Ken Marino and Santino become friends! | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series presented by FanDuel. Hey there, WhizGinge fans, I am in St. Charles tonight. St. Louis, St. Charles, whatever you call it, I'm here tonight. One more show before the end of the year. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets, andrewsantino.com. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. The gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the whore. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Ken Marino. Hi, how are you? Ken Marino, thank you for coming, man. Thank you for rolling the R. Marino, Marino. How does a guy from New York feel about the Knicks? Do you care? I love the Knicks. I love the Knicks. Was this a big deal for you or no? It was a huge deal. When I was living in Manhattan in the 90s, I lived on 26th and 7th and I shared a place with three other guys and we all bought two seats, season tickets, and we would split it when we would go. We watched a pregame show at our apartment, then walked down the street and be in our seats by tip-off. Wow. And it was the year that they went to the final, and lost. And it was incredible. So I was a Knick fan during that whole time and sort of unhealthily obsessed with them and then followed them throughout the years and then sort of like when it was really down and ugly and I was living in Los Angeles, I sort of lost touch a little bit and then got back into it when I was shooting in New York. I was shooting a show called The Other Two in New York. Love that show, man. Thank you. It's fantastic. Thank you. I loved it too. Because I've known him for years. Who? Chris? Drew. Yeah. He's the best. He's unbelievable. So we were roommates. We were like, hey, they give you a relocation fee and so after the first year we were like, hey, should we just pool our money together and get a better place? Yeah. And so we did and we got a slightly better place, but it was nice and we had a great time. That show was so good, man. You, by the way, underrated on that show. Thank you. The show was well-received, but I think it's one of those things where, like, there's a few people that really know it and some, the people that really know it are, like, in love with it. It's one of those shows. Like, did you ever see a show called Getting On? They made it in Britain and then we remade it here with Niecy Nash. Oh, no. No, I haven't. See, this is one of those, it's another, it's a gem like your show where you're like, this is, if you watch it, you'll fall in love with it immediately. All right, I'll watch it. It's very, very good. If you like Niecy Nash. I love Niecy. And Laurie Metcalf. Well, one of the best actresses on planet Earth. She's incredible. But let's talk more about you in New York. No, let's talk mostly about Laurie Metcalf. Oh, Laurie Metcalf, yeah. She is very good. Yeah. And, no, I'll say this. We've shared, whether you know this or not, we've shared moments together in a room on camera. We were on camera for five seconds together, I think. I did an episode of Children's Hospital. Oh, my gosh. I don't know. We'd have to look it up. I could look it up. It was a long time ago. What was the scene? I was Jasper Pants. I was a dead old Irish golfer. I was, like, in the hospital. Yes, I remember that. Yeah. Jasper Pants. Wait, well, yes. It was me, Malin. Malin and I then would go on to do an unbelievably bad television show together. Which one? One of the worst of all time. Unheard of. It was called. I've done a lot of unheard of. Dude, I've done way more. I don't know about that. I've been around a long time. It was called Sin City Saints. It was Yahoo's first TV show about a basketball team in Vegas. This was my favorite. Actually, speaking of critics, the first critic that wrote about it goes, the show is terrible and the concept is bad. There'll never be a professional sports team in Vegas. And then now there's going to be all of them. But he was like, this is already a bad idea. And that was kind of in it, was we're a franchise team that moved to Vegas. But Malin and I did it. And it was great. But I had met her for the first time doing Children's Hospital. Yeah, yeah. Malin's the best. 2013. 2013. A couple years ago. But are you saying, and maybe I'm reading between the lines, but are you saying the reason all the sports shows, I mean, all the teams are going to Vegas now is because your show? Yeah. That's exactly what I'm saying. Wow. Yeah. And I'm glad you caught it because I thought, this man is a smart man. He did go to NYU. But is he going to really grab onto something? I grabbed onto it and then I stuttered for a while. I don't know if you were there. I don't know. At a certain point you were looking at me and you're like, I hope he says something at the end of that. I just didn't want you to have a medical emergency. We don't have insurance. Yeah, but we're close to a hospital, aren't we? No, unfortunately not. That one just shut down about a week and a half ago. Oh, man. That was my favorite one. It was. That one was good. That one was really good. No, but I had all the extra medicine. It's so much more medicine. You know, when you walked in they had like a bowl full of medicine that you could grab. Yeah, well, it was just in a free open popcorn bowl. Yeah, grab some medicine. How can I help you? What was the color of your popcorn bowl as a kid in your house growing up? There was a color of a popcorn bowl. What was it? We got into this discussion before. The color of my popcorn bowl. When family ate popcorn together, what did it look like? Oh, oh, oh. Well, that's presumptuous because we didn't, we ate popcorn together. Oh, it was all in separate rooms. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and my dad's was blue. My wife, because I was, I got married very young at five. Nine, right? Yeah, five, yeah. My mother's was green. My sister's was purple and mine was white, like an off-white. Yeah, okay, so not eggshell. We were eggshell people. Eggshell. Yeah, yeah, okay, it was. No, because- No, actually, the real answer is eggshell. Eggshell, that was eggshell. We had a discussion about this because there was this iconic, like, 90s, 80s, 90s popcorn bowl that was wood and it was, like, different grains of wood facing different ways and this was like this, what did your popcorn bowl look like as a family? And now my father, if I go home and I put popcorn in anything but the old wood bowl, he's like, that's not the popcorn bowl. I put it, I put popcorn in a wood bowl now. Yeah. Like, we have a salad, a wood salad bowl. That's where it goes. And that's where, but, you know, you do the, do you do the real popcorn or do you, like, do the microwave popcorn? No, on the stove. You do the, on the stove. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we will sometimes do the popcorn in the microwave but the stove is better. Yeah, yeah, but, you know, sometimes I just want to drop it in the microwave. Don't do it, man. There's PFAS in there. But I, there's what? Pete's ass? Pete's ass is in there. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, and you remember Pete. He was never a clean guy. No, this guy never washes. No, never. PFAS, forever chemicals. Dirty Pete. Yeah, Dirty Pete. Well, that's what we call him on the street, Dirty Pete. Here comes Dirty Pete, dude. Yeah, the, the, the. It was his ass in another bag of popcorn. What was he doing that for? Was that for clout or something? He just put his ass in kernels and he was like, it was like sort of a bragging thing. Ah. He's like, I got my ass in some more kernels. And then, and then, of course those kernels show up in popcorn bags. They always. You know what that reminds me of? Ass pennies. That sounds like it. It does sound like ass pennies. Ass pennies, yeah. Because then I know the change is in his hands. His delivery, just his, his delivery is, is one of the most, is one of my favorite deliveries of all, like, comedians. He has a similar delivery as, what's his name, from, never mind. Put the drink down. Well, we'll give reference for people that don't know. If you've never seen the sketch Ass Pennies, please Google Ass Pennies. I don't want to give any more away because it's one of the funniest. It's just so good. Super Dave Osborne. Who's the guy who played Super Dave Osborne? Einstein. Bob Einstein. Bob Einstein. Same delivery. Yeah, same kind of dry, deep. He had a really good voice. I'm going to give you a little bit of props real fast before we move on. Okay. Big fan. Big fan from far away. I've been following you literally for a long, long time. That's me with the flashlight outside of your home. Oh, that was you. Because there's a lot of people outside my house with a lot of flashlights. Not as often as I am. There's no chance. But you know a couple of the guys. I took care of a few of those guys. Yeah. Well, thank you very much for just lighting up my back because we didn't have any outside lighting. Yeah, no, we needed it. I know. You've got to fix some of that stuff. I will fix it on my own at some point. What's the deal with outside lighting? It just doesn't last too long. It's not supposed to. Built to break. Built to break. Yeah, because they want you to have to buy a new one. More lights. Yeah. I don't like it. That's why I don't have any lights outside of my home whatsoever. I have one that works and then six or seven that are just out. How many lights does it take of a piece of lighting? I love this joke. Two Jews are changing a piece of lighting. And a Muslim guy walks in. Who changes the lights first? Oh, I wish I had a punchline for that. Okay, me too. How many lights go out in a lighting piece in your home before you actually start changing the bulbs? Let's say it's a six-piece thing of lights. How many go out? Oh, like a. A lighting fixture, chandelier, whether a thing above your kitchen. Two. Two gone? If one's gone, I'm like, I've got to get to that. I wait till the last soldier's standing. Really? Yeah, my wife is always like, what are you doing? I'm like. It's dark in here. It's holding on. I want to see what that guy can do. I just want to see how long he can last. He's a champion. And then my father-in-law comes to the house and is like, these are all out. Let me fix them all. He built their childhood home with his hands. So you want to talk about emasculation at its finest. It's embarrassing to a degree that's like, I leave. I go away for a while. I don't have a choice. I would always like when my dad would come visit because then we would fix everything. Together. Yeah, we'd go around and fix it all. See, I never had that. Like, I can't do the. Like, were you a kid that could rebuild shit if it broke when you were a kid? Not so much. i learned a lot from my dad because he was a guy who would like he there would be a jeep on the side of the house and then he would be like yeah i'm just gonna fix all the parts take everything apart and put it back in i'm like you're gonna what that's awesome and so then i'd watch him like clean up i wouldn't sit with him because i was a kid i had no desire to watch my father like clean a camshaft or whatever the hell you know right and um but uh but but it was but i did admire it and i was like wow that's just a very different generation oh what did your pop do for a living well he was a he was a plumber he's a cesspool guy he cleaned cesspools and he was a clam digger before that the name cesspool is so it's like it's so negative when you say oh the place is a cesspool yeah it's actually a beautiful thing well look i mean without it it'd be shit all over the place that's exactly right um it'd be england a couple hundred years ago yeah just shit everywhere we went to italy um and went through this one old old town and it was just like open just like little river you know concrete like or stone river poop rivers poop rivers yeah little poop rivers shit and then the shit goes through town and on its way out you get to look at everybody's shit oh there's kevin that's kevin took another shit today the idea that you can identify who's who's already awake who's awake oh that's mike that's got to be mike mike's up did you wait have you uh have you did you spend a ton of time in italy is this one of your favorite little getaway spots i do like going to italy but uh i don't spend i haven't spent a lot of time but um i've been a three three times three four times i got a big crush on it we go oh it's the best we go almost every year that's like our one where do you go to the same place or do you know we try to jump around but uh my family is siciliano sicilian so we mostly go to sicily we we mostly stay sicily my dad's sicilian you gotta go well my dad my dad is part sicilian his dad was sicilian and his mom was from rome and then uh and but i've never been to sicily i've never been to sicily i really want to go i highly recommend i i wanted to go find where my dad's town was you know like his parents town and i asked around and i and i had the incorrect spelling because it was communicated through you know telephone i was like i think it's kachamo and i was like romanticizing he's like why do you say kach and i'm like it's kach right he's like cock like cock cockamo and i'm like oh okay okay that's good too can i tell me where that is he's like it's a above the so so you admired your father's handiwork but then i know this is a annoying corny question but i there are no you know we're in a safe place well i do want to know there are no annoying corny questions okay because i i admire you uh your work i think you're a fantastic comedic actor and actor why did you what what led you down the why didn't i choose the path of cleaning cesspools yeah um my dad never wanted that he never kind of wanted to do that pushed me in that direction and i um early on in my childhood i did a play uh and i and i and i people laughed and i got like i've been chasing that dragon ever since yeah that's what i mean because i it's i hate it as a comedian someone's like what got you in a stand-up and i'm like it's annoying but also it is interesting i come from a family of no one is in the yeah nobody was in no one's in the arts so it's always interesting to me when people don't come from the arts background when someone's like my uncle was a writer and my grandmother was a writer and was a you know then i'm always like right yeah but my family was very much what did your what did your my dad was in sales my mom was a a property management company marketing for property management so like in chicago this i was the only guy that left and they were like so do you so do you remember the moment that you were like that you got like the itch that you got the bug i think i think uh do you even think of it yeah no i do i did my mom uh was a single mother for a while and so i think then like making my mom laugh like always trying to make my mom laugh and it was a big thing in our family my grandfather was a funny jovial uh guy so i think we always were trying to tease each other and then i sang and told jokes at my mom and my stepdad's wedding and i killed i killed and i was like this is awesome yeah that's the thing it was a moment where i was like this is i'm the and everyone's like you're so good i'm like i'm so good thank you so much i'm eight years seven years old and i'm like yeah i'm the shit can i tell you something though and i don't want to this might might fuck you up i don't know because it sort of fucked me up for a little while just recently i thought about it i'm like i did this play right and i wasn't supposed to be in a play like they threw me in this play i was at a summer camp and that's what you did at the end of the year and it was in third grade or whatever and uh and i went out and i got nervous and i locked myself in a bathroom my sister talked my older sister was at the camp too and she talked me out of the bathroom and i come out and then i do i do it right i build up enough courage to do it everybody's laughing i'm like this is fucking great i'm really terrific and then just recently i thought you know what everybody just might have been laughing because i locked myself in the bathroom and they're just trying to make me feel good and maybe i'm not as incredible as i thought i was at age whatever eight or seven that's a microcosm of the business as a whole that's how i feel all the time we think we're but everyone's actually like i feel bad for that guy this is his thing it's so silly up there by himself what i gotta silly boy i should laugh yeah i was a little a little freckle-faced pumpkin-headed kid in a suit i was wearing like a three-piece suit that's very funny off the jump yeah you don't have to that's it little red-headed men in suits you're like funny little tiny red-headed man like now he's gonna say some jokes how cute yeah i think i thought i was and then this sounds uh trite but i i i don't really remember no getting johnny carson but i'd watch it a lot as a kid my mom would catch me watching it because i was obsessed with the rhythm i i think i just enjoyed the this comedic popping i thought that was so funny so as a kid i would watch it but i don't really i don't remember like the you know what i mean i don't remember the core moments of it right i just remember enjoying the thing and i was like i like that yeah there was a looseness and a fun a fun they had a fun time back then it was like yeah it doesn't feel like that when you do like very like standard tonight shows or those shows do you feel like you're you're set up against the wall a little bit or no i i don't look to be honest with you yeah we talk real talk yeah podcasts and talk shows are not like something that i'm like oh i gotta i can't wait to do that because because i i don't necessarily the reason i chose what i do is not to show to to be me yeah like i like escaping into characters or just like acting and playing different parts and all that stuff like the idea of like me talking as myself and being entertaining and like that that's that creates a little anxiety from nerve-wracking yeah but then i'll fuck you up we're you're playing a character now too this isn't you either we're all playing a character well but that's what i that's you know that's i have to snap into some version of that and that's but but but but then it's like then i feel like i'm being like it's bullshit and then i also feel like just on certain podcasts i remember like um can i talk about other if they're good i this is a while ago i went on mark maron right like when like you don't want to talk about that no i'm kidding i'm kidding no no i'm kidding okay no but i went on his i went on you know like um you want to go listen to his show this is early on yeah and you know i remember listening to it and then i got invited to be on and i'm like i don't want to talk about like skeletons in my closet and dark moments in my life i i don't that's what he does i have no desire like and who wants to fucking hear that about now maybe there are people who want to hear it and they're definitely on it but i don't want to talk about it and i don't want to talk about it there are people who want to talk about it but that's not what i what i'm comfortable doing i don't want to talk about like the time that i really was just in an awful place and and so i got real nervous and i went on it was perfectly fine but then when i went back and listened to it it was perfectly fine it was like i wasn't giving any deeper thing for him to be like let me let me know more about that because that's what gets i think clicks him off as well but like he likes to talk about right and then uh um and then i was also like did you i heard he'd like party down but then he didn't ask me any questions about party down i was like god damn it i got some questions for you okay good by the way did he send you home with the cat uh three yeah oh you got three yeah i got a calico i got one two siamese you got two siamese yeah yeah yeah is it siamese for siamese si siamese i don't know we are siamese that's a little offensive but yeah it is yeah that's why they don't my mother she was yeah she was can i rest her soul and you made her laugh a lot just for my mom oh we're gonna be quiet okay yeah just for my mother in here we pour whiskey this episode of whiskey ginger is brought to you by squarespace i've talked about squarespace so much you got to be up on board okay squarespace is incredible um honestly if you've designed a website in your past at one point you've used whatever whack tools that they have available squarespace has made that seamless and beautiful it's the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online whether you're growing your business or you got a big old business baby squarespace allows you to uh claim your domain showcase your offerings and and get a professional website grow that brand make it bigger and bigger they have so many cool things that they help you do that was never available before cutting edge design seo tool so you can get discovered much more often okay and they have a donations page you're accepting money for whatever you're putting out to the world or you're selling a product they have it they have analytics email campaigns everything that's scrunched down to one little spot for you to have the best chance for your business to be seen online, promoted, pushed around, and why not design a website with Squarespace? Because you need a good-looking one, why not go to them? Go over to squarespace.com slash whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Once again, I've told you what that is. It's squarespace.com slash whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by FanDuel. Baseball fans, pop good. You think you know who's going to hit a homer today? Well, FanDuel has given you a free chance to call your shot with daily dingers. That's right. Joining the action is very easy. Just make your free pick on who's hitting a home run in their game. And if you're right, you're going to get a profit boost to use on your next bet for a chance to win extra at extra winnings. You've got nothing to lose and a lot to gain. Don't forget, you can make a free pick every day during the MLB season. Every single day, you get a free pick. Just another reason why FanDuel is the home for home. So you're ready to play your game today. Join all the action over at FanDuel.com slash whiskey. That's FanDuel.com slash whiskey to play daily dingers and make your free pick on who's hitting a homer. Play ball and swing for the fences on FanDuel, an official partner of the MLB. 21 plus select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino, 18 plus DCKYWI. No purchase necessary. Opt-in required bonus issued as non-withdrawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply, including any token expiration and max wager amount. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Reset. Call 1-888-789-7777. Visit ccpg.org slash chat. Connecticut. Visit mdgamblinghelp.org. Maryland. Visit gamblinghelplinema.org. Call 800-327-5050. Massachusetts. Call 1-878-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY. New York. Call 1-877-770-7867. Louisiana. Ginger. I like gingers. It also slowed me down, so I appreciate it. I started getting really. Real revved up. Least favorite cast member on Party Down. Go. Fast. Don't even think about it. The least favorite. Right away, I know who it is. Scott. This guy. Pig. Piece of shit. I don't see a future for him. Honestly, one of my least favorite guys ever. Every time I see him. And he's out with his family or something. Yeah, like being all handsome and funny and charming. Give me a fucking break, dude. What an asshole. I'm not a fan. Never have been. No. Never will be. He's a brilliant, funny guy. He is great. Martin, on the other hand. Martin said to me. So after we shot the first season, it's a long time ago. Martin called me up, and he left me what was a loving message for Martin. In Martin's heart, it was a kind message. But he left me a message. He's like, hey, Marino, so I watch the shows, and I got to say, you know, you're pretty good. I never really liked anything you did, but you're pretty good on the show. I just wanted to tell you that. I was like, thank you? Yeah. That's mean, funny, true, but good? It was great. But at least it turned around. It was great. It was fantastic. He's like, yeah, I've never been a real fan of yours, but. Really? Really good. Yeah, it's great. It's kind of mean and great. But that's Martin. Yeah. Like, he was just being honest. Just being real. It wasn't. He wasn't. It wasn't meant to be mean or, like, biting. He was just like, I just didn't get your shit, and now I get your shit. Right. Who do you go up against the most for shit? Who's the guy that you're like. Yeah. Like, that fucking guy. When I was. When you were young, that you're like, that guy and I go for the same thing all the time. Oh. I don't even remember half the people's names anymore. I mean, it's been. It's good. Go up against it. Because they're down there, and you're up there. And you know that's true. Maybe. Or I just forget everybody's names. You do. I'm Andrew Santino. Santino. Yeah. Santino. Santino. Do you ever do that? Do you go. Francisco. Marino. Well, you did it when you introduced me. Marino. I went Marino. Marino. Si, si. From cockatoo. From. Cock-a-mole. Cock-a-mole. Wack-a-mole. Wack-a-mole. Wack-a-moke. I do that when I. Whenever I travel, I do the thing where I go. Like you're them. You know how they pause and. I get nervous when I went to Italy one time. My wife makes fun of me. I was so nervous. And we were in Italy. And I was trying to say goodbye. And I went. I went. "Hola," as we left. And she's like, "Not only did you speak the wrong language, but you also said hello as you were leaving." Yeah. Yeah. I get nervous. I just get a little nervous. Yeah, but "Hola" may mean hello and goodbye. You could say that, couldn't you? He's from Spain. Sure. Yes. He's from Spain. He should be our. Fans, you can't do that. No. Oh, so I nailed it? Yeah. You did. What is the. What's the young kid's way of saying hi and goodbye? Like what's a what's up or. "Ciao." "Ciao?" "Ciao." And "Ciao" is hi and goodbye. Yeah. You can do "Ciao" for both. Yeah, yeah. So not "Hola." I think "Hello" is. You know what? I'm gonna start saying. But in Italian, you don't say "Ola." No, you. No, you say "Ciao." You say "Ciao." "Ciao" in Italian. No, but I'm saying when I was in Italy, I said as I was leaving, "Goodbye." Oh, I know. Okay, you got it. I'm trying to support you, man. No, there's nothing to support. It was a mess. It was a honking. It's a goddamn train wreck. And your wife is like, "It's not mine. I don't know who that is. That's a man we found." She just. I don't know what to say to you. Just say "Goodbye." Yeah, say. They'll understand. Do the. I always do the English. I don't even pretend. We were in France. My wife tried to. The cabbie tried to do the thing, because she does speak French, but not like them. And the Parisian cabbie was like, "What is. What? What? Why?" Just tell me. He was fucking livid about it. And she turned to me. I was like, "Hey, man. She's just trying to. I'm sorry, dude." Now you got the apps. You can just talk it to an app, and then it says it beautifully to. Have you seen the. What? Carlos got them, right? Our buddy got the headphones, and they translate live. I've seen that. I haven't seen it in real life. I've just seen ads for it. Yeah, and it works, though. He said it works incredibly well. So what happens? You hear it, and it immediately translates it. Yeah, so you speak to me, and it receives it the way you would on talking on a call, and it translates it live. And then you can. You can talk, and the app can translate for you. Jesus Christ, it's too much. Yeah, we're going far. Too many things. I know. I've got too many things in my hand and my ear. Wait till you see the new AirPod ass. They put it right up your ass, and it. I've got like a prototype. You got a new one? Yeah, I got an AirPod ass. That'd be great to do those commercials. AirPod ass. Is that Marino doing the AirPod ad ass? That's. I finally got a spot. I finally got a commercial. Did you do a commercial run when you were young? I did. A lot of them? Not many, no. What was your first. I was not good at it. I didn't like going in. Do you remember auditioning for commercials? Dude, 200 South La Brea. I lived at that place for years and years trying to get. I got Mike's Hard Lemonade was the first commercial I booked. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it was good. It was fine. That's when commercials sort of paid, right? That saved my life. That was one of those where like my rent was barely getting paid with the day job that I had, and then I was. When I got that, I was like. Awesome. I can go out to eat once a week now. Steve Agee was at my house yesterday, and we were talking about commercials back then. He's like, "It used to be you can book a commercial and you can buy a house if you got a good commercial." Yeah. That doesn't exist anymore, does it? Well, Carlos, he did Yo, Carol, Taco Bell, the dog. Why can't I think of his last name? I'm going to fuck it up. Asquaziri or Asco. I don't know. I don't know. Look up. I think if you rewind the tape, I said earlier, I'm not good with names. Hola. Hola. Look up Carlos Taco Bell Dog. He was a comedic actor. He is. Yo quiero Taco Bell. And he did that dog voice. Yo quiero Taco Bell. And that made him a. I remember somebody being like, "You know, that guy bought like three houses in the Hollywood Hills from that." Jesus Christ. Because it blew up. Right. I think he was a New York guy, but he did the voice that. Yeah, back then, if you got a big campaign and you were the guy. That's it. You're. No, I don't think so. No, I don't think. Say it. Alazaraki. Alazaraki. Hola. Carlos Alazaraki. Yeah, he was the voice of the Taco Bell dog. I remember that being like. It was like lore. People were like, "You know, if you get a voice, you could buy a house." Do you do voiceovers? I mean, do you do animated stuff? I did an animated movie called Goat that came out just now. Steph Curry. Yeah. Can we roll the tape? Okay. I did that, but I don't get to do much. You get to play. I get. I get invited to like Bob's Burgers and stuff, which is always nice. Awesome. Oh, we did. You did. What'd I do? Royal Crackers. Royal Crackers? I did? You did an episode of Royal Crackers. I'm almost 100%. Look it up. Look it up. I'm almost positive, because I was going down the list of names, because, you know, you shoot individually most of the time on those things. You don't really see who else does it. Yeah, yeah. But I remember them saying. And then I think Marino was going to do it, and I was like, "Oh, that's cool." Forgive me. Tell me. I told you I'm a fan, dude. I appreciate that. I really do. It was. Royal Crackers was a. I really did. Royal Crackers was a two-season show. It was fucking brilliant. I thought it was so good. It was about a. Yep. Huh? He did, right? Mm-hmm. The character of Keith that appears in season two, specifically in episode three. The character of who? Keith! Oh, yeah, Keith. Royal. You remember Keith, of course. Yeah, there goes Keith. Classic. There's Keith. You. Royal Crackers was a disgruntled family taking over their families, young kids taking over their families. Literal saltwater. - The protein cracker business. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - So we work together. You don't even know us. - It's nice to see you again. - Yeah, nice to see you. - And Gilbert-- - How have you been since we last worked together? - Eh, not good. I'll send you an email. - Okay. - Gilbert Gottfried did one of our episodes, and he did it, I highly recommend it for you and the fans. It's one of the most beautiful episodes. to give it away but something brilliant happens in it and i remember he passed away you know shortly after this thing came out and i was like the episode is like a it's almost like a perfect send-off so to speak oh my god yeah it was awesome man like when they told me they were like do you want to hear some gilbert stuff and i was like yeah can i just listen to it like i just hit some raw gilbert stuff i just wanted to hear him fuck around yeah like i was he was i was sad brilliant yeah my god yeah let's bring it back up again all right let's bring it back up i'm sorry let's talk about some people who didn't die who's alive uh i don't know again i'm terrible with names wayne's wayne's life david wayne's david wayne's alive your boy's talking about the we're gonna we i was gonna promote the movie that we movie's out the movie is out right now right now gail daughtry and the celebrity sex pass what a great name well you know we indiana jones and the temple of doom was taken so we were like what do we do yeah who did that spielberg uh i know he did disclosure good movie okay gail daughtry gail daughtry and the celebrity sex pass is a movie that david wayne and i wrote and it's about gail daughtry and a celebrity sex pass and uh zoe deutsch plays gail daughtry and the celebrity sex pass that she is uh trying to cash in is uh john him who would want to have sex with that guy gail daughtry that's it to me that's probably i mean maybe there's some other women out there i doubt it i highly doubt it if i'm being he doesn't seem like a very like he's not a fuckable guy he's not a hot guy no he's not really a hot guy um it's a very funny movie uh i mean you know not that i pay attention to you know critics the reviews but 82 on the fresh tomato thing that's rotten that means something right yeah 82 on rotten tomatoes uh rotten 82 fresh 82 fresh on rotten tomatoes that's how you have to say it otherwise the kids will be very confused yeah that's good 82 is really good right that's not bad that's good probably better than the lowest i've ever been i was just gonna say i think my average was 16 we looked it up one time i think i'm a 16 or something like that i'm down there what's it look up his work i do need to see it now this is my favorite game down there what's the lowest rated camerino thing i think mine was my lowest was um i think it was what was it house party that was really really bad what did house party land at i think it was about four four four or five yeah i can't remember i can't remember they redid house party and i was token neighbor white guy yeah and i thought this would be fun man house party was a great movie when i was a kid and play oh so this was a this was a remake remake of how the original kid and play movie i what i'm fascinated with when it's that low is who's who's the four percent who's like my family yeah my family my mom my dad my aunt you know people are like that's our kid leave him alone 34 percent 34 that's his lowest which movie masterminds mastermind mastermind yeah but i had a good time doing mastermind i got to meet uh owen wilson um i got to work with owen wilson which was fun i got to uh i got to um the director the director is uh the guy did uh napoleon dynamite uh uh come on help me out here no you got let him find it on his own stutter his way into uncomfortableness um what is the director of master jared hess jared hess you know jared hess jared hess and he was wonderful and then i got to uh hang out with christian uh uh uh you know christian wig christian wig christian wig i don't know i just threw that out there zach who is that galifianakis yes the artist italian boy the writer who he's greek since when just turned just turned yeah just what's going on internationally he i think he just switched oh they they changed the line they're allowed to the europeans yeah i mean he's spanish for now for voting rights yeah well he he just well he became naturalized he just became a u.s citizen which we don't know if we're comfortable with because i'm not saying yeah oh so go ahead say usa usc yeah we have to do that when you take the test you have to chant usa yep oh god it's question 19 or 19 or 20 on there in that order you have to say the letters in that order yeah and if you it up that's it i'd it up by the way we took the you the nationalism like the nationalizing test like with the guys i was like let's just take it to see if we oh my god we all failed we all failed he was like i'm going to take my test i'm like how hard is this it's impossible i bet it was so hard i just got i just had a panic attack just thinking about that it was nuts i think we got like three questions right and i was like we would fail our own he knows he was informing us he's like did you know and i was like no we didn't know we knew none of this stuff we don't have to know that we're born here we live here baby we're real americans we don't know about this place we're just proud of it it is kind of the that is kind of the vibe that while you're taking it you think man none of these guys even know well good for you and now he's here so we can't kick him out thank god because we do need him he's a valuable resource to us when did this happen 2022 2022. well we're holding on strong to it though congratulations it's a big deal for us you know because we were afraid that we're going to take them no one's going to take them now uh pajamas uh uh sweatpants or uh t-shirts sweatpants don't get too hot so uh when i get hot i wear just like um cut up sweatpants you'll send us a photo so we can show it to the audience now when you get home sure thank you so much um i like sometimes just uh just a t-shirt nothing on down there because my shoulders get cold is that weird my shoulders get that's the winnie the pooh that's what that's called and sometimes i'm like you know like i like a birthday suit in when you're in a hotel i'm like ah i'm just gonna just take a shower and then just get in bed and be naked but then my shoulders always get cold i don't know why you get those little shoulder pads from the 80s that they used to be yeah i just need a little shoulder warmer like hand warmers but just really like just stick them on my shoulders you just drape a towel over your shoulders like a because i roll around a lot i'm like a rotisserie chicken i'm constantly like sounds like an invention that needs to be made by marino and santino marino and santino shoulder warmers i think we should do that the marino santino shoulder warmers keep you warm at night it's a market that has not been tapped into the marino santino shoulder warmers i mean let's not say it without our names because we are patenting this yes marino santino shoulder warmers people do need well because look scarves you know they do shoulders and necks we're not worried about the neck no our company's only worried about shoulders shoulders shoulders cold shoulder do you have cold shoulders is your wife giving you the cold shoulder every night get yourself a marino santino shoulder warmer is it plug-in or is it battery how do we do this uh i think it's well i think now with everything you could just bluetooth it you just plug it in and then it's charged for well it's like a phone charger and music use it just if you want that's a little bit more white noise yeah that's a little more expensive yes guys please go buy it uh right now go to marino and santino shoulderwarmers.com uh use the promo code hey hey uh for fifteen percent missed opportunity yes use the promo code hola for fifteen percent off by the way my wife and i got in this talk last time we stayed in a hotel it's good that you guys are still talking not well this is only on sundays okay uh right there big dog we stayed in he's up there uh we stayed in uh don't come down he's coming down yeah he will all right don't look up don't look up please we stayed we were in a hotel in new york and i got out of the shower and got in bed naked and i always sleep naked and she said you know i just can't do it in hotels i don't know who's in here last i said they cleaned the sheets yeah she said not the comforter i said you think they don't she said no chance i don't know if they clean the comforter but i i i think about that but you're not sleeping with on top of the comforter but i kick around so you're you're rotisserie chicken and i'm i'm kicking and screaming i'm oh i'm i move the sheets a lot i kick them off of me pull them out yeah yeah so then you like do you like um uh some people wear socks crazy people that's insane i don't understand what are we talking about i need my feet to get air yeah yeah otherwise because that's the that's what regulates the temperature you said uh to sweatpants so i get too hot not if i could stick my feet out from underneath the sheets but the rest of me is under the sheets except for the t-shirt that's covering my cold shoulders it's complicated it's like a it's a it's a whole thing before you go to yeah do you have a question yeah do you have to check stuff off i do i do i also tape my nose you do that i take my nose and uh now i have this and i take my mouth you do mouth tape yeah but i just stopped because um i found this thing because i grind my teeth me too but now i got this thing that i bought i didn't i don't want to go like my dentist is like you grind your teeth let me uh you come in here for a fitting and and it's a 400 uh mouth guard that you got and i'm like i want to pay 400 for the thing and then i went to you know cvs yeah and you get one for you know at 25 yep works great yeah so what the hell is my dentist trying to do to me uh the medical industrial complex is trying to take over and you're fighting the good fight big dentist big dentist is out there big dentist just one big dentist hey did we have a nice time in children's hospital no we did not did you have a nice time i had an incredible time i was remarkably nervous were you yeah i mean i i like it was i was you know i was very new to like i was a stand-up and i wanted to try to do comedic acting and then i was so new to the world i had done and i think around that was 2013 so i'd done like the office i got to do like a cameo like i did a few pop around things but i was a fan of the show and i was a fan of a lot of you guys on the show not everyone there's a few people i didn't like on the show that's what i You know who it was. Okay, sure. Say it on the count of three. One, two, three. This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. That is fire. Whoa. That's good. This might be the drink of the summer. Okay, I like this one too. I'm rocking with it. Okay. Try it for yourself. Starbucks Refreshers Concentrates are coming home. Find them in the coffee aisle and make it yours. Good. No, I had a great time. I was just very nervous. I was genuinely very nervous. Which is funny because, like, then years later someone's like, are you nervous doing this or that with these people? And I'm like, no. I was way more nervous on, like, a comedy show of people that I admired more so than, like, some A-list, whoever the fuck that, like, that was like, they're coming in for a day. The superstar coming. I don't give a shit. I don't fuck. I was more about people that I admired. So, yeah, I was very nervous in bed. And I was like, please be funny. Don't fuck it up. Oh, wait. I saw you at. The family, the celebrity family feud thing. We were there. We lost, by the way. We won. I know. Do you know who we played? Do you remember? You guys played. The fucking Osmonds. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Donny Osmond. That's right. I remember seeing him. Yeah. We played the Osmonds. Which was the reason I did it. I was like, I'm going to, me and my family are going to play up against the Osmonds. So cool. It was great. And you cooked them. Yeah. You were rubbing it in a little bit. We took them out real quick. Backstage, you go, fuck you, Osmonds. Yeah. Yeah. We got into a little bit of a little stuff. Yeah, you beat his ass. I didn't beat his ass, but, you know, we did. It looked like it, dude. You were, I just, I saw you staring at me, smiling. Yeah. Well, I said, yeah. I'm a little bit country. Yeah, I'm a little bit. I just looked at you. I was like, I'm a little bit country. Why did you? Yeah. Well, I was, I was down. I was like, yeah, get him. We lost a Flavor Flav. You did. Yeah. Did you have any good answers or did you? We did. We actually got screwed. If you look at the tape, kids at home. One of the questions was, and you're going to be on my team about this. Listen, this is insane. What do you do at night that you regret the next morning? Things you do at night that you regret the next morning. Drink. Of course. Give me a couple, give me a couple of easy ones. Drink. Drugs. Yeah. Things that you do at night that you eat, eat, you eat late, you know, you know, like then you can't sleep. And what's the thing you might feel regret if you're a single young person and you're out drinking late at night and you meet someone? What might you regret? You hit on somebody. Or you. Sleep with someone. Or you sleep with somebody. One night stand. For sure. You might be like, I wish I knew that. Okay. These are literally all of our answers. If you rewind it back, those are the four we gave. All X's? And the winning, one of them was right. And the winning thing that we missed, the one that we missed was working out. And I looked at Steve Harvey, he looked at us and he was like, I don't know. Why would you regret working out late at night? It was, I was, I was so mad about it. The like, and he. Steve, off camera, he's like, man, that was terrible. Y'all got screwed. I was like, working out? Like, even he was like, that was really bad. That makes no sense. Insane. But we had a great time meeting Flav and his family. Yeah. Flava, Mr. Flav, as it were. Sir Flav. He's John Flav. Is it Jonathan Flav? John Flavoricious or something like that, I think. Originally it was. He had so many kin, so many young people that two of his children met for the first time at Family Feud. How about that? Backstage. Did they feud? It was more family than feud. Oh. Well, that's nice. We watched it happen, too. He was like, they're meeting. And I'm like, who are these people? He's like, those are my kids. I was like, that's amazing. They literally were like, what's up, man? It's good to see you. I was like, oh, that's very cool. So that's why he deserved to win and we deserved to lose, even though our charity was much more important. But it's fine. Who was your charity? Who'd you play for? We played for a. The Santino Marino. No, we played for like a homeless, what the heck's the name of it? Oh, my God. I can't remember names. It's okay. Yeah. Here in L.A.? Yeah. Yeah, homeless thing. Yeah. It was great. It was great. They needed it. We did children's. We always give to the kids. I've always said this. This is very dark, but it is true that when an adult gets cancer, you're like, oh, that's bad. But when a kid gets cancer, you're like, that's actually bad. It's not that adults, I don't care if you get cancer, but it's just, I don't, it happens. It happens. Yeah. With kids, you're like, that doesn't deserve to happen. With an adult, you're like, what are you going to do, man? Yeah. And what was Flavor Flaves? It was. Shoelaces. Yeah. Shoelaces, chain extenders. It was just extension. You could, you can make your chain longer or shorter, given the occasion. It's a good. It's great. It's great. It's a gig. Yeah. No, it was all about clocks. It was actually, he was trying to make sure. Save the clocks. Save the clocks. Him and Doc Brown were in on this whole thing. Save the clocks. Save the clocks. In here, we pour whiskey. How are my shady rays basically the same quality as $200 sunglasses that I used to buy? I don't know. And I'm not exaggerating. Bid is premium as the expensive brands that I've owned. The difference is shady rays. You can take everywhere to the lake, to the boat, to the game, wherever you break them, you lose them. Who cares? Because lost or broken, they send you a new pair with their lost and broken protection. They're actually premium. By the way, these are fantastic. I do love shady rays. I'm giving them so much love because I actually rock them. They're fantastic. And if you're outside, you're on the water, in the sun, on the move, whether your kids are in the backseat, stepping on them, losing them, breaking them, throwing them away, whatever the case, they got their lost and broken protection. Go to Shady Rays.com. ShadyRays.com and grab yourself a pair today. We've teamed up over here at Whiskey Ginger with Shady Rays to bring you an exclusive offer. Head to ShadyRays.com and use the code GINGER, you know me, for 50% off two or more pairs of polarized shades. Try for yourself the shades rated five stars by over 300,000 people. Once again, that's ShadyRays.com and use my code GINGER for 50% off of two or more pairs of polarized shades. Get some Shady Rays. I'm going to tell you about Helix Sleep because I'm telling you, Helix mattresses are unbelievable. I have the midnight lux and I'm a midnight boy. That's when I go to bed at midnight. When a clock strikes midnight, I don't want to turn into a pumpkin, so I call on my little Helix Sleep mattress and I feel so good. You're spending so much of your life in bed. Why not be comfortable? And the best part about Helix is they have 120 night sleep trial and a limited lifetime warranty. Okay? You can't say that about all these other mattresses. And they got the Happy with Helix guarantee. You can rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges. You don't like it? Send it back. But you're probably going to like it because I love it so very much. I'm telling you, they have some of the most comfortable, beautiful, durable mattresses. I got one for myself and I got one for my mommy. And thank you to Helix for sending my parents a mattress. Now they're sleeping better than ever so they can be mad at me more often. They ship right to your door, customized to fit your personal needs. It's so convenient. So many different options, whether you sleep on your side, your stomach, or your back. They got 20 plus unique mattresses to choose from and a variety of mattress toppers. Helix has a solution for you. If you've got a sleep problem, Helix. Helix has the solution. So go to helixsleep.com slash whiskey slash whiskey. Helixsleep.com slash whiskey for 20% off site-wide, 25% off Luxe mattresses, and 30% off Elite mattresses. So go to helixsleep.com slash whiskey. That's helixsleep.com slash whiskey. And you're going to get yourself 20% off site-wide. 20% off on the whole site. Go to helixsleep.com slash whiskey. You are going to get some of the greatest deals. If possible, and some of the best sleep in the world. Ginger. I like gingers. Who directed? Did Wayne direct this movie? Yes. Bullshit, dude. Isn't that crazy? What a fucking waste of time. Since when does he direct? I know, man. What has he directed that's been funny? Or good. Yeah. You don't ever, is this part of your, you want to direct? I have directed. But do you want to like? Is this going to be the next chapter for you? Big directing? I hope so. I like directing. I've directed a couple of movies. I did a movie called How to Be a Latin Lover with Eugenio Derbez. Do you know him? No, but I love the name. Yes. He's like one of the biggest stars in Mexico. He knows. You know who that is, don't you? Eugenio. Eugenio Derbez. See, isn't that so nicer when he does that? Did you ever see How to Be a Latin Lover? Yeah. Yeah. I directed that. Awesome movie. How many, what on the Rotten Tomatoes scale? Can you give us yours? Give it to us on the Rotten Empanadas. What on the Rotten Empanadas scale? Selma Hayek's in it. She's awesome. She's amazing. So good. Rob Lowe's in it. Nope. You don't know? Okay. Can you imagine? 40%. Yeah, but that's not right. That's wrong. That's got to be incorrect. It's a funnier movie. It's 400%. 61 on the popcorn meter. There it is. Popcorn meter. Yeah, popcorn meter. We got to just level you out. Yeah. You know? It's a good movie. I want to watch it. Very funny. You'll like it. How to Be a Latin Lover. Okay, good. Would you direct me? I'd love to direct you. I'm not a good actor, but I do take notes well. I don't think you have to be a good actor. You just have to be you, and I think it would be easy for you to be you. What I'm asking right now, this whole ruse was set up so you could give me a job. Let's do it. Oh, I have to get you one? I thought you had something for me. Give me a job. Oh, yeah, but I needed you to give me the directing job. Shit. We're at a crossroads here. We really are. How do we go? Do you want another refill? Yeah, a little bit more. No, but I need another goddamn ice cube. Yeah. Will you go get him a little bit of ice? Here, will you grab this? No, this is getting crazy now. We got, well. What is this, though? Oh, that's liquid IV that'll make you healthy in between. Oh, yeah. Yeah? Will you go get that from the, look at Fancy's. Thank you so much. Are you limping still? Is your foot still bad? Yeah. What'd you do? I hit him with my car. I have a bad knee. What happened? Why? I don't know. I think, I mean, I just heard it over the years, and now it's, um, it's, uh. Like when I drive and I hit the gas, ass pedal of the the brake it get pains shooting up and down my leg getting a bad knee is such a it's a thing that like an old white guy would have i hate it because like i you know i like moving around yeah and now i'm like i'm limited to certain movements what what are you doing to fix it nothing yeah my first my first thought was don't do anything yeah and see if it just fixes itself it should level itself out yeah that's what i'm thinking yeah take it easy i will say that over time any and most you know until i until it doesn't work uh say it until it doesn't thank you so much no it's a lot until it doesn't work you know um most times you just like wait and then it's it goes away yeah a physical therapy can help but that seems like cockamamie that's a lot of just that's a lot of time i don't have the time for that i do physical therapy once a week what do you do on what i just go hug this guy for an hour straight oh it's for him yeah kind of for both of us oh he tells me i'm a good boy yeah i hurt my back years ago and i just keep going and i have this fear if i stop it'll yeah i had i had hurt my back and i got a couple of um uh epidurals you know what it was great love it really worked stick that needle deep inside yeah and then all of a sudden it didn't hurt anymore and then it never came back i don't want to jinx it but yeah do you have sciatica i don't know i just i messed up my knee it's just bad it sucks no the back thing did it cause any sciatic nerve pain oh uh yeah i was getting a little bit it just i couldn't lay down in bed that was bad yeah especially with those sweatpants on that must have been tough i didn't at that point i didn't i just went you know bare naked except for my shoulder heaters once again you guys that's the marino santino shoulder heaters.com use the promo code hola for 15 off if you don't mind is bourbon your drink of choice um i like red wine i like a cold beer and i like whiskey give me a beer brand that you like well um i drink uh my buddy and i uh we were roommates uh in new york when i was telling you about the new york nicks and he started brewing beer in our apartment shut up really yeah and then he went on to become one of the biggest brewers in the country and he does a dogfish head have you ever had dogfish i love that stuff yeah that's your buddy that's my buddy sam college in fact our band uh david and i are in a band yes called a middle-aged dad jam band we're going to dogfish head uh and on the end of this month well july 23rd of 24th uh to go play at his at his brew pub is it in new york it's in rehoboth delaware rehoboth yeah so we're going to go to rehoboth and then we go up to uh we're going to play on long island and we play irving plaza and then we go to rhode island and connecticut i think dogfish head is your roommate yeah that's why you were drinking that as in college or i mean post he had a three cake setup wow uh in our apartment or two cakes have three cakes set up where he would brew beer and then when he when he got the you know the money to get a place in rehoboth uh me and my buddy joe latrulio we all went down there and we painted his place and we were helping him like fix up the restaurant and he became uh you know it's huge it's okay he's like the elvis presley of like of uh of like craft brewery beers like he's been around he's like he just makes these he does this incredible he makes incredible product he knows how to just do the self-promotion he's just and he's a cool guy his like story is pretty amazing is he handsome yes they always are yeah they're always handsome those guys when we live together he was like you know pursuing his modeling career no joke no joke this is what happens the guy who's handsome you're like and get out of here you're like get out of here you're guess what? He brews his own fucking beer. Yeah. I mean, it's like on a dating game show. It's like, contestant four, it's like, I brew my own beer. I'm also a model. Yeah, yeah. I'm friends with very, what will be extremely successful as an actor and comedians and dignitaries. Anyway, huge hog, too. I think he does, actually. Yeah, I know he does. There's no fucking way he does it. That guy has a massive donger. It's supposed to be. It's supposed to fucking be. I don't know for sure, but I did see him take a leak a couple of times. I was like, hey. Hey, look at that. Now, does that always drag like that on the floor, or is that? I remember the first time I ever saw another man's penis in public at a Chicago Bears trough piss, like a trough, you know, where you just have to pee. Yeah, yeah, with the ice? Yeah, oh yeah. And I remember looking across and being a young, young lad and seeing a grown man with a very small penis and going, I'm going to be fine. I was so scared to pee in that. I remember as a kid, my dad was like, it's not a big deal. No one's going to be looking at you and pee-pee. And yet, everybody is. Yeah, well, especially one guy was like, eh. I was like, eh. No, but I remember seeing another. And he works here. He was right out front, right? Yeah. Danny, get in here. He's our favorite. Coffee run. Yeah, let's go get coffee, Danny. His penis is still out. Jesus, God. No, I remember seeing a grown man's penis that was small in public and thinking, fuck, all right, cool. Well. They all come in different shapes and sizes, you know? Yeah, and colors. I didn't. That was new to me. I didn't know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because mine and yours, totally different color. No, no, no. Yours is. I've seen. Oh. I subscribed to your OnlyFans. Oh, okay. Then you have seen. Yeah, I have. It's really good. Thank you. It's a little bit overpriced, if I'm being honest. You're asking. You're paying for the inch. I know. Pay by the inch. Pay by the inch. God damn it. Oh, you're right there. Camerino's OnlyFans. Pay by the inch. Only one payment needed. Oh, dude. Promo code, hola. I had a girlfriend of mine tell me, she goes, yeah, this guy online was like, hey, I'll give you. It was like 10 grand or something, just for different pictures of your feet with different colors. What? Yeah, and I was like, do it. She's like, no, I'm not. That's not what I do. I go, if someone wanted to offer me 10 grand to paint my. I'd paint my toenails a thousand colors, whatever they wanted. If you want to see my feet, I'll show you my feet for 10 grand. Wait, wait, wait. I'm lost. Somebody wanted to see your feet for. Yeah, this. Because now I'm in a second. Yeah, I noticed. No, no, she. A girlfriend of mine was like, hey, this. A guy online hit her up. She's like a popular. She's not. Influencer is a bad word, but she does something online. People see it, blah, blah, blah. A guy hits her up and is like, hey, you OnlyFans? She's like, no. He's like, I'll give you 10 grand to let me see different colors of toenails on your feet. She was like, I would never. I was like, I would do it now. Yeah, you would do it, but nobody wants you to do it. Why not? Well, because you're a guy. You're saying I don't have nice feet? I love. Hey, listen to me. Ken. I love your feet. Well. You have some of the best feet in Hollywood. Well, why wouldn't anybody want to see my feet? I'm not saying that I don't want to. It's just that I don't know if a lot of people want to. Is that why no one wants to work with me right now? It's because of my feet? I don't. I'm not going to say it. Say it. People don't want to work with you because of your feet. I knew it. And big long paws. What is this picture over here? You seem like you're crossing your eyes. Oh, that was. That was. No, that was. That was. No, yeah, yeah. I'm crossing my eyes. Yeah, what is that? That was at an event and a photographer was taking professional pictures of me and I was very uncomfortable and so I crossed my eyes in it. Do you get uncomfortable with photos in general? Rather. Can't do it. Don't like to do it. Let's get a photo. We don't. Every time I get into a photo, like, have you worked on a smile? Do you ever work on a smile? You ready? Go. Santino, over here. Wait. That's. Oh, I thought that was. I thought that was a bit. Ken, I'm going to do it to you. You're going to do it to me. I thought you look in a different direction. I thought that that was a bit. Like, say, Santino, over here. You say it to me first. This is what I thought the bit was. You look at me first. Say, Santino, over here. Santino, over here. Marino. Right. So that's what I thought the bit was. Okay, so now. Okay, call me. So, Santino, over here. Awesome. You can look the other way. Give me yours. You ready? Yeah. Focus. No, I've got to fix my hair. Ken. Ken Marino. Ken, over here. Ken. That's great. That's so good. God, you look good. It's for me, but every time I see it, I'm like, I look like a bozo. You look good. That was. That kind of turned me on. No, no, no, no, no. But I do. Any time I smile for a picture with somebody, it's a little creepy if you're next to me because you hear me go. That's like a murderer. Yeah, I have to put a little sound into it to make it. Otherwise, it's this. I can't even do it. I have to go. Like I'm laughing or something, so then it seems like it's. I do the thing where if someone's with me and I'll keep tapping on their back. Oh, God. I keep tapping and smiling. So most of the pictures the person you're with is like, what the fuck, man? This one? I try whenever I do public photos. If I have to do a photo, I try to get uncomfortable photos. I think it's funnier than me trying. Like if I try to do the smile. Right. I try to do the uncomfortable one where I go like. Like it's. Yeah, I try to make them know. And you don't regret the uncomfortable ones? Don't care. No one's hiring me. Because every time I do the uncomfortable ones, I'm like, God damn it, I feel weird. No. Because sometimes I'll go. What do you mean? That's so good. That's who I love. That guy, I love that guy. The. This guy. that guy fucking scares me dude that guy scares the shit out of me no give me the here's why i get it i used to think my mom's gonna see this like the first time i went to a premiere i'm like my mother's gonna be mad if i don't get and then you look at the photo and you're like that doesn't look like me anyway like it just never you you always look like a a figure you look like a madame tussauds figure of yourself whenever you take professional nice photos i don't i hate i just i don't like still photos of myself i like when i'm moving around because then you get to oh but as soon as you see a still photo i'm like ah shit that's what i look like candid is better i don't like that shit that's what my mom refuses refuses to do like a setup photo my mother's always like just take a picture to people that are taking pictures and my dad can't stand those pictures suck drive me nuts i don't like it at all so we used to have to do that because it took a long time for a photograph to happen so they were like stand still right right right okay we don't have to do that anymore we're digital it can be moving it can be free thousands of pictures and just pick the right one just pick one there's so many i like now because the youthful generation like if a fan if like a 22 year old fan and a dude's like yeah take a photo of me man i'm like yeah you got it they'll take a hundred of them yeah and i'm like wow then you get whatever you want whatever you want yeah and then i keep moving around until they get it and i'll make fun of them they'll get a couple of me going how many photos do you have on your phone 17,465 that few yeah that's actually look look at your phone let me see you gotta have more than me oh yeah gotta have more than me just based on popularity alone where does it say the oh recently saved by the way here look at this what you recently saved i want to show you but how do you look how do you check it out chest day by the way in case you want to do chest day save that video just just if you want to go i take photos of like oh yeah 10 15 minute workout okay i'll take that never look at it again okay wait hold on let's see the number has got to be where do you put the number i go to library and i feel like it used to be at the top so recently filter options filter this is great for your show yeah no well they like the fans are gonna love it hold on let's see memories people pets shared photos here we go here we go wait wait where'd you go live you could cut this shit out no no leave it in what do you mean fucking this is fantastic how come we can't get an actual number on any of these i thought it said i've oh i got it got it got it got it here look just go to yeah go to library yeah look up top library items what's the number no i got library was library items what the hell are you talking about move it around there all right okay now now click go to uh go to collections where's collections whoa what what what's going on maybe i don't know because mine are the top collections here we go all right now now now click library once at the bottom it should work okay nothing doesn't even say all right it's too many mine says oh this is why ken this is why zoom in zoom in zoom in zoom in and go to your okay now go to your most recent photo click most jesus christ there you go it should say it where mine says library items doesn't it says sinking paused oh that's my oh because i'm on maybe oh you know what it is airplane mode airplane mode we're figuring it out hold on there no there it is 48 000 48 737 holy shit thousand photos i'm 10 000 look at any of them i'm 10 000 i thought that was a bunch many you got fans i'm trying to figure this out see it's hard to figure out we're not this thousand photos ken what could you possibly be doing what are you doing are you a spy i am a spy what's your other job well a spy oh i guess why don't we why don't you and i do spy versus spy that'd be great i would love to do spy versus spy are you a mad magazine fan i collect men i was when i was a when i was a ute i have a huge when i a ute when i was when i was a ute i uh i have a uh a large very large uh mad magazine collection i did i did i did enjoy uh individually bagged yes so this is your um this is your you say i don't want for much you do love this what's like have you paid a lot of money for some of these for mad magazines i paid not that much i i had collected them over the years and then i didn't pay that much for any uh but there were a couple of like really early early ones like i got i got a damaged uh number three um that i paid a little money for you have a number one i have a i don't think i have a damaged number one no i think the earliest one is like a damaged number three the irony would be that mad magazine the in perfect condition would be worth less money it should be damaged that's mad that's crazy alfred uh alfred newman which i got called you actually my biggest insult as a child was um uh opie taylor yeah yeah from uh from uh andy griffith yeah ron howard when i went to any any redheaded boy him especially because black people in chicago at my school would always go he'd go opie he'd go a little dumbass opie yeah and i loved it sure i thought here comes opie specificity i ran right into it here's opie here i am and they liked it actually if i made fun of it they liked it of course but opie do you think that that's why you became a comedian a comedian because you getting discovered you discover i think partially that's why i got into comedy you got picked on as a little lad yeah i mean you know throughout my you know at times i would get picked on uh in in uh junior high in high school what was the insult what what was the reason for the picking um the well there were two junior highs and so if you were from one junior high and somebody from the other junior high uh didn't like you they would come after you and i was from the uh junior high on the wrong side of the tracks so like the you know uh the the fancier wealthier kids uh you know if they didn't like me they would make fun of me just like the bad news bears yeah sort of like basically yeah but you but you you're you're you're your idea to exercise your gift came you think partially from this or was it all in as a young kid were you always like i kind of like entertaining for people well just going back to the other thing i you know i i did get that i i got the bug early on and then for whatever reason everything that transpired afterwards uh kept leading me down that path so there were always people who were pushing me in that direction do you have people supporting you and no pushing interesting i'm on an island alone so wait so you my mom sends me a text every day quit no that's not true quit that's not true she spells it wrong she has quite maybe she's just telling me to be quiet quiet no i do my no my they're very supportive because they don't understand it so they're very like go do it so they're very supportive oh my god yeah but and but throughout your early career did you uh find that you found people who would continue to push you in that direction or try to dissuade you from like no one ever dissuaded me because it was i to be very honest you're you're an intellect i was never a smart guy i was like a dumbo and they were like you think i'm an intellect that's well i mean very kind of you well i mean you you went to a prestigious university right you were acting so what i got i have brother i went to arizona state and i barely got through yeah yeah i went there for i acted like a student i did a very good job and i would go to class and i would go classmates classmates yeah i would leave but i didn't i don't remember any classes i took other than the acting classes and really i i remember the acting classes because that's what i wanted to do and i remembered the state because that's where i met them and i remember the acting classes because that's what i there yeah so but everything else i don't i don't recall you met wayne in school david wayne david wayne and uh david wayne and craig wedren who scores all of our stuff and is a musician he was in shutter to think and he's an incredible musician and scores any movie that david does and i do and he's an incredible uh person um i met the both of them day one my first day of college so don't you think and yes it's a little bit of whiskey don't you think this was supposed to happen what us being here you and i just you got you guys making it together it's almost like the universe was like i'm gonna make this uh look uh the the luck i had meeting david and craig and then a year later meeting everybody in the state and becoming a group that you know becoming a member of that group which was tom lennon michael ian black michael and michael patrick chan david wayne um uh uh i'm missing michael showalter uh and kevin allison and and todd hollebeck like like 11 people who were like most of those people are still here creating stuff and we're creating stuff together and separately and like i i i don't even know what to say like i think it's i think it's insane uh annoyingly i feel like sometimes the universe is like watch this like i think it's like it's weird it's weird that we it's weird that we all got together and that we're all like here doing our shit 30 years later yeah i mean i feel like it's something i don't like the word luck because i think luck is uh but it is luck no i don't think what would you i don't believe in luck i had a a very uh a much smarter man one time my my buddy's father who's a very brilliant guy he was a he was a programmer and he was like i got my first sitcom and i was having dinner at their house and he was like how great huh and i go lucky dude he's like nah man i was like what he's like luck is a that's a lie he's like the lottery is luck because you have no influence on it whatsoever this is just kind of a gift from the universe if it happens he's like you did a lot of stuff to get the thing to happen so fortunate for sure it's interesting but i mean luck has but you could you could do a lot of stuff to put yourself in a position, you still need some luck. Then what is winning a lottery ticket? You have to buy it, right? Yeah, but almost no effort on your own. But you have to do something. You proactively have to do something. Kind of. And put yourself in a situation where then if luck happens, then. Buying a lottery ticket is so different than you creating a lottery ticket. Sure, I was just going with you said the letter. I know, but I think it's just like that gap is so big. So what are you saying? So if it's not luck, what is it? Something, man. Something in the universe. Well, put a name to it. Yahweh? Now you need to define that. Now I think sometimes the universe wants something to happen. I don't know why. So what did the universe want to happen with the state? You become a successful cult, beautiful moment in time for culture and comedy and then grow you guys outside of that. It was almost like it was supposed to be. That's what I mean. Like it's like you met the dogfish head kid. It was like it was supposed to be your roommate. Right. Because not everyone gets the dogfish head. My roommate had gout. Right. You understand what I'm saying? It's like not everyone's going to get this same. I just feel like sometimes the universe does these things to you, whether you deserve them or not. And it just puts things in position to be a beautiful life story. And I don't think it's luck. I just think it's. something. I don't know. I don't know what it is. What do you believe? I don't know. What is your. Are you a religious person? I don't like. No, I don't like the word religion. I'm a. Are you a spiritual person? Yes, spiritual. Yeah, I'd rather say that. So what does that mean to you? I just think that not everything's going to have an explanation. But for the things that are so powerful or unexplainable, that's what I mean. That something had something to do with something. That I don't. I couldn't even pinpoint. A greater being? Something outside of us? Something. I don't want to pin it to like a guy in the sky. No, no, no. But I mean like something wanted this to happen. Why can't we just put the name luck to it? I hate that word. Johnny Luck! Because I'm Irish and it's offensive to us. Oh, I see. I get it. Oh, the luck of the Irish. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The luck of the Irish? So you're Irish and Italian? Yeah. So who is Italian? Hey, put them up! I see the little green guy. Hey, what's the matter, you? Hey, gobble-goo! That's so dumb. My mother's Irish. My mom is a little leprechaun woman. She's tiny. Oh, she really is. Yes, yeah. Oh, my gosh. We got one. We caught her. Is she digging into that little pot of gold? She won't give us that fucking pot of gold. We don't know where the pot of gold is. She wasn't paying attention. All right, then, lads. Where's the pot of gold? Um, oh, yeah. I just think luck, the luck word, it always made me, I, like, scoffed at it, because I was like, luck is a thing that exists, but you didn't get lucky. Look, whatever it was, I'm thrilled to be a part of it. You're too hot to be lucky. Hot people don't get lucky, pal. Bow, bow, bow. Smile. Do your smile right in the camera. Wait. I, you know, I just think I can't, yeah, I can't pin it. So you were, you, you, you're familiar with the state. You know, you know those guys. Yeah, I want that. Have you had anybody else from the state on the show? No, they were all refused. You were the only one. That's not true. No, no. No, I have it. You know, also, um, I was intimidated to come onto the show. You're a liar, dude. It's true. Well, can I tell you something? This is one of the best episodes we've done in a long, long time. That's not true. It is. The chemistry is, the rhythm is great. Come on. Anytime I get with a, anytime I get with, um, someone with a, uh, either a comedic sketch or improvisational background at all, it always feels like it's like, like we grew up together or something. That's my favorite, by the way, and I was, I don't know who I was talking to about this, but like, you know, you know how you have friends who you maybe haven't seen in a long time, but you connected with them, and then you cross paths with them again, and, and it's like, you saw them yesterday. Yeah. And you just start bantering and just joking around about stuff. Uh, that's my favorite type of, uh, uh, you know, connection, and it's, it's wonderful to, you know, kind of meet you and talk to you because it's, it, it seems like you, uh, uh, desire that as well, which is that sort of just, you know, an easy conversation, you joke about stuff, you go in different directions, it doesn't matter where it goes, you come back to it, you know, it's, it's your show, so you know when to bring it back, and it's, it's, uh, it's delightful, so it's, you know, but I was, uh, intimidated to come on your show. Why? Because I didn't know you. Yeah. I think you're very, uh, smart and funny and very, uh, quick, and so I, I didn't want to, um, I guess I let you down, but I didn't want to, I didn't want to embarrass uh, your show or, or, uh, do something, um, you know. Come on. No. So I appreciate it, and I think pumping, uh, whiskey into me probably was helpful. It always works. Every time. And also, and also made it a little sloppy for me. No, but it's good. Is it, though? Well, are your kids gonna watch? Yeah, we didn't say anything too bad, did we? Do I get to say, hey, you know, take that out? No. Soft cut, soft cut to us saying a compilation of all the bad things that we said, please. Oh, no. No, you're right. It is a thing, like, my wife says to me all the time with friends, she goes, if you met him today, would you still be friends with him? She says that often about friends from, from, guys from home, you know, and I'm like, uh, he's a guy from home. And she always says, would you be friends with him today, if you met him today? And almost all of them, I'm like, yep. There's rarely a guy, unless I've kind of fallen out with him, and we just go different paths in life. But do you, do you, and I don't mean to interrupt. No. I'm going nowhere. Do you, do you reach out to those people that you have that connection with, or do you just wait for them to sort of, like, you know, kind of fall back into your life? A few of them I connect with very often, and then some of them we kind of, we kind of see each other, or talk intermittently, but like, oh, my buddy Baldino's coming out here in a couple of weeks, to stay at the house. And it's like, we often. But you think about them from time to time. Do you ever, like, reach out and just be like, I'm just going to hit them up with just something to let them know I'm thinking of them? Oh, yeah. Or do you let it just happen? No, I lob them a call. I'm a big call guy. People don't like it. I'm in the car. I'm giving you a call. Yeah, I like a good conversation. I'm going to give you a call. It's really fun. Especially if I'm like, God, I've got a pretty big drive ahead. I'll call Marino real fast. It'll be 35 minutes. Well, look, you know, I know we've just really sort of gotten to know each other a little bit more in this meeting. But, you know, if you're ever on a long drive and you want to call, I'm here for you. I'd like a good conversation. You say that. I don't like. And I also like a good message. A voice message or a type of voice? No, not a type of fucking message. I like a voice message. Yeah. Ken. Hey, man. The longer it is, the better. The more meandering it is, the better. I would call I'd call Joe Latruglio, you know, a number of times throughout the years. And I just start, I just laugh for a while, like for a good, like, four or five minutes. You know, and ride the waves of wherever that takes me. And it's some of my favorite things to do. My favorite of Buddy. You know, you can leave FaceTime videos, recorded videos. He made it, it was very deliberate. It was very smart. He looked like he didn't know that the FaceTime was rolling. He put the FaceTime down and he's like talking, driving, and talking in traffic. I'm gonna steal that. Oh, it's so funny. Oh, I'm definitely gonna steal that. He's like, oh, fuck you! And the face, the phone's looking up like he has no idea it's still there. That's great because, because of course the person's gonna watch and be like, oh, what are they gonna say next? Yeah. And then like, three minutes into it, he'd be like, hey, man. He picked it up, he goes, fuck you, bye. And I was like, oh. That's so good. I'm thinking I'm gonna catch him in the middle. I'm like, oh, what is he doing? Is he, and like, That's great. Yeah, I know. But he got me this motherfucker. I watched the whole thing. It was probably three minutes of me being like, you fuck. I'm staring going, where's he gone? Where's he headed? What is he gonna say? I'm trying to figure out. Yeah. What's he gonna say if he gets cut off? I'm excited to watch that. I'm gonna call you, though. I promise I'm gonna call you. Great. Great. And then I'm gonna come over to your house. And if you'd like a phone call, I'll give you a call. I do love a phone call. I say that all the time. Wouldn't it be great if you were like, no, that's all right. Yeah. I'd rather you not. No, thanks, man. This is my talk show. This is my podcast. Who do you, who do you, who do you call when you're, when you're in need of like a big pump up? Whether it's like a laugh or like a, just like a good change your mood. Again, I'm very lucky to have that whole state group, right? So like, you know, I mean, you call Tom Lennon, he'll do, you know, five minutes of new material. You know, like you call Joe Trulio and he'll go wherever you're going and support whatever bit you're doing. You know, David, Craig Wedron, who I talked about, my buddy Sam Calagione is a delight to call. Are these, are these weekly calls or is this like once in a great while? It depends, you know, I mean, it really, you know, like sometimes you want to talk to people. Sometimes you're feeling, I don't know, is it lonely? You just want, you want a connection, right? Yeah. And so I will say this a lot of times I will when on a long drive go down the list you know, of like the people I just want to like make sure that they know I'm thinking about them. Yeah. Right. And so I'll like you know, do four, five, six of them, you know what I mean? This is a bit, though, in my mind of like you going through the missed calls and you're like, not him. I'm like going through the names in your missed call log and you're like, I'm not going to call that guy. I don't want to listen to that. Delete. No, no, it's you know, it's it's so it's it varies, you know, sometimes when you're feeling like you need to connect. Yeah, because I ask this. I'm curious what you think about this. And maybe this is a dumb question, but why do you think we learn to speak? Too many. I mean, beyond nonverbal communication. Yeah. At a certain point, we were like grunting. Right. And then we learned a language. I'd love to go back to grunting. It would be great, but we can't. So why did we learn? Can't we? Well, I guess. Why do we? I think because because the noises couldn't really express how we feel and language expressed how we felt. OK, so express how we felt. Why? Because we're the only species that needs to have a deeper connection other than food and mating with other people. Yeah. So to let us know we're not alone. Yeah. So we don't. Yeah. So we don't feel like we might die soon. I feel like if you're just alone, you die. Right. Unless you're on the show alone on HBO, which is great. And they do survive for a long day to survive. And then at a certain point, they're like, I can't take it anymore. Get me off this island. Yeah. My foot is bloating up. I don't know what's going on. I need to get out of here. Why do you think? You think it's just because that, right? Because we need to. We need connection. We need to. We need to know that we're not alone. I think that's what I think. Even if we are with millions of people, you're like, I feel really lonely. You feel lonely. Yeah, it's crazy. Because it because that's just more like I don't you know, most people walking by you are just props. Bodies. They're not their bodies. They're moving. Background. They're background. They're trees. They're just a living thing that you have no connection with. Yeah. Right. So to then, you know, reach out to the people. To people who have touched you in the past or just people that, you know, you have, you know, warm feelings for to to to hear their voice and to hear their thoughts makes you know that you're not alone. And that's important. Right. That's huge. Yeah. You know, like and so so, you know, friendships with people and and long term friendships are super, super important. Well, you made a new friend today. Well, I know you're being corny, but I'm being genuine. You were. But that's all right. That's OK. I'm being genuine. I just how about this? I'll be I'll be vulnerable. I just made a new friend and we both admitted to each other that we were like, you know, we're both men, grown men. He's got family, kids, you know, and I and I was like, it's kind of cool that we can admit we're like new friends. He was like, it's not kind of a fucking relief. It's nice. It's nice. I flew to San Francisco to see the guy. Wait. So I thought you were talking about us. But now who are you talking about? No, I said I made a new friend. Yeah. And we admitted to each other. Yeah. And I was like, it is cool to admit it. That's why I said to you. I'm being joint. I'm not being coy. I'm admitting to you vulnerable. New friend. I'm I'm accepting it. OK, I'm absorbing it. I'm taking it in. I'm happy to hear it. And the feeling is mutual. I told you you owe me a hundred bucks. Wait, you bet against me. You son of a bitch. Hola. No, damn it. I mean, damn you. No, I think I think it's hard to make new friends as grown men. For some reason, we do this thing. We're like. Well, that's the thing. What is that? What is that? I don't know, because we're just preoccupied. But there's a whole thing of like men can't be friends with each other. And like it's like what is. I think after a certain age, too, people have families and kids. And so you go, ah, you know, I'm a childless goon. You know, my wife and I, it's just us. So it is often I meet people and I go, I got a fucking family's busy. He's got kids. You know, we do you like eating? Do you like food? You like going out to restaurants? Not anymore. Yeah, I haven't eaten in years. You haven't eaten in years? You look great. Thank you. Um, no. Do you like going out? Like, do you like if I called you and said, hey, last minute and been like, I'm going to go. I'm going to Korean barbecue with a couple of friends. You want to come? Chosun Golbi. I'll be there in 20 seconds. Oh, baby. Meet me there. We're going to we're going to. You know, my best friend is Korean. And that's the one thing that we do the best is Korean barbecue. So I'll take you to some secret spots if you're big into Korean barbecue. Yeah, I'll take you to the ones where you have to speak Korean to get in. Great. And I have to show them my phone. I make him type it in my phone what we're supposed to know. Love it. And I show it to them and they go this way. Great. And they show us the way. Let's go. I'm dead serious. I've done it where I'm like, you know, I'm friends with Bobby, right? And they're like, yeah, we know who you are. It's come on. Let's go. OK, good. Oh, my God. We're going to do it. I'm down. I'm 100 percent down. If you guys see both of our marriages broken up because we're both in love with each other. That's what happened today on the show. Before I let you go, I know I don't want to peel off too much of your time, but Blossoming of a New Friendship. I appreciate you coming on the show. Please go see the movie right now. Gayle Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass. It's out now. It's out now. And if this comes out when I think it comes out, yeah, enough people are going to see The Odyssey. Don't worry about it. The Odyssey will be fine. You know what I mean? I don't think it's going to be. I don't think it's going to be that good. You don't? I don't. Who did it? It's a very old story. It's been around for a long time. Please go see that right now. I appreciate you dearly. This meant a lot to me. You look into that camera and you say one word or one phrase to end the episode. That's what we do. We say a word or a phrase to wrap it up. It doesn't have to be anything profound. It could be. It could be a word of wisdom. It could be a word that means nothing. But will you do me a favor? We've never done this. Will you turn, give a face look, and then say the word or phrase. Okay. Okay. Oh, shit. He's flipping me off. No sudden movements. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Sturdy and ginger. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. Ginger. I like ginger. - Dangerous.