Jay Jurden Returns

- Wave. - I found out this past year, some people think I'm mean. You're not disagreeing. - I can see how we got there. (laughing) (upbeat music) - Jay Jordan, how you doing? - I'm doing good. - Good to see you. - Good to see you. - How you been, what's the news? - I've been very good. Last time I saw you, I was in the seat at a theater in Los Angeles, and I said, who's that at that desk in that movie? - No. - Yes, that's the last time I saw you. - Yeah, I was up there. - Yeah, you were traveling, Jack's setting. - I was up there, I was up there. - Now you're in New York. - I'm in New York City, New York USA. - Yeah, I'm proud of you. - It feels good. - Stay and put for a second. - Barely. (laughing) Barely. And if everything is on track, I should be getting strepthroat again in the next week or two. - Okay, good. - I've been getting strepthroat a lot. - Wait, do we have that on the calendar? For Caleb? - Yeah, we make sure. - Yeah, yeah. - Let's get that put down. Yeah, I should be coming in a second. - Good, good, good. (laughing) - I don't know what it is, dude. I think I'm gonna have to get a tonsillectomy. I'm really pissed about it. - Wow. - I know, and I'm not good at sitting still, which I'll have to do for about three weeks. - You're gonna do the thing where you have a middle school event happening to you as a grownup. (laughing) - Yeah, tonsillectomy. - That's coming from me. - First cast. - Yeah. - For everyone has this sign. - Yeah. - I'm gonna get brave so soon. - Hey, everyone. - Are there invitations for Caleb's bar mitzvah? Are they going out? - We're going out. - Yeah. $50. (laughing) - I still love money in a card. - Really? - Oh, yes. Sometimes you do a show and a very sweet producer. Sometimes with a dude. They won't just hand you cash and drink tickets. What they'll do is they'll give everyone an assigned personalized card with the spot pay in it and you go, ah, this is so nice. - Those girls are growing somewhere. - Yeah. - There's an art to producing a show. - Yeah. - And those girls who take it serious like that, they are going somewhere. - You know, if you want that to happen on a show, you know what you need? Girls with big old glasses. You need some of these joints. - And even more than that, a lesbian. - I said what I said. - 'Cause the lesbians. - What did I say? - The lesbians and those big glasses take it very seriously. - Yeah, why the glasses so big? They look in, they have been there. - Yeah. - They can see everything. (laughing) You think you can't miss a clitoral hood when your glasses is big? - No, it's not happening. - It's not happening. (laughing) - I love, you love lesbians and you talk about all the time. I love lesbians, we talk about all the time. We both discuss fashion influences and cross-cultural exchange. Kind of like the Silk Road, really. If we're talking historically, the cross-cultural exchange between lesbians fits and gay men's fashion. And how sometimes lesbians will say, you dress like me and then gay boys, no, you dress like me when really we should all just be having a good meal together. 'Cause sometimes it is a little bit of a spat. - Yeah. - I mean, the reality is lesbians are dressing like men. That is what's going on. - Yeah, but sometimes a man sees a lesbian and goes, oh, I need a dress like that. - Of course. - Which is just a man saying I should dress like a man. (laughing) - No. - That's what it is. - No, no, no. - These lesbians think they invented a tank top with trousers. (laughing) I love y'all, you are so important to me. It is not reality. - No, no, no. - That started with men. - Wait a second, no. Christopher Columbus discovered this new world. (laughing) - I love Christopher Columbus. I'm glad he's finally getting this deal. (laughing) - Big, big, big fan. - Caleb really wants, we start not only he's gonna love this episode. That's he's gonna love it. All the people who go, what? National who day? (clearing throat) When, is there a holiday? Is there a recent holiday that you have been going up for? 'Cause we're talking about Columbus Day and then became Indigenous People's Day. Is there a holiday you're going up for? Like a federal holiday that you're excited about. - No, I don't care about holidays. The only holiday I really celebrate at all is Thanksgiving. - Okay, I love that. - And it's only 'cause I love that meal. - I love Thanksgiving. - That's it. - Do you have stuffing any other time during the year? - No. - Okay, you save it. - Oh yeah, it's just for that. - Sometimes as a sudden black person, you could have dressing a couple of times a year. - Of course. - You can, you can. - Yeah. - You can have cranberry sauce more than once. - No, it's just for that. - Yeah, masturbato's happening a lot though. - Where do you go for Thanksgiving, Jim? - I go. I've cooked in our apartment, I've gone to my husband's place for Thanksgiving before my husband's like back home when they go to Alabama and like the big, they had one of his aunts had like this big house, like big, like a big old house on the farm, not historically big. (laughing) - A big house on the farm in Alabama. - I did. - And I know you have a white husband, so. - I saw the gears turning. (laughing) - What was going on at the house, Jim? - No! - Jordan Peele was there, he directed me. No, it was, you know how like in the 2000s, there were so many like the suburban sprawl, like really crept out. And so I wanna say, in that spot between like Huntsville and Nashville, there was just all that land. And so then people started making huge. And so like one time we were on this like big, like I think there was, like off, I think there was a field, and you know when you go to some Thanksgiving events, and everyone takes a picture in like the big field, like it was like one of those houses. So we went there, and when it's that much food, the food is okay. There is a certain amount of people where you have to bring in professionals if you want the food to be great. 'Cause it just, you're not a professional cook. You just aren't, I don't know why so many people think they can cook for a lot of people. - You can't, it's impossible. - It's impossible. - The maximum amount of people, and I've seen this happen. Eight people, that's max. Eight people is the maximum amount of people you can really cook for if you're not a professional. - Now see, you lost me there. - Really? - Because let me tell you that. - Well, if you need to understand it, my Thanksgiving at my house, we have, we feed about 20, 25 people. - Okay. - But however, we have. - Wait, Caleb's kitchen? - Two grandmas, a mom and aunt and two uncles in that kitchen going to town. - Yeah, okay, that's enough. - If people bring stuff, yeah, so it all works out, but it takes an hour. - I'm getting it for one person, you can go and cook for eight people. - Sure, yeah, I understand that. - If you got four people. - Yeah. - Yeah, I say you can get 30. - So there it goes, okay. - What do you contribute? - The house. (laughing) - Caleb has gone full boomer parent. - Caleb's there, what did I contribute? - The mortgage? - Hey, hey, hey. - Dude, my family is full of good cooks and I am not one of them. I didn't get it. - Dad, that's funny, but I was like, okay, I feel you, man. - I can cook, I can cook, I get dinner for me, but I can't, like the stuff that my family can cook. I don't have like a big, I don't have a turkey, I don't have a big casserole recipe. I'm just helping out. I'll throw in, I'll say, hey, you want me to chop that broccoli for that? I'll do that. - Yeah. - That's all I got. - Okay, that's something. - I'll chop, okay. I'll chop, I try to stay away from the, I'm not interested in the dishes. I'll do them if I really have to, but I'm not interested in it. - Hey, hey, you know what, this dinner is coming with a side of gender roles. - Yeah. - 'Cause you just say, the dishes. - Well, here's the thing. - You say, I'm not talking to them. - The women in my family love to be martyrs and I like to let them. (laughing) - They like to, they like to be in their, you go, can I help with the dishes? 'Cause you know, you have to offer. - Yeah. - And they don't know, sit down and you go. - All right. - I do a, I do a little bit of, do it. 'Cause yeah, and they wave y'all. - You just want me watch the lines? - I watch the lines, no worries. (laughing) - Oh, I forgot, I forgot, ever since our last chat. Now you're kind of, what's going on with you being, you're a Kelsey now, unofficially, right? - What do you mean by that? - You're part of the polycule, right? - Same word to me. - Your brother husbands with Jason Kelsey. That's your brother husband. Am I making this up? - In what way? - Y'all married. - Me and Jason Kelsey. What is giving you this impression? - 'Cause where's this bit stemming from? - How comfortable you are with his wife. - Now I love Kylie. - Z, don't say it like that. - No, I love Kylie. - That's very Brooklyn of you. I think I got more of a fun gay cousin to both of them. - Okay, all right. I was getting brother husband. (laughing) Every time I watch y'all, I get, once again, that's me being suddenly. I go, I wish y'all could figure this out. - Yeah. - I see y'all laughing, having a good time. - She has a gay husband and she has a real husband. Straight husband. - This is the role of the gay cousin though. It's the coming, you wish. - I watch. - You're trying to push your freaky polyagendon, everybody. You're alternative lifestyle that you and your husband live. - Kissing strangers in Mexico City. Who is that hurt? (laughing) - Who has that hurt? - Right? To that I say, Ke'an. - Yeah. (laughing) - Y'all don't date other people. Y'all just fuck other people. - We have dated other people. - Wow. - We could date other people. - Wow. - I see no reason why you shouldn't at least have the most amount of fun that you can handle. You, you, Caleb specifically, you don't wanna do that. I would never tell anyone to open up their relationship if they didn't wanna do it. - I would tell people to close theirs. - Yeah, yeah. - Close it. - Yeah. - Close it. - Nobody. - I'm very comfortable telling people what they should be doing. - Yeah. - I think it's an exciting, I think it's an exciting opportunity for me. - I think it is, it is fun when you get to tell people, I don't like that. And they go, we're gonna do it anyway. (laughing) - But also, I live, so because I live in Harlem, I can be silly and escape all of this. You have to be in Brooklyn with all of it. - Yeah. - That's, that's the difference. - You almost don't even recognize it anymore, like a fish in the ocean. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What is water to a fish in the ocean? - Yeah, and you are a hostess, and you're going, there's so many three tops. - Yeah. - Why is everyone-- - Everyone's a three-top. (laughing) - Or a four or five. - It's a logistical nightmare. - Yeah, it's bad news. - I also understand that like because, because like I have a joke in my current hour where I say, me and my husband, we are not poly. We are not poly, we are not open. We're what's known as cool. All right, you remember, people usually just be cool. - Yeah. - Like, sometimes I think we are in a bit more be cool territory than like spreading the gospel of being poly, 'cause being cool, that's fun. Being poly, now it's capes and balls. (laughing) Being poly, now you got to say, hey, do you want to meet my lizard? - Yeah. - That's different. - That's how it gets weird. Jay, what have you been up to lately? What's going on with you? - I just got back from Portland, Maine. My second time in one and a half years, Proud to Report, saw even more black people this time. - Yay! - That's right, they were just walking around. And I shouldn't have been stopping them the way I was stopping them. - Yeah. - But I was. (laughing) Come here, come here, come here, come here. Hey, take a picture, real quick, all of us. Okay. - Have you seen those videos that have been making it across my desk of the black guy who goes up to black people that are with all white people and checks on them? - Yeah, yeah. - Have you seen these? - You should do that. - One of my favorite, I love these videos. - 'Cause what you have to do is you have to let him know you're okay, but also give him some, hey, I see you fellow black man. I'm good, thank you for checking out, by the way. 'Cause you know who usually does that? If you're a black comedian around the country, the black person who checks on you and white spaces is usually the bouncer at the club. Like if you do a club, or if you do a room, or if you do a show, you know, like sometimes comedy is just, comedy is still sometimes very segregated. You do a room that's a lot of white people. Your goal as a black comedian is usually to be like the black staff who work the venue whether that be bouncers, bartenders, servers. You want to be like, I want me. - Right. - 'Cause I, thank you for coming. Thank you for buying tickets, but. - All right? - Yeah. - When you go, okay, that's Leroy, you're good. - I feel the same way, by the way. - Oh, yeah. - Of course. - I'm trying to get, not just because they're the black folks in the room, but everybody working. - Yes. - I want to get everybody working at the club to laugh 'cause I'm like, they see this shit every single night and I know they hate most of the comics who come through here. If I can make them laugh, it's whatever. - We had a beautiful moment like that in Kansas City where two of the people who were helping with transport from the venues into the airports when they liked any of the jokes, when they remembered any of the stuff we said, I was like, yes. - Oh, when you did you off? - Yeah. Of course, that's my, that's one of my favorite things is making sure that this happened. I was in Jersey. This young black girl bought tickets to see me and she brought her to older parents. These two fun, but very church-going black folks. It was Sunday night. I was like, I knew y'all went someplace before. And so they came to the show, they loved it. When you get older black people to enjoy your stuff, especially as a black comedian, especially being from the South, I'm like, oh, thank God. 'Cause you can only tell, you can only tell so many jokes where you like the fact that people are laughing, but you're like, okay, I wanna make sure this kid like, I wanna make sure my mom or my auntie could laugh at this too. Sometimes that's just like what I want out of things. That's why I still, I still write from that vantage point. Like I have two jokes, like in the thing I'm touring right now. One of them is, I tell a big dick joke. I tell a joke about a very big dick. And then I say when my mom first heard that joke, she went, you were just like me. (laughing) 'Cause that's what I want. And you get that, there's a, when you're a queer comic, there's an older female companionship and a kind of rubric for funding. And that like you do want, like were you making your mom and her friends laugh when you were younger? - Yeah. - Exactly. So that's like kind of shit that I'm also still like, I still want that. I love making everyone in my demographic laugh and all the people who love my stuff, but like if you get an older black woman to laugh, or if you can get her to be like, no, you're not supposed to be saying that. If you can get one of those, you're like, yes. - Yeah, that is the best. - Yeah, so I was in Maine, where else did I go? Oh, I went to DC, I was in DC during the UFC thing. - Did you go to the UFC thing? - So me and Nate had tickets and then he, okay. (laughing) I'm joking, I'm joking. I made a very good hockey joke about Nate Bergowski. People were mad who he was at the White House. I said, he told you he was a predator's fan. - Hey, that's a great joke. - That's a great joke. - Hockey boys love that joke. I didn't go, I passed by where you could see the archway over the White House and how can I say this in the meanest way possible. Everyone who was there for that event, you knew it. - Yeah. - You knew it from the shoes, from the shirt, from the smell. You saw a person going to that event, they didn't have to tell you they were going. - Yeah. - You were like, oh good. - I tell most of those things, oh yeah. - You and have fun. - Yeah. - Have fun. - Yeah, I was in DC, but I was in DC, I was in DC just for shows and they were wonderful. I have like this moment where a guy who like, I like, remembered from something, he came up to me afterwards and he has a queer person on the internet. Sometimes, gay men, please remind us of where, it doesn't have to be the full story, but if you just, hey, we talk a little bit, just hang, we flirt a little bit and you know my friends, so I was like, 'cause you see them come up for the picture and then you, I'm racking my, I'm going with, how do we, we, we didn't, but in my head, I was like, I don't know each other. So just gay men, just, I don't know, what would you, what would you say would be the best way to be like, hey, we message for a little bit or hey, this thing. - I think just saying that. - Yeah, right? - I'll say I got a really annoying one the other night where I was out at gay bars with my friend, which I don't usually do, but I'm trying to get better about saying yes to stuff that I don't necessarily want to do. - Except for being poly, but we keep asking them. - Not doing that, we the collective. - Not doing that, but I, I was out and this guy messaged me that I afforded with for a long time. We've never been able to meet up. He was on the upper east side out of in Brooklyn. It's probably not gonna happen, right? So it's been like months of us being like, would be really fun to fuck, wish we didn't live eight miles apart or whatever the fuck the distance is. And he messaged me. - Which ones get in New York? - Everyone who doesn't live in New York, don't think kale was being a flake. That is so far in New York. - I'm not going to the upper east side. - It's so far in New York. I came from Harlem to Brooklyn to do this podcast. I left yesterday. - Yes. - It's been, and this is, this is work. - This is, there's Asim Brooklyn. - There's, listen. - There's people to fuck on the upper east side in the Brooklyn. - There is so much Asim Brooklyn. (laughing) - The Asim Brooklyn. Now, this, now it's not always washed, but the Asim Brooklyn. - Hello. - The Asim Brooklyn. Sometimes you go, hey, rinse this off again. - Yeah. We're stepping there for you. Hop in the shower. - Hey, hey, hey, you know what'd be crazy? If we shower together. - Yeah. - Let's start it out. Let's start it out. - You know what, I'm feeling like I need a shower. - Yeah. - You want a shower? - And then they go, no, you go. - I think we should. - Well, fuck, if you go from Brooklyn to the upper east side, that's like given. - Right. - You're gonna need it. - That's a commute. - Yeah. - You basically, you took, I mean, this person had to take the literal on the ground railroad. - Okay. - J. (laughing) - They had the fall of the drinking gore to get to the house. - Please. - Please. - But this guy that I've been fighting with forever, doesn't say, he messaged me the next day on Grindr and says, I think I saw you last night at this place. Was that you? And I said, yeah, why didn't you say something? And he goes, oh, I was pretty fucked up. And I'm like, okay, that doesn't mean we have to go home together. You come say hello. - Yeah. - Are you like, what's not? - I click that, piss me off. - Well, because that's a fun serendipitous moment where you go, oh, we've been mentioning for a bit. How marked out, holy shit. Are we finally in the same bar? I'm a little fucked up, but you can steal some kisses. You could smudge a little bit in the club. - And you can also just say hello. And then we can have met in person for what we do actually. But then he's, and then he's messaging me, what are you doing this week? Can we get together? I'm going, well, no. - We were in the same room last time. Are you crazy? - Because you were like, I can't meet this. I'm gonna get stripped, throw. I got stripped. - I got stripped coming up. - That was your stripper appointment, actually. - I got a podcast for Jay. - That was your stripper appointment. You supposed to catch stripped throat from him. - Yeah. - Yeah, that was supposed to happen. - Would have been beautiful. - Yeah. - Would have been completely beautiful. - I'm trying to think of the last time I had like a fun run-in in the club. I went to a friend's birthday party and a guy who used to like, you know, some gay boys you flirt with, and you're flirting. But man, you go, damn, how many pictures you got saved. You can send me, you can send me new stuff every day. I don't, I don't, I don't got new pictures in you every day. - Yeah. - I can take one, but then that's a whole different thing. We're like, they're just got, they just got a gallery. They got movies. - I'm immediately turned, well, there's two things that turn me up. 17 different angles of your naked body and everything. I might turn it off. What's left to discover why I might be doing this? - Okay. - And a video of someone else fucking you. I'm like, ah, I didn't need it. - Sometimes a video, sometimes the very sexual kind of, do it yourself porn video is always like, that's, you have to request that. In my opinion, if you're sexting with someone, you're gonna be like, hey, I want to see you get fucked. - Please send me the video you might have. - Yeah. 'Cause if you just send the video of like active sex going on, now I'm looking at everything. I'm going, it seems like there's a lot of people in this room. (laughing) - This can't be the only one of these videos you have. - Yeah, I mean, clearly, you know, there's an operator, there's a lot of stuff going on in some of these videos, and then you go, wait a second, we don't know each other that well, I got this. - Yeah. - I, you know, tell everyone gets this. - Yeah. - I go, this is out there. (laughing) - I go, this is not, this is not bespoke. - Yeah. - This is not, 'cause this is what people used to say. They used to be like, oh, well, you know, I gotta go in my hidden folder. If the hidden folder is that full of stuff, that's crazy. - Why's it hidden? - Yeah. - If everyone's been in here. (laughing) Why are we hiding folders? - It's not hidden. (laughing) - So funny. - I also, I also feel bad for that guy, 'cause clearly he's a bit, maybe, maybe I'm psychoanalyzing. Maybe he's like, maybe he likes the long drawn out teas of all of this, 'cause if we're talking, and I see you in a club, this is my personality. I'm gonna go say, hey, what's up? - Hey, how's it going? - I'm so in this crazy way here. - Yeah. - Even if I'm fucked up. - In his defense, I think he was probably feeling anxious 'cause he was on some shit. I don't know, I don't do that, so I don't know about it, but I'm not actually mad at that guy. He seems lovely. I just, it is confusing to me. It is like, I'm like, I would, every time, had I seen you, I would come say, hello no matter what. - Yeah, yeah. - But I also wouldn't be super fucked up if it was hard. - I'm the, I'm the tourist for saying hello, and then leaving. - Yeah, I love a good, hey, I'm gonna go back to my friends. 'Cause that's me going, I got friends. - Yeah. - Just so you know. - Just so you know what I'm up to. - You see these people over here, who mad that I'm this fucked up? - Yeah, these are my friends. (laughing) - Yeah, they're about to put me in a car home. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They're scared. - They told me not to come over here. (laughing) - They're worried about me. - They actually, they got mad because you're the third person I've come up to tonight. - Yeah. - Hey, we've been talking for a while. - You see those people over there pretty soon, I'm gonna walk into a room. And they're gonna be sitting in a semi-circle of folding chairs. (laughing) - Kay, they think I have a problem. - I came over to save me. (laughing) - Save me. - I'm also notorious for not going out enough. This is public, public apology. Caleb is one of the kindest people you will ever meet. - Jay. - I'm so happy to have him as a friend and he throws the best parties, the best events. My dumbass is usually doing something, the stand-up comedy slur related. So I do apologize because I want to compliment you on the costume parties and the get-togethers. There was even a point, this is what happened, too. Last week, you actually gonna be like, for real. So I was in Union Square. And you were gonna go to Beauty Bar. Beauty Bar, they said, "You can't come back here." They closed the back room. - They closed the back room here. - I was gonna show it. I was gonna pop up and be like, "Hell about it." No, I never come out. I was right there. You said, "Oh, we probably can go to someplace else." I said, "Can't make it." - Hey, that's it. That was your one-shot. - I love Beauty Bar. I think it's so much fun. It's one of the first places that I was like partying and doing, they would do comedy sometimes there, but then sometimes you just go to drink. And it's like this silly kind of, it's fun. It's a fun little gimmicky spot. I love it. I was gonna show up. I was gonna show up. I know this is me being, this is me being, though my biggest fear is me turning to my dad. This is me being my dad. 'Cause I'm going, "Hey, hey, sport, I was gonna be there." - Yeah. I had every intention. - Hey, hey, hey, look at me. I'm proud of you. - Couldn't make it. - I'm proud of you. I saw your um, your um, your um. - Not the snaps. - I saw, what I see. I saw your Netflix special HBO. - Not the dad who couldn't make it snaps. - I saw your Netflix special HBO. - I'm proud of you. - Please. - Can you, can you, can you give some information to somebody for me? 'Cause I got some, I could, they could, they could change it up. - Uh-huh. - But, happy birthday. - Yeah. - For the year. - Yeah. - Couldn't make it. - Not happening. - Ah! - I was hell, man, okay, I was gonna bring a friend. - You can't be hell-bent if it's a hell-bent. - I was hell-bent. - If one location changes, three you off the cent. - This, I said, I said, I don't know, this is it. It's, mind you, it's a 20-minute walk. - It is a 20-minute walk? (laughing) - I was hell-bent until something came up. - I said, I'm gonna move, heaven there, earth, I can't do it. - Yeah, I can't do it. - I can't be there. Really, really wanted to do it for you. - But then that night, I did get to hang out with, you know who's notorious for making me hang out longer than I expect? Lisa Trigger. - Oh, yeah. - She'll do that. - She will. - Lisa, this is what Lisa does. You have a thing, y'all hang out together. You start packing your stuff up, she goes, where are you going? She has a person who goes, where are you going? You go, I'm about to go home, she goes, I got a blunt. I got a joint. - That's it. - You go, wow, curl. - It's always the blunt, yeah. - I have to. - Yeah. - If I don't, I'm, first of all, I'm being rude, secondly, well now, this is worth staying. And so then, you start smoking with Lisa, then this is what she's gonna do. She's gonna tell you who she got in a fight with that week. - Yeah. - Which I always wanna hear. - Yeah. - 'Cause I'm like, damn what they do. - Yeah. - I'm always like, yeah, get 'em, get 'em. - Well, I have to tell 'em it's something she did. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Something about summer always makes you wanna be out doing things all day long, whether it's going on walks with friends, coffee in the park, concerts, or just being outside more in general. And every year when summer hits, you realize you just want clothes that can actually keep up with all that. 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Wow. Get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated site map and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers at squarespace.com/show-true-for-free-trial. And when you're ready to launch, use off-the-coat-so-trids kind of JFK robot. Use overcoat so true to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So sometimes she'll get me to stay. She was at my house recently and I was about to kick her out and she said, "Should we smoke a joint in order from food?" And I said, "Yeah." And then it was it. And you just know it's the framing. She knows when to deploy it. Yeah. And she says it as if it's your idea. She basically, one time I was walking, we were walking from a gig. She said, "Where do you gotta go?" That's low down. (laughs) I said, "Wait a second." Where do you need to be? Where do you need to be? It's that scene in Love Simon with Jennifer Garner says Simon. You can breathe now. - That's what Lisa Trigger does for me. - And it works because I never do want to stop hanging out with Lisa. - I don't. - I'm always into it. - You, 'cause guess what? We gonna smoke a little bit, we gonna have some french fries. - Yeah, oh god. To be high right now on eating some french fries would be so fucking beautiful. - Okay, you know what, I have discovered now that I've come into the tiniest amount of money. French fries at a pool. - Yeah. - Oh my god. - Yeah. - Oh my god, french fries at a pool with a drink. - Oh my lord. - Wow. - You think being rich is having up stairs. That's why you think. - Yeah. - In Mississippi someone be like, we're going broke. I go, two stories. I believe. - You're fine. - Yeah. - Hey, won't you sell that story? - Talk about the house. - Yeah, once you rent out that time room, you can have a tenant. So now, I think, and then because I have done this a few times, you're going vacation, or you go on a gig and you spend the extra day there, you go, oh, I'm gonna stay on Sunday. If you have French fries, no, I don't know how they do this. No matter the fry, it could be, it could be double fried, it could be batter, you know, the ex, the exgema fries, the fries with the, with the skin, okay. Or it could be like the McDonald's, like copycat shoestring joints, fries by a pool. I just, I feel the best. - But you know what they're never doing that they need to get into it. - What? - Okay. - These places are never doing curly fries. - Okay. - And I'm glad that you brought this up because one of the last times that I had curly fries by a pool, I think it was on a gay cruise. - Really? - I did a gay cruise. I did my first gay cruise. They, okay. Now I'm realizing they weren't curly, they were just gay. But I, when I had curly fries, I had curly fries recently that I got happy about. There was a restaurant that had curly fries, they had tots and curly fries. Why does the places do that? Why does the places, they'll be like, oh, we have regular fries, curly fries and tots. I think- - I'm never complaining about blessings. - No, no, no. You shouldn't have those regular fries. - Yeah, yeah. I'm on with that. Get the regular fries out of here. That's fine. - 'Cause who, who's seen the curly fries in the tots and then going- - There are people, Jay. - Could I- - There are people that do this. Sickos. We walk amongst sickos. - Okay. This is, okay. Do you feel about poly people? That's how I feel about these folks. - Yeah, just a little confused, but ultimately, okay, with it? - Well, if God gave you curly- - Yes. (laughing) - No, I'm ready to punch somebody. - Yeah, yeah. - If God, all three, if God gave you curly fries and tots, this is when I become a Republican. - Yeah. - Why are you also trying to include these straight fries? - Do you know what they need to be doing is putting- Someone needs to serve curly fries and tots, shaking up together with some seasoning on them. Serve that. That, someone must be doing that. If you're doing that, hit the comments. I'd love to come page 9. - What am I using? - Call that. 'Cause heaven. - It's like texturally, it's a fun, it's reminiscent of when the onion rings sneaks into the fries. - Yeah. - Burger King used to do that. - Yeah, on burgers. - They didn't have a lot of quadly control to some of the Burger King's in Jackson, Mississippi. - Yeah. - You'd be like, it's a couple onion rings in here. - Yeah. - You'd be like. - And no worries. - I'm not bad. - Burger King's onion rings make me so sick. (laughing) - I've tried them in many cities, many times. Every time I go, I think it'll be different this time and every time I feel horrible. - Out of all of the problematic things you've said today, that's the one that legal's gonna be like. - Hey, we gotta get that out of here. - Hey, hey. - They're trying to run some ads. - Hey, no more. - Just so you know, they, you almost lost it all today. - Yeah. Almost lost everything for that one. (laughing) - No, they do make me sick. I can't do it. Onion rings in general, actually. Maybe there's something up with that. - Do you like a blooming onion more? - I'll do a blooming onion. I'll do the onion rings. - So just feel bad. - Yeah, yeah. - That's one thing about me. I'll feel bad. No worries, if I need to, I'll feel bad. - There are two places in New York that I know I'm gonna order, if I order these wings. - Yep. - The next day. - Yeah. - I gotta build, I gotta build some time in the schedule. - Morning can't be booked. - Morning can't be booked if I'm having this tonight. - Yeah. - You know this thing. What, my husband, that's how long we've been together. If my husband sees me eat more than the handful of cashews, he goes, no, Jay. He goes, Jay. I'm like full-learned, what is it? Is that a home alone? - Yeah. - Kieran Kalken. - Yeah. - Sip and Pepsi. No, and I'm gonna piss the bit. That's how I get with cashews. I go. - You're pissing the bed off cashews? - No. - No, no, no. I'm not pissing the bed. It's just that like, I'm gonna complain. I'm like, why am I stomach hurt? - Yeah. - I had cashews. And I don't ever just have like a few cashews because I love them. - Yeah. - They're so good. But I think it's like, the amount of oil in them, I don't know. That's like my dietary restriction. - You're hurting your tummy, huh? - Yeah, but my taste buds, they told me I can have these all the time. - Do you cook? Yeah, I cook a lot. - What do you cook at? - What's your number one meal? What's your signature meal? - The thing, I can make better than a lot of people. - Better than a lot if I came over, you would make it to impress me. - Ooh. Well, I would want to show off something southern. - And I can guarantee you that I can make you a fried chicken thigh sandwich that will be better than you have had in anyone else's home. - I need to get involved. - Fried chicken thigh. - Yeah. - Okay, we're also talking, I can give you a slaw if you want on top of that. - Yeah. - Also, we can make fries there too if you want. I don't necessarily want the fries. I would like something, I would like something green. I know you have a, the famous clip, let's get a green crunch, but I would love a green crunch. - Tell me bun to bun what you're doing on this fried chicken sandwich. - Okay, bun to bun. All right. So we start with Martin's potato roll. - Yes, we do. - I understand. - Yes, we do. - There's an inherent sweetness to the roll. - Amen. - It's wonderful. Toast up beautifully, do this. - Shoulder content? - Yes. - So that's, but that's at the very end. So this is what we get. We get a boneless chicken thigh. I know. I'm going boneless. I'm not taking the bono. I'm going boneless, skinless chicken thigh. - Yeah. I'm flat, patum dry, okay? - Of course. - So we're going, the dredge will be like, we're just regular flour. And then there'll be some panko in there and some corn starch. And then for the spices, salt, pepper, garlic powder, garlic powder, onion powder, white pepper, probably then some oregano and cayenne. And then for the dredge, or as far as the wet, doing buttermilk, because people all got about buttermilk. When you buy buttermilk, it's this much buttermilk. You are buying buttermilk to either make biscuits or fried chicken. The people who go, I don't want to have my fridge. It won't be in your fridge a long time. So you do that. You do a little bit of hot sauce in the buttermilk. - Okay. We're kind of hot sauce. - So we have Louisiana at the house. You could do Louisiana. You could do crystal. You could do, what do you like? - A crystal's what I would go with. - Okay. - Louisiana, I fuck with that. - Yeah, yeah. - You know. You know ball. - Yeah. - So basically, you dip it in the buttermilk and then you dip it in the flour. And then you dip it in the panko and you want it to get very crackly. And then dutch oven, lacquer set, 375, a lot of oil, canola oil, seed oil, sorry, arcade junior. So we're going, we're going canola oil, canola oil, beautiful name for a baby girl. So. - Love her. - Love her. - I think that's who, that's who, in that who Lawrence got pregnant on that final season of Instagram, canola. - Yes. So. - Canola oil. Yeah. - What's that baby girl like? - It's not the snaps. - But it's hard snaps too. When you get, oh, your hands get dry. Snaps. I don't got it yet. When I finally get to it, rough, sandpaper, nothing with the whole hand too. It's like the whole thing's involved. Or isn't they starting to get mad at you? You know I'm talking about it. - Yeah. - You know who I'm talking. That's your cousin. - Uh-huh. - What's that girl's name? - Yeah. - So. So canola oil. So then we fry probably two thighs. We're going eight minutes, eight minutes, yeah, because I want to, because you, listen, I'm gonna say, blood people fried hard. - Oh. - Fried once in fried hard. - Yeah. - No, no, no. You never want to be like, this is a soft fry. If a black person says they want it fried hard, they want it fried to smithereens. You know who fries their wings hard? First try. DC improv. I had some wings, old bay on the wings. Mamba sauce on the side fried hard. - Who was that? Have you had the chicken wings at Union Hall? - No. - Me? I think it was Sydney, Washington. Me and Sydney were going the fuck in on the chicken wings at Union Hall recently. We're backstage. I had joked on stage. I said, "Someone on staff, please bring in order of chicken wings at that backstage, because I hit someone from the audience's weed vape got way too hot." - Yeah. - And then, I saw a girl, I saw a girl with a vape. - You guys know we all come to show. - I'm saying. And then I got in that green room. They brought those chicken wings and me and Sydney were, we were going, we said, we flagged the server down and said, "Please bring another one." - They were eating. - They were eating. - They were eating so loud. Someone on stage said, "Hey, you two." - Yes. It was, they were so goddamn good. - Are they, are they, they do those there? - Yes. - Okay, shout out to Matt Kelly at Union Hall. - Shout out to the chicken wings at Union Hall. - Shout out to Matt Kelly. - Matt. - If you're involved with the chicken wings, you can have a shout out. - He thinks Matt's back there frying. But then we fry, we fry the chicken thighs, we let them rest on a wire rack. And then you could do, like, we could do mayo base or we could do a yolk. yogurt base, straw with some cabbage, red cabbage and carrots, and so then you could also go hot honey on the end of that or whatever hot sauce you want, and so then you present that to Caleb and he has a good time. Yeah, I'm really into this. I'm putting a slice of cheese on there as well, so you know. Oh, what kind of cheese? Cheddar American. Really? Cheddar American. My husband, you know, he's into now, he loves pepper jack, we can't keep it in the house. I actually had pepper jack cheese recently, a couple nights someone sent me a block of cheese as a gift, and it was pepper jack and I ate the hell out of it actually, I was really into it. You listen, when you get, when you have some crunchy ass fans, you have some crunchy fans. Yeah. Someone sent me pepper jack cheese and I ate it with some more crackers and sausage. What's the craziest gift that, what's the gift that you've got that you're grateful for when you go, "Why would you, what is, I want to know this." Oh someone, to this day we don't know, to this day we don't know, someone sent us an espresso machine. What? We do not know who sent it, no one will, no one will claim it. What? We've asked everyone we work with, we don't know how we got it, and it has not been used. We do not know how we got this espresso machine. Like, 'cause you don't know how to work it. Poor Michelle runs out and grabs coffees every single time we do a show. Michelle. Shout out Michelle. This was amazing, if you made this. Shout out Michelle. With the espresso machine. I wish you did. I wish you did. No, we have the espresso machine, we do not know one will tell us if they sent it. Wait. No one? No one will speak up. Who? Not even the brand? No, we don't know who did it. Is it one of the, what's the brand? It's, uh, Nestle, letting the, like the new spread creamy, whatever. Okay. Oh, can you make ice cream from it too? Well, so that's the thing is they also sent us an ice cream machine and two vacuum cleaners. What? I didn't know all that. I need one of those vacuum cleaners. Two vacuum cleaners. It's not as a focus from things to be like, hey, look, yeah, yeah, something happened. I don't know who sent them to this day. If you sent the so true team, uh, an espresso machine, two vacuum cleaners and an ice cream maker. Yeah. I'm begging you to speak up. We want to think. Yeah. And if you sent the parkers and the poetry, thank you for that as well. We appreciate that as well. But we want to know who did it. No one will claim this victory. That's a lot. Yeah. That is, that's expensive. I know. Can I write it off? What they didn't do is write a letter because we don't know who sent this shit and it actually forgot about that. That's crazy. Comedy royalty. Kate McKinnon returns as Queen Mortunana in Headswell role. Air apparent. The highly anticipated sequel to Audible's fan favorite original comedy series. She's flanked once more by co-star Emily Rinne and a new star-studded ensemble, including Richard Kind. Lori Metcalf, Jimmy Fallon, Megan Mulally, Sam Richardson, and Carrie Kuhn, plus an extensive cast of other comedy grades. Queen Mow is back on the throne and air apparent and facing her greatest challenge yet. Produced an air before her 40th birthday or lose everything and spend eternity eternally as keeper of the minstriiary. Part medieval mayhem, part razor sharp social commentary, Headswell role, air apparent, is a fantasy comedy for the ages. It has everything. Brad Wives, molecules, Saskatchewan mercenaries, milk people, towed on mole romance, a child named Barbara. Seriously, everything. Don't miss a moment of Kate McKinnon and a killer cast in Headswell role, air apparent. See the child or see the throne. Listen to Headswell role, air apparent available now on Audible, go to audible.com/Headswell role series to start listening today. This episode is brought to you by, oh my goodness, what a treat. Booking.com. Folks, a lot of us work hard. Not everyone in this room, but me in particular. And I deserve some rest in relaxation. I love clearing my calendar and go in vacation mode when I can, when I'm not in vacation mode, I'm vocation mode, as in my job. Booking.com is here to help you do the same. Picture this. You're sitting in the back seat of your office carpool car and bumper to bumper traffic. Just claw on your damn skin off. Wondering how the hell is this my life? How did this happen to me? How did I become this guy? I swear I was going to do something and I'm just like my dad. At that moment, you open your phone to booking.com. Next thing you know, boom, you're sipping a my tie on the balcony of your beachfront hotel in Miami. Sound on your skin, not a care in the world, and you think to yourself, how did I get here? I'm nothing like my dad. You got a smile on your face. Answer that question. Booking.com. That's how they make the entire process smooth and simple to get you onto your next great adventure or just your next great knee, nap on the beach. Booking.com makes searching for your next day quick and easy, my nickname in high school. Their website is quick and efficient, showing you all the best options for whatever type of trip you're booking for, whether it's a mountain cabin, get away in the Rockies, or a vacation home with a pool in the deserts of New Mexico. Booking.com has you covered. Once a destination gets into your head, booking.com is a super easy way to get there. Go on, book that trip. It's easy. Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. A espresso machine. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Think about it. I'm the crazy. What's people, what they will, what have I gotten that's like, sometimes you know when people like make a little, when everyone was making the Taylor Swift bracelets, a lot of people watch shows were making me bracelets, and sometimes they'd say like my name, and sometimes they would just like say a reference to a joke, and so one of them like says slut, and I was like, whoa, okay, all right, thank you, but now I got a, I got a, where is this? Not out of time. Yeah. I'm trying to, people bring comic books for me to sign because I wrote a comic once. Yeah. So that's very sweet. I like a slow bracelet for you. I think that's cute. Yeah, yeah. I would like to see you wearing that more often. Okay. Maybe I will. Okay. Look, little slotted bracelet. Yeah, slotted bracelet. Why not? Made crafted by, it's not children making them. No. No. Like, because the person who strung it together made it. Yeah. But it is like a child like arts activity. Yeah. For sure. One time I had to craft during a podcast, and I love the comic who I was crafting with, but everything felt the pieces. It was too, I'm going to say it, there's two boys. We were bad at it. Damn. Two boys. To the role strike again. Listen. I don't like it. I wanted to be good at it. Yeah. And we were trying to tie. We couldn't tie it off. Everything fell apart. Yeah. The bracelet's terrible. Yeah. His bracelet was all loose. No, yeah. You know. You know. Why would they really give me the HBG? Yeah. It's a bad feeling. Yeah. And the way you felt, that's the way I looked. He put it on. He said, do you like it? Dude. Dude. Let's say we can't do this. Yeah. This isn't going to work. It's bad. Yeah. Not a loose bracelet. We look silly. A loose friendship bracelet. What? Woo. But that's telling about the friendship. Yeah. Doesn't fit. Doesn't fit. Isn't right. Won't last. Won't last. Not long for this world. The friendship and the bracelet. Oh, my Lord. I think that we were talking about friendship earlier behind the scenes, behind the scenes. I'm trying to be a better friend. I know we're talking about this with the party. I'm trying to show up more for friends. I'm trying to also just be aware of how I come off. You don't get this from me because we go along. I found out this past year, some people think I mean. I can see how we got there. No, do I think you mean absolutely not? Absolutely not. But I think this happens to a lot of opinionated people that are loud. Yeah. I get this all the time. I'm actually not being mean. I just disagreed with you. Sometimes when I was doing a show with Gianmarco and Tova, I said this and this is another thing that let me know, wait a second, Jay, maybe check in. I said, everyone who says, oh, Jay's the nicest person in the world and then Gianmarco goes no one saying that. No one is. No one. No one saying that. No one said what you want to say, but that first part, no one saying that because I was trying to be like, I can be very direct. And he was like, no, people know that. No, we know. People know. Yeah, we've seen the directness. I saw it. So can Gianmarco though. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yes. Can you hear me? Gianmarco loves to like, Gianmarco loves to say something with like a raised eyebrow and a curled lip. Yeah. You know, like he's, there's a cunning, there's a cunningness to Gianmarco that you're like, what are you angling for? He'll say something and you're like, what's the note behind the note, Gianmarco? Yeah. Every, you know, you can, it's part of why people think he's gay. Yeah. Is that he's beguiling. Yeah. You know what it is, there's a level of subtext that a lot of straight men sort of don't ever try to engage with that he, because he was raised up in the theater among people who basically had double meaning their entire life. Yeah. Like, so he gets, he's, sometimes he comes off very captain hook, very scar, very jafar, because a lot of, a lot of straight men will run directly at the wall of the point they're trying to make. And Gianmarco will do this sort of queer coded thing where he's like, well, don't you think it would be interesting? Yeah. You know, it's, there's just a kind of like, there's a, there's a touch of the ear curl of the lip that's like, oh, that's a little queer. And it's a trailing away of the volume and the thing. Yeah. Every now and then. Well, don't you think it'd be interesting if, you know, it's like, oh, okay. You can tell that's the way he was given notes by a queenie director in all of his productions drama. I like the choice, but I think if we did the choreography as a blow off. Yeah. What? What you were talking earlier about friendship bracelets and it made me think of jewelry and you've got some good jewelry on. I want to know what is your most prized possession? - Oh, my most prized possession. - Most prized possession. - Oh my God. - What is the thing that you're like, if I was running from a burning building and then I could only grab one thing, what would you grab? - Oh shit, but the burning building's my house. Not some place I'd be in your house. - Okay, yeah, yeah. 'Cause some of them just run it from a burning building. - Yeah. - 'Cause I don't want to get caught. - Well, you're always, yeah. You're always in a burning building. That's one thing about you. - Well, let's stop going to gay boys. - Yeah. - So I, hmm, I think in my, well, I love my wedding rings are on me. So is it something on me or is it something, 'cause these are like almost always on me. - Are those your most prized possession? - No. (laughing) - And I love him, and I love our hair. - Yeah, I know he's very special to you, yeah. - Yeah, and he does buy me nice stuff. Ooh, there is a, there's a photo of me and my mom that, there's a photo of me, my mom, and my sister, my brother that I love, that I really, really would want to hold on to for a very long time. I'd be very hurt if that went away. Some of my husband and I is wedding photos. We have a, I mean, but like everything's digital now too. So I don't, I'm trying to think of like physical, physical thing. You have a, you have a Q card in there from late '90s Seth Meyers. My first Q card from Fallen, I would really like to keep that. That's a pretty cool thing that I'm happy about. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hard though, right? 'Cause everything is digital now. So it's things that used to be like, it's like, I feel like our grandparents used to be like, oh, the box of pictures. - Yeah, yeah. - I'd grab the box of pictures. I'm like, I really don't have like things that matter that much to me. - 'Cause the box of pictures also has like, the birth certificate for who that boy is, real daddy is. - Hello. (laughing) - Exactly. - That's the evidence box. - All people actually don't tell you this. They'll be like, what's that? Oh, that's back when I was a mercenary, but we weren't gonna, you know, old people, when old people talk about the stuff in their house, they'll be like, you go in one closet, you'll be like, what's this? They'll be like, oh yeah. So, I don't know how to tell you this, but you have a uncle. - Yeah, people used to have secrets. - Oh. - We don't do that anymore. - I mean, they still do. - Old people had secrets in a way that's crazy. They had those secret families, jobs, lives. - Yeah, old people. - Old people, old people secrets. It was because of the pressure cooker that was, I guess the times, older, when an older woman would be like, oh, I can never talk about my first husband, it's because to be a woman who was a divorcee and then marrying a second man, people be like, what a slut. She's had two men inside of her. And she'd be like, and that's not accounting when I was in high school. - Right, right. - You know, it was older women who would be like, I never talked about it. Or they have an affair because like the guy, I don't know. Those women would have affairs because Grandpa was in career or in Vietnam and they never talked about it. And then that one uncle always did look a little different and he never said anything. And like they didn't, we didn't have 23 and me. And then 23 and me happened. And now everyone's like, wait a second. I'm 16 black and you go, well, so those used to be secrets. We don't have those no more. - We don't have that anymore. - I have, we don't have to discuss them all here, but you have the secrets. Do I have secrets? I don't know if I have a secret in the world. - Yes, you do. - I'm trying to think if I have a secret. - You've got a few. - Do I? - Yeah. - Are they bad? (laughing) Chance, what are my secrets? We can cut it if I don't like it. - You know, this is, this is, these are yours. One of my secrets. Like if I, let's say crazy enough, hypothetically. Let's, when you kiss a famous person now, that's a secret. - Oh, I guess. - That's a secret. - Yeah, yeah. - That's a secret. - Yeah, what famous person are you thinking of right now? - Are you kissing? - Of you kissing, and you know what we put. - No, no, no, I'm thinking of who you been kissing. - You don't need to worry about who I'm kissing. - 'Cause I just thought you're out of line up. Well, but no, because now we run in enough circles, and this is the connective, early conversation. There's like people, there's your level of fame, and then basically when you talk to people who are more famous than you, and like let's say you get a famous person's number, and the first text you say is like, you do never share this, and you go, I would never share this. And you go, oh, we got a secret. - Yeah. - Good, that's a secret. - Yeah. - Or if you see somebody, this is actually even juicier. When you see people, add a thing, and you go, I'm not telling nobody. - Yeah. - 'Cause it could be, one thing about these famous people, - Yeah. - They are fucking each other silly. - It's crazy. - Okay. - They're stepping out of these relationships. - And we can never say, was not even stepping out. - You just be like, you came to this party with him? - It's both. Some of these people are cheating. They are fucking each other crazy. Almost every famous person you can think of has fucked each other. - Hot, that's serious. I will hear and see things that I'm like, I can't believe those two are fucking. - Or you'll go, you'll go. (gasps) - I'm, you go. - I'm happy. - You go, yeah. - You go, yeah. - I would look at y'all, kiss him, hold hands. - Yeah, that one's fun. That is a fun part of having access to that stuff is getting to know other people's secrets. I do like that part of it. - It's a, it's a fun place to be. I can ask a serious question. Whenever do you fear, do you fear that? Do you fear the loss of Caleb, it has happened already. Do you fear the further loss of any and all anonymity - Yeah, absolutely. - Regarding your, your friendships and your intimate relationships. - No, it's not really about, I fear the loss of anonymity just in terms of being able to move through the world and being like, left alone isn't the right phrase, but just be like trusting that people are being nice to you because you're nice to them and not just because they think you're somebody or, I don't know, yeah, anonymity is something that's very important to me and a difficult part of this job, Boohoo, is definitely the dissolution of that thing that I love. But do I worry about, my last relationship I thought for the first time about whether or not I should post this person and how I should talk about this thing? And I honestly kept most of it pretty private. - Yeah. - But yeah, I don't, my sex life is whatever. I don't really care if people talk about having slept with me. My friendships are pretty, that's cool. I don't know, you didn't really talk to them. - You do a very fun and good job in kind of a post-internet fear-mongering era where you will make a joke about a guy talking to you a lot on Grindr and then it didn't work out or like you have the hilarious story about the French hookup. You have fun stuff because I guess this is the first time that queer men have been able to. Like for the past 10 years, people can kind of like, there was a time when like if you would have been, since my name was not on Grindr, people would be like, what are you doing on Grindr? People were like, where are you messaging people? And you're like, because I'm gonna fuck them. - Oh, they still do that sometimes, yeah. - Really? - Oh, people would go, "What are you on here for?" And I go, "What do you think?" - Are they queer routines? What is this bullshit? - They imagine that there's some echelon where they go, "Why aren't you on Raya?" And I go, "I am in it fucking sucks." - Yeah. - Grindr is for gay men who want to fuck. - Yeah. - That's what I'm interested in. I'm going to be on here until I either get monogamously married or die. - You know who I am. - Yeah, and guess what? Sometimes Grindr can help you die. - Yes. - That will kill you. - It's not gonna help you die before it helps you get monogamously married. (laughing) - If you wanna die, maybe get on Grindr. - Yeah. - Get on Grindr, if you wanna drop meth accidentally, boy, have I got a site for you. - Yeah. - Is they cooking up stuff? - They're doing stuff over there. - Whoa, they want you on Raya, but they don't know. These people, that sounds mean to say, they, what they think Raya is, they think Raya is something fancy. You know who's on Raya? Army Hammer. - Yeah. - Like, that's, you talk about. (laughing) You talk about someone wanting to be on Raya. Raya, the fact that they know about Raya, means Raya, ain't Raya no more. - Yeah. - And Raya is so much, like, Raya is too ambiguous. I don't like, I mean, Raya is like, sometimes people are trying to network. Sometimes people are hitting you up 'cause you've got mutual friends. What I like about Grindr is, you can set your, you can set your boundaries. And honestly, shout out to gay guys. Most of the time, I feel like they, once I put in my bio, I do not want to talk to you about my job. Most gay guys stopped hitting me up about my job, and I really appreciate that. - Shout out to gay guys. - I don't get celebrated enough. If you tell a gay guy, don't ask about my job, he's gonna be like, oh no, oh no, he's not, he's not gonna ask about it. - For the most part. - For the most part. - For the most part. - Afterwards, they might go, hey, okay. - Well, that's different. - Yeah. - That's different. - Oh, I mean, this is too personal. How many gay boys actually would've been like, "Hey, look, I really want some wax-a-hatchy tickets." (laughing) - You know what, one of my favorite-- - But that's the gay guy with taste. - Hello. - Hey. - I like that you like good stuff. (laughing) - One of my favorite guys that I'm sleeping with right now, we started hooking up because he messaged me on Grindr, and was like, I'm a huge fan. I would love to sleep with you tonight. And I was like, great. And we have a super fun relationship. - That's beautiful. - I love that guy. - That was wonderful. - He stayed at my house last night. Shout out to him. (laughing) - He's a great guy. He's a member of my beloved community. - Okay, let's say that this is better be queen. (laughing) - It better not be no disrespect when I get back. - Please, gay guys don't do anything. - Gay guys do dishes. My husband does the dishes all the time. - Does he really? - Yes. - I need to find a gay guy who does something. - Listen, my husband, he does the eye cook. He does the dishes and we bow cheat. - No, no, no, no, no. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. He doesn't. - But you're not. - He doesn't, you know, yeah. - No, I know, I know. I don't even cheat. I go, baby, hold the camera steady. We got some clips to make. - Don't talk so loud. People don't like to hear the director's voice. - Yeah, okay. Leave down the DVD comment here. I want someone to do that for their sex tape. I want someone to be like, "So what we were going for here, you kind of see. " - You can see. - Yeah, the themes. - I do get pissed off when I'm watching porn and it's too long on an angle I'm not interested in. - Oh, my lord. - They're like from underneath, like the point of view of the sheets. I'm like, "Stop." - No, like. - Move back to some faces. - Yeah, every. Some of the angles now, I go, "This is neither sexy nor impressive. This is kind of just a static shot that's weird." - Yeah. - And sometimes if you see, like, you know, millennials, our brains are ruined. So now, if you see enough porn and it's not feeling sexy at all, it feels clinical and you just go, "Okay, that's the thing going in the thing." - Super tight shots on that as well. - I kind of. - Get a face involved. - I kind of need to. I don't know what I'm looking at, actually. - I can't. - I'm either looking at something really regressive or really progressive. - It's hard to tell. - It's hard to tell, of course. - You zoom out. You go, "Oh, that was armpit." - Gasex, in the armpit. Cool. - I like. I mean, I'm trying to think of what. Wait a second, what are we talking about? - We were talking about porn, but no, there was a beautiful point you were making earlier. Oh, the fear of anonymity. I think that the fear of my fear when it comes to any sort of loss of privacy. I'm okay with that, as long as the people who are asking for stuff, do it in a respectful way. I got off the train. I was kind of pissed because it was high. I was getting off the train. I was kind of thinking someone said, "Hey, are you that comedian?" I love a "Hey, are you that comedian?" I don't love people saying crazy stuff when they haven't established that I am the person they're talking to. Because now some people will say stuff I've said, or they say a joke, or they're like, point and say a joke, and they're like, "Whoa, okay. It took me a wreck because you were just pointing at me saying a thing." - Right. - And I don't move through the world every second thinking about me being someone you might recognize. - Yeah. - So you walk up to me on the street and say something insane to me that I might have said at one point, that's nuts. I don't know anything about that. - I love "Are you blank?" - Do you know what I can't stand? - What? - And I don't want to have this conversation for too long because I do think it's probably boring to people that aren't us. - No, no, no. - Aren't you famous? - Walk into traffic. Leave me alone. That is such a useless waste of my time in yours. - No, that's a bad thing you say. - Or do I know you from something? If you're not sure, move on with your day, sweetheart. Leave me alone. Don't waste your time. - You know who I thought. - Okay, so you don't like our "Are you famous?" I will see a person who is of a note in various fields. If they even look the tiniest bit busy, I ain't even going over there. That's actually a bigger fear. It's like interrupting someone. I saw Jason Williams, basketball player, white chocolate. I saw Jason Williams at the airport. That was his name. Don't laugh. That was his name. People call him white chocolate. Why? Because they said he played like a brother. So, Jason Williams, I saw him at the airport. You know, when you see someone at the airport, there was a delay. Some, there was the phone. Not good. I saw people call him this man. That's not going to be a good interaction. He's clearly working with something. I hate that. I never want to do that to anyone. - Jay, what's so true to you? - What's so true to me? I've said this before. We know it's so true to me. I love bad Photoshop. I hate AI. - Yeah. - If you give me the option between horrible bad, bad photo, I'm talking Microsoft, paint, bad. I'm taking that over AI every time. There's soul, there's humanity, there's flaws, there's, it's fucked up a little bit. It's actually more interesting than AI because AI kind of smooths everything and reduces us to nothing. I love horrible Photoshop, horrible graphic design. I mean bad. I'm talking. Caleb, I can not stress how bad I want it to be versus AI. That's what I want. - I agree with you. - Okay. - Because also, by the way, AI have the time also as fuck-ups. So now what have we done? - Right. - Yeah. - I'd rather you be able to see the outline of the event I was actually at on the poster for the different event. Then for me to have six fingers, but I would much rather you be like, "Okay, that's clearly taken from a birthday party." - Yeah. - I can see the edge. I can see the flames from the candle. I'd much rather see that. I want that out in the world. I'm so sick of this AI bullshit and so many comedians are being like, "But I need to pay your friend $20 to make something for you. It's gonna be bad. You only pay $20. Put that out." When someone says, "Oh, I love how bad this is." I'd be like, "Yeah, that's idea." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. - You always get to do that. - Yeah, I'm doing that on purpose. - Right? - DIY. - This is beautiful. - It is beautiful. - Because AI, I hate it. So bad Photoshop is so true to me. AI is terrible. It's so false. Okay, so I love comic books. I truly love the X-Men. I know, I know. I get it. - I'm listening. - You don't like it. - I'm listening. - I don't do this. - I don't care about it, but I care that you care. - That's beautiful. If you would have said this, I would have shown up at Beauty Boy. - Hello. - So I love the X-Men. One of the X-Men's big final villains is AI, primarily, because the X-Men are mutants and mutants are all about the differences in humanity and the difference among people. AI is a smoothing over of differences. AI first wants to get rid of mutants. Then it wants to get rid of humans who could possibly have mutant children. Then it wants to get rid of humans in general. We're not taking that less in the way because we think, "Oh, AI is fine." They keep making robots that can fight. Have you seen these robots now that can kick a robot kick the child? - Yeah, I saw that and the kid looked pretty hurt. - Someone put that in the code. The robot didn't wake up and say, "Oh, I'm going to kick somebody." But someone said, "Zero, zero, one, one, zero, one, zero, zero, kick." And the robot kicked the child. And now we think it's cute because we got a video. - Yeah. - No. - It's not cute. - It's not cute. - They can't be kicking kids. - You'll watch that clip and then the next thing on TikTok will be, you know how you watch movies on TikTok now. It's just like every movie is in 17 parts on TikTok. So it'll be like, "You know I'm talking about Michelle." - People watch your movies on TikTok? - It's crazy. There'll be a whole TikTok account dedicated to a movie that they split into 23 parts. You'll be like, "Oh yeah, that is Anchorman." And so now you can see a robot kick a child on TikTok. And then the next ad will be like, "Don't you want to do more AI?" You just saw a robot kick a child. No. - Yeah, I'm good. - Yeah, but AI is terrible and horrible and I hate it. - I'm also really interested in like what the plan is with these data centers. People are taking, like it's not only taking all the water, but it also is making crazy amounts of noise. Have you seen, there's videos on Instagram of people being like sound meter in their yard. - No. - 18 blocks away from a fucking. - There was that woman who got this beautiful house out in the country in Georgia, I think, or Tennessee, and she was like, "I'm finally gonna get a little piece of quiet for my husband and the horse." And then the AI center was like, "Wow. It's crazy. All day." - Yeah. - And we're running that just so we can make posters, just so we can be like, "Hey, Grock, can you take Caleb's clothes off in this image?" - Whoa. - Hold on. Hold on. Don't bring me back around. - No, you can send that, Caleb. - Yeah, you're right. - You can send that. - You're right. That's my bad. - Do you want to play a game? - I would love to. Whenever people play this game online, I try to see if I'm smart in them. - How's it going? - I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, you know we're gonna give you 50 US dollars. You ready? - He's trying to make me go fast. I'm gonna go slow. - What? - No. WWE stands for world wrestling empire. - No. False world wrestling entertainment. A blinking was shot on the same day the secret service started. - False. - It's true. Starfish don't have brains. - False. - It's true. - True. - The Parthenon is in Sparta. - No. False Athens. Ole Miss's motto is for knowledge and wisdom. - No. - That's true. - What? - You don't have to go to law school to take the bar exam in Vermont. - You don't. - It's true. The moon has no atmosphere. - What? - False. - True. - Okay. - Tross. - It's true. - He done it all wrong. - He done like 90 people. - Chuck E. Cheese is older than Courtney Cox. - Of course. It's say there's two words. Say true or false, I dare you. - I dare you. - A queue angle is greater than 90 degrees. - No, and a queue angle is less than 90 degrees. Up to this angle is more than 90 degrees. - False. The current mayor of Jackson, Mississippi is John Claw. - No. - False, John Claw. A group of camels is called a caravan. - Oh, yeah. - True. - False. - The Roman Republic inded in 33 AD. - No. That's what Jesus is that. False, 27 BC. C.S. Lewis wrote the Chronicles of Narnia. - Yes. - True. And humans delivers on the left side of the body. - Which way is the camera facing? False, the right side. Bush Gardens Tampa opened in 1950. - I worked there. - I don't know, false. - True, true. - How do you do? - Hard to say. (laughing) - You didn't win. (laughing) - Oh shit, Jay, tell the people where they can find you. - You can find me at jerdin.com for all tickets. I'm on tour, whenever this comes out, I'll be close to you. And if not, I eventually will be unless that restraint of order still stands. But you can catch me online on tour, Jay Jerdin on all social media stuff. Come and see a show, I'm doing a completely new hour. It's different. You can watch my special on Hulu, comedy specials. Both got comedy specials. - But watch Jay's on Hulu. - This was very funny. - Thanks babe. - I love, I love Hulu, good stuff. I gotta watch this one. But I, I don't know, online, you can catch all the stuff. Yeah, follow me. That's it. - Appreciate you, thanks for doing it.