Checking all-state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether my cats have been fed before heading out the door, red alert. They were about to go hungry, but when I grabbed my keys, they started meowing with the ferocity of a pride of mountain lions. I'm running late, but at least they got their dinner. Yeah, check him first is handsome, so check all-state first for an auto quote. You could save you hundreds, you're in good hands with all-state. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All-state, North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. As we head into the back-to-school season, my cats undergo a shift as well. They love the quiet afternoons around the house, and when I say they make themselves at home, I really mean it. What hasn't changed is meal times. Ever since I switched my cats to smalls fresh cat food, they have insisted on dining upon the protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free 100% human grade ingredients. You'd find in your fridge. In fact, they use those exact words to describe smalls. Smalls gets delivered right to your door. Their gently cooked food is made without preservatives, and the nutrients in their food are digestible, meaning less stinky poops. Cats use protein as their main energy source, and smalls is chock full of it. After switching to smalls, 88% of cat owners reported overall health improvements, so stop serving your little carnivore a bowl of processed shortcuts. For a limited time, because you're a handsome listener, get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com/hansom. That's 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com/hansom. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm one of your host, Mae Martin. I'm joined by my handsome as co-hosts. I think we leave it live. We do live. Let it live, baby. If it's somebody's first time listening, they might not even know what words we said. They won't know. They won't know who you are. Welcome. Yeah. Either way. How do you do? How do you do? How do you do? It's so good to see you guys. Same season. It's our three-year anniversary. Wow. I love the enthusiasm in which you brought that information for our three-year anniversary. Three-year anniversary. What are we going to do about it? Yeah. It feels longer. It does actually feel longer. Well, so much has happened. We're all in such different places. Yeah. We're all grown up. I wore our pretty little lady shirt. Yeah. Looks gorgeous. Go to YouTube. Go to Hulu. Go wherever you need to go to see this gorgeous shot. Pretty lady. Is this what we get for our anniversary? I know we were unsure as my pointed out early on if we would get past April. I just feel like a lot of podcasts start and then Peter out, but we didn't. - No, as far as we know, people are still listening. - As far as-- - People are not sure, still listening. And it is wild. - It is wild. - It's fast. - It's had someone yell at me, walking to dinner. Keep it handsome. And I was just pointed and I went, yes. Did I tell you guys, I was at a fourth of July parade and I saw a woman with a handsome hat on? - No, I love that. - No, I love that. - That's a great-- - Yeah, and Stephanie said, you need to go over to the, 'cause she was sitting on the other side of the parade. - Yeah. - On the other side of the street. And Stephanie was like, you need to go over there and ask her-- - Cross the whole parade, just-- - Yeah, push in the cross. - And get a pic. - And she said, you should go up to her and say, excuse me, where did you get your hat? (laughing) - So I did. - I love that, was she surprised to see you? - Yes and no. I guess she had already seen me around. - So, gotcha. - I told you I went into a coffee shop in New Jersey and they were wearing our muscle tea. - Mm, did they have muscles? - It's wild. - Yeah. - Nice. - I love seeing our merch out in the wild. - It is fun. - It is. - It is real fun. And when people, it's also so funny, when this happened to me, a baggage claim in my recent travels where somebody walked past me and I was standing around other people waiting for baggage and she goes, "Hey, handsome." And I was like, I go, "Hi." And then she keeps walking by and then I'm just left with people that have no idea what that's about. - That is the best. - We do act as the manager. - We think you got an old Tommy hit on. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It does break in my day. Someone just saying, "Hey handsome." I think we did someone good there. - I know, for sure. - Like if we'd called the podcast "Shitheads" and people were like, "Hey, shithead." - And "Shitheads" wasn't the running, pretty high up there. - He was like, "Hey, handsome, we're shitheads." - Uh-huh. (laughing) - Yeah. - Honestly, it was a tough decision. - I do have, 'cause Tig, we were talking about you been on who wants to be a millionaire, or I want to be a millionaire as it should be called. And I thought I do have like a trivia quiz that I wrote for some friends. Do you want to do, should we do a couple questions? - Whoa, yeah. - Please don't say no. (laughing) - I know you're thinking about it. - I'm definitely trying to decide. - Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes. - Okay, let's do it. Just as you go for the anniversary. - Please say yes. - Yes, for the anniversary. - Okay, I'm gonna do it. And well, there's sort of a character that goes along with it. Okay. - Oh, is it Debbie from England? - I could make it Debbie. It's more like-- - I know. What was your original idea? - It's welcome travelers to the land of quiz venture. Where questions are cut and see. (laughing) - Oh, okay. - Hey, I'm regretting it. I did this in front of a group of people. - Wait, what was the floor? - It was my friend's birthday, and you had to prepare a skill or something. And one person did yo-yo tricks. Another person did like a lap dance. And it was very cool. And then I got up and was like welcome travelers. - And it's too long as well. Like, it was like five pages. - Yes, it took like 20 minutes. - Were you like, "I'm a good host?" Was that the skill? - I just love, I love a quiz. And I thought, "It's fun." (laughing) - And also everyone got more laughs than me the whole night. - Oh no, will you give it a good shot? It is hard when you start a character like that. And it's not hitting, but you have to commit to it the rest of the time. - I know, I did bail on the voice. - But I think it's gonna say that also, you don't have to keep doing it, you can acknowledge that it's tanking and then pull right out. - Yeah, yeah. - Okay, fortune. - Okay, in 1972, who became the first Oscar winner to have parents who had also both won Oscars. - Jamie Lee Curtis. - No, but a great guess. - Wait, the person won in 1972, is that what he says? - One in 1972, yes. - Oh man, 1972. - It's not me. - It's not you or fortune. - Yeah. - Could be Thomas. - Oh, 1966. - I hope people listening are enjoying this. - Seeing our faces, try to think. - Go to YouTube. - It's, I wanna know the answer. - Yeah, 'cause we don't want to. - Liza Manelli. - Oh, Liza. - Yeah. - Yeah, fortune can confirm. That is true. - In a gay man listening right now, screaming at us. - Look at how happy I am at being able to give a quiz. I really appreciate a lot of joy. - Give us another one. - Okay, I'm gonna name characters and you say what movie they're from. - Hey, is this all stuff I'm not gonna know? - Probably, there's one you should like get. - But you should guess. - No matter what. - Wait, did I tell you when I was at the "Glad Awards" that Liza Manelli was there? - She was. - Did you mention that? - I don't know if you mentioned that, but did you talk to him? - No, I didn't talk to her, but-- - I didn't talk to Tarot. - Hey, that was good. - That was good. - Wait, that was important. That was incredible. - What a name. - What a name. - I love it, 'cause in a way. - I don't want to do some jails. - When you said what a name that reminds me of when I was in Mississippi when my cousin was ill and in the hospital, and her, when I say cousin, it's my cousin's wife. - Okay.
in the hospital and her mother came in from Louisiana and she was like you know inner 80s and I didn't know her well but I had you know met her and whatever and my cousin's daughter was there and she goes grandma TIG is a movie star that's how she introduced me to her grandmother and she goes well she doesn't look like one oh my god so first of all to call me a movie star I've been a friend in a few movies oh but anyway oh my god I laughed so hard like that's the kind of stuff where it amuses me when that offends people like that would have done some people if somebody said that I am so on board yeah I am like I get it first of all I'm not a movie star and second of all please please please no how thankful I am for the gift of that moment give me a blunt a blunt grandma any day oh my god grandma and just to my fit she was taking me in and and and and response to her granddaughter not to me like it just like I'm just a thing sitting there and she's like well she doesn't look like one oh my god I love that the voice is almost like an old Catherine hepburn old-timey voice oh one million percent but anyway back to back to I think you're gonna know one of these TIG okay if not more okay oh Oda may brown oh that's driving wait no that's ghost yes fortune Jack Torrance I give it isn't the shining yes fortune the shining I'm not gonna hurt you never seen any of these okay you might have seen this next one Tony Monero that I don't know he touches my hair I hate that he touches my hair wait is it a TV show movie I don't know I don't know what this impression is good John Travolta yes gris no Tony Monero saturday night fever oh oh yeah it's my Danny and gris here's here's my secret never saw saturday night fever what that's a classic I know I know it's been I've seen it was been years okay name the seventh planet from the Sun fortune you should get this one Pluto Uranus Uranus yeah fortune Marie they're gonna how did I miss that window saying it you want more yeah I want several more oh great oh my god this is I don't like trivia wellness weekend this is all I'm bringing to the table please do it how many people per year die from a champagne cork oh closest one wins and I don't know how they're dying I could say 25 I'm gonna say 102 it's 24 fortune that's crazy that's crazy wow but I want to be a millionaire I want to be a millionaire now okay this is a riddle yeah what has a tape no what has a head a tail is brown and has no legs oh a penny yes dig okay maybe you're a riddle guy I'm I'm pretty good didn't I tell you about the riddle that I got on the radio no this years ago uh-uh I am so deeply proud I'm not it riddles tell us okay this is freakishly impressive and I got it before I even there was a show when I lived in Colorado there was a radio show called my three songs okay and they would play three songs and they could have anything in common and they don't they don't give you that it could be anything yeah but and they give you a riddle yeah and the answer to the riddle is based on the three songs okay okay I'm about to blow your mind I can't believe I haven't told you this no this is right on my street okay the question is an apple a day keeps this away and then the first song first of all I got the answer just with that okay the first song was indigo girls closer to fine the second song was the Beatles while my guitar gently weeps and the third song was midnight oil beds are burning and keep in mind before I even heard the songs I was like I think I know the answer and then they played the songs I was like oh my god oh my god I am correct oh my god the only one I know well there was a what was the riddle if you said there was a riddle an apple a day keeps this away I the only song that I know well is while my guitar gently weeps I'm trying to go through the lyrics is a two thing has nothing to do with lyrics buck has nothing to do this is again I blew my own mind why is it not doctor that's what you would think right apple a day keeps the oh my god I have no good I suck at riddles what if you never told us checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance not checking whether it's country western night before I go out to my favorite neighborhood spot for a night on the town tarnation I proudly wore my cowboy boots and hat but Thursdays are actually disco themed but I still think I can make this work yeah checking first is handsome so check all state first for an auto quote it could save you hundreds you're in good hands with all state potential savings vary subject to terms conditions and availability all state North American insurance company and affiliates Northbroke Illinois this podcast is supported by Planned Parenthood Federation of America I'm about to give you a very non-controversial fact everyone deserves health care that is safe affordable and non-judgmental but the Trump administration congress and the courts have spent the past few years making health care more expensive and harder to get without community-based Planned Parenthood Health Centers cancers will go undetected STIs will go untreated and patients won't get the birth control or abortion care that they need to plan their families and futures but Planned Parenthood isn't backing down they're still showing up for all their patients if you believe all people should get health care no matter their income Planned Parenthood needs you in this fight your donation makes a difference don't wait pull out your phone and go to planparenthood.org/defend and give today we hear at hand some love getting supported by honey love their bras and shape where are the best in the business and fortune is constantly letting us know just how comfortable and flattering honey loves pieces continue to be honey loves an independent female founded brand all honey love products are intelligently designed by women who actually wear them honey loves bras are designed to provide lift and structure using innovative bonding technology instead of uncomfortable underwire so you get that secure lifted feel without the poking pinching or constant adjusting fortune raves about honey love bras especially the new crossover contour bra and she loves that with best selling wireless design and molded foam cups to help create a smooth natural shape tree yourself to the most advanced bras and shape where on the market use our exclusive link to save 20% off honey love at honey love dot com slash handsome that's honey love dot com slash handsome after you check out they'll ask where you heard about them please support our show tell them we sent you experience the new standard and comfort and support with honey love okay now you must believe me when I tell you I knew this before they even played a song the answer to the riddle is IBM apple not an actual apple yeah yeah but an IBM computer indigo girls beetles midnight oil i b m wow yeah yeah good one that is that is 10 gential but like how would you get to IBM from just that riddle an apple a day because I was already thinking first of all I loved when that show played every day
'cause I was also, oh my God, I wanna listen to my three songs. And when I heard the beginning of the riddle, I thought, okay, they're trying to confuse me with Apple. - Yeah. - And I thought immediately my brain was thinking like, maybe it's not the Apple, maybe it's Apple computer. - Yeah, that's good. - And I thought maybe the answer is IBM. And then as soon as the Indigo Girls started playing, I was like, I think I'm right. And then Beatles came in, I'll never forget those songs. I won tickets to the opera and dinner at TGI Fridays. - Oh my goodness, it definitely goes together. - Yes, and what's crazy is they sent me the tickets twice. And so I had tickets to the opera. And what's funny is how long ago this was, this was like 1990, and it was like $50 at TGI Fridays, which of course would only feed one person now, basically. And so-- - Did you go twice? - Well, I called them and they were like, oh, you know, it's, whatever, have the extra thing. And so I-- - The time of your life. - Yeah, so I went to TGI Fridays twice with actually Tony, who I have mentioned on here. And then I gave, I worked at my job. I gave somebody the tickets to the opera. - Oh my God, that's great. - But you're like, I don't like one of the opera. (laughing) - I don't want more of the Indigo Girls, the Beatles or the Night Oil. - Give it to you in another riddle, but I want another trivia question. - The more you take, the more you leave behind. What am I? - Time. - That works as an answer, but no. - Oh. - Well, then it should be. - It should be. - Yeah, can you change it to that? - Yeah, yeah, it was footsteps, but it should have been. That's not that good, 'cause it was-- - We always take them, oh, okay, that makes sense. - That's so good. - Can we have mine? - Mine, mine, mine, mine was still good, right? - Yeah, that was really good. - Turns out this is my strength. - Yeah, thinking outside the box. - I like another trivia question, please. - To make one bottle of red wine, how many grapes? - I'll go back to 102. - I'm gonna say, 24. - It's 24. - 600, 600 grapes for a lot of grapes. - Yeah, we'll bottle in. - Are there any more characters? How big is the bottle? - Yeah, true. - 'Cause you know, sometimes they have those little half bottles. - Yeah, the little airplane bottles. - Yeah, so-- - Are there any more characters? - I mean, I have multiple quizzes on my computer. It's just how deep do we wanna go? I, these are the real names of two musicians. Like the birth names. - I'll never know this. - Okay, not musicians, I try. - Yeah, drag. - Take is a very good music. - The first one is a musician. Reginald Kenneth Dwight. - Oh, I know this. That's Elton John. - Yes, Tick. - Yeah. - Okay, and then this is an actor, Maurice Joseph Michael White. - Michael White. - Music's my thing. - They should have kept it. - That's Michael Cain. - Michael Cain. - I would never have known. - Good night. - You princes of England, you cool. - What was it, you-- - You kings of-- - Kings of New Hampshire, something like that? - I don't know. - Feel like you were talking at a level that's maybe putting people to sleep. - Oh, I didn't know what to sleep with. - I enjoyed that personally. One more. One more. Uno más. - Okay, which of these inventions could Queen Victoria have never seen? A photograph, a motor car, a steam train, or a tea bag? - I don't know, what is it? - Tea bag. - Queen Victoria. - What Victoria? - A steam, so a steam way. - Late 1800s. - It's the tea bag. - I guessed it. - You guessed it. - I guessed it. - Hey, how are you? - I'm just, okay, but here's the thing. Is I feel like that felt riddally. - Yeah, yeah. - And that's where my brain works better is like, I can go and-- - To go left turn and-- - Yeah, where I'm like, yeah, I think they're trying to. But yeah, I, but again, with who wants to be a millionaire, I dare anyone to beat the energy and brain of Pete Holmes. It's just, it's almost impossible. - I know who can. - I dare in Holtz. - Oh, okay, yeah, okay. I just, I was like, I cannot, I mean, thank God I had him because I think he wants Liberty Jeopardy. And I think might have all the one. No, I, and I think he won, who wants to be a millionaire as well. - Wow, okay, all right. - Well, Pete. - Well, thanks for indulging me in that. - Didn't. - Hey, I enjoyed it. Thanks for bringing your, your quiz at bomb that a party. - So it was a hit on the pod. - I can see myself. - We don't know how it's going with the audience. - Yeah, we, we don't know people who have tuned out. - The numbers are poor. - We never know if people tune out. - We don't know if people are mad at us. They don't know if we, we don't know if they've turned it off. We don't know if they're telling a friend about us. We don't know anything. We just are right here. - Some trivia nuts are really pumped. - Mm-hmm. - I love a trivia night when I was filming in Toronto. And I had no friends. - I would go to Trisney's like two years ago, no? - What a no-one in Toronto. - You got a one-year meet-ups. - I would go to, I did get my co-stars to go with me to one trivia night and we won. - That's awesome. I could see myself giving up comedy. If I could host like a TV quiz show, I could be really happy doing that. - You could just give up comedy and host like a trivia night at a local bar. - I think I'd be pretty happy. (both laughing) - There you go. - I remember at the beginning of the pandemic, I was thinking about this the other day like, when the pandemic happened, I don't know about you, but we were all like organizing group zooms with our friends and like doing trivia quizzes. I don't, if that happened now, I think we'd, I'd be like, oh great, a break from talking to all my friends. Like was I seeing and talking to my friends that much that when the pandemic happened, I was like, how am I gonna live without seeing them all every day on Zoom? You know what I mean? I think it changed us, the pandemic. - Were you for sure it did, by the way? - Yeah, like we were more connected before I think. - Oh yeah, yeah. - To each other. - But also, were you isolated? Were you just alone during the pandemic? - No, I had a roommate who had just moved in who I didn't, she was a friend of a friend. And then you were learning, right? - Yeah, and then we went into lockdown. Thank God we got along. - I think that we interviewed you on our radio show when you were in London. - Yeah, I think so too. 'Cause I ever really came out during the pandemic. - Yeah, as they call it. - Yeah, in my flat. And they're right when the pandemic happened, they were doing construction. They had like scaffolding outside my building. And so they had to abandon it, but they left the scaffolding. And I'm on the, I was on the fourth floor and I could crawl out onto the scaffolding. So I had like a balcony, but looking back so dangerous. But I would just say, yeah, that's crazy. - Crazy, crazy, love me. - Now you're living on the side of a hill. - Yes. - Yes. - And how is it, are you teetering? Are you gonna fall onto Sunset Boulevard? - I am, the response I got after talking about that on the pod, people are just like called the city. And so I'm on it, I'm calling them all the time, but so far no movement. - So cool. - What do you say? Are you leaving messages on an answering machine from the '80s, like where are you leaving messages? Or are you talking to people? - My assistant is doing it. So I don't know, but I think that they talked to someone and they said, they were saying, oh, 2027. And you know, and we're just saying it's-- - What they're saying, like what 2027's gonna be the year of May's house? What do they mean? - Come and repair that cliff. 'Cause they have it booked in to do, but they're just not doing it. - Yeah, I hope they do it. - I hope they do too. We really need you for the podcast. - Yes, we do. - Oh no, I know. - My house is finally coming together. I'm almost done decorating it. - How's it feeling? Do you wake up and feel like this is so good? - Yeah. - I love it. I have nine lamps coming on Monday. So this lamp will change out. And yeah, nine lamps, 'cause I want to be cozy and homey. - Yes, yeah. - I'll have you guys over at some point. But it's feeling so lovely. I like walk in and like exhale. And just for the record, I'd been saying the gays that are decorating my house. - Yeah. - And Jeff Lewis got upset that I wasn't naming him. He is the interior designer from that show, flipping out. - Oh, and he was like, you're just calling me the gays? And he has a radio show that I do. And he was like, I've been told you are referring to us as the gays or was it those guys or something? I do call them the gays. But like also, I think I said in an episode, those guys. And he was like, you know what I say, my name? So Jeff, that's for you. - That's for you.
But yes, I have the gaze Jeff and his assistant his coer her Tyler and his assistant Shane have been spearheading my Interior design and are they the ones that were like out with the yellow lamp? Really? And they said getting nine wins. And they were too much personality. They were like This looks like a lesbian one shopping and any time I'm like have something too much He's like, don't be a lesbian about this like really? I feel like lesbians have good taste or no, maybe that was what I was being cheap Wait, what do you mean lesbians have good taste like where what what is the example like well? I don't I don't think of them as being like too much like I feel like maybe I'm associating like a more Earthy mid-century if I but not like Chaotic, I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know. I think I picture futons. Do you think of lesbians? I will say when I try to do it myself it looked like a dorm room So he's not totally wrong at least with me So they're very like you know clean lines and let this looks good and not you know and It will say it looks pretty great. It's um pretty great Like it's great. It's very great. Yeah. How's your how's your bedroom? What's the vibe in there? Hello, of course. Hello We're still time. We still polar bear rice He's still tying it all in with the lamps and the he wants to put plants in and He's still has it's the last part is the jujing jujing yeah, and that hasn't happened yet So I think once the jujing happens. It's all gonna look spectacular the bedrooms gray. We just got a new rug in there I must always stop short of the jish right? Yeah, I usually stop short of the jish too, but he's Once the lamps come the jishing will happen. I think I'm all I'm all jish no Structure like no underlying cohesion what takes a while That's what I've learned through this process is like you just kind of want it to be done Mm-hmm, but everything's in increments We do this next we do that And this comes next that happens and you gotta take your time and not just And be impulsive. I have learned Yeah, because you'll end up wasting money if you're just like let's just get something put up and then Then what happens is the gaze Jeff Lewis come in and they go No, like I was like I just bought that bedding. They're like uh-uh And do you ever get pushback Do you feel like you feel like the house represents you though like they see you and they yeah, yeah You're like the photon should go right in front of the fireplace, but it represents a better version of me I like that. That's not like the aspirational. Yeah, it's more aspirational Office is the quirky part of the purse like these are the personal things There's a couple personal pictures out in the din and then the rest is just very tasteful Yeah And uh and I like but I like that because I'm grown-ass adult and I want to have a tasteful space Yeah, that's your first time to get a designer He I first I've known Jeff forever because I started doing his radio show back in 2020 And uh because I loved flipping out. I thought his design style was really great And I I used to think like one day if I ever Have enough money. I would love to be able to hire him and then When I finally at the point where I had some money he stopped designing. He was doing more flips for people like bigger projects Um, but I did his show called Hollywood House lift a couple years ago Uh, that was on Amazon And he re-did my yard and but through that process he also did some interior stuff Uh, but that one was mainly to sell that house. This is to live in so Does he have any opinions on the tits out tub? Yes, we had a question We this was the only part we didn't have success with We I paid to have the tits out hot tub fixed And at the last minute we got nervous. It was so they they um What do you call it excavated it uh And it's ripped it out or whatever to rebuild it and we and at the last minute they just tried to act feminine Like you didn't know what excavating means. Yeah, I don't know why What is happening excavating? What's happening? Handsome is brought to you by square space square space is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online With a handy and handsome website you can be proud of with square space You can scale up your business claim your domain and showcase your offerings with a premium professional website With square space is cutting edge design tools You can build a bold beautiful online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you and since every dream needs a domain Square space makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair all-inclusive price No hidden fees no required add-ons Square space offers so many extras as well like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and Invoicing to help you get paid on time square space makes it easy so easy We even made a website ourselves. So what are you waiting for? 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Well, it's like, oh do I need to go to like a oh do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or to like another type of website to upload the It's all in one place the video or the audio or like no, I want it makes it easy. Make it easy on me. Please Yes, and you can do all those things photos videos changing fonts You know being the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. They're SEO tools Which I know what those are and their custom domains. Oh, well, it's come up with a domain right now It's a wonderful exist. WWW dot friends meeting friends friends meeting friends dot com That's an original thing that we came up with friends meeting friends anyway So check out squarespace dot com slash Edgum for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code headgum Save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain hell sounds easy anybody could do it We got nervous that it was too deep and we should have just left it B So now it's nipsin tits out Okay, we got about three inches deeper. Okay, but I needed like five Nipsin tits out. No, I think that's a good compromise because so it's a so it's an improvement Yeah, we didn't nail it. Yeah, that was the only thing we didn't nail just fill it right up to the brim Right up. I know the problem is I'm a big gal so when I get it off this water Coming out. It's good along. So then I just wish I had Thought about well all you don't have to fill it all the way up, you know, I just wasn't thinking it So yeah tits are still out. Yeah, but nips are in you know, it's written. We have made a three inch improvement You're not a perfect person fortune. I tell you that all the time Perfect person Should we get our question? Yeah, let's do it. It's being a perfect people Let's get it Today's question asker is a Peabody award winning journalist writer and host who's worked for NBC ABC and CBS at
CVS, she became the first solo female news anchor of a major network. That's crazy. She hosts the hit podcast next question with Katie Curric. Katie Curric is asking today's question. - Hi, hi everyone, Katie Curric here. And this is my question. What would be your drag name and what would be your entrance song? (laughs) (laughs) - Now would drag for us be in evening gowns or text, or text it as with moustaches. - Yeah. - Moustaches. - Moustaches. - Like how do you swear to? - I think you guys still will. - Technically you guys would be drag kings, right? But what the hell would I be? - I kind of think I wanna be drag in an evening gown. - Girl, you go. - I like that, yeah. I think I wanna get dolled up with the big wig and the cleavage, boobies, and the big butts. - That would feel more like drag for all three of us, I think. 'Cause we'd be really performing. - Yeah, in a suit with the moustache feels like, "Oh, this doesn't feel that different to me." - Like you feel very comfortable in that gender expression. Yeah, but to be like, "Oh!" (laughing) - Hello. - I'd be like, "Hey boys." - That kind of thing. - Yeah, that's pretty sexy. - I'd love to see that. - I feel like my name has to be like, fortunes, cookies. - You said that so sadly. - You got a car seat. (laughing) - All right, I'll think about it. You guys, you guys discussed yours. - No, fortunes, cookies is great. - My drag king name would be probably a little cowboy or something, but. - Wait, you wouldn't put a gown on for us? - That would be more drag like. I'd be too good, should I do it? - We need to, I think I've brought this up before and we actually need to do this. And this is a real, put it on the list, Thomas thing. But we need to do a calendar, a sexy calendar. - I know. - We do believe that. - But you do have to do them at the beginning of the year for the end of the year. - Okay, all right, that's fine. But we need to do our feminine and our masculine side. So we got to drag it up and we got to drag it down. - Okay, so we do like a fireman one where we're sexy fireman, but then we also do like the gold girls that sexage. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Oh my God, can you imagine? I was like, we're whining thinking about it. Oh no, that was a bad example. Like, pussy cat dolls. Like I want to be hot. - Gold girls, I was like, we're in like captains. - That would be pretty fun. - That'd be my age group. - If I was doing a like femme drag, I would be Mavis Montgomery Marbles. - Wars, Mavis Montgomery Marbles. And my boobs would be two little marbles. - So we're all doing the evening gown round? - I guess so. Well evening gown, I'm not sure. I might do a short little number. - Oh, yes, please. - A little flapper. - Oh my goodness. - Yeah, like a 1920s kind of. Yeah, the last time I wore a dress was, as a character, or no, maybe filming feel good. That was the last time. - Wait, you would have like a bob? - When you saw it flappers, type like firewood dress, like a short little dress. And then yeah, maybe I would do a little bob like Catherine Zita Jones in Chicago. - Oh my gosh. - That's cool. - So you would be Marilyn Monroe, type fortune? - No, I want to be more voluptuous. Like a big sparkly evening gown, shoulder pads. - Yes. - Fake mayonnaise. - Yes, yes. - Dolly Parton. - Curly wig. Yeah, like a dolly-esque. - Oh yes, big old budget makeup. - Dolly from the 80s. - Yeah. - Or dolly now. - Take what would your femme drag person look like? What would you want to, is there anything you're like secretly, you're like, I'd look good and I'd like to wear that. - No. - No, there's not. You know what I would do? - I'd go as Katie Kirk. - That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Red wig. - Does she have red hair? - Yeah, right? - Wait, does she? - No. - She's brown. - Can we see the video again? Oh, it's brownish. - Oh, Bernie. - I think red hair. - Yeah, that's red. - Oh, this is like a strawberry blonde. - It's like a dirty blonde. What do you call that? Sand blonde? - The blonde. - Yeah, I can see some red highlights. Thomas, we can google what color hair Katie Kirk has. I would net if somebody said, take you must tell me the color of Katie Kirk's hair, where else something terrible is going to happen. Like your podcast won't go till April. I would not have said, oh, she is a red head. - That's the same color hair that my mom had my whole life growing up and we said it was a red head. Maybe not questioning. - What is the answer, Thomas? - After a viewer asked her what her exact hair color was, Katie made a joke. What, like to know why you think I color my hair at Katie laughed? Actually, I think the brand is Clarell Greybusters. Thanks so much, Clarell, for that lovely name. I think it's a dark golden blonde mixed with a medium neutral blonde. Katie explained, and all I know is I try to make the color of Jennifer Aniston's and I think I'm close, but somehow I still don't look like her. What are you gonna do? (laughing) - That's funny. - Okay, so she's a blonde. - Yes, Katie is a funny, fun. She has, and I mean this in the best way, but like fun, aunt, energy. And maybe it's because I've seen her with my children. - Oh, did it not, by the way. - She was teaching them like magic tricks and also this question, I don't know. - Yeah. - She seems very approachable and funny. - Yeah, how do y'all know each other, too? She had me on her talk show like 15 years ago. I think that was the first time when she had a show called Katie, something like that. And then I've worked with her stand-up to cancer. She started that after her husband passed away and stand-up to cancer has just been tremendously supportive when I've had friends and family members with cancer and I've just done events with them over the years. So, and we've just maintained a friendly relationship. - Nice. - Yeah. - What would you really enjoy her on the news? - Yeah, yeah. - What did you say, Mai? - She wanted to know what our walk on music would be for our drag act, too. - I think Mai would be, now I'm stuck on the Chicago thing, but I think Mai would be, come on boys, why don't we paint the sounds? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and I'd move my-- - And all that jazz. - Yeah, like I don't know. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Jazz. - Yeah. - God, I love it. - Little razzle dazzle, yeah. - It would be really, so liberating. Like, I love, I love drag for that reason. Like, 'cause I don't know if my body moves like that. - That's in the escape. - Yeah. - Sparkly. - I remember talking to RuPaul at one point. And Ru said that he was always very popular with kids and babies. They're like fascinated by all the jewelry and the big costumes and the hair. So it's such a fun expression. - Yeah, it's like a ray of sunshine in the world. - Yeah, and drag races. So huge, I've got to do that show a couple times. And I'm always like, I've been Australia and they're like, I love your own drag race. I hadn't been on there in forever. And they just, they're so upset. People are so obsessed with that show, I love it. - And what, what does Australia have to do with it? - For whatever reason, drag, the drag, the RuPaul's drag race is just very popular in particular. It's popular here too, but. - I'm surprised you didn't launch into an Australian accent. - That's right. - Are you talking? (laughing) - What would you like on music please? - Maru? I tried to do Nicole at Kidman's accent, by the way, on my radio show. - To her? - To her? - No, no, no. - Okay. - I would never. And someone called him and said, I was doing a South African accent. And I was like, I couldn't do that if I tried, but apparently that's what it sounded like. - And why wouldn't you do the impression to her? - 'Cause it's terrible. - Don't you quit. - Shamed me on Instagram. On our handsome Instagram page. She was like, this is the worst and I wanna do her accent. This is the worst.
Australian accent. I have ever heard. But she had a sense of humor about it. No, I think you're really dead serious. No, she found it hilarious. I think so. You're walk on music though, should be like nine to five or or Jolene or the minute I walked through the door. That kind of song. No, my tits and everyone's face. You got to do all these song. Why'd you come in here looking like that? Okay. Do you know that one? No. I think I do. Why'd you come in here looking like that with your cowboy boots and your paint it on jeans all dressed up like a girlfriend. Oh my god. So just like that. That would be the perfect song for you to come out as you have to look up jeans. Yeah. So we got fortunes cookies. I don't know. I think I have to redo my name. What I say, maybe I know what your name would be. Give it to me. Dolly would like W-O-U-L-D. Oh, that's good. That's good. Dolly would or dolly gives you wood. Fortune Marie you need to take a seat. Step out. Okay. I'm pretty little lady. Fortune is trying to distract me away from being upset with her for being still vulgar. And then you should have watched the haul guys. We get a little dirty on there. Oh, fortune Marie. You would fortune Marie mean what the children. I'm too busy I can dyke in and biking out here in Colorado. I did an episode of Hot Ones and that was the time I filmed the podcast later that day. You know, my stomach was a rumbling. It was because I filmed that show where you eat the hottest shagelings ever. And I didn't realize until I watched it with my mom how many times I said the word cooter. Oh my god. So I think I started with like, oh, this one. This one hasn't yet, you know, punched my cooter. And my mom started with that. And then I went, she basically, it was her version of Fortune Marie. And then I said, I said cooter like five more times. And I was like, I didn't really realize how much I was saying it. And I thought they would cut some of it. And every time she kept looking at me like, she doesn't really care though. Why do you do that? Does she know about Fortune Marie that I renamed you and gave you a middle name? I don't think she's listening to handsome in a minute. I think she doesn't, but she has listened. So she does know about my nickname, but she does not like it when I say dirty words. Oh, okay. I bet you deep down she's, she's like living vicariously a little bit. Because it's pretty cool to have the freedom to do that, you know, on a cloud of cloud quarter on Netflix. So he got in the biz, right? That was what I aimed for. We need a name for you, Tick and a walk on. Wait, Tick, oh, Tick, have you decided what your costume is? Um, Katie Carrick. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. So are we talking like a, like a sensible pantsuit? Yeah. And probably glasses that are on like a chain. Yeah, you know, you know, around going a skirt and blazer. I'd like to see you in a skirt if you don't mind. Absolutely. I mean, it needs to be a shorter skirt too, like above the knees. Fortune Marie. And maybe you could be called Katie Cuderick. Katie, who is the best love of God for you guys? Katie, I'm jealous of this. And if that, that just made me so proud. Katie Cuderick is phenomenal. Oh, we've just made Katie so proud. I know. I know that we have. If I know my Katie Cuderick. So maybe, so in my mind, like fortune and I go out and do our thing. And then it's like introducing Katie Cuderick. And maybe it plays like the news sting. That's my walk on me breaking news. But then it breaks into a song. Yeah. And it's like breaking it breaking news. And then you like, and then oh, and then you rip off your blazer. Uh-huh. Well, did you see my have a mastectomy scars? Yeah. That was a Barclay tank top is what I was going to say. But yeah, why not just break out your to go bitty's. Yeah. And I was also thinking I feel like because Katie's not that Katie's new side isn't her true spirit because she does have, you know, she's so smart and does have that deep curiosity. But she's also a very silly fun, um, yeah, cookie person. And so I feel like, um, to honor that side of her is very like girls just want to have fun or you know, very Cindy Lopper type thing. And it's raining men. Um, that's good. Yeah. Sure. Cause you know, it starts with because I'm yo, whether girl and have I got news. Oh you. Oh, I forgot. That's pretty good. I could do like a slow true colors. Cause then you'd be seeing my true colors as Katie Cuderick. Yeah. As you slowly take off like my glasses on a chain. Yeah. Yeah. I slowly tell her that she's a named Katie Cuderick. Oh, well, that's your drag name is Katie Cuderick. I don't even think I need to send her this. I feel like she will hear it without getting her direct. Yes. So it makes me feel like you should do some kind of dance that involves your, you know, like base against ink style. Okay. You're saying go paint no ponties. No ponties. That is almost ragged. We're going to go get a ball. Now we are proud of disrespecting Katie Cuderick. She is dignified on basic instinct moment. Cross your legs. Uncross them. Then you start your hands, but that's where the Cuderick comes in. Not a prosthetic. Yeah. You can wear prosthetic with a giant bush. I just looked at Thomas and he said a slow girl not sending this to Katie Cuderick. I hope someone please for the love of God to all our listeners who have made us incredible things over the last few years. Please do something with named Katie Cuderick. Make some sort of design that we can send to Katie and let this moment live on forever. Yes. Yes. I have never felt more content in my life. And then do we start merchandise that's my, my drag name is Katie Cuderick. And it comes with matching glasses on a chain. Yeah. I mean, something to think about. We still need to get that hiking bike and then dyke and shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, wait a minute. Katie's answer. Let's hear Katie's answer. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. She says Cuderick I'll die. That I'm very interested to hear what she says. I guess after we have to sprays. She has been a journal and respected journal in decades. Yeah. Like Cuderick. She was the first female newscaster on a major network. Oh, it'll take you down. Oh my gosh. Well, my drag name, I guess would be the same as my stripper name, which is the name of your first pet and the street you grew up on. So my drag name would be spicy Chesterbrook. Yeah. That's right. Spicy Chesterbrook. And my entrance song would be To Be Real by Cheryl Lynn. To me. I love the beginning of that song. It's instantly recognizable. And it's a song Carrie Bradshaw used when she was in the fashion show when she did a face plant on the runway. Oh my god. That's it. Bye. Wait, so what's your name? What is it again? Spicy Chesterbrook. So it's your first pet and you're the first street that you lived on. Missy Maine. Whoa, that's, wait, that's incredible. Yeah. Missy Maine. Missy. In my SSY. Nice. That's perfect. That does sound like a stripper though. Mine would be, I'm trying to think the first house that I was in. Okay, it would be
Lucifer, Billington. [laughter] - 'Cause my friend-- - That's not like what your dad's in love with. - I know, 'cause my brother got a snake. - My brother got a corn snake, and called it Lucifer. - When he went to the devil. - Oh my god, it also sounds like you could be a butler. - Yeah, in old time, like in the day, in Austin days. - Billington? - Yes. - Just so vise. - I'm Stripe Wisteria. - Stripe Wisteria. - Stripe Wisteria. - That's good. - Lucifer, Billington. - Missy Mayan is really-- Stripe Wisteria. That could be on like a pretty little lies sort of show. Stripe Wisteria. - Yeah, like the bitch of the group. - Stripe Wisteria. - Hey! - I don't think that's your personality, but that's the name that Stripe Wisteria has. - Tom, can we find-- here are Thomas's? - Yeah. - Mine would be Misha Baseline. - Oh yeah, Misha Baseline. - Okay, Misha Baseline. - If you want to get below the baseline, you better give me those-- - Fortune. - Bill. - My room. - One for myself. (laughing) - Well, my second street is a little more stripper. - So, Stripe Hollywood. - Not Hollywood. - Stripe Hollywood. - Stripe Hollywood. - Stripe Hollywood. - Stripe Hollywood is pretty good. - Yeah, it's more-- - I think it's more of a stripper name than Stripe Wisteria. - Yeah, Stripe Hollywood. - But also, I'm not much of a stripper. - Well, let us know your stripper names, please. - Yes, for sure. - Sure, let us know. - And your stripper names. - Especially, I was going to say Katie Curry, but Katie Kooterick. - But she already-- (laughing) - I can't wait for her to hear about her new dragon name. - Oh my gosh. - Lacey Chesterbrook. - Lacey Kooterick. - What if she starts blocking me? Like, there are rights, lose my number. - It's right up there in our hall of fame with Kate Maccucci. - Maccucci. - And also, what was the name I missed? - Oh, oh, fuck. - Oh, it's her holistic clock heart. (laughing) - That should be your drug name. - That should be your drug name. - Clock heart. - It's your drug name. - And how do you choose between Katie Kooterick and holistic clock heart? (laughing) - That outfit also fits that vibe too. - Yeah. It's also, it's one of the Stephanie pointed out when I let her see that video. Or maybe it was on Instagram or something. And Stephanie was like, I could watch your face for an eternity with you adding up. Is that really? I feel like that's, maybe that's not right. - I gotta go back and watch that video on her hands and page. - But I did, when I said Felistic Clock heart. - You were so proud that you thought of it. - Yeah, I was like, wow. I really pulled her name up out of nowhere. - Yeah. - And it was, we just started dying laughing. - And I was like, was that not right? That's not her name. (laughing) - Full list of clock heart. - Full list of clock heart. - And Katie Kooterick. - Because we've had some real fun moments on this podcast. - I know we have. - And we can make it to April. - On April. - Yeah. - Yeah, goes. - But Katie Kooterick is, it's going in the- - And the Kooterick scene. - Really? - Forever files. - I'm honored. - Kooterick. - Oh my gosh, Kate McCouchy. - Oh my gosh, speaking of Kate McCouchy. - Wow. - I got a text from her a couple of days ago to my surprise. Her brother, she told me she didn't even know this. Her brother does not miss an episode of The Hands of Home. - No way. - Yes, me. - No way. - He was loved and then was not her name came out. - No. - Yes. - Mr. McCouchy. - 'Cause that was his last name too. - For sure. - Oh, she's, oh, she's ticked. My brother, listen to The Hands of Home. He doesn't miss an episode. - That's like, oh my gosh, that is unbelievable. - I'll be curious to hear what he thinks about Katie McCouchy. - Katie McCouchy. - Katie McCouchy. - Now I've got a mixed up. Katie McCouchy. - Katie McCouchy. - It's like, can we don't wrap up an episode? It'll just grow and grow. Katie McCouchy. - Oh, God. That was a good laugh today, you guys. - Thanks for the loss. - Three years of loss. - I'm a loss. - You did us in. - A little cowboy. - I'm so thrilled and honored. I got nothing coming up to promote because I'm just working on new stuff and working on other things and writing. But you guys have. - I have things if you care to hear. I'll be in Rochester, New York, Calgary, Iowa City, Des Moines, Omaha, Oklahoma City, Cincinnati, Charleston, West Virginia, Chattanooga, Knoxville, Chico, California, Olympia, Washington, Fresno, Napa, Colorado Springs, Steamboat Springs, Basalt, Colorado. Also, check out Largo and Dynasty typewriter for my LA shows. And again, my deepest apologies for the unforeseen, rescheduled shows that I had to do in Colorado. And I very much appreciate people understanding. I know it was very last minute. So my apologies. And again, sometimes things happen with personal stuff and TV and film productions, things happen. So thanks for going with us. Yeah, nice. And a few days I'll be in Greenville, South Carolina. And Wilmington, North Carolina, then Boise, Portland, Oregon, Austin, Chattanooga, Dayton, Louisville, Madison, Wisconsin, Durham, Oakland, and Bakersfield, California, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, Denver, Palm Springs, and Nashville. Nice business. Yeah. Also, go to HansonPod.com for our merchandise. We're hopefully one day you'll see Katie McCuderick. Katie McCuderick. Katie McCuderick. And also lots of good stuff on there. Yeah, subscribe. Wherever you get your podcasts, rate us and review us. Really? Come on. Take a moment to rate us and review us. And do that. Subscribe on YouTube. And we come out a day early on Hulu. You can watch us on there. And share your favorite episode. Share this episode. This was ridiculous. Okay. This is one to share. Help us build our Hanson community. And until next time, keep it, Hanson. Hanson is hosted by me, Tignotaro. May Martin and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at
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