Joel Edgerton | Club Random with Bill Maher

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New customers can use code random to get 50 percent off at TakeUltra.com. That is TakeUltra.com 15 percent off with code random. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. I don't know about you, but I'm a big fan of green in all its forms, get it? And for fellow lovers of, well, green, the club random merch store has you covered. Grinders, papers and zippo lighters all designed to support your relationship with green, wink, wink, whatever. And whatever philosophy comes with that for you, head to clubrandom.com and bring home some random. He's just too pretty. What are you saying about me? Well, you're fine. You're a nice-looking guy. Down the middle. No, but I'm actually not. He's caught me to low intelligence when I was on it. Oh, no. Oh, no. Joe. Joe, you here? I'm here. Oh. None of that Australian accent here. At least you can speak America when you're in our country. Oh, my God. I'm going to call ice on you. No. I was watching you think about Australia. Oh, come on. You're right. I was just skiing in Japan. And I didn't actually feel like I was in the second. I didn't feel like I was in the second. There were Australians everywhere working in the hotel. All the skate instructors in New Zealand, the Zorro Australians. I met a bunch of them last night. It was out at a Golden Globe party. Oh, yeah. And boy, they liked me in Australia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that whole bit was-- I was 10 years ago. It was when Trump was first talking about immigration. And you know, we did this as the classic mode of satire. I went off on a rant, how it's really the Australians are coming. But there is that little bit of truth in it is that they have done so well with acting jobs. The best line was, we used to think oceans could protect us. But there are too many hemorrhoids and not enough sharks. Oh, man. And all the barrier rafes. I mean, you know, what's interesting is everyone tells me they're like, oh, you know, what is it about Australians in acting? Yeah. What is it? Well, you know, one of the things is accents. Australian's doing an American accent. I asked Chris Hemsworth about that. He said, it's because we all watch the TV. That's exactly what he watched. He watched American TV when you're a kid. And it's just second-- Yeah. --that you don't even have to try that hard, right? It was his policy in Australia, which actually inadvertently helped all of us, which was there was no real barrier for how much local content they needed to be. There was no mandate. How much local content they had to be on TV. So I would wake up in the morning. My Canada has that. They do? Yes. Right. Has it at the cinema? Definitely Canada. There used to be a great show, SC TV, second-city TV that was done in Canada, Martin Short was on it. Yeah. A lot of great people were on it. Yeah. Eugene Levy. Yeah. And they used to make fun of-- because there was the law was that the Canadian law was certain amount of content has to be about Canada. Yeah. So they were spoofing that with these Canadian brothers, with their A, you know, it was all just-- We had like Skippy. Do you ever say Skippy, the Bush kangaroo? No. What? We'll say. Obviously, we were connected with American TV, but you never really got much of Australian TV. Was that a cartoon or what? No. It was about this kid and his dad, and his dad flew a chopper. And-- Yeah. It's exactly that. Yeah, they probably saw Flipper. And Skippy, the Bush kangaroo, was actually also a bit like Lassie's, and if any, the kids were in trouble in the Bush, Skippy would come back and literally be like, and the guy would be like, what's that, Skippy? And he'd be like, well, the kids are in trouble? Yeah. The guy could understand Kang Lassie, you're right. Yeah. I'm home from school. I would sit in front of the TV, and I would watch happy days. Yeah. Gilligan's Island. Oh, yeah. Brady Bunch. Oh. What else? Eight is enough. And then as I got a bit older, actually, my first celebrity sighting was Kirk Cameron from Growing Canes. That's my boy, Alan Thick. Alan Thick, the father. Yeah. Alan Thick, yeah. He's a great great friend of mine. Oh, really? One of the greatest guys. Cameron at first family vacation, we went on with, you know, he wrote nuts. Yes. I mean, he's a super, super hardcore Christian. Speaking of New Zealanders, have you seen his counterpart who does the, he explains, you know, creationism through the banana video, have you seen that? No, watch the, anyone watched the banana video. It's like, he explains why the banana was obviously created for the human hand, and how it's perfectly encased and thing. And then as he starts to eat it, he doesn't realize how phallic the whole thing is, the banana video was plainly created for girls to practice blow jobs on. Plainly. That is my interpretation of the Bible, and it's not any stupid. They're like, you want to also find in the Bible. So I'm just going to go with that. But I think all of them for this, you know, my, my niece is 10, and she can do a flawless American accent and her, like, you listen to young Australian kids playing with each other, and they sound like valley girls. Just naturally not even trying to do it. No, they're just like effortlessly falling to this sort of play accent that they do all from television. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, again, I could see how American actors could be pissed at this. I mean, when you go down the list of people who have just succeeded, I mean, even more than the British, really, in though I would say in this century, certainly, I mean, starting before that, but like, I don't want to like go down the list of names, I'll leave somebody out. It's an extraordinary success rate and, you know, I mean, you're obviously having a moment right now, which is great because, you know, I've been watching you for years, always with a fan, you know, big ones like Black Mass and the stranger, aren't they? They say, "I have lots of shit." And you're always in something, you're always good, but it is funny the way careers work because I just feel like you never know what's the thing that's kind of like, oh, you know, just hit like on a certain different level. Yeah. And for some reason, you know, train dreams, that's the one you're, I mean, we're both at up for an award, you know, we're both at the Golden Globe, we're going on the same category so we have a civil conversation. How do you feel? Let me ask you, how do you feel going to me and maybe it's because I've always said, this state, my sailing quite low in life, like being nominated to me is a win. I've been nominated for 33 Emmys and they would never give it to me. That's not a gag number, it's a real number. It's crazy for politically incorrect, for real time, for my stand-up specials, for producing, for writing, for performance, obviously it's something I said, well, it's everything I said. Well, you said enough to get the nomination, but then this, because I speak freely and this woke town fucking hates that. And that's okay. I made my peace with that. But so I know how this goes. You know, this is not, this is not something I would ever, I have good standing. If I win this by some miracle to go, what people always say, I can't believe I'm shocked. I really should be shocked, if I win this. But you know, like, from my say, the admiration I have for God's like you, that actually get up and say what you feel, there are no other guys like me and Joel. There are no other guys like me, but go ahead. You know, like, I'm a guy that gets, you know, gets a job, gets a script, goes to work. My success is based on other people's ideas and hopefully along the way they're wisdom to put me in. in something or not, and hopefully the right things. You know, actually one of the other things I have to, I really admire is your whole thing about the casting culture. - Oh, you mean the quotas? - No, the one, you know, act as appropriating and-- - Oh, that's true, yeah. - Who's appropriating the plot and-- - The epicenter of woke stupid is this town. It really is, and things like that. I mean, like, appropriation, we used to love that. You know, it was called culturally sharing. We thought it was a great idea when we, you know, no, obviously if you steal something, I mean, you know, Elvis, did he steal from black culture? He sang the way he sang. He grew up in the South, I mean, that the culture's mixed. You know, I just pointless to hate him for it. - Yeah. - And, you know, America was more racist, obviously by far at the time, so it was like, oh, we kind of white guy, you sounds black, we like black music, but oh, we don't want to put that on the radio, it'll corrupt the kids, whatever they were thinking in the 1950s. This is the 1950s. But, you know, yes, to say that, you know, I mean, they were mad at who did the movie about Leonard Bernstein with the Junos, they called it Bradley Cooper. - Bradley Cooper, yes, I mean, Junos. Do they even know how stupid they sound? I mean, that's what could be, they actually used that word. They made it this horrible word, and then we're like, oh, but we're the good people. We're saying, well, no, Junos. You know, it's just so silly. They got mad at somebody for playing Castro, who wasn't Cuban. Sean Penn, on the Great Line, he said, you know, at some point, they're only gonna let Danish princes play Hamlet. - Yeah. Well, this is what I'm saying, but it's all of your other problem about Australians coming to America. I started wondering if I would ever have gone to drama school now. 'Cause you know, I went in there with this optimism, optimistic point of view that being an actor was, you know, I could try and be anything I wanted to be. Obviously, I would draw the line somewhere, and more now than ever. But, like, am I gonna be in a position where you won't have to bother with the Australians here, because, like, we'll only get to play, we'll only get to play, like, mid-level intelligence. - Right. - Australian dudes. - Right. I mean, that is where it was heading. But, I think they put the brakes on it a little. I mean, we have had a little bit of a, oh, come on. But, I mean, they do. I mean, there's a, no, there is a quota system, and I understand why they would have this. Everything that is unjust, and certainly lots of stuff that went on with representation of minorities was unjust in this town for the longest of times. - Yeah. - I mean, there was a time when Oscars so white had meaning. - Yeah. - It did not anymore. And they refused to give that up, 'cause they love being the people who are the social justice warriors, okay. But, you know, I understand where this is coming from. But, you know, ultimately, you do not want to tell artists how to make art. This is what they did in the Soviet Union. This is what they did in communist countries. The last place you want people making a lot of rules about how you can make your art, who you can hire, to do your art, that is not what art is about. - Yeah. - And that no artist, no matter how liberal is going to like that. - Yeah. - People want, or turns, want to, or turn. - Yeah. - I think, you know, there's certain examples of it where I totally get it. Like, you know, you see a movie called Coda. - Coda was, I think, was going back two years. Troy won Best Supporting Actor. - A film about a girl who's a Coda, who's essentially like a person, a person of hearing, who grows up in a family of hearing pet people. And the entire cast who are playing deaf characters are played by people who really are, you know, hearing. And that, to me, was like, yes, that's exactly the thing that should be done, because like, watching someone like me kind of, I'm going to pretend that I'm that. - It makes sense for that, you know. - And it's about cutting off of opportunities for people who are deaf actors who are going, well, where, where was my audition? You know, where was I even going to get a look into that thing? - The way the arts have progressed is that we have, and I think for the better of enjoying movies, just as a fan, made movies more realistic. I mean, if you look at movies from the '30s, '40s, '50s, I mean, there's Spencer Tracy playing a Mexican, you know. He's just, they just kind of darken his face and he talks like this. It's like, that's just where there were. That's where everything was in movies. If I shot you, there was no gore. You just went down. You didn't see what we said. Okay, now we're at a realistic phase. If I was the director of this movie, as an artistic decision, I would cast the deaf people. Because it's going to make the, I'm going to make the movie better. I'm working in real, yes, we're in the realistic age. It's going to make the movie better. Yeah, so it's a case by case. - Yes, the truth on screen is always better than anything you can make up. It's always much better. - Yeah, I mean, people don't always like the truth, but, yes, I think movies, when they're done well, movies that are about something that are substantive, you know, they get it at truth in a way that doesn't put people off. - Yeah, you know. - "Chine Dreams" was a good example for me of like, I guess as I get older, I'm like, all right, well, what's suitable for me to play? Not looking at it from the perspective of the conversation we just had, but like, what are our connect with, you know? And the director of the film didn't realize I'd read the novella like five years earlier. - Oh. - I tried to get my hands on the rights to it. And of course, the film deals with one of the worst possible losses you could have go through, the loss of. - Tree. - And close to you, the loss of tree. - Yeah, yeah. - Mostly trees, but then there's a thing with the wife and the kid. - And I'd become a dad since the director reached out to me. And so, even though I'm playing a logger, I'm like, you know, trudging, I'm pretending I'm a tougher guy than I really am. On an emotional level, it's wrapped up in my greatest fear. And I was like, well, I realized how much as an actor, I've always tried to hide behind funny walks and costumes. It was in like, really, really like, not show any side of who I really am, because I feel like that's a little bit dull. And just like the, like Black Mass is a good example. You know, playing a crazy, like, you know, FBI, Agent, or playing Buchanan in Gatsby, and they're not. They're like energetically, you know, like, 'cause I love character actors. I've always loved character actors. Trying to dress was just a formal personal thing. - Again, it's not my field. I love being entertained. And if it's entertaining, I don't care if it's from the method acting, or, you know, I love Black Mass. You know, I love the character, I love the whole movie. So I don't really care, but then I like train dreams, too. - Yeah. - You know, and that's obviously, I mean, you are obviously on a deeper emotional level, 'cause it's an emotional movie. It's a hard movie to, if somebody says, and, you know, whenever you're out to dinner with people, and, hey, you've seen any good movies, and if somebody says, yeah, I saw a blah, blah, blah, and I go, oh, my first question is always, what's that about? - Yeah. - Just tell me what it's about. - Yeah, the train pitch, kind of, like, the being on the boss pitch. - Quick pitch. - It's not an easy one. - No, no. I mean, what would you say? Like, a guy hundred years ago has a rough life. - Yeah. - And, you know, he's born, nothing special, and dies, nothing special in this world. - And in between. - I'm a studio exec rotting the chick right now. - In between, he gets glimpses of happiness. - Yeah. - Which, what? Which then disappear. But, you know, the reason why it hits such a nerve, is that, and here's a deep question. Like, it shows that there's a lot of grief, at least in America, and I'm sure in a lot of places in the world, I mean, that's what people connect to. It's like, this, this, to movie about grief, and people are, you know, why are so many people in this modern world hurting so bad that they relate to this guy who's got a really rough life from a hundred years ago? - Yeah. - That's the question. - The question with the answer from the sadness out there. - Yeah. - And, you know, he's the one thing that I think says, train dreams of part, is we go to the movies and we watch stories about extraordinary people, generals, or, you know, - Super heroes. - And talking about Australian movies, interestingly enough, someone pointed out, Australian movies, which are quite small in their scope, quite often, unless you talk about George Miller or Baz Lerman, say, American movies are about people who are going to save the world or save the universe. And the Australian news about the person is going to save the local cricket club. And it's true, but you can root for them just the same. And it's a little bit more, kind of, a smaller bubble. - Much more relatable. - But train dreams put to the center of the movie, 99.9% of who the audience is, which is the ordinary human being who's not gonna have a clock, not gonna have a monument built about them, and celebrates the majesty of that. Now, what I have noticed too is that young people who have an experience, it's not about age, and young people can experience devastating loss. But generally, the people who haven't experienced any of the real blows that knock you to your knees in life, see the film is quite sad. People who have experienced loss, or some kind of greed, see the film is quite hopeful, because what it does is also show you the power of rebirth and regrowth, and it's cleaned the direction of life. - Like a forest. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, and the analogy is very clear. - Well, it's plain that that's what he was going for, I think. - And the idea of just having to get up some days and put one foot in front of the other, because there is an alternate, which is you tap out of life, or you just find a way to absorb yourself back into the world. And I believe that the world moves and turns and swallows events up, and each day makes it a little bit easier. You know, this is a little bit grim, but there's something beautiful about the resilience of human beings. - Yeah, which we all need, you know, I mean, no one wins the game of life, I love it or nothing. - Yeah. - If you win it at all. - Yeah. - And there's so much suffering right now, and it's so relative, you know, I have days where I'm like, "Oh, no, no, crumble about this." And then the perspective of life, obviously. I think we all, I don't know about you, but I often find at my own fault and sometimes my own savior compare myself to other people. I think it's a natural human thing. It's like, I'm okay, because, you know, if you can pay yourself to people below you in their suffering or whatever. - That somehow. - In other words, you're saying to yourself, "I really shouldn't, I don't deserve to feel bad." - Yeah, why am I like this guy? Has it worse than me? - Why am I playing a violin for myself? - That's stupid. - Yeah, exactly. - Pain is pain. Yes, we could acknowledge rationally in our rational mind. There are, of course, people doing worse than you. And whoever that guy is, somebody doing worse than them. - Yeah. - You know, there's a lot of shit out there. - And the cruelty of kind of having the shouting for us who are like looking at people above you, like you want a dismantling or something, because they're, for some reason, even though they're disconnected to you, they're the reason for your pain or your suffering. - No, you shouldn't feel guilty about, if you have legitimate something, legitimately something to feel bad about. And we all do in this game of life. There's also, I feel, among each succeeding generation, which actually has it easier in most ways, there is a complete lack of perspective about what actually is hurting you. And what is actually painful. - Yeah. - What I'm saying is these kids are such pussy. (laughing) But it's true. I mean, the things that they complain about, and think are rough, you know, as they're ordering from Grubhub every day, and if you know, they have their food brought to them. And, you know, remember during COVID, like we're all in it together. No, we're not. Half the people are sitting home in their pajamas during this crisis. And having other people bring them the food. But they're just sitting home in their pajamas day drinking and eating take out food. - Yeah. - Other people, yes, are having it rough, like your character, not quite that much. And that's another thing they lack perspective in knowing it's like the advances that we have made in the hundred years, since, I mean, when is it, it's right before World War I when the movie started? - Yeah, early 1900s. - Early 1900s, right. And we see it up until the space age, which is great. - Yeah. - Because you see the perspective of a character in life, it just does get easier. I mean, a hundred years ago, a hot shower was a rarity. - Yeah. - But you know, you realize too, but, you know, we made the movie. You think it's kind of special. We had a special time doing it. It's not until you share it with an audience, start having conversations with people. You realize why it resonates, you know. There's stuff in the film that talks about how fast the world is moving and changing. And of course, we're talking about 1900s. So what's fast in moving about the world is a man goes to the moon and there's telephones and there's different modes of transport. - I remember that. - And antibiotics. - And about antibiotics. - And toilets. - Yeah. - And socks. - Yeah. - There's a thing about a guy, he drops dead. And the narrator in the film says that if he'd have experienced this sort of, like, you know, five years or a decade later, they would have caught it because of medical advancement. You know, I, at one point in the film, stare at a chainsaw and don't know how to start it. And it's like me staring at AI, wondering whether it's going to change my industry and how do I use it. And I remember my grandmother when I first pointed a video camera at her and she froze. And I realized she froze because she thought I was taking a still photo of her. Oh, and that was a baffling move of technology for her. And now, look where we are, it's fucking crazy. - My dog, I think, used to think it was a gun. - No, really, when I would try to take a picture, my first dog, Blackie, loved that dog. But he was definitely, and I think he probably, I mean, I got him as a rescue. He may have been in the house. - So good, shoot me at some point. - Yeah, there may have been a gun that went off. I mean, he was definitely scared of the. - So when you point a video camera and you trust, get out of the way. - I mean, I only have one fleeting picture of him. It's just like him, like, darting out of frame. He just was very, very scared. - He's not even got enough of the camera. (laughing) - But, see, I hope this is not inappropriate, but I did really enjoy this movie, but like, from my perspective, which I admit is not the normal, never been married. No kids, never liked kids, okay. So, like, who I really felt for was the trees. 'Cause I've always been environmentalist. I've always been, I'm a PETA board member for over 30 years. I animals, anything in nature. So, like, I know people cry at this movie, where I was like tearing up was the thing about. These trees are 500 years old, and we're cutting them down. And it does something, that speech that may see us, but, you know, it does something to a man's soul. You think you're just a lot of a man's soul. You think you're a lot of it or not, right? But you're cutting into this miracle of nature. - Yeah. - Matthew Arnold once said, for people who don't say there are miracles, a tree is a miracle, we're just used to it. - Yeah. - And that's it, I'm not saying, I'm an atheist, I'm not saying who made the tree, I'm just saying, it is a miracle of a sword. And we are just used to it. - Well, the film has a sort of a spiritual clon of resonance with nature that's not religious. You know, and there's the follow-up line of Bill Macy's after that thing about her to man's soul, is we are but children pulling bolts out of a ferrous wheel, presuming ourselves to be gods. - That is an amazing line. - Our relationship with our harvest thing of nature. And I have this big thing about, you know, and I could talk about shipping as one of them. The internet is one, nuclear technology is another, you know, and now AI is all the electricity that you, I mean, it's sucking up all the energy. - Yeah, there's brilliance of the human mind or the finite, minimal percentage of us that can create these incredible things. But what we don't know is what happens next. You know, and there's this beautiful night of character, a young logger in the film is talking about, yeah, and he's saying like there's so many trees here, he would cut down all of them by the time we finished cutting them down. The next one would have grown up the biggest hole was the rest of them. - Yeah, yeah. - You like, yeah, but not really. And I mean, if there are trees 500 years old, there are trees that were, I think, something like two or three thousand years older. Something crazy like that that they do exist. And, you know, thank God we do protect, I think, here in California. Some of that, I mean, those Sequoias are red. - We've got to visit a few of them, but they're in, like, really protected areas. - Yes. - But I do remember, like, before I saw Oppenheimer, learning when I was in school about the moment that Oppenheimer, you know, this obsession with getting a thing done, creating a thing, and then watching it take shape as in watching the thing explode, and then realizing what have I done. - It's like the atom bomb. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, well, I mean, mankind, you know, is a destroyer. There's no two ways about it. I'm not saying this with any political dimension, it's just a fact. Homo sapiens are serial killers. I mean, we are not the only human species. There were six or seven human species. Homo sapiens wipe them all out. Then they wiped out Australia, great example. When man, (laughing) - Land in Syria. - Reached Australia. Okay, they came out of, we know they came out of Africa. - Yeah. - They went to the Northern Europe, those mostly the Neanderthals and so forth. When they got to Australia, fossil record shows. There were lots of large species of animals. A thousand years later, there are none. - Mm-hmm. - In a thousand years, they wiped out all the big game of Australia. That's who almost sepians are. - We're hungry. - Yeah, and hungry and we don't care. (laughing) - You know, one of the things I talk about with Train Drinks is I am constantly reminded of how we forget that we are part of the planet, you know, because, you know, here we are wearing shoes and we have, you know, we create alcohol and technology and everything in between, right? That we forget the rules, so just one of the animals on the planet, we take and we take and we take, whatever for whatever reason, people say it's partly because we have opposable thumbs, but the koala has two opposable thumbs, so why isn't the koala running the universe? I don't know. - Brain. - You know, the brain, our ability to have language, all the reasons that make us able to communicate, share stories, continue a history, pass on knowledge and create. Do you know why all that happened? Because we discovered fire, once they had fire, they could cook the food, and once they cooked the food, they killed off most of the bacteria in the parasites. So evolution wise, we needed a much smaller digestive system and it went to the brain. We got a bigger brain and we used it to fuck each other up. (laughing) But that is why. A bigger brain than actually what we use, what, five percent of it, or whatever. - Yeah. - And that's still way, you know, maybe if we are, we probably would be better if we used to a larger percentage. - We wreck everything. We wreck everything for our own pleasure. - I mean, we do great things too. I mean, let's not pretend that we don't love our lives. Not, and it's not just us. You know, oh, these rich Hollywood, you know, show visits, like, no, I mean, yes, we have very privileged lives, and we do something we love and we're so lucky about that. But there's millions and millions of people who are just really enjoying their life because they live in the 21st century, and they do have toilets, and they do have antibiotics, and they do have Starbucks, or whatever, you know, it's just life is very convenient, very easy. In a way, it just never was before, and very comfortable. - Yeah. - I mean, obviously, yes, there are people who are stuff, and we should do everything we can to help them. But life in general, even in the last 25 years, we have lifted, like, a stounding percentage of people out of what they used to call extreme poverty, which is, you know, living on a dollar a day. - Yeah. - Literally defecating in the street. Used to be a thing, a billion people around the world did. And now it's just on my block, apparently. (laughing) - No, but like, you know, we do progress. - But how do you, okay, here's the thing, is, you know, I could, I could, I constantly, when I talk about things, try and remind myself to use first person, and go, rather than go, you know, where's people, or, you know, where's this, where that is, like, for my perspective, I don't know how it happened, and by various set of circumstances, and my parents' influence, and where I grew up, and social, you know, blah, blah, blah. I landed in a position where I can, for a living, do something that I'm very passionate about. That I wake up most days, if I'm going to set, and I'm like, I am actually not dragging myself to work with any kind of ambivalence or grumpy. - You're one of the fun jobs. - Yeah. - That's one of the greatest things that we can be lucky to get in this life is a career instead of a job. I've had jobs, I know what a job is, and I know what a career is. It's not like you don't work in your career. I work very hard, not here, plainly. Like, in my real job, I work, but it's still a career, and it's still kind of, it's still fun. It's a fun thing that we do. We're fucking in show business. We lucky. There's people who, like, work on an assembly line, and they chop the heads off of check-ins all day long. - Yeah. - It's like the logging thing. I mean, there's some, like, really soul-killing job. I don't know how people do that work in factory farms, where they're just killing creatures all day long. It just has got to do something to you. - Yeah. - I knew a kid, he was one of my friends at school. He's sadly not with us anymore. And he wanted to be a vet. He wanted to be a veterinarian, and so he wanted to work with animals, and he was looking for jobs that involved animals, and he got this job in a lab, and his job was to inject disease into rabbits. So it was like, in order to get a fast track to the university degree, he wanted to do the opposite of what he wanted to do. - Yeah, that's the shit my great people at PETA are always trying to get started. - Yeah, fucked up. - What time, what was the worst job you ever did before you started like clicking the hails and moving in the direction you wanted to? - Well, I have a shitty job. - I was a guest star on "Married With Children." (laughing) - No, I'm kidding, that is a complete joke. I loved being a guest star on "Married With Children." - But did you ever have like, of course? - What was I kidding? - Oh, my God. Well, I mean, I was always the kid who, like, how it worked, like after school, like that. Like I realized, looking back, every kid needs an identity, okay? I'm quite athletic, but I didn't really, I was too short to play basketball. - Yeah, and then I fucked up that audition when I was a freshman. I could have if I worked at that. I went out for track. I was like, "Oh, this is boring." - I see you on an aspiration to be an athlete. - No, I just like you're looking for an identity in high school, and I still play basketball. I mean, I played on the baseball team for a while. There was just too much rules and too much after school. They made it like a living, like, you know, if you were on the team. It was just too much. I couldn't, I wanted to, you know, I had to get home and do homework and shit. I was, so, and then, you know, could I be an actor? I was too shy for that. I knew I wanted to do a comedy. So, like, I kind of settled in on my identity being, like, the poor kid who works after school. So, I always had mowing lawns, raking leaves, shoveling driveways, whatever the season was. I was doing something in the neighborhood to make money. And then, I was the delivery boy for the liquor in the drug store, and, you know, I worked at, I stocked the A&P in college. I worked at Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips. This gross, like, it was a fast food place with fish triangles of God knows what kind of fish product was in that. And I was trying to go sometimes. Sounded the shikes. And I had to throw them in this vat. Yeah. Greece, which, which splashed back up and burned your arms. Have you got any scars from the time? I did at the, yes, I think I do. I'm still starting to see that. That's a good reminder. It is. I'm so glad I had my, uh, difficult from the, from the time I left high school till I, time I moved out here, 10 years. Yeah. I lived in slums everywhere. And it's so funny when you're a white kid, middle-class white kid from the suburbs. You just don't think of yourself as poor or I didn't. And then I look back and I'm like, I was extremely poor. I was living in the shittiest places. I had no money. Yeah. You know, I was living on shitty food that I didn't want to eat. Yeah. That was fast food. Like, of course, I was poor. It's, and it's good. I'm glad. What you realized you wouldn't money like now. You've free. I got plenty of it. I'm, I'm saying, I look like-- I like it better than having none. I mean, most people wouldn't even live in a house. This big is your, like, what I call your playroom. Yeah, my playroom. But I, like, OK, so my dad was very, very-- kind of a very work-class man. My grandfather drove trains. And he met his wife, my grandmother. She worked at the key-ask. Train, dude. That five kids in a three-bedroom house in Granville. And I think my whole family-- I don't know how long it's going to take. My kids are probably inherent something different. But, you know, to see yourself as blue collar when you start out that way, but my dad became a lawyer. He was going to become a farmer, and he became a lawyer. And then by the time I finished high school, we went from being what I would consider, like, on the-- just below the kind of middle-class line to being up a middle class. From the age of 0 to 18, that's the trajectory I had. But I had a job as a porter at a hotel. So I'm very generous with my tips at hotels. Because I'm like, you know, I love jumping big. I worked at a-- like, my first job was wrapping Christmas gifts at a-- at a-- what do you call it? Like a department store. That's OK. That is super OK. And that's everything right with it, I'm just saying. And no audition process is in, like, you can do that job. And the first job I had to do was wrap a lawnmower. I'm like, "It the fuck are you doing to me?" Like, rap only. - Rapilona. - Rapilona. - She's like, "I just wanted to look like a loner, "but I still wanted to look wrapped." Well, I could do that. - Well, I can top that, y'all. When I got out of college, I wanted to move to New York to start my comedy career at the comedy clubs, and I had no money. So, there was this thing in the village voice, rent-free situations. Now, the first two interviews I went on on, I realized in my nevete, after about an hour, that there were old queens who were looking for a young boy to live, okay, but I finally got one. I lived with, in the maidsroom, the ambassador to South Africa. All right, the time delegate, 'cause they were thrown out of the UN. And I took, and I was the bodyguard for their three children. I took them to school, I picked them up. - Do you have a telly, anything? - Did you have kids coming in? - I did not. This is 1979. Now, some people have said I was an au pair. I resent that deeply. I was not an au pair. But I kind of was, and I hate kids. So, I feel like, to answer your question, the worst job I ever had, it was certainly that. Taking those three brats to school every day, picking them up, making sure they were safe. They got right from the bus, to the door of the school, and then, you know, I understand why. He was a diplomat. And it was the upper east side of me. - What if they would trouble what was gonna happen? What would you do? - They weren't trouble. They were just, if someone tried to attack them. - Oh, they would have been fucked. - You would have been like, "Take a look." - I'm like, "Take a look." - So, like, I'm, what's a martial-fagor, whatever that Israeli training system is. I am not no training. I was this kid right out of college. I don't know why they hired me at all. - The night questioning the early studies, like, "Do you like kids?" - No, I think I gave a great interview. I did. - You know, a lot of kids. - Love them. - Yes, I definitely lied. - So much. - I told them I was married, and that my girlfriend, I did have a girlfriend, but she was overseas. She said she was my wife, 'cause she, at some point, did come and visit, and we were in the maids room. It was like, it was about the size of this room that we're from here to there. I mean, it was literally when the bed was in the wall, when it came out. You've only had this much space to walk by. - But in the background checks, or anything like that, and that. - No, no, just, exactly. Like, you seem like they just-- - They look after our kids. - Put their trust in this bearded college, dude. - Right at a, yeah. - Yeah. - I never thought you were so right. Like, no checks at all. - No, now it's like-- - Full background checks. - No skills. - Everything. I've got four-year-old twins. - Wow. - And we had, like, by the way, like, you know, for years, I never realized how much of a legend my mom was. Had the greatest job, the most dignified job in the world is a mom. Like, dedicated mom. - True. - And I treated her terribly, was so misbehaved, and my brother and I, a year and a half apart. I don't know how she did it all by herself, you know. - But that was around, but it was like-- - Where you mean you were a troublemaker, kid? - No, it's just, like, you know, we would try. Like, any two boys, like, fighting all the time, disobedient. - Yeah. - And now I have two kids, and I have my mother-in-law live with us. - Oh. - And we have a nanny that helps us with the kids. So my wife and I both have, you know, very busy lives. And I'm in, like, when you're suddenly going, I'm gonna hand my kids over to people. Like, my mother-in-law, I trust. Like, I know where to find her. (laughing) And she can't run that fast anymore. But, like, you know, people you don't know, and you're getting people to look after your kids, who, like, you want to vet them, but, yeah. I mean, you do know they're-- - You must. - They just seem like a nice guy. I was like, yeah, isn't my kids-- - Oh, unbelievable. It's just so funny how people were just rougher and more quaint back in the-- I mean, you're so right. I mean, the crazy levels of what I call, not just I, many people call, "safetyism." - Yeah. - You know, the excessive, over excessive focus on everything, and my car drives me fucking nuts. I mean, I'm pulling out to the end of the driveway. I'm looking at the road. If a car goes by before I pull up-- - Beep, beep, yes. - Yeah, yeah. - I see it. - Yeah. - It's TV wonder isn't driving this car. I'm driving this car. - It stays for you, too. Have you noticed that, like, if you drift in the lane, it actually, like, starts steering for you. - Well, I don't drift into the lane, Joel. I mean, that's, I mean, why-- - Me, I don't even know why are you-- - Why are you drifting into the lane? - This is like-- - I mean, if it sounds slightly-- - If it sounds slightly-- - Oh, I see. If you just pass over, yeah. - What about Waimus? - What, I mean-- - Have you been in one? - There's a great example of rationality brain versus emotional brain. - Right. - Like, my rationality side, it's like the left side of the right side. One side of your brain, you know, was more of the right. And I'm glad I have that, and I'm glad-- I feel like I'm a balanced person, because those two halves are, you know, equally strong-- - They're in communication with each other. - They are. I've said this before, whenever an important decision to make, I think about it sober, then I think about it stoned. - Yeah. - Those are the two houses of Congress-- - And who we-- - If they agree, then I will pass it into legislation. Then you can send it to my desk, and I will sign it. But they have to agree-- - And you're like, what is this person-- - And they don't always. And you know who's almost always right? - It's Donald. - It is. - Yeah. - I swear to God it is. Like, I'll be thinking of something, and I'll get stoned and be like, oh, that is stupid. Why am I doing it that way? - See, what is the thing about that? Like the creative, uh, the creative mind, the rigidity of the creative mind, and stimulants, and possibilities there, and where does it tip into, like, thinking it's a great idea, and it being a terrible idea? - Well, I mean, you know, balance. Drugs get a bad name only because of the people who do them, who fuck up with them, and they give a bad name to people like me and many other people who don't fuck up with them. And I, you know, obviously, people, some people have much more of an addictive personality. - Yeah. - I don't. I'm lucky about that. - You feel like you've got a nice balance in equilibrium that they've-- - I've been smoking it for 50 years, and I've never gotten addicted, right? - No. - No, but I'm actually not. - Yeah, because-- - You just caught me to low intelligence when I was on it. - No, that was a joke. But it actually isn't because I know the difference between addiction, because I smoked cigarettes for 20 years. - Yeah, me too. - An addiction and did coke for a couple. An addiction is-- - Didn't come on. Didn't you have a coke period? - No. - Never? - No, no. - Some else, yeah. - Some else. - Good for you, some else. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, that's a big dock store. - Oh, come on. What could it be, heroin? - No. - Yeah, it land like something in that world. - Opium? - Yeah. - Opium. - Yeah. - Fuck, wow, you know what? - No. - I remember in college. - Short period, bit like, yeah. - Where'd you even get it? - Where? - Yeah. - I don't give you his number. - Opium, I never-- - No, it's related to number. - That's my old man. - I'm not in the drug world anymore, but when I was, I don't remember anybody ever saying, "Hey, there's some opium going around." - Yeah. - Would you like some? I did it and we did try it in college when we did everything. I never got it. - I tell you what, I think it is. It's like, you know, as a kid, you go through all these phases. Well, again, I said this before, I'll talk about me. I went through all these phases. Well, I was a good kid, good kid, good kid, apart from the way I treated my mom. But like, as in, behaviorally, like, it wasn't interested in alcohol or drugs. And then, you know, I tried, you know, you go to college, you know, I'm gonna try this drug and you go, "Oh, that didn't stick to the wall." You know, and then you try this. It's like, "I didn't do anything for me." But, you know, so you get in this pattern of going, just try stuff. And then every now and then, I think with people, they find a drug that goes, "Hello." - Right, so true. - We belong together. - Yes, you're right. - And we belong together. - Yeah, we belong together. - That's me. - Yes. - Yeah, and it's a different rhythm for different people. But it doesn't always suit. I had this theory, and for me, it was really a really short, burst of peer, which thankfully, and speaking to love of my parents, my old man knows me too well, and he recognized it. And he was like, "What are you doing?" - Wow. - And I own a lot for that. - And got you off? - Yeah. Yeah, like, big tongue. - Well, that's a much more serious drug. I mean, this, I was gonna say, it's different than an addiction, because an addiction tells me when to do it. This has never said to me, "Do me now." I just do it situationally. Three, four days easily go by when there's no reason to smoke, and I never even think about it, right? So it's different, but it is, you know, kind of the love of my life. I mean, we love each other. Sometimes we forget each other's sentences. - You know what I can do is I have this theory that like, a lot of friends who've been through that situation where they hit rock bottom, you know, and I'm sure you know a ton of them too, and you live in LA, but, you know, where you really have to have your most despairing point, and then you realize that you have to turn around, but you're literally at the bottom. I always thought there's wisdom in how do you recognize the bottom is coming? And turn around, and I think that a lot of people really have to, like, really hit the bottom hard, like really squish their bolts on it, and for a crack a few bones and a few vertebrae before they look up and go, "I've got to change things, but how do you make that curve shorter?" There are. See it coming. I think, in, um, we're talking about the psychological element, and the physical element, there are designations, I think four of them. I won't remember their names exactly, but it, in a hospital, if you're, like, serious, chronic. Oh, the pain? The pain. Well, I'm not saying it's pain. This is, like, the level. My addiction. No, the level of how serious your malady is, whatever it is. This, like, chronic, serious, I forget the other designations, doctors, please help me out here. Yeah. But, you know, like. Yeah. You know, and then, you know, Andy Dick, you know, but I'm sure that there's that same thing with the psychological element, like, there is, like, depression, you know, that's a level. I mean, I've been depressed, but I wasn't depressed because I lacked serotonin, I don't think. I was depressed because my life sucked. Okay. That's one level. Yeah. And, you know, that's. You know, where, like, you get to that point, or. and, of course, you can do these also things with behavior, you know, like, can't. Are you a functioning alcoholic? There are. There are functioning drug addicts. Yeah. And then, there are. No, it is. Got you fired. That's a level. You know. Okay, now you're on the street. That's another level. Yeah. You know, there are just levels. And at. Where. At what point do you arrest them? There are some points, some people, where that point is, yes, just lying on the gutter. Yeah. But I'll tell you what, my experience, my short-lived experience, taught me a lot about empathy, because I was a private schoolboy, as in, like, you know, where I grew up, ended up at a private school. Figured like my life was, like, fantastic, that anybody I saw on the street, for example, I saw them as, like, especially if it came to drugs, or be like, "Oh, you made bad choice. You made poor choices." Uh-huh. Never really considered it, like, a deeper combination of things. You know, willpower is obviously a big part of anyone's life in regards to so many things. But there's also, like, there's obviously shit going on. Oh, my God. There's so many factors, yeah. To not judge people as a combination of just bad choices, but to actually kind of have an open mind to go, "You have a story I don't know, but I'm not going to judge you for it." Yes. I can't get into the head of someone who can't resist something because I can, you know. Yeah. I mean, cigarettes was hard, but I did it. That was the hardest one. But, like, I easily can, when dessert comes around at the restaurant, you know, like, you're sure you don't want to bite, not even one, not really. I mean, would I, do I know, would it taste delicious? Yes. Do I care that much? Is it easy for me to say no? And for some people, it is not for food or for whatever their drug is, it's just not that easy. So I don't, so I don't judge. I don't think is it dessert anonymous? Is it? I think there actually is, there's actually, like, you know, not to downplay it, but, like, I know somebody who's in the, like, like, eating disorder issues. I had a dream one. I didn't really, I had a dream once. So Kate Blanchett, I worked with on a play called 'Street Card' and I'm Desire, and we did 'Bam' together. Another awesome actor from Australia who's taking our jobs, but she certainly deserves it. Again, not enough sharks. But I don't think she goes in the ocean. Not enough sharks. There were. But I mean, and I give up to so many of them. They are so good. I mean, you know, so good. Try to be better than Kate Blanchett. But she's so good. And then while we're doing the play, she would also pull up after some evenings and give a speech. And she would have, like, given an incredible speech about the environment, or, like, you just did three hours on the stage playing Blanch. And then you make this speech, you know, she was running the theatre company. She just seemed like an unflappable, incredible, human being with just an aptitude and ability to do so much. So she played Blanchett to your Stanley Kowalski? Yeah. I would have liked to have seen that. Yeah. Where was that? At BAM. We did, we did, we did actually do the Brooklyn Academy of Music. Oh. We did Sydney and then we did the Kennedy Center, which I don't know if we would do now. I don't know. I don't know. I think you mean the Trump Kennedy Center. The Trump Kennedy Center. Okay. Get it right. Get it right. We're going to reboot that one. One call to Ace. I think you're gone. You're gone. Two cast members may not be included. Um. You have to get what's his name back, who was here back in that 50s movie playing Hispanic. Um, the, uh, so I had a dream one night about Kate. And don't worry. It's not a source. It's not a source. I'm fascinated already. And it was, it was that Kate was so perfect in my mind. And in my dream, I'm about to go to rehab. And I'm in this room and I'm feeling really shameful. And I'm fucked. I'm trying to pretend I'm not there because I think everybody's going to recognise me. And I look up and across the room, I see Kate Blanchett, and we're all in a holding room to go to rehab. So I'm like, I fuck Kate's going to rehab. And I got out of the kite and I'm like, Kate, why are you, why are you here? Cause I think she's perfect, why are you here and she goes, food and I'm like, fuck you. That's interesting that even in your dream, you're famous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. In your dream. I'm going to have no finals here. It's done now. In your dream, you're worried about getting recognised. Yeah. I'm worried about. You know, actually, that's something really interesting, but it is, but you know what? I've had the same feeling in a dream because what is a dream? It's us processing our fears. Yeah. Right. And our, what we're apprehensive about. And that is something we are apprehensive about. Yeah. Don't get caught in public doing something weird. Even though we're not doing anything weird. Yeah. I mean, speaking about this, like this is alcohol for anyone who doesn't like to get it. Yeah. All right. Just taxi. That's um. That's um. It's alcohol. It's not the last one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can tell if the unseen person wasn't usually a fucking idiot. But okay. I take it. The theoretically you're right. But don't trip over on the sidewalk. Don't do something dumb. Don't be mean to people. Because they'll talk about it. I mean. And it's like you should hold those values through regardless of what outside judgment is. But it's a good reminder that we call it in Australia any tall poppy syndrome. You can be cut down very easily in X or Twitter or any of those social media platforms are there to remind you. You have to be standing line and be normal. I'd stay in the human line. Any time your eye or anyone in the public eye just leaves the house. Just leaves the house. There is potential. Maybe it's a very small percentage of potential. But as opposed to just being home, they could be all come undone. Anything could happen. Many is the time. I've said to my -- and I try to be aware. Like, okay, you're stepping out of a limousine. Don't show your vagina. I've said that to myself many times. They caught me once or twice. And of course, TMZ runs that one over and over. All in the library running. I'm not the only one who's had that happen where they show their coach getting out of a car. And, you know, the really classy ones. Yeah. You know, smart ladies like Beyonce and Taylor Swift, you never see anything bad. No. Because they're smart, they're classy. They know that they're always trying to get you at something. Yeah. So they're just always on point when they're out. Do you believe that -- I mean, they all ties pre-oal this stuff. No one knew much about actors, musicians, Canadians. Like, they -- you know, that's a fact. Yeah, and it was mysterious. Well, now it's the opposite. Okay. I mean, we passed the age of tabloids to obviously the age of not just TMZ. But self-promotion. I try to happen to love and get my news from them. What TMZ? I love TMZ. I love her. I love the show. I got the very boring interview to TMZ the other day. Very sanitized. I won't run it. Well, when you're on TMZ, you want to be boring. Yeah. You don't want to be the thing that's interesting. Yes. You just want to be on there because you're Joel and you're fair. I saw it. Yes. graphs outside. Kimmel. Kimmel. Yeah, very going, very pleasant, very glad. It was like, great. This is a way not to be saying. You're probably just just thrilled that it was not interesting. You don't need to be interested. It's right there right now when you're at this moment where you're probably going to, you're definitely going to get an Oscar nomination. You might win it. You're right at that age where they want to give it to the guy, you know, and it's the won't people love it because it's about grief. I'm telling you, it's all lining up in your favor, Joel. I'm telling you, you put in the time, you put in all this good work. It's like we, time we give him his Oscar, you know. So don't fuck it up now. I know. We're not fucking it up here, by the way. Right. We could. We're not because we're just real. Yeah. And we're not bad people. So as long as bad, not bad people are being real, there actually is nothing to be afraid of. Yeah. Honestly, there is, I mean, when I walk out of a limb, I'm not going to do something stupid because I'm not stupid. No. And yet there's still that idea. Very nice looking vagina. Apparently. Yes. Your team. We're even saying Regina, we're completely politically correct here. Anyway, what's your next role? No, this is a real life is completely free for now. You know, I really, yeah. Well, that's going to change. I'm writing, I'm like, I write and I make stuff. My life has completely changed since I had two little people that you would hate to children. And what are they for? And I'm not, I'm not leaving them in your care. You see, they're for definitely not. Even though I have the credentials. I'll give you a little idea. I have references from South Africa. I'm telling you, I, you know what? I didn't have any references. I didn't have any skills. You know, I didn't fuck it up. No, those kids are fine. They were never, there was never any trouble. No. I, you know, I was always on time. I got them to their school. I got them back. I took them to their stupid activities. And, and I was supposed to teach them French also. That kind of felt by the wayside. Well, I kind of lied about that too. Do powerful things? Like I would speak them French to them. Like they would learn French with their new bodyguard slash. Oh, pair. Did he speak French? I, you know, Bonjour. I mean, I, well, I took French my whole time. They'd started us. Well, see, I, I, I, you know, they started us in third grade. And I was still taking it. My freshman year at Cornell. And I still couldn't get it. There are some things you just can't do. And for me, learning a language, thinking in the other language is always thinking in English. I've been to translate. You can't do it that way. Okay. Some people hear a foreign language and they pick it up. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding? Yeah. The normal rate people speak. Could I ever understand French? No. No. My kids speak Spanish, like fluent Spanish. And therefore my mother-in-law is, is Phil's Canadian Spanish because they're being raised by the Dalai. Yeah. But my, but my mother-in-law speaks Tagalog, Spanish, and English. Oh, I see. She speaks only Spanish to them. Well, that's the time to get it in their head. Because when they're kids, they, it's easy. And it's beautiful to hear them speak Spanish. So they're my language already. Yeah. And I feel ashamed that my promise to myself when they started was, I'm going to stay out with them. And I had july. Have you ever done julying go? No, but julying go has this sort of guilt aspect to it where you do a course in like every day. You do like a few lessons in a guilt. I'm riddled with guilt. I was right. Just Catholic. What do you Jewish? Don't be. No, Catholic. I was too. Yeah, Catholics. I did my Holy Communion when I was seven when I did it. And I'm like, they raise the age? Well, I was around 10. My parents were 34, 35 at the time that I did my communion and we had this long house. I'm speaking of which like, you know, when you say like you thought you were a king as a kid, like you're rich and my brother and I went out recently to try and look at the house that we grew up in that was up for sale. And in my mind, it was a palace. It was fucking huge. Everybody. And then we went there and it just felt tiny. Because you were a two feet tall. And you went everywhere to get things you had to do. And I was like, all right, we don't necessarily want to buy, but it was lovely to go there. But it was reminding me of all these things. There was a little church down the road where you used to go and so did the communion. Because of the insistence of my grandparents, they, my parents wanted to please them. My parents weren't really super religious. So it's like, why load me up with all this guilt? Anyway, I realized that every Sunday, my brother and I would run down like, we were like, Ned Flanders kids, like, yeah, it's got a church. Let's go church. And they were like, I'm not today. Not today. And of course, church is on a Sunday. And what happens on a Saturday night is my parents would be out dragging us young kids along drunk. I'm 51. I've got two four-year-olds. I still take my kids out and do all that stuff. But they were 35-year-old kids. I call them anyone younger than me as a kid. 35-year-old people with two young kids hung over on a Sunday going, oh, I'm fucking got a church. And it raised my level of dumb god, he's kind of fucking punished me. He's got to punish me. And each week went by, it's like, I can't go now. Because when I got the punishment, it's going to be worse. I mean, Catholic upbringing traumatized me. You know, we were talking before about getting from train dreams about like how hard life is. Compared to 100 years ago, my life has been a dream. And I was very fortunate. I had a very leave it to beaver upbringing to that show. Were you Eddie Haskell? You know this show. That played in Australia. Yeah. That was one of the ones. That's really old. That's from the 50s black and white. Yeah, I'm not kidding. And Mr. Red. Mr. Red. The famous, Mr. Red. The talking. All the jingles. The talking rice. Green anchors. Yeah. Green anchors. What else? Oh, the charred. You said you could sing all the jingles. But all green anchors is the place to be. No, you don't remember that. No, no, I don't. I got to be. Call me out in the live. No, no, no. That one live for me. For me. But you know, I mean, okay, I'm so sorry. I didn't wrap you. Eddie, Eddie, how cold you Eddie Haskell, which is an insult. It's funny. 'Cause he's a naughty niba, Rod. He's, yeah, he was the arrestable niba. It's funny because it's suitable. Yes, he's, I mean, beaver is beaver. He's the, you know, the kid. He's a good freckin' kid. Yes, he's the typical 50s kid. I mean, this has been completely white world of the 50s. Yes. I mean, you could not find a person of color within a hundred yards of this set. I mean, that's just where we were in the 50s. Yes. We don't think it's good. But like we, you know, I've been talking about your thing with guilt before. There's too much guilt. There's no reason for you to feel. I'm sure you're like a better parent to your kids than like everybody was in my era, as far as like how much time you spend with them. I mean, my parents in that generation didn't feel any obligation. Yeah. It's like we brought you into this world. You have a roof, you have clothes, you have food, and you have a your own life. And we were better at such a free-range childhood of doing it ever the fuck I wanted, just be home by sex. I remember my dad, I think the story goes that he broke his arm, jumping over the fence, trying to get there on time for my brother's birth. And he said his job as a groom when you get married was just to show up like no planning, none of this, like we, Christine and I got married at City Hall. We, we just said like the kids asked, we didn't want to like bother with all the stress of like, you know, napkins and who do we invite and all this shit. Well, then you got a really cool bride. She's amazing. My wife is incredible because not a lot of chicks go for that. She is the best. There's a lot of punting about my wife. A lot of women really think that the wedding day is the greatest day of their life. And like that just has to happen forever. It should be for you. It should be. Yeah. And maybe because she's in the world of, like she runs a magazine, she's a chief editor of Australian Pog. Oh, really? She deals with a lot of people. I deal with a lot of people where like, you know, there's a lot of people watching us and maybe being in a wedding is nice just to be not watched and not about. Absolutely. My brother got married and I remember somebody like right to him is like, why aren't I in the invite list? It's like, fucking hell, like you're getting like a degree for bad. No, it's, yeah. But guilt is huge dude in my life. Like every day, I'm like my good parent, my not a good parent. I remember this and my, you know, shout out to my parents who are just fucking divine. But I remember I was with my mom and my dad and my mom knows that I have these big chunks where I'm working and these big chunks where I get to spend time with my kids and my mom was like, see, you know, said to my dad at one point, see this is something you didn't get. And I remember thinking that's not what he needs to hear because like he's very special to me and I kind of know more than ever now why there were certain times I didn't get to see him. But so I think a lot about that when I'm the parent going, you're like the logger. Kids don't understand money. The logger guy. The logger guy. He goes away for a couple of months at a time, which is shit, and acting isn't shit, but I'm sure you miss your family. - Yeah, yeah. - And then come back with a roll of cash. - He come back with a roll of cash, and you have, like, orders of time at home, uninterrupted, which most people in their nine to five, kind of 50 weeks a year job don't have at all. - Then what? - So it's just-- - Aren't you gonna lug this? - Isn't this a lugging? Done, like, you can't get it. - Right. - But we, you know, it's just different, you know, and I mean, I just see so many parents fucking up their lives and their kids' lives, because they're too much in their kids' lives, which fucks up their lives. - Yeah. - And they're really fucking it up on both ends. Kids don't need to be supervised to that degree, and it fucks up your life. You need to have a life too. So if your life is, yeah, you're, I mean, I just want Jay Kelly. Did you see that? I mean, you see, you know, like so many movies I've seen. He feels very bad about his kids. We don't like him because he wasn't there. You know what, daddy was a movie star. I'm sorry he wasn't there all the time. - You just, my father worked nights. I never saw him during the week either. It didn't fuck me up. - So what? - Sorry. - You know what? - I think it did. - Do. - I'm thinking about it. - You know, like, but also, like, you couldn't-- - I mean, there were so many examples of people who mistreated their children and they've gone on to like, you know, exactly. And people who were the best parents in the world. And the kids, you know, they had awful things. - Exactly. And, you know, life is this this very complicated mixture of advantages and disadvantages. There's privilege and there's pretty privilege. And, you know, I could name a million privileges. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, you just either make the best of it or you don't. And as some wise person once said, if you're looking for an excuse, you'll find one. And don't we all filter everything through our own ego? It's like everything that happens around us and near us and adjacent to us or whatever. We like, it's got something to do with me. When it really doesn't all the time. - I mean, Joel, this is the wrong channel. To start throwing accusations about narcissism. (laughs) - And not to push it on Jake Kelly, which I did enjoy. - Yeah. - I enjoy George Clooney and anything. - Yeah. - I enjoy Adam Sandler. - Of what would you like to say? - But it is George Clooney, you know. - He directed me and the boys in the body. - Well, boys in the body. - Gorgeous George. - Right. I always think of the Clotaurus when I hear the name of that movie, but it is a good movie. Okay, but like, and I enjoyed the movie, but like yet another movie about the business itself. - Yeah. - I mean, there's been a lot about, I mean, the naval gazing in this town is extraordinary. - Yeah. - Like, it wasn't a bad movie or it uninteresting or it, unfailing, I enjoyed it. You know, I mean, he plays basically himself, this movie star, so it's a smart idea for a movie. But, you know, I mean, I don't feel bad for the character. I don't feel bad for his kids who, who, you know, just bad, you weren't there. Yes, 'cause he was making a classic, you fucking brat. - Yeah. - That's what happened. - And you know. - And you had an argument around a really not swimming pool. - Yeah. - But it's a great movie. I mean, when he came home and gave you a great life, which, you know, he, dad could have worked for the electric company, okay? - Yeah. - Get the fuck over yourself. - Yeah. - Dear dad's a movie star. And, you know, okay, so like that's who he is. We can't change who we are. - Yeah. - You know, there's just so much like in this shaming. A lot of it, you know, people wonder why so many young men vote for Trump. Well, maybe because, you know, he's, one guy who doesn't make you feel guilty just for being born with a dick, you know? - Yeah. - It's true. - It's a lot of his appeal. They make you feel, you know, a lot of, not me. I'm old enough to remember when it was the reverse. So I get the backlash. - It was like to be born with that a dick. - But if you're 20, that I don't remember. But if you're 22 years old, if you're 22, you don't remember a time when it was the reverse. So you've only seen the backlash. You've only seen white man bath. - Yeah. - Well, you know, I remember when he first got voted in and the realization of the un. The sort of lack of awareness of the way dudes felt in the world. And I was like, you know, the whole seat at the table thing. And it's like the presumption of position in the world. And friends of mine and Australia are talking about this whole thing about going, you know, like work hard for what you fucking get. Be good at what you do to prove that you deserve the seat at the table. But did the anger of, you know, that sort of phase. I think we're talking about the same thing anyway. - Yeah, it's weird. - I'm a little bit like, you go, you know, I'm all for inclusivity. And then you speak the same person like few months later and I'm like, I'm fucking terrified. And it's like, what do you just be fucking good at what you do? And if you're an artist, paying the right pitches, tell the right stories, make the best music. Like do the best you can do. And prove that the seat you are sitting on, you can still sit on. - I mean, in this country, because we have such a horrible sorry history, levels of reparation are, to my view, completely appropriate. - Yeah. - But at the end of the day, you also have to acknowledge things have changed enormously in this century. And that ultimately merit, you know, is something that we're going to have to reinstate to where formally was. It's important and it kind of got bypassed. And the people that's supposed to help by forgetting about it are often not helped by you. - Yes, you know. - Well, the pendulum swings in certain ways too. And I do believe that, you know, sometimes like with the casting conversation too. - Yes. - It's like, the pendulum swings so far. You're like, now we know it's about this. It's like, you know, the pendulum like shifts and changes. But it turns to merit. Like merit is just a thing. And it's like, I mean, I don't know how you solve that problem, especially to what dude, sitting on it. - Well, I mean, I'm just talking about it. - Okay, but we're, again, that's the guilt thing that I'm not going to buy into. - No, we're white, just because we're white dudes, doesn't mean we can't have opinions. - No. - Or that we can't have just this discussion. I mean, apropos of that discussion about appropriation. I remember John Lake-Wizzama was sitting here. I love John, I think he's a enormous talent. But I did point out to him that he was very angry when James Franco was going to play Castro. But he himself played characters. He played Luigi. He's not Italian. - Yeah. - He played, or Mario, or whatever it was. He played like, to lose Luttrec. He's not French. - Yes. - You know, like, that to me is very hypocritical and typical of the far left woke. - Yeah. - That they just, they don't see it when they, it's always okay when I'm making fun of it, but I can do it. - Yeah. - And like, it don't be ridiculous, because you yourself have played these parts that are not you. - Yeah. - And that's why we call it acting. - Yeah. - It's acting. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I was a fairer of Egypt. - Yeah. - And what? - In Ridley Scott's Exodus. - Oh, oh. - And it's a really interesting, you know, I mean, Ridley Scott's accent. - You're a man of luck. - You want one more? - No, no, no, I'm good. - Okay. - But the, that's what they all say. - But, you know, like, it is an interesting conversation, because the, the, the, I wouldn't take the experience way in the world partly because of what it taught me. Love Ridley likes fucking one of my favorite people in the world. - Oh, what a filmmaker. - Yeah, and like, you know, to speak to him on the phone and, and kind of, you know, he's like, come, you know, anyway, I did the movie. But at the same time, I'm like, all right, well, you know, what is doing that movie take away from someone else? And like, I wasn't even that famous a dude. It's not like, you know, I, the, the short version of that is when we talked about it early. It's just really about like, on one hand, it's like, what suits you as a character is one thing. What you are taking away from somebody else is another thing. And it's like, there's a financial aspect that everyone can lean on and say, you know, the movie will only get made if it's just a, but as code approved, like the success of that movie was the authenticity of the movie, you know. - We are pretty much past the age when it's about who's in the movie. - Yeah. - It's mostly about the movie. - Who on earth is that anymore? - Right, that's what I'm saying. If Tom Cruise, okay. But even Tom Cruise, if the movie was shit, I don't think it would do well. I don't think people are gonna come out to see a 65 year old Scientologist in a shitty movie. They, they, they will come out to see that in Maverick, which was entertaining in a popcorn way. And, you know, I love, I'm a huge fan of Tom Cruise. - Lisa? - You know, he's obviously got a little wire loose there in the head, that's fine. But like, what a movie star, what a filmmaker, beautiful legend, legend, and, and, I've entertained me a million times, which I am always grateful for. Yeah. You know, I just want to be entertained. Or I am now. I want to be entertained. Also, I think that there are countless examples of movies that have movie stars front and center that if the story isn't good, of course, that I make money, and then countless examples of movies that stop people that aren't that famous, that if they're really good, I mean, honestly, they could have done train dreams with Leonardo DiCaprio. I did. He was terrible. They had to reshoot it with me. I tried it with Timmy. It's terrible. I would be still young for it. But you're the same age as Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah, yeah, and we're good, very good friends. We did Gatsby together. We're very good friends. And I'm so happy for him, honestly. It wouldn't have worked the same way. He's saying about me. Well, you're fine. You're a nice looking guy down the middle, but we can believe you living in the cabin. This is something that I do think that at some point, and Revenant was one of my favorite movies. Revenant's in mind, where he does play a guy from a million years ago, but it's different. He's eating a fish raw right out of the old river. You know, it's just not the person we can relate to. Yeah. Who could bite into a fish right out of the river? I mean, I could. They're just too slippery, you know? Couldn't get a hold. Couldn't get a purse. No, I mean, but it's a good question. It's like, at some point, he's too movie story. Well, he's already a movie. We just see him as a movie star. Imagine you went to Sundance and saw like, you know, like a $3 million movie starring Tom Cruise. It just somehow, the metrics don't compute, doesn't. But mind you, that would maybe be one of the most radical movies you could pull. But there are certain things. I mean, back in the day, I think the studios told you who the movie stars were, right? Pre-social media, they're definitely the news outlets. And there was like, all right, these are your movie stars. Now it's in the hands of everyone on, you know, social media. I mean, you're a lot who's not. I mean, train dreams got crazy numbers on Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah. Like, and Rotten Tomatoes is the, is the popular. 95% Vox populace. I think if my mom knew how to rot a review on there, 96%. My, I actually did. That's a crazy number for any, for anything. But, but especially when it comes from the viewers. Yeah. It's a beautiful thing, it's a beautiful film. You know, it's very un-Australian to cycle back to almost the very beginning of our conversation. One thing is, Australians don't, we like to be complemented by other people. We're not good at complementing ourselves. And when people complement us, we often stare at our shoes, which are generally flip-flops. But. Do you see yourself as modest? I do. I do. You know, but at the same time, I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. Yeah. Yeah. But like, it is comfortable for me to say that I love this movie. I'm so glad that I'm in it. And I know, and I've seen the numerous people that I look back on my life whenever it's getting close to its end. Which is to, you know, kind of suitable for the film itself. And go, it's one of my favorite experiences ever. It's not just a terrific movie and has touched so many people in a way very few movies do, but it is a defining, like, watershed in your career. Like, yes. I would guess, as I've been a observer of show business for a long time. Yeah. You just see, like, Matthew McConney, for example, did where we was the AIDS dude. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm a romantic Oscar. McConney's not. That he wasn't great. The McConney's not. But they also vote on, they just, it's not quite an exact science. Yeah. Giving out awards. Let's put it that way. Yeah. So it has to be sort of the right thing that the voters think makes them feel like the good people. Yeah. And, and this one, like, hit, it just, it just walks that line perfectly. It is actually a good movie. It also is going to, like, attract those people who want to vote for the right movie. Yeah, yeah. I mean, after 12 years of slave one, which I'm sure is a great movie, but some of the people who have voted for it on the panel admitted, we didn't see it. We just voted for it. Right. We knew it was the right thing to do. So, like, but, but, like, this all aligns up because you deserve an Oscar. And after, and after that, even if you don't get the Oscar, even if you get just nomination, which you definitely will, then your career, you know, like for whatever reason, look, I'm the last guy to think that awards should mean anything because they, it's really just an opinion and it bugs me that people talk about it as if they, you know, like I always say, when the Eagles won the Super Bowl, they won it. If you win an Oscar, it's just someone's opinion. Yes. You didn't actually win anything. It's someone's opinion. We'll change our opinion if we win at the Golden Globes, by the way. Exactly. We'll run it. I win. I have a whole different take on it. But, but I do think you're in this other level and it's a, it's a perfect time because I always think that actors over 50 are just working on a different level. It's just one of those 10,000 hours thing. It's the ring of the tree. It really is. And they're just on a level of like, you know, that famous story when Jack Lemman said to the director, you know, what do you want me to do? Not act. Exactly. Yeah. You know, we don't see the acting at all. And you know, you see it in younger people and it doesn't mean they're not good. Yeah. But you just see this different level. So I just imagine for the next decade, you're going to get some amazing scripts. Oh, thank you, man. Yeah. I feel like why would, you know, I used to, when I went to Drone School and I was very sanitized, young man and everyone was like, I, you know, like, to be a great actor, you have to be through some kind of suffering. And I'm like, wow. So I had a pretty cruiser upbringing like, it's going to make me a shit actor. And then, you know, as I get older, I realize it's not about suffering and trauma and all that stuff. It's just the experience of life can give you the understanding of some things, the empathy towards other things, the appreciation of life, the patience to observe and, and look into things without being too self-obsessed that you can be open to slip into the skin of other people if that's what your job is. And so it's not really about like, I need to have been through hell and locked in a basement and beaten by my parents to become a good actor. I also think people should know, and I can say this from experience because in the 80s when I was first out here, I made my living doing silly movies and, you know, TV shows and to spend all day in makeup, like mostly just wasting time in your trailer, just sitting around. And then there's a lot of stress on a movie set. It's not like they, and you're away from home and very, very often you're doing things you don't want to do. I remember like getting very sick once because I had to, we were shooting in the Bronx and Caves. Do you ever shoot there? No. They used it for every cave and ever seen in a movie and I'm lying on the ground after the supposed explosion in the movie and it's all this smoke that I was breathing in for two days. There's a lot of shit. Yeah. I mean, it's great to be a movie star. It also, it's, I mean, it's not like there's no work involved or nothing that, like every day, it's just tips and champagne. No. It is not. Anyway. It's like, you know, I feel like being an actor is like five minutes of a day. Right. Good and bad will remind me why it's excellent to be an actor and why it's a good and bad. It's like a good thing is like, yes, I'm doing the right thing. Sometimes you're working like five minutes of the day. Yeah, and if you didn't, if you didn't give me that five minutes that remind me, right? I'd probably go, I'm finally going to go do something else because John Cleeswell. John Cleeswell said, making a movie is like spending eight weeks waiting in an airport. Anyway, I can't thank you enough during my little ridiculous show. I can't believe I'm even here. It's such a pleasure to meet you. You too. This was so much fun. Yeah. And I wish you luck on Sunday. Thank you. You too. So Joe, interest. Don't conflict with mine. Good luck with your business. I'm going to pat a cat in that. Yeah. Have you been to the Golden Gloves 100 times? No, never. They never even had my category before.