Jeremiah Watkins 3.0 (Feat. Special Guest)

Hi, it's Rick Glassman from this podcast. We'll get right to the show, but first I wanted to let you know that I'm on my stand-up comedy tour, Ricky's on the Loose, and I'm in Dallas this weekend. And if you're in Washington, D.C., Montreal, Quebec, Edinburgh, or London in the UK, Portland or Eugene in Oregon, Philadelphia, PA, or Houston, Texas, my tickets are for sale now at rickglassman.com. And if you want to be the first to be notified when I'm coming to your city because I'm adding dates as we speak, go to rickglassman.com slash tour, sign up for my email list, and I'll let you know. Hey, girls, get started without me. I'll be right there. Hurry up, Rick. Seriously, what are you doing? Please, I'll be right there. Now enjoy the show. The show. Support for this podcast comes from Progressive, America's number one boat insurer. We've all made mistakes on the water, but there's one mistake you shouldn't make. Being uninsured. With Progressive Boat Insurance, you can choose coverage for most mistakes you or other boaters can make, helping you float carefree all season long. Quote today, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, number one rating based on 2024 filings with state departments of insurance. Simple man. I hope it don't be a great day. Somebody's a fan of stand up on the spot. Here, Maya, you want something to drink? I have waters as well as teas and sodas. I also have Magic Mind, dude. Do you want a little caffeine? I'm good. I think I got this. Bada-wa-wa. Magic Mind, McCone? I'm okay. What's up, dude? Good to see you. Good to see you. Do you guys know each other? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I know the whole gang here, dude. The whole. You know what? We recently put up a. We recently got a picture. I did a Tyser retreat where we had John Michael and Tom came all the way from England. We had the whole gang together. Let's put up a picture. That's Matt Day. He used to do the sound mixing, but he still helps out with a lot of the music. That's McCone. Need I say more? That's John Michael. Ding! There's Tom, and there's me. And if you're wondering why John Michael has a $100 bill in his mouth, it's because he thinks it's funny. I think it was kind of cool to do that, but it is a little gross. It's dirty. Yeah. But he's young. Especially for you. He's young. He can handle it. Yeah. The germs, whatnot. All right. What are you doing? You're here. Yeah. No, I was talking to him. Excuse me. This is for him. Okay. That's for him. Alvin? Alvin? Alvin? Alvin? Alvin? Can you play theme music? Theme music! Scoop-doo. Blubber-dee-bloo. Scoop-dee. Oh, yeah! I mean, you've been naked on this, you know? Now you're worried about showing your knees? Come on, dude. We've seen it. All right. So, what were you saying? This is a podcast. There's a guy who just had sex with me, and I think he had your wallet. So? So? So? Did you not just hear what I said? What? What? What? Jeremiah, welcome to another episode of Take Your Shoes Off. Theme music again. But don't we play a little of the theme music? And then come back in on me going, oh yeah! Okay. Oh, I want water. You brought your own little. I would offer you some, but I know. You'd offer me some of your used little plastic bottle of water? But I know. That's why I said I know. But then. Who would take you up on that? A lot of people. If we were out on a hike or playing basketball, but like if I have options for. You think if you were in somebody's home and they have water, instead of getting water, will you hold up your water? Instead of getting water, they would take some of that? That's insane. To save them a trip. I wouldn't want to waste a full thing of water. I would take a sip. Interesting, but I'm not going to get a bottle. I have like a filter. Or is the. Would you say a gefilter that I could put my water, my fish in? You have a gefiltered fish, Britta? Be right back. Go to helixsleep.com slash Tyso to get 27% off site-wide. Are you sure you're reading that correctly, Ricky? It says right here, that's helixsleep.com slash Tyso for 27% off site-wide. I've never heard of a 27% discount. Make sure you enter her show name at checkout so they know we sent you. The whole show name? Tyso. Well, that's not the whole show name. The whole show name is Take Your Shoes Off. Or Tyso. Hi, thank you so much. So, I am recording something for my podcast, and I don't want to put you on it without your permission. So, I just want to let you know, I'll either take it or if you don't care. I can take it, and it's okay. Hi, puppy. Hi, cutie. Aw, he's so cute. Yeah, he's a little boy. You can call us when you're done. We'll come pick it up. Cool, thank you so much. Appreciate you. Have a good one. Have a good one. Testing. We have our bib salad with chicken and our chicken picard. Bless you. No, there's dressing all over that. Well, that looks like it's something for me now. Yeah, but I told them not yet. Anytime something gets messed up, it's a good day because that means it gets to go in my stomach. This episode is sponsored by PrizePix. Download the app today and use code Tyso to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. Dude, you got PrizePix? I love PrizePix. I actually use it. PrizePix, run your game. What? You want to be here while I plug my dates? Yes. Why? Because you're the funniest guy in the world, and I would want to see you if I was out there, and I want to know your dates because maybe I'm going to bring Kevin on a surprise date that was for his birthday to go see Rick Glassman, but now you ruined it. Well, I'm going to be in your hometown. When? You're going to be in Fatburg? You're going to be in Stupid Town? This week, September 17th through 19th, I'm going to be in Philadelphia. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania? Downtown or Center City? Center City. Let's go. Stand up. October 1 through 3, Houston, Texas. October 15th through 17th, Tacoma, Washington. November 13th through 14th, Salt Lake City. RickGlassman.com. I'm also adding new dates. If you want to find out when I'm coming to your city, your city, your city, go to RickGlassman.com and sign up for my email list. Sign up on his email list. And I got one question. I end every promo with this. He's got one question. Are you garbage? Garbage. What? Garbage. All right, dude. We got about 10 more minutes left. What do you want to talk about? Tits. Sorry. I don't. This is the right podcast, man. Yeah, dude. All right. We can go, right? Go in. Oh, I have an idea where I want to start with something. All right. We'll be back in 10 minutes. Okay. How many 10-minute breaks am I taking before I start, actually? Going. Right, Alvin? Hello. Hello. Good. Where do you want to start? I want to start with this week. Something special happened. I got to firsthand witness it. And I would like to. Breaking news. Can I talk about it? I guess while we're doing this, I'm going to have to reveal some new merch. Oh, I know you will have to. Yeah. It's a big deal. Rick Glassman is the newest paid regular at the world famous comedy store. So if you are wanting to pick up a Not Passed at the Comedy Store sweatshirt, they have been modified a little bit. They're up here now. They're up here now. And now they're even more expensive. And they shrink. This is true. Bad. I'm joking about them being more expensive and shrinking. But yeah, I got passed the other day. Congratulations. Thank you. And the new sweatshirts, I'm either going to cross off the not, or I'm going to cross off the N and write a G over the N for got passed. I don't know yet. We got to talk to some designers, take some looks. Yeah. Listen, there's a reason why our merch feels so comfortable. And it's so attractive. It's because we put a lot of effort into it. you were the only i think uh ari was there too but like you know when we first started going there that's that's where the reason we are friends i think is because of that place that's through that in the open mic scene for sure yeah the open mic set uh at the comedy store where where uh benji esther um you santino amir uh sandy danto henchcliffe yeah tony everybody who else who jade catapretto brady matthews who i don't see really much anymore but i remember we were we were buddies and i used to see him all the time yeah love jay like that when i think of like our class of like when we started uh i think about that room you know oh jamar having crazy sets willy yeah willy brian uh-huh um yeah i think about that room like i think about we did tons of different places you know i think of ruko i associate the original room with you melissa of course and uh io west that yeah io west because we did that every was it sunday that's where i first met you in dewalt oh really was that io yeah yeah not at the store i think i met you at io that was a moment of silence i think i met you at io that was a moment of silence i think i met you at io i think i met you at io that was a moment of silence i think i met you at io that was a moment of silence i think i met you at io that was a moment of silence much smaller open mic that was like a certain like not everyone went there yeah and omar hot lava omar hot lava nava oh yeah was the host there and the only reason i went to his wedding oh mazel tov yeah uh how long ago actually a couple years ago oh well he just had a baby i went to i went to peter banachowski's wedding who also would go to the io west open mic that was an open mic for just comics and the audience was just comics uh where the comedy store sometimes was actually people yeah so like you do you want to do the comedy store one but the io one i remember like you'd have to wait a long time and i never wanted to do that but omar hot lava nava who recently got married a few years ago uh he would just put me up when i got there i was like awesome oh yeah i remember gerard carmichael used to be the special surprise guest of the open mic he probably still is imagine if he popped in yeah no it'd be a big deal yeah anyway thanks anyway i wanted to just tell you obviously congratulations A very cool moment that I got for myself, just being your friend, just to be close to the orbit of that special moment. It was very cool. Thanks, man. Yeah. Because it happened in the parking lot of the comedy store. The talent coordinator, Rose, had a conversation with you. And you were riffing and talking with other people. And I was trying to actually get some people to kind of separate so she could get a moment with you. Because she was wanting to bounce. Oh, is that like a format? I feel like if she needed to, she would have just called me. She's more old school. She could have called you. But I'm like, she's like, should I call him? I was like, you should do it. You know, I don't know Peter Shore. I mean, I know who he is. I know of him. I don't really know him. Right. And I got a text right before you came over because I missed a call. And he said, hey, it's Peter Shore. I just want to call. Congratulations. And bless you. And he's like, hey, man, I normally don't do calls. But like, this is long overdue and I've been watching and I'm really proud of you. And I thought that was so nice. Very cool. And he even said, before you run out, will you get me one of those sweatshirts? I don't know if the Comedy Store even knew that I had them. I just think it's so funny that he wants to not pass the Comedy Store sweatshirt now. Right. Now after I got passed. But also, so we don't bury the league because we're going to probably get naked and play and stuff. You have a special. I do. It's called Crazy Pizza. It's out on YouTube. Oh, that's merch. Yeah. Merch day. Comfy. Nice and comfy. Yes. And on the inside of my tag, there is no tag. Actually, it says a comfy Jeremiah Watkins shirt. Dude, you spent the extra. What is it? Two bucks a shirt. Fuck it, dude. It's worth it. Yeah, man. This is your shirt. This is mine. This is mine. Was it two bucks a shirt? It was an extra quite a bit. More than two bucks. I think it was about that. Did you raise the price of your shirt a couple of bucks? Nope. You ate it, dude. It's like they're going to eat that crazy pizza. Exactly. You don't need the consumer to pay the difference between your vanity plates. If it's going to be cool, then, you know, I'll eat the cost. Yeah. And this is actually, as I'm saying it, this is one of the early betas that does have a tag. Oh. But the ones that sell, they say a comfy Jeremiah Watkins shirt. If you're one of those people that's like, I really want to support my favorite comedians, but I hate their fucking tags. Hey, McCone, is that? I should just move that. Is that in the shot, my shot, the mic stand? Oh, yeah. If I have a fart, I'll go for it, buddy. Tell me that as the rest of the episode goes on, so I remember. Oh, that if I have a fart, then I'll put it in there? I don't know if I want you to, because I want you to for. The product. I don't know if I want you to, to that microphone. Which microphone would you like me to do it to? That one. You want me to, man, it's going to be hard to, if, to have one chambered, then walk and then do it. That's, I'm just telling you, as somebody who's farted into many microphones, it's hard to walk and then do it. Yeah. As somebody who's farted into maybe around the same amount of microphones as you, it's not that hard. How many would, how many microphones have you farted into? Different microphones or different sets? Because it might've been a lot the same microphone. Different times. Because it might be the same microphone, but different times you farted into a mic. Well, I've, there's two kinds of farts that I've done. There's a real fart, which. Which, when diarrhea. No, and it's me doing fart jokes where I, like, I asked the audience, I, I, I go, and I asked the audience to go, oh, done that a fair amount. Probably in an actual microphone on stage. I think the first. The first time I ever did it was, was your show in the improv lab. Do you remember that? I don't know why you would. I don't know if I remember the fart. I remember it. Cause if I'm not mistaken, I remember that I, maybe you didn't like that. I did it. Really? I don't know. I don't know. I probably. Somebody did it. I used to see Bobby do it all the time and I'd die laughing. He took that from me. Really? I, I'm, I'm the fart in the mic guy. Talk about tags. You know, tag, uh, uh, uh, if he does it as a tag, it wouldn't bother me. But I would do it as my opener. Oh, like spreading the cheeks. No, no, no. I've never done as an opener. I remember I did. It was, you did, uh, was it on the spot in the improv lab? Is that where you started up on the spot? Uh, started in second at second city. And then I have moved, I moved it like all over, uh, Hollywood and then it found its home at the comedy store. Well, I did your show and I think it was out at the lab. And I remember I was doing whatever I was doing. Maybe it was just a regular show and I had to fart and my instinct was I had to fart and I thought it would be funny to do in the microphone. So I did it and it was the first time I did it and I couldn't stop laughing. I couldn't stop laughing. And I think I probably laughed for maybe a minute. And then I just, I just got off the stage for the first time. It feels so good, dude, because you don't know unless you've seen somebody else do it, which I hadn't because everyone stole this idea from me. You don't know what it sounds like in a room with microphones. It's, it's brilliant. Have you ever heard somebody fart in a microphone? We had someone queef into a microphone. On a bad friend show in Denver. Tiffany Haddish. That's what I was thinking. Used to, during the open mic at the comedy store. This is, I think about that whenever I see her. It's still how I, I see her like. Willie, Willie used to bring her, bring, bring her up. Yes. And she would sit on a stool. Uh-huh. And just on command, queef. Yeah, it's pretty strange. Yeah, well, look at her now. I know. She's a star. Yeah. I saw her last night. I went up on, uh, after her at the improv and, uh, I mean, when you talk about a, uh, a performer with confidence, dude. It's awesome. You just, first of all, she's very funny. Even if she wasn't, you would just like, you know, you just want to watch. It's, it's, it's like farting in a microphone without the gross. She's captivating. Captivating, dude. Yeah. And she's just like, like she, she's the energy of flipping your hair back. You know what I mean? She's just like, she ready. She ready. Yeah. Someone where it's like, oh yeah, you see why she, she became successful. I did a pilot with her before she grew up. Uh, no. Were you originally, and then they replaced you with Gerard? Yeah. I was originally Carmichael of the Carmichael show. And then, uh, you know, diversity, casting, hiring, DEI before I got real popular, you know, that stuff. And then, you know, went to Gerard. Really happy for his success. Yeah. It's a, it's a special guest at the IO open mic, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Really cool. Yeah. Yeah. But go on. Oh, so we did this pilot together and never saw the light of day for a lot of reasons. There was some, there was some PC reasons why it didn't move forward. I've played, so the premise I think it was, was it was all the stories, like a diary of all of her exes, like horrible dates that she used to go on and stuff like that. And I played, uh, this is a real story that she has, uh, about. Uh, mentally handicapped guy that she dated for a while, uh, named Roscoe. And I portrayed Roscoe and there was a sex scene in the pilot and I were in bed and I'm like drooling over her and stuff. It was. it's never gonna see the light of day no no no don't show it do you think we can get it do you have it no can we ask her for it no but after she hosted SNL I saw her at the SNL after party and I hugged her and she goes you'll always be my Roscoe yeah yeah man good times anyway I probably only farted in a microphone four times oh okay maybe three I can remember three I have to measure those more improv lab comedy store belly room flappers not the you who room but the open mic in the bar every time I just I laugh so much it's so funny I mean I shouldn't be proud of this but I've you know I've looped farts on podcasts with a loop machine and made beats out of it I just do farts all the time because when we do diaries and stuff and sometimes instead of having a fake fart I wanted to have real farts I remember during COVID I put out a thing asking people to send me audios of their farts and I used them for a little bit I don't really still have them but like there's random like fan farts fan farts Stevie Stevie Weeby and I used to have something he used to have something called Stevie's fart corner and he would have people send in farts to him and he'd play him on the podcast and then he would like dissect like what kind of farts they were do you think that we would appeal to a broader audience if we did like a lot of farts in the podcast if we did like a lot of farts in the podcast if we did like a lot of farts in the podcast less farts and poops because I actually have been doing I've been talking with Tom and John Michael about this I love pooping on people I think it's so fun but like you know you have your games and then like it evolves and you keep these balls in the air and you can use them as you want but we've been I've been doing less I've been dialing back I've been doing less of it for no reason other than when I do it it feels like I've been doing that not I don't think there's anything wrong with it it's just like it's fine find some other stuff yeah but there is so I'm not doing it as much but there is a place in my in my body where I actually talk about on stage an observation that I made that was never conscious but I've never had a girl did you just take something off your shirt and put it back on the dog that's insane I don't think I like that I don't think you were even being funny I think you thought that's where the hair goes I wanted to see if you'd notice no that's just that was where you put it he put his hair on my shirt I know but you didn't do it to see if I would notice you did it not thinking I'd notice and you lied I knew you'd notice I knew you'd notice you went like this I went like this look I went like this because this is one of Alvin's hair I put it back on his coat and no I've never seen anybody do that but then I thought it would be kind of funny because it's like it is his hair yeah isn't that kind of the polite thing to do is give him back his hair anytime some the polite thing to do is to get the shed hair off of him oh to brush it off of him oh I thought he wanted it who wants to be losing hair all the time so I've never been in a relationship with a woman who doesn't find farting funny well then you're finding the right people for you I'm saying that's I think there's something I think it's bigger than just finding farting funny I think there's an innocence and a silliness though my wife and I do not fart in front of each other I don't know we just never started and now it's like we've been together like good for you almost 16 years and like we just never once it's never happened I'm sure it's happened yeah if you had to fart what do you do do you go in the other room yeah do you tell her what you're doing or do you make up an excuse no I sometimes I'm just like I'm going to go to the restroom you know she knows what the boys are doing in there you grow up pretty Christian right yeah pretty religious yeah yeah yeah pretty Christian yeah that's the difference yeah what's the difference you think so I think I used to fart in class and that used to be like the biggest hilarious because I don't know because your home is your church whoa take me to church I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen the knife bother me let me give you my life yeah what's his name again Hozier Hozier I thought what is it is it LaCroix or LaCroix Hozier Hozier Hozier so good your crazy pizza special it's out now right yeah how do we like if we were to tell people I like to when somebody's promoting their special I like to try and find a way to give them a call to action that doesn't feel like it's too much so I have my version of that okay but I'll do it after yours what I like to do to like your stomach I had a burp but I swallowed it well I guess I just I did it without opening my mouth that was all with your mouth closed whoa is that what you just did could you do that whoa what are you doing that's crazy it's I'm swallowing liquid in air where's the liquid it's in my belly now saliva but you do you do that in front of your wife uh uh we've probably yeah that's great do you do that in your act no that's good I don't do that in my act that's an interesting skill but then it gives you it then now there's air now I need a burp because I did it a few times we'll get that out of the way it's gone great that's best case oh but now it's I gotta I gotta do a couple inhales then exhale burps do you want to go to the bathroom or something I don't think burping is I think burping is funny but it's but it's grosser and I don't need it you know by the way I'm not judging you you know take that out I burp no no no no no I'm just saying burping and farting is not the same to me a lot of people would say a burp is better to be around than a fart a burp is almost a cough and a and a fart is a sneeze but what do you think is grosser I think they're both gross it's pretty gross because they can both smell bad yeah but a fart is in underpants and pants I think burp is out in the open I think burp is more I think it's grosser because I think it's more purposeful like I'm gonna do this like it's so rare that like it's not incontrollable like sometimes like a sneezes or like a fart like sometimes even when you're trying to hold a fart in it still creeps out and if you have to burp because you feel uncomfortable you're able to like you could like like you could go like this and be a quieter like you could go like this and be a quieter also I don't think the pants in underwear it's not like it's like a it's a gas it travels through it anyway but I'm not worried about the gas I'm worried about the poo particles I do think I think farting is like having sex with a condom and burping is like getting a blow job without a condom yeah whoa dude pretty good hey is that in your act uh it will be do I need to break that down or is that obvious is it obvious that kind of makes perfect sense a fart is sex with a condom and a burp is a blow job without a condom because a fart pantsless is like whoa like we gotta get tested but with but with the pants on it's like okay it's gross but there's a barrier there a burp is not like if it were fart on my penis or burp on Jesus fart or burp naked I would rather burp but a burp naked is like a blow job which is not as scary as sex society is like a blow job and a burp is like a blow job and a burp is like a blow job and a burp is like a blow job that makes sense right yeah alright anyway so swipe to in Billy Madison when he does the quick speech we're all dumber because of what we just heard everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul what a great movie are you too young to have appreciated that movie I have the DVD right by my bed so you could spank bang to it that Veronica Byrne one piece of ace that was is there a more quoted movie of our generation than Billy Madison Zoolander used to be quoted a lot I remember oh yeah what were the quoted movies Dumb and Dumber anything Jim Carrey Dumb and Dumber, Tommy Boy, Ace Ventura come on I think there are more I can think of more quotes that are quotes that are quotes that are quotes that are quotes that people say from Billy Madison than probably anything don't you say that don't you ever say that stay here as long as you can I can't wait till I go to high school Billy those are two separate quotes of the same scene that Veronica Vaughn all right everybody on the bus peeing your pants is cool then consider me Miles Davis there's a nice piece of shit - Stop looking at me swan - Stop looking at me swan no conditioner is better R-O-C-K Anyway, this guy knows a lot of my quotes from my movies that would be a cool guest to have on I would love to have Sandler on - Sandman come on - As either just a regular conversation but I would also love to just say, hey man, do you want to get stoned and just play with me? - What, I want to play basketball with them that's what I want to play - Played with them once we guarded each other - Did you? - Yeah, one time - Whoa - Do you still play? - What were the conditions? - Yeah, yeah - Your body's all right? - It is, I'm in the midst of a little hiatus just 'cause I just had an appendectomy but so I can't play for a few more weeks. You got your appendix taken out? Did I know that? No, probably not. Jeez, congratulations. Thank you. That thing was probably bothering you for a little bit. It's a boy. Did you keep it? No, they won't let you. Because? It's like some cleanliness thing. I was going to make like a chain out of it. Yeah. Yeah, they don't let you. My mom got her ovaries taken out. A hysterectomy, I think it's called. A hysterectomy, that's not womb. Is it ovaries? There's two. There's different ones. I don't remember. But the ovaries, she said that she asked if she could keep them because she wanted to bronze them and make earrings out of them. Because she said that she made such adonises in there. This is my impression of your mom as a Mortal Kombat character. Get over here. I don't get it because of ovary? Yeah. Is that really what it is? Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. I think you have to say get over here. Otherwise, you're not doing any play on words. Get over here. I don't know. What do you mean? I'm not hearing enough ovary in that. Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. But you still got to hit the re, right? Right. That's over here. Okay. But you're just saying get over here. No, I'm not. Say it slower. Get over here. Yeah, that's okay. That's good. Get over here. You're saying it exactly how I just said it. Yeah, no, I like that. I like that. I just wasn't hearing it. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, get over here. Get over here. Get over here. There you go. Yeah, but I, but yeah, you know, I don't think you're allowed to. So how do you feel? You know what? I was very emotional the day or two. It hit me weird. I was very emotional. You guys have been together for a while. Huh? You guys have been together your whole life. Yeah, yeah. And to lose that part of me. Uh-huh. It was being serious, right? No, but I mean, it was, I got emotional because I realized I was incapable of moving for a couple days. What does that mean? Why? Because they're going like. After. After. So, like, I realized, like, it hurt to get up. It hurt to move. Like, it hurt to just, like, I can't sleep certain ways. Like, you have to sleep. It was more just, like, I realized, like, how hard I go all the time. And, like, it was for a while, like, the first, like, week where my body was like, no, you literally can't do any of that stuff. So it was, it was definitely like, yeah, it was weird. So you were kind of like Jeremiah on the spot. You had to stay on a spot. Right. Stay in one spot. Yeah. What made you realize that you needed to get checked before you even realized that was needed to be done? I had a early colonoscopy because I was having some backdoor issues. Like what? Can we get into it? Yeah. Very much. Sincerely. I was bleeding out of my butt. This episode is sponsored by Helix Sleep. Let me tell you about Helix Sleep, okay? We do a lot of commercials here, a lot of great companies. But very few of them. Am I? I'm a user of, and I'm a user of Helix Sleep. I use Helix Sleep and I sleep like a fricking baby. You know who else does? Aunt Lauren. Yes. Yeah. She uses the Helix. Absolutely. But I'll have to use it too. Well, grandma, I'll tell you. There's one thing I would tell you to sleep on. And there's one thing I would tell you not to sleep on. Could you guess? I'll tell you. I would sleep on a Helix mattress. In fact, I often do. I wouldn't sleep on this deal. Helix will deliver right to your door. If you don't like it, you have a 100-day money-back guarantee. Great transition. I keep saying this. Get a mattress. Use it for 90 days. Send it back. It'll help the podcast out. And it'll help your lower back. If you're a side sleeper, a back sleeper. If you run hot, you run cold. Front sleeper. Upside-down sleeper. Firm. Soft. It doesn't make any difference. You let them know in their two-minute survey. They will tell you what mattress is best for you. They'll ship it right to your door. They shipped one to our door once, long time ago. And it was the best mattress I've ever had in my life. It was the best mattress I've ever had in my life. And I'm looking forward to that boom one day. And the ensuing sleep to follow. After that boom one day. That way, Robert gets very tired because of that mattress. And Robert gets very tired because of that mattress. a lesion on my appendix your appendix they saw your appendix through the colonoscopy like when they went up real they went all the way up there i think that must be pretty high you have to go through the large and the small intestines right to get to your and then you get to your appendix i didn't realize i thought you just do that and then it gets up to your esophagus i didn't realize your butthole connects to your appendix like that it the the the butt connects to the mouth yeah but it goes through your large and small intestines and stomach and esophagus how does it get to the appendix there's like a like a route in there yeah amazing the body's incredible incredible yeah but it's yeah so i had a so they weren't checking for your appendix they were just checking and they're checking everything they saw the lesion and then it came back as a pre-cancerous lesion that um they luckily and they came back because they while they went up there they biopsied it as well no it took a like a week or it was like yeah another week after the surgery they said like after i i got the uh colonoscopy they then said you need an appendectomy so they knew it was precancerous just by looking at it they knew that it was something was messed up with it and they're like we we're going to remove the appendix for sure and then we're going to biopsy got it the lesion because it doesn't look good and then they biopsied it they said it was precancerous and they said if you would have just gotten a colonoscopy really late like it could have been very bad yeah so you know get checked yeah get checked yeah yeah i'm now remembering i saw an instagram story of you that you got checked or something i didn't realize what it was yeah yeah that's that's the thing you got to catch them the first two seconds otherwise you know scroll no i think i watched the video i just didn't remember that you said did you say your appendix um i think so yeah i just maybe i don't i just didn't remember um man congratulations on your bloody sincerely like it's a uh uh it's a check engine light for sure for sure like yeah i have friends that uh that don't have insurance and or don't care to do stuff and it's like i get that but i talked to you about this the other day not the other day but recently and i still i would like to treat you to a uh a uh a dermatologist appointment um does he have a spot no i just don't have insurance and he doesn't go and he's a fair skin man i mean i've i've had stage two melanoma before so i'm if you have any spots you get checked and it's like oh you don't have insurance that sucks but the truth is i asked and i'm sure it's different there's some places maybe more expensive some places less but my my dermatologist i asked him i said how much for somebody doesn't have insurance and he said the first visit is 175 dollars and then the visits after are 100 and you go once just go once a year yeah get checked well worth it yeah i do that kind of stuff i do a full body scan every year since i since i had the stage two melanoma yeah yeah and this is part of my i have i just have to do it everybody should yeah for a hundred dollars a year you know and then you know you get your teeth cleaned how often uh once every four months yeah you know they say at least twice a year but and that's what i was doing but i'm like could you do it more my dentist he wants me to start doing every three months i'm like oh i asked to do that why not yeah get in there you go to the dentist i haven't in a while i don't have insurance a lot of people even with insurance don't have dental insurance it's you know car insurance that's it yeah you know why you have car insurance because you're because you're legally responsible the law the law requires you to protect your car but the truth is it's not just your car it's it's anything because you're putting other people in this situation does alvin always sleep on the gas i've never seen him around i've never seen him around i've never seen alvin sleep on the gas i've never seen alvin sleep on the gas i've never seen alvin sleep on the gas i've never seen alvin sleep on the gas i've never seen alvin sleep on the gas i've never seen alvin sleep on the gas i've never seen alvin sleep on the gas i do don't want to like lead you on he i say that as a joke he's so loving although i believe you do and he's not like that with everyone but he does love being on the couch in that spot next to next to loving people only oh i thought we were exclusive um but uh uh you know we're being playful in this conversation but i i do think it's really important like go to the dentist at least once a year you got to teeth clean and look to see if anything before it gets worse and it becomes more expensive you're looking at probably a hundred bucks not that that's nothing go to the dermatologist you're looking at a hundred bucks ish not that that's nothing but could you not come up with five hundred dollars a year you go get a physical once a year get your blood work taken and by the way i'm not they're not sponsoring this episode but i reached out to function health to get them to they did sponsor in the past and i've been i'm using them now too it's just the 375 by the way this is a i am doing an ad but like this is organic and i mean it they're not a sponsor 375 dollars 160 lab get the lab work get shit take done and if it's nothing great and you know here's another thing eventually if like your markers are a certain way you could look back and be like oh they've always been like this or this is irregular i get blood taken i get my blood taken a lot do you donate it i have i don't and i should look into that but i whenever i go to a doctor for whatever i'm like let's do a full panel including std checks i'll get an std check after i've already had a clean std test and i haven't had sex with anybody since can i can i be honest with you yeah i think i am how do i say this i think i'm too comfortable right now and i think my energy is low oh you're feeling insecure about entertainment yeah well buddy do you want me to like call a friend and have him come in or something no no i spice it up i'm comfortable with you but i think i'm literally too comfortable as i am right now that i need to reset my energy how about this how about because i love doing episodes and i have this because i have someone else coming over but i'm gonna can i have a friend come over with us okay just reach out let me just text some friends and see if anyone will come over for the end of this spice it up i don't know if that we don't have to do it but might be fun what are you thinking right now like just as a like we can edit this out but like as a as a as a podcast sure be real with me it feels very like clinical like we've known each other for so long it feels clinical because we're talking about going and getting our blood work taken i mean by definition yeah yeah and maybe that's what's making me insecure i mean you're used to coming over here and getting your blood work taken and you're getting a physical um no oh much better okay can we just go back all right let's go back right yeah so we checked it and everything is good so maybe i just feel like because i you know like the other times i've been on the podcast i've got naked i've done you know certain things like i'm older man i i'm about to be i want to make sure that this episode because people have been telling me for quite a while when are you going to go back on tyso when are you going to do it when you do the thing i'm like we'll make it happen you know i don't want to sound too much like rick rubin but i can't help but talk like him we aren't doing this to please them we're doing this to please ourselves and hopefully they like it my name's rick rubin and you are the weakest link goodbye that was something people used to say a lot remember yeah is that where the the sandwich came after the weakest link sandwich i'm rick rubin no i get it though because of the rubin oh the rubin sandwich has been around way longer okay okay then as i like to refer to him as a cool santa claus right he is dude his interviews epic i i don't know that much about about his interviews but when i've seen them i wait is he they're in black and white and there's music on it that just makes sense i'm thinking of um i think the music guy the producer you are thinking of the same guy we are thinking the same guy but wait but yours are in black and white and mine are in color there are some videos and some interviews where he's in black and white oh a lot of times rick rubin stuff is uh the people that post his stuff not just his stuff but like clips to make them deep they make them black and white and they add interstellar under it oh like like this a fart is sex with a condom and a burp is a blow job without a condom because a fart pantsless is like whoa like we got to get tested but with but with the pants on it's like okay it's gross but there's a barrier there a burp is not like if it were fart on my penis or burp on jesus fart or burp naked i would rather burp but a burp naked is like a blow job which is not as scary as sex society excuse me uh now was that a voluntary burp or involuntary i don't even know if i burped is that was that a burp yeah uh i wasn't consciously voluntary okay i got him yep send in the team yeah will you go outside and find somebody hold on We'll swipe to it. Can you see if we could find somebody to come in? Like, send in the team or something? Also, like, if there's somebody, I don't know, don't, you could tell them it's a podcast. If it's somebody that is like, maybe not. I don't know. Maybe send me a picture. Like, if it's somebody that looks like they're in a neighborhood person and they look young enough and they look like it's not somebody that's a fucking weirdo, even if you think that would be funnier. How much do you want me to, you don't want me to film the outside of your place? Don't even bring your camera. See if you could find somebody to come in for a little bit. Say, hey, we're recording a podcast. We want to do like a little bit of an energy change. Make sure, bring your phone and like, maybe text me a picture and let's, you know, have it be somebody who looks like not scary because then they'll know where we record. There's a lot of scary people around here. I don't know. And then we'll have them leave or something. Maybe we'll have them like do a promo for your thing. Is this too much? Having the feet on the, no. No, that's, that's, that, that blanket, this thing. These are all guests germs. This for feet. This is for feet. Yes. So you, you put your feet up when you watch TV and stuff like that. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. I also eat on it sometimes, but I put a tray down. Gotcha. And that bathroom is just for guests. I've never pooped in it. I pee in it. I've never sat down on that toilet. I don't think. Really? I don't think I've sat on it one time. Boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. My arm's tired. Available now at rickglassman.com. Oh, okay. I see what you did there. My new merch. I like it. Thanks. Yeah. It's an oversized tee. Those are in now. Yeah. Yeah. You know what else is in now? What? I don't know what you mean. I really don't know. What are you doing? My penis. Oh, in what? I don't know. No, man. I think it's important that we, on podcasts, we also talk about like, you know, stuff like that. Rick, I found someone. Really? That quick? Please take your shoes off. I don't know the drill. I know the drill? Rick, I don't know if this was a good idea. They know how that, what the frick is going on? what he was just outside for real yeah just walking around okay what's that were you really just outside it's it's for him and come in for a little bit come in for a second did you did were you guys what here whoa this is so bizarre here come in for him we were literally uh yeah just you could put them up right here we were literally joking about finding a stranger on the street to come in and then mccone found you outside and i'm where and i'm plugging my special crazy pizza and you're wearing a teenage ninja turtle shirt this is not planned at all this is seriously not planned at all i did not text for him we did not like do pizza themed shirt just like no and also that was a fake phone call that i did is that why he's here sit down so i could frame you i want to know why he is here i didn't text anybody no this is what's so crazy about this okay he was actually walking by i don't know who to believe no no i did not text for him to come by no you didn't oh look who's awake now see uh does he do this with everybody apparently he does alvin alvin um here could you uh i want to let me do this and get this this is dude funny that you're here this is so legitimately so bizarre what's better on or like or like this hey guys hey fahim uh could we get you uh i want to do this in a way to where maybe fix your posture yeah i'm kind of too okay let's see you want a pillow for your back you want a pillow i got back pillows i don't know is this good or am i too like no it's great spineless well i mean are you talking about your posture or the way you do comedy whoa both dude he's tough but fair what is the pizza shirt it's uh my new one hour special it's called it's called crazy pizza was the shirt made for the special or did it already exist this is yeah it's merch oh yeah my buddy uh joel stokes he did the art he hand drew it that's pretty cool yeah this is my merch too i just sold teenage mutant turtles after my show you do they sent me a season distance boot legs of other people's like animated shows it really is well i live i know but it's still bleep it well yeah i guess so i mean i mean i was gonna say where i live but i should you happen to be walking by okay so i did an impression earlier that didn't land with rick i want to run it by you yeah more data he had his mom's ovaries removed he didn't personally okay but it was a gift it was he was trying to get her ovaries bronzed did she got actually have them removed yeah let me hear you talking to that again check one yeah great check one two and i said this is my impression of rick's mom as a mortal combat character get over here listen to me do it and tell me if you get it over here get over here get over here get over here get over here don't you need it more ovary get over here get over it because the first couple i didn't get it until he went ovary right so tell me if this works get over here it's just i feel like we're trying to bend yeah yeah get over here like eminem could do it eminem is good at bending sounds get over here that's kind of golem-y that's that's more golem-y than eminem you're holding that coffee like you're doing a commercial for it i am wait where's the camera i've never done a commercial before i'm looking to nothing it's that it's that camera right there i'm not good at improv i kind of need a script i'm just more of a vessel i'm an actor i told there would be size i was told there would be like sides um that's funny that you were walking by also coincidence maybe fahim has a new special out apparently the teenage mutant ninja turtle special no that's just coincidence it's like it's not teenage mutant ninja turtles themed well i did i did have a joke the hat trick that was the old one intrusive thought it was funny i had this ninja turtle bit in that um hat trick special yes that got me like demonetized on youtube and really like fucked my special like torpedoed it well why don't you repost it without the turtles thing it doesn't it knows you're posting the same thing twice i just whatever it was a whole ordeal but i have a new one that doesn't have a risque ninja turtles joke in it yeah very good it's called intrusive thought intrusive thoughts available on fahim anwar's youtube thank you man yeah and yours is out right now too yep and it's on your youtube yep it's called crazy pizza jeremiah so here's the call to action that i gotta do because i was telling jeremiah i like to ask uh ask the people who are watching my podcast hey i maybe you don't have an hour or 50 minutes i don't want to make you do something and maybe you'll get to it later and you don't so i'm gonna ask a little bit less but i'm gonna ask you to do something and i'm gonna ask you to do something and i'm gonna ask you to do is go to each of the and i'll put the links in the descriptions go to each of their special and watch at least listen i know you want more but i'm just trying to be honest i get it i get at least two minutes not a lot here two minutes keep watching watch more go back whatever but all i'm asking you to do is watch two minutes and make sure you leave a comment saying rick glassman brought me here he has a very strong presence in the podcast game or any version of that it doesn't just type in alvin on either you'll do your call to action i'll do mine yeah alvin is way easier to type in than rick glassman isn't quite the presence in the comedy scene i think it's very funny to see like a bunch of like rick's credits in the comment on my special and just like what's so great about rick on great it doesn't have to be that i'm i have a big presence in the podcast game it can be that and more okay on my input rick glassman webby award winner uh and also i don't have i have so many trophies i don't have any webbies here didn't you post it didn't you post about it oh yeah i posted i won something but yeah we saw each other for friends i saw it well it's funny that you bring that up i can't see what that is it's a tushy it doesn't even it's not even it's like it's not even a webby it's very dramatic and i don't even know what that's his factor meals that he's pulling like two dumbbells i got a package in the mail and this package sounds like i'm making it harder than it really is i've never expected that much energy he's gotten weaker as uh no man you guys don't understand what packages are i got one for each of you guys i'm looking at your shorts i think i know what a package is funny get over here what if i'm like now i get over here i just had to sit with it for a while all right i got a couple of packages for each of you guys wow really we each get one i've never been gifted on a pod before well unless this is a gag and i'm just falling for it i've never seen wait hold on one second one second let me set it up i've never seen you do anything where you weren't gifted oh thank you whoa this is why you are who you are all right i just want to make sure that i get this bullshit popcorn off get over here get over here get over here get over here all right get over here get over here yeah maybe i think the voice helps it helps just saying it regular yeah if you say get over read with the voice i think maybe that's that is best yes yes get over here but you need to hear you gotta get over have the ear you gotta have the ear i don't know i wasn't trying hard enough on the initial voice and now i just really had to phonetically sound it out get ovary sounds like but you add a little ear get over here get over here so the ear is almost like an after yes you throw it away i think get over here get over here get over here did you just have a tip of that coffee because that sounded like it was tasty we're almost acting like we're the beatles discovering a song like we nailed get over here we're like that's the take wait are you print it get over here what was the lyric that's what it is you were right did you say get over here yeah get over here look at that gentlemen i got my trophies in the mail today a little unboxing 2026 2026 people's voice award winner podcast and comedy end of israel episode those are actually my shocks they just went to like uh auto zone and and put put award label you know it's funny that you say that because we were just talking about that the only sure whoa whoa still going the only insurance yeah it's a webby dude the real the real deal the only insurance mccone has is for a car what is this though did you win two do you know how hard it is to win one it's a windshield it's really hard to win one webby it's pens oil yeah pens oil what is this honors rick glassman wait rick i think you won a second one i already won the the i won 2026 people's voice award what is this oh two yeah the 2026 webby award winner award winner oh the judges selection and the people that's i don't think usually win both they usually don't the people and the official selection yeah that's amazing congratulations to the entire tiso team yeah it's amazing wow they're uh two webby awards and they're one two three four five six signal awards cool huh it's a lot of hardware i might have to get a bigger boat um jaws jaws yeah get over jaws well congratulations to the tiso team yeah yeah give it up are those harmonicas it says patreon i don't know what that's about oh i'll look at that later right maybe my patreon wants a webby's too you know any time you have awards or accolades i would like to be on the show buddy you might have to clear your schedule it's that often i was we were talking earlier rick is the newest paid regular at the comedy store that's right well i i called you yes he told me last night he told me that yep and i'm like and i went to the improv last night uh and people there were like congratulations like how do people what is this underground network people know people knew that i was showcasing before i even i never i've never known how did that make you feel like getting those calls and stuff before you even have to showcase that add pressure did you not like that did you like it was it lateral um it it offered that curiosity of how do people know this because uh i i didn't i don't really like didn't really feel pressure well it's so long doing this for so long and you're so successful like it's almost well i mean it's yeah from the people's point of view or from the judge's point of view oh wow yeah people and critics agree rick glassman is in yes so now because i wanted to announce my new boy or my arms tired merch and now i have to have new uh pass at the comedy store merch do you have any girl are my arms tired um no think about it thought about it why why did i think about it yeah because i'm inclusive why did i choose not to do it right because that's not what you say girl are my arms it depends what part of town you're in but what if you're gay girl are my arms tired you know it's girl it's pride month yeah are you anti-pride whoa this isn't this isn't about whether or not you say boy or girl it's about i say boy are my arms tired and that's the weakest link i say boy my arms tired because it's a saying i made up i came up with it when i because i had a long flight and uh i remember somebody's like how was your flight like what do you want me to say like so i instead i took it literally like as if i flew and i'm like boy are my arms tired and it's a joke i came up with i also came up with that's the way the cookie crumbles because one time somebody was like complaining about something and i go that's the way the cookie crumbles i like that i've heard that saying i didn't know who came up yeah i came up will you make sure that your hand stays on the blanket at all times yes thanks i wouldn't dream of it do you think i was gonna like i don't know i'm just i'm just oh you're thinking that it was gonna shift onto the other side it's close well it's too close get your hand ovary get over what's what's the worry if i go past the blanket those are the boy to no return um if people are gonna sit on the couch or touch the couch yeah i need them to uh wash their hands and have indoor clothes so once those clothes have sat on something outside they've heard this you're not the yeah i i yeah i do that like i was just at uh sky zone uh the other day with my wife and my two sons your wife who you've never farted in front of yeah and my clothes that what an inconvenient way to get wind what is that true or no you fart in front of her right maybe on accident but we purpose we don't like we don't fart like as a choice we don't good coffee i like that yeah sometimes some of the ums are um they're not all coffee related some of them i'm intrigued so like every um isn't delicious so it's kind of like the thought is delicious yeah i guess so so um is is delicious but it's not always from tasting something yeah yeah so they're like cousins but yeah it's kind of like um while you're eating or drinking something is like farting and um with a thought is like getting a blow job with no condom now i don't know if you heard the setup but does that make sense like they're both pleasurable but to different degrees so you were talking about your wife and sky zone oh well when we got back to our place we we took all our clothes off and and had to like we had to bathe the boys and like i had like the shorts and the shirt that i was wearing and everything that was out in public that's not sitting on our couch or anything like that it's too much well especially sky zone that's like an airport i understand you have to like burn your clothes i've never heard of guys i thought sky zone was a place where you go and you like you you go that's i fly i don't know if you've ever heard of sky zone i don't know if you've ever heard of sky zone i don't know why i know that that's why that's why i said the wind thing oh no this is a jumpy trampoline park this is where everyone tears their acl this is like where 45 year old guys live out their nba fantasies and they're they're like operate a forklift and they just blow their knee out making sure you're still you're in frame it's almost like a dog hearing something is that my weapon is the mailman here um tell me about your specials special uh i filmed it at the comedy store main room i did it on my own again uh i'm a youtube hero the way you said it on my own again was so defeated while standing up for yourself yeah for sure because like back in the day i mean if you didn't get on comedy central or netflix whatever then you're just in the shadows and people could oh i'm so sorry i didn't mean to i respect the couch it's okay he gesticulates with his hands yeah yeah physical guys i've had to really restrain myself i've had to really restrain myself i i i appreciate it i appreciate you i respect the house i could put another blanket over there no i know i wasn't expecting it's in my head now i'll keep it okay so uh guess you're sleeping on me again just same continue yeah so it's just nice that even if the big platforms and outlets aren't like you know messing with you yet you can still get in front of people with clips and youtube and i i've been able to garner a fan base and phones are the new tv so it's great so i don't really need them as much as i did back in the past phones are the new tv phones exist well that's a phone yeah that's a phone you're like note to self phones exist uh i just wanted to come because um just thinking of my next merch no no this one yeah thank god and then i even bleep some things out just in case like halfway into the special just muted them what words i don't want to i don't want to demonetize this well we'll leave it you will yeah like oh no that's a that's a nuclear one yeah you got it as it should be yeah yeah yeah no i'm saying yeah what do you have against people i'm not saying no i'm saying yes well if you did say no that would be enough because mary kate and ashley olsen say no is a full sentence do they really say that yeah well no is also a full sentence yeah but the point of it is saying that like i don't need to give you my reason so yes where did they say that no though uh it's it they said on some late night show years ago because like you know like hey they're what do you think that was a good deal well that wasn't a um that wasn't um so that was tongue on the roof of the mouth might have to blur that bleep that no i'm not i'm not i wasn't gonna do that it was i was gonna i was gonna keep it at that's it okay i'm just saying yeah that uh that makes this good point of like well i don't know how to tell them i don't want to or i'm uncomfortable it's like hey you could just you set your boundary you don't have to you don't you don't owe everybody your truth and all of your all of your takes you could say sometimes sometimes i'd like to say like if someone asked something i don't like lying but also if i don't want to reveal something i'll say sometimes straight up uh i uh i don't that's really none of your business i'll really say that sometimes oh that's where i think autism can come in handy yeah because people will forgive you i really do like that's not an autism thing huh but i feel like you have carblonde everyone knows you everyone knows your story i meet people that don't know me and and more those those people it's more that not their business than the people that i know and know me right so i don't think it's an autism thing you see that's not here i think i can i have just a little a little while yeah we want an autism card i just i want if you could bottle it up just a little bit you know even these jokes are part of a reason why for years i didn't even talk about it anymore oh well then i'm sorry he said the n-word you're making fun of autistic people no no i said the swipe to the and then keep it on him and bleep the rest that is that's video tricks i did not do that that was i just said i don't even want to do it because you're going to manipulate it no i i'm honestly i wish i could um i need to oh well did uh either edit that out or bleep that i get you're making a joke just you know like i don't i don't think that's funny you don't think what's funny to say that kind of shit anyway what were you saying wait which part video editing no i i uh i feel like i do owe people certain responses sometimes so i feel no i'm saying like that aspect of autism is i know what you're saying i know what you're saying i know i was making a joke about it yes i know what you're saying yes the truth is this has nothing to do with being on the spectrum it has to do with everybody is different some people i i know people on the uh uh uh uh who have autism who will apologize non-stop and they you know they i know knowing one person on the autism spectrum is knowing one person what i'm saying is your your your feeling of owing something to somebody is over here and then the feeling of this none of your business is over here and you could find ways of doing it where where my my my craft of it i'll call it a craft of being able to feel like i could be honest without uh affecting somebody else's ego is by not making it about them and i wouldn't be like hey that's none of your fucking business where it's like wow i don't deserve to know it would be like that's not something i feel comfortable talking about i feel like that's like your business right now you know like there's ways of saying that that i remember i had a conversation with mark norman and he's on he's on the other end where he doesn't like talking while getting his hair cut but he feels like it's too rude to say hey i really don't want to have to do small talk so he'll just drain his battery i'm wow i didn't know that's a thing because i'm kind of like that too oh i would love that i don't love talking during a haircut yeah i say sometimes do you yeah not specifically to a haircut but in those situations i would say sometimes hey i just wanted to let you know i'm i'm really drained i'm really drained i'm really drained and i i'm not that we can't talk at all but i'm gonna probably just keep to myself a little bit i don't want to talk too much hey sister could you pipe down back there it's pretty good it sounds like mark norm it sounds like what's his name from seinfeld doing mark norman yeah it's putty doing norman or the other way around yeah putty patrick warburton yeah it's patrick warburton sounds a little more like this yeah great dude very different distinct voices it's good i know he's the voice of thank you of uh of uh soren at disney is he really yeah which was one of my favorite rides is in the california adventure which is another place when you go to when you go home you just take your clothes off and you just put them directly into the washing machine hmm i don't i don't feel that way as much as sky zone because i'm not touching as well i guess sitting on the roller coasters of the rides and stuff yeah but a trampoline feels so much grosser yeah but that's oh because you're putting your body on it yeah you're back in your front you're lying on it and you're like double bones there's even side walls that you can like go into and your tongue is on it yeah oh yeah do you guys accidentally ever put your tongue on the microphone and if so how does it affect your the rest yeah yeah yeah oh it's infuriating bobby used to have a bit where he would put the whole mic in his mouth and you have to go on every night after him he's like how's he still alive after that he's sure maybe it's not that dangerous he's got like the the mick jagger effect where like he's sucked on so many microphones where he's built he's immune yeah Mick Jagger sucking on microphones? Yeah, Mick Jagger. Just like that mentality of the Rolling Stone mentality. Like all those guys did so many drugs and toured and all that. Get over here. I get it. Yeah, get over here. Get over here. Yeah, get over here. Bobby would suck on a lot of fans' tongues when we were first on tour. Oh my goodness. It was like turned into a bit because he hated doing it. But it was like during when the Dalai Lama did that to the boy. He was like, I want to understand it. It might be an Asian thing. He would give people the Dalai Lama kisses. Why did the Dalai Lama do that? It was never explained. Yeah. So did the Dalai Lama say stick your tongue out? Is it a hello? Sucked on the boy's tongue. I just want to know the logistics of tongue sucking. Probably because he's a weirdo. I think what Fahim is asking is not what is his motivation, but what are the logistics of another person's tongue getting into his mouth, right? Yeah, how do you orchestrate that? I think he asked the little boy to stick out his tongue so he could suck on it. I believe. That is not a Webby winning mentality. No. And that's not behavior you'll see in crazy pizza. The other box of windshield wipers is really funny. I didn't laugh at it because I was like, focus on this. That's really funny. Just a time release joke. That's just so funny. Like an hour later, you're like. It's kind of like this time release magic mind that I just took. Free plug. Love the stuff. Love the stuff. And they have an extra strength one that's time released. So I do that. Well, now, and I like that better. I think like when I'm podcasting, because it lasts a little longer. You can see that. Does it help you poop, though? Because. No, but coffee never helped me poop. I'm pooping great now with my magnesium complex. I take every night. Is that a pill? Get to the dermatologist. You know, just growing up. What's up? What does that mean? Before you got here, we Jeremiah was getting concerned that this episode wasn't like exciting enough because we're talking about because Jeremiah just got his appendix taken out and he was got checked. And if he didn't have a bloody asshole, he wouldn't. I would have never known that he had. Oh, wow. He might be like ill now. Crap. You OK and everything. I'm good now. Thank God. Got it clear. Yeah. Got it ahead of time. So what your appendix burst? It was going to if I left it unattended. And the reason he knew to get it checked is because his butt was bleeding. And then you go get checked. So we're talking about get checked. Go get physicals. Get blood work. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. And then he was like, I'm not really sure how's this episode going? Like, we could see if anybody wants to like to spice the episode up. We could like I asked him not thinking he would find somebody. But like if you find somebody. Let's just bring in a random person. If it's not weird. And then you were there. It was so weird. Wow. So that's what I came in on. Yes. Yeah. So wait, if you're if your butt was bleeding, how do they find out you have an appendix problem through your butt bleeding? You got to watch this podcast. You got to you got to watch the first. OK, you got to watch the first. I just keep on asking questions that make you guys rehash the entire. You got to watch the first two minutes. We cut the rest out. If you if you missed it, too. Here's a quick recap. I've always like had a lot of blood. I had hemorrhoids off and on. Like once you get a hemorrhoid, you know, they keep coming back. It's like having sex with a black guy. Right. My dad once referred to his butthole as the Ho Chi Minh Trail. Yeah. And then basically they did a colonoscopy and they saw that I had a lesion on my appendix. And congratulations on your bloody asshole. Sincerely. It's a check engine light. I got a colonoscopy, too, just to be safe. You know, kept reading all these young people getting them and stuff. And I'm like, well, you know, I'm not sure if it's just me or they're getting colon cancer. I'm like, come on, if like Black Panther can get it, who am I? Yeah. Great merch. What's your, what's your superhero name? I've never thought about that. What do you mean? Like. Brown Panther. Brownish? Brownish. Brown in name. If you got Anthony Anderson to be a producer, you could have that as a show. Brownish? Yeah. It's weird that they haven't done that yet. That's so interesting. Did they? No, they did youngish. They did mixed-ish. They did mixed-ish. They did youngish, too? Or no, is that not a thing? Did they do Jewish? Was that the daughter, the spinoff? Yeah. It's just all Hollywood. Hello. What were we talking about? Colonoscopy. Before that. Magic mind. Coffee, anxious, jittery. Trampolines being gross. You're just writing the chapters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Girl in my arms tired. That's not what the saying is when I came up with it. Gotcha. Because it's not about. What's that? Over here. Yeah, don't worry about it. We can just pick up. I want your opinion on something that happened earlier. Alvin shed on me earlier. He shed on you? He shed. Shed. He shed on me. So just hairs, not poop? Just hair. So I did one of these where it's one of his hairs. And then I just put it back on him. I thought that was odd. And Rick did not like that. No, I'm not bothered, even the slightest. Like, what an odd choice. If you're not doing a joke, and I don't believe you were, I think, like, we got it all. That's like you finding a booger and putting it back up your nose. Like, you finding your booger, your booger on your shirt, and you're like, oh, that's not where it goes. Once the hair's off of him, it's supposed to stay off of him. Like, if you're in a restaurant, and you find a hair in your dish, and then you go to the kitchen, and you put it back on the chef. I believe this is yours. You go, hey, fuck face, and you put it on. Now I can enjoy my linguine. I believe this belongs to you. He's really tall. Yeah, you could get a ladder. Now, this is what's great about hanging out with the comics. Right? I said it in a silly way. Isn't this better than- But I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Isn't this better than bloody butts? Well, bloody butts are beautiful because it's data. And you don't want a bloody butt, but you want to notice it. Right, yeah. Because without that bloody butt, you would have not found out. That's what I said. Whoa! What is happening? That's what she said. Oh. No, that's what he said. Okay. Boy, the guys get the boy are my arms tired. The girls get that that's what she said. Gotcha. Gotcha. You ever have a blue corn tortilla chips, and you forget, and then you poop, and you look at your poop, and you're like, I'm dying? And you're like, oh, right, the Mexican restaurant at lunch. I do that with beets. I don't eat enough beets for it to be a thing. It makes your poop and your pee red. Wait, it does? Oh, yeah. Beets? Oh, dude. If you eat a bunch of beets, you're dead. If you eat a bunch of beets, and then you go, oh, the toilet looks like a massacre. I remember when I first noticed it, I started eating beets. This was maybe a little bit before COVID. I never really liked them. I love beets now. The way I would describe it is, and it's not appealing, is it tastes like dirt if you like the taste of dirt. Like, it tastes like dirt, delicious dirt. Really? It tastes earthy. It tastes like it came from the ground in a way that it's supposed to. It doesn't taste like I'm eating dirt. What kind of beets are you eating? Just boiled beets. That's what beets taste like to me, in a good way. It tastes like it's of the earth. Anyway, I noticed it. I remember, I think I was on the phone with Santino, or for whatever reason, I called Santino. But I know I, hey, man, do you ever have, like, is your pee ever red? Like, what does that mean or something? And he's like, whoa, this is because I'm a redhead? What are you talking about? Then he gets offended, and then it goes down a whole thing. And then, like, you guys start having a conversation back and forth with that. And you're like, no, I didn't mean to offend. It was originally, we were going to do a two-person podcast. And that, for a moment, we're fine now. But then we kind of had a little bit of falling out. When he then started with Bobby, and it's like, well, whatever. He's already doing it, went with somebody. Oh, it was back then. Whoa, quite a while ago. Yeah. So you're the original bad friend. I would say he is. Oh. Wait, what was that? That was a mic. Ah. Dude, I, man, I'm just, I'm just off with my, my voices and my object work today. Get over here, and he doesn't know a mic drop from me. Well, the hand was confusing for me. Oh, this one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I thought that was associated with it. That's not a drop. That's you catching it. Yeah, because if your hand wasn't there. I can't let it hit the floor. You can't. That's what a mic drop is. And it's not a real mic, so you don't have to worry about damaging it. Wait, but this is just, this could be anything. Me dropping anything. No, I would know that's mic drop. You would know that this is a mic drop? Of course. 100%. Alvin. Like, in the comments, leave the comments. You know what we're going to do? We're going to put up right now, and we can keep talking, just a picture in a picture. Right now, we're seeing a side-by-side. We're seeing the way he did it like this, and the way he did it without. And let me know if you think we'll say the left side. It doesn't matter. You get it. Here's why. If you're doing a mic drop, and you're like this, that means you care about the mic. Which is not. This is not very badass. The whole point is you're dropping, and you're out. Fuck it. You're done. Yeah. Right. Okay. Okay. No, I'll step it up. Yep. Thanks. Who was that? Who was that? My publicist. Your publicist? Those are so expensive. I know. I know. Have you gotten one before? I looked into it, and I was like, that much money? Yeah. What? I got it one time for like a month. For my very first special on CISO. Remember what the fuck CISO was? Yeah, of course. So, I hired a publicist for a month, because I couldn't afford. Some people have them year-round. It's crazy. Dude, it's so expensive. They get you interviews on dying media. Like, hey, we got you this Jubilee article. They're give or take $5,000 a month. Yeah. I had a publicist once for an Amazon show. I did As We See It. I mean, I realize I'm going to have to get a new trophies case or something, but I don't let publicists in here when I do podcasts with people, assistants, managers, but I just had Alison Brion, and her publicist is my old publicist, and I like Melissa a lot. I like her, and she asked, can my publicist come? I'm like, sure. So, she came, and she was just sitting back there, and I didn't really, I can't see her from this. I can't see her from this angle, but I did from the camera a little bit back, and there were some moments in that episode where, like, I did two that day. I did Lamorne, and then her, and I don't really know her. I don't know her, and you lose a little bit of energy, so I got stoned for that one. Not crazy stoned, but stoned, and just, I didn't know when, if she was playing into something or when she was a little bit like, huh? She made me laugh a few times out loud so hard. I'm like, oh, this, but then like, oh, then we lost it again, and I, my, I'm not saying this is what it is, but my reaction was, I'm like, oh, this is what it is. The reality of it was, she was looking at me like, this guy's fucking nuts, and in my head, I'm like, this is the way, just do the thing. Do the thing we've been doing. What are we doing? Right. But the publicist, Melissa told me after, like, is there anything, like, I should know? Like, is it going to be weird? And Melissa said to her, yes. That's what she said to me. She goes, yes. Not even getting her into the waiting section of the pool, you know, just like, because yes, absolutely, is a false sentence. Yes, it is. So with that. And Allison's, like, if I never seen anything of hers, and I didn't know what her chops were or anything, there were multiple moments in the episode where I'm like, like, we said earlier about Tiffany Haddish, like, I saw her on stage the other day, and just, she has this, like, of course, she's going to be successful. Yeah. She has this confidence, and she's funny. Right. But that confidence, it's like, there's an aura. She has an aura. She ready. Very expensive. Very much so. Very expensive. $5,000 a month. And what are they going to do? What are they going to do for you? Well, what did you get from it? There's only so much that we could do for us. I think it was just peace of mind when it's your first special. Peace of mind. I'm younger. Peace of mind. You just want to pretend that you've done all you can. For sure. You just throw money at it, and you just want to give your baby the best chance of success. Just to look back on it and be like, well, I checked all the boxes. I did everything I could. We put a, rather than me putting it towards a publicist, we put a stupid amount of money into advertising. We put a stupid amount of money into the set design on my special. How much? A good amount. We transformed. Over or under a million? Over. We transformed the stage into a pizza restaurant. So there's actually like a pizza display case on stage with me. And there's like a table. There's like one of those old school lanterns that you'd see in Pizza Hut back in the day. And like the red cups and everything. The booth. We put like the tiled black and white checkered floor. I'm very proud of the set design on this one. It was actually an operational pizzeria. So while I was doing my jokes, people were taking, we had a brick oven. It's up on YouTube now. Is it up on YouTube now? When this is out. Got it. Makes more sense. I want to see. Cool. Where'd you shoot it? At the Comedy Vault in Batavia. So we brought in a stage. We did like a lot of things. Like we transformed it. That's so cool. Yeah. I mean, you go Pizza Hut in New Haven, Connecticut. Why not though? That's cool too. But I'm just a huge pizza fan in general. So the reason, part of the reason of the special why it's called Crazy Pizza is this one bit. My wife is a social emotional behavior specialist and she teaches kids on and off the autism spectrum improv. And the game that she would play with her kids for years, and she still does, is called Crazy Pizza. And it ties in with different parts of the special. What's the game? How do you do it? It goes, crazy pizza, crazy pizza, what goes on your crazy pizza? Hi, my name is Rick and I put a dinosaur on my crazy pizza. And then everyone goes rawr. Is it something like that? Uh, kind of. And then they go, you're crazy. And then it goes to the next kids and it's just like whatever weird, crazy things you want to put on your pizza. Guitars. So the special is all of these things are things from the special. These are all jokes from the special that have to do with what goes on my crazy pizza. So it's almost like the crazy pizza is a metaphor for your crazy little mind. Yes. So it's like, okay, I'm going to do this and then I'm going to do this and then I'm going to do this. well what webs you said no webs huh yeah just points you imagine spider-man's like you said no webs today we're just gonna have a normal conversation and you had to go and shoot your web do you fart in front of your lady no i'm with him yeah that's okay it's not that it's right to she can't know that i do that see that's how i feel wow would you feel grossed out if she farted in front of you i mean if it happens it happens we're all if it happens it happens we're all spider-man human like on accident it's fine but if a girl it's kind of gross in my opinion if she's like watching a movie and a girl she's like i don't know i think it's funny it makes me laugh it makes me laugh dude if she if she was if you were watching a movie and she lived anybody who lives to do it is barbaric that's why i love you yeah i mean during any sense of intimacy if it's intentional i could see not doing that but i think it's just i i just don't want to be that comfortable and i don't even want to do that i don't want to rip a fart under a blanket and put her under no but that's different that's bully farting dude my mom used to do that to me she used to dutch oven us kids whoa why were you guys in bed together we not there's anything wrong with that i have people getting that as a parent your mom i'm saying would she like get into bed with you like when you were a little kid in kansas we would all watch movies and and shows like in the big bed where the whole family would be watching like that's where like our main tv was was in the bedroom there's different you know there's different social classes and then put it over oh yeah she would think it's hilarious i'm looking back on my childhood my dad didn't fart in front of us my mom didn't fart in front of us yeah you come from a more straight-laced family right i'm kansas i'm kansas trash we're all watching movies in the big bed my mom we should be more freewheeling the whole family my dad would drive me to school and he would uh fart and lock the windows whoa your dad i love your dad so much thanks i i know you do but like out of like the the comedy dads that i've met you know what i mean that would be a great like if you get like a playing a playing deck of cards or it's just a comedian's dads 52 comedians right i got a glassman awesome oh i got a muhammad anwar he doesn't even fart you're throwing your life away the hp is really low on this card he's getting straight a's in mechanical engineering and doing comedy on the side and he still thinks he's throwing his life away but yeah anytime i see your your your dad and your mom i get so happy dude it'd be cool to do uh maybe i would love to do a series of like a month at least or something where my parents are on every episode and i just bring in friends oh i would love that yeah i actually think i'm gonna i want to set that up it's i think that'd be really cool if even if i can stop by just to see them for a little bit i would love that what happened when you said you're gonna do stand up to them how did your parents what was the response what they say how old are you and what you tell them so i wanted to be an actor and i realized i want to be an actor in high school uh like 10th grade or so um but i was playing basketball and like the drama people like they had been doing it since like middle school i felt like so i'll start doing theater in college so in college i was a theater minor and i was doing plays and stuff and i wanted to act and when i graduated from college uh i liked funny stuff but i got i started doing stand-up because like i wanted to be on stage i wanted to perform not necessarily comedy specifically was snl a catalyst at all is that why you got no no um i would do uh i got a mini dv camera and i would make videos all the time i would go around college with all the time and whenever there was a project could i make a video i would always do that yeah so i loved making videos um and i really wanted to be an actor it wasn't snl um i wanted to be an actor so before i moved to california i was living with my family to save up some money i got my real estate license i was trying to do that and i was just doing stand-up and improv theater uh and why were you doing it then just to perform i wanted to perform i've been doing stand-up for probably around the same as everybody else i started in 2007. so i mean i guess that's 19 years minus like a year and a half off for covid um and i always felt i'll be good at stand-up but i never thought i was and not i wasn't like feeling insecure about it either i always felt like no i'll be funny like i know i got it in there and i really think it took until maybe like four years ago where i felt like i'm good at this um but i always wanted to do it because i thought like oh i could be funny because and i'm going to talk for another minute and then i want to know if you guys are really related to this very specific thing i would have sets every i'm making this number up but one out of 50 sets where i was like oh like if i could do that then like i could be good at this steve martin in his autobiography said it's not about being great uh sometimes it's a not about being great it's about being good consistently that makes you good at this and i'm like man so i was kind of always chasing being more consistent at that special thing you nodded you relate to that yeah because early on it's almost like you black out when you're on stage and you listen to it back but sometimes you have you don't understand why you're funny you're throwing a bunch of stuff against the wall and then sometimes you have these magical sets this lightning in the bottle you can't consistently do it but when it happens you're chasing that you're like oh i'm capable of it yeah if this can happen more often you just kind of convince yourself that it is possible and how do i have more of this happen it's flashes of the performer you want to become you you you get the these moments where you're like this is my voice this is this is who i am but how do i recreate this and you don't have the tools yet early on to know fully how you even did it because it's like an out-of-body experience but then the longer that we all do it the more consistently we're like oh i can replicate this over and over because i know how to actually do that because i have the tools now and i have the time underneath my belt you don't know how to harness it it's fleeting it comes once every i think that still exists at least for me i'm in more control but there are some times where you're in a pocket and you're like this is right now it's supposed to be right now maybe you could recreate maybe there's some jokes from it but it's not about recreating this it's so influenced by what the room is and what the people are thinking and how how you started that set and like but now it happens with more frequency yes when you're younger it's just so sporadic that it barely happens and then now that we've been doing it long enough we can capture that with more frequency and we kind of understand our instrument a little more what colors look good on us what is funny about us yeah when you're when you're a comic you don't know you don't know what your strengths are i used to wear a red blazer for every i remember when you first started in l.a you had long hair you had a blazer like you were a realtor yeah and then i had mo i had multiple comics basically tell me like it was like a disney movie they're like the blazer's been inside you the whole time they're like you need to stop like ian edwards was one of the comics who told me because you are the blazer yeah yeah there's a handful of comics that said uh that i they're like you're coming off more as a they said you're a comic who does characters but you are coming off as a caricature when you wear this red blazer and this thing that they're like you're wacky enough yourself wear normal clothes and your jokes will pop better ian was one of the people dean del rey you had real long hair yeah it was down shoulder length yeah yeah yeah yeah man it's a long time ago i was 14. oh yeah we've been doing this for a long time and here we are the three of us sitting on a couch talking about it yeah and and and then people are at home going like this yeah like who gives a like it means so much to us yeah we've all been doing stuff for a long time at this point you know i i i don't not talk about stand-up on this podcast but it's definitely not like much of a it's not a big theme of this podcast right and i know a lot of comedian podcasts talk about comedy for better and for worse and you know sometimes they'll be talking about stand-up and it's a clip and someone will comment like oh comedians talk about the inside but like i get that yeah but this this conversation for me is we're talking about stand-up that's kind of the stage it's sitting on but we're just talking about like to me it's like bonding over something that you know we don't have these conversations with each and we've been doing it for a long time and like there are times when talking to certain friends where like i could remember you in the or standing up there doing it hosting yeah you know like i i like you remember this stuff and it's really like there's a romantic thing about it like man it's we have been doing this yeah i mean i remember comics when you used to go on in the original room that would roll their eyes and get mad well that too but literally hating the world more than you because was dying so hard in the back of the room watching your set tony henchcliffe years ago i mean this was 20 this was the 2019 i think right when i first started he came over we were just going to talk and we hadn't seen each other a little bit we were catching up and it was just a a brief conversation for a second about john and how he tony used to like the way like it was kind of like this he was the he was the heel you know of the uh if if the or was the wwf the wwf yeah yeah um and then it ended up being the whole podcast was that and him talking about the john laughing thing and like yeah i do remember that i do remember for people coming up to me and telling me and me going back and forth with what do i not want him to and i ultimately decided like i know that's john really laughing he laughs like that at other i know how he laughs since i didn't feel it was manipulative i'm like but i do remember feeling a level of insecurity for a little bit of like if john comes are people gonna think this well then yeah there were common i mean i can just tell you there were comics that were i think part of it came from multiple reasons a a jealous place that you had that good of a friend who is watching all of your sets because a lot of us did not have that we all wanted that we all wanted that looking back on it of course we all want to we all want a john dewall you don't think i love that i love that he was there all the time i know and we would also by the way when you're doing three minutes you're there for three hours before sometimes right so then you have a friend that you could just just play with the whole time like we were just laughing so much anyway go on and then a another thing that comics because i they would they'd literally vocalize this to me in other comics they were like they would get upset because they would think that it was almost like tricking the audience and making you do better than maybe you would have without a john dewall right in the back of the room so that there's jealousy on all aspects a lot of it comes down to like it anytime like in the comedy scene like when people have like beef or whatever with other people i think a conversation that can be had that will cancel out like just like there's some kind of ego involved or jealousy or some kind of like common ground that's not being met or agreed upon and that can be solved pretty easily i agree uh and i know that perspective and that episode with tony was that and people have like made clips of especially as tony's podcast has gotten so much bigger people have made clips of it and like you know like the tmz of the podcast world like oh these people can't stand each other whatever and i remember that episode and loving that conversation with him and then at the time i was dating betty who was helping me produce the podcast and i remember she felt uncomfortable about it she's like this is an uncomfortable episode and i'm like i didn't realize that and like other people like that's just having a conversation about uncomfortable things right you can still be friends well that's so much history so also people always are like shocked when comedians can be friends with people who have different political beliefs or whatever it's like you're having a conversation still and you still love the person you're still friends with them even though you can disagree with them that's what i love about the bill maher show dude real time he's had so many people on with different perspectives and it's like i'm interested in hearing yours i don't have to adopt it i don't have to agree with it or adopt it but it's interesting to hear why you're so passionate and how you feel that strongly about it when i can agree completely or not or completely disagree and be like that's crazy but all these hear you out and be like oh that's interesting that's where you're coming from dude those days in the or were there was it was very high school i mean i think that could be that's life i think the podcasting culture is that anybody who's not in podcasting like i'm sure you have your whatever your version of your high school is at your workplace or your social the fact that we were podcasting and we made a joke and our friend was walking by is so high school i have to say something that's crazy i have to say something i asked him to come by you'll put the thriller eyes i asked him to come by i think you've got to cut that out i think you've got to cut that out i think we had the reveal it's fine and i don't know i'm just here do you want me to cut it out you can cut it out he played it so well that it's like it disheartened me when i heard it i didn't know that you were i thought you were doing a thing because i didn't i didn't tell him that i didn't tell you either neither of you knew that the other one didn't know i think you should cut that out that made me sad it was such a magical moment yeah but i was like this is insane there's a fine line between or keep it in i don't know it's fine it's fine buddy you're you're you're questioning a lot on this podcast and you're allowed to you know i'm in my head i i know that's what i'm saying i'm in my head because i a really care about you really respect you and i love the art that you put out and i'm very passionate about my specials so i just i literally i want it to i want it to be seen and people to like it and like i i hear you i i really do uh uh uh i i maybe i've said this to you before but the way i gauge if i like an episode of a podcast is not how i think people will receive it because i i'm wrong i don't know right it's am i enjoying this conversation would i be wanting this if we weren't filming it i do so like whatever i also think there's a fine line between playing into a situation and lying to somebody and i could have told you off camera but i do think it's funny to let people in on that the fact that like i didn't fahim thought that i asked you correct yes yes because i didn't want to hijack and i know this is you're promoting your special and that's why i wanted to talk about there's certain feelings about that and i've been on the other end of that before too i like being knowing what's up because you're like this is my moment am i going to be it's going to split things but then i've heard when i've done that before that actually helps sometimes where you have who cares yeah the idea hand please oh yeah so so i called him last night because i was thinking like because uh we've been planning for probably a month now at least maybe more like hey i can't have you on yet because i have i can't have you on you but your specials out i want to film like a sketcher or something and the one the one that you that you sent me was funny we could have done that um and like i just didn't i've been busy i've been traveling whatever and i'm like well i mean i'm i'm i'm able to squeeze this in and come maybe just come in at least at the like either at the end let's film a promo for it or come on and i'm i also love i've been doing more episodes with multiple people right and i'm like hey do you want to we i haven't asked jeremiah yet but i would love if you came on and he says uh you know you could say it can we cut to my genuine reaction when i saw that it was you theme i was so genuinely happy that it was for him walking i literally let's cut to that real quick what about a clock wipe yeah or like a star wars rick i don't know if this was a good idea he was just outside for real yeah he's walking around were you really just outside it's it's for him come in for a little bit come in for a second did you did were you guys what i know i've said this to you before but years ago fahim made a video where he did a lot of the home improvement transitions and he was talking about like doing a commercial like this final i think it was her final cut right i think i forget what the video was it was a video of you saying you downloaded the transition package from home improvement yeah and it was you know and it was all the things and i thought it was real it was the cheesiest transition i don't remember there's so many transitions there's like stock really cheesy that you would see on home improvement or whatever yes i did think it was real it was the real transitions well yeah yeah i don't know so then in the caption i wrote like like so cool to download the home improvement transition pack or whatever and like you hit me up and you go where do you get that is that is that a real thing yeah i think i thought it was real my favorite uh and this is a very very obscure social media video i think that you posted one time uh years ago uh one of my favorite fahim videos is he's doing these different impressions of different um the the way that different people interview from different news uh syndications and and like newspapers in different place and then he cuts to uh hi uh hudson news and he has a neck pillow and he's like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and all he's asking so many questions from the airport at it is just brilliant as you have that's so nice thanks man do you have it we could clock wipe it's somewhere it's so deep it's so deep in my instagram uh if you can find it we'll we'll put it i remember it was like you can search for it in your iphone now if you type in hudson news it might pull up if you have anything hudson i might have even had a samsung galaxy s2 at the time it was so long ago but i do remember it was asking the president a bunch of questions like cnn and then uh abc news and then some guy like dan johnson hudson news and he just had a neck pillow and a tiny thing of almonds like they're a real news organization man videos but the reason but the reason why i i said what i said about being genuinely happy when i love you and i love fahim and i tell people all the time but like in my opinion and i say this all the time the most underrated comedians in la fahim anwar and tony baker i constantly i love telling people he's so funny i constantly am telling people how when people probably heard him and don't even realize it he does a lot of the animal voices you've probably seen a ton of his videos but his stand-up is amazing he's incredible he's the best dude i tell i i say all the time on stand up on the spot i said he's my favorite guest i tell him that i go he he it's like he is manufactured you too well that's thank you it's like you're manufacturing written material but you're creating it in the moment off of these audience suggestions and for me it's like you're manufacturing written material but you're creating it in the moment as someone who has done the show more than anybody and also as an audience member just enjoys it so much and getting to riff with you guys is that's my favorite too like at the end when it's you and me on stage and the suggestions come because then it's it's it's half the work because i have you there too right because when it's by yourself you're like you feel the fuse going a little bit like okay i gotta say something funny but then when it's two people there's this ease the momentum yeah yeah like you're not shouldering the entire load i try to also like with that show if if you haven't seen it it's it's all audience suggestions that the comics are riffing off of And, uh, when I joined the comics on stage, sometimes I'm, I'm just literally trying to set up the comic that I'm with to explore something. And my favorite is when you're, it's a ping pong back and forth. Cause some people literally like if, if they're not used to doing improv, they'll say something and then they go, they say what their thing is. And then they're like, now you go, like, I said my thought now you go, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. We're building something together. Like it's not you and your own house and me and my own house. Like we're literally building a property together. Right. Yeah. I don't know. If, if, if, if you said something funny and then you went like, I'd be like, funny. Watch, let me do one now. Maybe I'm, maybe I'm not explaining it right. But yeah. No, I think you're saying, you're saying somebody looks, you don't want to, you're breaking the scene as opposed to continuing. It's like somebody taking a suggestion when we're both on stage together and then they say their thing and then they, they literally will stop. Talking and not even a whatever. What do you think? It's literally like, I'm done. Yeah. Now you got my turn. Your turn. My turn. Yeah. Yeah. The best is when somebody suggests something, then you say something and then it gets me excited. Exactly. And then we're talking together and you're like, no, these in and then all of a sudden we're doing an act. It's jazz, baby. Ooh, this will be good. I don't want to. Ricker. Ricker. Ricker. Hit it, Webby. There's definitely a guy back in the 20s named Webby. Oh, for sure. Who was like, like either a piano player. Oh, he's the guy that founded the awards. You think it was a real guy? You didn't even know about the internet back then. Oh. You think it's just serendipitous that the, that it's called the web? Yeah. I think there was a Webby and Sarah. Yeah. Do you think Victor Webinyama has anything to do with the awards? Did I blow your mind or is your eyes hurt? No, sorry. I didn't hear you. Say it again. Oh, do you think Victor Webinyama had anything to do? Okay. There we go. He's going to hear me the whole time. Oh, here. Put those back on. Get over here. Oh. Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. I took the note. McCone had a great note. What was the note and what did you do? I think we're making a meal out of here. You got to throw the in. You got to throw the in away. Get over here and then put an R at the end. I've been saying this. That's what we did originally. Get over here. But you're still doing a lot. Get over here. It's almost like you're saying Eeyore. Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. All right. I like mine better. Get over here. You know what? Swipe. We'll let the audience decide. All right. Go ahead. Voting starts now. Go ahead. It's like America's Funniest Home Videos. They have the thing. Get over here. Get over here. But instead of the text to vote, it's people actually calling in. They're like, hi, this is how I feel about it. This is how I feel. It takes a really long time to like calculate all the votes. I want to have people call in and have people send messages. I just haven't. I've been for years. I've been like wanting to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such an added workload. Set up an email and have people send in messages. I've already did it. I forgot what the email was. I could use this opportunity now. I did it and I had, because I put it on my Discord and people have sent stuff in and I haven't even checked them yet. What is that email address? Maybe I'll do it in a commercial. A commercial or something. Anyway, how many specials do you have now? Four, I think. Why are you so mad? You know what it is? We're getting to the root of it. We're getting like, this is like therapy at this point. I'm very proud of them and all that. But it's almost like at a certain point, you would like to cross the threshold to, maybe it's all optics. Maybe it's the little kid me or when I got into standup, there were certain mile markers of success in standup. Like what? Like when I was. When I was coming up, it was a Comedy Central half hour. That was so huge to get that, you know? And then I can, I was never able to get that. I was just never one of the guys that they did that. And then the, like the HBO hour or Netflix hours or even Netflix 30s. And just, I feel like I'm never considered as so many of our peers who have, who have the opportunity to be on those platforms. I know it's different now with the internet. Now you kind of have to have a following. To even get that. But back in the day, they kind of just like chose people. And I thought I was worthy enough to be in the mix or to even be considered for like a Netflix 30 or 15. I thought I was being humble, eating a humble pie doing that. Like, all right, I'm a headliner, but here's the fit. And they wouldn't even consider me for the 15. So I just have this chip on my shoulder with the traditional streamers or what you will because people be like, man, we're going to get a Netflix special or whatever. Like, even though it means less now, because you can reach people through clips and YouTube and all that. It doesn't matter as much anymore. But part of me is like, I have four YouTube specials and I'm very proud of them, but I'm very aware that like a homeless person can upload a YouTube special tomorrow if they want as well. Yeah. But I will say to, you know, if this helps at all, maybe it doesn't, but you have what in my opinion is way harder to get than a lot of comics who do get the Netflix specials and HBO specials. And that's unanimous respect across the board from comics who are like, this guy does deserve to be in the mix. And why isn't he in the mix? It's like a show that doesn't get a second season, but it has a 98 critic score. Yeah. You know, it feels like having NFL talent, but you're not allowed to play in the NFL. So you're athletic, but you have to play a sport that you're not the best at. I don't see how that translates. No, it's like XFL. I'm trying to think. Like the trampoline dunking? No. Say you slam dunk, slam ball. I love that. That was wild. I love that. And those people are athletes. Yeah. They are. They're just, the hoop is just easier to get to. I always think about when you watch halftime at a basketball game and they're jumping off trampolines and they're dunking. Yeah. They act like they dunked without a trampoline when they land. They're like. Dude, I don't know, man. That's scarier to do that. You're getting higher. A trampoline? Yeah, because it's, you're, you're going, you're going above and beyond what you're naturally able to land from. Nobody's able to jump so high that they're. They're worried about landing. You can handle the land. They're practicing on crash pads and everything. So they know what they're doing. Okay. Listen, this is your, this is your, this is your time. This is my take. My take. This is your take. Yes. If you slam dunk from the ground, then okay, you can have that bravado. But if you have springs. And they're going. Assisting you. But they're going through flaming hoops. I'm not talking about flames. Homosexuals. Excuse me. Flames is a different thing. They're wearing big costumes. I'm just talking about, no, these are just regular guys jumping off a trampoline. No, they're not. I'm telling you, man. It's a dangerous game. Excuse me. Watch this. Watch what he could do. I don't know if I picked it up. It's disclosure day. You auditioned for Spielberg? I can also. I just realized I had a dream. I can burp in and out. Like as I inhale and exhale. It's a one-line, you know. Many tricks. Yeah. You know. I can literally like breathe, like reciprocate, you know, whatever it's called. Circular breathe or whatever. Circular breathe through burps. That's like Carney Kenny G. Carney Kenny G and phones with no televisions. Put some sax music behind that. I'm sorry. It's all right. I thought you wanted a demonstration. You can cut it out. It's like getting blown without a condom for, you know, for a while there. Hold on. Let me just go like this. Yeah, so I'm proud of the specials. I am. I am. I am. When will we. When will we. When will we. When will we start actually recording the podcast? This is. We're almost done. This is it. So Fahim. So the reason I bring this up, Fahim didn't want to get in the way for you. Not saying that you would, but, you know, people are conscious of that. Like, oh, this is. Is Jeremiah going to be feeling this is his episode? Yes. I don't want to say that. And my thought was, I recognize that in case he is. I also thought even if he did feel that way, I don't know if you would feel comfortable saying I'd rather Fahim not come on because that just seems like that's a shitty thing. So there's no way of really finding out. So I'm like. I don't know what the answer is, but let us go for like 45 minutes. Come in at the end because I love that anyway. It'll be a change of energy. And the reason I didn't tell you is because I had it set up that he was going to go get him. And I thought if I couldn't think of something organically, I would say, by the way, I want blah, blah, blah, blah. But I felt like something will happen where I can make it seem like a fun thing. And it happened organically. If it was a friend that I didn't know as well as Fahim, and it would have been maybe I would have been. It's Fahim. But why? But why though? I'm kind of the same way though. I need familiarity. That's how I feel. If it's someone I don't know. All the time. I do episodes with people that I've never even met before. I love that. But that's. It's your podcast. It's your podcast. And that's the theme of it. It's not the theme of it. But people are expecting that you're interviewing people you may not know. And that's part of the intrigue. I've become very close with Eric Griffin and Adam Ray for multiple reasons. But I attribute a big part of it over the past seven years to podcasting. They've been on my podcast a lot. We got to. And then we do stuff outside of it too, but being forced to be in that situation situation. And I've been doing this more with other people. It's usually people that are friends with each other or at least know each other well and there's no bad blood. But I just think it brings a different dynamic, not for better or worse, but since you've been on so many times. So this is my third time. I think it's your fourth time. Is it? I don't know, but I don't know. Maybe I've done years. We've just podcasted a bunch. We've podcasted a bunch, but it's more so I think that I'm excited to come on the show. It's been years since I've been on the show. So I just, I also want it to be good where like, if you be thrown a different person, there's a chance that the dynamic isn't as good. I'll riff with anybody. I would prefer to bring somebody on and not have it take away. So like, I agree. I guess I just don't think it would. I can't imagine if I'm friends with you and then I have another friend who either, you know, a little, you don't know at all. And I think they're so funny. And I think it would be cool to be with the three of us. I have, there's no, I would be shocked if it didn't work. I don't know. That's your confidence as a host. You guys talked about being on stage together. It's better when you like having, it's great to have that moment up top, but then it just, it's a different thing. Not for better or worse. It's just a different energy. And when you're like, I don't know the energy. I'm like, this is a perfect example of why I actually wanted for him to come on. Sure. In addition to like, he has a special and I want to be able to talk about that soon, but I really want to start doing more hangs. I like a hang. I mean, the hangs are fun. I want to do more. I want to do more hangs. Some of my favorite episodes have been, I know I've been doing a lot more now because it's been so great. When Brent Morin and Adam Ray come over, we just get stoned. Right. Right. I just, it's just, we're just kids hanging out. I'll bring pizza next time. Great. We just don't eat into the microphone. There's a lot of people. That's sounds. It's not specific to eating sounds. It's certain sounds. You can cut out, you can cut out the burp thing. No, I don't feel like that's so over the top that that's fine. That one doesn't affect me. There are some sounds that really affect me chewing probably most of all where like it really, it really makes a person who, who feels this way. It's not that it's just annoying and distracting. It truly fucking stop. It's crazy. It really shut the fuck up. Like it really, it's wild. And I've talked to friends about this. I've heard common strangers, Tom, who animates for this podcast is that way. It's just, it feels emotionally, it feels like you're disrespecting me. I don't know. And they have no idea. Yeah. What the fuck are you doing? Close your fucking mouth. It's like, it really, and like, you can't do that as an adult. So you really, so you either just do this and you become resentful of the person or you say, Hey, I'm so sorry. Could you either spit your gum out or chew it with your mouth closed? You know? And it's like, yeah. All right. You'd go back to thinking about his coffee. Anytime somebody says, they're thinking about my coffee. When somebody says, I've said on this podcast numerous times, did you just eat something delicious? And most of the times that I can remember, have you noticed this? I feel like they go, huh? And I go, oh, nevermind. I thought I heard you. And I don't think they ever know what I'm talking about. Have you heard me do that? I know, I know the bit. I feel like, I don't know. I don't realize, I guess, if they clocked it or not. There's a fair amount of, uh, uh, clock wipe. There's a fair amount of jokes that I continually do. Not because I think it's funny that people don't get it, but because I'm convinced eventually I'll, if I keep doing it, I'll find a way of having it work. It's almost like a stage bit or something that you keep on trying. And eventually, I think every comic has that bit that they've had around for years. Oh, tell me one of yours. I don't, I don't, I don't know if I have one. Oh, I mean, I've stopped doing it, but I tried for a long time. Well, let's see if we could, Jeremiah and I could help figure out, crack it. Maybe it's too gross. But does it involve somebody licking your fingers at the end? No, it might be grosser. Okay. Just the thought of when people are in the desert and they're trying to get water and stuff. You've heard of people like drinking their own pee in, in dire circumstances, right? You've heard like they're on an Island or whatever. They have to drink their own pee. But then you never hear about anybody drinking their own cum. Like, okay. All right. No, no, no. That's fine. That's fine. Nevermind. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. All right. That's disgusting. See, you're just proving it doesn't work. I'm just saying it's water. Like, why do we draw the line? Why is pee okay? I'm not saying I want to do it and I'm advocating for this. It's not water. It has water in it. Is the act out in the desert? No, there's no act out. Maybe that's the problem. I need to act it out. You need to act it out. And you could jerk off to a picture of Barrage Simpson. Who? Mar-jodge Simpson. Just to be clear, I wasn't really grossed out at the cum thing. I was making fun of when people get grossed about it and stuff. And I always think, oh, oh, like, what are you just saying something? I know. When I eat dinner and there's a blood scene or I'll watch the pit and I'll eat dinner and it's not a. Yeah, but you're a, you know, you're, um, you, you're an engineer. You have an engineer brain. What does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? Well, I don't know. If you have the brain, you could disassociate. You know, some people will open up a plane and they'll be like, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, I can compartmentalize very easily. I've had girlfriends before where. But could you fit your luggage in the compartmentalization? Yeah, I could. It's a big plane. I could do all, yeah, I could put it up there. What were you saying? I remember one time I wanted to watch John Wick with my girlfriend. And then she goes, no, a dog dies. Oh. And I'm like, yeah, at the beginning, they don't show. The dog's not being held up by henchmen and getting. Beat up. Like, where are the diamonds, dog? Like, a 20-minute scene beating up this dog. It's just a plot point. And. Where is John Wick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, Fido. Where is. Where is. I'm gonna break your po. I'm looking for the boogie, man. Mikkel, you're not gonna believe this. It didn't test well. The dog torture scene didn't test well. We see a huge drop-off. Listen, doggy. Where is Wick? Woof, woof. Woof, woof, woof. Stomp on his tail. Woof. Stomp on his tail? Yeah. Get the cigar, Carter. Yeah. You know what I don't like about dogs? It. Like, it's not that. It's almost off-screen. They radio it. It's just a plot point so that this guy's so angry that you are okay with him murdering 300 human beings. That's how much we love dogs. Yeah. That, like, one dog life is worth 400 Russian-Ukrainian henchmen or whatever it is. There's a big difference between the two, by the way. I know they're at war. Yeah. But in the movie, I forget who's, like. They're just these guys. I don't know where they're from. Yeah. They're just leather and they go. Tell Boris. But for someone who can't. Who just won't see an entire movie because they allude to a dog dying, that's too much, in my opinion. Well. You're not that much. You don't have that much empathy. It's almost performance art. Well, then fart in front of her. Can we not talk about this? Yeah, I should in front of Alvin. Is he the. I love. He's so sweet. He's so sweet. He was so welcoming when I came in. A lot of times when I come into a house or whatever, the dog. Do you ever drink it? What? When you come into a house? No, because I haven't had enough water. Question for you. If I asked, would you like some water? And you. If you were. If you were thirsty. Yeah. And I said, here, let me get you a cup of water. And Jeremiah showed you, showed him that he had some water left in that still. And he offered that to you. Would you be like, oh, don't get up. I'll just drink from Jeremiah's water bottle. I would never. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Wait, did this happen? Yes. What happened? Earlier in the episode, you tell him. I would love to hear your perspective on this. I don't even fully remember anymore. I blacked out like 20 minutes ago. I kind of have a bitter about this. Go ahead. Where like, it's so funny. It's so funny that toddlers don't know what a unit of sharing is. They'll eat half of a Ritz cracker. And it's a nice thought. But the toddler doesn't know that nobody wants half of a slobbery Ritz cracker. He thinks that like, you take. I'm sharing. Like, oh, thank you. I'm full. But you don't want to, you don't want to, you don't want to negate their gesture. Yes. Thank you so much. That's a very human quality. They're learning. That's great. And you go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But just because you're so young, you're so young, you don't know that half of a Ritz cracker is not something someone wants. Well, there are, I know people that would. Who? David Sullivan. He loves half a Ritz. He loves, you give him food. He'll be like, oh, thanks, man. Oh, wow. Yeah. A slobbery Ritz. Listen, if it's slob, if I were to eat a half a Ritz, I wouldn't have slobber on the other half. Well, you have teeth. This toddler, I don't know if he has teeth yet. I don't think toddlers without teeth eat Ritz. Well, it might be gummy. He may not have all his teeth. Maybe he has like three of them, you know? So you say that he's putting his gum on them. I'm saying when you don't have teeth, you're not going to get a clean bite. I'm asking if they would put it on the Ritz. What about? We have to end the episode of this song now. Putting on the Ritz. While you're doing that, go ahead and plug your special again. My special is called Intrusive Thoughts. It's my fourth special on YouTube. Naheem Anwar. Why are you so upset about it still? No, I'm not. I think it's, I'm very proud of it. It's quality. I'm clipping it up and all that. It's just like subscribe to my YouTube. That'd be great. Truths of thoughts. And check out the rest if you want. Comment. You're not making any eye contact with me or the cameras when you say that. I just want to call attention to that. Oh, okay. I was like, I was like battle rapping. All right. Yeah, it's called the truth of thoughts. I would love if you guys checked it out. I love you, Rick. Thank you for having me. Thank you for always being a champion for my stuff whenever I have something coming out. Make them need to check out your Instagram or YouTube channel. I need you to check out a truth of thoughts. It was a year of touring. I got it tight in every city and I'm very proud of it. There you go. I shot it myself. Huh? That's the. Oh, okay. You're a good director and I'm very proud of it and I shot it in the main room of the comedy store. It's a beautiful room. It's my home club and it's a great celebration of these jokes that I spent a year, year and a half touring with and you get to watch the final product for free and I have my back. My catalog of specials on there too and if you subscribe to my channel, it'd be awesome too. I upload weekly and thank you for having me, guys. You're my friend. You're my friend and just so grateful to be alive and with all of you as well. Fahim, I head off. Will you start singing Put on the Ritz while he plugs his again? My new special, Crazy Pizza. I could not be more excited for you to check it out. I poured my heart, my soul into it. I wrote it. I directed it. Funded it myself with my production company, 1000%. We did original set design. 1000% production. That's good. That's good. And I directed it myself. It's my favorite stand-up special that I've made yet. It's over at youtube.com slash Jeremiah Watkins or you can search Jeremiah Watkins Crazy Pizza. Or just go in the description. Click the link. You know, make sure that you comment Alvin or one of Rick's accolades under my comment section so I know that this is coming from Taiso. And thank you guys so much for supporting Rick and supporting me and Fahim. And love you guys. If I. Keep doing that. If I started a podcast, you didn't know me very well. You've never seen the podcast. And I have this guy on the couch. And he always is doing that. And I say, listen, I know you're going to think we're fucking with you. You can think this is weird. Don't talk to him. He's just a buddy of mine who wants to be part of it. Sometimes he sings a little bit and we can lower his microphone. But just, I don't want to acknowledge him. And then he just does that for the full hour. I think that would be a really fun game to have on a podcast. Do you? I think so. And whenever they talk, we edit out if they talk to him. Seriously, don't. Yeah, don't even look at him. Just let him do his thing. Eventually you would get used to it, right? Of course. It'd be like background noise. How long do I. All right. Conductor too. Well, this was great. I'm glad that McCone found you outside. Yeah, me too. I was wandering. When you. I noticed that when you. Nudist. Jeez. I mean, talking about dicks on the brain. I noticed. Oh, you went dicks. I thought tits right away. When I think of a nudist colony, boobs. Because you can have boobs out. I went dicks. Really? Because you can have boobs out at a non-nudist colony. I think boobs just logistically are hard to be on a head. Dicks are always head level. Like if you're sitting and somebody's standing, a dick is more closer to your head than boobs are. Yeah, but if you're standing, boobs are closer. And I'm standing more. Yeah, but you're taller than boobs. Most guys are taller than boobs. Phones with a new. I already recorded the other ones. You could have your boobs out at a lot of beaches in Europe. Yeah, you can have your boobs. But you can't have your penis out at those beaches. Right, but you can have your boobs and eat them too. Yes. Yeah. But what I'm saying is at a nudist colony, what separates that from just a beach with boobs out is you also see vagina and penis. And to me, penis is. More like. Is a bigger statement than a vagina. Right, right. And I'll tell you why. The vagina insides. I'm not talking about that. I'm just saying what you see from the outside walking by. When you see a penis, you're seeing everything you see with a vagina plus more. You're seeing this. Now you're seeing it with a penis and balls. That's why I was thinking about penis with nudists. Fihim? Yeah, we just. I think we're more accepting of boobs than. dicks. Dicks is a lot. Because women wear shirts and you know there's boobs there because there's bumps, you know? I have no idea if you guys have dicks. Exactly. There's so much mystery with dicks. When I think of a nude beach, I think of boobs right away. Wait, your dick can't be out at a nude beach? Oh, buddy. Your dick can't be out and soft at a nude beach. It could be hard? I think so. I think that'd be alarming. If you're walking around hard, there's no way that's allowed. I feel like he flip-flopped it. There's no way that's allowed. I don't think you're allowed to be jerking off, but if you get hard, it's kind of like during a massage. You're not supposed to get hard, but if you do and you don't be creepy about it, they say it's okay, it happens. I think as soon as you get hard at a nude beach, you're getting asked to leave by somebody. Depends, dude. If you're cool, if you're funny, if you're a hot guy. No. You know, if I'm nude at the beach and I'm hard, girls would probably be like, ew, that guy's hard and his fucking dick is big and I don't want to see that. But if like Brad Pitt was naked and hard, girls would be like, that's the guy from F1. I want to drive his stick. I like how you choose F1. Like out of his whole catalog, some girl's like, that's the guy. What do you think of him from? Troy? Benjamin Button. I don't want to see Benjamin Button's dick. Fight Club. Yeah. World War Z. 12 Years a Slave. I think of F1 and the other one I said. Wait, is he in that? He's in it. Yeah. He helps build the house or the. the church or the wood stuff or something. Oh, I'm thinking Inglourious Bastards, the other. He's in that though, right? Oh, that's saying a derogatory name. 12 ways of saying a derogatory name for slave. I had an old joke about 12 Years a Slave. You want to hear it? Yes. So, you know, when they do movie reviews, they're pretty snarky. They have all these puns and stuff. But with 12 Years a Slave, if someone didn't like that movie, a critic, they would have to have kid gloves on it. They couldn't be as snarky. They couldn't be like 12 Years a Slave. 12 Years a Slave felt like 20 Years a Slave. I felt like I was getting whipped with the pacing. I'm going to start doing that as a joke on stage. All right. Dude, that's really funny. But I mean, when a piece of media is so old that you have to prep an audience like, you guys remember 12 Years a Slave? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like when people have impressions of people that aren't relevant anymore, they have to find some type of setup and say, man, I remember growing up and watching all sorts of cartoons. Do you guys remember when when when the whole Hillary Clinton or Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky thing? Like, what's going on? You know, it's like, what? That'd be funny to do a whole act of just really outdated material and don't address it. So talk. Go to Reno. Go to Vegas. Here's the way you do it. That's literally what like, here's the way you do it. Look at yourself aware, like a wink with it. You go up on stage and you trip and you fall and you hit your head and people are worried and you get up and you're and you realize you're okay. But that, but you're literally living in whatever the year was that, that you're doing your material from. Wow. What year is it? 1994? And then you do your act. Yeah. I don't know if you say that, but I'm openly saying it, but that's the subtext. I like more the idea of like discovering that throughout. But yes, that's a great way to title it. Just hitting your head really hard and then hitting the mic and then everything is 1994. Yeah. That lets him in on it quicker. Yeah. Funny. That is, I like that. Thanks. Can I, can I have that? Hey man. No. Whenever I see somebody doing a joke that is, that, other people would never even think that it was close to mine, but I'm like, there's something there that's similar. I will probably stop doing that joke. That's how scared I am of that. For a while, I think to the detriment of me being able to build an act, I think for years, it was so important to me that I was not doing anything that other people are doing and vice versa, that I would be doing stuff that nobody else was doing for the sake of that. Whereas like, I'm filtering out so many things that this is all that's left. And it's like, what I'm doing is so unique, but like, there's a reason nobody else is doing that. Falling asleep on stage isn't funny, you know? Like, so for a long time, I was experimenting with stuff and trying to do stuff because I felt, I don't know if insecure is the right word, but something in the range of like fear-based of being like somebody else. Yeah. You wanted to be so singular at any cost. You go, well, no one's going to do it. No one's doing this. Yes. Yes, but it wasn't because I wanted to be singular as much as it was if I saw somebody else doing something else, I'm like, I can't do that. You know, like singular because now I'm not doing what other people are doing. Because I was very sensitive. When I would, to this day, when I see somebody going to the bathroom and if somebody goes to the bathroom and somebody on stage goes, hey, you know, if they don't come back for a while, they took a shit instead of a piss. It's like, you can't even do it. Do you think a crowd thinks that's original? Yes. That's, that's what kills me. They're like, oh my God, but it's the hackiest thing in the world. Yeah, I think there's certain comedy club riffs that are just so innocuous that we know them all, but like, Boyer, my arm's tired. I mean, I'm literally making fun of it. I thought you made that up though. Yours is like vaudevillian old. This is on the, this, it's all the same thing though. If you're not recontextualizing it and or acknowledging it, then I do feel a little bit like, do you think I'm stupid? Oh, by the way, But this isn't a taping. I could see you. This is real life. oh yeah yeah yeah let's go through all of them see if you can remember all of them like if you're not clapping right now you are that guy yes oh don't worry about it by the way this one is maybe like you'll get this on your way home and they'll knock people do them sometimes do you know any do you use any oh I think they're lifelines sometimes yeah see people I don't subscribe to that I think they're lifelines when on the road dude there's certain here's the thing I've done I think we maybe all of us have maybe not some horrible rooms on the road where the audience you are babysitting the audience more than they are there for the actual comedy show and there are certain things that like the just like a check in with people that you have to like wake them up in weird ways like one of them like that I use sometimes it's probably like one of these kind of things where it's just like I just did my joke and you guys are reacting to me like a painting you know what I mean like that kind of stuff where it's just like it's commenting on how bad the room is but just to snap them into this isn't a pre-recorded bit this is me being present with you like oh he's actually here he's actually here and like even like the you said something about the taping I say something like this isn't Netflix or something you know I've done that many times before where like I go into the crowd after like if they're just like watching they're not they're not a comedy savvy crowd they're literally just there for a show or somebody dragged them there or whatever and they're not a good comedy crowd so there's different weird tricks that you know sometimes you do that you're like when you watch the setback you're like this is I hear you I there's they're so distracting to me being somebody that has seen him so much well yeah that if I say something right that sounds like that to me I become in my head like I feel like I'm not being authentic and it's not because saying it is a wrong tool to use it's because it triggers me if I do if I if I if I have my own that are authentic to me I guess and I'm sure there's probably something that I say that other people say that I'm not saying it because I've heard them say it it's that is the thing where I'm like you as a comedian if you came up with that and you didn't hear other people saying it or you made your version of it sure but not everybody you know like there's and there's and also there's just so many of them where I'm like I also felt you know on the other end of that like I used to not even repeat my own material for probably 10 plus years I would do a different act set every time because I felt like oh I already said this I can't say it again so I'm like really far on the other end um but yeah developing an act and having your go to's I think these are these are emergency scenarios that crop up enough when you do the road because you get that mix of people who aren't there to see you so there'll be a drunk guy there'll be and you just have these these plays to handle a heckler or whatever that was a strong snap really do it again everyone could do that I just put out a crowd work documentary recently where it was the Friday late show oh is it out I remember you were you were filming something I think I think you filmed something with me right in the I don't know if you put it in the thing oh I did put that thing in the thing yeah remember you went around to also comics at the comedy store that was and you got their take that was one of that was I've done like a handful of these crowd work documentaries when the show is unique enough where I'll put in my own interviews of different things that happened during the night but I did this Friday late show that's called the nightmare heckler and it was one of the worst audiences I've ever had and it was me drowning in the night for my hour and it's me digging myself out over and over and over because I keep getting heckled constantly there's people that are drunk there's people that are too high there's people that are just like just every thing in the book that you can think of happened during this show it's it's so interesting as young comics you get in a stand up comedy think it's all about jokes and all that and it is but then when you're very early on early on in your career you do the road and no one knows who you are right so these people are just going out for a night of comedy comedy is so different music everyone can generally enjoy but comedy could be so specific and so so many times a couple will just show up and there's like a group of people they're drunk so much of the job is just babysitting in those first early years you get some jokes out but a lot of it is just crowd control and you're just there to shovel mozzarella sticks in the people and drinks the club doesn't even really care he's super cheap people will come to the show I think that's moving food and beverage and it's a growing pain is part of it I think that's one benefit of your career trajectory of how you honed your voice with your podcast and your audience where I think you on the road you're not you in those years of early headlining I don't think you did as many of those hell yeah no yeah I didn't travel my I mean I did tons of shows here smart and focused on on this you know what I mean and also I from maybe it's a high maintenance thing but like I didn't want to drive six hours or fly somewhere and share a gross room with a friend of mine to break even so I can practice what's that even no I didn't want to do that I did it I tried it and I'm like I hated it for that same reason not that it doesn't have value it absolutely has value but to me it wasn't worth it I'm like I want to wait I'll stay here do stuff with the podcast I want to and I'll do and doing three 20-minute sets is not the same sport as one one-hour set and I always knew that but I didn't really I've only been touring now properly for like two years I've never loved stand-up more I've never loved it more than being able to do 60 70 minutes and do this kind of stuff but I do not feel like oh man if I could do it back I would have I would have done the road more I don't want to do it smart about it your trajectory has been great I'm curious when you do the road now you have like it's been growing and stuff you have fans who are there to see you what is the split would you say well that's what was so weird about this this crowd work doc I did the main contributing thing was a fan that was wearing my merch that set it off in a horrible direction he ended up throwing my merch at me at my face on stage why he and I he I was riffing about he was just too drunk he got sloppy and I was like I could also kick you out and then he went nuclear he's like I bought your merch you don't treat me like this I love you more than anybody Jeremiah I was like I'm just kidding you're making a scene it's all good it's like Eminem stand literally bro that's the end you're breaking my heart Jeremiah that's the through line of it call your dogs off yup that's if you watch it you'll be like oh wow why is this a documentary as opposed to just the set like are you doing because it's interviewing me and what I'm thinking where I can't articulate fully of dude there are so many things that like during the show I can't even talk about there's a woman that I didn't even notice that is literally hating me until 20 minutes in the show then she goes she goes like this guy sucks like all this stuff you see her and like we captioned her and everything and then it dawns on her 20 minutes in the show she's not a stand up fan she goes oh it's the audience he's fast he's really good it took her it took her 20 minutes into the show to see me distinguishing all the fires in the room to then be like I like this guy but the first 15 or 20 she's like why is he making about the audience and all this stuff and like that's kind of crazy she even came around I know and the fact that we had a camera angle of it like it was bizarre so that's it's a prime example of a hell gig of like there were fans there to see me literally wearing my merch and one of them turns against me and then one that is wearing merch in the front row couldn't have been a nicer guy the whole show so you see and then there's other people who have no idea who I'm there who are just there for the show that's why I always say everywhere I go like you know I really like Jeremiah I just don't buy his merch I keep telling people that buy mine I should get merch I don't have anything oh you need merch for sure I don't think in like what would it be yeah you don't do it unless you know you get out of intention you do something if you have something you want to do you could say my other you could say like my name's Faheem and I'm sticking to it you think people would buy that I think they believe it if that's what you're asking dude I've been needing to pee so bad I almost squirted out pee out of my shorts just now not on your couch or anything but I kept it inside go pee we'll end it you know Pete Holmes when he has to pee he just says I got to pee and he goes right during it I love it I've talked about it on numerous podcasts people have to pee just go pee this is this is this is what we were talking about before about like like you feel like you need to make sure when you talk to somebody that you're making sure that they feel okay yeah you gotta go pee go pee you could even do this if it was like 20 minutes and be like hey I'm gonna go pee you could keep it rolling or if you want to stop it or something I would go like this yeah but at this point at this point in the podcast like you like I'm like oh is it but then does it end on the how long have you had to pee oh a while right yeah you go pee I don't even know what I've been talking about for the last hour let's I've been holding this in I love it - I love this. You guys can come back again, whether it's the three of us or one-on-one or other groups. I really love doing this. I wanted to have more. I've been wanting to do more group stuff. - Save it. - So I guess, theme music. - Wait, do we snap? One, two. ♪ Scoot-Doo ♪ ♪ Blabbity-Blue ♪ ♪ Scoot-Doo ♪ ♪ Oh yeah ♪ - Support for this podcast comes from Progressive, America's number one boat insurer. We've all made mistakes on the water, but there's one mistake you shouldn't make, being uninsured. Quote today, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, number one rating based on 2024 filings with state departments of insurance.