kind of need to figure out what I'm going to do post-college because that COVID year, I think the football team still played, and I think sports still went on, but like-- Just empty stadiums. Yeah, yeah. There was no-- like, we were kind of like, you know, the first to go, which was fine, honestly, because it just gave me like time to be like, OK, what do I want to do with the rest of my life? Because my identity in college was being a college cheerleader. And so that very quickly, I had to be like, OK, wait, who am I outside of being a college cheerleader? But no, I never really wanted to pursue it outside of college. Like I said, I just wanted to be a wife and a mom. So I was like, I did my time, and you know, when you get to that level of being a collegiate cheerleader dancer, you had a lot of, you know, experience prior to that, I danced my whole life. So I was ready to be done, for sure. Any retirement? Yes, yeah, retirement. OK, does it-- does that make you guys feel old that it's been more-- My tenure high school reunion is coming up, and I'm like, yeah, I already went to mine. That's crazy. Yeah, I went to his last year. That's crazy. It was weird. Yeah. I don't know if my high school's having one, but I need to like, look it up if they are. How do you know if your high school's having a high school reunion? I was in student council, so we were part of the planning process of it. That's kind of the only way I need it. I think you just stay connected with people who are in high school with you, and then maybe we're good-tell. You look also a lot smaller. Yeah, so I don't know. I probably should reach out to someone from a high school-- I like don't keep it. You guys were born and raised out here. No, where are you guys from? I'm from Missouri. I've been told that I was born. Oh gosh, OK, so you're not even from-- Yeah, we're transplants. We're the people that move to you. And long as you're not the slow drivers-- No, the drivers here are crazy. I think the drivers here are crazy. Because you guys are both native errors of us, right? Yeah. Or not, Nate, like you're not-- Yeah, I just said-- Born and raised. She's part of the crazy drivers. Yeah, I am part of the crazy drivers, but that's OK. I did get yelled at today. Do you drive really slow? He drives really slow. No, I hold that for a second. Oh, no. He got on top of it. No, we literally go slow. - What the fuck? - Oh my god. - I'm sorry, I didn't see plus night. - I'm gonna be thinking about that tonight when we're up feeding the baby. - Also talk to me about like the party scene at ASU 'cause I've heard that's like a party school where you have the partyers. - Yeah, we definitely went through a phase. I mean, neither of us were in like fraternity sororities, so that's a totally different experience, that kind of partying. But so we like spent a lot of time with like athletics, like, you know, different teams with growing sororities. - Like it's growing sororities - Yeah, for sure. But we definitely, yeah, went through a phase of for sure partying. And then like I said, 2020 was COVID, so it kind of just like put a lot into perspective. Like, okay, we're not partying anymore. We got to figure out what we're gonna do for our big girl job. He was already graduated and like, you know, moving on with his life. So kind of took me down, but I turned 21 during COVID. So that was like a huge bummer. 'Cause I was like, looked forward my entire like college time to like getting to go out, go to the clubs. And like, they just didn't exist when I turned 21. - So what did you do on your 21st birthday? - I got to go alcohol drinks, didn't we? - We got what? Yeah, oh yeah, we did. There was like, yeah, Mil Avenue, which is like where Tempe and ASU is, they were serving like alcohol to go, but they would just like tape it on the side. So we went and did that. My friends threw me a little party, but it's really lame. It was like, you know, anti-climatic. But it's all right. Like, I could care less now. - Are you guys pretty close with that college group or is everybody kind of moving on? - Yeah, we actually have a wedding to go to this weekend for one of my-- - Yeah, it was fun 'cause we like grew up, like we like were in the same friend group. - Okay. - Because we were on the team together. So like, all of my friends became his friends and vice versa. Feel like you are less in touch with friends from college, but-- - Yeah, I mean, it's just part of once you have kids, get married and other people don't have kids and get married. It's just like you have completely separate lives. You also have a lot less time in your life. - Yeah. - It's like when you have free time, you wanna either spend it with your wife or your kids at somebody from college, nothing against them or my friends, but you wanna spend your free time with your family. - Yeah. - Okay, I gotta know, how did you propose? What's the story of how you proposed a kid? - Kind of a crazy unraveling event. We propose-- - I propose a Kornado. - Kornado. - Yeah. - That's a Kornado. - That's a Kornado. - That's a Kornado. - That's a Kornado. - That's a Kornado. - Kornado, there's like a movie about Hotel Del-- - Yeah, the Hotel Del-- - What is it called? - Marilyn Monroe. - Hotel Del. - She's on that movie, right? - I'm thinking of it. - I don't even know what you're gonna say. I don't even know what you're gonna say. - There's a lot of history into the little town. - Oh yeah. It's a super cool town. - I bet he's right, honestly, but I like it cool. - I think you're probably right. - Okay. - Sure. - There's a famous hotel. - Hotel Del. - It's Hotel Del. - That's where it's like a super, I don't know. - Famous hotel? - Yeah, it's just a famous hotel. We never been there. That's where I proposed though, in front of it. Her grandma has a house in Kornado, so thankfully that helped. Anyway, I got an Airbnb for all me and her friends, 'cause she wanted her friends to be there, along with some of my friends. - Oh, so you knew it was happening. - No, I didn't. He just knew that if he were to propose, this is like what I-- - I heard she wanted that. - When we were dating, we were like, oh, like-- - Oh, fun. - Set engagement. How would you want that to look? And I'm like, well, I would want my family to be there and my friends to be there to celebrate with us afterwards. He had known that that was something that I wanted, but-- - Yeah, so I set up the whole thing. We got an Airbnb in this apartment area. We got there, and you know how when you get an Airbnb, you have like the long terms and conditions. - Nobody reads them. - I didn't read it properly, I guess. - Nobody reads them. - Anyway, so I go to the front desk and I'm like, hey, I'm here to stay in my Airbnb. I don't know where to park. It says that I can park in the garage, but I can't get in the garage. It's the code, and the lady was like, you're here for an Airbnb, and I was like, yes, and she was like, what's the address or you never know? - Oh, no. - I was like-- - A legal error. - Was it a legal one? - I was like, oh. So anyway, I'm like, this is where I'm staying. The terms and conditions at the bottom literally says, do not go to the front desk, and that's where I went. That Airbnb got shut down. - Yeah, so that lady calls me and just starts cussing me out. - Oh, the owner? - The owner of the air just starts ripping me a new one. - Finally, I just hung up on the lady. She was like, you ruined my life, you ruined my life. - Yeah, so I was like crap, like, this is proposal week, and I don't know what to do. So I had to call her dad and be like, hey dude, can I stay at Grandma Susan's house? So he calls her, 'cause they were supposed to stay at Grandma Susan's house, hiding there. It's to show up for proposal day. So they had to all get a hotel. And I'm like trying to coordinate all this without her knowing. - I'm just like, oh that's, that's easy. - Got it all coordinated. They came, we like walked down to the beach, did like a scavenger hunt, she got X things, and then once she put a blindfold on, then obviously like she knew what was happening. - Yeah. - Walked her down to the beach and proposed. And I was so nervous, I put the ring upside down. - Yeah, he opened up, I sat down in the box. - Proposed, and yeah. - And the ring went missing. - Yeah, right. - And the sand, I feel like that happens. - That would be, yeah that would be horrible. - I was in the chair on top of the weekend. - Ken, how long did it take you to realize you were getting proposed to? - Well I kind of like had a feeling a little bit. I really thought that he was surprised me with the dog. So he like messaged, he like texted me like, a couple months before was like, hey I'm planning this like trip to take all of your friends, 'cause I was graduating that next weekend. - Okay, this was like a graduation gift. - Yeah, it was like a graduation gift. And I was like, oh he's gonna get me a Frenchie. I really wanted a French bulldog, like so bad. Like all leading up to that. And so I thought for sure, like we were going to meet the breeder in Coronado, and that's where the dog was gonna be. And obviously it was not a dog. But so like that was kind of what was going through my mind the whole time that we were getting a dog. And I was like, oh, the scavenger hunt is leading to the dog. And then once he put the blindfold on, and I sat down the sand. And then this is a bit dramatic for a dog. And then like this song that we had loved started to play. - So crunchy waiting at the end of the beach, yeah. - The song that we loved started playing, I was like, oh, he's proposing to me. And then I was like, yeah. So it was great, it was perfect. - But had you guys talked about getting married? - Or was it just like a dog conversation that had happened so far? - No. - No, for sure talked about. I think I probably rushed it a little bit faster than maybe. 'Cause she wanted to like wait a little bit until out of college, but I had, she was in college while I was graduated. So like I was ready to settle down, start having kids, start getting to it. And I proposed right literally when I actually graduated. I said, I just need to be graduated from college in order for us to like be engaged literally the week later, yeah. - Why not like get married while you're in college? That's what the cool kids are doing. - Oh yeah, no, that honestly, we were the first to get married. And I think my friends now are starting to get married. But like we have three kids. And they're like, yeah. You guys, you know? - Dobin head first. - Yeah. - I think we were married for three months before we got pregnant with our first baby. - Oh no. - Yeah. - Was that always the plan? Just start having babies right away? - No. - No. Like let's wait like a year, year and a half before we start having babies. - And then I was in a job transition like when we had first gotten married. So I was kind of like, again, it went back to like identity crisis thing. Like all in college, I was a cheerleader. And so that's what I knew. And then I was a wedding planner after college. And so I gave like that was like everything consumed my life. - Yeah, I can see you being a great wedding planner. - Really? - Yeah. - I feel like when I think about, I think about people like Addy. - Yeah. - Organized on top of it. - Yeah. - We would be terrible wedding planners. - So horrible. (laughing) - Anyways, so that was like my whole identity. And then I started to travel a ton for weddings. And I was like going to Cabo, which like sounds really fun. And it was really fun. But when you're traveling every single weekend, he was working Monday through Saturday. I'm like, wait, but we just got married. Like our marriage is gonna like fail. If we never have time to spend with each other, we just both so career focused. So I'm like, okay, I need to change for my career. And so I was in a career change. And I was kind of bored. And I was like, well, you know, maybe we could like try to have a baby. And we thought maybe it would take, you know, you have no idea how long it's gonna take to have a baby. You could try for a year. You could try for one month, one month. - It's been one month that we're kidding. - Yeah, and then we got pregnant with our first baby. - That's so hard. - Wow, so that was fast. - Three months in. - Probably we're not expecting for that to happen. - No, no. But I mean, it was great. I mean, obviously, we're here now. Three later. - It's so funny as you look back on your first kid and you think you're in like the thick of it. - Yeah. - You think it's so hard. Then you have the perspective of having three kids and you're like, wow, I wish I would have the same mindset then that I have now. - Yeah, it is grow and grow. - Working as a wedding planner. Did you guys have a really cool wedding? - I mean, I think that I think we had a cool wedding. We got married at night, actually. So our ceremony was at like 7.30 pm. - Oh, wow. - And so it was like pitch black. So why did you do photos at night? It was like a flash photography. - No way. - Why at night? - I went to, I planned a wedding on Nier's Eve. Like, so we got married in April and I planned a wedding on Nier's Eve. And it was at night because obviously like, they needed to stay till 12 to like celebrate it. - 'Cause this was COVID year. So you couldn't have everybody together. - It was, when did we get married? - 2022. - 2022. But because they were having a Nier's Eve wedding, they like wanted to like celebrate it at night. So like, okay, the ceremony has to be way later in the day. 'Cause usually wedding ceremonies are at like 4 pm. So like, to keep guests, you know, rallied and hyped until 12 when it started at 4. So I planned this wedding on New Year's Eve. It was like pitch black during the ceremony it was so like romantic and different. - It sound nice. - Yeah, and because I was a wedding planner, I had seen every wedding in the book, you know, and it was such a different feeling. So I texted him that night and I was like, oh my gosh, we need to get married in the evening. He was like, no way. Why would we do that? Like, what about our photos? What about our like, grandparents who are old, you know, like that's, you know, we got away a lot of options here. But I loved it and I was like, no, we were doing this. And so we did, we got married at night and honestly it was so fun. - That's so cool. - And because we were like, kind of fresh out of college and we had similar friend groups in college, it was that we were the first to get married. It was just so much fun because like, it was most of our college friends' first weddings that they've ever been to. So we had like 13 bridesmaids and 13 groomsmen. - It was a wedding. - It was a party, that sounds like a blast. - Yeah. so fun. That's cool. Yeah. So fireworks were a part of the wedding. No, I wish honestly. Fireworks are really expensive. Okay. To do like a 30-second firework show, it's like thousands of dollars. Because we spent like 300 bucks on fireworks and we had some epic fireworks that are wedding. Well, it's because it was also the, it was two days after the fourth. Two days after the fourth of the year. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. We'll discount fireworks. Yeah. And the place that we got married, they do firework and also is a small town there. Yeah. Well, that's, I think, I think they could have charged a lot more. Yeah. Abby's parents paid for it, but I think there was a good, you know, we got a good value just because it was a small town. Everyone knows everybody. Yeah. No, we got married and my parents backyards like to do it legally, you know, you have to like, oh, you know, all of that. Because bad things can happen with fireworks. Fireworks though. Yeah. Yes. You guys. No, we didn't do a sparkler exit. What? We didn't have sparklers. Because everybody, I think people started leaving at like 3 a.m., you know, because we, the wedding started so late. So it was like, people just trickled out. Yeah. We slept at my parents house. Yeah. Well, you slept, you slept at your parents house. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We did. I was, nothing was happening. I had way too much fun that night. We just went to bed. We just went to bed. We were like, we were like nine o'clock. We were headed out. We were on our way. Yeah. That's awesome. Well, that sounds like a really fun wedding. It was. It was. So it sounds like starting a family was like, ball, it happened a little earlier than you had maybe anticipated. It was always like a high priority for both of you guys. And I heard that you come from a big family. Six kids. Yeah. Six kids. Yeah. All boys. Boys, three and three. Three and three. But all of your apart. Three girls, one boy. Three girls, three, all a year apart. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the youngest. That's my oldest brother is 36. And then I'm 29. Holy cow. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. I'm school. Yeah. She home school too. Yeah. We're homeschooled. I like look back at it. I'm like. How? How? Yeah. I don't know how many. So is that start part of the motivation of like also wanting to have kids really quickly and like, yeah, I've always kind of had that mindset of wanting to get married and have kids super young. I even. I feel like express that to you early on, which is why I was like, oh my gosh, he's my husband. I want to like be married and have kids too. So that's how you don't really meet that. You don't really meet that at ASU. So I was like, hmm, you got to give me that. Yeah. Found the one. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Six kids though. That's like not super common. But I feel, but I feel like it's more common in the LDS community. Like, were you raised LDS? Mm-hmm. Or you were. Okay. I mean, I grew up with pretty much a lot of LDS kids. Her family is almost pretty much all LDS. We don't, we aren't LDS though. Yeah. I was raised like, I was raised Baptist Christian. Um, okay. Then kind of like transition, transition into like non-denominational. But yeah. Big family fun. All too close together. Yes. That's sweet. You have a lot of siblings? No, I'm one of three girls. Okay. Yeah. And now we have three boys. That's crazy. I'm one of three boys. And we have three boys. Okay. So to me, it makes sense, but you're probably like what the heck? Yeah. It's hard to have like issues. Yeah. I'm like, these are just how boys act. Yeah. I don't know how boys act. I'm like, you would want to know the stuff me and my brothers did when you were young. Oh, yeah. Oh my gosh. Like the rest like, did you and your brothers ever try to kill each other? Yes. They do like wrestling every night. Every night. And I'm like, oh my gosh, take this into the play. Your sister's never did that. No, my brother did. I wouldn't, we met doing theater. I was literally, I was doing ballet. My older brother was doing football. He wouldn't have to impress his girlfriend. So he was like, Matt wrestling. So we wrestled in front of his girlfriend who's who's married to now. And he like body slammed me like full body weight into the ground. I couldn't breathe. And then this isn't what I saw. No, but yeah, like, you try to show off. Oh, yeah. You said it with your brothers. You definitely fight and stuff. But it's all for, and then you love each other still. That's what brothers are for. Yeah. My opinion. No, I want them to be, you know, like, I want them to like wrestle and be whatever, but it's trust me out a little bit like our oldest son the other night. I was putting him down for bed. And I was like, all right, give each other hugs. And he like gives them a hug. Then he kisses them on the forehead. Then he backs up. And then he just punches it. That's why we have to go to that. You're just like hugged. Was that the middle child? That was camp to key. Yeah, the oldest to the middle child. Oh, the oldest to the middle child. Just decked up. I was like, hey, whoa, we don't do that. That's what happens all the time. Like, they start it by hugging. And then it's just like, they don't like. And then someone starts pulling some of the ground and like, oh, my God. Bro, one time this happened in the middle of Disneyland. The armpits were playing like wrestling, just being boys. And we were going to stop them because they're just having so much fun. They were cracking up like going. They were on a shoulder high. But then our oldest tackles are our middle child at the time as our youngest. And bro, just like, I could feel the vibration of the concrete when his head made contact with the concrete. I just immediately jumped up, picked him up and went. I started running. He had no phone. I was I did not have my phone for some reason. And I was just like, look at this. It's a stroller. And I had our other son. I thought for sure he was the cuss. And the lady at Disneyland at the first day, dude, you ran like half a mile. He went to the entrance. Oh my God. Yeah. And then she just looked at his eyes for the light. And she's like, Oh, he's good. And I'm like, well, I'm like, are you did not see what happened? He's not like, we need to call the ambulance. And then he has lots of moments like that. 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Banking services provided by cash apps bank partners. Free paid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC. Cash app Visa debit flex cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC. And the bank court bank NA pursuant to a license from Visa USA ink. Seat term to conditions for the Sutton prepaid card Sutton debit flex card and bank court debit flex card. Savings and offers provided by cash app. A blocking brand. Parents and legal guardians can open a managed account for kids 6 to 12. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosure. How do you feel like starting your family changed your marriage? I feel like we don't even really know what it's like to be married without kids, which I feel like comes with its own challenges. Yeah. And I feel like when our kids like, you know, graduate and they move out, then we'll have that time to like, you know, be on our own. But I think right now we're just like head down, you know, like this is our calling right now is to be mom and dad. But we've had, we've had to like figure out how to prioritize us while having kids. And my first child is probably the hardest marriage wise. Yeah. Yeah. Just because it's your first time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just, you have to have to obviously the first kid is like, is this kid breathing? Is he sleeping? Yeah. And I wake up like you're just stressed about the first kid the whole time. But that's when we kind of, I feel like struggle the most with our marriage and realize that you have to like really emphasize making time for each other. Because we were just heads down in our career trying to make it to where we wanted to make it and how to kid along the way. But then we realize like, we have to literally, you have to dedicate time. Like now we dedicate, we wish we could probably even do more of it. We dedicate one day a week for just date night to like recapture, a week recapture, we're at in our marriage, talk about each other, don't have our phones. But yeah, focusing on marriage is probably just as important as parenting just because if your marriage is in a good place, you're not going to be a good parent. And my friends, I agree with that. Yeah, you can't really be a great parent if your marriage isn't in good standing just because you have a lot of animosity. I would say if you're not in a good place in your marriage. But yeah, it was hard for our first kid. Then we transitioned into two, got easier transition into three. And I'd say it gets easier as we go. Just realizing that we're on the same team. That was like really hard with our first baby. We were like, headbutting a lot. Like, you know, as the mom, you feel like anger because you're doing so much and they don't understand your role and you don't understand their role. And so we just really weren't on the same team with our first baby. And then, you know, you get to a breaking point where you're like, oh my gosh, like we need to prioritize us because if, you know, like you said, if we're not on the same page, like we can't be, we can't parent together. I made a mistake of doing a competition first child, too. Yeah. like bodybuilding slash physique. - You did a bodybuilding competition. - And it was just, that was a terrible idea. 'Cause I didn't peak. I had committed to it prior to us even being married, committed to it prior to having a kid. So I was already so far into training that we agreed that I should finish it and not quit. Little did we know what it entailed, but. - How much time commitment was that bodybuilding? - Probably, it took me almost a whole year, year and a half. - But you're working on what, like, six days weeks? - I was working, it was legit. I'd wake up at 3.30 in the morning. I'd go to the gym, come home, I'd eat, and I'd go to the gym again. - Oh my God. - I'd get home at like 8.30. Get ready for work, I'd leave, I'd come home, and then we'd go to bed pretty much immediately. - Like when you got, when work was done, you just came home with the bed. - Not no, I would try to, I would help, I would help with the kids going to bed, or just the kid camp, going to bed. But once you get to like your later phase of competing, I guess like the last two months, your brain is just shot, like you're on minimal calories, you're just slow, you're not there. - It always lights on no one's home. - Yeah, you're legit, and just like, almost like Lala Land, you can't think straight, you can't do anything physically, you're dizzy, and. - And we had like two months- - Well did you win the competition? - Two months. - I did win the competition. - No way! - I didn't win the competition. - No, we have to go back a little bit though. - Okay, go back. - So he was training for this competition, so my entire pregnancy, we did not eat a meal together for almost a full year. - First kid, this is first kid, this is first kid. - So like my entire pregnancy, we hadn't eaten a meal together for a full year, 'cause he has a very, very strict diet. Obviously, when you're pregnant, you wanna like- - Eat in Cheetos. - Eat whatever you want, and then I'm postpartum, and he's in the best physical shape of his entire life. - I mean, that talk about a riff. - Yeah. - Matt's like trying to get in such good shape right now, I'm like, you know, like not now? - Yeah. - Yeah, so he's in the best physical shape of his life. He's like in front of the mirror, like working on his poses. I'm like, you know, I just had a baby, my first baby, so I'm having such a crisis in my own brain about how I look, and then he'd like wake up at like he said 3 a.m., and his first meal of the day was rice and tilapia. So I would wake up, I'm nursing our son, like at 3 a.m., I just smell tilapia and rice, and I'm like, that sounds like a fight. - Yeah, yeah. - That's right. And like, you know, like, yeah. - That smells like a fight. - Yeah, exactly. Exactly, so like, and like he said, he was really lights on no one's home, which is fine. I was so, it took a lot in me to be like, okay, I committed to supporting you in this. I do support you, I have to like put myself aside, and this was a dream of his, it was a bucket list. It was like, you know, something that he'd want to do his whole life, very, very bad timing. Like he said, we got pregnant after he committed to it. - So it was kind of one of those things where it's like, okay, you know, we got to kind of just see it through. But yeah, our baby was two months old at show day, so he was at like the peak of his diet and exercise. And I'm like, please, whatever you do, just don't say anything about having to like, microwave tilapia while I'm like pushing it. Like that might be like the end for me. But yeah, no, he won the show, and then he was hospitalized for 10 days afterwards with Rob Domail. I'm gonna butcher how you say it. - Rob Domail. - Rob Domail. - Yes, something like that. But yeah. - What the heck is Rob Domail? - Sounds serious. - People were probably gonna listen to this and think I'd describe it horribly. But it's like essentially like a, I guess, just like a toxic protein that gets released into your body. And essentially just like starts eating away your muscles. - That's terrifying. - It's like, it's more common in like fire fighters, stuff like that. But it literally just like attacked my whole body. We were in, it was in Houston. Have you ever heard of Alphaly? Like Christian Goosam? - Yeah. - It was his show. So we were in Houston and I had like started getting cramps and I was like, okay, what do you do? I'm probably just cramping from like the show. And then the cramps got worse. I was just trying to drink as much water. I was eating pickles. I was doing everything I could. And then we got home that night. And it was like 11 o'clock or midnight. And I was like, I think I need to go to the hospital. Cause I was like, it was like, I was wanting to cry. I was hurting so bad. Anyway, I went to the hospital. We like went into triage. And the lady comes in and she was like, yeah, you have wrapped up my analysis. And I was like, what is that? - Like, do I need a prescription? - Yeah. So like, what do I need tonight? - I go there immediately. And it like starts talking about like dialysis and like kidney failure. And I was like, okay, anyway, yeah. So we ended up being in the hospital for, they just plugged me into an IV. And we're giving me a, they were checking my CK level. - It's a lot of terms we don't really know. But it was serious. - Yeah. - Yeah, I was in the hospital for 10 days. - 10 days. - Was that because of the bodybuilding? - It's because, yeah. They, so I just was on. If I were to do, I want to do it again. Not obviously in this. - Let's do it together. - Let's do it, do it. It is so much fun. - It's like a place that like mentally you have to like, I like think about it now and I'm just trying to do like a regular routine. I'm like, how the heck did I do that? Can't even wake up at seven anymore. Like if I, but yeah, I literally was in the hospital and we were like, what the heck is happening? - Yeah. - But yeah, I like went into the hospital weighing like 174 pounds from show day. I left the hospital weighing 230 because of IVs. They literally like-- - 10 days? - But that's how much you cut. Like you cut that much body fat, that much whatever. - Yeah, and you were 230 because they were just trying to get nutrients to your muscles. - Basically all they do is just plug you with IVs and just keep, you're just literally have IVs-- - Pumping you up, pumping you with IVs. - I haven't never heard of anything. - And my, I wish I could show you the pictures, but like you see me on show day and cut for show day. And after the hospital I'm like-- - A balloon. - A huge. - Yeah. - Like water, water, water, water, water, water. - My face was like imploded, my legs were all swollen. I had like a gut and it was nuts, but yeah. It was like all that work and I was like, all right, right back to school. (laughing) - That's what you want! - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, he wanted-- - Did you get any money for waiting or was it like-- - No, you get like an invitation to go to like nationals and compete for your pro-car. - Do you want to do it with that? - My wife was like, no shit, absolutely. - Did you stay in the hospital with the baby? - I did, well, no our son thankfully stayed with my parents. And he like came and visited twice maybe? - Yeah. - That was really hard. - Because I was really, his show itself was really hard for me until they being close part of him and you know all the things. And then to like, when it was like this high, like okay, it was all worth it. Like we did it, he won, you know, and then it was like to go to the hospital afterwards. It was like, oh my gosh, like we thought this was over. Like I was so excited to have our life back and like have him back. And then yeah, but honestly, it was like a really, it really taught me like how grateful I am for our health because that time that we were in the hospital was so depressing and like I can't believe that people spend way more than 10 days in the hospital. So yeah, it was definitely not the like result we wanted in the end, but it taught us a lot. You know, we know now what to do if he ever does it again. But yeah, it was hard. Our baby, thankfully my parents just jumped up and took care of our baby for those 10 days. But yeah, he came a visit a few times. - At that point, were you creating videos on TikTok? Were you posting on social media? Or was that not? - I had just signed with my management. Probably like, I wanna say a month before that. So it wasn't something where I, I mean, I was sharing what was going on on Instagram, but I wasn't really like working fully yet. So you didn't just like get signed by management overnight. Like I'm guessing you've been posting consistently. - Yeah, I had been posting consistently. I mean, honestly, I say all the time, like my management really took a chance on me. Like they saw potential in me when I feel like I didn't see potential in myself at all. I honestly was really just posting online because I felt so alone in motherhood. Just like, I called my mom one of the, like when I was like, I think three weeks was part of me, I was like, I think I'm gonna get a job at like the local gym. I just need like an outlet outside of being a mom. I'm like feeling so lost in motherhood. He was working six days a week at the time. So I was just feeling so lonely. And so I started posting yeah, on social media, just as like an outlet to relate to other moms and something to do with like my free time. You know, they're not being like three times a day. And like I said, he was working so much. So yeah, I just filled my time with that. And then yeah, I guess by management, like I said, saw potential in me and we signed. And then here we are, I went from there. - Is that the whole, the whole like tilapia and rye set 3 a.m. when you're resting the baby? Is that part of why you had some people online that did it like your husband? Or like, I would say that was probably even prior to. - Yeah, I was a prior to why I don't like me. - I don't think I ever shared his bodybuilding. - Okay. - I wasn't really sharing at that time like our day today. Like I do now. - I'm more so like camp's club foot journey. - Yeah, so our son was diagnosed with club feet at my 20 mechanical anatomy scan. And so I started sharing that journey. And I feel like that's what really kick started like my social media journey was about it. - Got it. - Yeah. Thank you to Noble for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. When we go to an airport with our children our entire family, what I wouldn't do for an extra set of hands. But that's essentially what Noble suitcase offers us because they have thought of everything when designing this. First of all, they built a flip out cup holder right into the luggage. If your phone is running out of battery there's a built-in charging port into the suitcase and there's a front laptop pocket that makes TSA a breeze. So I've gotten way more patented. - That's a separate issue. And they also have 360 degree wheels. - So Glides next to you instead of dragging behind you like an anchor. - And unlike most bags Noble has no zipper at all. It locks shut with a latch system that can't be pride open. - Noble is the number one top rated luggage on trust pilot. [BLANK_AUDIO] Every suitcase comes with 100-day money back guarantee, free 3-day express shipping. To be mentioned, it has a lifetime warranty, it's the last suitcase you'll ever need to buy. Upgrade to luggage that looks better last longer and travels smarter, head to nobletravel.com for up to 46% off your entire order. That's n-o-b-l-travel.com for up to 46% off. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. I saw a clip, it popped up for me, you went on a podcast recently, and we're talking about how, yeah, there's some people that just were, you know, not being very nice to your man. Yeah. And I just, I found it so interesting because like, I mean, I want to hear what you have to say about this, Tristan, because it's cool that, you know, this is your first podcast word to have you. Yeah. But I feel like there's not, there's not a whole lot of social media husbands that, like, people love. No, yeah. And it's so true, I really don't feel like men are loved online. And he is not the center of my content, he doesn't want to be the center of my content. And so you don't see him a lot in what I post in my day to day. So what I was kind of describing on that podcast was about mainly like, because you're not seeing him, I feel like people think that he's really like absentee as a dad, whereas like, if you're seeing me clean the house, it doesn't mean that he's just like sitting on his hands in the bedroom, he's like, putting our kids to bed. And so I feel like a lot of times he is misunderstood online because I share my struggles. In motherhood, in life in general, and it's always like, well, where's your husband? And it's like, it's not that he's not there for me. He's just not, you know, he's doing other things. He's 1000%. Yeah. Leading our house in other ways. Yes. But. People like to fill in gaps. Yeah. So like with your wife, like choosing a public career, that also, like that obviously has implications for you as her husband. I don't know how I'm trying to put this in like a nice way. I genuinely just don't, like I don't care what people think about me. That's dope. Yeah. I just like that's, those people don't matter to me. It's, there's a lot of people, she could post something online, whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, people are still going to have bad things to say about me. That's just the nature of social media. You have her doing this, like when she first started was just like a little fun thing. She did it as like a hobby, then she like got her first, I remember she got her first paycheck from something and I was like, oh cool, like that's cool, then she turned it into a full blown career. You're like, keep doing this. Yeah. I was like, cool, like yeah, keep doing this. But as far as what people say, like I genuinely just, I don't care, I'm not, she's, this is like her career. So maybe she's more censored in certain areas. But like maybe that's why I'm not online, I'm not censored, like I'll tell you how I feel. I just, that's not. So it's literally never, never once even like hurt your feelings. No. Not even a little bit. No, you could say whatever you want about me, honestly, online. I just like, I know, I know she loves me and my family loves me. I know at the end of the day that I, I mean, I think I'm a good husband, I'm a good father. I work, I don't work like they think I work. They think I work seven days a week and I'm literally never home. I literally work four days a week that I'm home three days of the week with the family. But I, I do read them. I read the stuff that people say and I do fire back sometimes. Yeah. I get really mad. Sometimes she likes my burner account, I really have social media. But like when I do get on some, I get, I literally have TikTok to like watch her stuff. Okay. Cause like, if that's really sweet, if I don't, cause her TikToks are literally like recapture the day of when I was at work, so I, I get to go watch her video and I literally get to watch my whole kids day without like I guess talking about it, but like I get to see it all, I get to see what they're doing. That's why I have TikTok to watch her stuff. But like obviously some people you doom scroll at night time, I'll like go in the comments and read her comments and like I see the stuff people say. Did you, I think he was like, I always delete his comments. She deleted his comments. You deleted his comments. Yeah. I was like, come up with such good comebacks to people like, I think they're good come back. I was like, then I see that she'll delete my comments. I'm like, you suck her. Like screw that person. Well, text me and be like, wait, where'd my comment go? And I'm like, I don't know. Like I don't know where it went. It must have just went to like the reviewed and filtered. I don't know where it went. He's like, you're deleting them. I'm like, yeah, I'm deleting them. I'm like, it's gonna cause me more stress. Like just leave it alone, please. But like he is so unfiltered, which was like, not to say why I was like a little bit nervous for him to come to this today, but like it is such a great quality of his. But he will say it how it is and he will tell anybody how it is, whereas I'm a little bit more reserved in that way. And my job is not to please a million people. Yeah, so we, yeah, so he will comment on people's things, but yeah, I don't know. But the username is not your name. Sometimes it's your public username and then I'm like, oh my gosh, no, delete it. So I used to have like a fitness account when I wanted to do bodybuilding, so it's that account. But like, that's the only one I have. Is it just you and like a, like a little speedo? Yeah, literally. Yeah, it's everything she ever dreamed of. Yeah. But yeah, no, I, I fire back for sure, but as far as what people say, I'm sure you guys. What are they saying? I'm curious. But he's not like really present in our family about all he cares about is working. And I, you know, I've talked a lot about postpartum depression on my page. And so people kind of want to like pin that on him, like, oh, you, like, where's your husband in all of this? Whereas like, if you've ever gone through postpartum depression, you know, it's not something that he's going to be able to fix overnight. And it's not something that I can fix overnight either. And like I had said previously, you're not seeing him be that like comfort source for me because I'm not sharing it. But that's because I keep what we have very like safe between us. And I don't share it. I think that's also to like, please, some of my preferences too. Yeah. Because I like, I mean, I like our, some of our life to be private. Like, I don't want certain stuff online, which she'd probably be more open to that. But I. We've had to navigate that a lot in the last three years. We've shared a lot or I've shared a lot less just to again, protect like that. So, yeah. Which is really wise. Yeah. It's that take that's like a totally a learning curve totally done the same thing. Yeah. I think in the beginning, you share everything because you're so excited and it's so fun to share your life. And then you realize as you grow and hate grows and then you kind of like pull back a little bit and just you won't want to keep what you have outside of, you know, social media a little bit more private. And honestly, like, he has helped me so much with the hate and realizing that like, if I lock my phone, none of this exists, like 1000, it all goes away and all that really matters is how my kids feel, how he feels and how I truly feel like inside. And so again, that has been growth too because I used to let that consume me and there's definitely days that it still does. But I remember, okay, if I turn this off, this doesn't exist, you know, what really matters is what's in front of me. Like, yeah, tell me what's something that you used to, what have shared about and then now you're like, I don't share about that anymore. I think a lot of like personal details about our kids, like he said, I shared a lot about our son's club foot journey in the beginning and I was, that was so fun to share his journey because so many people online, I didn't know there was a whole community of people who were diagnosed with club feet who, you know, have recovered from having club feet. So I got to meet so many people online and build this community of moms who are currently receiving their diagnosis or their child has gone through this. But now I don't really share a lot about that. So just a lot of things about our kids and then just like, again, just like marital things and our like families, both of our families, these to share a lot about our other, you know, like his parents, my parents are siblings and I don't really share anybody anymore because I don't want to subject anybody else to any kind of hay or criticism. I'm choosing to put my life online, you know, they're not. So I kind of have found that boundary as well. That's good. Yeah. It's taken time though, you know, like it takes a few comments to be like, okay, maybe we should pull back a little bit. I admire your like vulnerability and sharing about postpartum and I think you've shared that your experience postpartum has been pretty similar with all three, kind of just give a little synopsis for people that don't know your journey about postpartum like what that looks like for you. Did you receive like a diagnosis or was it just like something that you kind of pieced together? Like these are the symptoms I'm experiencing. This is probably what this is. Yeah. So with our first baby, obviously as a first time mom, my mom had told me prior to having my first baby that she had experience postpartum depression with me. And so there was like a little bit of my brain that was like, okay, like this is something that could happen, but you don't know what postpartum depression looks like until you are living it. I feel like even if you are somebody, I cry on literally, I'm okay with you, it's okay. Even if you are somebody who is postpartum, but you have an experience postpartum depression, it's really hard to understand what that feels like or what that even looks like. And so when we had our first baby, I was really not okay mentally and I've never been somebody who struggled with any kind of mental health my entire life. So I knew that something was definitely wrong and at the six week visit, you know, you do that little like postpartum depression screening. And it kind of seems silly to be like not doing well most of the time, some of the time. You know, whatever, it kind of just feels like this silly thing that you're just like checking through and whatever. And so at the six week postpartum visit, I was doing totally fine. And then it wasn't until around like four to five months that I had realized I really wasn't okay. And it's like, it feels embarrassing to say, but like, I wanted my old life back. I didn't want to be a mom anymore. I wanted to just like what my current life, I wanted to run away from it. I didn't want my husband. I didn't want my baby. I just wanted to like make it all disappear. And so that's when I knew like, okay, I'm really not okay because like this isn't me. With all three of them, so with my second baby and my third baby, it was something that I kind of just recognized. I knew like, you know, what my triggers were and I knew what postpartum impression looked like. So when I had started to feel those feelings again, I was like, okay, this is what this is. I've experienced this before. I know I can come out of it. I know there's a lie at the end of the tunnel. So it made it way more manageable. Second and third time, but I still experienced those those feelings, those dark thoughts, you know, just feeling really like not myself. I feel like a stranger in my own head every single day and just feeling like fight or flight. I would wake up every day and I'm like, okay, am I fighting today or am I flying today? And a lot of the times when you're in that thick of postpartum impression, you are fighting every day just to like even make it through the day. Mentally and you're trying to like talk yourself off of this ledge while you also have three, you know, humans who are depending on you to like get them through the day. So yeah, postpartum impression has been something that, you know, I don't wish upon anybody. I know so many women experienced it. So sharing it has really been helpful for my own journey to know that, you know, I'm not alone. There's so many other women who experience this, but yeah, I feel like that's that was like kind of like short term around about of postpartum depression. But I think it's so cool about that is like, first of all, kudos to your mom for like saying to you like, this is something before you have a baby, like this is something to look out for and to know about and I experienced it too. I think there's so much power in that like woman to woman, but especially your mom to daughter, like I remember my own mom even saying like she had like talking about having baby blues like and she was like, even though it was everything I ever wanted, like it was so weird and she even like said like a certain time of day would always hit more and like so then when I experienced like the similar feelings in baby blues, I was like, mom, like yeah, this is happening. And so it's like she'd already opened that door from me. She already had been like vulnerable. So then I could also like share in like that vulnerability. And so I think it's really cool that you were like an online motherly figure per say for people that maybe their moms didn't have that conversation with them or maybe they didn't experience and didn't know. I think that's really, really powerful and like good for you for sharing in that. What would you say like your timeline looked like for like postpartum depression? So I had stopped breastfeeding all three of our babies around that like four to five month mark like three to six months has always been like the tip for me postpartum. Like stopping breastfeeding? Yes. Yeah, because you know your hormones go crazy after you stop breastfeeding. And so that has always been like, I remember with our third baby, I was like, okay, I'm starting to like feel like I thought I was making it out like, you know, it's it's going to be okay. And then around that like three to six month range, I was like, okay, these feelings feel very familiar. But you know, it is so common. There is I feel like with my first baby, I felt so much shame and how I felt and how I was thinking. And like you said, it is everything that you've ever wanted. But sometimes you can't like shove down how you're feeling because it's something that's uncontrollable. Right. Being like mental health, being depressed, it's something that you can't control. You just have to like live in it and work through it. But with my first baby, I did feel so much shame and embarrassment and feeling like, oh my gosh, just everything I've ever wanted. I prayed for him. I wanted to be a mom so bad. And now I want it to all go away. I want my old life back. You know, it sounds horrible to say, but I didn't want him. I wanted to just like go away. Like I wanted everything to go away. I wanted to sleep for however lie I could sleep. And yeah, I mean, understanding that that was postpartum depression helped. And you know, I got on a side of TikTok. That was like, all these other moms were filling that same way. And so I'm like, okay, I'm not alone in this. And then with two and three, I knew, okay, we're in this this season. He understood way more with baby two and three, you know, because he's trying to navigate to, you know, I'm like, I'm not myself. And so I'm sure as a husband, it's hard to to navigate. Like, okay, how can I be there for my wife? How can I show up for her in this season? And like he said with our first baby, it was our first time experiencing that. It was my first time, his first time. And so it was definitely a transition. You know, when you have the first baby, your life flips upside down. And so yeah, I'm curious, Tristan, what was that postpartum phase like for you? I'm sure it was not easy seeing your wife go go through all of that. I guess I don't really know how to explain it as much. It was definitely difficult for sure just to like watch somebody that obviously you love so much and care so much about and just to see if not in like an okay space. Obviously, as a husband, like, I'm just very logical and straightforward. And my idea is to fix or come up with a resolution, but like there's not really a resolution to it. It's more so just leaning more on just like praying and communicating and talking. And it is. It's just it's hard overall for everybody. I think what I did wrong initially on like our first child. It's even harder in our second and third children, but first child, like I just was like, okay, like let's come up with a resolution. Like let's fix it. Like why aren't we fixing it? Why aren't we fixing this? Like why can't we come up with something, but like it just was what I needed to do is just sit and like listen to her. Listen and be an open ear and just get through it with her together. Obviously, you just like you have good days. You have bad days. I'd come home from work. Maybe I had a bad day at work and she had a bad day mentally and it just it doesn't it doesn't turn out great. But I just think overall it's like a husband, you just have to really learn how to be patient and just be listening ear and just be more loving versus I feel like most men are here to want to try to like come up with a resolution to fix what's going on. That's just how that's how my brain operates, but that's it's not that's not how women's brain, not all of them, but in her eyes like it's just that's not how I operate and I, it took me a long time to learn that. And it's hard. It's just hard. There's no way I guess there's no sugar coating it at all, but you're so smiley. I've like like even talking about this like you're smile is coming out. He's so positive. He is like such a positive person like our world could be crashing down around us and he's like finding the good in it, which is so helpful, which has been so helpful for me in this season is seeing the positive through it all like telling me like we're going to make it through. We're going to get through this like we've done it before. But yeah, no, he is smiling because he is so positive and which obviously I need that especially in the season of being in postpartum. You need, you know, your support system. He goes through a lot. I'm sure, you know, in his work day, but he never brings anything home because he knows that when he steps through the door, I need him to be like our rock. And he is that for us. And so. Thank you to Zach Dock for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. You guys, as somebody that got diagnosed with ADHD and adulthood, I feel like Zach Dock was made for me. I can take my doctor's appointments same day on my phone in the Zach Dock app. I'll realize, Oh shoot, I ran out of my medicine. I need a refill, make an appointment, same day within a couple hours, boom, hop on the appointment and then right away, I get my medicine filled. It's that simple. They've made a life saver, you guys. And as someone that books Matt's appointments, Zach Dock is very easy to use. They let you search and compare local in network doctors and they have more than 150,000 providers within 200 plus specialties across all 50 states, plus like Matt said, appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours, and you can even score same day appointments lots of times like we have. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Ready to be seen? Head to Zach Dock.com/unplanned to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list, that zocdoc.com/unplanned. Yeah, I want to talk about that dynamic a little bit of like you being gone like in the work place and then you being home with the kids. I feel like people talk a lot about like those initial moments of like being reunited after the day like where sometimes I feel like in the past like our parents generation like dads kick up their feet like and then the moms are like I have been working all day too. Like how does that hand off work in your household? Like I feel like he is way more involved than even like I feel like traditionally like even your dad will be like oh my gosh Tristan does like so much and it's not because I expect that of him. He has always wanted to be a dad and so the second that he comes home he has like a fresh mind and you know all he wants to do is he jumps right into dad mode. It's never like I had a long day at work and I've been working all day because he knows that I've been working all day too. Not even social media site. He knows that I've I've been working as a mom. So we just-- you know when you have more than one child you have to divide and conquer you have to be a team and so when he walks through the door it is literally like go time to bed time you know like we are working together to get to eight o'clock yeah i'm so curious when your kids go to bed oh gosh it's fine well our oldest son is that kids all over the place um we our other kids go to bed like right at eight o'clock seven thirty to eight o'clock but our oldest one is so he obviously wears like boots and bars um for just for not know that for his club feet he is in a device until he's four so basically they kind of describe it as like when you have braces and then you get a retainer they don't want your teeth to go back the same thing with his feet they don't want his feet to go back so he wears this you know device at night that he's been wearing since he was two months old a little guy yeah yeah so it's all he's ever known but now he's three almost four and he's like like wait but i don't want to wear this anymore like in the understanding phase of like his brothers don't wear them yeah but he wears them and it's just like it's uncomfortable yeah they're uncomfortable it's a hard battle and you literally like he finally learned how to take him off yeah which like we cannot let him take him off because if you read like relapse essentially like if you stop wearing your retainers if he has to redo it all he has to get surgery again which means he's gonna be star all over yeah for six weeks his three three-year-old who moves around a ton yeah can be bedridden yeah so like it's super serious anyways it's it's it's really sad but like you have to we had to get locks to lock his boots it's really sad you're like smiley like it's really sad it's like sad but it's funny it's inevitable it's what has happened it's life yeah it is what it is but this little guy he can't stop when he's four yeah so like seven months yes we're close we're on the countdown he doesn't know that he you know that there's a timeline but obviously we know there's a timeline we don't want to tell him there's a timeline because you know asking every day yeah and kids have no concept yeah yeah there's no concept of time and so he just knows that it's something that he wears every single night but anyways sorry you can go on with the locks he just like won't go to bed he won't go to bed he comes out he crawls out and he hears little boots like my boots off and I'm like you got to keep him on buddy you take him in there locks right back out anyway the little locks we got I just left him on like zero zero zero because like I'm this kid's not gonna learn how to take these locks off I would spin him he learned to put him to zero zero zero take off his locks are you kidding and I was like what the why did you like he watched me he's been watching me put him on zero zero zero to unlock them and so yeah he takes off his locks so now I had to literally last night reset all the locks so like random codes so he can't know how to take them off they're so smart yeah it is it is really hard for us to see him not want to wear them and just see him uncomfortable and to see him sad over them why am I so I'm like you're way more postpartum than I am I'm about to cry I think my first night yes just sleep with no yes yeah he's had nights where he doesn't you just like your heart breaks for you yeah you have some nights where it's just like you're taking these dang things off like you can just come sleep yeah yeah but we know that we are doing what's in his best interest by putting them on by keeping them on by doing the locks like it sounds really aggressive to like put locks on these boots but it's like you know in the long run we don't want his feet to relapse and have to do another surgery and do casting and do these boots all over again so we have to do what we have to do now to you know make sure that his feet are corrected until four we put you know we were four years in we don't want to go backwards so one thousand percent but yeah all that to say he doesn't go to bed yeah getting into bed is tough yeah they know they know that like you know they work and work and work enough I'm sure your kids do it too that you'll break and there's been times where we've broke I mean for sure sometimes you're just tired and you're like I just want you to go to bed baby too you're like yeah so but it's okay you know like we'll get through it we have seven more months we've already you know we're three and a half years in but yeah it's a long game yeah it is it is okay so bedtime's not really like not set for that yeah I kind of want to circle back just a little bit because out of curiosity why did you choose to stop breastfeeding around that point that you did every time with your person honestly it was literally and I I think you know looking at it like now that I'm outside of it I have a really hard time taking care of myself so like when he went back to work which obviously you know he went back to work one week in all three times and then like people kind of start to check in less and you know like as time goes and like I said I'm just really not great at taking care of myself so it's like my supply drops you know I'm the first to go so like you know all three kids have eaten and now I'm like I just want to go sleep and you know when you're breastfeeding you have to like really keep up on your water intake on your food intake and all those things and so like around that like three months is when I think that like my supply dropped significantly our third baby had a horrible latch from the very beginning and there was a lot of issues there but yeah that like three to six month mark is kind of weird like tapered off from me all three times and honestly too mentally I told myself like I was wondering if this becomes harder than it is easy like I'm just gonna like not give up but like we're gonna have to resort to formula because my kids deserve you know a happy mom before breast milk like at that point fed is best and so yeah all with my first baby it was for sure like okay I'm not doing okay mentally I need help and so I need him to take a shift in the middle of the night I was pumping and I was exclusively pumping and exclusively pumping is like oh my gosh like nightmare yeah forget it we were we didn't even have a bottle washer when we when I was exclusively pumping and so we were like hand washing every single pump and you know I was like not doing okay mentally and I was like okay I need to just I need to like find some bit of like ease or normalcy and you know giving up breastfeeding was that and so yeah with all three it's been around that time yeah the reason I asked because I feel like breastfeeding is like such a mental game that I'm like I didn't know if there was like a connection between that too for sure it's just you're always on a timeline you're like not to make things too dark but I want to bring it up because I know like last year when we went through the horrible horrible unimaginable you know miscarriage late term Abby mentioned to me that like you guys ran into each other and you we did we cried I cried and I can't remember if you cry but I know I did we ran into each other at what was it that yeah the pumpkin patch and I had just seen your guys as post before then and it was kind of one of those things where I was like oh do I do I say hi you know maybe you're just trying because I you know I know now like sometimes you just want to like be and you don't want to you know have to be on or feel like people are watching you or always feel like you have to like give someone a certain type of energy so I was like you know maybe she just hear with her kids at the pumpkin patch and she just you know wants to do her thing but something in me felt like oh I should I should go say hi to her so I did and we talked about your miscarriage and it was something that I was hesitant to bring up but we had miscarried between our first and second baby you know not to 20 weeks and so I was actually just telling interesting because he's not on social media about your story I think a few weeks ago but yeah we I feel like as a mom who has walked through miscarriage you it's something that nobody can really understand unless you walked through it so that's why I was like you know what something was just pulling me towards you know I was like I'm just gonna go say hi give her hug if she doesn't want to talk about it and you know she doesn't have to talk about it but I just want to say like I'm praying for you and I'm thinking about you and your family and yeah that's so sweet yeah I feel like yeah I think I don't know if you feel the same way but like navigating there's such a complexity to the emotions you feel after you've had like healthy babies and then you experience a loss like that it's such like a it's a uniquely devastating thing in a way because you know it's I say uniquely because it doesn't mean that I'm not comparing like other people's stories because I truly believe that everyone's like you know you're you're dealing with what you have but uniquely but I'll have to say you know how how special it is to see like you know to grow a baby to full term to give birth then to like raise a newborn and then to like go through the other side of that I don't know how you felt like during your miscarriage but it was like almost like this hurts so much knowing what what could have been yeah I definitely my hardest pregnancy was for sure my hardest pregnancy mentally was for sure our second baby you know I'm sure for you as well your baby after loss your rainbow baby because you know those thoughts are constantly in your brain but yeah I sorry I can't remember what your question was well it really wasn't a question I guess I kind of just like longed it back over to you but I guess you kind of answered my like my thinking in the sense of like so your pregnancy after loss was difficult mental yes yeah for sure until we got to I think the anatomy scan then I felt like we could be like okay we can breathe a little bit and too you know our only experience before then out of the anatomy scan was receiving his club foot diagnosis so to know you know to get to the anatomy scan I was so anxious because of that like is this baby gonna have club feet as well and then also you know just like knowing that everything is going okay you know but yeah no the pregnancy after loss definitely is just every single week is like okay you know we're getting there and it wasn't truly until he was put on my chest that I felt like I could breathe and like just like let out a big sigh of relief because yeah you do know what you lost you understand now because you have another baby but yeah no it is really difficult and I I definitely like sympathize with you so much and that's why I was like I just have to give her hug even if I appreciate that even if she doesn't you know want it you just doesn't want to talk just give her hug and tell her I'm praying for you guys Kristen was it hard to come up with the words to say to your wife at that time just knowing yeah being guys like it's like we just want to fix it and it's like we can't like there's nothing you can do to fix a miscarriage it was definitely tough I mean I don't want to belittle the situation but like it doesn't affect doesn't affect a man the same way as it affected her so like I'm not as emotional or as I guess attached as you could say to the kid yet because I feel like a lot of your attachment as a man comes to the kid when it's like when they start kicking when they start oh yeah feeling the kid something something that like really stuck out to me was I mean just understanding what Abby was going through when this happened to us a year ago was like she is lit like every waking moment she's aware of the baby here really and it's like we just don't feel that we don't have that same experience and so there's no way for us to understand which you know it's it's just and it's it's awful and so it's just you got to be there and like not yeah not try to fix it because there's you just can't you know yeah I guess just the difference of a man and a woman we all have our easier and harder things but yeah that was definitely just another learning curve in our life I'd 100% have to I'm probably not as soft as I should be sometimes like I was saying I'm just a lot more logical but everything happens for a reason and we got to where we're at now and now it's just our rainbow baby like I cannot imagine our life without him so yeah it is a true testament to his plan but he really just was like the cherry on top of the little guy yeah he's perfect but it was hard for sure I remember when she told me I just didn't even yeah I didn't know the word I didn't know what words to say I didn't know what to I just tried to I guess hug her and make sure that I was there yeah I did feel for him because he didn't know how to feel you guys don't feel the sadness because the second that you are pregnant you have this attachment to this baby you know no matter how many weeks pregnant you are you are immediately you know like this baby is a part of you yeah and so for us it's you know it could you feel it way more maybe than than you guys do and I feel that and it's not to say that you don't love you don't love your baby that you lost totally it's just harder for you to understand that emotional attachment right from the time that you see those two pink lines you are that baby's a part of you and a part of your family for ever and I think again as a man it it's I feel like for you you didn't really feel attached to any of our children until they were born and you were physically holding them yeah so yeah like you said like when you're pregnant you're physically aware of that baby at all seconds of the day so maybe I mean I know it's mainly women that listen to our show but this could be something that I think why I've to share with their husbands and I want to ask you ladies like what is it that men can do in that that horrible horrible situation of miscarriage like what is the best thing like Tristan did or I did or or what is mean that we could have done better to support at at that time like what is it that you need oh that's like an impossible yeah I think it is too like it's just impossible I don't know do you have any great advice no I honestly don't I think just I don't think anybody yeah not putting a timeline on it I feel like yeah or like expect because that's the thing about it is that like you talk to a mom that's been through it and you're like right back to the day it all happened you know it goes back like and so it's like even though we're X amount of days away it still feels like it just happened yeah yeah you know yeah my question for you being on having had too healthy pregnancies after loss was it easier the second time where did you feel like it was just as hard oh with our third yes oh I I felt like it was way easier okay yeah yeah way easier his pregnancy was honestly so great up until the end I mean you know you have two toddlers and you're massively pregnant and you were pregnant in the thick of the heat yeah criminal yeah never do that again yeah oh my gosh but something that like literally gave me just chills I was like I cannot imagine what that would be like I you know again hurt you opening up about the craziness of the most recent birth oh yeah and correct me if I'm wrong but in like if there was an episiotomy that was my second baby yes yes what what was going to your mind like all right here's the we're getting out the scissors or you're just like what the like what can we not do so he was actually so calm because I looked at him I actually like you know episiotomy isn't like the normal practice it's only in the case of an emergent situation that they're doing an episiotomy and when the doctor pulled up the scissors I said whoa whoa whoa what's going on and I looked at him and he said just like like looked at me with like a face that was like just it's gonna be okay like you need to like calm down because like he could tell that something was going wrong I did not know that something was going wrong so I'm like wait why are you resorting to an episiotomy right now and he looked at me like very calmly and was like just like we got to just keep pushing we got to keep keep going so yeah I don't know like what that experience is like I mean I just watching that happen and my eyes like ignorance is bliss like just let them do their jobs and trust him and we love we love well we didn't have him for our third baby but we loved our doctor he just was like somebody you could trust and yeah straightforward and blunt like he knew what he was doing and just had to trust him like you could tell you picked up on the energy in the room like everybody's calm you're just having like a standard you're having the baby but then like the like things start beeping super fast then people started like more so running and like everybody just started to be in a little bit more panic mode and she just like looked at me and I was just like holding her and that's that's all I could really do is just hold her and I don't know I just go into those things for some reason I don't I don't go into it thinking anything bad could ever happen like I just I always think like we're just gonna come out of this like we always do yeah and we did yeah yeah you were probably like every relationship has to have a warrior and a non-moreer yeah yeah yeah yeah like nothing back ever happened like the worst will probably yeah do you feel do you relate to that yes for sure yeah no he was definitely way calm that situation he could tell me immediately be like wait what's going on and he was like we're gonna get the baby out like we have to trust the doctor and I was like because his heart rate was dropping yeah his heart is dropping like significantly and they yeah I was in a piece of me and the vacuum oh wow yeah I've never seen anything like that yeah what does that look like it's like a literal plunger yeah they literally like plunger baby yeah just like put out like yeah crazy yeah it was like your third birth was it's easy yeah it was like weirdly easy we were like yeah so easy we get ready to push yeah okay we're getting ready to push then I was like happy birthday I'm like wait wait I didn't even push yet what do you mean happy I push like you push once yeah I don't know it was literally just yeah it was a yeah it was a crazy versus key was like literally we were almost having birth in triage yeah how how many hours was the labor oh I don't even think it was there was no yeah yeah I think I only labored with our first baby with second and third it was like you know just epidural waterbreak pushing baby like really quick births for those two how does that even happen I'm like whoa how did you figure that out I think a child is such a like unique thing it's just like crazy like how everything comes together for this kid to just like were you induced with your first I was induced my first and my third okay yeah just like it just happened yeah I got a membrane sweet okay yeah I got a membrane sweep and then that night like 3 a.m. I woke up and I was like it's spicy ramen yeah and spicy ramen I think did it and then yeah we woke up and I was like I think I'm in labor I was having back labor I've never had I've never labored in my back before so but yeah we got to the hospital I was like seven and a half eight and then broke water epidural push a couple times and he was here what do you feel like your boys follow the traditional birth order like as far as their personalities yes one to eight percent I mean our third baby he's six months old like we don't really know yes still a question mark yeah but like the first and second for sure like our son camp the other yesterday he had an injure your class and his coach gives him a sucker at the end of class and he's like well he needs a sucker as well like you know very like aware of his brother and you know our second child is just like a little brute like he's just like that's really funny because our our boys did an ninja class as well oh really yeah they're they're also they just yeah they're just black shell yeah you don't want to get into fight with them - It was so funny, but-- - Is yours an actual, like, is it actually at a martial arts studio? - No, it's just like-- - No, it's just like-- - New jewelry are like the obstacle course. - Okay, that's an arts and two, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Like if they do like the same techniques is like what the, like, you know, they swing from rope to rope and do the little, like, walk on the thing that rolls and things like that. - I think it's the same thing. - Okay, we might be going to the same place. - Yeah, okay. (laughing) - Something Ken that I really related to you on is not wanting to have wearables on your body to monitor your health at certain times. - Oh, yeah. - You, like, mentioned to me about, like, you're oraring messing with your brain. - Yes. - Like, seeing your sleep score. - Yes. - Like, now, look, I love my garment for when I go on runs. I wanna track my run, I wanna track my workout, track my steps during the day, but, like, I've been purposely not wearing my watch at night because if I wake up and I see that I slept for three hours, then it just-- - Makes you more anxious. - Makes you more anxious. - Yeah, yeah. No, I rather not know, I'm, like, ignorance is bliss. Like, if I slept two hours, if I slept seven, like, I'm probably gonna feel the same at this point, so. - When did you start doing that? When did you realize you needed to take off the wearable technology? - The oraring was telling me that my stress levels were, like, way exceed what they should be for, like, a certain amount of time during the day. And I was, like, this thing is stressing me out more than it is helping me. So, then I was, like, I got a subwear in this. Like, this is not good for me mentally, 'cause I was, like, being obsessed with it. Like, okay, how can I, like, you know, make it happier with me, that, you know, so, the stats, so then I just was, like, yeah, I can't wear this thing anymore. - Have you ever, Tristan, considered, like, you know, retiring in a way? Like, now that Ken's social media has exploded, or are you ever, like, maybe I- - Hey, it's been a topic of conversation. - Do people ask you that a lot? - No, more so, her, that's just, like, I feel like it's kind of standard in the industry of, like, all these women that, like, do social media, they, like, repent. - Red winner. - They retire, they husbands, the husbands to stay at home, dad. I just told her from the beginning, no matter how far you take this, that just will not be me. - I think it's good for our marriage, too, to be separate. - Yeah, I agree with that. I just, that, I don't work a whole lot. I work four days a week. I feel like that's a fair amount, but I like to also have, like, my own career, my own goals and whatnot. But the whole me working six days a week, while she was doing that, I was, that was when we hit a phase of, like, what the heck are we doing, like, why are you making money, I'm making money, then why are we still, like, miserable here? But then I transitioned to four days a week and it's been, honestly, amazing since then. - Yes. - So you guys have found, like, a good balance, then. - I've just put that a lot, nothing to anyone that decides to do something different. But I think that's really great. Like, you both are, like, contributing and have your own things. And he doesn't, like, if he were to retire, he doesn't want to even be on social media. So I feel like that would be different if he was, like, I'm gonna retire and then, like, we'll do this together. That's not something that, like, he wants to do. And it's nice for us to have our own things, you know? Like, I have my own thing and he has his own things and he has his own career goals within his career and I have mine within mine. And then, you know, we get those three full days, which is such a blessing because, you know, when we had our first baby, we only had one day a week together. - One day is not it. - Yeah, so it's tough. - Yeah, which I know a lot. That's a lot of people's experiences. That's just life, you know, somebody has to be the provider, but to be able to, you know, be in a career both of us and then get that time together at the same time has been, has, like, honestly changed our life, too. - Yeah, this was, like, recently, too. - Yeah, within, like, the last six months. So, what would you say your career goals are? - Honestly, I said this to somebody the other day. I think, like, my only goal, and this is where we're at now, is to be able to, like, make it to every single, for the two of us to be able to be at every soccer game, be at pickup and drop off and, you know, send our kids to school if they wanna go to school and just be able to be as present as we can while still be able to, like, financially provide for them. And that's kind of really my own goal. I'm not somebody who wants to, like, take this to the point of, like, walking red carpets and going on these, like, crazy brand trips, like, I really just want to, like, stay home with my kids, be able to be a stay-at-home mom and still, you know, have an identity that is me outside of motherhood. So, I feel like we have, like, gained this perfect balance of that in this last, like, year, I would say. But, yeah, I don't really know if I have, like, major career goals, but just, yeah, work life balance, I think, was, like, my goal in January was to find that, and I think that I found that. 'Cause I think that you guys could probably say it's hard to find balance when your, like, your job is sharing your life. And so it's like, okay, what is social media and what is real life? 'Cause sometimes those, like, lines can really blur when you're-- - That's why we started this podcast. So we could talk to other people about their life. - Yeah. (laughing) - It is, like, a world of, like, I couldn't comprehend when she first started this. Like, it was obviously just, like, a little side gig thing, and she turned it into what she did. I just was like, this is mind blowing. And I had no clue, like, what this could entail. She, sure she is now, it's nuts. - Okay, well, we have some agree-to-disagree questions. - These are actually really fun ones. - Some really fun ones to play a little game. Are we answering these out of here, is it just-- - No. - Okay, you guys are just going to agree-- - But are you guys, you guys can have some, like, banter with us. - We can banter with us. - We'll participate. - We'll participate. - Okay, the first one, agree-to-disagree, couples should share household chores equally. - Agreed. - Three, two, one. - Oh, shoot, sorry. We're both going to agree, we're going to-- - I was going to disagree. - Oh! (laughing) - I don't know, I just feel like be a team, like, if you have time, do something, if I have time, do something. - Oh, I guess I wasn't interpreting the question correctly. - Oh, that was high, I wasn't interpreting. - Okay. - No, like, yeah. - We'll say the question again. - The agree-to-disagree couple should share household chores equally. - Oh, no. I mean, it's like whoever's home. Like, if your home, the dishes are, like, need to be unloaded, then, like, unload the dishes. - But. - Yeah, no, okay, disagree. - Oh, see, I was thinking that, but then I was going to have the answer be agree-then. - I'm lost, but I don't agree. - But I feel like you've got to work as a team. - Yes, and I'm not going to keep a tab though, like, I took out the trash, you better clean the calendars. - Yeah, that's what I'm not going to do, though, sometimes. Sometimes I'm like, well, my tally is looking. - You're like, wait a second. - It is hard to not keep tabs, but I feel like you've got to communicate. - Especially when you have a new baby. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - I feel like it also is maybe different if you're both home, you know what I mean? Because, like, when he comes home, I've obviously been doing the house chores when I'm home, but then, like, when he comes home, honestly, I love doing the house chores when he's home, because I'm like, I get a break from the kids, and, like, I can do a mindless activity, and just-- - And you can knock it out. - Yeah, so if you don't have the kids-- - That's what we do a lot. Like, I'll hold the screaming baby, and then she'll be the one picking up. - Yeah. - 'Cause she's like, she's also, you're way faster at picking up than me. - Yeah, I'm like, I can't sit here and hold the baby and watch you do this so slowly. - Yeah, that is so-- - And partially wrong. - Yeah, yeah. - That's the worst thing that they tell you to do something. - I'm like, okay, I'll go do it. She's like, oh, I'm like, let me just do it then. You gotta let me do it or you do it. - Someone gave me the advice that was like, if they'd choose to do it, or if they, like, if he wanted to do it, let them pull it on it then. I was like, so sometimes I'm just like, my eyes like twitching a little bit. I'm like, okay. - That's like the middle of the night with our first baby, I remember. We were like, trying to switch off, like, diaper changing. And I was like, okay, it's your turn to change diaper. And, you know, obviously as the mom, you're laying there, but you're still fully awake. I'm listening to everything that's going on. And like, he's slowly, like, going to the diaper and like, going to the changing station, then like, walking back and going to the mom. So I'm like, just let me do it. Like, you know, like, it's just like, 'cause I'm already awake, like, let me just do it. But, yeah, no. Household chores, we definitely both pull our own weight. - Gotta get in here. - He does the dishes way better than I do. I do the laundry, how I like it to be done. We have our different things, but-- - I like it. - Agree to disagree. Holidays must be split equally between both families. - Oh, this is, this was really hard for us in the beginning. - This, can I give a backstory to this? - Agree to disagree. - Agree to disagree. - Okay. - Three, two, one. - Agree. (laughing) - I don't know. Agree, but that's not the case first. - So the women, they win, dude. Like, there's nothing we can do. We gotta, we gotta just hold on. - I know. - What? - Trustin is very, like I said, he's very fair. He sees it very logically. Everything is like logical, it has to make sense. Like, your family got Christmas, so my family gets Christmas. - A lot of families though, like, top, like typically some families have like, the family they're closer with, the family they're not, but like, we're pretty equally-- - Close with both families. - Close, but yeah, she literally, I remember when we're engaged, we're being engaged or dating. - I don't know. - I think we're engaged. And I was like, what are we gonna do about holidays when we get married? And she was like, what do you mean? (laughing) Oh, it's like Christmas, you're gonna go to my families and we're gonna go to yours. And she was like, no, we're not. - I was being brought. - She was being a brat, yes, she's come a long way. But, literally, it was like, yeah, we're not gonna go to your families for Christmas. And I was like, that's a deal breaker, Kennedy. Like, we will go to your families and we will go to my family. - This is the whole day. - What if I just now learn that your name was Kennedy? - Oh, really? - Yeah, do you call her Kennedy? - Yes. - Only when it's serious. - That's adorable. - Kennedy is, yeah, I feel like-- - It's really funny because growing up, only people who were really close to me called me Ken. And then when we got married, my handle, my maiden name's Browns, my handle, when we were engaged, or previously was Kennedy Brown. And then we got married, Kennedy, Crotic was taken, so I just made it Ken Crotic. And now everybody calls me Ken because that's my handle, but yeah, my real name is Kennedy. Yeah, but he calls me Kennedy all the time. - I don't really call you Ken. Yeah, no, okay, I agree to disagree. So did it get it got solved or it's still it's all yeah, we solved it We realized that's how it should be a pre-marital counseling. It probably is a pre-marital counseling thing how to do holidays It is hard to navigate you know It's it was the idea of like giving up what was my Christmas for 20+ years to then like spend Christmas with somebody else who has totally different Traditions is like it was a little bit of a like come to reality for me. I was like, okay, like we're sharing. Yeah, we're sharing Yeah, so but now like that you have kids everything changes because you have you know a lot more poll like We his family does Christmas at the very beginning of December and my family does Christmas the weekend before and then we get to spend Christmas just us Wow you guys really figure that out. Yeah all Christmas Christmas is in one month. He said it's a lot of Christmas, but it works it works because we get to spend Christmas with just our kids And we still get to do both of our families and we don't have to like be running all around Arizona on Christmas morning You guys really figure that out. Yeah, that's of all worlds. Yeah. Yes I like it. I like it. I like it. We still haven't figured it out every year every year. We're like what are we doing? Yeah, sometimes we try to like Spend our food on and they never work like near each other We have a good chunk here in Arizona, but a lot are back in Missouri. Oh, okay, a little tiny bit in Illinois now But all days are hard because I feel like until we had kids We were just trying to make everybody happy and then when we had kids like okay, no like we need to be happy What do we want to see our Christmas like every year? And we're like with our kids just us five now and so yeah? I think our last Christmas before doing that our kids we were at his parents house and like our son ran out to you know his parents Christmas tree And I was there was a moment where we were like okay next year we want our kids to be in our home and running out to our Christmas tree and Yeah, so we're kind of moving to like doing Christmas here like at our house, but then we got sad But then for new years will go or like actually what we did two years ago We pretend that like Christmas morning was actually the morning of New Year's Eve of Christmas Eve Yes, on the 24th like they came to 24th and we're like oh, it's Christmas now and then we flew out later that night That's what we did two years ago. I thought that was good, but my I have to go back to that. I don't know. We'll figure it out They're like 13 and we're like no, it's 24. Yeah, agreed to disagree PDA with your spouse is weird agree to disagree agree. Yeah, we don't We definitely don't it's obviously it's not even as much as like I think it's weird. It's just like uncomfortable Man for us maybe I'm definitely the more like physically Touch like I like but like what is PDA like are we making out on public? Or just like holding hands and hug me. I mean you could. I don't know. I mean I feel like PDA no, not holding hands, but like kissing in public. Yeah, making out hold I like to wrap my arms around Abby and and it's like you know that awkward like prom pic. We're like. Yeah Like I do that. I'm like I don't think that's weird I'm thinking like when you like look over and you're in the Disneyland line and someone's like making out It's like okay. No, it's like a timer place and that's like that. That really sticks flags type of stuff That's happens to me at Disney and I'm like Not that I'm like approved or anything, but it's just like Okay, uh next is um soulmates are real agree to disagree agree agree. Yeah. Oh, that's so sweet Would you not agree? I actually see I would have said yes until I was like no and I was like well My answer is no - but I wait what? That makes it cool. I always heard in my show. She is my soulmate No, you're just he's so logical. He's like there's gotta be someone else you could be married to that Like it would work out if you guys never went to ASU and you were raised in London. I could agree with I could agree with that I mean just even the way I was like raising grew up Kennedy is not the kind of girl that I thought that I would have married The way I grew up and a good way or bad and I mean in a good way if she's just a different like I grew up like hunting, fishing, camping Not her like he was like that's not Kennedy. He was you were more attractive like the girls who like play sports like a Tom boy It's time for yeah, and like I am I am not that she was as yeah complete opposite. She's like I will not camp Yeah, I didn't he just took our son and I did not go Have you I took her camping and we literally made it back to Phoenix in time to watch the movies Yeah, like we like fully real I was like gonna surrender to the camping and like when we were dating you You're trying to impress yeah, and I was like oh I'll go camping with him like this or like impressive You know like he loves camping. He wants a girl. It's gonna camp and yeah We like literally got there set up the full campsite and like we laid down in the tent to like Go to bed because I guess we have to like go to bed like when the sun sets. Yeah, so you can like wake up for the sunrise I was like not even close to tired at all and he's like fully like snoring and I hear him like Sticks move and like there's no fire. It's pitch black. He's in the background. Yeah, and I was like In my head like oh my gosh do I wake him up like this is gonna be so embarrassing We were like newly dating and I was like no, I have to wake him up like I'm terrified I don't like this and I was like hey um like I don't like this like I want to go home We let him pack up the whole campsite at home and he took me to the movies and I was like yep Dundeele like you are my husband like he was dead asleep. Yeah he packed the whole thing back up in my car We had it unpacked maybe an hour and back That was like okay. Well, I guess I broke the ice. I'm not a camper at all, but yeah That was like me pretending to like superhero movies for Matt for a little bit there. She acted like she liked guardians I hate them and she hates it. I literally hate them. When did you break the news? Yeah When they kept showing up into a sequel There was so small you're like your sixth Marvel movie in like okay I was like I'm done here like 15 hours of showing That's the end of this you're right. Yeah, I can't do it That's so funny. I agree to disagree. Mary couples should not have close friends of the opposite sex agree I love how to decide you guys. Yeah, you guys are like unified in these I want to know do okay What I had to go feed the baby. What's what's the best? I really want to know this one You say it parents should take vacations without their kids agree for sure. Oh, why do you say that? I like it I think you deserve time away just like undivided attention for each other I feel like even our little one-on-one date nights like it's like a couple of hours I don't feel like we really like get to connect the two of us in that like what do you call the little vacations? We go on before we have babies. Oh baby moves baby moons. Yeah, yeah Honestly the best we be for two days maybe three days. Yeah with no kids And it like just rekindles our marriage you like it's the perfect amount of time though three days for sure After three days. I'm like all right We want to see our kids. Yeah, you know, we love each other But we're like ready to just like yeah, we went to London last year and that was like four days too long Really? I've just got yeah, and here's the problem is that it takes a day to get there Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's really bad for there for two days. Yeah Three he's like four and a half-ish. I don't know. I did freak out, but yeah Have you guys been on a trip since you have the third? Oh, you haven't we haven't even been on a trip since we started having kids You went no, they said yes, so you guys you haven't been on a trip just the two of you. Yeah, we haven't before teller What where we literally went. Oh, I mean, we didn't go on a trip. We on a staycation, but baby moons have been with the babies No, but I'm saying like we haven't gone anywhere like outside of Arizona just us to for longer than like a staycation like two days Yeah, I'm saying like even I'm counting the two days though. I'm counting that. Okay. Yeah, then then yeah Yeah, yeah, where have you guys gone wait? I want to know Literally Let's go I kind of think I know how you're gonna answer this one based off of our earlier conversation, but three kids is easier than two Okay, I feel like but now it's starting to get way easier But yeah, I disagree for sure like two was way easier because you know I have one maybe he has one maybe and now once you're outnumbered It definitely changes things for sure And the two I feel like getting up on they at least get up on me like they like inspire together Against me. Yeah, why the two oldest ones for sure bully who's lightly. Yeah, who's the stricter parent? Oh easily him Like but he's not with them all the time so it's like kind of like I have to let things go just to survive You know, but yeah, sometimes I just close one eye. Yeah, or you just hear something you're like No, yeah, no, our our two kids the other day were sharpie in our wall Changing the baby and I like come down the hallway and I hear our oldest camp being like hurry hurry She's coming and I'm like what could possibly happen right now like what are we hurrying for and my second child has both sharpies in his hand And he's like this and I'm like okay Yeah, for sure he gave you the other sharpie and you guys were sharpying the wall together But now it looks like only he was sharpying, but yeah, no, they definitely They get away with a lot more when I'm there because again I'm just like trying to survive with three kids by myself But when he's with us, you know, we're together so there can be more of that like parental role But yeah, when it's just me a lot a lot goes out the window It's a problem. Yeah, I know I have no idea what time it is today Like I just can tell that it's been a while you're the lead down in it. You're like oh no help Yeah, Abby just had her milk come in. So I think I think that's her signal But where's the best place for you people to keep in touch with you guys. Oh just my take-talk on Instagram Ken Kradick I'm like Tristan is I'm gonna find your body I don't catch them before you pop stuff. Just delete them really quick, but yeah, no. - Well, thank you guys so much. This was so fun. We have so much in common, so we can talk for hours. - I know, I know, yeah. - Thanks, guys. This was fun. - Thanks for having us. - We'll see you guys in the next episode. Peace.