In this episode very funny comedian Jim Jeffries joins me will do the news with Andrew and we'll do that right after this Thanks for tuning into the Adam Corolla show you can watch the full show on YouTube Just search Adam Corolla show and hit subscribe So you never miss an episode you can also get the podcasts wherever you like to listen and for extra content Add free episodes and more you can head over to our sub stack and sign up today From Corolla 1 studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Corolla show Adam's guest today Jim Jeffries Plus the news and now Adam Corolla Get it on got to get on a just to get them Jim Jeffries One of the funny ones not all comedians are funny. No, I am is funny. I try to be funny. I try I'm old school like that Yeah, I mean a lot of comedians try to be funny. I Don't know is it a thing where just a lot of people there's too many people trying to do something and they're not being like here's what I'm saying here's what I'm saying everyone in America. Mm-hmm. Let's say grows up and they dream of playing shortstop for the Yankees Yes, but if they get weeded out and by the time they get to high school 93% of them don't have a shot and by the time they graduate high school less than 1.0, you know Whatever thing in money will everyone is told when they stop playing baseball. It's one of the Few sports that you like you if you even played rugby you can play against other old bloke's playing right but baseball You can't hit a round ball with a round bad as if it's coming at you over Comedy they never throw you out of comedy. They never throw you out of comedy You can just go to smaller and smaller rooms and four or not even start I mean not even ha it's not even like you had a career what I'm saying is like it's like everybody at once wanting to play shortstop for the Yankees But most of the people on that field don't belong there. I think there's a few pro okay I've heard I'm a big fan of Jim Carrey But I I really don't like when I get an inspirational speech from him put through my feed Oh, it's the game and it's always him at university going going You got to keep following your dreams because my father he could have been a Comedian but he chose a sensible job and then he still got fired from the job Jim Carrey is a generational talent. Yes, he shouldn't be telling people to follow their dreams We should be hearing from people who have filed at comedy not from people who are successful You are a generational talent and you have some sort of ability that I that I could never possess when you Do impressions of people and not only do sound like the person your face changes to look like the person you're doing the impression of Yes, which is a weird thing because I get the tone. I get the voice Okay, you're talking about Jim Carrey doing impressions. Not me, right? No, so that was a terrible Jim Carrey impersonations starts to look like you'll see guys that are good And they go into their deniro and their face turns into deniro So yes, he's generational and no other people should stop following their dreams and Also the self-esteem movement has been a fucking unmitigated disaster trying to talk every 11-year-old in America and a thinking They're the greatest his fucked up our society badly as it would. Why wouldn't it? Of course it was well I'll tell you what though there is a little bit of Our generation bullshit about one thing. I'll tell you what what we we lie about Every time that young people get some award or something like that that they go Oh, they get a award just for participating back in my day You only got an award if you actually won the game. You didn't get trophies. I was terrible at sport I went back to my home like childhood home trophies everywhere in the room for participation. Now we all got participation 1,000 look it's a miss. It's kind of weird because it's miss labeled. Yeah, it's totally Miss label now do not wait. We're good. Oh, I don't want to watch Jim Carrey That's fine. The here's what I'm saying I agree. It's miss labeled like when they go that woman donated her eggs It's like for $25,000. She donated her eggs and so what the right does is they go these kids and their participation trophies everybody gets a trophy I Played football for the East Valley Trojans starting in like 1972. I got a participation trophy You should get a participation trophy if you showed up You suit it up. You made all the practices. You played all the games and you attended then you should get a participation trophy That's not what we're talking about what we're talking about is when my son ran Track when he was about eight Unfortunately, he ran the boringest version of track which is long distance like eight year olds running long Watching eight year olds running long distance. What's on the Olympics? Right. Right. I was hoping he'd get into MMA or something I could I could at least gamble on watching him run endlessly in a circle with other eight year olds is what he did but at some point and what they do with these meets is they go well he's First events at 8 a.m. That's the 8 80 or with the 9,000 or whatever it is and then the last ones at 5 p.m So you're just stuck the whole day and he finally finishes the last one and I said all right I'm getting the car like I literally started running to the car and my wife said oh no We got the podium ceremony and I said he came in eighth place it came in eighth place And I know there's a podium. I said what's he gonna do stand on a cookie sheet? Is it what is number first like like eight feet high? I was actually picture them digging a hole for the ninth place I'm standing I'm like she's gonna be standing on a cookie sheet or something and he goes no There's a serum and say that's what it is. There's a kid who broke his neck because he came first. Yeah, I fell off they It's it's win place and show it's gold and silver and bronze and then you go home That's the real the participation trophy not a problem the endless When they were showing you can look for it Andrew, but remember a few weeks ago. They were showing there was like a boy Who was a trans and he was on top of the podium and he had they had to take turns with him and the podium It was like a track meet from like a month ago the most disturbing part wasn't the trans part It was the part where they had eight people all getting all up on some form of a podium But anyway first second third that's it. So you need Hey when you said the egg they selling their eggs for 20 grand is that oh my goodness now you actually see the podium. Okay, so fourth Four through to eight through on the same level Ninth it goes to ninth place on ninth place Would you even want to be up there if it was ninth place? Yeah, and you can tell the girl who's coming not ninth is shorter than everybody else unless athletics. She's already in a tracksuit She may not have even competed she might have been injured who okay, so Fourth is the same height podium is ninth place. Yes, why I mean if we're gonna do it Somebody need to go look. It's a podium. It's been around since Roman days. It wasn't broken. We don't have to fix it We don't have to honor the person who came in last Yeah, that's all it's nice. They No, you're asking about donating eggs the dining eggs 20 grand. You say 20 grand I've known some people who've donated eggs like 10 grand 20 grand My point is when we talk about the pay wage gap This is one of the the situations where women do have it better because yeah, don't any sperm What do you get like 50 bucks also? They pretty much just call it selling your sperm like guys are gonna like I showed my yes You get 50 bucks versus 25,000 when I mean if you're a tall blonde who went to Harvard you might get 50 But this is the whole thing you meet these you meet these girls and they go I went to a sperm bank and he's an astronaut and he's a Harvard graduate, and he's it. No, he's not He's a bloke who needs 50 bucks. Right. Yeah, he's a process of lamination like I've needed 50 bucks in me life Right, never that desperately such a fairly desperate person who knows 50 these aren't high quality members of society It's a homeless person. I don't even think we got a look into it I don't think they accept sperm from guys that are like under 5/7 and things of I know it seems pretty discriminatory, but I'll tell you for women if you are tall and Blond and have blue eyes and want to Yale You can sell your eggs Basically like you're a car like are you a Ferrari? Are you an old VW? A stud fee for horses a stud fee for horse. Right. It's kind of the the ultimate Kind of win place or show. I would like to know how much my sperm costs how how how they would gauge me going in there You know, I think what we could do and not that we need to cross swords, but you know you get a sperm advocate Yes, and you go This guy Jim Jeffries. He's he's wise
He's six foot. He's six foot. He's fit. He has, uh, no, you know, he's, he's had a drink or two but he's doesn't struggle with the dress of a drug addiction. I've got a huge addiction problem. I've got what is third Netflix special six neck. Sorry Netflix special coming out. Let's go and put it right. What do we got? Our tablets would be completely bold. Right. All right. What are we gonna be honest here? We got to see how the price comes in. We'd have to go. Well, what about Corolla? Well, he doesn't have any netflix specials, but it's got a full head of hair. Yeah, and six foot two. He's been on the New York Times bestseller list. All you would walk a family would walk a family like that. You'll come shot. Price must go way through the roof. All he would walk a family. That's why I did it. Yeah. Yeah. It was a sort of a financial move. I think the part that I've had of a sector. He's gonna hurt me. But then you get to like Jim Carrey and you go, okay, you know, but then you go, all right. Well, let's put, let's have a sperm competition. Like let's say, all right. Put it on eBay. Adam beat Jim Jeffery sperm next up drew Carrey. And he goes, he's not as tall. That's tall, but he's more successful. Check the spank account. Pretty good. Seems to be pretty, pretty sensible fella. Hard to argue, but I'd say I'm a neatly funnier than he is. Hard to argue. Yeah, but that's why you have the advocate, the sperm advocate. But also the advertising on Carrey sperm with the price is right. Is your price right? People could guess the price. Yeah, it's been the wheel. So with women, you guys can look it up. But I mean, it's pretty much height and eye color. And it's all what you'd think. It's all factors. It's all factors. It all factors it. Yeah, it took me a while to find this, but this is the requirements for a male to donate. Okay, great. Between 18 and 35 minimum height of 5, 8 preferred that you're 5, 10 or taller. Currently enrolled in or graduated from a 4-year college preferred advanced degrees must be free from genetic disorders, hereditary diseases, chronic illnesses, mental health conditions, sexually transmitted infections, drug or alcohol dependency, or a significant prescription medication use. Right. Okay, so just on high sperm's got to move. Oh, and non-smoker limited alcohol consumption, no recreational drug use. Yeah, and then you got to have all these accounts except on two old, but by those just even height and age. So no Tom Cruise boom. So I think Tom Cruise's come isn't good enough for me. I think doesn't make the requirements. I'm not sure if a woman could make Tom Cruise come, but you got a car about this. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. You're right. I was just making a gay joke. I think you got to carve out exceptions for the bezos in the cruise. It doesn't qualify. Come on. No, we'll wait. Oh, well, yeah, I think he's back drinking. Oh, yeah. So you know, you women don't want Brad Pitt's salmon like what's wrong with you? You know, I don't know if it's them. I think they'd take. They'd take it. Okay, but but let's go back to 35 year old Tom Cruise. I feel like you would carve out exemptions. Too short for him. Too short. I know those are the rules, but it is Tom Cruise after all. I mean, some. But also, look, we see Tom Cruise now with these veneers and I don't think it's his original nose. We have to you have to go on the actual original genetics. I had a thought about all the veneers. Yeah. Um, there used to be a thing I'd thought about guys at some certain point like Paul McCartney a few years ago said, look, I'm a little little gray creep in around the temples, but his hair was jet black like eight years ago. And it's like you're 77. You can't do that. And a certain point you face can't pass your hair by that far. All the veneers, we're going to prom. That's the dudes that I got him. I know, but fine, you're young ish. You're young ish. What I'm saying is is it's our boob jobs. They're going to be a bunch of 78 year old women with weird silicone boobs. And they're going to be a bunch of eight year old grizzled dudes with perfect white grills that don't match their face. Well, I got my not super white. So as to not be recognizable as much. You know what you know what you did? You're smart. And I'll tell you why they're if any I recommend this highly, but, but I'll tell you as a, as a homeowner, when you get that fake turf grass, you never have to mow it. No weeds. It's all great. It's great if you have a pet blah, blah, blah. It's all great. The mistake that people make is they get the Kelly green. They get the greenest stuff they sell. Right. And it looks like a bad two pay on their front lawn. You walk past its bright green. And you go, that's fake. I ordered what they call like the California mix or something. And it has little sprinkles of little gray. I shouldn't say gray, but little, little dead pieces. And it looks totally realistic because it looks like nature because nature, your teeth are not bright white. And your lawn is not Kelly green. It has like a little, and so do with the fake sod, what you do with the veneers. You were smart. Yeah. I, well, I went a little darker than they said, but when I first got them, I remember looking at them, they're going, oh, they're so white. I look sorry. And now I'm just used to it. It's like, it looks natural. Thank you. Yeah. It looks good. But when you're 80, I had some janky ass teeth. Your teeth are bright white and your hair is black and your face is leather. I had a hair transplant. It never stuck with me. It never stuck because the hair around it falls out. And I gave up on the tablets. I couldn't take the tablets every day. Yeah. The ones that stop you get directions eventually. Like, what do you want to take that for the rest of your life for? I feel the same. Now they're talking about putting the kids on the GLP ones now, like injecting kids. I did, I did, I did, I did, I was epic for two months before I did a movie. Two months. Yeah. Yeah. I'll maybe two and a half months, because I've still got a couple of needles sitting in my fridge. So two, so, so some 10 injections in total in 10 weeks. Worked for me. But I wouldn't recommend it for the rest of your life. There's some people who are life is now. What? So tell me what that was. How much did you want to lose before it should be? I lost, I lost 20 pounds for that film. I went from two, at the moment, I'm sitting at 204. I went from 210 down to 190. Right. And with the ozampak. With the ozampak. And I did it in two and a half months. And how, how did it affect you in every other way? I loved it. It's, uh, okay. I didn't love it enough to stay on the stuff because the problem is it takes the zest for life out. Right. So I did, I didn't, now that I don't drink, one of my joys in life is having an edible, having a bit of weed and having a nice long meal. Right. Right. And, uh, so I couldn't do that. I wasn't enjoying food anymore. It wasn't that you, you felt full all the time. Not for me anyway. It's just that I just wasn't fast about eating. Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you, I gotta tell you this story. Right. So, this is nothing to do with, but this is just about me and weed and food. Right. So I mean, I'm in, I'm in Washington, D.C. I have a show on the Saturday, but I come in early on the Friday. You know, to be honest with you, we'd sold out the show on the Saturday. We were hoping to add a show on the Friday. We didn't add the show. So I had a night off. Right. Right. So I mean, I'm in the nation's capital. We'll buy myself just just hanging out this thing. Right. And so I thought, what I'll do is I'll take an edible and buy myself. I'm going to go to a two Michelin star restaurant. 20 courses. Right. 20 courses. I'm going to get high. I'm going to just eat this amazing food. You sit there at a counter. They come over and they hand it to you the whole time. It's going to be amazing. Right. And that's why I could get the booking was because I was by myself because it was all counter seating. Right. Right. So I go, I see. So I go, to the left. That's the other way. There'd be a six month way. Yeah. And I'd be at a table by myself, which is slightly more awkward, etc, etc. I get you. So, so they had one available seat. They give me the seat in a go. To the left, me have a woman from the Lebanese embassy. She's there with her son who is graduating from university. Right. So that's all good. To the right of me, I have a couple that have gone their 15th wedding anniversary and they're having a special dinner. So I'm there and the waiter comes around and goes, what brought you to our nation's capital at the moment? I said, oh, well, I'm here for a show tomorrow, but you know, this is bit of business, bit of fun. This is the fun bit. Having this meal, what a lovely meal when I go, what's your show? And I said, oh, I'm a comedian and, you know, that we moved on. Then there's other young legends. Can I interrupt for one second? Is your impulse, what my impulse normally is, which I just go, I'm here for work because I realize if you start going down the, I'm performing, then they go, oh, we're yeah, then they feel, they feel the necessity to go, I think I know who you and you go, you know, I, I, yeah, I was the first mistake on it. I just go work. So, so the next, also they came up to when they said, I'm Mr. Jeffrey's, Mr. Jeffrey's, right? So I assume I knew who I was, right? So the next way it comes up and goes, you're real poshingly sexy, then it goes, Mr. Jeffrey's, our next course will be a quail covered in fragua with a skin of a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? And I said, oh, we're here from in England. How high are you at this point? I'm very high.
Where are you from in England and he goes from Newcastle. Now if you've ever been to Newcastle they're called Jordies. They're in the north of England. They're on the border of Scotland. They have a very unique accent like where they just go day four in the big brother house. Right. That's what I went. I fucking never heard a Jordy spit because that posh in me life. And he goes, "Oh, you've been to Newcastle." And I said, I said, "Why am I not being to fucking Newcastle?" And he goes, "Why'd you go there, Mr. Jeffries?" And I go there, he's to be a comedy club called the hyena back in the day. That's why I went there. Anyway, so they move as they've two sittings of 5.30 and an 8.30. But at 7.30 they move the 15 diners who were all sitting around the counter watching the shows. They move you into a dessert room where there's some ladies there. How do you enjoy your courses? That's great. Well, we're going to blow some sugar here and make a thing and a this and a that. Right? So they're giving us just a cost, by the way. This was a $500 meal. Okay. Right. And I'm doing drink. Oh, right. So I'm like, okay, so I'm seeing it. And then the waiter comes up and goes, "Mr. Jeffries, the chef would like to have a photo with you." And I'm so high. And I'm like, "Yeah, go on, go on, I'll have a photo." I walk in, they're cleaning, they're getting ready for the 7.30 people. And I walk in clapping. I said, "Guys, that was an amazing meal. You're wonderful, fantastic." And then the chef stood next to me for a photo. I said, "Come on, everyone come in. Come on, we'll all take a photo together. I got all the kitchen stuff. We got all of them around. Everyone take a photo." And I stood there with my hands like that. And then afterwards, I said, "Look, I don't normally do this, and I'm sure you're all working tomorrow." Right? But if you want tickets for the show tomorrow, just come up to me before I leave. And all as many tickets as you want, we'll sort it out. I'd love to see it at the show. I'm sure you're working. Anyway, tag me in the picture. I go back, I sit down, I finish my meal, and then they bring out these bags with like a muffin and a chai latte for you to have in the morning as a little gift from the rest of the morning. Yeah, they give you a little morning thing to have after the meal. And on the bag was a photo of me with all the kitchen stuff. And on the photo to the people to my left was a photo with them with all the kitchen stuff. The chef is the famous person. He asked the people to go in and take the photo. Everyone had done it. I walked in there clapping like, "Tag me in the picture." Everyone else's bag said, "Congratulations on graduating. Congratulations on 15 years of marriage." My bag said, "Good luck with your show tomorrow, Jim. Sorry, you didn't sell Fridays." Wow, that's funny. I never felt so, but I couldn't get my coat quick enough. I was like, "All right, I'm out of here." All I have, the only version of that I have is sometimes when it's after a show and people want to come and I sign autographs and stuff for people and they come by, sometimes they know I'm a car guy, they know I have all the old vintage cars and they'll go, "I know you got the old Dots and Beary Rafe's car." And this is a t-shirt that my dad had because he worked on the Beary team back in the day. They handed to you and you go, "Oh my God, that's wonderful. I'll cherish this." And they go, "I'm not giving that to you." I'm just showing it to you. I hate that. I had a stand-up routine for a while that is like when I first got married, just to avoid any complications with any women. I used to be stupid as a young man. I'd be dating someone and then all of a sudden a nice looking woman would write to me and say she's a fan. I'd go, "Would be rude not to respond." So thank you so much. I've learned now to ignore good-looking women. Not only do I ignore good-looking women, I actively tell them to fuck off, right? So if a good-looking woman comes up to me about just so there's no confusion, I'd just go fuck off and they walk away. That's the routine. I go, "So if you come up to me after the show and I talk to you, you must be horrendous of me." So what happens is inevitably after the show women come up and they come up and then I get to go fuck off, no matter what they look like, and they get a little, thanks for the compliment. So I say fuck off. There was a woman came up after the show and went, "Hi Jim," and I went, "Fuck off, she hadn't been at the show." Then she writes online. He was so rude or whatever. I had to write back and try to explain the gag. I had, we'll back to rudeness and meals and misunderstandings and donnings. I haven't told this one in a while, but it was a funny thing. I took a coworker of mine, Teresa Strosser. She was doing the news way back when I was doing the radio show and her and her husband now, but they got engaged. And so we thought it'd be nice for me and my wife to take her and her new husband or new engaged husband out to dinner to like celebrate. And we took him to a nice restaurant and I did this thing and I realized I think my acting is better than I think, because I say things in a serious tone and people believe them. So we're sitting at the table and I know her a little bit, not, you know, I'm working with her that much. I don't know her husband or fiance, but I go, "Look, here's the policy." You know, before we order, I'm paying for everything. Obviously it's my treat and order as much as you want, drinks, wine, dessert, get whatever you want, but any food that goes home comes home with me. So, and it, like I said, do not let it slow you down when you're ordering order all you want, but yeah, I understand I have to have this policy because people start ordering side dishes and stuff for their dog and dessert for the next day and repract. You know, and I don't want to be taking advantage of. So, order, enjoy, just understand, that's the rule. And so, the next day, I'm going into the fridge and I say to my wife, I go, "I think I'm going to eat that pork chop. You took home from the restaurant for lunch." And she said, "I already ate it before I ate it." I go, "Well, you didn't because I'm looking at a pork chop in this refrigerator right now." And she goes, "No, I ate it." I go, "Oh wait, Teresa ordered the pork." Oh my god, she thought I was serious. And literally, I don't know, I got it went to the bathroom and she, like, came that we did take her food home. Oh, that's correct. Yeah, but she had to drive home with her husband explaining they had to talk about what a douche I was on the ride home for taking their doggy bag food with me as a policy. I think that you paid for it. I think that's fair enough. I think that's a fair policy. I overorder they can eat as much as they want. When in your company? Yeah. When outside of your company, that's your food. I want out to stay cows with Brad Williams and his wife ordered dessert to be brought home. Yeah. We split the check. Yeah. No, I don't know. I don't know if that cheesecake should be split. Should be moved over to his side of the ledger. We are there with another woman as well. It was just me and Brad and his wife phoned in the cheesecake. Oh no, that is wrong. No, Brad should have actually paid that extra money. Well, yeah, he owes me like $8. I think. I'm going to talk to him with friends. You don't have to mention it. I can bring it up. You know what? You bring it up. Yeah, I don't want to be the one who brings it up. It's going to be uncomfortable if I bring it up in a VT logo. This guy. I just spiked to Adam. He's had his shoes. We were talking off the air about just being at the sweet spot of AIDS. Yes. You know what I mean? Because AIDS was ozemic before. Doesn't get enough credit. AIDS was ozemic. It's just you never put the needle down. It's just you just keep going and tell there's nothing left. More scabs. More scabs then. Right, but but there is a certain point to AIDS ozemic and coke where you actually your looks are improved. heroin can do it as well. There's a very small window with heroin. But you were telling me about Freddie Mercury. Freddie Mercury at Live Aid was the best you ever looked. And the AIDS was riddled through him then, right? Right. And then very soon the next album when they bring out a signal who wants to live forever or whatever. Right. He looked very sick, very sick. Right. So maybe as a professional comedian, you can try to help me work out this premise that I've been monkeying around with for it's always been in my head for years. And I've never been able to work it out. But it was it's basically Freddie Mercury being gay in the 70s and sort of going I kind of like you couldn't officially come out as gay back then. But if we name the band queen and I strut around just enough, I think people get the idea. But nobody no one knows. And then he goes what if I grow this sort of I'll grow a mustache like a like I mean can't stop the music and I'll have a big overfight and I'll start wearing all this stuff. And still no one ever caught no one ever caught on and no one ever found out. And at a certain point, so he just threw his hands up and went fuck it, I'll get a you just said can't stop the music. Right. So I got a cease and desist letter from
to Victor Willis, who's recently passed away, who is the cop from the village? - The lead singer. - Yeah, yeah. - Not gay, not gay. - And he sued me for saying that the village people, well, tried to sue me, he, seasoned assist letter for saying that the village people were gay. - Oh, really? - Yeah, yeah, I got an official one. 'Cause I said the YMCA was about men bumming in the showers. - Right, right. - Which is what it's about. You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal, you can do whatever you feel. I said, yeah, I'm gonna get you down and you're done, there's a place you can go. - Right, right. - That's what it's about. - Right. - And it's also a banger, it's good to school dances, good at weddings, covers all the bases. And then I got from his wife, Karen Willis, who is a lawyer. I got a seasoned assist letter saying that I couldn't say that the village people were gay. - Well, it's gotta be sensitive for him. I wonder, he wasn't gay, but surely he knew about the others. I know, but he'll say here's the whole point. - The boy could die from AIDS, but here's the thing. - Yeah. He, if you're in a band that is synonymous with gay and you're the lead singer that band, but you're not gay, it has to kind of haunt you and follow you around a little. I wonder if that lead singer who was not gay ever found himself like backstage with Lance Bass, who was gay and a boy band, were heterosexuals. - Right. And they had to sort of commiserate just a little bit because that, there had to be a moment where they're like, Lance D'Nexo is like a young son. - Yes. They're probably, they're sitting backstage at some benefit in 1999. And Lance is all gay and he's all straight. And they're like, they're kind of looking at each other going, you know, no one really understands. (laughing) I know what you mean. You know who Victor was married to before, Karen? - Yes. - Police, you're a shot. - I got it. I may note, it says the Freddie Mercury was not gay. - Oh,丁ly, sorry, sorry. - Did not have AIDS during the live AIDS. So it's sad. - Well, that's what I don't know. - The movie depicts him. The movie depicts him is going, I'm going to get up there and perform and be the greatest performer ever going to be. So I'm only going off the film. The film city had AIDS and then the big concert at the end. So the premise is safe. - I just have to compliment him on working out and looking great without AIDS. - Felicia Rashad is in a weird position. - She has to defend, her ex-girl husband, she has to defend Bill Cosby. - That's weird. - Like Dari must be full. - Oh my God, think about her job. Like I must defend Bill Cosby. I must constantly tell you my husband is, the lead singer of the village, Rival, and not gay. That's just a burden. - People are going to start questioning her opinions. (laughing) - But God bless her. She goes to bat for Cosby and she still works and she still seems to do it with a great deal of grace and dignity without, like she doesn't seem to give a fuck if people fight back with her but she doesn't go to bat for Cosby. - She was married to Ahmad Rashad from the Vikings. Is that where she got the Rashad? - Yes. - Oh, I get the football team. - Yeah. - Not an actual Viking. - No, black didn't have as many black Vikings back today. - I should have had, I should have had. - They should have, it's this. - Because diversity's important. - Yes. Was, so Bill Cosby went to the wedding, Ahmad Rashad. - And RJ Simpson. - And OJ Simpson was there. This is a murderers, well, it's literally a murderers row. I was gonna say a murder row of, but I just, we'll just stop at murder. - Wow, that is awesome. - I guess when you, okay. - You know, there's one cool thing about being black. - Oh, Jim Jeffery. - Why, you reckon one? - No, there's more than one. - There's multiple. - You can wear whatever hats you want and things like that, but you know, I'll tell you what's cool about being black. They all have to pretend like they know each other and they get invited to all the same weddings and all the same stuff. Like when Jesse Smollett did that whole thing, every fucking black person, like, Jesse's a good dear friend of mine. Like, how the fuck do you know? - I don't think the community's that small. - How wild is Michelle Obama? It's said, Jesse Smollett is a great guy. Like, what, here's what I'm saying. I was on a flight. - Okay. - I was on a flight with Tommy Davidson. - Tommy Davidson. - That's my point. - Comedian, low man, totem pole is living color. - Okay, okay, it's before my time coming to America. - Yeah, but like, not a huge comedian, but it's not what, so I don't know him. - Right, right. - Because we all know each other. - He was on a private living color, but okay. Not a prolific whatever. - Okay. - And then also Jim Brown, NFL legend, is on one of the greatest running backs in NFL history and a movie star at Evan. So there's Jim Brown and there's Tommy Davidson. And you have a low level comedian and NFL legend, and when they see each other, I'm sitting on the flight with them. I was like, "Hey man!" And they're like hugging and stuff. And I'm like, "They're not friends. "They're just black." And on a flight. - Maybe they did not. - No. - There's no black celebrities because they go to different functions. - No, they don't know how they know each others. They're black. That's why, oh Jay, that's why, oh Jay said that wedding. That's why, oh Jay said that wedding. Oh Jay, there's no version of that. No, oh Jay knows that guy because he was also a footballer and she was marrying an NFL player and oh Jay was another NFL player. That I reckon that would probably be the idea. - Yeah, but Archie Manning's not there. - Yeah, true. And how does Bill know him? Oh, I threw through Felicia. - I'm just saying like when Larry the Cable guy gets married, I don't get invited, you know what I mean? - I know what I mean just 'cause I'm white. - So I used to have one of my touring agents. I used to have an assistant who was a dwarf called Becky. It was bringing back to our friend Brad Williams. Becky was at the improv. I was talking to Becky. In walks Brad Williams. Brad comes and stands next to me and I sort of went, I guess you two would already know each other. - Right, sure, right. - And then Brad looked at me like we're shocked and he went, you think because we're both dwarfs, we automatically know each other and I said, I'm sorry, that was really rude of me. He goes, we do, how are you Becky? It's nice to see you, but that's not the point. - That's funny. - That's funny. - 'Cause I just sort of did the whole, you must have been at some convention. - Right. - Yeah, sure, or you know, Christmas season at the mall. - Exactly. - By the way. - You can't employ a dwarf in December. You can't get one for love nor money. They're all worked. - In Britain, they're all working pantomime or they're working with some Christmas type of thing. That's the busy season. - Pantomime. - Pantomime, you don't know what pantomime is? - I know what pantomime is, but I don't know why you need a dwarf for pantomime. - If you do Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and you have a post that says we have actual dwarfs, then you're really, really crushing it. There's a lot of dwarf action in pantomime, yeah. So pantomimes is British thing for people who don't know, which is just like they redo the telling of Peter Pan, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and they get local celebrities to come there and they work for a month over December. - Oh really? The kids all come from school for a school trip and they have to go, "Where's that villainous Mr. Hook?" And they go, "He's behind you." And then they turn around and the hook goes away and he goes, "I don't see him behind me." And the kid, there's the back and forth that goes on. It's a British thing, it's like it's weird. - You think it'd make it out here at some point? - Never made it to Australia. So if it didn't make it to Australia in a Commonwealth country and it didn't make, 'cause so things from England, they know we make it to Australia, Canada and then they see Finn to Britain. - Right, but things that start in Britain, we have, what I'm saying, let's say food, right? We have, especially like 30 years ago, we had a very British palate to us, right? - In Australia. - In Australia, yeah. Very British in our way of eating. And then Canada is still slightly, I think Canadians are closer to Australians and English people than they are to Americans. - Yeah. - I just think they're closer. - They're a little, I call them Snow Australians. - Yeah, it's interesting. - Yeah, it's a good, I never thought about it, but I think you're right. - Yeah, they've got the queen on the money and they're like a little bit, you know. - Yeah, and their diet is a little off. - A little off, they'll wear the paper hats at Christmas. - You ever wore a paper hat at Christmas? - Probably. - That's a Commonwealth thing. You just wear a cracker. You do the crackers? - No. - Yeah, see Americans don't do the cracker. I'll tell you another thing that Americans don't do. - You don't hip hip. - Well, we do hip hip but not Hazar. - No, hooray. - We do hooray. - Oh, I haven't seen any hip hips at the party. - We sort of abandon the hip hip, hooray. - Australians and British people, we will hip hip. And then we will sing for she's a jolly good fellow afterwards. We have another song. - Yeah, but she's a jolly good fellow. - Well, if it's a she, it's a he, if it's a he. If it's a he's a jolly good fellow, it's she's a jolly good fellow. It will just say fellow. - That's complicated. - So we go. - I thought you guys did Hazar. - No, we go hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray. It's always a big moment at the end of the song. When you decide if you're gonna be the hip hip up. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, Riley, auto parts. Yeah, they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly auto parts offers friendly, helpful service. And the parts and the parts knowledge. You need to.
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Welcome to the real world. Mean Girls. Sidebugs. Titanic. And so much more for showtime. Express nothing. They're free 24/7. That is so epic. On Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Who is your name? What is your name? I had an English girlfriend many years ago and I said what is the name for when you guys pull a body out of the river and you can't identify it? And I said now ours is John Doe. And she said ours is Joe Blox. Joe Blox, yeah. I think Joe Blox. And so I had the funniest conversation. So sometimes I was so Joe Blox is the name that you would say for just a general human being. I just said this is Joe Blox over here. Right. Right. Right. And so that was funny. I said so sometimes I run into a culture and I'd go what is the name of like when you find a headless prostitute floating in the river and you don't have no idea on it. We call her Jane Doe or a John Doe. And so my girlfriend said Joe Blox. And then later on I was working with a guy who was from like Norway or Sweden or somewhere one of these places, you know, whenever they do the rankings for the happiest cities and all that kind of stuff. He always didn't mind. Yeah. Yeah. And I go what do you got? What's the name of you're when you find a hooker with their head cut off and no ID floating in the river. What's the what name do you give that person? And he goes, I don't think we have a name for that person. I said, what a fucking utopia you guys are living in. I don't think they've ever found one. We've never found a headless hooker. So you guys are if you move to a culture, there's two things you want to find. You want a Starbucks that doesn't have a keypad for the bathroom. Yeah. Or you just go like you go to a nice neighborhood and you go to Starbucks. Can I use the bathroom? They go, yeah, go ahead. You know, what's the number for that? There's no number. Just go use about that. And we don't have a name for headless hookers. That's a utopia. Forget about the school system. I believe I believe you in Norway would be one of those ones which brings me to I would be performing in Stravanga soon if you're in Norway. Really? Yeah. I get in Norway a bit, man. Do you? I do. I dirty comedy goes really well in Scandinavian countries. Really? So they're all controlled, all controlled, all controlled, but it's the same reason they like death metal. Oh, right. They're mad into extreme bits of entertainment. Right. And so whenever I like performing Norway, afterwards you'll always get some bloke that came up and go, this is my fifth time seeing you. And I just want to tell you that I was more offended last year. And you're like, oh, I didn't know I was doing an offense show. Is it sort of like if you go to Utah, yeah, it's either straight lace Mormons or chicks with tattoos all over their faces and super aggressive piercings who would tell you they were in the Mormon community. And then they broke out. And when they broke out, they went hard. No, there are no agents are just just blonde people. But I know aesthetically, but they like death metal in chief Jeffrey scat humor. So that's their breaking out. Yes, right? Yeah, it's not all. It's sort of like I always say like it's like with Japanese. It's straight lace dudes and brown suits or it's full slammed acura spike tear like eating and their porn is gentle right right right right right for a thousand knots. They don't so they don't have a middle like we the United States is mostly one big middle. It's like sort of people with like one tattoo or one earring or they got a truck, but it's not lifted. You know, they like music, but they also they also they also want to hear, you know, steely Dan or something like it's not all we're not pushed to an edge, right? Like there's a thing like when you grow up and your dad was super religious and super controlling and now you're just a whore, right? That's that's what happened to me, right? Right. That's kind of what I was getting at. So Norway doesn't do it physically, but they do it kind of emotional. If they have little moments where they go, hey, okay, I'll come and watch something out right. So this is I've never done many many years ago. When I first got to America, I was I was that they inquired whether I wanted to do the roasts, right? And I never grew up with roast culture nor did I, you know, and this is way back. This is like Joan Rivers roast, you know what I mean? And it's like I remember thinking I don't really want to tell a 90 year old woman that she's had too much plastic surgery. Right. It just doesn't see it. But Americans are super conservative in comedy and then you have a push. Yes. Where where where you do the roast and now we're just being out like full on racist. We're full on this. We're full on that and everyone goes, it's a roast. It's a roast. We're okay, which I find a little bit weird because I try to be as outrageous as I can be. And then I'm not as outrageous as the roasts are. So I don't want to put my, do you understand what I'm saying? Yes. It's it's it's you Americans need to have a little release as well. Right. Right. Yeah. The roast is is that because you know racist stuff is tough. Can't do it. I do what's a fair, I do what you can do. So they just did Kevin Hart and half the jokes were about lynching him. You're right. Right. Right. You're not doing lynching routines. Are you? No. No. Good. Good. Good. No. No. I get. Yeah. You can't go that hard in the paint as they say. Although it was, it was weird. We we have a fucked up culture because there was a like a lynching joke or I think they made fun of George Floyd or something. Right. A lot of the jokes was it. It was like a career criminal junkie basically. Oh, dude. But okay. But they also made a joke about Charlie Kirk and no one asked like, what about that? Like they just went like, how are you going to explain this to the George family? A George Floyd family that you made a George Floyd? It's like the other guy was a taxpayer with a with a nice family of creative jobs. And no one really gave a shit that there was a joke about. And I have my opinions on this. But do you think the comedians who do the roast? And I'm not throwing any shade on people who do the roast. People love these shows. So there's definitely a market for it. Do you think the vast majority of the comedians who do the roast enjoy it? Or do you think it's something that they're doing a career boost? Because I hear stories of people going back to dressing rooms and having a cry. Yeah. I know. I'm too thin skinned. I don't want to get up there and be roasted the whole time. I think it's a tough move to do it completely. But I'll tell you all I know about Rose. I've done three of them. I did Pam Anderson. I did a Hugh Heffner. And I did Alec Baldwin. They're a fun three. Yes. That's a fun three. Yes. And they were now first things first. There were just Helter Skelter back in the day. You'd show up with three by five note cards. And everyone had all their jokes on a three by five card. And you just sit there and just be on your lap and you'd be going eighth and someone would go up and they do your joke. Or they do a joke that was too close. And you just take that card out, fold it up, put it in your pocket because you weren't going to do that joke. So obviously there's going to be a lot of repetition if you go. Nobody knew who who who's jokes were what. And so yeah, by the if you want 10th and you're talking about Pam Anderson's fake tits. Well believe me, there were a whole bunch of similar jokes. So that wasn't well planned out. Like the other thing they did is they had no time limit. They just Tommy Davidson did my roast. I did the Hugh Heffner roast. I didn't use it. I think what I'm sorry in New York. I think it was flying home from New York where I saw him hugging it out with Jim Brown. But I was also Jim Brown. I hope you're sitting down has no sense of humor. Right. Because I we were stuck on the plane when they landed an LAX. We couldn't get they wouldn't let us off the plane. They said there was a bomb warning in the the term.
And so we're not going to let anyone off the plane and I was sitting in first class with him and I go Jim We got to get off this plane and I'll tell you what I'm gonna need you to lead block for me. I'm gonna need to lead the way or go out the jet way you break right I'm gonna break off your block cut left and run to daylight and he just looks at me and goes I don't block for anybody I thought this is a serious plan Even though he was 67 at the time his thing was like I tote the rock. I don't block I'm not doing it now. I just love the fact that he just took me seriously, but anyway, Tommy Davidson did The roast and was just completely 100% cut out of the roast Just 100% he did like 15 minutes. They didn't have time limits So guys are gonna up there and just fucking do like 22 minutes and the big problem is is if you're going ninth At some point you got to take a piss. Yeah, you're just sitting up there in that day It's you're getting into hour number four now. Mm-hmm. They're gonna chop the whole thing down Dick Gregory did 30 minutes. He just walked around talking about civil rights I was once on a on a stand-up show and I knew within the first joke That this audience didn't like me. This is maybe 25 years ago Mm-hmm And so I just started saying kind of a lot because I knew it was on network TV Got myself cut out of the show three Now they put everything on a prompter everything's on a clock You got six or seven minutes. It's all mapped out and because all the shit is vetted in advance They'll go like Jeff Ross as a joke. That's really pretty much like that joke So let's take that one out and so they worked it all out. That's what I'm saying I still don't want to do it because as I said, I don't know if I want to be beaten up on stage I don't fucking know if it was a friend of mine if it was roasting a friend of mine Well, someone that I knew reasonably well. I'd be well up for it For me, I I didn't know what I was doing. Most of my stuff most of people beating on me were just me and Jimmy Kimmel or gay You know jokes, but if you can't say that anymore. You're not really gay. That doesn't really bother you, you know what I mean But was that was that a running theme back in the day? I used to watch the man show in Australia. Oh, you did in Australia was on cable TV and I watched it, you know, look there was no internet It was the closest I could get to porn in many cases. Yes. I was big fan. Oh, thank you Well, we're trying to sort of recreate a Benny Hill Situation Benny Hill like I said Benny Hill was when it like I said Benny Hill with the Hills Angels that was That was Jack as a kid. I remember the Hills Angels would come on so that my dad would watch Benny Hill And then there'd be pretty girls dancing around right thought it was brilliant As I said pre-internet that was all I had I know what the Benny Hill each week. Do you know who one of the Hills Angels was no? Daphne from Frazier. Oh really with the accent and everything. Yes, she was from England. She was cute Daphne even she's also in the movie the meaning of life. Oh, really she's one of the girls I believe she's one of the girls running topless behind, you know, Mark chapter Graham Chapman's Yeah, I choose his own death, and he has all the topless women running after him. Yes Funny. I'm a I'm a I'm a real so you know film file type of guy You just worked on a film in Australia, right? I just did a So I okay, so I I'm did a movie called headless, which is there still still in the can I don't know how I'm gonna come out of the problem I have with it is I'm speaking in a Texan accent. Uh-huh, and I filmed it in Australia with all Australians around me So I might be close I did me best. I did it. I did it. I did another movie called him Which it was so it's two horror movies in a row now, which was like a Jordan Pill produce movie And so I don't know I don't even really watch horror movies. They're not really my jam as such I find them scary. I like to watch comedies and thrillers and stuff Yeah, I don't like to watch Gore, but I now I've been in two gory horror films Well, let's hear headless by the way was my nickname and high school. Yeah. I was a joke. I made a rad set every every day I did not get a lot of blow jobs, but I do want to I do want a women's eyes up for them back Then as they are now and I believe it was the same reason we're big pubes All right, we're intending. Yeah, can we expect? Yeah the whole world? Yeah to do that when we weren't giving them the best work Your I was very athletic as a kid. I was always playing sport. I wasn't at least but I was moving all the time right right then with a big bush Yeah, who am I to complain about not getting blow jobs the musk the bush. Yeah, the lather you'd work up out kick in a soccer ball all day No, no, we're so we're wearing wife fronts that cut into the side of the scrotum Not the not now we all wear the little shorts, right? The little underwear. Yeah, yeah There are no box of brief box of briefs, right? And then there was an era in the light knownies where we all decided to wear like comical silk Boxes shorts. Yeah box shorts. We'd like Mickey Mouse and the stuff to show that we were fun. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's not a silk sweats terribly Yes, that's not a good one. So let me hear your your Texas Twang well. Well, all I did was I watch myself a lot of Walton Guggins. Oh, yeah, then I tried to watch I can't do it now because that's not bad Having been practicing as much as it's pretty good, but I played so I'll tell you what happened the film in the first thing in the film I'm if I can I step out of a dodge Pickup truck and I'm a sheriff type of step out of it dodge pick up track. Where's the movie supposed to take place? Oh, it takes A lot of films get filmed in a style. Yeah, I get it. You know, and um, you know, it's the same place where they film the Elvis movie You know, so it's like right anyway, so so I meant just about this vehicle and because it was like a rented American vehicle So the steering wheel was on the left hand side rather than being on the right hand side, right because we're American to show you how the steering wheel on the right. I had to get a briefing Right because you know, you know, how movies are especially after what happened when they're like bald when everything's briefing's briefing breathing's this gun's empty And so so the guy comes up and goes all right mate. So you're going to be driving an American Dodge car Okay, the steering wheel is going to be on the left hand side. You will have to understand that your dimensions You know are going to be different. You're going to have to give away a bit more on the right there when you're driving it. All right, and I went mate I've lived in America for 17 years And I drive a Dodge. That's right. I'm good to go. Right. I'm good to go So all I had to do was I had to drive into the parking lot, but it was one of those column shifty ones, right? Yeah, I did drive in I had to step out I had to take my jacket off and to throw that in the back of the pickup And I had to walk into the building. Uh-huh. No problem. I drive in a park my car I come out. I try to look as cool as fuck and sort of look around. I take my jacket off I got it throughout the car's fucking rolling away. I did I put it into neutral. I thought I picked it incomplete. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, and easy to do with the column And it was on a flat. So it was rolling very gently. Yeah, but it is just comically gently Yeah, right. It's just like yeah, all right. Can I have that briefing again, please? I did a uh, I don't know if you're like me, but there's nowadays Everyone's got a podcast. Everyone streams a show. Yeah, kind of hard to tell which ones are popular and which ones aren't You can't tell someone tells you. Oh, this is a real popular show. You've never heard of it Oh, it's called two birds making muffins. It's a two women who's sitting a kitchen and make muffins But it's super huge and you just go and then you can talk about your life a little bit, right? So I Was supposed to do I did a show this morning and It was I was told it's a you know WH whatever something in Florida and I It's a station in Florida. I thought it was a TV station, but it turned out It was an MMA show, right, and it was two dudes doing an MMA show and I'd never heard of it I don't care by the way. I'll go on anyone show and talk about anything. I wasn't bothered by the guys or anything, but we had a Bad connection and the guy got out of the gate with a question and I'm going to let you hear it And I want you to know what it so the the thing the guy goes Look, it's an MMA show, but we're here to talk about other stuff, but I got to ask you an MMA question at the beginning You tell me if you can figure out what this MMA question is Welcome to not radio I'm doing well. Thanks. A lot of things to talk about. I know you're coming to the Tampa Bay area next week And we'll get to our promise in 30 seconds, 45 seconds. We'll see you found out
and realize really that you're an MMA fan and this is knockout radio. I've come you have to see longer than in the world. Yeah, let's start taking something with. A couple questions that really send me off. People always tell me till now it's not a big deal. A, fights that are in the Hall of Fame wing of the UFC, because I do not. Do I consider who Hall of Fame? Two fighters that are in the fight of the whole, you know, the fighting of the Hall of Fame. All right. You got to pause it there. Now, all right. So is he talking about a fight that takes place on the at the Hall of Fame? Or is he talking about fighters that are going into the Hall of Fame? Oh, I also, it's a weird enane question. You know, who's your favorite MMA member? John Jones. Okay. Now, let's talk about the show. I was thinking that he was saying that there's a fight that's going into the Hall of Fame as in this fight is like the, I think the rumble in the jungle or whatever and it's made it whole fine. I think he is, but it's so choppy that I can't tell if he's saying a fight like a, I ended up saying, well, they have a Hall of Fame football game. There's an induction, the Hall of Fame, and then they play a football game. Right. So I don't know if there's an induction at the Hall of Fame and a fight at the Hall of Fame, but yes, I'll let it go on, but you tell me what I'm supposed to do with this, but I don't even know what the question is exactly. Maybe two fighters should be in or shouldn't be in every year. They put a fight in Hall of Fame. Right. Don't say Frank Trigg versus you. Frank Trigg, one of my closest friends. I put a fight in the Hall of Fame, and I'm think he means they're having a fight at the Hall of Fame, but he says put a fight in the Hall of Fame. He means a fight that happened a year earlier gets inducted into the Hall of Fame, but he's angry or he wants to know. Is there an actual building? Sometimes Hall of Fame are in the hearts and minds of children everywhere, right? Where they just go, you're in the Hall of Fame. So baseball has the Hall of Fame that you can actually go. Cooper's down. Yeah. You know, there's a comedy one. No. There's one in whatever city, uh, Lucille Ball was born in whatever town she was born in. It's her home. I would say whatever city Jim Jeffrey's is currently in. Well, I'm in the Hall of Fame. I got to speak as a hologram. Well, I've never been there for one thing. There's, there's a whole George Carlin section for stuff, right? Because you went on really stuff. But I've never been. I've never been. I don't know the name of the town, but if anyone wants to go, there's a comedy hall of fame somewhere. All right. I'm not, I'm not in it. I'm just presenting in it. I haven't been put into it. Roll it back like 10 seconds. Oh, let's just see. Now what would you do if you're me? Cause between the choppyness and it's also an enane question. He, oh, let's see what he's asked. Just like the both of them. I'm sorry. So you were choppy, uh, two fighters who should be in or shouldn't be in. No, every time every year, they put a fight in Hall of Fame. Oh, in Hall of Fame. Right. Don't say Frank Trigg verse. Thank you. But Frank Trigg's not a Hall of Fame or the fuck is in the Hall of Fame. Okay. So with an MMA fan, I'm, I'm just curious, you know, where you stand with that. All right. First off, this is the deepest cut question on MMA ever. That has an opening question. You have warmed into the conversation in any way. You start with who's your favorite fighter? What do you think of Brock Lesnar? Uh, who, uh, who you're looking forward to coming up? Did you watch the last card? You know, stuff like that. He's saying they have a fight that they induct into the Hall of Fame every year. But sometimes the guys who are in the fight aren't Hall of Famers or potential Hall of Famers. And he doesn't like it. And he wants to know where I stand on it. And I don't even know. It's sort of like saying, do you like chocolate ice cream or vanilla ice cream? I'm going to take a stand. It's like sort of like, there is no right answer to this. And look, if it's a kick ass fight between two unknowns who will never get into the Hall of Fame, you still should put it in the Hall of Fame. If the fight is that good. That's probably where I land. But it's also a weird question to ask some of the guys were nice and everything. I'm not, are you still more a job? I know you're a boxing. You're still more a boxing guy. No, I like MMA probably more just because there hasn't been enough action in that in that arena. This is because boxing is sucked in the last 10 years, really. Yeah. I would say if there was because too many people have crossed over to UFC or MMA. If there's like a Tyson Holyfield type situation. That's the best. I think that's the best thing in sport is when we got two heavy weights in the whole world's watching it. It's been a long time. Right. Right. I mean, you got Tyson Fury and also there is a thing about boxing in that it's a little like gymnastics in the in this sense. You know, you go gymnastics. You know, God, see these guys on TV. They look so amazing when you see them in person. They're five, five. Right. None of them could sell their sperm. But they're amazing athletes. Imagine a gold medalist shows up at the sperm depository and you're like, your sperm is no good here with your gold medal. But here's what I'm saying. At a certain point, you know, you go Tyson fights Holyfield. This is an amazing fight. Okay. Well, let's talk dimensions. Tyson is five, 10, five, 10 and a half. I don't know. I don't know. It's about six, three or something. He's no. Tyson is under six. No, no, Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson. Okay. Holyfield is six, one, six, two, three, and a six, two. Mike Tyson's short. Yeah. Tyson's short. So he's coming in five, 10, two, 18. Holyfield's coming in six, two, two, 20 or two, 18, two. And now they're meeting in the middle of the ring. And it's like watching gymnastics. Now the guys are six, nine, six, 10, 285 pounds. They're too long to do the ballet, to do the gymnastics. They can still knock out people out. It doesn't look the same. Their limbs are so long and they're so big. And that's, and that's why when you see fly weights, you go, look at that guy's hand speed. Look at that guy's technique. You know, the guy looks amazing because they're gymnasts. They're gymnasts, they're 130 pounds. One time I was doing this show and your next guest was Manipack out. Mm-hmm. Right. And he was coming into the studio and I walked past him and I've got a bit starstruck. You know, I've watched all of these fights. Sure. A little tiny fella. Right. Right. I, one time was parting, I just say parting. James Town, New Yorkers were the comedy, Hall of Famous. Yeah. I was, I was parting in Vegas and it was before the Mayweather packy hour fight and I somehow got in the same circle as Ricky Hatton. Ricky Hatton was doing Hall of Commentary because he had just lost to Mayweather. Oh, he lost the, no, he beat, he, he lost to Mayweather. He lost to Mayweather, right? Yeah. And so I was out there and, and look, tragic into his life, Hatton. Oh, he had a tragic hand. He recently committed suicide. Yeah. He did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was the toast of the town. He, he had a song that they would sing when they were in Ricky Hatton. No. They had another one walking in a Ricky Wunderland. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He literally would walk into the venue and the whole place was singing his name, but it was a Christmas song. Yeah. Yeah. Walking in a winter Wunderland. Yeah. Walking in a Hatton Wunderland. Yeah. And he used to hang out with Oasis all the time. He was pretty much unbeaten and then he ran into Mayweather and that's what happened. We know how that story ends with so many, so many people. Well, then when I, by the time I saw myself, last year, about I would say almost a year to the day, but we really find this information out pretty quick. I'm sure, but but I remember he was a bit belligerent. He'd also gotten fat. It'd only been a year since he'd done the Mayweather fight before the Mayweather Pacquiao fight. He'd probably been drinking pretty good. He was drinking and other things. Right. Right. He was parting pretty hard and I was still at that stage as well, drinking and having fun. But I remember thinking he was being quite belligerent and there was one bloke who he might have said something to or I'd off this bloke's bird, you know, his girlfriend or wife, whatever. And the guy got a bit sort of like, what the fuck's wrong with it? And I was like, no, no, don't do that to him. And it's like at the end of the day, still someone who's five five, right? Right. So a little tiny filler that can knock the shit out of you. Right. When do we get that date? Ricky Hatton. When did Ricky Hatton? The guy who doesn't get his due that was never beaten is a Welsh guy, Joe Calzacchi. He died in 2025. 2025. So am I right? Yeah. No, 14th of September. So you're right there. This is our Ricky Hatton, you know, almost right at the one year anniversary. Any committed suicide? I believe that's the case, yeah. I believe that you might have looked at a few too many punches to the head and had a bit of the, what is it? C-T-U or U-T-C? Yes. U-T-I. You're right. The only hung himself. If you're listening to my wife, U-T-I's will really get you.
she reckons they're very painful did um he hung himself okay I do you get I get I get the concept of suicide yes I get it you're for for a ton of reasons oh well here a little Ricky Hatton theme song when he enters the ring yeah that's the British guy so there's a there's a football manager called Jim Jeffries in the UK right I think he he's recently passed away as well and he used to coach hearts which was the Edinburgh team I had no knowledge of this the first time I go up and perform in the Edinburgh festival all audience had all these songs written about me oh because they think it's and I and no because they just they they repurposed they just repurposed and he's just we've just got from the football we can just sing it now yeah cheer up Jim Jeffries or what can it mean you're right big fat cut with a shit house stand up routine and I'm like how much effort are these guns put into this and all they change was shit house football team right should have stand up routine like I didn't take much for him I I like it I got to say I don't get hanging yourself I get the OD on the drugs part I get the gun I get the gun I get the gas yeah they're in the gases meant to be I get a con the hanging of yourself it that feels aggressive and also the slitting of wrists yes yes letting it feels like oh yeah a lot no I think you know the combination of the drugs and the bag over the head or something like that like I totally get it I did the hanging first off hanging feels I I can build the house but I would not be confident that I could hang myself correctly I also want to do it where none of my loved ones could find me so I don't know if you like the motel room she's the poor maids who work at shitty motels yes that's what I'm saying the amount of times they've had the walk in and oh fuck if I was to kill myself in a hotel room I would definitely leave a 20 grand tip in an envelope for the maid yeah I mean you go in a hotel I'm just respectful yeah you beat off twice and you leave 20 bucks yeah I mean you hanging yourself that's a different so now I can leave 20 grand and 20 bucks well I'll fold it in that's always the Michael Hutchins thing is like like the big debate whether he hung himself or not right but they found cocaine in the room you don't you don't leave cocaine yeah yeah you finish cocaine you finish cocaine before you kill yourself at least you finish it yeah I mean there was so you also had in the fighter department in the hanging fighter department you had oh shit what was the all action fighter I don't mean to be I don't mean to be nasty but these fighters have very thick necks the news could just slip over their heads and their necks are the same size kids and differential Jim Jeffries the footballer still alive oh is he by the way football manager yeah oh he came to some of my shows I'm glad to hear that he's still alive yeah he was a good dude we did photo opportunities and everything together me and him find me the fighter who hung himself in Puerto Rico although they think his wife killed him and you're gonna know this guy there's a theory on they go there's so many drink driving deaths that there isn't as many drink driving deaths as we think some of them are suicides where oh if you're gonna do it anyway you're probably gonna be drunk while you do it anyway right right like it just went through over a bridge and into the right yeah so it was a suicide there was alcohol any system right then they go drink driving right but there'd be alcohol in your system if you're if you're killing yourself to the Italian fighter who had the had Arturo Gotti Rocky Bell Bowie Arturo Arturo Gotti right who had those epic wars he was a he never was a champion but he was just an all action guy who had all these crazy wars with Mickey Ward he was like in Puerto Rico found dead of Brazil sorry the resort town in Brazil oh not Puerto Rico oh okay well there's 23 year old wife on their second honeymoon how old was she on the first honeymoon hung them hung by a purse a purse strap and there's a lot of like did he do this or did she do this but we're in a place that doesn't really care so that was what happened the suicide ruling and facility now is she what is she later released would you like to date her now my wife would be disappointed she disappointed also cow can you really date someone who is sort of like a little mystery surrounding did they take out the husband or not the ongoing suspicion is Gotti Gotti's family and friends and heavily dispute the official findings that he they hired a private investigator who argued that the strap was too weak too short to support the weight of him he and her name's Amanda Rodriguez it's a very common name she'll be able to slip through the cracks very easily and start dating other men before before they phone this out no one would spot her and go wait a minute you're the bitch you try to kill Arturo Gotti Amanda yeah a man is troubled yeah yeah she lit there's enough man on this earth that she'll go she could just look you in the face and go I killed my last husband we get you wouldn't do it twice got out of your system you wouldn't do it that's right you'll get caught if you do it a second time so I'm willing to risk it on this relationship what he's showing us a picture of Benny Hill stop that what is that he's been oh that's Benny Hill and whoever was on Frazier that definitely that's definitely oh my god oh definitely holy hell bit saucy they're definitely saucy everything sounds better that's a British term bit saucy no I like it it's you know what I like is when when British guys do that if a if a woman has a walk like a good walk where her ass like does that it walks a compliment in England is to go ding dong oh really bringing a bell yeah like ringing a bell where they walk by it's gonna go ding dong I'll tell you one thing that got right in England is calling women birds because as I see them fight more and more now I realize that's what birds do so the song blackbird mm-hmm he's about Rose Parks the Beatles song yep it's about you've always waited for this moment to arrive blackbird fight and so they do similar inside but literally Paul McCartney's he goes in a great that blackbird went to the back of the back of the bus oh blackbird yeah oh yeah oh it's really great that that blackbird did that yeah that's where it comes from that's interesting yeah never knew that and it's like one of the sweetest most acoustic sort of like yeah yeah yeah touches your soul song and it was just literally Paul McCartney calling Rosa Parks a blackbird well now Jim pardon me but an hour ago you said for any Mercury had AIDS during life I'd be wrong this day then you told us then you told us that your name say Jim Jeffrey's footballer was dead I know I've been wrong now you're telling us this I don't know I've got a thumbs up I got a thumbs up from the booth all right here we go uh similarly at Paul McCartney office mr. Hayburn oh on the white album too on the white album that is crazy all right Jim let's go out and we go and I'm gonna say that Rosa Parks is dead okay we'll check that during the break uh live shows Jim jeffries.com is where you go uh live shows all over the place go to Jim jeffries.com and check out his podcast at this moment as well hold on she died in 2005 she had a good run that is a good run uh always great speaking to my friend thanks for having me go to Jim jeffries.com to find the two of dates my podcast is ATM Adam whenever you want me on the show man always have a blast thanks very good time we'll be right back Morgan and Morgan one time my buddy had an accident I kept telling him hire an attorney help recoup get a little compensation and he didn't and the cost piled up and uh he couldn't work for a while and that's why encouraged people to use Morgan and Morgan Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm they have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 1000 lawyers with over 30 billion dollars recovered for over 500 thousand clients Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record for fighting for full and fair compensation so if you're injured by the negligence of another you deserve to be paid and that's why you choose Morgan and Morgan am I right Dawson? They're fee is free unless they win yes that's right they're fee is free unless they win to learn more go to forthepeople.com slash out
or click the link in the description below. To learn more, go to FORThePeople.com/Adam or click the link in the description below. This is a paid advertisement. Hello, and welcome to Pluto Fo. Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. Mean girls. So excited. I'm the key in the world. And so much more for showtimes. Press nothing. They're free 24/7. That is so fast. On Pluto TV, stream now. Pay never. All right. Andrew has news. Now I got a quick thing. I brought my phone in. Nice. Thank you, 'cause I got as we were on the road. And I'm now realizing I get paranoid talking to people. Now I don't get paranoid about talking to people, but what I get paranoid is they're going to fuck up what I'm telling them to do all the time, because I don't know what's going on, but people can't concentrate anymore. So in the sandwich world. Like here's the way I feel about kiosks and whatever else we're talking about, mechanization. You're like, you want to put these people out of a job? Fuck yes, I do. The perpetual fuck ups. Everybody I talked to you behind a counter just gets everything wrong all the time. And I feel the same way about self-driving cars. Like you're gonna trust these robots. I sit in LA behind people who've lived here for 50 years and don't know they can turn right on a red. The fucking robot car knows they can turn right on a red. I have the worst drivers in the world. Of course I welcome an automated car. There'll be far less accidents and traffic will flow much better. I feel the same way about the human being and almost every interaction I have. So it started in the morning. We were staying in a place and I saw this restaurant that said chicken salad chick and I was with August. And I said, I like chicken salad, Mike. And he said, I love chicken salad. And I said, it's like the most underrated and he goes, it is. And then I go, I go, you know, everybody orders a turkey or a club or a BLT but a chicken salad sandwich is awesome. And then he goes, yeah, I agree. And then we ranked our salads. You know, we thought chicken salad, egg salad, tuna salad. Yeah, tuna's below egg salad. Sorry. Now if you're smart, you go with the suicide. You go with the chicken salad, egg salad mix or the tuna salad, egg salad mix. But either way, we decided that we needed chicken salad. So I went there, it's kind of place you order at the cash register and then they just bring it to the table, right? Yeah. So I said, I'm going to get the tuna, I'm going to get the chicken salad. And they said, fine. And then they go, you want, now I'm particular about sandwiches and that I love tomato. On my sandwich, I love cheese on my sandwich. I love lettuce on my sandwich. So he goes, you want lettuce? I go, yeah, he goes, you want tomato? I go, yeah, he goes, you want cheddar cheese? I go, yeah, he goes, okay. Then 10 minutes later, the guy brings out the sandwich and it's got cheese and it's chicken salad but there's no tomato and no lettuce. Which of course, because it has to be, because it's impossible because that's where we're at now. Like, people are done concentrating. Everyone under 40 can't fucking, if you start bringing up a number in front of anybody, under 40, they don't know that you're fucking talking about anymore, like, it's all for shit. So. And this was Saturday at New York, excuse me, Friday at noon. Yeah. And so I go to the guy, I go, hey, guy comes back. I go, excuse me. I don't like sending the sandwich back. I go, but it's two halves, it's two halves, right? Yeah. Not in half, it's two sandwiches. I go, could you just bring me out? You forgot the tomato and you forgot the lettuce. But just go back and get a little plate and just bring me out tomato and lettuce so I can put it on myself. And he goes, okay, comes back five minutes later with two ultra thin sliced tomato wheels, like 16th of an inch thin, two, and then one small piece of lettuce. So now I have two sandwiches and one piece of lettuce. So now I have to go for round two. I go, no, I go, hey, I need another piece of lettuce and two more pieces of tomato for this, there's two sandwiches and go, oh, okay. You can't rip the lettuce like the baby. No, it's not perforated. So then he goes, sorry, fine, we do it. And I go, what the fuck is it with sandwiches and people? And by the way, once you forget the tomato and the lettuce, just come back with a head of lettuce and a five tomatoes. Like now, I don't want to send you back again, but I'm doing it. So then that night, you were with us. That night, two shows at the club. Mike says, I'm going to a deli, I'm ordering sandwiches. - Going to Jason's deli. - So then you go, you ruined it for me. You go, I'll have a tuna sandwich. And then Mike says, what do you want? And he was leaving and I said, Mike, just leave. And I'll just text you what I want. So then here's the following text I write to Mike. Turkey, Mayo, mustard, tomato, avocado, cheddar cheese, on sourdough. Then I write another text. Side of slaw and tell them smoked turkey police, 'cause I saw on their website, they had smoked turkey, which is enjoyable. Then I write a third. Can they toast the sourdough bread, please? Even those between shows and I'm a big name comedian, I still take time to write your word police. All right, so Mike comes back 20 minutes later and Andrew has a tuna sandwich and I have a tuna sandwich and that's it. - Was your bread toasted? - Toasted? - All right, I think I have. - Tuna. - Now I say to Mike, there's always a question mark with Mike. Mike, did you read this today because I read it to him. You read it to them because it's tough with Mike. It's tough with Mike. You don't know. And he goes, I read it to him two times. I said, all right. Who might argue with Mike? I just got fucked over on a chicken salad sandwich half a day earlier. So I don't know. I know you got that face. - It's inconclusive. - It's inconclusive because he's reading it and he's thinking what he just said. But I've got a strand of the mic August in me. I can every now and then that's a pretty big X variable. - Well, then I'm going to blame you for ordering the fucking tuna. - That's my fault. - Exactly. - So now I got a tuna sandwich instead of my smoked turkey and it was my fault for asking all the specifics on it. Oh, and by the way, a lump of sauerkraut. And then I go, no coleslaw and I go, now. I go, deli? Deli, no coleslaw. Now, I go, okay. All right, so I got sauerkraut instead of coleslaw and not the sandwich I wanted. And then the following day we go to a Mexican food place and I order taco alacard and then I go, they go flour or corn and I go corn tortilla and then I do my 20 minute diet tribe about how corn tortillas are so much better than flour tortillas, even though Mike orders flour every time and then we get flour tortillas. 'Cause you know what Mike does? He fucks up everyone's order with his counter order. But it's the funniest thing. John Clay Wolf, you know John Clay Wolf. Yeah, good dude. Me, him and his wife and Mike pull through like a Chick-fil-A whatever, right? And we're ordering to the thing and John Clay Wolf, 'cause wife, 'cause he's a woman, she's like, I'll have the tea, but I'll have the unsweetened lemon iced tea and the guy's like, and then at some point they go, Mike, what do you want, and he goes, I'm gonna have the sweetened iced tea, sweetened iced tea and I'm like, all right, and I just look at her and go, there goes your fucking tea. There goes your fucking tea. And then of course we come, we get in the car, we're going to the airport and she sips off her tea and goes, oh man, the guy gave me, 'cause Mike undid it. Yeah, and Mike undid it. Mike undid it. He undid, it's happened to us three times now where they go, flour corn and I go, I like corn tortillas, I want corn tortillas and then Mike'll go, flour, flour, flour. And then they just come back and they drop off a pile of flour tortillas. Yeah. He undid your fucking orders, what he does. I got, I got, I got, I got, Tuna, 'cause you, I got flour, 'cause of Mike and then I had to fucking send the taco back and it's like, this is three times in 24 hours. People are fucking brain dead now. There's no longer, there's no such thing as you ordering anymore without it being fucked up. Yeah. All right. We use a football player. See, he'll pop you on the head, upside the head, just to get you distracted. That's right. They'll do, yeah, you don't see, find out. In time, we go upside to man. Well, woman's head. All right, what do you got in the news? Well, speaking of football.
We have a high school football coach in California was fired after delivering an angry tirade and then kicking a football but the football ended up hitting one of his players and we'll just watch this. I don't want to spoil it for you. What ball coaches are supposed to yell? I got yelled at by so many fucking coaches. Actually, you're listening. It hit hit the player in the groin. Yeah, but that guy's being a sauce. He's laying on the ground. Get the fuck up. You're showing your coach up. Oh, listen, you're supposed to wear a cup out there, son. You're supposed to wear a cup out there. Oh, he's still on the ground. I don't know. I think this kid's a sauce and I got to help him. Hey, listen, shot and not hurts, but if you're wearing a cup, you're fine. I don't know. Sometimes it gets you right in the cup and the outline of the cup can hurt. Listen, I backed the under. I backed the coach. I backed the coach. It's a tough game. You have to protect yourselves at all times. I backed the coach. I've been kicked in the back of the sack. Oh, man. Well, yeah, it's important. I think a good tough coach every now and then can help shape the other man, but that rich eyes and kicked the fucking football right up my ass. I didn't say anything. I laughed. Supposed to wear a cup. You're supposed to wear a cup. I can't fire a guy for that. And also, you know what I don't like? He kicked the ball. If it missed the guy, then he doesn't get fired. It's if it hits him in the chest, he doesn't get fired. It hits him in the nuts. He gets fired. It's totally random. Yeah, that. All right. Okay. There is a there's an element of chance here. If it hits him in the shin, I get it. Football's tough. Keep the fucking coach. All right. What else we got? Oh, this is a fun story out of Houston. This looks like like an origin story for a new buddy cup movie. We have an overweight female cop stops to ask an Uber driver to help them catch a bad guy in Houston. This is a pretty, this is a great video. I hope this isn't staged. Hmm. Perfect runny. There you go. Officer 2 is a chick. What? I don't think this is staged. Oh, well, listen, you can get fat chicks out trying to run perps down. Mm hmm. Yeah. Look, let me explain something. Can I explain some Andrew? You know how most normal people like us, we don't want truck drivers to like guys from Mumbai who can't fucking speak English. We don't want them driving semi trucks as they can't read the signs, right? Not equipped. You feel me like I don't want a five to 108 pound fire fighter because they can't carry me on a ladder out of the second floor. You understand? Hmm. So I need cops who can fight perps and people are getting big and female cops are getting the shit kicked out of them because they don't have the physical strength. So I don't mind like I want women in law enforcement. I just don't think patrolling the streets where they can deal like Andrew listen me. Yes. What if let's just forget about men and women, right? Let's just say your average criminal. Like the difference between your average woman and your average man is what six inches seven inches to high 75 pounds of weight or something like that. That's something we could Google. Something we could do. We could Google. Okay, Andrew. Let's just say I'm put out in the street. Forget about men and women. It's just men. But they just said Adam, most all these criminals are like six eight six nine and three hundred and ten pounds and you're going to have to do battle with them. I'd be like then I shouldn't be on the street. I'm not the guy for the job. I'm not the guy to be on the street. Well, that's the difference between these chicks and the average criminal they're fighting with. I mean like George Floyd. Remember what George Floyd looked like everyone? Would it be fair to have some five foot four chick who's 130 pounds wrestling with George Floyd? I see footage of these women getting knocked out all the time by these guys. It's not fair to them. No, it's not fair. You put them in danger. Well, if there were giant criminals, then I would want giant cops. So anyway, props to the army vet, Anthony Baines, the gentleman who was driving the uber when he saw the perp and the cops run towards him and then he just basically gave them a lift to catch this guy. So good for him. By the way, the difference is roughly six inches. That's what I guessed, but it says in 30 pounds and weight, but that's only because chicks got fat in the last five minutes because chicks didn't use to average 170. See what I'm saying? How can it only be 30 pounds and weight if the average dude, the average weight? Oh, in the United States, the average weight of a dude is 170 pounds? No. Hold on. No, that's female. Oh, Jesus Christ. Hey, what I just say, Andrew, chicks got fat. That isn't on the dudes. The average dude is 199 pounds. And the average chick is 170, holy shit. What is the, what qualifies a heavyweight class in boxing? 205. The one at 170, you're at light heavyweight or you're getting right near light set heavyweight. And then you're getting near cruiser weight after that. So every dude average dude in America is now heavyweight pretty much. Now, this is my hypothesis, not my hypotheses. It's not that men, there should be 70 pounds of difference, which I normally said because women should weigh 130 and guys should weigh 200 or whatever it is, at least 50 pounds. The fact is only 20 pounds is because chicks got 30 pounds is because chicks got fat. Now, what two classes, where does it get dangerous in terms of classes fighting against each other? Like, if a heavyweight fought a class below, a heavyweight could fight a cruiser weight, a heavyweight could fight even a light heavyweight. There's examples like holy field going from light heavyweight to like cruiser weight to like heavyweight, but that's back when heavy weights were six foot, six foot, one and two 19. Now they're super heavy weights. So you have Tyson Fury, who's like seven foot, you know, 285 pounds or something. But this is a big, here's your point. Like when does it get dangerous? I'm not going to answer that, but I'll tell you this because there is no answer, but here's the answer. Boxing has a new weight division like every 10, 8, 10, 12 pounds. That's how big a difference it makes. So, you know, a light heavyweight does not fight a middleweight even though they're only like 15, 17 pounds apart or something like that, welterweight, lightweight, cruiser weight. Like, there's a whole bunch of weight divisions within 50 pounds or 70 pounds. So it's a big advantage. So you having 30 pounds and six inches on someone, you could not get in the ring with that person. All right. Well, our next story, man, somebody stealing your, they're stealing your material. Yeah. A Hofstra professor is facing possible termination over a discrimination claim for using the word, excuse me, the phrase word salad. What? Yeah. He's in trouble. He's in trouble. Professor Richard Himmelfarpe made the remark at a November 3rd, 2025 faculty meeting about proposed new courses at the private Long Island University. Another professor in this guy, Santiago Slobatsky. What a pus. Well, he complained. He complained. Oh, he's a pussy then because he wanted to propose two new courses. One on conspiracy theories and another tying relation to revolutionary movements in Latin America. Slobatsky is from Argentina. Turns out a couple teachers, you know, pushed back at the idea and then he delivered a pretty long diatribe where he just talked about his professional accomplishments according to this story. And then after the rant, Himmelfarpe called out his colleague saying, that is complete word salad. I don't understand a thing, professor. Word salad is now like retard or colored or something. Is that what we're doing now or like Indian giver or something like that. Slobatsky, he filed a complaint alleging that the use of the term word salad disparaged his accent and his South American heritage. Okay. Well, he should be in fruit salad because he's supposed. All right, Las Vegas coming up September 11th and 12th over Kimmel's Club. Check that out and then Santa Ana. I'll be with, um,
I'll be with Jay Leno and Jordan Classic Cars on the 20th and check that out. Just go to mcroll.com for all the live shows until next time. I'm Carl for Jim Jeffries and Andrew, saying Mahala. You can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-174 for and get tickets to
[email protected]. Hello and welcome to Pluto foe. Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. Mean girls. Side up. Titanic. Express nothing. They're free 24/7. That is so fast. Express nothing. They're free 24/7. That is so fast. On Pluto TV, stream now, pay never.
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