10. Juicy family dynamics and finding your passion with Dr. Simona Bartos (my mom)

(upbeat music) - Hello everybody, welcome back to this very special episode. I'm here with my mom and doctor, Simone Bartos. (laughing) You guys know her from the vlogs. Every video she's in, I get a hundred comments talking about how beautiful your mom is and oh my gosh, your mom's so pretty. I'm like, I know, I know. (laughing) You get that from me. - Yes. - Hello, who are you, describe yourself in a snapshot for those who may not know already. - Well, thank you so much, first of all, for having me. I feel like I'm royalty that's stepped onto the camera set. So thank you so much. I hope that your listeners and viewers find value in our conversation. It's definitely my honor to be here. Who am I? That's the million dollar question, right? I would say that I am probably a hopeless romantic who's always looking for meaningful relationships and hoping to live a life that matters. Like you said, many of your listeners know I am married since I was 19 with the love of my life, my husband now, John. - My dad. - Yay! - I have the two of you, Rachel and Jonathan. I am a doctor now that just opened her new practice. I would say that I'm living my third chapter in life. I feel like it's as good as ever. It's everything that I want that it to be and more. - Yes, definitely. This is a very exciting chapter. You guys have seen me a little bit behind the scenes working a little bit here and there for her practice. Honestly, one of the most exciting things that I've ever seen like my parents do. 'Cause my dad is always a businessman, always working. - I'm used to that. But seeing my mom start something new and really accomplish her dream is just like, wow, it's crazy. - Thank you, thank you so much. - It was a long road, but worth every second of it. - Yeah, and we'll definitely get into that as we go on. But what we do in this podcast is, what is your high and low of the week? What was the best thing and the worst thing that happened to you this week? - I'll go first while you think. My low is that there wasn't the bachelor this week. It was like football or something. And we recently started going over to my brother's house to watch the bachelor. So it's kind of like a social thing too. And especially during no-spin January, we're like dying to do like anything that's free. So yeah, that would be my low. My high, probably that we just finished painting like the final touches on the outside of our house. That's kind of like a cloud that was looming over my head. And so I'm really glad that that is completely done and I never have to think about it again because that was a long, hard process of painting the house. - Wow, yeah, I can't imagine. I'm a good painter that way if you ever wanna. - Oh yeah, and that's where I got it from. I was like, there's no way I'm hiring anybody to fan our house. Like we're gonna do it ourselves. - And that's how we grew up. If you can do it yourself, you just really can't hire anybody. - Even if it takes you, even if it takes you five times as long, which makes no business financial sense. - It really doesn't. - Yeah. - No, but honestly, it would have cost us $2,000 in labor to paint the house. So I'm really glad that we stuck it out and just like save the money. - Right. - But yeah, unfortunately that's one of the things that I have had to break away from. In my adult life, to be like if somebody can do it better and cheaper than you don't do it. And I think when I talked about that, vis-à-vis getting a cleaning help, getting cleaning help in the house. When you started your video camera career, I said to leave, do what you enjoy. You are much more productive. You live your best life. - Yeah. - And then somebody else can do, you know. - Yeah, my mom's the one who convinced me to finally hire someone to clean my house. Because what would happen was, I would normally clean my house every Saturday. I would spend like three, four hours deep cleaning the house every Saturday morning. But then I started YouTube and that was really time consuming. And I would have to clean the house on Friday nights after work so that I could film Saturday and edit and upload Sunday and like keep my schedule. So after a while of cleaning my house for three hours on Friday night, I was like, I can't do this anymore. My mom convinced me. Just hire the day in cleaning people. - I could just get over it and spend that time doing something you love, something that potentially earns you money and something that just satisfies you. - Absolutely. Sometimes you really have to question your old habits and really look at it from a different point of view and see if they still make sense or you can just abandon them and start new. So this is a good example of that. - Yeah. - Yeah, very proud of you. - Thanks. - So what was your high and low? - My high and low has to do with my new practice now. So definitely my high would be meeting my new patients for the first time. It's just such an honor that somebody would choose me that they would come and entrust their care to me. So to me, I'm just like tickled to death. That happens. My low would have to be scrubbing my floors for about two hours. - Oh wow. Did you not hire that cleaning company? I sent you. - No, we don't have a cleaning career. Oh my gosh. You need to take a piece of your own advice. - Well, in business, you have to be productive and it has to make financial sense before you add services. So I'm not at the point where you were when I gave you that advice. So for now, I scrub my floors for about two hours. - Wow. - But no job is lower than you. - So. - Exactly. - Yeah, no big deal. - A dermatologist scrubbing her own toilets. - Yup. - That is the American dream. (laughs) - One of the things that my parents taught me is that no matter how much money you have, and you guys know that my family is very comfortable when it comes to that. But even through the years of having more than enough, my parents always taught me the value of money and that if you need to get on your hands and knees, that's what you gotta do. - And you do it? - Yeah, smile. (laughs) - Or not, it's okay. - So walk us through a work day in the life of Dr. Bartos. - I work eight to five. I'm there with my staff mainly keeping the clinic open and waiting for patients to come in. We do have our neighbors that stop by. We are in a medical plaza. So many of the nurses and medical assistants and even physicians have walked in. So there's value in just keeping your place open. And when we are not with patients, we focus on advertising, we do TikTok videos, we get on Instagram and social media and just have fun. But it's all hands on deck, thinking, brainstorming, how to make our new practice successful. - And what do your weekends look like? What do you do for fun? - Hmm. - I am a avid cyclist. I used to race in a professional team up until two years ago before I took a big fall. But I still am a crazy cyclist. Yesterday I rode about 45 miles. This morning I rode another 40 miles. - Well, on Sundays we go to church, a family lunch. Whenever we get a chance, the nap and just kind of sit around. And my husband loves to read. So we have that alone time as well. But just chill, you know, exercise, family, church, chill. Yeah, well rounded. (laughs) What made you want to pursue being a doctor? - I did not set out to be a doctor. I did not even think that I liked medicine. So when I was 19, new in the country, you know, days then confused and kind of lost, where you're from, Romania. I figured, let me go to nursing school. It's a good job. I didn't know if I would like medicine or if I would be good at it. So I figured, you know, start a new job, start a good career. And whether you fall in love with it or not, you'll figure it out. If you don't fall in love with it, at least you'll be in a good job. And the fact that I ended up falling in love with medicine and that has become my calling. And I was able to transition from having a job to having a career and a calling. It was fortunate for me. But I think that for young people and this is how we raised you and your brother, we always said, get into a good job. Whether you love it or not, you will discover. But at least it will pay the bills. You will be able to support yourself, support your family. Get into a good job and let your passion find you. If it finds you, you're going to do great. If it doesn't, you're going to be fine. And this was you, growing up, wanting to go to law school. - RIP. - RIP. Then you, middle of college, you change into finance, business major. One reason being that you didn't have another love. And we always supported that. We said, you know, get a good job and let passion find you. Passionless I was no longer. Now you're a beast behind that camera. In front of that camera, I should say. - In front and behind, depending on the day. - Yeah. And in front of the microphone. So how fortunate you are that passion has found you. - Yeah. - Definitely. But if it hadn't, you would be in a good job. - Right. - Right? - Yes. - And this is the whole key. You can start off at the age of whatever, young age, to be like, I won't do anything because I'm not passionate about anything. Now, you gotta be in motion. You gotta pursue. You gotta go to college. You gotta work hard. And if you never become passionate, well, too bad for you. - I love it. - But you still have a job. You'll have a good thing job, yeah. - Yeah. - Very good advice. - So this is why, this is one of the reasons we drove you guys so mad when you were young. I mean, going to college, it made me successful. It was not an option. It was not optional. - Mm-hmm. - It was just the thing that you're going to do. - I spoke with Jenna about this. Jenna is a first generation Korean American the same way that I am a Romanian American. And we were talking about how our immigrant parents are very hardcore. And so I wanna ask you, your childhood growing up in communist Romania, did that have anything to do with your passion and your determination today? - I mean, of course, 1,000%. As you know, your father and I are one generation removed from poverty. So we know, we remember our family's being in need, right? So for us raising you being thrifty and saving money and being successful and going to college, it was not a matter of self-actualization, like Maslow would say. It was a matter of basic needs, food, shelter, safety, then relationship and much later on self-actualization. So I know many of your peers think of your career as self-actualization. But for people like us, it was survival, survival. It was basic needs. And that's a huge thing in this generation. If you're like me and you may have immigrant parents, they were doing it to survive and we're doing it to thrive in a way. We're doing it to feel good and to feel like we're being fulfilled. - But that's not the case for most of the world. That's not the case for most of our parents and our grandparents and our ancestors. So it does benefit us to take a beat and look back and just realize, wow, we are so privileged. I am so privileged to be able to pursue something I'm passionate about because that would not be the case for my parents. - Absolutely, absolutely. I mean, I remember we were going to restaurants with you growing up and we did not buy soda on principle or juice never. (laughing) And no appetizers. - No, I mean, you need to spend money on what is needed and not waste money. So soda and juice are bad for you. They cost money. Therefore, the answer is a solid note always. - Yes. - Like, period. (laughing) - It wasn't even, it wasn't even a question. Like, we just knew water with lemon. Ask for free sugar if you want. All garden, no appetizers. Sometimes we would get dessert because dad had a sweet tooth. - Yes, he still does. - And he was. - Yeah. And that's, I'm really grateful for that because even to this day, Asianine, we'd never even think to order anything besides water. We don't even really order drinks because we're just like, we don't eat it. We're fine without it. - A lot of things like that, you know. And that, for example, like, you know, you're buying your new car. If the car next to it is blue and is $3,000 less, of course you're getting the blue car. (laughing) Right, like, you're not gonna get the color of your choice because the blue car is cheaper. - Yeah. And it was just things like that where one of my big values raising you guys was that you're not spoiled. You could not be spoiled. You could not take it for granted. Money doesn't grow on trees. - What are some other things? What are some other little things that you did? Like, for example, not buying sodas or anything else that you consciously made an effort to do with us? - Yeah. One thing that probably drove more your brother than you crazy because I think I got better by the time you came around four years later, but I could not stand laziness. So when I saw, you know, he had to work every break. After he was like 15, 16, he had to work every Christmas break, every summer break. And whenever I saw that he would get lazy, I would give him less of an allowance and make him work more on principle again. Not because it wasn't about money, but my children could not be lazy or entitled. For me, again, that was a high value for you to be appreciative and to be earning your keep or to be able to appreciate what's happening. - Mm-hmm. - Right on. So I drove in crazy. He was a dishwasher in a restaurant. You were, you had your share of it. You were like a balloon maker at Hornars. I would do, I would do balloon art and I had a pin on my chest that said I twist for tips and I would go to the Rainforest Cafe on a Saturday afternoon, I would work four hours and I would make 250 bucks. - As a teenager. - In tips. I would go up to tables and say, "Do you want a monkey out of a balloon?" And they would be like, "No, get away from me." And just so you guys, you may not realize but Rachel does not really love to be around people. - Oh, it was, I hated it. - I don't like to go up to a people who are eating a nice dinner and disturb them. - And interrupt them, yeah. - It's different if you're a waiter because they expect you to be there and they need you but they don't need a girl who's like bugging them for a tip for a balloon innable. - Making the parents feel bad in front of the children who are now begging for a balloon that costs money. - Yeah, it's so awkward, it's cringe, but the money was good and I put my shame to the side. - And you had to pay for your expenses so you had to work. - I actually didn't, I don't remember having to pay for much. So I think you had to get balanced there because I was never like, "Oh, I need to make a few bucks so I can buy a shirt." Or maybe I just didn't care about fashion. - You didn't want anything, no. Rachel was not a girly girl. She never wanted anything. I would say to her, "Let's go shopping for clothes. Let's buy you some hair." I think she would be like, "No, I'm fine." It was always because that was crazy because doing a no-spin journey right now, I feel back to my prime self. Like I feel like I've gotten back to that. Whereas last year I was kind of like, "Oh, I have money now, like let me buy everything I can." But now I feel like I'm that little girl again who like doesn't care about anything. - Yeah, I remember almost like blackmailing you emotionally to be like, "Hey, come to the store with me. I'll buy you anything you want." They'd be like, "Okay, fine." (laughing) So we would go shopping, you know, you would keep my company and I would buy you clothes, but you felt like I'm doing girls such a favor. (laughing) - That's hilarious. - Yeah. So what is it like being married to my dad, an entrepreneur, a business owner, who's constantly grinding? - The grind is real and it's constant. But I know his heart behind the scenes. So I see the softer side of him. He doesn't scare me at all. (laughing) - That makes one of us, I'm just kidding. - Yeah, no, he's a fierce guy. But he has the biggest heart and he's the biggest teddy bear when he comes home. - That's very true. (laughing) Like as soon as he leaves the office, he physically calls me on the phone to catch up. - Uh-huh, you know what I mean? - That's cute. - When you won't talk for 12, 15 hours and when he gets in the car, he calls me. You know, he can't, now he switches, you know? - Yeah. - You're the one person in his life who can tell him straight. - Oh yeah, and do I? Yes. (laughing) - Did him being such a successful business owner who works a lot of hours to have anything to do with you pursuing medical school later in life? Did you feel like, oh, he's working more, so maybe I should work more. Or do you think that didn't impact you at all? - Of course it impacted me. But it impacted me 30 years ago. Again, I was very young and he would come from work and he as any good man will lay on the cell phone, put his feet up and wait for dinner to be served. And I remember thinking, well, he deserves all of that and he did because he works so hard all day. And then I said to myself, one night, one day, I'm gonna be that person as well, not instead of him, but in addition to him, I'm gonna have a full day of work, I'm gonna come home, put my feet up and say, where's dinner? - Wow. - Yeah. And I said to myself, why can it be me versus him? Or both of us, or neither, or whatever? And at that point, I felt like I'm gonna be the badass career woman as well. As a man has dreams and has pursuits and has desires. So did I. And then from that point on, it was just a technicality. But now, when we both come home and we, it's dinner time and it's whatever. It's we order, we go out, we cook or not, but not one of us has their feet up more than the other. - Love that. - Yeah. And why not? - Yeah, you know, for sure. And he's so chilled, and this is one of the thing about him. He would never make that differentiation between us to say that his career is more important or his time, no. He wouldn't dare, he wouldn't dare. - He's learned early on, you gotta train him early. - And that was one of the drivers for me. Like I remember, I was pregnant with your brother when this started that I wanted to go out, I wanted to have meaningful relationships and a meaningful job and a meaningful this and that. And then I hadn't at the time and I was like, I just have to create it. - Yeah. - And it was gonna give it to me. If I wanna put on my feet and feel great about my day, I'd better do something great, so. - Yeah. - Didn't you start off as a nurse assistant? - I was a licensed practical nurse, which is LPN, slightly lower than an RN. - Okay, and then as soon as you finished that school, correct me if I'm wrong, you went directly into physician assistant school. - No, actually, I did. - So after that, I had you and I stayed home for about two and a half years. In this time, while you were a baby, I did a LPN to RN course online. I would take courses online while being home with you. So you went from an LPN to an RN online. - And then you went to PhD school? - Yes, while having you because I wanted to, and we can get into this later, but the guilt of motherhood versus career is the topic for another conversation. - Oh wow. - Yeah, but at that time, I wanted to do a little bit of everything, and I wanted to do them in a great way. - So you wanted to stay home, but you also wanted to continue school, yeah. - So then you went directly to PA school, you were just like, why not? Or what was your train of thought there? - So after getting my nursing degree, because I didn't have a green card, then I couldn't work. I got my diploma, I cried historically the whole night. I put it in a drawer to be visited later, and I spent the next summer being depressed about life. - At what stage were you in your immigration journey? Like was there a point of no hope? Where were you? Was it like, oh, I'll get my papers in a year, it'll be fine, or like, where were you? - So we were here at about eight years in, no specific date of resolution, about nine years into it, the judge gave us three months to leave the country. So we had to run your brother. I was already in PA school, and the judge said, your case is denied, you have three months to leave the country. - So you said you couldn't work, but dad was working? - Yes, he had a work authorization, but you didn't. - But you didn't. - Correct, okay. So after spending the summer being depressed about my career that was not happening, in any way, I went to PA school. - So you were like, okay, maybe by the time I'm done with PA school, maybe I'll have my papers and be able to work, correct. Is that what happened? - That's what happened, yes. - Wow, yep, so just before graduating PA school, I finally got my green card. - Wow. - Yes, so. - And then you started working as a PA. This is when my childhood memories actually begin, is you working as a PA, and you'd bring us to school, and then you would work until like three p.m., and then you would pick us up, and then-- - Yeah, actually your dad was dropping you off in the morning, and I would pick you up, only on Thursdays, 'cause you worked late Thursdays. - Remember? - But this was as thin as, but you don't remember the hospital, the three years before? - Oh, no, I don't remember that. So during my hospital work for three years, your dad would drop you off, 'cause my work started at 6 a.m., and I would pick you up at 3 p.m. - I just remember when my dad brought us to school, he would drop us off at like 6.40. (laughing) - And our school started at 8. So we would be the only kids there outside, waiting for them to open the gate. - Wow. - It was just like, I remember that, and some days it would be cold. - Was that traumatizing at all? - No, it wasn't traumatizing. It was just like awkward when you're a kid, like you care about the little things like that. And so it was like, oh, it's Thursday, like we gotta sit outside for an hour, for sure. - And just to pick you back on that, it was heavy on us too, dropping you off, and leaving you like that. - Really? Of course. I already mentioned tangentially the mother guilt. It's just so real and so intense and so ever present. Like you always think about these things. - Wow. - Yeah, 100%. - We never had to say an aftercare though, that's a plus. - Right. - A lot of kids had to stay in aftercare 'cause their parents worked, but you managed somehow to pick us up. - We also had a good amount of family that would tag team if we ever had to be late, so. - Hashtag family. - Yes. - So you worked as a PA for what, 10 years? - About eight years. - Eight years. - And then walk me through this process of deciding to go to medical school. The blessing of knowing you can do more is also the curse of knowing that you can do more. And that was me working as a PA. I felt that I was smart enough. I wanted very much to be a business owner and to be kind of in charge of my patient care. - You wanted to be the doctor in the room. - I wanted to be the boss. - Yeah. - So that became a almost like an obsessive thought. Once you realize it, you can't unsee it. But that of course had to be balanced with my reality of my family. One of the reasons that I first went to PA school to begin with was to be accessible, to be home with the children, to raise them well, for them not to miss me too much, or for them to be traumatized from my career choices. This torment went on throughout the years. So while on one hand, selfishly, you want self-actualization now, you have the children whom you love, who you dedicated your life to raising, and you don't wanna hurt them. So it took me many years of deciding whether I should do it. And then when I should do it, when I could do it. So when was that? That was when your brother started driving. So he was able to help with you going to school and coming back. I was 38 years old. And I figured this is my only window, or what I thought was my only window. Like I was still young-ish. You were old enough where you didn't need me 24/7. What year was your first year? 2011? Yes. I started medical school 2012. So about 2010, 2011. Yeah, I believe that was my first year of high school. Yeah, 'cause I remember I would come home from school and we would both sit at the dinner table and we would study for like two hours. I was at one end, you were at the other. We were both studying. No communication necessary, we were just like, here we are. Rachel was not a talker. And then you would make dinner, we would have dinner, and then that's it. So I have a lot of memories of just studying together. Yeah. I remember when your brother was about ready to go to college, is when I said to myself, I'm 38 years old, I'm not going to be an empty nester. I have so much life left in me, so we're going to do this. Yeah. How do you think it affected your kids? You going to school? Now, there's no expectations for this answer. It could be literally anything. How do you think it affected your kids watching their mother? Do something that normally a 25-year-old does? Well, one always hopes that they are inspired and they are proud of you. But then the fear is that they despise you and then they miss you and they think that they are ignored or placed on the back burner. Yeah, welcome to parenthood. I can't even imagine. Well, for one, I was definitely like, wow, there's nothing my mom. There's nothing my mom can't do. If she wants something, nothing will stop her. It doesn't matter how old she is, how much money she has. If she wants to be a doctor, get out of her way. And that was really inspiring to see as a woman, and dad was always so supportive of you. He never questioned you, at least in front of the kids. It was always just like, yep, this is what she's doing. So what, what's the big deal? Well, I convinced myself and him. And I think you guys, that I needed to do it, to be happy. And I think it was pretty clear that that was the case. Well, I didn't have, I guess I was young. I didn't have any memories of what you were, like what your emotional state was, 'cause I was a kid, you know? But I guess that makes sense. If that's the vibe, if that was the vibe, and it was like, all right, mom just needs to do this. She decided. But it was not a decision I made lightly. It took us really about five years of arguing every Sunday and putting on the case on the table, like two lawyers. Like, we were in court every Sunday. Your dad and I debating this case. What was the largest argument against it? He just didn't see why he would take such a big act for me to feel happy, professionally accomplished. 'Cause I wasn't unhappy. I just professionally needed to do this. And he just didn't understand why he would take such a big act. And I said, he was like, basically why aren't you content? Right, can this be enough for you? And I said, it could be, but it's not, so, that's it. And another thing, the rebellious side of me growing up, whenever I was told no, or people would say, oh, this would be great, but you couldn't accomplish that. I would think of that as a mountain that I could eat. And I would be like, let me just break it up in small bites. And it's just a matter of time for I'll eat the mountain. Like, I will simply just overwork you. I will out-endure you and I will eat the mountain. Like, you know, going to medical school was the same thing. I will just do whatever it takes. Prove them wrong. What advice would you give someone who is thinking about pursuing medicine? Pursuing anything that you think you're passionate about is an absolute yes. And even if you're wrong, you have to change your mind in motion. If you're not sure that you want to pursue medicine, but you have nothing else, pursue medicine. And you will either fall in love with it, or you realize what else you should be doing. But be in motion as you're making these decisions. Don't be paralyzed with analysis on your couch and be like, well, I'm not sure that I love medicine. Just do it. Like, one of my favorite podcasters, Gary Vee, says it's a criticism on young people where they want everything to be right before they act on anything. And he goes, at my age, I make 100 decisions and 80 of them are wrong. And I discard the 80 and I go with the 20. And tomorrow I make another 100. And I always capitalize on the successful ones. And that's a definition of growth. So don't wait to see do I love medicine before pursuing it. Just do it. You know, start that YouTube, start that business. Just do it. Out of your entire career journey, all of the school, all of the heartaches, which part was the absolute hardest and why? I would say, again, the young days of being torn between family and career. - Really? - Yeah. And so even above starting your own practice. Oh my god, this is nothing. Are you kidding me? Oh my gosh. But also, at this point, being more mature and more experienced, I'm able to let go of some of the overthinking, getting in your head, you know, broken record. But when you're young, you don't have the fortitude. - Right. - The hindsight. - Right. Opening my practice is a dream compared to the torment of a young woman with a family wanting to do so much more. That is insane to me. Well, obviously, I don't know what that's like, but that is crazy. And it's interesting. I don't think that men go through the same thing. I really don't doubt it. Even now with COVID, family has three kids. And, you know, little Danny is sick with a cold. Who stays home? - The mom. - Obviously, the mom. Like nine out of 10. Why? Right. Do we love more? Do we are we more committed? Arguably. - Yeah. So when then the women want to catch up with the men and career wise, or socially, emotionally, spiritually, you know, or really coming from behind. So it's hard. It's not the same. - Yeah, definitely. I mean, now that I think about it, one of the major impotuses for me, the impotage. Starting my YouTube channel was me thinking five years out and thinking, like, what if I actually do want to stay home with my kids? Like, what a crazy thought because growing up with you guys as parents, it was always like, oh, for sure, I'm going to be that mom who works. For sure, I'm going to have a babysitter 24/7. Like, that's just what was going through my head and then growing up and thinking, wait, wait. Let me actually think about this. What if that's not what I want? What if I do want to be home? I need to still make money because like, that's ingrained in me. Like, I'm sorry. I'm like a boss babe, constantly by birth, I was. - Yes, you are. - So I knew I wanted to work. I knew I wanted to be super successful in something. So I was like, let me try YouTube and by the grace of God, it's going okay. And like, I'm on track for that, so. So I don't know, I don't know how I'm going to feel when I do have, like, when I do give birth. I don't know if I'm going to like, change my mind, but I want to have that option. I like to have the option to do what I want. And that's exactly my point. Your husband or the other husband are not making a five-year plan for when they have children and how they're going to feel about their careers. They're not whether they just don't think about it or they just don't think about it. - Yeah, no, I was like, as soon as we got married, I was like, okay, let me plan out the next five years. And like, here we are on the, on the last, we haven't been married for five years, but basically we're at that point where, okay, like we're actually going to have kids, God willing soon. And like, I'm actually at that point where I would have to make that decision career wise. So, it's exciting and scary. - It's definitely exciting and scary, but also, if there's one piece of advice that I would give to my younger self, I would say, relax. - You know, that's a punch in the gut. - Yeah, I mean, and I say that to myself every day, it comes very naturally to me to relax as to our entire family. I think it's just 100%. - The fact that nobody really is watching and nobody really cares is just you and your head, you know, relating, I would like to keep that in mind more if I were again 20 years old. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Easier said than done. - Yeah, I could take a chill pill every now and then. - Describe what it's like. What is the feeling like to open your own practice? Do you feel self-actualized? - Oh my gosh, yes. (laughs) - I definitely recommend it. - You know how people say, you know, it's the pursuit that matters, whether you reach a goal or not, it doesn't feel as good as the pursuit. It's BS, it feels better than what you imagine. - Wow. - It's just, my office is prettier than I imagine. I feel better than I thought I would. I love my staff better than I thought I would. I get along with them better than I thought I would. Maybe because I'm coming at it at a later stage in life where I appreciate things more, but it actually feels better than I thought. So, wow, I recommend it. (laughs) I think you live with a dream and you envision yourself there. When you're finally there, you're like, damn, the lights are hot on me. I'm on the stage, this is the real thing. So when you wake up in the morning and you are getting ready for work, compare that feeling to the feeling you had getting ready for work as a PA because a lot of my listeners can agree. The feeling you have before works as a lot. It's either dread, it's either neutral, or it's either positive. So what are those sensations for you? - It's never dread. I love Sunday nights because Monday's coming. - That's insanity, yeah. I spend Sundays visualizing and dreaming and checking the schedule and imagining and thinking where my next ad will be or what is my next strategy. And just like what TikTok video we're gonna do tomorrow. Let me fix my hair. - Did you have those feelings when you were working for someone else as a PA? - Zero. - No, I shouldn't say, let me be fair. It's okay to say, it's okay to be dramatic. This is a small amount of drama. - No, no, but I need to be accurate. I was like 40% content, yeah. I enjoyed my patients, I really appreciated them. I mean, they were bringing me home big cookies and Christmas cards and they entrusted me when they're like lover story affairs, you know. But I was not self-actualized, yeah. Yeah, I need to be the driver of my life and no, no, I am, it's crazy, but it took me that to be that. I mean, I don't know. - That is so powerful because I feel that way with YouTube and obviously a smaller scale than you and dad. But it's like, it's like a drug, it's like you're high. - It's like you're high. It's crazy and AJ says the same thing that he doesn't like the weekends. He prefers the weekdays, which was completely reverse when he was working an eight to five. So it's like when you actually are doing something you love, it truly doesn't feel like work. - Right, and that's how you know you can change and you can do better. When you dread your work, that's your body and your mind and your soul giving you that cue. Hey, there may be more for you out there. Just keep searching or keep trying different things. Try delivering pizzas if that's not it. Try being an Uber driver, like try different things and see what ticks with you and what makes you like come alive. - Wow, yeah, so that your body tells you that. When you dread your work, you can do better. - Generally speaking, not like you can have bad moments, but of course. - And it's not always like, oh, quit your job and go on a hike and figure it out. No, it's like maybe start a side hustle and maybe go to school on the weekends and it's not necessarily quit your job and you know. - Right, absolutely. Try it out, see if you're good. If you suck at it, just don't quit your day job. - Exactly. - Try something else that you're not sucky out, right? What is the worst or the hardest part about being a business owner in a sense of, you don't just go in, see patients and leave. You're responsible for everything in the business. - What is the one thing that makes you tick? - It's the business management. And thank you by the way for helping me manage a little bit. Of course, yeah. Everything not having to do with medicine or with social media, which I also love. So like, keeping of the books and paying bills and you know, looking at the envelope like, mm-hmm. - What about employee management? In your employees are great, but even with great employees, it is sometimes a struggle to be a good manager. How is that? - Yeah, so I have to be better at not complaining or not knocking a negative behavior 'cause it's so easy to do. Since you are in charge, you have the power. It's very easy to be hypercritical. And I do it in the name of, oh, we're forming your protocol, so they need my feedback. Do they really? Like I'm overcoaching them sometimes. What the behavior that you notice increases. So if I keep noticing their shortcomings, they will feel that they are not good enough. Whereas if I praise them, if I bring up their good qualities, they are probably going to open up like a flower. - Yeah, it's self-fulfilling prophecy. - Right, so it's almost like what you notice grows. So I always work on being less critical and giving feedback, but in a much less, and this is something you brought up to me in the past. You know, tone it down, watch your tone. Don't speak in anger, you know, give yourself maybe an hour before you mention something, or maybe don't even mention it at all. Like everybody makes mistakes. - Yeah. But that's the fine balance because on the other hand, we are new and we are forming new protocols and my staff needs to know my vibe and my standards. So that balance is very important. - Yeah, I would say hands down the hardest part of being a business owner, which I'm not in the sense that you and dad are, but I can kind of see from dad's eyes 'cause he brings me into a lot of his struggles is that employee management is the hardest thing to do because people are the most complex. The business is easy. It's managing the people and the patients and the human connection that is truly the hardest thing. - Yeah, fortunately for me, I don't mind being in the middle of it or being really involved in a lot of things like that doesn't turn me off. - Yeah, I would say I'm a little bit opposite of you in that sense where I prefer not to deal with people most of the time, but that's just because I'm an introvert and you're an extrovert. - Right, yeah. - We, I also feel that I have the best solution for everything. So if there's a problem, of course, let me get involved and fix it because, I have the, my mom is an ENFJ. So I'm an INTJ, she's a feeler. I'm a thinker, which sometimes leads us into a little bit of a ruffle. And she's also an extrovert and I'm an introvert, which we also have to make efforts on both parts too. - I am a cat. I mean, I am a dog and Rachel's a cat. It's true. I can, I can go to a bar and talk to 10 strangers for 10 hours, like my worst nightmare. Do you have any goals for 2022? - That's an interesting question. I'm more in the Anna camp when it comes to the goals. I don't really make them based on time periods, but more like daily or season as the season comes. So no, I can't say that I do, do you? What are your goals? - Well, yeah, I mean, I just filmed my monthly reset video, which let me pull up my, so my goals for February are to not eat any junk food. - Oh dear God. - So you guys know I'm doing nose bend January. Well, I'm gonna do a challenge every month this year. - How do you define junk food back? - So the definition of junk food means, like literally anything that if someone were to see anything they would taste good. (laughing) - So I don't wanna say processed foods because like Greek yogurt is processed, but that's a health food. So anything that if someone was looking at you eating it, would they say, hey Rachel, that's junk food? Basically common sense. So no chips, no hot pockets, no like craft macroni and cheese. Health foods or neutral foods only. But the caveat is we can go out to eat this month. - So you can spend money. - Correct. - Just some healthy foods. - Thank God. I would rather do a healthy food month than a nose bend month. - How did it go? - Oh my gosh. - I feel like I've been reborn. - Oh wow. - I feel also simultaneously like a crazy person. - I've completely become the opposite of who I was last month. - Temporarily. - Temporarily, and everything's temporary. - Right. - Because I have not spent any money for the last four weeks when I see people spending money, it's not even a judgment. It's like an instinctual like, oh my gosh, I can't believe people do this. - Not in a judgment a way, just in shock. - And there's a danger in that where we become a little self-righteous and like thinking that we're better than other people because we have cleaned up in such a way. - Yeah. - Do you think I'm better than anyone? - It's just genuine shock. - It's shock because I've not stepped foot in restaurant. Four months, which is very unusual for me. - Are you just hungry? (laughing) - It's like when you are in South Florida and you see someone post a picture in the snow. It's the same feeling of, oh, there's like snow in the world. I had no idea, it's the same feeling. It's not that snow is good or bad, it's just different. - Huh, wow. - You know what I mean? - Quick though. - For you. - So the power of building a habit over a month. - Yeah, right? - Do something for a month and you'll build a habit. - That's fantastic. - Yeah, I mean, it's not for the faint of heart. I'm not gonna lie. I was telling A.J., there's five weekends in January. - We have one weekend left. - The fifth weekend. - Wow, and you're counting. - And I told him, I don't know if I can do it. I think we should cut it short. And he was like, no, we're gonna keep, it's one weekend. Come on. And I was like, okay. - Wow, it's just like, it's hard. - It's like you're fasting and you're counting. - It's truly a fast. - And it truly makes you grateful for the small things in life like my chapstick. - Or you can buy chapstick. - I ran out. I told this story probably 50 times, but now, but I ran out of the chapstick. I was putting lotion on my lips. - I told myself it was fine. - It was like, it's fine. And then A.J. pulls out a chapstick from like one of his bags. - And I was like, oh, thank the Lord, yeah. - It's like, wow, the little things, you know? Just puts into perspective things I took for granted before. - That's awesome. - Yeah. - That was a good exercise. - I have no junk for the February. - Yes. And I also want to read one self-help book a month. I figured, that's the least I could do. - Right. - Because I find myself in a different head space when I read self-help, like I just read Atomic Habits. And I just felt so good after. I felt like I had something to work for. I felt like I had a new idea in my mind and I think being an influencer, you need ideas. And if you're not learning constantly, like what am I ever gonna talk to you guys about if I'm not learning things myself. - Right. - Yeah, you don't want to be fake. You want to be genuine. - Yeah. - And you need inspiration too, so. Inspiration, that's the word I was looking for. - Yeah, that's one of the reasons I love podcasts and I have a bunch of people that I follow is for that inspiration and the self-help to be like, how can I hack this? How can I do the thing just a little bit better? - Well, I think that's about it. We went through all of our questions. This was a great episode, your great speaker. - Oh. - And I'm sure they loved hearing more about you because they're literally obsessed with you. So be gentle, guys. - I'll have her stuff linked in the show notes, but you guys already know her. Her practice is called Imperial Dermatology and her name is Simone Bartos. - Well, thank you so much for having me. It was like the greatest honor in life to be able to be used by my daughter. - We'll definitely do this again sometime. - Yay. - And thank you, bye. - Bye. (upbeat music)