Jesus Never Said..."Keep Everyone Happy"

Hey friend, we are back with another episode of the Girl Talk podcast. Today the ladies are talking about something that Jesus never said, that you have to keep everyone happy. After this conversation, I'll be back for the Girl Talk group chat, so stick around for that. This is the Girl Talk podcast, things Jesus never said. Hello there, you're listening to the Girl Talk podcast. My name is Carol. I'm Kelly. I'm Tricia. And we're glad you've joined us today. Jesus never said, you got to keep everybody happy, and yet, we do, right? We try. We try really hard. Absolutely. Striving. What is the old phrase, if you try to keep everybody happy, nobody's happy? Something like that? Yeah. And so I want to talk about the people-pleasing aspect of this, because that is what I often struggle with. I want people to like me. I want people to think I'm funny. I want people to think I'm, you know, all the things. And that really is masked insecurity, right? It really comes from a place of me really not being secure in who I am in Christ, and so I want other people to affirm me. Sure. And to build me up. And so that's kind of my struggle on this issue of, like, keeping everybody happy. Yeah. Well, we love it when people smile at us and say, please, thank you so much, and give us good, positive affirmation. That makes us feel good. It's like a dopamine hit. Yeah, it's true. You know, we get that dopamine that helps us feel good about ourselves because somebody else feels good about us. And I don't remember ever hearing that phrase, dopamine hit, before social media. Yeah. I mean, I've heard it in terms of, like, exercise. You get it from that. But I've never heard it as far as, like, a like or an affirmation online or how many friends you have. All of that now has entered the chat and is part of the conversation, right? And that's what makes it addictive. Yeah. Literally addictive. But it is. It's a tricky little thing because you do want people to like you. Sure. I mean, imagine going around not wanting people to like you, just how you would live. But there's that balance between doing it for the right reasons and doing it for the wrong reasons. Yeah. And the insecurity that you mentioned, I totally battle that as well. And that's when I'm doing it from the wrong reasons. Yeah. Yeah. And I think part of our background, at least, are performers. And it's sometimes a little bit tricky if you are naturally bent towards that, right? Sure. And so that has been a struggle for all of my life, I think. Well, there's a reward for performing. And so then the better you perform, the better reward you get. Yeah. And that might be applause. It might be social media likes. It might be people invite you to parties or whatever. But yes, there is that reward. And again, I mean, that's addictive. It is addictive, the dopamine, and it makes our minds want it. Right. And so there's literally a physical reaction when we get the reward that we want. Yeah. Well, and I think that that's a common thing, regardless of whether or not you're a performer or come from that background or not. I think in any role that we play, we know that you get, when you're liked, you get people to say yes to you more often. That's true. You have, you know. Your benefits. Your boss likes you. Your boss is more likely to say yes to whatever it is you have, you know, you want. Your co-workers like you, they're more willing to help you out when you need help. Your family likes you, they're more willing to do the things. Your friends like you, they're more willing to show up. Yeah. And so there is some intrinsic reward of being liked, but there's a slippery slope into performing and doing something. Doing the things in order to be liked instead of doing it because it's what we're supposed to be doing. It's what we're called to do. It's the way we're, the way God wants us to act, the way God wants us to interact with the people around us. And share Jesus with people. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Let me ask you guys this question, because this is a telltale sign for me when I've been performing, is I will leave an environment, and it might be, it might be a podcast like this, or it might be a party, it might be an experience where I run into people that church, and I walk away and I go, how did I do? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you gauge, how did people react to me? And did I do enough? Oh, I sort of dropped the ball in that particular conversation. And when I do that, I'm like, okay, I might've been doing that for the wrong reasons. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's talk about, you talked about balance a few minutes ago. So I want us to kind of dive into that and let's identify what that really looks like. Of course, there's motive. Yeah. There's motive. There's motive. There's motive. There's always going to be a part. And I think that has to do with the heart, right? Because if our heart is searching for something, then we're going to naturally find it or try to find it from the people who are closest to us. You know, if you're married, that might be your spouse. Well, they can't carry that weight. Sure. Right. They weren't designed. If it's your kids, they can't carry that weight. If it's your friends, they can't carry that weight. So let's talk about what it looks like to balance winsomeness with. Also, a healthy balance of who I am in Christ. Because I think those kind of live, can live together, right? Does that make sense? Winsomeness is a cool word. Yeah. Can you dig that out a little more? Well, you know, I think you mentioned we're called to share the gospel with people. You can't share the gospel with someone if you're not winsome. Yeah. If you're not a likable person. Likable. Okay. Right. If you're not. Yeah. And people have to be. And if you are walking in the spirit and displaying the fruit of the spirit, then people will be drawn to you because there's something different about you. And so, but we all have personalities and quirks and things that we do. But, you know, some people are just naturally more winsome than others. And those are the people a lot of times you see in leadership because they rise to the cream of the crop, Kelly Brandon. Winsome. Yeah. You're very winsome. I also have a fiery tongue. Yeah, but you do, but you've used that influence for good and that winsomeness draws people to you, I guess is my point. And you've mentioned when you leave a conversation, you say, how do I do? I don't necessarily think that I do that, but I see it. I see it show up when someone disapproves of me. Sure. So I don't walk away from a conversation going, how did I do? I'll walk away from a conversation going, oh, my goodness. I just blew. You take criticism hard. Yeah, I take criticism hard. Yeah. Very hard. And so how do we as friends and as believers in Jesus Christ get that identity piece settled before we walk into these relationships? I tell you, I have dug into this particular topic a lot in my therapy with my therapist, who's a Christian, and he helps me understand a lot of the things that I do that I do without thinking about. And so much of that is a fear of rejection. And so if I go into a scenario where I am afraid that somebody's going to reject me, then I will try to please them. I will pander. I might compliment. I might say things. I might just go overboard or do something that's not truly genuine because I'm so scared of being rejected. Or I might isolate. And not actually show my real self because I'm afraid that that will be rejection. So I think to look at the other side of that, to walk into a place where you don't have fear of being rejected is how we can approach things better. And the way that I think I fight the fear of being rejected is knowing that I've been chosen by God and knowing that I'm loved by God and his love is the thing that gives me the security that I need. And so if I'm rejected, OK, it's OK. But that fear of rejection is a piece, I think, that helps me understand. Absolutely. I would also throw into the ring trust issues because I have a ton of trust issues, right? And even if someone responds to me in the positive, I don't always think that is positive. For instance, I might say, well, they just did that because, oh, what's the point? What's their underlying motive? Right. Like, I don't really trust that what you're giving me is the truth. Right. You have an agenda. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And so that that will creep up on me if I'm not careful of saying, OK, well, it's not really what it is. Yeah. Well, and for both of these things, what you're saying, what I hear you saying is that there's some perhaps some baggage, some experiences that you've had in the past. There's not some baggage. There's like a U-Haul of baggage. And I think that's one of the things we have to remind ourselves of is that we all come with baggage. We all come to every experience that we have with history, with previous experiences that didn't go well, with hurts, trauma and traumas, hang ups. insecurities and everybody else is bringing this same truckload worth of stuff it looks different their truck is filled with different things than our truck is filled with but we're all bringing our truckloads full of baggage to every interaction that we have like merging on the highway when everybody's got a truck yeah everybody's got a truck fully loaded with um with baggage and so if we can also begin to see other people in um in this way that they're not perfect either we're all broken people trying to walk through life together i think that's a good starting place to go you know i don't have to necessarily people please um and i don't have to feel like i'm gonna have rejection i don't have to feel like this this interaction's not gonna go well um because i can be confident and secure in the person that god made me to be and the the testimony that god's been working out in my life that all of that junk all of that stuff in my past all of that baggage that i'm carrying around actually is serving a purpose to help me um look more like him act more like him and interact with his other daughters and sons in a healthier way yeah um so we need to celebrate some of that as well yeah um and celebrate the testimony that god's working out yeah in us absolutely but we don't do that no no we don't we all realize that we have baggage yet when it comes to um interactions we often often act like everybody else has got it all together but us well and i think you're right about that and let me ask you this question just to to ponder can you love people well if you don't like yourself i don't think so i don't think so either i don't think so either i don't think you can give what you don't have or from an empty cup yeah yeah and so to do what you're talking about to look at people and go you know i see you you're going to be a broken person and i can have compassion for you i think we first have to understand the compassion that god has for us and that's kind of where i'm leaning into these days yeah i think though i'm going to take a totally different answer to that yeah i think we have to uh love people even if we don't like ourselves and we have to love people well even if we don't like ourselves because we're never going to get to a place where we enjoy ourselves and we have to love people well even if we don't love ourselves and we have to love people well even if we don't like ourselves because we don't we intrinsically like ourselves we're always going to have hang-ups we're always going to have hurts we're always going to have i think that's different i do too something i think having habits and hang-ups and problems and issues is different than loving yourself from a place of saying okay god has created me this way and yes i'm not perfect till i get to heaven while i'm here i'm going to struggle with those things but i can also live from love not for love yeah yes and that's really the point i was getting ready to make was that the more we love other people the more we're going to feel love ourselves the more we are used by god with that because that's that can sometimes be manipulation i don't think you're misunderstanding where i'm going though all right it's interesting this is though this is a tricky this is a tricky spot and i think a lot of believers in jesus a lot of girls like us get tripped up here sure because they're we're talking about different things but but sort of the same thing so it's interesting but i think letting god love through you also helps you love yourself better when you are being used by god to love somebody else then you also begin to see the way god loves you so for instance let me give you an example and we're all mamas around these microphones um but i don't know if you've ever I didn't understand the love of God as deeply as I do today until I loved my own child. That when I loved my own child so deeply, I could understand how God could love me so deeply. But it didn't start with the understanding that God loved me that deeply. And then I loved my son that deeply. I started by loving my son that deeply. And then God revealed his love to me through that. And so I think that's the point I'm trying to make is that we don't have to wait to love ourselves to love other people well. We love other people well. And as we love other people well, the Father continues to reveal to us how much he loves us and changes our own love for ourselves through us loving other people. That's the point I'm trying to make. Yeah. Is that God does the work in us and God does the work through us. And that when we're looking at the other people, we can still love them well, even if we don't. Like and love ourselves. Because the flip side of that is that if we don't like and love ourselves, we may never end up getting to a place where we love the other people well because we're so hung up on our own junk, our own failures, our own way that we don't feel loved. So I'm just curious, thinking about this. So looking at this, like if I if if if one of the goals is that I can like and love myself better, I'm going to love myself. I'm going to love myself. I'm going to like and love other people first. Isn't that people pleasing? No, it's it. No, I don't think so. Because I think it depends on what your motivation is. If your motive, if you're loving other people because you want to get their love in return, that's totally different than what I'm talking about. I'm talking about loving other people as a way as a God conduit to loving them, not as a I'm going to love you so that you will love me back. But I'm going to love you because it's what I'm called to do. I'm going to let God's love flow through me to spirit in us, but not so that I can get anything back from you because I don't want I don't that's the wrong. That's absolutely the wrong motivation. Loving somebody so that they will love you back is people pleasing. Yeah. Yeah. So letting the spirit love through you. Yes, I get that. Yeah. I just don't want us to feel like we have to clean ourselves up. No. Before we do the work that God's called us to do. But that's not I think understanding God's love isn't cleaning yourself up. I think it's understanding God's love that is unconditional, that is undeserved, that is unmerited, that is apart from what we do. There's nothing you can do to make him love you more. And there's nothing you can do to make him love you less. Yeah. Absolutely. Like standing in that place. Yeah. Yeah. But I do. I agree. I agree with you that the depth of love changes. But I also agree with you that that I don't know. And I think that the issue. Realizing how we define the word. Well, yeah. Are we loving? Well, you know, everybody's going to have a different perspective on. Yeah. And different parts of your journey. Right. We're all heading towards sanctification. Hopefully. And we're all in different phases of our journey. And it's so individual. And we talked earlier about traumas and and breaks in our lives. And so we're all, you know, needing different things. And God is so good to give us what we need on our journey at this moment. Yeah. And on the other end of the spectrum is the person who just wants to isolate and have. And they're like, this world is too people-y for me. And I don't want to do this anymore. Right. Yeah. Right. And I will tell you, I am very much a people person. Yeah. I like people. I like to be around people. But there was a season of my life where I totally isolated myself. And I did the whole performance thing where when you saw me out and about, man, I was on. Hmm. But when I got home at the end of the day, I was like, oh, my God. I closed my blinds and shut my door. And I was a totally different person. And I just want to talk to you if that's what you're doing right now. If you're like, oh, I want to turn this off. You're exactly who I want to talk to right now. Because I think one of the things that we do is that we look at social media pages. We look at Instagram. We see what we think is a perfect life. And we're like, I can't live up to that. So I'm just not going to be a part at all. And I withdraw. And nothing. Nothing grows in isolation. You cannot do that. And I just from my own personal experience will say that was one of the hardest times in my life because I totally disconnected from everything. And because I realized I couldn't please everybody. And I couldn't be the person that everybody thought I was, you know, during that time. And so that's also a red flag of, hey, you might be people pleasing if you withdraw. When you can't perform. Yeah. And maintain what you feel like are other people's expectations of you. That's right. Because like if you had said, OK, I'm still Carol, but I'm Carol going through a crisis right now. And so I'm not going to be the same. But maybe you were afraid to do that. I know I have been afraid to do that. If I'm not if I'm not sweet, Tricia, if I'm not, you know, happy, Tricia, then I'm letting everybody down. Yeah. So I better pretend to be because you won't. Accept me how I really am. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and God wants to use us in our authenticity. Yes. And in our. Yeah. In our story. Vulnerability. In our vulnerability and our testimonies, because there are other people we're going to come in contact with on a on the daily. Yeah. Who are going through the same thing that we're going through. And our testimony can be encouraging to other people when we're. We're authentic about it. You know, that's. But that can't happen in isolation. It can't happen in isolation. No. And it's also, you know, God wants us to please him, not man, not other people. In fact, Scripture says Galatians 1 10 says, obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people was my goal, then I would not be Christ's servant. And so it's really an important thing for us to remember that when we are serving other people, we got to do it with that motivation of being God's vessel to them, not trying to do it so that they are, you know, pleased with us, that they're happy with us, that we make them happy. Right. So I think that's where you start with the awareness piece. You know, so much of life, I think we think just happens and we don't think about it. But when you stop to say, what is my motivation for this? Like, where am I coming from for this? I think that awareness is the first step. And how can I use my testimony? You know, in my life. How can I be the authentic me and whatever it is I'm going through and be use that piece of me to serve other people? And, you know, when we do that out of right motive to honor the Lord and be authentic. Ironically, people like it more because they sense the honesty in it. And yeah, and we can relate to somebody who goes through hard times. We can't relate to happy, perfect person. Well, there's so much of that fake going on these days anyway, with AI and all of the things that we're beginning to be much more aware of disingenuous, all the things, disingenuous people, disingenuous, you know, phone calls and scammers and all of the things that authenticity and the realness of life is such a breath of fresh air, you know? Yeah. So let's. I want to circle back around to, we talked about, you know, God used it as a testimony. Can you love well with boundaries? Yes. I think you love better with them. Right. Absolutely. Because I, for a long time, thought that love meant whatever it had, whatever I had to do self-sacrificially to serve someone else, that I needed to do that. And that did not get me to a good place. I'll tell you that because you end up worn out and bitter and, and resentful of the people that you are called to serve all those things. And so let's just talk for a minute because between the people pleaser and the isolator, if we're going to live in a healthy balance in the middle and serve God with our time and our talents and our treasures and be good stewards of the story he's given us, I think it's important to kind of throw boundaries out there. And I think it's important to kind of throw boundaries out there and say, it is okay. And I'll, I've already confessed that I have some trust issues. And so those boundaries for me are going to look different than they look for you, even you guys. Sure. But those boundaries are a healthy way to both keep ourselves healthy and keep other people healthy and maintain the relationship that God intends for us to have. And what kind of boundaries do you mean? For me, it's been realizing my personal limits. Um, that has been, uh, most of my life is realizing that I cannot do it all. And that is not good news for me because I want to try to do it all right. Yeah. And, and so I ended up being worn out. I ended up being overtired and then I make bad decisions and it just, it's a snowball effect rolling downhill quickly. And so healthy boundaries for me is realizing what I can do and what God can do. And God can do so much more than, than I can. And God, God can do more through me if I put those healthy boundaries in place. Whereas I say I, I protect my time with God. That's number one. I protect it and I, and I'd guard it with my life, you know, and, and for a long time I said, I'm just not a disciplined person. I'm just not a discipline. I'm just, I'm a creative and I'm not just, and God said to me, look at all the things that you do on a weekly basis that you're disciplined about. You have a job, you show up at that job every week on time. That is correct. God, I do. And he was like, okay, you're disciplined about that, you know? And, and so I think we make, I excused myself from a lot of the things because of distractions and because I didn't want to feel, and I didn't want God to deal with those things in my life that needed to be fixed by him. So for me, it looked like protecting, putting some protections in place where I realized that, you know, I get up way early in the morning, in the middle of the night, some would say, so I have to say. I have to say no to a lot of evening events. That's one of those things that just comes with territory and people are like, oh, you're no fun. And I'm like, yeah, I know. You are fun, you're just fun early. I'm fun early. I don't like to go to bed when the sun's still shining outside. Well, and I think this also is one of the things where we have to let go of the FOMO, the fear of missing out. Like, and I think that's something that a lot of us struggle with. I struggle with that. And I was invited to go to a dinner tonight, but we got a big day at work tomorrow. And I knew that if I went to the dinner tonight that, I would not be present as much for tomorrow's big day at work. And so I said, no, but there's still that fear in me of what's going to happen. I'm going to miss out on that kind of stuff. And right. And did I disappoint them? Because I had to say no. So again, it's, but setting up those, those healthy boundaries are so important. You have to know yourself. Yeah. I think the older I've gotten, the more I understand myself. I don't understand why that is, but it does seem to be with age. It's experience. And you get some knowledge about that kind of thing. Yeah. I think you know yourself more. Yeah. You're a little clearer on that. And you've made bad choices. That's right. And you go, I didn't like it. I didn't like to do that. Yeah. Dealt with the results. For sure. For sure. Okay. Let's talk about, uh, a couple of just emotional boundaries. What are emotional boundaries look like? Yeah. Yeah. So I think for, for me, that emotional boundary is even probably more important than the physical boundary. Yeah. Um, it is, it, for me, it looks like being careful. I'm careful who I overshare with, um, to make sure that even if somebody, you know, if I'm wanting to make them happy and I'm wanting to please them, um, sometimes oversharing, um, the, my thoughts, my opinions, my whatever, you need to hang out with somebody with some trust issues because I've been burned with that in the past. And so having that emotional boundary is important. Another emotional boundary, um, that I find really important is, um, not allowing myself myself to be in a deep relationship with people that I know are going to hurt me again. You know, not necessarily the oversharing, that's a different piece, but the over-serving. Yeah. Like you can forgive, but still not go back to that same. Correct. Yes. The stove burns you. Right. You forgive the stove, but you don't put your hand on it again. And sometimes it's the, I'm not going to necessarily, I'm not going to condone your behavior. And so I can't reenter into a significant, deep relationship with you, even though I think that would please you. And even though I think that would make you happy, because in order to do that, I have to compromise my own values and my own beliefs and the way God has asked me to serve him in this world in order to do that. So would you say you don't allow them access to certain parts of you? Yes. And I don't allow, myself to have access to certain parts of them. Yes. Yes. I read a book, part of a book from Lisa Turkhurst, and she talked about levels of trust. Yeah. Yeah. And that sort of speaks to that. And I think that is accurate. It's like, okay, you know, there's one level of trust that you might have with somebody that you just met and you might be fun or funny or share something, but you're not going to tell them really deep things. But then as it goes, as it goes on, you know, the people that you, know more, the people that you've established relationship with, they get a deeper level of your trust. Yeah. And I think as I've gotten older, I've been better at recognizing who am I really going to give that deeper level of trust to? Because you can get hurt on all the levels. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. And so just trying to figure out that. And let's just talk about that for just a moment. I know we're, I know we're getting to time, but I want to talk about if you've been hurt. Everyone has been hurt. And I just say that to you. Yes. We've all been hurt. But Christ doesn't call us to stay and to live there. It doesn't mean you have to enter back into the same access that person doesn't have to have to you, but you have something that the body of Christ needs. A gift that you've been given to steward well. And so, because a lot of people want to use that as an excuse to not be involved with church, to not get involved in a small group, to not, you know, have girlfriends anymore. And that, it's just not a good plan. I've tried it. And it's just not a good plan. It doesn't, it doesn't help you to grow. It doesn't allow you to use your giftings. It's just so problematic. And I just wanted to address that real quick. Walk through those trust layers. You know, I mean, you're going to, if you're starting over again, you're going to start up here at this low level of trust. But start working your way further down here. And remember too, that God is down here at the bottom and the trust level. You can always trust Him. His word says that He will never leave us. He will never forsake us. He's not going to turn his back on us. We can trust him. He's the best secret keeper we got. He will help us in our sin as well and help us turn away from that and walk away from that. But he lovingly does all of that. So he's at that lowest level of trust. Yeah. And I will just add this in here. If you don't know Jesus as your Savior, you're always welcome to text the word Jesus to 81891. We'll send you a resource where you can read the gospel for yourself and you can learn how to enter into that relationship with the best friend that you'll ever have today and nothing would thrill us more. So you can text the word Jesus to 81891. Thank you so much for being here today. We're going to save you a seat. Next time we gather around these microphones for the next Girl Talk podcast. And now it's time for the Girl Talk group chat. So we got some good interaction here today. And just talking about how Beth asked, how do you seek discernment in this place of vulnerability? So like how, how are you doing that? How do you know when you're being a people pleaser for the sake of being a people pleaser versus setting your mind on things above? I was reading this book and he was talking about specifically discernment. And he said this, he said, when it comes to discernment, the enemy wants to stroke your ego. But God wants to speak to the deepest parts of you. And I think that is a good place to start because the enemy does want to stroke our egos. And if the relationship's all about that, you have to question if that's your ego speaking, your feelings speaking, your people pleasing speaking, or if that's God. There are just some people that you have a natural connection to. I know for me, when it comes to discernment, there are some people that I have a natural connection to. But when it comes to discernment, the gal that's my best friend, the first time I had coffee with her, I like emotionally threw up all over her. Just the first time we met. And I was like, I'm surprised you didn't move and leave town and never speak to me again. But we, the Holy Spirit in us connected and it was that kind of relationship and has continued to this day. And so I think there are some people that you naturally have a connection with. But discernment is hard because you want to know. You want it to be a God honoring relationship. I think part of it, too, and I can't find the scripture and I don't have it memorized in my head. But scripture says that we should ask God to search our hearts. And I think that's an excellent place to start is to have it with discernment. Beth is to really say, hey, God, search me and know my ways and let me know your ways. And then, you know, if you find anything in me that is the wrong motivation. If anything in me is offensive, then clean it up, you know, fix it. And so that I can have right, right motivations as I enter into whatever circumstance I'm walking into. That is Psalm 139, 23 and 24. And I'll drop that in the chat now. You know, Beth, thank you for asking that, because I think it is an important question. It's one we've got to keep returning to. And for me, one of the things that I try to ask myself is why am I doing this? We talk about motive, but literally, why am I doing this? Why am I sharing with this person? Is it so that they'll feel more comfortable with me or is it in some way going to honor the Lord? And it really kind of parsing that out by by checking the motive, checking my heart. What what's the purpose of doing this? Because I can do the same thing and have different motives. I can do the same behavior, but have one motive is to. Please, this person or to get something from them. The other is to honor God. And so if I really try to stop myself and ask myself, why am I doing it? That helps me with discernment. Yeah, that's good. Also, I was this morning listening through John Chapter five. It's verse 19. Jesus explained he had been criticized by a lot of Pharisees. He had just healed somebody on the Sabbath, which the Lord forbid, actually. Another thing Jesus didn't do, forbidding healing on the Sabbath. But John 5, 19, Jesus explained, I tell you the truth. The son can do nothing by himself. He only does what he sees the father doing. Whatever the father does, the son also does. So when we're like walking in the spirit, when we're like lockstep with the father, then the people around us, what they're criticizing, like you're saying, well, like, I'm sorry that that's bugging you. But like, I'm just doing what I'm seeing the father doing. Right. And that just that helps a lot. When you're he wasn't being haughty about it. He wasn't being like, I'm right. You're wrong. He was just like, hey, no, I'm just I'm just doing what I see the father. Yeah, that's true. I think that helps a lot. Karina asked how we can set boundaries. Well, I think y'all all touched on different boundaries that y'all do. But like, how do you how do you know what's too far? You know, like I'm being like, like, Carol, you're going to do an event in the evening sometimes and you're going to be tired the next morning. So you set a boundary, but sometimes there's give. How do you know how to set those boundaries? Well, and then, you know, what does that look like? Yeah. So one of the things that I do is a quarterly review. And I drive some of some people crazy, but I write a lot of things down still with a pen and paper. That is still a thing. Awesome. And so I write it down and I'll go back and I'll look at the just the last three months and I'll say, you know, what what was my energy level? What was my energy drain? What are the kind of things that I saw? For for physical boundaries, that's really helpful for me anyway, to just do a review once a quarter and just say, how am I feeling? When for emotional boundaries, when I start to see resentment show up or I start to think I don't really want to do this or I see bitterness. Yep. All of those things kind of raise the red flag to maybe I've said yes to too much or maybe. I've gone too far with somebody. So those are things for me. Yeah. Just I am totally picturing because, you know, one of the things I said earlier is my fiery tongue. You know, for me, I know what I have when I start to get really snippy and I start to bite back that I have crossed a boundary and I need to I need to take I need to sit down and take that assessment and go, OK, what is going on? How can I kind of dial that back? So for me. I have a hard time knowing what the boundary is, Karina, before I've stepped over it. So actually some wisdom from you would be great in how to do this as well. What happens when you only have a fiery tongue? Then what? Search my heart, Lord. See if there's any offensive way. Yeah. Well, I agree with everything that y'all said. And I will add just a couple of things. The resentment, for sure. If I'm being. If I'm resenting what I'm doing, then I know the boundary's been crossed. If I'm snippy, I know the boundary's been crossed. But I try, if I can, to make a boundary decision when I'm in a good place. Not when I'm tired. Not when I'm frustrated. Just yesterday, I reacted instead of responding. And that is is something I want to do less of. Yeah. Because I made a decision. It was a boundary. And I don't think it's a bad boundary. But I was not in a good place when I drew it. Yeah. And so I reacted to it. So trying. To make the best decisions I can when I'm in a good place. And I'll say this, too. You've got to be honest with yourself. I am not sleeping well. I've been. I'm in like a battle for my sleep. Like a journey to get on good sleep. So I know that I need to draw different boundaries because I'm tired. Yeah. Because I'm not in my best place. And so I may not be able to do what I might be able to do in six months. Yeah. When I'm, praise God, I believe, in a better place. So being honest with yourself about where you truly are and trying to make your best decisions when you're in a good place. That's good. That's really wise. I like that. Very good. All right. Well, let's wrap this up and then we'll be back with another episode of the Girl Talk podcast. Bye. Thank you so much for joining us today. We love you. Yes, we do.