Jay Chandrasekhar & Steve Lemme and The Patrick Swayze Escape Signal

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the midst of laughter I go fatty and I poked his belly oh my god yeah I crashed and burned with Patrick Swayze oh punch him just right here boom and I said his assistant I'm like is he gonna hit me and he goes I've seen it before Tiger belly is now on Spotify we got video we got audio we got mind templates ooh like that guys go check out Tiger belly on Spotify yeah it was a good was Pepsi cooler than Coke back in the day no there was a there was a time see that was the British spears time that's what I said yeah yeah Michael Jackson over the Michael burning the hair burning the hair burning yeah smoking crack hair yeah yeah crack yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Cindy Cindy Crawford Jake Chunga Josh Sharp wait a minute that was your big attempt did I add well there's a G in it yeah it didn't even try yeah it didn't feel like oh give me give me a go and then I'll give it a shot okay Chandra Saker that was so off brother Chant you know what that was so off I know I was off and I'll say it one more time please why because he distracted me do Chandra Saker Chandra Saker yeah pretty good yeah that's pretty good given the whole name giant jumbo lingam Chandra Saker whoa which translates to victorious large penis rising move oh rising move wow I heard elephant in there there was no elephant in there anyway um victory give a big penis to stay yeah sure I'm good your penis final okay victorious victorious victorious I thought you're talking about a Victorian person these are very important guests can you get it right there's no G in my name thank you I did did I do a G the second time Changa Shaka yeah I mean it was yeah yeah well I'm Korean that's right yeah and I'm North Korean and that's accent sticks you guys add G's where they do make noises I go I go I go I go you know I had a cool I lived in Korea town for a while would you say I lived in Korea town I don't like the way you say Korea yeah nobody does yeah nobody does but are you purposely doing that I can't shake it yeah yeah I know Korea I say Korea yeah it's aggressive it's Korea yeah yeah Korea yeah Korea yeah Korea but that sounds like I'm like swat like Korea yeah it's I think it's pretty dead on okay yeah Korea is weird Korea okay Korea oh that's fine Korea let's move on let's move on you're in Korea town Korea town yeah and what happened did you go get some Korean barbecue I often I got Korean what's your favorite top you have top three oh Korean restaurants um are you asking him I'm having the Korea town conversation my bad can you not can you not tell us what I already have an answer number one is parks barbecue wow that's a good one yeah have you been there number two is Lee's barbecue no is that right no it's not please it's the number two in LA yeah it's it's not a show song it probably would be in there um yeah have you been to show song yeah yeah really good place sure soup full jeep old school you know about that one yeah yeah open call sorry Steve I leave you out yeah yeah yeah give her a good way of resentment give her resentment no I'm good okay you know I apologize why would you a resentment how like why would that be I'm not resentful of this conversation I didn't know what I was saying is that I did cut you off I went to Jay it's a very Korean thing to do yeah how long have you guys known each other since I was eight 19 and he was 18 oh college college friends college sketch group we did we started a sketch group what was it called charred goose beak whoa one of your uncles no forget do you remember what the the name of our very first show was jolly joe trip hammer hits it big no and that might have been New York City I don't know the 19th annual festival of donkeys yes right wow right and you guys its sketches or mostly improv sketches with videos in between the sketches but like really shoddy videos like we would do like a master take and somebody would forget their lines and somebody would bump the other person with their elbow and we'd use that take I love that well we didn't shoot any close-ups we didn't know about those yet oh wow so what year was that 1989 yeah that was very close to the time Pepsi would overtake COVID yes that's correct so in 1989 high school or college college what college Colgate University okay cool in New York great yeah upstate upstate New York don't be nervous you're doing great I'm not nervous talking to you I'm nervous with Bobby looks at me he's like don't fuck up don't fuck up I'm not I'm supportive of you I'm your foundation okay but here's the like I've met Bobby so many times this is the loudest I've ever heard Bobby and maybe it's because he's in my right ear but like right now on the loudest it is quite loud yeah your voice no not the headphones it's you it's you I'm being quite loud yeah I'm talking about the headphones yeah why aren't you wearing I'm because I don't need them but I'm really a good point you can leave you can leave but I was you know I was watching Troy this weekend oh and and Brian Cox who's a King Megnan who's also in our super troopers movies I was marveling at his voice control as strong as voices and I'm wondering right now if you've been taking voice lessons because your your voice is hitting the back wall no I just have no control I'm not a theater kid or I have no control in my voice to be honest with you okay but this is how I have always remembered your voice so I was always quiet like that gentle oh you think that's gentle you think yeah thank you so much you're welcome yeah yeah did you always thought my voice was gentle Jay I never thought about your voice like never no yeah I certainly didn't have an opinion that you were a gentle voice guy did you think that my voice was harsh in any kind of way no but when I got here I'm like his voice is a little harsh now I do have a little opinion of that a little loud in the headphones but now it's great yeah thank you so now this is fine right no that's great I'll probably call him after this and we'll spend like 60 seconds on your voice what do you mean I'd be like he was loud yeah a little loud a little loud yeah well I mean okay okay let me just say something okay let me just I don't think it was that loud. It's still loud. It's getting a little loud. You've been it before. Am I being louder than I normally am? Well, now that they're calling you out, I'm being loud, it is getting a little bit. Yeah, it's getting progressively louder. It's getting progressively louder. So I'm an actor, and I can take a note. I'm gonna go less. You don't have to. I want to. I'm not giving you an answer. You're a good actor, in fact. We work together in animal hospital. Animal practice. Animal practice. It's fine. Thank you. Animal practice. I was directing. It was directing. Bobby in that show. Did he take notes well? Very well. And I said to him, I said to him, you're actually a good actor. I think you're okay. Actually. And he said, you are acting surprised. And I said, I am surprised, Bobby. Really? Well, I'm like, you never know. Well, how do you think I got the show? You know how many auditions you have to do to get a show like that? How many? 1. I just tested it. I tested it. I got it. Oh, they made you an offer? No, I tested. And then, you know, between me, I don't know who it was. Where's Bobby? On the right. Oh, there he is. There's the dog. Oh, yeah. And there's monkey. Remember the monkey? Did you direct episode with the monkey? Oh, yeah. Yeah. The monkey became the sort of the star of the show. Yeah, crystal. Yeah. Yeah. The hangover monkey. That's right. And did crystal do tricks like chug beer or anything like that? No. What? You could crawl. You would crawl up your shoulder and give you a kiss on the cheek. You could do that. Yeah. Because when we made beer fest, we had a monkey that could chug a beer. Same monkey? Oh, a good point. Yeah. It was the same monkey. Same monkey. Yeah. I think I recall it's the same monkey. Do you remember ever talking to the trainer for crystal? Yeah. So, the trainer told me that crystal sleeps in his bed with him. And the trainer's wife will sleep on the other side, but crystal will ignore the wife because crystal believes she's the wife. It's a call back to my dad. She doesn't like the wife. Wow. Wow. I did not know that. That's the way he can control her by having her be his wife. Wow. His words, not mine. I remember talking to him saying, how much does crystal get paid? And I was astounded by it. More than you? But, no, I mean, but it was close. It was pretty close. And, but treated better than. Yeah, he had a better, yeah, she had a, whatever. Better hours. Better hours, bigger dressing room. The whole thing. He also hit her marks and did exactly what I wanted to do every single time. That's not true. Unlike you, Bobby. Okay. Let me just say something. Okay. I remember, I think maybe you directed it where she was, it was a close up on me. Yeah. Right. I had a lot of lines, but she's moving her head, fucking it up. Yeah. Am I allowed to get mad at that point? No. Why not? Can you get mad at a monkey? She can. Yeah, you can. That's a woman monkey. What good is it going to do? Yeah, that's true. Yeah. What's the matter, Steve? True. Nothing, I'm trying to think of something funny to say, and I. Dead air and blank stairs are perfect. You guys right now are promoting the movie, right? Yes. A lot. Yeah. It looks like there's some big shots in there. It's a big movie. Big movie. Big shots. Yeah. Big actors, you mean, or big, just big-looking jokes. It's interesting. I found big-looking. Big-looking, yeah. It looks great. We have a car, we have a car jump. A couple of car jumps. Our jumps. Our tops. Yeah. Fights. Big jokes. Big jokes. What type of cars are in there? Mustangs and electric cars and, you know. Okay. Stars. Give me some stars in it. Brian Cox. Cute. Chase Crawford from The Boys. Yay. Hannah Simone from New Girl. Yes. Raised the roof on that one. Yeah. Who else? Did I leave you anybody? Yeah. Well, let's see. There's Lisa Gilroy, who is the. Oh, she's. She's been on this. Fabulous. One of the most fabulous. Yeah. She's got us up and coming. She certainly is. In the Montreal Comedy Festival. Yeah. We love her. John Rudnitsky. Yeah. Nat Faxon. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Can't be a word-winning, Nat Faxon. Is this the trailer? Awesome. That's the guy from Gossip Girl, right? Oh, Chase Crawford. Oh, Chase Crawford. Yeah. Oh, and Andrew Dismukes from SNL. Yes. Yes. We have so many that we can't remember. Or the pushpots. I don't want to watch the trailer when you're listening to this now. All right. So, um, this looks like you've got a bigger budget than the other ones. Is that true or no? A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. It looks. I remember watching the trailer going good. This really looks good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the car chases and the car. I mean, they're good jokes. Yeah, yeah. It's a good trailer. Hey, man. I know every one of you guys's movie has great jokes. Thank you. Thanks. You guys are like a mainstay. A juggernaut. We're a joke machine. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. No. Have you heard my middle name? Yeah. What is it? Jumbelingum. Jumbelingum. Do you remember that Victoria's large penis rising moon? Yes, I do know. Okay. Now we're back. Bobby, you need to be a better listener. You need to be a better listener. You know, I'll be honest with you. Sometimes I'm not good at it. Okay. Yeah. I have ADHD. I think about other things. I don't want to feel like we're drowning. Right. You know what I mean? So I have that pressure. Am I doing well? Sure. So you're just like, how do I keep this thing going? How do I keep this thing going? I do. Sometimes I'm like that. Yeah. The movie is out. So you're probably the tail end of promotions here. We just finished, I think, four weeks on the road of promotion. This is actually my last promotional obligation. This right here, Tiger Belly. No. Yeah. So I want to make it great. I want to make it great. You were crushing so far. Okay. Yeah. So this is it. This is it. The load. For him. I have one more. Oh. What are you doing? Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah. What are you doing? Sex drugs and rock and roll podcast out of New York City. Oh, you're going to fly there? No. Okay. I'm going to do it from my living room. No. Do you get to do all those things? Sex drugs and rock and roll? Yeah. I've done a fair bit of that. All right. No. Dude. It's got a ledge, bro. Yeah. That's right. Okay. That's right. Did I know you back in the day? How long? Twenty plus years. I met you on animal control. What's the call? You don't know practice. Animal practice. Yeah. Yeah. I met you then. Which was. Yeah. In 2013. In 2013. Yeah. Yeah. He looks sleep for your back. I love it. You guys, I have three bedrooms at home. I use helix because I only use the best for my body when I sleep. And sleep is the most important thing of the part of the day, I think. Kat, ever since you've had a new helix mattress, how your back been? Oh, it's so good. I can move. I sleep. 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All in price picks. Now available in all 50 states, including California, Texas, Georgia and Florida. Download the app today and use co-tigerability. Get $150 instantly in line. If you win your first $5 lineup. Download the app today and use your co-tigerability. Price picks. America's number one sports pick app. 2013. 2013. Yeah. Much of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know how I know this is because I didn't work until 2000. It went from 2008, I believe. Matt TV. Yeah. And then 2013. That was my first job. - That one? - Animal practice. - Like real like, oh, I can, you know, series regular, you know? - Yeah. - That's awesome. - But it was a five years of like, ah, what's going on here? - Yeah. - You've been there, right? - I have been there. - Yeah. - And you and I met in those what's going on years. - Yeah. - You were on the road. I think it was either like a St. Louis or a Kansas City and you were in studio on the radio and Kevin Hefferen and I came in to do in studio on the radio for our shows and you took off your clothes. (laughing) - What? - What do you mean? - Yeah, I know. - No, I didn't. - Yeah, I know. - The DJ dared you to-- - No, no, no, no. - What? - Bobby, you just answered the door today, shirtless. - That is shirtless. - I know. (laughing) - I know, but that's not on camera. - Okay. - It's like my home, right? So it's like I want to greet my guests like, "Hey, welcome, relax." - Right. - You want a hot dog? (laughing) - Well, you weren't, so you weren't on camera here. This was the radio and that was what was so interesting. (laughing) The DJ dared you to get naked and you got totally naked. And then so you would-- - Did he dare him or was he already naked? - No, he dared him and then Bobby said, "Okay, and undressed in one of us to the next." - If without the dare it would have been weird. If you had just gotten naked. - Yeah, yeah, that would have been weird. - No, the dare made it okay. - Yeah, yeah. He's like, "I did, and you were already naked." - Yeah, but no, but then you got, then the three of us. - You'd be laugh? Yeah, we had-- - What was it weird? - It was weird, but we laughed. - Okay, good. (laughing) - Because Kevin and I stayed fully clothed and you were standing there buck naked and the three of us, we each had a microphone. - Oh yeah, was I completely naked? - Completely, yeah. - Oh wow, I apologize to you. - How long was you naked for? - The whole time. - But like how many minutes? - I'm gonna say like 20 or 30. - No. - Yeah, really? - Oh, yeah, absolutely. - Yeah. - With the air conditioning in those studios, really? - Yeah. - There was a white couch, I don't know, it was a Ohio. There was a white couch, a leather couch, that they had to cut out and they framed it. 'Cause I sat on that couch name, but I had left a brown streak on it. - Okay, yeah, so that makes sense. - Yeah, that makes sense, yeah. - And they framed it? - They framed it, yeah. - That's very cool. - It's a little disgusting, but you know, - Oh, they framed the skid, sorry Jay. (laughing) - I'm back. - Welcome to the show. - Wow. - Tiger belly. - Wow, yeah. - Episode one, 500 or something, something. - Wow. - Are you keeping your clothes on these days? - Yeah, I don't do it any, I'm not, what? - Nothing. - Wait a minute. - No, no, you keep it one. You keep the clothes on. - She opens for me, so sometimes I-- - Sometimes? - Yeah. - No, sorry. - Yeah. - Sometimes you go out there and naked. - No, I don't, you don't never open with it. - It's a closure. - It's a closure. - Everyone knows. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta close with it. - Close with the butt. - Yeah, go ahead. - It's like the watermelon, you know? Like, you don't start with smashing one. - I see. - Yeah. - Did you know Galagher? - I did not. - Okay. - Nor did I know his brother. (laughing) - Did you know Galagher is? - Whoa. - Jay, will you explain to her Galagher is? - Galagher was a late '80s prop comic who used a sledgehammer to smash things on stage. And he would close with the watermelon. - Mort Saul. - Go ahead. - And sometimes I think multiple watermelons. - Yeah. - I thought we were playing a game, sorry. - Oh. Okay. - Yeah, yeah. - Let's play. (laughing) - Keep going with the multiple, you're right. - Oh, yes, yeah. - No, well, here he is, here he is. Look at this. This is a great show right here. Look at this. You guys are on top of this. - You recognize that guy. - I do recognize him. - There's a sledgehammer. - Yeah. - And he has a twin brother, right? - Yeah. - Who then started doing his act on the road. - Oh, what? - Yeah. - He did a sledgehammer too. - But against, without his consent. - Right. - Without his consent. - So did his act without his consent. - Did he also go by Gallagher? - Yeah. - Gallagher. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, wow. - Yeah, he, I do have to say, out of all the legends, he just wasn't the nicest. - Gallagher. - Do you mean the guy with the sledgehammer? (laughing) - Yeah, I mean, I've seen him at the comedy store before. - Yeah. - And like, I've like, mustered up, like, just give it another go. - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean, you love watermelon. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I love the fruit. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And every time I walk up to him, it's just like, standoffish, weird. And then I'm trying to get out, you know? Like, oh, I fucked up, you know what I mean? And it's like, 'cause I, you know, he's a legend. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But he were a huge fan of his or something, is that? (laughing) - No, no. - No, yeah. - There was some judgment. - Okay. - Well, why would you go back a second time after he disappointed you at first? - Sometimes I gotta try again. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, something's gonna try again, right? - If you've done that, right? - Yeah, of course. - Even if it's a bad day or something. - Even if you don't admire him. - He missed it, he just smashed it. - Oh! (laughing) - It's okay, it's okay. - It happened fast. Oh, here it comes. - Okay, go ahead. What happened? - Yeah, well, look, sometimes, you know, you-- - Whoa. - And then he just le- (laughing) - I think it's a natural thing to, like, you meet the person. If you crash and burn, it's a natural thing to want a second crack at them. - Right. - Yeah. - But it is possible that it can go sideways again. (laughing) For whatever charisma they had, or intimidation, they had that fucked you up in the first place. - Yeah. - Does getcha the second time, too. It can happen. - So, do you, is one time enough, and then you're done? - Like, if I'm a dick, one time, is it over? - That's it. - That's it. - That's it. - One time. - Sometimes it's intimidating though. Like, if someone's a really big jerk to you, you probably don't want to go up to them a second time, 'cause you're like, they hate me. - I know, but sometimes you're like, maybe give it a go. - Yeah. - Even if I don't admire them. - Yeah. (laughing) That's the part, that's the part. That's the part, I'm bumping. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, even though. - See, I think it depends on the situation. You know, like, I crashed and burned with Patrick Swayze. - Oh. - What was this? - This was right when we had come out here. This is probably like 99 or something like that. And, you know, I was brought over there to say hi to him by a girl who actually produced super troopers who said, "I know you're a huge fan." And she brought me over to meet him. He was with his wife and like, his reps. And she said, "We have a real Patrick Swayze fan in the mix here." And he was like, "Really?" (laughing) And I was like, "Oh yeah, yeah." And then everybody was like, "Looking at us." Like to try, like proud parents, like they want to see what was going to happen. And I did do something brazen. I said, "Hey, Patrick, let's go talk over here." - Whoa. - And I pulled him away from his group. (laughing) And I got him to like, like a nice, like a Japanese lantern. And there we were. (laughing) And I was looking, I was looking at those like, those steel blue-gray eyes of his. I was like, "Oh, the fuck, it's Patrick Swayze." - What have I been doing? - Yeah. And I could feel myself locking up. - Oh, wow. - And all I was able to say was, so what kind of a name is Swayze? - Oh, he did a bit. - And he was like, "No." - No, he said, "It's British." And I was like, "Oh, I didn't realize British names had Zee's in them." And he was like, "Oh." And then I was like, "Oh, God." - Tell me about young blood. - No, no, no, no. And he goes, he goes, "What do you want to know?" And I was like, "Anything." (laughing) - He's gonna be on me. - You felt like you were drowning. - I was drowned. (laughing) - At that point in time, he told me a story, but I did catch like, suddenly like a little like, twitch in his hand, and also Matt Dillon walked over, and said, "Excuse me, Bub." And got between us with his back to me. - He called you Bub? - Bub. (laughing) And I realized that Swayze had given a little signal. - No sign. - Oh, no, you got the signal. - I got the signal. - Oh my God. - And so, and I realized after a couple of minutes, I was like, "It's fucking over for me." And I like, and I walked away. But, okay, so then we make super troopers. - Yeah. - And like, we know going into the Sundance Film Festival that Stuff Magazine was gonna sponsor a party for us. And so, and then our publicist, or what our producer comes running in, he's like, "Guess who's publicist? Just call to have them put on the guest list for the party." I was like, "Peaceways." He goes, "Fuckin' Patrick Swayze." - "Peaceways." - Wow, "Peaceways." - And so, I knew I was gonna get a second crack at him. - Oh, so, you're back. - You're back. You have the confidence. - Right, but this isn't him being a dick, which I think is if the guy's a dick, I'm not going for a fucking double dick. - I'll go, okay. - But if I fucked up, I was like, "I'm gonna conquer shit." - Yeah, okay, good. - And so, sure enough, he shows up at our party. We've played, Super Troopers has played. He shows up at the party. And I see him across the party. I'm like, "Oh, my heart's pounding." And he's looking around, looking around. And he sees me and he does a double take. And I'm like, and he walks right up to me. And he's like, "Have we met before?" And I was like, "No, we have not." (laughing) And he's like, "I swear we've met." Yeah, we've definitely met. I'm like, "No, no, no, we haven't." - Oh, wow. - And he's like, "Oh, no, the movie, Super Troopers." I just watched it, but you had a mustache in there. You don't have it. I was like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it." - Oh, wow. - And so, then we were on and we had some, we all partied with them. We had drinks. We had laughs and it was all, and that night, I had the time of my life. - Wow. - Wow. - Yeah. - But can I say something? - He doesn't even remember that. - No, it's exactly. - Yeah. - Exactly, you just had to. - Do you remember that? - He's dead. - He's dead. - Oh, that's right. - Yeah, he's dead. - Yeah. - He doesn't remember. (laughing) - Or maybe he doesn't remember anything up there. - Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. little off today. I'm so sorry. Am I off? Okay. Patrick Swaisy is dead. Our movie is already out in theater. Yes. And his name is Victoria's Big Cock. No, it's not that I want to talk about it. You just said this is gonna come out soon. Yeah. And it's already out. It's already out guys. So let me ask you this question. Okay. You don't have to talk about it now. Yeah. I was just mentioning it. What's the boat's going there? Okay. He was. I know I've known Jay for 30 plus years. He's a little mad at you right now. I can tell you. Oh, go with it. Yeah. Go. Oh, no. Are you really mad at me? Because we're mad. Animal practice. That's why. Yeah. Animal hospital. I work on animal animal. Animal thing. Control and practice. I work on all the animals because I want you to if you had a resentment toward me. I would like you to say it. Yeah. Just remember he said it out of the blue. So he may be trying to throw his own resentment back at me. The source is right here. Because as we know, I'm very resentful today. This is your last thing. This is it. No, no, I'm happy. I'm happy. Yeah. You got to be happy. You're going to shave that mustache. I am going to. Wow. I was going to shave it before my wife was like, why didn't just complete the press and then shave it. I mean, shave half. That could be fun. I mean, I'll tell you what, shaving a mustache like this is actually always delightful. Is it really? Yeah, but you look good with it on. Thank you. Thank you. Doesn't it look good? Good with it? Yeah. Yeah. You have a big upper lip. Huge. Go on, go on. Huge. What? Oh, it's huge. Yeah. It is because sometimes I was seeing a guy who had a mustache and then he shaved it off. He had no upper lip. Well, that's always the illusion anyway. It's like when you shave the mustache, it's going to, my face is going to look like a cat mouth. It's going to, it's going to look weird. Yeah. But you're, you're right on the money with that because like, like the most impressive mustache is in history, like Sam Elliott and Tom Sallick and Wilford Brimley. Yeah. I forget him. Bobbie Lee. They have, and Bobbie. They have a lot of upper lip from nose, nose to lip is prime real estate. Like Sam Elliott, I saw him with that as a mustache was like two and a half inches. Wow. From here to here. So all that becomes mustache when they, when they grow. That's amazing. Is it really? I think so. Yeah. I do. You look like you come from a hairy folk. I do. Yeah. You're right. He does. I, uh, I got all that space. I played golf in Canada recently. And, uh, the guy I was playing with, I'm like, does this dude have a Hitler mustache? And I'm talking to him. And he was a Republican from California. I'm like, okay, maybe. But then he was so nice to me and we were playing with two Koreans. And, and I was like, just got a Hitler mustache. And then I realized that what had happened is that the hair out of his nose had grown down to here. And that he just didn't have anybody at home to help him out. And I was like, this is. Wow. I'm like, and who am I to say, hey, bro, you got a Hitler mustache here? Yeah. So you never said anything? No. Oh, no. I thought it was too funny to leave alone. Yeah. Did he put product in it? Like, like, yeah, I mean, no, I don't think he intentionally made it look a certain way, but it was exactly in this section. It was exactly. I know a lot of Asians, they can't grow hair here. So they do a reverse Hitler. And they leave just a bunch. They only have the outside. And then they have a bunch of empty space here. Yeah. Which I don't, I don't know if I like it. Yeah. Whether you like it or not, it's not a still not associated with a helicopter, right? So it's, it's okay. It's fine. That's true. That's true. That's a good point. It's a good point. Yeah. That's a really good point. Yeah. So is there going to be a fourth movie? I hope so. We'll see what we mean. But when you did the second movie, we were like, oh, that was it in your mind. No, no, I think we already knew we were going to do a third. And would you do the third? Would we do the third? No, when did you do the third? Oh, it's out right now. I know. Okay. I know. No October of last year. October last year. But what was the years between the second and the third? Eight eight years. That's what I know. That's why I want to. I'm not a good journalist. Yeah. You're doing great. Do you think so? Yeah. Thank you. I've been doing fucking 11 years on this thing. It's great progress. Why do you, you look to these two guys you pay to tell you you're doing great. Is that the dynamic here, Bobby? I need it sometimes. Don't you need it? Don't, is that, you know, I don't know if you like me all the time. Okay. I love you. What are you talking about? Why would you do this podcast a lot of time? If I didn't, you know, I don't know. You're in my house. You know, I trust you. I know. Yeah, yeah. You guys have a good balance. We're the balance. Yeah. We try. Also, you know, we're going to where are we going tomorrow? Today. Oh, yeah, today. Where are we going today? Australia. Australia. Really? Yeah, like in an hour or two. We're leaving soon. Yeah. Okay. Where are you doing shows all over? Yeah. We're going to go Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne. Yeah. Gold Coast. Yeah. All the four and Adelaide. Adelaide. I don't know. We don't know. We don't know. I'm going to do four and then I'm going to come back. And then we go to New Zealand too. We do do Zealand. New Zealand. We do Zealand. But I'm not doing, you guys, I'm not doing the, I'm not doing the Hobbit. No, why not? They asked you and you said no. The movie? Oh, do the movie, the Hobbit? No, I was. I was, I like you can take a tour. Yeah. I'm not, because sometimes you bring openers on the road and they're like, we want to do all these things. I'm not doing it. Yeah. I'm not fucking doing it. I just want to go see the Hobbit. I just get excited about different things when we go traveling. Sure. I'm going to get excited for that. That's natural curiosity. And by the way, I'm all for that. Thank you. Yeah. It's good, like I think it's good to sometimes do the tourist things. Because those things are going to be, it's a greatest hit. You're looking at greatest hits of the city or the state. Send us a picture from the Hobbit tour. Yeah. But you both have children, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think through their eyes, you're whimsical in that way, but I don't have any children. So there's no lens of being whimsical. This doesn't look exciting to you. Look at this Hobbit. It's the two hour, I have to drive two hours to get there. All the chairs will be a little smaller. This is like one of his favorite movies. Lord of the Rings. Yeah, I do love them, but it's like, you know, you could put a skidmark on one of those things. They would frame it and Bobby Lee's skidmark. Maybe. Yeah. I mean, if there was, like, minds and more or you know what I mean, we also had Mount Doom. Well, how do you have those things not there? Is it just it's just the Hobbiton? Okay. You wait, you don't know about the world? No, no, I do. I have a book with the map of the whole thing, Mordor and all that. Yeah. I'm just not familiar with what exists in New Zealand. So you're telling me that Mordor is not part of this tour? Okay. I've got some. I think Mordor wouldn't go to this thing either by the way, but it's for an entirely different reason, which is I don't really like Hobbits. I don't buy it. I don't buy anybody's that innocent. Oh snap. I like that. Yeah, that's a really good thing. When I saw the movie, I'm like, yeah, he also smoking weed. Oh, what's that all about? That's pretty sweet. Hobbit. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all high. They're all high. Yeah. They drink a lot. They party. They like to fuck. Oh, they're fucking machines. They eat lots of food. Yeah, a lot of bread. Like second breakfast. Yeah, second breakfast. Yeah, Apple. Yeah. Apple. Yeah, they're diets a little boring. It's very, you know, it's like it's potatoes carrots. It's like a very UK. It's very UK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, vegetables. Yeah, root vegetables. Yeah, they're not wrist takers. No, yeah, they're scared. I mean, that's, I mean, what that's why the story is so great. I mean, what's his name? Bilbo? What's Bilbo bag? It's Frodo. Frodo. Frodo and yeah, yeah, he took out Samwise Gamgee. Sam got the full of a tuk. Yeah, exactly, dude. Bobby's just really impressed by you. Yeah, really, you brought me back just now. We should go to Hobbiton. You should come with us. I, I, I, so the, here's, I, I, I, I don't know about visiting Hobbiton. I would do all the other things. I really would. I'd do all the other things. But Hobbiton to me was always the least interesting place. Oh, you've been there before. No, I saw the movie. Well, I mean, although, you know, that's where they're getting high and getting drunk and fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hobbiton is Hobbiton. Yeah. And apparently you can do it before there was no interior, but the interior wasn't furnished. Ultra pouches. I love ultra pouches because there's no nicotine. And when you, when I used to do nicotine in the past, I noticed when you, I was having hard time in the gym and not seeing the results that I was looking for, you know, I mean, and I was doing ankle brace pushups, ankle pushups. Yeah, the nicotine was confusing. It was confusing my mind. Yeah, yeah. And I was crashing out a lot as well. I hate it when that happens. But with ultra pouches and that this never happens because their ideal for athletes, runners and health conscious people because they are 100% nicotine free. These give you the instant focus and energy boost with the Vasco constriction crash without the Vasco constriction crash and ejection that comes with nicotine. Just pop one pouch in for five minutes before you run workout or work day. And you'll feel it sharpen your mind and lift your energy by the time you start by baby. That's so awesome. So are Are you guys using this before you go on stage or when you're writing it? - When I'm working, when I'm working, going for a long walk, and also when I do stand up, I do take it. - Long walks, let's stand up. - You are from being an athletic runner to just long walks. - I do power speed, we're rocks. - Rocks. (laughing) - High performance activities, anything dating, stand up, walking, you got it, ultra-patch. - Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free patch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use code Belly to get 50% off at takeultra.com. That's takeultra.com for 15% off with code Belly. After you're purchased, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show, Tiger Belly, and tell them, we sent you. - Okay. - Yeah, ultra guys. Cat uses it for dating. (upbeat music) - She just saw, yeah, have a tin. She just saw all the houses from the outside. - No little chairs. - No, no, no, no. But now, apparently, they have done the interior. - Oh, they've got money. - Still not going. (laughing) - Even if your parents, I mean your kids were like, daddy, daddy, please. - No, they can, they can, I don't know. - One in 21. (laughing) - Maybe it's still doing it. - Daddy, please. - They can go if they want to, yeah. - Will you go alone? - I'll go alone, yeah. - Why not? - Will you feel bad if she goes alone? - No, absolutely not, because her life is her own. - Right. - Yeah, yeah. And I know that came out weird. Can I get that line again? - Yeah, one more time. - Yeah, ask me to give me the line. Will you, will you care if she goes alone? - Will you, will you care if she goes alone? - Will you care if she goes alone? - No. Her life is her own, fuck her. Her life is her own. Do it again. - You broke the line. - Exactly, like every day, an animal plan. - An animal plan. - I'm like, cut. - Give me another shot. - Can we bring the line in for them, please? - Crystal, take me to the line. - Yeah, give me the line, please. - Okay, do you care if she goes alone? - No. - Her life is her own. - Wow. - The wow was fantastic. - Cool. - Are you gonna keep all three takes in there? - Yeah, I'm gonna send all three. - Okay, yeah, yeah. - You should, yeah. - Is it hard to watch tapes? - No, I mean, it's, you ultimately mostly just zip through 'em. Once there's a mistake, you zip through it. - Mm. - We don't watch all the slow-ass forgetting, forgetting of lines and all, not that you did. You didn't do that. What I'm asking you is that when you do audition people to be in the movie is right. - Oh, oh, those things. - Yeah. - You left that part out. - Yeah, you, you said it's hard to watch tapes. - Tapes. - Tapes. - Tapes, okay. - Like some other people. - Audition tapes. - Audition ones. - Yeah, am I not being clear? - No, I don't care. - I thought what you meant was, is it hard to watch, like, 'cause he was asking if you're gonna keep all three. - Yeah. - If you were saying, do you, when you watch different takes, do you watch them? Is it hard? Is it hard to watch all the tapes of a scene? I thought maybe you'd just use-- - I think there was a big jump from, I had no-- - All the way to auditions. Is it hard to watch auditions? No, I mean, you got it. Is that what you wanted to know? - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah. - So eloquently that-- - As soon as you see somebody, you're like, yes, no, maybe, and then you kind of just watch a little, and then if they're no, you just jump. - Right. - Yeah. - Is that a hard one with a friend in there? You watch that one. - No. - Yeah. - But in room. - Yeah. - I think it's harder for them. I think it's harder for your friend to come in, 'cause it's sort of like the crashing and burning thing, like when we've had friends come in and read for us, I think all of a sudden they feel immense pressure, because we're just judging them. - Yeah. - It's hard. - Yeah, for them. - Yeah. Like if you guys called me and I'd be nervous. - Yeah. We already have the parts. - Yeah, you already have. - Like when we came. - Yeah, you wrote it. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm in. - Do you kind of like, - Do you feign like interest or do you just keep a straight face? - I'm actually interested. - Yeah. - So you're like, your friend co-sign and does okay. - I smile a lot, I laugh. And everybody in these rooms thinks they have the part. That's the criticism of me. 'Cause they're like, "Man, I really thought I got it." - Yeah, yeah. - It's you then, your reaction's too good. - Yeah. - No, you have to be like stern. - But then he loses a friendship maybe, right? - Well, you know they talk about the Serenite Live audition and how nobody laughs. I don't know if that's true. I never auditioned for it, but I don't think that's the right way to make a comedian feel good. (laughing) - Yeah, it's counterproductive. You want a nice warm room. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And it's hard to exude that in a tape now, right? - Yeah. - To connect in that one. - Yeah. - It's fucking weird. - It's hard. - Yeah, yeah. - There's no bullshit at the beginning of the session where you can go. Sometimes the bullshit gets you the job. - Totally. - Yeah. Am I not right? - 100%. - Yeah. My favorite is, remember when I fucked up with the director? - Amy Holer. - Another director. - Oh, the cat. - So I auditioned for this thing many years ago, maybe in the late 90s, it was like a horror movie. It was like this like European, you know, heavy set director. And after my audition, it was like, it was a crime scene too. And I did it pretty good. And then, you know, when the director asked you to stay, that's a good thing. He goes, let's talk for a bit. And in my mind, I'm like, oh, I heard this is a good thing. - Yeah. - Right? And eventually, 10 minutes in, he sets something very funny. In the midst of laughter, I go, fatty and I poked his belly. - Oh my God. - Yeah. Why did you do that? - Yeah, yeah. - And then he goes, please, leave. And I left. And I remember being in the hallway, going, what are you doing? Like, what are you doing? - Yeah, it's crazy. - It's crazy. - Yeah. - What was the answer to that question? - My instinct, don't go with your instinct. - Oh. - With your comedy, with your comedy instinct, yeah. 'Cause I thought it was gonna get a laugh for some reason. - Yeah. - That must've been the reason why I did that. - Yeah. - No. - You know, I never did anything to that bad. - You took a big swing. - I think that's good. - It's a big swing, too big. - Maybe too big. - Too big. - Yeah. - You poked him. - Yeah. - And his, I show hate it. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I feel bad. That story makes me feel bad. (laughing) - You never had auditions, stories like that? - Oh, I'm gonna like that. (laughing) - Well, I mean, on the one hand, like I think it's cool that you, you know, you let your instincts just take over and flow like that. - Yeah. - You just went with your impulse. But I feel bad that you were, that it was such a bad impulse. (laughing) - Yeah. - And it was really bad. - Yeah. 'Cause it sounds like you had the part. - Yeah, and in motion, you knew. - Oh, you knew before you poked your instincts. - Before I even made contact, I knew. What are you doing? (laughing) - Yeah. - But I already committed to the motion. - And so your brain had already said, don't do this and then you touch them and then you went fatty. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Because it was a memorized response. - But it was a defeated fatty. He already knew-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I think so. - Fatty. - Yeah. - He threw you out that quickly. - It was pretty bad, yeah. - You know what I was thinking? - Yeah, fuck. - What did you expect to happen that he would laugh and be like, "I am fatty." (laughing) - How did you know? - Yeah, yeah. - You're right. I didn't think clearly enough. Yeah, I didn't think-- - There's no balls. - I mean, you had the part. - I know, I think I did. I think I did. - Oh, self-sabotage. - Well, maybe it's self-sabotage. You think that's purposely, do that subconsciously? - Maybe, so. - I don't know if I did that. - I think you were just in the moment. You're like, I got it. The energy's like, hi, you're like, we're one in fucking fatty. - Yeah, we're friends now, fatty. - Fatty. (laughing) - Yeah. - But I also was like telling stories. So it's just like, you know what I mean, up to, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - You know what I mean? - Fatty. - Oh. - I didn't like it either. - Oh, yeah. (laughing) - He knew it was coming. - Oh, so you don't like it. - Well, it's also invasive. - Oh, you're right, you're right. Like, it's like a-- - It's a weird spot. - It's like a wigobi shot or something out of nowhere. - Because there's a little more to it than this thing. It's like anybody coming at your midsection. You're always like, you're always a flinch. (laughing) - She did like a shoulder punch, maybe. - Maybe, yeah. - Yeah, it's like, think quick. You always like, oh. - Yeah, this is a very sensitive kind of-- - This is it. - Fatty, I should have cut out. - Yeah. - Definitely should have cut out. - You'd have definitely, right? - Yeah. - Thank you, Jay. - Thank you, Jay. - There's three things. - All right, there's three things that are wrong. (laughing) - I only can only think of two. - No, well, one is just the approach of the-- - Oh, that's a thing? - Well, that's what I'm saying, there's a flinch. There's a tension that happens before. - Okay. - And then this thing is like a penetration, right? This is like-- - Right. - Two. - Physically uncomfortable. And then the fatty, obviously. - Yeah. - I have a fourth. (laughing) - You can go ahead, Jay. - When you clearly have the role, your attitude should be like, don't blow it. Okay, so this is the first time I've killed it in an audition, really, one of the first. So it's like I didn't know what to do. - You're adrenalineous. - It's almost as if it's like, you know, I have the fish. - Yeah, it's up above the water, right? I have the basket, and I just throw it back in, I mean, I don't know. - Yeah. - Do you know what, like of Mice and Men, when he squeezes the rabbit? - Like Larry? - Yeah, he squeezes the rabbit too hard. - Yeah. - That might have been the fatty part. - You killed it. - I killed it. - Now, did you ever get a second crack? You know, our theme here is like getting second chances. Have you run into this? - I've never seen that man before. - Okay. - How did the movie turn out? - I don't even remember. Because it's like, when I block out things I've read for, and there's, it's tied to some sort of traumatic event, 'cause I still replay that in my head. - Yeah. - Birdies. (laughing) - Was it a famous, was it Peter Jackson? - Is it Guillermo del Toro? - Yeah, you clip and go, Guillermo, I don't know. - What's the name? (laughing) - Guillermo. (laughing) - That's pretty good. - That's pretty good. - Is that good enough? - That's fine. - Yeah, 'cause I can't do the Guillermo, yeah, I can't do that part. - The Guillermo. - Oh, I got it, Guillermo. - Yeah, Guillermo. - Guillermo. - Del Toro. - You poked Guillermo del Toro. (laughing) - I wonder what movie it was? - I don't know. - I mean, was it The Hobbit? - I don't know. (laughing) - But it was a European heavy-set director, I remember. - Okay. - Yeah. - It was Peter Jackson. - Yeah, I've always, oh yeah, he was heavy-set at the time, no? No, he lost weight. - But he was also from Bill and he was from New Zealand. - Can I ask a question? And this is just a moral thing. If you poked him in the arm, maybe in a less like exposed space? - We're going back to the guy. - The same guy, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And you poked him maybe in the arm and said, "Faddy, do you think?" - I think the Faddy is the thing. The Faddy was the thing. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we've already come to that conclusion that the Faddy is the thing. - Okay. - Yeah. - Okay. - Don't you think? Yeah. - Oh, that was just me. - Yeah. I mean, the whole thing is a crash landing. It's like, the whole thing is awful. - It's not a landing though, right? - Right. - You just said crash and burn. - That's okay, can I defend myself, right? I got the job. - So did I? - No, I never got it. I'm just saying, when he said, (laughing) I don't know what I'm saying. - Wait, what do you say, stay over? - Stay over, stay. - Wait, do you say stay over? (laughing) - That was different. - Yeah, that's different. - Come to Neverland Ranch, you know. No, he said, stay, I wanted to get to know you. Let's talk. - Yeah, all of this, that was. - So that's when I knew I'm like, oh, I heard about this. You know, the folklore show business. - Right. - Right? And then it just, it overcame me. - You got all fucked up. You're so excited. But you have, but you came, what you're saying, is you came out of it with the confidence of knowing that you did get the part. - No. - You get sad, yeah. Because you know, back then, you know, I would hang out with Ralphie May and do it. And he would laugh and call me something. You know, man. (laughing) - He said he had something similar, but we would banter back and forth. - So you and Pope Ralphie May and go fatty. Is that what you're saying? - Yeah, yeah, okay. (laughing) - Yeah. - Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, but he's not, you know, I fucked up, you know. - I just have anything similar to that level. - Yeah, I was gonna say. - No, these guys are professional, that's why. - Maybe, I don't know. - No. (laughing) - You've never had a bad audition? - No, I mean, look, I've only had bad auditions. - Yeah, I mean, it's not even close. - I interviewed for, to direct the entourage. They wanted me to direct the entourage or entourage. But I told them I didn't think their shit was very good. And that's not really what it's like to sell a movie at Sundance. And I kind of gave it to him, pretty good. And then, when I first, I saw the second episode, like about a year later, I'm like, pretty good. And then it became my favorite show. And of course, they never hired me. It was, you know, it's not, calling someone fatty, but it's pretty close. (laughing) I have great regret, you know? Great regret, great regret. I could have been like one of HBO's main directors, but, you know, kind of blunt. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of that in my life. But, you know what? I think it all was meant to happen because it's where I'm at. Why change anything? I have a great life. We all have great lives, do we not? - Yeah, yes. Steve, do you think so? - It just would have been nice to be in that movie. That's all I'm saying. It would have been, as nice as your life is. - Yeah. - It would have been also nice to be in this. (laughing) (laughing) It would have been nice, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, I've also had like, have you ever froze? - Yeah. - Onset? - He froze in Patrick's ways? - Yeah. - Oh, that's right, that's right, you did. - Onset? - No, not onset. - Oh, yeah. You kill it on set. - Yeah. - Okay. - But like. (laughing) - Well, but like. - He does, he does. - Yeah, I know he does. - Yeah, yeah. - But we, you know, it's also like, I can't get fired. So it's like. - Right. - Ah. - You know, the thing, the only things I've done have been broken, lizard, and the TV show "Tecoma FD," which I created, it's like, I'm good to go. - Through, he could poke me and say, "Fatty," and I'd be like, "All right." (laughing) - Yeah, cool. - Yeah, if I had that guy on "Tecoma FD," I would have poked him, called him "Fatty," and then fired him. - Oh. - This one's for Bobby Lee. - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah, oh, tell me who it is. And then, you know, we'll get some revenge. - He still doesn't remember. - He doesn't, I don't remember. - If you were directing somebody, and they did some sort of like slur towards you, would you? (laughing) You know, as ever happens, I don't care what they say when the camera's off, as long as when the camera's on, they deliver, 'cause that makes me look good. I mean, I, I'll tell you, no one's ever said a slur to me, but someone got awfully close. And it was, I was directing "Burt Reynolds" on the final day of the "Dukes of Hazard." And he and I had been basically arguing and fighting the whole movie over the fact that he was having trouble remembering his lines due to his pain pill problem. But sometimes he would get it, sometimes he wouldn't, but, you know, and so on the final day, he was, we were in a scene in a barn with the whole cast, in Knoxville, shot him to Scott, Jessica Simpson, Linda Carter, Joe Don Baker, Willie Nelson, and Bert. And Bert's trying to remember some line, he's trying to remember, he can't remember, he can't remember it, and he goes, "Cut, God damn stupid Indian!" And then he looks at me, he goes, "Not you!" "Me, I'm a quarter-navah-ho!" (laughing) - So quick with that. - Yeah, from. - Oh, wow. - It is a quarter-navah-ho. I mean, he was talking to himself. - Yeah, he was, yeah. But if he would have stopped it, Indian, would you have been mad? - I find, I've found that whole experience so funny. Like, I find, like, when I used to work with Chevy Chase, and he and I, he would yell at me, and I would kind of argue with him, I'm like, "This is fucking awesome." Like, I find this experience to be awesome. But now, look, if he said, "God damn stupid Indian!" I don't know that I would have loved it. You're right, but, you know, I wouldn't have fired him. - Yeah. - It was the last day though. (laughing) - Yeah. - Did he have, like, regarding his pill situation? Did he have, like, a videotape explaining his pill? - Yes, he had a, he had a, I mean, it's like a 15-minute story. So I won't tell. But he had a-- - Oh, we love to hear that. - Really? - Yeah. - Okay. So, he shows up on the first day. Those videotapes are coming a little later. He shows up on the first day in his white suit, white hat, white hair, the whole thing. And we've got a five-page scene with Johnny Knoxville, Sean William Scott, and they're in jail, and he's boss hogs supposed to come talk to them. And it's five pages, and I realize quickly he has, he doesn't know a single line. (laughing) - Oh my God. - And I'm like, you know, Knoxville and I looked at each other like, "Oh my God, what's gonna happen here?" And so I shoot Knoxville and Sean's side of the scene first, so that Bert can practice. We flip around, he still doesn't know any of the lines. I'm like, (laughing) and he goes, "Don't worry, I'll learn to trick "from Jimmy Stewart, get me some note cards." And we get note cards, we write all his lines on the note cards and tape them to Sean William Scott and Johnny Knoxville's chest. And he's reading the lines, and I'm like, "Bert, you gotta look them up in the eyes." He goes, "I am looking them up in the eyes." Orson, he called me Orson Welles, day one. (laughing) And we got through the scene, it was fine, it was great, and then the next day he knows all his lines about, "Okay, this is good." Next day he doesn't know anything, right? And he's supposed to walk in and tell Linda Carter, he's supposed to say, "I like your hair," right? And he walks in, he looks around, he goes, "I like it here." (laughing) And I'm like, "No, you like your hair." He goes, "Who's hair?" I'm like, "Linda's hair." And he goes, "That's pretty good hair." (laughing) And so it goes back and forth, back and forth. Now we're shooting this like car. The other thing he's doing is he's punching the air by my head, right? He's just punching just right here, boom. And I said his assistant, I'm like, "Is he gonna hit me?" And he goes, "I've seen it before." - A while. - A while. - And he goes, "But the good news is, his back is hurting from all the stunts he's done, so he doesn't want any physical contact." So you're probably in luck. But I'm here, meanwhile, preparing to be punched by Bert Reynolds. (laughing) And I'm like, "I'm gonna take him by the lapels and just lay him down." I'm like, "35." I've got this guy now, probably. As long as we can take that first punch. And, but I'm not gonna hit him in the face 'cause I need him for the move. But he was pinching yourself too. Like, this is fucking Bert Reynolds. - It's awesome. I love Bert Reynolds. And I love the stories he tells. But, so now we're shooting a scene where there are like 25 race cars, 50 police cars, Bert's on stage, like a big stage with a bunch of dignitaries, including Joe Don Baker. And I'm gonna go fly in a helicopter and fly over the racetrack. And just as I'm going to the helicopter, I get a call in the walkie and it says, "Hey, Bert's back is hurting. Do you mind if we put an extra in the white suit?" I'm like, "No problem." So I go up and fly around for three hours. What happened on the ground is they said to Bert, "Hey, Jay said you can go home." He goes, "Okay." (laughing) - No, really? - Yeah. And so he's getting ready to leave. And they say to Joe Don Baker, they're like, "Joe Don, you can go home too." He goes, "I'll stay." And Bert goes, "I'll stay too." So he was there for three hours where I flew around in a helicopter. The next day, I'm waiting with Jessica Simpson by the general lead, waiting to shoot a scene, and Bert's not showing up, right? And I'm like, what are we gonna do? And then this 19-year-old kid comes up and goes, hey, Bert wants to talk to you in his trailer. And I was like, okay, and he looks at the producers. He used to run Warner Brothers because he wants to talk to you too. And the second A.D. is from Texas. He goes, he wants to talk to you too. And so the four of us, the 19-year-old leads us across the campground by a mile away. And we knock on the trailer door. He kicks it open, and he's wearing white pants, a white, white beater tank top. He's got white hair here, but black to pay, right? Yeah. And he goes, get the fuck in here. And so we all file in putting the random 19-year-old. And he sits down, we're in like a semi-circle around him. He goes, I saw your movie. So Bertu, for scoop, for scoop, and then there's a knock on the door and a nurse comes in. And he stands up, pulls his underwear and pants all the way down. I saw his crunch. OK, and she takes out what's the crunch? Yeah. It's the back of your ball sack. OK. [LAUGHTER] That's a crunch? That's a crunch. Yeah, I didn't know that Steve. Yeah, it's just up to the person. Yeah, but can I ask you, then they call that a taint? The crunch is actually, technically, it's the area of the taint that touches the asshole. Also, it's a sub-region of the taint. That's right. Right, that's right. OK, so he has a very nice crunch, Bertus. So she injects him with this huge syringe. And he goes, get the fuck out of my trailer. And so she leaves. And he sits down. And now he's just-- he's really fucked up. And he's like, they say Demarol's Gizperkset. It isn't. Percodan never hurt anybody, Tylenol 3's for amateurs. And he's just rolling through the pain. Oh, it's right. And he starts to kind of whip himself in the shape. And he looks at the producer, he goes, I like you. And he looks at the assistant director of Texas. He goes, I like you, too. And then he looks at the 19-year-old, he goes, I don't know you. And he looks at me, he goes, but I don't like you. He goes, you want to see a real movie? And he frisbee's a DVD at me. It says, Bert Reynolds, why am I backharts? He goes, get the fuck out of my trailer. So we leave the trailer. And the assistant director is like, what do you want to do, boss? I'm like, let's go watch a movie, right? So we go to my trailer. We put the DVD in. And it's every stunt Bert Reynolds has ever done set to classical music. Sharky's machine, Smoky in the bandit. And it's amazing. It's so cool. It's so cool. It's so cool. And then we come out and, you know, Jessica Simpson standing there, she goes, are we shooting the scene or what? I don't know. And Bert comes out of his trailer and goes, roll camera. And we're like a mile away. But anyway, what? It ends with that barn seat. You know, I mean, that's how it ended, so. Yeah, I mean, he's a legend. And you got to give him notes and direction. And all that, that's so fucking cool, then. He's awesome. I mean, he tells a great show of his stories. OK, I set him up for that last part. I didn't expect the whole front part. We'll see what happened when we took a risk here. Yeah. It was excellent. Yeah. That's when the risk works out well. Yeah. And I pushed him to finish the story. Yeah. And we got so much out of that thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's the opposite of Fatty. It's skinny. Yeah. Yeah. OK, I fucked up. I love you. I love you. Yeah. I've frozen in auditions before where I just, nothing comes out. Stay any longer. Amy Polar one? Yeah. Like, Amy Polar had one when she was in the room. And I just completely froze. Yeah. Yeah. And I got on beta blockers. Wow. What? And I mean, that's too bad. What? It's too bad that you froze in the auditions. Is that an hour we're talking about? Yeah. Yeah. I'm just trying to-- Have you ever-- I find myself-- I can crumble quickly in auditions. Like, I tried after that movie Garden State with Zach Braff. And I made a choice. Because I was dating a southern girl who, instead of poem, she would say, point. [LAUGHTER] And in the audition, my character has to say the word poem. And so, like, I started saying point. Just as a choice. And Zach Braff fucking hated it. When I did it, he was like, point? And I was like, yeah, point. It's a chorea. And then he-- A chorea. Do I have a problem? Yeah, it's you. It's a choice. Oh, me, yeah. But then when Jay was talking about the way I say chorea, he went chorea. That's what it sounds like. And I was like, do I say chorea? Sounds like that. Because when you see-- It feels-- It feels like insurance. Yeah. You look like you were saying it. You sound like you were saying, like, during the Korean war, Korean. Yeah, back when I was in Korea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there was like a drama involved. I think that's what it is. There's drama. Korea. Yeah, Korea's fine. Yeah. But, by the way, that story, what the story I was trying to tell back then, Korea town, was-- [LAUGHTER] I remember my neighbor was a Korean lady. And she used to sing God Bless America like seven times a day. Do it. The way she would sing it. I don't. [LAUGHTER] I shan't. I shan't. I shan't. I shan't. Yeah, you do it. Yeah, I just do it. Yeah. So like, OK, so for instance, I can do, you know, most Spanish accents, because I'm Hispanic. So if there was a Hispanic thing you could say to me, do it, and I would do it. Are you 50% or 100%? I'm 75% or a lot to do it. Yeah. A lot to do it. But so you should do God Bless America in the accent. Why don't you even know the lyrics of God Bless America? But neither did she. That was the thing. All right, so here we are. Let me give it a go. Yeah. As a woman? Yes. Sure. [SINGING] Pretty good. That's it. Is that it? Is that it? That's it. Yeah, yeah. Wait, tell them what your dad used to sing, Frosty the snow. Oh, was it like, yeah. Chris Ross-- no, you go. Frosty the snow. Frosty the good guy. Like you did in another world, too. So he was just kind of like-- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to T.J. up again. J's uncle does twinkle twinkle little stuff. Like a mother fucker. Give it to him. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. [LAUGHTER] How I wonder-- What do you are? Up above the world, so high. Like a diamond in this sky. It's a Shakespeare. That was beautiful. That was really beautiful. Do you get nervous doing other people's accents? Not really. Not nowadays. Not privately. If a camera was going to-- Yeah, I mean, like-- Not privately. Yeah, yeah. Well, privately among comics, you know. No, if we were in a car right now, just the two of us, I would do that like a mother fucker. Oh, really? I would be delighted to-- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you giggle and you laugh, yeah. Our asses off. Yeah, your asses off. That is, honestly, the way I grew up. Like my group of friends in New York City was we had just had a whole group of it. And we would just attack each other and make fun of each other and laugh at each other. What's love, you know? I mean, I've talked about this before back in the day. It's dock workers from different countries and the way they were able to bond on those docks is to make fun of each other. Yeah. And rip on each other's skin and accents. [LAUGHTER] But yeah. Yeah. Do you guys ever do like Boston accents, New York accents? Sure. Absolutely. How do you mind doing a Boston accent for me? Yeah, sure. Yeah, Tom Terrific. He's got his hug boots and I'm going over to legal seafood for some clam chow. That's good. It's pretty good. That's good. Can I try? No, I just wanted to see-- Can I try? Oh. San Chowda. That sounds asian. No, it doesn't, dude. The Boston accent's a very hard accent, too. Yeah, yeah. I'm Bobby Kennedy. No? Well, sure, there's those ones. I'm trying to do that one. Yeah. Foster and stuff. Yeah, is that not working? Is that not working? It sounds like Stephen Hawking. It's working for me. Yeah, I don't know about that. Like, but if I was from Boston, would you be like, hey, there's Tony. You know the problem with Boston people is, yeah. Is like, they're hypercritical when people try to do their acts. Like, they're jerks about it. Right. They're like, it's fucking wicked terrible. You're actually-- I've never made love to an East Coast girl. Ever? Ever. Really? Ever. What? Are you sure? I'm 100% positive. Only West Coast. Have you asked-- Midwest. Midwest, yeah? Yeah, Midwest. But East Coast never. Never? Do you only make love? Or do you ever-- I only make love. Yeah, I only make love. You only make love. I only make love, dude. It's with love, dude. OK, smooth. So if we were looking at a map with different colors, depending on love making by state. All the thumbtacks would be in the west of Illinois. That's right. Illinois. Yeah, yeah. OK, so I bet you've just laid it all up and down the West Coast. From Toledo, you know what I mean? West, yes. Yeah, you got any pushpins in Australia or New Zealand yet? No, I've never-- No, I've never-- about to leave tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, my girlfriend's upstairs. I have a girlfriend. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, I don't want to cut, you know what I mean? But it's like, yeah, sure. I mean, a real stable relationship right now. Yeah, she's upstairs. She's upstairs yet. Is she coming to Australia? No, she's not. But she's going to go to Hawaii. And there are a lot of people who believe when you cross an international border that all bets are off that you can do. Do you believe that? You're looking at one of them. - Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Oh, I think a lot of people like you're saying, other people. - Other people. - Oh, yeah. - Not you. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, I don't know about that. I think they're wrong. - Yeah. - Yeah, what is it? - Yeah, what is it? - You know, is this being piped up to the room upstairs? (laughing) - There's a live stream. - This is a feed. - You mean there's a video village or something? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - He's like, she has no idea what I'm doing. - Okay. - She's never been down here in the garage before. - Rarely, yeah, rarely. - Good that you're in a stable relationship. - Do you think so? - Are you engaged? Like, how long? - Steve, don't be uncomfortable. - Okay, all right, so. (laughing) - So Steve, I've been in this relationship for about a year and a half now. - Okay, I know, sir. - Mm-hmm. - And the problem with it is that she once stated a comment that everyone knows. But, you know, I think I'm past that part now. - It's not Gallagher, is it? (laughing) - Gallagher's brother, Gallagher's brother, no. (laughing) - Not even Gallagher, yeah. 'Cause people were going, oh, yeah, go ahead. - Go on. - I know, I started, I was gonna say, what is his name, but I don't want to throw it, go. It's a Gallagher, too. - Yeah. - Who's Gallagher's brother? - Gallagher's brother, I think. - Yeah, is it? - Mm-hmm. - We gotta find Gallagher's brother's name now. - Noel, Liam, and their older brother, Paul. - Oh, that's Oasis. - Okay. (laughing) - That is Oasis. - That's how I talk. - Yeah. - That was bad. - That was bad. - That was good. - Look up Gallagher, too, just a, that's bad. - Ron. - Ron. - Ron. - Ron. - That's his name. - Ron Gallagher. - Wow. - Ron Gallagher. - Mm-hmm. - Like if your brother stole your aqua, would you be mad? - Yeah, yeah. - I'd be furious. - If he stole my trademark, my-- - Oh, he did the watermelon smash and everything? - Yeah, does the same. - Wow. - Where's the hat, the newsies hat? - Oh my God. - Oh my God. - Nihon is defancy as a twin brother. - Oh, what is that? - What is that? - Well, you're like, you can, it's show business, right? What they should do is get together. - Double act. - Do two acts separately, make double the money, and let's call it a day. - Yeah. (laughing) - Jackson fight. (laughing) - And-- - Sklar brothers are twins. - They're fantastic. - Those guys. - Yeah, we love those guys, yeah. - Yeah, I, it's just like, I wonder how watermelon smashing became a closer though. - I suppose it's just like workshopping anything, you know, he probably had it like third in his line up. - What's the biggest fruit? - I love this guy. - It's a watermelon. - Pumpkin. - Pumpkin's not-- - Baby, you're right. (laughing) - You're right. - No, what's the biggest fruit? - I think it's a watermelon. - That's why he chose that. - I think a pumpkin, I think a pumpkin's a vegetable. - Oh yeah, it's a squirt. - Pumpkin is technically a fruit, but people don't view it as a fruit. - But he's a bigger than a watermelon. - Absolutely. - That's all. - Then I win. - He win. - Well, what's the world's biggest watermelon in history? (laughing) - That's a good question. - Because these things come in different sizes. - Yeah, I understand how it works. - Do you? - No, not really. (laughing) - Uh, 350 pounds. - Watermelon. - Whoa. - And give me pumpkin. - Also, what type of animal is 350 pounds? I like to, like, think about it that way. - A capybara. - Capybara is 350? - A pumpkin beats it. - 2800, you fucking nailed it. - I got it. - Jesus Christ. - And I guarantee a Gallagher couldn't smash that thing. - No way. - They tried it. - Yeah, and so he was, like, I got it down side. - Well, as he did like Matt and Square Garden or something. Anyway, you know, well, I wonder if that's like, not knowing what it's like to smash either of those things, is that the watermelon just came apart so easily. It was never a chance. - Red inside. - Yeah, a couple times the pumpkin gave him some problems and didn't deliver. - Yeah, that's, and then you fall flat on your closer. - Right. - Yeah. (laughing) - I think the problem with that bit is that it crushed early on in his career. So big. And I just think that he was just chasing it. - Yeah. - There was no way that that thing crushed. Because to close with something, you would have to get like a standing ovation. - Yeah, and certainly after it had crushed, once he was going through the country a second time, people were shattering at him. - Well, I bet he went out there one time without the watermelon. He's trying a new thing. - And they're like, we want the watermelon. - And it was dead quiet. They're like, bring us the watermelon and everybody else laughs and then he's like, fuck, I should have the watermelon. - Oh, fuck, yeah. - How about they don't have any watermelon? I'm a feral out. He's like, I don't have it today. Then what happens? (laughing) - I had that happen. - What do they do? - What do they do? - Well, what country are we living in in this scenario? (laughing) - Well, I think a sandy country with a lot of sand. - Whoa. - No, I'm not a racist. - I'm not saying there's more sand. - Oh, do you say it like sand to an Indian guy? - No, no, I didn't say it. - I'm a forced novelist. (laughing) - No, no, no. - How long did you deliver when the cameras are rolling? I don't care what you say. - Okay. - I don't know. - Kevin and I, when Kevin and I were on the road, we used to have people come up on stage and we would have a sexy peach eating contest where they had to like really like eat the peach and make love to it. And then the winner of that got awarded a special prize. But one time somebody was like, oh, it's not peach season. - Oh. - And there we were. - We had to do what to do. - We didn't know. - Yeah. - We didn't know what to do. - So what'd you choose? - I think canceled it. - Yeah, we just call the whole thing off. (laughing) - Can't do it. - No, I don't remember what we did. - Yeah. - But it was like-- - That must have killed. - It was a substitute which wasn't as good. - Yeah. - But did that bit kill? - Oh, it killed. - Yeah. - That's a great idea I never heard of. - Yeah, you'd have people up there just like three people next to each other like really go like some guys would, people start to make love to the peach on the stage and they'd go for it. - You're crossing. You could think goodnight at any moment. - We're not even doing anything at that point. We're just collecting the laughs. - Wow. - Why should I say it, dude? - Yeah. - Are you still doing stand up, Jay or no? - I am. I have a stand up special coming out on the-- (cheering) - What is that, what is that? - 20th of August on Veebs. Check it out, Veebs. - 20th of August. - 20th of August. How many, this is your fourth special? How many? - It's really my first and a half. Broken Lizard did a special, called Broken Lizard stands up. We should 20 minutes. But this is my first solo special. - Wow. - Congratulations. - Thank you. - We've got a great name by the way. - Where did you, I'm-- - Round Supremises. - Wow. - Where did you film it? - Chicago at Thalia Hall. - Oh cool. - Yeah, there I am. - And then Annie shows you're doing your, you want to promote anything? - No, I'm good. - This is the last one. - You want to promote the movie? - Oh, Super Troopers 3. - Uh-huh. - We'll go watch Super Troopers 3 out now. In theaters, check it out everybody. Thank you so much, guys. - Thank you. - Yeah, fun or no? - I had a great time. - Oh, so easy. - Have fun in Australia. - Thank you so much. - Are you gonna take your clothes off in Australia? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yes.