Jewish in the South w/ David Cross | History Hyenas

propel fitness water with gatorade electrolytes zero sugar and vitamins propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self what propels you propel with gatorade electrolytes all right guys we got a great episode coming at you we have the comedy legend david cross he laughed so hard his hat falls off if you want to see me i'll be in new york city thursday april 30th 6 p.m and 8 30 p.m new york comedy club more dates coming yeah see me in boston this weekend then west nyack new york the weekend after that then emmaus pennsylvania may 2nd patreon.com history hyenas join the matriarchy get the episodes ad free uncensored a day early extra bonus episodes every week another episode of history hyenas and it only costs you five beans and if you got a little scratch it'll cost you 10 and if you're a real sneaky you can get a little scratch it'll cost you 10 and if you're a real sneaky you can go for 25 enjoy david cross the bug what's up everybody welcome to another episode of history hyenas i'm chris estefano aka christy cholesterol with me as always yannis papas aka yanni faji yogurt and we have with us today a very very special guest a legend in the comedy game we have him sitting to our immediate left because we've kept it kosher for our jewish brother david cross oh thank you where's my aka oh david um david david cross aka doesn't believe in jesus okay okay doesn't really trip off the tongue okay um flow david cross david cross aka um uh uh david cross what could we do for him jesus doubter yes david david cross aka davy the jew okay well that's i guess in a different era that would mean something but in a friendly way you know what i mean like that's how that that's how they get you yes it's in a friendly way not like not like in a nasty way you know what i mean in a i love i'm excited way you know it's funny in historical when you look back at history and you look back at the nazis because he's german right yes none of the none of the high leadership none of the high leadership looked like you no it was never a guy like you like if it was a handsome guy like right with blonde hair who's six one talking i might be like you know what yeah you look at the leaders you have to be like you know what you have to be like hitler ugly goring fat fuck yeah himmler ugly isn't that funny gerbils ugly there were no hotties and two of them look like stephen miller yes like exactly like you look at that and go oh wow that's a good point and uh what was the other the guy at the hydric no the nuremberg uh trials was well the goring was the fame was the big big guy him la killed himself i'm just taking a guess was the zimler there yeah oh well herman goring um and then who else was oh yeah the other guy um hendrick himmler himmler himmler himmler heindrich himmler yeah gerbils yeah but himmler wasn't at the nuremberg goring was the big fish yeah borman borman spear secretary albert spear of course of course we forget the legend yeah yeah yeah um what a wild time that was what's wild too i've always had a bad party they had a bad but have you all been to germany uh yes yeah we went to uh we went to munich together yeah and then we went to dachau concentration camp visit it was wild yeah it was what was wild for us to notice is like you know we're comedians so whatever always down to like mess around but at the concentration camp we were like you know being pretty serious and respectful and then there were people there just like snapchat filtering it's they had a qr code on one of like the old gas chambers i was like what the hell you do yeah they should take your phone like they should take it yeah yeah yeah and the uh i thought i found the gift shop very distasteful yes the the little stress balls they yeah time or the place guys yeah not right it should be a somber it should really be somber it shouldn't be a somber gift shop yeah you know uh yeah just um like just some i don't know mock zyklon b yes like pillows yeah things like that yeah they were selling vacuum cleaners and dust busters and we didn't like that yes yeah we don't like well they got upkeep you know they got expenses and gold coins i didn't right the gold coin i didn't love that i didn't like that either i didn't love i mean i bought a few obviously i have children but i mean it's an investment yes an investment yes yeah yeah um you could get one of those yuden stars yeah that's good for the they were made out of maple sugar i don't again it's just distasteful i find yeah yeah and then remember my daughter was she had just started talking then and then unfortunately her first word people always ask what's the first word her first word was juden and and that was just because we had just taken that trip so but she but she did it while pointing yes yeah yeah yeah yeah um man this went this went uh this veered off yes immediately yeah i mean we just we just said kosher and then we went down i don't know yeah deep down the well yeah we'll get it well you know how it is in podcasting now we just really need 90 seconds of a clip so the rest of this is irrelevant yep i'm good do you like podcast do you feel like it's a way for comedians to just show their talents without having any executives or you know infrastructure in the way no i mean as far as talent no i mean i there are people that are uh naturally funny conversationally um that have you know have aren't stand-ups but stand-up is a completely different yeah completely different skill set yeah right that is true yeah i think i think with podcasting now for us like our generation is like you know we think like oh this is where we're like we'll get our ideas out where it used to be like stand up at night is where you get your ideas out but you realize you could say something that's really funny on a podcast and you bring it to stage and it bombs immediately it's a totally different thing totally different thing and it's you know there's yeah there's less uh and also it's also people having a conversation talking over each other so yeah not one person up there going you know using cadence yeah delivery and now yannis you you're one of his favorite comedians um your special in 99 was it i think was your inspiration to start stand up you told me i'll be honest yeah i think 99 there was like uh i had just come out of college and there was like you know two specials was george carlin's at that time i think it was called you're all and then which was i thought like one of his best and then yours on hbo at that time what was it what was it called right is back the pride is back i mean that was an incredible hour well and it inspired me in comedy and uh it also made me an organ donor i don't know if it was that special but you had a joke of you had an organ donor a donor joke that was so funny but it also made me go like yeah oh the thing about the uh necrophiliac yeah yeah yeah you're like yeah i don't care what you do with my body you can and whole circle jerk around me because i'm dead yeah i don't know if i said that but i think you did because i think that's where i draw the line no i think you did okay i think you did i maybe that was the to ease into the necrophilia i think you ease yeah i think you ease in there you didn't start necrophilia right you you that's the brought them along took their hand held their right you let them trust you first yeah yeah and what was good about that is you became an organ donor and then you became a necrophiliac and then you became a necrophiliac and then you became a necrophiliac and started stand-up comedy and then immediately got shot as soon as you started comedy that's true immediately his man was shot in the leg yeah were you really yes yeah yeah what happened because of a bad set yeah because of the pride is back he got shot wait what happened totally unrelated but it was when i started comedy yeah but it was two years later 2000 and 2001 right jesse 2001 yeah got shot so tell me the circumstance it was an attempted robbery a would carry cash out and it was like an attempted robbery on him and i was there and i got shot point blank range jesus yeah in the butt right in the in the leg it traveled to the butt but it traveled to the butt do you feel because i've never been shot but do you have you ever told the bullet went up the bullet went from inner thigh up into the butt cheek but where was the guy shooting from the ground no he was in the car and i pushed his arm down and he fired oh i was in the car i was in a jeep cherokee trying to close the door yeah oh yeah and he just yeah pumped it where was this yeah this was uh in soho on hudson hudson and varick at this old club called uh envy oh it was and it was a little sketchier back then too yeah well no soho wasn't but that club was but that uh varick was you know a little bit still kind of industrial-ish no no then it was like it was it was a pretty good area it wasn't like it is today it was more yeah a little bit more industrialist but not bad did you call the cops right away or what cops were already there because the nightclub on that night my friend was a promoter that night that night was a constant problem something else happened at that club uh there was like some promising director or something this is a horrible story so this was a really like gangster comedy night i mean uh club night it was either a tuesday or wednesday and my friend was one of the promoters and i worked there i just started doing comedy i was doing the door or whatever so the cops were always there just because the neighborhood you know so they were complaining so much about you know they were always there on another night you remember this story jesse was like crazy this young director he was just getting his start he was like getting really big some you know drug dealer whatever criminal shot another guy outside that club uh while he was in his car and the guy started driving like while he was shot and he got plugged like six times or whatever and he's driving and then he dies at the wheel and he just hits this director who was walking at like two in the morning by himself and killed him damn yeah so it was completely random yeah so it was like you know the community board definitely wanted to shut that night down yeah yeah but you still have the bullet in your leg no they took it out damn they took it out did i ever tell you the story when they took it out true story they took it out they put you in the stirrups because they had to remove it from here and as i was coming to i farted right in the face of the surgeon and the nurse because you just i didn't know where i was i just farted oh you had passed out after they shot you no no they put me under the surgery oh okay because you're in a hundred places but not this one yeah i thought now how come you couldn't just fart the bullet out did anybody approach you with that no nobody ever said like did you ever try to put some wind behind in some real yeah no yeah that is a good point yeah now luckily it didn't hit any organs that was the thing a major artery runs down the leg and when i got to the hospital there was a female doctor who was putting her finger in my my ass to like check yeah yeah and push the bullet right try to see where it was if it done damage i don't know now david you've really screwed me over um you don't even realize because a few days ago um on caleb simpson show the the house guy show you gave a tour of your home and um very funny uh tour and the problem is i showed my wife because like look at how funny this bit is because you know you're sleeping in the crate downstairs whatever and not understanding understand i mean i knew the home was beautiful but not understanding that a woman is going to look at that and look at the decor and the from the coffered ceilings to the stained glass windows to the beautiful kitchen to how gorgeous your home is and now what's happened to me is she's been asking me like how much money do we have what have we saved all of that stuff that you just uh cited was stolen was stolen yeah okay so that's good if she's going to listen to this tell her because she is now has i have a contractor coming to my house my wife steal it so right that's on her she wants to decorate yeah she could steal it go steal the stuff okay i'm not paying for it yeah because that's what you say to her that's what i'll say to her yeah you're a white christian nationalist 100 yes yes and she's latina so i can go into this you know yeah i can do the uh there's a million things i can do with her you could do so you know but but it is like there's a contractor i as i was leaving today saying oh i've david cross is coming on to my wife and she was like oh she was like uh jonathan the contractor is actually coming over today at noon i'm coming on to your wife what are you talking about yeah right no i said david cross is coming on the show i meant to say the show what did i say you said david cross is coming on my wife oh i i meant to say david cross is coming on to david cross is coming on period so far you've come on his wife and you come on a bunch of dead bodies in the first couple of minutes which all are okay i didn't come on the dead bodies really the people were coming onto a dead body yeah no but you said in the joke that i liked you said i don't care if a bunch of necrophili oh you weren't they were coming they're coming on me you were more jim norton in this scenario yes but she has sorry i had the nice you were more receiving yeah that one that one knocked david's hat off i love jim now i got offended by this just because i'm such a dog lover i started to wonder do you let does your dog love you do you let your dog love you or does your dog love you or does your dog love you or does your dog love you or does your dog sleep in a crate in the basement uh no i mean that was look at that dog yeah she's a pain in the ass um so you put her in the basement don't you so that crate uh was you know almost like a uh a infant that's been bitten by a radioactive human adult this dog grew outgrew crates within seven weeks when we got her she was the size of her head now right and that crate we had a bigger one and then she outgrew i mean it's wow it was it what kind of dog is it uh bernadoodle so bernie's mountain dog mixed with the poodle because it is uh hypoallergenic and my wife that's a good white neighborhood dog anything mex mixed with a doodle right yeah that's what we want and the hypoallergenic is good i have a siberian husky so i have the exact opposite of hypoallergenic i have i have an allergy i have a disease i had a dog that i've talked about in stand-up how to put her down and uh did you do it or did the vet do it um i did it i just got a pillow right and did you know the classic sure yeah hold them down and then and just you know not knowing if i had completed the task i just uh beat her with a bowling right you know just to make sure and then uh and then you know carved up the body and sent it to ohio right yeah as you do yeah yeah i respect that yeah yeah felt felt a little stress relieved after now yeah but the my prior dog i had before i met my uh wife uh and she was allergic to that that was a rescue dog and shed a lot so we in order to get another dog um my wife insisted it's got to be hypoallergenic otherwise i would never get a burnadoodle just because i don't like saying that word i don't like saying it burnadoodle yeah yeah seems uh emasculating they don't do well in the in the uh spring and fall and summer right uh winter summer oh yeah for she loves snow she loves the winter but yeah we have to cut her down or you know shave her basically because in that video 80 of that is hair right she's she's big she's got a big skeleton but she's not like beefy right a lot of that is hair do you take her to the dog parks there yeah yeah twice a day do you see are there still a lot of pitbulls out there in brooklyn i haven't been in a while but i used to see david at the dog park oh you didn't really see him yeah yeah he didn't look like he was interested in small talk at all no absolutely not yeah and you know for for somebody who uh really hates small talk uh i'm a glut for punishment with that dog and my daughter just yeah you don't want to talk to your daughter i don't want to talk to you i don't want to talk to my dog that's why i i got the dog right so she the dog can talk to her she can talk to the dog yeah enough how old is your daughter uh nine nine wow you're 62 year old guy you had a baby late uh very late yeah wow good and that's your first child uh yeah first and i assume only wow yeah we have daughters we have daughters too you could have another one if you wanted though 100 percent yeah no i'm a man yeah so they could do it yeah yeah yeah i mean look at al pacino look at musk look at musk look at that yeah look at look at we've said this before in the pod but i think just two years ago the last descendant whose father fought in the civil war that guy just died like two or three years ago because he died at 98 the guy whose father fought in the civil war and then his father fought in the civil war when his father was 15 years old but he only had him when he was 91. 91. he was 91 years old in the 1800s and had this kid you just have to have someone hold it for you yeah that's it i mean spotter barely anybody was living in 91. he had it theo vaughn's father had him when he was like 84. yeah or something like that yeah it can happen you can still pump it out you got to keep it like people who get themselves like neutered what's that called vasectomy they get a vasectomy it's like you know i don't understand it like if you're in a relationship you need to just you don't have to use it but it's like a card you want against your wife you want her to always i've got an uh i and also i've got an envelope of cum in the freezer yeah and that's good too as a threat it's just like a little it's not even it's just like a reminder it's a reminder yeah you know i've got an envelope of common thing yeah i have it yeah does she ever go what for like um and yes and i just like you know coffee just yeah so whatever sure just that's what i'll say yeah so did you did you was it planned to have the kid at 53 were you like let's do it uh yes i uh we she got pregnant envelope become that should be the name of the episode envelope of come with david cross i like the delayed reaction yeah well just thinking like you know there's like i don't know why it's funny envelope is a funny uh it's just an envelope it's a very funny job yeah i've never heard it i'm a professional yeah envelope of cum is the You know, you send someone an envelope of Anthrax or. Right. Oh, look who decided to show up, our producer, Nick. Yeah. On the day that. The most excited to meet you. Yeah, probably one of your biggest fans, and then you show up an hour and a half late. Yeah. You envelope have come. What happened? Was there like a Chilean parade we didn't know about? Oh, did we not tell. Oh, we didn't tell him that we started at 11. Well, even if it wasn't 11.30, it's 11.39. Yeah. All right, fine. You're right. I can't stay mad at you. You just missed an envelope of cum. Yeah, you just missed a good joke. That's all right. Yeah, get out of your boat. Sorry. This is Nick. Yeah, that's. Hi, Nick. He's a good man. He's a good man. You have a big age gap with your wife. So do I. Yeah. I got a little bit of an age gap. It's nice, right? You kind of. You get married to a girl and then also can use her as a nurse later, which is good. In a way. That's what I think. You know, you joke, but my wife. My wife's parents have an age gap. Not as severe as we do, but like a. I think it's like 14 years, I want to say. Something like that. That's what I got. 13 years, 13, 14. And that's what's happening now. With them. Yeah. So she's prepared. Oh, yeah. I mean, we. You know, it's a very strange situation to be in where you're. Kind of waiting for the call, you know? Yeah. And not, you know, excitedly. Yeah. But just. Right. It's a thing that we both go through and have for years where, you know, if her mother-in-law, you know, calls, their name comes up, it. You know, you don't go, oh, God, no. Is this it? Right. But it's just a thing in the back of your head. I've been there. I've been there. And it's. Yeah. What you're saying is she's on the runway. She's close. She's close. The plane's on the runway. The mother-in-law's plane's on the runway. No, no, no. I'm talking about my father. Oh, the father's plane's on the runway. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you mean the call from the mother-in-law saying. Yes, yes. The plane's taking off. No, I would not expect my mother-in-law to call me as she was dying. Right. I think that would be weird and I'm not going to. Sorry. I don't want to expect that. I messed that up. Yeah, I think that's asking a bit much. Yeah, you're right. I mean, if nothing else, you should call her daughter first. Right, right. Not her son-in-law. Well, what I've started doing to prepare my wife is I just started wearing diapers around the house. Right. Just to let her know what it's going to be like. Know what's up. So she can practice a little bit. So I recommend. Right. Just get her ready and just be like, baby, I did it. And then just see, she changes it. Yeah. She'll get used to what it's going to be like. Get a nurse, yeah. I don't want her. I don't want it to hit her like a cold bucket of water. I want her to be eased into changing my diapers and cleaning my shit out of my asshole. Yeah. I think that's just going to happen naturally. There's always going to be a first time, whether you move that up by saying, hey, I'm going to get you used to it. Right. It's still going to be a little disconcerting the first couple of times. So why not just move that, say, 30 years down the line? But are you a little paranoid when you start getting that she'll leave? Because she'll still be hot and you'll. So I just want to test her. That's why I do it. I want to see what kind of. You know, are you willing? You got to be really. I get irritable. I'll say like racist things and like at an old. Just to see if she. No. She raises. I want to see what kind. If she's going to abuse me. There's not a woman in this world that would leave David Cross. What are you, nuts? What are you, crazy? Of course she will. Well. I mean, if I'm. You really. If I'm shitting myself. That's a reason to stay for some. Depends on. Going back to Jim Norton. That is true. That is true. Jim, that's when Jim would start DMing you. Hey, David. I just happened to be in your neighborhood. Yeah. What are you doing? Can I pop in? Cuz. Yeah. You've been looking cute. You've been looking tan. You've been looking in shape. I got my hair combed to the other side. And do you know what I combed my hair with today? A little rough greens. You did? I did. Even though that it says. You used it for that? Even though it's a supplement? Yeah. I. Put it in my hair. Why the heck not? Because it's dog food. Yeah. Well, it's dog. I've been combing. Stop for me. Yeah. I've been combing my hair with dog food. Cuz they sent me a pack. Let me tell you something. I. They gave me little treats, too, that I gave to my dog. Yeah. And then all you gotta do is sprinkle a little bit of. It's very easy. Yeah. You sprinkle a little bit on your dog's kibble or their meal. Beautiful. You give them a little extra something. It's like dog peptide. That's what it is. It's like peptides for dogs. If you want your dog to be out there looking like Tank Sinatra, you need to get. You need to get rough greens. It supports long-term health by providing live, bioavailable nutrients, including essential vitamins, minerals, probiotics, digestive enzymes, and omega oils. Cuz it's about the omega-3s. Yeah. Nick's gotta get his LDLs down, and the only way to do that is with omega oils. He's gotta start sprinkling some rough greens in his food. Traditional dog food is shelf-stable for years because it's lifeless. Rough greens brings the nutrient. Nutrition back. Packed with live vitamins, minerals, probiotics, and all that. It's created by a natriopathic? Natriopathic. Natriopathic. A natriopathic doctor, Dr. Dennis Black. He's a 40-year cancer survivor and has been helping humans and their pets for over 20 years. Rough greens isn't a dog food. It's a live nutritional supplement you just add to your dog's food. You don't have to change your dog's food to improve your dog's health. 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And eventually you look at the chaos and think, let's fucking Quo. Let's Quo, baby. Yeah. That's why this episode is brought to you by Quo. Quo. The smarter way to run your business. It works wherever you are, right from an app on your phone or computer and lets you keep your existing number. And add new numbers or teammates in minutes. Sync your CRM and rely on seamless routing and call flows in your business scale. Yeah. Every time, ever since I've been using Quo, I've noticed not only has my business improved, but I just find myself shitting in a hole outside. That's not, won't happen with everybody, just a select special studio. I wind up, I come and I take my shoes and socks off and I just sit on pillows on my floor when I'm using Quo. Yeah. It's easy calls, texts, voicemails. Transcripts and contact details all live in one clean view. Yeah. So make this time. Yeah. Make this time with no opportunity and no customer slips away. Yeah. Yeah. Go to Quo.com slash hyenas. Quo, no missed calls, no missed customers. Use Quo. I've been using Quo and then yesterday ate a fucking bat. It's what it is. It's what it is. That's the end. It's what it is. It's what it is. The Quo for free plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo.com slash hyenas. Make this the time where no opportunity and no customer slips away. Whoa, my name's Bobby Quo. Konnichiwa. Wait, so you have a suitcase. Are you on the road going on vacation? What are we doing? No, I am. I'm going from here to tape the Sherry, Sherry or Sherry? Shepard show. Sherry Shepard. Sherry or Sherry? Sherry. Sherry. Sherry Shepard. So I'm doing her show and then I go from there to the airport and I go to Austin and I'll be in Austin for two days and then I come home Thursday. Wow. I like that. Quick and easy. Oh yeah. Two, three days. But this is really the winding up of the press. I've been doing a lot of press and I'm really psyched that, I mean, I've been doing a lot I went to LA, came back here and then they're like, oh, you got to go back to like three days later. I was back on a plane to LA for another four days, came back, went to somewhere. Then I went to Atlanta, but that was kind of for family stuff. And then I got back Saturday because I had a show and then now I'm leaving again. That's it. You got it. But that's it. But this is the last, last kind of. Have you taken in your career? Like any real time off the road where you're like, I haven't been on the road or been on a plane in two years type thing? That, no, no. I'd like to. And when I do, you get to a point, especially touring, you're like, I cannot get on another plane, go to another fucking regional airport at 7.20 a.m. to catch a flight to another regional airport so I can make a connection, so I can get to Houston. And, you know, that is just the worst part of this job. We hate it. We hate it. Yeah, I, you know, I have small daughters, too, and I was like, I want to stay off the road for a year. I'm going to do it. I'm just going to do the pod. And then it lasted about three months, and I'm like, I have to probably go back on the road just because financially it's the thing that makes the most money for the least amount of time. Same here. I mean, that is the last, oh, man, last, I want to say, five movies I've done have been, like, indie, you know, paying very little. I did them because they're fun or it, you know, was an interesting character or something like that. But, like, I got to go, you know, to make real money. I got to go on the road. Well, yeah, that's like, Giannis and I were talking about this on the way, and it's like sometimes, like, my mom will be like, how come you don't try out for more movies, honey? It's like because I have a home and a family, and I would lose, I can't go away for three months and do that. I don't, I wouldn't command enough of a. Salary for the movie. So I have to go on the road or do the podcast. This is where I make the money, especially when my wife's looking at your house. Again, steal. She's welcome to steal from me. She will do that. Okay. Yeah. She will do. She has multiple families. When we're done here, I'll give you my address and the alarm code. We already know where it is. Okay. We were able to figure it out from the video. Okay. And the alarm code? We know it. 1776. Yep. That's it. The special's called The End of the Beginning of the End. That's cool. Which is out now on YouTube. Yeah. You always got fun names. What was the other? The one was like a curse. It was like, fuck. What was the other one? Oh, shut up, you fucking baby. Shut up, you fucking baby. Yeah. That was a good one. You had Bigger and Blackerer. Yeah. Great names. Bunch of legendary specials. So this one's YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. The last three, I think, are YouTube. Do you like it better? What do you think of it? Yeah. It's not quite as financially lucrative. But you have total control. And I will make my money back eventually. And I pay for the production. Sure. Or I'll co-produce it. But it's the last kind of big budgeted special and all that was for Netflix. And I got paid a nice chunk of money. But also the production was. It was just not necessary. And you don't need a million dollars to shoot a fucking guy on a stage. No. You just don't. You don't need jibs. You don't need cranes. So this last special, last couple actually, were at music venues. And when I started touring outside of club circuit and stuff, when I was headlining, I would go out and I would have a. I'd go out with a band. And the band would open for me. And we'd play music venues and standing, no sitting. And then the band would play. And then no break. I'd come out and just do the show. And that's what Shut Up, You Fucking Baby was recorded on that first tour that I did. And I kept doing it like that. And then kind of transitioned into theaters. And there's nothing wrong with a theater show at all. They're fun. They're definitely more lucrative. But it's just a different thing. When everybody's standing right there, you have a different connection with the audience. It feels more unique, each show. And there's a little bit more of who knows what's going to happen kind of thing. When everybody's right there in front of you standing up. And so that, yeah, we did that on this tour. It was at the 40 Watt in Athens. No. It was 40 Watt? Yeah. I was looking. I thought it said 40 Wart. No. It's Watt. 40 Watt Club. 40 Watt. Watt. Now, the AIO review content cross-tackles modern issues. And as he's gotten older, has become more conservative and hails Trump and all of his policies. I'm looking at this thing going, where is that? The Iran war was a good idea to contain Islam. Radical Islam is a real problem. Immigration. Absolutely. Yeah. We have to disappear the border. Pam Bondi's not all bad, mostly good. Well, my group chat's like, yo, I fucking like David Krupp. I'm listening to this guy. This is like a new direction for you here. Yeah. Yeah. You know, ever since I had a kid, you know, I've changed. My eyes have been opened. And, you know, I want her to grow up in the way I did. In the, like, urban, I mean, sorry, suburban, rural Georgia. And I want her to be suspicious of people that don't look like her. I want her to have a terrible education, like Georgia public schools back in the 70s, you know, and not know things. I want her to be, I want her to have. I want her to have an incomplete idea of civics. Yes. How that works. Right. And I want her to be spiteful and, you know, I just think it's a good way to live. It's smart. So, yeah, we're moving. You don't have a lot of anxiety that way. No. Which is good. Yeah. And everything is, you're just happy all the time. Like, when I meet people like that, they're just happy. Right. Which isn't bad. No, it's not. It is good. They're so happy. It's a simpler life. But that's what you say. You said the Georgia public school system is horrible, which proves that privatizing education is the way to go. Yes. I can't wait to see the charter. I'm a big, you know, coupon, charter school coupon guy. Yes. I take money from the public school and give it to people who feel similarly as I do that they want their children to be scared. And not just suspicious of people like, you know, what do they make and to make generalization. Yeah. Well, you see, it's funny because we grow up different. Like, we all grew up in New York City and being suspicious of people is just kind of what you had to do. Right. Do you want your kids to be suspicious? I want my kids to be suspicious. Walk up to someone and say, hey, why do you have a towel on your head, lady? Yeah. Right. Something like that. Something like that. Did you just get out of the shower? What's going on? Yeah. Is this a commercial? Hey, why do you have a Frisbee on your head, sir? What's going on? Yeah. What is that about? That's not what my mom and dad look like. Yeah. Why does it smell weird in here? Yeah. Why does it smell weird? Weird. That's the best way to say it. Weird. Not bad. Yeah. What was it like growing up as a Jewish person in- Suburban, rural Georgia. Suburban, rural. Not like downtown Atlanta. Well, there it's not rural. It's rural. Rural. Rural. Well, you know, there was- They didn't even know you were Jewish probably, right? You wore a hat to hide the horns? Oh, they know? Oh, they knew? They, because their parents told them. Right. Their parents- There's a Jew down there. Yeah. Yeah. I had one guy, and there was just a, I'll get back to that in a second, but a very low level, like I never got majorly harassed, but it was like a consistent, outside of a handful of things. things and I mean literally like four or five it was just uh you know you were made to know that you were different and um it was mostly kids by far citing their parents you know and um and not again not like uh outside of a handful of things not really like hateful awful shit but uh like I never got beat up for you know oh i got hit all right i'll tell that in a second um but uh and there was one guy who's just like a delinquent it would if i wasn't jewish he still would have found something else but he threw uh pennies at me you know it's like he did he threw pennies at me and my sister um it's awful but i mean it is yeah relatively i apologize dude i make 27 cents yeah not bad you invest that and that was in the 70s that's that's thousands of dollars i bought gold i bought nazi gold that's what it is a gift shop and uh uh but it was just this kind of low level uh you know you're weird or but and and things like i've done bits about it like uh um like so many i just have a picture of throwing pennies and him just being able to yeah they're like whoa yeah yeah they're really good with that money man yeah that's what i get for throwing throwing money at a jew yeah of course they must teach him that in jew school hey man y'all so what y'all y'all go do school or what what do y'all call what do you what do y'all call uh y'all's churches like jew school that's another working title jew school with david cross there was i mean i did a like old bit but uh i had so many friends and again most the kids were fine you know for the most part it was just the parents that were fucked up and then i had like if i ever like slept over at a friend's would be there for dinner you'd get these crazy like i'm just trying to be nice but um i'm so sorry did y'all's people eat oatmeal because we we eat oatmeal and that's like an old bit yeah i remember that was about to say yeah i remember y'all but it was you don't be all but it was that kind of yeah like thing again not there were there were uh you know there was it was it was more like you're an outsider you're different you're not one of us then like really mean spirited things because you know you're you know you know that i tell you you're my bestie but i also want to tell you you're my pesty oh what are we talking about today as pesty when look here's the thing with pesty okay yeah bugs are coming out of nowhere bugs because there's bugs everywhere in certain neighborhoods in brooklyn that weren't there before there's bugs everywhere you got bugs you got so many bugs yeah in bensonhurst and you got bugs everywhere david cross voted for a bug so the only thing i don't like bugs with no papers the only thing that to neutralize bugs is a little thing called pesty it gets rid of over 100 types of bugs from spiders and ants to roach scorpions just think of it it's like ice for bugs yeah yeah pesty and it's kid and pet friendly yeah the pesticides they ship are fully registered and have been used in hospitals and schools all over the country pesty offers a 100 bug free guarantee or your money back if the bugs don't go away these fucking bugs are everywhere yeah get bugs out of your house with pesty go to pesty.com slash hyenas for an extra 10 off your order that's p-e-s-t-i-e dot com slash hyenas for an extra 10 off propel fitness water with gatorade electrolytes zero sugar and vitamins propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self what propels you propel with gatorade electrolytes off but i did have one guy there's a guy named stan short and his nickname was moose because he was a a big blonde guy like in the archie comics moose and um uh he told this would have been fourth fifth grade maybe he said hey um my dad said i should uh either beat you up or hit you or something and tell you you're a dirty jew his heart was not in it clearly yeah and he's just telling me this and it's that kind of thing that i've been doing for a long time and i've been doing it for a long time and i've been doing it for a long time and i've been doing it for a long time and i've been doing it for a long time and i've been doing it for a long time in school you're like uh you spend the rest of the day like in terror of what's gonna happen right and everybody in school knows about it yeah and it was it was one of the worst days i've ever had and then he you know whatever 2 30 came around and he just went up and he hit me in the side of the arm and kind of hard but not too hard and that was that and it was such a weird like he his dad compelled him to do it he had to do it i could tell he wasn't like he didn't we didn't weren't friends or not friends we were just sort of in in you know amongst a couple hundred kids and uh and it was always something that stuck with me especially because of the fear i had and they and the the idea like i'm gonna get beat up in front of all these people just because i'm jewish right and and also by then i was starting to become an atheist without really uh articulating it or knowing that it was just all i was already starting to question everything and um then when i was i want to say 17 i was working at the uh tower place six theaters in buckhead uh and tearing tickets and you know ushering or whatever um white atlanta now yeah yeah yeah very uh well no and actually uh buckhead had um a whole section like a french quarter type section with a bunch of clubs that were open at four in the morning and then when the uh and it was very mixed right i mean you had like black nightclubs white nightclubs so it was all mixed right and uh the section and that during the super bowl that they hosted when uh ray lewis from the ravens uh shot the guy yeah and uh and his friend shot him his friend shot him but he was with him yeah so so they say um that was all they needed because they fucking much like the soho neighborhood they hated all this stuff and it was a huge source of revenue and it and buckhead you know had some old fancy you know uh moneyed family there and it just kind of grew and grew and grew as this uh entertainment district whatever and so then that's when they rescinded the 4 a.m drinking rule law and and all that stuff but uh so i was at i was working at that theater in the and then i we had a little box so there's the ticket booth and then glass doors glass windows and doors are open and people you can see them line up get their ticket and they walk through the glass doors to me i'm like you know seven feet there with a little ticket box and tearing tickets going theater number two theater number one whatever and i see stan short in line i recognize him like that had not seen him for blow out like kind of hillbilly uh good he looked all right you know similar but older uh um and i got nervous and i got like uh like i didn't expect him to beat me up or anything but i was just like i just a flood of memories and bad feelings physical mental like uh and then uh i think he was coming to see porkies and then as he's coming in and i can't go anywhere it's not like cover for me you know there's no and i he walks up and he's he recognized me big smile he's like hey david cross how are you uh good man how how are you uh yeah good everything's good talk for 25 seconds and he goes in and sees the film i just remembered it so vividly like oh shit yeah my arch nemesis is here wait so your real name is david cross i thought it was a stage name what like i thought your name was expecting like a steam burn yeah no not not necessarily that but i didn't think your real last name was cross because david cross is such a perfect christian name well that but it's also a perfect stage like comet like david cross boom it works but i didn't think that was your like my name's chris de stefano i should have changed it to something it's people are like what's your last name or they'll be like chris destelopolo but david cross that's so that's an easier name destelopolo no i'm just saying that would be funny if that's what i changed my stage name to you ever thought about trying to be greek for a little while chris destelopolo yeah yeah but i didn't think that your name was david cross like it's chris rock's name really chris rock yeah that's his real name yeah yeah so some people are just destined for it because david cross chris rock these are like yeah janice pappas yeah that doesn't sound like you should have been doing this no i think you know i i think you both have great names for the stage both of them yeah uh yeah i would also mix them up once in a while janice de stefano chris pappas yeah yeah but uh chris pappas no i would know i would not ever think to change my name but i'm what's perfect name yeah it's an english name it's uh my family is you know goes way way back that's from leeds huh my whole i learned i've i got dual citizenship with the uk and i learned through that process that my family uh lineage goes way back in leeds i did i just assumed that you know you know jews in europe and they escaped the pogroms or something i guess this would have been peep anyway like i thought it was more recent but it goes way back it was way back so there's some chances there's a good chance that your family did some wild stuff if like old school british you know what i mean like they headed somebody no just it didn't treat indians that no way it didn't treat yeah because the british empire back but they did it with class with class with their pinky pinky and dressed very nice red coats now did you get your dual citizenship just in case trump got re-elected you could go live on ellen's compound with her um i you know i would reach out to ellen um and i would do a tiktok where i danced and uh yes you know and do uh what is she into horses right uh horses uh baby blood things like that for skin she's into uh yeah yeah ellen ellen she's into being rude to her staff no no that's what they say explain the uh the baby blood and the skin thing how does that work started from a rumor that um oh wait you're being serious yeah no i'll tell you how it happened we can talk about it sandra bullock went on her show i love this stuff i love how people you know humans make read patterns and we're not very good at it right right so they get sandra bullock won on her show and was talking about how she gets the skin treatment and that they're like and ellen's like where does it come from she's like it comes from other young people something that we don't know about so they apparently wait what yeah what does that mean like they take collagen from young people or something like injected in oh my god i'm looking at the screen here yeah i thought you were kidding no this is real no and um and then so they just made that connection there it is the where's the penis facial video that's the one so 2018 interview with sandra bullock um the clip discusses a penis facial that uses cells derived from newborn foreskin that was a joke that ellen made um and allegedly no she did make the joke so she did say that so sandra bullock was like trying to make a joke about it and she did say that so she did say that so sandra bullock was trying to make a joke about it and she did say that so sandra bullock was like trying to make a joke about it and she did say that so sandra bullock was like trying to make a joke about trying to explain where it comes from and she goes like it comes from young people we don't know about and and then ellen just interjected and said um said that so she did make that joke on morning tv she said from newborn foreskin right so and so while the skin treatment is real uh and then of course people yeah of course people went yeah that's crazy so it goes from there but what i think people do have nailed is that celebrities in hollywood is a little weird i think they've nailed that that that so that's just a weird kind of celebrity itself well yeah and the community and the culture in hollywood is kind of uh isolated and sort of um oh it's extremely yeah and they're kind of out of touch and like it's a weird place and i think a harvey weinstein stuff and things like that start to come out and people start to realize like this place is it's a little hypocritical it's a little you know like they're it's not it's not a real place well it is a real place unfortunately but you know what i mean it's it's uh i i think that i mean i've witnessed it and i've been uh tell us about it what's going on on the inside me and me and cat williams yeah yeah um now he's not one of the not funny ones joe rogan has on that's the worst cat williams impression i've ever done i like you do a good black guy but you have to hold your throat when you do it yeah you ever see him do a black guy no have you ever caught any heat for that no no yeah because it's just good um i learned it from a guy in uh um college at emerson college uh who taught me and his name is michael mike drazen michael someone taught you how to do he did it and i was like what are you doing and he just showed me no he shows it's so good so you know you can talk like this and i now i'm not applying any pressure to my lamp but now i am so it it behooves you to uh prop pontificate uh the seminarian oh just a guy yeah and i've i yeah go up and i'll read stuff and i just do do interviews where you kind of make up words that sound like they're i heard you were doing a two-man show with that character and your chinese character is that what that's what i heard refresh my memory about my chinese character chinese character was one where you do like a voice and it's some people love it some people hate it the uh that's what i've heard what was the name of the chinese character i think the chinese character was called uh um the silverware fell on the floor noise yeah oh i've heard that joke yeah yeah um yeah just it's loose and you open the draw yeah and uh the draw the draw oh i'm from new york yeah what do you call a drawer drawer no you call it a um a drawer i don't even know how do you say room how do you say room room room okay good some people say room oh how here's what i uh somebody told me who's from the south who said he could tell i was from the south because i don't have much of an accent zero yeah and how do you say the word egg egg egg yeah it's egg egg yeah and southern people always say egg like hey can i can i have uh you want some eggs yeah yeah and that was something i never knew about i never knew that either yeah eggs i cannot pronounce that other r and drawer either drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer just did you vote for mondami or what are you worried about a wealth tax what are you talking about property tax i i am not registered in the city i'm registered upstate uh and i would have voted for a mom donnie i've raised money for him i believe in his platform i'm not scared i don't buy into that you know it's gonna be a hellhole uh there was a guy who's the they're all clowns but the guy on news max who's kind of ultra serious uh got dark hair he's probably in his late 50s he's like one of the main guys cuomo no no no um isn't chris cuomo on news max uh yeah he is yeah uh oh i don't know news bit uh oh uh uh go to no he's not a news max greg kelly go to greg kelly cuomo's on news nation uh my bad news max is like maybe that's what i'm thinking no news nation is a similar thing right no but that's him that's okay greg kelly so greg kelly was when i was watching news max uh for the election results because it's i mean it's not fun to watch right cnn or snbc like i get it whatever but you got to watch these guys yeah freaking out and he he was just shaking his head and i they he and the whoever the woman was and they were just as the returns are coming in just what have you done what have you done right and um at one point he goes he goes um and he wants to make uh the bus is free how's that gonna work i mean do you understand who's gonna ride the bus when the bus is free and he taught they said you know my wife and i uh take the bus all the time not anymore and i'm like you never once you motherfucking lying piece of shit you never took any bus in new york you fucking asshole we're not gonna take the bus anymore yeah yeah we're done with the bus bus is a certain level of it's a socioeconomic status that you can call bus level yes and and also uh uh just as a side note free buses have worked there are other cities that haven't kansas city has free buses and there's it's worked finland's got free uh well they have like an honor system with the train yeah they have an honor system so you're supposed to like buy a ticket but they're also subsidized yeah more than our uh transportation system yeah yeah and it's better i mean um i remember you know when i was a kid i used to go to kansas city and i used to go to kansas city when i when i do go out on tour i spend uh roughly a month and change in europe going around and uh um and i i did it right this time in fact i i didn't i didn't like rush around i gave myself two days uh including you know travel but it's it's easy to get from place to place um and i would get there before the show the day before the show so i did it kind of right and then i carved out a week uh around my london show and my wife and daughter came out and um yeah it was great she loved it and uh and i'm going you know i'm doing shows in copenhagen and oslo and cologne and you know various places and i'm i'm sitting there going what what the fuck am i doing in america like i mean that's what we're thinking it just works you go you go like everything like there's you you're not scared of crime and you're not there's you can walk around at night and especially women you know and it's like you know uh and just everything kind of works and the transportation the but the trains to the like the stockholm train from uh sweden into the airport goes like 200 miles an hour it's really nice i've taken it's free you just go and you bring your luggage and it's just like wow this is what a better way to people are swimming in uh in oslo they have these little like um sauna but like tiny little boats that have saunas on them and people they kind of dock by the side and you go they'll get in the sauna box and then the boat you know um you know goes out like 100 yards and you just go swimming you plunge into the like can you imagine the east river sometimes they don't come out sometimes that's how they they end it that's how they get yeah yeah they love to kill themselves up there that's do they really yeah oh that's right yeah yeah you told me that yeah they love to kill in oslo it just i mean norway there's a crack in her story where's the term what they always have a term for everything right what is it that doesn't sound right that's true perfect nougat no the scandinavians have uh they have uh for spiel which is like they go drink themselves to death before they go out got it you ever see how hammered You're like gremlins, you pour like they're nice and cuddly during the day, like, "Hi, how are you?" i kind of actually did and then yeah very first time i was in uh stockholm um was going way back i they're very reserved they're nice but they're reserved right cognitive uh and then i went uh to this bar that was kind of you know underground and kind of stone cavey whatever but like an old standard bar nothing thematic about it and in the course of the night people it's like in in britain they start drunk they start that loud they start like that and then in sweden they get like that so yes i have noticed that they're like gremlins and they pour a little liquor singing and yeah yell and grabbing you to help sing yeah sing with them yeah now they always sing swedish nationalist songs or yeah they're and then they have this thing in the culture that scandinavian it's called the yanti lovin which is the law of yanti which is their cultural thing that you're not better than anyone don't try to stand out just be one of the people you're not cool don't try to achieve anything right and a lot of try to achieve anything yeah they like don't make a wait what do you mean don't try to achieve yeah like don't be put that put that cure for cancer away my friend you don't want to you're not you're not any better than any better than anyone else i just learned a fun fact that vikings vikings right their whole uh like the first 200 years of their economy was mostly propped up by them uh pillaging towns getting the you know enslaving white women and then selling them to the islam yeah selling them to the muslim rulers and that that was a big that was like the currency oh huge so the vikings didn't care but they they were just like this is all the money you know the muslim guys specifically wanted the white women from and where would they go like how far down would they have to travel to sell the women to the muslim i think the muslims just come right up horn of africa the muslim guys would the islam would come right up they'd come right up they'd come right up and they'd buy them right up yeah i come right there come there right up yeah they'd come right up on those free buses baby they'd buy them right up that's the thing the free we're back to the buses greg kelly was right that's what it is son of god he's gonna buy the white women all right no but that is true that is that is at a during a time in history that was that's true all right mercenaries too hey i i learned a lot about history today today's what it was about how it started you know what i mean i got one question for you yeah i want to know about history what's ever happened to ronnie run run ronnie run uh i mean it never came out it just was on uh it was a uh package uh so it was going to be it was going to come out in april there was a date in april and then they moved it uh and put in this is for real jason versus freddy um they thought they'd have a better shot with that and they did they replaced it with jason versus freddy did they do he went to space yet he did go to space yeah you know like they just the last meeting they were like dude what are we let's throw him in space yeah let's do that it goes like at a time machine it goes to the world west yeah the egyptian pyramid yeah jason x look jason x jason in space no you're kidding yeah no fucking way they milked it yep well how how did he end up in space because they did like a hundred of us brought his mask yeah they did like a what's the plot how did he end up in space oh my god i thought you didn't see it nick oh a lot of weird stuff they've done like 20 of them right so at some point they're like the only thing left we can do is throw it got 20 percent of rotten tomatoes that's good not bad better than expected i am downloaded for the plane yeah he's and he's got his he's got like a version of his hockey yeah he's got like a he's got like a this i gotta watch this yeah let's hit the trailer real quick yeah let's go jason jason x let me get the volume in the year 24 55 on a routine training mission a team of students is about to discover a life form frozen in time they're on their way back prepare for docking and power up the lab you brought him on board everything's under control man oh my god jason for he's that's what's going on he's an unstoppable killing machine he just wanted his machete back i don't know it's like a sketch all right what are you high uh-oh he's here on the spaceship i i guarantee you one of these all right my mother went to camp yeah what was it called camp uh oh um um crystal crystal my mother's went to camp crystal lake and survived he's an unstoppable killing machine with a modernized hockey right mask yeah how what how did he become an unstoppable killing machine he was just a dude who was mentally unstable who killed all these easy to kill kids dumb naked you know teenagers and now he's an unstoppable killing and i love the dialogue the writers just gave up to like how do we convey fear from the world we're living in we're living in a world where we're living in a From the cast Uh oh Uh oh It's what you call Jumping the shark Yeah Jumping the shark Jason X baby Watch it And then watch David Cross' New special on YouTube The end of the beginning Of the end Out right now baby Yeah go check it out Thank you David for Thank you Mr. Cross Yeah thank you man Appreciate it It was a pleasure Yeah I learned a lot Me too As did we As did we And we have a lot of Reflecting to do Yeah Guys Of course At the end of every episode We go to Patreon.com Slash history Hyenas And we read off The newest members Of the matriarchy Only way to get involved Is to join We have a lot of Free bonus content Over there I'm sorry Paid for Bonus content Some of the funniest Parts of the show Right there And we picked The winner from Last week's Patreon We had to put it to a vote And the winner Is I'm a Leroy So I went to Jonestown For the free Kool-Aid For the free Kool-Aid You are the winner The fans voted So congratulations to you It's just Yeah I mean You know We didn't pick it They picked it They picked it And let me say The other one got a lot of votes too But when we get into that situation We're turning to the people Kool-Aid won Now it was only two pages today? Yeah Okay Alright Are we catching up? Is that what it is? We're about two weeks behind I can print out We have three pages But I just need to print them Print them No well let's see This is good Let's see We can get this Okay here we go Alright Welcome to the matriarchy Boo Duke 23 Then we got Penny Pinching Hook Nosed Back Hair Monkey Who's starting to get offended By the use of Anti-Semitic tropes And Patreon names Rada 14 Okay Okay You know what? Good note We understand that We understand Yeah Can't Stop Laughing Imagining Chrissy D DPT Giving Yanni P Soft Tissue Massage In his fume garage Okay Okay Almost You know It was just a little Fume garage Very funny Like Fume garage by itself To fume Like But One more time Can't Stop Imagining Chrissy D DPT Giving Yanni P Soft Tissue Massage In his fume garage It's pretty good Yeah I've never thought about Calling someone's ass A fume garage Yeah if we just had Fume garage You're on the list Yeah and Here we go Yeah Welcome to the lexicon Cause guess what Fume garage is that good Yeah did you Have you ever heard Of fume garage No I mean Calling the You know Getting the chimney swept Is getting your ass eaten And getting the tongue In the fume garage Is also getting your ass eaten In the fume garage Yeah So you didn't win But you did something Better almost When you make it Into the lexicon You've contributed To a lexicon Or cleaning out My fume garage Yeah you clean up My fume garage Or you know How you know How clean is your Fume garage Yeah Alright So then we got Rene LaRouche Then we got The Da Vinci Chode Then we got I always thought Nicaragua Meant black water Okay Nicaragua Yeah Then we got Asia Then we got Yanni One Eye Kalanipan Pre-Cry Feet make glue fly Okay Good rhyme scheme Yanni One Eye Would have been A good chicken finger I like that Yeah I'll give you An honorary chicken finger Call me Yanni One Eye Then we got Mark Eric Astrea Then we got I got probed By an alien His name was Jose Decent Drexler Yeah Drexler Then we got Dylan Mr. AZT Then we got Leaky Roof And now my Siberian Husky Is leaking glue Okay Okay Ivan Canales Frisbee broad With braces Sucked my sticky snot rocket Call her the Iron Dome It's really good Yeah Really good Okay You know She's got braces Getting head She's a Jewish girl Getting dome Not bad What do we do with that? Drexler I mean Drexler Little wordy Almost Right Very good though Chelsea Berman Dakota Simpson Olivia Davis Gringo Salsa Monkey With a Pequeño piece He's got a Pequeño piece What happened Pequeño piece It's funny Chad Bronchio Brown and Stinky Leroy in my pinky wesley mcmurray mike matalash lee ansells nick geraldine frank just suck me off babe uncle russie's favorite cuzzy you're in maga country jesse okay charles bush call me aladdin the way i take jasmine's magic carpet right okay family yep we're not going there you're gay uh yeah marky mark alexander feigl uh tiger woods uh tiger woods thai driving school way song she ain't jesus christ yeah walked in what did you catch it you yeah yeah yeah yeah it's not good it's not good dave then we got swallowed so much frisbee glue the true jewish i don't get it don't get it kevin luca up to here yeah okay yeah uh yanni's nose trying to part his eyes like moses did the red sea you know we've had that it's almost you know hey sergio why don't you come find chrissy the peptillion a new habit chrissy the peptillion like because of peptides yeah yeah chrissy the peptillion would have been nice cuz he was he was a queer it's what it is uh the rick lewis wanted huevos trans cheros for breakfast so my girl glued down my throat wait say it again wanted huevos trans cheros for breakfast so my girl glued down my yeah put them on the list yeah okay there we go that's a goodie huevos trans cheros yeah um then we got had to hop in the shower because i wiped too early put them on the list there it is yeah we're heating up yeah yeah it just it's happened to all of us before yeah it was just something that happens yeah uh walked into yannis's house thinking it was balkan bathhouse and railed his greek mom with my shavapi piece okay ladder 14 all right kato white vito and tozy mr misty vlogs uh then we got kanye said it best dot dot dot ladder 14 what do we do it's funny as hell yeah uh way song she ain't it's too much i like it you like it on the list kanye said it best what do you think on the list what do you think i mean i think it's fine you can put it on why not jesse got outvoted then we got little gay so i call my girls clit a penis like a penis but a penis i like it um then we got chrissy d's glps to reduce his a1c and save jazzy's h1b very good very good very good i'm gonna put that on is that okay yeah sure why not we're gonna put that on the list yeah yeah i'm gonna put that on the list then we got ryan g chuff benjamin aguilar trump's penis pump uh chicken finger chicken figure then we got jake me off then we got take me off jake yeah chicken finger then we got peter poppins packed my pickled pepper put him on the list okay but it's disparaging the family yeah but i mean fuck i already did it i can't go back peter poppins packed my pickled pepper yeah it's really good and guess what we don't we don't have challenges on this so i can't go back and we can't look at the tape can't look at the tape ump made the call he's on the list he's on the list then we got james mchaugh we can't review it yeah kevin macklin andrew oda k then we got phones buried in my ass but still listening to a full episode of history put him on the fucking list yeah take out the catapult and i think we we got a yannis contender phone buried in the ass the creativity yeah okay uh then we got wanna do mr panos olive oil company uh underscore yanni email me underscore at perch perch no jewelry at comcast.net underscore will pay royalty per sale get screwed in screwed in screwed in yeah go ahead so yanni will email him that's not gonna i'm not doing anything i think you're walking by oh oh no it's a machine yeah uh then we got ranny van der stall and last but not least knowledgeable frisbee aka the clued in juden clued in juden clued in juden yeah the clued in juden like because he's knowledgeable frisbee knowledgeable frisbee aka the clued in juden yeah jew you know jew in germany i think in german it'd be juden juden yeah oh i thought it was juden clued in juden okay well it rhymes but you know i'll give you a chicken listen we got seven on the list in one page really okay so here we go there was some ones that if there was a little editing right here we go all right so the list right now wanted huevos trans chairos for breakfast so my girl glued down my throat we're gonna keep that around keep that on the list yeah then we got had to hop in the shower because i wiped too early we're gonna enjoy that and we're gonna chicken finger okay it's a strong chicken but jesse that's his favorite yeah jesse liked that one okay am i doing something wrong by getting rid of it it's not gonna win right it's my favorite nick you know what if jesse let's keep it around keep it around for a second then we got kanye said it best we're gonna chicken finger that okay we're gonna walk into one now then we got chrissy d's glps to reduce his a1c and save jazzy's h1b we're gonna we're gonna disparage your family yeah unfortunately yeah unfortunately so then same with peter pop has packed my pickled pepper good one but we got it it's disparaging we're gonna walk into ones they're very good notable then we got phones buried in my ass but still listening to a full episode of history hyenas we are we are keeping that around that's what it is okay so the list the contenders are this is a good crew to hang out with good one we got wanted huevos trans cheros for breakfast so my girl glued down my throat had to hop in the shower because i wiped too early or phones buried in my ass but still listening to a full episode of history hyenas okay jesse i agree with you we should have kept that around yeah that's really good something different different speeds very simple that one's very simple um funny uh the most creative one is stuffing in his ass and still listening to a full didn't stop him from listening to a full episode of history inside his ass yeah that's very funny very funny and then the other one is wanted huevos trans cheros for breakfast so my girl glued down my throat that one is exceptional right instead of revos uh what do they call him huevos rancheros he had trans cheros right and he that's what he wanted and he had eggs and nuts right so his girl came in his throat right his girl had a penis now yeah i don't know what to do here well i would i would you like phones buried in your ass i would drex i would jesse's favorite is the one i would direct so it's a little too simple compared to those two right what do you think yeah i see that all right so so it's really between wanted huevos trans cheros for breakfast so my girl glued down my throat or phones buried in my ass but still listening to a full episode of history hyenas that's where we're at that's where we're at and to me that's what do you like i like phone buried in my ass phone buried in your ass phone buried in your ass jesse what do you like yeah it's good for business yeah so you know what that's the winner go to historyhyenasisback.com you are the ppw the pseudo penis of the week phones buried in my ass but still listening to a full episode of history hyenas congratulations patreon episode right now which is by the way a great way to listen yeah saying how you feel out loud is terrifying but that's what hinge's new free audiobook no ordinary love is all about it's a collection of real love stories about five couples that met on hinge the stories are written and read by temby dinton hurst nicola dynan curtis garner raven smith and rufy thorpe i hunter harris wrote and read the forward the audiobook's out now give it a listen