Jordan Jensen "Call Me Lady Jumbo" | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series presented by FanDuel Predicts. Hey, WhisGinj fans, I'm out in San Diego, Del Mar, June 28th at the sound June 28th. Daughter in San Diego, dude, come out and see me, AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Who with that creature in the ginger beard? Sturdy, ginger, like badass, the ginger gene is cursed. Ginger's a fugitive. You only five downers for the whiskey, 75 downers for the whole. Ginger's our hell now. This whiskey means excellent. Ginger, I like ginger. Lady Jumbo. Wow. Wow. What? Lady Jumbo? No, because she was, is it? Are you having a call? We may as Lady Jumbo. Lady Jumbo. Lady Jumbo! Ladies, you're welcome. Welcome back to Whisky Ginger. I guess today is one of my favorite people in earth. I said it from, I guess, when he wants to get today, it's Lady Jumbo. Lady Jumbo. Jordan Jumbo. Lady Jumbo. Oh, I want, I want just the cookie dough from the inside of the ice cream. You do seem like somebody who is, yeah, you do that. I do, do, do that. My pregnant friend called me and was like, hey, Jordan, I love you so much. We do have an issue. And I was like, what? And she was like, all of the cookie dough has been removed from the ice cream. And somebody packed it down. So now it just looks like vanilla. And I was like, you got a bad rest. It's the only good part of cookie dough ice cream. Is that, I don't even like the ice cream that much. In fact, I'm going to bake gelato cake. I'm on a little fat boy gelato cake right now. Oh my god, dude, I'm eating it every other day now I got restricted. I'm on a, I'm on a trout, I mean a lot of trout. Still had trout. Sorry for scratching everyone I said trout. Itching your pits. I mean a lot of, lately, being in a lot of smoke trout. Itching because I have, look at how many hairs I have. I'll just screw it out. That's how, that's how much I can grow it out. That's it? Isn't that devastating? Yeah, you're not hairy. You don't have no hair on your arms. Is this laser? No. And these are tattooed on it. All went to my head. You should see my puberty here. A lot of hair. It's like Louis. Your pubes look like Louis had it so funny. Just a, just what, it's bald but a bush right underneath. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it has a neck beard. Like between your butt and your Gucci, is that really hairy? No, I think that's pretty pure. It's very sparse. It's just sparse. Do you get, no, no, no. You don't ever get waxed? Maybe once a year, just for fun. Because I like it on my butthole because it makes me think that it pulls all of the poop that's ever been there off. It does, for everyone. You know what I mean? It's like you never pooped ever again. Don't you think like that? We don't do that, do we? It exfoliates all the way. The dog is hidden in the camera. The first time she was here, she chewed a cord and there was a buzz the whole time, remember that? Oh, yeah, she did chew right through the mic cord. Yeah. Chew that one. Is that shot bad now because the pup? It's not a big deal. Is that shot bad now? Did do nothing wrong. Cody did nothing wrong. Come on, get up there. Come on. Oh, brilliant. Sit down. How old is this dog now? She's like two and a half. She fucking rips dude. She's a, she's that young? Yeah, she's just a baby. She's got a weird limp for a two-year-old. No. It's a weird back, well back left leg limp. No, no limp. Have you ever had to take this dog swag? It's called swag. Swagged swag. Is that a beaver? That's her beaver walk? Yeah, it is. She got that stank leg. Stop, dude. What are you gonna do? A six-seven joke now, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I do have a six-seven joke. Here, go it, dude. Okay. It's about how we fucked the Gen Z ears. Like, we fucked them over because they had to make a whole new language because we were like, if we, you say that, you're racist, that you're transphobic, that you're a bigot, that you're non-binary, non-binary, anti-binary. And they were like, okay, what about six-seven? And we were like, man, you're good. You're like, those are lucky. That's good for now. But if you find out that's bad. Yeah, we were like, did you say six-nine? Okay, six-seven, you're safe. Six-seven could be good until we find out that was like Hitler's favorite number. We're like, can't say that anymore, pal. Yeah. We did, but we got fucked up by baby booners. So it's like, we're passing the buck to the next generation. Baby booners ruined our lives. Why? Well, they made it in pop, first of all. They started every single war we've ever seen in our entire life. Don't do this man with giant house and beautiful wife. Then, don't do this. Then, then, then, then what? Then, then, they gave us racism. Because we are. They gave us racism. Dude, we're all racist. You're racist, how old are you? I'm a hundred percent racist. Yeah. How old are you? 34. 30. 30. 30. I'm telling you, they like made us racist. What do you talk? How did they make us racist? They raised us in that way. My parents were not right. My parents are like this if it wasn't right. You didn't throw rocks at Asian kids in your neighborhood. No! We didn't have them in our neighborhood. They were. My mom does this. My mom's a liberal lesbian. So, when my black friends are around. When my black friends are around, she'll go like this, "Hey, you're black." That's what she does every time. And they're like, "Yes, yes, Sue, I am black." And they're like, "How's that black?" "Black." It's crazy. It's crazy. No, my parents are very good people. They're not racist. But they do say stuff that you go, "Hey, come on, come on. What are you doing?" They do, come on. What are you doing? What are you doing? No, I think I-- My mom will see a video online and be like, "Why did they do that?" And you're like, "All right." I think-- Is that all down? Have you ever met somebody who you're like, "Wow, you're actually not racist?" Actually not racist? I think everybody's a little racist. I don't think-- I think it's impossible to not be. Every color is racist. Every color has another racial discrimination towards another color. It's like a categorical thing. So, as long as you're categorizing, you're gonna have a little racism in there. Yeah, like every person who's not racist, that's a good question. No, I probably not. Like, you're like this-- Like, it's like when you meet somebody who's actually by, have you ever experienced that? You dislike, I don't believe in that. I know. It's weird when you actually meet somebody and they're like, they're kind of unhinged. They always need like clinical help, but they exist. Well, your buddy-- No, he isn't as not by. He and his not by. What do you mean, doesn't he chew on weaners sometimes? If it is strapped to-- If it is a woman's penis, he will suck on it. He's not by. No, that's a woman. That's a trans woman. A.K.A. woman. But I mean-- He's not by. He might fuck it. He might want to be held like a-- held by a man and fuck a dude. But he's not doing enough to constitute being by. There's no way. You've got to like put it into this. Yeah, you've got to put down numbers, be by. You go to the by meeting. None of those dabble. Brother's three is not going to cut it. Yeah. You've got to have way more than three decks to be in our group. He might be kind of by, though. But he's a sex addict. We're both sex addicts. On what scale of your-- Strait Am I? Number-wise. That's a great question. What percentage of Strait Am I? I can imagine you're doing a sick amount of drugs and having like a-- Charlie Sheen in it? No, not Charlie Sheen. More of like a Harry Styles guy. Be like, come on, dude. What's fun? What are we doing? And you're like, stop. Dude, you're silly. You're silly. And he's like, no, you're fucking silly, dude. We're going to make out. We're going to have fun. I can imagine that. But just kiss. That's it. Weeners are weird. I can't do that. You don't have to see a Weener. Butthole. OK, chill. Flip over, Eric. He actually is a baby. A little giggle. OK. He's a babe, though. Harry's a babe, dude. Harry's a man of a babe. That's what I'm saying. All right, so 98%, 2% slide. No. You're like, out of 10, you're probably seven. There are dudes who are straight. Like, I'm a Strait, dude. You are Strait Guy. I'm a Strait Guy, dude. I suck. You're the Straitest Bro I have. Yeah, I'm a Strait Guy. I knew you were a Strait Bro. The night that we had at that show, we did in Toronto. Yeah. What? So you were talking about a dude that night. Yeah. And you were-- You sounded like a Strait Bro. A Strait? You were all bullied up by it. Yeah. You let it get to your head. Oh, every time. You got to let it go, man. You were really in pain. Was I? Yeah, it was a good reminder. A weirdo Strait Guy. Yeah, I know. I'm like, I imagine hooking up with me. You think I'm going to be this bro who's like, cut, you know? And then I'm like, do you remember what my middle name is? [LAUGHTER] Coyote, you're the best. She is the best. Well, you know what's so fun about a dog at this size? Let me guess. 14 1/2 pounds? No, she's actually a pretty sturdy like 18. That's not an 18. Pick it up. Full of shit. Literally. You got a poop code. No, she's dense, dude. She's like a mini healer. That's too much. She's a tank. No, the doctor said she's great. But you can hide her red under a seat on an airplane when you fly here. Yeah. No one even knows the dog is on the phone. Oh, no one knows. Isn't that cool? No one knows. Do you give her anything? No. She don't do it six weeks old. We give our dogs stuff. Sometimes they show up to sleep. Then she'll sleep the whole flight. She just did a whole bus tour. She rips. She did what she was on the bus. She liked the bus. No, she doesn't like the bus. But she did it. Nobody likes a bus. You didn't like the bus. The bus almost killed me. The bus was like, I did 22 shows in two weeks in order to pay four buss because I'm not big enough to have buss. Bus is so expensive. Bus is so much money. But you say the word bus. You're like, that ought to be cheap. You're like, no, it's not a city bus, it's a big, nice bus. It's a 40,000 like a week bus or something. It's crazy how expensive those are. Yeah. And who's it? Was your driver cool? Yeah, well, yeah. Come on. Well, I fucked up because there was an Indian guy in the bus. And we-- [LAUGHS] We'll hop. We'll hop. There was an Indian guy driving your bus. You're a little giggle. That's right, that's it. I just was ready for it. There was an Indian guy in the bus. That guy driving the bus. No. You just bought-- you bought the bus with an Indian guy attached? He's like, plus I will come with the bus, man. We got to get that guy in the bus. There was my friend, her show, shoe claw, who's a great comedian. I'm out. What's with you and the weird name friend comedian? What else do you got? The last one you had was-- John Kennedy? Oh, love, John Kennedy. - No, wasn't it you with who was with Renan Hirschberger? - Yeah, you know, Renan Hirschberger. - Yeah, that also-- - But he wasn't an opener. He's like-- - No, no, but I'm saying, you were hanging with Renan. You just have, those are, that's a lot of name. - Yeah. - Renan Hirschberger-- - I'm a racist. - And then-- - And then around myself with an eclectic people. - And what was this one's new name? - Hirschel Schu Klopp. - Get it real, dude. This is like from a children's novel. - Well, it is something like Hirschel Schu Klopp. It's something more. It's something more. - And what happened with Hirschel Schu Klopp? - We just kept doing this bit where we were pretending to be Hirschel's dad. And we'd be like, "You stupid bastard guy, "fucking bitch, you stupid bitch." And then the driver was getting off the bus one night, and she was like, "Goodnight, you guys." And I said, "Goodnight, you stupid bitch." But I wasn't saying it at her. I was saying it at somebody else. But then for the whole trip she thought that I called her a stupid bitch. And then I tried to text her and be like, "Hey, I didn't call you a stupid bitch." I know it sounded like it, but I was just-- - You had a female bus driver? - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. - You let me tell you, she was hitting the rumble strips. Hitting the rumble strips all like, yeah. - Dude, we almost died. - Yeah. - We almost died. What was the name of our guy? - Iron man. - Brother, one night I got up to pee in the dead, dead middle of the night. We are in the middle of the Midwest, which is the worst roads. Country roads out there in the Midwest, just like, it's really windy out in the Midwest. Yeah, it's rocky. So I wake up to piss because I just can't sleep. And my body's like anxious. And I get up there and I hear like, "Muffled, muffled, muffled." And I'm like, "What the fuck is going, who is that?" So I go out into the main area and I can tell it's Iron Man. And I get closer and closer and closer and closer. I'm like, "Hey dude, hey." And I hear, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, he's yelling at someone. And he's getting clearer and clearer and clearer. I slowly open his curtain to the front cabin. And he's double headphones done on a call with his wife on the headset. He's like, "Oh, are you a fucking bitch?" Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Losing it. And it's like three and 30 in the morning, losing it on this girl. And I'm standing there going, "Hey dude, hey, I'm trying to get his attention so he'll chill the fuck out." You don't want him to veer off. No, so I don't want to scare him. So eventually, he doesn't do anything. So I just slowly close the curtain as he's, "You fucking, what the fuck are you fucking actually doing, your bitch?" And I just close it. You're fine. And you're fine. Just like, like a child seeing his parents in a fight. And I slowly went back into the bed. But that night was one of the worst nights because we all woke up because we went off the road a little bit. And he's like, "Oh, yeah, sorry about that, man. He freaked me the fuck out." Multiple times, I was like, "This guy will crash this bus." Our lady was great, but there was the rumble strip, but sometimes you get the rumble strip. I mean, it's a big bus, right? I think that's normal. No, it's not normal. Is that normal? No, it's just, they're nodding off because it's 430 in the morning. Come on. 100%. The bus is crazy. I should have taken more stops. It was psychotic. You can't shit on the bus, which I didn't know. And then I ate something weird. And I was pissing shit out my ass. And then, so every time I pissed, because I'm a woman on tour, okay, ever heard of it? A woman on tour. So then I would pee, ever heard of it? And shit would come out of my ass because you pee and shit comes out of your ass if you're pissing shit. Yes, sometimes, yeah. No, not you people. No. But when I'm sitting down, sprayed, pushing piss out of my pussy, shit comes out of my butt. This episode is brought to you by my Sasquatch. My Sasquatch. So, yes, you can't poop on the bus. Bobby pooped on the bus within the first week. How long? It was like a week and a half. How's Bobby doing with, is his skin all hanging off his bones? He's not as skinny as you think he's going to be. But he got skinnier. And his epic face is getting skinny. He doesn't have a bad oz epic face. That's good. People are getting it. Are you on oz epic? What? Sorry. Was I fat to start? No. Are you on oz epic? No. You should be. Yes. She needs to get on oz epic. No, she's perfect. I'm 200 pounds. I've been 200 pounds for so long. It's not about that. It's about staying the way you are. Some people are on it. You've seen skinny people on it. Skinny people are on it. I think it's going to come. We were talking about this thing. You can't be doing it. Because Christchurch was on it. I was with him today. And he's like, I lost 50 pounds or whatever. And I'm like, but then when you get off, then what? Well, that's how I feel about Prozac. Then when you get off, then what? That should be the slogan, Prozac. When you get off, then what? Yeah. You should stay on it. Yeah. Because then what happens? How many times have you switched? I don't switch. I'm not a switcher. I switched when I was like 10. I was on fucking running through all of them. What about dose levels? Like this? I've got it figured out. They want you to take 20 or 40. But what they don't tell you is a sweet spot is 30. That means you got to order 10s and take three of them. And then I increase it a little bit before my period. Does my vagina go numb? Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah. You got to bring it up a little bit. You got to be your own pharmacist. Not you guys. But once you've been doing this, it's really tough. You're a fool. It goes numb. Yeah. What happened in there? No, he was. He went completely numb. Right? And I was like, I'm not going to come. So stop trying this. Right? And then I was like, unless maybe you tried saying, I hate you. And he was like, I'm not going to say, I hate you. And I was like, all right. I'm not going to come. And then I was like, I don't know if I'm going to come if you say, I hate you. And then he goes, I hate you. And I immediately came. Just as much as you've ever seen. Isn't that crazy? You threw me through a wall. Yeah, isn't that crazy? Finally I came. Completely numb. To complete calm. Just kind of tied. Right? I hate you. And you said that to him before I'm bad. I think it's a move. I hate you. I fucking hate you. No. Try it. Try it. But it always freaks me out the whole like, choke me. No, choking sucks. Stingy, stingy, choking. No breathing sucks. But I hate you. Chokey's scary. Chokey's scary, dude. Punchy? No. What about like? Smacky. Smacky. But like both smacky. No. But smacky can get stingy. And I don't like stingy. So I don't mind stingy. Really? Smack me. Yeah. Girl says choke me. No, thank you. I say you choke me. No, you can't have that. You have to go both ways. No, no, you have to just choke me. You chokey, chokey. You don't know it. Look. No, don't. Don't do that to the dogs. See how real it looks? It's scary. Don't. No, she loves it. Look. That's what you do to a woman. Look. I'm never gonna hurt her. It's scary. Oh, she's going Chinese. And she goes Chinese, she loves. Coyote. Look how much she loves that. She's like, she likes that. She sleeps aware on your bed. At your feet. Right here. Like in my nook. Really? Under the cubs? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Our dog doesn't do that. My dog is really… She'll nozzle until you let her in. See, do you let her in? Yeah. My dog is remarkably independent. She says goodnight to us. And then she's like, I'm out. And she goes underneath the bed. Oh, that's so nice. She loves underneath the bed. And then she goes underneath the bed. Oh, she's little. She's about that. A little bit bigger. Yeah. But then she gets up in the morning, 5 a.m. every day. Because I go to pee. She gets up and she gets on the bench at the foot of the bed. Push her back. And she's there. Yeah. Well, sometimes she's reading. Sometimes she's online. Yeah. And she's there until I wake up again and I take her downstairs. How about those human eye dogs? You've seen those around? Uh-uh. The like, they're like golden… Golden doodles? I don't know if they're doodles. But they have human eyes and they have whites around the eyes. And the other day, Kayote, he was fucking one. And it was like looking around like this. It looked like it was looking for its owner. Like it's a chair. And it was like that. Ew. Let me see. Yeah. What the fuck is that? What the fuck? That's a human. You see what I'm saying? And Kayote, he was running up to that dog and hitting it in the chest. And be like, are you man or dog? Are you dog or man? Are you man and dog? Are you dog and man? Are you dog stuck as a man? Are you man? That's AI. No. That's a dog's eyes. Yeah. In New York, there's so many dogs. We have so many L.A.'s filled with dogs. Well, you have like little fruity dogs, you know weirdo dogs. Oh no, this place, that's the most weirdo dogs. Really? I would say we probably have the most stray dogs of any city in the United States. It is true. So many stray dogs. So many stray dogs. So many stray dogs. So many stray dogs. So many stray dogs. I've just had her off leash. I just, they go, get her on leash and I go, she's stray. And then she's stray. San Antonio. The most stray dogs. Oh yeah. Shout out to San Antonio River Walk. I love the river walk. It's so great there. I love it. I just talked about how much I like that city again. They have the most. L.A.'s got to have the most. We have the most shelter dogs. I'm sure we have the most dogs. I've been picked up off the street and put the shelter. No, Brooklyn has the most three-legged dogs. Hands down. I don't know about that. Hands down. Most shelter dogs. Most shelter dogs. Say it's L.A. Please, baby. You're not in Brooklyn, aren't you? Are you? Yeah. Of course. Look at the hole in my shirt. I was just going to say. You stink like Brooklyn. Yeah. I do stink. No, you don't smell at all. I stink. Do you? Yeah. I'd be stinking like this. You're not allowed to wear my house. Why? No one can come in your house? This is my house. I swear to God. With a bathroom. I got three cities. What is it? Do you want to guess? No one knows. Okay. Straight dogs? Yeah. And these are in America. I don't know. This is shelter dogs. What city is most shelter dogs? They picked them off the street and they're in the shelter room. Pick them off the street. Well, it's a shelter dogs typically get picked up. Oh, Dallas. San Francisco. Miami. And. Wait, no. It's definitely Texas. There's going to be three cities. So you guys both have three guesses. San Francisco, Miami and New Orleans. Okay. My turn. You're not guessing L.A. Well, you already said no to L.A. I thought. No, I didn't say no to any of them. Dallas. Oh, I thought you waved no. Dallas. What's up? What's. Houston. San Diego. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, you already guessed it. Okay. And I guess L.A. L.A. is one of mine. I get four. It's my show. And what's another city in. In Austin. No. Houston, San Antonio. Amarillo. No. Big one. Dallas, Fort Worth. Frisco. Frisco. I'm going to go with. I'm going to go with Houston. Los Angeles, San Antonio, Dallas. Yes. We are mixture of correct. But you were mostly right. But L.A. I knew L.A. was from Dallas. What's up, B.D.? - Emma Rillo, Emma Rillo, Bob Mornin. - Wait, what were the answers? - George Strait. - LA Dallas and San Antonio. What city do you hate? Go fast, don't think. - Oh, what's the one that is-- - Give it. - It's drunk in Wisconsin. - Madison? - No, wasted. - So drunk. - So drunk. - So it's an A, Appleton. - Oh, yeah. (laughing) - Appleton? Why do you go up there and eat shit? - I got a woman ran at the stage to try and attack them multiple times in that place. - Really? Why? What are you saying, wild shit? - Well, this one bit, she was like with their, you know, I crowd worked and found out that she wanted to be with that guy. He didn't want to be with her. And then I was talking about daddy issues. And I was like, you probably have daddy issues. You've been talking all night and she got weird. And I was like, are you weird? Is it really weird? Is it like molestation weird? And then she got up crying, ran into the bathroom sobbing, like ah! In the bathroom. And I was like, hey man, she's fine. She just is crying 'cause she wants you to go in there. - Correct. - And like-- - Fix it. - Kiss her? - Yeah, fix it. - And he was like, I'm not going in there. I'm watching the show. I hate that bitch. And I was like, you don't hate that bitch. Go in there, help the show. She's like wailing. - She can hear it. - The mics are in the bathroom. - Yeah, they can hear it. - And then she came out, she had her to, and she just stormed the stage. And then some fat bitch closed the line to her hair. - Whoa! - Yeah, it was pretty sick. But it's too drunk. I hate alcohol. I hate boozers. I hate when people get wasted. - You hate sloppy drunks. - I hate sloppy drunks, yeah. - Because you've been around me when I've been had a couple of boozers, and I'm not bad. - No, you get more friendly. You don't get sloppy. - Yeah. - I only get sloppy if I cross fate. If I smoke a duber, after I've had a couple of pops, bad news bears, then I'm sloppy. Nothing bad. It's just, I don't-- - I just don't like women when they're drunk. They're too touchy. - I gotta go. Hey, man, I gotta go. We were just at an event just now. - Who was that? - Scroll was hammered. I can't say who it was. And boy, boy, oh boy. I mean-- - Can you show something that would trigger the who it is to me? - No. - I saw a woman on drugs, and she kept doing this. I've never seen the life of this in my life. She'd be like, "That was a really great show." It was crazy. She'd be like, "I mean, I really enjoyed it." That's what it was. It would tell me to go up. I have a video of it. It was crazy. Yeah, you're doing it. And I'd be like, "I love you." And I'd go, "Oh, oh, every time because it scared me so much." She'd be like, "I just really like the part at the end where you talked about period." And I'd be like, "Why are you doing that every time? Every time you're doing that." And then I turned to my friend who was selling my merch, was crying laughing. And she was like, "I've never seen anything like that." - Maybe she was flirting with you. - No, it was drug. It was like-- - How many chicks had I? - Oh my god, dude. - Every chick. - It's so awful. And it scares me because they're so hands-y. Men are like that. And I have sex with you. And I go, "No." And they go, "Oh, okay." Women are like, "I will not take them for an answer. I'm going to climb into your backpack. I'm going to peer later in your hotel as I unzip and I'm wearing your face." - Jordan. - It's so scary. Although I did have a guy that said, he was like, "You know what you got to know. You do the thing where you put your arm out." - Sebastian? - Is there? You put your arm out. - You know what you got to know? - You put your hair up like this so we can see your neck that and let you look hot like that. - Gross. - And I got so mad at him. I was like, "Do you think I'm trying to look hot? Do you think I'm trying to look hot?" - Why do people do that though? - It was crazy. But women get crazy. Or it's like a toothless woman who's like 900 pounds and she goes, "You and me are the same girl. You and me are the exact same." I'm like, "You. I'm a woman in a man's industry." I'm like, "What are you doing?" She's like, "I'm a truck driver." I'm like, "Yeah, it's not the same. Okay. This is not the same." - No, this woman's listening to this and she's such a big fan. You're breaking her. - There's so many of them. There's so many. That's a generalization. That's happened a hundred times. And here we pour whistle. - Goal. La, la, la, la, la, la. The biggest stage in World Soccer is here and every goal changes everything. Welcome to the World Cup. And now, FanDuel has given you a reason to root for every single one. Introducing every goal pays. You heard it right. Every goal pays a bet on a match and get bonus bets for every goal scored in that match. That's right. More goals means more bonus bets and all you got to do is turn on your token. That's all you have to do from the opening whistle to the final kick. Let there be goals on FanDuel. I'm telling you right now, I got invited to a friendly between Mexico and Australia this past weekend. And was it friendly? No. It was intense. I'm excited to see soccer here in Los Angeles. Very big. So get your bets in now. Visit fanDuel.com to get started right now. 21 plus select states for Kansas and affiliation with Kansas, star casino, 18 plus D.C. K.Y. W.Y. Gambley problem called 1-800-Gambleer. 1-800-My reset call 1-888-789-777-777. Visit ccpg.org/chat-cometicat-visit. MD-Gambleing-help.org Maryland. Visit gambling-helpline-ma.org. Call 800-327-5050. Massachusetts. Call 1-877-HOP. 8-HOPEN-Y. New York. Call 1-877-770-7867-Lewisiana. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Squarespace. I gotta tell you, been talking about Squarespace for so long now. It's the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. 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Go to squarespace.com/wiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Use my code whiskey. So go check it out, mess around, see what you can create using their design tools or go rogue and do your own thing. But squarespace.com/wiskey, use the offer code whiskey. 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And showcase your skills, abilities, offerings with Squarespace. I like to enter. I like to enter. Out of all these women that come head on you after the show. Yeah. Who got the closest? Yeah. Last night. Two nights ago. Raya? Oxnard. Oxnard. Little fucking short girl. Adorable. Timings, right? Skinny, tiny. She's a little farm girl. Tan, tiny, skinny, tiny, perfect butt. And she was like, you guys should just like come to the farm. And I was like, I'm not going to come to the farm. And she was doing a thing. If they get it where they almost trick me into like, I'm full man. Then I can almost be like, all right, I'll go hurt your feelings. But then later she sent us a video of her squirting a cow's utter milk all on her face. And I was like, should I go buy that? Even I see that's incredibly. Yeah. Even I can see that's incredibly. And then she smiled at the camera and the milk was like coming down. And it was like, I was like, wow. I tried to, I was like, to my opener. I was like, you have to, you have to go report and do it. Wait, did the opener go over there? No. Also, that woman could have got Listeria. That's really dangerous. Don't do stuff like that. No, it's our K. Well, if you suck out a cow's utter technically, it's actually not that bad. Is the camera picking this up? It's got, I hope. I mean, it's the camera. But we got it all. It's got to be cutie pie. It's a cutie pie. Just a cutie pie. Well, we're chatting away. Just a cutie pie. No kids. We're not doing the kids. You're going to have a kid. You're actually going to have a kid. I had a dream yesterday. So I was thinking about this episode. And I had a dream you came to the show and you were pregnant. Did you really? Mm-hmm. Do you think I'd have a boy or a girl? There's no doubt in my mind that you would have a girl. Really? Because it would bum you out. It would bum me out. I'd be devastated. A boy you'd be like, rock and roll. Yeah. A girl you're like, fuck. Yeah. That's why I chose her of all the puppies I wanted a boy. And then I was like, you know what? You hate yourself because you're a girl. And there's a scrappy little adorable girl there. She's beating up all the other puppies. She's basically a boy. I hate that. That's a boy, that's a boy dog. Yeah, I know. What would you name? What would you name the girl if you had a little girl? Skillet. (laughs) It's my daughter skillet. What was the name of your truck driver? Iron man. Yeah. Iron man. Yeah. Do you even know his real name? I'm sure we did at one point, but he just told us to call him Iron Man and that kind of stuck more. And he had Coke bottle glasses. Yeah. You know the ones where they're like-- Oh, hell yeah. Josh Potter. Yeah. But you do not want that guy driving your truck. He looked like Mr. McGoo. I don't think that's legal. Oh, we got an illegal driver for sure. This man, he had lost his license four or five times. What do you do? What's your schedule every weekend? Oh, I'm done right now. I'm not doing a damn thing. I told you before this, I had to hate stand-up, stand-up stinks, fart poop. It does. I'm just doing a couple of shows for fun to like work a new hour. What do you think about this? Five days on, nine days off. Do you like that? Really? What are you a nurse? Oh, that's like a firefighter. Yeah. Uh, here's what I think. Yeah. I think you just select a season and tour your tits off. No. And then not. I think you're right. I just select a season. I hit the fall. Then I get so bad at stand-up, dude. And when I'm like keeping at it, I get-- You get great. But who cares? What's it for? Nobody gives a shit. It's true. It's true. It is true. It is true. But I lose my sense of purpose. I don't know if it's established. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's going to get worse. Yeah, does it? Oh, my god, dude. I'm lost. When you don't do it? Period. I'm lost, period. I've no idea what the fuck I'm doing all the time. Yeah. When I'm up there having the most fun of my life, it's the most fun. Everything else is like well, this is shit. I don't like this at all. What are we gonna do? I don't know I don't know we're gonna keep touring and having fun. I want to put together a tour next year All right. We're gonna do tours tight tours. Keep it tight. Here's what I would prefer. Yeah I'd like to a bird with a bird was doing like where it's like a bunch of comics on getting together and doing a thing I like that because that's at least a party. Yeah, yeah, but like when you're solo It's just you and your opener Sometimes you have two if you're lucky. Yeah You know, then you're like this is just another night doing another gig I want to mix it up and make it more fun. So I would love to do dual headlining stuff That's why Bob and I toured for a year. It was so much fun That is so fun. Share the stage. Fuck off. Goof have fun improv. That is fun It's hard to get up there every night especially when if you're doing you're not doing clubs though So whenever you're not doing like six shows in one city. Yeah, although just did it but those are fun Take your back. It's so fun. Take your back I'm just starting to do theaters. I mean, I've done thanks I'm just doing a theater tour for the first time. I mean, I've done theaters, but it's pretty cool Yeah, I just proud. I like I like selling out and I'm worried. I'm gonna be bushing the fucking you know, so what yeah Also, that's another thing that we talked about today. Who fucking cares the people that they would take us come see you They care that's it other than that. I don't give a shit I cannot freak out about the selling out thing I have so many friends that walk themselves right off a cliff about I'm like dude It doesn't you cannot think about it. You cannot think you never heard David tell go. Yeah, I'm not selling out The real comics don't ever give a shit they'll do you'll do as well as you're exposed to do and then it doesn't matter I had to do a show in front of Bilbur and David tell at the same time Whoa, sitting in a chair watching the other night and I got so nervous that I took a shit Like a sloppy shit because that was nervous right before you went on and then somebody knocked on the door And I got really nervous and I prematurely wiped and I spared a lot of poop on me Jesus Christ. You're a babe You're a straight guy You are a straight Bro, yeah, you're straight bro. I'm not a bro. I'm quite sensitive You can be I'm just disgusting. That's the problem. I'm a woman in every way I if you break up with me. I cry and I call you a lot you have to block me I I have meltdowns if you don't give me the right Valentine's Day's gift and I shit What do you want for Valentine's Day? What's the right gift that a man can give you? I fuckered this up. I've never gotten my wife a good gift ever I never it's impossible. I don't want to give you ask do you ask what do you want? Yeah, but she's not a needy person dude. She doesn't want for shit. He knows she doesn't want for shit She's not like I give me this she'll be like you know she'll say she'll say some shit like oh, you know, be kind of cool I saw this like Piece of art or something cool for the house like she'd be like oh, I saw this cool thing. I really there's a sculpture. She really likes Like that, but it's not like a Thoughtful get it's I don't know how to do the thoughtful gift thing. Do a jury A jury do a jury and trade a Jewish bride. What is a jury? A dowry a dowry Go do a jury do a jury a dowry a jury get her jewelry do a jewelry Yes, you want my wife. Yeah, it's gonna cost you that's a jury. I knew that if I just don't he would say the word I was looking you keep you keep doing it a dowry right a dowry is a noun. Oh, it is it means Jewish people collectively Jewry. Oh a club Jewry Um, but get her a jury I brought you these guys You don't like jewelry. You don't even wear any jewelry. I got these Brother those are from players. That's not something. No, these are you can get her something like this. That's cool Just put just an earring who gives a shit Yeah, that's the problem if you have a cool wife. She doesn't want like diamonds because that's gay. No, she would never wear any of that shit If I was like, hey, here's a diamond thing. She'd be like, why'd you buy me that get her fucking cool chunky shit? Yo babe, I brought you some chunky shit Thanks babe. Okay, this is a really good question. What do you get a woman for Valentine's? It's impossible massage The okay, I've done this. I have done a massage package math math bathhouse math house I'm so tired. Hey, who's at the math house? math. Oh the agent Close the door. We're in here. They're doing math and they're don't don't go in there. It's nuts Just naked Asians doing math the math house A bathhouse at the bathhouse. All right. No, I've done the massage thing. I actually did do that I got it gives but here was the other way. You have so many fancy fluffy things. You could do her freaking you say that What is it? I was good Chinese crystal. Oh, we're not doing I was salt salt bar They have stuff. What's the one where it's? Yes, sound bath. Sound bath. Yeah. Yeah, she doesn't really fuck with that. I mean like I've gotten her gift certificate things for like What about a fancy dinner together? With a dress that you pick out in her size. You're so gay. That's cool. That's funny I'm trying to think of things that I would like. I should get her open. No, I should get her dressed. That's way too big Yeah, just way too big. Yeah. God, dude. You're swimming in this fuck. Yeah, that's good. I know I'm tiny. You are that's good Got it. So that's really good. Yeah. What do I want for round? I'd say is something for my dog Nah, I don't like anything movies. I just like to do other movies. She would. I mean though it's so hard to get a girl a gift You got to you got to get frame counter reuse poster. That's a hit for you. But not Keanu Reeves just Keanu. I want him from Matrix And I want the Japanese Matrix theater theatrical release. You don't like new Keanu. I love Keanu But I that's what I want but that that old Keanu speed is the one you like No, no specifically neo specifically from the matrix matrix is like my you think that's he was at his peak hottest Like like sex wise. I just I mean Keanu Reeves is a person to me But neo and specifically is a sex icon for me is like a the epitome of what I would like Yeah, he was so so babylicious But wasn't he super hot also in Speed no speed. He was kind of cool. I was on Bill and Ted. He wasn't hot and Bill and Ted. He was cool. He was cool Yeah, well, it's so the other one I'm thinking of that he was really hot and surfing one Point break. Yeah, so hot so oh also you know what? He's very endearingly cute in his Airheads no, that's Brendan Frasier That's a Keanu Remember the movie what's the movie of Brendan Frasier monkey bone? Oh What monkey bone? What that let that bring people what do you know and even know that's gonna crack open a bad feeling for a lot of people Monkey bone. I it looks vaguely familiar. You're way too young show it to San Tino 2001 I was a kid when this came out he was a kid. Yeah, this movie when I bring this movie up here There's like six people in the room that will just be like it's a bad feeling Oh, yeah, I do. Yeah, so sad. Yeah, sometimes you miss didn't that guy get molested Bringing Frasier did he was he as fat? Was he fat wearing a fat in the well? He was wearing a fat No, he was still but he did get pretty big. He said he was still pretty big. He is still pretty big. No, I think he lost a lot of weight, right? He's slum down a bit but he's menjaro. Which one are you on fatso? I'm on the trowel I'm on just a lot of trowel What's your deal with trowel? Why are you in so much trowel? I just have ADHD Which means I get fixated on a food and then that's all he trows the one you like the most right? Smoked trowel? No, it's the only one I know how to cook. I don't know how to cook But if you should put your still had trowel in the air fryer the fat goes into the thing You're an air fryer girl. Yeah, I can't use a stove. I get a CD about the stove. I think I put the dog in the stove I'm an air fryer guy. It speaks volumes about you guys. What are we doing? It's perfect every time. It's perfect every day But it just speaks volumes about you guys Yeah, there's a certain kind of person likes air fryer. It's like Winnebago We're Winnebago's that have become people. Yep. Yeah, yeah You know when someone like lives in a trailer park, but it's permanent. Yeah Yeah, the wheels are off. The wheels are off. They built a little The wheels are haunted. Do you remember those homes? What were those called? Mobile homes in mobile homes. But there was no wheels and they had an above ground pool. Do you ever fuck with those? I used to love above above ground pool. Yeah, because you could go and run in a circle and make a whirlpool Very true. You'd run and run and run and lift your feet up and Above ground pools are exactly why so many people from my youth generation have almost broken their necks Because they drunk dive into those things. Yeah, I know how to surface dive, dude And they go straight down when they're hammered and they go and they hit their face and luckily it's soft because it's grass underneath there I had two black eyes from that above ground pool and BB gun kid BB guns stuck in the eye kid same guy same guy Maybe guns stuck in the eyebrow that he could move around also a pencil in arm. You're like Jake. What do you? Stab me that just never came out. It's a huge piece of pencil just in his arm. Why is that? Because when we're a boys are young You just want to like hurt your best friend Girls don't want to do that. It's also like we want to hurt them emotionally. We call them fat and ugly and stupid Yeah, you guys are you guys are emotional boys. We say let's pretend we're a couple. I don't want to be with you anymore Let's play house get out bitch. Let's play house. I wish I never married you And I want to fuck the hot neighbor and you're like why are we playing this game? Why are we doing this? Yeah, but boys need to physically hurt other boys to feel like you're really good friends My I think you get too excited. You love him so much. Well, that is also squish you. Killy. It's that same thing with animals Yeah, my best friend Sean when we were kids He's got your phone back so I would deliberately like Smother him with a blanket and cover it and hold him down until he's screaming. That's my worst nightmare I get that take to me and I kicked him through the blanket and like almost broke his jaw I would do the same all the time and he'd be like stop. It's so me. It's so scary. It's your best friend I knew a kid. What was that? There was a there's some kid that would, oh no, it was Jake. It was Jake, Jake Vlaska has the best friend opener. They would do the typewriter, where they would go, they would go like this on your chest really hard, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, and then they go, "Ding!" and slap you across the face while one kid held the arms. That's the all-time, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Really hard on your chest, you know how this feels weird? - Yeah. - And then they, "Ding!" - That's kind of a cool-- - That's really good. - That I like. - I know. - Or, or, while for us, our generation, kids aren't really doing this now, but pancing. A lot of people don't panse anymore. I don't think kids panse. - We panse, my friend. - You can't panse. - You can't panse. - I had a music festival like a year ago. - Ball tap, that was a big one. - Ball tap, but that gets old. - Remember the kid that would moon a lot? Remember the over, all right. - He still does it. - I do still moon a lot. - Remember the over mooner? - Do you know how many times I've mooned out of the back of a bus, out that back of a little car, so I used to love mooning out of school buses? - Yeah. - I used to love it. - What was it always the ginger-paleous ass? - He was the funniest. - Because that's the funniest. But if you have a nice butt, mooning isn't funny. Then it's a little creepy. If you have a funny butt, then it's okay. - It's disarming. - Yeah. - Thank you. - Yeah. - When Bobby dances around naked, it's disarming. When I moon, it's funny, pale, whoa, white butt, funny. If it's like a sexy butt, someone's like, "What are you doing?" - Yeah. - It's gross. It's like you're a little creepy. - Yeah, yeah. - But pale butt, pale butt's funny butt. - Well, we're a little skinny butt, scary, yeah. - Skinny butts are gross. - Yeah, that's really gross. - Little skinny butts are weird and gross. - It's gotta be a little, it's gotta be a white, it has to be a ginger's ass. - It's gotta be a ginger ass, dude. - Every time. - It's so funny, I had a ginger server the other day. And they come up, and they're always like a little, when I interact with the ginger in public, there's always a moment where they go, "What's up, man?" And I wanna be like, "We're not gonna do that, man." - Is that true? - I don't wanna, we're not gonna have a connection. - They try and connect? - Yeah, I think they think, you know? 'Cause we're alone. - I'm sure that he wasn't doing his job and being like, "What's up, man? What can I get you?" - No, there's like a beat that they chain. There's like a thing that chain. - Try, do it in an actual match. - All right, if you're meet, you're a redhead. Ready? - Come back to sit down. - Hey, I'm Clark, I'm gonna take your order. What's up, man? - Oh my God. - See? - Wow. - Yeah, I know when they do it. I can feel it in my bones. - He's trying to do that. - Oh, I hate that. - Like a black glove. Yes, they think that's like a black, like I have a black, I would be like, "What's up? If he sees another cool black, I have a party where it's a lot of whites." - Oh, no, he's doing it like Game Sea game and it's not game. - Genji's doing it a lot. And if I see a ginger woman, we will deliberately-- - Sorry for grimacing. - Oh. - We make sure. Like if I'm at a bar and there's a group of people and there's like a stranger ginger girl in the group that I'm with with, you know, like we're not, we don't know anybody. And she's near, we'll make this fit. I'll look at her and do this. - Why? Get away. - You want to flee? - Inbreeding? - No, it's something's happening. It's toxic. When we get too close, you know what it's like, it's like two magnets, like the ions, it's just like the exact same. - Well, why are you disgusted? - Frankly. - I don't want to be near them. Get out of here, ginger person. I don't like it. - Why? - Because it's-- - He sees it. What's that feeling? - I don't like it. I don't know what it is, but they-- - Because all gingers think they're superior to the other gingers? - I got you. - So I see that one and I go, not like you. - Oh, so you're kind of like, you're like, you're a dork, you're a Renaissance ginger dork. Right? You're a fucking Jack White loving retard dork. I'm a cool, I golf. I golf and I have a friend. - Even dork here, I golf. - Even dork here. No, no, I say this. I see this ginger and I go, you look like all the rest of them, don't you? - I'm a brown eyed ginger, I'm different than you. Blue eyed gingers, when I see that, I go, get the fuck out of here. - Because-- - I don't like the light eye ones. - Do you think it's 'cause they're maladies? 'Cause that's why I don't like them. - 'Cause they're what? - Maladies. - What's Maladies? - They're like, top of the mornin'. - Oh, you know what I mean? They're like, my lady, can I get the seat for you? - Top of the mornin' Maladies. - If they're a woman, they're like, they want to be wearing a corset, but they want to admit it. - They want to admit it. They want their boobs pushed together and to put like a little feather between-- - Here's the problem. Most of us, the high majority of my people, are not attractive people. So if there's two of us in the same room, it feels like a goof. - Oh. - It feels like we're about to do a show. - Oh. - Yes. - The clowns are here. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I feel a bit like. - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. - Oh, totally. - I don't like it. - Yeah, you guys are going to do a little upper condense. - And I'm like, you're a space. - I'm not going to do this. We're not doing this. I'm out. You stay. You stay. - Yes, it's like you recognize you in someone and you go, I'm not, I don't want to be anywhere near that person. - Yeah, I get that. - They freak me out. I don't like them. - It's self-hatred. - Yeah, it's because we hate ourselves. - Yeah. - But isn't that natural and normal? - I think so. - You know when you meet someone super cop, who's someone you know that really loves them? - It's self-love thing on that. - I don't know if you're like, huh? - What did you say? What did you say? - I did a whole podcast of Robbie Hoffman where we're like debating whether or not it's okay to love yourself. - Oh my god. - That was a bit. - That was a bit. - That was a bit. - That was a bit. - You get me. - The bit about her not knowing who you are. - No, she truly did not know who I was. - Shut the fuck up. - Dude, nobody believes us. I saw it happen. I saw her really not know. - This is a bit. - See? Nobody believes us. I would like to get Robbie. I believe you. I believe women. - You don't know who you are. - Are you guys cool now? - Yeah, yeah. I love Robbie. She's, I actually love Robbie. I love Robbie. I love talking to them. - But you had a debate about whether or not it's okay to be self-love. - Well, Robbie is like Kanye where Robbie's like, I'm the greatest comedian that's ever been and I'm like, you're not allowed to say that. People are going to find you and kick out. And I'm like, you can't say that. - No, no. You can't say anything good about yourself. - No, you should think you suck. - Yeah. That's how I feel. - I think you're good is dangerous. - I think it's dangerous. I also think it's, yeah. It means one, it means you've hit some sort of cap. That's what I think about it. - Big time. - But I think for Robbie, Robbie's like, we've done a lot of stuff. We should be happy for ourselves. We should congratulate ourselves. - You could do that, but do that in private. - Deep private. - Do that by yourself. - Yeah. - Do that to your dog. - Yeah. - You go, we made it. - We did a good job. We did a good job. - Give me the number one song you sing to the dog. - I don't practice Chibi Webe. I ain't got no little Chibi. I had a little. - Sublime, Suez. Hey, we heard that song. - Every song is me just saying Chibi. And her going, oh good, another song. We took the main word and made it Chibi. - But Chibi's cute. What's wrong with that? - I just, imagine if I did that about you every time I walked the room. - Do it. What's another song? - Everybody's got to have dog jingles. - She's my Chibi dog. - She did it sweet. She did it little frog. That's a big one. - So it's only songs that already exist. - Yeah. - You don't do make your own. - No, it's every song that's ever existed. Take the word and make it Chibi. - The only thing I ever did that had another property before it. Like I'm copywriting. Was you know extra extra read all about it? - Yeah. - Extra extra read all. For some reason it got in my head. And I went, cups to popster. Read all about it. She's the prettiest dog in the world. - That's good. - And she gets her ass. - That's beautiful. - That's a good song. - That's a fun little jingle. - I really like that. - Go on. - Absolutely gone. - Yeah, my friend is a pit bull at the Airbnb. They've been fucking going at it. Little pit bull puppy. - Why everyone's Airbnb in right now? Because hotels are rip off during Netflix as a joke. - I had two of my friends I grew up with stay in my Airbnb so we could have fun. I'm barely doing that. I'm avoiding the festival. - Yeah, that's why you're here. - I have one show. And then I'm running around. But I'm like. - You don't want to show one show? - Yeah. - I have one show and then I'm like running around, but I'm like. - You don't want to show where? Where's your show? - Like the one big show is me, Marille List and Finestein. - You Sam List of Finestein. - Yeah. - What are you guys doing now? - United Theater on Broadway. - Sure. - Downtown. - Yeah. And they were like, don't do your own show because they just don't sell. - Is there a theme of the show? Or is it just you guys are all doing a half an hour or an hour? How much time are you doing? - I couldn't even begin to tell you. - I love this, dude. - I have no idea. - She's just like Bobby. - I'm gonna jump on story shows. Yeah. - Yeah. - It's just like no idea, just show up. - No idea. - But for comics, you can't do any more than a half an hour apiece. - Maybe 20 minutes? - Oh. - But I'm out here for Brea, Oxford, and then I'm jumping over to San Francisco. - Love. Where are you playing? Palace or Fine Arts? - Cops. - Coby-Cobbies. - Whoa. - I'll mark that. - How many? - How many Cops? - Well, I was gonna add a Cops, but Jake is flying out, so I might not add one. But it's a lot of Cops. - Wait, he's flying out so you won't add one? - He's flying out like a red eye on Sunday. - From New York? - From Cops. From San Francisco. So I was gonna add one Sunday. - Oh, okay, okay. - What do you think I should do? Add one Sunday during the day? What do you do? What's your move? - Me do a show during the day? - Yeah. - No. - Tough. - Do you add one to Sunday? She's snoring. - No, never. - You don't add a show. - Do we do that? I don't know. What do we do? - We've added shows on the road before. - Do we do that? - We turn five out. And they were like, do you want to add a show? And I was like, I don't want to. - Are you doing a show on Sunday? - Yeah. - What time? - Seven? - Yeah. - Do a nine. - I don't want to. - Well, don't do a five. - Okay. - Sunday five's tough. - But do you think it's too late because it's a week out? - No, you could do it. - Really? - Yeah. People are begging for it. - Jordan. Jordan. - All those zombies in San Francisco. - I love it. - Go on to your show. - I love it. - It's just so high on dabs all the time. I feel like it's a dabs city. - Denver dabs city king. Denver comedy works. I've had some guy left you with two high on mushrooms. Got ripped. He's like, I got to go, bro. I'm so sorry. It was like, it's all right, man. - I've had so many people faint from weed. - Yeah, faint. - I've had two fainters. - Yeah. - I had a heart attack in Nashville. - Are we a one? - I was ripping so hard. - Yeah, he was insane. And I had to do the show. I had to continue. - Did he get pulled out? - No, we left him there. He was just a dying mid show. No, yeah, we stopped. We got paramedics, you dummy. Dumbo. We got paramedics to come, but it was kind of fucked up. And then they were like, it was only 10 minutes in in my set. And I was like, should we go, do we keep doing comedy? And they're like, - 10 minutes in. - 10, 15 minutes, man. - And they came in with the stretcher and pulled him out and stuff. Was he waving? Was he alert? Was he alive? - Did he have a thumbs up on the way out? - Did he? - For real? - For real? - No, he didn't be out of stretcher. They walked him out. - God, I've had just a girl on the back who just like turns gray and her boyfriend is like, "Wait, what's going on?" She just hits the ground. - Too much weed. - I hate that. I know. I feel it. I feel the way they feel. I would rather have a heart attack than fainting from weed, honestly. I would. Fainting from weed is the worst possible feeling. - You're just like that's shame. - Just the feeling where all of a sudden everything goes all gray and the lights get really white and then the way that all of a sudden you stop hearing your own, the things are you, you stop hearing the conversation you're having and just start hearing like the noises. Like, "I hate that so much." - I hate that so much. - I hate that so much. - And you're like, "Make the cops stop tinky cracker." - Tinky-dinky. - Yeah. Yeah. I had to get an MRI the other day and I was fucking passing out. - Why? - I got a little lump in my vagina. - Ooh, what of it? (laughing) - Show the cam. - Huh? - You have a lumpy bump. - I got a little bump, I got a little marble. - Are you okay? - No, it's totally fine. I'm just freaking out. - Well, yeah dude, what the fuck, yes. Because if someone, if my friend says to me, I got an MRI because there's a bump. - It's a bump, yeah, it's a fine. - Well, I'd be freaked out. I would be freaked out from my friend. I bet you're fine. - It's totally fine. - When did they get the results back? - They got them back. They said we can't tell if it's fine because you have to put something in your vein to light it up and I said, I will not be doing that. - What the fuck does that mean? - They got a pump you full of UV light. - Yeah. - And then give you another MRI and I said, I will not be doing the two of my least favorite things. I'm not gonna go into claustrophobia and do blood stuff. - The worst part about getting an MRI is the sound when you're in the machine. That one, dude, and it gets to a certain level where you're like, okay, if it goes three more times, I'm gonna kill myself and I'm gonna kill everybody's in the room. And then it goes, and you go, okay, and then it goes, baby, baby, and you go, no way. - Right. - And then it just switches to a, it's crazy. - I just felt like when it also goes eehoo, and you're like, what if the machine is goofed and it just makes a mistake and smashes me in this hole? And they give you the thing, right? The little thing in your hand. They're like, hit this if you need an MRI to stay close. They need to put it over there and say, grab because it's there and I'm just like, I'm thinking about it the whole time. - Did you play music? - No, you know why? Because they said, no, they wanted me to have, because the first one fucked up, so I had to do it again. So they were like, hey, can we have this like super still-know-nothing, no, in the room? I said, yes, because doing it once I hated, then I'm like, you gotta do it again. And they, and I had my whole hip all the way to my neck. - What was wrong with you? - I had a little lump in my vagina. - Did you? - That's what they found out. - Really? - Yeah. - No, I had an L4L5S1 herniation and they found out my hip impingements and all this shit. - I had an impingent? - Herniated disc. - Did she fart? - Yeah. - She farted. - Lixie air is so funny. - She farted. - She's tired, dude. Wait, what's herniated hell pam pam pam. - Herniated disc? - Oh. - You have discs in your back there? - Yeah, I know. - And there's jelly in the donut. - Don't say jelly. - And the jelly comes out of the donut and never goes back in. - Oh my God. I know about that. - And it presses on it. - And it makes your knees for a while. I've dated you guys. I've dated you fucking guys. And it slipped disc. - It hurts. Didn't hear a fucking guy would slip disc? - Oh yeah. And he's like, hold on, hold on, hold on. And he goes, hot, hot, hot. And he goes, hot, hot. - In here, we pull, whizz, whizz. - I'm a shady ray guy. And I like my shades like this. A lot of cool young guys like to put it on top of their hats, like baseball players. But either way, these are incredible. They're great. They're durable. And they're the same quality as $200 sunglasses that I used to buy and lose and break and leave in somebody's car. Not exaggerating. These feel incredible. The expensive brands, who cares? They're worthless. You gotta get something that is worth your money. This is worth your money. And knock them in the ocean. You drop them. You leave them at a baseball game, down there in a dog out. Lost are broken. They're going to send you a new pair with their lost and broken protection. And they're actually premium. These are polarized lenses. They cut out that glare. Super clear optics. I like to wear them when I'm playing golf. Get rid of the sunshine in my eyeballs. They got over 300,000 five-star reviews. Millions of people have switched over to shady rays. Why not you? Shady rays are great, man. If you're outside in the water, in the sun, at the game, driving every day, get shady rays because those shades perform. Go to ShadyRays.com and drive yourself a pair today. We've teamed up with ShadyRays to bring you an exclusive offer. You head to ShadyRays.com and use the code Ginger for 50, 50, half off, two or more pairs of polarized shades. That's right. Ginger is that code at ShadyRays.com. 50% off, two or more pairs of polarized shades, try. For yourself, the shade's rated five stars by over 300,000 people. Ginger, I like to interest you. She's going long dog right now. That's like one of my favorite quotable scenes. My parents and I will quote, "Only certain chunks of small, hard things from movies." From training day? No, we were going to do that. The money. The money I won, the money. If anybody knows what that's from, I'll give you $100 right now. The money is mine. I won the money. Rats. No. And he goes, I won the money. How was that not Rats? And he dies. The money is mine. And then he comes back. Nobody? People at home. Is it Vegas vacation? Boom. Oh, my God. He looked it up. I did. Fuck that. Vegas vacation. He's a goddamn legend. I won the money. One of my favorite scenes. Oh. Do you do that with your mom? You say like weird movie scene lines? Yeah. That only you guys would have reference to. Yeah. I got this one. You know what? This is from. Um. I'm an insecure, middle aged. I'm short, fat, insecure, middle aged thing. I made you short. Yeah, that's right. Aladdin? No. Fuck. I'll give you another hint. I'm leaving. Ha, ha. And I'm bringing my toothbrush. Ha. How Egyptian. We were just talking about this movie. No, wait. There's Trump. Fuck. What is that? I cannot what shoes. It makes me fall down. It's the shoes. I cannot wear the shoes. They make me fall down. Agatha. Agatha or Spartacus? Agatha or Spartacus? What are you going to let me be one of your little estrogen ever gets? What is that? Vacation. Oh, God. What's the other one? So good. He's a pedantic pontificating bastard, a belliginal, far worth a steaming pile of cow dung. We're here to speak. You know what that's for? Yeah. Close? Oh, no. No, it's. Lier liar. He's a pedantic. Yeah. Lier liar. But a gym care. That was good. You do have good gym carry. Yeah. Because you can do the feccy. Yeah. Don't do. Yeah. That. Grinch. I'm losing my mind. What is it? I wouldn't tell clothing. I can't cancel it. It's so fun. Yeah. No one does better faces than that guy. He's the best. He's God. He fucked his face though. He fucked his face. Now he fucked it. I think it could have been a bit dude. It wasn't a bit. He did the thing. You know how your parents sound like him now? We're like, I'm grateful. That's what he did. He got old. And he fucking put Botox in his face and he looks weird now. He did the upper plastie. Blinoplastie. Oh, it's Blinop. He did a blephoplasty. Where they sink it in like that. Some people just know how to age right in the business. Both personality wise, face wise, they don't change it. You know, you know who I think is the number one comedic actor who's just doing it perfect. He's doing it fucking perfect. He was a comedian. He was a stand up. And I think he's just the greatest. No, you're David. Ray Romano. All these guys are great. This one's perfect. And he just put out a new show and I watched it and it's so fucking like fun and stupid and like. Bear creature. No. No, this guy's been around for a long time. He's just put out a television show. He just did a new show on Netflix. Yeah. And it's like mindless and beautiful. What? Who is it? Hard name. Tough name. Weird name. Hmm. Ooh, you say the other word? I was a bit of as me. Zach. California. I guess. What are you talking about? I think Zach disappeared off the face of the planet. Yes, pause. He did it right. He's like, fuck you. You think that's what he was doing? 100%. I think he's doing comedy at his regard. And then he put out a great show called Gardening. It's perfect. Is it good? It's just so fun. It's light. He doesn't take itself serious. It's just, it's him going, hey, I don't learn about gardening. And Netflix was like, what do you want to check? He's like, yeah, fuck it. Give me money. I'll have fun. Zach's the man. I think he's. He disappeared. Where'd he go? He made a billion dollars on the hangover and was like, I don't want to do shit anymore. I want to just chill with my fucking family who I love, raise my kids, and then I'll pop up and do shit if I feel like it. Is that what he did? He raised his kids. I thought he disappeared into a darkness. No, dude. He's cruising. I think he's livenous. You know who my idol is? Bob Burnham. Also the man disappears comes back with a brilliant thing. But he's not really disappearing. He's just like, he's doing calculated approaches to comedy. He's like, I'm going to put this out when I'm ready. I'm not going to just be like, I need a thing on YouTube. But is he touring? I don't know. I don't think so. Because I heard him, I heard Tosh is touring again, too. And I don't even know anything. And Tosh lives in LA. I've never seen him in here. We're not like that, though. You wish that you were like that. We're not like that. You have to accept to your. You like being around people. You like having goofy talks with your friends. - You like doing stuff. - Who am I? - You're not at disappear and raise your kids and come back with a gardening show? Get the fuck out of here. - No, I'm jealous of that existence. - I know. - I can't beat it. - Yeah, we're validation. We like hanging. - We like hanging. - We like hanging. And somebody said, "Hey, podcasts can make you money. It's just hanging." And we went, "Oh, no, no, I gotta go hang with my friends." - And then you talk to Louie and he's like, "You gotta stop doing podcasts." It's not, I'm like, "You stop doing podcasts." (laughs) - I do think it's funny when people shit on podcasts. - Louie always says that. No, don't post it on Instagram, no podcasts. - You're like, "Oh, that's I like it." - What do we want me to do? You want me to do it? You did? I'll go right for Conan for 10 years. That's the job I'm gonna get. - No, none of those jobs exist that all those people did. - I know, it's a completely different thing. - And now we're the new regime and they don't like it. - That's what it is. - It looks so cheesy to them, like, which I get. - What we're doing is corny, but I'm like, we're tend to be the guy at the hotel, okay. (laughs) - This is brutal for like, - But this is fun. - It's so fun, yeah, we don't care. That's what they don't get, they care, we don't care. - We actually do care very much. - I care, all day. - You're gonna leave, call me in the car and be like, "Dude, take out the hotel." - Is that what you're talking about? - Is that bad? - I don't take anything out. I'm pretty good with that. Unless it's-- - Unless it's really bad. - We have friends that call and they go take it out. And they go take it out, everything. - Only if, people ask to take stuff out only if it's insane. Dude, I've stopped, we had anything good friends of mine 'cause they wanted all of 'em. - Ian last night was wondering if something was kosher. - Ian said a few wild things. - About the girl. - No, yeah. - But I'll say you didn't say anything bad. He was just like, "Shall I even be talking about it?" - It was fun. - You didn't say anything bad. - Nobody said anything bad. - Yeah. - It was about that. - I wish I had that. I wish I had that in the moment. Like, is this not okay? I just do it and then something really bad happened. - We figured out later. - No, it's awful. Let 'em on Stavros' podcast getting canceled on Twitter because I fucking-- - What did you do on there? - I accident. I didn't know that you couldn't say T-R-A-N-N-Y, and I was saying a guy said it in the bad way. - Oh, and Stav got mad at you? - Yeah, but I didn't know. I grew up with fucking lesbians who were fucking, going to that, saying that. That was a whole thing. That was a whole culture. And so I said it. I didn't know. And I was like, "This guy said it." And it's such an antiquated word of tweed people. And then I was like, "You can't say that." And the whole internet was like, "Call them Dian ICs and drag to me," and said, "It looks like a Rick and Morty curse." - You do look like you've been on Rick and Morty to be honest. - And then, I don't know, Jordan. You can't say that word. - That's Bill Burr. - Bill Burr as, as, as, as, as Morty. - Wait, Bill Burr. Talking is just the beginning of a sneeze. It's just, "Yeah." I don't know, Rick. Yeah, that is, that is-- - Oh, I don't know, Rick. He's so fucking funny. - Who, William? - Yeah, he went up to it. It was so crazy how good he is. - Nice to meet you. - Come on. - Yeah, you know you can-- - But yeah, that's what happens to me. I run my, I run my mouth and say whatever, and then I get in trouble for it. - Later. - I shouldn't do, I should think. I should use my thoughts. - I don't agree with that. I think you do. - Why don't you speak English? - You do exactly, yeah. What if, what, you think your dog, if your dog's, what accent will your dog have if you're dog? - Oh, she's got a little mech again, I can't, I can't. She's Mexican. - Oh yeah, you know what I think she actually is. - My dog is also Mexican, dude. - I think that she's like, if she was a person, she'd be like, rich girl, who is like bad, gets bad grades, smoke cigarettes, skateboards really cool, bisexual for sure. - Yeah. - Addicted to like, perksets. - A perk dog? - Yeah. - So if that's, if she was a human. - Yeah, and she like would climb. She'd like, rock climb and always have like skin needs. - My dog, if Cubby was a real person, she would be like a book nerd girl, who's kind of reclusive. - Yeah. - But is, is, is hot. - But she's hot. - She's hot, but she's not into, she's like, I don't, I don't like, I don't want to date, I'm not, like, I'm not into that. - I'm not looking for her any third. - Yeah, she's like, she's making shit on her own. - Yeah. - But also, secretly loves the rage. - Really? - Dude, 'cause during the day when we played ball, she goes fucking bananas. - Oh yeah. - And she sees a boy dog and she's like, - Oh, oh, she's a little horny. - And I'm like, - She's a Christian. - She's a Christian. - She's a Christian. - She's one of those Christian girls who get real horny at night. - Real horny at night. - Yeah, what is that? Isn't there a book about that? - I don't know. - There's never a book about, I saw this thing about women, women's peak. - Women's penis. - Women's penis. - Women's peak hornyness is deep in the night. Male peak hornyness is first thing in the morning. - We're like, yeah, like at the very end of a night. Women are more, their horny rise is at night and men's horny rise is in the morning. Tic-tac-tac-tastor on spikes in the morning. So men are, that's why men first single look. All right, tick us up, I want a sex. - And girls first thing in the morning are like, - Get the fuck out of here. - Yeah. - But like we're always like, - Yeah. - Yeah. - But you guys are at night, something about women at night. What is it? You looked it up. - Yeah, there was a woman on fire. - Woman on fire? - Or horny by day. Horny, horny by night. - Why wouldn't they make it the same thing? - Why wouldn't God make it the same thing? 'Cause we're meant to be gay. - No. (laughing) - Just a point, I tried to make the whole show. - We are supposed to be gay. (laughing) - But why wouldn't they align that? They just want us to be in conflict all the time? Like there's some fucking cosmic joke that's like, we're just gonna make you horny at slightly different hours. It's like, wow, for a what? For just for us to have domestic violence? Maybe it's strategic so that we wouldn't procreate too much. - Oh yeah. So I gotta be like, I'm willing to have sex with you if I know you have a morning breath. - Right? - And that means I really love you. - That means I really love you. And I'm gonna have a baby with you. It's nice kind of anything. That could be their approach. Science has nothing to do with it. - That is interesting. - It has something to do with it. It's probably has to do with like, I bet you our serocating rhythm was different thousands of years ago too. - My mom is so obsessed with evolutionary biology and how women are men and women. We have to, because your mom is intellectual. What do you mean? She's interested in like, evolutionary biology. - The history of people in their biological growth. - Like, the reason why women do this is because their biology tells them to do it. - But she's like a man-ish lesbian. And I'm like, what are you doing for evolution right now? You're just slamming every giant against another vagina. What do you procreate? - It's just, well, she's evolved. - She's grown. She's all the way. - Yeah. - She's fully blossom. - It says men are horniest in the morning because a high self-rotestosterone rises during sleep. - That's what I just literally said. The testosterone spikes first thing in the morning. That's why you have morning wood. - Yeah. - Also morning wood helps you so you don't pee the bed at night. - Yeah, I've heard that. - Blood swells, so pee doesn't get looked down. - Blood swells. - The blood swells. - I'm a novelist. - In the morning. - Swelling blood in the morning. To testosterone, peaking, yawning, breath, smelling, farting, yearning, yearning, learning, burning. Babe, wake up. (laughing) - Was that a limbic or a fucking, what is that? - That was awesome. - Pretty close? - I'm like a little kid. I'm like, yeah. (laughing) - Give me a poem, fast. Give me a poem right now, bitch. - Oh my god, the day is weep for my pussy. It is hardened, conch shell carved over from the sand, an earthly dust mound. Shall he or ye break through with an iron fist? My wrist, behind my head. Don't do that. It hurts there. Don't put that there. (laughing) - By the way, Louis, those guys watching us have been like stupid, you're like, you're right. This was, this is very stupid. - That's fine. - I'll give you a poem about coffee. The morning I rise, my eyes, wiping sleep away. It's coffee day, click, scoop, scoop, pour. Delicious more, I need my fuel. It feeds the fire, a leak, oh no, I must. Exclude, protrude, misuse, abuse, toilet. (laughing) - I gotta tell you something. - Yeah. - Anti-stomach first thing in the morning. Big cup of coffee. (groaning) - Did you do that? - It's my favorite thing in the morning. Anti-stomach coffee. - Let me ask you something. - Right to the bedroom. - Milk or no milk? - Who's asking? - You're doing a little milk. - Who's asking? - I don't know. You're doing a little-- (laughing) - No, you're doing a little-- - No, I do, you know what I do. - What do you do? - Chobani makes. (laughing) Chobani makes a little flavor, a French vanilla flavor, and I put a little droplet in there for a little bit of attention. I can't drink coffee black. - Me neither. - Nut pods, he tried those yet? - Nut pod? - Nut pod going. Show me nut pod. - Get a nut pod going. - Hey Jamie, pull that up. - It's gonna change your life. I'm about to change my life. French vanilla nut pods. - French vanilla nut pod. - You're creating a cream in your little fucking jeans, then. - Is it just a creamer? - Nut pod. - I got a little espresso machine. I foam up my fucking almond milk mix and a little nut pod in there. Get a good thick froth. - Double shot, triple shot. - Double shot. - And then another double shot. - You do a quadsky. - I do a squadsky. - Let me see a nut pod. This is a style of coffee creamer. - That's what you're gonna get. - Let's see a second buy in the store. Nut pod, send me nut pods. - Okay. - Where's it from? Whole foods. - Wherever you want. - This looks like a sprout certain whole food saying, yeah. - You can get it a big boy. You got wagons out here? - We don't got waggies. - Yeah, we got no waggies. - You got waggers out here. - Whoa. - You got waggers? - Yeah, is you guys got waggers out there? - What is my mom called? - Wig womens. - Wig a death. - Where does your mom live? - I think I. - Deep homo, that's what you guys know I'm deep homo. - Deep homo? - 'Cause she likes lows better, you know. - Lowes. - We going to deep homo? - Lowes is stronger. than expect great things. Yeah, she's got the card. Ace was the place, but I love Ace. No. Ace is small. Yeah, I like I like a little tiny one. And Ace's were also independently owned. I fucked with that. Really? Home Depot. Oh, yeah, you could own your own Ace. Yeah, big money at Minards. That's Midwest. I don't think they had that, dude. No, we did say big money at Minards. You're Midwest. And as kids, Minards. Why? You don't like that? Where's a couple of Midwest boys? Where are you from? Chicago. You fat dummy. I don't like Minnesota. Oh, you don't like Minnesota? I don't like that. What did you do to you? It's too clean. They got their shit figured out. Same Paul. They don't like very much. I prefer St. Paul. I'm fucking out of like that. I don't like that. You don't like Minneapolis? No. Skinnyapolis is a good little city. Minneapolis is so fucking weird. It's all these white people with cast rolls and that a bunch of some always moot trying to hit each other. Nobody can fucking make a deal with each other. It's like a woman holding a castle in the guy with a fucking machete. I mean, like, this is my city now. These poor, these like white people who look like this kid are like, oh, wow, whatever you need. Come on. It doesn't make any sense. It's chaotic. I love this, too. Then you have dudes with like guns. It's crazy. I hate that place. There's no, this is my sense. Good. So he's pissed. It's just white people and small people. And it doesn't make any sense. There's no in between. Tell them why Chicago's way better. Chicago has all different types of people. You can be on the beach. You can be in the city. You can be in the ghetto. You can be in the finance. Yeah, all in one hour. Yeah, we have beaches. I know there for three and a half. We have beaches. You didn't really. It's a little gay with the old DC. It's a little gay. Sure. Sure. People are a little alcoholics. There's a lot of guys wearing two tight shirts for sure, for sure. We have a lot of good alcoholics. So, but our alcoholics is it's a part of our culture. So it's not as sad. If you're an alcoholic in New York or LA, it's like, oh, dude, your boy. What's up? Yeah. And New York and an alcoholic in Chicago. They're like, ooh, that's Mike. Yeah. No, Mike said. Yeah. What are you going to do? Yeah. To survive. Total is a nice guy. No, many apples. Yeah. My wife's going to leave me. But fuck it, dude. It's Chicago. What happened? What happened was, well, I got fired. I told you that and I didn't tell her for a month. It was fucking tough Chicago. Chicago. Yeah. I was drinking every day. Mike. Mike Schlosski. Mike Tim. Mike Schlosski. Good to meet you. That's my buddy, Tim. We're, I'm from it's like this. We're on a body ball. We're going to go down. Here's the air. We're going to get a truck. We're going to go down, get the peppers. Where the fuck is that? What's that up to? New York. This is up to here. We're going to go grab the peppers. We're going to go get my buddy bulb. We're going to grab a bulb. We're going to get a couple. We're going to get a brusquies. Go down to the lake. We're going to put the bolt on the dot. But then Timmy jumped, jumped off the bolt. He knocked his air down on the propeller there. So we were going to go trout fish and not done work. If we come back, Debbie opens a container. She thinks there's going to be a drought and they're not drought. It's above the air. So I'm, I'm going to hell of a lot of trouble. Hell, hell, you slicker and you're not something ignored. No, boy, that's it. It's like it. It's like it. And then the female version is and I fucking open up that. I open that up and what did I see? That's in town. Did I see a trowm? No, I did not see a trowm. I saw an ear. Okay. He's an asshole. Okay. And he will not be going in the above ground pool. All right. My grandma is not okay with this. My grandma is 19 years old. This is Northern upstate New York. My sister. Fuck you, asshole. Yeah, asshole. Fuck you, asshole. Yeah, because New York closed the fucking cabinets. Western like Buffalo. Buffalo kind of sounds like the Midwest. Yeah. They get a little Midwestern. We sound like Buffalo. I think it's not like Buffalo. I mean, I'm like, Lansing is outside of it. If it goes like, I refer to a paragraph in Falcon as an adolescent fledgling, it looks like trape. It almost sounded like love on the spectrum. Connor, shut up, Connor. My guy. Yes. Jordan. That's really good. I love to see your dog. Wow. Conner's the Conner's my fucking. Wait, how do I do it? It's the great. A Falcon. A Falcon. One of the greatest birds. Wow. That's really good. I fucking love that guy. Can you do any of the other ones? Can you do the night guy? Yes. Yes, dad. Oh, Shelley, I didn't hurt you. Did I, Shelley? Okay. Good. Cause I didn't mean to, Shelley. Wow. Oh my god. No, you didn't hurt me, James. What about the horning woman glasses, the lashing girl? What? Remember that one? Wait, which one's that? You know. Oh, yes. She lives here, right? She's LA. I think she did a goblin show. She did. Yeah. I think she did a goblin come. Why can't I think her fucking name, dude? Katie. No, crazy, crazy horny. She does, she does, she does artistry. She likes drawing and all this stuff. Yeah. Why can't I think what? Danny Bowman. Danny Bowman. Danny, shout out Danny Bowman. No, who else can I do? The new guy, the new guy, my wife is really not into me doing this around the house all the time. The new guy from LA, the new season. Interesting. My fucking wife is so annoyed. Literally, she was the other day. We were hooking up. We're done hooking up. We're like, you know, like the post hookup, like you got to clean up, mover, like, yeah, and I got up. She's like looking at her, she's naked. She's like looking at her side. She's like, oh, it's like a bruise and I go, interesting. She's like, dude, don't, no, we're like, we just hooked up. Ah, per se. It's so good. That's awesome. That's something interesting. Yeah. Imagine if you were singing a pop single, I'm hooking up with a check of buddies. I come and like, interesting. Well, that dude, you're pregnant. If a guy, you're hooking it up with interesting. I do bits the whole time I have sex. I can't help it. There's bits fine. You got to be doing bits. No, you're doing voices. You're doing bits while you're boning. Sometimes you have with a new person. I mean, once you get into it and you get it dialed in, but yeah, for the first time, you're doing voices. You're cracking up. You're doing, you're going like this. What's that? Just kidding. Legs above your head. Look over there. You're making it a top. Get your penis in here now. Yeah. Yeah. That stuff is fun. Yeah. Pulling the skin of the penis over the tip. So it's a little, it's a little M and M. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like one shot. You better lose yourself as you've done it. Yeah. I've got a trouble for exactly that. I play with the balls too much. I do get into the balls. Like a tactile pull on the balls. No. Yeah. They don't like it. Do you know how crazy that thing is to see the skin coming together? But I don't like balls being on real. They're way more sensitive than you guys. I know, but sometimes that would be like us flicking flicking your flip. I'm just pulling like that. It's the same sensitivity though. Tug it. Tug it. Sometimes doesn't feel good. What if I'm just I'm just seeing how flat it can go. I have a buddy in high school who can like fold it over his knee. You know that guy over his thigh. I mean, huge elephant. Remember all the fun ones? The gum. The gum was fine. The brain. I was a big man. Johnny guy as a kid. I talked. Yeah. That's cool. And I walk around and go. Hello. Mrs. Dalfire shout out. I would walk around like that. No one's like, Oh, centino's got a pussy, dude. And I would turn around and give them the bulldog. And you well. Oh, yeah. That's good. Wow. You never did that. Would you do the turnaround? I always got to turn on to pick up your pants to put them on as a bit. You're like, I'm going to put my pants back on. You flip and then you pull them up and they're like, Oh, dude. That's good. That's a good bit. Manjana is hilarious. How funny. How before our time we were doing manjanas, right? Yeah. Now people will be like, Hey, man, that's faux faux faux. How are you making fun of? I think you can still do manjanas. No, no one's doing it on TV or film anymore. Oh, yeah. It's become a thing now. You can't do manjana. Yeah, because I want to. I'm gonna. You still do it. I'm going to do it. Huh? Bring it back. Bring it back. They brought back other stuff. You know, not, not what you said. Not what I said. Can't bring it back. Let's bring it back today. I think you could do manjana because I still think buff is Buffalo Bill fucked up now. Yeah. Is Buffalo Bill now fucked up? Really? Yeah, probably. Is she a great big fat person? That's so good. That's because I always, I always think that when I take my clothes off with a guy, that's my first thought. Is I want to go, Oh, is she a great big fat person? You say that to the guy. Yeah, that's so funny. Yeah. Does he laugh? Yeah, sometimes they go, what? And then I go, uh, nothing. I go, nothing, nothing. I was quoting sounds of the lambs. Also, the smiley gets is so funny, because he's first disappointed and then he goes, wait, great big wrap. It's so good. Oh, wait, she agreed. But the fit, it's a weird twist. It is very like gross. He's the best. Oh, so good. He's the best. I'll start to manjana again. I wish I could manjana. I'm jealous. I'm very jealous. We have the stupid stuff. Well, you're tucked away. What can we do? You're all hidden. I'm tucked. I'm a tuck. Found out there. I just found out about untucks. Oh, yeah. I just found out that my friend was like, look how hot this girl is. And I was like, she's got bubble gum. It looks like there was a lot of chewing gum stuck to her. She had like way better vagina than if you could shave that thing off superior vagina flat, like a snare drum. Perfect. I got a puffy puffer son, but she had a flat snare with a ball. If you took all of the, on the one of the things of bubble gum and stuck, what is that? You got a puffer. I got a puffer. Yeah. I got one that you could like, you could propose with somebody by putting a little. A little ring in it? Yeah. That's so it's like a little mound. It's just a little puffer. Yeah, it's a little puffer. It is funny. Yeah, the mounds are very the very it's cupable. Yeah, I got a cupable. Is that normal? That's normal 100% okay. It's extremely normal. I got a cupable mound. What's not normal? You see the skinny girls with no cupable mounds where it so it disappears off It's like a fallen off an end of a cliff. Is that real? Yeah, really? Yeah It is weird. Yeah, and those usually have the chewing gum attached to it almost always because they're too skinny it pushes out Yeah Like rent from rent in Stimpy. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's yeah, that's right All right, we got to get out of here dude. How long have we been here like an hour and 15 gives this shit, dude I'm staying stay. All right. I gotta get on plane tomorrow. I'm gonna my little beach my little beach. That sucks. Why? Doesn't suck. I'm going for an event. It's gonna be actually very fun. Oh not stand up. No. Oh great. Stand up sucks. It sucks It's the best Greatest I know our job is so good. It's crazy. All right. This is gonna come out not tomorrow But I do want to plug some dates for you Okay, so I'll do your dates as Connor How about that? Okay, but make it so you can hear them Do your dates as Connor? Jordan, right? Yeah, can you imagine the whole show? Oh, yeah Please don't you have unreasonably that was oh Yeah, we'll talk about I gotta talk to you about something. Okay. Talk to you about something. Here we go. May All right, so let's just say after you, Sarah. Let's just go Yeah, yes Dallas June 4th. Oh my god. Come see he be Fifth Austin the mother ship Joe Rogan Holy shit June 19th Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Oh, no. Oh my god see me June 20th Royal look Michigan. Oh my god. It's so good. It's unbelievable. June 28th in Newark, New Jersey, July 8th, Indianapolis, Helium Lexington, Kentucky Up Broadway, July 10th July 11th and then go see your Edmonds in Alberta, Canada my favorite place Kins at Kinsman Park, a go see your great outdoors. She'll be over there with the season siree Pete Davidson robby Hoffman who barely knows you bud Winnipeg, Canada another one Montreal Is that just for left? Yeah Nice. Are you going? No, you're a great outdoors? No Not doing anything that stuff go to Go to Jordan Jensen.com. It'll reroute you to punch up punch up live dot com slash Jordan Jensen go see her She's one of the greatest living comedians that I've ever met a good friend of mine a wonderful person beautiful sweet a total straight male Looking at that camera say one word or one phrase the end the episode crab apple In here we pour whiskey whiskey whiskey whiskey Oh, that creature in the gingerfield Sturdy, ginger Like bad guys, the ginger gene is cursed Ginger's a fugitive You only five dollars for the whiskey 75 dollars for the whole Ginger's our hell now This whiskey is excellent Ginger, I like ginger