Kate Winslet, actor

Hello, I'm Lauren the Vern and this is the Desert Island Disks podcast from BBC Radio 4. Every week I ask my guests to choose the A-tracks, book and luxury that they'd want to take with them if they were cast away to a desert island. For right reasons the music's shorter than on the original broadcast but you can find a version with longer music tracks on BBC sounds. Listeners will also get access to episodes 28 days earlier than everyone else. I hope you enjoy listening. [Music] My cast away this week is the actor Kate Winslet who can forget the image of her on the prow of the Titanic alongside her co-star Leonardo DiCaprio in her breakthrough role as Rose in the James Cameron blockbuster. She made her film debut at 17 as a teenage killer in Heavenly Creatures and today she's arguably the preeminent British actress of her generation. Her creative palette is a veritable rainbow. She's played parts in comedies like The Holiday, offbeat hits including the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, period pieces like Ang Lee's sense and sensibility and her own production Lee which recounts the wartime experiences of the photographer Lee Miller. Another of her productions, the HBO series Mayor of Easttown, won her an Emmy, the second in her awards collection along with her Oscar, numerous BAFTAs, Golden Globes, a Grammy, a CBE and her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. She follows all of this, this Christmas with her directorial debut. Not bad for a kid from Reading who started out dancing in a sugar puffs commercial. She says, "I can't just learn my lines and do it but perhaps that's because I don't want to act, I want to be and I do think there's a difference." Kate Winslet welcomed her to Desert Island. "Oh my god, you're going to make me cry already." That was the most insane introduction, Lauren. I didn't mean to do any of it. I think that's the thing. I didn't sort of, I didn't sort of set about seeking fame. I just wanted to get a job. Yeah. Well, I mean congratulations. You did that. Still employed after all these years. After all these years. Still working. Oh my god. So let's start with that difference between being your characters and just playing them. What is the difference? Is it a feeling? Is it in your approach, in your performance? It's almost how I feel like I taught myself to act. And I remember when I was little, I really distinctly remember actually being in the kitchen when I was five and I don't know what I was doing, probably the washing up or something or other. It might have even been tap dancing because there was a tiled floor and it made a really nice noise. But I remember my mom was yelling at me to stop tap dancing because it was going to annoy the neighbours and shouting upstairs to my sister to come down because she was late for something or other. And my brother would have been a baby. I just remember that thinking the hustle and bustle of this life, if somebody had a video camera on all of us, it would sort of seem like acting because that's what people do on television. They just are people. So maybe there's no such thing as acting, maybe it's just being. And I really remember thinking that when I was five. You know, I've been struggled to talk about, I guess, the actors process and what it means to me and what I actually do and coming out the other side because I'm aware of it sounding a bit self-indulgent. But the reality is, when you're an actor by the very nature of what you do, you are indulging in the human condition. That is what we thrive on. And that's what we love as audiences. That's what we want to connect with, isn't it? Yeah, I hope so. That's all that matters to me is that audiences connect with what I do, the characters I play, the stories I tell, because I care very much about people. I think feeling moved, feeling heard, feeling seen. And so I guess maybe that's part of why I was so drawn to "Goodbye June" because it just reminded me of so many of people that I have known and grew up around and that rhythm of family life. And it was to felt a familiar shape, the family. This is your directorial debut, starring Helen Mirren, Timothy Spall, Tony Collette, Andrea Rizbro, you, Johnny Flynn, fantastic cast. What was it like, you know, acting and directing on the same project at the same time? It was proper end-to-end experience and I loved it. I just loved it. But in the edit, I had to get very good at watching myself. And there were moments when I would say to Lugia, my wonderful editor, Lugia Zaketti, I would say to her, can we just please not go, don't, well, let's not cut to me on that bit because I'm making really stupid face. But I had to just, I had to just let it all go, but it's a very weird experience watching yourself because we don't do films so that we can watch ourselves in them. We do film so that other people can see them. So let's get started with your first choice today. Disc number one, Kate Winslet. What's it going to be and why are you taking it with you to the island? It's Georgia on my mind and as my dad has gotten older, he's been in various different bands and that's very much his piece that he leans on that he loves to sing. And in good by June, that was written by my son, Joe, my 21-year-old son, he has included this song as a tribute to my dad who's still very well alive and kicking. And we were in Vancouver a few years ago and there's a wonderful donut shop in a community where we've spent some time and every Thursday night, the son of the owners, he puts on a jazz band just like anyone can jump up, bring their instrument and play along. It's a bit of a jam session. And my dad, this was very soon after my mum died, actually, and he just got up and sang it in a donut shop and brought the house down. People were crying and clapping and cheering and there was an encore and that's the magic of my dad. He's got his so inspiring, he really is. Play the song otherwise I'll cry. ♪ All day through ♪ ♪ An old sweet song keeps lovely Georgia on by mine ♪ Georgia on my mind, sung by Roger Winslet with Sophie Breckenridge on piano. Kate Winslet, you were born in Reading in 1975, the second of four children, so we've talked about your dad a bit, but your mum Sally sounds like a complete trooper too and I think she demonstrated this on the day you were born. What's the story? What happened? Oh my god, my mum was, she was an absolutely formidable woman and she'd made as she always did. Every Sunday she would make a Sunday roast and there would be family and neighbours and friends and whoever was around would come. And there she was sort of thinking she was having contractions with me, her second child, serving up the meal and she turned to my dad and she said, "Oh Roger, I think the baby might be coming." She put the crumble in the oven, walked around the corner to the hospital, had me, my dad says, "I shot out like a rocket," went home and served the crumble. And that really does sum up my mum. She was an incredibly capable woman. She was capable of loving not only her own children but everyone else's as well. She was a child nanny when we were younger and she had been matron of Reading Blue Coat's boys school when she was much, much younger in her late teens, early 20s and became an opair and she just always loved kids. She must have made you feel very safe and very loved as a kid. She did. I mean that's something my parents were both absolutely brilliant at because we grew up in a tiny, tiny terrace house in the Oxford road on the Oxford road in Reading. We really didn't have much and I do remember moments where my mum would be crying into her open purse realising that quite honestly there just wasn't enough money in there to buy a fresh loaf of bread. And yet my mum and dad were very positive people. They always looked on the bright side and that sense of togetherness, always making sure that we were a family and that gave us all a sense of grounding for sure. And what about your dad, Roja, tell me more about him. He was an actor. What sort of roles did he play? So when we were growing up he was, he did mostly theatre. That's the thing is that a lot of the actors in my family never actually made much money from it. And there were quite a few. There were a lot of actors. My maternal grandparents were both actors. My grandmother, Linda Bridges, she actually went to a teleacondion was in the same year as Noel Coward. And my grandfather who I never met, he died when my mum was quite young but he was also an actor. But at the same time he was a dentist. But my dad was always doing, you know, just a lot of small parts in theatre, some leading roles. What did you learn from your dad about the job of being an actor? Well he was very nervous of any of us going into acting. And I remember my mum always saying, we got to have another string to your bow and I'd think, oh my god, I don't even know what that means. I was so convinced that that was what I wanted to do. But there must have been something creatively free and full. you and having parents who took that idea of being an actor and that being a job seriously, you know, seriously enough to consider it. They weren't just like, forget it. They were like, "Okay, well, let's be practical. You've got to have another string to your bow or you've got to accept that it's going to be tough." Yeah, they were engaged with it. Yeah, they were engaged with it. And it wasn't just me. You know, my older sister Anna was also wanting to act. We did a lot of amateur theatre. When I say amateur theatre, we would perform at the hexagon in redding. A fantastic venue that still exists. Most beautiful, almost brutalist architecture building. It's extraordinary place, actually. And that I first went on stage when I was 11 years old in that theatre. But after my sister Anna had gone on stage at 11 years old, playing Annie in a production of Annie, with me as little eight-year-olds sitting there thinking, "God, maybe I could do that too." So it was just, it was a part of our lives. And it's what our parents were able to give to us. That was putting us immediately into a community. And I loved it. You play dress up, you put clothes on, you do voices, and you pretend. Flipping brilliant job. Okay, it's time for your next piece of music, your second choice today. Disc number two, what have you got for us? Okay, so we had a record player. It was a crappy one. And we had two records when I was growing up. I seem to remember that one of them might have even been Millie Vanillee. But the other one was by Brian and Michael, and it's match-talk men and match-talk cats and dogs. And I've chosen it because we were dance and dance and dance on the threadbare, not very nice brown carpet of our little rental house. And we were just leap and dance and sing along when the children started singing. And somehow, hearing children sing on a record gave us permission to sing. Brian and Michael, match-talk men and match-talk cats and dogs. Keep winslet tell me more about growing up in Reading then. If we'd drop by to visit you, what would we have found? It was a happy household. Lots of sort of dressing up and playing. I remember our dress up box was a very, very large, really incredible red tub with a lid. I've no idea what my parents got it from, but it was a good chaotic, happy, balanced family home. It really was. We never wanted for anything. We never had friends over. That was one thing I do remember feeling was different about us, was that. And why was that? We didn't have the space. And also my mum was very house-proud. And even though our house was clean, and our kitchen was tiny, but perfectly well-functioning. She was very proud of her checkered red and white curtains and the red walls. But I think she did feel it wasn't good enough. She definitely felt not ashamed, but I think she wanted more for us, really. We did things that made us happy and were specific to us. Lots of playing outside. We had a pet rabbit in the garden. But other kids had computers and or early computers, certainly. And their dads had BMWs. We had a second-hand orange allegro that was eventually stolen for scrap. And so I think we did feel a little bit different in some ways. When you were about 11, your dad had a terrible accident. So he was on another job, not an acting job, but one of the job between jobs, as it were. What actually happened? He lost his foot in a boating accident, which miraculously was put back on. Extraordinary, extraordinary, extraordinary man, miracle he's alive. And ever since then, he's just done whatever he could to kind of keep going. Just emotionally, I think. It's a lot, suddenly having your life changed completely from that point on. But he's a life force. And absolutely. But such a massive challenge and so difficult for the family. I mean, that must have been financially incredibly difficult for you. It was crippled. It was absolutely crippling. And my brother was only five at the time. Beth was eight. I was 11 and was 14. We were helped and supported at the time by a fantastic charity that still exists called the Actors Charitable Trust. And they were a proper lifeline. The kindness of others. We really had that extended to us as well by many, many great family friends of my parents. They were wonderful. So yeah, life did change a lot. And I think it definitely gave me a sense of needing to sort of fend for myself a bit. Yeah. So independence. A lot of independence, a lot of determination, ambition, but quiet. So quietly determined, quietly ambitious. And purposeful then. So it gave sense to purpose. So it was around this time that you know, you started going to classes at a youth theatre company in Reading. The Star Maker Company. Yes. Were you already set on an acting career at that point? Yeah. And I'd seen black and white photos of my grand parents performing on stage and often my grandmother was wearing sort of cringolins. And I just thought, yeah, I want to do that. I want to do that thing. And I never got the main parts. I was always playing the supporting roles or the sort of showy offy ones. And I didn't care about that. I didn't aspire to play leading roles really ever. But also because I was a little bit stocky. When I did start taking it much more seriously and got a child agent, I really remember vividly. A drama teacher, who many people have wrongly assumed was a man. It was actually a woman. And she said to me, "Well, darling, you'll have a career if you're happy to settle for the fat girl parts. Look at me now." That wasn't very nice. Was it? Well, there's a lot there that we might need to dig into. I think first we should have some more music, though, Kate Winslet. Let's have your third disc today. What's it going to be? All my children were like, "Oh, my mom, you have to have kiss from a rose by seal. You just have to." Whenever it's on, you just lose your mind. And we don't know what world you go to. But so I guess that single must have been released around the time I learned to drive, which would have been 92. 93. I had just started living in London. And once I'd passed my test by the skin of my teeth, I would drive myself to St. Petersburg. I lived in N7. I would drive myself to St. Petersburg to do my weekly shop. And every single time I would get in the car, I would think, "Okay, don't stall. Don't break down. Don't pull the choke out too far so that you flood the engine. Just don't crash. Don't put the windows down in case somebody shouts at you." And I was absolutely terrified, young driver. And I would put this song on. And I wouldn't be scared to put the windows down. And I would just blast it. And I think, "Doesn't matter if I stole. Doesn't matter if I flood the engine. It doesn't matter if people shout at me. I don't care. I would just play this song and it wouldn't bloody matter." [Music] Seal and kiss from a rose. And I can confirm that Kate Winslet was out of her seat for that one singing along. Loving every single moment. Oh, it's just fantastic. All right, Kate. So let's talk about theatre school. You started at Redroof's Theatre School in Maidenhead when you were 11. Now you were beginning to get bits and pieces of work into your early teens. What kind of things were you doing? Sugarpuff's commercials, voiceovers. It was on a term by term basis. And I knew that my time at that school was always potentially going to end at the end of each term because we just didn't know if we could ever pay for it. So was there pressure to get work then? I mean, you must have. Oh yeah, you were helping to pay for it. Oh yeah, and I remember my mum saying to me, you've got to get more voiceovers. You've just got to Darling because I'm sorry, but next time you won't be able to go. Luckily, I was really, really good at accents and foreign voices. So I was regularly called upon by one particular company who would do dubbing. And so yeah, I got lucky and I did regularly get work doing voiceovers and that would be 60 quid or 65 quid a day, which was a lot of money when you were 11 and that would go straight into the school fees pot. What about the social side of school? How did that go? How did you fare? Because it's a very competitive environment, I would imagine. Well, now that we're on a roll, it was shit. You know, it was really shit. I have to say, look, you lot who were in my year at school, you were bloody horrible to me and you should be ashamed of yourselves. I had a lot of kids tease me at primary school. They would call me "blubber". I wasn't even overweight. I was just like, I had stocky thighs, like literally. And they would lock me in the art cupboard and they say, "Oh, blah, blah's blubbing in the art cupboard, things like that." And then I went to secondary school and I've always had a real ability to communicate very freely and easily with grownups. So I had great relationships with my teachers, then I was called a creep. And then I got a TV series when I was 15, called Darkseism, which was written by the brilliant Russell T. Davis. Yes. and well then that was that was really it. they then they hated me then. Because I was off school I was actually off school for about nine weeks with a tutor as a child actor on set and I remember going back to school and they'd pushed my desk into a corner and moved all of their desks onto the other side of the room. Just jealousy. So you let you know I learned to have a pretty thick skin fairly early on to be honest. Did you internalize any of that? I mean it's so difficult to be a teenage girl anyway isn't it but particularly to go through bullying related to your appearance about that age it can be catastrophic for young girls, can't it? Yeah I definitely later on after that developed issues around my body for sure. But at the time that it was happening I just threw myself into my theatre company and my creative world outside of school so that the school main people became as insignificant as I could possibly make them. I wouldn't let them spoil a trajectory that I was determined I was on. And at least I had a lovely family to go home to. To retreat to? Yeah to really retreat to and my creative world and acting and you know I'd stick on match talk men and match the cats and dogs and we'd say at the top of our lungs and I would be fitter for things and I could face another day. But you said you know you did develop some issues. Were you dieting? Were you restricting your eating? On and off of diets from the age of 15 to 19 and eventually when I was 19 I was barely eating. It was really unhealthy. I mean I look back on that time and I just it's the only thing in my life I really regret because you know long term not eating properly or eating and panicking about what you'd eaten or waking up in the morning and the first thing I think about is oh my god do I look fat or do I look fat or that went on for a really long time. I think it's time for some more music Kate. What's next and why are you taking it with you today? So this is summertime by Elifits Gerald and I had a boyfriend when I when I started living in London he was a very very special person. He was a just a sparkly bright-eyed wonderful guy. He was an actor. He became a writer much later on and unbelievably he died of cancer and his name was Stephen Tredry and he was just a really special person and I felt very lucky to have had that relationship in my life because he really cared about me and he really supported me as a young person and showed me so much adventure actually and I sung the song that is funeral. [Music] summertime Elifits Gerald. Kate Winslet you left school when you were 16 and around that time your auditioned for your first film Heavenly Creatures directed by Peter Jackson. Did you think you'd get the part? No. Of course I didn't. I always came from Reading. I didn't get sent film scripts and how did you find out that? Yeah I'd got the part. Oh my god. Well I was working in a deli in Reading and it was managed and run by a great family friend named Chris Rogers and the phone rang and there was something about the way that phone rang I was like oh my god is it for me? And then Chris sort of stuck his head out the door and stared across at me behind my little glass sandwich thing where I was making the sandwiches and he said Kate phone for you and he sort of smiled at me and I ran to the office and it was my child agent she just said who's a clever girl then? And I'd got the part. Kate from Reading got the leading part in a film and it was just incredible my god and I remember just running home in the rain not getting the bus at all and going and telling everybody and we just none of us could believe it none of us could believe it and it really was the beginning of everything. Yes everything changed after after that. Everything changed. You spent four months filming in New Zealand. I did. How was it? What was it like being on an actual film set? It was just magic. It was just absolute magic. The people were so wonderful and they were so kind and of course I was terrified but I loved every second of it. I loved the discipline of it, the structure, the getting up early, the going to work. I'd fall asleep every night excited about the next day and I still do I still do that now when I'm filming something. I go to sleep feeling like I've got a secret and I've got to wake up in the middle of the night to go to work and make a project with my friends that might be something interesting and I just get that bus still today. I get exactly the same. So your next film after Heavenly Creatures was Sense and Sensibility. Emma Thompson had adapted the screenplay. Ang Lee was directing. Now you've been asked to read for the part of Lucy Steel but that quiet determination that you were talking about kicked in again and you hatched a conning plan. Well I have had two agents throughout my entire career. So my wonderful, wonderful darling British agent Dallas Smith. I've been with him since I was 15 years old and I'm still with him to this day and he along with a brilliant Irish woman named Hilda Quilly who is my American agent. They just had plans for me and I've gone to LA I think to do some publicity for Heavenly Creatures and I would have been 18 at the time that the film actually came out and was meeting this crazy Irish woman who had taken me on and she said now I want you to listen and this is her sort of Irish American trying which says I want you to listen to me Kate. There's a script that's come in it's written by Emma Thompson and she is going to be playing the Eleanor Dashwood role and there's a role of Mary and the sister which they're you're too young for the part but they want to meet you for the character of Lucy Steele. Now I think between you and I we should cook up a plan where you're going to go in and you're going to pretend that you didn't get the memo and you're going to prepare two or three select scenes to read for the Mary Ann part and you're just going to go in there and you're just going to smash it and I was like okay brilliant right okay excellent. So that's what I did. I selected three scenes as though I had been told to learn them and I was ready and I went in and the producer Lindsey Durran turned to me said so nice to meet you thank you so much for coming. So we'd like to read scene it's the scene when Lucy and Eleanor have the conversation about Edward and I said oh Lucy I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I think I got I think I got the wrong information I prepared for the Mary Ann role I'm really I could go outside and learn the lines for the other scene oh no that's that's okay really embarrassed didn't know what to do let me read for the Mary Ann part yes so I read for the role and then back in London I was asked to go and meet Ang Lee and Emma was there and that's the first time I met Emma and I was 19 and I remember I was wearing a blue top and we sat together on chairs in front of a camera because they were filming the audition and she said to me do you know why I've got a blue t-shirt underneath my jumper it might be good about make our skin colour look similar and I thought oh my god you're so lovely she really wanted me to get this part and yeah I was I was pretty bloody scared but Emma was such a source of strength and warmth and inspiration for me and her kindness with the other actors and with the crew was a first time I'd really experienced what it's like to be a leader in that capacity and I learned a huge huge amount from her a huge amount from her okay it's time to go to the music it's your fifth choice today tell us what's next well this one really does make me cry and when I was preparing for Merrivese Town I was in Philadelphia staring down the barrel of a rather terrifying gun thinking how the hell am I supposed to pull this off I just can't do it and because I had to really build for myself this interior world of a woman who was processing so much terrible grief and shame at the loss of her son by suicide I had to reach for anything I could that put me straight into that emotional place when I needed to be in it and Navale Bianca by Ludovico Enaldi is for me so triggering for some reason the sparseness of it the poetry of it the way it's not just an instrument but it's a means of pushing emotion that can transport a person truly to another place and so this song I used consistently throughout the shooting of Mer to the point that now when I hear it I just absolutely lose it it's an utterly extraordinary Merry work. [Music] Ludovico, Ion Audi and Nuvolle Bianchi. A hugely powerful piece for UK windslip. I didn't read a single review of May. I don't read reviews at all. It's part of how I survive, I think. But people would actually come up to me in the street and just cry. I'm a reparking attendant. I'd park my car in Petersfield to go to the opticians. The swimmer parking attendant came up to me and said, "It is you, isn't it?" I said, "I think it might be." She just started to cry. She said, "Mare." That was all she said. Then she told me that I was on a double yellow line. Well, you didn't have your glasses on, Kate. Oh, and she said, "Come on, I didn't have to hold it against you." Did that mingle us on? Silly me. Kate, I want to ask you about another part that has resonated with viewers down the years. This is Rose in Titanic. Obviously, a huge moment for you. 1997, it was your breakthrough role. It was, at that point, the most successful film ever made. Two billion dollars at the box office, 11 Academy Awards. This is like global stardom. It's a completely different level. What did it mean for your day-to-day life? I didn't want to be famous, Lauren. I really didn't. I know it sounds so daft. But it's not necessarily an easy path to walk and to stay sane and hang onto your sense of self and who you are. And my whole world was totally turned upside down through being in Titanic. I have, of course, so much to be grateful for. And the experience of making the film was incredible. But I wasn't ready for that world. I still mentally actually wasn't particularly in good shape around my body. Yeah, you were only because of what age were you then? I was 20 and I turned 21 on that shoot. I wasn't in a particularly good place around my physical self at all. Jim Cameron actually did something really fantastic, which I realised in hindsight was something I'm so grateful for. He said to me, "You need to be really strong, Kate." "You have stamina, but a level of physical fitness will really help you to take on this big seven-month shoot." "And they got me a personal trainer." "And I've never had a personal trainer since. I have to add that right away." "And I do think, 'Well, this is very Hollywood. Oh my God, okay." "But I actually loved the discipline of it. I had to get up at five and, or even earlier." "You know, if we were on a weird schedule, I'd be up at three and then I'd be working out by five." "And I would think, 'Okay, this is just the way it is on this film.' And then I'm just going to go back to my normal life afterwards," "and I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it." "I'm not going to do it." "I'm not going to do it." "I'm not going to do it." But that love began in about 2070, 2008. I don't even know specifically. But that was a time in my life when the kids were young. Joe was maybe three. Me and was six. Something like that. And I was married to Sam Mendez. And we lived in New York. We lived in Manhattan. And we had a small place in Connecticut. And so at the weekends we would drive out there. When it was clear that our marriage wasn't going to continue. I started obviously being on my own with the children much more. And we would listen to it in the car. Just me and the kids. And we would drive out to Connecticut at the weekends. And I just think it gave me a real feeling of, "Oh yes, I can do this." I can actually do this being on my own thing with my children. And also protection of my children too at that stage because I was being followed by paparazzi in New York City with my two small kids who wanted to of course know the reason why Sam and I had split up. You know, all those things that people really dig into. And it was a marriage that wasn't meant to be and sadly broke down. And he's a fantastic person. How have you dealt with that kind of intrusion though? I mean, someone following you with your kids in the street asking you why your marriage didn't work out. I mean, how do you even begin to respond to your just keep your mouth closed? You put your head down, Lauren, and you keep walking and you try and put your hands over your children's ears. You lean on your friends, you just keep going. A good meal, a shared conversation, nice cup of coffee. Yeah, a bit of radio had on a good poo, you know? Life's all the better for those things, don't you think? [Music] [Music] Such a great tune! Love that. It's so good. Radiohead and weird fishes are pejorie. Okay, you've just turned 50 and you've got a very positive approach to aging. You've taken publications to task for digitally altering your image in the past. Why was it important to you to call them out? If we don't, we are just stuffed. And it really bothered me when I realised as a young woman that magazines had the ability to alter an image. I didn't sign up for that. I didn't say you could take my photograph and then do whatever the hell you want with it. Absolutely not. And I also realised that nobody else was calling them out on it. And so I did. Not in an aggressive way, but just saying, "I don't look like this. My stomach isn't flat like that. My legs are not that long. My boobs are not that big. What? My arms don't aren't that toned. What the hell? It wasn't right to me. I didn't want any young woman, any young woman, even just one, to look at that image and think, "Oh my god, I want to look like that." That's not me. Don't want to look like me. You want to be who you are. And so that's the same message I've always tried to give. And I think that's why, you know, I live my life with intention and integrity, having a face that moves. I have to. That's also how I do my job, you know. I want to play characters who have wrinkles and crow's feet and a face that's changing with age and a body that's moving with the passing decades. That's life. There's so much we still have to unlearn actually, men and women about how we speak to women in film and actresses and female directors. There are things that have been said to me as a female director that would never be said to my male counterpart. Just the way someone might phrase something. So they might say things like, you know, don't forget to be confident, you know, in your choices. And I want to sort of say, don't talk to me about confidence because if that's one thing I haven't ever lacked actually is exactly that. That person wouldn't say that to a man. Don't forget to have your confidence shut up and as your own perspective makes me sound really aggressive. But you know, it's just a little internal fire that ever so often gets ignited by things that occur and then I'm able to calmly say to that person, you know, you can, there's also different way of phrasing that, you know, it's worth thinking about it. Let's go to the music. Your seventh selection today, what are you taking to the island next? So this is Blue Ridge Mountains by Fleet Foxes. And in about 2010, 2011, I had a really wonderful holiday on a boat with a group of friends. There were about 12 of us in total. And my dearest, dearest friend Emma, her name is Emma, but we call her lemon because when Joe was little one day he said, "Escumay, lemon," and he called a lemon instead of Emma so it's just stuck. And she's been such an enormous part of my life raising my children and she is their godmother. And she was with us on this particular holiday and one morning we woke up and all of a sudden on the horizon we started to see dolphins and we got the boat going and we were on the move and these dolphins came with us. And there was something so symbolic about my god, we're on a voyage and it wasn't just the actual voyage, it was a voyage of life. And lemon made a little film of this whole holiday, but it heavily featured the day with the dolphins. And this was the piece of music that she put to her little film that she had made on her video recorder. And there are lyrics in it that goes in the quivering forest where the shivering doles rest. We all heard that as in the quivering forest we'll be swimming with dolphins. Okay, and so even still now when we hear that song and we listen to it we sing along, that's what we sing instead. We'll be swimming with dolphins. So this song is really for lemon and she's so loved and special and yeah this is for her. [Music] Fleet Foxes and Blue Ridge Mountains. Oh it's such an uplifting song, I love it. So women with dolphins, silky winds like you married your husband Ned in 2012. The two of you met in very dramatic circumstances. Talk me through it. My husband Ned is one of many nieces and nephews of Surridge Abranson. And I had been invited to go to Neckar Island which is in the British Virgin Islands with my children. I think Richard had heard that I was on my own with my kids and maybe I'd like a nice holiday somewhere and I get on the plane to travel out there and other passengers on the plane start saying hello to me, hello hi nice to meet you and I realise it's their annual family week and I had been included. I'm like oh my god, okay Bazaar. We arrived there and on the second night of the holiday there was a terrible hurricane and the house was struck by lightning and caught fire and we are all very very lucky to be alive. And Ned, he just came running out of that house. We all escaped to a different building but he came running out of that house and into the one that everyone had sort of run to for safety and he had a head torch on and bright pink underpants and an orange and orange rain jacket. I'm standing up like I'm doing the actions of Ned. It's bright orange rain jacket and sensibly he'd put on his trainers which nobody else had done because we just run out of this burning building ready for action with bare feet treading on cactuses and wildlife. And apart from the pink underpants, was it love at first sight or honestly in two chemistry? Yeah, I don't think I've ever said this publicly but the first time I ever saw Ned was arriving at the airport to get a boat to go to the island and he was already there. He'd flown in from America and he was waiting for all of his family to greet them. He was excited to see everyone. He'd been away for a while and those airport sliding doors opened like that and there was Ned going, "Rey, like this with his arms in the air." And I looked him and I thought, "Oh, it's you." And I just was like, "I felt like I'd taken off." It was his energy after the fire coming into this room with his head torched and his pink underpants on with a big smile on his face, a rumful of crying distressed people and he went, "We're alive!" And I just thought, "Sign me up. I'm there." "That's it. I'll just go wherever you go now." And so you did. You have a son together bare. His middle name was Blaze I think. After the fire. After the fire. I mean, how would you describe family life today? I don't just laugh because it's great fun. And the rest of my life spent with Ned will just be full of so much joy and spontaneity. And some days I just can't believe my luck. Okay, this is a very special episode of Desert Island Discs, not just because you are our castaway, which we're thrilled about, but because it is our Christmas episode. So how will you be spending Christmas this year? What are the traditions, shea Winslet? Well, I have taken to Brining My Turkey. Ned is vegan, so I usually make him a mushroom lentil Wellington. That actually I get really irritable about making because it's so finicity and time consuming, so irritating. But I do it and Ned's grateful. We have just a good old family Christmas, lots of food being together. My dad will be around. Lots of playing silly games. Lots of going for long walks. Lots of going to the pub. Brilliant. You mentioned going for a long walk as part of your Christmas tradition. I know that you are outdoorsy as a person. You love your wild swimming and the natural world. Yep. Do you think that will set you up well for life on the Desert Island? Do you mind roughing it a bit? Oh, I love roughing it. And I don't really need luxuries and creature compasses, just not my vibe. Well we'll let you take one more track before we send you to the Desert Island. Before your cast away, your final choice, Kate Winslet, what's it going to be? Oh, I'm excited about this one. I'm excited about this one because this is something that Ned and I would have absolutely been listening to as teenagers in different parts of the world before we ever met. And it's a song that we both absolutely love. We leap around the room to it. It's pure, nadi energy. And so it's pump up the jam by 10 to 20. Pump up the jam by Technotronic. Kate Winslet, it's time to send you away to the island. I will give you the Bible, the complete works of Shakespeare. And you can take one other book of your choice, what will it be? So a big part of our life is being outside and we do cook a lot outside as well on beaches, in fields, in forests, up hills. It is just something that we do. And so this book is called Outside by a brilliant chef named Gilmela. And Gil talks about being a child, discovering the outdoors and discovering food. He references that time as being a time before this time, talking about the digital age where it is so much harder to be still and just appreciate the simple things in life. And keeping that sense of balance and perspective, what's important, how to be happy. And for me and for my family, turning to the outside is a way of staying grounded and being happy. So that's my book. And that's the perfect perspective for a desert island as well. I mean, as a castaway, you're going to be outside all the time. So perfect choice. Bring it on. Can't wait. You can also have a luxury item, Kate. What do you fancy? What, so I'm not very good at luxury items. I'm not really a luxury person. But I did think, well, what is one thing I couldn't live without? And actually, in spite of myself, it's freshly ground coffee. I love coffee. I love the smell of it. I look forward to it. I fall asleep at night being excited about the coffee I'm going to have in the morning. I put cream in my coffee. Fresh cream. And the other thing being resourceful is that coffee is really great for exfoliating your face. It's really great for clear hands, getting rid of horrible odors. I'm constantly using old coffee grounds because in the half the time, my hands smell of garlic and onions. So that's my luxury item. You're going to be fresh as a daisy on that desert island. finally which one track of the eight that you've shared with us today, K. Winslow. would you rush to save from the waves if you have to? - It's got to be that beautiful recording of my dad singing "George on my mind." It's just a great way to always hear his voice. And I don't think I could ever do without that. - Kate Winslet, thank you very much for letting us hear your desert island discs. - Thank you so much for letting me share them. - Wow. - I'm Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, we did it! - Yeah! - We did it! (waves crashing) (waves crashing) - I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Kate. We'll leave her on the island, drinking coffee and cream to her heart's content. We've cast away many actors over the years, including Kate Blanchett, Michael Sheen, Danny Dyer, and Kate's good friend, Emma Thompson. The studio manager for today's program was Sarah Hawkeley. The assistant producer was Christine Pavlovsky. The executive production coordinator was Susie Roylands. The content editor was McGarby Turia, and the producer was Paula McGinley. Next time my guest will be the writer, Jojo Moise. I do hope you'll join us. - Hi, Cindy here. I'm very excited to bring you the return of child. So we've been on the journey of an embryo all the way to a baby's first birthday. And now we are gonna enter the explosive life of the toddler, because this is the perfect place to unpick the very complicated world of emotions, the emotions that affect us all. So come with us as over eight episodes we fall through the abundant and dizzying world of happiness, descend into the depths of fear, and the gendered and dangerous world of anger, and then crawl wobble and bounce our way through or love, anxiety and surprise. From BBC Radio 4, this is Child with me, Indiraacuson. Listen first on BBC Sounds.