Jokes On Us | Reading Reddit Stories

[MUSIC] Frank, you thought I wasn't here, but I am. Oh, but where are our guests? There's still guests here. [MUSIC] [LAUGHTER] Frank, you. Frank, and for our audio listeners, you don't know what the hell's going on. Yeah. That's so weird. So were you here? Yeah. Well, that's right. Welcome to Smoshery and Spreaded Stories. Actually. What's going on? I got you guys, because there's actually nothing in my trench coat. Wow, OK, even though you thought there was something there. I'm going to be honest. You wearing a trench coat and holding it together like this did have me pretty nervous. I got you guys. I got you guys, but hey, now I'm just ready to sit down and listen to Smoshery's stories. OK, she has a wopy cushion taped to her ass by the way. [LAUGHTER] We try to get-- let me try to get-- Oh, my god, you guys. You're sitting down on a couch. It has a squishy couch. It's not going to work out. You got sitting on a hard surface. You're supposed to punch your ass. Yeah. [MUSIC] Wait. OK, hold up. Wait. OK, OK. We had a rehearsal. We had locked in a rehearsal for that. You used the company dollar on this. We had blocking rehearsal. We had a rehearsal. We had a rehearsal. They literally were like, Arasha, can I talk to you for a second? And it was for that. For this, I thought it was for some intense shit. Listen. Listen, it wasn't my idea. I just went along with it. I love that it failed. And I knew that it wasn't. It wouldn't have been as funny if it worked, because I was fully prepared for the fart. The second you were like, guys, it's all good. And you went to sit down. I was like, it's about to fart. And then it didn't happen. I was like, and it failed. And that's even funnier. Yeah. And then how haphazardly it was taped to your ass was also awesome. Listen, we had to work quickly. Welcome to Smoshery's Reddit Stories. I'm Shane. And today's theme is pranks. I was just going to probably get it. They're all she knows. Oh, no, that was the intro. She's just not realizing that's how the episode's going to start. Oh, you thought we're going to cut all that? No, we're keeping that in. Oh, no. My face is hot. My face is hot. Yeah, dude, we haven't even started this. And this is where we're at. Oh, my God. OK. OK. Guys, today's theme is prank. We've been here before with pranks. Every time we do prank on Reddit Stories, we go, what is a prank? I shot her in the head. It's a prank. Yeah, go out her. No, it's not. They're almost always mean and horrible. Yeah. Let's see how they exist. Yeah, we're all warmed up. Yeah, we're ready. You know, like, the feeling when your face is just like heat. Yeah. Yes, I do. When your face is heat. Are we ready for our first prank story? Please, please. All right, this comes from Am I the Asshole? It was posted in March of 2019. Am I the asshole for pretending to be an apple tarion, eating only apple-derived food/drinks for three weeks as a prank, causing my friends to have an intervention for me. OK. Apple tarion. I feel like I may be have read this before, but maybe I'm wrong. Apple flavored stuff's good. I got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends by pretending to be an apple tarion, meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple-ducer apple cider. I told them all that I had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. When I first told them, they thought I was joking, but they underestimated how committed I would be to a joke. So whenever in the presence of one of my friends or friend of friends, co-workers, et cetera, who knew them, I was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider. Apple's whole, apple's diced, apple's sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples, with the chocolate shaved off, et cetera. Finally, after about a week, they bought that I had become an apple tarion. They started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples and growing increasingly exasperated by it. Some of them even got angry, but I wanted to stick with the joke. Finally, after the end of three weeks, I walked into what I was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me. They were all super concerned about my well-being and had all sorts of information or whatever. Finally, I started laughing hysterically. They were confused as hell, so I told them I had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. I even took out some beef jerky from my pants pocket to prove it and munched it. I thought they'd appreciate the joke, but they were actually really annoyed. My girlfriend even broke up with me over this. [LAUGHTER] Because days ago, I had ruined our date night. When I told the waiter, I only wanted apples because I was an apple tarion and had embarrassed her for a dumb joke. In my opinion, the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank. But did I go too far? Dude. Dude. Bad joke. My girlfriend broke up with me over it. It is really funny. No, it's really funny. It's really funny. They couldn't have been together for that long, so. It's like my girlfriend of five years broke up with me. This is something that, from a third-party perspective, if you're not involved in any of the relationships, is funny, but in practice, I guess everyone got a little concerned if they're going to throw an intervention. We committed hard. Too hard. Yeah, yeah. So clear your girlfriend and on the joke at least. Right. And this is another one of those cases, too, where it's like the pranks that we pull, the commitment that we do, we're a comedy channel. This is just a group of friends that seem like they genuinely care about each other and are just trying to have date nights and fun nights together. And it's actually ruining it. Yeah. Because it's like, what's the payoff? Right? There's no payoff. Because you've faked an engagement for four months. However, the payoff was a video that did very well. And it was like, OK, I get what you're doing it for. But for him, I'm like, what's the payoff? Yeah. Tell everyone they go, great. So why did you do that for three weeks? Right. I like damn. Also, may I say a quick turnaround for an intervention? No, they were honest. They must have been really concerned. Or it just actually was that big of an issue. Because we didn't hear the date night thing until after the girlfriend broke up with him. So how many instances? How many experiences did he ruin with his apple condition? I'd like to think that I would be more suspicious because I'm like three weeks of only apples and apple juice. There's no way you're feeling good. No, it's nutritionally bad. I'm like, you are not going to be hanging in there. No. Yeah. No protein. You have zero protein. I mean, you're getting fiber, but like, no. And some calories and sugar. But like, your body's going to be like, the amount of apples you'd have to eat to maintain a notion of fallaric, 'cause they're not that many calories. No. Like, 50 to 100. Like, nothing. You'd need like 20 apples a day or something. Like, my gosh. Three weeks, I'd be like, you would not be functioning that well. Right. I would think. I would actually be doing this apple diet. Yeah. I would think. Right. And it was just random, he said. Like, he just decided to start doing it. Decided to be apple tear. I got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends by pretending to be an apple tearing. It's not even April. It, this is posted in March. He's just like, brilliant. It's not April first yet. Do you think he was waiting for the reveal on April first? I guess, maybe. But that's like a long commitment. I'm like, this is exhausting. Yeah. The verdict was no assholes here. Just kind of like, yeah, just, that's how I feel. Right. I'm like, so why'd you do that? What are you doing, man? So what's that for? But again, the breakup makes it clues us in that it was actually a lot more agonizing than he's telling. Exactly. He's like, yeah, I did this, I did that. And everyone else was probably like, you're ruining our time with you. Like, we can't be around you if you're going to continue to do this. Yeah. The comments, someone said, no assholes here. I may be in a minority, but I think this is fucking funny. So I feel like your girlfriend overreacted. But maybe in the future, included your girlfriend and said, prank. Right. Someone said, not the asshole, absolute legend. That level of commitment is on par with the method acting of Daniel Day Lewis, thanks for the late night laugh. Someone else said, no assholes here. But the date thing is really pushing it. Yeah. Yeah. I, mm. It just goes back to the quick turnaround intervention and the breakup means that this was more of a problem in the circle of people than, again, the zoomout is like, I guess that could be funny. I guess. No, yeah, yeah. But like, practically in the real world, clearly people are concerned. I think the comments are in agreement with what you're saying, or I'm like, for me, reading this on line as a hypothetical situation. I'm like, funny. Well, I'm flippling through it. But I'm flippling through it. What's going on in Russia? Now it's making me laugh. OK, OK. Because I'm thinking about how unfunny-- (laughing) - How much of a waste of time that is? - I think about it. - I'm stupid, this is. - I know, I love it. I know I'm on board with him. Now it's great when you think about it, you're like, "Wait, why would you do that?" And you're like, "Wait, that's awesome." (laughing) - Three weeks, he committed to it. - Yeah. - Nobody's filming it. It's, I wonder how long he was gonna go. - I wonder too. - 'Cause like, he clearly stopped 'cause of the intervention, but like, it's also how out of character is this. You know, like, is this in par with like, "Oh, he's a silly guy, does prank sometimes," or was it like, he's like a doctor. - He has never pulled a prank before in his life. Like, he wants to, he's having all those apples. - Yeah. - Right, I think he wants to be sneaky. He like wants to be silly, and this is like, breakout role. (laughing) - He says, "I'm trying to be silly right now." - He's hard-launching, silly personality. (laughing) - And he's not working, 'cause it's his first. (laughing) I don't get there. We'll check him with him soon. - God. - There's no updates. - Why would there be? (laughing) - Update, I'm back from being Apple Terian. Give it in another shot, for real. - Apple Terian. - This does open a whole world of like, word fusion where you can do a blank Terian that I've never even thought about. - Yeah. - I mean, people do the carnivore diet, which is, to me, just as silly. - Oh, sure, but I mean like, I'm a food Terian. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm a dessert Terian. - You know what I mean? - I'm a blonde Terian. - Sign me up. - Right. (laughing) - I'm a winetarian. - Yes. - Yeah. (laughing) - Shane was 48 for a second. (laughing) - Got little clips of the future there. Pretty scary. - Oh no, it's gasoline. - It's very gasoline. - It's the last video of the week. - Guys, I filmed two Smoshmails and a previous minutes where we had the longest story that was very awesome and had everybody crying in this room. And now I have to continue. (laughing) - Oh, that's why you're 48 at age two. - You're 48 now. - Aww. - You read enough stories. (laughing) All right, let's move on. - Let's move on. (laughing) - This is Ro. - Our next story, it comes from, "Am I overreacting?" This was posted in September of 2025. "Am I overreacting over this small prank?" What do we think is she overreacting? - Oh, mm. If it's small prank and I'm gonna say no, probably not. - She's not overreacting. - I'm gonna say it's a bad prank and she's reacting properly. - I think she is overreacting and I think it was like something happened and then I was like, "Just kidding as a prank." And she's like, "I'm deeply hurt." - There was another story we read where a woman was talking about how her husband's pranks were just full on abuse. - Oh, I think I was in that. - It was like putting, was putting like baby poop on her toast and shit. Like it'd just be like, "Ha ha, like pranked." - Wow. - It was awful. - Awful. - Now I'm medically concerned. Now I'm medically concerned that I don't have that memory. - I feel like I have that memory. It was just somebody I took yours. - I do not, I don't remember anything. - Yeah. - Latter. - The fans have pointed out a lot of me like, I'm surprised Shane doesn't remember that. I think I'm like, "We've shot 5,000." - That was so many words, I'm reading like, these memories are in like the short-term ram. They're getting overwritten. I got it before. - 'Cause you're just like rewatching episode and you like reacting to the story that you literally heard weeks ago, but you're like, "Oh my God." - Oh, yeah. - For the first time. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, short-term memory bank. - No, the scariest is when I rewatch a Reddit stories and I disagree with my own take. - I don't want to. - Yes. - Because you have time. - That's scary. - Yeah, I've done that too. - It's also what also happens sometimes now is I, we will film an episode of Reddit Stories and in the three months before it comes out, I'll go, oh, I totally disagree with what I said there. - Yep. - Oh well. - Oh well. - People change. - Okay. Am I re-overreacting over this small prank? - Hmm. - I, a 22-year-old woman, had been with my boyfriend, who's 25, for a little over a year and a half. Recently, we've been running into hurdles because I have been feeling like he has been bothering slash teasing, slash poking, slash biting me, more than being a serious, slash loving partner to me. For context, I mean making weird noises all the time, referencing Italian brain rot or groping me randomly, even if I'm in the middle of a sentence and talking about something serious, et cetera, when I would prefer active listening, loving touch on ironic quality time. - Big asks. - Right. - Yeah. We had a huge conversation about this recently as I was on the brink of ending things with him since the lack of warmth relative to his unseriousness was making me feel empty. Since then, there has been a genuine effort and big improvement and I was starting to feel very hopeful that this was something we could work through. Fast forward a little, I am starting a new job as an educator and while I am very excited about it, it is also a huge adjustment and has been really stressful. On top of that, for the past six days, I have been hearing this bizarre beeping noise coming from my closet that chirps once every 20 to 40 minutes, driving me nuts. I couldn't figure out what it was, it was keeping me up and infiltrating my dreams and it started to freak me out since nothing I own makes that sound. Nothing in the closet even had a battery in it and from my overall stress and lack of good sleep, I was starting to grow paranoid that someone had planted a device in my room. To add to this, I am extremely private and the only people who are regularly in my room are myself and my boyfriend when he visits. This led to me fearing that my boyfriend was secretly stalking me and had planted a mic or something in my room that was starting to make noise. I had zero reason to believe this and had 100% trust in him, but was starting to go crazy. It even happened while talking with my therapist and when I explained the mystery of its origins, she seemed equally concerned. To make matters worse, the fridge at work is broken and beeps nine times every minute so it has started feeling like the chirping is following me compounding my general distress. Last night, after a stressful day and finding out some unrelated unsettling news that is enough to affect me on its own, my sister heard the noise as well and we decided to tear my closet apart at 10 p.m. When I had to wake up at 6 a.m. to figure out what has been plaguing me. After timing the beeps for an hour, it beeped in irregular intervals. We found this tiny Arduino board deep in one of my boxes labeled annoying PCB as pictured. Google it, it's literal sole purpose is to drive its victims insane. So the picture of the device, it's a tiny little device that just beeps. Oh my God, that's like as thin as a credit card, but like a quarter of the size. Yeah, so an Arduino board is just like a tiny little device for people like getting into. It's just like a basic, like an understanding device. And so this whole purpose of this is just to beep. I was immediately horrified quite literally shaking and crying as my wildest nightmare of someone planting a device in my room had literally come true. My immediate thought was who would do something like this? What did I do to deserve this? I called my boyfriend immediately and he admitted he knew what it was. I hung up and haven't spoken to him since. The reason I'm not sure if I'm overreacting is because on the one hand, I understand how this might be funny, but to me that doesn't matter given A, the fact that I have been feeling like he hasn't been generally serious with me to a problematic extent. B, the fact that this has been plaguing me and disrupting my sleep literally the first week of my new job and C, I've been complaining about it to him for days and he played along being confused and concerned, repeatedly asking me, what does it sound like? And even dismissing my genuine concern/paranoia saying maybe there's a little cricket in your room. I just feel like this is on par with glitter bombing, like something you do to someone you hate, not the supposed love of your life. It feels like psychological warfare and between stretching this out for days and planting it in my room, this feels like a massive breach of trust. I haven't spoken to him at all and he's been texting me saying things like, it was just a prank and beep, beep, beep, and I miss you and please don't ignore me. I am so against stonewalling but I have literally nothing to say to him and he hasn't apologized or shown any remorse. I don't feel ready to speak to him at all. Maybe it was a good prank with bad timing but I can't help but feel like this is just setting us back again and I am genuinely shaken. I honestly don't see a future at this point and I'm not really sure what to do. If you read this far, thank you for listening and I appreciate any advice or kindness. And I got it right, not overreacting. Yeah, I still believed women. Not beep, beep. Beep, beep is like, he's still going, are you dating the Joker? I'm like, holy, go. I feel like a fifth grader, like this is so frustrating. She specifically was like, I want you to just take things a little bit more seriously and he was like, let me find the most serious week of your life when you're starting a new job and ruin it. To basically torture you. And she said she had some unsettling news in her life going on. That was already, it's like a, and I didn't think that he even, at first I was like, oh, maybe he doesn't know how much it's affecting her. But then she said that they had conversation. And he's there going like, oh, what's it sound like? He, these aren't, this isn't a prank to me. This is he enjoys torturing you. Exactly, exactly, it's just like. It's not fun. I feel like there's, it's the payoff again. It's like this like, oh, ha, ha, ha. There's like relief in it from both parties. But clearly that's a, just not your audience. Like he clearly doesn't know her at all to be able to pull another prank like this. And then, and then be to just like, gaslight her the entire time that she's actually trying to figure out what's going on in her life. Like it's just not funny. I feel like the only prank you can pull in a relationship that is beneficial and would work is like doing a prank to pull off a surprise party. Yes, that you're, that they would obviously be okay with. Those are the only pranks that I think I, to me a prank is not a prank. unless the person you're pranking enjoys it, right? So the fun is the switchup of like, no, actually, there's a good, like, oh, there's a bad thing. - Actually, it's a good thing. - Yes. - But this isn't a prank, this is torture. - Is this torture? - This is full on torture. - Yeah. - Like, I see that device and I think about who I would wanna give that to. And it's nobody that I love. - Yeah. - Like, you, there's no, like, even a person who I think could laugh at that. I still wouldn't want to do that. 'Cause I know how terrible it would make you laugh. - And are like at work hearing the beeps and being like, it's following you. - Like, you're like sending her into an episode. - Right, right. - You're simulating, like, a paranoia problem. - That's crazy. - Yeah. - Clearly, once, the amount of stories we read about like, boyfriends who do this, who are incapable of just genuine conversation or genuine connection, turn everything into a joke. - Well, it goes back to the beginning too of what she was saying that he was doing, which was just groping her randomly. Sorry, we have to get back to biting. Like, what was that? - Yeah, that was a different thing. - Yeah, a lot. We breezed past the story and it's like, "Oh, Pete, what are you talking about?" - Right. - And there's something about her being like, I guess it could be funny or whatever that I'm like, has he gotten into your brain about this stuff? Like, no, no girl, it's not. - I can imagine those conversations in that she would be questioning herself when the other person's like, "No, it's funny." - No, that's what I mean. - Yeah, absolutely. - And she's like, "You're overreacting." - Yeah, exactly. - Or coming to this being like, "Am I overreacting?" I'm like, "Oh, please come back to us over here. Like, get out of that." - Even if it was, I think like again, like maybe objectively funny or something. It's still just like, she doesn't want that. She was upfront about not enjoying those silly little things and this clearly affected her in a different way. So even if it was like, "Oh, yeah, that could be funny to somebody else." That just wasn't the experience. - Yeah, she said, "Please stop." He said, "I'm gonna do 20 times worse." He said, "Let me up it a notch." - Yeah. - But let me wait. Let me get better and improve his partners than you don't see it coming. - Exactly. - He's interrupting her sleep, which is such a like, vulnerable and necessary thing, he put it, he hit it in her room, in her closet. It's like, you've been dating a year and a half. Like, that's her space. - Right. - You're invading her space. There's so many breaches of boundaries in this. - Yeah, it's a total violation. And it's actually like a greater part of the terror that he was like, "Oh, I want this overnight for you." - Comments, let me give you advice to someone who's been on the receiving end of this. Someone who has your safety, mental health, and trust in one hand, and the ability to entertain themselves at the expense of another human being and the other. And they choose the second one. They're letting you know where you stand in their life. We're clearly suffering from this for multiple reasons, and he kept going. It was entertaining to him to watch you be scared and confused. The fact that he's sending you beeping messages and kicking a circle in the dirt, going, "Sawy," while taking no accountability speaks volumes. He's not worth being with anymore. You deserve better than a partner that will torture you for their entertainment. Someone said, "Not overreacting. I agree stonewalling isn't appropriate in a relationship." However, I don't think that's what you're doing. He's added trauma and anxiety to your life, and you're momentarily setting boundaries while you collect yourself and decide your next step. Me, I'd never talk to him again. This is psycho behavior and the biggest red flag possible. Other people have gone into more detail, so I don't feel I need to reiterate what others are saying. But bottom line, I want to reinforce that this behavior is absolutely not okay on his part, and not something a supportive boyfriend or partner would ever do. Not to mention, he just played it off like he didn't know when you expressed how much it was bothering you, and continues to tease you about it. I don't think you're reacting enough. - Yes. - Yeah, I fully agree with that. I mean, if I'm a friend of hers, I'm like, his behavior is scary. - Yeah. - I'm like, "Not only do I not talk to him like. " - Like, we're straight. - Like, go about this in the proper way of getting you distance. - I mean, even just zooming out and looking at like the crux of a relationship, it's like you, you're in that because you care about the other person. You love them, you love their feelings, you wanna take care of them. If somebody is actively being like, I am not in a good place, I'm actually anxious, and I can't sleep, how is that not like setting off alarms for you being like, wait, this is my person, I need to help them. I need to stop doing this to her. - Right, and instead he's like, I can't wait for this reveal, like, what? - No, it's truly scary where this could go. I'm like, what this guy on a list? - Yeah, for real. - Separate them. - Lastly, someone said, going to focus only on the prank because you said, boyfriend, has noticeably improved in the other areas, which I hope is true because he sounds like he sucks. This would be a funny prank at an office or an open living space. Somewhere it happens occasionally, there can be a ha ha moment together when it is found and it doesn't go on too long. Putting this deeply hidden in your bedroom and letting it run while you try to sleep is absolutely insane, huge asshole behavior. At absolute best, he has no consideration for your wellbeing. And at worst, he was trying to stress you out and drive you insane in a more serious sense than this prank could ever be. Not overreacting and honestly, I hope for your sake, this is a breaking point for you because this is insane. - For real? - Yeah, 100%. - Wow. - Oh my God. Well, we got the type of story I was expecting. - There we go. - A prank episode. - Oh. - And I've been told the next one is worse. - Woohoo! - All right, our next story comes from Relationship Advice. This was posted in August of 2023. I, a 28 year old man, faked my own death as a prank and now I'm afraid my girlfriend, whose 26 will leave me, need advice. - You left first. - This, I don't think this is the first faking death prank story we've read on red history. So I feel like I've made another Tom Sawyer joke before it's something like that. - Also, like, haven't these people seen movies and things like this where it's like, what was it cast away? She thought Tom Hanks was gone and then he comes back and they don't get back together because she's like, I mourned you. - Right. - No. - You don't, what? - Any lost Wilson too. - And that was the real tragedy of the story. - Kills me. - Kills me every time. - I guess their thinking must be, like, let me make them feel really, really sad. So then when I come back, it's like, oh my god, yay, yeah. - But prank. - So that's a tactic to make me love to be loved more. - Yeah. I don't know, maybe wires are getting crossed in their heads 'cause clearly they're sick in the head. - Well, let's hear a story. - This is going to sound wild, but please hear me out. I recently made the most regrettable decision of my life by faking my own death as a prank. I know how it sounds. I thought it'd be a big shock followed by relief and then laughter. I genuinely believed that it would be seen as just an elaborate joke, but the reality was far worse than I could have ever imagined. My girlfriend of four years has been supportive through thick and thin, and I can't believe I put her through the emotional turmoil of thinking I was gone. For two weeks, she grieved, she mourned, and I saw the post she wrote about me online. I came clean after realizing the deep pain I had caused. Now she's distant and understandably so. She said she's re-evaluating everything and that she never thought I was capable of something so cruel. She's still in shock and hasn't given me a clear answer about the future of our relationship. I love her deeply and I can't imagine my life without her. I know I messed up on an epic scale and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it right. I've already started therapy to get to the root of why I thought this was a good idea in the first place. But how do I approach this with her? How can I even begin to make amends? Is there any coming back from this or have I irreparably ruined the best relationship I've ever had? Any advice to be greatly appreciated? Two weeks? - Bro. - Dude, it's over. - And four-year relationship. - So you're in, you're in. - You're in. - You're in. - You're for two weeks. - Two weeks. - And I will say now we don't have an update so we don't know how he went about this faking death, but it had to have been a fucking brutal. - Right, you have to do it on a massive scale. - And she had to have believed he was dead. So how do you even pull that off? - He'd have to go somewhere else. He'd have to lie to his entire family 'cause four years in there, hopefully, probably all connected. All of his friends, everybody in his life, he had to have pranked. And it seems like this is the only reaction he's-- - Or did he have friends who backed him up on this? - I sure hope not. - I sure hope not. Also, I don't think this needs to be said. Death isn't funny. Death's the death. Losing a loved one isn't funny. There's no joy in that. There's no, why would you think this would work out well? - Right. - Yeah. - Especially, it seems like a younger person. - Yeah. - Like 25. - It's also, you know, it's not a prank. Like, you are going to make her believe 100%. Even for a day, but for two weeks that you're dead. So she's now experienced that. And that was real. - It's a true, that is a real experience. - Experience, it reminds me of the story where a lady, unintentionally, she had a bath bomb that made the bath red and then she fell asleep in the bath and her boyfriend and his brother found her in the bath and thought she had died. - Yeah. - And it's like, oh, she was like, oh no, I'm alive, I'm alive. - I fell asleep in the bath and I just had a red bath bomb. But I'm like, for them, they have no experience. - That trauma. - That trauma is real. Is there brain and body and nervousness? - Yes. And he chose to actively create that for her. And so two weeks of it is fully. - That's embedded, that's deeply embedded. - Yeah. - I mean, I will give him the credit in that it seems like he's also now coming to terms with what he did and it seems like remorseful and he's going to go to therapy about why he thought it was a good idea. I think all that language is accurate. I just personally think that's not something that someone can get past. - No. - Not at all. - No. - It's like, great, I'm glad you're gonna figure out why you thought that was funny, but you're not getting your relationship back. - Right. - You shouldn't get your relationship back. - And in his words, the best relationship of his life, so why gamble that? I mean, maybe self-sabotage? - I was about to say the most mega self-sabotage, it's like, Jesus, just cheat on her. - I am totally shit. - Oh my God, dude. - Oh my God. - He an Applaterian or something? - Yeah, he an Applaterian. - Lord, comments, wait, you let her think you were dead for two weeks. You were a horrific partner, and if it were me, there would be no coming back. Nothing you could do would ever, ever make it right. - Yeah. - Someone said, "Two weeks, Jesus fucking Christ, what's wrong with you?" What went through your head to do a two-week prank about being dead? I expect you to have done a five-minute prank, and that was bad enough. Where the bloody hell were you during those two weeks? Didn't respond. Someone said, "I mean, I'm impressed that your girlfriend is re-evaluating the relationship and being distant instead of just leaving you. Some people are really lucky. I have no advice for you. You don't deserve it. If I see a post of your girlfriend around, I will tell her she deserves better, and she needs more self-esteem." They wrote self-esteem, just so you know. She doesn't need to re-evaluate shit. She needs to dump you before you can say, "Sorry again." You have no remorse. You are just afraid of the consequences of your actions. Your behavior is similar to a sociopath, and if your girlfriend has any sense of self-preservation, she will leave. And I say this again, I now understand why women are deciding to die single and having many cats, the bar is in hell, apparently. Yeah. - Dear God. - That's a lot. I mean, even if it was like an afternoon, even if it was like-- - You're still are experiencing that. - Yeah. Like, it's still awful. It's still that like initial like, "Oh my God, it's all the grief and everything that follows." And then, and then even just before that, of like, "Why would you think to do something like that to me?" - Unbelievable. Well, this sucks. (laughing) - Yeah, what a load of this guy. - Yeah, the other guy suddenly seems better. - Yeah, Apple Terrians, not that bad. - Apple Terrians, funny. (laughing) - Because it's not, 'cause-- - Back to the show. Our next story comes from "Am I the Asshole?" This was posted in September of 2021. "Am I the Asshole for stranding my friend on her moving day because she pulled a prank on me?" - Let's hear what the prank is. - And we'll be able to decide. - Okay. I'm a 24-year-old man, and my friend Jess is a 22-year-old woman. We've known each other for about three years since we met in a class. We've always been platonic and to be completely honest, I'm not the type of guy to go for it. Yesterday, Jess was supposed to move. I was going to drive my truck over to her place, help her load up her stuff, and get her out of her apartment. Her situation with her roommates has become highly unstable due to irreconcilable differences, so she was in a rush to leave. The day before yesterday, as a way of thanking me in advance, Jess ordered pizza for the two of us. We were sitting there watching a movie on my couch, being platonic friends as usual, and suddenly she inched closer to me. I figured it was nothing until a minute later she got a little closer. Then she got a little closer and all I could do was think about how it was finally happening. She squeezed up really close next to me and looked up at my face. I'm not the most confident guy, so all I could say was high to which she responded high. Then she asked if I wanted to do something. I asked what something was, and she said, oh, you know, something. Still trying to keep room for plausible deniability again. I laughed and I said, I don't know what something was. She kept staring at me and nodding, and I thought I'd take my chances. I asked if I could kiss her. She immediately stood up, walked to the other end of the room, and sat down on the armchair. Then she took out her phone. I immediately apologized to her, and she said that I should just forget it. A few minutes of incredibly awkward silence passed, and then she said, I guess Kim, her best friend, was right. I asked what Kim was right about, and she explained that for several years, Kim has repeated again and again that I was only trying to get into her pants. Apparently Kim put her up to testing me. I felt horrible. Immediately I apologized to Jess again, said that while I found her attractive, I'd do nothing to hurt our friendship, and then apologized yet again. Jess accepted it while crying a bit. Then I told her she had nothing to worry about. After Jess went home, I got to thinking that it was incredibly mean-spirited that she would do that to me. I apologized, but that juvenile high school prank just started to strike me the wrong way. I talked to my sister who I can talk to about anything, who reinforced that it was disgusting behavior. Then she asked for Jess's address, which I declined to give her. The next morning, instead of meeting up with Jess at the promised time, I just didn't. I had taken the day off work, but I went in anyway because I wanted to get my mind off what happened. Jess was blowing up my phone all day, and then I got a couple of texts from a number I didn't recognize, which I imagined was Kim. Finally Jess called me a flaking creep, and that was the end. I'm really mixed on this. I feel kind of bad, but not so bad. Was I wrong? - I think I need some clarification. I think I mixed up Jess and Kim for a second. - Kim is Jess's friend. - Yes, I am. - He said years has been like he only wants to get into your pants. And so Kim was like, you need to test him. So make him think you're super into him. - And so he said that he was platonically interested in this person, right? - Oh, please say that. We've always been platonic, but he is. - But he is, it's like, oh, this is finally happening. Like, he is attracted to her. - So he was down for something, but he was never gonna make a move. - And he was never trying to push for that. - And they're painting that as like bat on him. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That he's attracted to her. - But Kim's words that he just wants to get in your pants. - Gotcha. - Okay, okay. - Even though he was like down to help her move. I don't know. - Yeah, it sounds like, to my interpretation was like, he's attracted to her, but he understands like, oh, but we're friends and whatever. So I'll put that aside, we're friends. And I care about you as a friend. - Right, but wasn't necessarily. - I'm not expecting anything. - Exactly. - So she then tricks him into being like, oh, like, are you down for something? And he's like, okay, and then. - And then she's like, aha, I knew you were into me. - I got you. - Right. - And then what was more small about it. - Right. - I think that's, that's mean it's also not gonna be like accurate. 'Cause there's just a lot of people out there that might just be like down. Like, even if he's not like into you. Like, truly, a lot of single people out there. - It's just like, I mean like, it might just be like, sure, like, don't be healed to me. And it's not that I'm like trying to do something. - Yeah. - But like, this is so weird. I mean, I hate tests. I, anytime the test comes up, test like what are you doing? - It also seemed like he was like, semi-respectful about it. He didn't do anything and then was like, okay, what do you mean? - Right. - What are you doing? - What is something? Okay, can I kiss you? Like. - Yeah. - Also, this isn't a good test. There's no control. - You're right. - And I don't control group. - Yeah, you need a control group. - The variable. - The variable. - And she's coming on to him. - Yeah. - And so that's not, that's actually not the test. - And they've got to submit it for peer review. - Right, there's no review. - 'Cause we're peers. - Oh, wow. - How did you do that? - Yeah, this is just a messed up situation, unfortunately, where like, he's not the assly, doesn't need to feel bad, but that's not a friend. - No. - That's not a friend. It's not gonna work. The fact that she then, she does that, but then it's like, oh, but you're helping me move still. It's like, yeah, this is just not good. This is just a situation. - I'm like, if he wanted to, he could be like, cool, I'm not gonna show up tomorrow. - I was gonna say. He could have just been like, I'm not gonna show up tomorrow, but also it's like, I also, I don't blame him for not going. - Totally, totally. He was hurt, but I agree with you. I think even like a passive aggressive one, but just some sort of text that's like, I'm not gonna be there. - Yeah. - Like that maybe would help with the communication of like her bombarding him and stuff, but he's not a flaky creep. - Yeah. - Oh. I don't know. - This kind of is all like, ugh, god. - I know. - Yeah, like why? They're just bored. - This strikes me as one of those stories where I'm like, I need to know them in person to get one of the vibe, but I'm also just like, it just sounds like you guys are not gonna be friends. - Yeah. - Like you're both young, and it just, yeah, you're 24, she's 22. It's just like, is he one of those friendships that when you're 30, you're like, yeah, that, we were not friends. - Right. - 100%. - Verdict was not the asshole. Comments, not the asshole. Jess is manipulative and cruel. What a dick move. I'm sorry, this happened to you. Someone said, not the asshole. You don't do that to your friend and expect them to help you just after. She should be the one apologizing. That's a lousy stunt to pull on anyone, but especially a friend. It's a loose, loose situation for you. She hit on you and you responded positively. She got upset. If she had hit on you and you responded, no. She still would have been upset. Apparently she doesn't value your relationship as much as you do. You have every right to pull back and reassess your friendship, including wondering if she's just using you for what you do for her and how much money you spend on her such as helping her move. That's a really good point. That's a good point, yeah. Well, and also just like what would have happened? Yeah, if he was like, I don't think I want to go there. So you think I'm ugly? Right. Are you going to help an ugly girl move? Uh-huh. It's an unfortunate situation because also, you do it and he goes, oh, I'm not into you. But then he's now going, are you into me? And she goes, no, I was testing you. It's like, so why'd you do that? I wouldn't believe that. I'd be like, oh, now this is weird. It's awkward no matter what. Yeah. That's why I don't like testing is really bad because even after you say, oh, I was testing you, it's like, you better hope they believe you. Yeah. Right. And now it's like, if something else happens, it's like, is this a test? Just in response to what you're saying. Yeah. Now everything could be a test. True. I also have a hard time believing in any of these stories of these people who test other people that they would be okay with being tested. Oh, yeah. I never believe that they would work in the flip. Well, it's It's just probably out of fear or just not understanding that you can have a conversation with somebody. Like, I think that person is right, that Jess is just not valuing this friendship, because then there would have been the barrier of, hey, like, other friend, Kim, you don't have to question that between us. I know our friendship, we are friends, don't worry. But then if you still are like, oh, maybe Kim's right, I'm not sure. Then there's the very natural step of communicating with OP, your actual friend, and being like, hey, my other friend brought up some concerns, just want to check, how are we doing? Is everything okay? Not, let's set up this weird test where I'm definitely going to lose you as a friend after. No matter what. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, if she actually cared about him as a friend, she would have wanted to talk to us. Just had a conversation. Yeah. And then you could navigate, oh, you do have, you could have feelings for me, okay? Well, I don't have that back. Are you okay with that? You know, how does this look for us moving forward? You could navigate that positively. Yes. There is a solution in a conversation. Absolutely. But they're too scared. They're too scared, so they do a test. Oh, God. Boo. Boo. Boo. Our next story comes from Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for playing a joke on a Starbucks worker and then reporting her? Stop. No. Leave the Starbucks worker alone. God, please. Let them be. Jesus. They had to unionize. Yeah. Their company is already torturing. Exactly. Please. Leave them alone. Any service worker? No prank. No prank. No prank on service. Please. No prank on service worker. So basically, I was ordering at a Starbucks and I did the classic dirty name joke. I've done this before and every time the worker laughed and found it funny too. I thought it was a nice break from the serious customers who just want to get their coffee and go. And then they appreciated someone giving them some entertainment mid shift. Really, I was wrong and I apologize for that. I walked up, asked for a drink, paid for it, and gave her a name. It need more head. A need more head. That's the line she goes with. A need more head. Amazing. Which, if your accent doesn't really work for this name, mine doesn't, which is why it worked so well. It sounds like I need more head in the area's native accent. Once my drink was ready, she read out the name and immediately realized what she had said. I raised my hand and started walking towards her to collect my drink. But she got this furious look on her face and hurled the drink across the room with it landing at my feet and splattering all over my shoes. Oh, fuck. I just yelled, what the fuck at this? Because obviously now I need to clean up my shoes, which were vans and also because I paid for my drink already. I walked up to her and apologized, saying that I thought it was a harmless joke and that it wouldn't piss anyone off and clearly I was wrong. She accepted my apology but told me she wouldn't be making another drink for me. I got pissed at this because I paid for this and Starbucks isn't cheap. Plus she had ruined my shoes as well. I asked to speak to her manager who then apologized for her and told her he'd remember this. I feel bad because Starbucks workers already deal with a lot of shit and now I got into trouble for something that I want 100% caused. Am I the asshole? I kind of love throwing the drink. Honestly. It's like you get someone at their wit's end. It's awesome to spend. Yeah. No, hearing you say her old your drink across was really satisfying. I don't know why I can't get over it. I'm laughing really hard at the inclusion that they're vans. It's like it's like she, she, which got all over my shoes, which are by the way, shoes. Which are standard shoes. It's some like, thanks, man. I guess maybe I don't know if they're the kind of velvety kinds. Maybe it's tough to clean. No, who cares? Yeah. Why not like Wanda Blow job? You know? I Wanda Blow, I don't know. Instead of a need for her head. And my head is so lame. I kind of like it. Too bad you weren't the barista. I know. Do you like that in the Appalterian way where it's like this is kind of lame? Yeah, but then it starts going back and forth so much then you never know. You know? It gets funny, but then it's unfunny, but then because it's unfunny, it's funny. Okay, what about gentrification? Fun, that's-- You know? Where are the fun names? Then I would be like, that was good. That was good because it's out of Starbucks. So it's weird. Exactly. So then you go, Jen? Yeah, I think maybe the issue here is in both the cases of Wanda Blow job and then you need more head. It makes the person who's saying the names look like such a fool. Of course. I'm not saying the problem is just the name. Yeah. I was just saying if we're going to do it, can we do it good? And if we do it good, I think that's a little bit more lighthearted where it's like, "Ha ha, I said that out loud. You got me, but I didn't say something that I'm super embarrassed about." Right, exactly. At work. Yeah, I just love that she threw it. That rocks. She was pinching her too much. Yeah, she's like, "I need more head." I need more head. That is the funniest action taken in all of these stories we've been to today. Right. Exactly. Now, if I was there in person, I'd be like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Yes. Yes. Would I remember it forever? Yes. Now, how do we feel about her refusing to make another drink? She's like, "I accept your apology. No more beverage." No more beverage. No more head. I mean, if the manager wants to stop in and make another drink, sure, whatever. But I think, I don't know. I, for some reason, feel so hard for this Starbucks employee. It's like, "Oh, yeah." If I were the manager, I'd be like, "You weren't right." Like, I would, like, pour aside and be like, "That was awesome. Go take a five. I'm going to handle this." Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. Yeah, I'm like, it's hard. It doesn't feel like, I'm not like incredibly mad at this guy. Because again, it seems like he's like, "I feel bad. I shouldn't have done that. I was just trying to, like, keep it lighthearted and have some fun." But I also am like, "Yeah, that sucks if you're not in the mood for it." And you just told the coffee shop that you want more head. Like, that sucks. It's like, it's 5 a.m. Yeah, exactly. That sucks. It's like, if you're at your withsend and you're dealing with something at home and then it's at the end of your shift and you work out in Starbucks, it's like, "You don't need a prank." You don't need a prank. No, I'm like, don't prank strangers. No, I mean, that's what it is. I mean, that's what it is. Don't know what this person's going through. Yes. I'm like, and I'm like, you're going to complain about the price. I'm like, your first mistake was going to Starbucks, dude. You're spending so much money for dog shit. Right. Like, come on, man. Yeah, I think that's a good one. If you have your local spot where you know the baristas and you've got to rapport with them, cool. Have fun. But you don't know this person. No, I can only assume based on just this post that I'm like, "I'm guessing you're probably someone who's in their 30s or 40s and this barista is like 20." Yeah. Or something. Or just someone who's been working and they do not want to be working there. Yep. They're just grinding through the day, getting paid nothing for this bullshit. Yeah. It reads, it comes off as a little selfish and definitely inconsiderate because it's just like, this will surely be funny for me. Let me do this. Yeah. And you don't know the person, so like you're saying, you don't know what's going on with them today. And like, cool. It worked for some other baristas. You know that baristas are not one person. Yeah. They're all a different person with a life. Crazy. They're not under joy. Like, OP, but OP views them. I know. They're, oh, well, it made the other baristas laugh and you're all the same. Mm-hmm. I think what you just said is again, the core of the whole prank thing is it's like, he finds it funny. They should find it funny too. Yes. All the parties have to be almost like consenting before it happens. Exactly. I will say though, unfortunately, she, I mean, we don't know what kind of coffee he ordered. If she threw hot coffee at a person, that's-- It does, that does change. That's a little bit. And if you're a manager and you're like, you threw hot coffee at a customer like-- That is vans. I understand. At his vans, no less. It's vans. Yeah. It is like a, it's just kind of like-- That's where it is more danger. Like, yeah, being a barista is a tough job that sucks ass. That's very terrible. And not real hot coffee. That could be a huge lawsuit. Totally. Like I, I'm like on her side emotionally, but I'm also like, hey, you can't do that. For sure. I can't defend. Yeah. And my mind it was a vanilla bean frat. I was imagining the label unicorn situation. Yeah. I was imagining the amount of people who order hot coffee at Starbucks. I just don't feel like it's that many. I feel like people go there for iced things. Yes. That is correct. I'm imagining it's an ice drink. And the way he's responding is not sounding like it was a hot coffee. He didn't say, oh my god, they heard that. Like, this is inconvenient. Yeah. Because yeah, if it's a burning hot coffee, that's-- I feel like he would have said, my feet got burned. Not my vans got stained. Yeah. Yeah. He would have included that as well, so as to give us not just all the information, but also get us more on his side. Yeah. As we would have picked that up. Yeah. But also to go back, his prank is also making a stranger say I need more head, which is very uncomfortable and sexual and mature and everything. So going on here. Yeah. Verticked was asshole. Comments. You're the asshole. This wasn't a harmless prank. It was sexual harassment. Haven't you been living in the modern world? Surely you've been trained at work on what sexual harassment is and that you should not participate in it? So why would you bring sexual harassment into the workplace of a service worker? Cool asshole move. Someone's, oh he said I'm still in school. Oh my god. No. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. What, how old? How upgrade? Oh he says I'm still in school. I'm still in school. Oh he said I'm still in school. I'm 13. No. Turn 14. I'm sorry I didn't know making someone say a dirty name with sexual harassment. Well, this changes a lot. Well, that would have been information. Include your age, O.P. How is the match between like a 35-year-old? I don't know the match between a 35-year-old, man, too. Way ahead of his time with the wordplay. Wait, this 13-year-old has impeccable riding ability. Yeah, wait. So I need more, I need more head. I will say smartness shitty, which would be a 13-year-old. And that's the only evidence. Okay, giving a prank name, I would say, I know 13-year-olds do pranks and shit. This feels kind of like beneath a 13-year-old in a way that I'm like, no, a 13-year-old's going to do something far more devastating than a prank name at Starbucks. This explains the vans, you guys. O.P., let me read this whole comment first. O.P. says, I'm still in school, I'm 13, turning 14. I'm sorry, I didn't know making someone say a dirty name with sexual harassment. Someone responded to that saying, I feel like you are possibly lying about your age because if you admit you're an adult, the judgment would be even harsher. The post doesn't read like it was written by a 13-14-year-old, but the behavior certainly suggests that age range. I'm looking back at this post and they write, I walked up, asked for a drink paid for it, and gave her a name, a need more head, which if your accent doesn't really work for this name, mine doesn't, which is why it worked so well in parenthesis. It sounds like I need more head and in the area's native accent. I'm like, buddy, yeah. You might be an extremely, somehow an extremely mature 13-year-old, which I know is possible, but you're writing, you're doing the thing of like, he even writes, so basically I was ordering it at a Starbucks and I did the classic dirty name joke. Classic, dirty name joke as a 13-year-old? How do you know what a classic thing is unless you're, yeah, I'm just really not buying it. I think this is a douchebag who's like, fuck, on 13. It also, it feels like that would have also been included in the story. No way a barista's hurling a drink at a 13-year-old. Yeah, no way, and also probably not even accepting the order. What 13-year-old is coming up to the counter and paying for their own Starbucks? And they're also saying, okay, no, I'm not buying it, so there's no way. - I'm not buying it. - They're like, oh, I go up and I do this to the baristas all the time and it makes them laugh. I'm like, what barista's like? Hello, eighth grader. - You're a regular at this place where you make the baristas laugh? No. - No. - 13-year-old. - No. - It comes a little Jimmy. Once again, I know it's possible. I'm just, this is totally reading as an adult man. - 13, I believe, is like eighth grade. And eighth grader is ordering at Starbucks regularly. - Also, I'm not buying it. - If, frankly, 'cause I'm thinking back, me and my friends with an eighth grade would go and we would fuck with people. - Sure. - Places. But if you're giving a fake name at Starbucks, it's not gonna be a need more head. It's gonna be, yeah, fuck face, come, dude. - Exactly. - Exactly. - Exactly. - You're gonna be like, exactly. - It's stupid and bad. - And you're probably with your friend group, 'cause you're all like, he-he-he, this is so funny. This guy's buying himself. - He's buying himself. - He's like, mm-hmm, I told him a dirty joke. - No. - A class team. - He's not 13, he's not 13. He would have said that earlier. He's saying it in response to the comment because it's a scary comment and brings up heavy topics and he got scared. - Also, I just gotta say, I'm guaranteeing this is not a 13 year old, because if you've read any internet comments, ever, 13 year olds always go, I'm 13 and this in that, you know, they love saying that they start with it, they start by saying I'm 13. - Yeah. - Or like, there would just be lots of other, like, you know, there'd be clues, there'd be signs inside of the writing and I don't think 13 year olds have that like layer to be able to discern on social media of like, oh, let me pull this away so that people aren't biased about my age, that's not something that they would think about. - This 13 year olds is fluent in millennial writing. Like, fluent. - Blu-ent. - Yeah, I'm like, I'm just not buying it. You sound way too lame. - Yeah. - Like, you know, 13 year olds are gonna make fun of me and I'm like, no, right. - We bought it because we believed it for a second and then it's like, wait, you go back and you're like, I can't believe it. - I can't believe it. - Is it a throwaway account? - Okay, no other post, I'm not buying it. I think this is a grown man. - 35. - Absolute loser. Someone said, as someone who is a woman and who also worked at Starbucks, thus dealing with my fair share of sexual harassment, you're the asshole 100 times over. What you did wasn't a joke, it wasn't funny, it was absolutely disgusting and you should be banned from that store. The fact that you got her in trouble for your behavior makes it even worse and you're right. Starbucks employees get a lot of crap from customers and even their managers but you doing that didn't make things any better. If you can't act your age, then stay at home. Even if you're 13. - Right. - Act your age. - Act your age. - Yeah. - Someone said, that's sexual harassment. You're the asshole, she doesn't owe you shit in terms of reporting her, you completely manufactured this horrendous situation from nothing and she was literally just trying to work. So you're the asshole times two. - And wait a minute, he said he's 13, turning 14. 13-year-olds don't say that, they say they're 13 and a half. - I think people give up the half by that age. Did you-- - It's okay, we'll let you have that. - I didn't know you guys have 13. - Oh, Ross was 13. - A 13 and a half. - All right. - The kids are saying it. - Let's bring the movie cushion back out. - I also, now I'm reading too much into it. I don't care, I don't. Let us know if you think O.P. is 13, 'cause I'm not buying it. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I wanna see how they're writing their words, but just the way that they put it together. - It's written just perfectly. - No typos, capitalizations, all correct. - Which is fine, I think there's plenty of 13-year-olds who are really well written, but it's just the wording. It's just how it's coming across. It's written as someone who has experience with like, just being a lame idiot for a lot longer. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, also, I got, she wouldn't make another drink for me. I got pissed at this because I paid for this and Starbucks is in cheap. It's like, buddy, if you're 13, you don't have a job. You say something about money in a very different way than just like, this isn't cheap. - I used my whole allowance. - I'm like, you're going to Starbucks a lot. You also just say like, oh, I'm still in school. I'm 13, turning 14. I'm like, you would say I'm in middle school or I'm in high school. People who say I'm in school are referring to college, I feel like. - Yeah, I'm still in school. - Actually, yeah, that discourse about money is so, 'cause when you're a kid, you don't know like what costs a lot and what doesn't. - Right. - I don't even care about the story anymore. I'm like, you're an adult saying you're 13 online. - That's all right. - You're a criminal. - You're a criminal now. You're going to jail, but you're in your vans. - And if you are 13, if you are actually 13, you are the funniest person. - Yeah, so sorry, so sorry, if you're 13. - Sorry, if you're 13. - So sorry. - If you're 13, we need to study your brain or something. - Yeah. - 'Cause you're developed. - You're the four seasons baby. - Yeah, a little bit older. - Me, moving on to our last story. Today I fucked up by thinking divorce was an April Fools gag. - Oh, no. - Shit. - Oh, don't divorce someone on April first. - This was posted April 2nd of 2019. - Oh God, I don't. - God, just don't do anything. - Let me preface this off by blaming all of you, the entirety of Reddit for desensitizing me and giving me major trust issues on April Fools day. So here it goes. Yesterday I got a group text from my wife Sarah's side of the family stating there was an emergency family meeting happening that night over dinner at my mother-in-law barbs house. I immediately had April Fools spidey senses starting to tingle but we haven't all gotten together since Christmas so I overlooked it and said we, my wife and I, we're in. We were the last to arrive and it was pretty sombre when we walked in. We all sat down at the table and my wife's brother Tim informed the family that his wife Ashley has been having an affair and they are divorcing. The affair was with a long time close family friend, Chris, who lived a block away. Chris's wife, Jen, had caught them when she came home early one day last week and broke the news to Tim. Both families have been friends for years. They live less than a block from each other. They each have been married for 15 plus years, have four kids right around the same age. Honestly, I have always thought both of them were picture perfect families. Hell, all four of them and their kids were at our house two weeks ago for a barbecue. Anyways, after airing a lot of dirty laundry and their plans divorced, how it could affect future family functions and opening it up to the group for any questions. There was silence. I broke the silence with laughter and a slow clap. Like a villain? Saying this was the best April Fool's gag I've ever seen, but I wasn't falling for it. I told Ashley and especially Tim that they needed to consider going into theater. Their performances were top notch and tears seemed genuine. Being the newest member of the family, my wife and I married six months ago, this was probably not the best thing to say in hindsight. I probably should not have said anything. Everyone in the room looked horrified. My mother-in-law, who had been crying the entire time, lost all composure. She left the room in hysterics and did not return before we left. Tim just shook his head and his cheating wife actually let out a brief chuckle before calling me out for being a dumbass for thinking this was a ruse. Then berated me for being so insensitive. The rest of the family sat in silence shaking their heads as my wife berated me for trying to make a joke out of a serious situation. I am still dumbfounded. In hindsight, I probably should have sat in silence, but I honestly still feel like I was calling out an April. the fool's gag, in OP's defense, it was April 1st. - For sure. - That's kind of the only thing he's got on his phone. - That's kind of right. - It was only card, but it's kind of just like, wait. - Was that kind of the story? - That's the end of the story. - Wow. - Yeah, it is kind of like, you are the newest member of the family, you can set this one out. - Right, it's like, if it's an April fool's gag, they're gonna come around and do it. - Let him have it. - That's one of those, it's one of those where you kind of, if it's a prank, you kind of can't do anything about it. - Let it play out. - No, it's a prank. You're like, well, I'm not gonna be the one who says no. - Exactly. - This isn't happening. - Right, like, what are you going to win by being the identifier of this prank? - Right. - If for whatever reason this is a prank, they clearly are wanting to pull a big prank. - Yeah. - And they're wanting to do it. They're wanting to pull out all the stops having the whole family there. It's a whole thing. It is selfish of you to think that you're gonna be a big part of it by revealing it when you're a new member of this family. - Exactly. - Oh, that's painful. - This sucks. - This is so curvy or enthusiastic. - 100%. - This is 100%. - I thought it was gonna be his own divorce, which was just gonna be really sad, but this is now just making it worse for everybody else. - Yeah. - He could only win up this by winning the cheating wife, called him a dumbass. He could have been like, well, you cheated on your husband. - Right. (laughing) - To be fair. - To be fair. - I can't touch you. - The worst person in the world right now. - Yeah. - You're here. Can we talk about, that is a tense ass situation. The wife who cheated is there in the room. They are all there. - Yeah. - I have never heard of that type of situation. - No, I've never heard of a meeting. - Yeah. - I mean, it's probably a very like involved intertwined family, and they're like, we need to tell everybody what happened. - Oh my God. - I mean, there's like, you could do it over like that. - You could. - Oh, I mean, Barbara couldn't even take it. She left the room. - To be like, hey, I don't have to be here for this. - Yeah. - Every situation when I've heard of someone cheating, it's like, you talked to the party who was cheated on, and you're like, all right, we're talking to you. - Yeah. - I guess now that I'm looking at it, a family meeting to discuss a divorce is slightly bizarre. It's a situation I've never heard of. - I've certainly been part of. - So maybe he has that on his side too. - He has it on his side. - He just had a little clapped, yeah. - And laughed. - I would have been okay. It would have been okay if he even was just like, hey, like, it's like, what? - It's what I expected you guys to do when I took off the trench coat. - Well, taking off the trench coat was not the prank. - Right. - Sitting down with the prank. To be fair, you take off the trench coat. - You can't go clapped yourself. - You talk about the trench coat prank. - If you're feeling a taped, we'll be cushioned on your back and then sat down. Like Tommy saw it before you sat down. - Yeah, how did you see it? - With my eyes. (laughing) - But I had the trench coat off. - Yeah. - You took it off. - I had to throw it on the ground. - You could have kept it on to sit down again. - Yeah, we wouldn't still want to hurt the fart. - No, don't clapped yourself again. - 'Cause there's a version, it's April 1st. You have this crazy meeting where it's like, we're all together because she cheated on me. And this is all gonna happen where you could maybe if you could go, hey, like, I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time believing this. It's April 1st, please tell me this is a joke. - Yeah. - And then they go, - That's what it is, please tell me this is a joke. - Please tell me this is a joke. - And they go, no, it's not. - I think they still would have been like, what? How can you even suggest that, but then move on? - Yeah, it's gonna be better. You could still get over that little moment other than going like, (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, that's rough. - Yeah, it's incredibly fulfilling though. It's really satisfying to do. - Yeah. - But it's like, that's not your moment. - No. - Yeah, the top comment is, why would the cheating wife be there for this? Opie said it was her decision to divorce. My brother-in-law is still open to working things out. But she is planning on starting over with the guy she had an affair with. As part of a decision as this seems to be, I think she realizes that she's going to have some limited contact with this side of the family over the years. So to be clear, she's the worst person still in that room. He's just the biggest dumbass somehow. - That's so, they're so sad. - No, her thinking it's gonna work out with the guy she's having an affair with does make her the biggest dumbass in the room. - And also just a tear, there's so many kids involved. - Yeah, no, I get it. He did the sign-feld situation, but she's still the reason everyone's hysterical. - 100%, if there's gonna be a villain in the story, it's her. - Oh, she's the villain. - Yeah. - Right. - He's just a side novel. - He's the jester. - He's the village idiot. - Yeah. Someone said, who gets the whole family together to tell them they're getting divorced? How weird. Also, anybody who makes big announcements on April 1st is just asking for it. You did nothing wrong. Someone said, I broke the silence with laughter and a slow clap. Rest in peace, your marriage is next. (laughing) - Divorced. - See, Opie said, tell me about it. I've gotten eight texts while at work asking why I would post this on Reddit. Apparently it's on the front page. - Oh. - Yeah, dude. What are you doing? - Oh my God. - Yeah, what are you doing, man? Come on. - No. - Come on, bro. This guy, this guy is, he's George Costanza. - 100%. - Yeah, 100% dude. Oh God. - Sorry, you said that Opie later goes on to say there's nest cameras in the house. Should he post the footage? - This guy is somehow, yeah, he's the biggest dumbass over there. - He's a pro phone. - Well, you know, you gotta go back to the phone. - We gotta go back to the beginning of the post too, because he even says, like he's like, I blame Reddit because it's like your fault. So he probably just spends most of his time. - This is a Redditer. This is a full on Redditer. - Yeah. - He's forgotten, regular, humor, humor. - Yeah, so he's like, hey, all my friends on here. You guys wanna see the moment that I was an idiot? - Yeah. Well, he's also 13. - He's also 13 and a half. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, so. - Yeah, they're like, they're like, get out. And he's like, okay, well, thanks for the cake, kind straight here and then leave us. - To go to school. - Classic divorce. - Yeah, angry up vote. - Yeah. (laughing) - God. - I guess this is the part where I tell you guys that one of those stories might not have been real. - I mean, that's probably the case for every episode of this show. - No, she's cooking on something. - I'm just trying to find something. - Well, find the thing, find it. - I, ha, ha, pranked you. I wrote one of those stories. - Which one? - Well, were they again? (laughing) - Right, right. - We've already forgotten the stories. - The toes, the baby poop on the toes. - That wasn't from this episode. - That was from a year and a half ago. - I've been waiting. (laughing) - You weren't in that episode. (laughing) Wow, well, these were all awful. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Mixed me think back on Apple. - Apple. - Apple, I'll tell you what, I'll give you a pass. - Yeah. - And these were all these were all male pranksters, right? - Well, we don't know, technically the 13 year old we technically don't know, but we can only assume. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, the girl who tested and pranked him. She tested him. - And it's like not him. - It's not him. - Right. - It's not a necessarily a prank. - It's just a bad prank. - The prank has the idea that this is gonna be funny. She was testing him. - Yeah. - So it's a prank adjacent. - Yeah. - So she was shitty, but not in a prank way. - Mm-hmm. - In a bad person action way. - In a bad person action way, yeah. - Well, hey, we did it. - We did it. - Hey, we did it. - Thank you both for joining me today. - Emily, this is the final episode of Reddit. - It's crazy. - Final episode. - We go back into our behind the couch. - Oh, yeah, let's try. - And the episode behind the couch. - So that it's like a loop. - All right. 'Cause you're gonna replay this over and over again. - Yeah. - Yeah, this is just a real start on you. - And that'll be-- - Fine for you. All right, thanks for watching. - And we'll see you next Saturday. - Bye. - We're getting back behind the stuff. Yeah, do it. (laughs) - You got shame. - You got shame.