Jerry Seinfeld | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

Well folks if you're gonna spend money on something and it's well-be something you actually like that's what I always say that's where the club random merch store comes in that's right get yourself a cozy hoodie look at this this is really well designed that's right get yourself a cozy hoodie to snuggle away your sorrows or some new club random shirts look at all this shit I have to attract a partner with similar interests and live happily ever after I've seen crazy arom coms so head over to clubrandom.com and bring home some random well in this episode of club random classics I sit down with my friend Jerry Seinfeld one of the few comedians who treats stand up like a science we break down the tiny details that make a break a joke the evolution of performing over decades and why most people misunderstand what great comedy actually is it's not just funny it's a master class so grab your favorite beverage or a pen and paper or both and enjoy I must tell you I got up this morning I was like Christmas morning that no really I felt I felt that Christmas morning vibe because like Jerry Seinfeld's gonna be here not I got it I'm excited too I got excited too I've been excited for a couple days it looks odd that we're talking about being excited in this position with each other sit down there's a stripper ball right there I see um but you'll never guess who just called me Leno I just talked to him too he uh but I said yeah I haven't seen him in a while I really would love to get together maybe the three of us when you're on that be amazing so that's what's good about these shows though which I'm sure you've already discovered and I discovered with the comedians and cars people I can't I can't I'm not calling people up and hanging out but when if you do a show I said it every week yeah and both people who I know like you who like exactly why are we here yeah because we're forced to not we're not it's just this crazy force of thing that makes us we don't need the money you don't need the promotion although we'll certainly do what we can thank you but this the other thing is I don't know how you feel I think you might be a little different this way but I don't like to be around people not working this the working is kind of this basically it's like a baseline current it's like a beat it's like I can hang out with almost any comic if we're here to do a gig if we're just if I'm here just to enjoy your company that's not good to me know the art it's not going to be good enough your company you know I can get a set-in and a chat and school and get some new material yeah I mean I could take that the wrong way but I'm not kind of yes I completely see the point about and I've said it to about work but also to while you are working do exactly what you would be if you were not working the words if we were if we were just here and we weren't working we I want this conversation to be zero different oh that won't happen that can't happen because I mean yes I'm a savvy professional do you think I know that if I say something stupid it won't okay I can do it now even you are savvy you are also the savvy is professional what are you way right now well what are you way why is that a relevant question what's the name of the show club random you're right okay what do you way I think probably 152 today one what today today it varies today me too I weigh I weigh 166 today and what were you in 1979 79 I was probably 150 probably the same but I think you have you're slightly smaller um I don't know but over time or you mean compared to you yes it's a frame I think you you're a little bigger a little bit yeah also ego yes well I don't know that's a close race let's let's well listen before I forget I say what can I get Jerry for his birthday I mean the man you have everything you're a great star never get tired of it do you ever get tired of that no one else ever said those words but done a great star I know I only say do you I love it no one I love it but she's so bad she took the necklace off and the head hits the sink some of those things they made no sense you know drop your pants and fire a rocket well he didn't want to say fire a rocket out of my ass that's what he wanted to say oh he was very very clean which is interesting because he well that he had those little uh what what do we what do we call them uh uh he would just kind of bend the rules let's say for television and first oh yes you know but yeah I brought my pants and fire a rocket out of my ass that's what you're supposed to you supposed to finish it in your head I didn't even know that was the thing oh sure well I loved it as a kid no matter what he did you know and he certainly would be the eminently cancelable today oh let's not oh I promise you I saw him you're you can't move him from yes to now without him modulating he wouldn't know you don't know that he's he's gonna want to work I think the man likes to work but okay but I saw him doing it like later than it should have but I saw him opening yeah yeah that was a miscalculation right yeah anyway anyway I wanted this is so you should fill it's no touch it's not even what it is yet but I know I'm not what it is well I hope you were touched very what I gave you I was I put it very prominently in my little den that was the metal rap but I love it and I look at it and I think of you and it's it's it's a bit okay it's too much because you really well and it's true and let me tell the people oh gosh do we have to or really tell them you don't want all right go on it's okay I mean it's not I mean it's not a big deal it was very sweet I'm very nice but I but it it limbs I think for an audience who you really are to us the comedians I had a rabbit made and by the way it's they don't make rabbits I had to have it made because that you can get a bunny on Amazon right bunnies are all over but but not like the rabbit in motion the idea was Jerry was always the rabbit in among the comedians he was the lead leader of the pack and we were all chasing and it was inscribed the rabbit we never caught oh well you don't remember that of course I you said it like oh I don't I think I read it does that was to say that on there it does oh I never read it oh I'll go home right after this and read it you just remember me saying yes yes that's interesting wow well anyway that's exactly who you are thank you is where you've also been a great friend you know you you were there when I did the first week of politically incorrect you didn't have to you flew to Washington on your wife's birthday in 2014 when I needed a guest on when we did a special show in DC you did the standard special and I certainly have vivid memories of like one time I got off stage at the comic strip and I had tried like all this new material right my first year right and then we you I look back and I think you must have been thinking you fucking idiot but you were nice enough to be like you know you should just try one a tune of things and it was you know advice I needed to get and probably did not follow for another three years but I went through all like my file from 1979 because I thought what can I get the personalize everything got the amazing career the perfect wife the great family the the adoration of a grateful nation the only thing to get you is to amuse you and give you a memory or bring back a memory so here's my show and tell box look at this from 1979 what is it comedy hour don't learn company I don't know why I'm in company it's my first year in comedy yeah look at the time 12 30 to 130 well you can't give me this this I'm not giving it to you what there is something I do want to give you okay um that I'm treasured for 50 years 60 years but I see yeah yeah it's from the it's 1964 but 12 30 the fact that we were doing shows all the time and this is well 12 30 would be a bad time to do the show AM or PM but this this was known this was a nooner okay so all right so here's the thing I want to have framed if you like it for you see if you can see what this is I bet you you were here yes oh I'm a pack rat you're not - Oh my God. - Do you know what that is? - Of course I know what it is. - Really? - Really? - More than anything, yes. - Rick, were you there? - I live for it. I went many, many times and I have quite a bit of memorabilia in myself. Anything blue and orange that says world's fair on it. I have it. Not anything. - Well, that is the map that told you where all the pavilions never was. - Yes. - It was in 1964 world's fair. - Which, oh, so let's be honest, Bill. - And say, there's a sadness to what the world seemed like to us at this time. What we thought it was. What everybody wanted it to be, right? - I was looking at this the other day. I see like, you know, the GM pavilion and so forth. And I thought, you know, nobody bitched about every fucking thing back then. Now they've, every pavilion would have somebody in front of it like, you know, you're making oil and you fit, you know, like nobody would just enjoy the fucking. - Well, it's Jimmy Brogans great Heckler line that he used to do when people would start to Heckler. He would always say, I'm sorry, we don't have microphones for everyone. (laughs) - No, I don't. - No, I don't. - Unfortunately, that's what happened. - Right. - That's what happened. And yes, it ruined everything. But how do you have this? By the way, it's accurate. I'm the opposite of you. This is a map of the world's fair. It looks like an architectural rendering. - I know, I think they gave it to you like, so that you could know where, you know, hey, I'm here at the Finland pavilion. No, really, I mean, we want to get to Miriel Sagaras before lunch. (laughs) - We want you to be real sweet. - I remember walking around here at one point being very like tired and my feet were. - Yes. Remember how boring the countries were? (laughs) I don't want to see any countries. - Right. - With the Caribbean, you'll see that was on there. That was kind of a good one. - Do you remember the stories of the kids that got lost in there and their parents left them there and they were living off the coins in the fountain? (laughs) - I remember corn dogs. - I don't remember that, but I do remember kids getting lost there. I know. - You're going to give this to me? - I want to have it framed and then give it to you. - Yes, I would love it. And I'll put it up on my wall. - Yeah. - Because this means a lot to me. - And you can look at it endlessly. - Yeah. - Because it's so intricate and they have all the. - Incredible. - Oh. - Thank you, Billy. - That's lovely. - See, you can't get that, it's serious. - No, no. - So funny that you mentioned Jimmy Brogan. This is what I took out of TV Guide in 1979. Here I met you at the clubs. I kept every one of the full preview issues of TV Guide that had all the new shows. You know what I'm talking about? - Of course. - And that was like, that was a big event for me when I was a kid. - The full shows, yeah. - Like, this one I do not remember, but this is a man called Sloan, Robert Conrad. - Wow. - I loved him, I wanted to be him. - Yeah. - What a stud. Stars is Thomas Remington Sloan III, a stylist, Cosmopolitan, an unnervingly effective globe-circling secret agent. Not unlike James Bond, who reports directly to the president of the United States. But look who's at the bottom. Out of the blue with Jimmy Brogan. - And I cut that out because it was like, wow, I know a guy in TV Guide. - Right. - Like that, really. (laughing) - See like I said, like there was nobody else here. - I've read for Trapper John so many times. - What? - I don't know why they kept reading me. They never put me on the show. I was desperate to get on in the '80s. So here it is. - Trapper John? - Trapper John. - I didn't know you read for guest starring on-- - Couple of times, yeah. - I know you did the Benson, you were a regular. - Yes, well, I did three episodes. - I thought it was like seven. - No, it was three and they fired me. (laughing) - Oh, marcifully. - That's very close to the guy who didn't sign the Beatles. - Yeah. - You know, oh, that's all right. - By the way, drink, you don't drink. Where do you just have to drink? - I drink, but it's a little early and I'm driving. - It is, oh, you're driving. You drove yourself when I stood. - Yeah. - But we know how you feel about cars. - Yeah, I drove an old Mercedes-Benz diesel here. - I mean, I just, at that level of car, I mean, I guess J has it too. - Level of car enthusiasm. - Yeah. - How do I talk about that? - I don't either. - I don't like to, I know it's not any interest, but. - But to your credit, you made it interesting to me on the show like when you did those - Accurate commercials. - A little bit. - Yeah, you got a little interest then. - Well, not enough to like pursue it, but like it was, I was interested in the connection you had between the person and the car. - Yeah. - Why you felt that was, I thought it was elegant. - Yeah, people like that. - I never understood the one you picked me up in. It was a German police. - It was for one joke, which is, it was a VW police car, because you're someone who seems to have a lot of power and has none. And I thought that's what that car is. A VW police car. You're police, but you can't catch anybody. So. - Well, yeah, I guess. I noticed that like in that show though, like in your own kind of Sinefeldian way, you did become like such a truth teller. You know, obviously not political the way I do it, but like you just used your political capital from the first show. - Right. - I felt like the popularity that you would accrued to like go, well, I'm just gonna say what the fuck I want. And it's not always gonna be that pleasing to everybody. And that's, to me, the most refreshing thing in job business. - Yeah, but it wasn't, there's nothing really. I suppose it was a little more revealing than what people had known prior, but not that much. - Really? I don't know, what have you? - That's what I think. - Oh, okay. - I mean, just because you weren't playing from a script, like in the show, I mean, you're, that's a character, first of all, obviously, close. But, you know, I mean, the situations were so absurd. - Right. - And I mean, we're ridiculous that it was a show about nothing. Nothing, it was about everything. - Right, yeah. - In all those. - Right. - That's not. And then now you're just talking to somebody. - Right. - And you know, like, what do you think your kids, nothing? - Right. - You know, you said things about like family and stuff like that, that was like, oh, wow. - Yeah. - Well, that's what this show is, but what you've accomplished with this show, because I thought nobody has always been more, I don't want to use the word transparent, but you, we probably know more about your opinions than any other celebrity. - Right. - Yeah, out there. And yet, on this show, there was a whole other world of stuff that I can't believe, I still can't believe. When you were on with, I think it was mammoth, and you got into a thing about the battery shortage in Germany, that they were trying to go electric when they kind of overshot it. And I'm going, how does this guy stop at that article in the paper? And I like, yeah, I need to know more about the German power grid. - Stop, you're being, you don't think you know about many, many things? - No, I don't, not like you. - Really? - No, I watched the show to see what does Bill know that I didn't know he knew. And I'm always blown away. - Wow. - That one was amazing. And then you talk with that other guy about the Bible, you know, all about the Bible. - I'm old. - I know, but your brain is, your brain is worthy of all the attention it gets. - Well, finish your thought, Jerry. - Yes. - No, I think you're amazing. I'm enjoying you as much now. - You're such as things. I didn't even know you ever saw this show. - How about you, everyone? - How do I know these things? I texted you about doing this. You never texted me back. - I texted you back. - No, you-- - Love too. I'm a fan of the show. - Yes, that originally, then I texted you about a month ago and said, "What about when you're doing the promoting "the Pop Chart movie?" And I didn't hear back. Your people got back and said, "Yeah, he's gonna do it." I was like, "Throw it." It's like-- - 'Cause I already told you, I wanna do it. - I know, that's, but most people are not quite, to see again, I'm a rat pack. You are the guy who is, there's no extra, no extra. - I do like that. I love no extra. - Yeah, I mean, I think to quote one more thing that I quoted before about the Paul Simon song that I always think that is you. And it's such an amazing song, One Trick Pony. And you're anything but a One Trick Pony 'cause you've been successful in, when you did reinvent the talk show, you had your series and you've done movies. But there's that middle part, he makes it look so easy, look so clean, he moves like God's immaculate machine. He makes me think about all these extra moves I make and all this herky jerky motion and the bag of tricks it takes to get me through my work in day. I feel like I'm the herky jerky guy. - Well, you're not. - And you're the guy who's just gliding through with no extra and no baggage and no stupid mistakes. - That song, by the way, hit me like that too. I thought that's everything I want to be, what he's describing. I said, "That's it, that's what I want to be." You don't think you are that? I don't try. I don't know. I mean, you were always more mature than the rest of us, like getting back in the day. Well, what did you do that was immature professionally speaking? We all not professionally. Professionally and personally, a lot many things. Not professionally. Yeah. Absolutely, professional. I used to piss off the crowd, so they hated me so much, no matter what kind of joke I told them how funny it was, they would never laugh. That's the most unprofessional thing you can do. I remember once at the Comedy Cellar, the MC getting on after me and saying to the audience, "Okay, that bad man is gone now." That is absolute real run fest, I think it was. That bad man is gone now. Yeah. I was very. Okay, I consider that just. Growth. No. Creative experimentation that, yeah, you needed to. What? No. No, no. It was totally a function of a bad attitude. Your bad attitude has matured into. Yeah, so I hope. Totally. You're one of the most successful people in the history of television and stand-up comedy. I have been on a long time. Yes. Yeah. My aesthetic role model was Mike Tyson. When I saw Mike Tyson in his prime, when he cut the hole in the hotel towel and had no socks and no stool and black shorts with nothing on them, I thought, "That's what I want to be." Oh, my God. And recently, just a few years ago, I don't know what it was, I said, "Why do I have these different color ties and suits?" I go, "I'm just wearing a black suit and a black tie from now on and it just felt so calm." We visited Japan last December. I was so happy there. I connected so strongly with that ethic of their culture, of just focus and simplicity and singularity of purpose, you know. I do like that. And I have done these other things and I have to say it's all with a component of reluctance. I do it to think. I think I could do that, you know, like the movie. I think I could do that or let's do a different type of talk. So I think I might be able to do that. And it's not really what I wanted. If I could have just been a pure stand-up and never done anything. But you're already known as the purest of the purest stand-ups. That's your, that is like your, and it's real, and by the way, it leads me to something I feel nervous about telling you, I feel like you're the confessor to this, but like after this year, I'm going to stop doing it. Really? Or I could go back. I don't want to make it like a big announcement or something. Well, go ahead. Well, I mean, I'm doing a special at the end of the year. Right. It'll be my 13th for HBO. That's a lot. That's a lot. And I just feel like you got to. I don't know. You know, first of all, I put a lot of time and effort into it because as you know, stand-up is like playing the cello. Absolutely. You just walk up there. You have to stay in brackets. Absolutely. And I do. And I've always loved it. And I'm always working on it. But I have a show. Yeah. You know, I mean. I don't know how you kept it up during the show or, frankly, why. But you did. Because they fed each other first of all. It was so great. And also because I love it. I mean, it's. Yeah. It's. You know, I can be the loosest. I can. You know, the show is great, but there's constrictors there. This is looser. But, you know, what's looser than just you people paid to see me. Yeah. Even if you don't like it, you kind of have to laugh because to get your money is worth. Uh-huh. The way you stay in a movie, even though it sucks. I don't want to walk out my father would pay two dollars to see a movie and say, "Hey, didn't. I wouldn't leave until I get back." God, no. His mother's great. Yeah, he waited until it came to the theater, you know, where there was one theater in Bergen County where the movies would come late and so they'd be like two bucks. Yeah. All right. Let's get back to it. Yeah. So. You know, but if I don't have to practice the Chellowade hours a day, I can do, you know, I might want to do some of these things live that's kind of an interesting option that people do know. Oh, right. You know, and then it's kind of an event. Interesting. You know? Yeah. It's not crazy. It's not crazy. It's not crazy. It's not crazy. I mean, the landscape of the business, which is one of the things I love about the business, is everybody's like, "What is going on? What do we do? What are we supposed to do? What's so and so doing? Why is he doing that? Should I do that?" I love that endless grind and everybody has always heard everybody's always on the phone, you know? You mean like what's happening in the business? Yeah, yeah. Did you see what so and so did? What do you think of that? Right. Right. Streaming and, you know. And I think perhaps for you, for whatever feels right for you at this point, is what's right. But that's after 40 years. That's why I don't want to like make an announcement. This is my final, because I might change my mind. I might, it might be like cutting off a limb and I have to go back to it. How do you view the show? How do you view real time and, you know, how old are you now, 60, something? Jerry, I'm right. Always hot on your heels. Okay. Well, whatever it is. Well, whatever it is, do you ever look forward or do you say forward? Only forward. Only forward. Do you think, you know, maybe another five and, uh, no, I can't be the lone Michael's line. I, I, I, how much longer you think you'll do SNL? He says, you know, I think it'll get to the point that I feel like I'm slowing down and I don't have the same edge. I don't have the same enthusiasm for it. And he says, when I get to that point, I'll do five more years. And I love that answer. I love that answer. I would, I, I would love for us to compare and knows who is more addicted to show business you or me because I love it to death today as much as even more. Everything else in life for me has fallen away, has gone gray. I mean, uh, I loved, uh, having kids and I'm, uh, that whole side of my life has been great. But you always have to say that, you know, but, but if you're just talking about work, let's just talk about what I'm kind of on it, you know, I, I, I, I, I love show business as much today as ever. If not more because I tried every other goddamn thing, but you say, you don't love show business, you'll have standup. That's your business. I know, but it's that one aspect again, you're such a minimalist. You're so direct with everything that everything peels away, no extra things. Yeah, that's you. That's why I think you will do it till you drop. I will. I will. And maybe I will, too. I don't know. It's, it's, it's, it's a tough decision. But I also feel like, um, it's easy as you get older to not do new things and that's what keeps you young. I think that's part of the reason I want to do this is because, look, I mean, we're doing a podcast. If you said to me 10 years ago, even, you know, the big thing at show business is going to be basically, I am radio, right? I would have said you're crazy, right? And yet, I mean, you talk about too many people at the beginning of the marathon, clogging the road. I mean, there's like four million podcasts in America and no one's doing this one. I know, but it's, it'd be like if Johnny Carson, when we watched him had, you know, four million, like late night shows that people had that they, you know, maybe only 500 watched this one and a thousand watched this one, but his rating, human, I mean, all of, all those tiny ants sucking a little bit away would have left him not with 17 million, which he had at his height, but, you know, something much more modest. That's the problem with so many podcasts. No. Why? Well, first of all, you're doing the thing that you hate the most, which is moving people around in chronology, if Johnny Carson was, forget that. We're here now. You're you. We're here now. It doesn't matter what he would have done or what matters is this makes, go ahead, finish your point. Oh my God. What year is that? 1979. Oh. Carson must stay. I mean, what a baller he was, right? He would not, I mean, as great as he was, he would not survive today. He was just that show breathed way too much for the current audience. Right. I know. Yes. Who cares? The world wouldn't make him today. Right. They don't make those guys anymore. No. They don't make George C. Scott anymore. You know what loomed large in our world, even the latest 1964, because it was 20 years after, but World War II was like, my childhood, I looked back. It was like everything. My parents were in it. TV shows were about it. Right. Hogan tiros and Michele's navy and combat. And did you get it? I feel also as a kid. I just missed it. I mean, it was. I mean, when I played Army, I played World War II, and there was no nuance to it. We were good. Yes. They were bad. Yeah. And, you know, I mean. It was like a big hug musical. That's what World War II was. was. Here's a musical for everyone, you know. Yeah, and everyone was involved in it. Like nobody was ever like, yeah, I'm just doing something different these days. Yeah, for or two. But anyway, I'm still not quite to the essence of why it feels right to you to not do it anymore. I don't know because it's the cello and are you travel and travel writing? How much time? How do you how do you do a TV show and do any stand up stuff? I mean, I'm not married. No kids. All my time is mine. Right. So that's that's one way. I like that. I mean, you know me, I think we're very similar to this. I love the tinkering. I love the I put that word in front of this thing and I move this over here. So putting together a Rubik's cube. Yes, exactly. And I move this here. And now it all fits. You know, for six months, it was good, but now it's great because I feel bad for those audiences that last six months. Right. Because like, but it's same way in a relationship. I always felt like, Oh, if I only knew what I learned on her, yeah, with you, I would have been a lot better with you. Yes. But I can't, you know, we can reverse time. But you didn't answer my question about real time. What was that? Which is the thing of how many of you, the first time you're at it, how many 25 years? A real starting with politically incorrect once 31. Okay, 31. That counts. Oh, I know, I know. So what do you think? Well, I certainly wouldn't want to quit now because no, I'm feel like I'm at the top of my. Absolutely. And lots of people tell me that. And that's why I put out this book, Jerry. I signed it to you also. But you know, I'm about to do that. The strike with the same glasses, even the strike. Amazing. The strike. And five months to and it's just it's all the editorials we do at the end. Wow. That I put together in a way that made sense. No, I put a lot of work into this. I'm sure you did. Shut up. But I think what stand up is for you is what writing that editorial at the end of the show is for me. Oh, okay. That's what that piece I never ever miss. Oh, thanks for the writing for the flow of it. The consistency is shocking. Your, your level of consistency is shocking. And it's the best comedy monologue every week that anyone does. And you even make a point on top of being funny, which is, you know, usually a point no one else is making. Right. That's, I mean, very easy. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. I mean, this is Christmas one evening for me now. But I mean, other shows I feel like are partisan one way or the other. I really hear a thought that I haven't heard anywhere else. You know, that they will amplify it and get right. But their audience doesn't want to. The audience they just mostly wants to hear what they already believe. And they want, yes, Trump's an asshole. And I certainly have done my chair of jokes about that. But I'm always trying to say something that's not breaking this news story, but breaking a new way of looking at a news story. Right. And, you know, consider this. And, um, oh, it's just fantastic. Thank you. It's fantastic. I appreciate it. And, you know, I, you know, what, I don't know, like, when you would go on Larry King, that was always so great. Yeah, I love that. It was great. That show, don't you think there's a hole for that show? I think it's Joe Rogan. I think Joe, what? You just put your hands up. No, well, no, when I'm getting at is what was, I thought special about that show was that was nine o'clock. Every night at nine o'clock, Larry King was going to be sitting with someone who would probably be of interest. Yes. And that was a, a great TV. That was great TV. The set, I thought was, I love the multicolored dots, the blackness. You know, uh, not like he was the greatest interview in the world, but he was good. Well, that, but that's why I compared him to Joe Rogan because they, they're both minimalist. Both of them do zero research by their own admission. Right. Like, it's like, they just, I think Joe would say the same thing. Larry said, I want to be the audience. I want to be the guy who knows nothing about you. And now, but he's on for three and a half hours. Larry King is, you know, it's on at nine. You're wondering around the house. You're looking for something to do. Who's got, who's on Larry King? Right. That was, that was a great thing. I can't believe they haven't tried to replace that. I don't know who would do it, but well, they did. Pears Morgan did it for a minute. Yeah, he wasn't right. I don't think it's the fact that there's nobody right for it. I think it's the fact that the audience is different. I mean, we don't have, well, that was one of the last shows. Well, it wasn't really a hearth show, but like, in our, it was, it wasn't a hearth show. Okay. So, so like in our you, but not to the level, like in our youth, like when there was three channels and all the new shows were in that issue of TV guys, like the family had a communal experience with television. Don Rickles, you know, we all remember all, like, it was an event when he was on the tonight show, especially in the summer when we could stay up. The famous one right through him in the Japanese bathroom. I mean, it was amazing that throw, by the way, that he was able to do that. Why are you saying it was quite an age or a jujitsu that he would Johnny through him. Yeah, Johnny said, oh man, Johnny was a mean bastard. Don't fuck with Johnny. I mean, that's the other thing about Johnny was, I mean, he was, he could be terrible to people, but what everyone at that level is should be terrible to people. No, you don't mean that. I don't mean that. You're not terrible to people. I'm not. I'm not. But when you hear someone is, I can't believe anybody thinks anything of it. I think there's levels to it. And I don't think everybody is. I think he was just, he, especially when he drank, I mean, he just had a really mean side to him. Right. And I know, you know, I mean, he could close off. I read that biography by Bushkin, remember? Right. Yeah, bombastic Bushkin, right. And I felt it was so true. I don't know it's true, but everything I know about Johnny and it wasn't kissing his ass and it wasn't covering anything up. You know, he said he was just as cold as that is his mother was like, yes, very cold to him. But in a way, it made it easier to watch him. I can't watch people that want me to fill that need for them. I can't do it. I agree. The exhaust thing. I totally agree. Just a bombastic Bushkin. Don't you think that that joke was his intense jealousy of Dr. Vinnie Boombads Rodney's great doctor? Oh, I think Carson loved that joke so much. He wanted his own. And of course, he would steal once. He steal when it's suited. I'm telling you, that's what I mean. He was just a badass. He broke into his wife's apartment. You know that? I don't know. That's in the book. It's like when they were going through the divorce. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, did really bad ass things. Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all-day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue. Just plump, dewy hydrated skin. That still feels like your skin. Try new grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. Maybe it's Mavelyne. I don't know if that's a bad ass. It's just bad. Yeah. Well, I'm just saying, you don't fuck around with him. And yes, I do remember, what did you say? What did he do? That bombastic bushkin was I wish I had a thief. He loved Dr. Vinnie Boombads. But he stole the answer man from Steve Allen. And he stole Maud Frickard from Winters. Yeah, we know. It was horrible. And then he would have them on the show. Yeah, well, they could do. He was the king. No, I'm not saying it was admirable, but I guess that persona kind of, he was, Mr. he was gracious. That was what was Johnny's calling card. But boy, when that red light went off, I don't think he was that guy. Did you have little interactions with him in the hallway? Little, of course. Wasn't that the most exciting thing in the world when you would see him coming down the hall with the tie down? Didn't have a tell you the story, but when I saw him the last time I did it, and Leno was about to take over and he I'm walking out and he's in his car. He had like a Corvette. Yeah, the Corvette. And it wouldn't start. And I said, boy, I bet you, I don't know. It's everything about the car, but you know what to do. He looked up and he went, yeah, we'll see how much he knows about television. I'm telling you, he was a bad man. Yeah. Well, these guys, you know, they're not, it's not a coincidence that they're there. All these guys, whether politically, entertainment industry, corporate world, A lot of people are there for a reason. I feel like a late-night host is always a reflection of the society that we live in. Better than a lot of other signposts. I mean, that's why Leno was right for his era, and Johnny was right for his era. And what do we have now? We have Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, and Jimmy Fallon. I think I'm right for their era. In that. Why, look at this, here's a. Oh, do we understand the comics? What's that? Oh, these are the two articles that were in the New York Times. Am I in any of those? You probably are. Here's Adrian Tolsch, the catcher rising star T-Shirt. I have a catcher rising star T-Shirt that I wear all the time. I still fit. It's a new one. Because I hear when you wash them, they make lovely hand puppets for the children. You know what, every year of my life, I make a file where I just put stuff in, because I'd like to be a good caveman. Like, if I want to go back and excavate and see who I was, it's one good thing I did. I think somebody done that, but that was pretty smart. Like, I saved. Like, look at that Mad magazine cover. I love that. I saw that cover. Aren't you glad I saved this from the Supreme's album? No. No, you don't think that's. I wasn't missing that. You don't think that's cool? It's okay. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, let's, Jerry, come on, come out of your show. Yeah, the new. I went through all of my stuff recently, the new breeders, and throughout almost all of it. You did. Because that's you and I'm mean, because. And I thought. I don't. My kids don't care what I did. I even thought that. Aren't you glad I kept the world fair, everything? Yeah. You never know which is going to be the one, right? I think these are all good. No. Sounds good. What about this from Richard Belzer? I love that. First of all, it's daily planet from the desk of super comic Richard Belzer. Oh, wow. No. It's a great shot of him by the way. It's just too much. When I played the beacon, I always asked the audience, I talked about how I started in New York at a club called Catcher Rising, how many of you remember it. And that moment, Bill, there's like about 10% of the audience will applaud. It's a great moment. I just love that. Remember how cool that joint was? So much fun to just share that for a second. But isn't it all sad that I'm. Well, I'm not what he wrote. Little no. I'm definitely sad, too potentially one of the greats. I think he was talking about himself. But I think it's said that only 10% of the people, well, you know what? Come on. You're right. You're right. You know what? Let it all go. No. I do like it. But I must say bad memories do not make me sad. Good memories make me sad. You know. Bad memories. It's like great. It's over. Right. Good memories. It's like shit. I'll never have that again, you know? Right. No. I'll never have anything again. You seem more at peace with that. I am. I am. You know, when I came to the other day because I'm going through this thing with the movie, you know, and you're doing a lot of press and they're watching the movie and they're responding to it. You know, and I hit me the other morning. The instance here compliment is absolutely of equal value as a totally genuine compliment. There is no difference in value. They're both utterly meaningless and just as nice. An instance here compliment is just as nice. I don't care if they're lying to my face. It doesn't matter what they think anyway. What the fuck are you talking about? This is ridiculous. Like I gave you a very wonderful compliment, I think, and it came from me and it's very sincere and it's true about you. That's got to mean more than an instance here compliment. Not in that situation where you're meeting strangers and they're saying, "Oh, I love your movie." Great. That's great. That's just as great. I don't have to know. Really? Did you really? Give me that rabbit thing back. A compliment from you who knows me. That's what I'm saying. That's different. Oh, okay. That's different. I hope so. I'm talking about 90% of the things people tell you in show business are not true and not sincere. Of course. And that's okay. And even when they. I shouldn't even admit this. It makes me sound petty, but I think all show people the same. Sometimes people will give you a compliment and you still don't like it because it's like, "Yeah, but you noticed the wrong thing." Yeah. Yeah, you liked the show, but you thought that was the best part of it? Yes. And it's like, you can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't even describe how small minded that is. I don't know. It's what's below petty. Whatever that adjective would be. You don't feel you've never felt that way? No. Really? No. Right. Whatever you like. What do I care? What you like? All right. Then why do you keep arguing when I say you're more mature than. It's fun. More mature than you have. I like to argue. I know. Good. I don't even believe what I'm going to say. Because I'm taking it. I'm not even arguing. But, yeah. No, that's true. I feel like I've evolved a long way. Mm-hmm. I just started. Far back. Way far back. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. I didn't want to talk about it. Oh, here. Look at this. No. I always thought. This is so funny. All this crap you brought out here. Can you tell me you're not enjoying this? I'm not. Yes, I do. No, you said to tell me. So I did. It gets more mature. Look at this. My father was in radio. Right. No. Right. Mutual broadcasting system. This is when the media was respected by this country because these were. Mutual. Medical. Mutual. Medical. Mutual. Medical. Where's your dad? Is he in here? Right here. Look right here. Bill Moore. Your dad. Mutual medical care. Is Bill Moore? Of course. Well, that explains a lot. I think we've cracked this case. Why I'd open right here. Mutual medical conviction. Isn't that awesome? Doesn't resemble you much. Look at. You can't see that. It's a drawing. So that's not what he looked like? He didn't look like that. But you know. You're very handsome. He looks kind of. I don't know. Are we looking in him? On a stang-ish. It's a drawing from these creeps who made this thing. Men of conviction. So were these guys. They were. What were the answers? But they were in journalists. Well, I think they would consider themselves journalists. Jerry, they had deep voices and they were on the radio. And. You don't have a deep voice. You have a deep voice. Of course. Yeah. Of course he did. When he took me to the radio station once in a while, I'd be like scared like. Shit out of me. Because they. Oh, hello, young man. Bill Sharbert. I mean. Look at some of these names. Whitney Bolton. Charles. Charles Batcholder. Bill Castello was good. As was Jack Allen and Martin Edwards. You know. I did a little stick. We made it. We made a couple of little video promotion pieces for the movie. And one is where I'm called into the office of the President of Pop Tarts. So I needed a name for who would be the President of Pop Tarts. And we came up with Kalman P. Gasworth. I. He says, "I'm Kalman P. Gasworth." The President of Pop Tarts. And I'm sitting at the end of this long conference table. And I go, "Oh, I just made a whole movie about Pop Tarts." He goes, "Well, did you now?" I can't wait to see this movie. It's fun. It comes out on now. Friday. So it's funny because when I read about this, I thought it's both. You making a movie about Pop Tarts. It's both inscrutable and inevitable. Like. That is a great line. That's a great line. You really like. You were going. And I just want to know before I see it. Or maybe you don't want to say this, but then just don't. But like. But what is the metaphor? I mean, plainly, it can't just be about Pop Tarts. Oh my gosh, no. No, it's. There's quite a deep story, Bill. But it has to be a metaphor for something. Uh, you got me. Really? Yeah. What? Again. Um. We're not like the serial killer in the detective. We're not really like. No. It's, um. I like. Important. Seeming men in suits. Like those names you're talking about. Puffs and flakes and sprinkles. Uh, in a very serious way. That, to me, was funny. I like. It's about, um. It really is about a childhood fantasy and. And wanting to hang on to your childhood and that time and that product and to make this movie, I get to go back there, I get to go back to when the only thing I cared about was the stingray and my cereal and the TV shows that I liked. And that was like a little soap bubble that I got to get inside for a few weeks. Yeah, I mean, I have that inclination, but our childhood is now just so long ago. But the fun of it is still there. Yeah, I know. So with the movie, you get to recreate it. But you don't. You're going to get to really go there, no? You don't have intimations of mortality when you dwell on the distant past like that. That it reminds you that you're closer to the end. I'm not that in love with, like, you really love life. Don't you? You love it? It's okay. Oh, come on now. Your life? Oh. I. Because like, when I knew this was your birthday, I was like, I bet you he's the same place with birthdays that I am, which is like, I had a big party here right in this room at 60. You had one at 65. After that, like, yeah, it's happening, but we don't need to go into it. No. I mean, so nice people. Mine's in January. So nice people said to me a couple of weeks after they say, "Oh, didn't you just have a birthday?" And I go, "You know, maybe. I don't know. I might have." No, I didn't check my calendar. I didn't check my calendar, you know, because it's just like, it's happening. Yeah, I can't deny it, but let's just ignore it. Yeah. It's at a certain point because you'd still look generically late middle-age, which is great. You know, you don't read old. No, neither do you. Like Biden. Yeah. Like, reads old and Trump reads crazy, but not old, you know. Yeah, okay. He reads just pretty much differently. Well, he's got a lot of makeup on, you know. A lot. And the hair color and all that color. Yeah, I always say he's like kiss. He puts on the face, face paint in the wig, and it's always 1976. That is fantastic. That is a great joke. He's like kiss. He's so funny. But yeah, so we could probably, I mean, Mick Jagger is doing it at 80, doing rock shows. Okay. No, I'm saying. It's amazing. It's amazing. If a guy can do rock and roll at 80, certainly comedy. What do you think you'll be doing at 80? I hope very similar to what I'm doing now. Really? Yes, I would love to, I only in my 60s came to realize how right my mother was when she once said to me, yeah, I really liked my 50s and 60s the best of all the decades. I said, that's crazy. 60s? Yeah. But there are 60s as already, physically. I mean, I don't have, I don't do anything different now than I did in my 40s. I could do any number of shows. I could go anywhere. Exactly. Right. I haven't made any adjustments. Same way. But I imagine. I mean, there's a diminishment to everything. Yes. I mean, you know, I can still play basketball, but you know, that's amazing. That's amazing. So, you know, I mean. But yeah, I think you maybe have a little tighter grip on this lifetime than I do. It is what it is. All you can ever be is good for your age. But I mean, as far as how far you can go, I feel like I'm, and you are too, for some a different reason, uniquely suited to another decade because I never was selling I can dance. I can jump around. Right. I was selling wisdom. Right. And sophistication. Right. I mean, that's why HBO has been such a good home for me. Right. It's a sophisticated audience. Right. It's a sophisticated show. I mean, that word, maybe, I'm not, you know, putting that on myself, but yeah, that is what I strive for and the audience is a sophisticated audience. And there's precious little left for people who are sophisticated. That's a genre. That's a niche. It's always been a small niche, that's always. Yes, always. Yes. You have a much broader, you know, somewhat broader, but majorly broader. It's one, another reason why I'm probably not going to do any more stand-up is because, like, first of all, when you're on TV every week, it's very hard for people to come out and, you know, it's harder to get that you're less unique. Right. Right. Also, they tend to think I'm a political comic, which is limiting. Oh, right. But there's guys who are, like, that happens funny as me selling twice as many tickets. I'm a little sick of it. Not that I can't do nice shows and theaters, but it's like, it's, I am, I've always been fighting a little uphill on those things. Uh-huh. Oh, I see. I think your stand-up is my editorial. That's what I want to do. Right. So they put me in the grave. Right. Is every week come up with that one thing and, you know, because it's almost sign-feldying because it's building one very small, limited, but trying to perfectly craft it and then it's over. Right. Right. Next week, there's a new one. And on Monday, I, you know, I mean, I will, we nail down the premise before the weekend. Oh, yeah. And on Monday, you know, I read all the passes and put it together, you know, my own version and then, you know, sew it together and each day, first it gets fatter, then it gets smaller. Uh-huh. You know, there's a method to it to sew it by Friday. I love it. Now, that would be a vacation that, for me, if you, if I would just sit with you and not contribute, but just watch you do that, that would entertain me more than any trip to anywhere in the world. Yeah. Because I think, I don't know how you do it, but the end result is so elegant. Thank you. That is what I love and appreciate more than anything, it's simplicity and elegance in writing. Thank you, me too. And, and of course, getting the job done comedically. Yeah. We got to do all those three things in the piece when that is executed. I mean, I just feel full of music. I just love it. And I, you know, we're so lucky that, you know, I do think sometimes I watch great pictures, great athletes, and I think, oh, this guy's only going to get 12 years of this to be able to play this music. Oh, yeah. Right. That's a huge career for a pitcher, right? But for us, if they told us you can only do this 12 years, it's ridiculous. Musicians, does it bother you? You're so, you're very, very sophisticated musically and just, you've had all those whole Simon lyrics in your head was amazing. What's your theory? And I know you have one on why these great, great, great songwriters are not able to find that thing in their later years. Too many drugs. Come on. No, we're too many drugs, one partly. But also, I just think it's innate. Music is something that flowers in youth. I mean. Don't you think music is sexual? Of course. If you're not horny, you can't write a great song. Well. Oh, that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. Yeah, that's. We could. There's. Not all songs are about sex. Yes, they are. Everyone. Oh, stop it. But what is your theory on older songwriters struggling to find that same magic? I couldn't agree more. First of all, it's rare and I'm not going to name names. No. Exceptions to that, but they are rare. I thought the Eagles 2007 album was really good. Yeah. It was like, could fit in. And when it's a double album, if you made it into like just one kick-ass album, it would be fit in there, or for a pretty well. But there are people that we love, desperately love, that write stuff now that is. And have for 25 years. Right. Not been good. Right. And I think is. You get too ahead of the parade. Like you always want to be like a little ahead of the audience. Right. Otherwise, you're over. But not so far ahead. They're like, what? Right. And I think sometimes you're so good that like, oh, I've done that and this would be different. It's like, yeah, but I just want to, you know, you got to hit that sweet spot where it's strikingly as something a little different, but not so alien that me, just the young man in the 22nd row, can't appreciate it because I'm not a musician. I could just appreciate what you do. So I guess the equivalent of being like a comics comic, who, you know, makes the other comics laugh. Right. And, you know, I always felt like that was what you, like I always felt you would catch. Like you always had kind of an attitude about catch, like this is a shiny object, because it was the hot club. Right. Yes. You didn't, you weren't the man at the hot club. You were at the comics of the hot club was Belzer, and it was the hot club because like that's where the stars went and the celebrities went and the mafia was there, and it was just, you know, the singers and the Belzer, it was, and I think you were just like, okay, enjoy You're shiny object because I'm going to just do what I do which isn't quite as flamboyed as some of this other stuff going on. And I will be the bigger star because I'm going to be on television, which is a cool medium perfectly suited to me. I never, I bet I read that on you. Well, you can read it, but I never thought it or felt that. But it would turn out to be true. Yeah, well, you have an amazing eye for those kinds of things. I just, in those days, Bill, I wasn't, but I just felt like you that the fact that it was ill suited to your exact persona was to your credit because, again, that wasn't what was going to make you a star jumping around on the piano and all the same as the comedy star out here, a lot of stuff that looks great in a small club, but you had your eye on the prize. I did. I did. And when I would see those, sometimes they would come to the comic strip and struggle. And I would realize, oh, they're out of context and it's not working. And that's not what this game is about. This game is about put me in any context and I'll make it work. That's the bigger game to play. Yes. You and I had an argument many times about like, is there such a thing as a bad crowd? Oh, yeah. And I, of course, took the position, yes, when they don't like me, you're bad. When you took the position, again, more mature, goofies and gallons, gallons, gallons believes and you're right in there. There's no right. It's just, well, it's just a sport you're playing. It's a better attitude to have that, you know, you were like, but you're also right. Of course it's a bad crowd. Yes, but you once said, of course, they're in a bad mood. Why do you think they're at a comedy club? You're the doctor. Yes. They don't come to the doctor when they. When they feel well. Right. So that's funny. It's another piece of advice I remembered and put into practice a mere 17 years later. No, I got around everything. It just. Some people just take a long time. Yeah. You know. What about. I mean, everybody's. Who cares? This is not why you're not afraid of dying. Everything that comes in your head is okay. Oh, okay. It's not that. I mean, don't you feel that changing? I mean, I'm 70 and I really feel things changing in my perspective, names I haven't. Who is this singer? All these things, even politics, even social movements, I'm meeting a lot of Marcus Aurelius. Have you ever read that? In college. Yeah. Absolutely. You should pick it up again. Wow. Meditations. What's it called? Meditations. Right. Number 180. 150 AD. And he is a fantastic guy to get you to zoom out and go, all these things you're worried about, all these things that you see happening, they've all happened before, they're all going to happen again, everything that you're worried about is much smaller than it is that you make it in your head. That's his basic message. And being told that by the Emperor of Rome in 150 AD is a very nice daily. I read it almost every day, I'll read a page or two and I just. I love to imagine him in his bedroom there, the leader of the entire world, an Emperor, of Roman Emperor and saying, "Yes, you're going to talk to a lot of annoying people today." That's what every day is like. Why are you surprised? People are annoying. I like to imagine the peasants of 150 AD. "Hey, did you hear the Emperor has a new track of treaties out?" I can't wait to pick it up, but he's like the Sam Harris of his day, he had the morning meditation and by the way, if people want to have an image of who Marcus really is, think of the movie Gladiator. And he was played by Peter O. I thought it was Joaquim Phoenix. He played the son, Marcus Aurewap son, who kills his father, who kills Marcus Aurelius in the beginning. Well, not in real life, though. I think he did. No, no, no. No? No, he died of natural causes in his 50s. You know a lot about Marcus Aurelius. I'm kind of into him these days. That's amazing. Yeah. I didn't think I'd ever hear that from you. Boy. Well, just because he didn't seem like a history buff and then. I'm not really, but I do, I love philosophy and I love his philosophy, and I just find it helpful. I like shrinking things down. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. And you do it better than anybody. Oh, thank you. I mean, I always say that about you, like the act that like every single person can love and the most intelligent person in the room is also not insulted by it. All right. That's a. I feel like excellence is always getting to that golden mean of like the two things that are in opposition, but somehow you bring them together. Right. You know? Well, that's what I'm. I think you might find that in "Unfroasted," the pop-tart movie. It's a silly idea for a movie, and the jokes are silly, but as we know, there are no silly jokes. They're either good or they're not. And you'll find there's a level of sophistication in the silliness. That is my ultimate. When I first saw a Monty Python when I was a kid on PBS in the early 70s, I lost my mind. The sophisticated silliness that they were doing absolutely lit me up like this is everything that I want, everything that I love. I think get smart had that. I think Peter Sellers had that. He's acting dumb, but there is such a sophistication to it. Because as we know, as comedians, acting dumb is really not, you know, "Lorland Hardy" are not stupid. No, no. I wasn't a stoogess guy, but "Lorland Hardy" is elegant and sophisticated. You were not a stoogess guy? No. I think it's funny. Apparently he was carrying the whole damn show, but we were five, no, I wasn't. I watched comedians when I was five years old, going, "This guy's getting it." Did you watch, did you watch "Office or Joe Bolton?" Of course. Okay. Didn't he introduce the three stoogess, wasn't that his- Yeah, yeah. He had the stoogess. I watched it. And Superman also? No. They didn't have Superman. They had those movie shorts. Superman just stood by itself. Yeah, yeah. That was the real thing. Yeah. Oh, I remember. I remember. Yeah. And still pretty good, by the way. I've been watching that lately. To me, George Reeves is the greatest of Superman all time. His sophistication and those double-breasted suits. That's another reason I wanted to do on Frosted. I wanted to look like George Reeves. Did you like that Superman show and they would close the door at the side, which- What? I lived for it. You know this. Really? When I was a kid. Yeah. I remember in high school, I wish I probably had that somewhere in my rat pack file, but we made a list of every episode that we could remember. Wow. There was probably a hundred episodes. Wow. I remember all the episodes. We've talked about it. Camborium X. Yeah. I mean, I got to do a commercial with Jack Larson and Noel Neal and I think- Yes, I remember it. Yes. Yeah. It didn't even work in his craft. I mean, I know. And your bit was, you know, one of those- one of your first ones as a brilliant disguise. It was like, that is so you. Yeah. And then somebody else had a great bit about- it's a bird. It's a plane. Oh, mistakes. A bird. Who was it? Those joke is that. I don't know. I heard that. That's a good one too. Yeah. It's like a perfect example of that bit that like it was laying there on the ground. Yeah. Somebody could have seen it. Yeah. Right. I have a Frankenstein but I'm doing now about the sport jacket. Why is he wearing a sport jacket? That's great. It's an AI bit. It's a part of an AI bit about making fake brains as risky. We can see that from Frankenstein. Oh, it's funny. That's a great joke. Yeah, exactly. And he goes, well, I thought maybe we'd go someplace nice afterwards. No, it's Romania in 1820. There's no place nice. No one's going to say, I'm sorry, Mr. Stein. It's Jack, it's only the same thing. That's hysterical. That's funny. I talk about monsters now with the toxic masculinity that they're always talking about. It's true men are toxic. What are we talking about when you say black hair? Men have been ruined by the phone. Yeah. And pornography. And it's rapey, it's domineering, it's not, you know, it's just, and this is what young men see. You know, when I was, when we were kids, it was, if you had a playboy, that was huge. Yeah. Now they see horrible things, you know. I can't imagine choking and spank. Oh, God. What? It's horrible. I know. I mean, what these kids are, when you think about how innocent our childhood was, the level of innocence is just like from a different one. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And we can't fix it. They broke it. Why do you think I'm always trying to fix it? I'm just, there's a difference between being trying to remedy something and just being amazed by it. I talk, like age fascinates me. And people say, oh, don't worry about it. I'm not worried about it. I'm just fascinated by it. Right, right. I'm fascinated by different generations. I'm fascinated by how different, the difference is that I could see in my lifetime. Right, yes, I know. And I said to my mother one time, who passed about 10 years ago at the age of 99. And I remember asking her one time, do you remember when cars suddenly became popular? She said, oh, yeah, my mother, when she was born, there was no cars around. When my mother was born, women couldn't vote. Right. 1919, when women got the vote in 1920. Right. I say to my kids, your kids are going to say to you, you mean they let people just get in cars and go as fast as they wanted? Yeah, for the most part. I mean, there were laws, but people didn't pretty much whatever they wanted. My grandma. Didn't they crash and die all the time? Yeah. Yeah. Well, and children died often. You know, they kicked by a horse on the farm. And you know, that's why they had a lot of kids. They expected a few of them to-- So better or worse, the way we value life today, or the way we were more casual, much more casual about it in years past. I mean, it's so easy to say, oh, you know, back there, please. We are so seduced by, and I am, as much as anyone, by creature comforts and convenience. Yes. No, with all the bullshit going on, we live in the most amazing fucking times. Yes. I mean, the climate change is probably going to get us at some point, but it hasn't yet. Right. We walked out here today. We weren't evaporated by the rays of the sun or something. I mean, we doubt it was a beautiful day. Yup. The green, the sky is blue. I know it's really not. There's lots of things going on behind the scenes that are horrible, blah, blah, blah. But we're still living at that time. We're basically, you know, yes, health certainly can rear its ugly head. And there's lots of poisons everywhere. And lots of terrible things. And Trump could do this, and democracy, and buh, buh, buh, nuclear war. But for the moment, you know, we have some kind of dinner with people. And they're like, oh, the world's ending. Look around you, you fucking dumbass. We're at this fucking awesome restaurant. They're bringing you this food. It's probably going to-- this dinner's going to cost $700. You're not even going to fucking blink and hang the check. Shut the fuck up about how terrible things are. When they're going to-- I'm not going to lose my nervous system about Trump again. If he ends the world, he's going to end the world. I'm not going to fucking go nuts. Again, if he wins another term, I just can't-- I hope you have that wherewithal. Well, what are you going to do? I don't know. I'm trying to stay right there. Yes, I'm trying to stay right there. What are you going to get anxious like a millennial? No, it's just-- Right, exactly. I mean, that generation-- especially the Z generation. What do you-- oh, but your kids-- I mean, your kids are great. Thank you. I mean, I think with great parenting, you can still make great kids. Sure. Well, you don't really make them. You have a hand in it. You're like the manager. Yeah, you're the manager. If you give them advice, they take it. They don't take it. They're like the manager of a team. Yes, that's right. A good manager. A good manager. Like six to eight games a year. That's right. That's right. You think that's all a parent can do? I have no idea. But wait, you raised three kids. It's mostly what you didn't do wrong, really bad stuff. But mostly, the way we were raised, you were kind of left your own devices, and you're in a fairly healthy environment. And hopefully, you make decent choices. And the same is true today. I remember that night you and Chris Rock were in my dressing room before the show, and I asked him something. You guys, something like, oh, your kids, did they play together or did Luna? And you both went, you know, the wives handled that. (laughing) I got, okay, that's, I see. Yeah, I have the most amazing wife. I've really loved my wife. I got to a point with my wife now that I can't believe how great she is. Because, yeah, I can't really say that. But, you know, I mean, in the single world, it always runs out of gas. And I found a woman where it never runs out. I'm always excited to see her. That's great. We always have fun, but I love talking with her. And it's fun. It's fun. But it's, again, it's a little bit of luck. Or maybe it's instinct, I don't know. But are you an empty nester now? Not yet. My son is finishing high school. But you will be. I will be in a few months, yeah. And is that a big change over? I saw people say, but Justin and I are, we feel more good. But so it must be, it's gotta be a big difference without the sound of children. It is. But Bill, all these things. (laughing) What? I feel like you're going back to, like thinking that I'm somehow ruined the passage of time. And I'm just remarking. And I'm fascinated by everyone. I, yeah, I'm fascinated. And I enjoy that that's over. And now we're doing this. And anything else in life. Okay, well, you just characterize what I think about maybe quitting standard. Okay. I've enjoyed it. But maybe, you know, that's cool. That's very cool of you to let your mind be that free. That's cool. I mean, I think it's always great to stretch. It is. To put yourself out of your comfort zone. Just change, just change the menu. Change, change. We're doing this now. Yeah, exactly. Right. Because, you know, at our age, you know, it's an ageist country. They're always going to try to move you out. I mean, it's the nature of what? I'm not, I'm not an other thing. Nobody cares how old you are. Well, that's another reason why I would add it to the hopper about me maybe getting out of it. I do think there is a generational element to stand up. Because humor is not something that translates through the ages that well. And like the humor of today is a lot more about feelings, nothing more than feelings. And like, people want to see somewhat of their own generation. I can't-- Of course. But they also want to see people that can really do it. I understand that. Some can and some can. Yes, irrespective of age or anything. Yes, that's true, too. But you're an icon, you know? Thank you. I'm going to be nicer when you give a compliment. No, I didn't mean it like that. OK. I just meant, I meant, you don't have to-- all you have to do is put your name in the paper. Right. And it'll sell out. Right. Maybe if I was there, I would still do it. Well, that would be an element that would influence me probably not. I think I'd still make this decision. Right. But yeah, it makes it a lot easier, you know? I mean, the audience that comes is certainly a great-- I mean, look, I love it. It's a love affair because-- Yes. --any time they're paying a hard money to take it to see you. Yeah. You know, they want you to do what you do very specifically. And I just want to do it for them. Right. So well, you know. I'm getting sad, Bill, that this show is almost over. I was-- and I really was looking forward to this as much as you were because it's you. And I also just love the vibe of this show. Well. And-- I have one more thing to show you from my thing. This was my father's. How I met Hollywood's biggest stars by Bill Marr. This is amazing. What in the world? What is this? It's some gag, yes. Somebody gave my father in 1966, whatever. That's great. And it's all Chinese folks. [LAUGHTER] Show and tell us some more. We were so innocent. Yeah. Well, as a great man once said, it's so nice when it happens. Oh, God, Bill. You did it again. Freddie DeCordeve, after my first tonight show, put his arm around me as we walked off the set. And he said, it's so nice when it happens again. If you don't know you're in show business at that moment, when somebody says something like that, all right, pal. Thank you. Thank you. This was what I thought it would be. [MUSIC PLAYING] I'm going to have this frame and sent to you. OK, thank you. Yeah, I'm in a world's fair obsessive. I do know that.