Jordan Firstman captures the highs and lows of being a ‘Club Kid’

This is Fresh Air. I'm Terry Gross. Our guest today, Jordan Firstman, is an actor, writer, and director who became known for his comedy on Instagram during the pandemic. His feature film debut, Club Kid, premiered at the Cannes Film Festival earlier this year and will be in theaters this Friday. Jordan Firstman spoke with Fresh Air's Anne-Marie Baldonado. When we first meet Peter, the main character in Club Kid, it's 2016 and he's the life of the party. He's a New York City club promoter who not only promotes the parties, he owns them, getting people in, keeping people out, giving out drugs, and taking them himself. His parties are filled with music, sex, drinks, ketamine, and confetti. It's a lot. And Peter loves being in the middle of it all. Fast forward 10 years and Peter is still promoting parties like he used to, but he's older, a little worn out, wanting to take a break, but still getting sucked back into the center of the scene. That changes when a 10-year-old British boy is brought to his Lower East Side rent-controlled apartment. The boy, Arlo, is the product of a hookup Peter doesn't remember. He doesn't even remember ever sleeping with a woman. But it turns out Arlo's mother has died and Peter, the boy's biological father, is the only family that he has left. Arlo's arrival leads Peter to re-evaluate everything and to question if he's outgrown his old lifestyle and if leaving it would make him a better father and human. Jordan Firstman wrote for TV shows like Search Party, The Other Two, and Big Mouth. He became Instagram famous as a comedian during the pandemic. He starred on the TV show The English Teacher and played a fictionalized version of himself in the film Rotting in the Sun. He currently stars in the HBO comedy series I Love L.A., which is coming back for a second season. He also released an album called Secrets, inspired by actual secrets that strangers messaged him. Let's start with a clip from the film Club Kid. Arlo, the 10-year-old, played by Reggie Absalom, has been living with Peter for a bit and shares that he knows about his mother's death. Peter, played by Firstman, is trying to comfort him. It's sad. Yeah, that makes sense. It's super sad. But that's okay, you know, to feel sad. You know that, right? You don't? You don't think it's okay to be sad? Why not? I don't know. Well, in my house, it's definitely okay to be sad. Encouraged, even. You know, if you want to cry for a week straight. Like, it's fine by me. You know, sometimes I cry for a week straight. Well, why do you cry? You want the real answer? Yeah. Um, yeah, I basically, like, don't have any self-esteem. Well, what does that mean? It means that I don't really like myself a lot of the time. But, you know, actually, recently, um, you know, kind of since you got here, I've been feeling better about myself, which is, that's good. Yeah, it's good. Yeah. Jordan Firstman, welcome to Fresh Air. Thank you for having me. Listening to your intro, it's a bit surreal to be here. I'm like, uh, we were a Fresh Air family. Oh. And, you know, we'd be in the car listening to Terry Gross, and I'd be like, Mom, put on something else. It's so boring. Like, let's listen to Nirvana. Now look at you. And so, yeah, now look at, I mean, I think my, my parents will be gagged, so to speak. But, you know, then I became a Fresh Air fan when, when I got my senses together. And so it's, it's really an honor to be here and actually a bit emotional. Oh, well, we're very happy to have you here. Um, I want to ask about that scene we just heard. I like how in the scene, you know, your character, Peter, is trying to make the kid, Arlo, feel better by saying it's okay to cry for a week. And it, it kind of feels like Peter is also trying to convince himself that it's okay. Yeah, I think it's interesting to try to explain something in its simplest form to a kid. Because I think Peter has never, you know, he knows the way he feels. And like, he spirals about the way he feels. And, you know, in a state of spiraling, whether you're coming down from drugs or, or not, like when you're in that space, it's, it's millions of thoughts about how you're not good enough and how you don't matter and how you're doing the wrong things. But to explain it simply to a kid, I think like, that's maybe the first time Peter's just like, yeah, I don't like myself. And to maybe hear it out loud for him, I think is kind of his first step forward. You cast Reggie Absalom as 10-year-old Arlo. He's so good in the film. Can you talk about writing from the son's perspective? Like what he might be thinking or feeling after going through really difficult things in his young life? You know, I did a lot of kind of psychological research on traumatized kids. My sister's actually a social worker for his exact age in Minneapolis. So we talked a lot. And she read every draft of the script and really helped me with Arlo. And, you know, she said, a lot of times kids that have dealt with a lot of traumatic experiences do grow up a lot faster and they do tend to know how to try to make consistency work for them or try to make something that feels good work for them. And so I think that's what's going on with Arlo. I think he, he knows what is, is waiting for him back in London is bad. And I think there's this chance of hope with Peter, like, even though he's not going to be able to do it, he's going to know he's a mess. He's kind and he feels safe. I just wanted to make sure like he had, uh, his own kind of intentions and like, uh, motivations. And even as a 10 year old, like with what he's been through, I think he just, he yearns for safety and he yearns for consistency and he yearns for consistent love. And I think he, he sees that Peter is capable of that. It seems like Peter is also looking for that. Yeah. I think Arlo teaches Peter to grow up and I think Peter teaches Arlo to be a kid. Well, what inspired the story? When did you start writing Club Kid? I started in the like winter of 2023, I believe. Um, and you know, I had had another project, a TV show in development that I really was like, I, I, I had always kind of categorized my projects, my whole soul into, and my B projects were like my fun idea projects. And, um, I had my A project and, and it was like seemingly moving forward at a network and my B project, I was like, oh, that's a fun idea. Me and a kid, like, I feel so inappropriate in my life that like, what would happen to my life if a kid showed up? And, uh, then the A project didn't happen. Uh, thank God actually now that it didn't. And, um, you know, I had to then find, find my soul in, in the fun project. And I just had to kind of sit down and look within myself. And I was, you know, around 32 ish at the time. And I was like, am I an adult? Like, when is that going to happen? When am I going to feel like adult? I was partying too much. I was having these come downs. I was having this self-hatred and, and I was like, okay, there's, there's, there's a way to overlap, um, these two stories and, you know, and I wanted to, yeah, make a delayed coming of age film about, you know, a gay guy in his thirties. And so that's, that's kind of how it started. Well, I read that somewhere in the writing process, you would like cut a large percentage of the jokes. So was it starting out as kind of a more comedic project? And then as you worked on it more, it still had that humor, but it maybe became darker and sadder. Yeah. I think like everything I do has like an undertone of, of sadness. And so that was always going to be there. It was like, if, if I'm making it, it's going to be a little sad. Um, but, uh, once I, I reframed it in my mind as a drama with funny stuff, instead of a comedy with dark stuff. Yeah, it completely changed. And I felt like I could just actually live from a truthful place and, and be honest with myself and be honest with the story. And I knew the jokes would be there because, you know, jokes are all around me. Jokes are always a part of my, my daily existence. And so, yeah, I think, I think just leaning on the honesty and leading on the drama is what like pushed the story forward. And then, you know, there's still a lot of jokes left in the movie. So you can imagine. Why do you think all your projects have sadness in them? I think cause I'm a sad guy. I think I'm an emotional person. I feel a lot. I'm a cancer. I drive around LA listening to Frank Ocean and crying every day. I would say I cry every day, almost, especially in the last couple of years. I think, yeah, as I've gotten to my adulthood, I think I feel, I guess, more in touch with my emotions. And it's actually my favorite feeling to cry. I think sometimes more than laughing, even, you know, Joni Mitchell says, laughing and crying, it's the same release in a song called Other People's Parties, which is very club kid adjacent. And so I think I value laughing and crying basically equally, but crying a little bit more. And, you know, I was, I remember being a kid and I would lay on my floor listening to Natalie Imbruglia's Torn and I would just cry. And my parents were like, what's going on with this kid? Like, why is he? Because I think they like saw how much I relished in it. And like, I liked the big emotions and I liked the big feeling. So I think it's, it's just like always been part of me. And then, you know, I, I think I developed my, my humor out of necessity being, you know, a gay teen that came out really young. I came out at 12 years old and definitely faced some amount of bullying. I think, you know, others have had it worse, but, you know, there was some pushes into lockers, traditional gay teen behavior. And, you know, you have to build this defense. And so I got funny, maybe even became a little bit of a bully for a couple of years. I still kind of have to temper myself sometimes when I like feel threatened. You know, I want to go into that defense mode. But, you know, I think as I grow older, I've shed a lot of those defenses. And this movie actually has helped me shed a lot of those defenses. I read that you lived in Berlin for some of the time when you were writing this and your time there kind of inspired it, specifically the gay club scene there. Can you talk about that and how that kind of informed Club Kid? um yeah I just fell head over heels for this guy um that I met in Berlin that became my boyfriend and it was just like the most in love I had ever been and you know he was he was a party boy in Berlin and so I got really really into his scene and his friends were amazing and like amazing people but it was yeah I was doing drugs from Thursday to Monday you know when I was in Berlin and you know even like trying while I was writing the tv show that didn't happen so you know when you're doing this marathon style partying like you start you know Thursday it's like oh chill dinner but there's cocaine and then Friday is like now we really party like a night at Berghain or a night and in in the club can feel like a lifetime and then it becomes Monday morning somehow Monday and Tuesday you spend you know in bed wanting to kill yourself and then you're like I have one day of the week to work Wednesday so I got to get a lot of work done on that Wednesday for people who don't know can you describe what Berghain club is in Berlin it's kind of like the pinnacle of a gay club culture yeah I mean it's a club that's that's been there for a long time and they really value queerness I think it's you know become way more mixed but I still do think they they value its roots in in queerness but I don't know they just have the best djs in the the world and there's different mazes and different places to have sex and to and to do your substances and you know there's there's panorama bar on the top that's more kind of like house music some like little more fun and then the main room is techno and and people really get down there it's like not not really encouraged to talk on that floor you kind of just dance but yeah it's like it's a whole world it's a whole world inside that place and you know it's become a little bit of like a meme or a joke like oh getting into Berghain but like then like anyone who goes it's like yeah it still kind of is just that girl like they just do it right they care about the space the reason the the it's so hard to get into is because the people at the door are are curating the experience inside and they can they can really sniff out a vibe like if you belong there and you can wear as much black as you want in that line and you can not smile and you can do all the right things but if they they can't do it they can't do it they can't they can smell the vibe when you were getting into Berghain club what would you wear I would usually wear like gym shorts and either like a t-shirt or a white tank top or yeah just kind of like gay guy outfit like very very minimal gay guy outfit like fanny pack gym shorts sneakers and like uh like a windbreaker and a tank top very casual you didn't have to try that hard they just knew no they just knew I and I just I don't want to brag but I have never been rejected from Berghain ever I want to talk about how you how you made the club scene look in your film like how you portrayed gay nightlife in New York what was important for you to kind of convey because I feel like you ended up conveying like the joy of it and I think that's a really good point because I think that's a really good point like the pleasure of it but also the darkness of it and how did you sort of manage to do both yeah I think that was my exact intention I wanted to I wanted to show the highs and the lows because you you do have both I think uh it's not going to be like a like an oral history of like what it is to be gay but I think we as gay men specifically you know we put ourself in high risk behavior high risk and high reward I mean we really we really we really we really live and I think because we for so long we're not able to live I think you know we choose to live very hard and love very hard and that comes at a cost sometimes and yeah so I wanted to show the beauty and and the joy and the pain in my life and and the culture around me you shot the movie with film and that gave the movie kind of a look that connects it to other films about New York were there certain films that inspired you that you kind of wanted Club Kid to kind of be in conversation with the 70s are just are just my favorite era of film ever like I need to be a little bit more knowledgeable about like what exactly went down with this I know the studios collapsed and then and then like you know they were just taking more chances on our tours and so you know you were having these movies with you know a bit of a budget that felt so creative and so free and you know we had you know Altman and Cassavetes and and Paul Mazursky and and Scorsese and it was just I mean everything was happening and it felt so alive what was happening then and so I've always just loved 70s cinema and in New York specifically so yeah I mean of course we were we were looking at you know After Hours and King of Comedy and Scorsese's early work but yeah so I just I just love the texture of 70s New York and so we really tried to also we shot only only in places that felt like old New York that's why we shot in Chinatown and Lower East Side because it feels kind of unchanged and Soho and some some streets in Soho and we tried to shoot with streets shoot with shooting streets with no cars so it kind of had that older older feel to it but it was yeah it was very important for us to you know capture a nostalgic New York that you know might not really exist anymore but then you know we have the modernity of the club and for those club scenes you did shoot in real clubs and real parties we did we did I mean we have these real parties where people are really partying I'll say and and we were allowed in those spaces because of you know just my involvement in the last decade of clubbing and having friends and there was a community there was a community there was a community there was a community feeling uh happening in the film that made made the queer underground New York rave scene like really want to show up because they they trusted that what we were making was gonna be uh a positive depiction because of its honesty I think and I think they just I think I was in the perfect point in my career and I don't think I'll ever be able to do this again I think it was in I was in the know that I was not going to make something horrible but I was also not big enough that it like felt like I was you know coming in and taking advantage well you wanted to get it right too you didn't want to make a movie about the scene and have it not feel authentic no I mean that would that would be the worst thing I could have ever done it was like the most important thing to me and like no shade to background actors but like they don't look like club kids they just don't so you know I we had to have a certain amount just like for SAG rules but you know every we kind of hit them in the back and uh yeah we got a lot of just a lot of people showed up for this in the community my guest is writer director actor and comedian Jordan Firstman his new film is called club kid we'll have more after a break and for a behind the scenes look at fresh air plus recommendations from producers sign up for our free newsletter at whyy.org slash fresh air I'm Anne-Marie Maldonado, and this is Fresh Air. Now, you grew up on Long Island. Did you have a very suburban Long Island childhood? I would say so. Yeah. I was in kind of a picturesque town, like kind of Gilmore Girls vibes even, called North Port. And my parents were both journalists at a newspaper. My mom ran the health and science section. My dad ran the sports section. Very kind of 90s rom-com vibes. And yeah, I had two older siblings, twins. We had a dog named Molly, a cat named Jasmine that they weren't getting along. So like my mom said, she like gave her to someone good, but I kind of don't trust her. You got an agent when you were 14, I read. Did you go to New York and get an agent or did you start calling people? Like how did you do that and what kind of actor did you want to be? Yeah, I remember like dragging, my parents to an open call for Lion King to play Simba. And like, which is famously like, was always like a person of color. Like there was never a white Simba ever. And I went to the audition. There was like 500 black kids in me. And I was like, I think I get, I don't know, maybe like I'll be the one to like change the rules. But I don't know. I had this like blind confidence and my parents were like, I don't know what's going on. But yeah, I found, I don't remember how I found, I don't know how I found the right person. I don't know how I found the right agent. But she would start to send me on auditions. And, and, you know, when I was 16, I got really close to being the lead in Brighton Beach Memoirs on Broadway. And I was going into the city all the time to audition for acting stuff as a kid. And my parents were very supportive of it. But I just, I don't know, I just, I knew what I wanted very early. I think it's funny now that, you know, I'm, I am where I am. And, you know, filmmaking has become a thing for me. But for the first couple years, it was definitely acting. And you were very much into musical theater. What musicals were important to you? And did you want, you wanted to perform in musicals? Or did you want to write musicals? I hid for so many years that I like musicals. The last 10, like, I mean, like, I just thought it was like the least cool thing. And I still do believe it is the least cool thing. But I can also admit, told two truths that I do also believe. And I think it's a really cool thing. So enjoy it. But I just, I like the good ones, though. Like, I like Sondheim. Fancy musicals. Some artists transform the art form. You know, I'm not going to see, like, I don't know, whatever, like, recreation of a movie that's like, going on Broadway, you know, that's not my type of musical. But, you know, I became obsessed with Sondheim when I was like, yeah, probably 12. And like, obsessed with Company. I'm like, I like related to Bobby and Company, like a 35 year old single bachelor in the 70s. I'm like, I am Bobby. Like, I like, yeah, like someone to hold me too close. Someone to sit in my chair. Someone to ruin my sleep. Like, I'm like a being alive. Like, that's me. And, but also I'm Elaine Stritch. And actually, I was I dressed up as Elaine Stritch for Halloween for three years in a row from ages 14 to 17. So yeah, I loved it. I lived for the stuff. And, you know, I've gone through many, like, many loves of art and like my, you know, then I got really into Keith Haring when I was 17. And like, that became my whole identity. And, you know, then I then, you know, Mazursky came at 21. And then that was my thing. And so, yeah, I think I've, I've, I've looked, I've looked to like certain artists more than art forms, I would say, like certain artists have really changed my life. Mike White, when I watched Enlightened, that was a game changer. Frank Ocean, like Tyler, the creator, SZA, Lana Del Rey, Amy Winehouse, like, like is really artists to who shaped me rather than art forms. You've talked about how you became independent in your teens was being an actor or trying to be an actor part of that. I think so. I think I liked the idea. I like always, again, it's like, I, I think, company, and like, I guess, watching Woody Allen movies, like, I wanted to be, in the 70s, and be a bachelor on the Upper East or West Side. Like, that is what I felt I was born to do. And so I think going into the city by myself with my, with my backpack, and, and, you know, go like, going to auditions alone. And then, you know, I would, like, crash at friends' houses that I knew from summer camp. And, you know, I convinced my parents I didn't have school on Fridays for two years. And they were going through their own divorce. So I don't think they were listening to anything at all. So they've, they're like, leave me somehow. And my teachers would be like, girl, you need to come to school on Fridays. And I'm like, I think I do. I think you should check the attendance. I think I'm there. But I would, I would take the train from where my high school was in Syosset to, to the city on Thursday, stay at my friend Ben's house on, on the Upper West Side from Thursday to Monday morning, go back, go to school for a couple days, and then, and then do it again. So I was really like, yeah, I was living, I was living a very independent life. My parents did not know where I was from Thursday to Monday. Well, so then did acting or, you know, life in New York become a way to escape what was going on at your house? Probably. Yeah. I mean, I didn't know. I think, I think that's another part about part of the film, like that, in that conversation that you, you played, I think, I didn't like know my parents were people. And I feel like they kept so many secrets from me. And I, you know, I, for my bar mitzvah, my parents were like, you could either have a big party, or you can have a party at the house and go and we'll take you on a trip anywhere in the world. And so I was very cultured at a very early age, and I chose the trip. And so I chose Italy. And, you know, it, of course, took like four years to get the trip together. So by the time we were doing the trip, I was 17. And like, all of a sudden, my dad, like, had work and couldn't come. And it just became me, my mom, my sibling, and my mom doesn't drink. And the first night we get to Italy, she does one half a shot of limoncello and immediately says she's divorcing my dad. And so, obviously, the trip was ruined. We like left early, like my, it was like the worst trip ever. But you know, I hadn't even have any indication of what was going on. And like, there were some factual things that were really bad happening. And I was just so in the dark. And then I was so mad at my mom for so many years, and then so mad at my dad for so many years. And I just like never knew the story. And I never like, I never knew them as people. And so I think I was definitely just trying to create my own life of, of me having an honest experience and like living too. I was like, going in the city and like hooking up with guys too. You know, I was like, interested in being an adult. I felt like I from the age of like 15 on, I wanted to be an adult and start my life. COLLEEN O'BRIEN And then how soon after that, did you move to LA? I did like a year and a half in college in Ohio. And I dropped out to do a play in New York. And I had a really traumatic year in New York that I don't want to get into so much. But a lot of bad stuff happened. And yeah, I was just like, I can't live here. And I, you know, I'd never been to LA before. I had, I didn't know anyone there. And I, you know, I was just like, I can't live here. And I didn't know how to drive. So, you know, I learned how to drive in two weeks, like passed my driver's test, like within an inch of my life. And, and, you know, just, just moved to LA. And I was like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you know, like why people move to LA, I'm gonna reinvent myself and, and start a new life. And that's what I did. My guest is writer, director, actor and comedian Jordan Firstman. His new film Club Kid opens in select theaters this week. More after a break. This is fresh air. I want to ask you about the HBO show. I love LA. It premiered last year. And I believe you're making season two right now or you're in the process of shooting it. That's wonderful. It's about a group of friends who are trying to make it in LA. Some of them are New York transplants. Rachel Senate created the show and her characters trying to be a high powered talent manager. You play Charlie, who's trying to be become a high powered celebrity stylist. Charlie is a high powered stylist. He already is. He's not trying. He already is. Yeah. I'm sorry. I apologize. Now here. Maybe season two, he flounders a little bit. But season one, he's a pretty big pop star. Well, I want to play a scene from the first season. You're working with Mimi, a pop star, played by Iowa Debris using a British accent. And in this scene, you're helping her with some clothing. Mimi. Oh, my God. You are literally bound thin. I love what Corbin is doing with your body. He's still doing like the cell scraping stuff. No, but it's not even about being thin for me anymore. Honestly, it's about strength. Like I need Mimi Rush to be the strongest Mimi Rush she's ever been for this tour. I love that. I love that. Genius. Mimi, by the way, I forgot to tell you, Acne sent over an extra jacket for you. That's like way too big. I don't understand. It's like they randomly sent my size, which I'm like, I can send it back. But Charlie. Yes. You know how I told you about my new music video. We finally locked down. It's gonna play my mother. And that's what's really going to tie it all together. Want to tell me? Zendaya what Zendaya as your mom wow so there's flashbacks to when you were a baby or like how are you gonna work that out with she's my mother now right and I'm me right now right no only only because of the age that she is made yeah I just think she reads maybe a little no no no I think you don't understand because you don't have a brain for film I think you have a brain for clothes and like being gay gay clothes and a person that's a scene from I love LA how would you describe Charlie I mean in addition to being a high-powered celebrity stylist I think he's like a go-getter and he's he's scrappy and he he's manipulative and he knows how to get what he wants and he's ambitious and I think underneath that he's he's a softie and a sensitive guy but I think he's you know had to fight so hard to make it in LA that he's kind of you know he has to have his defenses up and so yeah I think he's a bit more caustic and you know a bit more rough around the edges and you know hard to penetrate emotionally Rachel Zenit's character is from New York and trying to adjust to LA and it's not easy for her you moved from New York to LA what was that like for you do you recognize anything that comes up in I love LA from your early days there I do I think it takes so much tenacity to make it in Hollywood and it's not easy it is like and you have to have so much faith in yourself to keep going because there are so I mean like god years years and years of like you get these minor signs that maybe you're you're worth something but most of the time it's major signs that you're not and uh you know I was a photo booth operator um for celebrity events for from the ages 21 to 23 and so I was around all these celebrities and like it's really funny like there's people that I won't name that I took photos of in the day that were so mean to me that are now like in my dms being like I'm obsessed with you like we're seeing at parties and being like you're my favorite actor so it's just funny it's funny how LA works and the social hierarchy but yeah I worked really hard for a lot of years and I don't know I feel at home in LA now and I feel like I've made a name for myself and I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish and you know I feel good about that well let's take a short break here and then we'll talk some more my guest is writer director actor and comedian Jordan Firstman his film Club Kid which premiered at the Cannes Film Festival earlier this year will be in theaters later this week more after a break this is Fresh Air now in 2020 near the beginning of the pandemic you started going viral for videos you would post on Instagram it wasn't for regular impressions it was for impressions of things and it was for things and concepts like being a publicist for banana bread or being mother nature let's hear a little example of you as mother nature oh no I'm okay I'm okay I've been like I've been kind of sick lately for the past like it's been a thousand no more than that like a couple thousand years yeah it started when I like I was young I was like a lot younger and I ended up creating humans and effort like I did it as a joke for my boyfriend um and then it just became this like toxic situation where it was like I couldn't say no to them and then they were just like taking taking taking advantage of me and like I finally got to a point like like now it's actually really affecting my health and like I feel like I feel like this is bad I think I'm gonna kill them all wait it's so bad I feel bad but like I want to I'm like over this phase like I'm literally ready for a new chapter that's Jordan Firstman for on Instagram in 2020 yeah I don't know how often you listen to that I should have asked you before if you if you wouldn't mind listening that was I thought it would be tough but I was oh no that's kind of funny smart witty witty you have to admit like that sounds like a different person right than you than now than now yes it sounds like a character created by a different person yes yeah I'm like I I see that and I'm like wait that's me it's it's a very surreal thing my voice sounds different right yes um weird what inspired you to do these videos so I had just gotten out of like a pretty toxic relationship and a big part of that toxicity was like him holding me back creatively and kind of like I was like I'm like I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this like only just like making me not believe in myself and my own creativity in a lot of ways and so you know that relationship ended I had another show that I had sold that seemed like it was going and that got killed and the pandemic happened and I I challenged myself one week I was like I'm just gonna like do a like esoteric impression once every day for a week and I did it on my stories and I was getting a lot of like cry face emojis and and hearts and likes and so I I posted them all and then from my first post it was like off to the races Ariana Grande found them and posted them every week for eight weeks and all of a sudden I had hundreds of thousands of followers and celebrities in my dms and yeah it felt like it was just this this crazy surreal moment because you know everyone was on their phones like everyone was in in their home on their phones wanting to laugh a little bit and and I I locked into a format and I I was feeling very creative yeah I guess like the constant is that after breakups I feel very creative um so yeah it just it's just kind of spiraled and maybe spiraled out of control a little bit and uh but it definitely it helped me get some recognition for sure one of the things that happened was that on social media people would start sending you their secrets and you're also a musician um so last year you released a comedy album of real songs inspired by real secrets that people sent you and I'm going to play the first track of the album which is called secrets because it lays out the premise very nicely let's hear it this is a concept album this is a concept album I'm breaking the fourth wall to tell you that this is a concept album I just want to tell you exactly what it's gonna be every song is based on a real person's secret that they submitted to me on Instagram may sound like a thin premise may sound like a trite premise but there's death if you look for it or not if you don't I don't care because this is a concept album this is a concept album based on real people's secrets that I turned into songs I go on for a lot longer it's called six minute interlude and it is it is six minutes yes that's a track from Jordan Firstman's comedy album called secrets why do you think people sent you their secrets yes and how did that inspire this album which by the way like each secret a lot of them kind of blue that we can't mention on on the air but they they kind of all represent a different genre of music too yeah I I think I think I was so open on Instagram at that point and like I I would get drunk I'm for loco and people would send me their secrets and I would at first it wasn't music I would just kind of like respond to them or make fun of them or just be be silly I don't know it's pretty silly and I think people just trusted me I don't know I feel like nothing shocks me and I don't believe in like good and bad and in that kind of way and so I think you know it was a cathartic thing for people to be like I have this shameful thing and I can reveal it to this like funny gay guy and he he can make something silly about it and so yeah I think people just like wanted to be a part of that but there also was yes some catharsis and people like getting getting out these these dark secrets that they haven't told anyone well it's interesting how people respond to you on social media someone who became famous for being on social media and I'm wondering about that fame at that time and if people ended up confusing you for the characters that you play I will say your videos poke fun at people who are self-important and they poke fun at celebrity and I'm wondering if it was frustrating because people would kind of confuse you with the different personas that you had yeah it definitely was but I've come to a place with it where I'm like I can't control how people see me and I never will be able to and it's it's a fool's errand to to try to control any sort of narrative about yourself especially on the internet especially in in modern times so I think what I've learned is like all I can do is is put out whatever creative thing I am going through at the time like secrets like just like it's so random like I was like why am I making an album this is so random no one was asking me to make an album no producer was like come into the studio today I was like I was booking those studios like forcing but then when we got in the studio they're like it was refreshing for a lot of my producers because that you know they're like getting pressure from the label to make the next like pop hit and like then I come in and I think it was it was like a fun and refreshing experience for everyone involved and like very like freeing for me as an artist to just like do something really silly and like stupid and free now in club kid Peter has to figure out how to hold on to the parts of his old life that matter while making room for something new is that something you've been dealing with yourself I've heard you say that it's difficult for you sometimes to leave the party like literally and kind of figuratively and I'm wondering where you are with that yeah I am just so proud of this work I'm so proud of this movie and so I'm just focused on getting the movie out there because this movie does touch people and I think it touches a lot of a lot of different kinds of people that I wasn't expecting and you know we went to tell you right and I I watched 75 year old men white men like walk out of the theater weeping and I was like oh okay that was not what I had planned for but then it is there now so now it's kind of my job to like you know a 75 year old man isn't gonna see like the premise of like club kid and go to the movie so I have to figure out how to get it to them and then after that ends I need to recalibrate and and think like what do I want next for my life and my art and what do I what do I want to talk about him and you know where where is my head at I've been non-stop working for about three years now without any breaks like really not like even a week and so I I think I need a little bit of a break and and and just time to like really think about where I am and where I want to go Jordan Firstman thank you so much for joining us thank you did you like it yes it was great no it was so great Jordan Firstman spoke with Fresh Air's Anne-Marie Baldonado his new film Club Kid opens in select theaters this Friday tomorrow on Fresh Air novelist Min Jin Lee's last book Pachinko sold more than five million copies and was adapted into an Apple TV series her new novel American Hogwan is about whether education can provide salvation. She will talk about the book her obsession with the Korean diaspora surviving a terminal diagnosis and why it takes her a decade to write each book I hope you'll join us Fresh Air's executive producer is Sam Brigger our technical director and engineer is Audrey Bentham our interviews and reviews are produced and edited by Phyllis Myers Anne-Marie Baldonado Lauren Krenzel Teresa Madden Monique Nazareth Thea Chaloner Susan Yakundi Anna Bauman and Nico Gonzalez Whistler our digital media producer is Sam Brigger. is Molly C.V. Nesper Roberta Shorrock directs the show our co-host is Tanya Mosley I'm Terry Gross