Jimmy Kimmel & Molly McNearney

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman. It's me. We have two returning guests, but never together. Good friends of ours, Jimmy Kimmel and Molly McNierney. So fun. Yeah. I just love them. So glad that they came together. That was a fun, different type of interview. And it was in the evening. It was a night, very appropriate for a late night show family. Exactly. BTS, we started around 6.45 PM. Just so you know the exact time, in case anyone needs it as an alibi. Molly, of course, is the head writer and executive producer at Jimmy Kimmel Live. And Jimmy Kimmel is the host of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Please enjoy Jimmy and Molly. We get support from Quince. So we've been talking about Quince a lot lately. And as we head into fall, it's the perfect time to reset your wardrobe with their amazing pieces. I think it's so fun to do when the seasons turn over, to just spruce up your wardrobe. We're with a couple specials and Quince is the place. Totally. We're talking organic cotton, Mongolian cashmere, tailored chinos from just $60. Premium fit and quality you'd expect from a luxury brand designer. I love Quince. You know, I like it understated and subtle. And I like stuff that has high quality. And Quince checks all those boxes. I love a lot of stuff from Quince. Honestly, they have incredible premium denim, which is very important for fall. It's pretty much all I wear in the fall is denim. And Quince has such a good selection of quality denim. Their stuff is so versatile, timeless, and built to last that you just grab every single day without thinking. Right. And all of that for 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They go direct to ethical factories, cut out the middlemen, so you get all that quality without overpaying for it. We love that. And they do way more than clothes. They have bedding, cookware, bath essentials, travel must-haves, same deal, and great quality. Upgrade your every day. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash DAX. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash DAX. This episode is supported by Helix. So I've had my Helix mattress for a few years now, and I still love it. Just as much as the first night. That says a lot because a good night's sleep is very important to me. Sleep is everything. And what's great about Helix is that it's not a guessing game with finding the right mattress because they have over 20 models so you can find the one that actually fits how you sleep. And with that summer heat upon us, Helix has cooling upgrades that can get you the best rest even on hot nights. I have a Helix Midnight Luxe mattress. I really like the level of. The level of firmness it has. But that might not be right for you. They have so many options and you just go take the quiz and it is perfectly matched for your needs, which is incredible. I also highly, highly recommend the cooling upgrade, especially in the summer. It makes your sleep so much better. If you're still tossing and turning on a mattress that's not working for you, just trust us on this one. Go to HelixSleep.com slash armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's HelixSleep.com. HelixSleep.com slash armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. HelixSleep.com slash armchair. We're going to ask you guys to award the next best boy. Oh, nice. How are you? Did you have fun with Sally? I did. I love her. She's great. When I did that Argent photo shoot, Monica did it also. Oh, yes. Sally was amazing. We love her. But wait, I like who she's curating. So you guys are her models and you guys are very much the behind-the-scenes ass kickers. That's what she does. It's kind of like unsung women-ish. Yeah, she elevates women. She has this whole brand for working women. Really likes to highlight women who are badass. Do you invest in this, Liquid Death? I wish. I've been trading stocks on my Charles Schwab account for about a year and five months where I actually focus on it. And I'm like so proud of myself. This measly amount of money I've made. Molly, have you been consuming anything and gone to Jimmy and been like, we need to get involved with this? No. Have I? I don't think I have. No, she doesn't. I don't allow her to eat. Okay. Yeah. That's bad. I have to keep myself trimmed. For longevity. Yeah, yeah. That's why. I do remember like explaining like dry bar to you once. You're like, oh, that's a good concept. But we didn't invest in it. You remember my reaction was I wanted to learn how to blow dry hair so we could save the trip. I do remember that. I was like, I feel like I could figure this out. It's not a super precise device. You're blowing a huge swath of wind at hair. It's a big franchise. They're teaching these people their way. If they just teach me the way, how hard could it be? How hard? That's how I look at everything. How hard could it be? He does. He does do that sometimes before award shows he offers to do my hair and makeup. And you never say yes. He did convince his cousin Sal once that he gave haircuts. I did, yeah. Well, Dax gives haircuts. He gave me a haircut on this podcast once. And? She hates to admit it, but it was a good trim. It was a B plus. Oh. It was really good. Oh, wow. I thought it was an A. I'm just learning it was a B plus. A B plus is an A plus, by the way. Exactly. Exactly. That should have been an F minus. It was good. He's good. How many heads do you have? How many heads of hair have you cut? Hundreds and hundreds. Really? To bore you, I detasseled corn between seventh and eighth grade all summer. And I think I made like $800. Right. And I spent the money on a Nintendo, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, and then wall clippers and scissors. And I came back from this summer of detasseling corn. And before school, I was like, who wants a mohawk? And I cut like six or seven kids' hair before the pitchers. And it was a big dust-up at Muir. Junior high, my mom got called. Parents were super upset. But it didn't thwart me. I kept cutting hair. And by the time I was in high school, I was pretty good. Like, I could do fades. And any time I got my haircut, I was really paying attention. Like, what are they doing? Oh, they're cutting like this. Okay, cool. Oh, they're grabbing in these sections. And no YouTube. There's none of that. You didn't have a guide or anything. You had 25 minutes at, you know, Sam's to study the barber. Once every three months. And pick up, you know, some skills. But what's funny is, so, all through. Through my 20s, I cut most of my friends that I hung out with hair. Because I did a pretty good job and everyone was broke. And I used to do it for like a six-pack or a pizza or whatever. So, now my thing is, I don't really need anything. I love to cut people's hair, but only one time. Because I want to impress them. And then I never want to deal with it again. So, like, Kristen's mother was visiting like three years ago. And I'm staring at her hair all weekend. And it's starting to drive me crazy. It's like a classic Michigan cut. I'm like, you need some layers. You need some things going on. And she, crazy enough, let me do it. Let me cut her hair. And then she came back on the next visit. And she's like, I've never gotten more compliments from a hairdo. And I'm like, oh, that's so great. She goes, I mean, honestly, like maybe 20 people told me. And I was like, oh, my God, that's incredible. And she was very much staring at me like, can I get a trim? Yeah. And I'm like, I just got the thing I really wanted, which was to blow your mind. It's so selfish. And you wouldn't do it again? Like, I would cut your hair. But only once. For sure, one time. Wow. And then once you were impressed, there's nothing in it for me anymore. Can't get it again. That's why you got to say B+. I shouldn't be shocked. Because I will say, when I first met you, I looked at you and said, this looks like a guy who cuts his own hair. And I was cutting my own hair. And I haven't had my hair cut by a professional in seven years, since I was on a show last. You're still doing it to yourself? Yeah, yeah. How do you get the back? So in the back, I generally use a five clipper attachment. And that one just lives at that level. There's no layering going on yet, because it's problematic. But now that I'm growing my hair out, the back is fine. The back is getting really challenging, because I am having to cut it with scissors. Wow. That was way too much about me. Do either of you have a super hidden talent that you like to do one time? I am completely blown away by this fact. I have to say, you know, it's weird when you know somebody and then you find something out about them. Like Chris Bianco, our friend who's a pizza chef. I've never heard the guy sing two notes in a row. And we did karaoke at the Lodge last year. He's got a really good voice and belted it out. It was really exciting. And we were going. We were going crazy. Yeah, yeah. Like, what is this? It's so exciting. But if we're talking out of school, the performance that Jimmy Fallon put on in the full Elvis outfit was about as incredible. Yeah, well, for a private show that you're not getting paid at. Okay, first of all, he was dressed as Evel Knievel. Oh, I'm sorry. You should know that. Well, look, fine line between the jumpsuits. Fine lines, but he did that. Two white jumpsuits. The best part of that story was that, you know, Jimmy and I fished together that day. Mm-hmm. And he had no idea what was going on. He had no fishing clothes. He had nothing to wear on the water at a fishing lodge. And so I said, all right, well, we got to go to the shop and get you some clothes. And like, you know, it took like 45 minutes. We got him the clothes. We get them all decked out. And then he comes into the bar fully dressed as Evel Knievel to sing. And I said, you brought this and nothing to fish in? That was a huge outfit. Took up probably the majority of his suitcase. He said it was the whole bag. He's incredible. The performance was so good that I think we all, mid-performance started getting very concerned he was going to have a heart attack or something. something medical right that's no surprise though we know that he's a very talented singer and performer now if you've seen him make a pizza not as professional not as impressive right this is like chris bianca well you remember he made that shitty pizza and he made a video of it he did yeah and then i made a one in response it was like a rap battle an old school rap battle yeah but it is weird when people have like some weird talent i don't have any hidden talents because when you're doing the show every single night you bring all three of your talents to the forefront yeah yeah if you can play a little bit of drums you'll be playing the drums that's right but you have the cartooning oh i've done that on the air it's hard to be funny though and to draw at the same time it's almost impossible he's also an incredible cook he's not messing around yeah but what are you going to do with that yeah we'll feed all your friends everybody make everybody happy around you yeah i have a very weird skill which is i can remember what women word it almost everything it is wait really really and we just discovered the most impressive thing i've ever seen anyone do and what did i say to you last month i just threw something out there i said something to the effect of what did our niece allison wear to our daughter's baby shower 18 months ago and she's like she thought about it for a couple seconds and she came up with it it was like a white linen and our niece was going wild i don't know why i'm not aware of it in the moment but i don't remember what men wore but i can remember what women there's nothing memorable about what we wear yeah last year jimmy fallon and evil and this unfortunately is probably more of a jimmy question but maybe it's not so watching fallon put on that show last year it was kind of like a rite of passage i remember watching him and i was like this would be so hard for me five years ago he's so much funnier than me and energetic in the life of the like he is in the role i filled in my group for years at that time i was 50 watching i was like i think we're finally here where we can let him be spectacular it has nothing to do with how unspectacular i am do you remember getting i mean you've always been funny and then but you're surrounded by a lot of people at some point you gotta go like yeah let fallon jump on the table never had that inclination in the slightest bit if i'm at a table with funny people i'm more than happy to be there and i'm like oh my god i'm so happy to be there and i'm just sit there and listen to it the whole time yeah i think maybe being a talk show host you need to have that because the goal is for those people to shine yeah and to me it's just a relief when somebody can carry the ball right yeah yeah yeah you know what i mean but you know when there's an audience when there's a live audience in it like you have to get that once in a while we get comedians on and i'm like oh we should have them every fucking day makes it easy yeah they care hard to be funny and you're like oh man what a blessing you still want them yeah you still want their approval you want them if it was a long form situation like this yeah i would certainly want that whatever but you know how it is at our show you have eight minutes and those are your eight minutes if you see me being funny in those eight minutes it means i'm just trying to fill in a hole it means their three minute story was 45 seconds and now we've got some time yeah yeah it's funny are you conscious of that click because occasionally we'll have an expert on who is very very smart but they've never been in front of camera they're not gonna dole out the info that they have and i go like yeah it's gonna just give me one of these episodes i'm just telling random stories quite a bit and you feel a little bad about it but you're like that's what i gotta do right now it's funny because online like if you get somebody like sometimes the worst guests are very young and they're very popular yeah and they have a rabid fan base of young people who are very excited to see them and they walk in and they're like oh my god i'm so excited to see them and they walk in and they walk out there and they don't know what to do yeah and you have to help them and you have to help fill that time and make sure it's not a train wreck and then your reward is you will go online and be bashed by everyone saying you didn't let so-and-so talk i couldn't agree more what i have to resist to comment to those people yeah and it's real easy to see you know on youtube you know they're right there for you so that's just something you have to deal with it really is a skill and i know you guys have figured that out a little bit but it's a skill that you have to it is a skill for people to know how to tell a story and some of the most talented people can't do it yeah no it's interesting chefs a lot of chefs some of them are made for television some of them are made for broadcasting and some of them are great chefs and they're just not good at it you're kind of puzzled it's like oh this guy's such a great chef why can't he tell me what's happening yeah of all the ways to get famous and end up on your show that one required the least amount of probably personality you say you have the skill set to be a great chef and you're like and you're a great manager probably doesn't mean a great talk show yeah when thinking of things we already know life story we've done life story first of all again just publicly what a great episode you had you had such a spectacular episode people loved it so much they really did it was a huge huge it was a real bucket list moment for me you know i love this podcast so much constantly texting monica everything i love about it so thank you for having me well the thing i was thinking about is i've known you guys for a long time how long have you been together now well you and i have known each other for 20 something years 22 years probably yeah yeah and you and i have been married for 12 i always forget you'll be 13 and 13 you've been married for 13 13 years before that so 16 years that's so long that's mega yeah it's your longest relationship right oh yeah yeah yeah by some time right not by much okay all right we might okay we made it i don't really know your meet cute story amana really wanted to hear like oh i'll tell you yeah yeah how it blurred okay well we knew each other because we worked together but well i met him a couple weeks into working at the show and i went into his office with the executive producer at the time and he said oh i want you to meet my new assistant i don't think jimmy even looked up from his desk and my boss at the time daniel said this is molly she's my new assistant she does triathlons because i was doing triathlons at the time and jimmy said how stupid and then that was it like that was my first he had just read that book yeah no i really couldn't i couldn't understand why a human being would do something like that subject themselves well really quick your first impression of him other than the fact that you look up and give you eye contact yeah were you like this is like a thing no no sorry and not at all like not even a little bit and by the way same with him with me like i didn't even more so yeah no i did not look at him that way at all were you intimidated by yes for sure i was intimidated by him yep but as i got to work with him for years i really loved this guy i was like he is such a good human he takes such good care of his staff he's so good to his family he's just a good human being that's what i do that's how i set the table you know it's a wrong play you don't really get to know how you treat everyone in your life before the attraction ramps up that's what i have to do yeah so i think i don't know how far in like i think it was like eight years into maybe me working there and that long yeah it was a long time oh my and i remember at the time i was one of the head writers and at one of our writers meetings someone asked oh cousin sal said you can only have five foods the rest of your life what are they and we all went around the table and said them and i just rattled off i remember i said pizza gnocchi crab claws blt and chocolate cookies really quick yeah real quick good list and about six months later talk about long play six months later i go to jimmy's house he asks me to come over after work i just got back from africa i think and he was gonna help me build a classroom over there i went over to his house and he opens up the door and it smells delicious and he's like i've made some things and it was pizza and gnocchi crab claws chocolate cookies and blt and he had remembered what my favorite foods were and he made them all now really quick do you immediately register that as like oh he wants to fuck yes and it made me very excited and very nervous wouldn't it have been so weird if that wasn't i was just like no i just i know i want to know what you like to eat i really love food you were just the most confusing plutonic friend anyone ever had but i remember thinking oh no this is a bad idea i mean he was my i didn't have that thought yeah no yeah clearly yeah no no the person in power usually doesn't but i was very nervous about it i thought it was a terrible idea and i was very skittish and i kept telling him i think this is a bad idea and he kept saying it's not a bad idea and now we've been together you eat this gnocchi and then you tell me you don't want to do it you tell me that you look me in the eye with a straight face all right blondie so are you guys doing some sneak in a little bit yeah for the first few months we were very very quiet but i was very nervous about it changing obviously the work dynamic and i was in a room full of mostly men and we had a great thing going on in that room and i didn't want it to change but then it did if i can defend the men in power for one second because no one's doing that anymore it's been like a decade since anyone has taken up a sword to defend the men in power you would think the man in power would be like oh i hope she doesn't just like me because i have power you're thinking i don't think she likes me i don't know this person likes me the last thing you're thinking is like she likes me so much i hope it's not for my power it's funny because that would never occur to me i always like oh if she thinks i'm funny then maybe she'll like me it's never about like anything other right right i know that my only chance is to be funny now when it clicks to a guy in power then we got danger yeah yeah big time but i don't know that the friends i've had who've ended up dating co-workers i don't think they were afraid the person liked them because they had power i think they were just mostly really nervous and hopeful they liked them they're saying the person in power was nervous and hoping the person without power liked them yeah yeah like you'd have to be like oh they love me they like me i hope it's not for my power they're not even assuming you like them like you have to start there in some weird way does that make sense i think it depends on what you look like i think like when guys are real good looking it's just makes more sense to them they're not that's like societal power i guess but more it's once you're dating then the power is the problem can be the problem because then it's like well i just kept thinking like statistically this is not going to work out and your life doesn't change but mine does yeah and that's what really freaked me out that's what gave me so much comfort absolutely that was your leverage yeah but i was really freaked out by because i'd worked really really hard i was one of the head writers of the show i'd been doing that role for about a year and a half the thing i most related to is when you were talking about like i don't want it to be like i like being us and them i want to be in this writer's room and shit on him like that would be the thing i would be afraid to lose yeah i still shit on him in the writer's room more so sometimes i do find myself over correcting a little bit not a little bit a lot bit yeah i gotta keep my relationship in there you know well i'll tell you right now monica will probably cut this out but she's in a situation where she's a guy that was moving furniture into her house she's like that guy's tall and handsome went on a date with him it didn't work out now she can't order any more furniture well i will be ordering more furniture is he the only furniture delivery person he works with my designer so my designer's like okay we're bringing in this and he came over twice and i was like that guy's cute stay on the couch yeah bring more couch drop the couch i did make a mistake because i've been pursued which i was very i was very proud of myself yeah we're all happy everyone's very proud how did you do it what did you say so i reached out to my designer and i said who is that guy and she said his name and i said do you know if he's single how old is he she gave me all the information he was single and she said should i give first she said do you want to see him again before you decide and i was like very designer by the way was there a 30 commission exactly no they call it auditioning a piece when they like have yeah do you want to audition him so i said okay well give him my number and then he texted me immediately it was fine right someone needs to snatch him up and marry him but it's not going to be me yeah he was a nice man now she's really got to decide how bad she wants the ottoman from the catalog never coming downstairs from upstairs yeah that's hard what if i'm there when he arrives i'm like hey um yeah she was and i start receiving your furniture start dating him yeah yeah from your point of view this is confusing to me but i accept it which is you slowly were exposed to what a wonderful and generous and thoughtful human he was in your attraction group what took you eight years well i was dating someone okay dating sarah silverman and then we broke up and then because we broke up i didn't feel it was i don't know just didn't feel like it would be cool for me to go anywhere to like be out or anything okay so we would just hang out at the office with a group of about seven or eight people every night and that was really like our social life so it was like a reality show in some ways you know i'm not seeing love you're making this sound so romantic you're like basically i couldn't go anywhere so she was just there yeah jurors are sequestered you know that she was the only woman like we were in lockdown well we got to know each other in a way that you don't usually get to know people at work yeah yeah yeah that's true especially me because there are like four people at work that i talk to every day and molly's not one of them you know it's like i'm in a an office and i'm like i'm in a office and i'm like i'm in a office just kind of staring at my computer trying to figure out what we're going to do that night right okay now that you guys have been working together and together for 16 years of that i do wonder it's almost impossible to have time with your partner when you have kids considering how demanding both roles are at the show do you think you could have been together 16 years if you didn't work together would you ever see each other and would you only see each other in this stressful kid dynamic that's a good question i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know there are like work weekends where we have to go someplace that we wind up spending a lot of time together and they feel like vacation weekends and then occasionally we do go on we don't take long vacations together but we'll go away for a couple of days and that's always nice how often does that happen well i'm just gonna say i think we would have found each other and been together whether we work together or not but i do think that the job has made us so much closer i do think that there's kind of like this i mean similar to i imagine what you're doing right now you're working you guys feel like you have a common goal every day we have a shorthand with each other we have an understanding especially just like the ups and downs of our life professionally personally publicly i think it has made us so much closer we don't have to explain things to each other like oh wait do you hear what happened at work today because experience it simultaneously yeah do you think it's also neutralized what could easily be bad behavior like if you were just the host of this show and you were just the host of this show and you were just the host of this show and you had a wife who wasn't in the business it would be easy for you to think like what you're doing is so demanding and important and you would come on and you just explain to her the pressures and she might be enamored with how much but you're doing the same thing so no one gives a fuck that anyone's burnout right don't you think that's kind of healthy yeah like kristen's not impressed with what i do i'm not impressed with what she does do you think it's like neutralized how you might have behaved otherwise in a different relationship yeah i don't know really i think most people have a pretty hard day right i do a lot of stuff too much stuff and if anything the argument we have is that molly says i'm doing too much stuff and can't understand how i'm doing this much stuff to me it's just kind of like well i have stuff that has to be done so i'm doing it yes i'm doing where i get frustrated personally is when there's something that i don't want to do some like work that i have to do that's like two hours of going through scripts in a very detailed way that is not enjoyable and i get shit for it that i don't like it's like wow this is once again i found myself in a lose-lose situation well you have someone who wants to be with you you know right but then i go like yeah but also you know you work at the show too and you know we have to do this stuff i do so it sometimes it's like not only do i have to do this but she's mad yeah sure that's the icing on the cake i said to him the other night the day is so grueling and like putting on a show every day is so demanding i don't know if people really understand it is from seven in the morning and to him it's usually like 10 or 11 o'clock at night he gets home we put the kids to bed you know he reads harry potter with them we have dinner and then it's back to work for about two to three hours on his computer prepping the next day and the other night we were just like laying in bed and i said this is my favorite time of the day when it's just quiet there's no noise and it's just two of us laying in bed together and we're like really talking to each other and i'm like connecting and it's also crazy that it's just like 10 minutes a day when it's a show day you know there was silence and then she heard well he is narcoleptic and he falls asleep immediately well if he's up from working from seven to that's my secret talent is falling right to sleep it's so annoying he falls asleep immediately oh that's aggravating so i'm very much you in the relationship i think kristen could say no to more things i envy her sleep yeah it's interesting because would you agree you don't just get angry that they work too much or that they've said yes too many things i start getting into psychoanalyzing her and i'm like what is the big barrier of saying no yes or is it can you not remember how you felt the last time you said yes to that thing and that you'll be there and you'll hate it and you don't need to do that anymore so i get overly obsessed with trying to figure out what is going on same and i think a lot of it is i just say like a yes to all that is a no to us at home and i know that a lot of it is part of the job and you have to do it but i start to take it i wouldn't say personally but well yeah i guess personally i'm like why do all those people get a piece can we have a little bigger piece of the pie but i also understand the demands of the job better than anybody it's all the extra stuff and you know all that you're doing one of it right now and by the way i just want you to know for the record i did not ask you guys to come on he was so nice and offered and i never would have done it because i know what week we're all having i was confused at first dax was you didn't believe i made the mistake of trying to communicate with me as a human being and i'm not used to that i thought we could bond that this time of year for both of us is really hellish i saw it as he needed help i was like yes we will you know what we are very busy but we will figure it out and he's like well i wasn't asking you and then i was in a tricky situation i was like i would never ever turn you guys down as guests why are we here did you invite us here i did yeah i invited us here molly i just said kind of hate checking in i know this is our most miserable time of year we share this always when we get to idaho i'm dead and i can see you guys are dead so it's just kind of like saying like hey how's the grind going yeah and i don't know why i interpret that as like i'm not sure why i interpret it either maybe he's asking people to work more than you think he's just saying yes no this is the problem this is a problem this is just a human being trying to have a human interaction with your friend checking in what a nice thing but you're so like used to just like the transaction of every day of like yes or no do i it was the middle of the day i was in that mode you know oh my god it was a confusing time of day also this isn't exactly work the only time we really get to have a long detailed conversation is when i'm here doing this podcast so i look at it as a social opportunity stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare we are supported by allstate checking allstate first could save you 100 on car insurance not checking that your keys are actually in your hand before you close the car door have you ever stood in a parking lot full of sun staring at your keys sitting right there on the seat four inches away and completely useless to you it's a very specific kind of humbling yeah checking first is a good idea so check allstate first for an auto quote it could save you hundreds and for fast reliable help when you need it add an allstate roadside plan today you're in good hands with allstate potential savings vary subject to terms and availability insurance by allstate north american insurance company northbrook illinois roadside assistance by allstate motor club incorporated an allstate affiliate this podcast is brought to you by squarespace we've talked before about rob building our website on squarespace and i bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well rob had all the pieces the content the vision the ideas but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing and squarespace was that bridge maybe you're in the same spot you've been developing something a business a skill set a body of work and it's been private it's been yours but at some point you're ready to put it out there and that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap squarespace makes it feel like a step beautiful templates built-in seo email campaigns scheduling analytics everything you need to go from i've been working on this to here it is come find me all in one place no code no stitching together a bunch of different tools so if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment this might be it head to squarespace.com slash dax for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code dax to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain we get support from hers if you're on a weight loss journey you know the appointment is the smallest part the real work happens between visits the side of effects at 9 p.m the dosing question on a sunday the food that isn't sitting right that's where most care just stops the new hers care experience is built for those moments your provider ai informed by doctors who've guided women like you and your care team all in one conversation all working toward your goal no repeating yourself no waiting on an appointment for a quick answer weight loss by hers gives you access to fda approved glp1 medications including the wagovi pill and the wagovi pen with a care experience built around you right at your fingertips in the app everything happens online connect with a licensed provider who will determine if treatment is right for you if prescribed medication is delivered right to your door ready to see what weight loss care can actually look like visit for hers.com slash armchair to meet the new hers app that's f-o-r-h-e-r-s dot com slash armchair for hers.com slash armchair weight loss by hers is not available in all 50 states prescription required ai responses in the hers app are ai generated and do not constitute a medical diagnosis ai can make mistakes a licensed provider is always available to answer questions or discuss next steps ai support is a new feature that is rolling out to eligible customers over time we go via the registered trademark of novo nordisk as hymns inc is not affiliated with or endorsed by novo nordisk as for important safety information we go via clinical study information and restrictions visit for hers.com we get support from skims oh man do i love skims i've been living in the skims lightweight cotton collection all summer and i have to tell you getting dressed has become so easy i just throw it on it just feels right immediately whether i'm grabbing coffee or i'm on the couch all day or i'm out even going to dinner the cotton is so lightweight and breathable which in this heat is a non-negotiable the cotton jersey t-shirt i just need everyone to know about this one this one hugs in all the right places it's very soft and it still looks and feels like a cotton t-shirt it's a cotton t-shirt it's a cotton t-shirt it's a cotton fits the same after months of washing which is very hard to do i feel with t-shirts i've been wearing the black cotton jersey t-shirt with basically everything all summer long it goes great with any pattern skirt or shorts or pants i mean anything truly i believe that's probably my favorite piece from the cotton collection but they also have great lightweight cotton thongs that are so comfortable and they're cute that is a very very hard mix to achieve especially with undergarments i feel if you can find some that are cute but also comfortable and do the job that is a win and skims has really really figured that out with the lightweight cotton collection shop skims cotton and all of my favorite pieces at skims.com after you place your order be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select armchair expert in the drop down menu that follows you may have picked up on some truth though we did need this we do we're trying to get through the summer right we need i understand it i felt like if i can help that i can relate to that you know you've got to bank some shows exactly in order to go on vacation wait i need more was the intention at all to have him on the show tell me the truth a thousand percent zero yeah no i know what his schedule is that wasn't his intent i know his schedule that's how i read it i won't ask you guys to be on when i get back i'm going to be on when i get back i'm going to be on when i get back when i need you and i know you're free so the chance i would have asked during y'all's hardest we have asked you so many times dax and kristen always come through when we need a guest that is also in my head too like if there's a request of any kind i must okay you ready yes it's that time of year dot dot dot doing six to eight a week trying to get free for the summer thought you might be in a similar burnout phase june 19th can't get here soon enough i see how you read that is he might need some i was like checking in that is a human checking in with another human i think it was it's that time of year part that i was like okay all right it's that time of year i'm in the same boat but if you need me i'll make it work which i responded ah that's generous and beautiful i promise i wasn't fishing i was just thinking of who could relate to the bottomless content inferno that we won't ever abate why are we here and then he wrote either way the offer stands so now it's like now he's doubled down i really want to offend him by not inconveniencing him it'd be so great if these weren't even on like they just set this all up for us that's one of the fun things about being me like on one hand you know i don't want to do stuff on the other hand if for instance if you had been doing this podcast for a long period of time and never had asked me to be on it even though you'd said you know what he's so busy like i don't want to bother him ask me on it it would drive me insane it was so hard to figure out i think that's why i'm still intrigued with you after 22 years because i want to know why you're saying yes to everything immediate theories jump out at me like one is you have a hard time saying no two is like you think you got to keep your foot fucking slammed to the floorboard to keep i don't know the business going which doesn't seem right you're generous i'm in the business of asking people to do things for me okay excuse me what do you mean yeah yeah yeah and like when we have a bit and like you know i'm committed to some idea i think it's going to be so funny but it can only be this person and if they say no it can be so heartbreaking you know yeah or if you're in like a tough spot you're like somebody got sick and the show's in three hours so for me there are certain people like dax for instance who i would never say no to ever and i mean unless like you know i was on the moon or something like that and then there are other people you know who to a lesser extent like you know somebody's been on my show eight times and then they want me to do their podcast in my head that the just thing is to do the podcast that's it that's a beautiful way to put it but if i were your partner what kristen would say to me is they're not doing you favors to me on your show i agree you have a great fun show that is a great opportunity to promote a project that you're obligated to promote and there's no better fun or place to go do it so really it's not about doing favors really it's about being fair the spirit of it yeah yeah yeah yeah it's about knowing what it takes to pull off something like this but it's hard and so if you can show up for someone you will you do that if anyone asks you to be on a podcast you say yes oh i will but i'm not as busy as jimmy well yeah or as popular so it doesn't come up as much but i want a psychological breakthrough here there's something more going on i have a hard time saying no to charity events as well it's a very very difficult thing for me yeah yeah that's hard i'd also just like to add some of it is guilt maybe like a little bit of guilt i think jimmy is still in shock that he is as successful as he is and i think that he feels very guilty almost about that. I think it's more I grew up Catholic and I just have an inherent sense of guilt about existing in the world and having, listen, if you're going to really be Catholic, you should have no money. You should have nothing. You should give all of it away. Right. So that's strike one, two and a half just to start off that you got to come back from. And in general, like I'm from a family of people who do a lot of things for other people. That's the model. That's what I have seen in my life. When we would go to church at the end of church, my parents would be folding up all the chairs while everybody else left. Right. So that's just what is ingrained in me. That is exactly who you are. That could be motivated by two things. One is, yeah, I don't deserve this. And I'll jinx myself if I'm not always available and ready to show up. I don't look at it like that. You don't know. It's not like superstitious. Thank you. Okay. You just passed the most important test. Yeah. We just talked about this. We went to lunch with some friends a few years back and I'm at this lunch and I'm staring at my male friend's nose and there are six very, very visible, huge black hairs growing out of his nose from across the table. I can see inside. No, no. The outside sprouted from the bulb of the nose. Right. Yeah. Are you friends with a racist monkey from the other side of the table? Yeah. I'm friends with a racist monkey from the other side of the table. I'm friends with a racist taking over the show it was never a conversation even it was just like yeah well i will of course run the family business i love the spirit i know if i were your kid i'd be thinking i told john stewart about this he said yeah yeah my son said the same thing he's like yeah and then i will be taking over the daily show and he was like what's with this trevor character and then another really funny thing was you had said i think to jane i hope you know that over time you'll find out that we were on the right side of history that's really important and to which she replied i thought we were on the left she did because i thought we were on the left she also offered to sell her labubus she immediately cried she was i'll sell all my labubus she had three labubus at the time each time something happens they think we're just going to be bankrupt the next day they don't seem to understand there's some savings i went to play poker with my groundlings friends from like 30 years ago it's like a ten dollar buy-in poker game and i went little did i know the entire three hours i was gone lincoln was obsessed with the fact that i'm gonna lose all of our money and when i got home she's like dude you lose all of our money and i'm like i guess you have a right to fear that i'd be a gambling addict too but i'm not i mean it's better that than them thinking like you guys have infinite money yeah you want them to be a little anxious about it yeah maybe not as anxious as they are though yeah there's a fine line i guess yeah how long was the window before you knew that you were coming back we were suspended on was it a tuesday or wednesday i remember it as a wednesday yeah i think a wednesday is correct and we were back on the following tuesday the following tuesday so by almost a full week yeah almost a week three shows were you at any point going like oh okay i'm retired was there any little window where you're like maybe i need to embrace this and maybe i'm excited for that yeah i mean it's funny it's more immediate than that it's more like all right so i don't have to do a show on monday you know that's kind of how i looked at it like all right well the good news is i don't have to work tomorrow of course it turned out to be a much more stressful work day than the usual work day but it was a little bit of that yeah it was like i don't need this this is such bullshit i don't need it you do deal with that thought i deal with that thought regularly not just in an extreme situation i deal with that now on a daily basis i think just like is this why is it weirdly i deal with it less now than i used to because now i feel like this show is an outlet for people who are outraged by what's going on and i feel some responsibility to those people so it's not just like why do i need to get up and it's like well yeah there is kind of a reason a non-financial reason that you need to do this nothing we ever did in the past had any consequence you know it was like you know he would say something or tweet something maybe i don't even mean consequence in that way i mean consequence like it didn't matter we had people jumping off a diving board in their bathing suits that we pulled off the street it had nothing to do with anything that was actually going on in the world not winning a p-body really for that probably no no we didn't get one of those by the way i noticed today that p-body's been rolling around in my trunk for like two weeks what is this can we rant it you know we campaign for it almost every episode we don't want any award other than the p-body and we're not sure how you get one or why you guys it sounds great there's 15 jurors and they all have to say yes if one person says no you don't get it it's like joining the hell's angels it's got to be unanimous yep aren't you now on the committee for p-body so a guest told us this they said i think kimmel has joined somehow if i am it's news to me i don't think so well if you are and if you end up at a meeting they ask or they probably don't even ask you offer to go if you want the one that's in my trunk i would love it yeah i just want to see what it looks like it is pretty cool and it started in radio the p-body started as an award to people on radio oh really yeah yeah that's all there was at the time it's a broadcasting and okay did it get tricky at all it's stressful on a relationship no yeah for sure i think this is a little different because we were in it together yeah and most of the situations we are yeah like it affects my livelihood my job my co-workers so i was right there hand in hand with him the whole time i will say like i get to a point of resentment when it is relentless scrutiny or oh my god that i resent how much time and it sucks how much energy it takes the energy it sucks but no i feel like we are lucky and that we really kind of were in the same spot during that i let it roll off my back much more than i ever had the older i get the less affected i am by that i'm much more affected i think yeah when i heard you guys talk about it you said you get more mad yeah why do you think it's less i think i'm not as connected to what people are saying i also you know before i did this job and even before i was on television i was in a very stressful job as a radio disc jockey getting fired from town to town to town and i've become hardened in some ways also like at that time when i lost my job i was in deep financial trouble like i couldn't miss one paycheck it was a problem if i and i do try to remember that i go okay i don't have this job we're gonna be okay i don't have to worry about that and i do take some solace and comfort in that so there's like little spikes of gratitude within the misery keeping it in perspective that perspective at that time now yeah it wasn't the president you weren't dealing with the most powerful person in the world but a much bigger concern is i can't get twenty dollars out of the atm because i have less than that in it that's a real concern so these things that i'm dealing with are big and they get a lot of attention but getting fired in tampa florida was harder than this how about the aspect though i don't mind at all if i said an opinion and you understood the opinion and you object to it i can live with that all day long our weird little dust up made me mad because we were in trouble for a joke people didn't get and so you're mad at me for something you've misunderstood and i find that really fucking uncomfortable like i can't just let that roll off my same i feel like i have to explain it and protect it until they accept it yeah yeah i do believe we're also living in a time where people are deliberately misinterpreting words for either clickbait or attention or just prodding people political capital yeah i resent that too yeah it's hard to live with the notion someone is really angry at you something they misunderstood is i don't know why like i wish i could shake that off misunderstanding i can deal with that what really drives me crazy is intentionally perverting your words to suit whatever their narrative is yeah yeah but that's a class of person right they're coming for you no matter what like that i would put in the category you know no matter what i say you're gonna but it's just like the average person who heard through the grapevine what the thing was and they don't understand that irritates me some people believe it that's the heart it's i see trump say something crazy and he's obviously joking which he is sometimes oh yeah i go yeah but he was joking and they'll be like oh you know like yeah but he's joking so you have some ethics about what you're gonna i might make a comment about if this joke was presidential or whatever but i'm not going to make that a literal statement right do you have a harder time when it's directed at kristin or at you a thousand percent worse when it's kristin in fact i never i don't think i ever engaged defending myself online but if i read something about kristin i am fucking at the keyboard yep i won't have it i find it really hard because i feel like you know that person better than anyone and you're watching people write their story that is absolutely not who they are and i feel like i do it all the time with jimmy too and it makes me crazy you're also married to a very generous beautiful person as am i so my anger is like how fucking dare you sling mud at her what have you fucking helped somebody do recently like no one in this country is in a position that they can be on a moral high ground over kristin right and it drives me like how dare you this is the most generous fucking person that's where it's really really hard for me i get really upset i'm like you don't know this person same here when it happens the other way you want to fight then yeah yeah yeah you don't really care about any other principles you had yeah you become just like kind of an animal protecting a cave yeah it's funny it happens here but we often are on opposite sides sometimes of a conversation or an issue but then if it's like when it's your brother like when somebody else says it i'm like no no you don't get to say that you are not allowed to say only i can say i want you guys to apologize to me because i'm sorry well i'd prefer you heard it oh okay yeah yeah it doesn't feel as genuine when you don't know what you're okay yeah i can see that you've been with someone for 16 years you have the right blue blueprint i love the setup to this question i almost don't even want to hear the statement because it's so exciting i want to revel in it in the drama of what it is we can switch subjects for a while i'm gonna come back to it i'm good at earmarking things uh but when all this stuff happened i'm like oh boy i need to send molly and jimmy a text and then i go the last thing they need is a fucking text from somebody i'm at home and i'm just like ah fuck i know i don't want to bother them and also i need them to know that i'm heartbroken they're going through this you know i mulled it over for a couple days and then i finally committed to sending it and that was just really stressful for me i cannot apologize enough for that okay good you can't really imagine what we did that to you oh we're apologizing to you for the stress it caused you yes i didn't know whether i should text you or not it's funny because the question itself is puzzling to me because i'm not adding up who has texted me and who hasn't you know i'm not adding up who has texted me and who hasn't I could be there in 15 minutes. No, but you wrote back right away. I was like, exactly. This poor guy, he's fucking dealing with this and now he's got to write me back. I shouldn't have sent. Okay. Lastly, I want to talk about family. I wonder we addressed it already. What's not fair to say is that our kids are growing up in a very weird situation because actually they're not. I think people would be surprised about that. Like it's just the same. You're eating dinner. You're begging them to clean up the room. You got to go to school. It's just real life. But then there's pops of insanity where it's like someone they worship is walking through the driveway to come talk to dad. That stuff's kind of weird. And I wondered, do you guys share the same fears? What are the fears? We do. But also I think we have to accept what reality is. And there's this idea like I'm going to create this phony world for them where everything is as it was when I was a Vegas. It's a strange place to grow up. It wasn't a normal upper. Now, most of it was. And I think it's the same with them. Like most of it is. But then also there's the strip right near your house and people are there getting drunk and gambling and everyone's parents work there and you're exposed to it. And I just think like that you want to teach them values and you want to have like a normal life and give them attention and all those things that are important and make sure they learn. And they're multiplication tables. But you can't be phony and you can't pretend that what's happening is not happening. Yeah, you can't gaslight them. And that's kind of what I think our initial inclination is. Like we got to let them think everything's exactly the same as if they were growing up in Brooklyn, you know. I find that I definitely worry about it, the access they have or the things they get to experience. And then I will say to them, like, don't talk about this at school. Yeah, same. And then I'm like, what am I doing? I'm teaching them to lie or to hide or feel shame that they got to meet Olivia Rodrigo. Like, that should be exciting. But also I realize like they don't know how cool that is. They genuinely don't. Like Olivia Rodrigo was on the show and she made an offhanded comment like, I'd love to babysit the kids sometime. Well, Jane keeps asking like, when's she going to babysit? Like she doesn't know what her hourly rate would be. I think we put so much more value on these things than they do. The things I worry about also, I'm going to have to also let it be what it is. So one of the things I observe is like, well, they go to a totally normal fucking school. More than half the kids are free lunch, right? So half the kids that come over to this house, they don't have a swimming pool. I start getting nervous about like, oh, she has all the leverage. It's not healthy for someone to have all the leverage. Like it's not healthy to know you're providing the special thing to all the people when you're young. Will she exploit that? And I spin out. I'll like observe like, was she being a little short with her friend? It's like just normal stuff, but I have such a fear that she would not realize. Well, a lot of these kids, this is a special experience. That's what stresses me out. You know, what's funny is so many times I've been stressed about this and I've thought we should call Dax and Kristen. And while I'm learning, you don't have the answers either. I make decisions. Yeah. I have no idea. Like parenting already. No one knows what they're doing. I mean, they don't. We're doing the best that we can. But then there's this, yeah, it's like this ad, this added element of like, now there's fame in there and there's billboards of their dad on the way to school. Like that's not normal. I don't know how to do it. I'll be honest. Yeah. It's a little scary. I do. I go, Hey guys, look, it's me. Hey, who's this handsome guy? Look at me over there. But I also don't think they should carry our, I feel like we do project our own. It's good that we're scared. I think we have this idea that however we were raised is the way you're supposed to be raised. And it's very egomaniacal and a lot of like, look at how I came out. I need them to come out this way. This was the formula that happened. But if you think about leverage, you think about like leverage to kids. I think having a beautiful house with the pool is not so different from when I would go over my friend Cleto's house and he had a Betamax, you know, it's like, it's just to a kid. It's different. Leverage could just be, you have a pair of Reeboks, you know, but I was in a situation where it's like, you did hang out with the kid you didn't like in your neighborhood who had a pool because you wanted to go swimming. I was friends with the dude because he had a fucking odyssey. I wanted to be around this off-road vehicle, you know, and be there feeling kind of dirty about it. Those dynamics happen. It's part of it. Yeah. It's part of society. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest all in one place. Let's talk bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is 0.39% in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings, but it does not have to be that way. With SoFi high yield checking and savings, the money barely making moves sitting in your savings account can earn over eight times the national average savings rate with eligible direct deposit. No, account or overdraft fees, which feels rare these days. You can get your paycheck up to two days early, perfect for getting ahead of a bill or grabbing what you need right when you need it. Plus, get up to a $300 welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. Sign up for SoFi Checking and Savings at SoFi.com slash armchair. SoFi Checking and Savings is offered through SoFi Bank N.A., member FDIC, terms apply. The most popular kids are not necessarily the ones with famous parents or, like, rich parents or anything. I think personality and cool factor is real, whoever your parents are. That's what I want them to know. You can't ride on this shit. You have to be a rad friend. You have to be funny. You have to be attentive. Like, that's what I want them to know. Don't skate on this. Right. I always find myself over-explaining stuff, like when they get to experience something through his work or they get to come to the show. They're like, this is so cool. I said, yes, and your friends' parents also work very hard. And just because they're not on TV doesn't mean their jobs are less meaningful. And Jimmy is just rolling his eyes at me like, I go way over the top. I'm like, there are nurses who work just as hard and they can't afford to have a pool in their yard, but that doesn't make them less special. No, I join in with you on that. Yeah, it's true, though. Yeah. I think first class is a tricky one, though. Yeah. Yeah. Because, like, going back from first class, that's tough. Yeah. If you're used to it. Your first class was Delta's plus one, remember? Yeah. The first time I flew first class, I was a three-year-old's plus one. Awesome. And it was amazing. That's a four. I was like, I feel like Richard. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I feel like I'm Julia Roberts right now. Yeah, but what do you do? You go in first class and you put your kids in the back. I know, exactly. You can. I've heard of people doing that before. It seems admirable, but I'm not willing to do it. It's hard enough to get them to sit down in first class. I don't want to be fucking with them in the back of the airplane. It's kind of terrible to me. Either we're all in coach or we're all in first class. We fly Southwest, like, twice a year just to let them know what's happening. That's important. I want to talk about retirement. You and I end up always talking about it when we're in Idaho. Yeah, I know, right? I know we're going to talk about it this year, too. Time of year. And I guess I want to know, Molly, first, like, what do you think about the notion of retirement? It definitely appeals to me for the nervous system of the household. But I feel like Jimmy has, like, a force. He has a fly rod in one hand and, like, a torch in the other right now. It's like he deserves to go out there and just be on the river and relax, but I also want him to keep fighting. And I feel this sense of desire to not quit because I think what he's doing is incredibly important right now. And, yes, I know we're doing it in a vacuum, but I think it's giving people a feeling of, like, their voice is heard, and I think it's important. But as his wife, I really would like him to be able to not do this show anymore. So he could relax. But what about you? Yeah, what about you? Me? I'm good either way. I would be happy to be done with the show, end it in a great way, and do my own next thing. But I do care deeply about that show and the people who work there, and I think the voice is really important right now. And do you have a fear that if you guys did wrap it up in the most beautiful way and you got it exactly as you wanted, do you have this simmering fear that, you know, two years later, you're like, wait, why did we stop doing this thing we love? Is that in there? Yeah, I do. I have that, yeah. Because I know people who've been in that situation. It's funny. People make a big show of, like, I'm done, and I'm tired doing this, and then they make a lesser comeback trying to do the same thing. That's always a bummer, and I always look at that and go, oh, is that going to be me? I know. I do look forward to that moment, like, when the kids leave for school, and then it's, like, coffee and open the computer and digesting all the news of the day and, like, having a purpose with it that I will definitely miss. Reading it, leisure sounds nice. But I also like reading with a purpose. Like, I'm going to read this and then figure out the angle on it. I like that feeling, and I will miss that. Do you have enough hobbies that you think you'll be entertained? No, and I need to work on that. I started learning piano, trying to learn things, but no, I look forward to that. I do. He has a lot of hobbies. I see all. It's really tricky to evaluate it, because part of me is like, I've done show business for a very long time. Like, how long did I need to do show business? Hey. B, I'm afraid of letting it all go, because it was so hard to get. And then that is what makes me horny for it, because I'm afraid of it. It's how I felt when I was in Detroit and was like, we're going to go to California. We don't know what's out there. Probably failure. We must try this. The actual fear of it is what really motivates. It feels like, oh, there's a challenge in front of me. Can I let go of all this? Can I have a different chapter that has nothing to do with any of this and feel valuable without being productive? Like, it feels like. It feels like a lot of life challenges. Do you ever think to yourself, how would I explain this to me at 25 years old, just giving up, just letting it go? I know that 25-year-old me will be like, are you crazy? Right. Keep going. 25-year-old me, too, but also 25-year-old me was in a blackout five days a week. Right, right. So it's like, I have no interest in what 25-year-old Dax thinks I should be doing. 25-year-old me would have just been so excited to work. Right. Right. At a place that had a snack table that was free. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that would have been just like, wow. Or a gas card if they, like, gave you free fuel or something. I would have kept any job for that. Oh, if you got 22 cents a mile or something, forget about it. Yeah. Yeah. How do you feel about retirement? Sorry, I'm not trying to do your job. No, do my job. I was just like, I'm curious. Like, he gets asked this a lot, but I feel like it changes. I mean, it depends on what you mean by retirement. I'm never going to stop doing things. No. So it's just a different scenario. Not the thing on the isle. I know, but yeah, my. I know. I know. Makeup coming off. Yeah. When I eat garlic, my eyebrows start flaking immediately. Really? Is it an allergy you have? Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. It's pretty immediate. Yeah. I just, I'll get red. Yeah. I don't know if something got in my eye. Do you think, Molly, though, that you will do another job? Yes. That makes, that like, yeah, hopefully that makes money. That probably makes money. Molly's always wanted to open a karate studio. Oh, my God. Oh, I think a lot of us have wanted her to open a karate studio, as I deserve. Well, when Dax was. Thanks for tires. I'll join you. First, she has to learn karate. Yeah. I'll do that first. That part's easy. Yeah. No, I'm definitely excited to write something and do my next thing. But I also want to ride this as long as we can and then do my own thing. What if you opened a karate studio to learn karate? Oh, that would be. Oh, I like that. That would be like a very novel approach to learning karate. Like you wanted to have your own mat or whatever the fuck you have in karate. I like that. Really, all I need is positive affirmation. I need somebody to look at. I need somebody to look at whatever I've done and go, oh, that's great. And then I'll be. Jimmy recently painted a sweatshirt for me. You'll see it in Idaho. Hand painted this sweatshirt. It was how many days of work? Not that many. Several. So modest. But just this beautiful scene of Idaho on a sweatshirt. I love it so much. It's like my prized possession. But he can't. Can't stop when I get started. He can't stop. And also, like, are your hobbies, are you able to enjoy them? Or are you sitting there going, I should be doing something. Something that earns money. No, I can enjoy the shit out of my hobbies. If anything, I feel very guilty. I'm not doing some of my hobbies. Like, I haven't been to the sand dunes in two seasons. That actually makes me mad at myself. Like, why are we here? If we have the ability to do this thing, you've always like that drives me nuts. I'll get critical. I do sometimes wonder if you could know this is how much time you have left. Are we wasting it on stuff we shouldn't be doing? You know, it's just interesting. I didn't grow up again. Talk about how we grew up. I never met anyone who had the option to retire. I never met anyone that was fine and took on another challenge and became a different human being. I knew you work until your body quits and then you go to Florida and you drink and then you play golf and then you're dead. And like, I don't know, 12 years, you hurt your hip and you're gone. Yeah, same here. Everyone I know who has or can do that is someone I met in the last 20 years. Yeah, right. And you don't know if you trust them. Yeah, there's some guilt with that, too. Like, my dad just retired. He's 72. And yeah, to be like, I'm done now at 52 feels like it feels irresponsible, rude or something. I think people will hate me over it. No, you're not allowed to do that. It feels lazy. It does. It feels un-American. It does. Like, I know people will hate me over that if I retire in my 50s. Yeah. But part of me is like, oh, there's this great challenge. I'm afraid to know who I am without being productive and spectacular. And I want to take on that challenge. I love that. I don't know how you guys think of legacy. I doubt you think about it. I certainly don't. But I just have to say, your guys' legacy, from the bottom of my heart, it's so unique. There's about 30 kids that come to Idaho every summer. And I promise you, if you ask these kids when they're adults, the best weeks of their entire life, that is this thing you guys created. This environment and this vibe and the way it's put together. And for the 30 adults. Are we in the seventh year, sixth year, seventh? Yeah, I think sixth. It's getting long. Yeah, it is. Every year we debate it when we're there. I know. We never remember. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. And I have had a spectacular, charmed life. And everyone that goes to this thing has had a spectacular, charmed life. It is among my favorite weeks of my entire life that you guys have given me and 30 other families. And it's so special. That's a weird art to be able to do that. It's very much your legacy. It's very kind of you to say. But for us, we feel the same way. So for us, we feel like we're a part of that. And we do it because we love it. We know our kids feel that way. And we do it with our family also. Each year we do the same thing. And we just remember, like Molly always talks about, her time going to Lake Michigan with her family. We never really had anything like that. But those memories are so intense and special and important in your life, I think. And also just they mark time in a lot of ways. And so I'm big on that. I think it's important to have family Christmas Eve and the traditions and to do it properly because I love watching these kids running wild. They turn into teenagers. Some of the boys now have muscles. It's so fun. It's like I love seeing how everyone's growing up. It's so special. We're just so grateful. I don't know that we can relate to you how special it is. You guys have done a really good job of communicating. You were not as good at texting us after we were canceled. You've done an amazing job. I would communicate that. And it also brings us such joy to do it and to have people who love it. And I think we've curated a really great group of people there. And I am so grateful you guys keep loving it and coming. I love being around people who are having a lot of fun. Yes. That's why I love going to Las Vegas. And I tried to explain to Molly. She's like, what was that? I was like, look at how much fun everyone's having here. It's infectious. It's contagious. It is. Certain things that you just go like, oh, yeah, everybody. And that, for me. Going to that fishing lodge, being around everybody. It's just energy that feeds me in some way. Yeah. I think after the year that we've had, I feel like that is just something we are craving. It's just being around a bunch of people we love who just are feeling joyful. You know, I had that observation. We had a friend who was doing a show for us and it was called Flightless Bird. And he's a Kiwi and he's confused by a lot of the American things. So he does this whole episode on Disneyland and Disney adults and it finishes. And I go, but obviously you went to Disneyland for this story. Right? And he's like, no, I go, we're not putting this fucking story out until we go to Disneyland. So the four of us went to Disneyland and it was on that trip. I realized like, oh, the reason Disneyland is the most incredible place on the planet, aside from the park, which is amazing, is it's the only place you'll ever go in your life where everyone that's there, all present, decided this was going to be a spectacular day. The best day of their life. And there's really no place you can step into where that vibe is alive. It goes to hell by 4 p.m. All the kids have gotten cranky. No one's having that. But man, those first four hours at Disneyland, it's like everyone here is optimistic and is going to have the best day of their life. Yeah. That's nice. Like a flight to Hawaii is like that too, right? Yeah. Like everybody, you know, like people have saved up and this is it and they've got the whole week ahead. And there's that moment where you walk into the hotel and the other people are walking out and you look at them and you go, you poor bastard. And then I think to myself at that moment, I go, oh, I'm going to be that guy walking out. And then I am that guy walking out. Right? Yeah. And I see the people walk in and I'm like, goddammit, I'm going back to work. That's the one pleasure you were denied by growing up in Vegas. There's no starker difference between a flight to Vegas and a flight home to Vegas. Oh, my God. On Spirit Airlines in Detroit where your fucking ticket was $1.15. The ride there, everyone's drinking and having a great time on the ride. Oh, everyone. I will tell you how I relate to it. How I relate to it is the drive home when the sun is coming up in Las Vegas. When you're headed home after that. Yeah. After a night and you see people like running and you're like, oh, I just feel like a piece of shit. Yeah. These people are up for the day. I haven't even gone to bed yet. That was my number one grievance about being a cocaine addict is I was constantly coming home on San Vicente Boulevard in Santa Monica. And the whole town is running in the morning. And I'm like, I got to figure out how to go to sleep. And Saturday's gone. I'll see you guys Sunday evening. Well, I love you two so much. I'm so lucky. Thank you for letting me invite us here. This is so funny. You're welcome for coming. You're welcome for coming on. You don't even need a booker anymore. Just send out a nice text. Just a nice check in on people. Just check in on your friends and they'll show up. I got to figure out what Brad Pitt's doing more so they're appropriate. Yeah. I love you, Molly and Jimmy. And I'm so grateful that we have you in our life. And thanks for coming in. And everyone watch Jimmy come alive. And I don't know whatever thing you're going to host this weekend. I love you. I love you. You guys are the best. I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode. But we'll find out when my mom Mrs. Monica comes in and tells us what was wrong. How was your MP dinner party? It was good. It was good? Yeah. I made a new recipe. A new chicken item, right? Yeah. So I was listening to a New York Times. No, I'm sorry. A New Yorker podcast. And I was listening to a New Yorker podcast. Just thinking about a laundry, because all you're doing is walking me through a grocery store right now, which is not stimulating for me. Well, I actually hate going to the grocery store, so I can't relate to that. And I'm actually offended that you said what I did was that. But I feel like what you just said doesn't hold because the thought of those things, aren't you walking through the produce thing going, ooh, oh, given the fact that just hearing the word tomato makes you excited, you said? Well, heirloom tomato, peach and burrata salad, the whole thing, not necessarily just one ingredient. What I don't like about the grocery store, one, it's freezing in there. I hate it. Way too cold. My favorite part. By the way, I love the grocery store. I don't want to paint a picture. I especially love going to Kroger in Mount Juliet, Tennessee, because it's like the Kroger growing up for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because here, grocery stores are limited space. They do what they can. That's right. But man, you go into those Kroger's. You could have like seven, eight people all pushing carts in the aisle next to each other and they wouldn't be bumping into each other. And I get in there and I'm like, let's play. Okay. And it's acres of food. There's so much food. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The other thing I don't like about it is that like it's too, if you're, it's too vast. Like there's too much to look at. I get, I don't know where anything is. Decision anxiety. I just don't know where anything. And then sometimes I feel like, should I ask or I, and then nothing's made yet. So it's possibility, but it's not hopeful. Like, you know, it's the, just the green bean, but it's not the made, it's not the cooked green bean. Unless they've got the bar. I don't like germ wise. That's not for me. What's our guy here? Lazy Acres. Lazy Acres. Yeah. They've got a medley of yummy different. I once took Delta to Lazy Acres and she got, oh, the only, she got so much mashed potatoes. And I said, can you get a little bit of green? She got like one piece of broccoli. So anyway, I was very happy with the dinner. It was a great party menu. Okay. Party menu. Okay. And people were happy with it. Okay, great. Did it, was it a Moyes chicken? Did it come on Moyes? That's really all I care about. Because of the dry brine. Because of that dry brine. And you know what else I had to do? What? Stuff garlic and thyme under the skin. That was hard. You had to separate the skin from the meat and slide it in there? I actually don't know if I did that part right. Okay. But it tasted great. It tasted great. Oh, great. So. Well, I wish I would have had a bite. Sounds delish. I can make it for you. I, you do have to crank that oven to 500. Let's go. And, you know, your smoke alarm is going to go off as it did for me. It did. It did. Even with my new circumstance. That means you've already had stuff drip at the bottom? It's just smoky because it's so hot. Are you sure there's nothing in there burning? I'm not sure. Is the paint smoking or something? No, it's just like. It gets so hot. It gets so hot. It produces smoke. There's a lot going on. By the way, this is a crazy update. So, I went for a walk. I'm trying to do a new thing where I walk after dinner. Wait. What? I'm trying to do that. Can we go together? Sure. Absolutely. I mean, the odds of us having eaten at the same time seem a little. Let's hope for the best. We can plan it. Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. Which, if we're going to do that, we're going to do it. If we're going to plan it, it means you're going to have to wait till the madness decides when they're eating. That's fine. Okay, great. Yeah. It'll give you a heads up. Yeah. Yeah. I've been really, this has been a thing, but I'm scared by myself because the coyotes. Okay. And I just want to give the virtues of it and why it occurred to me. Now, I've already heard this, right? Of course. That exercise, 15 to 20 minutes of exercise after you eat really helps the spike in your insulin. Yes. And it's just not great to spike your insulin. So, your glucose, your insulin, whatever, both. And the other thing that happened was when we went to Europe, obviously, every time you eat when you're on vacation in Europe, you walk back to your hotel. I think that's my favorite part. It's the best part. And I went hog wild. You know, I ate like a mother, I ate as much as I could every time I ate. Me too. I was exercising in the gym, but also just all the walking. The point is, is I came home a little lighter than I left and I had eaten probably 1.5 at 5x what I normally eat, maybe even twice as much. Definitely. Me too. And I didn't do any lifting. Okay. Yeah. And you come home kind of, and I was like, it's not just the miles, because if I do walk the miles, I'm like, it really is that I walk after every meal. If you have lunch, you then walk home from the lunch. So, tried to do it in Nashville a bit. We were pretty hit or miss, but I did persuade often large groups of people that were visiting to join me on these walks. And a lot of them were quite fun. Yeah. So, at any rate, I went for a walk two nights. Two nights ago after I ate a particularly heavy meal, like I got to do a zipper on the neighborhood. And I noticed that the entire street is cut up and that people can't park in front of their houses. And I said to Chris and I go, man, they just can't get the fucking sewage pipes right in this neighborhood. Because since we've been here, they've dug up the streets, like I want to say four or five times and always for sewer mains. They can't get the poop out of this neighborhood. So, I was like, here we go again. This fucking. These damn sewers. And then today I get a text from our sweet neighbor, Jay. It's like, hey, bro, someone in a dump truck just smashed into your fence, right? He texted you that? He saw it happen. Okay. And then you sent me a screen grab of someone saying, hey, Monica, we just bumped into Dax and Kristen's fence. Don't worry, we'll fix it. And then you forwarded it to me. And then I said to you, why did someone send that to you? Yeah. And you said, because it's Bill. Hey, it was me, basically. It was me who hit, not me, but my people who hit you. Right. And then come to find out all that street cutting up is you? Yes. Did you have to pay for that? That's the power thing I told you about. Yes. Oh, my God, Monica, I am so sorry. It's horrifying. I'm so sorry. It's really bad. What a bummer. Yeah, you're paying for a major, major construction project where they have cut up the street for like a quarter. We're digging a trench through Laughlin Park to get to Los Feliz Boulevard. That's what's happening. Oh, boy. I guess here's a great place to air an enormous grievance with the city I do love. But my God, this has been a disaster. It should not. We should not. There's a way to get. OK, basically, I only have 100 amps of power for my house. That's not going to do it. It is definitely not going to do it. Yeah. As Bill said, he did. He gave a great analogy. He said, you have a Ferrari running on a hamster wheel. OK. You don't like that analogy. What is not to like about that? Well, tell me. Tell me why that's the same. So there's because I have a house that's this beautiful, nice. I thought he I thought he was going to say you have a Ferrari with a half gallon fuel tank. That kind of makes sense, which is basically you you're not going to be able to fuel this vehicle. But now for me, it's like it's a it's a huge hamster wheel. If the Ferraris fit. No, that's the whole point is it's it's not. It can't. OK, it can't. OK, I love Bill. It's a good analogy. Yeah. OK, sorry. Don't do that about Bill. OK, he's my dad. I'm really sorry. So, um, so, you know, it is a great analogy. You have a house that requires probably 250 amps and you only have 100 amps. That's a great analogy. That's just regular word. I'm just saying it doesn't even really require an analogy. OK, so I have 100 amps and I need more. And there's a. Much closer, easier way to get it should have been a not. This should have been a non-issue. And we went to the city. We said we need to do this. They said no. On what grounds? Exactly. And so Bill was back and forth with them forever on this. And just what do you mean? No, it's right there. Yeah, crazy. And they said no. And so we have to do this insane. I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. Is this another mean thing about Bill? No. OK, great. I kind of would want to sue the city. Oh, I know. I do kind of. Well, wait till you hear this. OK, OK. OK, so now we're doing this crazy construction. No, guys, it's like when I saw what was going on, I thought for sure L.A.D., W.P., whatever water and power was was in charge of this. Well, he told me yesterday, he said, you know, he looked in. It's a trench. It's a huge open trench outside my house and other people's houses, unfortunately. And, you know, we have to close that all up. We have to we have to do the whole thing. Yeah. Anyway, he looked down in the city, had added their own. Yes. On the shoulders of your dig. Oh, you got it. So he said he said he's going to talk to them, obviously. And he's going to tell them if that is used by any anyone else. We need to be compensated for that. Mm hmm. So anyway, yes, I'm the one ruining the neighborhood. I hate it. The email email went out. You must have missed it. Email went out. And by Mike, who runs the neighborhood. Yeah. And he, you know, two emails, one when this was starting to today, because literally a section today, I think maybe for another hour is completely blocked. Well, I ran into issues today, dropping Delta at school, coming back because of traffic, going in the entrance and trying to come by your house to come to my house. And, you know, it's all completely blocked. Blocked off. And then I go around down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's just today. That's just for another hour. But anyway, it's a disaster and it sucks. Yeah, I'm getting a lawyer over this. If they could have let you do it. I know. And then they threw their own pipe down. I know. It's bad. It's really bad. Okay. Anyway, so yeah, and it's hard. I hate being like this crazy inconvenience for everyone. Oh, I wouldn't be sweating that. I've been here for a long time. These roads have been dug up a bunch of times. But holy smokes, I had no idea that was your project. Yeah. I'm so sorry. It's really, really wild. The amount of money to replace this, to run power to fucking Los Feliz Boulevard. You could have gotten something absolutely elaborate or ornate and beautiful and whatever. More than, I mean, I could buy another house. Essentially. Oh man, dude. It's horrible. That really sucks. I'm sorry. It just, it. It's more of a justice thing than a money thing because I didn't, it didn't need to happen this way. Yeah. And it's. Did you consider? I'd have been like cool city of LA. I'll be running a fucking diesel generator in my backyard to offset. Well, listen, my dad, of course, was like trying to figure out all these ways to get around it. To create your own power. Yes. Be off grid. Ultimately, this is the way. And I'm going to have 400 amps at the end. Was there, you're going to have what, 400 amps? Oh, I put my welding shop in your backyard now. Exactly. Was there any talk of doing like an insane amount of solar panels and then having a big bank of energy to pull from when the sun's down to offset? There was the generator, there was a solar panels, there was all of the things ultimately that really made sense. And. Cause in a weird way, I feel like with the amount of money you've spent to go get power from Los Fios Boulevard, you could have become completely off grid. I know. It's hard though. Cause it's like. It's not as reliable. There's a million reasons, but it like also very hard to get that from the city too. You have to get all these permits to have solar. And I mean, I think so that, well, I think so because Bill Maher was famously complaining about that nonstop. Yes. So anyway, listen, that's what's happening. I've ripped up the entire street. It's also scary. I could fall in. Yeah. Anyway. Okay. I have a question. Oh, great. Guess what? I love answering questions. Now this is a dirty question. Oh, those are my favorite kind. Now, when you hear the word cookie in regards to something sexual. Someone's pussy. Okay. That's what, that's what you hear, right? Yeah. That's what I hear people say. I've never referred to a vagina as a cookie. I don't like it personally. But I've heard people say they're cookie. Okay. Yeah. Because I was, I was with Jess, obviously for sure. You mean, obviously the story includes him because he's, he thought a cookie was a boob. Oh, he's so gay. And then he kept saying, and he said, the chips are the aerial is there. Well, that wouldn't be the aerial. It's how many areolas. Yeah. Also, the only cookie that would make sense is, you know, those shortbread cookies with a Hershey. A Hershey kiss. Yes. Yeah. A hundred percent. That would work if that was the only kind of cookie that existed. I think that's the one he is thinking of in this scenario. Okay. Because chocolate chips, like what the aerial is fragmented everywhere. Yes. Splashed. Um, and I said, I said, no, my God, no, it's, it's, I, it's a vagina. Yeah. Yeah. And then I was like, wait, then I started to get in my head. Is it? And cause he felt pretty strongly that it was a boob. And he kept saying, no. No, it's a boob. And why wouldn't it then be called cookies? Listen, I, I know. Yeah. I, I gave a lot of reasons why there's no way it was, but then I got in my head and then when we looked it up, there really wasn't like that much corroboration on either one. And then someone said, but okay. Well, someone might call their, but their cookie. Yeah. They might, but like, that's kind of cute. Like if you're into butt stuff and you're like, show me your, she was, he was in my cookie. That's kind of, it's a cute way to, I mean, it definitely destigmatizes it. I know, but it's too cute. Cookie boy. Cookie boys are into anal. That's a lot of boys. I think a lot of boys are cookie boys. Anyway, I, I agree that I thought it was, um, a vagina. Yeah. Uh, and I'm glad to hear that was your first thought too. Rob. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he has a question mark. Yeah. He's such a patented. Yeah. Yeah. It's very, it's very specific. Like I could, like, I could be blindfolded. Like they do this thing to the formula and drivers. It's so impressive. They play audio of just engine noise with the car and they say, what track are you at? And they can tell within like 12 seconds. Oh, turn six, going into turn eight at Silverstone. It's like a sommelier. Yes. Yes. And when I could hear a symphony of noise and if I heard that, yeah, I would say that's Rob's. Maybe. Yeah. 100%. That's Rob kind of wanting to agree, but not knowing that if he agrees. It's the people pleaser in him. Yeah. Yeah. So what did you think it was? Maybe a boob? No. I mean, it's a thing you eat. Well, obviously. Wow. He took a real sexy direction. He's such a rascal back there. I guess it could be either one then. Are your pants on back there? I just don't normally associate it with vagina. Yeah. Okay. Well, right. It's not my go-to when I hear cookie. Would you be? Would you be more inclined to say it was a butt? No. I mean, I would say vagina if it's what body part. If those are the, if you had to pick one. Yeah. ABC. Yeah. Multiple choice. Anyway. Okay. Well, weigh in listeners if you want. If anyone has ever thought it was a boob. Stop. Just don't. Stop. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do that. Don't do that. You think it's a boob? Stop thinking it's a boob. Stay tuned for more Armchair. If you dare. Also. Okay. Speaking of God, I hate to do this to her because it's just so, she's so sweet and nice. Okay. But this is for Jimmy and Molly. Oh, okay. Yeah. And. Could have been a little cleaner. Well, no. I mean, she said in their meet cute story, which was so cute, you know, in the writer's room, they had just, they were going around and saying their five favorite foods. And one of hers was chocolate chip cookie. Mine too, by the way. Yeah. The actual food. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Chocolate cookie. Does that mean brown girl vagina? I mean, it does. Chocolate chip. Chocolate chip. I know. I left chip out. Cause then. And there's also chocolate cookie. Oreo cookies are chocolate cookies, but then they just have white on the inside. Yeah. Okay. Let's move on. Let's. Let's move on. Out of respect for the Kimmel's. Okay. Well, listen. Has Oreo ever made a pink filling cookie? They have a bazillion flavors. Back to Kroger. Oh, actually. Yeah. This is one of my great joys is when we're, summertime is Oreo time for us. Yeah, I love it. It's Dairy Queen and Oreo time. And basically each night is either like, are we doing Oreos? Are we doing Dairy Queen? So I was, I found myself at Kroger's loading up on Oreos, and by God, are there a lot of flavors now? I know. I used to be very partial to the spring one. It was before they had all these different kinds. It was like one of their first, and it was like, kind of like bluish green, like kind of like a minty color. A mint, like a refreshing cookie. Yeah, but it's still taste. It was the same taste. Like before you kiss somebody quickly, have one of these cookies. It wasn't mint flavor. It was just mint color. Oh, okay. Anyway. Yeah. They probably do. For Valentine's Day, they probably have pink inside. Oh, see? Strawberry Oreos. Brown girl cookie. Chocolate pink cookie. Brown girl cookie. Fucking looks great. It's a little, yeah. Fuck, I would love that. If Oreo doesn't sponsor us after this, I don't know what they're doing. I doubt they need to, like, right? Well, I don't know. It's like the Savannah Bananas. I learned this weekend that they've never spent a dollar on marketing. I know. They don't need to. They don't. They put on such a good show. That they don't need any marketing. And their wait list is five years. Yeah. It's crazy. Five million tickets on the wait list. So cool. But I wanted to ask you what your five foods are. Okay. And I'll just caveat. I can't eat these foods, but these are my five. Okay. The Tropicalia chicken with the super garlicky chimichurri. That meal with also the farlofa, the ground Brazilian flour thing. Right. It's like a little bit of crunchy. I called it the churi. The slurry or the, yeah. The slurry. It's gone now. That place is closed. It's gone. And I couldn't eat it anymore. The last few years it was there because of the garlic sitch. Then I would probably have to say my spaghetti. I know that's arrogant, but my own spaghetti. Macaroni and cheese craft. Two packets of cheese. Yep. My mom's meatballs that she makes for me for my birthday. Yeah. And then maybe, maybe shit on a shingle slash. dosie joe's slash hanky panky's wow okay they get called different names all over the place but right half spicy jimmy dean sausage half ground beef high fat everything whole block of elvita cheese mixed all together garlic salt on the little tiny rye hors d'oeuvre breads yeah put in the oven yikes so good year five go wow you really rattled them like she rattled them i'm not that you're not there i don't think i'm there okay could you put a couple on the list i mean hers were kind of like good because they were they were not specific it wasn't like this burger from this restaurant because that really requires a lot for me so i have to you know so i think i'll do more her style which would be like a bolognese um a uh pizza i know no probably if i had to choose like going bolognese bean and cheese burrito probably are you fucking kidding me right now get out of here i love bean and cheese burritos are you upset because you don't know me like is that what you're learning well i'm about to make a criticism that would also expose me as being a very big hypocrite because really macaroni and cheese what is it it's a noodles and cheese but it's just like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know bean and what did you say so i mean come on you're good bean and cheese burritos they're good we used to get them remember from that place i'd also closed i think remember we used to order them a lot oh yeah it was like a it was like a truck inside of a store on sunset called like cali burritos yeah it was so good so good not as good as california baja baja california tacos so my new do they have bean and cheese burrito i haven't had it because they have hard shell tacos right anytime there's hard shell tacos i don't know if they have hard shell tacos i don't know if they have hard shell tacos so you're you want to i might yeah you need to replace i might have to swap something out see uh yeah see it's hard but anyway i'm going bolognese bean and cheese burrito white slice of bread i'm going banana and i'm going white rice no this is okay because hers were crab claws crab craws i wrote i wrote it down what did she say she said yeah it's a okay it's okay if you'd only have five foods for the rest of your life i left off ribeye go ahead see okay if you'd only have five foods for the rest of your life so it's not just like your last meal right it's you're on an island you're gonna have these five items to choose from you better love them okay hers was pizza gnocchi crab claws blt chocolate chip cookies great list i think man that's great sandwich when you get the perfect blt i'm actually really proud of myself for putting bean and cheese burrito on my plate i don't know if i'm going to be able to do that i don't know if i'm going to be able to do that i'm really proud of myself okay listen okay being in cheese burrito i'm also going chocolate chip cookie okay um i'm going um soft hot um i'm going you have two left no burg cheeseburger cheeseburger what am i talking about of course cheeseburger oh i love cheeseburgers and by the way i love So many of them. That's like when I'm saying that's a little bit my issue with the bean and cheese burrito. It's like they can be fantastic. They can also be microwaved and taste like a fucking shoe sole. I've never had a bad one though. You've never had a bad one? Okay. Bean and cheese? That's like saying I've never had bad pizza. That makes sense. Yeah. But I can name like 65 places I like to eat the hamburger. You know, so dependable. Probably the most dependable offering out there. Okay. Well, that's four. And I reserve the right to add the fifth later on. Okay. Great. Yeah. Sleep on it. But wow, you really went fast and you messed up. So just. Haste makes waste. Now if. I stand by the first five though. Well, you only have five. I know. Okay. Well, if I was. Like even when we said cheeseburger, I can't then think of one of the five I mentioned that I'm going to replace with. I'm not going to even remember my spaghetti. Yeah. I'm not getting rid of hanky panky shit on a shingle. Dosey does. Okay. I am not getting macaroni and cheese, craft macaroni and cheese. I'm never getting. You're not. These aren't necessarily. I'm never getting rid of. I don't think you said. I did. Oh, you did. Okay. I hope. I. That's number one. No, you said. You said your mom's meatballs. Yeah. Mom's spaghetti. Throwing up mom's spaghetti. Said mom's meatballs. Your bolognese. Yeah. Macaroni and cheese. Like chicken, garlic chicken thing. Oh, from Topicality. But I said I can't eat it. Yeah. But you said it. I just said I would have. It was number one though. It was number one. Oh, this was if I can't eat it. Yeah. Yeah. And the macaroni. What am I? I'm all scrambled. Okay. You won. You've made mistakes. I've made a mess of it. I need you to just think about it because, you know, maybe for your birthday, somebody can make all your items. Yeah. That would be nice. Because no one's going to have me cute with you since you're already married. So it has to be for your birthday. Yeah. And then I'm just asking my wife to make me these five elaborate meals. Well, we can all do it. Oh, everyone in the pod. Yeah. Bring a. That would be great. If I ever get a terminal diagnosis, I will do that. God. Um, speaking of. Hold on. Hold on. It's too good of a ding, ding, ding. Okay. Okay. I have to put a pin earmark. Um, the other, one of the other facts is just holding a sneeze caused death of brain cells. Is that what Molly thought might happen? Yes. Okay. Um, it doesn't. Yeah. It doesn't. No, that's. But what does happen is it traps high pressure air inside your body. It increases your airway pressure up to 24 times. Normal levels, which can damage your ears, blood vessels, or throat. Yeah. Everything in the system. Um, are any of the facts that you get to that you just look at and you go, yeah, no, like you don't even look it up. Like for that one, I would have just gone. Oh, it doesn't damage your brain. Let's next one. No, I, I have integrity. My God. Cause I don't think I know everything. What if someone says water boils at two Oh eight? Well, I'd be like, what if in some circumstances it does, I'm going to look at certain elevations that could be. Okay. Sorry. What, what if someone says, uh, water on earth boils at a hundred degrees Fahrenheit, you'll know. Nope. Don't need to look that up. You're like, what? You just don't know. You'll check. Oh, wow. Okay. That's why, that's why I'm good at this. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I know it all. I do think I could be wrong about anything. Yeah. Any of us could, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Not for me. When, when water boils or freezes, like there's some, there's some, like, I guess if someone said this isn't. Isn't blue. Well, that's very subjective. There's no such thing as blue. Oh, let's not do that. But there isn't. There's just, that's how our three cones combine those wavelengths. So it's not objectively blue, but anyways. Okay. What was your earmark? Uh, Savannah bananas. Okay. Yeah. I want to tell you this story because it was such a wonderful time and it's going to involve a brag, but I hope you'll be happy for me. Okay. So, okay. So we go to the Savannah bananas. We go to the Savannah bananas game in Denver, Colorado, and we bring Erica and ACE and Wilder, our friends, and the two little boys play baseball. Yes. Not only did the two little boys play baseball, one of the little boys also is the most incredible street dancer you've ever seen, right? His, his whole life is baseball and hip hop dancing. Yeah. And he's incredible. He is. And he will not dance for any of us. We just get to see the clips occasionally on Instagram. So we all have to go to the, uh. Uh, Colorado Rockies, uh, arena, uh, stadium so that, uh, Kristen can learn the song and the dance routine and the whole nine yards. So we've got a couple of hours hanging on the baseball field. It's so neat. It is. It's so neat. It's such a special feeling to be able to, cause you've just looked at it your whole life. So anytime you get to be out there on it, it just always feels neat. Yeah. I'm playing with the catch with the girls, my daughters and ACE and Wilder and having a good time. And then a guy comes up on the play. And he's got this sweet mustache and a mullet. He looks just like, um, Dana McBride and. Oh, amazing. Yes. He looks awesome. Yeah. I immediately like him as he's walking up and he's smiling really big. And he's just like, man, I was just, I got, I grew up on without a paddle and Zathura and he just starts employee of the month. My favorite money starts doing lines to me and I'm like, Oh, this is so lovely. Right. And then another, and then another guy comes up and another guy and Monica, if I didn't have video evidence of this, I wouldn't expect you to believe me. But for the full two hours, we were there while she was rehearsing. I had an enormous group of these young dudes around me that wanted to meet me and they all had these favorite lines and stuff from things I did. It's been a very long time since something like this happened. It was so funny that like all everyone on Kristen's team, like hair and makeup and, and then on everyone was like, what's happening with Dex? The whole stadium's over in the, they were filming it. And Lincoln was laughing so hard. She's like, what's, why is dad so popular here right now? It was such a, I got celebrated in a way I never have. And it was so fun. I love every one of these guys. They were so fun to talk to. It was a sweet, sweet two hours. Now, did you plug this show? Did you say, you know, you guys, if you love me, I'll tell you one thing that was quite special. So of the 40 plus dudes that came up and I talked with and took pictures within the whole nine, only one. guy came up, he was taller than me. He came up to me and he said, I just want you know, I've been an arm cherry for six years and all the other guys, I shook their hands and stuff. I immediately grabbed this boy and I hugged him for so long. And it was such a connected, beautiful hug. And then when I let go, he goes, Oh man, I really needed that. Thank you. I was like, yeah, that's a fucking arm cherry right there. How old is he? I think he was 30. And was he cute? Extremely. I also think he, most of those guys were married. Most of the guys that was meeting were, I'd say the majority of them all had wives and the majority of them had all gotten married around 23. I kept asking like what age they are. So how much longer do you think he'll be married? Like a year or two? This guy, Monica would be such a catch for you. DM bro who I hug. He's so handsome and tall. Oh my God. If you hear this, please on this episode, comment. It was me so that I can follow you and figure all this out. He is such a fucking babe. But do they travel like nonstop? Yeah, but it would be great for you. Yes, yes, yes. I think they play 60 games a year. Wow. I think they travel from like February, March, all the way to October. Okay. And so again, it was like, it was fun. Cause I'm, I'm getting to have like, I'm like, God, you guys are like, you know, you're two thirds of the way through. You've been on the road for a long, you're like, you're in the hotels and we're like, how's that going? It was very like, I was so, it was such a blast. That's so fun. And then of course, watching Kristen do that thing. So fun. Was she's done a lot of impressive things over the years, but this one and just showing up and, and in a pretty quick time, learning that whole thing and all the choreography and the jump and do the fucking, I don't know, the dirty dancing moment. You saw it right where they hoisted her up in the air. I think it's among the most impressive little sequences she's ever had. That's great. And so we were just, we were in the suite that they, they let us be in and we're cheering like fucking crazy. And I just, it ends and it's so impressive. And I said to the girls, like, can you fucking believe that woman's your mom? And which they never, you know, no one's impressed with their mom. Your mom's your mom. Your mom's your dad. Your mom's your dad. Your dad's your mom. And they both were like, no, like they really had a little moment and it was so sweet. That's very sweet. It was lovely. Now, another thing that's, impressive karate. You said, what do they have in karate? Their own mat. They don't really have their own mat. I asked if in karate they have their own mat. Yeah. It was part of a bigger thing. Um, Molly said, so it was a joke about karate. Okay. And then owning her own karate studio. And then you said, yeah, you just get it because you want your own mat or whatever they have in karate. Oh, okay. Okay. Um, and they don't. I think I was all over the map in this episode. Well, they, they don't have their own mats, but they, they use specialized training surfaces called tatami mats or interlocking foam tiles, typically one inch thick rather than personal individual mats. That makes sense. So it's kind of one big area. They're flying around. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to fall and they need a lot of space for that. Oh, one thing I wanted to bring up. I'm reading a book. I have an advanced copy. Oh. Fun. Yeah. Um, of a book called Switzy. It's by Emma Klein, who wrote The Girls and I think The Guest, a very popular author. And this new book coming out has a lot of like buzz around it. I'm about a hundred pages in. It's very good, but I have to keep putting it down because the protagonist, I feel fine saying this, um, has dementia. Okay. And you're in his brain. Oh, wow. And it is intense, but it's also very, it's like, very funny. Like it's written with humor, but it sometimes I'm like, Oh my God. Yeah. It's scary. Using your, losing your faculties. I know. And in the book at one point he goes and takes this cognitive test as part of a physical and they ask him to remember these three words and like they write them out and then he can't remember them basically. And basic, like since I read that every 20 minutes, I'm trying to remember those words that you read in the book. Yes. Now it's become a test for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's Rose Apple chair, Rose chair, Apple. I'm pretty sure. Okay. Um, but, uh, it's now like I'm getting kind of OCD about it. OCD P no OCD. No, I don't know. I'm getting weird about it. No, it kind of is OCD because again, OCD is you think you have, have or are something that is not in alignment with your morals and your, yeah. So you, you don't have dementia. That's just a fact. We're in a fricking, uh, uh, Alzheimer's study and we know for sure you don't take the last call. Yeah. So you don't have dementia, but yeah, you think you do. I think that's just hypochondria. I don't. Okay. Hold. I don't think I do. Oh, okay. You just want to make sure you don't. Yes, exactly. I'm just fearful of it. I'm not, I don't, I'm not walking around thinking I have it. I just, I'm like, Oh my God, like that's scary. And I got to keep, if I don't remember it, what does that mean? Yeah. Can I say one thing to end the Santa Savannah bananas thing? What I'm saying is thank you guys. That was so sweet. It made me so happy. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to say thank you. Yeah. Um, okay. So back to the, did it make you feel like you were being like in, in things? No, it just, at times I'm like, was I in things? Right. You know, did anyone see those? Were they for anything? I grew up in an era where you repeated all the lines from Fletch and the lines from all these movies. That was the culture. And then all the lines from wedding crashers and all the lines from the Will Ferrell movies. And it's just like, I did this for a long time and I don't feel like I really had that thing. And then I had a little experience with it. So it just felt like, Oh, it did happen. It was one of those. Yeah. That really happened. And people really saw that stuff and they liked it and they remembered stuff from it. And it was sweet. That's great. So they gave me a very nice gift. Good. Back to the cognitive thing. Yeah. That's the scariest thing. And as you remember, like I have never cried from an injury. Like when I went over the handlebars of the motorcycle, it's like nearly every bone above my hips was broken and I don't care. But the moment in my loop from the concussion, when I recognized that I had been on a three minute loop for hours, yeah, was the scaredest I've ever been on planet. I know. I know. I had just enough cognition to go, Holy fuck. The rest of my life might be in a three minute loop. I can't do anything. It's so bad. And it is, it's so hard to see people you love have dementia. Like my grandfather had it and he was so brilliant. And then to see like someone's brain who worked over time, like worked at a capacity, none of the rest of us did to like, can't get to like peeing on the floor. I'm going to be honest with you. So I know someone who's seems to have a little bit of light it, you know, a little light, light version. Like I'm just noticing some stuff. Right. And it so goes against my stupid stereotype that I shouldn't have. And it's kind of what you're saying about your grandfather. It's like, I thought if you used your brain really intensely, which this is for sure, that would safeguard you from that. And I'm seeing that it hasn't. And it, and I hate it. Yeah. I don't like it. They do say that like crosswords. They do say dry brine chicken helps do say cooking and repeating the things you've made three words from the book. Yeah. Rose chair, apple, it's wild to think like, and it's just gratitude. Like every day that your brain is working, that your body is working. Um, it's, it's, it can, can go quite quickly. Yeah. Um, so, you know, I'm such a David Sedaris fan that like, I couldn't wait to watch our own episode with him. Like I just wanted to stare at his face a little bit. Yeah. And we got into that. We had had that whole section about him getting his haircut. And I asked him on the road, you know, these barber, you know, how do you choose a barber? And then come to find out he doesn't care at all who cuts his hair. He said, he made that very clear. And I never mentioned in that episode that I cut hair. Oh yeah. So, you know, that I'm going to be assisting him at his book reading. Um, and the next time he's here in Pasadena and I text him yesterday and said, would you like a haircut before the show? And he said, I would love one. So now I'm going to cut his hair before. Whoa, hold on. My brain is exploding because do you don't even know? I'm sure you don't remember that. That's a crazy ding, ding, ding. Sim, we talk about you cutting hair in this episode with Jimmy and Molly. Oh, we do. But I just need to tell you, I cannot wait to cut his hair. Are you going to practice beforehand? I don't need to practice. I mean, he's your hero. It's like. No, but I cut my own hair. It was way harder to cut my own hair and it's long and there's layers. We're so different. Me and you. Yeah, we are. Yeah. That's kind of what makes this show. That's all it shows. No, I can't wait. It's a very intimate thing to cut someone's hair. I know. It's like a very nice, they're trusting you. You have sharp scissors. Yes. It's, it's a lovely thing to share with somebody. I can see why hairstylists like being hairstylists. It's an intimate activity. And the person sits there like they sit real still. And then, you know, you're playing with their hair. You have full control. Yeah. And just, yeah, they're trusting you quite a bit. And they sit like they're behaving, right? They sit real still. And you're like, you're, you're just combing their hair and grabbing it. I don't know. It's, I'm so, I'm so excited to be able to play with David's hair and cut it. Now, this brings me to something. Cause you, you saying it's intimate, which you're right. I've never thought about that, but it is. I think that's why people tell their barbers so much stuff is it's like already a forced intimate situation. Totally. But also, you know, you reiterated in this episode, but you've said it many times. You'll only cut someone's hair. Once I'll cut his as many times as no. Well, Monica, I'd cut my kids hair as much as they want to do. Kristen's hair, Aaron's hair, your hair. Oh, there's exceptions. Oh, I didn't know. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is more like, I know people, they find out like, again, that whole scenario is people finding out I cut hair or me wanting to show them. I know how. Right. You guys already all know that there's nothing about that. Okay. That makes me feel a little bit. Like when I cut your hair, you already know. Yeah. Yeah. I can cut hair. Yeah, I do. But I, okay. But I, what I was, the point I was trying to make is you only do it once. And then maybe that's kind of like when you used to have sex with people. When they'd stand. Yeah. And I just wanted to impress them and get their approval. Yes. And then I'm like, thanks for sure. That's what I'm owning up to in that, in the conversation with Molly and Jimmy. Like, I know this is a gross part of me, but I'm, I'm trying to be open and honest about it. It's vomitous. But it's better. I want them to be impressed with me. Yeah. And then once I have that, I don't want, there's nothing in it for me again. No. Well, okay. Unless I want to be intimate with them. That's a mean way to look at it. That's a, that's one bad thing to say about it. But it could also be that you're afraid that if you do it again, the thing they thought was so great, well, it won't be as great. That's not my fear. Oh man, I was trying to give you one out. Thank you. My fear at that point is like, I don't have space for clients. Oh, I don't. I can't have like seven people. And then I was telling you that it got worn out with all my friends in my twenties when I was broke. And what got weird is like, I cut Tim's hair, every haircut Tim Lovestead had for 10 years. I gave him, I cut Scotty's hair. These guys didn't go to a barber for years. And then all of a sudden I had like money and I was busy. And of course they still wanted me to cut their hair and I still did. But I was like, I don't want to cut their hair. So like, I got to be careful how many more clients I pick up. I don't have time to cut everyone's hair. People need their hair cut all the time, Monica, especially if they have short hair. Well, that's, yeah, I don't know about that. Yeah. You wouldn't know about that. You can probably do it once every six months. I do like twice a year. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Well, this was fun. This was great. Yeah. I love you. I love you. Bye.