Jon Lovett asks about the positives of aging

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First of all, me. And also. Second of all. I'm sorry, I'm Mae. Me. Fortune. Yeah. Hello. Howdy-do. The boys are back in town. Yes, they are. Thin Lizzy. That's who sang that. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Thin Lizzy. Take fact. Take fact. I do want to say, go to Hulu and check out my eyeball closing right before your eyes. Can you see that? Yes. This one? Is it finally fixed? Does that mean it's fixed? No. Or it's still broken? It's still broken. Oh, no. Well, I didn't get it fixed yet. And now my surgery has been bumped because I just have had to. My schedule had to shift again. And so, October. So, it was the time. Now, it's going to get bumped. So, yeah. Maybe you'll miss it, though, once it's fixed. Maybe you'll know. No, I won't. No. No, I won't. It drives me insane. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're looking handsome regardless. And Fortune, a beautiful sky blue t-shirt. Thank you. This Shirley Temple looks. I wondered if y'all would notice. And May, just as handsome as ever. Thank you. I'm not feeling it today, but thank you. Oh, why? I don't know. I'm just, I don't know. I'm just feeling a bit like a slug today. I got a massage. And yeah, I just feel like I had the imprint of the massage table for a long time. Oh, you gotta love that. I love a massage. Now, does it weigh heavily on you to be such a handsome fella? I wish I felt it. I mean, thank you so much. What about you? Oh, no, no, no, no. I have an eye that's closing and no. Oh, no, it doesn't weigh heavily on me at all. I was just curious because you are, no offense, Fortune, but the clear front runner of the. Oh, my God. You know. I'll say it. Fortune, what? Am I hurting your feelings? Yes, I thought I was. Fortune, you are second. You are second. May is our sex symbol. Well, I still think we need to make a calendar. The three of us doing sexy fireman poses. Can I have my eye closing? Yeah, definitely. Can I go back to two minutes ago when I said you got a may-sage? Oh, sorry. I missed that somehow. I know. You both missed it. No, I didn't. You caught it. Because guess what I've had tonight? A fortune-sage. Oh, my. Oh, girl. Girl. Fortune is down in her hooch. Oh, my gosh. Someone has a glass of vino for this recording. I got some water. Cheers. Should I go pour a glass of vino? You should get whatever you want, my friend. You should get whiskey. You're more of a whiskey guy, right? Yeah. I have a bottle of red open right now, but okay, I'm going to get a whiskey. Why not? Is this crazy? I mean, we're recording. You guys don't know this. We're listening, but we're recording at night. Yeah. Which is unusual for us. It's usually early in the morning. And where I'm on the East Coast, so it's 1130 p.m. for me. So this gal has a little vino. Now, how many vinos did you have before that vino? I had an old-fashioned before those vino. Oh, boy. And when is this going to end? After this. Oh, really? And then you go night-night? Yeah, yeah. The party's not continuing. Okay. And do you not have trouble? Do you have trouble sleeping when you have alcohol in your system? No. Okay. Good for you. Out like a Lincoln log. You go, girl. And wait, where are you right now? You're in P-Town. I'm in Provincetown, Massachusetts. Let's see it, Mae. Raise your glass. So raise your glass. Mae can't hear us. So raise your glass. Mae, raise your glass. Share whiskey? Yeah, this is whiskey. Straight whiskey? Oh, my gosh. A couple of ice cubes. Go to who? Hulu. Cheers. Hulu or YouTube. Not that we're endorsing drinking at work, but let's see what happens. Yeah, let's see how this unfolds. I'm already one ahead of you, so. What if you found out I'm a really angry drunk? I never said that. Oh, my gosh. That was so angry, Mae. I never said that. I never said that. I just saw the ugliest side of Mae. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, guys, is anybody interested in the long hike? I'm back in L.A., but I did a long hike. Is anybody interested in my hike that I did? Sure, I'm going to settle in with this glass of vino and listen. No, that's all. I was just going to tell you, I did do a massive hike when I was in Colorado that I had to train for, and I realized I didn't train nearly enough. So did you finish it? I finished it. Were you hurting? Oh, my, for days. Oh, my God. Yes, and the ascent was over three hours. Oh, my God. Yes. And then the descent fucks you up, too, because it hurts your calves. Oh, no, it hurt my knee. You know, I had knee surgery a year and a half ago, and boy, that is tough on the old knee. So I'd need a knee brace in the future. Oh, my God. But I don't think I'm ever going to do this again. Who were you with again? I went with three friends, and one did not train at all. Oh, my God. And the other one trained a lot, and I think she held up better than anyone. And then the other one is a pretty avid hiker and did all right. But at the end of the hike was like, when is this going to end? That is my nightmare. The last three miles of it was, I can't express enough, just boulders and rocks that you're walking on for three miles. So how long did the whole thing take you? Over eight hours. Oh, my God. What were you eating? I'm lounging now that I'm hearing about this. Well, we started at like 630 in the morning. And then by the time we reached. The top, which was, again, over three and a half hours of ascending. We stopped on the top, and I had packed everyone a peanut butter and banana sandwich. And then we just had, you know, bars and dried fruit and nuts and stuff like that. Look at this arm up. I'm listening. So fortunate. I do love a peanut. You know, I'm a peanut butter, you know, I'm a peanut butter bitch. I do. I love that peanut butter banana sandwich idea. Yes. And I would love to go on a hike with you, Fortune. Uh-huh. Wearing your old Navy headset with your glass of wine. But it can't have a three hour ascent. Okay. Because that only makes an ass out of you and scent. I'm going to go. Give that a moment of silence. You guys know what I mean. A scent makes an ass out of you and scent is really good. It's really good. It almost seems like you've been drinking. This reminds me of that time I was on vacation once and I had a, what did I have, a mango margarita? Yeah, something. We don't know, but you were day drunk. Your gams. I show you all my gams, which. Yeah. How are your gams? Bam! Boom! Let's check on them. Let's do a gam cam. Gam cam. Gam cam. Let's go to the gam cam. Hold on. We should have a permanent gam cam. Fortune, are you okay? Oh, no. How do I show you all my gams? Go to U-Haul. Go to U-Haul. Go to U-Haul. You want to marry me. I knew it. Go to Hulu. Not U-Haul. Go to Hulu. You want to U-Haul. Go to Hulu with me. And they went, I can't get them up. They're looking good. Oh, my God. They're looking pale and clearly defined. They look so pale. They are white. This light is not being kind. Wait a minute. No, I'm winded. I'll never be able to go on this hike. Now. Back to my lounging. Yes. I was going to show you a picture, though, where I look kind of cool. Okay. That took it out of me. I'll warn you. This is me. We've both done extraneous things. Whoa. Oh, that's you. That's a little cowboy type picture. Look at your hat. Yeah. I was resting. That's where we call a thirst trap. Thirst trap where you're not showing your face or any skin. Right. Right. And here I am sitting on a mountain. I'm really loving the outfit. Who was taking these pictures or was this a photo shoot? It's none of your business. Go back to drinking. I just imagine you going, hey, you guys, I'd love to get some shots up here. Yeah. Can someone please take me in this candid laying down position? That's exactly what happened. I knew it. And it was just the four of y'all? Yeah. Yeah. It was the four of us. I thought it was a big group for some reason. No. And there was no internet service. Couldn't use your phone. You couldn't wear your headgear that you have on. You couldn't. You just couldn't communicate with anyone. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So anyway. And it was three days? How long was it? Oh, my God. Eight hours? Five days? Like eight and a half hours. It was only eight hours. Yeah. Yeah. But, man. It's like a round of golf. I forgot that I had calves until I did this hike. Yeah. Are you ready for the gam cam? Let's go back to the gam cam. Give it to us, baby. No, I want yours. Oh, my gam cam? Yeah. You said you forgot you had calves. Oh, I was just meaning they were really sore. But, all right. Here comes my calves. Come on. Let's see these bulging gams. Oh, man. Everyone's going to be so horny. Those are good. Those are good gams. Gam cam is popping off. Everyone's going to be so horny listening to this podcast tonight. Fortune Marie. I'm telling you. You're giving them. Oh, and the piggy. The foot freaks are going to be out in full force. Oh, you're going to be on, what do you call it? Footy. Footy Pee-Pee. Wiki-Pee-Pee. May, where are your gams? I sadly cannot show you them because something's going on. What? What's happened? Oh, you have your little feet and your little massage thing, don't you? No, I just did something weird. What? Well, I stopped shaving my legs a long time ago when I was filming Wicked. And then sometimes it gets, it was looking long the other day and I thought, it's like, I don't want to get rid of it all, but I want to trim it almost. But anyway, what I've ended up with is quite the weird bald patches and I just kind of went to bed. Let's see it. We're not here to judge. Get on the gam cam. Yeah, get your gams on the cams. Oh my God, everyone's about to get, since Mae's the looker of the group, you can't really tell that there's like bald patches. There's a little patch here. Like, I don't know what I did. I can't see it. No. Yeah. It doesn't show up. And I really can't see it. We see your little tats. It doesn't show up on the cam. And your definition. On the camera. Come on, gams. Y'all, we have some good looking, handsome legs on this pod. We really do. How did we just now introduce the gam cam? Wait a minute. Is Fortune twirling her curls? Seductively. I feel like we're at a sleepover. I didn't even realize it. You're having your wine. You're having your wine and twirling your hair. I had no idea I was doing this until you pointed it out. Which is funny because I just talked to my childhood friend today for the first time in years. Oh, how did that? We've been friends since we were five. How'd you reconnect? Because I'm about to do a show in her hometown. So I'm going to see her. And we just caught up on the phone. But it reminded me because we used to have sleepovers at her house and we would like girls bras and, you know, we did all the things where you like put someone's hand in water to piss themselves. Yeah. And did you put toilet or did you put toothpaste on toilet seats? No, we didn't do that one. Did you ever do this? Oh, and we did the seances with the try to lift the light is a feather stiff as a board. That one. Yeah. That really works. And wait, you lift a person? Yeah, we really did lift somebody. You start. Everyone puts two fingers and you try to lift the person and you can't because it's just people with their fingers. And then you say light is a feather stiff as a board. Light is a feather. And you find suddenly you can lift them. And it is pretty remarkable. Wait, why? I don't know. No one knows. Spirits. Spirits. Don't get rude. She lived near a cemetery. So I would always get scared. What is her hometown? Why did twirling your hair make you think of her? My hometown. And you're performing there? Oh, her hometown now. No. Greenville, South Carolina. Okay. Sorry to bother you. You're fine, bud. Did you used to twirl your phone cord when you would chat to your friends? I would definitely do that. I'm a fidgeter. Do you have a fidget spinner? I don't. Okay. Well, I know what to get you for, Chris. Yeah. Yeah. And is your hair curly because of all your girl talk on the phone? Yeah. Yeah, girl. Curled it right up. Talk and twirl. Talk and twirl. Talk and twirl. Please hold. Talk and twirl. Okay. So, yeah, that was a fun blast from the past. And you know what? We picked right up. Like, no time had passed. Well, how long had it been? At least six or seven years. Seven years, maybe? Oh, that's nothing. What? It's not not nothing. I thought it was going to be like 20 years or something. I saw her last time I was in Greenville, but that might have been like, or no, maybe it was. Her daughter was young, so maybe it was eight years ago. That's more. Yes. Not checking whether my interior decorator wants credit before I brag about his work on the pod? Turns out he wanted a shout out that actually shouted him out. Sorry it took so long, buddy. Yeah. Checking First is handsome. So check Allstate First for an auto quote. If you know me, you know that I love my dog, Biggie, more than anything. Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. If you've ever found yourself awake at 2 a.m., phone in hand, googling things like, is this normal for dogs? Or do I need to call the vet right now? You're not alone. Those unexpected moments are part of having a pet. Which is exactly why ASPCA Pet Health Insurance exists. The ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program offers customizable accident and illness plans that can fit your budget, your lifestyle, and even your pet's particular quirks. Because let's be honest, vet bills can add up fast. ASPCA Pet Health Insurance has been around for almost 30 years and has covered over 1 million pets. And when it's time to submit a claim, it's easy. To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com slash handsome. That's ASPCAPetInsurance.com slash handsome. Again, that's ASPCAPetInsurance.com slash handsome. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. If you know me, you know that nutrition and eating healthy are actually things I get actively excited about. Even with all that passion, I can still find it hard for me to get out of bed. It's hard for myself and family to eat healthy when life gets busy, especially as my boys go back to school. That's why getting our snacks and lunches from Hungry Root has been a game changer for us. They've got endless healthy options to try. And since everything we've ordered from them has been delicious, we're never afraid to try something new. Many recipes are ready in just 15 minutes and there's always something new to try. Hungry Root has made such a difference in my diet because I always know there's something good to eat. to eat at home. It makes it easy to skip the dry through and go enjoy some Ithaca red pepper hummus on my couch. You're going to love Hungry Root as much as we do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order, plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to HungryRoot.com slash handsome and use code handsome. That's HungryRoot.com slash handsome. Code handsome to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. When you guys reunite, can you please do Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board or do something that you used to do? All right. Well, I'll think of something. Oh, because you didn't do toothpaste on the toilet seat. Will you do that? Yeah, I can try that. You know what's so funny? Speaking of photo shoots, when we were kids, my mom had us take a photo shoot on the back of a Mercedes convertible. And I don't know why, but she and I are sitting there. You know how you sit like you're in a parade on the top part? Yeah. We sat like that just because my mom thought it would be cute. And we legit had a full on photo shoot sitting on the top of that car as if we were in a parade. I want to see those pics. Yeah. And can we use them for our calendar? I look so awkward in them. I don't think I have them. You find that hard to believe. I can find it somewhere. Mm hmm. Whenever I see vintage photos. Photos and stuff. It's I find a very like sweet that people were always taking pictures of their cars. It was like they got their or their motorcycles. That was for your camera. And you're like, got to take a picture of it. Wait, people used to do that and they don't do it now. I feel like photos were more precious then. And so you take like a photo of your dog and your Christmas tree and your car. You know, now they're probably thousands. Look at my hair right now. Oh, my Lord. OK. Fortune just jumped up. To number one. Sexy, handsome host. I had a triangle head. Go to U-Haul. How did I not know I was gay? Go to U-Haul.com. I can't see that. You can't see that? That is a picture of Fortune doing like almost like a like, hey, what's up? Like a gang. Yeah. Yeah. But here's me as a pretty little lady. Are you ready for this? Always. If you're listening to this. Oh, my. Oh, my Lord. Can you send that to our thread? Can you text that to us? I have a parasail. Yeah, you do. Parasol? Parasol. Parasol. What? Parasail. I'm thinking of the parasailing. Why do you have a parasol? Because I was a pretty little lady until I was five. And then all bets were off. And then she put her old Navy headset on. That's right. Got to work. And everything was downhill from there. It was a big old lesbian. Oh, my God. This picture, y'all. Oh, my God. Are we really? Look how fat and awkward I was in this little. I can't see anything. Perfect and precious. The long white skirt. It's really. That's when my mom was still insisting on dressing me. Anyway, no one listening to this will. Did she not dress you anymore? No. Did she not pick out that blue T-shirt? She does say blue is my color. We've talked about this. My mom always says pink is wonderful for the complexion. I think she's saying it. So I'll wear pink. Do you not like pink? I like it. But I don't have any pink. Yeah. Well, next time I see you. Oh, show it to us. Yeah. It's so interesting how like my sons have no hang ups around the color pink. Good. You know, yeah, it's there. Like they have pink socks, pink shoes. One had a pink baseball glove. Yeah, it's it's really something. I'm like, man, that would not have gone down well when I was a kid. I like I like a pop of pink. I do, too. I do, too. Took me a while to get there because I was like pink. But now I'm like pink. Yes, yes. Pink is my favorite color. Yeah. What is that? Pink, pink. What is that? Aerosmith. It's dirty. Yeah, it's it's Aerosmith. It's kind of. It's about a vagina. Go to uhaul.com. Get 20% off. It's a fortune. What happens if. I think that is Aerosmith, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah. But that's not one of the. Yeah. Yeah. That's not one of the lyrics. It's about a vagina. Yeah. No, it's implied. How did I not know that that Aerosmith song? You might recognize it. Yeah, you might recognize it. Are you glad to be back in L.A.? I am. It's it's it's it's it's a very different reality than where I came from. But it's it's it's good. I like having we were excited to get home. And, you know. You know, you know, I love my normal life, doing normal things, being a normal person. And I'm just right back into it. And it feels good. It's good to see the kitties. But fortune. I mean, I heard this on a mini episode, but the one of the or did we even. I don't know if this was off off the mics, but that I'm talking about like it's really hot and big news that. It's a secret. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's a vulgar. But it wasn't under. It was just on the floor. OK, so we had to drag the couch out or not the couch. Now I'm lying. The rug. So the rug. I see. Yeah, I got all the details wrong. Yeah. But it is pretty juicy gossip. You got to see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Does that mean the cat was mad at you? What is that accent? Yeah. Was that British? What did I do? You became British. You said that because the cat was mad at you. I mean, the cat was mad at you. Yeah, I think he was upset with us. Little Linus. He was tired of us being gone for a couple of months. Yeah. But, you know, he gets to spend the summer with Stephanie's dad. And Paul. Papa Grande. Papa Grande. That's right. And they're tight. Oh, yeah. He gives the kitties little. Little snuggles and snacks and sends us pictures and stuff. But that was a surprise to come home to. Yes. Can I get your. Actually, this is the kind of thing that I shouldn't even say, because then I feel like on Reddit or wherever people are going to have strong opinions. But I, you know, there's the stray cat Dean that I feed and he probably has another family and we feed him and he's he's slowly become so friendly and he's such a cute. Great cat. He's so cuddly. Yeah. And so what are what would be the process if I was like, I want him to be my full time cat because he wants to come inside. But now to go back, are you telling me? Yeah. There are people online that could potentially have an issue with what you're saying. People want to have an issue with anything. I have never seen that happen on the Internet. As we know, take take lives on Reddit. Watching. Yeah. Reading. Every comment. Yeah. I haven't been going on. Try to pry me off Reddit. All Tick does is read comments on social media all day. Especially Reddit. That is my go to. In between checking the star meter. And you adjust and you adjust your behavior accordingly. Completely read it and adjust. No, of course, I know people have problems. That was I was using Sarkozy. That was sarcasm, my friend sarcasm, you know, you say one thing, they want you to say another. You call someone thing, call it another thing. Don't say that. Say this. Talk more about this. Don't talk about that. How do we choose what to go with? So they wouldn't like you domesticating this cat, basically, is what you're saying. I feel like here's what I think you should do. Yeah. Tell me. What I would do if I had a little kitty that was coming to visit. And listen, I might blow up Reddit with this. And I'm willing to take this chance. But I would put a little note. I would put a collar on the cat. And then I would put a little note. And I would say. Finders keepers. If this is your cat, let me know. If it's not. If I don't hear from. Anybody for the next week. This is my kitty. This is my kitty. I don't. I mean, he, he wouldn't be thrilled about the caller, but. Well, the note be waterproof. Yeah. Good point. How am I going to get the note? Is it going to be fireproof? You should maybe put them like a, it should have like a locket and the locket. Yes. And on the collar, it says, open the locket. You have to get the locket engraved. But then. - Wave. find the key to the locket you also need to put the kitty's initials you have to get that engraved on the locket as well you should just ask the cat if it has a home oh that's good he's not um groomed like he's he's not he i think someone else might be feeding him but he's he's got his balls he's got big balls does that mean he's wild um like do you cut off cat's balls you should yes that's one real good reason to take him in and get those things cut off oh my god i don't want to be taking this poor wild animal and cutting its balls off then why are you asking me for advice well how do we get here i was drinking wine he wants to come in so yeah you're right okay so if i let him come in i would have to probably get well and you're doing a disservice to him and all other little kitties um because i'm sure he's impregnating everybody in town i see yeah yeah okay and then there's going to be more kitties where you're not even sure can we just mute uh fortune until she sobers up you cannot move me but you know there's going to be more little kitties that have nowhere to go right and showing up with balls everywhere you know so he thinks he wants to come in and be part of my world he's pawing at the door he's being so cute he's meowing he has no idea what he's getting into because i'm going to be putting a collar on him cutting his balls off he's going to be like why did i ever do this why did i knock on this door yeah yeah and then i'm going to have a cat that hates me living with me i think maybe i'll just keep feeding i mean he's not in any danger it's so warm out but wait why won't you cut off his balls oh my god i if i bought a cat i would i just feel bad why would you buy a cat they're free everywhere everywhere they are every single place you could possibly look yeah kitties everywhere yeah let's look at fortune let's just see what fortune does yeah let's just look at fortune see what she says and does what just get your cat on this just out of the street right i've never had a cat i don't know how they work and this ball talk is uh i don't know much about that either well i guess you i could adopt one but i don't know the more balls i could just get the balls yeah yeah why don't you just start fresh and adopt one maybe this little cat might like being in the wild yeah he does seem pretty content i just wait but then do you understand you now have a responsibility this kitty are you bob barker no i don't get that reference i am not bob laughed though oh because he he used to say you know who bob barker is showing my age bob barker hosted the price is right for decades okay um pre drew carrie and he always would say at the end of every show don't forget to spade or neuter your spay spay spayed spay or neutered uh-huh bay or neuter or neuter that's right and what a weird thing just well he's trying to stop he was trying to stop that was his his uh his yeah it was his car yeah that was his thing and so he wanted all the balls off and so we're trying to send the message to you since you what if we ended our episodes like that fortune what are you looking at we can see the screen reflecting on your face yeah i saw it too i saw the screen light up you think you're so sneaky when you're looking at your computer this is let me do an impression go to uhaul.com this is my impression of fortune okay i think i got bored talking about cats yeah i'm listening i got bored for a second talking about cat balls what do you what would you like to talk about i was looking at my calendar i don't know why oh my god calendar i don't even know what's on there oh it's just i hit a button and that's what came up kitty balls but listen i'm just gonna wrap this up and say no i'm invested may may keep it going if you you now have the responsibility if a kitty with balls is pawing at your door you gotta snatch that kitty and snatch that kitty and then you gotta get i just opened the counter again oh my god fortune marie you shut your calendar and put your hooch down may you gotta get this is when you know the podcast has hit rock bottom we're drunk and we're organizing our i don't know why i did it again whenever i cut back on smoking i feel so much better my breathing my skin my body all feel like they've leveled up whether you want to quit or cut back jones meets you where you're at with personalized support that helps you manage cravings and build better nicotine habits that last with jones's science-backed fda approved nicotine mints there's no harmful smoke or vapor just a discreet mint that doubles your nicotine habits your chances of quitting take the jones quiz to find your ideal mint strength and get your step down plan then use a mint when cravings hit and track your progress in the jones app check out jones to start building a better relationship with nicotine today visit quit with jones.com slash handsome to take their free quiz to find your quit plan and use code handsome to get 15 off your personalized quitting journey that's quit with jones.com slash handsome the support you need starts now thanks to jones for sponsoring this podcast jones mints are a nicotine replacement therapy that is fda approved to help you stop smoking and vaping available for those 18 and older as we get right into fall i've been wanting to get a little cozy but i had a problem my blankets don't feel quite right some were scratchy some were small i couldn't get comfy that's where wayfair saved the day with wayfair you can shop furniture and decor with filters and reviews that will help you find the pieces that are just right for solving your most thorny home challenges wayfair helps you find the pieces that are just right for solving quality materials that stand up to real life with furniture and decor that's built to last with wayfair verified durable pieces are hand vetted by product specialists who use a 10 point quality inspection wayfair rewards members get five percent back every day 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reaching for my quince jeans over and over again quince i'm a fan find the fall pieces you'll reach for most at quince download the quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash handsome get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in canada and the uk too that's q-u-i-n-c-e.com slash handsome nor do i know what is in the calendar that i'm looking for let me finish this with me you have a responsibility you have a responsibility to cut those kitty balls off okay because it's going to make more kitties out in the world with balls that have nowhere to go wait now thomas is nodding so is this a like if you see any stray cat you should get it and cut its balls off well i it's a real indication it's a real indication that this cat is not um housed yeah at all okay um because if you're just running loose and you're a kitty that's kind of a sign maybe you don't have a home and then throw some balls on there yeah you don't have a home biggie wasn't neutered when he was found really okay so maybe all right but he was found true and then they neutered him right that's my point so yeah what tig said all right i'm gonna sleep on it no you have to do it and then you'll create a story thread for our podcast because people will want to know about kitty balls well do i call someone to scoop him up and take him away or call me i'll come help you will absolutely so we'll fortune and what we'll just get him into a little crate can we record a podcast also put it on the list okay okay we're gonna take care of this i'm glad we got to the bottom of this this is important all right we get to our question that's why we're here and that is why you are up drinking your hooch middle of the night i know i'm holding my it's midnight for me right now 10 9 8 7 6 5 wait it's still two minutes until it's still two minutes oh yeah anyway should we get to our question yeah today's question asker is a podcaster comedian and speech writer who worked for the obama administration before co-founding crooked media he is the host of love it or leave it and also competed on season 47 of survivor john love it is asking today's question what's up handsome all right everybody complains about getting older and there's a lot about getting older that isn't great you know bodies falling apart everybody in la is trying to be young all the time what's something about getting older that's awesome what's something you like about having moved through more time great question i feel like everyone's staring at me tig what's it like getting older something positive or that you're looking older or two about like real can i say john love it i really feel an affinity with because he is a massive survivor fan and went on survivor and was voted out first and i think that's what would happen to me and he's really funny about it but that is what would happen to me for sure that sucks how do celebrities go on survivor i don't understand they have a celebrity edition don't they no they do no never no there's only ever been there's been a few like football players and then there's been mike white and and john love it how do you get on i don't understand i think you write to cbs you you do a tape a million people write to cbs and and and cbs is like okay john love it and mike white those are the two i don't think celebs and i love mike white and john love it but why i don't think celebs are it's so exposing yeah i don't think a lot of them want to do it yeah i'm gonna write to cbs please go on survivor having never seen it i i know i saw it in like 99 why it looks so awful well i did that hike i know and that's all and that sounded awful to me so the fact people are going on survivor is like way more awful okay but they don't like really have to survive they're right no i think they do they're starving well they can win food and challenge and stuff but these days they don't get any rice even oh my god no rice they go a couple days survive well you'd be eating coconuts so you'd have even less things to eat coconuts i just eat coconuts yeah i don't know but also yeah no i you saw my little hiking hat oh wait that's naked and afraid i don't think anyone's had their cooter out on survivor really they don't lose their oh wait no someone um man cooter yeah that one that one guy was naked all the time and he had a man cooter oh my god i've never i've never heard the term man cooter wait is that a hall and oat song no that's what are you looking forward to about getting older or what do you like or what do you like about getting older yeah we're already old oh okay um i'll i can say and and i'll answer this um in waves i'll just give you one right now second you have you have never answered a question in waves before i don't want to give you my whole answer right now i want to give you one answer and then i'll give you another one tease out some okay yeah um the older the older i've gotten and being at this age now i care less and less what people think i like have reached an age where i don't really give a shit yeah um what people like of course i like do i want to be liked of course everyone wants to be liked but like i just don't care like if if someone doesn't you're just like oh okay you know what i mean like right i just don't get worked up about things like i did back in the day and where are you running into people saying i don't like you fortune read it but like even i don't know just in general like i just don't really i'm not phased by thing is as much as i used to be yeah it's not even just like someone liking me or not it's just like i'm just kind of like yeah yeah like whereas back in the day when i was younger i would like spin you know about things okay yeah yeah the wisdom of like just having more years on it all and being like don't sweat the small stuff yeah oh good bumper sticker i just thought of that but you ever watch um like if i'm watching a i don't know like there's a netflix show right now called let's marry harry it's they're trying to marry this guy off he's like a reality our friend of the pot amanda klutz is on yes amanda klutz is one of the hosts and oh because she's friends with reality harry it's a reality show but these women are losing their minds over this guy who they just met who they want to marry and they and i just am like i'm so glad i'm not 20 on a reality dating competition trying to marry harry i'm glad you're not trying to marry harry this must have happened since i've been off social media that amanda got it just it just aired like a week or so two ago okay yeah again it's like i wake up from a coma every day the one thing i don't like about getting older is this one coarse hair right under my chin no you've had that for a while it keeps reappearing i'll pluck it and then it's not kind of satisfying though i do like to mess with it sometimes i do have an itchy ear that has started i think it's probably happening i guess i want to share a lot more than i thought you have an itchy now you guys go you have an i have an itchy ear it's a and a whisker of and a whisker is that going on your dating profile no itchy ear oh it's itchy it's like in it's like inside really deep and you can't get to it so you you go like this and it doesn't relieve it oh and that's a perimenopause thing uh-huh that's like your brain's itchy i don't know whoa oh itchy brain sunburn i don't like that i'm gonna go i'm gonna take this and add that to the question did you know that when you get older because of gravity you shrink an inch oh and you got these big old knockers over here go to u-haul just sagging these huge knockers start sagging gravity can you believe some people can't wait to hear the new episodes this is what else do you guys like about it i'm looking forward to my libido dipping a bit i hope what does that mean like it ups no like like in your 70s 80s i think your your libido starts to lessen in your 80s no in your 60s you're so revving to go is that what you heard is finally in your 80s your libido finally i can get some stuff done when i'm 80 maybe i'll finish a book finally i'm gonna be i'm gonna be fucking a lot till i'm 80 and then i hope to break for me on my 80th birthday was a real drop off but like a real grounded i thought you got revved up again later in life no i heard you just get an itchy ear and a whisker and a sunburned man cooter and you're on your way but what aside from what you're looking forward to what do you already enjoy it i definitely i think even on this podcast like since starting i feel much wiser i feel like much less like a moth to a flame like um like oh well what's like an example is uh maybe eight months ago or something i reconnected with an an ex who had been kind of like a flaky fun but who i was really crazy about but i was like let's get and she reappeared on the scene this is not poverty by the way and then she was sort of flaky again a couple of times and i was like yeah you know and in the old days i would have been like that means i'm not worthy and i need to prove you a chase yeah but i was like okay yeah and i think that's growth yeah i think so too yeah what do you think i like for sure yeah oh my gosh you didn't care when i said it you had to see what tig said that's so i'm the elderly one you're like you're drunk on a couch you're like okay we're just good you are given drunk no not me i could have worn a bathrobe tonight but i didn't but i think all of those are examples that just happen aside from like your libido finally dropping in your 80s so that i can finish reading a book yeah but i just feel like all of that stuff eventually like chasing people or caring what people say or um being competitive and like just just ways all of those things just destroy people when they're when they're younger and it and it's like it i feel like it's just such a con i guess there's people that still when they're in their 80s are banging around non-stop and care about what everyone thinks yeah all those slutty 80 year olds yeah but it's it's i think about how i remember having max and finn when they were like just little tiny brand new blobs and yes i was an older parent um i was 45 when i had them but i remember having this uh thought and awareness of how when grandparents have their grandkids they have such a relaxed way around them yes that's a perfect little yeah yeah and i wanted to skip the high anxiety craze of parenting and try and um channel grandparents yeah channel grandparent energy with my kids and just look at them with joy and wonder yeah and not that you you know you of course still as a parent you you get worried and and have anxiety and concern and stuff and stress but that is something that i try to keep as a north star in my parenting is like just skip quickly to grand parenting and and and approach it to the best of my ability yeah like that um but um yeah that makes sense but my personal thing that i like about getting older is i'm i feel like in in ways that i have control over i feel like i'm getting healthier and when i was younger and taking my health my everything for granted um i just like even doing that hike i i i truly can't believe i did it yeah i really can't believe i did it and i know 55 is not 80 but uh it is not nothing doing that hike and i was very curious if i could do that yeah and i barely could i very barely could but yeah i just i i know that's kind of an obvious and old story of mine of like being drawn to health but seeing it in action is really rewarding yeah and after what you went through now you know your body so much better and yeah but also got some surprises on that hike where i was like wow wow wow yeah yeah i mean i think jane fonda did that same hike i feel like she said she was in her 60s or 70s and she's 88 now yeah but she was the jazzers those queen she really was but she said at 88 she was like i don't know if i could still do that hike oh my god i like that she thinks she might be able to do that i know that's what blew our minds like that's awesome whoa whoa whoa so and when i think of doing it in my 60s or 70s i'm like oh no but um but anyway that's just something that where i'm like wow my body can continue to get healthy and strong i want to do one of those tests where they tell you what you're you're you got your uh your chronological age and then your physiological oh yeah i want to find out yeah how old i am where do you get that i don't know can you is it real can you get it yeah people done it the kardashians did it oh did they oh yeah oh yeah yeah yeah uh-huh wait how what did they do yeah what did they find out i don't know they had some tests where they found out their i vaguely remember that when their age is of their body or something text kim yeah that's true i can't text kim give her a ring a day drunk doll kim tonight twirling your hair hey girl she does write me back i text her and she writes me right back oh my lord that's right tig and i were talking about um tyler henry and and can you the the psychic medium uh-huh can you put us all in touch i don't know if i have a phone number but if i don't friend of the pod amanda clutes was his host look at all that twirly hair i would i want to get in there so i would think she because i don't think i have his i don't have his number personally and can amanda set me up friend of the pod so i can marry harry amanda wait and who is harry that everybody wants to marry jowsey is that his last name he's from originally from love island he's english no he's australian no he's not australian he's so australian i swear to god he's english no i swear he lived on i've got a google i just watched you just want to look at your calendar again but it's these women who are on there who are like i am 25 and by the time i'm 28 i want four kids and i should have been married by now and you're like slow your roll and what is this on this show it's on netflix it's pretty riveting in a way oh he is australian may you're right right well should we hear what john has to say yeah let's do it wait i had more to say oh right you were gonna sneak out some things yeah and the waves are still coming i'm glad to be independent and i can pay for things without having to ask anybody okay i'll be i'm not here yet and i've got a little time before this but i'll be real excited to get rid of my cooter plugs are you talking about tampons menopause cork it oh my god that's funny i feel like this is newly happening to you and your body fortune you've brought it up i'm not near menopause but you're perimenopause yeah but i mean but i don't even have a lot of i actually had my first perimenopause consultation because i thought i was like consultation uh-huh with the with the lady doctor briefcase i went with a briefcase can you tell me what's going on i had my three months of menopause and i'm like oh my god i'm 300 tampons in my briefcase that i was in the space with and um and she actually said i'm not really in having many symptoms of it so i'm i don't need any like extra stuff right now but i will be coming around the corner at some point to not having to have uh to use the cooter plugs anymore and i'll be real pumped about that well we are very happy to hear about the progress of the cooter plugs and i'm really excited to hear about the progress of the cooter plugs so you've made with your cooter plugs what else do you want to sneak out about your aging oh what else that you handle your your booze well my hip's been hurting i don't love that um oh take your time do you enjoy your free senior drink i haven't gone to get one but i tell everyone that i can get one where can you get a free senior drink have you not been listening to our podcast any fast food restaurant take a guess wait any fast food most of them okay every fast food place my mom goes to she's like i'd like a senior drink and how big of a drink do they give you like it's a small but you get it for like half off or something it was free yeah i think some places it's free okay but um i can't say i'm wiser now that i'm older i can't say you are either but i'm fine yeah anyway i thought i had more to say have another sip maybe something honestly i can't because i think i will legit fall asleep with my eyes open that would be really good if you just because it's almost 12 30 here i'm hanging on by a string i'm falling awake with my eye closed i'm doing the opposite over here so let's hear what john had to say i'll give you my answer it's uh you can't have old friends unless you've lived a long time and i really appreciate that there have been people in my life for 20 years through my whole life adulthood who uh i have these deep relationships with that are just not possible when you're young and uh other than that you know i thought i wouldn't still have acne in my 40s but i do okay bye i love that i not the acne but like i mean it's fine i'm i have no problem with acne um but um speaking of old friends like some of my nearest and dearest i saw i see in the summertime i've known for like 40 and 50 years and it's yeah it's real nice because they're the people that have seen you in your most embarrassing moments your lowest moments the craziest laughter together when you froze bras together all of that stuff fortune yes meeting your friends kids like my my friend nicole who's in town my my old old best friend and her two little kids and when i i love them instantly and then you feel like you're almost reparenting your friend yeah when you're hanging with their kids because they are they look exactly like her they have the same anxiety yeah you know like her her kid i was like oh i just got to stop and get some air in my tire the pressure's a little low and he goes oh no it's like you're exactly like your mom oh no no i'd definitely rather be this age than a kid coming up because i'm so happy i didn't grow up with social media oh my fucking god so happy i got to play outside all the time i know i am too and i'm just curious what it is specifically and personally you're glad you missed on social media as a child i just would not have wanted to like be influenced by that so much or be left out or that like whole like everyone's showing up and i'm like oh my god i'm so happy i got to play outside you know self that's not the reality of what their life is really so you think you would just have terrible self-esteem even worse you know imagine in middle school and it's like saturday night and you see all the your friends posting that they're out hanging out without a party like sitting at home with your dog and you post a picture of the dog and it gets three likes and someone comments right that's terrible every person i know that has especially a young girl it's brutal there is brutal for them they have like so many self-esteem issues with it yeah and just everything's catered to beauty and weight and i think australia made it illegal under 16 i think i think they're gonna they should start doing that it's yeah i think it's gonna catch on yeah it's social media i just i just love like this this is more of the simplicity we got to have back then we we really are lucky yeah well and speaking of social media i've maybe mentioned this before but um i personally won't be back but i believe my social media will be back how do we know it's not really you with my massive team well i guess i could be a liar but my massive team and tips my last one my massive tip team um will um will be posting show and podcast stuff and uh anything like that but they better give us some good content because i'm gonna be watching for it we want proof of life we want some we want your massive tip team to be taking massive tip team in action i i still have to say like i am not missing it i am not i don't i i am not missing it at all i'm not missing it the slightest bit yeah it's it's really fascinating i think i'm like maybe four months in or something like that three or four i'm having the time of my life on it i know you are girl you just said that the thing who cares yeah yeah nothing matters that's the beauty of being older we're half half our lives already over we're half dead well we have one foot in the grave this uh it was me there it was good to see your faces again and i know that we're gonna try and schedule an in-person recording soon so that's gonna be off the charts oh my god and quite possibly there's gonna be live shows coming up which will be also off the charts go to uhaul.com for all information go to uhaul.com people are gonna do that oh my god they're gonna that website's gonna crash with a bunch of the gam cam as well when we when we're live in person can we can we have a game cam we have to have a station behind us yeah that's weird it just goes to each gam yeah we can even go to thomas's gams too yeah we can yeah get those balls cut off yeah i'll let you know what happens with that okay keep us posted what do you guys have coming up you know what if you live in boise portland oregon austin texas chattanooga dayton ohio louisville madison wisconsin durham north carolina oakland bakersfield santa barbara los angeles palm springs denver and nashville that's their last of my tour and then i'm done and i'm gonna take a break from touring for a little bit so come see me on the road i'm always at largo in la so check out social media um but other than that just check out uh my music is on spotify or wherever you get your music uh or watch wayward on netflix or my stand-up special will be coming out soon i'll keep you yeah thanks well you can go to tignotaro.com i'm gonna be i'm also at dynasty typewriter and largo in los angeles but please check me out in rochester calgary iowa city des moines omaha oklahoma city cincinnati charleston west virginia chattanooga knoxville chico california olympia washington fresno california napa i mean it just goes on okay go to tignotaro.com also please share an episode if you love it if you want to build our handsome community what is fortune doing i'm into it i love it she's rocking out yeah she is so um yeah share an episode if you want to um build our community send it to a friend a loved one and join the troop i guess all that remains is until next time keep it handsome handsome is hosted by me fortune feimster tignotaro and may martin the show is produced recorded and edited by thomas roulette email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsome pod what a podcast that was a hate gun podcast checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance not just car insurance but car insurance and car insurance not checking the reviews for the fancy home rental i'm splashing out on before booking it big mistake the pool just turned everyone green and they're blaming it on our sunscreen time to start looking for a hotel yeah checking first is handsome so check all state first for an auto quote it could save you hundreds you're in good hands with all state potential savings vary subject to terms conditions and availability all state north american insurance company and affiliates northbrook illinois hi i'm nicole byer hi i'm sashir zameda and this is the podcast best friends and we're here at head gum so this is just a podcast where we just talk yeah we're best friends yeah we talk and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries so audience members can ask questions about friendships and uh we can answer them to the best of our abilities yes we are professional friends we are professional friends subscribe to best friends on spotify apple podcast pocket cast or where you get your podcast and watch videos on youtube new episodes drop every wednesday that's the middle of a work week i was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing you are i'm really sorry the support i was so okay i was trying to be supportive yeah but i was like i don't know reading seems pretty hard right now it's a lot i think you did good thank you so much you're welcome