Hey everyone, I have a really big announcement. My new book, re-write your story, how to step into your power and get the love you deserve is officially available for pre-order at GillianTereki.com/book. Our past and how we feel about ourselves determine the way that we love and what we believe that we are worthy of. And inside, you will learn real practical steps to heal old wounds from childhood, overcome attachment issues, and break painful relationship patterns that are getting in the way of your happiness. This is the most personal and practical work I've ever created and it will truly change your life. It is more than a book. It's a manual or a guide for healing, for secure relationships, for self-worth, and ultimately for letting go of the parts of your past that are continuing to haunt you. So again, it's available for pre-order at GillianTereki.com/book and I thank you all for being here and for your support. Hey everyone, welcome back to Gillian on Love. I am going to share with you seven very uncomfortable truths about dating. So if you or someone you know is dating or single, this is incredibly important that you share this with them and I will be doing this series for marriage and being in a relationship partnership very soon. But here I go. Seven extremely uncomfortable truths about dating. Number one, just because you're attracted to someone. It doesn't mean you should pursue a relationship with them. I mean the truth is we're going to be attracted to many people and just because we feel attracted to someone doesn't actually mean, it doesn't actually mean anything. I mean, well you can, there's lots of things that we're going to be drawn to in another person and I think what people are getting very confused on social media right now is now there's like this thing going around saying that like chemistry doesn't matter. Are you kidding? Like if you want it to be a romantic relationship, if you want there to be, if you want to be sexually active with your partner, chemistry is very important. But chemistry alone is meaningless. It has to be combined with feeling emotionally safe with someone, feeling like you compliment each other and bring out at least most of the time the best in one another. It means having similar life goals. It means feeling like you have a close friendship with them. Discernment is understanding that even if you're attracted to someone, there is still so much to learn about them before you can decide if this is someone that you should pursue a serious relationship with. Discernment is also this. It's having the enough self-awareness to know that like you might be attracted to a certain type, but you know that that type only brings chaos to your life. So you can have a laugh. Oh yeah, like yeah, of course I find this person attractive. This is the person I always find attractive. But I know that when I go down that route, it always leads to something bad. So I'm not going there anymore. So I can feel that I'm attracted to them, but I'm not going to follow that feeling. I'm going to acknowledge that feeling and move on and not give it so much weight. Number two, what I have found is that people will sleep together after one date, but they won't have a 30-minute conversation about what their boundaries are, what their expectations are, what their needs are. And the truth is if getting naked and sleeping with someone who you don't know is easier for you than having a 30-minute conversation about boundaries and needs and expectations, that's probably where your work is. And this is not a judgment. I think, you know, I think many of us have been here before. It's amazing to me, not just in the dating world, but just in relationships in general, how people are just not talking to each other about the things that really matter. These are the hard conversations, the ones that are a little bit awkward, the ones where we are afraid that if we say something, we're going to appear too needy or the vibe is going to get too serious, whatever it is. Like, we have to talk to each other. And no matter how sex-positive you might be or how free you are with your sexuality, like more power to you, but we also have to acknowledge that it can very much complicate feelings. And that has nothing to do with your attachment style or your childhood, especially if you are sleeping with someone who you feel connected to beyond just the physical. It's going to complicate feelings and feelings get hurt very easily in the dating world when people are not having these conversations and then jumping into bed and then having these expectations that are not met. And then afterwards, you know, not getting the phone call or present not wanting to be in the relationship or whatever it is. So if sleeping with someone feels easier than having a conversation about boundaries needs and expectations, that is where your work is. Have the conversations. It'll save you so much stress. This episode is sponsored by Warby Parker. I love Warby Parker. You probably know this already, but I'm a glasses girl. And so I've got several pairs and Warby Parker, I'm telling you, makes great glasses for a great price and I'm all about quality. It's hard. It's hard to get started. You know, it's to find glasses that fit your face, you know, that like look good on you that do not cost a fortune that are actually well made. And seriously, nothing comes close on quality price selection and customer service. And that's kind of why I'm obsessed with Warby Parker. You can literally try on glasses from your phone before you buy. It's wild. And when I wear my glasses, I get so many compliments. They're just beautiful. They're kind of like a deep brown. Yeah, they're just like the perfect combination of just like a little nerdy and a little chic. Just how I like it. So maybe the best part of Warby Parker, for every pair they sell, they also give a pair to someone in need. I love that. Warby Parker is covered by major eye insurance plans. They make it incredibly easy to use. Just enter your information to see if you're eligible for benefits on frames, contacts or eye exams. And if you are, they automatically apply them for you. Right now, buy one pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional pair at WarbyParker.com/jillion. That's 20% off any additional pairs. When you can purchase one pair at W-A-R-B-Y, parker.com/jillion. Number three, it is probably going to take longer than you would like to meet someone. It's not a guarantee. And it is a very uncomfortable truth, but you may have to go on a lot of dates with people who you don't feel a connection with before you actually meet someone who you do. You may even meet someone who you feel very attracted to and connected with, but it doesn't go anywhere. You may go on dates with people who are not available. And that's just kind of how it goes. I wish, oh boy, do I wish, I really wish it were easier because all I want is for people who want to find love, it's to find love. But if you can go into dating with the realistic expectation that it is going to take you longer than what you want to meet someone who is someone who you could actually start and pursue a relationship with, then again, you manage your expectations and then you're not so easily frustrated when you're not meeting someone fast enough. And so I know it sucks to be patient, but patience is a virtue here. Number four, the greatest dating advantage that you have, that anyone has, isn't your looks. It isn't even your confidence and confidence is important. It is literally self-respect. It is valuing yourself so much that you are willing to walk away from anyone or anything that does not align with what you want in a relationship. That is it. It is your willingness to convey to anyone you might be seeing, that you are not available for just a situation ship, that you are not available for games, that you are not available for mixed messages. I thought the same thing is, you know, taking it slow,
And it takes time to figure out whether there's a match there. But being willing to convey that by just not tolerating it, that is your greatest dating advantage. And the problem is that if we've been alone for a long time, if we feel the pressure of our own pressure, societal pressure, maybe family pressure, resting on our shoulders to be with someone, that hunger, that hunger to be, to be loved, that hunger to feel alive, that hunger to be partnered can be so incredibly overwhelming that we can throw all our standards and our dreams and our expectations and our needs out the window just because we met someone. And that's why that strength, that level of self-respect that says, I don't care what has to happen. I am not going to betray myself just to be, you know, just for some affection, some attention, some validation, for just any partnership, that is your greatest dating advantage. That's the most important thing. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. In case you had a notice, life doesn't really follow our plan. There's, you know, all sorts of things that can happen. Career changes, unexpected opportunities, definitely setbacks and major life events. And social media, family expectations, or just comparing yourself to others, can make it feel like everyone else knows exactly what they're doing and the truth is none of us know we're doing. BetterHelp is one of the leading online therapy platforms, having served millions of people globally. And there's a reason people rave about it. And it makes it easier to fit therapy into your routine, so with flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules and lifestyles. BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience and hold all required education, training, and certifications. You can meet with a range of professionals from marriage and family therapists to social workers and counselors. You do not have to navigate life's changes alone. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/onlove. That's better help. H-E-L-P.com/onlove. Number five. So if someone wants you, if someone actually really likes you, you actually will not be confused. People love to complicate dating because so many people are negotiating with another person's emotional availability or interest. And the truth is, you have to discipline yourself. You have to challenge yourself to stop analyzing someone's inconsistency or mixed signals because truly, it's either disinterest or it's some lack of capacity. It's not a mystery. It's truly one of those two things. You really won't be confused and you really don't need to overanalyze it and it's really quite clear. This is why, especially when it's just very early dating, just you got to keep living your life. You got to keep living your life and not make a stranger who you had a couple of good dates with so important to you. We tend to, when we meet, this is very common. There's that sort of scarcity mindset where we meet someone and then we tell a story in our heads about how it's been so long and I haven't felt a connection like this in a long time. And then all of a sudden, this person becomes incredibly important. This person who we didn't even know existed a week prior becomes so important to us as a huge mistake. You just have to live your life. And if someone is not interested or not showing you signs that they're interested, then it's truly okay. You don't have to analyze it. It's a total waste of energy. And this truth will set you free that I know. This episode is sponsored by What Not. My mom was the queen of the bargain find. She just could find anything that was just worth so much and get it for so little. Turns out it's my thing too. I found a designer bag on What Not for literally half of what it was going for anywhere else. It is so satisfying. I got to watch the seller show it up close. I got to ask questions about the condition and I bought it knowing exactly what I was getting. And that's actually the magic of What Not and why other apps actually don't compare. What Not is the number one live shopping app in the US. We're shopping happens in real time with real people, real conversations, and incredible deals. And if you have closed bags or accessories sitting in your closet, you no longer like use. What Not makes it easy to turn them into cash. Connect with shoppers and share your style and have fun going live while you do it. Tell you this is the future. Download What Not Today and get $20 off your first purchase. Search What Not, WHAT in the app store. Sign up and start finding the best deals on the products you love with $20 off your first purchase. Number six, the capacity to be alone, to be single and not suffer every day until you meet someone is one of the better guarantors of choosing someone who is loving and available and right for you. I'm not saying that you have to love being alone. I'm not saying that you have to love being single, but you do have to make peace with it. Because remember, it's probably going to take longer. You do kind of have to be willing to date a lot and put yourself out there and not let the disappointment of things not being a match, not get to you. Like there's like, you have to train your mind to be really strong and resilient and not to let, and not to get into learned helplessness, which is like, I'm never gonna meet anyone. You know, this is never going to happen for me, that story, that narrative. You have to really, really rewrite that script and just say, you know what, this is taking longer than I want. But, you know, and there are people who will ghost and there are people who will seem interested and then not interested, and I'm just gonna keep going because I have my eye on the prize. I know where I wanna go and I'm not gonna let anything stop me, particularly the voices in my head. That's the kind of mindset you have to have, but it's gonna be really difficult if you can't make peace with the fact that you're not in a relationship. Like you have to be able to enjoy an embrace singlehood, even if you don't want it. You have to enjoy sleeping diagonally in your bed. You have to enjoy not having to answer to anyone, you know, or relationship is a beautiful thing. It can be a very beautiful thing that can contribute very significantly to our well-being, but it is work and it does mean that you have to contend with another ego. And so enjoy this time now. It's the best of your ability. This episode is sponsored by Ocea. Oh, I love Ocea. Like truly telling you, love it. I'm into very clean skin care. You know, my skin can get very dry. If you feel like your skin need an extra layer to help lock and moisture, I'm telling you Ocea's hyaluronic body serum is a weightless gel serum. It's powered by five molecular weights of hyaluronic acid to deliver deep, multi-layer hydration for the body. And it smells so good. And I get so many compliments on my skin. When I put it on my body, it's crazy. It also contains anti-aging benefits and prevents visible signs of aging. Ocea's iconic award-winning Andaria Algae Body Oil is for skin that deserves more than lotion. And right now, we have a special discount just for you. Get 10% off your first order site-wide with code
[email protected]. That's code
[email protected]. And then number seven. If you want to know who someone truly is, see who they surround themselves with. Observe what kind of friend they are and the kind of friends that they have. Observe the company that they keep. If they're a parent, observe what kind of parent they are. Because you will learn more about this person and their character through the company they keep and who they surround themselves with and how they treat all those people in their lives. Focus on their character more than anything else and as much as chemistry matters, their character is the most important thing. Anyway, I hope this helps. Please do not hesitate to reach out at
[email protected]. Ask your questions there. I answer them. I answer most of those questions for Jillian on Love Plus, which is the subscriber episode. I also answer them on YouTube, on social media. And we read all your questions. So please do not hesitate. And if you have any requests for any episodes, let me and my team know because we design this for you. And until next time, thanks for being here. Jillianon Love.
Love is a Q-code production executive produced by David Henning and Steve Wilson, produced and edited by Travis Howe, Music by Will Tendi.
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