Jerry O'Connell | Club Random with Bill Maher

Well, folks, if you're going to spend money on something, it might as well be something you actually like. That's what I always say. That's where the Club Random merch store comes in. That's right. Get yourself a cozy hoodie. Look at this. This is really well designed. That's right. Get yourself a cozy hoodie to snuggle away your sorrows or some new Club Random shirts. Look at all this shit I have. To attract a partner with similar interests and live happily ever after. I've seen crazier rom-coms, so head over to clubrandom.com and bring home some random. When I made Stand By Me and my father, I told you he's British, went, don't tell anyone you were in a movie. This film will never be released. I mean, I had such a good speech, but I knew. Give it to us. Come on. Give us a little bit. I think the first thing I was going to say was. There he is. Who do you think it was? Who else is even going to walk through that door? It's not like the old Dean Martin show where they were surprised when it was. Oh, look, it's Ella Fitzgerald. Do you remember the old Dean Martin show? I vaguely, I mean, a little bit. He only came in one day a week. You know, he didn't know zero rehearsal. So everything was a surprise. Yeah. So he would go into this one segment of the show where he was a piano player and then there was a door and he didn't know who it was. And it was always every. Look, it's, Sammy Davis. Oh, right, right, right. Oh, and he would be surprised. Yes. Yeah, that's cool. The whole show was a surprise to him. The algorithm gives me a big clip of him singing with this really talented, I think, Brazilian singer doing like a. What do you mean the algorithm gives you? The algorithm, Instagram, like when I'm scrolling, I spend a lot of time on Instagram. Bill, I have a goal on this show. What's that? I want you to get higher than you've ever been on any episode. I want you to blow it in my face. Well, on any episode. That is that that's not going to happen. I mean, I've had Woody Harrelson and Quentin Tarantino here and they both are ridiculous. But I'll be happy to blow it in your face where you don't smoke it yourself. I don't smoke it myself. But I listen, I live with someone who smokes, you know, vapes, actually your wife, my wife. Yeah. OK, is that what we're calling it now? Rebecca Romaine. Rebecca Romaine. Yes, look it up. Supermodel actress. Very successful. Actress. Yes, we know who she is. We've come to see you live. Yes, right. The only time my wife finds me appealing, finds me entertaining, finds me attractive. This is not. Is intimate with me. Why would she marry? The only time my wife, what's the word, touches me is if my wife takes a hit off that pen. Oh, I see. So, you know, that's. First of all, I'm sure that's not true. You look great. I mean, you really aged well. You really have. You look great. Thank you. You as well. Back at you. And she obviously married you. And how long have you been together? Like a long time now. We've been together over 20 years. 20 years. My wife was previously married to Club Random fans, your guest, John Stamos. I came up. My wife watched. We watched the whole thing from beginning to end. Someone suggested to me today, a comedian whose initials are Howie Mendel, that I get into this podcast game, that John Stamos and I have a call-in relationship show. Now, this is because you and he had beef because you were with the same woman? We didn't have beef. John, what is this stuff you always squirt in your drink? I watch every episode and I'm like, what is this? Is this more like cannabis? Jing. Jing. I drink it. Now, it's this stuff that you put into just regular sparkling water and it turns it into a diet soda that has no chemicals. There. So it's a sweetener. Another case of steaks. No, not steaks. I don't want steaks, but thank you. What? Yes, it's a no chemicals, you know me, health nut. Aren't you a health nut? No. Well, I'm not. I eat a lot of processed food. I eat a lot of takeout. I'm not kidding. I know they're not a sponsor, but I mean, I eat a lot of In-N-Out. I'm getting this picture. A guy doesn't get laid unless his wife is high. He's always on Instagram eating shitty food. Well, my wife gets high every day, so don't worry about me. I mean. I see. No, but I am. I mean, I know you're an advocate for specifically marijuana use, and I just want to say it really is like. Just mine. I'm an advocate for me being able to do it. I don't give a shit what anybody else does. You get your own. But will you light it up? Here, cheers. Oh, let me try some of your sweetener, actually. Yeah. Shake it. It's not going to give me like. Not more than twice or you're playing with it. But yeah, I mean, yeah, I think you'll. This is not like my favorite flavor, and it looks like it's been here for a long time. It smells. I have to talk to the staff about things like that. Cheers, Bill. Yeah. Cheers to you. I'm one of the only guests on your show that has actually acted with you. We're thespians. Oh, we're talking about Tomcats? Tomcats. 2000, the year. Let's tell everyone, it's a film called Tomcats. Young men will know what we're talking about. Young men under the age of 30 around there. Yeah. Why did I do that? It was one day of work for me. And you made a lot of money. Maybe that was it. And they flew you privately. Oh, for sure. I know because you said, when did you get in? We were shooting in Vegas, and I said, oh, I got in. I got in yesterday, and you said, oh, did they send you the jet? And I went, if they sent me the jet, you mean Spirit Airlines. Well, because I was doing Politically Incorrect. I had to, like, I shot all day long getting up at the crack of dawn and had to be back in L.A. And do your night show, yeah. To do Politically Incorrect. Bill, I want to say you were a great acting partner. You had a lot of dialogue. You probably don't even remember it. You were so great with all your lines. I remember. Are you kidding? Are you? I'm being dead serious. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I could do that level of acting back when I was. I mean, it's funny because the 80s, most of my income was from, I did silly movies. Sure. Some of the posters are around here. Bill, I thought for many years you were the guy in Body Double. Yes, I wasn't. I know a lot of people thought that, though, right? Yes, I was the guy in D.C. Cab. I was the guy in a bunch of sitcoms and Murder, She Wrote and things like that. But then in the 90s, I got into it. I got what I really should have always been doing, which was the political talk show. For some reason, in the year 2000, they offered me this thing, and I was like, oh, maybe I'll get back on the horse, see what that's like. Maybe it'll be fun. I don't know. It couldn't have been fun because, like, I had to, like, get up at the crack of dawn, so I flew in the night before in Vegas, and so that was rushed, and I had to fly right back after. So it wasn't like, oh, I'm going to get a fun weekend in Vegas. There was none of that. I remember I played the bad guy. You were the. You played the casino boss, and I owed money to you. Right. Exactly. And I was. Why they chose me as, like, the scariest guy in the world, but I feel like I pulled that off pretty well. You really did. Not like I was personally going to beat the shit out of you, but as a guy who could control henchmen, who would be my henchmen and act as henchmen do. You were, uh. I'm a very big advocate for henchmen, by the way. I talked about this once with Mark Cuban, who probably has thousands of henchmen with his money. But henchmen, I feel, are always, like, shot in movies, and nobody ever feels for them. I mean, it's just a job to them. They're humans, too, but we can just wipe them out, like, in scores in a row, and no one ever thinks, oh, that was a guy with a wife and kids and a sister, and he just took a henchman job. Yeah. And he's not really a bad guy. Yeah. And certainly wasn't a very good henchman, because he got shot by one guy, and, like, thousands of them went down. Yeah. Why don't you pitch this to the John Wick people, like one of the random people who've been taken out? I would like a. That's a great idea. I would like a movie from the point of view of the henchman. Yeah. I was. Yes, I was the casino boss. You owed money. You. I remember being embarrassed by the movie and being in it, because it was. What? It's a cult classic. Are you kidding me? It is. Embarrassed by the film? Well, they were, like, you know, in the first scene, they take Viagra, at a wedding. Yeah, it's a silly movie. Yeah. Okay. I was embarrassed by D.C. Cab, too. I think that's a. You shouldn't be embarrassed by D.C. Cab. I want to tell you, I am. I am. I am younger than you. D.C. Cab on HBO played nonstop in my childhood. I've seen D.C. Cab. I'm gonna. This is not an exaggeration. Blow it right over here, Bill. It's what we call a freebie. Jesus, what a pussy. My God. Oh, yeah. All I did was fucking blow the lightest bit of smoke in you. One more, right over here, Bill. Okay, but go ahead with your. What were you saying? D.C. Cab, I've watched it hundreds of times. It's a classic film. I mean, I know it might not have been recognized by the Academy. I think that the B-movies I did, did "Pizza Man" and "Cannibal Women" and "The Apocato jungle of death while more low budget we're actually better funnier movies they're actually kind of funny no they're also not Academy Award material those ones were just like I don't know lowest common denominator sort of you know yeah there people to this day say hey DC cab and if it makes you happy I'm very glad all the fans out there all I ever want to say to these people is you know I've gone on to other things you have your role in DC cab but I will tell you something being that we do have you know on this show a lot of times people talk about your manager marker of its I heard it in the Dana Carvey David Spade sure episode you have a mutual manager for those watching who are not in the entertainment industry we have managers who will manage our careers and are we're not in the entertainment industry we have managers who will manage our careers and are we're not in the entertainment industry we're not in the we're not in the entertainment industry we have managers who will manage our You're with them for decades at a time, and they're very helpful. It's like a coach in football. I mean, can he win you the title? Of course not. But can they affect enough of the games, perhaps, to take you over the edge in a close race? Yes. And it's a confidant, and it's a protector. So I am with the Mark Gervitz counterpart, Michael Rotenberg, who's at Three Arts, who's sort of a contemporary of Mark Gervitz. Another big man. And they're very good friends. But he said something really interesting to me. First of all, as a manager, he said something really fun. I had a TV show that was canceled, right? Like you, like all of us who have been here for decades. We've had a lot of TV shows that are canceled. Which one was this? I don't even remember. One of the hundreds. And he took me out to dinner. God, our managers are always way wealthier than we are. But they took me out to dinner, and he said, I was really depressed. And he said, if you can figure out how to make this the fun part, looking for the next one, this will be a fun career for you. And that really affected me and how I think now. There's no way you can do that. That's not the fun part. But I try, though. I really do. I try. Okay. But that's never going to be the fun part, is when you get kicked on your ass. And you have to, yes, it's the part that, it's not the fun part. It's the part that can make you feel good about yourself. Because you deserve to pat yourself on the back when you pick yourself up, when you could have, like, let it defeat you. I remember once sitting in a bathtub in a hotel in San Francisco in 1983, I think, crying in the bathtub because I did not, I was up for the sitcom version of Mr. Mom. And I was, like, right on the one-yard line at the last minute. And they gave it to Barry Van Dyke. Not that I remember and not that I'm bitter about it. Exactly. Fucking Nipple Baby. Un-fucking-real. That said. And I said, I hope your father does not live a long life. And look. Stop, stop. Oh, God. I was just thinking of Dick. I was just thinking of Dick Van Dyke. His granddaughter was my kid's teacher in, you did say? Van Dyke and not Van. Barry Van Dyke, yes. He was Dick's son. So many Vans. But I thought I was funnier, but, you know. Michael Rotenberg, my manager, we were talking about managers, is a little inside baseball, but we all have managers in this business. He said to me, you're going to end up where you're supposed to be. And that really, like, that affected me as well. I was. And how would you define where you're supposed to be? Like, well, how would, so if that's true, you fill in that blank for me. Okay. Because I feel like you do a lot of things. Yes. So that's. What. You'll take anything. You know. No, no, no, no. No, it's okay. It's funny to say that. Hey, I just did the Hollywood Squares. Nothing I cannot even. I was hoping to get that offer. They didn't get it. To one of the fucking Van Dykes. Oh, yeah. Dick Van Dyke's great-great-grandson. Yeah. But you know what? The next day, you get back on the horse. I hope that the younger generations, like, have that. Have that. Have that. Have that. Have that in them. I don't know. They seem so full of anxiety, and they're so oversensitive about everything. And, you know, we were just talking about how many, my work, how many live at home now. The statistics are very different. It's like 8% in 1970, like under 34, lived at home. And now it's like 34%. Yeah. And some of that's economic, and some of it is just. And, you know, I don't know. I mean, if I worked for Mayor Mondami, I would tell you that's affordability right there. But. I hope you don't. Please. Let's give him a chance. Come on, Bill. I'm a born and raised New Yorker. Let's, like, see what he can do, you know? Oh, okay. Absolutely. We can. Let's see what he can do. But we already know what he is because it's in his own statements and the people he hires. I talked about him. You say you watch it. You must have seen this, the first show. I was talking about this woman who is his. I saw, yeah. Like the head of, his big issue is the rent. You know, he's the rent is too damn high guy. And that's a good issue. And he's, affordability is a great issue. And, but, you know, I said, how do I know he's a communist? Well, I'm reading between the lines when he hired someone who says, word for word, let's elect more communists. Okay. Have you seen? Look, this is not like something you have to really figure out. Elect more communists. That's a communist. Now, if Barack Obama or any reasonable Democrat had anybody on their staff who had that on their resume, it would be like a huge scandal. But this guy, this is just where we are. Like communism, I said it. I'm not, it's a political philosophy. It's an economic philosophy. You're allowed to believe it. You're allowed to vote for it. Let's just not pretend that that's not what this is. I understand. And take another hit while I say this. I want to smell a little more, please. Just a little bit more, please. Okay. I think it's different running for president of the United States and running for, not even New York, a major city. But communism is communism. But if you think, let me put it this way. If Rick Caruso can't win in Los Angeles, okay. And he can't because it's. He can't. No. He can't. He can't get enough votes. He can't. He cannot. If Rick Caruso can't, if the guy who owns the Glove. Do you like Rick Caruso? Yeah, I do. Okay. I met him at the, I met him at the conference. Yeah. Where I live in Calabasas, which is a town in the outskirts of Los Angeles. It's a sort of a Tony Hamlet of Los Angeles. Yes, it is. Very Tony. I think the Kardashians live there. Kardashians live there. I have a nodding relationship with them. Well, I do. We have like a. You mean like you're taking out the trash? You see them taking out the trash? That kind of a thing? No. No, actually. We pass each other in parking lots and I go. Parking lots? Yeah, like. What are you, buying fentanyl? No. We're in malls. It's like the suburbs. You're in malls. You're in a parking lot. Yeah. You go to the mall and they go to the mall? You see the Kardashians at the mall? I'm going to tell you my. I'm just, I'm not. Okay. I'm going to tell you my Kardashian. I'm just. I'm going to tell you my Kardashian mall story. Great. My kid was in a math tutor. A kid who was failing math. How old? She was 27. Well. She was in junior high. Okay. She's failing math. So I had to take her to like a math place. I mean, maybe there'll be a sponsor for the show. Mathnesium. Okay. They did help her grades. Okay. This isn't that school Kanye had, is it? No. My kid's going to public school. By the way, that's how, you know how serious America is about education when they let Kanye have a school. I was there for that time. A school. I do remember. I don't know. I don't know much about education. Literally. This is what I know about education. Okay. My kids were about to go to school. That's all you need to know about America and education. It is. That's all you need to know. My kids were about to go to school and I was like, I was like, mom, I called her my mom. You know, my mom is in, my mom's from Jersey city. She was an educator, public school teacher. My kids go to public school. By the way, I also read that Malcolm Gladwell book and he's basically like, put him in public school. There's no difference. Go. Absolutely. And I really adhere to that, you know, and it's great. I'm telling you, everybody, it's a, it's, I mean, listen, I, mind you, I live in Calabasas. So some people are going to say, well, yeah, you live in Calabasas, but, uh, Malcolm Gladwell really turned me on to the public education thing. Anyway, I called my mom and I said, mom, um, Kanye's got this school. Like, should I send my kids there? Where should I send my kids to school? I gotta, come on. You considered it. What do I, what do I do? Like, do I go to school? Do I go on Google? Do I go on Yelp? How do I find a school? Go on Spotify. No, no, no. I mean, go, go on any, you know, news outlet. He's, he's very, you know, much in the news, Mr. Kanye. But my mom is so funny. My mom, and I love this quote. My mom said, uh, I'll tell you what you do. You call the Shapiros, you call the Goldsteins, and you ask them where they're sending their kids and that's where you send your kids to school. And she was absolutely right. Public school, a hundred percent all the way. Back to my Kardashian story. - That's what your mother sounds like? - Yeah, she's from Jersey City. She talks like this. I actually, when I'm in "Stand By Me," you know, I was a kid actor in "Stand By Me"? - Yeah, we all know that. - Um, I, uh-- - You were the fat kid. - I was husky. - No, you were the fat kid, but that's okay. That was, I mean, it's made it stand out and made you, I mean, come on, you're always will be golden for that. Even if you didn't even know that in anything else. I mean, look at Macaulay Culkin. He did a similar kid role. He's still iconic, you know, and-- - Highly successful podcaster, by the way. - Right, yes, I mean, but like, you know, you've worked every day since. I mean, he didn't, but just that one iconic kid role, and it was the best role to have, the fat kid. - It's why I'm here. I was husky. But, um, it's honestly, it's why this Rob Romney and Rob Reiner and his wife murder is, it's really, it's very emotional for me. It's very tough. - I'll bet, because he directed that, if people don't remember. - Rob Reiner directed it. Rob Reiner picked me out of, it was an open call, Bill. He saw something in me. He saw, the man changed everything I had. - You say he saw something in me, like it's a big mystery. He saw what you still have. You're a charismatic guy. People just, it's why you keep being in the public eye, and doing different shows, and different projects, and getting hired, there are certain people, the public just, for reasons that I find completely understandable, want to see. People just want to, you know, be around certain people. You are one of those people. Because I think it's something, you know, they get it. It translates through the screen, or wherever, that you really are this guy. Nice guy, you know, like. - Well, you can live with me. - What's like, okay, what's your worst trait, do you think, what would your wife say, or what do you say when you're being self-critical? What's your, the worst thing you do? - Something I'm trying to work on with my wife, my wife says that I stress her out. That I, that I, that I-- - Doing what? - Maybe I have anxiety, you know? - Anxiety. - Maybe I, I'm an anxious person. - Another cure for that. A little of this, and a little of this. Trust me, it'll go away. - I'm gonna get back to my Kardashian story, I promise we're gonna come back around to that. - I wanna hear about your anxiety first. What do you have anxiety about? And then, what do you, how do you stress your wife, because you're like, talking to her about it too much, and she's like, you know, honey, it'll all work out, she has to do that a lot? - I guess I wake up in the morning, and I'm like, what is, this is what I have to do today. - Be glad you have to do something. - Yeah, I guess so. - Some people wake up and they got nothing to do. - Yeah. You know, like waking up in the morning, hey, we have to have lunch at noon, 'cause I've gotta go drive over to Club Random at 3:30. I mean, I'm not even kidding, you know? And like, so I'm actively trying to not be as stressful around my wife, and my wife is like a laid back, like Northern California chick, you know? - Right. - Oof, we watched her ex on this, man. We watched every second of it. It's fun to watch my wife. Watch her ex, it's crazy to watch it. - Oh, her ex-lover, her ex-husband. - Husband, yeah. - Right, John. - I mean, they were lovers, too. You didn't have to remind me of that. - So John Stamos was married to her back in the, like when they were both young. - Yes. - And it's sort of, it's a part of my life that my wife doesn't really talk about, so I just try to like glean what I can, and you asked him about it, and I'm like-- - Well, you know, I mean, I don't think he would mind us telling this, but since we already-- - No! - You're talking about somebody else now. Since we already brought him up, which is my manager, his girlfriend used to be Bruce Springsteen's wife, so like, I've seen this before, and I don't think it bothers him at all, because people just go through different phases of their life, and, but like, can you possibly ever block it out that your woman was with some guy who the world finds super sexy? - Listen, Bill, my children, I never watched "Full House," which was the show that he was-- - No, if you want to just-- - Oh, what is this, you in the bathtub? - No, it's you. - Oh, is this stabbing yourself? - No, just killing yourself. - Come on, no, there's no self-harm. - No, I'm-- - Come on, and if you do-- - No. - Do that, like-- - I'm just saying, if you want to, it's here. You know, like-- - Call someone. Thank you, thank you. No, my, I never watched "Full House," ever. I was too old, you know? I was in my 20s when it came out. That would've been weird if I had watched a show about like a bunch of kids and stuff. - These Epstein files or something, it's crazy. - I agree. - Yeah. But I, my kids watched it. So I rewatched it when my kids were like young, three and four. - 'Cause you watched shows with your kids? - I was in the living room. You have to make sure they stay alive, kids, you know? So they were like watching TV, and you're like on your computer, and it's on. - It's so, I know that this is a thing. It's just so foreign to me that I would ever have to watch TV something I didn't wanna watch because some four-year-old found it amusing. It just, again, I don't have the- - Bill, you know what? I'm not even kidding. I'm saying this as a huge fan of yours, personally and publicly. I mean, I watch you every week on your show. I watch all these episodes. I'm a fan. I've seen you live. I've paid for tickets to you. Remember you were shocked I came backstage and you went, "Why did you pay for tickets?" And I was like, "'Cause we're fans, baby." - Jerry, that means so much to me, you know? - I have two stories I have to get to. How Rob Reiner changed my life. And I'm gonna tell you. And maybe you'll identify with this. - Oh, okay. - I was what they called- - So this bumped the Kardashian story. - I'm getting back to it. I was what they called a hyperactive child, okay? - And yet fat. That's so weird that it would be both. - I'm gonna go full Dreyfus now. That's what you get. You get the full Dreyfus now. You call me fat, I go Dreyfus the rest of this time. I got in a golf cart accident. I wanna Perketh. - I know, it just seems odd. - I'm in pain. - Okay, so you're hyperactive. - Hyperactive child. - Right. - My mother, I would always get, they wanted to put me on Ritalin, okay? - Wow. - It was a- - It's terrible. - A drug back then. And I'm in a lot of agreement with you. As someone who's raising children, I don't believe immediately, I'm sure, medication is needed, but I think- - Sometimes. - With children. - Right, I agree. - I don't think the first answer should be, let's get 'em on something. - The first answer shouldn't be, let's get 'em on something, or they're in the wrong body. Both things could possibly be relevant. Could be. Both things should be much more rare than they have made them. They let ideology lead them to bad science. And these, of course, are the science pieces. - Where am I? Take another hit if we're gonna talk about gender stuff. - We don't need to. I'm just saying- - I know. - That that was a relevant point to make. - Okay, I was just talking about medication. - Okay. You're in the mall. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's the number one. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We're not there? - They wanted to put me on Ritalin. - You're in the mall, Rob Reiner came up. - My mother was adamant about them not putting me on Ritalin. - Oh, Ritalin, right. - Which I adhere to with my children as well, you know? I get stand by me, I got it, open call. They saw something, I practiced the sides, I got the role. - Had you been auditioning for other stuff and done other stuff before that? - I'd been an extra in a commercial. - But you had this ambition to do it or? - I took a weekly class at a place called HB Studios in New York. - But how did you wind up at the call for Rob Reiner to see you? - It was an open call. They were casting young kids. I was at HB Studios. - Your mother must've seen it and said you didn't see it. - It didn't come through my mother. It came through- - My HB. - Your agent. - What? - Your agent. - I didn't have an agent. - It came through Rottenberg. - No, I didn't mean Rottenberg. - Gurvich. - No, it didn't come through Gurvich. - How are you mad at her? - Stop, come on. It was an open call. It came through, I don't know how it came through. Maybe through my acting school. I don't know. I was always getting in trouble at school. My mother would say to me, can't you just shut up and sit on your hands? Can't you just, when you want to blurt something out, I was getting in trouble for blurting things out, for being funny, for being a class clown, I guess they call it. - I was too. - You were too. My mother would pick me up and like yell at them and say, we're not putting them on Ritalin. And we'd get to the car and she'd go, can't you just shut up and sit on your hands? When you want to say something, you want to blurt out something, just shut up and sit on your hands. - Hard for boys. - And so I got to tell you. - Boys have extra amount of energy. - My life for three or four years, was me wanting to say something, okay? Make a joke about your goo or something and be like, oh God, just shut up and sit on your hands, dude. Just shut up and sit. - Yeah, that's not healthy either. - Just shut up and sit on your hands. And it was my mantra. Bill, I get, stand by me, okay? First day on set. For those who know the movie, you'll remember the scene, you won't, but we're throwing like stones in a can and I have a very funny line where I say, this is a really good time. And it like, it's, it's like a touching scene, you know? 'Cause it's like 11 year old boys doing nothing going, really good time right it's it's touching the scene ends we finished doing the lines okay and we're still sitting there rob reiner doesn't yell cut and so i do something i joke with a canteen or i make a joke about myself i i ad lib something at the end it's just silence you know improv i improv and rob reiner goes cut jerry jerry and he was a big dude god rest his soul and i was like oh fuck i was supposed to shut up and say i'm like oh fuck i fucking did it day one i fucking did it oh god here we go i couldn't fucking shut up and sit on my hands and he comes to set and we're all sitting on the ground and so he's standing over us i'm gonna stand sorry camera people and he goes hey jerry more of that that's what i'm talking about what he did at the end that's it guys more of that jerry more of that and i gotta tell you bill it changed my fucking life yeah it changed my i i think i replay that moment this is gonna sound obsessive i replay that moment about 15 times a day in my head when i'm driving when i'm walking when i want to say something because my initial reaction is shut up and sit on your hands but no rob reiner said hey that's it man and i i gotta tell you i've been maybe you say i'm outgoing and gregarious and i work all the time i do it because i'm dying for that moment again i'm dying for it i i live for it let your freak flag fly let you be you that that's a it's a great story because it just shows it epitomizes the conflict that goes on with so many people but especially boys it is a thing i mean lots of people are writing books about this now you know it's just it's just an issue that um we sort of the pendulum never stops in the middle of america so men were so bad to so many women for so long and many still are that then we had a reckoning in 2017 and then it just became sort of toxic to just be a male and especially boys got the backlash like young boys got the backlash to an era that they didn't even take part in yeah and so they grew up in this time where it was just you were just it just there was no allowance for this kind of male extra energy that especially boys have like there's a reason why we sometimes separate boys and girls you know boy scouts now have girls in them i think this is ridiculous it's called the boy scouts do you have to always be fucking stupidly counterintuitive about everything girls they also need time when they're just with girls because they can't be around these knuckleheads yeah it's you look like you're angry about this no i'm not angry i'm just trying to think about it and i'm like this is really what i try to do i try not to get angry about these things bill okay and i try to think what i was thinking was why would they do that and maybe it's to take away stigma of gender i i don't know i'll tell you why jerry they do it because the kind of assholes who live here amongst us the kind of super woke people they live to have themselves thought of as the good people as the social justice warriors so they're always looking for some new marginalized people to champion and of course the very thought of it is is noble and i get it and i'm an old school liberal 100 we've always been there for this and they take it just 10 subway stops too far 100 places where it's it's just about making them feel like they're doing something and you know what you're not rosa parks you're not anybody who's doing anything you're just like trying to be this sort of social justice warrior yeah and there's no war that needs to happen here boy scouts girl scouts there's no hate crime happening okay it's just about the way it really is with boys and girls i think i can speak on this as someone who has two 17 year old girls here in los angeles i thought you said you had young kids they're 17 now uh they they were young when they watched uh oh i see full house and i'm gonna get back to that story as well but um i i i see i see their contemporaries um uh dealing with this stuff please blow it this way i need it more than ever now right over here just take a hit for fuck's sake i mean what what um what is wrong with you i um i i see it and really i i i i'm sure you're the same way the goal is to make them feel as safe as possible especially at that precarious age it's just it's such a tough and i'm saying it just is sometimes the case with the woke people that they are their own worst enemies with so much of this shit you're talking about your boyfriend ma'am dami in new york a lot i don't know what the tally boyfriend but uh yeah i don't know what the tally is seeing each other we're i don't know what the tally is now but uh it's it's in the at least half of my teens of homeless people who have died in the freezing because it's just not the policy of the woke to ever and think that we could like forcibly get people off the street which is what we used to think right old there were vagrancy laws when i was younger there was no vagrancy it was what we thought was compassionate to not be sleeping in fucking zero degree weather on the sidewalk as opposed to their you know protecting them like there's some sort of endangered species in their natural habitat so i only bring this up today analogous to and i could name 10 things i don't want to because i don't want this to be so political but where the woke people go way past where liberals like me and sensible people are to a place that is ridiculous i i totally hear what you're saying okay that said um i think you're trying to um uh inflict your ideas on a city that voted for mandami and and voted for karen bass like this is where we live i'm always trying to inflict my ideas i shouldn't have said inflict no no in fact um uh sorry sorry i love that um uh goo what did you call it um you're goo um back to the kardashian no let me get to my stamos story first oh great my kids are watching us i watched was watching it with them you should be a father and once again this is the guy who was married to the woman my current wife we'll see if we're still married after this podcast who was with him for a brief period of time and has been with you for over 20 years by the way i'm sure as you said they uh were what did you call them lovers how long were they how long were they married for just a couple of years right six years 14 days six is that really six years 14 days i'm kidding i don't know exactly i'm gonna guess it's six years 14 days is that really six years fourteen days i'm kidding i don't know exactly i'm gonna guess i'm gonna guess it's six years fourteen days fourteen days i'm kidding i don't know exactly i'm gonna guess it's six years fourteen days fourteen days fourteen days fourteen days it was a brief period of time a brief period of very very hot sex and then and then it burned itself out as it always does and i'm sure must have been smoking a lot of pot no loud affection to happen um my kids are watching it one of my daughters who's uh you know was always like like into boys and stuff comes up to me and goes dad his character's name was uncle jesse yes his character's name all right comes up to me and goes dad um i uh i really like him called you oh geez and i was like get out of here because like a lot of my friends call me like i'm gonna group checks they all call me stamos it's like it's like i thought she was like it's not funny messing with me um that's that's not funny i i mean i feel like no i feel like that's just come on you gotta laugh bill you just call me the fat kid who's the fat kid from stand by me i know and that and that i think is is fun and funny that's the line for you because you have become something very different that was when you were a kid whereas calling you that i i wouldn't appreciate that if that i mean we we kid about this but would i want to be like reminded about it every second i really wouldn't but but it's just good old-fashioned ribbing bill you know lighten up okay um i'm trying to defend you i mean this doesn't hurt me um lighten up this can be came about frozen homeless people all of a sudden jesus um um back to the kardashians so i was thinking i told her to get out of here i said get out of here and she went no i really like them and my other kid they were like three or four i said to my other kid hey do you like uncle jesse and my other kid was like yeah and i was like hey girls come here come here hit pause open my computer and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like i'm gonna show you three-year-old girls a photo and it's gonna blow your little minds they were like what and i was like are you ready are you ready for this girls they were like yeah stamos romaine wedding my kids were like is this ai and i was like no girls no ai that was taken on good old-fashioned film so this had never come up before in family like three we're gonna sit them down and be like hey um we think it's time we told you your mom and john stamos were really ravenous lovers so there were three eight Three or four, yeah. Oh, they were that young? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, my father was previously married to my mom. I don't think they ever, I don't remember them sitting me down and being like, oh, fellas, it's time we told you. Right. Your father exchanged vows with someone who wasn't your mother. It was like, I heard them fighting over alimony my father still had to pay or something. Yeah, they never told me my mother was Jewish. Oh, really? We went to Catholic every week, my sister, my father, and I. My mother stayed home. I never asked why. It just was always the way it was. It wasn't until I was 13, and it just sort of came up at Christmastime, and I'm like, what? That's, I mean, the fact that it never crossed my mind, it tells you a lot about, like, whatever you put in a kid's life becomes the norm. Yeah, it's true. Which is also sad, because that's why abuse happens also, and kids don't understand how wrong it is. Yeah. You know? You're absolutely right. Oh, that's good. Back to the homeless dying in the snow. No, it's funny. It's funny? No, my father's British. My father's old. He's here in L.A. Your father's British? Yeah, I'm actually a British citizen. He's from London. He immigrated to the United States in the late 50s. He's old. And he moved to Greenwich Village and never left. That's where I was raised, in Greenwich Village. Wow. You're a city kid. City kid, yeah. Wow. On the subways, everything. 1980s, 70s, 80s. Oh, that's another thing. L.A. is sort of going through it right now. It's not the city I moved to in the 90s. It's hurting. I'm sorry to say, it just is. Anyone will tell you that, that lives in Los Angeles. You don't have to be sorry. It's not your fault. And it's funny. I'm never leaving Los Angeles. I love Los Angeles. I love this city. I feel the same way. I will never leave the state of California. I tried once, and it just didn't work. It just fucking slapped me right in the face. With Austin, with all those, like, stand-up dudes? No, no, no. No, in 2020. You were getting on stage with Rogan and stuff? Did you do that move? No, no. Slow down. I'm not Austin. I would not move to Texas. In 2020, there was a week when we had the fire so bad that it blocked out the sun. I don't remember. There was no sun. Yeah. And I was like, you know what? I pay 13% state tax. Yeah. You know what I pay that for? The sun. Yeah. I don't know if today is February or whatever. Beautiful day. Gorgeous day. I look up in the sky, and it goes, that's what I pay my 13% for. Yeah. That's what I'm -- 13% for the sun. If you actually presented that with me, I would -- yeah, okay. I will pay 13% for the sun. So when it wasn't here, I looked at places virtually, but, I mean, this was during the pandemic, wink, wink. Old Zillow? Not that it wasn't a pandemic. It was. Let me guess. I want to guess. Miami. Oh. Wouldn't have guessed that. Well, I'm not going to go to someplace cold. Yeah. I'm not going to leave the United States. I could see you in Miami. I could see Miami in Miami too. I could see you. You ever do an episode of Miami Vice? Are you one of those guest stars? I do. No. You know, the famous -- by the way, that's on the algorithm. All the famous people that did Miami Vice, Bruce Willis, Gloria Estefan, like -- Well, you know, after Tom -- Bill Collins. I did get -- Classic. Typecast as a -- Don't you ever speak ill of Tom Katz ever again. Bad guy. That is a fucking classic. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? It's a classic. Okay. That's what I meant to say. It's a classic. I stay in California not only for the weather. I stay here for the politics. I like the politics of California. It's sort of -- it's -- I like some of them. I mean -- It's in alignment with me. I -- I like it better than Oklahoma, but -- I think -- I don't -- I think I like to live in a state where there's gun control. I think there are less guns on the streets and guns scare me. Um -- Um -- I think there are less guns on the streets and guns scare me. state where there's gun control I think there are less guns on the streets and guns scare me um um I think yeah I mean there's still a lot of people with guns and if someone breaks into your house it'd be great if you had one I don't have a gun in my house yeah first of all I have teenagers and also I told you my wife is always hitting off that vape I don't want her like well you know you can lock it up the gun I don't trust that I know the fingerprint stuff come on they're gonna figure out a way to who's gonna figure out I don't know the kids the wife what yeah I think guns look I'm a believer that guns like kill kill yeah well they do and if they're in your house that increases your potential for someone you talk about California the reason why people have big problems with California and why one party rule is not a great idea you do need both parties to keep each other honest is that we have crazy laws in California like if you shoot somebody breaking into your house it might be you who goes to jail I understand that shit like that I understand makeup is what makes people fed up with this state and then we look up and there's there's the sun and we go okay I'll put up with that too I get it put up with the over taxation the over regulation the potholes the homeless I get this bullshit bad bullshit because the sun is up in the sky and you just cannot switch that out I get it I get it but um that said getting back to my point I'm never leaving growing up in New York in the 70s and 80s I've seen this urban I've seen urban decay New York City when I was a child was it was Death Wish New York City right I'm right it was but Death Wish was actually it wasn't an exaggeration the subway my mom got mugged in our neighborhood knife that's I got mugged knife to throat epidemic yes on the train how old were you oh my god 12 12 yes and you had a knife to your throat crack on the train and listen this is where it gets this is where it's sick what did they think you had to all I'm gonna tell you 12 this is where it's crazy my mom gave me cab fare I was visiting my buddy Oliver Ray up uptown she said take a cab home take a cab home and you pocketed the money pocketed the money and took the subway home just like a fat kid and I just like a fat kid would I was I was like pretty much in shape at this time I was working on my way you said 12 is not around what how old were you when you did it was starting to come off the pounds are starting how old were you when you did that well I was 11 11 say okay I was 11 oh by the way I'm back to New York you know what you didn't think at that point where you were hot in the industry that you listen I blame my parents for this like obviously like you look at like Elijah woods Leonardo DiCaprio's parents Dakota fan you think it's like a kid was in stand by me like that would be it I didn't even have an agent or anything like my parents they had jobs they didn't know my mom was a teacher in Jersey City my dad was working with so I know in the movie was a hit when I made stand by me we went away for the summer to Oregon I came back to New York City my grandparents came with me my mother when she got off of work came out with me they were not stage parents at all I came home I was telling my father they had a crane we were riding the crane they did these crane shots it was so great there was a body they had a fake body but then they used a real body it was so much fun they had a dolly and a dolly is when you push in on a shot and my father I told you he's British went um you're about to go back to school now don't tell anyone you were in a movie come on really this film will never be released it will never see the light of day I use serious my father had worked with a guy have you ever told that story that's the best I'm sure I have that is so good my father worked with a guy who left his agency he worked at an advertising but it's exactly what a British guy would say who is of his era my father worked with a guy who left the age he was a partner and sold his partnership and everything to go make a horror film in Los Angeles and it never got released and so that so the life today and he had to come back to the agency and I think start as a copywriter he had sold like all of his shares and like my father told like my family told that story like can you believe what an idiot his retirement he sold it all to go make a movie and so when I came back he went don't tell anyone that's so funny because you are so the opposite of a stuck-up British prig you know that's like that is so not you pretty humble he's not he's from London he's not but I mean a man of that era yeah from London I mean London was a different place and British stiff upper lip and you know very we're not those people you know my parents aren't and I'll tell you it's very difficult raising children of moderately faint the star of Tomcats and the fat kid from stand by me it's uh it's it's really our one goal as parents is to make sure we're not raising fucking nepo babies who are entitled I mean it's bad enough I'm raising my kids in Southern California who bill if you when you have kids and you're gonna have them um you're they're gonna talk like this if you're raising them here I know and it's so funny it's gonna happen they've infected your mind I can tell because I know you're not really when you you like every time I say something that's completely commonsensical which is why you like watching my show 11 you're the best you're the voice of reason I know you're my news source I know but you're my CNN but I can see that there is a gut reaction that comes from living with a woman and children where you're like wait a second what did he say about this thing that I should be more woke about I could see it it's like it's it's it's beyond intellect it's just it's like a gut reaction like I should defend the oh but you're right the homeless really shouldn't be on the sidewalk full disclosure um i'm a i watch your show all the time and i watch someone like patton oswald come on here who's a good friend of mine and i know um um and it's uh i watch how he reacts to some of your politics it can be trouble for a guy like patton oswald can be trouble for most of this town and that's okay i do not share it's funny i always say to my woke friends you probably heard me say it we voted for the same person you're just why she lost oh don't what i say it all the time i said it's a john crier right in that chair and it's it sums up how i feel like we voted for the same person you know what as long as we're on to this sort of subject you know what really pisses me off uh they wouldn't give this town uh i'm gonna take myself out of this although i'm really in the same category but they wouldn't give this town uh i'm gonna take myself out of this although i'm really in the they would not give any sort of emmy nomination to land man right land which is a great great show great dialogue great show if you're listening tyler please i'm available i'll even work out for him you know i know he's jacked i'm such a fan i'm available and i'm really not let's go tyler tomcats uh i think it's taylor taylor sorry uh taylor oh jesus i don't know if that's gonna get beat that out taylor sheridan why did i say tyler but like i'm so sorry mr sheridan it's perceived as like that's how fucking annoying they are that they can't even abide by a show that is not specifically tailored to people who uh run a yoga studio in san francisco i don't know you know it's about the middle of the country first of all great lioness is so great it's lioness love that one that's another show that that origin story when she goes into the whole the recruiter's office and he goes it's an amazing factory he's got running it's awesome please but but okay but taylor if i can just finish this it's like they will not nominate that show because and billy bob thornton has been in the press complaining about this as he should because it's perceived as a conservative show first of all even if it was a conservative show that should be allowed this is fucking america you assholes okay but it's you know what landman has girl bosses it has mexicans it has a trans character i mean it's just not exactly what you are agree and and so it's we have to ignore that and pretend it doesn't exist you know you you want to know why people vote for trump that's why your shitty attitude is a real turn off so i'm going to tell you about a bit of i say this will i stay married blow it over here my um sounds like you're gonna blow it over here the night of the election this third one yeah third election everyone knows what i'm talking about here um i was watching late at night the returns and i'll be honest with you i didn't think trump was gonna win i live in california i didn't think he was gonna win for what i was here i didn't either this is where i live you know yeah um i said something along the lines of like there was no planning this is what they get there should have been a primary i said something along those lines you know like i was just spitballing ideas as to it was a shock you know my wife and daughters without saying anything became became physical with me they were they were filled with rage so if i am being careful with you in how i say things yes i live in california i live with not one not two but three people who if i made any kind of joke that they would um they'd become very angry with me you know i well so i'm i don't want to tell you how to live your life but i couldn't live that way i would whatever household or whatever situation i'm in i say what i truly think and if it makes you angry i'm sorry we'll have to work that out well it makes but i i am not going to tuck my tail between my legs and just shut the fuck up this is what you were dealing with when you were a child just sit there and don't say anything sit on your hands but what happened to rob reiner more of that jerry more of that yeah yeah where's rob reiner's ghost when you need him to be telling you more of that yeah i uh now tell the kardashian story um pull into this parking lot my daughter's math um there's a uh i love this show there's a bentley that's ridiculous a bentley you know what a bentley huge car it's the size of no i'm from bulgaria well i don't know i mean like a bentley is a large it's a larger than it's a large car yeah i'm 70 and i live in you know california bentley was parked diagonally taking up three spaces and i'm walking with my daughter and i'm trying not to raise nepo babies and i'm like you see this shit this is the kind of shit this is disgusting i know you live in calabasas i fucking monsters taking up three spaces like this absolutely fine three this is a fucking joke whoever did this is a monster don't ever you're going to be driving in a few years if you pass math and don't ever do this like understand we have to like being someone in society is like doing like helping society it shows the sense of entitlement they have 100 entitlement which you never find among 17 year olds so i'm there with my daughter and someone whose initials are not chloe not kim who's the other one not chloe or kim somebody help me out chris not chris that's the mom chloe third one chloe's the sister kim and uh courtney courtney kardashian she comes out with her kid and she says we have a nodding relationship right i told you like the two of us like nod at each other where where where was this nodding happening in the parking lot oh in the parking lot before calabasas yeah oh and so this is not the first time you met in the parking lot no we had like nodding we have nodding relationships so i give her i gotta get to this parking lot i give her the cordial this uh oh it's it's a it's a rick caruso parking lot this sounds like a really good parking lot i do the cordial hello milady right don't say that and she gives me the the nod sure and i actually said like hi courtney and she went hi jerry and we walked past each other and our kids celebrities do yeah we pretend we know each other even when we don't it's how it goes man i know you from tv i know you from tv we've actually never met dc cab what's up exactly um do the nod she goes and gets in that bentley that's taking up three spaces and i went it's good to see you courtney and she gets in starts it up and pulls off and my daughter says weren't you gonna say something to her about the spaces and taking up all the spaces and i was like you shut the up that's courtney kardashian do what she wants you shut up there is a hierarchy in this town and you better learn it if you want to be in this town now go past math jerry you gotta hang out with me more anytime bill i got first time long time isn't that what they say in sports radio i gotta i'm gonna put that rob rider back in you one more hit for me i am gonna put by the way i've been scared to come on your show but you know what i'm gonna get it rob reiner back in you i'm alive might not be married when this airs but i'm alive you'll be married she loves you i can tell i can tell one more on my face for the drive home right there big one is this all a gag or do you actually feel that because because i do know you're not the first person by the way who does this i don't think he would mind me saying this so i'm gonna say it yeah but one other famous person who is the exact same thing as joe walsh of the eagles joe i saw i saw them i saw that fucking sphere concert you gotta go oh by the way i've seen the eagles five times i mean i love you haven't seen it until you see the sphere yeah i intend to go oh my god it's a different experience change his concert going yes oh i'll tell you a fun drug story i went with uh it was my wife's birthday some people did cocaine and mushrooms which is weird some people some people did who are these people ecstasy molly whatever they call it oh this is the last this is what we went the the to the sphere some some people did this is the group that we were with oh some people did acid they do acid now it's called unicorn spray you spray it this is a big group okay all those drugs some people didn't do anything wow a lot of people who do you think i've I took a test. I really wanted to study this. I was like, when am I going to get a chance to see this? Who do you think had the most fun? Elizabeth Warren. I don't know. The acid people. Oh, among the drug years. Yeah. Well, I don't know what acid is anymore since it's been 30 years since I did it. I think it's pretty like. I've heard it's great. I got to tell you. Oh, no, no, no. Moms are doing it. Moms are partying on the weekends. Oh, no. Acid is not your father's acid. There's a whole. I absolutely know this. I'm not. I'm particularly interested in trying it myself at this age. I wish I felt more confident to do things like that, but no, it's just not smart for me. But-- - I think they do it, they call it micro-dosing. - Yes, but they have-- - I mean, they drink the whole bottle, but it was micro-dosing. - But they have refined it so that it is not quite what it was before, which was an all-out trip where you're either like falling off, thinking you can fly and diving off a building. By the way, a mom sold us the acid, a mom. - Imam, like a Muslim preacher? - No, no, a mom, mother, mommy. - Oh, a mom. - Like a mom. - The imam. - Everything gets back to religion with you. - Yeah, I mean, drugs are a whole different world out there with the micro-dosing. I mean, I tried micro-dosing mushrooms, and my only reaction was, oh, really? Then what's the point? Like, either you're gonna go full on or not. I mean, it wasn't really a trip, and it really wasn't. - Oh, do you do those ayahuasca things that everybody talks about? - Well, that's a full-on thing, no. I mean, that is a whole different thing, and that I don't see as like what we're talking about. We're talking about partying here with the fun drugs. - Yeah. - Ayahuasca's not that. Ayahuasca is a deep dive into your psyche, and you have to really wanna do that, be prepared to do that. - I don't wanna do it. - I don't wanna do it either. - I do not keep it inside. It's better to keep it inside. - I don't know if it's better, but I don't know, what am I gonna do at 70? What am I gonna reorient my whole life because of the ayahuasca? And also, I don't feel like I've been that bad. I know my life. I know me. - Yeah. - I know who my friends are. - Yeah, yeah. - I know what I believe. I know who likes me. It all adds up to not a emergency. - Yeah, it's so funny. Somebody really tried to talk me into that ayahuasca thing, and the way they described it, and I'm sorry to ayahuasca people, they're gonna go off in the comments right now, but they said like-- - Oh, God, Jerry, who cares what they say? - They said like, you know, there is some diarrhea and vomiting involved, and like all that stuff. - But you gotta stop caring about your kids, your wife, and the comments. - Well, I live with my kids and wife, so I have to care about them. I like-- - Okay, but like-- - They have access to the gun. - But you can think differently than they-- You can think differently than they can, and that's okay. You're a different guy, raised in a different era, with a different anatomy, and you are going to naturally feel and think some different things, and maybe you're right, too. Have lived longer. Usually, in societies, we think that people who live longer have more wisdom. Not always, there are some old fools, but in general, like, I mean, we shouldn't just dismiss out of hand the possibility that your feelings and your opinions are correct. - I gotta tell you something, Bill. It's funny you say that. I don't think anyone's right. I'm not kidding. I don't think anyone's correct. I don't think there is a correct answer to anything. - Well, there may not be a correct answer, but-- - I don't think there is a correct answer to anything. - In a world nowadays where people say it's my truth, yes, there's my truth and your truth, there is also the truth, sometimes. There is the truth. Sometimes there is just the truth. - That's why I pay out-of-pocket tickets for you. - This is not wood, it's concrete. That's not my truth. That just is the truth. There's a lot of stuff where you can say gray area, and we've certainly moved those goals. There's a lot of stuff where you can say gray area, as a perfect with the safe sex sure thing as you you get older you get smarter and wiser and more responsible but of course sometimes when you're younger you know it's like uh you use the rubber the first time and then it's like the second time well we know each other now of course we use a condom when we don't know each other what do you mean we don't know each other i just fuck you we know each other good i think we've covered it all i mean what else is left i don't know rest in peace rob reiner it's so funny you're um okay your producer said do you have anything to plug and i was like no i actually do have something to plug um we're doing these live shows of stand by me it's me cory feldman and will wheaton and what they do is this guy dan pasternak you probably know him he's like a comedy he's like a comedy curator guy you we screen the film in these 1500 seat houses big houses and i want we're going to a bunch of cities go on the website standbymelive.com and um we screen it and we watch it and then afterwards we have a talk and every night is different uh it brings back memories for some of us um it's very emotional i bet it is and we haven't done it since god rest his soul rob reiner and his wife passed it's going to be very emotional it's going to be very emotional and you know when is this happening um it happens dates in march and there's going to be later dates there's a website called standbymelive.com it's going to all the cities it's like a tour um an entertainment group called you show the movie and then you get on stage and take questions we show the movie yeah and then we take questions and we we just talk and it's you know it's really fun for me because i've seen the movie since it came out i i have never seen it in a theater since opening day with my grandparents and on fifth avenue across from alexander's on madison avenue across from alexander's saw matinee empty theater with my grandparents and um it's so off by the way i kill in the movie i do like people yeah all the laughs are right there right it's just such right it's the best part is the fat kid i'm not trying to just say it i'm just telling you it's the best part when i got my first sitcom i was the office creep does that sound like a compliment no but it was the best part to have the other three people gina davis got she was awesome and she's a big star and alfrey woodard oscar nominee and bronson pinch they're all very talented people sure but i was the office creep all their lines if you looked at the script you could kind of interchange them they were just three nice people i was the office creep and you were the fat kid and that's it's good you know so we got to do something about the film industry here in los angeles it's really we yeah like us we can do this i don't think we can i'm not in the industry i you are in the industry not the film industry you work on a studio you work you still work in a studio yeah okay what do we have to do um gotta figure out how to get those stages filled again i mean you i'm just saying that because you worked on a sitcom when i'm sure it was like but part of this is unions part of this gets back to something where your your natural inclination living with the woke is to is to go wait a second don't attack unions there's something and it's like well you know what uh yeah that's uh i mean i read that's gonna there that we might be heading for another strike the the deal that they just struck a couple of years ago is it's already up yeah and now i remember the heat that you caught saying if it's not if we don't come to an end well something's going to happen i was yeah i couldn't believe i wasn't the first one to go back to work that was uh um i think drew and the ladies from uh the talk and some other show they all said they were going to go back and i said yeah i think that's a good idea i mean it had stretched on for a long time i'm not anti-union and i'm not about getting a a hundred percent a good deal but you know we do have some information actual facts uh since that strike and i think i don't don't quote me on the number but a very very very high number i thought when i read it like 40 something like that of jobs never came back so like again per my theme of let's do what practically makes sense for the old school liberals of the world as opposed to what just sometimes seems performative now again people should absolutely get what they deserve but also you know we live in the era we live in i can't change the fact that tilly norwood is now a movie star you know who that is no i don't i'm so sorry that's the ai actress oh tilly norwood she's not real does jerry how many spaces does she take when she parks i don't know but caruso mall none because she doesn't exist outside of ai is she attractive she's very attractive i mean i mean this is the future of movies they're going to shoot it for ten dollars does she have to get high in order for uh to have a conversation that's the point they're going to want to hire tilly norwood no they won't i'm not afraid of ai oh nobody could i recreate who you are every every friday night on hbo max no not me but a lot of things they could could they have recreated this conversation could ai have come up with us like talking about fat kid from stand by me and goo and homeless and covering it all no absolutely not but could they make uh maverick top gun yeah yeah maybe you know they practically did no i'm kidding it's a i actually like that it was a great movie it was really good but i understand what you're saying you know it's uh anyway uh look you and i are not the people who are going to say i just put her out there right now yeah i was just saying hey but bill you know what i want to thank you you're one of the few people those who i i'm Los Angeles, Bill still shoots his show on a lot, on a Hollywood lot, on a stage. And I'm sure people have said, oh, it would be cheaper if we moved to this stage out there or that you're right there in Hollywood shooting it. And that's going to be a part of your budget. And like you do it, I would, uh, I'm currently not working on a lot. I had to go make a film and out of the country, you know um it's uh where i i went to beautiful country i went to south africa i went to cape town gorgeous really fun it is really uh made a great film uh worked for uh oh it's coming out on tubi i guess i do have something to plug tell us it's called summer's last resort it's gonna be on tubi streaming service last resort good title um summer's last resort what is it about uh it's a family movie i play uh a father who is uh like he's like in a household where he has to make believe he's woke all the time because his like mom and uh like you in real life it's a joke i'm joking um no it's uh it's like uh it's sort of like did you ever see the film tomcats i'm kidding no what is it no it's great it's a family movie it's really fun i play a stepdad and the teenagers don't want me to marry their mom and it's it's cute it's funny south cape town was gorgeous you know it would help the plot of that movie I'm just saying throw in something like that and there's just more drama there's more things to react to right you know the kids how do the woke react to uh they're harvesting our organs right but are they gonna go to the wrong people you know things like that like right is it gonna it's it's good i'm gonna i'm gonna remember that i want to make sure marginalized people get my liver i saw a pretty good movie you should watch it's called primate it's about a crazy chimp that goes crazy it was funny i watched it last night i watched the trailer last night yeah it was it's on uh i'm a peter person i'm an animal lover i can't watch any movie where animals are abused oh i thought you i thought you would have invited your dogs in here they died all of them two out of three so you got one i got one you didn't wanna you don't want him or her to sit in here that dog is so old and so easily traumatized and not replacing it with a puppy huh well i've debated that like would it be better to have the very old dog now with a puppy who might annoy the fuck out of it or would it reinvigorate it i think it would just annoy it i really do you know i think the old dog would be like get the fuck away no i don't want to play i i played when i was four you know dogs yeah they only get like four years you get four years where they run around like like crazy energy we have big dogs too when they they they quickly realize well the lives aren't so short but the the life they live at a certain point they have a very long period where they're very lazy yeah and they there's a lot of sleeping and if they were in nature they'd be dead do you get puppies um well you know when the last one goes um then i want to get you know a few together i think i think the thing to do is to get them together so that none you don't feel lonely when you're out of town well also none of them feel like oh this is my house and some newcomer came right that's what dogs right gets them fighting right you know they have to feel like it's nobody's territory hey can i throw this out there yeah um we i i didn't want i i always thought i was allergic to cats uh my wife when we got married was like we're getting cats and i was like please don't do it i'm allergic i love cat i'm a cat guy i'm a cat daddy you should get some cats cats are fun well i don't know if you know this jerry but all dogs go to heaven all cats go to hell no i know you say that i hate cats you know what no i'm kidding i'm an animal lover i love all animals but i don't want cats in a lot of ways you're you're kind of like a cat i may be like a cat but that doesn't mean i want you know i may be like a man doesn't mean when i have sex with the man just i may be like a cat i don't want to have a cat as a pet maybe there's too much cat energy here why am i like a cat um you watch heated rivalry the uh the uh netflix show i'm not netflix why would that make me like a cat uh you talked about having sex with men and just i was going off on a tangent now i'm trying to squeeze in all my bill bill more time before i before you cut off the show you're the one who said i thought you wanted to quit no i could do this i'm spending the night are you kidding me um you watch the heated rivalry show no but i certainly have read about it that's the one about my kids the gay hockey players it's a hot show man i watched it with a couple teenage girls and their friends and they were into it i'm not against it they were uh why is it so popular do you think what's the what's the uh i think the sex scenes are sexy and graphic this is gay sex gay sex yeah i and i know you're doing that but they don't show penis or penetration so it's not it's not hardcore pornography i feel like it's a good thing you're doing that i feel like it's a good thing i feel like i have to make no apology for saying i don't like to watch gay sex and i don't think what i don't it's just i i i i the full support of the entire gay community 100 all of us and and certainly there's lots of gay men out there saying uh you know what yucky you know like we all like what we like and i don't i mean it's just not you know it's not like it's awful but i just don't want to watch it and it doesn't it doesn't turn me on obviously i'm not kidding gay yeah and i'm thrilled that it does for you and i'm glad there's i'm glad there's things for you and then there's things they make for me like like landmen you know why they hate you know you know why they hate landman because it's got four hot chicks it's like how dare you have hot chicks in a show anymore oh god taylor sheridan was this close to putting me in the next one and then i went in on that heated rivalry thing and he was like hold hold on a second hold on a second no i'm first of all i'm going to get taylor sheridan on this show already because i i've been a fan so you've been talking about you've been a big supporter i'm a big supporter and i think it's ridiculous that somebody who uh i mean every once in a while somebody comes along in tv like that who 100 has so many shows and it's like remember uh david kelly sure yeah david kelly la law so many shows like how does where does this guy find the time to write all these ryan murphy does it a lot who was the guy stephen j cannell in the 80s sure the typewriter it's like every detective whether they're a fatter in a wheelchair or whatever they were stephen j canel was having them solve crimes all over town it was amazing and you know it was just the era and of course we're in a different era but like there is some uh um you know aaron sorkin like i mean there are people who just um but taylor sheridan's been doing it for a second that movie sicario yeah that's a real movie man that is like oh and uh heller high is it yeah heller highwater that's another really good one great no i mean some people just can like sit down at the typewriter and just it just flows and uh stallone's tulsa king also quite good that's uh that's taylor sheridan i will tell you i have heard something about him and this is positive this is what i've heard so i don't know if it's fact or fiction and please mr sheridan if you're upset at this i'm sorry but i've heard unlike unlike other tv people okay unlike other tv people other tv people have a script and present it and the studio goes oh well uh got to do this and you got to change this and we need this and we're trying to get younger women to watch and do this and you have to and we don't have the budget for this and we don't have the budget for that and you got to cut this out and so then they you know rewrites and you know you get different color pages and scripts and that's why pages have a bunch of different colors i'm sure that happened in the brunson pin show dina davis i remember the different color pages yes you're right allegedly and i don't know this sort of fact taylor sheridan has a script and goes there it is make it and that's why it's so good he is hardly the first one to have that i mean that you're right about in television it's hbo's mantra bro that's how they got to be hbo is that they let their people do what they want i mean i've i've been very lucky because i'm part of that where in your universe if they give you a show you have enough rope to hang yourself if it sucks but we do not look over your shoulder that's why they always attracted the top talent you were so funny and that's and and that was copied by lots of other people if you want the top talent in this industry right you have to give them that deal yeah tarola sheridan i'm sure has that deal because he is top talent right he is not the first if you want the really good people don't fucking tell them what to do or how to do it just trust them if it if it fails hbo has had big misses too that's okay you know no one bats a thousand but that's how you make good art you were so funny this is going to show you what a fan i am but we were watching your end of the year episode of uh real time and you were like don't know who my boss is gonna be when we come back but i love you hope you keep us around this has been a lot of fun that really made me laugh it's true that really made me laugh it's funny no i you i don't know i still don't we have missed you when you're not on on the air i appreciate that very much we have really missed it i really do when you said stuff on the red carpet and people were like hope you're doing well hey hang in there bill it was so funny well that was apropos to our discussion about hollywood so much fun to do that whole thing about and again there's a practical aspect to what i was saying democrats really need to cut loose the celebrities they're not helping they don't strike people as normal because they're fucking not democrats all already have a problem with people thinking that they are not the common sense crowd and then when they see you know the chapel roans and the billy eilish's of the world who don't act like normal people and then whatever they're saying just strikes everybody in america who's a normal person as oh god all right here's more of this stuff where you can't relate to a real life and of course there was comedy in there about it's so easy to like show celebrities acting crazy like giving kanye a school i went to a kamala harris rally my wife and i donated to the campaign and um megan the stallion played and that was pretty pretty fucking epic bill if you were there i mean it really invigorated like excitement you know really invigorated the people who are already going to vote for her anyway that's who invigorated okay there is no correct bill there is no correct bill there is no correct bill i mean yeah i mean you can jerk each other off all day long kamala harris lost all seven swimming swing states i mean she went oh for seven where the election was i mean that's not you have to almost try to fuck up that badly you know as i've said many times they lost a crazy contest against a crazy person so you know you do you you you vote for who you want you believe what you want i'm friends with everybody you know i love being friends with everybody i mean there's very few people who i won't talk to and uh again the people who will not give taylor sheridan his due are the same people who think that's terrible stay in the bubble only talk to the people who already agree with you who see it the way you do okay you do you you know i i'm very happy position where where i am and very happy i can have you here and also i mean i've had charlie kirk here yeah i've had a lot i've had you know rfk of course everybody and famously went to see trump and like i will talk to all of them let me let me ask you something because i was watching the golden globes and i was watching you mostly just because i'm not even joking because i'm a fan so i'm like oh let's see bill and it's a pressure situation they're calling your name you're in front of all of them you're in front of all of them do you give a whether you win or lose of course i mean you have to be some sort of a liar to say oh no i got all dressed up in a monkey suit and you know put on makeup at three in the afternoon to go out to this thing and this giant traffic jam i hated every minute of it i hated all those emmy award shows i went to and they would never give it to me and they never will and i understand why that's okay we don't have to go into that but um uh yeah of course you want to because you want i mean i had such a good speech but i knew i did to us come on give us a little bit oh i don't remember what it was but i think the first thing i was going to say was i can't believe this woke town gave me an award yeah that's why they didn't give it to you i guess exactly why um but you know it's it's it's i again i feel like i'm in the taylor sheridan category and and there's some other shows and other people like that that um it's it's just so anti-liberal in my view to have this attitude that they seem to have that you have to just completely conform and get exactly in line get back get back in line get back there yeah that's that's how it strikes us like again we should actually even be able to accommodate people who are actually conservative let alone just not exactly the kind of liberal we are and that's not good enough for them and i mean i just that this town just a lot of the people in this town have a bad attitude having said that i can't walk through a room of anything where i go i was just at the clive davis um pre-grammy party without every two feet people stopping me and saying the kind of nice things you say to me like thank god for you you're the only one who speaks the truth thank you for your service you know bill we were at a party so it's it's like you're the only one who speaks the truth thank you for your service you know we were at a party it's like you're the only one who speaks the truth thank you for your service you know that's my i'm here because i ran into you at a party um i was at that party there is a guy who was there and i said hi to you hey remember tom cats um i walked away this guy grabbed me and went you gotta fucking introduce me to bill maher i've gotta i've got to fucking meet him i've got to go meet him and um and that was john stamos but that is the party where you were you before me i got the rebuttal but that word no no no you got the girl no get out of here there's no girls no come on he's happily he's what a beautiful wife yeah yeah beautiful everybody wins hey everybody wins we all we're all first of all we're all a different person in every decade of our life wouldn't you agree with 30 when you were in your 30s is that anything like jerry today absolutely not no okay completely different right and i'm not saying i'm not saying i'm not saying i'm not saying so you know that's it you you can't in any way rationally compete against yourself or anybody else at a different era in your life and you know are women in their 20s fun yeah they're fun they're also such more of a pain in the ass usually tell me how so i don't like in their 20s well they're dumber like we all are we are too okay they have wisdom in other areas like like what not sex they're not better at sex sex is like anything with the 10 000 10 000 hours thing you you it takes a while to get good at it okay is that maybe better at social media like they yeah social media who gives a fuck well i don't know i mean like but a woman 31 versus a woman 21 in bed these are things i don't i don't really i'm married to i know but for 20 years not 21 and not 30 i know but but you had a life before that yes you don't remember so long ago i don't remember i mean well take my word for it 21 and 31 are very different they are and if ever go to and if ever go to bed with them in 41 i'll give you a report on that but i wouldn't count on it no i'm kidding i'm sure it'll happen well i'm not sure of anything but one more hit and then let me hit the road all right i gotta go i'm gonna go take my parents to uh canters town yeah i take them to the deli here my parents are old they're welcome with canes it's uh it's tough just give me one for the road how is canters doing great it's really good it's a local deli here in los angeles oh i know it's a classic classic you should go the best best pastrami in town um uh nate nows is pretty good but it's really good i mean no i love you boss you're the best hugs hug not drugs let's not make it the last time no you don't have you don't have to have cameras i just so fun watching you come down the hallway really yeah it was uh you didn't think i was gonna show up huh well you were 15 minutes late i mean uh well i know you were actually 15 minutes early i don't give a shit this has been the highlight of you