Kathy Griffin | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

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FX's Adults follows five roommates living in New York, leaning on each other to navigate love, work, friendship, and family while tackling pressing questions of your 20s like, what if the person who inherited your fake ID is cooler than you ever were? Why does being around your family make you regress into your worst self? And how do you tell your roommates that you have other friends? FX's Adults premieres August 27th on FXX. All episodes streaming on Hulu. - While you were remodeling your backyard to make it more, you know, Zen-y, we were remodeling our merch store to make it more random. We slapped our new logo on t-shirts, tie-dyes, hoodies, and hats, and all with premium printed labels. Look, I wasn't kidding. We have it because tags are like the junk mail of clothing. All merch is available exclusively at clubrandom.com. Once again, that's clubrandom.com. Well, this week's "Club Random" classic is Kathy Griffin. I love Kathy Griffin, one of the few people who can honestly say she was investigated by the federal government over a comedy bit. I'm one of the others, probably. We talk about the Trump photo, the friends who vanished, the career she had to rebuild, and what happens when the outrage machine finds a new victim but leaves you holding the bill. Kathy and I don't agree on everything, thank God. But she's funny, fearless, and constitutional. She's institutionally incapable of giving you the sanitized version. It is a conversation about comedy, survival, and refusing to disappear. "Club Random." Oh, they always hide-- Where is she? Oh! Bill, it's here. Thank God your hair is so bright. The redhead in the corner. Hello, darling. Hello, sweetheart. Come here. How are you? How have you been? I've been OK. Yeah? I know you've had your ups and downs, and-- I have. But-- yeah. I never did. You're-- everything, they get you down. No, really. You're not the type to go down. You're just a fighter. Oh, your whole thing is-- I mean, not your whole thing. You're hysterically funny, but you're a fighter. So I never really worried about you. The bad thing is I'm a street fighter. So along the way, I've made some enemies, but I'm trying to turn into more of a strategic fighter. That would be great. And at 62 years young, I'm really going to change this time. I really am. That's a great-- that's a great thing to say, because first of all, you can never get to any age where you go, oh, I've stopped, especially when it's about making mistakes. Yeah. I do the same thing. I look back even five, 10 years and go, oh, what a dumbass thing I did. The stuff I would-- by the way, I thought I was doing it for, like, the work. But, like, the stuff I thought, I thought everything was a battle. I thought, whether it's a piece of the set dressing that I feel strongly about or, you know, whatever, my own writing and looking back, not everything was the same level of battle that I kind of treated it like. That's funny that you-- that's great-- also great that you recognize that, because that is exactly how I saw you, as why does this girl make everything a battle? She-- I thought you must like it, because you were always doing-- really, you know, who fights with the left and the right? Very few. I do, but, you know, I guess I'm crazy, too. But I mean, to the point-- to the point of getting canceled by both. Yeah. You know, and-- And by the way, canceled is sort of an adorable way of putting it. Remember, it was under investigation by the Department of Justice, the US Attorney's Office, the Secret Service, you know, no fly list. That's so insane. But also, look, as you know, it's not that hard to scare off buyers. And the buyers really, I think, until maybe just very recently, have been scared off. Buyers of what? Yeah, like the buyers, like the networks, the streamers, um-- Oh, people who might buy the Kathy Griffin product. Yeah, buy the Kathy Griffin-- Of course. --but also even to feel safe having Kathy Griffin at their theater, you know what I mean? Of course. So-- No, I know. I know you-- when you did the Trump picture, I mean, which-- God, you know, when you look back on it-- when you look back, I look back at my 9/11 thing, and it all just seems surreal. And so-- I mean, I thought it was stupid at the time. And I thought what they did to you was stupid at the time. And I remember I had you on. Yeah. To say that. But when you look back, it's even stupider. Yeah. And compared to the other stuff that we should have been focusing on, it was the classic. The paranoia of-- just also what's so annoying about that is it's-- what I hate about our culture, robotic things. You know, TSA, things where, like, oh, you know, if you handle this like a human, like the Israelis handle security-- I remember being in Israel and going through security, and I had a thermos. That looked just like the bottom of a bomb. Now, if this was the TSA, it's just like, are you kidding? They just go by the rules. We only know this rule. And the rule is, if you take a picture with Trump's head, you're a dangerous person. Whereas, like, in Israel, when they found the thing, this very intelligent-- and in Israel, they are ex-military intelligence who do this at the airport-- interrogated me, interrogated, asked me, like, eight questions, and was like, OK, I'm an intelligent person. I see this is an American comedian. He's making a movie over here. This really is a thermos for cereal. They could just tell, because they're using their mind, as opposed to what happened to you is more examples of that. No, we're robots. This is the rule, and we're-- She is going to cause beheadings in an innumerable fashion, more than you can ever imagine. And she is just as-- she is no different than a bride of Isis. She's Kathy Griffin, bride of Isis. That was the shtick. Now, I'm only eating-- I'm eating baby parts with you, Hillary Clinton, and Tom Hanks. And, by the way, Seth Green. Did you know the Qs have been going for poor Seth Green? No, why? They think that, for some reason, Seth Green, they think he was, like, one of the original people at Comet Pizza in the basement with Hillary, harvesting baby parts. And I've talked to Seth about, like, what it's like to have the whole Q world not just come at you-- Seth Green, voice of Chris Griffin, Seth? Yes. Yes, from, like, the teen movies with red hair. He's a fellow ginger. Sure, yeah, I-- yeah. But, yeah, they're convinced. Tom Hanks is harvesting the baby parts. Yeah. And that shit didn't happen seven years ago. I'm just telling you, my whole career for the crap I got in trouble with, I went this too far with a celebrity, whatever. Nothing like the stuff the groups think. I think when historians look back on this period and they write about it, from many years later, they won't be where we are, where we're in the pit, where we're in the pits of it, so everything is binary and we see the left and the right. They will just look from their vantage point and see America went crazy, and that everything that the left did or whoever started it and the right's reaction and the left's reaction to that was sort of a cause and effect, whereas if you're this crazy, we're going to get this crazy about our shit. Yeah. You know, so-- By the way, God willing, people see the left and the right, and they're going to say, well, we're going to be in trouble if we do that. But I am terrified in, what do we do with this world that is devoid of opinions? It's just deciding this fact is a fact, and this fact isn't a fact. Right. But I mean, this kind of thing, what you're talking about, like, OK, they're going to-- the historians are going to go, like, yes, at a certain point, so many percentage of the Republicans thought Democrats were eating babies. Yeah. And the Democratic response is, we're going to demand to be pregnant. They're just going to go, oh, I see. I see what happened back in 20-- in the 2020s in America. Now, can we please talk about-- because you and I share this. We both are childless, therefore heretics. Right. And what would-- how would a young Bill Maher deal with all the new laws if boys could get pregnant too? Oh, I mean, Bill Maher-- Like, how old would you have been when you were knocked up if you were a chick? What's that? Like, how old would you have been when you had gotten knocked up when you were a chick? Like, do you think you would have gotten knocked up if your team-- If I was a woman? Yeah. If I was born a woman? Yeah. Like, would you get-- not have kids till you're married? It's-- oh, god, Kathy. To ask me what would be in my head if I was a woman is-- I mean, I'm not usually stuck for an answer about a lot of things. But I'm stuck for-- because I'm, you know, I guess I'm very much unlike so many of the young people today, where gender is fluid. and it's just always a jump ball when you're born. You can switch back and forth sometimes in the middle of a conversation, really. You identify and then you identify in a different way on mood. I feel like I came from an era I was just created. Like, I mean, I'm not going to say I'm a Marine or anything, but I am all man. You know, I just do not think like a woman. I do not act like one or even a gay man, you know. Right, right. So, I mean, and I know, and I've talked. You'd be like me. You'd just simply be a female who chose not to have kids, perhaps. Right. No, I mean, I could have been your doppelganger in many ways. Or in an alternate universe, we could have been married. Let's pretend we're married. We're in our chairs. I am married, but I waited 10 years to marry the dude. So, we've been together 13. We only got married. I have to tell you, though, our wedding day. Our wedding day was New Year's Eve because I thought, you know, after getting canned from CNN, let me have something more positive to, like, celebrate around New Year's. So, that part was great. And the best part is we did it New Year's Eve 2020. Convinced 2020 was going to be the greatest year in many years. What a shitstorm. Right. And then the pandemic. What a shitstorm. How did that affect you as newlyweds? But you, of course, again, you knew each other for a decade. We were already living together. Right. We were at a second house together, all that stuff. Right. Yeah. Oh. I know. Well, look, I know you've been through all this shit with cancer. Yeah. I feel like it, now. What? I've always thought cancer was bad, and I don't care who's going to argue with me. That's my position. But I swear to God, I feel like it's made you a better person. Well, I do think, first of all, I think people can see me as a human being for the first time in a while, and I've just noticed a lot of people reaching out to me on social media just saying, I didn't like this about you, I don't like that, but I'm wishing you well, or whatever. Right. Or like, well, regardless, you're a survivor, something like that. So, there's that. And also, of course, it changes. It changes you, because, first of all, as you can tell, I actually sustained some injuries during my surgery. Sure. They had to take out half my left lung. They damaged my vocal cord permanently. I also have, like, an aperture up here. So, my voice may never come back to full speed. I kind of like it this way. Really? Yeah. I'm so afraid, though, I can't do impressions. You get a car! You get a car! I mean, you know it's Oprah, right? Well, you were never an impressionist. I'm working on it. I'm a work in progress. I might audition for SNL next year. That's not why you're a fan. My friends love you. It's like, oh, I want to see Kathy Gribben do impressions. They want to see you do your thing, which is, you know, great. And, you know, you carved out a place. You know, you, like, you know, you just did it. You had a, there was a niche there in show business, and you were like, I'm going for it, and succeeded. And then, yes, you did fight with too many people. I know. I mean, what? Like every executive. Like, you're still not friends with Anderson Cooper? No, but that was, like, a little more. It was more of a friendship. Like, that was, like, kind of a personal thing, you know? Because that was, like, a tough situation. But, like, will you ever get over that with him? Sure, of course. Oh, you will? Yes. He knows that, too? Or is that just what you know? I mean, that may, I don't know that he's interested. Right. But, I mean, you know, I also don't have, like, a need to, like, hang out with people that maybe weren't so kosher. But were you really friends with Anderson Cooper? I thought so, yeah. Like, the kind of, I mean, people. Like, I didn't think we were Hollywood friends. I thought we were legit friends. Right. Okay, because they do throw the word friend around a lot in show business. Yes. And I always say there's a difference between friend and friendly. Right, right. Like, there's a lot of lees out there. I got a lot of lees. Yeah. But friend is, like, somebody who you have their phone number. You bare your souls to each other. You're there for each other when this one's having a tough day. Yeah. So that's what he was like. So you had that with Anderson Cooper. Yeah. So I miss that. You know what I mean? So it's hard. But I'll tell you. And was he just like he is on the air? Asking probing questions about your day. Yes. Let's get some background information on your day. He does have, like, a newscaster voice. I mean, that is. But I'll tell you what I was also really probably closer with is I loved his mom, Gloria Vanderbilt. I mean, those were evenings. Right. Like, I actually stole one of her ideas, and I know you're a big fan of these, too. But I've been having these salons at my house, and they've been one of the ways I've been I've been having these salons at my house, and they've been one of the ways that during my, quote, cancellation, I've been kind of staying sane. Just 10 people, phones down, real conversation. Right. Smarties, like people that you kind of cast, like Sue Mengers was a friend of mine. Absolutely. I used to go to those dinners. If people don't know, Bette Midler, the great Bette Midler, did a, played Sue Mengers. On Broadway. Broadway. I don't think it was. Was it out here? I don't know. But it was definitely on Broadway. What was it called? I forgot the name of the show. Something about lunch or something. Yeah. But anyway, it was about. It was about, she played this super agent, Sue Mengers, who was a real person. I certainly knew her quite well. She was the first powerful woman agent. And she repped Ryan O'Neill at the height of his fame. Oh, Barbra Streisand. Jack Nicholson. Barbra Streisand. Yes. Steve McQueen. Yes. And I remember the first time I went to her house, she showed me the 60 Minutes piece they did on her. It was very Norma Desmond and Sunset Boulevard like, come in. I mean, she must have shown this to a thousand people. And it was from the '70s. So what? So what? I understand. But it was like, Sue, I know who you are. You don't have to show me the 60 Minutes piece. But of course, it meant a lot. She looked better in that caftan than the one she was wearing. But remember how she would talk to the staff? Oh. Grass. She would just scream grass. I used to bring her grass. Well, good for you. Yeah. That's what a good Sue Mengers friend does. I was an enabler. She was. But those evenings were special because. So special. It was always like the most A-list crowd. Yeah. Sue had the kind of class. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she was so loud that she could summon anybody. Yeah. I remember being. So it was like a mix of old Hollywood, like her old cronies who were, of course, iconic A-list figures. Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson. Lorne Michaels. Neil Diamond. Steve Martin. Yeah. Neil Diamond. Julia. But then there would be Julia Roberts, I remember. Right. Meeting there. Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig. Yeah. I remember. Like she would just say, I want this person. Right. That's how I was there. Right. She saw me on TV and said, get me Bill Maher. Yeah. Yeah. She invited me by fax. Fax. My agent called and said, you have a fax. I said, fantastic. And she invited me after I won my first Emmy. And I got up there and I said. Cool. You know, a lot of celebrities thank Jesus for their Emmys. Oh, I remember that. That was a great. Suck it, Jesus. This award is my God now. That was a great one. My first cancellation. Great one. I just want to say my first cancellation. No. But she called me and said, you've earned a seat at the table. Oh, that's awesome. And yeah, I got to meet such fascinating people. Yeah. And I learned, and this is how I try to do my dinners. My guests know I want nothing from them. I don't care how famous they are. I'm not going to ask anything of them. I'm not hitting them up for a part in their movie. Right. Like it's literally just like, I just want your company. And I'm telling you, I do lunches and dinners and I just live for them. You know? But didn't somebody get mad at you because they thought you were like sharing too much about their personal life? Didn't you have one of those for you? I don't know. But like. Did you have one woman like. Some of, look, some of these folks, remember, they were like 80, 85 years of age. So I mean. No, this was somebody younger who I feel like you were chummy with. Oh God. Some woman and then. Is it Brooke Shields? Are you going to bring up Brooke Shields? I don't know. No, it wasn't Brooke Shields, but Brooke Shields I was on a TV show with for four years. Yeah. I remember that show. And I love her and she's maybe not a giant fan of mine. Really? Because I talked about. I know it's a shock, but it's because I talked about, you know, going to her wedding and in one of my specials, which she had come to see live and thought it was great. But then had a change of heart, like seeing it, you know. Because you talked about her? Yeah. You know what you have to do? You have to do like, remember that show, Something Earl, where he went around, it was kind of like taken from the AA thing where you go around and make amends to all the people. Yeah. Yeah. And you should do that with the shitless people. I know. People who you are their shitless. It's so long. It's like a scroll. You got to go. It is. But that's what my fans want though. That could be. The problem is my fans want to hear that's what they want. That could be a show. One week you go to Anderson Cooper and you make up with him. And then the next week. What do I do to Anderson Cooper? I don't know, but you have to make up with him. Okay. Okay. Right? Okay. He's not talking to you. Sure. Then you go to Brooke Shields and you just go down this list. I mean, you could have a whole season. Okay. Then you have to do the same thing to Congress. You have to go down the list. Well, and the last one would be Trump for you. Okay. Really? Yeah. What do I get out of that scenario? I don't know. Bring him somebody else's head. As a gesture. Bring another head. I have so many choices. Or at least cut off an ear. You know, something like that. Start small. Yeah. I know. So who else is on this shit list? I forget. I don't know who's on the shit list. I mean, I will say once you- Well, who you're on their shit list. Once you've been canceled to the degree that I have, more like you said, Hollywood turned on me. You know, I haven't been able to make a show. You know, I haven't been able to make money, meaning be in the red for, wait, in the black. Which one is it? Which is the good one? Black. The black. Okay. I haven't been in the black for six years. Now, I'm not crying poor. I've done well. All this other stuff, I'm thrilled. But that sucks. If somebody had just turned off your phone- Oh, God. Terrible. If you went from this life that you live today- Oh, my God. And look, you got a million gigs. But I'm just saying, I was busy. No. Tweet her. I get it. And to have no one call for six years. That is a purgatory, you know. Six years. But now it's over, you're out of trouble, you're in jail. Here's what I think. I think that if the Mirage called after six years, I feel like if the Mirage is having me back, and as you know, Vegas is not edgy. Vegas is middle America, people go to Vegas. And I think if I'm safe for Vegas, I think it's a big sign. Vegas, no, that's not true anymore. When I first played Vegas, opening for Dinah Ross, it was exactly that, it was just really square. But now Vegas is so big. First of all, the town itself is a town you could play, even if it didn't have the tourists, 'cause it's a big town. I get a lot of townies, I bet you you do too. Okay, and then-- If you mean gay showboys, you're damn right I do, honey. Every last one of them. Right, and then, beyond that, I mean, if you have, I don't know how many people are in town from out of town, but there is enough, I mean, to fill a, I mean, I play the comedy, I played "The Mirage" for years. Yeah. And that theater was like, I don't know-- 1250. 1250? Yeah. Okay, so out of the, yes, even if it's one out of 100, there's plenty of hip people in town, 'cause hip people like to go and have fun in Vegas too. Right. You're right, they're far outnumbered by the people-- But remember, this is also the town that when Linda Ronstadt dedicated "Desperado" to Michael Moore, not only did she get booed off the stage at Caesars, she was walked out by security. Linda Ronstadt. Right. An icon. An icon. Yes. You know, that wasn't not in our lifetime. You're right. That's interesting. So there's still that, I think the buyers in Vegas, they gotta please a lot of masters. And I'm just saying, for me, I think it's a significant thing that it's my first gig I've had in six years where they actually offered me the money they did six years ago. Meaning, in a good way. Meaning, it wasn't come do this for free, we're doing you a favor if you come host my charity for free again. Right, right. Like, it's been six years of I'm helping you by you coming and suiting, you know, so it just feels good to have like a gig. No, I mean, what America does so well is do stupid things, and then like a few years later, usually, I remember this happened with, oh God, everybody from Don Imus, and some people get canceled permanently, but there's a lot of, oh yeah, maybe we did overreact. I hope so. I'm banking on it. I am banking on it. Oh, absolutely. 'Cause by the way, the reverse is horrifying. Like, that people are still-- They're still walking around being like, that bitch kind of deserves it. But if you say to somebody, if someone, you know, like the way I described to you, if you were just woke up and you had no job the next day, by the way, almost no friends. And also, you've paid the price. I mean, this, look, I'm gonna say something now. I hope it doesn't bother you or people in the audience, and I'm admitting before I say it, it's pure conjecture, but from everything I know about medicine and health, I'm a believer in the mind-body connection, and we don't know exactly what causes cancer for sure, or else we could go and have it diagnosed. But stress, extreme stress, yes, I think is very, very involved in, you know, again-- You're saying I got lung cancer, it's not in my family, I never smoked. Right. It's a tumor, ironically, that had been there since 2009 and not grown. Right. Then all of a sudden it's double in size, and then it's like, we gotta get it out in three weeks, and we're taking half the lung, you know. So I know, I agree, I'm with you. So I'm just saying, for the folks who want to punish you forever for your non-crimes, just think about that. You know, you got your price of your pound of flesh, or however much that tumor weighed, and almost literally. And besides not-- Yeah. Not making the money, and also just the, just the days of wondering about your future, and your past. But Bill, if you couldn't make people laugh anymore, come on, you know what that does to us. Of course. It's not just a daily routine. Right. You no longer can even, like, make people laugh on social media without, you know what I mean? Like, it's, taking that away's been the hardest thing. It would be like cutting off the last 10 inches of my penis. And we don't have those to spare, 'cause we got the first three, and then we roll it back up for the next girl. Now, what's going on in your love life? I'm afraid to ask. Oh, my God. Go on. Mom. Don't be shy. Mom. Come on. First of all, I don't-- First of all, I was there for classy, honey. Don't act like we don't go back. I don't talk-- We fucking go back. I don't talk about my personal life. I really don't. Oh, you're so full of shit. I don't. Come on. Not, not-- Why don't you brag about it? First of all, because-- Can you get a date, Bill? No, there you go. That's it. That's what it is. And also, I'm just focused on helping and healing America. I wish I had time for a social life, but my complete dedication is to healing the rift in our nation. So that's where I am. Wow. You're just like a-- A saint. A saint, and also our duct tape. All right, now, this is-- you know, as you talk about a lot, I talk about knowing what you can talk about on stage, because I sort of think this is funny, but I don't know if the audience would, but I am being sort of humorous, but not kidding, when I say I now give the planet seven years. I used to be like 30 then. How do you see us keeping up this pace, and for how long? It's so interesting you put it that way, because it sounds to me like what they've always said since I've lived out here about earthquakes, which is like, oh, the big one is coming. The fault. The fault. I mean, the big one is coming. Yeah. There's no doubt about it. There's no doubt about that. Well, climate change is not the big one. No, I'm talking about-- This is the slow roll. I'm talking about an earthquake. Yeah. I'm just making an analogy, because I thought it was interesting the way you put it. And I have had that feeling since I moved here about the earthquakes, which is, OK, you keep saying we're due, and then we're really due. And in the last 10 years, going back almost 10 years, I remember people saying, maybe not in so many words, but letting the people who kind of could read between the lines know. They're going to come in the next 10 years. And now we're almost up to that 10-year point before when I heard that. So it's the same thing with global warming and the destruction of the planet environmentally. Is it going to happen? Yes, I believe it is too. Seven years? Probably not, but possibly. Like, we're spinning the wheel on it. It could be seven, or it could be 70, or it could be never because they figure out how to fucking foil it, or maybe they were-- I mean, look, they're not always right about-- I wish they would stop predicting environmental repercussions because they've done it a lot, and it hasn't happened. Like in 2003, James Hansen, the NASA guy, was like, if we don't completely reverse what we're doing in 10 years, it's too late. Well, it's like 13 years past that deadline, and they're still saying it's not too late, because you can't ever say it's too late. Yeah. It possibly is too late. We possibly already cast the dice, but we don't know. So seven years, I wouldn't take that bet, but it should be on the table. Yeah. That's so-- Now, as you travel the country, you are-- like, I remember, it's been so long since I toured America, six years. I'm sorry, five years. But I remember, like, I think it was an Indiana gig I would play once a year. And I'd pass the one barn with the Confederate flag on the roof. That was one place. And I could always open with that story. Oh, you guys still let that guy live here? I've been ready. You know. So what do you make of the MAGAs that live in the areas maybe most impacted by climate change, and they are still in their denial, and why? When you're a farmer, when your job depends on the weather. Well, first of all, they're not all in denial. I mean, there is plenty of farmers who are on that page. I mean, they're not idiots, necessarily. But the other reasons why I think people are sort of in the dark about global warming-- sometimes it just-- if they're in their own news silos, it doesn't get on their radar. They don't report it on Fox News. It is not an issue. It's not like an issue they disagree with. It just really doesn't exist, except to sometimes have debunkers on. And there are reasonable people, like Bjorn Lornberg, who is somebody I think maybe MSNBC won't have him on. And he's not a crazy person. But he has a different view of what's going on with the climate. He doesn't deny that this is happening. He's being just more measured about it. I don't agree with everything he says, but I listen to him, and he's not crazy. That kind of person, we don't allow that kind of person anymore. You have to be all in on what your team is doing. So on Fox News, they don't hear about global warming. And then they also-- They're more religious. I remember the Oklahoma Senator Jim Imhoff once said-- he's the guy who brought a snowball into Congress once to prove that global warming was false, that you can't write this shit. And he said his idea about global warming was, yeah, God's still up there. OK, you can't argue with God's still up there. Yeah. It's just not on it. We're just-- you're playing tennis, and I'm playing soccer on a different field. Right. You know, and so it's just not-- And it's-- But that's what I wonder how-- I mean, if you're a mega person and you're a farmer, how do you reconcile what you're doing your eyes and ears see in front of you and what you're. Okay, but what do your eyes and ears see in front of you? They see the same world as it's always been. Yes, sometimes. More floods, water's rising. But you know what? Floods do come and go. And floods have been here forever. It's in the Bible. So like how much of that is global warming? My view would be some. There are souped up conditions that create more or blah, blah, blah. But like we were going apoplectic here in California for a very long time because it never rained. And then what happened this year? It fucking rained until the people here were saying, good God, would it stop raining? And in one like month long period, we kind of got out of the drought emergency. No, because we don't have the ability to capture it. No, that would make it better. But I read we like the reservoirs have water in them. Then the Hale River is actually a river again. I mean, what I'm saying is it's partly cyclical and this shit has always gone on. And that's what a farmer sees. And there is an element of global warming changing things. But since it's basically the same shit, the sun comes out. It's not like the seasons have ended. It rains. It doesn't rain. There's good. There's bad. This is farmer's life is like, oh, I hope it rains this year. Oh, I hope it's a good harvest. This is why one reason they started religion. So you could pray to somebody and say, for fuck's sake, would you make the corn grow? Yeah, because we got to make soda. Right. Oh, wait, we don't make soda yet. We're ancient people. But still, that's the reason you have a deity to pray for crops. Exactly. And by the way, I was even I was shocked. Well, I shouldn't say even I'm a Chicagoan. I didn't know how much of the hate that was coming toward me was also made lots of Jesus tie ins like people would go religious very quickly. Is that right? Yeah, very quickly. So I I learned that that marriage is more than I was even aware of. Like, I would say 90 percent of the folks that have a problem with me at some point, they'll bring in Jesus. And usually they are what I would call extremely religious. I mean, I was raised Catholic. Yeah, it didn't take. Well, I have the same haters. I mean, wait, were you did you go to Catholic school ever? Yeah. Well, I went to catechism. That's where you learn every Sunday. Yes. That's where you learn to be a Catholic. It's like, you know, it was two hours. You're not getting in heaven with just catechism once a week, Bill. All right. You're not even close. Yeah. You got to go to church every day. God, I was going to say the rosary. You got to be malofted. You got to do a lot. It's very proactive. When I think about the stress that I worry about now, it was it's nothing compared to the not in my stomach that involves going to the catechism school because school made me very nervous. Also, regular school, you know, I was easily bullied and shy and but. Catechism with these were kids I didn't know from like other towns and the classroom was way bigger and there seemed to me there was a thousand desks and kids in that school and the nuns were very strict and mean and there was a lot of fire and brimstone. Yeah, they were not like the nice teacher I had who, you know, wore sweaters and I could look at her tits and this was a nut. You had what's called a lay teacher. They don't count. They're not divine. No, they don't even know God. So to go from that, normal school and then to see these these mean seemed like a thousand year old creatures in the black shroud, you know, it's scary. Just that outfit is fucking scary. Yeah, of course. You know, it's supposed to be. I mean, you don't know what the fuck's in there. Right. But, you know, some's in there. Some kind of trouble was in there. Some meanie. Someone was mean to me. Bad shit's in there. Yeah. Yeah. So but you know what? I guess that's the kind of thing that people bleat about in therapy for the rest of their lives. I just I don't get that. I mean, it's like, yeah, was it traumatic? Yeah. The last thing I want to do is remember it. Yeah. You know, isn't that don't we have a mechanism, don't you think, as humans to purposely forget? Purposely not have to remember every minute of catechism and just kind of remember a couple of lightning bolts of a few seconds. Sure. Forget all the trauma that you. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Absolutely. You know, you've walked through fires. I mean, the cancer shit is gnarly and just you know, plus just people have like confronted me physically so many times. Like, I can't tell you. Not so much anymore. But, you know, it was confronted physically. Oh, everything. I've had people strike me on the street. Strike you. Strike me. Yeah. Strike you as what? As a very talented young lady. No. And people like feel very entitled to come up. And there's something about my face that says, come up to me right now and tell me exactly what you think. Well, there is. Well, that's sort of a backhanded compliment to your skill as a communicator and to how much people, you know, relate to you and see you as a real person. And so they want to, you know, like movie stars are the opposite a lot of times. People, they say, you know, some big stars can walk down the street and like people don't stop them, even though they might gawk because it's like, oh, they're bigger than life. I can't know them. But with you, especially TV is that kind of medium. Right. And live performance, of course, they feel like they know you. They feel like if they got to talk to you, you'd be the same person who you are on stage. And you pretty much are. I kind of, I'm pretty the same. I am too. But I'm talking about the magas that want to come back and tell me, give me a piece of their mind. No, I know. They don't even know my work from before. They just know me as the mean picture lady. Where do you encounter them? I don't know. Walking down the street. What street is this? I remember one time. It's not in the Los Feliz. I might walk down the street a little more often. What street is this? It's not in Los Feliz. It's not in. San Francisco, I had. San Francisco? San Francisco, right in the Embarcadero. Like four people were very upset. I was in a restaurant, a really fancy, kind of fancy restaurant in Santa Monica. And a woman, and a woman was like at the front, at the hostess station, yelling and pointing and asking me to be removed from the restaurant. But what, do you know what their specific beef was with you? Was it the Trump head? Oh yeah, it's the Trump head. Oh, it's always the Trump head. It's always the Trump head. Yeah. It's, and by the way, even the QAnons, a couple of licks in, they're like, because of the Trump head. I see. So all the QAnons, it all goes back to, you, you, you tried to kill President Trump. It's very, it's very cartoon of Muhammad. Yeah. It really, you know, like some things just hit people, humans. Right. Like in a certain way, and they, it gives them license to then just say to themselves, well, that was so beyond the pale that I can do anything to this person. I can go into the Charlie Edbo offices and shoot these cartoonists and feel very good about myself. But they also don't think. And you hit that nerve, so. It's like, thank you, America. You're welcome, America. I took the one for the team. That is quite a, you know, I mean, there is some pride in going deep. Yes. You went, you went deep. I'm a thinker. You know, I'm a thinker. I make people think. People think, damn it. And that thing really wasn't even your idea, was it? It was the photographer's, right? No. I kind of, I collaborated with him. I said, look, you know, I'd like to do something about Trump in some way, you know. And then one of us thought of the head, one of us thought of the blood coming out of his wherever. And that was about as deep as it went. Although Hillary Clinton thought it was Medusa and Perseus. So let's just go with that. Really? Doesn't that sound smart? She goes, I just assumed she was doing Medusa and Perseus. I was like, me too. Well, Hillary Clinton, excuse me, was a president. She was a presidential candidate, the valedictorian at Wesleyan and the first woman on the moon. Just like Trump. Just like Trump. Same diff. No, wait. Do you remember the time, my old friend Bill, do you remember the time that we were at a Larry King party at Larry's house? Oh. And who's the producer that sent us to a restaurant on his tab? A really good Italian place. Jerry Weintraub? He's no longer with us. You're right. I do vaguely remember. I remember the restaurant. It's on Robertson. It's on Robertson. Yes. It's a really good Italian place. It's like Il Piccolino or something like that? Yes, yeah, yeah. Okay. I do remember that. And I was with actually a guy that I knew from New York. He was in town and we went and we had the best time. But was it Jerry Weintraub? I think it was. I think it was. Wow. But somebody like that, yes. It's a shame. Is he not with us? I believe he's no longer with us, but I remember that night. I was going to do a quick eulogy. I hope you don't mind. I don't mind dying. Well, I do. I shouldn't start that with a lie, but let's pretend I don't mind dying. Okay. But what I really would mind is ever entering a period in my life where people were always wondering whether I was dead or not. Right. You want it to be definitive. I do. Yeah. I don't want people to be going, Bill Maher is still alive. You want to go to the bank. Did I read something or was that Greg Kinnear who died? I just don't want to. I cannot take that. I get it. I get it. You've got a boundary. You're setting a boundary with destiny. I am. Yeah. Either no, I'm alive or dead or don't. How do you want to go in your dream world? I don't want to go. Okay. Well, all right. Let's start over. How do you want to go again in your dream world? Well, Larry King wanted to be frozen. I don't know if he did that, but he talked about that a lot. He didn't want to die. I don't blame him. He loved the Dodgers. I feel like Larry and I were a lot like that in the same way. We really liked the different parts of our lives. Of course, his life was very different. He had that, you know, was always married to someone who was called Larry King. causing him emotional distress. I don't know why that worked for him, but he did it eight times. It must have. But he was always, you know, every morning was Nate and Al with the same crew. Yeah, that's pretty great. Things like, I don't do that because I'm not up in the morning. You know, I wouldn't do that exactly, but I have things like that. And I'm like, when you talk about death, I'm like, no, because I kind of, I want to see the playoffs next year. Like, if I die, I'll miss the playoffs. And I like the playoffs. Can we talk about some just epic moments that, admit it, there isn't a show anything like Larry King anymore. I'm actually surprised. I thought they should have given that hour to Anderson Cooper. I thought he could have carried on that legacy beautifully if you wanted that six o'clock hour. But like. Well, I would argue that Joe Rogan is not like Larry King, but it's every generation has its own iteration of that. And certainly there are differences, but. But huge audience. Yeah. Bigger than Larry King ever was. But Larry also had that thing where you kind of would go there for the softballs too. Like Paris Hilton went there the day after jail. And I feel like Joe Rogan does that, not softball necessarily, but he's not looking for a fight. And he's willing to open the mic to people. And let the person talk. Right. Even the ones that the establishment of some kind or another says, how dare you let that person speak? I'm sorry, how is Joe not establishment? Doesn't Joe have like 11 million, That's what I'm saying. Yes, he does. And, but that's like, how dare you have, you know, doctor, I forget the doctor he had on. And there's some shady things about that doctor. He's a doctor. And could I just hear him speak? He's, you know, he has credentials. And let's keep an open mind on this versus, oh no, medicine. It's always set. It's never set. It's the one science that is especially never set. I'm just glad you're picking up the ball for Joe Rogan. That guy needs all the help in this industry he can get. He, no, he deserves it. No, I know. He did a great thing. But I would say he is our generation's Larry King in the same way that there was Carson and then Letterman. Yeah. You know, Leno. And then it moved to Fallon. I mean, it was, that show has evolved quite a bit. Johnny Carson, it was really a talk show. Yeah. Now the talk is. Johnny, it was 90 minutes. Remember? At the beginning. Yeah. It's actually 145 at one point. Wow. Yeah, 145. God, the epic. It's the epic stuff that would happen on that show. I mean, that's the one thing you wouldn't get with a Rogan. The weird interactions you'd get with like a drunk Joey Heatherton and like. Right. And John Lennon. Right. Or like just, you know. No, of course. I mean, a podcast is only the talking part. There's no production value and there's no band and there's no monologue. But just for what Joe does, he kind of opens that mic like Larry did. Yeah. And, you know, Elon Musk will do that show. And like, you know, biggest people in the world because they know of the reach. And I just think also Joe earned that. It's like, yeah, this is just a regular guy smarter than the average bear, but it's not going to be intimidated, first of all, by you saying, don't platform this guy or don't listen to this. And we'll let anybody speak and usually has a common sense view of it of his own. You know, he's a little to the right of where I am on things. I think, yeah, I think he, didn't he recently say he was, he voted for Trump or something? I mean, to me, that's beyond the pale. But then he also said he actually thought Obama was like the gold standard for like the best president in his lifetime. Yeah. You know, like he, you know. I don't get the people who like just hate Joe Biden or even Hillary. To me, these people are so bland, which is really when a Democrat is good. You know, we want a nerd who knows how government works. I mean, yes, it's also great. I also don't want to know their religions like I remember as a kid not knowing what the religion the president ever was. You know, we knew Kennedy. Yes. But that was because. Yes, because it was such a big thing. But also our house being Irish. That was like such a big deal. Same with my father. Oh, God, they could do no wrong in our house. Oh, real. That's so funny. I'm so glad you said that because that has exactly been my line my whole life when people ask about the Kennedys. Exactly what I've said a million times. They could do no wrong because it was so hard for a freaking Catholic to finally get there. Also, we were not going to fuck it up. But also the Irish Catholic. The Irish part of it was, you know, because when the Irish, we were not welcomed and, you know, you know, Biden. My parents, my parents. No, my parents were here. My grandparents came over steerage on the boat. My mom was the youngest of 16 kids. Is that right? 16. The fucking Irish. They don't fuck around. They don't believe in that. I know. That demonic birth control. 16 kids. The rhythm method. She bragged about it. You know, Biden is in Ireland right now. Mm hmm. He's yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was reading his great, great grandparents, whatever, came over in 1849. And, you know, there's just this group of us. We kind of look alike. Yeah. Yeah. We're just. Shared experience. But we don't become like an Irish mafia. Right. We're not. We're not. We're not clubby that way. It's just like, hey. Right. Hey, one of us is doing OK. Right on. But no, for my parents, it was a way bigger deal. I mean. The Irish Catholic thing was just huge. So although I had one uncle who was a cop, a bag man, by the way, I come from a family of cops, some relatives, and he hated Kennedy because of Bobby, mostly. And he famously because Bobby was like, you know, wanted to. Bobby was a little bit not necessarily on the side of the police all the time and more on the side of the civil rights. Oh, I see. You know, civil rights movement. Right. And so and my uncle was not down with the civil rights movement. He was also head of the Justice Department. Yeah. So. Right, right. He was the top cop. And so my uncle sent us a picture of him pissing on the eternal flame. Oh, God. Yeah. For real pissing? Yeah. See, it's in your history. But remember, they didn't have cameras that like he just did it. And. But that's like so carrying a trumpet. It's like it's in your. Oh, no. Our family bragged about this photo because like, isn't Uncle Mo a riot? Like we thought it was like the greatest thing. Hilarious. Don't you see a connection? Of course. And by the way, we like JFK. But even still, we're like, well, Uncle Morris, you can't stop him. Now, there was drinking involved, Bill. Did you see the. And by the way, in every single member of the family. Did you see the Marilyn Monroe movie with Anna de Armas? No, I didn't watch it. I kept hearing it was like you have to watch her go through all that stuff again. Well, it is unremittingly sad. It's like. Oh, God. This chick never had one good day in her life. But yeah, I know. No, she did. They did treat her terribly. But there's a scene at the end that is so hard to watch if you're a Kennedy lover because she's Kennedy is. Here's the scene with Kennedy. They bring her in. She's very excited in the, you know, in the car in Washington. You see the Capitol in the background. It's like she's going on a prom date. Yeah. Oh, finally, a man who loves me. Yeah. Whatever. And they bring her upstairs. It's like I guess his bedroom. They leave the door open. I guess Jackie's out of town. The secret service guy leaves the door, but sits right. Outside the door so he can hear everything that's going on. And Kennedy's in bed. He seems appears to be naked, but the sheet is up to like, you know, halfway over the chest and he's on the phone and he never gets off the phone as he just indicates to her to blow him. Yeah. And she blows him while he's on the phone. And it's a graphic close up. Not a fun gig for her. For Marilyn or the others. For the actor and the armistice. I mean, it's, I mean, it's, I found it so disturbing. Yeah. Remember, that was always the joke about Warren Beatty. He can make love to a woman while making a deal on the phone. Oh. It just painted Kennedy as the most selfish, awful prick. So I just want to say, it's made up. Is it, no, is it possible? It's like the seven years thing. Is it possible that Kennedy was exactly like that? It is possible. But let's not, let's not forget, you just made it up. You weren't in the room. Right, right. And I prefer to think that John F. Kennedy was a little nicer and wouldn't have just pushed her head down. Oh, God. It's dick. Is she gagging? That's the worst. Yeah, kind of. Then you have no control. I mean, that's the, that's the graphic scene where she's just, she's just kind of like, she's like surprised that it's happening where it's given the rest of the movie and all the guys. Right, right. It's like a, kind of a stretch that you'd be surprised it's happening. But, I mean, it's just, it's just, you do feel, look, here's what I have to say about Marilyn and I don't care who disagrees with me. I think she's a candle in the wind. Slow clap. End of Hoosiers. The home team finally got a touchdown with the little guy. Slow clap. I've trashed Marilyn Monroe enough in interviews. I'm not going to do it again. You certainly have. I mean, it's your brand. I don't know why I don't like it. I get it. I just really don't like it. Stop beating that dead horse. I know. All right? I'm sorry, Marilyn. You're looking, like a Kardashian with lip liner. I get it. You can put it out over and over again. All right. Don't you love the fact that America is like our college campus and we just like, oh, what's our schedule today? I got to go over to this, you know, Lindsay Hall. Right. And for my, and then I go over to this and we do that with the country. I know. It's amazing. We're just going to go over to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Sometimes it's a casino. Sometimes it's a theater. Sometimes it's a super PAC. Yeah. It's awesome. - Yeah, I guess a super pet. Wait. Like a PAC. Sorry, not a Super PAC. Performing Arts Center. PAC. Not a super PAC. You're more detail-oriented, I guess, than I am. I just think of it all as the same thing. You're probably right. It's the same thing. But to me, it's just the audience. Yeah. And it's also awesome that unlike bands who have to go through so much bullshit before they actually get to go on stage and sing, we just show up. Oh, it's heaven. It's heaven. You know, soundcheck? Do you have a mic? Yeah. Have you ever talked into it before? Right, right. Okay, make sure that that is working. Yeah. And we should be good. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Sometimes they say, soundcheck, you must be daft. I'm not even in your city yet when you're doing the soundcheck. Yeah, I know. And I, okay. What happened? No, nothing. I'm just ranting. Okay. So, and then what about after that? More gigs? After that, we'll see. I mean, I'm probably going to actually write a program. A proper show about just how the last six years have been just exceptional or something. I mean, that's another thing. You have so much great material. There is. Cancer can be funny. Of course it can. AA, which I'm in, can be hilarious. Or can be funny in the hands of a great comic like you. It can't be funny in the hands of lots of people. I've tried to make cancer funny and boy, it just really, just really bombs. Like, oh man, your cancer hunk at that dinner party sucked. I mean, I want to say that I don't. Right, right, right. Because I have cancer. Well, I'm not above playing cancer. I'm above playing a cancer card. So I will call a restaurant and say, I have cancer. I want a better table. Well, first of all, pain is something you should always use. Otherwise, you get nothing back for it. Art is a receipt for pain. Yes. You know, painters, musicians. I mean, would Eric Clapton have written Layla if Patty Harrison hadn't left him? No. We all, Patty, when's her parade? Where's her rock and roll? You kids, you don't know what I'm talking about. You're talking about looking up in your book when Eric Clapton and. Met Patty. Well, it was George Harrison's wife. So it was pretty, pretty interesting that that little. They should make a movie about that. You know, that would be a good one. Fuck. Yes. Hollywood, you lame-os. They'd all be fighting to play him. Absolutely. And her. What a great story. That's right. What are they waiting for? I bet they do it now and they'll give me nothing. Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. For thinking of it. Nothing but a screenwriter. So what are your days like now? My days are tricky because I am in this weird position of having to fill my days, which is very odd because my whole life was. Film your days. Fill. Oh, fill. That was my old gig. Right. Filming every goddamn day. Right. So I will say this. I have been in a lot of legal battles for the last six years. So I still have two active suits. I've been sued by MAGA folks. Everything from other families. Remember MAGA Hat Kids? That kid, Nick Sandman. He went to a school called Covington High School. Yeah, I remember that. With the Indian? Yeah, that's right. And so, I know, I was going to stop you and say indigenous person, but I get it. Anyway, Nathan Phillips is his name. And so, 12 other families from that school sued me for defamation about tweeting about that incident in federal court in Kentucky, Eastern District of Kentucky, and state court. So I had to send my very happy attorneys, because they work a lot, to Covington, Kentucky. To fight that one. And one of those is, those are still gone. There's another guy in Franklin, Tennessee. Very newsworthy this week. And he's a guy who was harassing a trans kid at a prom. He was on video. A day after it was all over TikTok, I commented on it. That guy is suing me saying he got fired because of my comments, as opposed to his behavior. And there was a guy next door to me who lived next door to me. We had to move. He was a big MAGA guy. And would go in his yard. And my ring camera would catch him, my Nest camera. And he'd be like, you fucking cunt. Donald Trump put the heat on you. Now it's war, you bitch. And that was my next door neighbor. Wow. Yeah. And so that guy sued me for three years. And he sued my husband, just to be a dick. Because I sent that tape to the Huffington Post. And I said, if I show up dead, who's going to expect the CEO of KB Homes? It's so random. It's so random. Like. No, it wasn't Brooke Shields. Right. It wasn't Anderson Cooper. It turns out it was the CEO of KB Homes. And that guy sued us for a year after we even moved. Like, so I found these folks are, like, very litigious, obviously. They appeal everything. And each one of these cases, and I've had five, they tie me up for about three years. God. I don't know. I can't even. Just the place this country has descended to. The pettiness. The hatred. It just. And it's really unfair that you are, at the moment, the object of so much of this scorn. But all I can tell you is, man, you're a warrior. I'm telling you, getting back on stage is going to be huge. I just know it. It will end. And it will serve as a kind of a trampoline to, I think, boost you into higher stratospheres. You know. Oh, I'd be grateful just to work. Honestly, I just want to work. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like. And you should. Yeah, I just want to work. And, like. I can't be on the D-list. I'm on a very nice, comfortable list I've had carved out for myself, you know. Exactly. With a very loyal fan base. Yeah. A loyal, sizable fan base. Yeah. So, what are you doing to prepare for the, you're a junior at the Mirage. Yeah. Are you working out? I mean, you must. I'm working out this time, which I've never done in my whole career. I'm working with a writer. I have never worked with a writer. So, I've been bouncing stuff. I've been doing stuff off her. But, I actually, you're going to laugh. My agent used to be at ICM, so I'm now at CA. If I haven't made too many, you know, enemies over there. But, anyway, so I feel like I'm back with my stand-up agent that I was with until six years ago. And we always had a really great relationship. And he just always kept me gigging and stuff. And so, he actually said, I think you should actually write a show with somebody helping you. I mean, do you go to the clubs and work at? I would, believe it or not, I'd rather do, like, really small theaters. Like, theater spaces. So, instead of doing a club, like a Largo, or like a, there's, you know, some little spaces. Sometimes you can do the school. But, a lot of it is new. You've got to work. Oh, yeah. Sometimes a school will let you do it. A school? Yeah. Like, John Cleese did that. He went and did a bunch of his stuff at University of Santa Barbara. So, now that I live in Malibu, that's like an easy drive for me. And they might be willing to let me, like, work out my stuff with their students. Right. Which would be awesome. Because that's a great. It doesn't burn the L.A. market. So, you don't have time to do that before June? No. Vegas is not going to be the Kathy Griffin show. The last six years have been difficult. Vegas is just going to be Harry and Meghan. Oh, yeah. Kardashians. Right. My, you know, I had a dinner party for Stormy. Yeah. Stormy came over at Daniel's. So, like, that's. My gays want to hear about Stormy. Exactly. They want to make sure she's okay. Right. They want to check in with her. You know, like, living in Malibu. No, you should never, never not do that. Yeah. I mean. I mean, you could mix in. I think it's a great mix for a show. Yeah. To have some of it be about your personal life. But, yeah, we. Yeah, you got to play the hits. You still want to hear about what happened when I went on vacation with Sia. Because it was just funny. But I will. Like, I'll talk about cancer. No. Because I have to acknowledge my voice sounding different. So, I'll do, like, boom, boom, three quick-fire cancer jokes. I also, like, you know, tried to take my life. So, I went to, like, a 5150 psych hold. So, that was, like, intense. Right. And not. I should say not normal for comedians. I'm not the first comedian. That's for sure. But that was something that has to be finessed. So, I might have, like, three jokes for that in Vegas. But I could get into that stuff more with, like, the more written show. So, for now, it's like, let's get 90 minutes of just trying to make these people laugh. You will. About all the Vegas craziness. About all the pop culture craziness. Yeah. There's so much now. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, I hope I get to see it soon. I hope so, my dear. And, you know, you call me. All right. All right. Great to see you. Come here. I have such a good chunk about Malibu. Mel Gibson's in the neighborhood. Gary Busey got caught whacking off again, like, two months ago in a park. What? Gary Busey? Yes! I did DC Cab with him. What? Nick Nolte. He goes to the market looking like that mug shot. I'm not even kidding. This episode is brought to you by Chat. Chat. Chat. Chat. Chat. Chat. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting Work Mode, available on Plus and Pro plans. Endless summer escapes. Start here. Beat the heat. Get your tickets today at Netflix.com slash house. Tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kitchen. kids at college. That's why she shops at BJ's B.J.'s Wholesale Club, saving up to 25% off grocery store prices. Beef jerky, microwave meals, laundry pods, even they can't screw up. Have you met my kids? And with B.J.'s gas, she gets there for less. They call me the road warrior. This is your home, road warrior mom. Home of the Save. Join for just $20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. 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