Johnny Pemberton!

Gang Tuddy's got a limited Fourth of July drop coming at you. Mm-hmm. We got some nice t-shirts Show up to the barbecue looking fresh clean and patriotic. Yeah, don't be a bozo available at our you garbage dot com while supplies last Happy Fourth of July Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is our you garbage So a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host a trolley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here at Tuddy's in a new edition. She's upstairs laying into a roto. Okay, you know like a god damn raptor I'll tell you that fork no knife just going after it Uh-huh My coach coming a from right next to me. He is the CEO of our you garbage bit of an international business man And my best pal in the whole wide world and I love my care. Who knows it? Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody What's up gang shout out to you as always please make sure you're a you subscribe and I think it's full video available on YouTube Full video available over there and Spotify and a boys are climbing a frigging charts. Oh, yeah I'll tell you that right now and obviously the the greatest website of all time W W dot patreon dot com slash or you garbage you go over there you get all your friggin bonus content Yeah, sir and gang we coming more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time He is a very funny very successful very talented stand-up comedian and actor and you might have seen him But not limited to you got 21 and 22 jump Street You got the watch you got Bob's burgers you got crow show Antman give the kid a wopper you got neighbors to super store Weird bad thoughts fall out of course. He's on tour right now She's going to be in the upcoming season season three of fallout and he's got a brand new movie out on VOD called mermaid Give it up for Johnny Pemberton everybody. Oh my god. Oh I thought I was that was like I've never had an intro like that. That was everything. Welcome. There was more than I have no We throw it anymore. We throw in a couple of fake ones 99 appearances in film at television Yeah, but you know what some of that is like barely it should a couple of shorts in there sure Johnny could start somewhere Yeah, there's like stuff on there that I couldn't watch it if I if I asked like 20 people Where is this thing? Where is that it's like somehow they got an IMDB? But it's like a thing we shot an alleyway in Tarzanah like, you know like avoiding porn stars Give us the backstory. I've been talking like you're from Boston Johnny Pemberton. Yeah, you got a good boss feel for the socks But that's not the case. No, not boss. I wish man. That's the one accent. I just cannot do really. Yeah, I mean I said what can you do all There ones You're British. Oh, well, that's what kind of British do you want? Do you want like a cock need to do like a high you want like a high? Okay, hold on a second. Here on Takes a second. You have to find the word that gets you in there. Of course. I say young young chaps. Yeah, are you having a podcast now? That's You're having a little bit of a laptop there. You're right I say not not for me Very good nice to meet you That's that's kind of an extinct accent though. There we go. It's all coming together. Yeah, I like it. Okay, so Minnesota, Minnesota Rochester, Minnesota. Huh, there's two of them Jesus. Well Rochester, Minnesota is very different than Rochester, New York. Okay. Yeah, it's the home of the male clinic Very nice like I can't keep up and worrying about fucking Minnesota T-Shirt You go think about all the postcard. Yeah, hey guys. Oh, I'm here. I'm trying to talk about Minnesota You guys ever been hey, Lucy. Oh my god. Don't have one Gotta have don't even have half, but it's gonna spell out like a fucking spider bite. Yeah hurts. Yeah, I get you that she's in the middle of a burger I never had one really. Yeah Well, I didn't grow up Minneapolis so and even then when I went back I was like I don't want to have Instant diarrhea like because I have like yeah, bowel issues for real Dialogue in Marvin hanging out of Frankie and Vinnie's or whatever it's called No, what's that? Would you say From LA. Yeah, you don't know Marvin. Marvin. Marvin the restaurant in LA. No, are you serious? Tell him tell him I know you Throw you out. He just got so sick. What? Huh, I just like I get like beat up by some guy like thick the code word like Oh, this guy's not one of us. He's not we don't know him He's not one of our guys with some trendy joint now later. We go to him right out there I always end up embarrassing myself. I actually don't know about that. I don't know about that kind of stuff at all I really do not like we only know that one point. Keep a low pro out there. Well, I go to restaurants here Uh-huh, but I don't go to restaurants in LA really I can kind of just like I mean I'll go to restaurants But not like you know the restaurant scene. Uh-huh. You're hanging out at the grove Not hanging out. I'm going through and popping through with builder. Yeah, I keep me and my German friend Who was with the admin is so to mom dad? Yeah, I had a mom and dad right up and I have Kids all right. Yeah, mom and dad I have a younger brother and two younger sisters. Okay, so I'm the oldest of four no kidding Yeah, nice and typical suburban life. Well, you grew up in like I guess so well Rochester's a weird town because it's the home of the male clinic And so everybody there's like a doctor pretty much. Yeah, okay. It's a pretty small town But it's not that small it's like that weird thing where it's like you know Not tiny tiny where you can be like. Oh, you know everybody. Uh-huh. It's also not like a big city at all I think it's like when I was growing up was about 75,000 people. Okay. Now it's like a hundred and 25 What did your mom and dad do my mom didn't she was used to be a nurse my dad was a surgeon. No shit Yeah, at the male clinic the male clinic. Yeah, the fuck out of you. Yeah, holy he's retired now What kind of surgery? He was a colon rectal surgeon and a general surgeon He used to do general surgery and colon rectal I'm talking about son of a doctor. Yeah, very gentle gentleman. Yeah, I guess so what did they do to male click? It's like it's what they do it's like specialty. Yeah, they save people's lives. Uh-huh. They do like all can do do everything I mean, it's a huge hospital, but you got to get in there. It's not just a hospital right that's like where you go Well, the clinic is the clinic and there's like a they have a relationship with two hospitals in town There's the there's St. Mary's and there's Methodist. Okay. It's all part of the male medical system It's all one big thing. There's like maybe 15 20 buildings. It's the entire downtown of Rochester is pretty much seen Yeah, hospital. That's a lot of cause. Yeah, a lot of cause. Yeah, it smells great too. Yeah, I love the way it goes Mm-hmm. Do you think tissues have a smell like do I tissue smell? I don't think they do have a smell. I don't smell tissues He's making a note. This is like when they write something like you in the light detector test Like are you have you ever that was a penis am I? Yes? Oh? How big was your graduating class? I don't give us a good sign. Okay. I went to a Catholic school Okay, small Catholic school. I think my graduate class was under a hundred maybe. Okay, very small any sports I was not in the sports. I tried to play baseball When I was younger, but you know When you get older, you stop getting bigger, and I stop playing sports. Yeah, it's I'm pretty pretty small What were you into computer games video games music music? Yeah, I wasn't in the band. Actually, I guess initially I was really into rock climbing for a while. Okay. Yeah indoor like you know indoor because actually I think they have the first indoor rock The first indoor walk-quiming wall is in Rochester, Minnesota. Yeah, the walk-quiming wall was in there. It's a great wall to climb up there. You want to climb up that type of candy? Yeah, I was climbing a lot mostly indoors though because that's in Minnesota You know it's so fucking snowy all the time But then I stopped doing that at some point, but I got into music. I think in seventh grade I got really into I my friend Steve He started a band. He asked me when it'd be in the band. I you knew the bass player So I got a bass two weeks before the talent show Catholic Classboard it basically. Yeah, it's like the necessity. Yeah, I got nobody won nobody was just nobody was playing the bass Nobody wanted to play and I do is the same thing my buddies would have been like we need a bass player I'm like I'll do it. Yeah, I mean because no one wants to play the bass. No one's just hanging out playing the guitar lead sing They want a drum. Yeah, but no one's cool Base pair is almost like the brother-in-law or something like that Yeah, like he's the guy who's like he's only a person with a car He has some sort of other utility. He's got money for the studio. He's the guy with the license No one else can drive Johnny. What was the name of this band first name of the band in seventh grade was strange cattle I don't hate it. Yeah, it's not bad. Actually. No, strange cattle in the west. Yeah, okay I think the second name second name was a geisha kitten Geisha kitten geisha geisha geisha geisha like a you know like a Japanese Comfort girl I think we pronounced it geisha for some reason because our friend are on the band Pete He was half Japanese and he insisted that that's how you pronounce it. Oh, okay Yeah, that might not be true How are you supposed to say? I don't know. I say yoza. You say yoza like you know, oh my god That's fucking hilarious. You see yoza look as an educated kid. I'm a moron. So I'm pretty sure I'm wrong So you go on there like give me out. Give me all the yoza you got. Yeah, yoza. Yoza me up. Yeah, yoza me up. Yoza me down All right, so you're in the band. Yeah, um, what was your first job first job first actual real job This is getting weird guys. This is super weird. I like it. I would I I am so not weird It's weird in the sense where it's like you serious. Okay, I was a I used to do a lot of art I was a painter. I like to draw on paint. Okay And I got a job like the most part time job ever helping a woman my mom was friends with who had these doll houses, these large doll houses she hand painted and I would paint the doll houses. - Oh, that is weird. - Yeah, I would hand paint doll houses. - Which to sell them? - She sold them it for a lot, like hundreds of dollars. - Really? - They're like these big, I think they were meant for like putting baby clothes in. They weren't so much like doll house but it's like a big like a, like a cupboard almost and it had an open up. - Gotcha. - I would hand painted the whole thing. - Damn. - And I would paint like the basic stuff and she taught me the designs and stuff on there and I would do the, it was like I made almost no money. - How old are you? - I think I was probably, maybe 15? - Damn. - Ah, something like that, I don't remember exactly. - And you would do it over her house, paint in doll houses. - She's a little studio downtown. - Cool. - Yeah, it was very cool. It was very like, I'll put, listen to my jazz music on CD, on the CD player and they all be like, "What's that, what's this music?" And sometimes I put something on and they're like, "No, not this one, nope, nope." - You're 15 years old, Rochester, Minnesota. - Yes. - You're listening to jazz, paint in doll houses. - You're an old soul. - Yeah. - Yeah, and that all sounds, now that I say it out loud, it sounds very like a-- - It sounds like you grew up with the 1920s. - Yeah, it does. - It clears up the not playing sports question. - Yeah, definitely. - What, okay, I mean into jazz, dude. - Who got you into jazz? - The same guy I was in a band with, mainly my friend Pete who was-- - He sounded like adults now. - Yeah, I know. - But yeah, but we were like hardcore into it. We were like super, super into like a lot of old, like free jazz, like Ornette Coleman. And I mean, like Coltrane a lot and Lonnie's Monk and-- - Miles Davis. - Miles Davis of course, yeah. - Greatest song title of all time. They never even entered my mind. - The best. - The best song title. - I love that song. That song is, well that's off for Relaxin. - That I couldn't take. - Pick a song for Relaxin or maybe it's on Workin's-- - Yeah, pick a song. Oh, damn it. - Good, good, good. - I was y'all nodding. - Wait, speaking of, well, sorry, what was the first concert? Your favorite music guy? - First concert, first real concert that I was going to, 'cause I wanted to go to was, you know what I mean? Like you go to a concert, it's like, I don't wanna go to this. It's like a thing you're seeing, like, oh, I'm seeing Maynard Ferguson in the park with my parents or something like that. - Who the hell is that? - He's a big trumpet player and guy from back in the day. - Like, oh. - He's not, he's not that interesting. Actually, I have a question. - What kind of band did the music, what kind of music did the band play? - Maynard Ferguson? - No. (laughing) - Smitten Kitten. - Oh, we were like, we were just covering Nirvana. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, it was, we were not like a real band. We were not writing songs. - Are you weren't doing jazz or anything? - We were doing jazz later, yeah. - Really? - We had a jazz trio. We would actually gig around and stuff. Well, I gotta answer the question, though. - Yes, sorry. - First show was Sonic Youth Opening for Smashing Pumpkins. - Whoa, now that's a goddamn concert right there. - It was the, when we got there, we got there a little bit late. And we walked into the Target Center in Minneapolis as they were, I think Sonic Youth was playing Starfield Road off of experimental Jetset Trash in that little star. And it was just, the whole place was fucking rumbling. I was like, oh god, this is so cool. - What year is this? - This must be. - Billy Corgan, I was head shaved or not. - Yeah, this is the Melancholy tour. - Whoa. - So, what year were that be? - I didn't know it turned Ferguson. - 93, 94. - 95 maybe? - I think 94, 95. - Okay. - Whenever that was. - Wow. - Yeah. - That was very cool. - Okay, speaking of that, who growing up, it didn't have to be nationally famous internet, like who was the most famous person you met? Could have been a local celebrity, a newscaster, a radio guy. Somebody really go like, whoa, that's pretty big. - Oh, man. - We were excited to meet. - Excited to meet? Okay, well, so Rochester is weird because a lot of people come to Rochester to have medical treatment. When I was really young, I met Ross Perot. - Whoa. - 'Cause he came to speak at a, and he was driving away in his car, and I ran up to the car, and I shook his hand, and Ross Perot said to me, he said, "Hi, son, now get away from the car, "you're gonna get run over." (laughing) To my face. - That car was in 1978, El Camino. - Yeah. - He wasn't driving, was he? - He was not driving, but could you imagine that now? Like, running up to a presidential candidate and shaking their hand, you'd get fucking, like, it would kill a child. - You'd get lit up there, that's crazy. - I was such a Ross Perot kid, I was like, - Wait, what? - I was like, I liked Ross Perot for some reason. I was like, "Are you?" - I don't even know. - He's an old soul. - This is all like kid. What kid has a, has a president? - This is dredging up so much stuff. I'm like, "Man, I can't believe that was real." I was into politics a lot, 'cause my dad used to watch the McNeill Lair News Hour on PBS every day when he got home from work, and he'd eat mercs, cheese, with pork rinds, 'cause he's on the, this is before then, he was on Atkins, yeah, he was on Atkins, back on the day. He used to be a huge guy, but that was huge. He lost tons of weight by just eating cheese and pork rinds, so he'd watched McNeill Lair News Hour from the TV, and he'd eat pork rinds and mercs, cheese, - From the market. - It's just, cheese from Milwaukee, he's from Milwaukee. - Okay. - It's like a fucking cheese in a bucket, like soft cheese. - Okay. - And he'd eat that, he'd watch that. - Mercs, cheese, mercs. - Emmy, is it good to come up? - Yeah. - That's it, oh my fucking, this is like, Johnny Pemberton, remember your life, for some, look at this. - Mercs, man. - The legendary Wisconsin made cold pack cheese spread, known for its bold flavor, creamy spread ability. - This is ridiculous. - And pairing with pork rinds. - I can't believe this is real. - Holy shit. - Real great A Wisconsin cheddar. - Wow. - Common use for snacking burgers, dips, and game day appetizer. (laughing) - That's hilarious. - Poor jazz trios. - I haven't said those words out loud, I think, and like, for, I don't even know. - Welcome to the show, baby. - You grew up in an educated household with sensible. - They were pretty educated. - Yeah, that was a surgeon at the Mayo Clinic. - Yeah, that's on a devride degree. - My dad was a steamed fitter, who may or may not have been paying as union news. - Yeah, he was not a steamed fitter. (laughing) - So I didn't even get that. - No. - What? - What is that? What is that? - It's a cheese spread. (laughing) - A local Philadelphia cheese spread. - Holy shit, so your dad's a sharp guy. Will you read it when you were a kid? Are you a reader? - Yeah, I know how to read. - No, great profession. - Yeah, actually, I picked it up. I learned how to read, and I'm still doing it. - You read a book now? - Yeah. - Read a book for you to go to bed. - I try to, but I've been bad lately. You know, 'cause of TikTok. I look at TikTok. - Really? - Yeah, man. - It's a little dirt on you. - Oh, hi, it's bad. - Okay, let's get, there's gotta be, what was your first car? - My first car was a 2001 Honda Accord. - Sensible. - What kind of you have gotten that? - I got it the first year, or my second year of college. Second year? Second year of college. - What year in the, of time? Like, was it 2001? - When you got it? - 2001. - You say you got a new car. - How'd you get that? Your parents get it for you or do you buy it? - Yeah, my parents got it. - I bought you a nice, sensible car. - Yes, I was gonna stay in the family, probably go down to the next kid. - It did. - If through you. - Yes, 100,000 miles on it still runs good. - My brother sold it to some guy in Minneapolis. - Okay. - So, my brother had it for a while though, he did. - Which brother? - My younger brother, I don't get one. - Was he the youngest? - No, I'm the oldest and he's the next oldest. - Okay, all right, so it only went to-- - Yeah, it's one to one. - Okay. - Did it go to the girls? - No, they don't want that. - Got you. - Yeah. - They don't want that. - The sticker was an automatic. - Oh, automatic. I don't think they made a stick back then. At least not, if they did, I think I wanted it, 'cause I learned on a stick. I wanted to drive on a stick. - What car was that? - It was a 1991 BMW 325 IX. - Let's go. - That's the best. - Back in the Midwest, that the Mayo Clinic, why would we talk about-- - That was an old car back then. - Yeah. - The old man, Sharp. - Dude, that car was the best. - What'd you drive in there? - Well, he's not driving, but he can't drive. - Okay. - He had this, he and his partner have a, they have a fucking big ass BMW 7 series that looks like they're drug dealers. - Nice. - They look like they're like Russian drug dealers. - 740? - Got you. - All I know is that it's got like a thousand motors in it, and it's the worst car. - Will you say partner, your parents separated the divorce? - My parents separated? - Okay. - Yep. - All right. - What age? - I guess I was 18. - Okay. - I think it's when they got separated, but I think they got divorced like a year after that. I something like that. - Got you. - Yeah. - Where's your mom at now? - She's in Wisconsin. - Okay. Remarried as well? - No, but she has a, you know, has like a boyfriend, I guess you'd say. - Got you. - Okay. - Yeah. - Everything's amicable back and forth. - Oh, no. - Okay. - Not at all. - Is everybody? - I'm cool with everybody. I'm like the peacemaker. - Nice. - I'm the one who always is like, "Oh, we're so sorry about how, you know, I'm like writing emails and shit and things." - You're also removed. - I have that. You're not in the business. - Yeah. I'm removed. And every time I go back, it's one of those things you're like, "Man, this is rough. This is like, it can't be." Because when your parents just can't even get along, it's like, you guys are fucking, you're gonna die. Just relax. Just relax a little bit. There's no therapy. Like what? - That. You know? Not at all. So, yeah. It's, yeah, I get along with everybody pretty much. - What was the family vacation like growing up? Where would you go? The Dels? - What's going on? - No, I begged to go to the Dels. - That was big. - I'd begged. - We never went to the Dels. - I wanted to go. - They probably went to Europe. - We went to Europe a lot. But not on vacation. We never did. A lot of times, what happens? My dad would work a lot. He was very busy. I would go. He would pick a kid to go with him on a trip. - Like a business trip, right? A conference. So, I would be like in some anti-room drinking like coke after coke and Belgium, maybe. I went to Belgium when I was really in. - What's an anti-room? - Like a side room from the conference? - Gotcha. - Yeah. I don't know why I said. I've never said anti-room before either. It's like Merck's cheese. - Doc Pemberton's kid sucking down diet pepper. He's like, it's going out of style. - Oh, just playing Coke on glass. (laughing) Not drinking fucking diet Pepsi. What do you think of here? Okay, diet Pepsi? - What do you think of here? - Put it in that. - Someone put a diet Pepsi for me, I'd be like, (laughing) - What do you think of here as Minnesota for Motherfucker? (laughing) - Minnesota Nice, that's a phrase, right? - Minnesota Nice. - Yeah. - This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. - Yes. - Gang, as you know, Kevin and I are both pretty knee deep in talk therapy. The summer is here, there's gonna be a lot of travels, you're gonna be a lot of moving around, you're gonna be around family, a little more stress, a little bit of that, little bit of this. Talk therapy isn't just for the big things in your life, they're for small things, they're helping you navigate situations, they're helping you be a better person. Talk something out with somebody, be a sounding board. BetterHelp is a fantastic place to start, they have a license therapist that you might not find in your area, you get to do it over the phone, you get to do it over video, you get to do it however the way you want it, do yourself a favor if you're going through something, anything, bigger, small, get on BetterHelp and help yourself. - Yeah, they have over 30,000 therapists. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platforms, having served over six million people globally, and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of five for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. - Let's go. - The numbers don't lie, no, quality therapists, BetterHelp therapists work with according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US. I've always said it is a need, BetterHelp, if you're on the edge of your journey, thinking about starting and it seems daunting, it seems overwhelming, you got to call people, go meet people, this is an easy way to get in. Just get in the pool, and then when you're in there, you meet your guy, they help you, they're a guy or girl, they match up, if that's not it, they can shift it around, but you're already in the pool and the boat's already moving forward, that is. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer, find support in therapy, sign up, and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/carbage, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com/carbage, do it. - Kip, let's talk about cash app, baby. - Cash app, gang, if you weren't aware already, up to speed, as they say. Cash app is way more than just a safe way to send and receive money with the cash app card. You unlock a ton of perks without all the hidden fees. Nobody likes those hidden fees. Enjoy benefits like exclusive early access to nationwide concert pre sales, Kendrick Lamar, Sabrina Carpenter, to name a couple. We don't love those two, you know what I'm saying? Drake, but whatever you're gonna know. Plus discounts on everyday purchases and popular brands. 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And the bank court bank NA pursuant to a license from visa USA, ink, sea terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid cards, Sutton debit flex cards, and bank court debit flex cards. Cash app green features, savings, direct deposit roundups, overdraft coverage, and discounts provided by Cash app, a block ink brand, visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures not back to the show. - Back to the show. - Okay. But here's the thing, my mom was from Louisiana. So, you know, that's half of me. She grew up, not longings. She was from, even, she's not from New Orleans. That would be nice for some New Orleans, but. She was from a town called Alexandria, which is like the middle of nowhere. Middle of the state, it smells like a paper mill, 'cause there's a paper mill. Yeah. It's kind of like-- - You guys go down there and visit it all? - A bunch of times, yeah, 'cause my grandpa used to live down there. - She bringing that Creole spice to Minnesota, the little combo, the little-- - Oh, yeah. - At toufe? - Yeah, she was a great cook. - What was her big dish that you love? It was like, you can't do it in the-- - I like crawfish at toufe, that's my favorite. So, I'm a big fan, generally. - Yeah. I love a nice crawfish at toufe, please. See if we'll play on my suit. Huh. - All right. - So, that's the thing, you know what I'm just in character. - It's a blend, it's a blend. 'Cause my mom's family, they're not, they were not like, my, her dad was a mechanic in the Air Force. So, with, you know, they had, they didn't have, you know, they had three kids. They weren't like, hurting for, they weren't like starving, but they definitely were not-- - They weren't surgeons watching McNeil and McNeil on PBS. - Yeah, they were not, very different. Very different. - Dr. Pemberton. - Liz and gentlemen. - I know in your family, smoke a pipe. - No. - My dad smoked sigs for about 20 years. - Nice. - Yeah. - Did that smoke in search? - You're down to BNWs, you're the crazy fucking awesome. - Yeah. - I mean, a lot of Dr. Smoke, a lot of back then, they, a ton of them would smoke. They would smoke like crazy. You still, you still see a lot of guys outside the emergency room smoking. - High stress, high stress, high stress. - There was a doctor, and I named Peter Mooka. He used to smoke like two packs a day. And he was the ER surgeon. - Damn. - Yeah, that guy would smoke like a fucking chimney. - What kind of sigs did your dad smoke? - Gosh, I don't even know. I mean, I really don't, 'cause it's, he quit because I got really bad asthma as a kid. So, I think it was from the smoke there. As soon as you stop smoking, you kind of started feeling a lot better. I don't, I never connected that. That's probably why I had asthma. - Probably is. - Shit. - Yeah. - Do you think? - From the sigs. - From the heaters your dad was blown in your face. - I do, I never put that together. Never once was like, don't smoke in the house. It was like, you got your nailer on you, right? - Could your dad do anything noticeable with his hands? We were like, oh shit, he's a surgeon. Like, have you ever seen him like do like that? - Yeah, like a heater. (laughing) - Oh, which one? - Light a heater. - Yeah, just like do it like this, like dice. - Super fast. - Like, did he do like ships in a bottle or anything like that? - No, he knew that stuff. He had a very steady hand. - I'd imagine. - Yeah. I think, I forgot. I used to have very steady. - Wow, you're funny, steady. - Holy shit. His kid's ice cold. - I like it. - Yeah. - He held that pretty long. - Well, 'cause his dad was a surgeon as well. - Wow. - And so was his dad. - What? - I know, isn't that crazy? - Did he want either of you guys to go into surgery? - They never made her the thing. I was never like, you should do this. I wanted to for a long time, but then I was like, I am so bad at math that I just cannot. I don't think I can get through this. - Why, you have to have math as math the most. - Yeah, why? - Because you do, you just have to like, you have to be okay at math. - You do? - You know what, I think-- - I mean, like, times tables and stuff. - You have to get through school. - Yeah, you have to get through, like, calculus and stuff like that. - Ah. - What I could have done was-- - You don't want a surgeon that ain't doing the math. - Yeah. - That, huh? - Well, I understand, like, you know, three milligrams, it is, two grams of that. - Eh. - I could have studied though. - I could have studied. - Yeah. - But I didn't want to do that. - Were you a good student? - No. - How'd you do when you're, what do you guys take out there? - A-C-T. - A-C-T's. - Gosh, I don't remember. I think I did just good enough to get into Florida state university. - Why, it's go. - Yeah. - Johnny P. - Which is not, that's good. - I mean, it's cool that you party. - Oh yeah. I was fucking party. - I was playing jazz and-- - Dude, I was partying. - I was partying. - You're down there getting loose? - Yeah, it was very loose. - There you go. - It was very loose. There was a lot of fun. - What did you major in? - Keg stands. - Keg stands in a college radio. - You think college radio? - No, I didn't. - Yeah, I did college radio, but I did, I majored in communications, which is, you know, that's like a free major. - It is what the call sign, baby. - WVFS Telehassy, the voice of Florida State 89.7 FM, call 644-1837 for your request. Coming up next is something off of relaxing with Miles Davis. This is, it never entered my mind, featuring Paul Chambers on bass. Actually, I don't think it's a lot of bass. - I looked through it for a real time. - Okay, you weren't selling that shit down there in Florida State, were you? You're doing the Weezer and stuff. - There was a jazz. - They had a jazz show on Sundays. - That's what you did? - I hope you had that, you had that voice, just like the soft rock, you didn't. - I don't know, I don't know if I sound like that back then. I was just doing that for you. - I loved it. - But I think it was so soothing. - It was an Indie Rock station though. - Gotcha. - It was definitely like, you know, all kinds of Indie Rock, all kinds of stuff where it's like, no one knows about this stuff. - That was very good, that was very soothing. - Thank you. - This is Johnny Pempton on Elite Night Out. - Hi, it's Late Night here. We're gonna listen to some of my music from Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong right now. This is from their 1968 release on Verve Records. This features Ed Thigpin on drums and Ella Fitzgerald's husband Ray Brown on bass. - You can hear the kids in the dorms like, "What the fuck is this?" I'm gonna get late over here. - Pempton's at it again. - Go, Johnny, go. - I wanted so bad to be a jazz radio DJ. - That's awesome. - I applied for a job at WBZ in Chicago, 'cause I wanted to live in Chicago. That's my dream to live in Chicago. - Okay. - But I didn't get a job there. - And when did you start doing this? - Doing the acting in the stand-up. - I guess I started when I moved to LA. - Okay. - Yeah. - I mean, I always knew I really wanted to do it, but it was one of those things where, in Minnesota, I didn't grow up around anyone at all who even knew someone who did that. - Sure. - I knew my dad had a friend who was funny. His name was Glenn Fisher. - It's your only guy in town. - But he wasn't even in town. He lived in Nashville. - He was? - He's a doctor? - He's a doctor. - So 12 packs a day. - Yeah, he spoke like, he had a carton of him. He spoke every day. But this guy, I remember he used to be funny when someone brought out a video camera. He would be funny on the video camera. - He turned it on. - Yeah, he would turn it on. They'd all laugh at him because he'd be like, he was from like, I think he was from like, maybe Philly or something like that. He was like, "Welcome to Minnesota." Where the coffee tastes like buffalo urine. Shit like that, I remember seeing that video. I'd be like, "Oh, that guy's funny, man. "That guy's funny. "That's so cool. "He's funny." - Oh, yeah. - But otherwise, you know, you can't say you wanna do comedy in the Midwest. You couldn't possibly say that because he'd be like, "Oh, we got a funny guy. "Oh, funny guy. "You know what, we'll be pretty funny "as if you shoveled the walk." - Happy hilarious. - I might laugh quite a bit if you did that. - This is my deal, Jerry. - Oh, it's a funny guy here, huh? Oh, so funny. You couldn't get to class on time, I guess, huh? - I was pretty funny. I assumed being a Midwest kid that we'll find common ground on this and from your vibe. - Right. - I was obsessed as a kid and young adult with Garrison Keeler. - Oh my God, me too. - The prairie home. - You can't quite weaken like what? - Yeah, I love his stuff so much. He's really, that's right up your alley. All right, now it's all falling on the back. - I had all the cassettes. I was sort of the cassettes. I was like, you know, I'd be like, doing something, painting in my room or something like that or maybe like, I don't know, whatever I'm doing. - You know the buddy Holly story? - I don't think him and his buddy's driving not to see buddy Holly when the plane crashed. - No, I don't know that actually. - Ooh, it's a good one. - Damn, I gotta check that out. - It's a good one. - I met him once. - Get out of here. - Yeah. - Cool guy? - I guess so, you know, I was pretty young. He's a very big guy. - He could get away from my car. - Yeah. - I'm gonna run you over on purpose. - Get away from my car, son. Here, I'm gonna get run over. - Bit of a weird kid, uh. - It's been a loud week in my hometown. (laughing) - All right. - I mean, here's a cool story. - Please. - I met a guy in Florida State. This guy named A-Ton. He was from Miami and he was really into that stuff too. He was really into Garrison, Kieler, Param Kanga. And he had, I think he was like Israeli or something. I don't hear a weird accent. And he was like-- - I don't know where you're from. - Very Minnesota, have you? - Yeah, got a weird accent. He, um, funny guy. We talked about, he found us from Minnesota. He was like, oh, I wanna go to there. I wanna go to part that place so bad. I told him, it's not a real town. And he was, I saw his face like, what do you, what do you mean? It's not real. - Real? - Well begun. - Yeah, like, well begun. He wanted to go there so bad. And I'm like, it's not, it's not a real place. It's fictional. He made it up. And he just was, he was just, ugh. Just the color drain from his face. This tiny man, like five foot tall guy from Miami. - Did you go to games when you were at Florida stage, you go to football games, you involved in that? - I learned about it there. I never, that whole thing to me was-- - Your dad wasn't watching sports growing up. - Not at all, not at all. - Oh shit. - No, I mean, it was like an anti-sports house, almost. - We got you. - Yeah, it was weird that kind of thing. - Did you pledge down there? Did you join a fraternity? - No, no, opposite. - I was like, never, never do that. - But your party? - Yeah, I mean, everybody parties. That's like everybody parties. I mean, we were doing like-- - Everybody parties. - He's like, here's how much I party. I had a friend strap in. I had a friend get arrested for buying the precursor chemicals for GHB. - Hey parties. - Yeah, we were just party. - Not even rolls broken, get you out of that one. - No. - Whoa. He went to jail for like two weeks for that shit. - Huh. - Yeah, and we were doing a lot of that. - Yeah, you're just got your street cred back. I'll pay that, Pemberton. - For about a year and a half, yeah. - A year and a half. - What is that? That would never hit around us at all. - No. - But we were, it was more-- - That's not true. - It was more, I mean, like my age, it was more pills. - It was fun. - Yeah, I'm just saying it. - We were doing pills too. - We weren't making it. - No, it wasn't that big where you're like, I need to get this at a manufacturer level. - Yeah, 'cause that's how you get it. - I could really tell you how it feels. It's weird. - I always say it's a cross between being perfectly drunk and pain killers that last the right amount of time. - What would the right amount of time be? - Exactly, one hour intense and then four hours after that, it's totally gone. Like you're sober basically. Like nothing ever happened, yeah. But also, you know, when you do stuff when you're 20 years old, when you're 21 years old. - Sure. - Like God forbid, everything bounces out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I did it now, it would probably be like, I can't do anything for two days. - Yeah. - I step off the curve and I'm done for the night. - If I have hot wings, I guess I can't do a spot tonight. - Can you do spicy, you a spicy guy? - I usually can't, I had an incident just two days ago where a man, oh man, it was the fucking worst night I've had in years. I was up going to the bathroom probably like four times and the burning in my ass, it felt like it was, something was inside of me. It was so fucking hot. I was whimpering. I was in a hampton and fucking just like, that's where you're staying, a hampton in. - It's the only place you can stay. - It's where we stay. - What do you mean, I'm not, I'm not like, I'm not like, you put him in a pedestal here. Yeah, I'll do a hampton in. I'll do a hampton in. - Okay, I'm not, I'm not. - Yeah, bad burn. - What, what'd you eat? - A couple hot wings. - Oh, the cereal. (laughing) - Wrapped apple jacks. It's fucking apple jacks, man. - Those things bite bad. - Yeah. They were expired. - Where did you have the wings? - And how hot were they? - I got a takeout, delivered to the hotel. - Okay. - It was after. - Well, it was after I was in a field drinking all day. - Okay. - And then, what were you doing out there? - Hangin' out with some guys. - Okay. (laughing) - Everything sounds like you're like, where the cops, we just pulled you over and you're making up the world, you're worst out. - Yeah. - Some guys, there's a guy there. - Hangin' out with some-- - I was drinking in a field. - Officer, how many did you have, how many did you have officer, I don't know? - It's oddly specific, but they get the same time. - Was it a festival or something? - Friends might have this monthly thing called Beer Field. This is his guy's, I know-- - He's making this stuff. - I know, it sounds like I'm makin' it up, but it's all right. - Was it back home? - No, this is Rhode Island. - Okay. - This is the Canaine Brothers. - Okay. - Yeah. - Okay, okay. - So they link up once a month and get drunk in a field. That's a good time. - Yeah, it's a community event 'cause there's no bars in this little town. - Are these the guys you worked on mermaid with? - No, these guys that worked on the curling movie with. - Okay. - Gotcha. - Yep. - All right. I'm gonna stand up, 'cause you're the Hamptons Inn and you guys get together. - Well, is it like a community? Like, there's a bunch of people, or is it just like the boys? - I think it's a whole community, 'cause it's a small town that hasn't had many bars, so they do this thing. They get like a license from the city that allows them to have-- - It's sanctioned as well. - It's very like family-friendly dogs. - Yeah. - And there's some hot dogs and stuff like that. - Like hot dogs. - Yeah, very like, oh, you know, all the crackers come out. All the crusty leathery Rhode Island guys come out and have a bunch of beers in a field. - How many years have you been going to this? - This is the first time I've ever been there. I just happen to be in town, 'cause the screening, the mermaid screening we had in Newport, I was like, oh, we'll go to New York on Sunday, go to this beer thing and hang out with these guys that I spent two months in Winnipeg with. - Right, filming the movie. - Yeah. - Guy, and then you got back to the hotel, you want some hot wings? - Got some hot wings. - And you're feeling a little, you got a couple in ya. Feeling a little ventures. You go for an extra spicy. - No, I just get to, this is why, I don't know the hat. - That 'em dry. - I got just the most plain buffalo wings. I also had like a halal chicken and rice thing, ya know. - Separate place or same place. - Same place 'cause I had to get the minimum order on grub hub. - Okay, hold on. So, ya know? - You got hot wings from a halal place? - These are two ways. - It's all the same place, it's all the same place. - You're bundling on Uber and you're giving me this. You're not a big star, get me. - Oh, you have to, you have to make the minimum. So I bought some, I was like. - What did you want? Did you want the wings or did you want the chicken and rice? - I want the chicken and rice. - You wanted the chicken and rice. - That's something basic. - Get some wings. - I was like, oh, I didn't make the minimum. So I'll get some. - I want the wings. - Get six wings, six buffalo wings. - Now here's the trashy thing that I think. You do double chicken, you do chicken and rice and chicken wings. I would have got lamb or beef on the, on the, on the, you do double chicken? - I don't want to eat lamb. - I'd have hamped it in. - Yeah. - Okay, I'll give you that. I'm with you on that. - If I can't see where it's coming from. I'm not gonna get it. - What do you mean, like coming at ya? - You know, if you can't see like, oh, how the lamb was raised. - Meet the guy. I want to meet the guy. I want to see the place, you know what I'm saying? - You do that? You know, if you order from a place, you know. I don't know this place at all. I've never been there. - God, you're not saying the only time you eat lamb is when you go and meet the lamb yourself. - No, I'm not gonna say shit. - It's a good restaurant you've been to. I know that place does good lamb. I understand that. - This is like a faceless place. I've never heard of. - God, it could be a ghost city. - It's called like, you know, Jim's Hallal. - Yeah. - Yosa and Yosa. - Jim's Hallal and Yosa. - All right. - No, the wings got you. - They got me is bad. I think it's the worst I've been burned in maybe 10 or 15 years, actually. - You never had that happen? - No, yeah. - Probably a percent. - You don't tell me too much. - Like a hot exit. - Yeah, oh man. - That shit. But that shit is, it's a different kind of pain. - Make the mouth whistle, make your butt hole. - There's a lot of nerve ending. - Yeah. - Man. - And they don't like, they don't like the hot sauce. They hate that much. - So bad. - On food. - Yeah, just say, let's say you did in order, the takeout. And they have that little snack shack there. - They have it. - At those hostels. - At those hostels. What do you like? Do you like a snack there? What do you do? You come in and got it. You've been drinking in a field all day. - You have a bunch of those gummy bears. going for the ice cream. - Man, you know, I don't know, it's a tough one. I kind of, I first, I hate those things. They shouldn't have those, it's a hotel, it's not a store, you know? - I gotta push back on Johnny Penn. - Like, you like nothing? - It's a new, that's a new thing. I think a new thing in hotels like the last, maybe 10 years maybe, right? - Uh-huh. - Hotel used to be, they have like, you have like room service or something. - I agree though. - Should be. - I should be able to get in. - There's like a local restaurant. - Yeah. - Not this like, oh, you wanna fucking piece of shit a ramen package to microwave in your room asshole. That's what it is now. - I think they say that, take it. That's what they're saying to you. - Sure. - Also, maybe they're gonna stay in a big potato brought the room. - Right. I also never knew, we didn't stay in hotels a lot growing up. And I only, I thought every, until we started like touring, I thought every hotel you could get room service. - Yeah. - You'd be like, "Hey, send up the chicken fingers." - That's gone. - It is. There's an episode of Sopranos. I remember where, I literally just quoted it. - Right. - You send up a couple of steaks and mesh potatoes. - But that's, that's that episode, right? - Yeah. - Dining rooms closed. I sent up a bottle of Johnny Walker in this. You could go over to Kenaine's or whatever it's called. - That right there. That episode. - I just saw that clip. That's why. - That's like the most relatable piece of that whole show for me was when they were like, when that guy, yeah. Like things have changed, things have changed. And they're so disappointed about that. That's how I feel about those fucking little stores. There's a hotel. I hate that shit. - I gotcha. Did you like that? - Did you like the Sopranos, Johnny? - I mean, I think it's probably the greatest thing ever made. I honestly think it's probably the best show that's ever been made of all time. And I watched it kind of recently. I think I finished watching it about three years ago. And I remember thinking, like, what am I gonna watch now? Because nothing will ever be this good. - I mean, we could wrap this up now. - I mean, is that a guy? - Is that like a weird opinion though? - I don't think it is. - It's the greatest television show ever made. - I don't think it's even a television show. I feel like it's something else. - It's one of the only things that I watch to the point that they hate my guts over it. - Yeah, I can see that happening though. - It's a strong verbiage, I guess but. - 'Cause you've got to get out of the house a little more. That's all I'm not saying. I'm not saying it can't be the only thing you watch. It can't be what you do all day. - It's one of man's greatest achievements. - It is, right. - I honestly feel that way. - Yeah, it's so incredibly great. - On a telephone, huh? - Everything about it. - I like to thank BMW for the 750. - But I watched that show so recently. Like for me, I avoided it for a long time 'cause I thought it was like super violent for some reason and it is obviously really violent but I think I'm really happy that I waited so long to watch it 'cause I think I wouldn't have appreciated it as much. - Sure. - If I watched it when it came out, I think it would not have liked it as much. - I love this guy. - I love him. - All right guys, I'm done. (laughing) - Man, I'm looking to radio station to get out of here. - Yeah, that's out of here. - Huh. - On the topic of food, right. - What do you get into? - How do you get your burger cooked? - My burger cooked? - Yeah. - Whatever the chef recommends. - Oh, what are you saying? (laughing) - I get medium, usually medium. - All right, I'll get you that. - Medium well. - Okay. - I'm gonna go with my steak. - I don't like burgers. - Steak. - I don't love burgers. - I don't say I don't love burgers. Steak, I usually get a prime medium. - Okay. - In rare, maybe. - Good man. - You like a steak? - I love a steak. - Okay. - What was the last restaurant you went to? - The last restaurant I went to. - It was probably-- - I think I've been repeating the question. - Well, 'cause I'm trying to remember. - Someone's been murdered. - I forget everything. I forget. - I forget. - Someone asked me, like, seriously, what have you been up to? Some of them, I'm like, I don't know. (laughing) - I don't get it. - I'm trying to think what I've been up to. And sometimes I'll just go like, oh, okay. Yesterday was, that was Monday. Last restaurant I ate at, God, I don't know what I have for dinner. Oh, I know. I went to Abe Pagoda's last night and had dinner there. - And Abe Bushwick? - Bushwick, a bar in Bushwick. - Abe Pagoda, the actor? - It's a bar called Abe Pagoda. - Oh, Abe Pagoda. - It's like a teaky bar that has food. - Okay. - And I had dinner there. - Is this in Brooklyn? - It's in Brooklyn. It's in Bushwick. - Bushwick. - Yeah. - Hangin' out with the hipsters. - Yeah. - The trendsetters. - What you have? - I had some chicken yakitori and tater tots. (laughing) - And the polian dynamite. - It was really good. - This is great. - This is great. - It's like chicken skewers. - Okay. - Yeah. - Chicken skewers and tater tots. - Yeah, I had that. - Keepin' it tight. - Yeah, 'cause I have, so I have a crazy dietary condition. - Hit me? - I don't have a large intestine. I had it removed about 25 years ago, 'cause I had all sorts of colitis for a long time. - Whoa, yeah. - I was doing schwarman hot wings in the middle of the day. - Are you out of your mind? - Yes, I know. I am out of my mind and that's it. - You don't have a large intestine. - Yeah, I had it removed. - You just got the small. - Just got the small. That's what the. - No one's ever said that before. - I have to read it. - No one's ever said, just got the small. - Good for you. You still got the small though. It's crazy. - Yeah. - Can you not eat a lot? I assume. - I can eat anything, but I just have to pay for it. - What do you mean? - Like suffer. - What are the consequences of your actions? Is it just like diarrhea? - Diarrhea, or having to go. Yeah, that's what diarrhea is frequently. - Okay. - Urgently. And yeah, it's barely that. - You do fast food with this? - I can do, I'm just super selective about stuff and also, I don't know, it's like my life. I've been living this way for so long. I'm not like actively thinking about it. It's more just constantly. I'm always thinking about, I think about what I'm going to eat a lot. - You do. - Yeah, I'm very careful about what I eat. - What'd you have for breakfast this morning? - I had some yogurt, some plain yogurt. - Okay. - From the hotel? - No, from a little, like I said, bodega or something. - Okay. - I got a little thing of yogurt. I prefer sheep's milk yogurt, but they didn't have any. That's the good stuff. If you ever get a chance to have sheep's milk yogurt, that's the ultimate yogurt. - Does it have a tang to it? Does it have a tang? - Does that look like Lamy fly? - I mean, the goat taste? No goat. - I hate the goat, too. Do not do the goat. The goat is no good. - It took me like five years to get used to goat cheese. The first time I had it, I was like, what the fuck is this? - Yeah. But the goat yogurt is even more, it's even more goat-y. - People drink goat's milk, that's fuck. - No, no thanks. I'm not a shepherd, okay. (laughing) I don't tend to my flock. - I'm sorry, I'm not out here smoking weed in the mountains. - What did they smoke weed? - Shepherds? - Yeah. - I think they're the original stoners. - Is that true? - Yeah, 'cause that's how you pass the time. You just get high shit, and you sleep while you're-- - Listen to cold train. - Listen to cold train while you watch your sheep eat grass. And make a little fire making a weird little bread in the mountains of, I don't know, the Kush mountains or some shit. - I don't know if this is a story, but I like where the story is going. What's your favorite fast food? - Oh man, favorite fast food. - You're not a burger guy. - I mean, I like, I love McDonald's. - You love McDonald's? What, burgers? - Yeah. - I love McDonald's. I actually like filet fish a lot. - My man. - You have filet fish, put the fries on there. I had a-- - Fries on a sandwich. - Oh, you got it, you never done that? - I have. - I don't know. - Did you really think that he hasn't done that? - I don't think I-- - Are you kidding me? - Fries on a filet fish? - Not a filet fish, but on a sandwich. - Oh my god. - I don't know if it's ever crossed my mind. - You have the hungry man all the time with the hash bread in the middle of it. - Yeah, that's different. The french fries on a filet fish. - I don't know if it is. - I don't know if it is either. - It's the best. - Okay. - You put them on the-- - I understand. - Yeah. - This jumps from french fries on a, putting your own french fries on a filet fish versus-- - I made a potato. - A breakfast sandwich that comes with potatoes in it. - Yeah. - Fair enough. Now what would the filet fish with fries on a dude of your body? - Not that much. - You're okay. - Yeah, I usually only have it for lunch. - Can I ask you a medical question? - Ask it wherever you want. - What does the large intestine do? - It does a lot of stuff. It's kind of like a loading dock for one. You know, like your shit's in there. So when you have, when you go shit, it's like, it sits in there waiting as opposed to just going through. It also takes out a lot of water from your stool. - It dries it out. - So yeah, it dries it up, but also extracts the water for hydration purposes. It's also a couple of vitamins I think. I can't remember which one's exactly. I think vitamin D, maybe vitamin K. There's a couple of, it's actually not essential. I was like, some alive here. I'm alive for 20 plus years without the colon. But yeah, it's basically just extracts a lot of water and minerals. - Wait, do you not have a colon, either? - That's the large intestine. - The large intestine is the colon? - Yeah, what do you think of the ways? - I thought the large intestine was the large intestine and the colon was the colon. - Wow, no, that's the same thing. - Get the fuck out. - Yeah, dad is a, - I know the irony is ridiculous. - What's that all about? - I don't know. I think that's one of those things where it's-- - Should he do your surgery? - No, that never happens. You can't do that. - Did you get it done at the Mayo Clinic? - I did, yeah. - Yeah, good count. - God, I had to work. - I didn't have to pay for it. Surprise, I don't know if it wasn't me. I wasn't paying for my own. You got to pay for your own fucking surgery. You're gonna work it off. Yeah, I didn't have that. - Payton, payton, dollar houses. - Yeah, oh shit. His dad is a colon surgeon. He's had his colon removed. - Very strange. - Jerry, that's crazy. - I know, I know, I know that that was the colon. - It is. I think technically, there is some sort of discrepancy between the large intestine and the colon in terms of like, I can't think what it is. - But they're both out, you don't have a colon. - No colon. Large intestine is gone completely. - Damn. - Yeah, it was a two-part surgery. - Every day, I find out how dumb or I am. It's crazy. - Actually, no, honestly though, there is, there is something right about that. I can't remember what it is exactly. We could find the. There's some difference in-- - Maybe it's an entrance wire something. - I thought this, just in my head, I thought the colon was the end of the large intestine. - Okay. - I think you might be honest something there. - The colon is the longest section of the large intestine. - No kids. - Right, but also it also is used to describe the large intestine a lot, just as a thing. - As a whole. - The dome of the creature. - So you're technically, you're right. We're both kind of right, you know what I mean? The colon would be bushwick, Brooklyn would be the large intestine. - You could say that. - Can we say that? - You could say that, yeah. - Can I say that? - You can say that. Confirm that Dr. Pemberton later on after the broadcast. - This is all of my special that's going to be coming out. I don't know, I don't know when it's going to come out. - Well, you being serious? - Yeah, I did a whole special about this. - Fantastic. - It's called Minnesota Reggae Colostomy Bag. - Let's go. - Yeah, and it's about that. - Let's go. - So we'll see, we'll just finish editing it. - Fantastic. You don't know where it's going. - Where'd you shoot it? - Try an LA. - Very nice. - Just a random theater. It's a fun show. I mean, it's like a normal stand-up show, really. - Sure. - Let's talk about travel. You fly in the front, you fly in the back. Keep it tight. - I do both. - You do both. - Yeah. - Like a gentleman. - So I do this thing where sometimes I will, anytime I'm flying home, I try to fly a first class. - Smart. - Wow. - Relax a little bit. Get home fresh. - Right down. Gentlemen. - Also, I think it's good to be arriving where you live in first class. - Why? - 'Cause it's where I live, man. - Feels good. - Don't wanna be seen in the back. - Is that right? - I think that's the best. - Okay, so that's my theory. So that's about as much of the LA stuff that you do. You wanna show up at LAX first class. - Yeah, if I can. - You're not gonna go to the grove or make it at the Viper room or any of that bullshit. Be it Erwan, waitin' 25 minutes to get a fuck out. - No. - $25 milkshake. - No, I don't do that. - Johnny P's showin' up first class. - Yeah. - Case Coggins gets on. Like, hey, don't big dog. - Exactly. - You don't wanna see the back of the gobozo. - Yep. - Very small. - That's the idea. - I don't know how you got there. - And also, it's just more comfortable. - Right. - 'Cause I'm exhausted from traveling. - Sure. - I wanna relax. - Sure. - Especially if I can lay flat. - Woo! - Fucking lay flat. - Wow. - Dude, I wanna lay flat. - Like some lay flat. - You ever lay flat? - Yeah. - You ever lay flat? - Yeah. - We started flying first class and it was one of those things, even when we couldn't really afford it. It was like, well, we're never. I can go back. - Remember the first time you had the lay flat? That shit is, I remember it. I remember I was surprised to me. It's like, holy shit. - I'm a bigger fella. I'd rather just have the larger first class seat. I don't do good in the lay flat. It's like a dentist chair for me. - I get it. - I can't get comfortable. I can't get you going on your side. Can you go on your side on that? - I can do it all. I'll go upside down sometimes. (laughing) - When you sleep, how do you sleep? - On your back, on your side, on your stomach. - I think I do side and back. - Side and back. - Yeah. - I start down, end up on the back. - You start down, what? - I don't know what's going on. - Hold on, you start down like this. - I just see the record. - I'll start. - Yeah, I start down. I start down. - How many pillows do you use? - Just one. - Just one pillow? Nothing between your legs, not holding anything? - I mean, I've heard a lot about this between the leg thing, especially from friends of mine. - You don't need a male letter pillow. - One of my friends swears by a pregnancy pillow, and he's like, it's so embarrassing, but it's just J pillow. - It's fantastic. - Do you use it now? - Ah, yeah. - You do. - And you'll love it, right? - This has been left out of the dosage. - I don't use it all the time, but it is a, it's-- - Use it once. - Use it once, he'll use it. (laughing) - No, no, it's great, it's a big J pillow. - Yeah. - And you can snuggle up and it gives you everything, it's like a hug from a bigger man. - Man. - What's that, what's the house like? You got an apartment, you got a house. - You got a house. - I want it. - It's very nice, pool. - No pool. - No pool. - I don't want that liability. - Very smart guy. - What's the, what's the whip? What's the everyday car you zip in an LA? - I have a truck. - Truck? - Okay, it's a Honda Ridgeline truck. - Nice. - Yeah. - What year are we talking? - I got a trucker in SUV. - Well, technically, technically it's not a truck. If you talk to truck guys, they'll be like, that's not a fucking truck, small bed, but it's like a dumb difference. It's just a smooth driving truck. - What's the Mrs. drive? - She drives a Subaru. - Okay. - Yeah. - It's like a liable. - It's good. - King size bed in the house? - So you get in the king queen. - We have a queen. - You have a queen. - Yeah. - How many pillows are on the bed during the day? - Probably like, I don't know. What's a pillow? Like is it stuffed animal kind of a pillow? - No. - Stop. - I'm not putting, they're not mine. - Your wife, you have stuffed animals on your bed. - Yes. - Okay. - My wife has them on there. - What are they? - What are they? They're not baby dolls, are they? - Yeah, they're baby dolls with ceramic faces and one has one eye and one has a knife and it's got like, you know, we've got one that's like a snake. - I was scared for a second. - One is that doll Annabelle. We have a giant Annabelle in the corner. No, it's just like a little, I don't know, some Japanese Disney plushy thing. I don't know. - Oh, just one. - There may be, there's a rotation. - Are these from her childhood? - No, no, no. - Okay. - This is current. So just kind of like a little decoration. - Yeah. - I respect it. - Yep, I respect it. - Yeah, they're on the bed. I think we'd probably have maybe four pillows, plus whatever. - Put your mom. - Yeah. - You go to sleep with the TV on? - No. No TV in the bedroom. - No TV in the bedroom. - No. - So when you guys go to bed and like get situated, are you sitting there reading? She's sitting there reading her phone to sleep her on her phone. - Probably on the phone. - It's cute. - I'm trying not to do that anymore. - Trying not to do it. - It's so bad for your sleep to be on the phone right for you to bed. - Brutal. - Do, yeah, just reading, and we have a dog too. Someone has the dogs in there, but not anymore, 'cause she, we had to put her in the living room 'cause she wakes us up at like five o'clock in the morning. - To go to the bathroom. - Yeah, or just to get up, like, hey, it's morning! - Uh-huh. - Yeah, I'm done. - She's the sweetest dog. - What's her dog's name? - Her name is Yogurt. - Yogurt? - Yeah. - Greek. - What, what kind of dog? - She's a gold retriever. - Get outta here, I love it. I had a gold retriever in my mom's house, Bentley. He's a gold retriever. - Oh, that's a cool nature dog. - We've always had retrievers. I had a German shepherd back in the day and a visual hand when I was young, but ever since 9/11 we've had retrievers all the way through. - Well, somehow in 9/11? - I don't know why I did that. - Something happened when the towers came down, you're like, no more German shepherd. - No, we just have it together. Gold retriever at bedtime. - Yeah, it's really my mom's dog, which I have to really start saying that that's a 50-year-old man, but he's my buddy. - Yeah, you love him. - Love him. - He's my little brother. - How old is he? - Two or three? - Oh, okay, that's good. It's the same lineage, it's the same, he's related to the other two dogs that we had, Yingling and Daisy. - Yingling, that's funny. - Philly. - There's probably a thousand of dogs in Yingling. - Sure. - Yeah. - That and Jalen hurts. - What was the last vacation you went on? - Last vacation vacation? - Vacation vacation vacation. - Like, I'm trying to think, last word-- - Last word related. - Was probably, I think it was Hawaii last summer. - My man. What island you go to? - Big Island. - Kona side? - Is that the east of the west? The west side? - Got me. - The west side? West side? - The west side. - What's the mountain? - The Steve there? - I don't know, we went up the mountain though. - You did. - Oh my God. - So the Milky Way? - It was the greatest thing ever. It's so cool. It's like, you're on the fucking moon up there. It takes forever to get up there and you feel all spacey because the air's thin. That was one of the coolest things I've done in a while. - And you got to see the spiral of the galaxy. - Well, we did it in the daytime. - You did? - Yeah. - There was nothing up there. - Yeah, but it's still really cool. - So cool. - Yeah, it was great. It was a very cool trip. I think daytime just is good 'cause you get to see out over everything and. - Yeah, it's awesome. - I know you can see the spiral of the Milky Way galaxy. - Well, I mean, can't you see that from someplace else too? - Not here. - Not here, no, not here. Definitely not here. - You can see the couple spots, right? - I've seen the spiral. - Have you? - Yeah. - You ever see the northern lights? A little bit. When I was in Winnipeg, I saw 'em for just a little bit. But I was so tired I just got in. I was like, I don't feel like. You have to even then, the northern lights, sometimes you have to go out a little bit, away from the lights. - Now, wings coming into Hampton in. Going out there. That's. - Yeah. Bring the northern lights to me. - You have name, brand, luggage? - I don't know if I do. I don't like that shit. - You've always been good with money. You've always been a saver. - I've been like, I'm so good with money. It's ridiculous. - Right? - Yeah, it's kind of boring. I'm actually, I just recently realized I am saving too much. - You have a little bit of cash on you. Don't well. - I mean, I just save a lot. I don't like to spend. I really don't like to spend a lot of money on. - What do you spend money on? You went to Hawaii, that's good. Like, for like a month, is there something to your comic books, is there a video, is there something to collect? - Do you collect anything? - I collect records. I'm collecting them for a long time. - Okay. - Like, I stopped collecting aggressively a couple of years ago. - Okay. - But even then, that's like a cheap hobby. - Yeah. - If you have a job, it's a cheap hobby. 'Cause most record collectors who are hardcore record collectors, that's what they do. And so they're like, penchant panties. You ever see that movie, American Splendor? - Of course. - Harvey Peacock, my favorite movie. - That guy's the epitome of a record collector, you know? Fully on the spectrum. Doesn't want to spend any money on anything but records. So, excuse me, if you have like a, when I first moved to LA and had a job, I was collecting records back then. And I was like, oh my god. I'm making like, I was making like, I don't know. Not that much money, but I was making money, had a job. I was like, oh my god. Records are cheap now. - Yeah. - 'Cause all I wanted to do was buy records all the time. I have a lot of records, man. But now I don't, yeah, I don't have like an expensive hobby, at all, I don't gamble. - I don't know. - How's it jump? - Well, 'cause I have a bunch of friends who, they tell me how much they gamble. I'm like, what the fuck? - I know. - It's big today. - Like, how could you do it? - Who that's? - Hey, hey darling. - You're like your 10 grand down? Like, how many records that is? - Yeah. - You and the misses are having dinner. Put on low record, you sit there at the table and listen to a little jazz or now. - No. - You sit at the table when you have dinner, you sit at the couch and watch TV. - Sit at the coffee table and watch TV. - And what do you watch? - Lately, probably watching a loan, not a show on the scurvy channel. - Okay. - Yeah, 'cause I have a thing, I don't wanna watch like a movie or a show if I'm really invested in it because you can't eat food and also look at the screen. You know, so I wanna be able to actually pay attention to be checked in. - You guys cooking, ordering in. - Ordering in a lot, man. So much, it's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed to how much, it's her though, it's her. She's the problem. - Sure. - I wanna cook, ever since the pandemic, it's been like a slippery slope where she's like a fucking wizard at ordering. You know what I mean? She's like just so-- - Did she handle it? - Yeah, of course. I don't touch it. - Did she say what do you want for dinner? - Essentially, this is how you-- - She doesn't say that, that's awesome. - It's like this, what do you want? - Okay. - And what do you say? - And I'll say something and she'll be like, I don't know, I'm like, see, that's why I don't say anything. - So you say just order? Whatever it is. - Yes, it's like whatever you want, I will find something at that place that I like. - Oh, so you do pick this as a guy? She doesn't order dinner for both of yous. - No, no, no. - I would have to have loved that. - You do. - I mean sometimes she does, if I'm coming home late, she'll get something she knows I like. Check the skewers. - Yeah, some chicken, some yakitori. - There you go. - Yeah, some chicken liver. - You like chicken livers? - I do like it, but I don't think so. - You do. You like pate or foie gras? - Of course. - Not a man. - Yeah. I used to like it a lot when I was younger. 'Cause I'm younger. - Yeah, 'cause I had a friend hanging out and belging. - What's younger? - Like when I was like, I don't know, 12. 'Cause I had a friend-- - You were eating pate and the foie gras? - Yeah, 'cause I had a friend, my friend Eric, who was like super holy toy, his family was from Cape Cod. They were like old money people. And he was all about pate. I'm like, what is the stuff? His family-- - Oh, if you're old. - I know, it's not nuts. It's really weird. - It makes you look like a bozo, Luke. - Yeah, that's having pate. I thought it was the best. - Oh, it's so good. - It is great, it is great. But it's also like, I don't wanna eat anymore. 'Cause it's-- - I understand. - Sure. - If you're not just man. - Not really good for you, too. - No. - Not good for you. - That in a bottle of red wine. - Yeah, just a few. - Couple of hears afterwards. - You know that guy, this guy who was a writer, Jim-- You heard Jim Harrison. - No. - He wrote legends of the fall. - Mm-hmm, beloved that movie. - He's a great writer. Incredible writer from Michigan. He's written like, you know, 14, 20 books. But he was like a big time. He would eat just the most intense rich stuff. He was good friends with Mario Batali. Batali would fly into where he lives. They would have like a four days of just eating. Every like stuffed goose with a, you know, just all this stuff. The man lived until his 80s somehow. But this guy was just, he smoked, you know, marbreds every day, drank a bottle of wine every day. And this guy lived so long. Like, so something works with that. But not for me. - It don't need a colon. - Yeah, I can't process all that. - Yeah. - Can you drink alcohol? I guess you can, right? - Yeah. - Does it affect alcohol, no? - Yeah, it does, but I pulled back a lot. - Smart. - This trip is the most I've had to drink in a long time. - I had to drink. - Yeah, 'cause it's just-- - Start you up in the woods with the woods. - Yeah, I also just want to fun in the city. I like drinking here. - You got some squad, who do you have to dinner with in Bushwick? Some friends? - Ryan Donahue, comedian. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Shout out Ryan. - Yeah. - I love Ryan. - I love him 'til he's so funny. - Yeah, he's nice. So you got the squad out here, though. - Right, what's your take? I mean, this guy's all clear. - I was on the fence. - I'm gonna tell you right here, he is, one of the sweetest people I ever met. - Sweet, sweet man. - He's educated. - Sharp. - Okay. - Sharp. Just go with money. He's calm, he's collected. He's telling you he has a loving, peaceful home. - Jazz. - Jazz Rex. - Jazz Rex. - He's a signified in those movies. - Yeah, I like those. - He reads books. Slutes his one pillow. Tries his sensible car. Wife drives his sensible car. His father, esteemed man, doctor, male clinic, surgeon, might be, when this is somewhat new 'cause we had somebody really classy last time. - He's gonna get crazy if you're gonna say the classiest throw away. - What do you think? What's not cl- - I'm not saying he's not classy. - He can't look at that. - He didn't blow in the intestines, not his problem. - I'm holding that against him. - Yeah, that would be- - You've got a large intestine. You've got to think that you've got to smell. - Yeah, what dirt do you got under his finger now? - I don't think he's the classiest guy, I'm saying. - I'm not. - I'm not. - What do you think you do that is garbage? - I don't know. That's garbage. Maybe just, I just don't wanna- - You spit in the hotel room. You brush your teeth in the shower? - I have, but I don't do that. - You pee in the shower? - I use like a shitty toothbrush. I don't have like a nice toothbrush. - It's okay. - I don't have like a nice luggage. - That's okay. - There's a lot of stuff. So it's a lot of status stuff that I genuinely find so- - Oh, pudding. - Which makes you classy. - I fucking hate it so much. I find- - He's a classy guy for sure. - Look, what do you call that stuff? When the- - Stealth wealth? - Stealth wealth. - Okay. - But that's not what he's doing. - I understand. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's just a conscious man. - Well, how do you know I'm not doing that though? - It's so stealthy, we don't even know. (laughing) - I think that anybody who has money and you know it, they don't have money. - It just has money and you know what I mean. - That's exactly what you're talking about. - If you really, I mean, sometimes you can tell, if you know it's like a thing where you can tell, like how the, I think how you compose yourself, how you treat people, says more about your supposed class than anything. - For sure. - Let me ask you this. - Yes, yes, sir. - Doctor. - Son of a doctor. - Son of a doctor. - Son of a doctor, grandson of a doctor. Great grandson of a doctor, right? Now I'm some sort of, not a doctor, definitely not a doctor, yeah. - You can play one on TV though. - When you went out to dinner and bushwick last night with our friend, Ryan D. - Right. - Who picked up the check? - He did, but I paid him, you know, I paid him. - The event. - I've been with him. - You split it. - Yeah. - Interesting. - Not stealth. - Well. (laughing) - Well, what, am I supposed to just pick up the tab all the time? (laughing) - I do a lot, but it wasn't a date, okay? (laughing) - I have-- - It's all class. - You know what, I have bought Ryan dinner. I bought Ryan dinner at that time. - I know what he said. He was in his nature, isn't he? - No. - You fucking text right now. - He pulls out a receipt. - Yeah. - And I did 18 and a half percent. - I did pay him more than half though. - That's good. - There you go. - I did pay it one more than half. Even though we definitely had the same amount. - Did you say he got a couple of tater tots? - Oh yeah. - Oh, we split the tater. It was a big tater tots. - I eaten a whole basket of tater tots. Yeah, I can't get that. - That's awesome. - This guy's the best. - Buddy, I do like picking up a check though. I do like rats. - Of course. - It feels nice. - Yeah, for the points. (laughing) - Hey, maybe he's a dirt bag, I don't laugh. - I'd like to know what he's sitting on too. - I don't know what I'm sitting on even. - Business manager? - No. - Handle it all yourself. - No, I haven't a accountant, but the business manager thing I think is a, I don't know, I don't know if it's worth it. - Okay. - Yeah, I don't know if it's worth it because I don't trust people that much. I think it's the kind of thing, how many times you heard a story about someone who gets everything gone because they're so busy doing their stuff and they don't think about it at all. I don't know. I just don't, I think that I don't trust it. - In the house. - Yeah, keep it in the house. - The Pemberton Files stay here. (laughing) - Remember that part in the professional? - The professional. - That movie with, you know, - Yeah, yeah. - Show 'em or no. Remember when at the end, when Matilda goes to, what's his name? - Goes with Danny Ayello. - Danny Ayello. - I'm gonna give you a little bit. He's like, "Dah him, you trust." - Exactly. - He did, first of all, that was in the, that was in the fucking fridge in the back. - Nobody knocks off Old Tony. - Bank, it's knocked off. Nobody knocks off Old Tony. - I love Danny Ayello. - Oh my God, the best. And when he was like, everybody says that thing about like, I'm about to, my famous good moods about to go away. - Mm-hmm. - I don't know. - I'm just thinking about that. (laughing) Like, I feel like I'm him for me. - Gotcha. - Gotcha. - You're Old Tony. - No one's taking my money. - You're the Alamo, baby. - Exactly. - It's the last one. - I gotta be on top. - I got yogurt gardener front door. What are you talking about? What's coming in here? - My dog's not going to buy that. - That dog isn't gardening a goddamn thing, except her food bowl. - Which is where I keep my money. (laughing) - Johnny Pemerton, ladies and gentlemen. 100% class. Gonna start filming the new season to fall out. Season three. He's got a brand new movie out right now. Mermaid. - Yes, that's it. - On VOD, got Apple, Amazon. - Yeah, I think you're watching a Fandango too. - How do you go? - How do you do that, but you can do it. - You said it's a dark comedy? - Yeah, it's a thriller. Horish dark comedy. It's a cool movie. I'm really proud of it. I love it. - I think you're a super talented actor. - Yeah, man. - Fantastic meeting. - You're super funny, you're super sweet. And you're all class, baby. And we love you. - Well, thanks for having me. I really had a great time. - Of course, bud. - Kippie, what do you got for him? - If we have a few dates left Denver, I think, is the only thing on sale, get those tickets now. We love you. - Gang, we love you. We'll see you in three days.