Keep a Journal Without Fear

[Music] Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host Rob Dyle. If you have not yet done so hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. If you're out there and you love this podcast you'll probably love the live event that I'm doing later on this year. If you want to join the wait list to be the first to learn about it and to get massive discounts for my in-person event in Austin, Texas later on this year go to freedom waitlist.com once again freedom waitlist.com. Today we're going to be talking about how to start journaling and how to create a journaling practice. And I understand that when you hear that you should start journaling it sounds kind of weird. How would I sit down and like put my thoughts on a piece of paper? I've already got my thoughts in my head. What am I going to do? Sit down and be like dear diary. Here's what I did today like in my trying to just talk about what I did for the day. And for me I did it wrong for years. I used to think that it was like that where I would sit down and just kind of put what happened at the end of the day and here's what my day looked like. A journaling practice is not creating a diary where you put all of this is what happened today and this is how I felt and all of that. For me I didn't see a whole lot of value in journaling because that's what I thought that it was. And then one day I was having a really hard day and I started out with just writing a whole bunch of questions down. And I remember specifically exactly where I was. I was in Zilker Park in Austin. I had my journal with me and I used to write like write down my goals and all that stuff and say here's the goals that I'm that I'm working towards. But I was having like this really hard time and I couldn't figure out like why I didn't ever really feel like satisfied with life. I felt like I always was like running towards something or running away from something. And I was like I feel like I've got more unanswered questions inside of me than actually like answered questions. And so what I thought to myself is every question that I have that's popping up into my head, I'm just going to put it down. And I wrote like 10 or 15 questions down. And I was like man these are a lot of questions that I've just never really thought of before. And I thought well if I'm sitting here and I've got all these questions I might as well try to find the answers. And so I went to each individual question and tried to find the answers to them and wrote down like why do I always feel like I have to be running away from something. Why do I always have to feel like I could be running towards something. And it was probably about an hour later. I left that park. And that day was like completely changed the way that I journaled forever. And the reason why I recommend people journal is because we have a lot of stuff that's going on in our heads. And when it's in your head it can be really, really hard to understand. And the reason why is because it's not like you have one thought. You can have a thought and then that thought is connected to 20 other thoughts and 20 other different feelings and emotions and memories from your past that happens so quickly you don't even really notice them in the first place. And this is the stuff that's going on your head can be really, really abstract. And they can be really hard to work through if you have extremely complex problems going on in your life. Like think about how complex your life is. How many things you do on a daily basis. How many plates you keep spinning all day every day. It's super complex. And so what makes it easier for us is to put it on paper to actually start working through it. When it's on paper it can be planned and it can be works through. And so I remember one of my friends's real good friends was going through a hard time in his relationship. And he came over to my house and I was like, well, why don't we just write it all down on pen and paper? And he's like, no, I don't need to. It's all I've got it all figured out. It's all in my head. And I was like, cool, let's just do this. And for me, we didn't have a, I didn't take out a journal. I took out a whiteboard. And I was like, what's all the stuff going through your head? And we wrote each and everything down. And I was like, okay, we've got every single thing that's going on through your head. Do you feel like most of it is out now? And he's like, yeah, I feel like my brain feels at least more empty than it did when I walked in here. I was like, cool, let's just, let's just go through each individual topic. And I want you to write down all of the questions that are coming up in your relationship. Oh, this is my question on this, my question on this, question on this. And then I wrote down all the questions for him as they are coming through. And then we literally just talk through each one of his questions. And at the end, his entire brain was on a piece of paper. And he's like, oh my God, I feel like I'm so clear on what I'm supposed to do. Because there's so many different things. When he was in his relationship, there's him, there's her, there's their children. There's their, their family and how they're relating to it. So there's so many complex problems in our life to try to get through them in your head can be a really, really daunting task. Another reason why it works really well is because most people are visual. You know, researchers have found about 65% of people out there are visual learners. And so when you can see something on paper, it really helps you actually start to comprehend what's going on and make connections in your brain that you never made before. Your life is so complex. If I gave you a, a math problem, like 254 times 439 or something like that, some of you might be able to figure it out in your head like you really good math people. But a lot of you have I said, hey, figure out this problem and I'll give you a thousand dollars, 254 times 439. And I said, well, here's a pen and paper. You can use that. Would you still try to do it in your head? No, you try to do it on a piece of paper. You'd go to like old school multiplication, try to figure out with pen and paper. If you're trying to figure out a math problem with pen and paper, you definitely need to figure out life's problems with pen and paper. And for me, that's the reason why anytime I run an event, one of the things that we do the most is journaling practices and talking about the things that we're journaling about is because your brain makes so many more new connections. It's the same thing is when you figure out stuff of your life and you figure out stuff of your feelings and you figure out stuff with your emotions. All of these are really complex and journaling just helps you figure yourself out more. And so I just really want to, to sell you on the fact of journaling is not just some BS thing that a bunch of motivational speakers say from stage. It's actually something that really helps you process the complex things are going on in your life. So let's talk about how to journal. Okay. Here's what I recommend when you're trying to learn how to journal. The key here is to be as curious as possible. I want you to act like you don't know yourself. Act like you've never met yourself before that you're a therapist who's just trying to help a client that knows nothing about them. And you go into it and instead of being judgmental instead of throwing guilt or shame on top of yourself more than anything else you just go into the whole thing with curiosity. And here's what you're going to do. It's super, super simple. You're going to ask yourself a question about something that's coming up. And then you answer the question and we will be right back. And now back to the show. So if you wake up feeling happy, just ask yourself, why do I feel so happy today? If you wake up and you don't feel happy, what can I do to make myself feel happy today? What would make today a great day? If you notice your self feeling really anxious, a lot of times when people are anxious, it's like their computer is overloaded. Anxiety is one of the best times to sit down with pen and paper. So if you're starting to feel the feelings inside of you of anxiety, just sit down with pen and paper and just say, I'm feeling really anxious. What is it that might be making me feel anxious? What am I thinking of that might be making me feel anxious? Am I worried about something? Am I scared? What's making me feel this way? And then one of my favorite questions is what do I want? And so what I recommend for people is take 10 or 15 minutes every single morning when you have your cup of coffee and just start journaling through what's going on in your life. And you can journal through like, Hey, what would make today a great day? Or if you feel really happy today, Hey, why do I feel so happy? If you feel scared, anxious, why do I feel scared or anxious? Or if you just wake up and you feel kind of normal, you can just wake up and just write the question, what do I want? And you can make it as open and as vague as you want to. And then if you want to, you can actually get really clear if you'd prefer. So like, what do I want would be like today? It might be like, you know what? I want to spend some more time with my family today. Okay, what can I do to make that happen? Maybe if you want to get more direct to get asked yourself like, what do I want in my life? What do I want in my business? What do I want in my love life? What do I want in my relationship with my children? What do I want in my bank account? And you can get more and more clear. And you the key is ask yourself questions as if you don't know who you are. And then here's the secret to it. And this where most people usually mess up, most people usually kind of lily padding. What you want to do is not lily pad. You want to go deeper. You want to dive deeper into it. So instead of going from like, what do I want in my life? And then lily padding to like, what do I want in my relationships? What you want to do is you want to ask yourself a question and then answer the question and then ask yourself another question about what you just answered. And the easy way to do this is to just start the next sentence with either who, what, why, when, where or how? Let me give you a couple of examples just to kind of show you what it would look like to go through a journaling practice. So you have your level one question. Maybe wake up in the morning, get your coffee and you're like, damn, I kind of feel anxious this morning. I don't feel really good inside of my body. Okay, level one question. Why do I feel anxious right now? And you might answer it. So then you're going to answer it. Level one answer. I think I'm worried about the presentation that I have to give it work. Okay, now I don't want to go to the next question. What I want to do is ask myself a question about that answer. So what you do is you have your level one question and then your level one answer and then now you're going to go level two question and level two answer. So what can I do right now to lower my anxiety? Okay, level two answer. I can do a breathing exercise followed by reviewing my presentation and reading it out loud so that I feel like I've got enough practice because I know that if I feel more prepared, I'll feel less anxious and I'll probably do better. But it helps right there, doesn't it? Now you don't feel that anxiety looming. You can start to work through it and then what I recommend is go deeper and then go deeper and then go deeper. Try to go like three or four levels deep if you can. What's really crazy and I remember one of my clients years ago, he was a he was a great guy and his name was Luke and he worked with me for about a couple of years and after about three months and I kept having him journal and journal and journal, he was like, Hey, can I say something to you like I feel like when I first started working with you, I didn't I thought I knew who I was. But now that I've been working with you for a while, I have no I had no idea who I was and journaling was one of the main things that actually changed my life around that. You know, this is a 40 year old guy extremely successful, had a family. He wasn't just like some person who never worked himself. He'd been working himself for years. And he's like, I I feel like I didn't know myself. I didn't know my patterns. I wasn't aware of what I was thinking. I wasn't aware of what I was feeling. And so you want to go deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper if you can. So let me give you another example. Let's say that you you want to work on your love life, right? And your level and question would be like, what do I want in my love life? Level one answer could be like, I want my spouse to respect me more. Okay. Now don't go on to the next topic. Go deeper into that answer. So level two question, where do they respect me now? And where do I see them not respecting me the way that I want to be respected? Level two answer could be something like he respects me around other people. But I feel like he doesn't respect me when I talk about growing my new business. I don't really feel supported by him. Level three question. Let's go deeper into what we just went into. What can I do to have him respect me more in my business? And more than anything else, how can I how can I feel that he supports me in my dreams and my aspirations in the business? That's level three question. Okay. Level three answer. The best thing for me to do is to have a conversation with him about how I feel. And then I'm noticing that I don't really feel respected or supported. And I would like his respect from him. Okay. Level four question. What would that look like so I can give him exactly what it would look like? Now you've got it. This is very much like a psycho analyzing session. When you go to a psycho analyst, a psycho analyst, they're trained to ask questions and give as few statements as possible. You can do this every day for free. Now I'm not saying don't go to therapy. I think most people should go to therapy at some point in time in their life. But you can kind of work on your own self and you start to become more self-aware as you do this. And so you could sit down. You could ask yourself some some amazing questions. What are the fears that are holding me back from the living the life that I want? What are the habits that are holding me back from the life that I want? What are my limiting beliefs that are holding me back from life that I want? What is my what what is my identity of the way that I view myself? You know, and you start going through and going deeper and you really start to understand yourself more. And this works really well. If you just put all of your thoughts when you notice your body shifting, put all of your thoughts on a piece of paper question, answer, question, answer. Now I know it's already happening because I've talked about journal for 10 years at this point, I think. Everybody says, well, what if somebody finds it? What if my spouse finds it? What if my children find it? Hide it. Hide it if you want to. Or you know, you could do it. My wife and I do. My I know right now my journal is on the kitchen table. And the reason why is because I saw it right before I started recording this, right? I saw it on there. I know that my wife will not pick it up and read it. And the reason why is because we've made it and this is just the the way that we are in a relationship. I see hers laying around. I don't pick it up and read it. She sees she's mine laying around. She isn't picking up a read early. She tells me she doesn't. But even if she did who cares? Right. She could she could read it if she wants to. But we have this this mutual agreement. I won't read hers. She won't remind. So therefore we can be as honest as possible on that pen and paper. And if you really want to, if you're really worried because you're putting some stuff down about like, oh my god, I want to get out of this relationship. How do I get out of this relationship? You can put all of your thoughts down on pen and paper and then rip up every single journal entry if it makes you feel better. But you're if you're not able to be honest with yourself in pen and paper, you're not honest with the world. You're not if that is the most honest that you can be is if you write it with pen and paper and then rip it up or burn it whenever you get done. Just don't not go deep with yourself. That's the thing that I really want to get across to everybody on here. This is the moment where you can really start to put your deep thoughts, your deep feelings onto a piece of paper and to think like, well, I'm not going to go as deep because I'm afraid that my husband's going to find it or I'm not going to go as deep because I'm afraid that my mom's going to find it. Then please, as soon as you get done with going really deep with yourself and you come up with a plan, rip it out, burn it, throw it away, rip it up, whatever you need to do, but put your heart and soul on that piece of paper and you'll really start to become way more self-aware. A lot of people then go, well, how often should I journal? I recommend that you journal like if this really sounds like something that you want to try every morning for 10 or 15 minutes for the next week and just see what happens and just ask yourself two to three questions for the day, two to three questions. It can be anything. What can I do today to feel like I have as much energy as possible? You can go through that. Hey, I'm feeling kind of sad today and I don't know why. What do I think might be going on there? Then you actually just start to figure out more about yourself and I promise you this. I hear it over and over and over again. I thought I know myself until I started doing journaling sessions. Then I recommend that you end every single one of your journaling sessions in the morning with one question, one simple question, one fun question, and the question is what can I do to make today amazing? What you do is you actually ask yourself what can I do to make today an amazing day? Then whatever's on that piece paper, do your best to get it done. Maybe it's like, you know what? I really want to bake a cake. I've been baked a cake in a while. Make that damn cake, please. Maybe one of them be like, I really want to pick up my children from school today. Okay. Well, then find a way to get out of work early so that you can take your children to school. You know what? I really want to take Stacy to her volleyball practice. Okay. Well, then what do you need to do to move that around so that you could be at her volleyball practice with her? And if you do this, then you'll notice that you have these little tiny moments that you've been wanting in your day. Then you start to plan out how to make today an amazing day as well. So please try it out. I'm going to challenge you seven days starting today while you're drinking your coffee in the morning. Make some space for it and I promise you'll learn much more about yourself. So that's what I got for you today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on the Instagram stories tag me in @robdialg. JuniorRoBDIALJR. And if you want to learn more about the wait list to come to my in-person event in Austin, Texas, this year, once again, go to freedom. Waitlist.com. Once again, freedom. Waitlist.com. And I'm going to leave you the same way. I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.