Joe DeRosa Is Vile & Horrendous | Your Mom's House Ep. 842

welcome welcome to your mom's house welcome back freaking frack welcome to the jungle abc wednesdays abbott is back it's gonna be the best year yet thank you now we can finally turn this up and everyone's going wild y'all think you run this school but you don't it's going great abbott elementary anything can happen in the jungle right guys all new wednesdays on abc and stream next day on hulu happy new year everybody i'm so happy to be back tim is in los angeles working on bad thoughts too but to keep me company is the most fantastic joe de rosa everybody i'm so glad you're here do you always call him tim or is that an accident well i'm christine and he's tim people call us that over the years and so now we just call ourselves that people call me christine my whole life okay no do people call you something other than joe no but they will say does it have an e i go yes because i'm not a woman yeah but you know yeah joe is just joe is from facts of life joe the lesbian mechanic yes yeah who was not a lesbian because of the because they couldn't say lesbian yet they had to pretend like she loved you can you bring up joe from facts of life on looks alone would you say that she is into dudes she was my favorite though she was the best i thought she was the hottest of all of them what what uh everybody thought blair was the hottest blair was the hottest blair's you know it's milquetoast man wow she's a sexy woman but it's milquetoast uh but joe was the one i liked i like a chick with a little no i like it with the feathered i had the same fucking haircut in third grade it's so embarrassing i like a chick with a little dirt on her all right you know all right i think we're sleeping on tootie look at her top left there tootie tootie was hot she's younger so you couldn't really think about her but she's beautiful at the time tootie didn't do anything for me then in the later years was it living single was that what tootie was living single right 90s kind of world that was a great show and then her hottest to me is the sitcom that uh she's on with mike epps oh is there like new sitcom she's great she's so hot i was like holy shit i don't think i ever realized tootie is so hot tootie's hot and you know that her mother chip fields ran an acting school that i was in when i was 12 years old chip fields and her mother was an actress too and uh yeah and her mother had a cookie company also right stupid mrs mrs fields we know it uh wait this is tootie's mom yeah okay it's in real life chip fields she was in was she an episode of good times i forget she was a sitcom actress too she did a lot of stuff um cool lady good family blair uh blair also holding it together in the later years yeah she still looks pretty pretty great not i'm not saying everybody else doesn't i'm just saying you know yeah and i like that they gave joe a polak name joe polnicek and that made her tough yes yeah here she is here's that blair blair held up blair held up wow good for her now who knows what kind of surgery magic she's doing but she held up she's got the right amount that's the uh the secret is just the right amount you don't want to go too crazy with that um i've been in my head ever since i said you always call him tim because now the listeners i feel like i feel like on a podcast if you go wait is that a thing when it's a running thing on the pod yeah everybody goes oh so he doesn't listen to the pod you know what you're out making comedy you're not listening to your mom's house i don't listen to any podcasts um do you occasionally rogan because i do like the ufo peeps that he has on sure um it's hard to listen to your friends talk on a fucking podcast because you're like i could hear this clown talking in the green room i can't mothership i don't need to download you i can't think of one pod i listen to with any regularity whatsoever the only you know what because i watch a lot of youtube so i'll i watch youtube shows regularly which you know like like video game influencers and stuff like that i'm sorry what like video game like my 10 year old video game take it easy these are 55 year old men i just got the chills is it like i know you're talking about like those guys that play the game and then they walk you through how they're playing it that i don't watch unless i'm stuck on a game and i need to figure out how to get past something no no there's guys that'll do channels about like collecting like retro game collecting like like okay so my friend pat country is somebody that does that uh metal jesus i'm sorry retro game collecting like vintage like pac-man you're gonna collect pac-man like like nintendo okay systems from the 80s and 90s those games are are collectible there a lot of them are worth a lot of money there are games out there that are worth a lot of money but i don't watch a lot of them they're worth 50 000 100 000 really yeah um is that pat that's uh no but anyway metal jesus rocks is a channel i watch okay game sack but i like collecting i like collecting so i'll also watch like record collectors and i'll watch movie collectors okay dead pit radio i watch their horror movie guys and they collect uh all the special edition horror movies that come out so i watch that to learn about like what's the next edition of whatever may i ask you something though because the collecting thing it seems like it's contingent on uh the demand for that thing correct yeah so how do you know when to sell the item how do you know the time is hot like when someone dies and then you like oh leonardo dicabrio i'm gonna sell my edition of titanic titanic that will never be worth anything what even when he's dead there will be no edition of titanic worth any money you don't you're not a fan of titanic no no i'm not saying that i'm just saying it was it was so mass-produced it's like it's not a thing that will be worth anything okay but um um the the the most things that are worth something in the collectible world are things that were produced in a short run oh therefore got it some of the most valuable video games are terrible video games nobody bought them they were produced in a short run because there was no demand and now they're extremely rare and very valuable yeah it's weird but it's weird i don't know when you know to sell it i i i'm not in the i'm not in it to to to i'm not like flipping it like houses oh okay i get stuff because i want it and i want to collect it so i don't know if the i don't know if you told me this thing's worth 10 grand i would probably sell it but i don't know because i'm silently judging you right now in my head and being like this guy's a fucking loser nerd dork shithead and then i in my head i'm going yeah but dickhead you have you know the suzy and the banshees first edition i got you know christine single i have bow house records that are like purple i you know i'm a goth collector i gotta be first of all you were not ahead who's gay or no no no but you weren't that silent i love that you thought i couldn't tell you were judging me your face was like drooping and you're almost like spitting it was so i couldn't hide my disdain well can any woman joe when you bring up your collection not around me but wait why yeah i'm surprised no i'm not gonna make fun of you i'm surprised that you're no no but super gay i don't want to i'm surprised you're as uh as disgusted as you are because you have a very nerd side so i would think you'd go oh i can relate that's like my bow house stuff you know but i'm convinced that what i like is cool and what everyone else likes is not and that's that's my flawed thinking but i'm convinced i have the coolest tastes yeah welcome to the world of nerd collecting you'll you'll fit right in you'll fit right in with these fucking dorks yeah these egomaniacal dorks yeah you two are convinced that what you collect is the coolest clearly yeah everybody must be we all think we're the coolest as you were judging me sure i was sitting here going this fucking dumb shit doesn't get it powerful we're gonna be such a good podcasting team this is fucking perfect yeah well we don't what we both agree on is that we both don't like pot yeah i hate it i hate it too and i feel like you can't just say look i don't hate people that smoke pot i can't take it i've tried my whole life to get high it never works out well for me no it's okay so i loved it okay so i lived in texas in 2000 before i came back a couple years ago i loved weed back then my the 2000 texas weed go ahead yeah but my jump off of weed happened when i lived here in 2000 into 2001 or whatever it was um but i loved weed back then weed was called schwag weed back then uh it was it was you sometimes people called it dirt whatever and it was not that potent you could smoke some you could feel good you could you could smoke some while you're drinking you could feel good it was fine um what i don't like is how potent it has become and i know there are people listening that are go get good then get good at it build a top whatever sure they're not wrong there's take more pot well there's a there's a there's a thing that made me hate it there's a thing that made me go i don't the the strength was what me say i i don't smoke it anymore i can't it's not for me when i started to hate it it was the lifestyle and except societal acceptance of it that pissed me off i got tired of having to tell for instance bartenders that worked for me at my bar in new york don't you can't walk outside during your shift and smoke fucking pot in front of the bar do you understand you're working right now do you understand i'd yell at you if i saw you drinking right now you can't do that right friends going oh we got to drive to the mall let me just take a quick hit fuck you dude you're driving me right but it's legal you know to do it in public though yeah like it's not the legality oh i don't give a shit about legality it bothers me that people think it's so different from alcohol if i was about to drive you somewhere and i go hold on let me take a quick shot that's true and then and then when i've said this to weed smokers that's true this is a big argument that me and my ex-girlfriend used to have i'd be like it's people that smoke weed in the morning imagine if i woke up and said i have to clean the house i just want to do a couple shots first and she'd be like it's completely different i go it's different to you because you have a weed tolerance guess what i have a booze tolerance i can drink a lot yeah a lot okay i don't do it ever outside of times when it's time to drink right so i just don't it's become like it's become like the martinis on mad men where people are just like what is it 11 a.m time to get high yeah come on in my office john let's talk about the merger and we'll do a couple more i see so you're saying that culturally it's it annoys you because it really is no different than being as impaired on alcohol correct it's like it's like drinking all the time you're like let's get drunk whether you whether i get behind i i'd rather drink all day i love it don't you yeah but i don't drink all day yeah because we go no yeah not good today yeah i drink after work like a respectable white puritanical yeah i wait until five o'clock yeah and then i get ripped not i'm not saying i but i have been drinking every day since december 23rd i'm so jealous that your day is over at five it's not over babe it's just beginning with two kids okay and that's what i need to because i'm always alone with my kids my husband's gone a lot for work right yeah you've heard of him anyway joey diaz joey diaz he would eat me alive but anyway it helps me get through like homework and them talking because they fucking talk all the time and uh it's exhausting nobody mentions that that this time of parenting seven and ten is just listening to motherfuckers talk is it worse than the terrible twos is it like would you rather have a fuck would you rather have a bratty kid going no no no or would you rather have a kid going could i tell you about every single thing i think is interesting minecraft it's all i hear about i know everything about minecraft and everything about roblox um i'd rather have this era okay because i can tune it out with alcohol uh you really want to tune out the two-year-old because i'm like they can like hurt themselves and die i have an idea what's that you should play minecraft and then instead of i've never played it but instead of them talking about it you'll just play with them and then it's like a game and you're having fun right i don't know is it is it fun i'd i'd rather sit and play the game than talk about the game well can i tell you what i'd rather do all the time drink yeah yeah i hear you or you know what i'd rather do all the time what i do when i kids go to school because i'm so overstimulated from them i go into my room i close the curtains and i meditate for like two hours really i have to be so still because i get real fucking dysregulated those fools talk that's it's terrible two hour meditation i can i know i talk to the aliens i get real weird man i do i really like it do you do that the what is it called uh tm yeah i'm past that but yeah i've done it what's past that rookie um it's when you get a mantra that's fake kind of like i shouldn't give away their trade secrets but they give you a word a mantra it's not like a real word yeah and so i just feel like when i say that word it's good for your mind but you're not hearkening positive fucking anything in the universe it's not like saying the hari krishna see i've heard this go ahead and i just made up my own mantra i'm like i need some fucking guy to give me a fake word i have i won't say okay but i have a mantra and it's an acronym for something that i believe in greatly okay good and i but the word the acronym itself is not a real word it doesn't it's not like it's not like dare yeah yeah you know you know whatever so um but yeah that's good i think it has to have meaning i agree otherwise it's not going to be useful yeah hold on speaking of uh friends sure should we get the show started speaking of people that collect things and like cool people like us yes you're just a cool person it's been difficult to make little friends because freaking covid's not over by the fact and so it's like i i have to go my way to isolate myself socially i can't go to a big protest like oh hey what's up how's it going i have to go west to be a protest oh the people i need to stay away from them because they're not wearing masks and i i'm very compromised so it's difficult okay who is randy don't bring anyone loving to this let's get over yes that's great the law school look at that yeah you get police academy in there yeah i like this guy god his neighbors must hate him you know what that game song is wow thank you at gavin j music for that beautiful saxophone intro can we rewind real quick when he's at the piano so good that was great can we i'm serious can we bring it back to just a still of when he's at the piano i think i saw a picture of me on his bulletin what i'm not kidding i'm not joking joe you think he's into you you think gavin is in love with you pause is that me on the wait did you see do you see no is that it fucking looks like it did you dress there's that was a black and white stripe like the hamburglar shirt oh that's no so that's not me we need the thing in the in like csi when it's like when it goes in the thing that can never happen that would be so amazing if he did have you on his vision board every day and he's like i just want to know joe derosa that might be i want to i mean god almighty jesus who doesn't i want to know myself oh there it is that's me it's a spirit of halloween i think that's actually a woman i think that's joe from facts of life i think that's her the spirit of halloween it's like that lady with the deep voice that we cover it's that spirit of halloween 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details restrictions and important safety information individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride huge thanks to draft king sportsbook for sponsoring the podcast the sports calendar is in a sweet spot right now you don't want to miss out on any of the action new customers bet five dollars for the chance to win 300 bucks in bonus bets if your bet wins nfl wildcard weekend is coming up which means win or go home so the stakes can't get any higher college football has got the national championship game happening mbas in the middle of the season and hockey's going every single night and here's the thing about playoff football touchdowns hit different. The next great touchdown is coming and DraftKings Sportsbook is the best place to bet on it. Take those bonus bets and throw them into a same game parlay if you're feeling dangerous. New customers turn five bucks into 300 if your bet wins paid in bonus bets. Just sign up using the promo code MOM. That's M-O-M. Minimum minus 500 odds are required. The crown is yours. Auto-renews until canceled. Additional terms at dkng.co slash audio. Limited time offer. So yeah, anyway, so that guy's great. That guy's amazing. Thank you so much. Beautiful saxophone intros. And you identified properly Police Academy. Yeah, because you remember growing up in the 80s, if you watched a movie and there was a saxophone in it, it instantly elevated the entire vibe of the film. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It made me play. I played saxophone. Saxophone. But that's why I wanted to. It's a YMH exclusive. Where do I put it? Where is it? Where's chips in a bowl? Help, I'm retarded. Intros and sounds. Intros. Intros and sounds. Fuck, I hate doing this. The pressure. Cat's eating kibble. Yeah, that's tough. This is a YMH exclusive right now. Here we go. Cat's eating kibble. Chips in a bowl. There you go. Let's enjoy it. Hmm. Hmm. Joe DeRosa's played the saxophone. Tell me everything. Wait, now, real quick, was that a man pouring chips into a bowl? Or somebody shuffling the chips around? That's a really good question. Let's listen to that again. Yeah. You're putting the chips into the bowl. I agree. Yeah. Massive amount of chips. Why is it so soothing? And it does promise fun. It's like, we're going to have fun. I got to tell you, I don't find that soothing at all. My mind is racing during that clip. I'm going, is he putting chips in? Is he mixing the chips? What kind of chips are they? Is it just tortilla? Tortilla sucks. What kind of tortilla? Tortilla sucks. Unless there's dip or guacamole. I don't enjoy that. You're stressed about if there's a dipping thing. But I'll tell you, can I tell you what I've always imagined the chips were? Standard potato salted. Because you can hear the light, listen to the levity, the lightness of the chip hitting the bowl. Just listen to that. It's light. It's light. It's not as heavy as a, I hear what you're saying with the Mexican tortilla. It's not a tortilla. It's a Lay's bag. Mine's going right to Tostitos, which is a light corn chip. I don't like those. And my least favorite of the corn chips. I agree. That's Tostitos, but yeah. I agree. Because they're bland and they're hard and you do need to have another dipping thing with them to make sense. So now I'm going, what is he going to dip these in? And then I picture the shitty salsa next to the Tostitos. Don't even go there. I'm like, God, this sucks. But you're thinking of East Coast salsa, which is the jarred bullshit kind. No offense to everybody on East Coast. You got it down here. Oh, I've seen it in your HEBs. Horrendous. That doesn't count. I've seen it in your HEBs. I've seen it in your HEBs down here. It's depressing. I don't like it. I like a fresh pico de gallo. So go ahead. So tell me about your saxophone. When did you start playing? Do you play smooth jazz? What do you play? I don't play it anymore, but I wanted to play it because I wanted to get into music as a kid. And they offered, you know, band at my grade school. And I chose saxophone because I was like, saxophone is cool. It's the coolest. Is it though? Because you could play it. Did you see the monitor? Did you see the montage? Did you see the Lost Boys? The guy is shirtless. He's being featured as the hot guy. And he's like, everybody wants to be him in the Lost Boys. I played it for one, two, three, four, five years. Wow. Into my freshman year in high school. And I said, I can't take this anymore. I've hated every second of it. And I switched to drums. Oh, I like drums. I play the drums. Yes. I'm terrible. Well, drums are great. I love drums. Yeah. No offense to the sax players. There he is. The guy. That's you, Joe. Can someone put Joe's head on this? Please. Look how fucking rad he is. Look at his collar. Do you know Dan St. Germain, comedian? Yes, yes, yes. That guy played at Dan's wedding. For real. He hired him and he played at his wedding. What? Yeah. I couldn't make it to the wedding and Dan sent me pictures and I was like, is that the fucking guy from Lost Boys? And he was like, yeah. I found him and hired him. I was like, what? And here I am thinking, what should I do for my 50th? My 50th birthday. I think we just booked us an act. Yeah. There you go. This is amazing. Yes. Hire Dan St. Germain to perform at your 50th birthday. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's. It's huge. How long have you played drums for? Not very long. Maybe a couple of years now. I suck, dude. I'm no fucking words. I'm going to get back into it, but I got to get a bigger place down here. A bigger place. Yeah. You need a bigger place. You need to have cool neighbors that can handle it. Hold on. I want to find something cool for you. I want to talk. I want to look at this clip with you and maybe you can tell me. I'm going to. Yeah. I'm just going to go. Even if I'm in another apartment, I'm going to go electronic kit. Can I tell you. I don't want to worry about it. I started electronic kit and they're not as satisfying to hit as the real. They're not. I like the texture and the sound and the. What kind of electronic kit? Some bullshit Amazon shit. Yeah. You can't. There's electronic kits with. You looked at me with so much derision. Well. You stupid fucking. No, no, no, no, no, no. I saw it in your face. But did you have the ones with the netting or did you have the hard ones? The hard ones. Those are terrible. Roland makes kits now that have. There's a netting that sort of looks like this. Okay. But isn't hard. And it has the same bounce back as drums. That's what I like. The bounce. Yeah. Yeah. You can get an electronic kit that feels like you're playing a real kit. And then. But then Tom won't be annoyed anymore. And my favorite thing is when he's making calls and I'm like. Yeah. And I just. I know it aggravates him. I don't fucking care. Yeah. That's funny. He's not here. Okay. I don't know what the fuck this is. And I purposely didn't make myself too briefed on it. Okay. Because I just wanted to experience and explore this with you. Great. Okay. Here we go. This is my. What's going on today? Oh. You've seen this? Yeah. Okay. So, for people listening, it's a guy on a church altar. He just lays back and falls flat on his back. Yeah. And head. Okay. So, how'd you end up here today? Because I'm Jesus. Do you have some friends around here or something? Jimmy. For me to help you, you have to. Yeah. Talk to me. What drugs is he on? I think he's just crazy. Or do you think it's drugs? Maybe it's both. Joe, this is always a really compelling argument on our show. Is it just drugs or mental illness? Or both? The entire country is suffering from PTSD and a collective existential crisis. Yeah. Nobody is recognizing it. Dr. Phil himself was right when he said during the lockdown, "We don't need to worry about the lockdown. We need to worry about. " Or COVID. "We need to worry about the amount of people that are going to start killing themselves." Yeah. I agree. And everybody said, "You're a monster." Yeah. Yeah. Nobody listened to Dr. Phil. Yeah. He was a thousand percent right. Yeah. They catapulted us back into society after yanking us out of society without any training. Yes. People can't afford healthcare. People don't have a job. Yeah. People don't have jobs. Nobody owns land. There you go. There's your average American now. That's right. God only knows. He's from Ohio. And they're ruining drugs with fentanyl. I know. So you can't even turn to drugs. You can barely self-medicate. Fuck. The only readily available drugs are weed that will send you into a psychotic spin after one hit. Yeah. Mushroom soda that will make you trip balls. Yes. Ketamine. Yes. Ketamine. Yeah. People in a corner for two hours at a fucking party. Yeah. People are just doing that every day now. Yeah. Because we're fucked. Yeah. This is it. That's so true. This is it. That's so true because this feels more prevalent. Is that the. I'm sorry. Yeah. My kids keep me up. Yes. Yeah. I know what you're saying. I think you're right. Well, that girl we showed at the very top, she's like, "COVID's still happening." It's. I don't think it is. I think you're crazy. It's. The only saving grace in that clip was when she said, "I'm immunocompromised." I agree. Yeah. I go, "Okay. All right. She's immunocompromised. Maybe she's gone a little baddier from being it inside a little longer yeah or maybe she's just i mean she also was dressed like the banana lady and why did the mentally ill they always love to wear like wrist guards or covering the wrist there's always something uh i believe that is to cover previous uh suicide oh thanks honestly i think that's why that's why probably i think i always thought it was because they have like i've got wrist injuries like there are these annoying people that always have carpal tunnel like fat people always have carpal tunnel syndrome i know well i mean maybe it could be from the from lifting the burgers it's always fat so so so so that's interesting yeah i think and plus it just covet displaced so many people like we're in texas now i never thought i would live here our whole life changed it was our it was it was our in this country it was our own iraq war there was no exit strategy and you're so right jumped in with both feet and it was like and you're just literally people are going go over there now now go over there now go over there and you're like okay okay it's the time of year to reflect on how far you've come and how much further you want to go make 2026 the year that you rewrite your story and make your entrepreneurial dreams a reality with shopify on your side this new year can be the one where you launch your business shopify has been powering our merch store for you forever they've made selling merch so easy i couldn't recommend them enough shopify has hundreds of templates to match your brand and built-in ai tools to help you write headlines descriptions and even edit product photos marketing is built in too so you can create email and social campaigns that reach customers and grow as you do in 2026 stop waiting and start selling with shopify sign up for your one dollar per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash y m h go to shopify.com slash y m h that's shopify.com slash y m h hear your first cha ching this new year with shopify on your side welcome back freaking frack welcome to the jungle abc wednesdays abbott is back it's gonna be the best year yet thank you now we can finally turn this up and everyone's going wild y'all think you run this school but you don't it's going great abbott elementary anything can happen in the jungle right guys all new wednesdays on abc and stream next day on hulu so hold on so let's see what he's up to so he crashed oh oh we saw we still got time on him sorry let me we gotta he's on the floor he's shaking he's real red he's talking to jesus uh-oh don't you dare oh oh again on the floor again on the floor now i'm gonna back your drugs thing yeah i think drugs are involved because he's hitting that marble so hard and he's not flinching and he's rigid yeah i yeah oh and sir i don't know when the last time is you've done hard drugs but you do turn red get a little flustered in your face you can get a little red from which drugs you can tell me nobody's i mean if you're tripping right like mushrooms or or some hard okay psychedelics right guys back me up okay i've never heard of that personally red face uh you get a red face i don't know i mean look um this kid speed speed gets you a red face what's i think maybe we're dealing with some bath salts here remember that oh that was a fun one yeah um okay let's see what he does i love by the way the classic cop who just doesn't know what to do and he's going buddy do you know anybody the guy goes i'm jesus and he goes do you know anybody around here help me help you buddy you got to talk to me the cop doesn't just go come come get a fucking straitjacket please this guy's a lunatic they're so over it they're like this is 90 of the stuff we deal with it's just some mental patient grabbing crucifix could you imagine being a cop you're just wrestling the mentally ill homeless of the world okay so here's here's what happens next this is fun uh-oh he's ramping up for some shit shut up shut the fuck oh damn get your taser out yeah bro oh there it is all right i can't believe he didn't have his hand on that fucking thing already what the fuck are you waiting oh again that's number three that time he actually spine hit the step his spine hadn't hit the crease of those steps yet he's like police work now are you not allowed to tase for the safety of the person like i'm gonna tase you so you stop fucking doing this to yourself you're right though because he's he's more of a danger to himself now yeah what point do you not and why is he not cuffing him what what is going on what is happening you just watch hold on it continues okay okay there's two cops there's two tackle him yeah well he's on math this is math right yeah red face this is math this is literally what having two boys is like all the time this is my life yeah you are under arrest put your hands on your back now now yes you are jay you keep it up you keep threatening just do it holy shit that's like five falls that was wild okay yeah because that's the thing too if he had fallen and hurt himself yeah i feel like the cops would get in trouble like why did you let him get in trouble Let him do that. Five times. Yeah. First of all, can we get a pitch? You said Tom's out working on Bethel. Can we please get a pitch? Tom could play this guy in a sketch. Can we get a pitch for Tom to do some sort of sketch where he plays this guy in a church? Second of all, this at the end here. This is my new favorite thing. Everybody that ever gets arrested anymore on camera is doing this, whether they're sober or not, flailing, screaming, wrestling, whatever. And then nine times out of 10, there's somebody off camera going, they're not resisting. Stop it. And you're like, this is literally what resisting is. This is literally what resisting is. Why is her shirt off? Because she's resisting and it came off by accident. This is insane. Yeah, this guy is insane. And you're right. People are now defending, like, the crazy person. That's the problem. We defended these crazy people. They need help. They need to be locked away. They need help. Lock them up. I also, I'm going to once again back the idea that he's on drugs because he's too well-dressed to be crazy. He's on drugs. He's actually pretty well put together. He's pretty well, okay, so Dr. Drew said meth runs towards the cops and usually enhances Jesus stuff. So I'm going to go with meth. Really? Yeah, cocaine, I said Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola, you run away from the cops. Meth, you run towards them. You scream about Jesus and stuff. Drew is good to hit you with a weird thing you never knew. Oh, he knows all this weirdo stuff. He's the best. Yeah. Let's get into this. I'm very excited. You're becoming part of the YMH family. No, it's true. Look, I'm more, I'm mad at myself. That's okay. It's a reflection on you. Have some Ozos. I know. It's 1130 a.m. Go ahead. I'm sorry. No, I'm excited. You're doing a podcast here with us at YMH Studios called Vile. I'm excited. Vile and Horrendous. Yes, it's coming soon. It's a great title, by the way. Thank you. I love it. It stems from a story from when I was a child that I told on Story Wars, the Louis Gomez and Big J podcast. I was on panel with Shane and Matt McCusker and I told a story where I gained the nickname The Vile Horrendous. And then God love the comedy supporters out there. It's been hashtagged in my feed ever since. I love everybody's calling me Vile and Horrendous all the time online. So I was like trying to come up with names for this podcast and most of it is about me, how disgusted I am with all of everything. I was like, well, Vile and Horrendous is a perfect. It's such a good name. Thank you. Vile and Horrendous. I'm very excited. I'm so excited to be a part of this here too. Yeah, you fit right in. Here in Austin and loving it. And you guys are obviously the pod network down here. So it's like. It's, you know, it's, um, it's just, it's, it's cool. It's really cool to be a part of it. I like that. that's so cool dude yeah i'm stoked you're here yeah that's so funny so it's you talking about like stuff that you that annoys you and what's annoying you it's four segments um the first segment is me the first segment is about someone or something that i find vile horrendous that i experienced um you know this disgusting pig i met in public this is what's wrong with everybody and this is how this the micro incident is indicative of society crumbling yes yes this second segment is uh me uh and and not doing it to be contrary but me taking an opinion i have that differs from the um popular public opinion about something entertainment related so it gets a little more macro in the second segment um so for for the for the pilot we shot i talked about how everybody loves weapons this movie weapons and i thought it kind of sucked um uh and then the third segment is the news but it's not the news like me dissecting the news it's me being fed headlines that i've never heard before so it's me just reacting to so that's the most macro of all the segments me that's awesome me just kind of because that's how most of us respond to the news that's how most of us ingest it you go on you read a headline and you go what the fuck so i want to do a whole segment like that and then the third fourth segment is going to be people writing in or calling in and saying like this is a disgusting violent horrendous person i met or this is the time i was violent horrendous etc so it goes on there uh the arc is is super micro into macro back to micro yeah um but the whole extent of everything is or the whole gist of the entire show is is everything is disgusting people are disgusting society is over we're done it's the end which is what my comedy basically is so i wanted to do an extension of my comedy yeah and by the way no guests no me just sitting it's the way to go joe it really is the way to go it's the way and plus we produce that you're going to have you know clips and yeah whatever that's awesome i think you're just perfect perfect show for you it's gonna be fun amazing i'm excited about amazing violent horrendous yeah it's so funny because yes at times you are the vile and the horrendous in life and you forget it like i forget all the time like i'm fucking the worst to some people yeah well the when we did the pilot i talked about this i might redo this because it was it's it's it's evergreen enough but i talked about this airline experience i had so it started with me being like this these fucking airlines are disgusting they're charging us a premium for basic human convenience fuck these people they're gross yeah but then i talked about how i snapped at the i had to go get something happened i had to get reroute i don't remember but i had to go up back upstairs to another desk because this desk couldn't do it and when i got up there the lady that was uh i remember what it was i had to check in but the lady you know there's the lady or the or the guy they'll be at the front where the kiosks are the self-help ones and i go i gotta check in and i'm running out of time your machines aren't working and she was like you have to go stand in the line and the line was forever and i go i can't i'm gonna miss my flight and she was like i don't know what to tell you and i was like oh so because your machines don't work now i'm gonna miss my foot yeah because this is my and i was a dick and i got in the line the line actually went very quickly i checked in everything was fine and i felt really bad i felt really bad so i went back to the lady and i was like hey i want to say i'm sorry i shouldn't have snapped at you like that it's not your fault you just work here and she's almost gone started crying i swear to god she almost started crying and she was like thank you you made my day and i was like nobody ever says this to this woman so yeah i want to turn it on myself too to be like we're all acting like pigs everybody because everybody's acting like pigs and we're all reacting to the other pigs it's so true it's a tough dynamic it's a tough energy to exist in god it's so bad i was just such a cool to somebody in a hospital too i was i really was i was you know i was waiting for test results while i was i i don't know charo i had to take charo the singer no our my mother-in-law i'm sure she'll tell you about it but she we thought she was having a stroke this week oh my god i know and we're like call 9-1-1 get in the ambulance we go to the er i'm the only one in the family that is free to take care of her so i'm i'm there in the er and like i get it the er is it's like the last place on earth you want to be and there were people literally doubled over dying coughing and lying i was like oh god i don't want to be near any of this dude and so it's not over it's not over damn it but uh so yeah so anyway we're waiting for her fucking blood work to see if she's having like a stroke or whatever heart attack and this like i'm such a dick she's she's so nice in the beginning like we were joking i know i was like she's like you should work here like to me because i was like i was so charming in the beginning and then i just i got ground down because we were waiting for results and waiting for results and then i started calling her a lesbian behind her back because i'm like this fucking lesbo and charlotte was like you think she's a lesbian i'm like of course she's a fucking lesbian look at the hair and like i'm being such a dick and i feel like she heard me she probably she could sense it she could sense it she can i mean i could i could tell you you're shitting on me in your head about the video games you think this fucking nurse on a on a 28 hour shift can't tell you're fucking calling her a lesbian in your head lesbian daggers yeah yeah fuck i'm such a dick and i could tell she turned because i kept asking for those and then her the tone changed and we were no longer friends but that's that's it i think you're gonna say you snapped at her or something i didn't snap at her but i was being annoying like can we see the fucking where's the doctor now oh she's running the er that's what she said to me oh is she's running just running an er so she's running the she kind of gave it to me a little bit and i was like and then every time i'd go over to her she was on a screen and then she closed the screen out like i was fucking wanting to look at other people's files and so then i would purposely go over there and look at her computer just to kind of annoy her because then she like bitch i don't want i don't care what's happening in number 37 you fucking so i don't know we had an unspoken passive-aggressive thing it's a it's that's a tough situation to be and i want to apologize to her now i want to go back to the er and be like i'm sorry i don't think you did anything that bad i called her a lesbian minor back who cares but it was behind her back that's what behind your back is for that is what it behind your back is designed for it's designed for every slur and terrible thing you want to say about somebody so do i qualify as vile and horrendous uh yeah okay yeah but but here's the thing here's the thing i you know i think about this a lot and i write a lot of stuff down and and some of it makes it into stand-up and and a lot of it is going to start getting jettisoned into this podcast good because it's like i need an i want an outlet for this stuff that isn't the whole podcast was designed to have an outlet for this stuff where i didn't have to construct it into a joke yeah yeah you know what i mean where i could really take my time and like whatever but but anyway not to digress but the but but this is the thing in that situation it sucks yeah you know what i mean it's like the whole fucking system sucks the staff is overworked it all sucks everything you know what i mean and it just it's everybody is getting fucked and then you're all in this pressure cooker and you're going hey bitch where are my results and she's going hey there's a fucking legless person over here i'm sorry if i get your fucking results but and by the way they're in the back going this charo lady didn't have a stroke we're in no rush she's fine yeah it's like yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry low blood pressure or she just was dehydrated but they don't tell you that part no because the system sucks they won't tell me they're a little and by the system i mean the system in the way it operates in that particular er so they're going well you don't have to get to this right you know she didn't have a stroke so whatever but you're sitting there going did she have a fucking stroke it's terrible it's terrible and you're right the world sucks i hate everything joe what i don't hate is my lipstick by the way you didn't call me i only no no no i i know but i wanted to make sure you knew i wasn't saying oh babe no i'm the least sensitive but speaking of vial find my lipstick for valentine's day the perfect gift you should get the perfect four you can get my lip gloss bundle you can get my liquid lipstick i'm gonna be bundling up my cheek stuff too for you guys it's fantastic christina p.com order that stuff now so it gets uh you know to your place in time for valentine's day with a heart m also believe it or not i will only be doing two stand-up comedy dates i'm gonna do chicago and then texas here i can't read it because that's too far i'm doing uh the den theater in chicago march 27th 28th and then april 24th and 25th punchline irving here in texas christina p.com for tickets what about you jojo's are you touring right now what are you doing touring a little bit yeah um what do i got houston texas january 17th January 30, 31. Zanies. Nashville, February 27th, 28th. Zany, Chicago, the following March 6th and 7th. American Comedy Company, March 20th, 21st. Anyway, go to JoeDeRosa.com. That's where all the. That's where the dates are. Just look. I try to go out, you know, not a ton. Same. You know, ever since I had cancer, I kind of, I'm like, I don't know if I can leave my house. I feel like touring gave me cancer. So now I'm like, I'm going to stay home and garden. Pet the cats. But then I love doing stand-up and I love it so fucking much. That's why Austin's great, though. You can do tons of stand-up here and never go anywhere. I know. Can I show you my curations? Please, yeah. Dude, this is like all I look forward to on this, not all I look forward to on the show, but it's really my favorite thing. Please. Because I lovingly curate these. And for those of you who don't know. Can I say something about your stand-up touring? Go ahead, babe. I think, and I think you need to hear this. I want to reassure you in your notion. I think you're doing the right thing. I think you, especially after you go through a bout with health stuff, I think you're recognizing what's important to you, what time means to you, and who you want to spend that time with. I think you've got a tremendously successful thing happening right in your hometown, obviously, where you are making a living. And I think, so you go do shows on the road when you want to and when you can do the best show for the people, for the people. I agree, Joe DeRosa. You don't have to, you know. I'm not, I'm not grinding. Like, here's what I'm not going to do. I'm not grinding out fucking cities to do it anymore. But I will do like select places where I see there's an audience. I will go. I enjoy doing that venue. I'm not just grinding out fucking dates anymore. I am. I'm not doing it anymore. I am two months away from homelessness at all times. And I do that. I'm two months away from homelessness and I go, no, don't feel like it. I'll do that. Won't do that. So if I'm doing that, you can definitely do that. I know. You're fine. I know, but I think it's because I have that work ethic of being a comic for the last 20 years where Tommy and I would like fucking leave on Wednesday night, do feature weeks, come back Monday, record the podcast Tuesday, fly out again. Like, we just had this crazy ethic. But you're right. And guess what? It paid off. I know. Now I should enjoy things. It paid off. I know, but I can't, you know. How does one enjoy? I don't know. I don't know. Here's what I do. Listen. Yeah, go ahead. TikToks. This is all I care about, truly, besides my children, gardening, drums, vampires. Here we go. Oh, I love this guy. This don't play with my life, man. It's so good now. It's so good. I see your fucking face. I can't even drink a fucking bottle, swallow fucking water in another fucking car that you gotta act like a damn fool. Like, no damn sense. Oh, it's great. Could you have done that with your dad? No. No, me neither. No, I mean, maybe he would have thought it was kind of funny. But, like, these guys that, like, I think that's his uncle. I've looked these guys up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. And then I'm like, are they just friends? Did you ever see the one where they're at the fish place? There's one where they're at, like, a fried fish place. And the guy in the passenger seat has, like, a plate of, like, fried fish and hush puppies and stuff. And the guy that's always videotaping, he, like, holds up a hush puppy and he goes, he goes, I'll give you $20 if you feed this to me right now. And then the guy is like, get the fuck out. I ain't feeding you no goddamn food. What the fuck is wrong with you? Like, he gets so mad. So afraid of being gay, huh? Super gay. Yeah, exactly. It's just feeding a man a nugget, a hush puppy. You gotta watch Neff and Unk. Yes, yeah. They're the greatest. I think this is, is this another one here? Oh, my God. No, this is different. Sorry, different guy. Same idea. So, hold on, though. Let me, let's examine this. Is this for, who's it for? Women or men? What's it for? What are we doing? Is it sexual? I can't imagine it. I can't imagine a man putting this out and it not being. Like, what else? What, what for? What else? I, I watch. Ugh. I watch so many, uh, food things. Yeah. I feel like some food things, they're just like, do you, is he? You watch food things? Well, what does, what does he do? What do you mean? You watch, like. Like, so, so, I remember, I remember saying I watch a bunch of YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I watch tons of food influencers. Okay. It's my other favorite thing. Okay, like they eat stuff. Like, we're in Ohio. We're in Chile. Yeah. Who's the girl? That's cool. God, she's incredible. Um, who's the, I feel like you guys probably know her. Who's the girl that always gives the finger when she's cooking? Olivia. Olivia. Tied. Oh. People like that. She's awesome. Okay. I'm hoping she follows me back. Oh, yeah. Christ. Um, but like the, uh. She's cute. She is so cute. She's so cool. But, but I follow her because she's great at cooking. Um. Sure. The, uh, the cute doesn't hurt. The cute don't hurt. She's super cute. Yeah. But, um, she's got a toad. She's. She's. She's like a hotter Joe from Facts Alive. You know what your type is? You like grumpy brunettes. I do. Yeah. It's an East Coast thing. I do. If you're from the East Coast, you like grumpy brunettes. I like. I like a chick who's like, what are you not going to do a shot, pussy? Yeah. I'm like, ooh. Oh, hi, mommy. Disapproval. Mm. Wait. So anyway. But. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't do stuff like this with sausage, but this guy. My point is, is I watch a lot of chefs like Olivia who actually cook shit, but then I watch people that just eat shit and they'll just eat shit in a weird way because whatever that's called when the, like you said with the chips, the sound of the food. And so maybe this guy's just eating in a weird way. Or do you think. Let's watch it again. Okay. I think he enjoys his snossies. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. For the sausage. It's good. See, I think what he's doing is, I'm sorry. I don't want to undercut your narrative. No. I think what he's saying is, I think what he's doing is being like, you lick the cheese off like this. Oh, it's so good. I'd always lick the cheese off first. And then he's, we don't see what comes next. And then he sticks it up his ass. That's the best part. Oh, this is the lady I wanted you to hear. I'm so glad you're here. Methan. Methan. Get the packages. Who's that? It's me, Sequoia. Who is that? Hello? It's me. Where are you? I'm in Raleigh at a friend's house. I was going to take them anyway. I'm just going to let the dog pee real quick. I just saw them as I walked by. Where are you going? Just a crack about. What's Diane? Oh, my God. You look cute. No, I don't. My hair needs to be colored and cut. I like your shirt. Big deal. Big deal. Anyway, don't worry. I'm going to get them. I just want them to pee real quick so I can get the hell out of here. But how great that her voice matches her personality. Because what if Sidney Sweeney had this voice? It would be rough. I've, um, have you, well, wait, you've been married a long time. When's the last time you were out there? Oh, my God. What year were you talking about? Oh, five. Okay, so this is prior. I've met people online over the years. Not a lot, but once in a while you meet somebody online and you meet them first in the DMs. Mm-hmm. And then you graduate to talking on the phone and you hear the voice and you go, that voice doesn't match the face at all. And it's jarring. Really? Yeah. Have you had one this drastic? That's, well, no. This is wild. This is amazing. This is wild. This is wild. But I also think this. This lady, I think her, I think her look matches, I think both progress together. Right. Like, she started off like a normal, like, girl and then she started smoking cools and then that evolves. Yeah. The Patty and Selma voice and then you buy a jersey or whatever and then you do your You wake up feeling like shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna throw on a giant tie-dye shirt. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. You know? Yep, yep, yep. I didn't get, I didn't get to the place to get my hair done this week. Christ. Oh, I, yeah. Now you're giving me a bad attitude. It all starts to. It all snowballs. It's very hot outside. She's great though. As you already know, it's steaming out here. It's steaming out here. Oh my God. Well, you scared the hell out of me, huh? Huh? I'll say you look cute. Whatever. You scared the hell out of me. That's like me accepting compliments too. Whatever. Imagine. Whatever. God, this is like Florida or something. Yeah. Walking in. I smoke occasionally, cigarettes. They're so good. They're great. They're the greatest thing ever. But I can't imagine walking in 92 degree heat, smoking a cigarette. I'm like, oh my God. Can I tell you, at like the height of my cigarette smoking, that was the hardest part. It was like the San Fernando Valley summer and being goth and then being like, I got to smoke at some point today. Oh. So hot. Dead of summer in that valley. You're wearing six layers of black lace. Yeah. It's really tough. - Yes. cruella deville outfit and you're smoking on top of it yeah dude or i see the people with the um the windows rolled up in the car smoking and you're like dude i never i even now look back and wince at smoking inside of my own living room with the windows open when i lived in an apartment you're like oh it's so nasty uh i'll be with i'll be with uh sometimes i'll go over tony's house hinge cliff and i'll go uh i'll go can we just smoke in here please can we please just smoke in here and he goes now now gotta go outside i go it's 103 outside yeah he's like i love it i like you like smoke this is what i mean you have been successful start enjoying it i'm smoke in the house build a little room in here where we can smoke i'm still in eastern europe dude i'm still a communist i can't i can't leave i can't escape yeah and my fucking mind is in the prison okay here we go that's an unfortunate one that's an unfortunate one i have never seen one that one little lady says i've heard the other ones and she's she's talking concentration camps too right oh my god that's unfortunate that's pretty good is tourette's like like i'd imagine with tourette's it's like remembering ghostbusters remember at the end of the day it's like oh my god it's like oh my god of ghostbusters when they go just just clear your mind yeah yeah as long as we don't think of anything yeah and then dan ackroyd thinks of sapod i feel like that's what tourette's is like like the second you're like i should never say hitler it's like you're gonna say it all the time now does it work like that i know that there's physical tics that are like overwhelming and like you just can't stop your body and i imagine yeah you just it's overwhelming it's like vomiting you just can't oh that sucks hitler's i'd rather say cool than than hitler and i think she gives a heil hitler right the first one she goes yeah yeah that's cool all right here's another one for you this is the okay it's time for the first hair hang of the day this is always the most painful one but i've just got to get it out of the way and then the rest of the practice won't be as bad this shouldn't be that bad today because i have hair hangs quite a lot last week oh there's one section over here that i can feel like not i hate it so much why would you do this i don't know as long as all the hair is like evenly distributed in the same direction she's got a meaty vag yeah oh oh oh this is better than i thought i thought she was gonna lift up in the air she is look i don't know why anybody oh no there she goes okay that's okay yep that's bad it looks pretty now oh god i want to die i don't know that's like that's like jedi training to me like she's like can i do this with me and smile oh i hate it i just her her stupid thing i don't like her what's good but what okay dude you look a lot like adolf hitler you look just like him like has anyone ever told you that actually yeah really bro that's insane my best friend told me that are you serious bro yeah it was in like freshman year keeps the mustache keeps it and keeps the hair dark that's crazy wow and he keeps it that's your brother buzz cut it or something yeah dude you change that you change it up when someone calls you hitler oh my god or you you lean in harder which he did jesus christ wait why was the hair what is the purpose of the hair hanging is she like a performer like of some kind like a circus freak yeah yeah yeah maybe it's a circus freaky thing and yeah yeah there's gotta be a reason right it's gotta be like it's so awful that it's entertaining yeah yeah okay here's something kind of uh telling me how you feel this is the home alone house it just sold the most famous houses in america look there it is for the first time in 12 years this home is for sale and wait till you see the transformation oh holy they actually shot it in the house oh yeah i know right i thought that was interesting too and the creepy basement with the radiator monster like a frank he's just a joke is it so creepy anymore in the theater you can watch home alone in the home alone house and this was the biggest surprise this is a regulation size three-point line with 25-foot ceilings and the hectic kitchen layout well it isn't so hectic anymore jesus fucking christ i know right go it's scary up there don't be silly for we'll be up in a little while isn't so scary anymore it's actually a beautiful bedroom now and you can own this piece of american history for 5.2 million where is it located i don't know illinois somewhere this is this is kind of i'm a huge i love john hughes yes of course me i love john hughes but i will say this this is one thing that this is one aspect of the movies that kind of always throws me off a little bit because they often center around very well-to-do waspy folk so you kind of go i don't really feel quite as bad for you you know yes that must be the the how they get you to buy in right well but it makes me have less sympathy oh like fuck them yeah not fuck them like i'm not mad at them yeah but i'm also like well of course of course you forgot your kid you're a bunch of rich people with your heads up your ass exactly yeah yes yes which is good because otherwise if it was like the the single mother working you know back-to-back double shifts or whatever at the diner you'd feel horrendous you couldn't watch the movie you couldn't watch the movie he calls it out in um plane strings like that's who steve martin is but then you've got john candy there being like oh oh god life is so hard for you and you know what i mean like but anyway but you know what really struck me as depressing is i think the reason they chose this house because i've seen this movie many times with my kids is how christmasy and vibrant the colors are and this is how every home is now sterile beige white black and taco bell even if you look how have you seen how they've stripped out the color the taco bell buildings now are gray mcdonald's is gray this is terrifying props to mcdonald's it's the saddest thing ever the redesign of mcdonald's is the most sad it's the saddest thing of all time it looks like a coffee house yeah it's all brown with like a i hate it but guess what shout out shouts out to burger king sticking with they went back to the old school sign so much better burger king still hanging in there yeah dude it's not as cool but they're hanging it see the one on the right yeah i like it they went back to those signs that it isn't cool to make things gray and dystopian i don't think any of that is cool i don't think so kfc still looks kind of like kfc that's good and not but taco belt you're like guys it's like prison i know remember when they all looked like the alamo like a shootout was about to happen i was so rad it was literally a bell yeah it was so fun god look at it now the purple bell like fuck off you know they were doing this i remember in the 2000s when everything was extreme do you remember when they did that like extreme mountain dew mountain dew crush or whatever you're like you don't need to do this nobody's nobody's upset with taco bell no nobody fucking needed it no stop improving shit that doesn't need to be improved it was great pizza hut's a rough one too fuck off i love pizza no no i love pizza oh yeah yeah yeah yeah so good they're all okay you want to hear a real kick in the nuts so you know how pizza it's like only takeout now i didn't know that it's only takeout now right i think for the most part so i was driving i was i was touring and i was touring where i was driving between gigs like i was doing one night here one night there so i have these whatever so i'm i had a day off and i was driving between gigs and i was like i'm gonna sit somewhere and eat dinner tonight because you can't because you're fucking running around doing shows i saw a pizza hut like a old one with the red roof and all that shit and i was like i'm gonna go sit at pizza hut i'm gonna get the salad bar i'm gonna order pizza i'm gonna get the pitcher of beer that my dad always used to get i walk in lit up counter completely blacked out they're like we this is just take out only and it was still in the old build it was the biggest blue ball ever what a waste they could have just had it as like the one last remaining it sucked and i just left i didn't get any pizza i was like fuck it i'll go to fucking cracker barrel something else i do love cracker barrel and i hope they never change anyway we gotta go i gotta go do kid stuff i love you joe de rosa check out his new podcast vile and horrendous debuting very soon on the ymh studios channel um what else is there anything else you want to plug uh just go to joe de rosa.com for my tour dates uh pop by joey roses if you're in new york city uh for a sandwich uh and or a drink and uh that's about that's about it all right mommies um we love you my mouse speaking who the fuck is this it's me purple hair girl from the chair i was the one myself on cam that time remember oh hell yeah man what up this i remember you you were flicking your bean on the couch yeah i remember you what i don't have time to talk listen where are you at um i'm just home here now hold up though where are you calling from i'm stuck way down in the mountains i need you to come get me yeah i could do that i'm looking at say eight o'clock 8 15 fuck you're doing good thank you so much you're literally saving my life bam say no more i am on the way bitch awesome piss on me beat me you're the coolest for this no you are you are the coolest cool girls for life we about a year this is captain myself down into the mountain we're rolling anderson cooper took my sister now we gotta expose him if you're a hufflepuff do not piss me off just keep on scrolling i ain't impressed by crown molding show me that dick that you holding tip the toe i'm a fucking walking mermaid bitch i dip my nuggets in the doodoo guess what i'm loving it i drink my coffee i drink my coffee i drink my coffee i drink my coffee i drink my coffee i drink my coffee i drink my coffee i drink my coffee i drink my coffee i drink my coffee 100 specifically delicious story time uh how you say i'm not a racist startup i write the member of the cuckoo girls fuck i shout out mistress kawaii when i'm stepping parts out of butts tattoo my brown ice cream some big words and i married my son spit in them tongues and shit because i'm a fucking blasting blood cuts in the book of do blood that's what we do you do you do do not do you and yes my eyes are tattooed funny story perry in the jail what do you ever worry that you're r worded no one's telling you i'm a reckless eyeballing hoe just how i was made up selling a necklace made of moose turds out the back of my trunk all right assholes listen up you'll never make potter come if you ain't licking the scrum honey you ain't tricking no one want to see a spartan kicker taste a bit of the poutine i made you want to fuck with my my twin goddesses activate identify as a threat a nightmare and my pronoun is your grace i would recommend a freezing sea even though my health ain't improving but i bet you low and loose hose ain't hardcore enough to do it nature's remote type vitamin why the fuck would i not use it keep busting clips in my i'm literally bonding fluid i know you love me i know you want me he wants to lick get up on this put it in your mouth and lick it like glass i know you love me i know you wanna want me he wants to lick it up on the sacks put it in your mouth and lick it like glass who the fuck you been letting sample your energetic template a spirit working star c channeler hybrid astral kid hurry up before i take your bike you better not touch me bitch motherfuckers you need to restock the hot cocoa when you're done with it some caffeine take a hammock shit pop the vasectomy stick now on straight polyvi with vocal fry incised g-tip i keep smelling my vagina in hopes that it'll smell better it just doesn't show the haters how you glass and put your perfect smile in i'm ride or die show me the body mommy we'll chop it up together dip that shit in acid watch it decay in a row with weather why did it churned up the evidence we better we're clever bye-bye barista bitch cool girls keep secrets forever f-y he's cherokee i'm not native at all you got any cum in those balls how come you don't fuck your friends well listen to gloria it's the bomb beyond kinmans or dania i'm the puller on me i know you love me i know you want me he wants to lick get up on this ass put it in your mouth and lick it like glass i know you love me i know you want me he wants to lick get up on this ass put it in your mouth and lick it like glass please follow me please dirty bitch take your passenger feel like i'm going to die what gets rid of heart fuck what you heard i'm about to have that orgasmic birth rake root your man or throat zilla michael get in there first fuck my stoma don't free no chomos or chomas though i'm blowing cincinnati parts at every goddamn place that i go i'm not at home but we'll play just say follow that bro i'm gonna make you one shadow fucks my pussy two big day songs by toto we're out of here smoking and drinking and rocking adidas and peeping on that ultra humongous penis quarantine and we're latchkey and we beef and i'm seeing them jeans seeming like they be low and loose leaning lc's and dc's screaming cause i hydrate like a piss d all you up there doing their thing and stuff like that can i stutter if you're a bully thief a criminal look out for a cutter we cheering headaches with mustard this is the cool girls club within the house of your mother i saw her moments last night just visiting and cheryl jumped over the kitchen counter at me flying like hussein boat in a fighting suit i don't know why the bitches always be jealous of me so she run to the phone like the bitch made cunt always does and i said you better call ever law in sequoia county this time bitch because you're gonna need help prizing my fingers from around your fucking dick sucking throat so i ended up arrested in jail but i'm out this morning cheryl and i can still say that's right you didn't sweat a shit bitch and i'm coming over here today and i'm gonna do the two-step in the cowboy boogie till there's a mud hole in your fucking ass welcome back freaking frack welcome to the jungle abc wednesdays abbott is back it's gonna be the best year yet thank you now we can finally turn this up and everyone's going wild y'all think you run this school but you don't it's going great abbott elementary anything can happen in the jungle right guys all new wednesdays on abc and stream next day on hulu